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MariaDolorosa Archive

View 2 posts and 168 comments by MariaDolorosa on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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123

It should be so simple. Don’t voluntarily choose something in which the cons massively outweigh the pros. It takes a whole culture of bs and gaslighting to make a woman feel like she’s unreasonable for believing this. So many posts by women in relationships in other subreddits are like “this man is demonstrably awful in every way but he’s attracted to me. So is it unfair of me to want more?” It’s good to be patient because we’ve all been there but it’s so frustrating. I am looking forward to if/…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:56 AM
242

It’s not so much the compliment but when they say “I like that…” in that creepy, sexual way afterwards. Like “oh, you wear boots and a biker jacket? I like that…😏”. I always think, “so what?”. Especially if we just met. It’s like he’s weighing up whether to order me from a catalogue. The point is that I like it, you fool. That form of compliment lets me know immediately that he thinks sex and relationships is solely about him getting off. I don’t mean if he says “oh, I like your outfit!”. It’s a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:34 AM
20

Sure! You’re very welcome to it :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 10:50 PM
30

Yes, I don’t share my standards because there are very few situations in which there is a benefit to doing so. I just say I have them and leave it at that lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 10:12 PM
7

Yes but if that’s the case, definitely vet the potential MIL as well. I dealt with both the ex-wife and his mother actively vying for his attention and my God. That’s a lesson I only had to learn once, that’s for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 10:02 PM
112

That’s brilliant. Congratulations! Lately, it’s very apparent to me how much women are expected to dim our light in most relationships. We’re meant to be the Robin to his Batman. Except, he usually is no Batman anyway. Just a guy we suspect is grossly incompetent. Frankly, I love being single. I don’t see it as an awkward phase before finding a LTR at all. I love my own company and I’m so, so glad that you do as well. I hope this becomes normalised. 🧗🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:50 PM
35

Frankly, for me it’s a deal-breaker with possibly one or two exceptions. Especially if they have a high sex drive or are very handsy. I can’t think of one good reason I’d ever be willing to go through that again. My consent was already in a fairly ambiguous area to begin with. Only enthusiastic consent from here on out. It’s just not worth the toll on my mental and physical health. It’s so ironic how men say that we’re unreasonable to have preferences in physical characteristics like their heigh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:51 AM
31

It is so hard to unlearn too. I’ve stopped my overt male-pleasing. Yet, it still sometimes feels as though an anvil is going to drop on my head if I seem disagreeable as a result of self-advocacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:35 AM
226

I see comments by women in other subreddits saying that size isn’t an issue for them. Are they just saying what they think people want to hear or is it the legitimate sentiment of a lot of women? Size matters for me, personally. Shape as well but that’s a whole other conversation lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 10:14 PM
35

Okay, I’m sorry that I’m coming across as dismissive. My language is clearly imperfect here. I respect your frustration and I’ll just stop here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 07:40 AM
31

Absolutely. We only have that power because of women before us who fought for us. It is our turn, and privilege, to do the same. RIP bell hooks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 07:10 AM
59

Yes, I suspect we’d be horrified to learn how many western men would support sexual slavery if there were no legal consequences. They basically do (within legal parameters…sometimes) as it is. Lots of categories in pornography speak to this. How someone can get sexual satisfaction from watching a young woman being brutally abused and then act as though they see women as fully equal members of society, I’ll never understand. It’s basically mainstream at this point, too. That’s why spaces like thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 07:07 AM
94

Oh yes, I hear you and agree. My intention is in no way to minimise how women are treated in developing nations. Nor do I mean that the vast majority of women in developed nations will ever go through what some women around the world do. My background is West African and although I grew up in Australia and acknowledge the privilege in that, I feel aware of what my life could be like elsewhere in the world. A white, male “friend” of mine returned from Morocco and laughed that I could never go the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 06:23 AM
199

Yes and unfortunately it does extend to women in poverty in otherwise developed nations. It’s easy to think that western men are somehow intrinsically more feminist but our freedoms are only as good as our laws. We can’t rely on the good nature of humanity alone. It simply will fail us. We have to be constant advocates for vulnerable girls and women worldwide. Shrews, harpies, witches, bitches, whatever. We can use our voices and resources to lift up other women, no matter what we’re called in t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 05:52 AM
44

Even on the off chance they didn’t watch it, defending it is just as unacceptable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 09:30 PM
15

My heart sank when she named the website. ‘Abuse’ is literally in the title. It’s so blatant and horrific. It is scary how normalised this genre is in society. Almost as though it’s merely vanilla+ and something all women should be open to. This kind of content not only degrades the women in it but pushes the boundaries of sexually active women everywhere. It was striking how she described the men involved as friendly and professional in one moment and as harassers and abusers in the next. It mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 02:05 AM
11

I strongly suspect that as Millenials age, we’ll see a growth in shared households among platonic, female friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:32 AM
2

Yes, I’m definitely done. It was brutal getting to this place but I am grateful for the independence nonetheless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:05 PM
6

Thanks, sis. I completely hit my limit today but it feels like a new lease on life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:02 AM
32

I just hit my limit. I was tempted to post images of a discussion on another subreddit here but it’s not worth the hate I’ll get from lurkers. So, a woman posted a warning about a man in a large, public area, who racially attacked two women very violently and ran away. She was tempted to intervene but didn’t feel she could overpower him, so she made a report and posted said warning. The comment section quickly devolved into men saying it is absolutely NOT their responsibility to intervene, even …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 04:12 AM
3

Literally what is the point of doing all that anyway?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 09:33 PM
4

This is so hilarious. I wish it were satire because it would be top tier...much like his bed frame
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 11:50 PM
3

Also why it is worth considering a prenup, especially if you’re likely to be financially vulnerable in the marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 05:34 PM
9

When I was a teenager, my girlfriends and I spotted a peeping Tom. It was nighttime and about 10 of us were walking down the road towards one of the girl’s home. We saw a strange jogger make an abrupt turn into a house that had a hedge but no gate. We didn’t think much of it until we walked past. He had his pants down around his ankles and was touching himself while staring into a bedroom window. We all shouted at him but he just quickly put himself together and ran away. We knew we had to tell …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 09:03 PM
319

The interesting thing is that whenever I go out with my girlfriends (heterosexual, non-romantically), we basically trip over each other trying to pay the cheque. We also text each other afterwards to say how much we enjoyed the lunch. Literally don’t want or need anything from each other other than an enjoyable afternoon yet the generosity and courtesy abounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 07:34 AM
7

I’m not sure how possible it is to deprogram someone in the proactive sense but I think it’s good to have a safe space for someone like this woman to return to. Abuse in one corner and ridicule in the other is a recipe for disaster. I agree that the mindset of her community is very toxic and allows monsters to hide in plain sight. It is infuriating. I just don’t want us to victim blame. Often victims can be the most vocal advocates for their abuse but it’s not coming from a place of empowerment.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 06:31 AM
39

I enjoy this subreddit and I’d like to not get banned for this but I definitely have to say that I don’t agree with describing this woman as a “Pickmeisha”. Frankly, I don’t like the term at all but in this case, it’s very clear that this woman is in a very bad state. As someone who has dealt with abuse in my life, I can only imagine how low her sense of self-worth is to do this. This is a manifestation of an extremely damaged sense of self that I’m sure didn’t just start with “Dean”. I am reall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 10:36 PM
10

Sending you lots of support but please, block him!!! There’s nothing he can do for you except further damage your mental health. Time to put an end to the chapter of having this man in your life. He does not deserve one more second of access to you. You absolutely are entitled to peace and closure but you can get that in therapy and with the support of people who care about you. Also, you deserve a lot of congratulations for not only doing the hard work of taking care of your physical, mental, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 06:30 PM
18

So true but also maybe the hardest truth to internalise. Goes against everything society tries to frighten us with. I’m working on really knowing that but saying this out loud is a great step in the right direction. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:09 AM
5

I love her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:03 AM
50

Once you see the scam, the posts of women trying to make sense of their FWB situation is just so painful. So much mental and emotional energy on what is at best a dead end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:30 AM
91

Someone he feels will make his male friends envious, basically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:19 AM
8

One day ✨ Thank you. I look forward to that day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:34 PM
64

I’ve been thinking about this. Although I do agree that some of our tendency to laugh disingenuously is simply for the sake of ego-flattery, I don’t think it ends there. I think most women have the innate understanding that making a man feel less than he sees himself to be comes with a very real threat of violence towards us. Particularly if, like me, you grew up in a dangerous family environment. Not giving very clear signals of submission can instantly “flip a switch” in the man that you’re sp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 07:17 AM
11

Literally exactly what happened to me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 06:37 AM
50

Success!! My biggest hope is that young women won’t have to learn the hard way like many women my age and older have. I am so glad it’s already happening. Great work trusting your instinct. It is literally your best friend in this world, I promise you. Best of luck ⭐️👸🏽
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 12:05 AM
4

They can surprise you. I met a man (no romantic interest) who was about 22 years old. A bit odd but seemed exceptionally sweet and decent looking. I could tell that he wasn’t having much luck with women but I could see him eventually finding a sweet young woman who was also a bit awkward and them being really happy together. So we became Facebook friends and...wow. His posts were almost as vile as the ones here. Basically the same language but a little less far gone. I was so shocked. I told him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 11:56 PM
16

Yes, I veil my hair for religious ceremonies. There are beautiful spiritual reasons for it but I also noticed how it gives me a sense of “I’m not here to be objectified”. It is often interpreted as regressive and I suppose it could be used in that way but I find it empowering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:40 AM
7

I’m sure you can report it anonymously. I don’t know where you live or the laws there but if you inform someone from their school, they most likely have a legal obligation to forward the investigation. I think it’s very important to do this Even though you can make an anonymous call, it would be good to start documenting (time, date and description) all the behaviour you observe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 02:08 AM
14

Every day, my side-eye gets a little side-ier
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 01:42 AM
32

I’ve found that the trick is to allow yourself to feel your anger. It’s best to take some time out when you’re alone and just be honest about the things that are really making you upset. How someone treated you at work, at the supermarket. What you see on TV. Just be honest. A lot of our second guessing and permitting our boundaries to be crossed comes from delegitimising what is objectively right and fair. Recognise your right to be pissed off about other’s poor behaviour. Recognise how hard yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:34 AM
81

I think there’s a mistaken assumption that all men can/will shift into a second gear when the occasion calls for it. The sad truth is that for every hero that pulls a woman out of a burning building, there are 20 who run over her on the way to safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 12:50 AM
32

Last week, a college football player said that he looked up to Megan Rapinoe and made a winning play in her honour. He received a huge amount of public backlash. Most of the negative comments essentially wrote that they could not possibly conceive of why a man would compliment a woman unless he was trying to sleep with her. A short video of the story here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 11:00 PM
295

And being accused of having a low libido because being awkwardly poked at by a man you’ve lost respect for isn’t your “kink”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 10:39 PM
46

My last three romantic relationships in a row said something along these lines. “You know you could do a lot better than me, right?” “I don’t think you realise how amazing you are”. I’d be like “no, no” but they were right lol. It was just the truth. They were still willing to mistreat me, of course. That’s when I realised that there is no trophy for downplaying our gorgeousness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 10:32 PM
18

I love Amy Poehler. It must be so challenging to be a woman in comedy who refuses to be objectified. She’s amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 10:25 PM
20

Black/biracial woman here. I relate to a lot of what you wrote. The Biden-Harris and Georgia Dem wins placed a spotlight on how much racism and misogyny I’ve internalised over the years. I initially experienced relief but also thought “okay, I’m also a bit nervous because I’m going to have to brace myself for a lot of angry White men taking their fear of losing power out on me.” (I should note that I live outside of the USA but in a very white majority place) Knowing that the black vote was basi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 09:59 PM
10

A good man will be looking for someone to share their life with whereas a dodgy man will consider what they can get from a woman. For example, a good man will look for a woman he shares interests with, has stimulating conversation with, can be mutually vulnerable with. Also practical matters such as living situation, family goals, finances. A genuine partner in life. Equal respect and lots of happy memories. A dodgy man will look for things that the woman can do for him. “Wow, you can cook? I lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:48 AM
89

I think there is no culture of “falling in love with potential” amongst men like there is with women. We give men a lot of benefit of the doubt, but if men have strong misgivings, they aren’t likely to ignore them. They can tell very quickly if the woman they’re attracted to ticks all their boxes and if she doesn’t tick them all, he’s unlikely to ever see her as “the one”. (That doesn’t mean he won’t drag her along). Whereas, a woman might meet a man that ticks one or two out of ten boxes and sp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 04:33 AM
59

I have a very similar story to yours. Large age gap, isolated in a different city (country), slow boil abuse. I still get daily flashbacks but at least I am now free and have a chance at a much happier, healthier life. He can offer you nothing but misery and you’re going to be so proud of yourself for moving away from him completely. Stay strong. Things are looking up ⭐️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 12:45 AM
83

He wasn’t intending to use water. He was intentionally throwing gasoline on the fire to keep it burning. Some commenters are questioning whether it was intentional (edited to clarify: in order to hurt her). I suspect that he has just never had to deal with the fallout of his stupid actions before so feels very entitled to be careless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 12:33 AM
20

I’m sure there are husbands out there who do truly believe in “we” over “I” but I’d say the vast majority have zero qualms about putting their desires miles ahead of their wife’s best interest. This is why it so important to be very observant in the early stages of dating. Those behaviours don’t disappear, they only become more profoundly destructive to a woman’s welfare over the passage of time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:35 PM
62

Congrats :) That’s a huge step. Not seeking external validation is one of the toughest things to do in life but it also has one of the highest rewards. Depression, anxiety, self-loathing start to clear up and we learn all these amazing things about ourselves that we were unwittingly suppressing in order to fit in. It takes a lot of courage, so well done! Also, if you have a little setback here or there, don’t despair. This is work for a lifetime but every healthy choice you make for yourself wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:24 PM
3

That’s fantastic! Would love to know a bit more about your story and how you found happiness
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 08:39 PM
4

You’re absolutely right. There are so many television shows, films, songs, etc., that I used to consume from the age of 5 that I can’t even watch now because of how misogynistic they are. I was learning how to be a woman from men that hated me. No wonder I was so confused. I am sad that we have to go through this but I truly hope we do all that we can to have women control our own narratives. 🧡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 11:27 AM
3

I literally had to grieve but it’s better to feel the pain of the truth than the pain of confusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:10 AM
5

I assumed the same but the more of life I’ve experienced, the more I’ve realised that it is not the case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 09:25 AM
77

Just commented on a similar situation in a previous post. Abusers can use terms like Rough Sex and BDSM to gaslight you. They enjoy real abuse, not “play”. They just use those terms to make you wonder whether it was really consensual and that you’re naive. Yuck. I personally think kinks are a huge red flag. Even if you’re interested in something a bit rougher, I still think the guy should consider himself vanilla.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 07:02 AM
2

I think they’re banking on people’s well-intended desire to not be hypocritical. “So you’re telling me that I’m not allowed to express my sexuality but you are? Wow.” Disgusting gaslighting. They also bank on women being nice to a fault and they feel comfortable exploiting that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 01:26 AM
26

I’m not defending his mindset but I’ve had similar questions and I’ve realised something. Men have been to taught to think way more about power in all social dynamics than women have. Whether it’s work, family, friends, romance, etc., men are very mindful about how much power they have in every situation. Very sadly, they might want the power simply in order to abuse or exploit it. That’s also why those types are exceptionally sensitive to strong women; they figure women should be an easy source…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 12:06 AM
57

It plays into the unwritten (false) law that the best thing that can ever happen to a woman is to be ‘chosen’ by a man, no matter the consequences that befall her. Being chosen is reward enough and even if she wasn’t happy with him to begin with, she’ll grow to love him because she’ll learn to be grateful for the tremendous honour he bestowed upon her. This completely unrealistic narrative is pervasive and often life-destroying, if not deadly, when played out in the real world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:35 PM
34

Yes, I suspect he’s seriously overestimating his looks but at least he’s reasonably cognisant of his personality defects. Chances are that it’s much worse than he even admits here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:01 PM
11

Congratulations on putting yourself first! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so many painful experiences to get to this place (a lot of us do) but once you make the decision to love yourself, everything begins to improve quickly and dramatically. Really glad that we have this space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 10:42 PM
19

His language is a total set-up for manipulation/ego stroking. He knows that it makes him sound like he might be apologetic for his past behaviour or that he might have matured as a person and that if you were feeling vulnerable, it’d be a sufficient hook to get you emotionally reattached. If he had at all done any real soul-searching or self-improvement, he would express profound regret for his behaviour and not ask to “catch-up” or to drop by your work. You did so well to stay strong because si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 10:12 PM
61

I suspect that a lot of dangerous men use the term “rough sex” as a Trojan horse to push a woman’s boundaries. A lot of women legitimately enjoy rough sex and some can handle a lot more than others but there is a difference between rough sex and distressing pain. Honestly, I see the ‘distressing pain’ kink as an act that almost inevitably leads to violation. I suspect that his actual pleasure in this situation comes from the fact that she is not enjoying it. That is very painful to type but we’v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 08:11 PM
109

This is so sad 😞 My heart truly breaks for her. I am so angry that we’ve been taught that a man’s sexual pleasure has more worth than our sense of security and dignity. What a terrible person that guy is. This “kink-shaming” scam has got to stop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:39 PM
8

That’s true and I (unfortunately) don’t expect misogyny to disappear at all. What I hope is that there are better resources and more systems in place for women to combat misogyny and make authentic choices about their life path without overwhelming social pressure to do otherwise. We should have infrastructure as well as a social narrative that boldly protects women. We’ll still have to be vigilant and have real opposition to contend with but my hope is that future generations will demand the pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:34 PM
7

All of that makes a lot of sense. I’m hoping that it will become the norm for single, ageing women to live together. I think a lot of the drive for women to compromise in a partner is the fear of ageing alone. The sad reality is that it often happens anyway. I think if women felt comfortable living together or in a women-only community, a lot of our social anxiety would decrease. Historically, it would happen in a religious context but I’m sure it could also translate into a more secular, urban …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:45 AM
80

Yes, I’m very optimistic too! Unfortunately, the vast majority of women living in this current paradigm will still have to learn the hard way that companionship should never come at the price of our dignity and self-worth. I am hopeful though, that we are the final generation to suffer from self-doubt and that future generations of women won’t have to go through what we have in order to know for sure what true love looks like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 08:33 AM
34

Yes, marriage and children. In fact, your post just made me realise something. I wonder how much of the narrative of women waiting too long and then regretting not having children is authentic and how much is myth and/or internalised due to the myth. Like a social cautionary tale created to scare women into choosing something they might otherwise not. ETA: your personal experience of fear is very legitimate and I’m sorry it has to be this way for you and so many of us. I hope that the more hones…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:43 AM
11

A lot of food for thought here. It confirmed something I have been ruminating over for a while. I don’t have it in me to laud power over others, display little to no empathy or unquestioningly enjoy privilege. I suspect many women feel the same way. It, unfortunately, does mean that it is hard to find a way to claim personal and societal power but it is not impossible. Abusers and manipulators see kindness as weakness and our current society has done little to prove otherwise. Well, I believe in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:30 PM
9

Same with men who go to church to meet “good girls”. Be super careful there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:46 PM
81

Very quick thinking and clever of your sister. I’ve never experienced anything like this with a security guard but I’ve had plenty of occasions where they’ll clearly check my ID just for the power move and personal info. Will always read out my name suggestively “Laurrrrrra” (not my actual name), scan my body very slowly, and act as though they won’t return the card, etc. They can get away with it because they’re technically not doing anything wrong (a report wouldn’t really capture the inapprop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:26 PM
12

And this is also why it’s so important to invest in yourself. That is never a loss. Only benefits. You can still learn a lot from leaving a toxic relationship but the cost is supremely high.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 09:05 PM
128

Men often make mother-in-law jokes but in many cultures, it’s the woman/wife that suffers from a domineering MIL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:43 AM
15

Honestly, even the highly paid escorts, etc are abused. In New York, I had a friend who worked as a “Domme” in a very expensive dungeon in the city. The girls were just sitting in a small room for hours on end, waiting to do a catwalk audition past the male customers who came in. Once they chose, the girl was on her own with the man, no security, and there were multiple times a man would go way beyond the agreed limits and leave the girl bleeding and shaken. The establishment would do nothing. O…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 12:19 AM
22

I had a large, violent, half-brother growing up and it definitely has made me consider whether a man is capable of physically defending both me and himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 11:52 PM
19

I remember seeing an awards ceremony where Reese won best actress. Ryan was in the audience and they were still married. He stood up and did a very passive aggressive slow clap. It was very awkward but it never got mentioned in the media. I was unsurprised that their divorce was disclosed not long after that incident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 11:17 PM
16

That is so true. Hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 10:22 PM
6

Agreed. It’d be helpful and more effective to know the approximate numbers we’re dealing with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:54 PM
8

Yesss 🙌 I love it. It is amazing how my entire concept of life and purpose redirected to something much more personally fulfilling. All the best to you x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:31 AM
9

Same here. I’m just glad that I cut and run in my 20’s. Listening to misogynistic messaging is always a no-win situation. Either you play by their rules and get married young and never leave, no matter what. That’s a misery I wouldn’t wish on any woman. Or you remain single and only enter a relationship if and when it works for you but that means “you’re a bitter shrew who has no use”. Just so ridiculous. Misogyny, by definition, can never be in a woman’s best interest. Here’s to calling our own…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 08:12 AM
143

This guy is a type. We all know this type. They are the absolute worst. They think they have a “fatherly”, “respectable” vibe but they are straight up perverts. The condescending tone and the arrogance. Just grosssss. We’re very ready for a more nuanced, honest and self-directed representation of Asian women in western media. Plus, Creepy Men need to understand that there’s no magical land where women love their creepy asses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 06:36 AM
16

Yes, you’re right. Quality men will understand the necessity of women doing their due diligence before letting him into their life. Sometimes that is not even a guarantee but a culture of healthy caution in dating should be normalised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:33 AM
35

Very well put. This is the experience of a lot of us. The biggest shame a woman can be, according to society, is a ‘bitter old cat lady’. So, many of us permit our boundaries and dignity to be completely obliterated in the hopes of not being a dreaded “hag”. It’s a total scam and it’s so painful when we realise that we’ve been had. My hope is for us to be the last generation of women to internalise this ridiculous messaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:08 AM
17

The beauty of female solidarity is that even though we had to experience the pain and trauma of a society that said a miserable relationship is better than being single, we can be the ones to correct the narrative for future generations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:44 AM
3

My whole life changed when I truly understood that my soul is perfect and whole unto itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:37 AM
8

I’m am so, so, so glad that you learned about this at your age. I truly hope you are spared the absolute horror of wasting years on a terrible person. Best of luck to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:34 AM
33

The number is harrowing. It’s very stigmatised to be the woman who is deeply suspicious of men and I’ve admittedly internalised that. Yet I’m starting to believe that unless a man actively works on quality of character, male sexuality is inevitably exploitative, predatory, and prone to extreme depravity if unchecked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:25 AM
7

Media has often taught women that the only way to prove our independence is by being hypersexual. As if aggressive sexuality is who we “truly” are and anything less means that we’re still living out our oppression. Lies. I realised that I did not enjoy promiscuity AT ALL but I just thought it was a prerequisite of life as a modern woman. Enjoy and congratulations 🏄🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:08 AM
44

I started practicing abstinence due to spiritual reasons and wow did my head clear up really quickly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 12:49 AM
41

No words for the contempt I have for these people. I’m really starting to wonder what the ratio is between men who have a healthy or high but reasonable sexuality to men who enjoy absolute depravity. How many men are doing this? I’m starting to think depraved sexuality is equal to or more common than healthy sexuality. I sincerely hope I’m wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 12:21 AM
225

“I don’t know what her problem was. I don’t let just anybody watch me eat Fettucini Alfredo”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:03 PM
14

I’m mindful of smiling when confronting a man’s inappropriate behaviour. I’ve done this a few times and they didn’t take me seriously. They say “well, you’re smiling! You must like it!”. Definitely learned to not awkwardly laugh about inappropriate behaviour too. They don’t read the woman’s discomfort. At all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 10:39 PM
12

The Land of No Men: Inside Kenya’s Women-Only Village (by Broadly) This is in reference to an earlier comment. Doesn’t seem to be linking in the same thread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:04 AM
3

A lot of men are wise to the value of having a “cloak of respectability”. I see it a lot amongst my Christian social circle. A lot of well-mannered country doctors/lawyers, etc. The majority of them are suuuuper misogynistic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 02:09 AM
35

Girls just usually have to grow up faster than boys precisely because of this type of toxic mentality
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:41 AM
14

She might be referring to the “Namaste” gesture. It’s a sign of peace, so if it was what he was doing, he was being passive aggressive
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 11:21 PM
7

Just roomier ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 02:23 AM
46

Honestly, the majority of the stand-up comedy world seems to be utterly degenerate. It’s usually just self-absorbed male chauvinists (at best) with good delivery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 11:48 PM
15

Feeling this. My mother would constantly try to set me up with the most God awful men. It makes me sick to think about how many times she has willingly set me up for abuse and degradation. She still would, but I have had to shut her out of my personal life completely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 11:33 PM
55

Prevalence of pornography totally skews an addict’s sense of reality. He sees all of life as a PornHub comment section
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 05:43 AM
82

I’m sure he only fessed up to four times. In reality, it was likely way more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 10:13 PM
12

I’m black/biracial in a white society and I can’t help but think about the number of men I interact with who are likely porn addicts. What they think of when they look at me. It’s disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 09:48 PM
1

I really appreciate this. Thank you x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:45 AM
2

Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 02:06 AM
1

Wowww. That really cleared it up very nicely. It’s not that they “don’t know any better”. They can just get away with it. Okay, done. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 02:04 AM
72

This, in my humble opinion, is feminism at its finest. Compassionate feminism. Women take a lot of nonsense from day 1 and it’s very hard to see clearly a lot of the time. There’s usually always a breaking point, though. I love that there are women there to support and encourage us, even in our timidity and uncertainty about our own power.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 01:30 AM
1

Jean-Ralphio’s life coach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:52 PM
1

-single -looking for a relationship -in a reasonable age range from me -shared interests, morals and values -chemistry (especially humour) -actively interested (not passive or indifferent. Is mutual) That’s it. Harder than it seems.
/r/seduction29/03/20 03:21 AM
1

I would say chemistry matters way more than looks. I don’t have a physical type at all. It has more to do with a certain charm, I suppose. I’ve been really into guys who my friends thought were average at best and not into guys my friends go bananas for. Body type and ethnicity, for example, never factor in.
/r/seduction29/03/20 03:17 AM
1

The other 99%? And what’s with the tall thing? Alright, if your answer is that I’m delusional about my value, I thank you for your feedback. I’m still not going to date an abusive man because the term eligible seems to be triggering. I’ll swap out ‘eligible’ for ‘respectful’.
/r/seduction29/03/20 02:32 AM
0

I know, I know. Another delusional broad wanting a man who isn’t a convicted sex offender.
/r/seduction29/03/20 01:44 AM
1

I’ve heard that before (usually from women though, so it might just be pity lol). But even when I’m fairly obvious in my interest, men don’t seem to get “fired up” about me, if that makes sense. An example: There was a guy I was seeing a long time ago who I had feelings for but we weren’t exclusive. We had amazing chemistry but he ended up becoming infatuated with someone else. She was quite toxic and he eventually left. It hurt me, so we didn’t ever start up again. We stayed in touch, though. A…
/r/seduction29/03/20 12:55 AM
1

I get what you’re saying. I wouldn’t say that my standards are unrealistic but I do have them. It could definitely be that I haven’t got a handle on the art of pursuit. Sometimes I feel that I’m too heavy-handed and at others, too aloof. Thanks for the feedback
/r/seduction29/03/20 12:45 AM
1

Respectfully: neither. There’s too much going on. A bit more sincerity with a few jokes added in is a better way to go
/r/seduction29/03/20 12:06 AM
130

He’ll secretly resent her for this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 10:58 PM
9

Absolutely 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 08:08 AM
36

As long as you are genuinely happy and living a life that you are proud of, you’re doing great. I don’t think being empowered as a woman means denying one’s nurturing, provider instinct. It just means making sure it’s going to people who truly appreciate you and value your character. Often women who have this instinct and are dealing with low self-esteem run the risk of giving everything to a man who brings them down emotionally, financially, physically etc. With a strong sense of self-worth tho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 07:41 AM
128

Of all the depressing posts I’ve seen here, something about this one hits hardest. I can’t believe women have collectively settled for this. I honestly don’t even have the words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 11:47 AM
25

Affirmations. Trust me, they work amazingly well. There are YouTube videos that specialise in all kinds of affirmations (beauty, career, relationships, etc). Just let them play while you’re relaxing or doing chores and repeat after them. My whole internal dialogue is so much more positive and it is honestly fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 09:47 PM
88

Someone I’m seeing booked a trip for Valentine’s Day...alone. Officially the last time I do this to myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 09:11 AM
4

Yes, whenever I go out for coffee/lunch with girlfriends, we happily pay for each other’s meals. Men only do sporadically. Don’t know if it’s an Australian thing as well. Wasn’t an issue when I lived overseas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 08:26 PM
29

Brilliant. Thank you for the motivation. I’m working very hard on leveling up after years of very low self worth because deep down, I always secretly knew I was royalty. It’s good (and rare) to see women already where I want to be, psychologically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:28 AM
106

Great perspective. I was raised by a single mother and it has made me so cautious about who I’d ever have children with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 08:57 AM
31

Yes, the nice guy thing is true. I tried dating someone who is nice but I’m otherwise not particularly compatible with. I quickly realised that he used his niceness as a way to try and obligate me into laughing at his jokes and generally giving him a lot of undue attention. The way one might do with their grandma, or something. He wasn’t a bad guy at all but he was not an innocent dove. He had his angle too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 04:52 AM
28

I get this is tongue in cheek but are there really men walking around giving women tens of thousands of dollars?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 04:40 AM
40

“In Georgia alone, it is estimated that 7,200 men (half of them in their 30s) seek to purchase sex with adolescent girls each month, averaging roughly 300 a day.” Each month. God help us. I wonder how many of these men we have come into contact with on a daily basis?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 09:14 PM
1

It means that it’s not a topic she really feels like discussing at that moment. It’s a bit of an “interview for a job” type question. Small talk can be so boring. Redirect. Keep it more lighthearted. Send a gif, meme or clip about physics so she can have a laugh and then just change the topic. Getting to know someone should be fun, not a dental exam, y’know? NB: that clip is my sense of humour but you can do something a little less weird.
/r/seduction01/02/20 09:15 PM
4

I suppose his was “Acts of Service” then? Sounds like he could understand it but not speak it. That’s like me with Polish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 08:47 PM
7

That’s definitely worth having a look at. I’m going to try it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 07:59 PM
125

Cosmopolitan magazine left its mark on our generation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 09:01 AM
2

Interesting. So, I guess I might show more of my playful side from the start.
/r/seduction31/01/20 09:51 AM
1

Good point. I definitely overthink
/r/seduction31/01/20 09:48 AM
164

I’ve never met a man who hasn’t had physical touch as their primary, if not singular, love language 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 08:42 AM
172

Imagine being one of the women who slept with this guy. I bet more than a few of them have spent hours, days, if not weeks agonising over this guy’s “mixed messages”. Meanwhile, he’s calling them “sixes” and feeling disenchanted. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 01:24 AM
6

Congratulations on the hard work! The fact that you’ve invested so much time/money/energy into improving your life shows that you have self-love. In the same way that you worked on your body, spend time working on your mind. There are lots of great resources out there. It takes time but that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 12:42 AM
16

Seems like he knows how to charm on the front end. He probably does this with a number of women. Honestly, I wouldn’t bother replying. Also, the passive aggressive response never has the intended effect with men. They just figure that they’ve dodged a bullet. If you want him to realise that he’s been a jerk, ignoring him is way more effective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 07:53 PM
61

I’m honestly glad that men are waking up from this social programming too. Pornography is destructive for women, absolutely, but it’s also bad for men. They might benefit from it in terms of immediate gratification but the benefits stop there. I give respect to men who turn away from pornography. Doesn’t mean they’re automatically perfect as a result but it’s a step in the right direction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 01:59 AM
6

If you want a cute, tall, goofy doctor with commitment issues and pop culture references, I actually know a guy. He lives in Australia though, so that might be tricky
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 10:41 AM
11

Absolutely. Perfect mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:27 AM
3

Definitely agree. Go get em x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 11:56 PM
5

I know what you mean but sex without love was just not worth it. I now look back at what’s happened in my sexual history and I’m honestly disgusted. I was giving my body, my time, my heart, my mind away for so cheap. I just can’t justify that anymore under any circumstances. Now, when I see that lust-crazed look in a guy’s eyes, I’m just grossed out. I know it means nothing. I used to think that made me special. Now, the puppy-dog awe look is way more satisfying for me lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 09:19 PM
5

I socialise a lot, so I’m always meeting new people. Living in a big city makes this easier. I don’t get attached because I imagine what life would be like if I married them. It wouldn’t work at all. They’re fun now because the stakes aren’t high. Also, I’m celibate, so I’m not sleeping with them. Makes things way less complicated. It means that I don’t fall for smooth talk and feel way more in control of my emotions. When I did used to sleep with men casually, I was definitely letting myself be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 08:20 PM
3

I understand. It’s so hard to reclaim self-esteem after everything we have to go through, starting from childhood. I’m working on it too but here are a few things that helped: Making it universal, not personal: We can be hard on ourselves and lose perspective. Apply general principles. Does anyone on planet earth deserve to be disrespected, to think of themselves as ugly and useless? No. Well, does everyone deserve to be treated with dignity and protect themselves if/when they are not? Does ever…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 05:21 AM
5

That’s a fantastic thing to keep in mind when dating in general. I think a healthy relationship is essentially someone you’re attracted to but also true friends with. At least, without these two things, there’s no chance for any kind of happy partnership. Admittedly, that’s hard to find but I’ll happily be single rather than get attached to another toxic partner. Mutual respect or nada.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 02:49 AM
5

Yes. Absolutely. The best thing you can do for your mental health and life in general is to not care about societal expectations. It set me free. Anytime I feel that pressure, I actively work to undo it and I get even stronger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:50 AM
16

Was just discussing this on a previous post. I’m also early 30’s and was feeling what you’re now feeling. It was painful to realise that I was living in a delusion. Now I’m honestly so much happier. I still date but I carry absolutely no false hopes. I only date to have a good time and not to emotionally carry anybody. The experience has been positive and the men have been respectful (they’re still men though, so they do try their luck sometimes). I noticed that I would accept things in relation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:20 AM
16

😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 11:49 PM
12

Hi there. I think the issue might be that you’re not very confident within yourself. You seem to understand that you are beautiful and “a catch” but are looking for validation in the wrong places. When we give our emotional/mental power to others, no amount of game playing will make up for that. You’re too reliant on him and you won’t be able to fix that imbalance until you work on yourself. You might have made the mistake a lot of women make. We date “below” our standards in the hopes that the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 10:46 PM
81

I’m in my 30’s and I have accepted that what I’m looking for doesn’t exist. It was initially a bitter pill to swallow but I now find it really liberating. I used to spend a lot of mental/emotional energy searching for something that wasn’t there in the men that I was with. I was hoping that if I did enough work, I’d unlock some sort of magical prince hidden within them. Reality is not like this. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding single adult women. No one can believe that we can be happy witho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 08:15 PM
28

Same here. Very happily so. I’ve had the opportunity to reset what I find acceptable and have experienced a lot of clarity. Fall for 0% of the games out there now. I find it very empowering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 07:30 AM
15

As a friend, I beg you. Do not let any man record you for any reason. If he even asks, that is an extreme red flag. Chances are it’ll end badly with a guy like that and then you know that he has those images of you to use at his discretion. I’m still worried about things from 10 years ago resurfacing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 07:17 PM
162

I think a lot of men spend more time watching pornography than they do interacting with women in person. Warps their sense of reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 02:59 AM
13

Definitely be kind to yourself. We only learn by experience. Our society has trained us to compromise our dignity and self worth and we are finally reclaiming those things. None of us are perfect but we’re in this together. 👷🏽‍♀️🧑🏾‍⚕️👩🏻‍🍳👩🏼‍🏫👸🏽
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 02:49 AM
12

I mean this respectfully but I think you might be too much in your head. I was doing something similar and it started really messing with my mind. I had to tell myself, “First love and embrace everything about yourself, including your body and then let your worldview be shaped from there.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 08:14 PM
8

A good way to see the matter subjectively is to consider how you would feel if what happened to you had happened to a friend of yours. Would she be overreacting? His behaviour is completely unacceptable, no matter the circumstances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 08:12 AM
19

Starting to think it’s because how LVM were raised. Parents who spoiled them and told them how amazing they were and let them get away with murder. Or some variation of that. Definitely no expectation to do housework. Developed a huge ego without good reason. HVM were more likely to have been taught life skills and how to properly socialise as children. Basically held to a higher standard but in a healthy way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 05:08 AM
3

Same reason some girls idolise IG models. They present an image of desirability, which is something we all respect. Some people’s understanding of desirability is more nuanced (eg. not everyone would ideally own a red Ferrari) but we understand the mainstream appeal of “cool” people and that counts for something. Not justifying it but it’s good to be honest about human nature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 07:03 AM
29

Honestly, this is likely to happen in FWB situations. I was mentioning this in a previous post. It might not even be that you see a serious relationship with him but something about him sleeping with you but not being in love with you has gotten to you. Totally normal and why I really don’t recommend casual relationships. It deeply hurts our self-esteem. It’s like “how could he possibly not want me? He seems to at times but then doesn’t. It’s unfair.” Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 08:57 AM
5

I recommend this YouTube channel She also has a file available for download on her website that is more comprehensive, but I haven’t checked it out yet. Good luck 😉 (School of Affluence channel, for those who don’t want to click the link)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 08:34 AM
23

Wait. Wait. Wait. I promise you. Sex without trust and intimacy is terrible. I think that most women pretend it’s better than it is because we don’t want to feel used/stupid but really, most of it is performative. The physical pleasure really does not make up for the mental awareness that the person doesn’t care about you. Even if you can make believe in the moment, it becomes very clear afterwards. Sometimes it takes years before you realise the amount of times you compromised on your personal …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 08:30 AM
30

Thank you for this. It’s a very important reminder that our worth is innate and not contingent upon what we accomplish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 10:17 PM
6

Respectfully, I do wonder about his intentions. I’m not sure what country he is from and which one you are from but there is a chance that he is looking for citizenship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 04:47 PM
11

Fancy by Drake. Sounds good to begin with but that outro verse is about loaning guys money, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 10:53 PM
15

Same. Happy to hyphenate but I’m proud of my last name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 07:37 PM
4

Same. I actually love being single and would never compromise just to be with some dude. I honestly don’t get the hype. Are we so desperate to be with someone because we want other people to know that we’re desirable? I don’t see why else we would intentionally waste time with someone we can barely stand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 06:03 PM
1

Hiya. Lots of great advice here. I noticed that you were looking to describe someone who is not on the spectrum. “Neurotypical” is a term that’s both accurate and not loaded. All the best x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 09:19 PM
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