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Mavik52 Archive

View 0 posts and 171 comments by Mavik52 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

Focus on discovering who you are and nourish a relationship with yourself. Most men don't truly know who they are or love themselves when they get married. The tell tale sign is they are jaded when they divorce. Take the time to truly discover who you are and build the life you want. You don't need to be cynical of women. You just need to learn to put yourself first. This is the opposite of how the last few generations of men were raised. So it's not easy to break this mindset, or even see that …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 04:19 PM
2

There is a lesser charge in some states known as Domestic Disorderly. It states that if a person engages in any behavior that causes another in the home to feel threatened or feel they are in danger, it's an automatic trip to jail for one night, as well as an automatic no contact order. No contact with your spouse means you were just evicted from your home and can never return. The point is that you need to quickly adopt a mindset that you are at war and are fighting for your freedom and future.…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 11:09 PM
2

Betterhelp is a poor option. You need a local therapist that you can meet with in person. You should also consider how unaware you may be of your own actions. While the platform may be suboptimal, it appears that you conveyed something in your story to the therapist that was concerning. It's easy to write it off and say the therapist was judgemental. But you clearly communicated something that raised a concern with a licensed therapist, and your response is to dismiss them as critical & judgemen…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:32 AM
5

This is a problem with ego. Stop the comparison. How hard that is depends on the individual. Stoicism and Secular Buddhism are great tools to help manage this type of issue.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:01 PM
1

Your therapist hinted at judgments and consequences for talking with them? What does this mean?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 06:58 PM
3

I know nothing about you, but based solely on your post you have many personal issues that you need to address. It's a waste of time to point the finger at your spouse when it's clear from your story that you contribute significantly to your own suffering. If the only thing important to you is convincing your wife that she is the problem, have at it. Probably won't work out the way you expect, but based on your story, who knows. This relationship is held together by a cluster fuck of dysfunction…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:40 PM
23

There was a post from a guy about 2 years ago somewhere on reddit who had been married for 25+ years and had 3 kids. They were all grown. Apparently one of the kids took a 23&me test to learn about the family line. Got the results, reached out to the other siblings, got more tests. Did a bunch of research and made sure the info was dead accurate. They all showed up at the home when Mom was out. Presented what they found. I think it was the two youngest were not his. They were I believe his neigh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:33 AM
9

Pay $100 for a digital recorder and have it recording at all times when she is within 100 yards of you. Or pay $100k+ when she pulls the DV card and find yourself living in random airbnbs trying to wrap your head around what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:17 AM
27

After my divorce I sat down and took a long hard look at how I relate to intimate relationships. What are my expectations. What compliments the life I want and what detracts from it. Then I went to work with creating a road map going forward of what I want, and what I was not willing to accept. It doesn't matter if your ex was bat shit crazy or just a lazy nag. All men are responsible for leading in a relationship (assuming we are referencing a traditional m/f relationship). We all played a part…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:13 PM
10

Continue on with the divorce as if your life depends on it, because it does. You stated clearly what your problem is. You have weak boundaries. Highly recommend you find a therapist and let them know you need immediate guidance on how to set and hold very firm boundaries. In the meantime you grey rock. With BPD, if they are in a manic phase you stand no chance debating or discussing anything with them. Conflict actually energies them where it's a major energy drain for a mentally healthy person.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:28 PM
2

This is the way. Instapot with the air fryer lid, you can cook anything with just this one appliance.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:32 AM
3

Your ability to recognize that this is now a business transaction and all emotions must be isolated and dealt with seperately and privately. This is a long game. Focus on the war, not the small battles. Never lose your composure. Be vigilant in getting every penny you can while giving the appearance that you are flexible and reasonable. You do this and the odds of you coming out in the best possible position dramatically increase. The bonus is that much of the emotional stress you will work thro…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 07:37 PM
3

If the GAL communicated this to you or your attorney then you can bet on it happening. Judges typically follow the recommendations of the GAL. Like a previous post said, use good manners. Yes or no your honor. Wear a suit. Being nervous is normal, you will quickly see there is no point in being nervous. My trial was 21 court dates over the span of 2 years. The judge spoke to me one time and that was at the reading for the final decree in which he asked if I understood what was read to me. Your l…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 09:16 PM
5

Your life is going to change significantly. It's normal to fear the unknown. Embrace the change, design your life to be what you want and make the best of some of the restraints that may come with it. You are here today because you made it through countless other difficulties on the way. You will make it through this just as well. The best thing you can do is harness a positive mindset and bravely step into the unknown.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 02:55 PM
1

You stated very clearly in your post one of the main reasons the advice to not date for a year is so important. "I don't know what is the end game, I don't know if one will actually capture my heart and make me delete the apps.I don't know that I want to get married again or nave more kids." You don't know. Along with a majority of men in the divorce process. This is because it is very common for men to have created a sole identity of husband. This is how they relate to the world, the lens throu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:54 AM
3

If you are divorced why are you having conversations with your ex which would entail her telling you about going over another guys house? Any conversation with her should be directly related to the kids and nothing else. If you are not adhering to that rule then you are responsible for your own suffering.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 11:36 PM
1

This sub tends to encourage and empower men on how to navigate a difficult life stage. I don't recall seeing many comments recommending revenge or retaliation as a solution. I am sure Reddit has many other subs that would provide plenty of creative ideas on how to be a douche.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 09:45 PM
4

Maybe exploring the root cause of why petty revenge feeds your soul would be a better usage of your time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 08:22 PM
7

If you just filed you are fine. But I would highly recommend you do it the right way. As in you communicated clearly to your wife, email would be best. What your plans are, where you are going, when you will return. If you are comfortable with providing a physical address of where you will be staying even better. It's annoying but it completely removes any ill intent in the eyes of the court. You need to play the long game. Blasting off with the kids and not providing any information to the othe…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 01:50 AM
3

You haven't reached a point of apathy yet. If you truly desire peace, one day you will be able to see her behavior for what it is. A child throwing a tantrum. Now your child throwing a tantrum still tends to get under your skin which is natural. The trick is to get to a mind frame where it's not your child throwing a tantrum but some random toddler out in public. Most men wouldn't be bothered by this and most likely would look upon the child and laugh at how ridiculous they are being. This is th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:19 PM
5

Sounds like you have conditioned her to treat you poorly. Stop consulting her on decisions. If there is something that needs to be done, make the decision and follow through. Once she starts spinning up, and she will, you can calmly let her know that you made a decision. If she doesn't like it, that's ok. But don't defend or try to rationalize it to her. It's your life, you need to stop seeking validation from her or anyone, and make decisions for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 01:00 AM
1

Basically
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:08 PM
2

Had to get a Guardian Ad litem involved due to abuse to the kids. Discovered ex has a mental health disorder. Ex refuses to acknowledge disorder, Guardian refuses to accept that ex can't be saved and believes they can get her on the road to recovery. Throw in a couple of lawyers throwing motions around like a beach ball and you quickly rack up the years. Yes, it's been a long, hard road. But I have full placement of the kids, so well worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:55 PM
3

I'm almost 5 years in and the divorce is still not finalized. She used to send 3x the amount. You will quickly find out that the Judge doesn't give a rats ass whether you are responding to her messages or not. As long as you are following your attorneys advice and answering messages that need to be addressed for the benefit of the kids, then you can ignore the rest. Family court judges have been dealing with these petty complaints for years, they don't care. It's nothing more than a toddler tant…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:19 AM
5

If you are using OFW, then you most likely use it as the only form of communication. You should not be stressing out if you have OFW. Turn off notifications. Commit to checking the app only once a day at the same time. I check at 9pm and rarely do I answer that same day. You sure you aren't carrying a bunch of false expectations around about what you need to do for her? If the message is about anything other than the kids, I don't respond. And 90% of the messages directly related to the kids are…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:59 AM
4

You aren't providing a lot of necessary information. Do you really want to know if there are actually women out there who would enjoy sucking your cock? Or are you really trying to figure out why your wife doesn't seem to enjoy it? Sex is not good now, but was it at one point? How long have you been together? Kids? If it was really good, for how long? Ultimately the answer is obvious. With 7 billion people on the planet, of course there is a certain small percentage of women who just don't enjoy…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 11:15 PM
13

This is the way. When you find your center and know your worth, you will exude a level of attraction that will drive women to try and suck your soul right out of the tip.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 05:24 PM
6

By understanding what is within your control and what is not. If your ex is ok with regular calls, then do a daily short check in. If not, you will need to learn to let go of what is outside of your control. It's a skill, like anything else gets better with practice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 01:50 AM
1

This is correct. I didn't think to mention it because I always use the speaker for calls.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 12:17 AM
3

100% Cube ACR. Actually used two of the recordings in court. Great for reviewing high charged conversations at a later time as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 07:27 PM
1

Depends. A mental health diagnosis combined with other issues can have a significant impact. I had the DV card pulled on me and went from being removed from my home and seeing the kids for a few hours a week to full placement a little over a year later. It's not going to be a single event or diagnosis. It's the pattern of behavior with evidence to prove the pattern that becomes effective.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 03:50 PM
4

The common answer you will get is to not look at her social media. I would recommend the opposite. Take it as an opportunity to grow as a man. Sit down, take a few deep breaths, and set your intentions on being calm and centered. And browse away. Let whatever feelings arise as you look through her social media come to the surface. Don't judge them, don't try to push them away. Just feel them. Say out loud what you are feeling. Then just look around, focus on your breath, feel the chair against y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/22 03:58 PM
4

This is an amazing opportunity for you to grow as a man. Embrace it. Her comments to you are a reflection of her own emotional disregulation, and not about you. Use the opportunity to practice setting boundaries. Train your nervous system to recognize your actually safe when a women is unleashing on you. This is a skill that will be invaluable for the rest of your life. Learn to value your own opinion of who you are and recognize someone's else's opinion carries no weight unless you allow it. Pi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 03:43 PM
9

Your lawyer gave you an answer. It's the most accurate one you are going to get.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 01:37 AM
5

Here is the truth. You are hurt. You are angry. We get it. We honor and respect how you feel. You are not wrong for having these feelings. She is renting space in your head. She still has influence over you and your emotions. If you want to help, start by helping yourself. Process these feelings. Acknowledge the rage you feel. Make your way through the storm and once you have, set that bag of bricks down and walk away. Do some reading to help you change your perspective. Stoicism, Buddhism. You …
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 01:59 PM
3

It's called emotional incest and it has the potential for serious long term emotional damage. Best thing to do would to provide the child with a counselor /therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 08:44 PM
1

This sounds like a distortion on the part of that person. If they say they want it but don't actually once they have it, they either haven't carefully thought through what qualities they are looking for in a partner or more likely are having a fear based response to actually getting what they wanted and subconsciously feeling unworthy of it. Either way will present red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 09:08 PM
5

You sound like a man that most women would love to be in a relationship with. Don't introspect your self worth on the opinion of one woman. Whatever her reasons were for breaking a commitment, at the end of the day she choose to do so. That should be all you need to know of her values. On the other hand you should always be looking to grow as a man. There is always an opportunity for all of us to become men of a higher caliber. Perhaps exploring how you interact in the domain of a committed rela…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 05:48 PM
2

Sometimes it's simple as stated above, sometimes it's much more complex. I am approaching the three year mark. First two years was a combination of Covid dramatically slowing the court system down and the judge continuing to keep extending the case to give my spouse and opportunity to show she can afford to keep the home and buy me out. The past year I could have settled but I was fortunate to pick a good attorney. With all of the insane behavior from the spouse he advised me to hire a guardian …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 01:34 PM
3

It's understandable that you want to do the best for your child, but this is not one of those scenarios. Parenting plans serve a purpose. If yours doesn't specifically say you contribute to child care then don't. The legal agreement sets the rules of the playing field. Follow the rules. When you don't you are more likely to incentivize poor decisions on the other parents part and shield them from the natural consequences which help people recognize and correct their poor decisions. It's possible…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 08:29 PM
11

You are not alone, even if it feels that way. We all spent time in the hole, some holes are deeper than others. But this too shall pass. If your current life is not working for you, then this is an opportunity to make it what you want. It's not a race, and there is no rush. One step at a time. Get the emotions out, post a response, dm one of us. Take a small step. It doesn't matter how small, progress is progress.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 02:31 PM
4

A majority of the men on this thread have been where you are right now. It's a darkness that is hard to describe. Try and step back for just a moment and shift your perspective. You have an incredible opportunity right now. It's hard work being a provider, but a patient and loving father, an attentive partner. Most of these roles we engage in can be very demanding. Satisfying when everyone is happy and things are running smoothly. Depressing when the family is unhappy and things are rocky. By th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 06:33 PM
2

You need to manage the relationship with yourself, not your wife. Everything you are describing as an obstacle is an inner construct that only exists in your mind. You need to dig deep and clarify to yourself what it is that you want and start taking steps towards that goal. This includes reflecting on the things your wife does that cause you so much irritation. The next time she does something that causes an intense reaction in you, STOP! Do not react. Take space. Ask yourself what is it that y…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/22 06:27 PM
2

This is a common problem for experienced attorneys. They have been doing this for so long they start to speak a different language and forget that non attorneys are confused by the verbage. The simplest answer is being clear with your attorney. Tell him you don't know what the language is that he is using and ask him to explain it to you like you were a 5th grader. Beyond that it sounds like similar a term I received which was placement. Every state can be different so it's best to clarify with …
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/22 06:08 PM
4

It sounds like a great deal of your suffering comes from you resisting. You are resisting what is, and what was, what it was supposed to be. This suffering all takes place in your mind in the space between what your situation is and your expectations of what it should be. Acceptance is the first step. The idea is simple, the process not so much. Take time just sitting and giving thought to where you are and what your current situation is. Then start feeling it. Give yourself space to just sit wi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 11:21 PM
2

Just in case you had thoughts that there is something wrong with you or any of us, there is not. This is a common paradigm for men of our generation. Raised by women, taught in school by women, fed hallmark movies and cultural conditioning on how men had to swoop women off their feet and give them the world. This is decades of cultural reinforcement that needs to be unwired. We were groomed to be nice guys. You can't undo this overnight, it's a process, a journey. We have all heard of the storie…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:26 PM
3

Sounds like during the course of your relationship you have developed some issues with codependency. You have a subconscious belief that it's your job to take care of your wife and her happiness is your responsibility. The first step is to realize that her happiness or misery is not your responsibility. This is an internal process for everyone. Left unchecked it becomes an identity. We all wear masks. Husband, father, son, brother, friend, coworker, etc.. Each serve a purpose for how we relate t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 04:00 PM
5

You are at the stage where you see the reality of the dynamics between men and women in relationships in our current time. Some form of anger is absolutely a normal reaction. The next step is internalizing that while the game may not seem fair, it exists regardless of how you feel. You can either sit around and let it slowly poison your soul, or you can get to work figuring out how to master the game and minimize the down sides and enjoy the up sides. All in the context of a relationship, marria…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 02:16 AM
2

Two kids, had to get an apartment and eventually a Guardian. Guardian did a home inspection and stated she could care less about it being an apartment or kids sleeping in the same room. She stated that the courts understand that these situations are the norm. All she cares about is the safety of the kids, the relationship you have with them, and do you provide a loving and supportive home for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 06:17 PM
17

Perhaps you are not yet the best version of yourself that you can be. You need to cultivate a high level of self love and respect for yourself. At the end of the day why would you desire someone who doesn't desire you? If she didn't appreciate the man you are, there are thousands of other women who will. Her loss.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 12:42 PM
1

Storms can't hurt the sky
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 11:42 PM
1

Similar situation. Sell the house, peak of the market. Get a small place, easily affordable and start gathering a nest egg. I found a 3 bedroom apartment under a tax office and negotiated all utilities included with rent for one small payment. Debt is half paid off and will be fully paid when house is sold with lots leftover. If you really want to buy another home you can do it in a few years with a large down payment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 08:20 PM
1

For what purpose? What is it that you believe will end up happening?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 01:03 AM
2

You are attempting to catfish a man's social media account who you believe is dating your soon to be ex. For what purpose?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 10:12 PM
8

Started uncontested. After two years the judge became irate that the wife has not agreed to anything and scheduled a trial.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 11:26 PM
5

Yeah, it gets a whole lot better. And it can for you as early as tomorrow morning. You just need to shift your perspective and embrace a new mindset. As men we all understand how fucked up the family court system is in western society. Yes we absolutely are penalized the moment we enter the arena for being male. We get exiled from our homes just because a woman whispers she doesn't feel safe. In many states you don't even get to start at a base line of 50/50 if you have kids. Our pockets are plu…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/21 12:00 AM
1

Storm's can't hurt the sky
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 08:23 PM
4

You are validating his point. And it is great advice no matter what. It's part of a stoic philosophy. Determine what things in your world you are in control of or have some level of influence. These are the things you should occupy your mind with. Anything outside of this realm you let go. Is the deadline to send her money under your control? No, so let it go. Is having to appear in court within your control? To some extent maybe, do what you can to avoid it and let the rest go. Is seeing the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/21 07:53 PM
3

Most schools have policies right now governing domestic travel. My kids school states that if you travel out of state longer than 24 hours the kids have to wait between 3-5 days upon return to take a PCR test and need a negative result to return to school. Essentially the kids miss a week of school. Even if she didn't violate an order, most judges are going to question that type of thought process of a parent.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 02:06 AM
27

By making the decision to date yourself. No relationship will ever provide more growth and happiness than the one you have with yourself. And once you have done the work, women will be drawn to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 12:42 AM
4

Yeah but that's the burn. You won't have it all. If for some reason she got cold feet and decided that staying with you would be better AT THIS TIME then divorcing, you will still be with someone who didn't want to be with you. You can't negotiate desire. This is an opportunity to focus on yourself. Your needs, your desires, your goals. This is the one of the biggest obstacles men face in your position. We are idealistic. We believe, we believe, we believe. Women are opportunistic. And now that …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 12:29 AM
3

This is actually very easy. It's not your decision to make. Your priority is your children. You put them first and manage your stbx to the best of your ability. You communicate honestly to your current woman exactly what the current situation is, no minimizing, no excuses. You are effectively communicating this is who I am and currently this is my situation. You can communicate the goal you are trying to reach. And then you are done. It's now her choice whether or not she wants to be apart of yo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 09:14 PM
3

This is one of the challenges of divorce. It's important now to let go of expectations in your life. No attachment to outcome. You will be able to celebrate on another day and it really doesn't change the significance or experience. This can and should be applied to all areas of your life. Much of the stress and anxiety people experience in life very often comes from an event happening and it not meeting their expectations. Start playing with the concept every day. The next time something happen…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 03:11 PM
2

Do not give up the element of surprise. Play nice while you get your ducks in a row. Go grab all tax records, Financials, all import paper work and make copies. Absolutely buy a recorder and have it on you recording at all times no matter what. The DV card is a Nuke that women have full access to and it will completely tilt the entire process in her favor. You don't need to lay a hand on her. All she has to do is say you scared her and you will get yanked from your home and banished from returni…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 06:46 PM
5

You are way ahead of the game. 99% of the posts here are because the hammer already dropped. Hats off to you for thinking way ahead. If you have already discussed the idea and it was shot down, then politely tried to help her understand your concerns and she still blew you off, then that says everything you need to know. I am assuming you provided adequate comfort to her during and after the discussion. That conversation most likely created an intense feeling of her safety and security being thr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 02:41 AM
6

You are making excuses for being treated poorly. There is a history? Sunk cost fallacy. If you continue with your current mindset you are going to create a new history where she continually treats you poorly and the circumstances will get worse and worse. You have poor boundaries, are sitting in a bargaining phase and believe you can negotiate your way out. You can't negotiate desire. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you or want to be with you? Do you not love yourself? …
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 06:55 PM
3

Change your perspective and realize your own self worth. You can't control what other people do, only what you do. Your wife slept with another man, was this an agreed upon acceptable act in your relationship? If the answer is no, then the relationship is over. Get a lawyer and start the process of removing her from your life. She does not deserve your time, commitment, love, support, etc.. You need to have respect for your own standards and when they are violated you don't negotiate those terms…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 02:07 PM
4

This seems like a tough decision because as bad as things are now, they are familiar, you know the in's and out's. You have no experience with the other decision, it's strange, unknown, and fear is fogging your vision of what that would look like. Fear is the number one obstacle to attaining anything in life. Consider, if the above is true and yet you are still considering it, why is that? It's because slowly over time you have been the frog in the pot, but you have the sense that the water is h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 01:30 AM
3

Then you aren't considering the level of broke you can reach without one. Stick around a while and read through the posts. You need to have an idea of how much risk you would be taking. It's beyond poverty.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 01:29 PM
12

Are you at or near your peak potential as a man? If so, you will do just fine with online dating. If not, why? Work on yourself, develop a road map. Make improvements everyday. No zero days. When you are actively living with intent and purpose, working towards your max potential, you will naturally attract women without trying. Stop looking for a relationship with a woman until the relationship with yourself is the best it can be.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 09:59 PM
1

Every child deserves the right to be raised by their mother and father. If one parent is truly a danger to the child then full custody makes sense. Her being a bad mother because she brought a boyfriend around? No. May be a poor decision, but saying that's dangerous would not be accurate. This sounds more like jealousy and an attempt to exert control. You need to correct this though process right away and make sure you are not applying it to any other decisions regarding your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/21 09:31 PM
9

Lots of good suggestions already. I would recommend reading up on Stoicism and Secular Buddhism. This will show you how to detach from emotionally charged situations and how to approach them as level headed as possible. My time invested in reading up on these areas has made significant impacts in every area of my life even outside of divorce and dealing with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 07:23 PM
1

A large portion of states budgets are funded through divorce. If you look at the origins of title IV D, you will see it was originally drafted as a supplement to social security decades ago. Child support is just a cover title. It's really a welfare recovery program. Judges promote the amount of support orders they have written when running for reelection because these dollars are matched by the federal government. Make no mistake, the judge is always looking for as many reasons as possible to o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 10:38 PM
1

100% EGO
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 04:17 PM
2

You lucky bastard... Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 02:30 AM
2

You have a fixed identity as her husband. You need to internalize the concept that being her husband is just one mask you wear along with many others, husband, son, father, coworker, friend, etc.. Read up on Stoicism & Secular Buddhism to help internalize these concepts. I highly recommend a book called "Storms can't hurt the sky" which is a short biography about the authors journey through divorce in which he internalized these concepts to make it through his divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 03:38 PM
11

Your attorney can request a trial date. Once on the books, most women will actually start to listen to their attorneys and settle before the day comes. Just have your attorney request the date.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 07:14 PM
1

If it's exhausting then you probably understand the concepts intellectually but haven't internalized them so that it is your default response. That's OK. We have an entire generation of men who were not raised with or taught how to manage emotions efficiently. And it's not easy. It took several months between me understanding the concepts and executing them. When your ex can come out of nowhere screaming, yelling, threatening to have you arrested, etc.. and you can just stand there and observe w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 06:32 PM
5

This By the time divorce is discussed most women have thought about it and are over the relationship for months sometimes years. Master your emotions, be as stoic as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 03:42 PM
6

This right here. Let it go, who cares. None of your business, and having an issue with it just means you haven't given up trying to be in control of a relationship that no longer exists.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 03:40 PM
3

The first thing you need to do is recognize a very clear truth. Nearly every man who has gone through the process discovers this. 95% of the words that come out of her mouth are going to be incorrect, misinterpreted, or flat out lies. You must immediately stop listening to anything she says and focus solely on what she does. If you are like most men you have probably given way to much attention and focus to her words for years so pivoting and learning to observe her behavior and make logical con…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 03:32 PM
26

The first thing you need to do is recognize a very clear truth. Nearly every man who has gone through the process discovers this. 95% of the words that come out of her mouth are going to be incorrect, misinterpreted, or flat out lies. You must immediately stop listening to anything she says and focus solely on what she does. If you are like most men you have probably given way to much attention and focus to her words for years so pivoting and learning to observe her behavior and make logical con…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 04:09 PM
3

Stop thinking about how to win her over and focus on winning yourself over. Part of attraction for a woman is a man who knows his purpose and is confident, living life his way. Focus on living your best life and she can join you or move aside, it should make no difference to you. If she gets on board, great. If she doesn't you are already doing what's best for you and other women will want to join you. Either way you win. The stay plan is the same as the go plan.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/21 03:00 PM
10

Probably the most common indicator that one is not a narcissist is when a person becomes aware by either someone calling them a narcissist or an awareness through self discovery along with a sudden heightened concern that they may be one and were never even aware. The entire disorder is based on an identity and ego that is so fragile that they can't ever face it so they hide it by exhibiting extreme controlling, antisocial, and grandiose behavior. So a narcissist is incapable of self reflecting …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/21 03:25 AM
0

Yeah she may be demanding all of the time specifics of your travel to be a manipulative control freak. Typical women bullshit yeah? Maybe. Perhaps that is exactly the origin of her behavior. Perhaps you are wrong. Even if you provide all that information and something went wrong she wouldn't be able to use that information effectively. It would be of no logistical use to her other than giving it to the authorities if in fact you and your son went missing. That is male logic. Your ex isn't a man.…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/21 11:38 PM
15

You have a fixed identity as a married man and your subconscious will do everything it can to protect that identity. It needs to die, and you will grieve. You are a not just a married man. You were many masks. Husband, father, brother, friend, coworker, etc.. In simplest terms you need to control what is in your realm of control and let go of everything else. Stoicism & Secular Buddhism may be of great help in learning to internalize these concepts.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/21 03:50 PM
4

You are very fortunate. I am approaching the two year mark with 6 court appearances with every one focused on how she can afford to keep the house working as a teacher's assistant and having terrible credit. Final decree after a few months? Sounds like a dream come true. Stay strong and best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 05:35 PM
8

Short term sacrifice for long term gain. We bought a new house at the start of her midlife crisis. I wasn't really big on the idea, but thought it would level out the crazy that she was starting to exhibit. 2 years later in the divorce process I was fine with letting her have it. It's huge, old, and needs constant maintenance and repair. She thinks she won the lottery but doesn't have the long term vision that in those two years I was constantly repairing and maintaining the house. Another two y…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 07:52 PM
2

This is one of those things that you don't fully understand unless you have experienced it first hand. The court really does not care about the obnoxious behavior. Your ex is an asshole? Yeah, the judge saw 8 other assholes before lunch that day. They don't care. What makes it difficult is that your lawyer has probably responded a few times saying things like she can't be doing that. Yeah she can, because no one but you really cares.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/21 07:12 PM
4

Super easy. The day your attorney advises you to do so. Not a moment sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 11:33 PM
31

Stop listening to any words that come out of your wife's mouth. She doesn't know shit about divorce law. They are empty threats, stop reacting to them as if she was Johnnie Cochran. Get an attorney, tell him the facts. Follow his instructions. Get a therapist to unload all of your emotions. Get a recorder. Don't ever be in her presence without it recording. The DV charge is coming, so you better be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 10:01 PM
3

That's an interesting twist to this scenario. Your attorneys advice was spot on. What's unusual is the response from the police to not go to your own home. Does your wife have any connections to the police department? Only asking because I found out after the fact that my ex had developed some relationships while being on the board of directors for a local town society. I don't know how you would handle this situation. I would default to your attorney. Follow his directions, let him create a pat…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 06:37 PM
10

Yep, actually tried to set up a play date. Said I would really like him and who knows, maybe become best friends. Joke was on her though. It was a one night stand on a business trip and over the course of the next two weeks he slowly dialed back the texting and eventually ghosted her. During those two weeks she had already started calling her friends and talking about where they might live, when they might get married, etc.. Zero awareness that he pumped and dumped her. Years later, she referenc…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 04:12 PM
2

If there was one piece of advice I would give to any man, regardless of their particular situation because it doesn't matter. It would be that no matter what she says, whether it's a criticism, complaint, nagging, compliment, asking your opinion, whatever. STFU. It's that simple. Talk to yourself in your head. Tell yourself to STFU. It doesn't matter how kindly you say it, how genuine, true, comforting, hurtful, whatever. Once you are in the process anything and everything you respond with will …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 02:50 AM
1

I don't know about California but in Rhode Island I just hit the 1 year mark, had 4 court dates via webex, and have only discussed how she can afford to keep the marital home and refinance to get my name off . Not one other issue has been addressed, after a year. The process has been anything but quick.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 02:30 AM
6

This is the dream scenario for any married man. The cost and emotional bullshit should be minimal. There are probably only two ways you can fuck this up. DIY with no attorney. - If that stupid thought is bouncing around in your head get it out now. The single biggest mistake that some men have made is to think that the divorce will be amicable. Not every woman will destroy a man during a divorce, but EVERY woman is capable of doing so. Get an attorney. Thinking anything that comes out of her mou…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 09:34 PM
1

Ok. You mentioned that you were confident that you both would be good together, one day. But he stated he is not ready because of how recent his divorce is. I would certainly agree that the number of times you mentioned would be taking it slow over 4 months. First ask yourself, why do you think that you would be good together? You really don't even know him. To really truly understand someone deeply on an intimate level takes minimum a few years. He seems to have stirred positive emotions in you…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/21 02:33 AM
1

How long have you known him? How many dates? How many times intimate?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/21 01:28 AM
1

The man you were seeing is not ready to date? So you were dating? Just having sex? His affair partner? What is the situation?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/21 11:52 PM
3

Look up grey rock. Use it. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:48 PM
3

She is able to say this easily to you because she has already introspected, processed, and moved on from the marriage a long time ago. Put yourself 2 years into the future. You will most likely be past the stages of grief, anger, resentment and have started the next journey of your life. So saying you would want to be friends is relatively easy in that mindframe. Now consider that thought and do the math backwards. That's how long she has been thinking about and planning this. Now you may unders…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/21 10:58 PM
4

Stop giving away your power. Control the things you can control, and let go of the things you have no control over. You have no control over child support. The only way it can upset you is by the story you give it. If you pay child support to fund your ex and pay for her addictions, then yeah you going to be pissed. If you pay child support to give your child the things they need, then it's great, you are being a good father. You can't control the way the money is spent, so stop framing the stor…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 01:07 AM
12

TV shows to make him happy? Heeeeeeell no. He needs to accept the reality of his situation. Absorb it, feel it, let it bring him to his knees. He needs to start working through the stages of grief asap. Then he can start the inner work that will produce a new life he may have never imagined. Reflecting, understanding any mistakes he made and why he made them. Understand what things brought him the most joy or the most pain. Then he can start constructing his new life on his terms, not for anyone…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 08:53 PM
4

It may help to reflect on the fact that most men form their identity (a mistake but common) around who they are as a married man. They no longer recognize that they are in fact a separate individual completely independent of their wife. This causes an immense amount of the emotions you are experiencing because your mind is trying to process a loss of itself. Recognize that you are an individual and that you shared your life with your wife. The fact that you no longer share your life with her say…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 08:39 PM
2

Many of the responses have been in support of what you want. They may not resonate with you because what you have been taught and what you know is wrong. Whatever you are currently doing, is it working? No. So why not consider a different strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 01:35 PM
4

She's not gaslighting herself. You are not understanding how female psychology works. You are applying a man's logic and expecting her to think the same way. Women perceive the world through emotions. She could have been madly in love with you for years and then last month had several encounters with you that threatened her security in the relationship. That feeling of insecurity is overwhelming and once it settles in, she can't apply logic to previous events. Her entire memory of the relationsh…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 03:40 AM
2

Why is this wildly unhelpful? Did you come here looking for help to find a way to possibly save your marriage or were you just looking for validation? Consider that most of the replies are a genuine attempt to help you on your journey, even if they are expressed through the distorted lense of each man's painful experience. You have been walking your own path up to this point and look where you are, how helpful has that been? Why not consider that what you think you should do is wrong because you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 03:30 AM
11

This is on point. Ignore every sound that comes out of her mouth and base all of your decisions solely on your observations of what she does. It won't take long to see the difference that has been staring at you the whole time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 03:07 AM
5

The answer to your problem is simple, but it's not what you want will want to hear. You mentioned the thing that is killing your marriage several times but none of it has anything to do with your wife. Your wife wants a divorce because she is no longer attracted to you. And she is no longer attracted to you because you have made her your identity. Saying you can't imagine a life without her just supports that fact. The most impactful thing you can do is step back and realize that you have create…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 03:04 AM
2

How do you give unvarnished advice to someone who isn't providing enough detail about what they are struggling with? Yes he has a therapist. The therapist says he is experiencing severe depression. They have linked it to him wanting out of the relationship, but fear is stopping him because of the potential guild. He then asks how do you deal with the guilt. But he is asking for help in managing a secondary problem, not the root cause. If the root cause of his guilt is not understanding female ps…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 03:54 PM
3

While there may be some truth in this I am not sure this is the correct response to his post. He asked how to deal with the guilt of leaving a relationship he is no longer happy in. But he didn't specify the origin of the emotion. Does he feel guilt about the impact of divorce on his kids? His wife? On having failed in some way? Until he provides more information as to what is driving this emotion wouldn't it be more supportive to help him create awareness around what is causing the emotion rath…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 02:15 PM
2

Like any emotion, the only path to overcome it is to lean into it and pass through. You need to break it down. Grab a paper and pen. Write it out. Is it truly guilt that is preventing you from living your best life? What is the origin of the guilt? Where is it coming from? What does living your best life look like? What is stopping you from pursuing that path?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 02:09 PM
2

Absolutely no dating. You need several months to acclimate to a new life. Your identity was based on being a married man and you are going through the different stages of grief. It's different for everyone. A part of you has ended, it takes time to work through it. Lift heavy weights, read stoicism and Buddhism, it will help create different perspectives that will allow you to find a positive frame of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 02:50 AM
0

Don't know the answer to this, maybe somebody with knowledge of it can chime in. Child support is determined based on the differences in income at the time of divorce to equally distribute the financials to keep the kids quality of life relatively the same. The real reason is to keep an individual parent out of the welfare system, many judges who are elected frequently campaign and advertise their high number of support orders because states are given federal dollars based on how many support or…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 07:39 PM
5

You need to communicate the situation to your lawyer. Ask him what you need to do to get organized and ready to serve her without her knowing. You need to immediately get a strangle hold on your emotions. This is one of the most difficult things for men to do. We have been raised in a culture where expressing our emotions was frowned upon and we don't have the normal support system like women naturally form for expressing emotions. Stoicism and Buddhism help a great deal. You need to be understa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 12:59 AM
1

Talk to a lawyer immediately. If you are still living in the same house go buy a voice recorder and carry it on you at all times. If the first thing that pops in your head is "I don't need a recorder, she would never do anything that would warrant me needing to record her," then realize you just decided to roll the dice on losing everything you have ever earned, in the most ruthless way possible. The news is new to you. By the time a woman has blurted those words to her husband, she has been con…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 07:28 PM
12

You need to get in the habit of detaching your thoughts and emotions to any communication with your ex. You are the man, you are the father. You make choices with confidence, in the best interests of your children. You don't owe her an explanation on any decisions you make. What you do with the kids on your time is your business. Every time she makes a remark, asks a ridiculous question, and especially gives you an order and you feel compelled to explain or rationalize your decision to her, stop…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 07:21 PM
2

It is, and this subreddit is a place for us men to do it. But we also need to recognize the self inflicted suffering we sometimes engage in, and help each other recognize it and turn an opportunity into a strength.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 03:08 AM
2

Your expectations don't align with your ex, one of many reasons you're divorced. Guess which one of you is venting on the internet? Point being you are upset because she doesn't think like you and you already knew this. Self inflicted suffering. She is still renting space in your mind. Get out of your lizard brain and correct your expectations. If you know that whatever behavior she engages in is normal for her, than don't be upset by it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 02:59 AM
2

This has been successfully argued to substantially lower the amount of alimony that was awarded.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 06:50 PM
3

If you haven't done so, have a very straight forward conversation with your attorney. I felt the same way at one point. Weeks without answering calls or emails, not seeming prepared before negotiations. Forgetting issues I brought to his attention. Remember, you are one of probably 30+ cases he is juggling. Attorneys can get very busy. If he is overwhelmed, then he has a responsibility to inform you. I had a very direct conversation and told my attorney where he wasn't meeting my expectations. S…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 02:02 AM
2

Judge doesn't care at all if you are both in agreement. You need to get in front of the attorney now before someone gets into her ear and whispers all of the wonderful things she can have if she gets her own attorney and fights for it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 08:54 AM
19

Please get the "I would give her everything to keep her" mentality out of your mind. Give it some thought when you're emotions are stable. Think about it. Why would you give everything you have worked for away to someone who doesn't even want to be with you. Recognize that is a tremendous lack of self respect and love for who you are. No one needs to know you to tell you that every person at the very least should want to be with someone who equally wants them. It's a common line from men who are…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 02:03 AM
5

This is unusually common. Where do men come up with this belief that if the women says to leave they must listen? Enough examples that this is some type of learned behavior perhaps from childhood. And the police making a report about it?! Get a lawyer, you are already making bad decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/21 12:05 AM
2

What your wife was asking for sounds reasonable. Now if she communicated some issue with your mother being around too often, and you enjoyed your mother being around then you have a talk and find a way to meet in the middle while also communicating that your mother is welcome in your home, and it's not open to negotiation. The subtext of your responses gives me the impression that your mother commands a large amount of influence over you. And you started this off with wondering if you made a mis…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/21 02:03 AM
2

How much of this was influenced by your mother?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/21 10:55 PM
4

Your situation sounds like the polar opposite of what most men on this thread experience. The wife you are portraying sounds like an incredible partner, there has to be details you are leaving out. What exactly prompted you to decide that you would be happier without the relationship than you were at the time? And that it would be a more ideal environment for your children?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/21 05:27 PM
1

There are zero scenarios in which you would not need an attorney, unless you want to roll the dice with getting financially castrated.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/21 09:49 PM
2

What are you feeling guilty about? You pay child support. That's exactly what it is for, anything the child needs. It sounds like you have an opportunity with setting boundaries. You should probably pick up two books, "When I say no I feel guilty" & "Divorce Poison." They will give you strategies for shutting this behavior down.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/21 09:46 PM
3

It did not come so fast. You were either completely oblivious to her comments about how she has not been happy or she has been simmering in complete silence for several months and gave no indication to you that she was unhappy, which is near impossible or if it is, you have big problems headed your way. The only other common scenario is that she has seemed fairly happy but distant, if so she's involved with someone else. Start thinking back to comments she had made recently that you may have gla…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/21 09:41 PM
8

This is common. Since women perceive their world through emotions versus men through logic, they tend not to recall the specifics or context of what actually happened, rather they have have a very strong memory of how they felt at the time. It seems they fill in the blanks according to the memory of those emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/21 05:03 PM
7

If you haven't started the divorce process then step back. Apologize for being so angry, say you were jealous or whatever else bullshit you think will work. Point being, throw water on all of it and let it cool down. Bite your tongue, appease her the best you can. Buy some time, tell her you need to work on your issues. And immediately start getting everything lined up. Financial documents, any videos, pictures, screenshots of infidelity or threats. Set up appointments with a few attorneys and p…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 09:14 PM
5

If you do not have a good voice recorder then stop whatever you are doing and go get one now. Don't skimp, spend $80-$100 bucks and never be in her presence without it on. I had the same situation. Reported the physical attacks just as my attorney instructed. My word against hers, they wouldn't even take the kids testimony because they were minors even with them saying they saw the whole thing. She went on the offensive and called because I threw a solar garden light into the backyard. Domestic …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 09:05 PM
4

You are heading into rough waters but you may still have a chance to salvage the relationship. But it's going to be the complete opposite of your instincts. You need to be a rock and completely calm at all times. When she feels overwhelmed, hug her, tell her what a great job she is doing, persuade her to not be so rough on herself. But you can't fix it for her. It's her responsibility to get her head straight. You support, you don't fix. You better start recording at all times. Preempt the false…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 01:50 AM
5

The only control she has is what you allow. You have taught her to treat you a certain way by not defining boundaries and enforcing them. Many men end up feeling this way. And since you have children you don't get the luxury of rolling over and giving up. The absolute worst thing you can do is convince yourself that you are not enough for your children. Sounds like you are close to rock bottom, but you haven't stated any real issues that many men have experienced that are worthy of rock bottom, …
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 12:25 AM
2

There is a very good book called "Divorce Poison" that walks you through how to deal with your situation exactly. Highly recommend buying it today. Good news is, one of the critical pieces to managing parental alienation is consistent contact. At 50/50 custody you are hitting the ground running. Now you just need to learn the in and outs of how alienation works and the strategies to shut it down. Go get the book.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 07:21 PM
1

Yeah I would pick up a book called "Divorce Poison." Sounds like she is already starting with the parental alienation. You need to be aware of how to handle that, because it can completely destroy the relationship with your kids if you don't keep it in check.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 12:52 AM
1

Yeah tell him to stay calm and follow his attorney's advice. Most of it does not matter if there isn't substantial facts to back it up. But it is easy to get sucked into the chaos. My attorney has had to talk me down a few times, and each time he was right. The judge didn't care about the wild accusations unless their was proof. And usually someone acting in this manner can't even control in an a 30 minute session in front of a judge. My last trial on a digital meeting my ex started actually rai…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/21 10:09 PM
3

This right here. You are also contributing to the bias that already exists against men and why custody is still not automatically 50/50 across the board. Your kids aren't a convertible that you bought on an impulse and now decided it's not for you. They are you and your wife's responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 04:27 PM
5

And that is perfectly normal. Most guys struggle with this. Men are very romantic and love deeply. It's unbelievably hard to let go. But the sooner you realize that it's you that is experiencing this and not her, then you can start to change your mindset. It's the one thing that can't be taken from you. You get to choose how you respond. So respond by accepting what is and getting to a positive mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/21 06:34 PM
20

You want it to end? It did end. In her mind it's over. In your mind your creating some utopian fantasy where you can text each other all the wonderful things about your children. Self inflicted suffering. You need to accept what is, not what you wish it was. Meditation, Buddhism, lifting weights, hobbies. Pick one, pick them all. But until you can change your mindset you are going to continue to cling to the Disney fairy tale of what it should be instead of accepting what it is. Don't your child…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/21 06:15 PM
8

Nothing. Nothing keeps me up at night. I sleep like a baby. Read through all of the stories here and it's all different versions of the same thing. A completely biased system that rewards one gender for demonic behavior while punishing the other who tries to be civil. Men know it, women know it. I have audio recordings of my ex telling me a year before of all of the things that she was going to do through the divorce, which I thought were insane at the time. Sure enough, they all happened. Divor…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/21 01:40 AM
1

I think you misunderstood. I wasn't talking about physical strength. I am speaking about emotional strength. To withstand a woman's chaotic emotional outbursts and not allow them to impact your own emotions. You're responses suggest that may be an opportunity for you. You seem a bit angry and are randomly throwing out physical challenges to her family members. Has your wife ever mentioned you have anger issues?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/21 02:59 AM
1

What are you attempting to fix? Why are you trying to fix it? What do you even want? Put yourself 10 years into the future and imagine rediscovering this post, would you really care about the three hundred dollars? What would you care about and wish you did differently? Perhaps trying to reconnect with your wife? Or realize that you truly aren't happy with her? You are caught up in all the small pieces of drama getting pulled in all directions and you aren't looking at the big picture. Women are…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 05:06 PM
1

I stand corrected, nothing is your fault. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 04:08 PM
1

I get it. If I was thinking along those lines it would upset me and most other men. But you need to change your thought process because it's hurting you, not helping you. You are creating a story about what it's "supposed to be" instead of dealing with what it is. When you fixate on what you think things should be like instead of accepting them for what they are you give away any power you have. What follows are the big scary emotions, then the insecurities, then the victim mentality. And women …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 03:10 PM
2

You need to unfuck yourself. I have bad credit, it's not my fault. I got into a car accident, it's not my fault. My wife's family won't cosign for me to get what I want, I'm upset. If you have bad credit, it's 100% your fault. You got into a car accident, maybe the other driver was at fault, but you were driving, so the situation is your problem. You need to start taking responsibility for your life, because wherever you are right now is the result of all of YOUR choices. She stole three hundred…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 02:53 AM
2

You are a wreck about what? Running into your family in a store and your wife ignoring you?
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 02:43 AM
2

Yeah something sure is off. You have kids and you packed your bags leaving them because of your own ego? And then you went back and you say she let you stay? Is this not your house as well? You are either leaving out many details or your acting like a child.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 02:37 AM
6

Get a lawyer, they will straighten it out. Many of us have been through this. My ex had an affair, was physically attacking me often when I refused to engage in her crazy behavior. My attorney informed me to call the police next time it happened. Made the call, police said they couldn't do anything because it was my word against hers, even with my son saying he witnessed it. Can't use the testimony of a minor. Her attorney told her that the simple fact that there was now a police report could be…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/21 03:40 AM
2

Stop with the self inflicted imprisonment. You are a human being, you made a mistake. The penalty is you lose your relationship, not pay for it with money. Today you feel shame. In 5 years after following through with your plan, you will have so much resentment towards agreeing to this plan that it will probably consume you. The relationship was about love, marriage is a business contract. And most courts could care less about affairs. My attorney laughed when I mentioned my spouses infidelity. …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/21 01:04 PM
1

If your divorce is non contested try looking for a flat fee. 1st time through I burned 5k just getting started. Tried reconciliation, filed a 2nd time. I interviewed a few and found one who was willing to do the whole thing for 5k. Catch is I can't bombard him with crap. I had her proposal sent over which was 50/50 everything, so I am not fighting for anything. And he responds when he can, which sometimes can be a week or more. But that's worth it to know I am paid in full out of the gate.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/21 12:52 PM
3

This is the correct answer. The shit is relentless. It's insane how twisted it becomes and how they always have an excuse for the behavior. But we always can find the path out of these storms, and it starts with keeping emotions in check. Good for you for recognizing this. Doesn't make it suck any less, but it is the only way forward.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/21 04:28 AM
3

Well I guess it depends on your perspective. If you want to take the perspective of being a victim, I understand. I felt the same way for about a month after being thrown out of my own home, denied access to my kids for several months, and forced to cash out my 401k and give her half despite the infidelity, physical attacks, etc. It doesn't matter what the facts are, the reality is that the current legal system is biased in favor of women. I could either let my ego cling to how unfairly I was be…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 04:13 PM
8

Perhaps the lack of respect should be for yourself in that you allowed it to happen. Again, it isn't about blame. In a radically changing world every generation is up against new challenges. We are learning on the fly. But hanging on to anger & resentment only causes our own suffering. We need to take our experiences and rise above them. Learn from them. And let our destructive emotions go. If you don't want to talk to her, that's your choice. But she sort of has a bit of control of you in that …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 05:15 PM
4

Yeah it sucks. We all feel for you. What sucks more is the realization that she wasn't the problem, you were. Through no fault of your own or any of us. The true nature of women has been obscured from us for decades. When you start to seek the root cause, you will find that it's not even the woman's fault. We are all subconsciously driven by our biology. The more you understand, the quicker you can drop the resentment of what you THOUGHT reality was supposed to be. And then start making it work …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 04:17 PM
1

I am sorry that your father is going through this. You are an amazing son to reach out to find solutions that may help ease his suffering through a difficult event. The best you can probably do is show him a way of changing his perspective. Researching secular Buddhism may be a good idea. Even if your father practices another theology Buddhism is non theistic and can compliment any religion one may subscribe to. I credit my own practice with saving my life. I like your father refused to accept t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 09:48 PM
1

If she isn't equally committed to addressing the problems and growing together than the relationship is dead. You will need to quickly adopt a business mentality towards her. The quicker you come to terms with the fact that the past is not the present and silo all of those romantic loving memories and feelings the less painful the next 6 months will be. It sucks, sorry to hear you are going through this, but being as stoic as possible is going to be as critical as possible to your emotional heal…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/21 06:18 PM
4

One of the biggest things men struggle with at the onset of the divorce process is reacting to every threat or condition that pours out of their wife's mouth as if it was a signed order. You need to go take space and get your head together if you are going to discuss anything with her. Get your head straight and realize that she is going to say all kinds of outlandish nonsense. Until a judge orders it, it's meaningless. Know what you want, make sure you are being rational and it's fair. And if s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 03:28 AM
1

You must be recording at all times when she is in the house. My story is the same. She eventually started calling the cops every night to have me removed. They warned her that I wasn't doing anything wrong and she had to stop calling. On a whim one officer asked her if I had done anything that made her feel threatened. She stated that when I walked away from her arguing and went outside, I picked a solar light out of the garden and threw it. Boom, disorderly conduct. Automatic no contact order, …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 12:54 AM
2

I can't remember the exact citing of this so don't hold my feet to the fire. It's a common occurrence in long term relationships between men and women where the men typically remember a large portion of the positive experiences which contribute to the difficulty of the relationship ending. And women tend to psychologically block out the positive and recall the negative or they reframe or rewrite events in their memory based on feelings and not actual facts. You could have done many things factua…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 02:36 AM
3

Yes it is possible to be friends, and I hope you can make that a reality, especially with kids. That would be an amazing experience for both you, the ex, and especially the kids. There is nothing wrong with caring for another person. But consider the fact that in your desire to date and possibly start a new relationship which would be a choice for yourself and what you want in life, that you would concern yourself with the emotions of a former partner and their thoughts or reactions to your choi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/21 11:14 PM
4

I agree, that makes logical sense to have a relationship where genuine compassion and a mutual respect is reciprocated with the intent of children first. I struggle to see where that ideal becomes reality consistently. A short tour through this thread or the divorce thread clearly demonstrates that humans struggle to temper their emotions when it comes to ending long term relationships. I agree it "shouldn't be" a business relationship. The reality is that your ahead of the game if you can even …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/21 11:03 PM
6

Communication should be kept strictly to coparenting and financial/logistics. Your mentality should be that this is now a business relationship, because it is. No personal questions or inquiries. Communication should be brief, informative, and friendly. Ideally through email only where you will have a record of the conversations as well as the advantage of time to proofread the email before hitting send and not following the above template. Dating doesn't sound like the best idea for you. The fa…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/21 07:51 PM
3

You stated "clearly going out on a date." First things first, you need to be mindful. Do not assume anything. If she actually was going out on a date then ask yourself "what emotion am I feeling?" If it's jealousy, then you are a normal human being. You just got out of a marriage. You are seeing the person who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with dressed up to go out with another man. It's going to sting, the severity depending on your current emotional landscape. But if you do…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/21 11:34 PM
1

You said seeing her dressed like that, clearly going on a date bothered you. What bothered you? That she was dressed up or that she may be going on a date?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/21 11:01 PM
3

Because your self worth is too low. If you are confident in who you are and your own value then her dropping off the kids naked would be seen as nothing other than inappropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/21 12:20 PM
2

Accept that the emotions you are feeling are normal. Don't bury or rationalize them away. Sit with them, feel them. Let yourself sit in that space and really feel, it will be uncomfortable. And once you are there you will feel a space open up, like the tension dropping and you will start to see that you area still sitting there perfectly fine. You are still alive, nothing has changed. They are just emotions. Once that passes you can go back and read your post and see exactly what the problem is.…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 09:00 PM
2

It stops hurting when you internalize the fact that you are enough as you are right now. You don't need a woman to be happy with yourself. You need a large dose of self love.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/21 06:43 PM
1

This is the way. Writing affirmations in present tense prompts your subconscious to operate in a way that the scenario already exists.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/21 06:40 PM
4

You have been given all the advice here that you need. Lawyer up immediately. The relationship is done. Hit the record button likes its your fucking job and make plans to leave asap. I put up with this same crap for a year because I reasoned to myself that she was upset, calling the police and having her arrested and having a criminal record would impact her ability to get future employment which would impact our kids, and because I thought I was a tough guy and her hitting me was laughable. I l…
/r/askMRP15/10/20 01:17 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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