This is long.

TLDR: I’m morally disgusted by my wife and don’t want to meet her boyfriend until we’re officially divorced. Should I skip my son’s birthday party (knowing I’m doing my own with him) to avoid confrontation or suck it up and go?

Looking for input here because I don’t want to involve family/friends who are biased.

I’m at the end of a divorce that’s taken far too long. I didn’t want it but now I’m glad. We have two children together who we split time with and we’re both very involved.

My wife who I was incredibly in love with cheated on me while she was on a business trip. I found out a few months later and it started the end of our marriage.

Within weeks of us separating she was already dating so it’s clear that she had checked out long before even though I had no clue. She hid it well.

After sleeping with the first guy she dated she told me she officially wanted a divorce… it was on the anniversary of our first date, lol.

She ended up moving in with the 3rd or 4th man she slept with before we had even filed for divorce. She had been with him for 5 months at that time.

Wife and bf have been together since then. It’s now 18 months. We still aren’t divorced.

I have stated all along that I refuse to meet this man until we’re officially divorced. I won’t play nice with someone who knowingly slept with a married woman. I have no desire for her to be in my life… I just feel disgust toward them both.

My son’s 6th birthday is in a few weeks and she would like to throw him a public party.

I’m torn on whether or not I will go. On one hand, I want to be there for my son. On the other hand, I don’t want them to ever feel like it’s okay with me what they did. The divorce has been ongoing for too long but I feel like I need to stick to my original gut feeling.

My son will have a birthday with me regardless so should I be involved with hers?