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LoveCrispApples Archive

View 4 posts and 534 comments by LoveCrispApples on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
106

LoveCrispApples/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 07:55 PM
81

LoveCrispApples/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:29 PM
21

LoveCrispApples/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 12:54 PM
11

LoveCrispApples/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 06:01 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Men Going Their Own Way
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 01:53 PM
5

For me, it took 3 months to feel human again. 8 or 9 months to stop feeling pissed off and bitter every day of my life. A full year minimum to start seeing the good in myself and others and begin to lose the sadness that had consumed me. A little over 2 years out now and my life is pretty good. My living space is comfortable, bills are paid and I'm getting laid. But I admit, not a day goes by that I don't think of her betrayal and how the kids' lives are forever altered. I wish I could put it be…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 02:29 PM
1

It's not like you jumped into bed with her. Stop the dialogue, delete her #, and move on. Simple as that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 12:38 PM
1

You can't "build trust" again when there's nothing left to work with. She took the workable pieces that are necessary and grinded them into dust. You are still young enough to start a family, just not with her. Be thankful she has no interest in children. This frees you up to find a loyal person down the road who does. And finally, you are not throwing away a 10 year relationship. She took care of that for you. Stay calm, file the paperwork, and begin the new chapter of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 12:21 PM
2

I say for once, keep the $10k cash for yourself. You earned it. Sell the house as is and take your 50% of the sale...minus $5k. Or the whole 50% and bank $5k of it in a separate account in case a judge happens to award it to her (because any part of it was earned prior to the separation.)
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 05:21 PM
4

Mine did the same. It's tasteless and cruel.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 11:14 PM
2

Separated 131 days. One court date, no lawyers. $368 filing fee and 10 minutes before the judge. They "squeezed us in before lunch."
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:16 PM
10

Small steps, man. You can't beat yourself up. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is just the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow. "
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 11:06 AM
1

I thought you were just "passing by?"
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:44 PM
2

Excellent assessment. He needs to cut all ties with her outside of the children as soon as humanly possible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:21 PM
6

What a fantastic idea. Too bad so many men still feel a need to play nice. I understand the kid angle- I have 2 of my own we had to navigate. But in the end, this is HER decision to nuke the family. I say sell the house and OP can take his $150k and set up something sweet for himself and the kids 50/50. And the 401k? It sounds like it's hers. Well, not anymore. He can take half and trick out the kids' spaces the way they want on her dime. And as soon as he discovers WHY she wants the divorce...y…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:09 PM
3

Screenshots are our friends.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 09:55 PM
17

Correct, Sir. You. Go. Nowhere. Be absolutely everything you can be for your kids. Seek legal advice Monday morning. If you have to call out sick, so be it. Spend the day freezing joint credit cards and opening a new account for your direct deposits. Pack her bags for her. A nice, neat pile in the basement is a good spot for all of it. If she wants a new life (and you may not know the FULL story yet- but you will) then let her have it. Don't get hammered. Take it from me- it doesn't help, only h…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 07:01 PM
3

Ooooh do I ever hear this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 06:50 PM
3

Social media, toxic friends, fear of missing out, the grind of raising kids, perimenopause, lurking male coworkers who sniff out "unhappy" women.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 04:59 PM
2

Precisely. 3 of the 4 women I've dated, including the one I'm with now, are older than me by a few years and all of them are empty nesters with "kids" in their very late 20's. I hear a lot of guys pushing to date much younger women-- like 30's/early 40's and believe me, I certainly understand the appeal there. But younger women often want to start families if they feel their clock is ticking and 40's well, they've already got them school-aged. I've got teens, thanks. All set. I usually don't lik…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 04:22 PM
2

This definitely has merit. Yes, the system absolutely needs to change but it's too much of a money maker to happen on its own. The change needs to happen with we men first, and it starts with educating the younger generation of men coming up. A serious sit-down talk. From us. The fathers. The ones who have been through the wringer. Solution? Don't get married. If you want to start a family then by all means do so. Sign a birth certificate... but never a marriage certificate. Kids are forever. Wi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:23 PM
6

53 as well. Two years out from being blindsided by a monkey-branching night nurse posing as a faithful wife. As we all here know full well, post divorce life is very challenging. There's a ton to unpack; getting our heads right, our hearts healed, our wallets...not empty. Getting living arrangements satisfactory. Now, throw in kids- and it's a lot. A LOT. Dating is it's own animal. Everyone is different, OP, as you've heard a billion times. A couple months post separation is super fresh for many…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 02:09 PM
2

Yeah, it's been over 2 now. Old post here...but I think the pain never goes away. We just find ways to manage it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 01:11 PM
1

I'm sorry you lost your beautiful bundle of joy. I sincerely hope that you have found ways to live in peace. Yes...old post! But sometimes the pain is still fresh. It's been 2 years now, and life is moving forward. She's still with her AP with plans to move in together next year when our son turns 18 and graduates. Maybe their union was meant to be. I've moved on myself but it's clearly evident that I'll never be the same again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 01:06 PM
1

Sooner the better. The future you will thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 11:05 PM
3

No children? Block her on all fronts. Not to be petty or vindictive but to deny her access to the man you are trying to be.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 07:51 PM
2

Blocking my ex's number went a long way toward preserving my sanity. If something comes up that does not have anything to with the kids' health, education or logistics, tell her you aren't interested. Period. Edit- Sorry, that response should've gone to OP
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 07:25 PM
9

I'm not you, but I venture to say that you shouldn't want her back. Why? Because she's not who you thought she was. Not anymore. The woman you loved is long gone and you are holding on to hope for someone who's already given up. I never dreamed in a million years that my ex would leave me for another man, but sure enough, she did. I couldn't wrap my head around it AT ALL. Our separation before the actual divorce date was brief (4 months) and it was pure hell, especially after her story was outed…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 07:08 PM
1

You didn't throw away 23 years. She did. Small consolation, but that thought alone can help your mindset as you move on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 11:34 AM
2

Correct. He's getting what he wants from an unsavory selfish woman. He doesn't have the stones to be a real man. Focus on YOU brother! That woman you thought you knew is metaphorically dead. And they know it too! Deep down. There's no trust there! Doomed to fail. In a year or two you'll transcend everything that threatens to bring you down today! You are NOT your thoughts. You are NOT what you feel at this moment. You are NOT what happened to you. Grow your hair. Drop a shit ton of weight. Elimi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 02:25 AM
5

I agree. Especially if your spouse refuses to properly communicate with you. And if they're lining someone up in the shadows...well, that's a special kind of selfish cowardice.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 12:32 AM
4

I think you may be me. You better believe that the 2 of them have made you and his ex wife super villains. And when my ex said that "it just fell into place" I wanted to vomit. They planned their exit together, they cultivated their relationship and went through with it. 2 divorces within 2 weeks. Kids on both sides had their families destroyed. If she and her "work husband" aren't together already (which they are) they will be.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 11:16 PM
6

Sleep with his ex. It's what I did.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 12:04 AM
3

Thanks for this. It'll be 2 years for me coming up. On Father's day, no less. Being honest with myself, I'd say that I'm about 80-85% healed. Falling in love was easy. Forcing yourself out of love takes time. Her showing herself for who she really is- or what she's become- has made it easier. The kids have adjusted about as well as expected. My finances are in good shape and my house is in order. Dating has been mixed results, kind of like a plug and play type of thing. I ended a 10 month relati…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:48 AM
1

Indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:03 PM
7

Or in my case, the hospital HVAC guy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:43 PM
16

Nurse. That's why I'm here.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:01 PM
5

Nope. Mine said that "our vows were a Goddamn joke."
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:54 PM
3

Bravery is getting up every day, going to work, being there for your kids when you can't eat, you can't sleep. You're walking around alone like a zombie, sifting through the rubble of what's left of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 12:53 PM
3

Yeah it was a close one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 12:48 PM
1

It's possible to do both, but it doesn't happen naturally. You have to actively train your brain on a daily basis because we are learning about our new selves- the identity that hasn't yet revealed itself. Why? Because it's incomplete. There's a ton of talk about attachment styles. Some of it is garbage, some isn't. Sounds as if you may be an anxious. So am I, and it sucks sometimes. I'm an overthinker as well. The best way to combat that is to just slow the hell down and take a breath. Don't th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:45 PM
4

I'm also in my mid 50's. I have a child full time at home with me. Our exes always jump into something fast because that's how they're wired. It isn't healthy but thankfully that's not your problem. My advice would be to just take things slow. My first couple encounters with women felt a little awkward and they were just something that stumbled onto my life. I wasn't ready, nor was I looking for anything. 2 years out now, 1.5 from divorce, I'm seeing a woman now with earnest. I have no real expe…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:25 PM
5

No problem. That was my initial mistake too! When the divorced_women post appeared on my feed I clicked on it thinking it was from this place. And like an idiot I kept reading and reading until nausea set in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 04:08 AM
5

I never said divorced_men is horrendous. To the contrary, it's been a lifesaver for me and many others.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 04:02 AM
2

It's going that way. And it's sad, too, because there's some really good men over there that are having a rough go of it and are just getting the wrong treatment. I've recently directed a couple of them here where they can get sound advice and support from guys going through it, or have gone through it, instead of from those who sound like they're the type that's putting him through it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:42 AM
9

First off, her username attacked my senses. 🚩🚩🚩 But what she doesn't seem to understand is that for many men, vulnerability usually leads to heartache. Citing that teaching our young boys to not be vulnerable is only a half truth. Sure, we grow up thinking we have to be thick skinned (which is partially why there aren't nearly as many support systems for us later in life) but she's missing the fact that boys are taught how to treat a lady, but never the other way around (see the ratio of women t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 10:03 PM
7

This is as good a timeline as any. It reminds me of the age-old adage of a woman goes into a marriage hoping he'll change but he doesn't. A man goes into it hoping she stays the same but she changes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:16 PM
1

That is wonderful! Ride the wave as long as you can and appreciate all the good things you've earned. But please don't lose yourself again because it's so easy to do. I've got boundaries with my new girl- not to be a jackass, but to protect myself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 07:35 PM
3

Yep. Got me beat. Happy for me, sad for you...for that. But happy for you now that you no longer need to live your life for someone who doesn't appreciate you. Divorce is tough no question, it's a death of so many things. But eventually we find rebirth.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 07:19 PM
17

Perhaps because we took our vows seriously and fully expected our wives to do the same? We're in it for life and find out much later they were only in it for now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 06:09 PM
2

Yes, it's fun and was definitely an unexpected twist of fortune. But it's not without its challenges.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 06:02 PM
2

I have not. So thank you for helping me and others avoid the minefield.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:21 PM
2

Oh, I'm certain we have our share of haters and domestic sloths (thankfully they just lurk) but I think on the whole, we are far more likely to own our own crap then the fair maidens on the other side. This is evidenced by the pathetic bargaining stage we all wish in hindsight we had avoided. Often, for better or worse, we wear our hearts on our sleeves and tend to communicate more openly, sometimes to our own detriment. It is in our nature to try and fix stuff and find solutions. Accountability…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:19 PM
7

There's a lot of guys here quick to assume there's another guy she wants to get with. And there's a damn good reason for it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 03:06 PM
2

I did my share of being angry, that's for sure. Even offered to whip AP's ass at one point. It wasn't my finest moment but I had finally come to my breaking point as far as being ridiculed and disrespected by the ex. She was horrible during our separation, becoming someone I didn't recognize. Honestly, I'm betting that the porn wasn't the root of your wife's issues- it was just the straw that broke her back and most likely the "thing" that gave her the out she needed. They plan their exit WAY be…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:46 PM
29

They can enjoy the super clump cat litter and screaming into the void wondering where all the good men have gone. Wait...you mean the one you just left and financially pillaged? We can enjoy our peace. Because after all, that's all we ever wanted. Don't miss one bit the arguments out of nowhere, wondering how many hours THIS one is going to last!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:49 AM
5

Oh I checked out a long time ago but I waited until I could maximize my benefits and hold on until my monkey branch was locked down!! Said no woman ever.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:30 AM
4

But then slip in the fact that you sometimes get "the ick." They love that!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:21 AM
7

Same stories, different faces.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:16 AM
9

I heard 90%/10%- but does it really matter? Let her discover that the greener grass is a barren waste field. Your primary focus is to get your head right. Only then can you give 100% to your young princess. Stay the course, let the ex heathen blow money needlessly. 50/50 is the standard and finally the f-ing courts are coming to their senses! Be careful with the young hotties. In a few years, they'll be exactly where your ex is now. Same grime, different sponge.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:58 AM
10

That's a badge of honor. Embrace it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:45 AM
16

Best sub ever. 2 years ago, it saved me from the worst doom imaginable. Am I completely healed? Ha! Not quite. But I'm better than I've ever been since. Focus on yourself, friend. Channel all your energy into your children if you have any. Be everything you are and what they need you to be. If not, slurp the oyster- your future is all yours. No restrictions, no deadlines, no unreasonable requests. You da boss.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:30 AM
12

It's not love. It's nothing remotely solid. It's a stopgap. A study in the UK several years back surveyed 1000 women. 71% cited menopause as the primary catalyst for divorce. Many regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:25 AM
31

In time, the tide washes away castles made of sand. Pay no attention to her highlight reels.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:20 AM
6

Push for trial. Or find a lawyer who isnt afraid to roll in mud. I'm 2 years out now, money in the bank, full custody of my daughter (who wants nothing to do with her mother's clown show) and having amazing sex with her mother's affair partner's ex wife. Your best days are ahead of you. I don't care if you're 24- or 54 like myself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:18 AM
15

It all boils down to accountability. Was I a perfect husband? No...does such a thing exist? No.... But I was loyal. Committed. An attentive husband and a doting father. A hard worker who dedicated myself to constructing a future for my family free of worry and struggle. A decent cook. Our lawn looked like a golf course. We took vacations. According to her, "nobody can fold clothes as neatly as you." But hey, if the still married co-worker 15 years your elder is "utterly amazing" then well, have …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:12 AM
34

Wife of 16 years left at 43. Draw your own conclusions. Sprinkle in a little Lexapro to dullen the neuroreceptors...voila!!! I'm suddenly narcissistic! Gee whiz. Let's throw a little more psychobabble jargon out there, shall we? What's next...emotionally unavailable, jealous and controlling Cluster B?? Roll my eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:03 AM
11

2 cents acknowledged and accepted. The "man" who thinks a pregnant or post-birth woman is undesirable or unattractive is just plain lost. My ex was at her best when she was engorged and miserable and just spent from carrying our children. Insanely sexy, curvy, and full of more than one life. She deserved everything I could possibly give and more. Dig deeper into that sub. Better yet, don't. The contributors over there implore their husbands to jump through fiery hoops to satisfy them and when we…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:57 PM
8

Yep. Gynocentric. I've learned not to waste my time there. I'll peruse, but I just KNOW there's a double xx chromosome over there in the shadows waiting to pounce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:48 PM
12

As is most of the Western hemisphere.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:46 PM
5

I've had it out with a couple parasites over there. Mind you, I prefer not to engage negatively but there are times when I can't help myself. Like, what the hell am I even doing here?? It's a wiener roast.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:45 PM
10

While they're out there being 304s and have yet to file. Oh, the humanity!
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:42 PM
1

Nor do I. But it better be good.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 10:47 PM
1

"No." It's a perfectly valid answer for anything she may throw at you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 04:14 PM
3

If I recall, your ex has moved on with another woman. That is why she's rewriting history and minimizing everything that was good. This way she can absolve herself of any wrongdoing and appear virtuous to other people. Ignore it. She's the guilty party and she knows it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 10:12 AM
3

54, divorced 2 years now and have dated with various successes with women aged 45-62. All of them were empty nesters. Sex hasn't been difficult to find at all but compatibility certainly has. I've found that women in their 50's are either too set in their ways to compromise any autonomy OR are too needy to allow me mine.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 01:47 PM
2

And if she got the order right, that means she's a really good listener.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 06:05 PM
1

Friday, July 13th, 2024 @ 3:30 pm. A week after she "liberated" herself from her own.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 10:15 AM
4

It doesn't matter anymore. Any of it. I see no mention of children either, so if there are none, count your blessings. This dude has been in her orbit (or her in his) for a long time and he's been on her mind longer than you even want to know. You started the divorce paperwork. That's...a start...but not good enough. You need to finish and file it. Do it now while she's still in La-la Land. Trust me on that. Lean on friends and family to vent. She no long qualifies as either. Something here you …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:15 PM
3

Good bet he's married.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:29 PM
6

Today is the day you stop doing that, brother. Just stop. She'll never admit it but she secretly enjoys watching you busted up. And don't think for one moment she isn't telling AP how weak you are. She can walk the damn dogs by herself. She can cook her own food and wash her own nasty undergarments. Flat tire? Call AAA, youre unavailable. She gets no help from you and no satisfaction of a friendly gesture from here on out. Not out of spite, pettiness or malice. Out of self worth and self protect…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:00 PM
2

OP, this is one of the better road maps you'll see. Get out of the husband mode. The woman you love is long gone. Nothing you could have done would have reversed her course. In time, you'll come to understand that she didn't so much leave you...as she liberated you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 11:00 AM
7

I'm not so sure about that. Who knows what kind of stories she told them. But if it was enough for them to believe her and write me off as if I never existed then, yeah, I suppose I'm better off without them.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:38 PM
7

Nor did I. 16 years, best friends with her parents. Then one day... crickets. Strangers. Never saw them again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:36 PM
12

It's alarming how they treat you when they feel they no longer have a use for you. Especially when there's a scumbag lurking behind the scenes. They turn into someone you don't know on their way out the door and when you do find out about the true object of her affection she turns into someone you wish you never met. It's all her, not you. The same 'ol tired playbook these wives play by. Get this overwith on Day one after the waiting period is over and for SURE before loverboy turns back into hi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:11 PM
3

Yeah, I'm one of those above that's taken awhile. Like I said- I miss who she was and what we were. The family under one roof. Now, we are nothing and she's a different person. You have to frame it like that or you'll never get out of the loop. If she couldn't commit any longer, then in a way we're better off not trying to invest our time, energy, and resources into someone who doesn't give a damn.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:33 PM
13

23 months out from 16 years. I miss who I thought she was...or, who she pretended to be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:25 PM
3

Correct. Their feelings are their realities. We as men know that feelings come and go and perception isn't always truth. Women don't operate that way. If we "make" them feel bad, then we must be a bad person- which must mean we've always been a bad person.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:14 PM
0

👆 Entitlement, personified.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 12:38 AM
2

Upvote, x1000. "Oh but if you had just CHANGED (aka, conformed and morphed into an imaginary person and obeyed her every whim and command) I wouldn't have LEFT!"
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 10:22 PM
3

In June 2024, after 16 mostly great years, my ex, (43F) immediately monkey-branched to her pear shaped, serial cheater, combed-over co-worker, (59M.) It was her nefarious plan all along and because of her desire to FastTrack, the divorce only took 131 days and was ruled highly in my favor. They are still together today and I don't care anymore. It was built on lies and deceit, so how good is it really? For me, it took 8 months of anguish, loneliness, and learning how to eat without vomiting, sle…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 04:17 PM
1

We divorced the same woman.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 10:28 AM
8

She's BEEN seeing other people. She can make her own coffee from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 04:54 PM
10

OP, do yourself a favor and save this thread. Take in every harsh word we are telling you. It may not feel good, but not only are we saying you aren't alone in this but also that all of our stories are shockingly similar. These women cowardly check out of their marriages LONG before we men have any idea. They've latched onto a new toy that gives them validation and "feels" while we are still blissfully unaware. Once resentment and contempt seeps in (and it has) the union is completely over. It's…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 04:14 PM
3

We went from best friends to absolutely nothing overnight. Not one peep from either one in almost 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 10:39 AM
3

You drop the last 30 lbs, and they'll be banging on your door. My advice? Keep that door chained and deadbolted until at least the divorce is final... and likely longer. Weld it shut when the ex snaps out of her daze and comes back.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 05:13 PM
4

When I was in the thick of my absolute sadness, probably 5 or 6 months into it, I did something silly and pathetic. I hadn't gotten over the fact that she left our family for a co-worker and was in a bad headspace. It had lightly snowed overnight before the ex came by for a child pickup. I took out my leaf blower and cleared away a car shaped clearing in the driveway where she used to park to give the illusion I had someone over. It was pretty damn convincing- looking, to be honest. I'm sure she…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 10:40 AM
7

White Knight Syndrome is real. Many of us are too exhausted for reclamation projects. I think you are, too.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:15 AM
4

Be the best Dad you can possibly be. Show her nothing. Business only, and make it quick while she's in her own head with her own agenda. Don't be afraid to tell her no. She didn't tell the affair partner no, did she? No, she didn't. So, for that, she deserves nothing from you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 09:09 PM
2

Short answer, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 12:03 PM
1

That pretty much sums it up. Marriage is a great thought, but bad in theory. We men are FINALLY waking up and often too late. But we can always educate our sons.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:35 PM
2

Sometimes, we hold on to pain too long because it's the last bit of what we believed to be real. Don't beat yourself up. Grow instead.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 06:51 PM
2

Poked through is a GREAT phrase. Am I where I want to be? No....not entirely. Do I miss the identity of provider, protector, and doting father of kids and loyal lover under one roof? Of course! Were you perfect? Of course not! But she blew the whole f-ing thing up. Not you. Accept your part, and learn from it if you can. Month 8, I was in bed with another woman. Was it healthy and permanent? Ha! No 😃 But it gave me life, gave me hope..and clarity that I am not all those things she said I was. Re…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:05 PM
2

I, too, kept my home through both divorces. At 7 months, I, too, felt as if I couldn't get out of my own way, watching her do all the things we used to do - only with HIM and our kids. Rumination is normal, but if you aren't careful, if prolonged, it can consume you to the point where you could sabotage your own future. A story that is now all yours to write without a talentless co-author or hack editor. A suitable ending for the protagonist, shaped by redemption and resilience. Honestly? I thin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:26 PM
1

Excellent advice.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 12:56 PM
1

Damn, this comment hit home.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:25 PM
2

You've touched on something super important. Appreciation for who you are goes a long, long way. My ex was refined and put together in a way that my current gf is not. But that refinement brings expectation and a tendency to be judgemental and standoff-ish. That's very unattractive.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:01 PM
8

I thought my ex was beautiful, and people now tell me that she's just ok. Not superlative in any way. Kind of Plain Jane. My new girlfriend is unique in comparison. A quirky head-turner. She may not have the youth or the professional status and the paycheck my ex-wife has, but she loves my company, has twice the personality, and is better in bed by far.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:41 PM
8

I'm 53 with a tween daughter at home full time, dating a 56 year old woman whose 3 boys are all in their upper 20's and out of her house. It works, and it also helps that she gets along really well with my daughter. Almost like the girl she never had.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 08:54 AM
3

I'm a year ahead of you. In June of 2024, I felt my world completely crumble. For me, it was the Friday night news drops. New information from her about what her plans were for the kids and the man she left me for. Always on a Friday. She was horrible. But now, we don't speak at all outside of an email here and there, and it's been way better. Year 2 overall is much better. Yeah, the new normal has taken shape and though I'm a low level sad pretty much all the time, I look better, feel better an…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 10:55 AM
3

I agree with that wholeheartedly. My 10 year-old daughter at the time came home that day and said, "Daddy, you were basically replaced."
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:16 PM
2

Well, gentlemen, we found the AP! No, it's not going to mean a hill of beans what OP has to say or what he feels about anything. Yes, she can do whatever she wants on her own time with the kids, and he'd be fighting something she knows isn't really enforceable. But it DOES stress the kids out making introductions that early. I saw it myself with my own kids as they tried to adjust to a new life they didn't ask for. This only hurts their mother in the long run because they figure out soon enough …
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:08 PM
2

I'm not sure if there are any in your area, but there are some cool structures that are basically garages with an efficiency apartment above them. It's probably much cheaper to build than your everyday conventional home if you can find reasonable land somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 04:51 PM
3

Of course, they are going to side with her. We still live in (and are victims of) an archaic relational mindset where men are still perceived as out of control cavemen and women are the soft and protected class. The judicial system proves it. I'm all for women receiving respect in equal footing and opportunity, but they want it without any accountability when things don't go their way. The Me Too movement, toxic masculinity, damn the patriarchy, man-splaining BS were all necessary vehicles to pu…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 03:54 PM
2

But then you slowly and imperceptibly begin losing who you are as a man. Then, she'll leave anyway because you're boring and no longer a challenge. It's no-win.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 09:58 AM
6

Definitely. And she'll make the same mistake with some other chump down the road. It'll be all his fault, too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:55 PM
3

I simply say, "She preferred the attention and company of her married co-worker." And leave it at that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:24 AM
3

Loneliness sucks. But I'll take that over dealing with an angry, irrational (and not yet healed woman) all day, every day.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 10:34 PM
5

Wow. I thought my 131 days was a record. You got me beat by half. But yeah, it's fast for a reason; they always have a plan with some schmuck they think is way better. It's almost like they're children with a toy. Out with the old, in with the new. Underdeveloped or something... but children may be smarter.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 10:25 PM
1

It's a process. And nothing worth having comes easily.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 12:52 AM
6

You are going to see the true side of her once she decides she no longer wants you. Mine was sweet and kind, too. Until she wasn't. And I'm willing to bet you haven't heard the whole story either. Prepare for war.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:05 PM
16

"...she no longer has ANY love for me, and there is zero chance of rebuilding anything." Why on earth should you trust her...with ANYTHING?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:02 PM
1

My pleasure. It's never too late to be who you were supposed to be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:12 AM
5

Aside from the few domesticated things I mentioned, I began taking control of my finances. Paid down - and eventually OFF- all debt (except a manageable 401k loan to get the adultress out of my home) That will be done in 2 years or so. I got organized with appointments and kid activities. After a year or so, I started taking pride in the fact that not only did I survive my horrific ordeal but all those things my ex got tired of doing I was now doing myself...and they really weren't as difficult …
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 03:56 PM
5

I, too, had a 16-year union dissolve due to her exit affair. And I remember month 8 very well. It was the first time a woman outside of my ex laid an intimate hand on me. I wasn't ready, not by a long shot, but it showed me that life after death was indeed possible. I'm now in month 21, and my routine is well underway. There's a lot of black and white living - not a ton of color sometimes - but we make do. I spend most of my time being everything I can be for my full-time daughter, working, read…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 10:52 AM
6

Leave. Today.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 11:59 AM
3

It's less frequent as time goes on. It varies for everyone and never goes away completely. I'm sure 10 years from now, I'll have a brief moment of sadness out of nowhere when I look at my kids or when something else pops up out of the blue. If I'd venture a guess, I'd say you're a good halfway through it now. Keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 11:23 AM
9

And she'll be the gal in about 6 months that's weeping into her martini, wondering where all the good men are.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 03:25 PM
16

Because we loved them more than they loved us. Our family meant everything. Their "happiness" meant everything.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 02:40 AM
19

Turns out we have a switch we can flip, just like they do. Only they can use a finger, and we need a crowbar. But it's interesting, isn't it? Once they think they no longer have a reason to be with you anymore, their true feelings about you are revealed. Lack of respect, lack of accountability, lack of decency. Sure, my ex is still attractive to me, but what she turned into made her quite ugly. I think most of us discover this after a while.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:54 PM
1

Mostly muscle, not all. 🤣 I began dating in month 8 or 9, and though I wasn't 100% ready, it got me out, exploring new foods, mostly healthy, not all 🤣 But you're right. Losing the weight was wonderful. The divorce diet works, though I don't recommend it. I lost too much, too quickly. Over 50, I knew that I had to take advantage of the opportunity to build on what was now finally lean. I know the ex noticed, as did everyone else, but you've got to do it for yourself. I spent 8 hours removing sno…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:19 AM
6

At the end of week one, 12 lbs was shed. At the end of ten weeks, 32 lbs total (14.5 kg) gone. I'm now almost 21 months into it, and I've gained back 13 lbs. Most of it is muscle. I used the divorce diet (weight I'd never lose any other way) to kickstart a training routine. You'll get there, OP. You'll find strength you never knew you had. Mind, body, and spirit.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 01:53 PM
3

Oh, I feel this. When we all sat down, my kids were stunned. Having been in their shoes as a young teen, my heart broke for them, and I couldn't stop my eyes from welling up. Her eyes? Cold, dry, and vacant.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 03:43 PM
1

And good for you for having that approach. Quick story you can relate to... My daughter's 10th birthday party was thrown at my ex's sister's house, just 2 weeks after I was informed I was getting divorced. My young girl wanted me to attend but I never got an invitation. Just a "sure you can go if you want" from the ex. I didn't go. Instead, I had a little cake, prizes, and a sleepover with her friend at the house afterward. I'm so glad I made that decision because the very next weekend, my son d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:42 PM
2

These are great points. The bargaining stage is horrible. We all do it, and it never helps, only pushes her away. But I can go to my grave knowing I did everything to save the marriage and our family unit while she didn't lift a finger. My kids know it, too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 11:32 AM
1

That won't improve.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:38 AM
1

If she, too, is in her mid to late 30s, then imagine how the hygiene issue is going to be in her late 40s. Late for work all the time? She won't make it till then employed. Your voicing your concerns and being told you have anger issues and need therapy? All of this is bad, man. It's time to lay down some clear expectations. And while you're at it, give her the truth as to why "romancing" her is next to impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:03 AM
7

Separate parties, man. I know your daughter said she needs you there, but guess what? You need to NOT be there. Ripping the band-aid off sucks for everyone obviously, but the sooner it's done, the sooner you can release your hate, and the sooner your child can face the new reality that HER MOTHER created.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:19 AM
8

"Our vows were a God damned joke" - My ex-wife after she divorced me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:04 AM
3

Agreed. I think she owed our friend a conversation long ago. But I think the time for talk is over. He'll only get answers he doesn't want to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:58 PM
14

More red flags than a Soviet Era parade. It's time to shut down everything - finances, emotions, niceties, and look to the future flying solo.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:22 PM
8

The ex-wife of my ex-wife's AP reached out to me in March of last year - about 4 months after both divorces were finalized 12 days apart. As I've said in other comments/posts in the past, she and I were able to piece together the nasty little puzzle our spouses were building behind our backs. I was convinced it was at least an emotional betrayal. She was convinced it went physical. Either way, the monkey branch was obvious. When my ex found out we were talking, she lost her mind. Why? All the li…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 11:34 AM
9

Same, brother! Valentine's Day last year, I woke up that morning, not having a physical touch in 8 months. By 10 PM, that had all changed. No, it didn't last. But it felt good to be desired, and it opened the door for better things.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 11:59 AM
3

You failed to mention the other guy in the background who promised you all of those things. You know, the guy they left us for. Checking out when still in the marriage is cowardly and weak. Vows meant something to us, and they are an extension of virtue.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 11:32 AM
1

You, friend, have just made my above point.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 12:43 AM
0

OP needs to try and talk to him. Find out what's really going on behind the scenes in an age appropriate way without appearing nosy. Perhaps ask if he'd like to move in with him. Not to coddle him or allow the boy unlimited free reign over his electronics but to impress upon him the importance of having a safe and happy home. If he's being called hurtful names and threatened to have his stuff thrown in the streets, that's beyond bullying. It's abuse. I don't care if the kid lifts weights and pla…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 12:33 AM
2

This isn't a matter of schoolyard stuff. At home, the son is helpless without adequate support from his mother, who clearly condones her boyfriend's behavior. If she doesn't put her foot down now and defend her son against that kind of aggression, it's only going to get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 12:10 AM
3

He's a MINOR.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 11:38 PM
6

Yep. Me too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 11:37 PM
4

Yep. It's always the co-worker. The "just a friend." In my case, it was the "work husband."
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 07:35 PM
2

She'll have to. Given that she JUST secured the new mortgage, there's probably no equity, only fair market value. OP's ex did him a huge favor. And what isn't being talked about here is that she put him in a power position with his children. They now have another option for suitable care. He needs to fight for 50/50 custody on that premise. Also, if she can afford a new dwelling, then alimony should be off the table. Checkers vs. Chess.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:07 PM
2

Constant anger? About 6 months. I, too, was with my ex for 16+ years. The anger started waning in earnest when I blocked her number in month 7, prohibiting her from using it to send venom my way. Email for kids only helped the transition from personal to business. Use your anger as a tool, not a weapon. Get yourself into the best shape in every facet of your life. I suspect once you (or she) are under a different roof, it'll be easier to focus. 16 months post divorce now, and anger only rears it…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 03:57 PM
2

Everyone's journey is different, but mine has mirrored countless others. For context, I was with my ex for 16 years. Month 1: Complete shock, walking around like a zombie, unable to eat anything. Sleeping was damn near impossible - maybe 3 hours if I was lucky. Month 2 & 3: Overall feeling of dread, trying to bury myself in work but getting little accomplished. Details of her betrayal trickle in and her lies and grotesque name-calling and blameshifting threaten your self-worth. Her coldness make…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 03:49 AM
8

Excellent answer. She just made life a whole lot easier for our friend. He's now got leverage to say get out, now that you have a place of your own, and leave my place alone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 02:45 AM
5

I was, too. And to add to that, if she wants the single life, then his footing the bill for repairs on the car should end immediately. If he's living with his mother, extras like home internet, etc, are on her. Decisions have consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 07:09 PM
10

This woman cheated. There's no longer a spot in your life for her. Don't listen to her "if you loved me" crap. That's manipulation at its finest. To make the finances an even split, get the appraisal on the house and demand the dollar amount in a refinance that matches the remaining equity with your portfolio. Fight for 50/50 custody. She's looking for a free ride so some other chump can live the life you helped build.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 05:35 PM
5

I, too, was married for just under 10 years, but together for just over 16. Honestly, it seems to me like you are on the right track, man. The first 6 months are the absolute worst - no question about that. Seems like forever, but it's really not. You just have to reframe your train of thought. Look at it as now, at this moment, that the worst is over. Infidelity is a huge gut punch. It took me a long time to realize that my ex's actions and her lying about it all is a direct reflection of who S…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 01:36 PM
2

I, too, am 18 months in. The person she became has no business in my life anymore outside of an occasional email about kids. But yeah...if I didn't think every day about who she used to be - or who I thought she was- my life would be much better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:48 AM
1

This is exactly it right here.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:10 PM
12

I don't forgive her and never will. I just find her disgusting and reprehensible, but I do it quietly.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:13 PM
4

Yep.I heard that exact phrase as well. I think it's another one of those toxic buzzwords they're hearing online or from miserable friends.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 01:02 PM
12

I told her sister, knowing it would get back to them eventually, if not immediately. Then, I let it go. They are always going to side with blood family and not you. But I felt it necessary to somehow clear my name of a narrative my ex was no doubt spinning and shed some light on why their daughter just gave up the marriage out of the blue without trying to save it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:38 PM
1

Upvote for truth. And Eagles.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:40 AM
2

No, but my ex-wife fell to the charms of a love-bombing co-worker who is well known for propositioning anyone who wasn't his wife.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 09:11 PM
2

AI or not. To me, it doesn't matter. It's sound reasoning, feedback and advice. Maybe that's why AI is so popular. It's why we're all here to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:41 AM
1

We have a bingo! And when it inevitably does, you'll be so far removed from it all you won't care in the least.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:31 AM
9

Mine had a marriage ending affair with her married co-worker. There's a few of us here rowing the same boat. I see who they are and recognize them and their story... but every once in a while, a screen name pops up that I don't recognize. But he has a nearly identical story. The truth is, is that these women thrive on external validation and "new feels," and the workplace is the #1 place where they'll get it. The men that provide it are usually dirtbags. It's best to let their drama go and focus…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:05 PM
8

It's been a year and a half since the bomb dropped, and 13 months post divorce. Overall, I'm doing pretty well. I gained 10 lbs of muscle back from the 30 lbs I lost last year. Dated several women, including The ex's AP's ex-wife, whom I'm currently seeing. I finally got back into some of the things that I was into before, though I stay away from some music that triggers me. I still think about the time we had together, but I know that who she is now is definitely not someone I'd want in my life…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 11:51 AM
7

Menopause is a marriage killer. At 43, my ex lost any resemblance to who she used to be.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:27 PM
2

Good for you, man. We all knew you'd come around.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:16 AM
2

Thank you! I'm doing the best I can with her, and I have the painted nails to prove it! I think because of my every effort to put her first, her mother failed miserably in her attempts to take her from me. Now, 17 months after my world imploded, the ex is still with her AP. Who knows how successful they are. I'm sure it's not all roses, but I don't really care anymore. I believe she has her regrets - I think her life is tougher now- but I'll never hear that from her. Not long after that last res…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:12 AM
1

Great point. In a way, the take-charge and measured approach seems to be far more effective... and probably more attractive. We men could stand to curb the doting, "yes dear" nonsense a little bit. My ex was 9 years younger than me and was an alpha boss babe. This woman is 3 years older than me and a bit more willing to follow my lead, allowing me to set the pace.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:26 PM
3

I packed my ex's stuff in 2-3 days and put it all into a nice, neat, and rather large pile in the finished basement. It's a walkout, so there was no need for her to go picking through the rest of the house. It took her a few trips to clear it out, but it was done quickly overall because of my labor. And, of course, her desire to "move on and be happy." 🙄 You might not feel like it's your responsibility, but the faster you can reclaim your space, the happier you'll be. Plus, you'll have a clear v…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:02 PM
4

Yes. The perfect package is rare, if not non-existent. This woman isn't as polished and refined with the fancy job title and salary as my ex, but she has a solid heart, clearer communication skills (usually) and has 10x the personality. Quirky, and fun. Sex is abundant and works quite well. Legs for days. Leans to the anxious side, which is quite different from the avoidant in my ex-wife that this woman's ex-husband left her for. That's been an adjustment. I may be a bit ahead of her (I think?) …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:23 PM
2

Oh no, there are flags, for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:41 PM
2

As you know, we are rowing the same boat. It's a different dynamic. Lately, we've been getting closer romantically, but my foot is always hovering above the brake pedal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:34 PM
2

Proceed with vigor. You are now the master of your own domain - wherever you wish it to be.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 08:30 PM
12

My ex did the same thing with her "work husband." The both of them blew up their families, and in the end, 2 divorces were finalized only 12 days apart. Two betrayed spouses and 5 kids total between us... just standing there wondering WTF just happened to our lives. That was almost 17 months ago. I secured the limerance divorce because she was in a huge hurry to move on with this schmuck. No lawyers. Left me everything, including the kids, and took all the debt with her. I was 51 at the time and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 02:21 PM
2

You will do what you want when you are good and ready to do it. Interesting what CGPT said about opening the door a crack to change the atmosphere... I am not you, but I too still mourn both who my ex was and the man I was when I was with her. I kept one of the centerpieces from the tables of our wedding. Not because of her per se, but as a reminder of what was a truly beautiful day. My advice is to empty the space entirely. Keep the desk, and make it your office. Or sketching/hobby table. Adorn…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 11:28 PM
3

Nope. It's time to put a wrench into her plan. The fact that she doesn't know whether or not she loves you is not good enough. Truth is, she doesn't. Any woman who has every intention of alienating a man's child against him is evil and no longer worthy of your efforts with her. The marriage is beyond repair. Seek legal counsel and file immediately. She no longer has the luxury of stringing you along for a year, much less two to three. She's content in having you (AND your daughter) live a lie wh…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 03:06 PM
12

Blood is thicker than water. In my case, her side knows that her story doesn't pass the sniff test.. but snap next day - it's like I never existed. And we were great friends, too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:16 AM
1

I did, too. It's spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 11:17 PM
12

I second this. Lexapro stopped the fights out of nowhere that she was starting with me, but it dullened her to the point of apathy. She became void of empathy and, thus, made it far easier for her to leave with minimal emotion.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:55 PM
5

The one month for every year together is kind of working for me. My ex-wife and I were together for 16 years, and this month is actually month 16. Coincidentally, at the end of this month, we will be officially divorced a year. I think it's a decent barometer for getting into a spot where the breakup isn't destroying you on a daily basis. You may still miss the person, but you've grown enough to know that the relationship has run its course, and if you were the one who was left, they likely move…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 12:36 PM
6

Well put. The infidels are well aware and quietly seethe. At first, we vowed to bang for "just desserts" but soon discovered there's a little more to us than that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 10:40 PM
9

Losers. I've got her conversations with him on an iPad mere days after she left me, the Verizon guy telling me how frantic she was in the store disabling the Cloud and location history...AND testimony from the AP's ex-wife, who happens to be my current lover.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:43 PM
6

Still denies it to this day.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:23 PM
5

Your first sentence of your original post defines it. Only in your case, he's a walkaway husband.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:15 PM
9

It's sad, but for me, this is why women have now become recreation only. I may stumble upon one or more in the future with whom I'll share a degree of respect and cool times. But trusting fully and rearranging my life again? Negative. It's a fool's errand.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 04:54 PM
24

Absolutely offensive. And, cowardly. My ex-wife said that "our marriage has been over for years!" Well, gee whiz. Thanks so much for letting me know! But when she accepts validation and feel-good lovebombs from another man outside the marriage, what else is she going to say? No communication, no heads up. It also bothers me when people suggest that we men should have "seen the signs." That's also BS because most of us took our vows seriously and foolishly assumed that our wives did the same. We …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 04:30 PM
3

My ex-wife introduced her AP to our children almost immediately after the separation in June of '24. A whole 7 weeks, I think it was, which, in my opinion, was selfish and cruel. They were still trying to adjust to their new life. I, on the other hand, stayed away from women for 8 months until I eventually started dating. I saw a couple of women over the spring and summer but never introduced any of them. I wanted to make sure they knew that my kids came first and that dad was healing the right …
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:48 AM
6

If you go that route, you'll be no better than she is. Or, who your ex is. You want something real and true, and that can only happen once you have grown into the best man you can be. It takes time doing the work and building character- things that low-lives like cheaters and liars don't comprehend or possess.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:33 PM
6

Nope. Not one penny.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 03:45 AM
1

There is truth to that, actually.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 08:15 PM
10

It's a slippery slope, but it can be done. The keys are to: 1) Never forget how badly you were hurt by someone you would have done anything for (because it could happen again) and 2) Never lose sight of the fact that the only person who could ever stop you from having the future you want and need...is you. 2024 sucked. I spent 8 months after the separation/divorce sifting through the wreckage of my marriage and my shattered heart, not even looking at a woman. I've spent the last 8 months getting…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 03:56 PM
5

Not intentionally. Prior to her initial call, we both suspected something not so funny was going on but didn't have anything definitive until, finally, the infidels' co-worker came forward to her. Our relationship started as just a series of phone conversations of discovery. Comparing timelines. Betrayal trauma dumps, really. But phone calls continued and became more frequent. And eventually, a little flirty. She came by my office in May to meet me. In the first week of August, we agreed to meet…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 03:41 PM
3

My ex-wife did the same thing with her "work husband." The only thing different from your story is that it had been brewing for only months and not years. 2 families destroyed, and 2 divorces finalized within 13 days of one another. His ex-wife called me 5 months later to tell me what I already knew, but sharing details was certainly eye opening. Fast forward to this morning - she is upstairs sleeping in my bed. My suggestion to you is to not assume that you'll be "forced" into being around her …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 11:01 AM
8

This one made me think. And I really can't think of any one moment that really jumps off the page. The best moments for me are small but cumulative. Adding a cool accent piece to the living room. Parking sideways in my driveway... just because. Burning incense and cranking jazz (both frowned upon in the former life). Folding the laundry when I'm damn good and ready. Generally, I'm just doing whatever I want and not worrying about the side-eye or what new thing is going to piss someone off.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:17 PM
8

I just woke up next to my ex-wife's AP's ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:05 PM
6

I shook uncontrollably also when I saw the kids' iPad. It felt like an out-of-body experience.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 02:09 PM
1

If she is not vicious, it's only because she's keeping him as her backup plan in case her new flame fizzles out. If you re-read his post, she's being wishy washy, stringing him along. Probably waiting for this new guy to commit. Look, everyone has their own story, their own journey. But as many in this sub will tell you, these wives have had another guy in their orbit behind the scenes for a while, who validates everything she says when confiding in him. Tale as old as time. I find it difficult …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:07 PM
8

Because there's a strong possibility that right about now, his STBXW is doing everything she can to make him the villain in her story. Many women who seek validation from men outside their marriage will do/say anything to justify why they are doing so. Any attempt by OP to play nice and grovel will repel her because his effort flies in the face of her fabricated narrative. She can't be the bad guy - it has to be him.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:54 AM
6

It does, but it takes a good long while. My ex monkey-branched immediately, and it tore at my soul. This is why they are the weaker sex. She's just filling a void, and her rebound is just as pathetic as she is. Don't bother asking her questions. You won't get the truth. Forget about reconciliation. It'll only make her colder and probably more vicious. Now is the time to focus on you. Get yourself in order. Eat something. Try and rest your body. Connect with people who care about you. Show her no…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 10:14 AM
2

Of course. Now, take your rightful place.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 11:23 PM
8

There are different stages. And each time there are new developments or discoveries, there are often setbacks in your recovery. For me, shock only lasted a couple of weeks because I had suspected the sketchy behavior beforehand. Proven right began the onset of the other stages - denial, bargaining, anger. Once the new reality sets in, you can expect each of them in turn, though not in any particular order. I had a second anger stage in the middle of the depression stage. As GreyCalf mentioned to…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 03:02 PM
32

These are the same women that in a year from now will be whining about how they can't find a decent man.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 11:13 PM
3

Not completely, because I don't think it's healthy to completely swear off companionship or close off the possibility of love in the future. On the whole, I think life is generally better with a partner. HOWEVER! I'm a whole lot more guarded and protective of what's left of my heart and the space I live in that I worked so hard to keep. I've dated off and on for last 6 months or so, which has been generally decent, but I'll never marry again, and cohabitation is very unlikely. Why? Because losin…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 10:26 PM
3

Don't marry. It's as simple as that. Of course, for many of us, it's too late. But be assured I already told my 16 year old son this, and he really seems to get it. There's too much to lose. He told me in his own words that girls are nothing but trouble. He saw how badly his mother hurt me and how easily she blew up our beautiful family with a simple wave of her hand. He doesn't want that for himself. It's strange sometimes how the lessons kids learn are the ones we didn't intend to teach.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 09:38 PM
15

OP, all of the responses you've received here are exactly spot on, as is their advice. Mine too, left for her "just a friend/nobody to worry about/work husband." She turned all the blame onto me, saying "our marriage has been over for years," and just wanted to "move on and be happy." This is typical cheater-speak, and as you've seen here, it's wildly ubiquitous. Sadly, the woman you put all your faith and loyalty into for years is now metaphorically dead and is not coming back. It's like we wer…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 06:01 PM
7

This is so true. Then, defending yourself against their mindless onslaught means you're a narcissist!
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 07:38 PM
2

My kids are 16 and 11. Her 3 are all in their early 20's. My ex pushed this guy onto my kids almost immediately after my finding out. I really wanted to drop the bomb on them with HR but I didn't want to compromise the limerance divorce I was about to be awarded. I started dating here and there in February, about 5 months after the divorce was final, but I haven't introduced anyone, including his ex-wife. If we're still with each other in October (1 year final), I might.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:22 PM
2

What's done in the dark comes out in the light. Our exes were doing this in a hospital setting (I know, big shocker), and I found out about it just after my separation, many, many months before she did but she called me, eventually. I wanted to get hold of her in the brief 2 week window between my divorce being finalized and hers, but I didn't know how.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:56 PM
2

It's pretty similar. We both had pieces here and there that helped one another put together, and finally view, the nasty puzzle the exes were building behind our backs for months. I suspect they hate that we are close mainly because their secrets are now revealed. Yet they still continue to lie and deny infidelity despite this, which makes them look completely foolish.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:45 PM
3

Do the exes know? Ours do. Let's say they're...none too pleased.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:36 AM
5

Interesting. I'm seeing my ex's AP's ex-wife now, too. This poor woman is starved for affection. With a good soul.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:32 AM
12

Every day. 50+ years of CPTSD, abandonment, and anger in one clean shot? Guaranteed, that mf-er would never get up again. But there goes my kids, my career, and my freedom. I challenged my ex"s AP, and he wisely refused.. Just use your eyes, man. They are the window to your soul. If he has an ounce of grey matter in his pinhead, he'll be able to read them loud and clear. He knows he's a dirtbag. And he knows he'll take a dirt nap if he messes with you. Men who pursue married women are cowards, b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 09:07 PM
3

This is awesome. Except the first paragraph, which sounds like I could've written myself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:15 PM
6

Probably around 6-8 months before she dropped the bomb. 3-4 for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 06:02 PM
3

She says this guy is better, but it's her way of convincing herself that leaving you is a good idea. Classic 90%/10%. She thinks she found her 10 and maybe she did, but gave up the 90 you provided. No more texts, no more playing nice-nice. Focus on yourself now. Your own health, strength, and peace. This woman is not the one you love anymore. Let her fall on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:33 AM
1

What does what look like?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:41 AM
2

Love this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:53 PM
2

Likewise. We love forever. I've realized that they love for now. She'll see soon enough what she gave up- and by then? You'll be highly pursued and won't care. I'm turning that corner now. You will, too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:58 PM
2

It takes two, man. Just because she says something, doesn't mean it's true. But you better believe she's going to try and make you believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:38 PM
7

This all day. No treatment, no counseling, no hope for reconciliation. Just a married co-worker 14 years her senior all lined up. Soon, we'll see them on ask women over 40 complaining that they can't find a high-quality man. GTFO.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:31 PM
4

If I had mad money, Pizza, I'd give you a major award. But for now, please accept my platitudes. OP- this is the mindset you need to adopt. Immediately. I'm 52 as well. Had my world whipped out from beneath me 14 months ago. Focus on being the strongest man alive. If you do, you will be. Next to me, of course. 😁 Strength. Do it!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:27 PM
4

"We're just in different places." Yep, I heard that one myself 3 weeks ago, haha! Too bad at that, as we had fun for the short time we were together. But it's a canned line, perfectly rehearsed, too. I could tell she's used it before. Maybe they all do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:45 PM
7

I'd press charges. It will only help you in divorce court or future custody hearings. Her bi-polarization is her problem alone now. If she could snap like that on you, who's to say she couldn't on the children?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 01:58 AM
3

It's funny (not funny) that this thread came across my feed just now. 5 minutes ago, my young daughter just said that she needed to see if mom was going out on AP's boat today because she wanted to see his dog. Of course, it's another gut punch. But as the months go on, it hurts a little less. My ex-wife introduced this man to my kids just weeks after the separation. He had a key to her place before they ever went out together as this "new family." I was right in the thick of a horrible separati…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 05:17 PM
7

Together 16 years. She ran off with her married co-worker. It's taken more than a year to get over it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 11:17 AM
11

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Do NOT reach out. Fall for nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 05:55 PM
7

My condolences. I noticed that any one of them could have been my 44 year old ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 01:57 AM
7

Yep. I bit. Held down my bile for about 10 minutes. I'll never get that 10 minutes back. They are ALL a complete mess.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 01:38 AM
5

And thrive you will. Be patient. Stay busy and play the long game. My ex checked out 6-8 months before actually dropping the bomb. The night I finally built up the courage to call her out on all the red flags I had been feeling about a potential AP, she left me. For him, THAT NIGHT. Divorce sucks. Resist the urge to bargain with her. She is now a known adversary and shrewdly dangerous until the judge's gavel whacks the mahogany. Be safe and stay calm. Resist the urge to rearrange her new lover's…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 10:18 PM
4

I tend to agree here. It's entitlement. They'll skate through the relationship with a take you or leave you approach. I don't think they grieve anything because they know your replacement is just a text and the bat of an eyelash away.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 11:45 AM
4

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn, in case that's the reason for the walkway wife.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 07:44 PM
7

You: 1) are not helpful. 2) full of hate, evidenced by your post history and 3) in the wrong sub, as this is for men. Spew your nonsense elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 06:05 PM
8

That's the way, brother. You are the master of your own domain now. My ex hasn't stepped foot back into this home since the day before her cat died in December. I demanded her key the day I buried him. It is odd that yours hangs around. Her grass not greener? Doesn't matter. Not your problem. She can pick up your 13 year old at the door or, better yet, the driveway. Cheaters don't get privileges.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 01:49 PM
5

This is spot-on - and a fundamental flaw that's ubiquitous. Communication breakdowns begin when the intent is not clear and concise. We men don't do well with side eye glances, mind games, and arguments out of left field. Give it to us straight. When women don't, resentment soon follows, then contempt. By then, it's cooked, and they look elsewhere or shut down. But it's our fault because we "never listened."
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 10:55 AM
4

Can't upvote your comment more than once, unfortunately. This is exactly what happens. The new dude believes the narrative (and why wouldn't he? He's getting what he wants.) Knight in shining armor rides in to save the damsel in distress.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 02:55 PM
2

You are going to rule the world. But only if you want it. Yes, the setbacks SUCK. I saw the AP at a traffic light.What a fucking lump of shit. I asked him if he wanted to meet his Maker. But he backed off, the slinking cúňț. Yep, we're gonna talk tough. We're gonna pretend nothing bothers us, but we both know we're completely destroyed on the inside. Don't let her see it. Did our world fall apart? Yes... but that's temporary. Men age well if they are in the right headspace. Women are doomed. Oh …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 09:09 PM
1

I appreciate your story and the fortitude it took for you to rise from the ashes. My journey is not unlike many others and is visible on past posts/comments. Basically, 16-year union, 2 minor children, she fell for the married co-worker, 15 years her elder, lied about it, and blamed me for everything. 4 months later, there are 2 divorces. I got a very favorable financial limerance outcome. She's off and running, very quick bf introduction to the children, etc. 11 months later, they are still tog…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 02:43 PM
9

File now. You are nobody's back-up plan. That guy can have her...because he already has. You deserve better. Never forget that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 07:16 PM
4

Right. Your story is not unlike many other's here. It's disgraceful how they act and what they become.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:54 PM
14

It's always the co-worker. "Just a friend." "Work Husband." "Nothing to worry about." I have never, ever logged onto FB in my entire life. I'm 52 and haven't missed a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:49 PM
2

Heed his advice. Rachael Sloan is a rare find. Stand up and brush yourself off. You are a strong man and your kids want to see that strength in you. Do not disappoint them. They need you. And you, them. The woman who helped put you here can pound sand. Don't give her space in your head that she doesn't deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 04:31 PM
2

Exactly! That's what I did, and it's worked wonderfully. I'm far less accessible but available for kids if absolutely necessary. As an added bonus, my mental health improved drastically.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 08:03 PM
11

My kids were right there that night in June when I accused their mother of having an affair with her co-worker. I had had enough of the red flags, and she left me then and there on the spot. I put on a brave face best I could, so I guess you could call that the high road. 3 weeks later, the kids discovered it on the iPads that were linked with her phone. Dad trusted his gut, and they, ages 15 and 10, knew I was right. At that moment, I didn't care about the high road anymore. I let her have it i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 05:05 AM
3

That's exactly what I was thinking when I read it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 07:03 PM
1

This is the first day of the rest of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:31 PM
1

Not particularly, but she's changed drastically. I never questioned her character or integrity and always thought she was rock solid in that sense. She is now cruel and vindictive. Selfish and self-centered. She flipped a switch and became someone I could never have imagined.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 11:42 PM
1

I'm not sure if she is or not, but when it got leaked, it just seemed to add a little fuel to her fire.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 11:03 PM
4

All I can do is be available to him. I reach out a couple of times a week, but he's never reciprocated or contacts me of his own volition. I try and let him know if he needs to talk or if he needs anything I can purchase for him. Lunch, clothing, haircuts, whatever. I can't ask him to give me more than 2 or 3 word answers. I'm patient, hoping he'll come around eventually, and he knows I love him. His mother accuses me of being nonexistent in his life, but it's not for a lack of trying. I suggest…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:37 PM
5

Yes, the success rate is not good. He was always a quiet, reserved, and sensitive child, which was always endearing, but now it could be a detriment to him. His texts to his sister (which she offered, I didn't pry) shows deep resentment and contempt and reeks of a desperate and angry parent. I, too, was raised by a single mother. She did the best she could, and I turned out ok. I never envisioned my children also being products of a broken home. It's very sad.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:16 PM
3

Sorry, I didn't see your edit till now. Yes, I admit, I did stir the pot up until a couple of months ago. I was hurt, lied to and verbally abused. Now, I'm finally in a place where their relationship doesn't concern me. Our son is attending therapy, and our daughter is in line to do the same. I encourage it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 01:47 PM
3

Apologies. I may have buried that, but not intentionally. It was a long post, which I try to avoid for many reasons. The age difference helped considerably with the typical sibling rivalry growing up, but they quarrel now more than ever, and my daughter is not getting the best advice, in my opinion. I've always advocated the importance of getting along because one day they'll rely on each other. I try and make a wonderful home, but I admit, I'm a little worried.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 01:41 PM
3

Thank you, sir. Children should remain as innocent as possible for as long as they can. And just when I was starting to get into a decent place 10 months into this journey I didn't want or expect...
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 01:17 PM
8

That's it exactly. After my ex left me, she was all "woe is me" at her workplace, and everyone felt SOOO sorry for her. At home a month later, her emotional affair with her co-worker came out, and that's when I was painted as a super villain to her colleagues. Narcissist, controlling, abuser, etc. All of a sudden, it gets out that I have 100% custody of both children right around the time when now BOTH of these 2 people are separated, no longer wearing rings and are seen taking breaks/lunches to…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 10:29 PM
0

I'll always feel bad for someone who gets the short end of the stick if they don't deserve it. That goes for any situation, not just divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 02:34 PM
4

Music to my ears.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 01:57 PM
2

Bingo. We have a winner. As I'm parallel parenting, I want my kids in a safe and comfortable place when they aren't with me. But Im not lying when I say I want her best new life to crash and burn. I do her no favors. If she gets the sniffles, she can ask AP for a tissue.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 02:45 PM
1

That's exactly right. 3rd shift, 12 hour nights. Breeding ground for infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 02:33 AM
3

131 days. Bomb drop to D-day.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 02:11 PM
28

I loved my 2nd wife more than my 1st wife. No contact with both. There will never be a 3rd wife.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 09:33 AM
11

Honestly, you could get real old and gray waiting around for that. Every once in a while, you'll read a post about a woman who MAY regret divorcing her man, but it always starts out as her not regretting losing HIM but only the marriage itself. They go hand in hand, sister. Sorry. Many too will stay in their relationship with their AP longer than they really want to, so they don't look like failures blowing up their families for them. Mine actually said how much HAPPIER and STRONGER she is witho…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 01:02 PM
11

Entitlement. We, as men, were taught very early on how we should treat a lady. And they are taught what should be expected from a gentleman. NEVER the other way around. So, we base our happiness on the lives we build and our experiences with the people we love. Safety, security, promise. VOWS. It seems women often look at the things they FEEL are lacking, and instead of building with us, they'll look elsewhere because that's what they've been programmed to do. Hence, the blatant refusal of accou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 01:05 PM
5

Hire a lawyer. Discuss the division of assets with her as calmly and amicably as possible. Let her go wherever she wants. Detach from her emotionally. Sounds difficult? That's because it is. All of those actions are the toughest things you'll ever do in your life, but they are absolutely necessary for you to build your future. You love someone who obviously doesn't hold you in the same regard. Seeing someone outside the marriage behind your back is the ultimate act of disrespect. You deserve bet…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 02:22 PM
4

She is completely done with the marriage and is likely begun seeing someone else already. Or, at least, has someone close on her radar. You must do everything in your power right now to separate your heart and mind from who you loved and who that person is now. They are 2 different people.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 04:14 PM
3

Yup. Healing, heels up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 04:05 PM
6

I can't tell you how many screenshots I've taken from this subreddit. Dozens, at least. It absolutely is trauma, in every sense of the word. Hang in there, man. Month 9 for me now, and I'm better, but not where I want to be yet. Stay strong. We'll get there!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 11:43 AM
10

Checking out whilst in the relationship without communication is abuse, plain and simple. Forcing you and your son to live a fake life is cowardly and telling you they love you when they don't is lying. Her friends are bad news. They've validated every horrific thing she's said about her life with you or feelings about you. Beware of the male friend or co-worker that's been lurking about. He's involved for nefarious reasons. This is going to wear on you for a while, bud. You must get your ducks …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 11:18 AM
5

I usually drop a couple C-bombs at my screen and downvote. Subhuman, many of them.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 01:09 AM
1

I hope you didn't.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 01:06 AM
23

And you will for a while, my friend. I will never forget that day in June when my world imploded and that day in October when the judge's gavel hit the mahogany. Breathe deep. This is the first day of the rest of your life. You didn't want this, I didn't either. It's a sad, sad day. That's why when I see posts from women saying YAY, ITS OVER, FINALIZED WOOHOO, I either ignore or downvote and hold back vomit. You loved deeply. You never would have left. You probably changed who you were and gave …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 12:06 AM
5

No problem! And getting better, it shall. Day by day.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 10:39 PM
9

Coming up on 9 months separated, and just over 4 divorced. I think my ex turned into a liar before she left. Not with the things she said necessarily (besides I love you) but what she didn't say. Just saw her face to face a couple of hours ago when she dropped my daughter off. It had been many weeks. She said, "Hi (my name)," and I didn't say anything back. We aren't friends. Her treatment of me over the summer made sure of that. Like you said- just one of those days. I didn't want this either -…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 10:07 PM
2

Yep. Early to mid 40's is right. My ex completely lost her mind at 43.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:31 AM
6

Awesome read. I just started month 9. I still get sad at times, but it's different. I'm mostly sad that my kids had to go through this and that almost 2 decades of my life was spent loving and building with someone who finally unmasked and revealed her true self. Really pretty to really pretty ugly with a flip of a switch. In a way, I'm re-inventing my own identity. Yes, I still feel there is a big hole that she left, but I no longer have the belief that it can only be filled by her. I'm filling…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 07:24 PM
1

That's the one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 07:56 PM
2

When my whole world blew up, my career once again was my only constant. People in our situation need continuity and purpose. Making $$ is a great way to focus. Exercise is another great outlet we guys get into. In my case, the divorce diet dropped the 30 lbs I wasn't able to lose any other way. So, I took advantage. No hockey, oddly, but I got into a series on BritBox. I started listening to orchestral movie scores. I'm burning sage and different insence that I enjoy. WAY out of character from t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 07:35 PM
4

Yes. There is a clinical word for it, but I can't remember what it is at the moment... I never missed a puck drop on TV. I never missed a new video from my favorite YouTube personality. I never went a week without adding an item to my Amazon cart that had something to do with my hobby at the time... I don't do any of that anymore. Haven't watched a game all year. Dozens of video updates, unwatched, the list goes on. There's nothing wrong with us. The things we really like in life will come back …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 07:16 PM
5

You'll get there, buddy. I know it's not easy. Remember this: Everything you are feeling right now is valid. Be patient with yourself. This garbage you are forced to deal with now is ALL ON HER. You are the innocent party even if you weren't perfect. And know this: Even if you were, it wouldn't have mattered.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:55 PM
8

My ex-wife had an emotional affair with a co-worker but denies it to this day, even though they got together almost immediately after the split and she is still with him today. Once this happens, it's over, my friend. She likely checked out long before you had any idea. It's a horrible game these people play, and it's unfair because they have their own rules. This is going to hurt for a while. Begging and pleading, looking for answers, etc...it's not going to help you. She will say all sorts of …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:20 PM
2

I bet he's a downgrade, too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:00 PM
7

It just goes to show that YOU are the higher class individual. The fact so many women (men too ,I suppose) move on within minutes from a many years-long marriage is incomprehensible to me. Mine did, too. Integrity? Yeah, we thought they had it. They don't. It's time to focus on you now, Boss. And your kids, the best you can. Be the stable one for them because she isn't it. She thinks she is, but one day, the kids may even tell her she wasn't. It's tough. I hate that mine is still with AP all the…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:58 PM
1

Oh, I see it now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 04:42 AM
5

Soon to be ex wife
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 04:42 AM
3

Last month I decided I'm done suffering. I'm 52 now and not getting younger, so getting back into fighting shape, being comfortable in my own skin, and realizing that my ex discarded a good man is crucial. Take your time. I think it'll be worth our wait.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 02:16 PM
10

Same situation as you, only 2 months later. Separated for 8 months, divorced for 4. Ex moved on in about 5 minutes. Children introductions in about 12 minutes, the whole thing. I've decided to just be my own man for now, whoever that may be. I'm working out with weights like a crazy person in my basement, tinkering with my home, splitting/stacking/burning firewood, and saving money. Healing. I go out every once in a while and notice some interest from women, but I'm not actively pursuing anyone.…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 11:14 AM
2

Those were my ex's exact words the moment the bomb dropped.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 03:31 PM
1

Hi there! Thanks for popping in 🙂 I'm not sure how I stumbled back onto my own old post, but I'm glad I did. I thought it was dead and buried. I know I said that the news drop wouldn't force me back to Day 1, but sadly, it did. Yeah, it's been an interesting journey, to say the least. 8 months out now, almost 4 since finalized. I don't wish this type of thing on anyone. Since the day I wrote that, I've endured horrific, selfish and cold behavior from her, manipulation, and the loneliness of the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 11:44 AM
1

Beware the "work husband." It's a real thing, trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:21 PM
3

Luckily, my birthday was a month before hers, so I could see what she would do first. The answer to that was nothing. So, a month later, I made sure she got a card from our kids. That's it. I wonder if she thought about it that that would've been the decent thing to do. Doubtful.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:15 PM
2

Oh, my ex and her scumbag are still going strong now 8 months in. If they can bust up 2 families, they better make damn sure it works. Red flags are easy to overlook when we're in love. We just need to get our hearts utterly destroyed, sometimes twice, to finally learn our lessons.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:15 AM
4

Same here, buddy. My ex introduced the guy she left me for to our kids very quickly. My daughter comes home and tells me they're kissing and hugging in the kitchen, and he's giving her massages on the couch, and she just leaves the room disgusted. And oh Dad, he has a key to mom's place, too. Lets himself in when my kids are there and their mother is asleep. So reckless. I brought up my concerns, and the ex told me to mind my own business. We despise each other also. I had hoped to maintain some…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 06:42 PM
7

You could be me, easily. She walked, I "won," but feel like I lost big time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:54 PM
3

Mine didn't either, but I stayed true.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 02:36 AM
6

And menopause definitely as well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 04:10 PM
3

That's what did my marriage in. The co-worker. I think she was planning for a good 3 months. Maybe as much as 6.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 06:13 PM
1

That's the way you have to look at it, really. I use any Mantra, catchy bit of wisdom, or Jedi mind trick to not think of them together. Doesnt always work. It's been 7 months for them now (officially) and appear to be fine - not like it matters. But who knows what really goes on behind the scenes. Eventually, I'll run into him, it's just a matter of time. I've decided not to rearrange his dental work, but the words 'homewrecking scumbag' might slip out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 12:17 PM
11

I have never met him, and I have no desire to. I am not jealous of him by any stretch; he's not as handsome as me and aging poorly from what I hear. (He's pushing 60...6 years older than me and 14 older than her.) I will never shake his hand if the opportunity ever comes about because that would imply it would be a pleasure to meet him. I have no respect at all for someone who lovebombs a married woman and doesn't give a shit about doing his part to destroy a young family. That's low moral chara…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:18 PM
4

It comes and goes, friend. I was dragging my corpse from the abyss this entire summer- just starting to feel alive and a little human again- when she told me in September that she and her AP were "official" closing the door on us (at least in MY mind) forever. It set me back months. But now I'm back again, feeling like any news dump she's got planned for the future is just her trying to get under my skin and stay somehow relevant. Be patient with yourself. Your future is entirely your own now an…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 02:45 PM
8

It will feel like the first day of the rest of your life. The worst is behind you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:13 AM
2

Just took mine down this morning. It stopped taking on water a week ago, but I wanted to wait until my son finally came over to open his gifts from me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:09 PM
3

Happy to be your 10th upvote.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 06:43 PM
3

She belongs on the couch, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 03:50 PM
2

It was her fault, and I think you know what to do. It will be the hardest thing ever. Cutting the cord with her at this moment is going to save your heart and your sanity in the long run. Try and settle without lawyers if you can, though that's often difficult. I was able to only because she wanted it done fast to move on with her guy at work who was all lined up. My divorce was insanely favorable for me financially. There are only 3 relationships you need to concern yourself with now, and that'…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 03:39 PM
4

Your second to last sentence did it for me. Someone already DID have her. That means she is no longer yours.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 03:24 PM
10

Yep. This is me. Because there is no us.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 02:51 PM
2

Right. He'll be running around with his friends, which leaves the grown-ups mulling around forcing idle chit-chat. To me, your solution is simple.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:47 PM
2

Every kiss begins with Kay... until you have to kiss it all goodbye.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:10 PM
1

In my case, I was not invited to my daughter's party with her side of the family. When I brought it up, the ex said, "Of course you could go," but I knew it was just a token response. I'm of the opposite camp from most others here. Yes, you want to spend as much time as you can with your son. You don't get that time back, and they don't stay young forever. But you have carved some time and have an opportunity to make another day special for him on your own. She has disrespected you, herself, and…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:03 PM
3

Agreed. Rachael Sloan is very good. She found an interesting niche working exclusively with men. Strange but refreshing to know a woman recognized the forgotten us out there and addresses it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 07:49 PM
1

Mid life crisis
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 05:44 PM
4

It is. You must move quickly. I did, and much better off for it. You can't think with your heart right now. Think wallet. Deal with your heart later.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 12:07 AM
2

Lovers and best friends to complete adversaries. Yeah, I don't like her very much. She blew up our family, left me for a co-worker, and emotionally and verbally abused me as she was leaving. Introduced the dirtbag to my kids WAY too early, and told everyone how horrible I am so she could feel better about herself. We only communicate if it has something to do with our kids and its brief. Pick up/drop off changes, school-clothes shopping, pertinent info, etc. I can't bring myself to be friendly w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 08:42 PM
3

Yep, this is me. I told her text only- no exceptions- and that I will never accept another call from her for the rest of time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:05 PM
2

If we get an apology at all it sounds like this: "Sorry you feel that way." NOT "Sorry I made you feel that way."
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:14 PM
1

You had to be made to look and feel like shit so she wouldn't. Cheaters textbook, Chapter One.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:07 PM
9

Wow. At least you got an apology. I doubt I'll ever see that. Even if my ex does feel eventually how yours does now I think she's got too much pride to say so. "Can never be undone." This struck a chord with me. The words she said on her way out the door are things I'll never erase from my mind for as long as I breathe on this earth. Words, tone, and the look on her face as she said them seemed like they came from some other person. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis. She was a 43 yr old avoidant, men…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 10:19 AM
1

3 weeks to the day after she dropped the bomb. A week after she took hers off when she said they were "too heavy."
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 12:27 PM
1

I'm in enough pain, thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 02:29 PM
7

Besides reading and working out, all of the things that used to occupy me have fallen off. I never missed a single puck drop with my hockey, but maybe have watched 3 games all year. My favorite YouTuber has put out about 20 videos and haven't watched any. I keep thinking I'll get back into it all but it hasn't happened yet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 11:27 PM
1

They're having sex, yes. Whether it's any good, I obviously couldn't tell you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 11:08 AM
3

Yes. June was a horrible month for me as well. It's been an epic journey for all of us. Just keep pushing one foot in front of the other, every day, every moment. You'll find a place to call your own, and recovery will get better. Let's keep doing what we're doing, and by next June, it should begin to feel like another life. We'll be able to look at it from another perspective. Somewhat detached... from far above. Almost like a bad ending to a great movie.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 11:12 AM
7

Wow, such empty. I wonder why.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:04 PM
2

Try married filing separately or jointly without submitting and see where it shakes out. Not sure if it's based on the state you live in, but where I am, if the divorce is final at any time of the calendar year, they must be filed separately. Mine is. I'll be filing Head of Household because we lived apart for 6 months and had at least one child for 6 months. She must file single and is not eligible to file HOH until the following year because she had one child for only 3 months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:32 PM
4

I did too. Miss them almost as much as their daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 05:39 PM
2

Huh. I'll have to let you know once I do. Divorced a month ago, a little over 5 months since we separated. I still think about her every day of my life, though it's definitely been easier to handle now than it was during the summer. I think I'm in the acceptance process now that I realize I don't want the woman she has become back into my life any more than necessary (kids). Not close to dating. I'll always look back at the memories we shared and miss that person. My best friend for many years. …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 01:34 AM
7

Do not take advice from a known adversary. There is a REASON why she wants to fast-track this. She knows how to play you so, at the very least, run this by legal counsel - they will see what your wife doesn't want you to see.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:35 AM
2

This is good advice also. But what if she blew up her family for him? They are all kissy/huggy in front of the kids (which makes them sick) and saying I love you as he leaves when he let's himself in hours earlier with a key she gave him? Sounds like it's for real... or a show? *For context, it's been 2 weeks since both got divorced, 2 months since they've been "official" and 5 months since the separation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 11:25 PM
3

Lost the weight. Eating better. Push-ups like mad. Free weights, cardio. New hair, new clothes. Being a loving and attentive dad. I'm getting my home just the way I like it... Now, if I could only stop thinking about her and this dude screwing like rabbits, I'd be in damn good shape.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 09:53 PM
6

I'll never shake the AP's hand. That would imply that it's a pleasure to meet him. A real man does not lovebomb a married woman, whether she's receptive to his advances or not. Especially when the MF-er was still married himself. Not someone I care to know. If something seems off with him, my kids will tell me immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 05:52 PM
4

A certain someone has won the world wide web. At least for today.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 10:28 AM
6

I had a clean break fast track, too. Because there was someone else she wanted to be with and felt guilty. No sooner did we file, they came out. I hope that's not the case for you. Either way, it's good to not be at each other's throats. Beware, however. That could change when the dollars and cents conversation comes about.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 08:54 PM
1

My ex dropped $25k, furnishing her new apartment even after the $10k I gave her for 6 months of start-up rent to get her out of the house. I told her she would absorb ALL the credit debt ($58k) in exchange for my foregoing $300/mos ×7 yrs in child support that the court said I was due.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 06:40 PM
1

Anywhere but there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 04:00 PM
3

I've always smoked. Now I'm smoking more.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 06:03 PM
1

I do, too. Love that little app. Especially if I'm not in the mood for ink and paper. Maybe it's stupid, but some of my paragraphs aren't very nice. Random thoughts, some written when sad, some when angry. One came in handy, however, when my ex got particularly cantankerous in a text. (It was one of those nasty ones you can't ignore.) Instead of blubbering an ill thought-out response, I cut and pasted a pre-written paragraph from the notepad into a text and sent it. It was priceless. She must ha…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 04:06 PM
3

The danger is if she defaults or falls behind. The tactic is to use you to get what she wants/needs with the idea she could come back with a hand out in the future if times get tough. A week into my separation, I emptied my savings to help my ex get started, but that was cash. And that was it. Spigot turned off. If she is a stbx, then the financial ties need to be cut. You don't want to be on the hook for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 11:17 AM
3

Exactly. She wants to be seen as mom, paid like mom, but not be a mom.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 05:22 PM
5

I did what I had to do to secure a VERY favorable divorce settlement. Now that it's final, the gloves are off. I'm just as passive-aggressive now as she was our entire separation, and it's pissing her off. Once loyal and dedicated Family Man: 1 Cold, cruel, and deceitful Scarlet Woman: 0
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 05:19 AM
2

This is it. Just tonight, my ex changed the sleepover plans with my daughter and pushed our son out to spend the night at his friend's. Supposedly, AP was sick, but miraculously, she had an apartment full of people. She's using our kids as pawns on a board to check her mate. I think co-parenting (what she wanted so badly) is cramping her style.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 05:14 AM
2

Yeah, Waldoguy is right, man. I know, it sucks. I got along great with my FIL for 16 years. We texted each other just about every day on a wide array of subjects. We agreed on politics. Similar personalities and childhood upbringing. Work history, you name it. The last text I got from him was a joke he sent me about a half hour after his daughter dropped the divorce bomb on me. I haven't heard a peep from him since. That was in June.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:52 AM
2

Never let the enemy know what you're thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:36 AM
4

Divorced now officially 6 days. I'm in CT, where typically, when the gavel comes down, ex spouses are no longer considered family, therefore are not permitted on my family plan, which I've paid for 15 years. Her open season through her employer does not begin until 1/1/25. I agreed to carry her until that date. The courts allowed it and thought it was a kind gesture. This put me in a good light with them immediately. She showed me a printout of her projected weekly premium for self only. YOWZA! …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 09:04 PM
4

She got what she had coming. Now, prepare for the backlash.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 06:51 PM
5

Upvote 1000x if I could.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 10:18 PM
3

They'll stay in it longer than their shelf life to avoid looking like fools for blowing up their families.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 08:28 PM
3

Good point. If life was so wonderful, I wouldn't hear a peep. Here's the kicker-- her new flame is going through a highly contentious divorce as well. They are each other rebound and exit affairs. They are doomed to fail or will be together for 20 years. Time will tell.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 08:22 PM
7

My ex introduced her infidel to my kids far too early as well. Now, whenever my daughter is at her mom's, she's always texting me, telling me she hates it there and wants to be home. There has to be a special kind of comeuppance for women who do this. She's so lost in her fog, enamored with her new freedom, she's losing it all slow but sure. "FINALLY SO MUCH STRONGER WITHOUT YOU," she texted the other day. Hmmm. 🤔 Telling me or convincing herself? It'll bite her in the backside when they're olde…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 08:04 PM
9

True! My young daughter calls it a glow-up. 2 women older than me at different times asked me if I was having an affair...weight loss, tan skin, different hair... I told one of them, "No. She had one on me." The look on her face was pure shock and embarrassment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:39 AM
3

Their success rate is very poor. One day, I'm hoping she grieves the annihilation of the marriage and our family properly one day. But she is an avoidant to the Nth degree and may never. I keep telling myself that I am the prize. Me. I'm just not ready for anyone to claim this prize and unwrap it yet. We have to play the long game while they blissfully and obliviously self-destruct.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 01:47 PM
7

This little corner of the world has been invaluable. These past 4 months have been the toughest of my life, and without it, I don't know where I'd be. I pray that everyone here will find peace in their own lives soon. We all deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 10:14 AM
2

I agree. They say that forgiveness is one aspect of moving on yourself. Not having hate in your heart frees you to love different things. I get all that. But wanting to see her blissfully content with another homewrecker she essentially left me for flies contrary to my senses. Anyone who breaks someone's heart and obliterates their family selfishly does not deserve nice things.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 01:32 PM
2

The little things. Right. As if the big things aren't enough. I'm sure you do the little things, too. Flowers? Check. Scraping ice from her windshield? Check. A heat pack or ice pack when she's ill? Yes, I'm sure you do. I bet you're a loving and attentive dad also. Now she's telling you where you can and can't go in the home. Sounds too much like a princess. I'm with the others here. Give her more space than she wants and see how she likes it. Stand your ground.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:53 AM
1

Or, both.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 01:59 AM
9

Yep. This is marriage for men in 2024.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 12:07 PM
7

Her versions of loyalty/commitment and yours are 2 different things. This is all on them and not us. We deserve better, and in time, we'll get it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 10:35 AM
8

My separated wife was all too happy to tell me. Told me ahead of time that she would, too. Big surprise, the guy I suspected all along. The same guy I accused her of being with when she dropped the D-bomb.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 10:19 AM
7

It's sad, but usually the case more often than not. Vows don't mean much to a lot of people anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 09:55 AM
1

And a lack of respect for the marriage on the whole.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 08:40 PM
2

Yeah, isn't this the truth. Appears mine has found it already. Skimmed your story, Benny- we are in a similar spot mentally. Just have to keep pushing forward. I have to believe that there's peace on the other side, right? If everyone says it, it must be true...
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 02:43 PM
1

I'm not the OP, but this was helpful in many ways. The trickiest part is "flipping your brain."
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 01:43 PM
3

This way of thinking is exactly why I'm not in a better place right now. If I could somehow ditch it, my recovery would look a lot better. Mine moved on right away.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 10:25 AM
6

Gorgeous. "She hides her battles, even from herself." Yet, she knows how to win them. Deception is not off the table. All she has to do is switch the mask she happens to be wearing at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:28 AM
2

Beautiful synopsis.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:24 AM
1

No. Not ready. My glow-up and weight loss look awesome, but I'm still a bit of an F'n wreck on the inside.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 03:04 AM
2

No remorse at all. Quietly cavalier in her decision-making, if anything. The only thing she had said about it a couple months ago was, "Do you think I'd leave you for someone else knowing what that would put our kids through?" Answer: Yes. My son has already met him.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 03:01 AM
1

My son hacked her phone.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:52 AM
2

Her co-worker confided in her last winter that he was having marital woes. Red flag🚩 For Nurse's Week, he gave her booze in a gift exchange. 🚩 She kept calling him "work husband" and "just a friend." In casual conversations. 🚩 Finally, in June, I had enough and accused her of an emotional affair at the very least. Deny deny deny. Then, the D-bomb, and she moved out in July and removed her wedding rings. Find out a few weeks later that she started talking/texting with him almost immediately after…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:50 AM
2

Trauma bonding. Questionable character despite the whole Florence Nightingale façade. Now, if I can only stop thinking about her, I'd be in good shape.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:38 AM
6

My word. Another cheating nurse story. Just like mine.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:04 AM
1

I HOPE it leads to her bad outcome. I know I shouldn't but can't help myself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 01:51 AM
2

It's always the co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 03:31 PM
1

Then, just do it. Don't think twice.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 06:38 PM
3

On what would have been our 10th last month, I booked a day trip to where we usually spent a week or more every year with our family. I spent a bit of time there with my thoughts, memories, and more tears than I could express. It was a cleansing of sorts to help try and put it all behind me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 05:28 PM
7

About 2 weeks after d-day, I came home from work after crying in the car on the ride there. It was obvious in my eyes. She had asked what the problem was (like, duhhh), and I said nothing. Finally, she gets it out of me, and I just basically told her how sad I was. "What do you expect me to do?" she said. It was the same, cold, and dry-eyed look she gave when telling our kids that mom and dad were splitting. They aren't right for us, man. They don't have the gift that you and I have of loving wh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 10:35 AM
1

That's exactly the term I use for her and her co-worker. Homewreckers works, too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:17 PM
3

Spot on. All day. Then they accuse you of never listening to them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:15 PM
1

Yup. Just like this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 08:08 PM
2

Emotional affair
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 07:44 PM
4

The kids cracked her phone. They found all sorts of shit from her EA partner, encouraging her to leave me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 07:40 PM
15

"Doesn't know what she wants." Oh, yes, she does. She wishes to torture you. Loving spouses aren't cruel and vindictive. She knew dangling the game tickets in front of you would hurt, and she had loads of fun at your expense. It's time for you to hang up your cleats because it's Game Over. She is no longer a good wife.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 05:26 AM
8

Yeah, tell me about it. Here's the kicker..she let go of my hand, and in it was a $50 bill. She said, "Take your kids for ice cream."
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:46 AM
19

Me here also with a 16+ year relationship and 4 months into it! A couple hours ago, a 70-something year old woman took my hand and said, "I've noticed your sudden weight loss, but you don't look ill. My son is going through the same thing you are right now." Tears just fell out of my eyes, and there was NOTHING I could do to stop them. OP, we have to make the break, man. Today. They are no longer good enough for us. We deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:15 PM
2

I'll be 52 next month. Starting over at this age seemed impossible. Yet, here we are.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 03:00 PM
2

I think a hundred of us could have written this word for word.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 12:09 PM
1

I'm hoping a lot earlier than 5 years from now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:56 AM
7

Yes. This is it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 06:49 PM
3

OP, pay close attention to what FUmoney just said. Abide by every word.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 02:40 PM
2

Leave the wife. Keep the dog.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 09:50 AM
2

This strikes a nerve with me. When we were newly separated, she'd make lunch or whatever but spent most of the time while I was at work sitting outdoors at MY table and chair set, chain smoking and texting with her exit partner married coworker. My son still resents her to this day for that. These days, i gather, she's on the phone with him quite often at her place when the kids are there. This might bite her in the ass one day in a couple of years when they grow into their own voice and speak t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 07:55 PM
6

A year and a half into this, and this is how it's going? I don't know, man. I think you need to apply the brakes here.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:06 AM
7

Give her nothing until officially ordered to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 01:49 AM
7

You are in the wrong sub.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 03:10 AM
3

I agree with your approach to her being Dead and Gone. It's probably one of the only things I've force-fed myself that's working. Cold? It's downright frigid, man. Borderline mean. And that's another thing that works - someone who loves and respects us will never tear us down. But I try not to look at it as a reflection of myself but more a testimonial to the grief she is trying to ignore and the guilt she denies. It's not my fault her communication skills suck ass.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:13 AM
2

I'm still thinking about your plight, Keystone.. in the end, it was worth it...I'm so glad you got your babies. Mine are in their rooms at this moment. He's laughing his ass off on Xbox with his friend in Alabama, and she's laughing her ass off playing some other virtual thing with her friend 4 miles down the road. Turning a corner...
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:26 PM
2

Your 4th paragraph is where my troubles currently lie.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:43 PM
1

Mine always said that I "never listened." Well, not for nothing, but if you had actually SPOKE UP about how you were feeling, maybe there would be something to HEAR. Mind reading is not an acceptable alternative to communication. Venting about various things is fine, but when it comes out as ridicule and emasculation, then the point is lost. It morphs into something altogether different and is no longer effective problem solving.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:11 PM
2

Deflect deflect deflect. There is no accountability. That's a huge problem.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:50 PM
2

This is exactly what we've done. She could get a little of this and that out of me and vice versa, but why pay thousands in legal fees instead of a couple hundred, plus spending years in heated turmoil instead of just a few months in relative silence? It's a no-brainer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:08 PM
1

I was wondering why my ex asked if I was going if she said she didn't care.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 09:50 PM
2

Yep. There's a missing piece to that puzzle.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 09:49 PM
3

Not OP, but it's odd you mention that. My ex asked if I was going to my son's away football game last night. I thought it strange, and maybe she planned on bringing her AP and didn't want trouble. So I asked her- would you rather me NOT be there? She said it didn't matter to her. Soooo, why ask?
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 09:47 PM
2

Same. -8 months.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 02:37 PM
1

Same. Except for 10 days, not 3 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 02:33 PM
5

I'm thinking as soon as the menopausal symptoms subside, my ex might just realize how f'n badly she botched her life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:12 AM
3

Nailed it. My ex and her AP "work husband" coordinated their coming out party on the same day. Blew up 2 families inside 1 hour. I can't wait until their wonderful fog transforms into smoke and ash.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:08 AM
3

Me too! I'm actually getting pretty cut. Eating better also. New hairstyle, a few new clothes.. I just wish I felt as good on the inside as I look on the outside.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:44 PM
3

I'm on day 89. Still VERY tough, but I feel as if I might be climbing out of the abyss a little bit. Slow crawl, but it's something.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 09:14 PM
1

Ugh. I feel you. A week after my ex left the house, she started chit-chatting with the same guy at her job that I accused her of having an emotional affair with. The whole month of August, she pushed hard to get the paperwork filed quickly. A week after I did, they announced the two are now "officially" an item. Tasteless and transparent. Now it's just me and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 01:35 PM
4

It's always the coworker. May they all lose their jobs...unless they owe you money, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:32 AM
9

Yep. Exactly this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 02:08 PM
8

My kids are older (15M, 10F), and know there's no chance our family will ever be the same, but they still try and process it the same way. I let them know that their mom and I will always love them and be there for whatever they need. When they are with me, I always ask them about their day and if they need to get something off their chests, whether it's about home, school, friends, whatever.. I'm there for them. Mine will adapt, and yours will, too. They are stronger than we think. We're 3 mont…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 03:08 AM
6

I was just thinking of that today. Started out during the winter when a deer jumped out on the highway and totaled my car. A couple of months later, we had to put down the family dog, then cancelled our vacation. A couple months after that, my wife left me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:08 AM
3

So far, $368.82. I paid the fee but demanded reimbursement. Hey- this was her idea, after all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:44 PM
2

We had our second child when I was 42. Yeah, I'm one of the older dads in her 5th grade class, but there are a couple who look a little older than me. Starting over in your late 30s isn't unheard of at all. There are plenty of guys here that age who are nervous about it and shouldn't be. I was 35 when I met my wife. She was 27. She made it quite clear from day one that there was zero hope of fixing our marriage. Of course, at the time, I was perplexed, but as the weeks went by, things started to…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 11:26 AM
4

Man, this is beautiful. Patience and perseverance. If they want to play cloak and dagger, there's no reason why we can't too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 10:17 AM
1

Ha. Do we ever?
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:03 AM
1

Nor mine. Out of practice.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 08:04 PM
2

I believe that's what we did. Had our first child quickly, but had our second 5 years later. And only then, a full 6 years after we met, did we marry. I think the trouble lies with the affairs of the heart. Something changes inside them. When gradually they lose enthusiasm for their spouse and slowly fall out of love, they unwittingly open their hearts up to other people. In my specific case, she did nothing to stop and communicate with me while this was occurring. For that, we became doomed. By…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 05:52 PM
2

Oh yeah, it's reeling. The ability to trust is lost. I wonder if relationships that deep are even worth it anymore. My faith in other people to do what's right instead of what is easy is severely diminished. No 4-legged lap pets, but I have plenty of music and books and movies. They help.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 02:02 PM
2

I totally relate. I felt the exact same way until very recently.. just this week, in fact. My soon to be ex-wife moved on before she even left. Of course, I was blindsided, and she denied everything - and still denies to this day. Even though she's now "officially" dating the guy she claimed she had nothing going on with. So typical. The fact she's so cavalier about it, dragging our children into this wonderful new life she's created, is appalling. The confusion they must be experiencing unsettl…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 11:06 AM
2

Yes, this rings a bell with me. I am starting to believe that I, too, am codependent. I've been committed to someone nearly non-stop my entire adult life. And now, after sooo many years with my wife that has come to an end, I am facing being alone for a substantial amount of time. It's a frightening thought, actually. Especially considering that after such a catastrophic ending to my marriage alone tme is going to be necessary. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 09:02 AM
5

Salvage nothing other than a workable co-parent arrangement. She is not your friend. Yours, like mine, is selfish. They only care about themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 08:28 AM
8

I stayed in the house. She moved on. All of the photographs of us went into a drawer for the kids when they're older. Wedding memorabilia is gone. Things she liked but didn't take I threw out. There are some key pieces of furniture and decor that we bought together that I kept and use because the space would look funny without them, plus I like how they look. I replaced all of the art on the walls for the most part and dragged a few items up from the basement she hated. Got a new pan set, new sh…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 08:16 PM
2

This is the most 'in your face' truth I've read today. And I've been here all day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 02:28 AM
2

Ha. Good for them!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 09:23 PM
7

I don't think my wife will realize the extent of her indiscretions until the kids are a little older and become confident enough to say their peace.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 08:11 PM
3

No doubt about it. My kids hacked my wife's phone too. After that, all bets are off. I can reinforce the idea that despite all, they should still love and respect their parents. But they aren't idiots. They know the secrets she kept. They know she's no longer in the house. And they also know she's officially dating this guy. Let's give these children more credit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:54 PM
5

Blocking her IS the payback. Especially now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 10:10 PM
5

Bingo. I bought her the 10 year anniversary band she always wanted and gave it to her 10 months early. What would have been our 10 year anniversary is at the end of this month. We never made it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 09:25 PM
4

Without it. you'd be an awesome individual. Who wants THAT these days??
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 09:18 PM
9

You needed to make these changes for you, bud. Once their heart is gone, it's usually gone for good, and it's the worst feeling we'll probably ever experience in our lives. I'm living that too at this very moment, as are many others here. But the changes are still made! She saw them so you KNOW someone else will also. Now, you can focus on the permanent changes in your heart and mind that will open up your world to huge opportunities you never thought possible. Will they be her exactly? No. Will…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 09:14 PM
6

Truer words have never been spoken. Or typed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 09:02 PM
2

No garage door here, but the crunching of driveway gravel has the same effect.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:55 PM
3

YUP! Slammin Sammich.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:45 PM
1

No, it won't. It'll be just another face that used to be pretty.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:43 PM
1

I will never be friends with my ex. Period. And I told her that, too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:38 PM
6

Dang, Boss. Who's better than you at this moment?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:34 PM
9

I bet she's not happy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:31 PM
4

Ugh. There it is again. "Work Husband." Every time I hear or read that, it makes me want to go puke into the sink again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 12:37 PM
3

I can totally relate. Throw in children and that adds a different dynamic- and will likely be the first clue she screwed up. I have the kids for the most part. She's in an affair fog right now, taking all sorts of personal time off to spend with that guy and squeezing our kids in when it's convenient. Once they get older, that's going to bite her in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 12:21 PM
1

And in time, she'll get bored with the one she left us for.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 12:12 PM
5

There was a time not very long ago where I would have done anything and everything to have a chance to get her back. Would've bent over backward, even when I started getting hints that she was warming up to someone else. She said some horrible things to me with one foot out the door that seemed way out of character. We men think we can stop that and make it all better. This is folly. With the help from a few people in my life plus this community, I was able to start thinking with my brain instea…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 10:07 AM
9

This. Vows still mean something. Just not to everyone, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 09:19 AM
5

I could have written this. Word for word. EA, for sure. At least in my case. Either way, I think my ex-wife lost her soul.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:10 AM
6

Always go with your gut. Mine hasn't failed me yet. And never listen to the crowd telling you it's nothing. 10 months ago, I smelled something funny. 6 months ago, I smelled it again. 3 months ago, something smelled bad. Sure enough, a month later, I discovered something rotten.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:05 AM
12

Huh. I'm about 10,000 years away from ever considering going on a date, but from everything I've read, it sounds like OLD is a crapshoot. Too much navigation for this older fella. A maddening and very scary search for that diamond in the rough. I think when the time is right, I'll just let it go organically into the wild and hope for the best... watched pots don't boil type of thing. Then again, others say if you don't actually go shopping, your cart will stay empty. It could take me another 10,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 10:51 PM
2

It's the best approach. Can't control anything anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 02:42 AM
3

There is no greater dishonor than infidelity, and it seems to be happening with more and more frequency. "Just friends..." Makes my stomach turn every time I see it or read it. I don't know if my ex will ever be on the market again after her quick jump, but it does seem that the success rate is poor. Not only does she have her own baggage, but now his too. That's a lot of luggage for 2 people who busted up their families to be together. And now I hear his stbx has to move back in with him becaus…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 02:28 AM
2

I hope you are on the mend.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 02:15 AM
2

She's not interested in being amicable any longer. The time has come to protect yourself and your assets. Sounds like she's recruited her flying monkeys: Friends (particularly divorcees), co-workers, maybe a wily mother or cranky sister. Someone is in her ear. Do not give back the letter. Tell her you misplaced it. A free 15-minute legal consultation may be a good idea. Her next move will definitely involve the child...and it sounds like you have two. Fight to keep them together. If they're youn…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 01:46 AM
9

Holy smokes, a total Cybil. I'm sorry she took off that mask. But 57 days? At this rate, after 57 months, you'll be weeping, shivering, drooling, and clawing at the walls with less than half your senses intact. Assuming you'd even survive that long. Annulment. Like, today.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 01:25 AM
1

I've actually thought about that recently. My son is 15 and with his first real girlfriend, whom he's been with for about a year now. At that age, they think it'll be forever, but we all know how that goes. The things I'm dealing with right now will better prepare me to be of solid assistance to him when that inevitable heartbreak comes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 11:32 AM
1

Nope. Separated, within the last year or so.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 04:28 AM
3

Uhh, leave a few for us, pal. We're just a little slow out of the gate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 12:40 AM
1

Yes, it's very selfish. Like just about everything she's done the last 3 months. I called her on it and she tried pumping herself up. She isn't fooling anyone. In fact, she changed her schedule starting in 2 weeks to a format I must have suggested a dozen times over the years, and she would never consider it. I asked, "Why now?" She said, "Well, I couldn't always do it before." I said, "Yep, careful now, you're making my point. Like always."
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:39 PM
4

Thanks, and I sure hope so. There has to be a special kind of comeuppance for those who selfishly destroy their families.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 08:42 PM
4

Yes. This is the way. When my ex moved out, my life got busier with more chores and responsibilities while hers got easier. I'm sure she's breathing a sigh of relief, catching up on years of missed sleep, binge watching Netflix, and screwing her married affair partner. (For more info, please see my recent published works, lol) Point is, children eventually grow up. They remember things that we adults often forget. One thing they'll always remember is how Dad always tried his best. Even if he cou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 07:29 PM
17

No more coffee dates for you, bud. Of course, you'll always have something in common. There's a reason why you were together at one time in the first place. But if she goes in knowing the pressure is off and there's almost no chance of contention, particularly in a public setting, it'll be casual and APPEAR as if she's letting her hair down. I don't believe this is the case. I think she's not testing the waters but more like taking your temperature. You need more time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 07:08 PM
3

I'll check it out. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:18 PM
3

Thanks, Techie. I've got some fixing to do, personally. I'll never profess to be a Saint because I have warts like everyone else. I don't have many outlets; never been very people-y. But my support system, though small, is solid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:38 PM
1

Or, someone with more money.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:14 PM
2

I think that's a wise decision. Life is short, right? Or, shortER for those of us on the other side of 50 :) I've got one more, if you'd kindly indulge me the time. It's equally poignant and disturbing. 2 weeks before the aforementioned event, she was sitting in one of our deck chairs having a margarita. I was telling her that I planned to continue wearing my wedding band until we were officially over because I wore it with pride and took an oath. She looked at me and said, "I could take all min…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:55 PM
3

Thank you, that's very sound advice. I'm not denying myself grace or pain. And we all deserve more than what we've been given. We all have that lasting image, don't we? Mine was when she was standing by the door on her way out the day after my suspicion seemed to check out. I was pressing her pretty heavily for details- more specifically, the truth. She was smug, then blurted out, "YES! I'd like to be with him someday! Will I? WHO KNOWS???" Yeah, I knew. That's who.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:37 PM
2

You seem to be in the perfect spot and I'm glad that you were able to put the work in and persevere. I hope to get there one day. I was actually on a good path to indifference up until yesterday's news bomb, but I knew it was coming eventually. So, it's back to animosity...for now. As long as I put away my thoughts of her beauty and the memory of sharing a future that at one time we both believed in, I'll be okay. For the time being, I'll have to rely on the more recent memories i have of her tu…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:13 PM
1

Yep. There are some true horror stories out there, and they all share a common theme: Betrayal. I hope their blasphemous affair backfires and leaves them both irretrievably broken. It's terrible to wish such a thing when just 3 months ago, I would've willingly given my life to save hers. I'm happy you have your child. That's the best thing that's come out of these marriages. They are our legacies and the best extension of ourselves we can offer. I don't feel she truly connects with our children …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:52 AM
7

Agreed. I don't think our hearts heal completely. They harden. I'm hoping that they don't harden to the point where we resist those exceptional women if and when they do happen to cross our paths. I loved and admired my ex more deeply and fully than anyone who ever came before her, and it's not even close. Dating right now just seems absurd. It's going to take a while. Trust is earned.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:02 AM
2

Poor babies. You reap what you sow.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 10:39 AM
3

This guy has had his eyes on her for at least a year that I know of. It's unlikely he'll F it up. He's 57, she's 43. His wife is attractive but not on the same level as mine. He'll be on his best behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 10:35 AM
8

Yuck. Everyone knows there are a shit ton of inept and morally compromised men out there. But I just can't help but notice how many genuinely decent people here are, or have been, truly devastated. Increasingly, men. I wonder if we love differently and more deeply. Not to say women don't love deeply because they obviously do ( I've perused the alternate equivalent. Many lovely people there too for certain), but a disintegration of a relationship seems to take it's toll on us on a more raw and so…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:59 AM
2

And to you. Thank you for reaching out. I'm hoping it's less than a year or two, but that's probably about right.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:57 AM
5

That's it exactly. My new reality forced upon me by someone who de-valued me. Lied, tried to emasculate me, and was exceedingly cruel when I was at my most vulnerable. I can't accept that toxic influence and expect to lead a peaceful and meaningful life. Last Christmas, I felt like the luckiest man alive. Felt like I had it all. Nothing but a memory now. Little did I know, she harbored some deep resentment and contempt toward me. Couldn't change it, even if I knew. My kids and I were unknowingly…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:53 AM
3

Wow. I actually saw that book at Target today. Adding it to the list. Yes, I'm keeping the house as well. And the kids. It's our home, the only place they've ever known where they are familiar and safe. She left (to not the safest place in town.) No lawyers here also. She's the plaintiff, but I did all the filing. She makes a lot more money than I do, so I told her that if she thinks my pension and 401k is on the table, then I'll push for child support and alimony. She relented and said she trut…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:28 AM
3

Thanks again. And best of luck and peace to you. Like she's told me a dozen times now, "Our chapter is over." Probably the most honest thing she's said to me since there was snow on the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:41 AM
3

Grotesque behavior, and far too common. Economy is bad, yes, but a bad wife is worse. When it was first presented to me that night, I immediately went into panic mode and confronted her. In hindsight, had I played it cool I could've dug deeper and who knows what I would've found. Instead, the next morning, she confiscated all the kids' devices after I went to work and had their memories wiped, location history erased, and iCloud link to her phone disabled. Probably best. Where would my heart be …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:33 AM
4

All points valid...and you mentioned the most important facet of all. The children. The worst part of this whole tragic tale is my kids. So impressionable and so innocent, which is how they and all kids should remain. I am a product of a broken home myself and never thought in a billion years mine would be too. Compared to countless other families out there, we were, or appeared to be, the model family. Breaks my heart to see their confusion and pain. My son is the same age now that I was when m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:20 AM
8

Thank you, sir. And what a rotten ordeal you're dealing with. HE sees everything. But no- she didn't admit to an affair, not even an emotional one. She swears up and down on her children that this has been cultivating for only 2 months (ironically, less than 2 weeks after she called it quits.) Swears to God she never cheated (but it's been obvious in our texts that she gotten tired of waiting for us to be finalized legally.) She told me that God told her it was time to leave. I suggested that he…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:55 AM
2

Maybe it's possible for you to make a painless exit? There's definitely someone out there who can make you care again. It just starts with an unexpected and involuntary smile.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:36 AM
7

That's my plan. Turning to ice is the toughest part right now. Infidels don't deserve warm and fuzzy. I've toughened up, which is good, but almost to the point of rudeness, which is not good.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:31 AM
2

It is. My siblings said the same thing. "Leave it alone...do not engage. it's still not too late for her to cause you trouble."
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:19 AM
1

Thanks, Winter. The truth hurts and tastes rancid. That's why I am force feeding it to myself. Up until today at 3 pm, I would've taken her back if she asked, though she made it abundantly clear long ago she was done and there was no chance. For me, that switch has flipped. At this moment, she's expired goods, really. A dreadful example of a wife and mother. She actually told the kids today. I guess it was their big coming out party, the scumbags. The kids aren't dumb. She only proved that their…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:59 AM
2

I'm going to wait a day or two and then save the entire thread.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:42 AM
2

Carbon Copy, my friend. We hear it all the time: -They grieved the marriage while they were in it. -Their heart and mind were already long gone. -All the signs were there and we didn't pay attention. -They talked and we never listened. And on and on and on. Communication is the key to problem solving but I guess mind reading is expected to be an acceptable alternative.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:39 AM
2

Novel idea, except IMO I don't think the Powers that Be place much emphasis on the cohesive family unit anymore. They may not necessarily want to dismantle it, but I don't see much effort to strengthen it either. Societal values seem to be more twisted than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:27 AM
4

My dear late father said, "Son, never marry a nurse." Since 2008, I thought he was wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:51 AM
6

In a way, I've been liberated already with the news of this day. It proves that I was right from the beginning when on that fateful day in June, I accused her of cheating. I kind of sniffed it out months beforehand. Huge fight ensued. Deny deny deny. Then, the D word. Liberated because the shameless deception and never-ending string of lies and gaslighting are over. Vindicated. My gut was 100% on the money...and she knows it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:41 AM
3

Hopeful, yes. Attainable? Not so sure. The institution is stacked against the good people of the world. Poorly designed and adhered to like Gospel. I'm reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy" now. Just finished "The Art of Happiness" --interviews with the Dalai Lama. This Reddit page has been a wonderful outlet.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:27 AM
8

Eloquently stated. This not so new guy is 14 years her (age 43) senior. Older picture I found looks to me she traded down. No big shocker he makes a lot more $$$ than me. I'm definitely going to focus on my kids and be the best dad I can be. And the best version of myself possible. As a good man, I should wish her happiness, but I want nothing more for her to crash and burn to the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:32 AM
3

Thank you. I knew this day was coming, and I knew it would be him. I also knew it was going to hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:16 AM
7

Long hours, often in the middle of the night. Close contact with co-workers. Trauma bonding is a real thing. And like I read somewhere else, scrubs are pretty much pajamas.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:44 PM
4

Good to hear. I know 3 years goes by fast- I'm 52, I know. But it seems like a real long time given the state of things.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:26 PM
8

Communication was never a strong point with her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:22 PM
11

Tossing aside years and years of what was a generally healthy marriage is what hurts the most. She became what I thought was my best friend to someone horrible overnight. Of course, she's been scheming this for a long time. But what about that critical point in time when she thought it was going downhill. How about you sit me down and tell me you're unhappy and we need help? That things need to change? Closely examine? Nope. Silence. She let it ride and at that point, the moment was gone and we …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:19 PM
6

Thanks brother. Dropped 28 pounds.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:07 PM
5

Gross behavior. And good on you for standing up for yourself. So tired of us expected to be doormats. Try and do something nice, something special... Hard working men who believe chivalry isn't dead are out there, we just aren't appreciated.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:53 PM
1

Bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:46 PM
5

That's my plan. But above all, I just want to put this nightmare behind me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:37 PM
2

Yes, I thought about their HR, but if they just dismiss it because they hear it all the time, I'll just look like a bitter fool. I'm pretty sure I'm going to contact AP's wife, though. According to my stbx, today was the day they were going to clue us both in so she may already know. I asked and she said she's not happy. Such low-rent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:06 PM
7

I'm trying. Thank you. And I'm sad you had to live through the horror. Hopefully, you're on the other side of it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:03 PM
7

I'm waiting for a judge to review the file. She pushed it to go quick, so I uploaded everything we signed together myself. Her new relationship will crash and burn within a year, or they'll be together for the next 20. Honestly, I don't know how a union hatched from disloyalty and deception can possibly survive.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 09:58 PM
14

Can't do it. She was disloyal and deceptive. Violated trust. Selfishly discarded living with her children. Gave her love -and probably today (if not already) her body- to someone else. What would be the point? Id just be getting back trash.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 09:47 PM
6

Yes, I remember reading that. She shut down a while ago, which means she wasn't available to me when I thought she was. Picked fights with me all the time. Isnt #4 the truth. They lean in on you hard and when you defend yourself, YOU are the bad guy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 09:38 PM
3

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 09:32 PM
5

Doing my best. She had a pretty bad sunburn. Obviously, a nice romantic stroll seaside. Part of me wants to vomit. The other part of me is saying, okay...you knew this day was coming. Move along now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 09:31 PM
4

I'm sorry you had to endure that. Worst feeling in the world. But look at you now, killing it. I've got work to do but I'll be doing it alone. She'll be carrying her baggage over to that relationship. Apparently, today was the day that they were going to be telling their spouses. Disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:47 PM
8

I don't know if I'm sad or relieved. I'm kind of living outside my own body at the moment. Hands trembling.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:42 PM
9

Yes, makes more than 2x I do. I already filed. No lawyers. I have the kids. I said no child support or alimony from her in exchange for the premarital house (no equity payoff) no retirement, no 401k. She agreed. Thanks for the good advice. I'm 9 years older than her. The AP is 6 years older than me! Good luck with that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:37 PM
7

Looks like a limerance D... something I've been hoping for. Right now, it's 80/20 in my favor due to her schedule "working" night shift.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:32 PM
7

Thanks. What choice do we have? Yeah, I'm sad and pissed off, but I deserve better than the garbage she's been feeding me since..well, before I knew it was really garbage all along.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:30 PM
10

Yeah, there's a reason for that. Best of everything to you, Banjo. Be strong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:28 PM
8

Nobody is better than you right now. ✅️
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 09:26 PM
2

Seperate. Im guessing my daughter is probably around the same age as yours. The in-laws had a party for her back in July, where we customarily had them. I was never given an invite and wasn't expecting one. At the time, our seperation was super raw (<a month). I very briefly considered going for my daughter- after all, it was her day, and I wanted to put on a brave face and be the adult in the room. I thought I'd take my own car, make an appearance, and bug out early. Long ride, but worth it, ri…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 08:29 PM
4

My stbxw moved into her apartment 9 days after she told me she wanted the divorce. The house is mine- a premarital asset, but we lived together and raised our kids here for 16 years. We kicked around a few options as far as living arrangements go, but in the end, there was no way in hell I was going to leave this house. Due to opposite work schedules, our children stay with me. It's what they've always known and where they feel safe and comfortable. I feel for you. I feel like my ex is out there…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:16 PM
3

Run. Don't walk. Run.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:51 AM
3

Welcome aboard, friend. I'm pretty new here myself and we all have a tragic tale to tell. But there's something else we should all have- and that's hope.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:33 AM
3

I wish my wife would back down.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 02:30 PM
7

Dang. I could've written this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 01:03 PM
2

Isn't that the truth. My STBXW turned cruel and nasty overnight. Truly horrible. Once they got it in their heads that you are the villain, the transformation is shocking. I still can't believe the woman who flipped on me was actually someone who once cared enough to create children together. Still today, she denies ever being mean. Funny how they forget. The gaslighting is off the charts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 05:47 PM
4

Bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 03:02 AM
2

I give it a year and that relationship will be in the toilet.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 10:38 PM
1

Right there with you. Dark and cruel is exactly what she's become. Sometimes I wonder if that's who she's always been and it just slipped my notice for 16 years until the mask came off. I'll grieve this for quite a while, I think. I thought I had a life partner, and it turns out I didn't. I took every photo I had of her from my phone and from anywhere else in the house and created a photo album for my children. Lots of very cool memories from their birth up until a weekend excursion we took this…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:26 PM
2

This. All day. And it's probably the toughest part of recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:22 PM
3

What a breath of fresh air YOU are.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 02:37 AM
2

Soon to be ex
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 02:18 AM
4

No. Not bad. I put up a not so little village with houses and a pub, coffee shop, a park with a skating rink and gazebo with a band.. and aTON of other things that brought it all to life. Complete with train that circles around the whole thing, with lights and sound and smoke... I do the same thing for Halloween. An amusement park, ferris wheel, bumper cars, pumpkin fesival, ghosts. Goblins. Graveyard...spooky stuff. I did it for the kids mostly, but as they got older I mostly did it for her. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 02:23 AM
3

Torture her with success. I LOVE this! And, he can sprinkle in some confidence too. Let the squirming begin.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 07:44 PM
2

You're doing the best you can. Baby steps. Right now, my stbxw has the kids (15M, 10F) to "give dad a break." I have then 5-6 nights a week. What am I doing besides missing them? Cooking up maple sausages so I don't lose any more weight, reading reddit posts from recent to 12 years ago. We're here for you. I never heard of Reddit until stumbling upon it 2 weeks ago.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 12:45 AM
1

It's just a matter of time before they start calling for you. And somewhere deep down in that woman's soul, she'll relent. Reluctantly, of course, but she will. Kids are smart, too. They've got a sixth sense that we adults often overlook. I still contend that if she keeps it up, the legal system won't be forgiving with her actions. She won't have quite the upper hand for long. Hang in there, buddy. We've all got a ton of shit on our plates right now. Eventually, somehow, some way, the universe r…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 09:14 PM
1

How old are your children?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 07:33 PM
2

I'm really sorry that happened to you, man. That's horrible. But hang in there...yeah, her disappearing act may seem like a power move but even lawyers frown on that stuff. Doesn't cast her in a very good light. It'll get better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 01:06 AM
1

Right. My intention was to keep it on until I had a copy of the divorce decree in my hand. I recited vows, made a commitment and a promise. She took hers off less than 2 weeks after our separation, claiming they were "too heavy." That comment cut me at the core. As the week progressed, I discovered she began talking to the very same person at her job she claimed on BU day she had nothing going on with. That was it for me. The next morning, I removed it from my finger and cried all day at work. T…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 02:16 PM
7

I think you'll find the timeline differs for everyone, due to many contributing factors. Length of marriage, the depth of the union, age, careers, whether or not there was any infidelity, abuse, addiction, etc...Having children together obviously changes the dynamic considerably. I feel your anguish. It has been 7 and 1/2 weeks since my STBXW said she wanted a divorce and vehemently shot down any request I had to seek counseling together or separately. Oh, I heard plenty about how everything was…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:02 AM
2

We went to 2 or 3 games a year usually, including playoff games. It was kind of one of our "things" we did as a family. Lots of fun. Of course, now with just my income- that won't be happening- or, at least not nearly as frequently. I'd still like to get my kids up to see one this year. She's not invited.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 08:21 PM
2

That's awesome. Just learned Silly Love Songs. A bass line I've always geeked out on and never learned.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:02 AM
2

Oh man. You lost me at "gave up hockey." Glad you're back. Go Bruins!
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:00 AM
1

Me also! I'm 52, dropped 25 lbs, and talk health and diet and exercise with my teen son as well. He's turning into a muscle man himself, and it's great to see. The whole divorce thing hasn't been easy on him either.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:15 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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