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Minimum_Step5048 Archive

View 0 posts and 150 comments by Minimum_Step5048 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

It does get better, it just takes time. I am about 14 months since my ex wife and I split up. It was devastating, it I knew it was coming. It was over, I just kept fighting even though she checked out years ago. Just remember to show yourself the same sympathy and understanding that you would show others
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:39 AM
1

Right, because 5 years of no intimacy, no dates, no trips together, and not wanting to celebrate our 10th anniversary, but also refusing to ever actually address anything is great. Totally normal and reasonable and not at all abusive right? She refused to go to therapy and told me she didn’t have a problem I was the one with the problem. Shows a complete lack of care or understanding for what a marriage is. My choice was to walk away from my kids or find some intimacy elsewhere. I definitely was…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 01:58 AM
-3

Mine happened all at once when she found out I was cheating on her, but it had been chipping away for about 5 years prior to that. She just totally checked out and was putting no effort into our relationship, but didn’t think it was necessary to ever communicate anything with me apparently. I read a lot of things that try to explain away women who do this type of thing, it’s abusive folks. To marry someone and to then just completely shut down on them but not bother to treat them with any sort o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 10:27 PM
5

I am mid-40s and been separated about a year. My divorce was “final” in February but still working through all the custody and financial settlement BS. My ex has been dragging things out to hurt me, I cheated on her after 12 years of marriage, but we were basically never intimate for the last 7 years and entirely not intimate ever for the last 5. She refused counseling and wouldn’t address any issues, she said she didn’t have a problem it was my problem (news flash, when you’re married your spou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 05:31 PM
5

Don’t be so hard on yourself. She betrayed you, not the other way around. My wife checked out on me too and I have no idea why, but fuck her. You have to realize the woman was never who you thought she was. If she was she would have stayed loyal
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 02:26 AM
2

Yup, I went through that last summer. Just get a good lawyer ASAP and tell them your #1 priority is 50% custody
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:10 PM
9

Yes. I feel lonely anytime I don’t have my kids with me to be honest
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 01:17 AM
4

Here are 3 things I learned from my divorce that I would Never have known previously: 1. Do not buy into all the modern bullshit about it being ok with women making more than you. There are exceptions, it for the most part women are always more attracted to a dominant man who makes more money. Whether you make more or not, you MUST be the dominant person in your family. Never forget that 2. You need to make sure you continue having dates, taking trips together, and spending time with your boys/m…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 11:50 PM
1

It’s been about 1 year since my marriage blew up, and almost finished with my divorce. I am beginning to get to the place you are. Beginning to have the ability to focus more on myself. The past year was so chaotic and traumatic I was just surviving. Now I need to become the man I was always supposed to be without her holding me down. Thank you for the uplifting message, and I’d love a dating app like that too. I find that when I meet women in person the majority of the time there is at least so…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 03:33 PM
3

This is crazy, so sorry you’re going through this. Here is what I would do in your shoes: - Call your parents or whatever family you have immediately and ask if they can come help you with the kids - Get a lawyer immediately. Find a very good divorce attorney just in case - See if you can have a reasonable conversation with someone in her family and try to find out what is going on. The fact that she was gone all day and came back at midnight suggests to me she is already cheating on you to be h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 05:59 PM
1

The entire situation caused me to reevaluate my life honestly. I realized I was not going to spend the rest of my life just never having sex or being intimate again, so that left 2 choices. Walk away from my kids Chat on her and see if she will come around eventually I don’t regret what I did, bc I know she would have reacted the same way and oddly enough it seems like this worked out better for me. If I had just chosen to leave the marriage, it is more likely the court would have looked badly u…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 05:51 PM
1

I think you’re right. She completely checked out not long after we had our 2nd kid. She was always a bitch to my family too and always played me into defending her. Everyone sort of excused her bc of her job (she’s a surgeon), but she was also disrespectful and arrogant toward people and eventually it came back toward me. As soon as I wasn’t doing exactly what she thought was the right thing, she just checked out. I was in a situation where I was just stuck. She wouldn’t go to therapy, she would…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 12:49 AM
3

I had a situation like this. My wife refused to allow me to have them 50% bc she thought “it was better f the kids” for her to have them every Sunday night when I had them on the weekend. Turned out that the way the law works in my state is that if one parent has the kids more than 50% of nights then they are considered “primary” parents. This means that you pay them additional child support basically and it can be a dramatic change. Stick to 50/50 schedule however you need to do it, and don’t b…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:27 PM
2

So I should just leave my kids? Yeah right. She wouldn’t ever discuss anything. I wasn’t about to just abandon my kids before at least going to therapy together
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 08:37 PM
2

Doesn’t need to be. Plenty of marriages survive it or worse
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 08:36 PM
3

I had a similar situation. I was in a toxic dead marriage. My wife showed no interest in me really, I became a burden to her it seemed. Frequent arguments were very bad on the kids, more than I realized. They have since told me they would hide and listen to us arguing if we thought they weren’t around. We had not been intimate in almost 5 years, our 10th anniversary cake and went and she barely cared. Basically went to dinner 2 weeks after our anniversary and did nothing else, but we ended up go…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 06:57 PM
3

Sounds like the marriage was already dead. Affairs very rarely happen in healthy successful marriages, or if they do those couples go to therapy and work on it together.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 06:48 PM
3

One of the things I learned after my divorce is that it was at least just as bad for my kids if not worse when we were together. My wife is still a bitch, but at least I am able to focus 100% on them when they are with me now. There was a lot that I did where I was the bad guy but it was enforcing stupid things only she wanted bc she is so controlling. Not anymore, and they love it. I get to be the fun parent now and that part is great bc it feels like they are getting to know who I am finally
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:44 PM
1

You’re 100% right and it’s absolutely disgraceful so many women feel like this is OK. A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. That means if I have a problem, THEN YOU DO TOO! That’s the entire point of it. My ex told me multiple times “I don’t have a problem, you do”, in response to me asking her to go to couples counseling or to just talk through our issues (this is AFTER we had a dead bedroom for 4+ years). So I end up cheating on her and I am somehow the asshole. “Well you should have just left bc you N…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 10:16 PM
2

Mine refused to go. I went twice, she refused to ever go to even couples therapy
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:32 AM
8

The government doesn’t care why a marriage ended in most states. Divorce is just a legal process and adultery is one of many possible reasons for it. Often it’s a no fault state as well, so no real penalty at all
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 11:57 PM
2

Yeah it really sucks agreed
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:08 PM
3

You need to find a good attorney quickly and do not negotiate or anything with your wife or her lawyer until you get one. Think about your entire network, especially your close extended family or friends and think of someone who might know some very good divorce attorneys in your area. You should call them and ask the opinion of 3-4 of those people until you find the best lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:58 AM
1

Focus on the kids and reconciling with them. Your wife might be gone forever but your kids shouldn’t be.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:26 AM
2

I was in the same boat as you are, my wife was a surgeon and I have a masters degree and make decent money and been pretty successful, but I could never make as much as she does no matter what I do most likely. That said, I felt trapped bc she refused to talk about it or go to therapy. We had zero intimacy for over 5 years eventually I cheated, she found out, the rest is history. We split up on almost exactly our 12th anniversary and our 14th year together. We had 2 beautiful kids, a great house…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 02:14 AM
3

Kids don’t require a lot from their parents at the end of the day. They just want you to be there for them and know that you love them. That’s it
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 09:22 AM
2

I think it is much less to do with sex than intimacy. For example, I can see how people might say “well what if she had an accident and became paralyzed, I suppose you’d abandon her then?” And the answer would be No. The difference is she CHOSE to ignore my feelings. I tried getting her to talk about it or go to therapy or change things, she refused to do any of it and said “I don’t know a problem, you’re the one with the problem”. Well when you’re married my problems are your problems, that’s k…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 09:20 AM
2

Yeah agreed. For me I felt cornered into either walking away from my kids or finding intimacy elsewhere. I chose to cheat which I never thought I would even consider doing, but it’s easy to criticize when you’re not the one who has had zero intimacy in over 5 years and staring at a lifetime like that
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 04:08 AM
5

See in my case I cheated just like you, but I was the one who had sacrificed for her career for years. Of course she never saw it that way, but as a guy you still feel guilty and get shit for getting anything from your ex. It’s completely a double standard
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:28 AM
2

When you’re married with kids as a man and then you suddenly lose that. It is a huge change to your entire identity and that can be extremely difficult. I’m going through it. Ow, split about a year ago and divorced as of February, but it is still really hard to see my kids have to deal with separated parents. I think ultimately it is much better for them than us staying together bc of how bad it was, but I wish we could’ve worked it out
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 06:14 AM
2

What’s helped me is understanding that you need to be a man and take care of your kids. That means being there for them all the time. Show up to everything and always tell them how much they mean to you. I feel like my relationship ship with my kids is as close as it’s ever been after separating a year ago and divorcing a few months ago. Still going through the logistics of settlement and all, and it is totally miserable, but as far as my kids go they have been doing shockingly well. I definitel…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 10:38 PM
1

I thought that too but I haven’t received my money from the house yet so just renewed, which I’m fine with
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:21 AM
2

Women always get all the sympathy from people regardless. Men are treated like shit during and after divorce whether it’s their fault or not
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:21 AM
1

I struggle with the cost of the apartment at times, but ultimately the only thing I really cared a lot about was making sure my kids are happy and comfortable at my place and they love it there now. So it was the right choice
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 03:11 PM
1

That is true. I can’t relate personally, but if you genuinely care about her and have a shared history and you’re still attracted to her, then what is the problem?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 03:10 PM
2

I have girls, but here are some things I did that might work: - Get him a nice bed and a desk. It’s important they feel like they have their own space and are comfortable being there. For my daughters I got a huge bunk bed (full over full) and I decided to rent a more expensive apartment than I otherwise would have. I also got them each their own full size desks and got bedside tables and Kindles for both of them. I also make sure I have all the food and snacks they like all the time, every time…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 01:15 AM
1

Here’s the thing, the kids will be happier if you make sure they get your ex some good stuff too. But it’s not anything someone should criticize you for
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 12:03 AM
2

My marriage ended bc my wife and I weren’t intimate for 5 years and she refused to go to therapy or even discuss it without some kind of awful argument. It sounds like your wife is at least willing to try, which is all you can ask for IMO. I would give her a chance, and maybe you should focus more on what would make you more attractive to her. That’s one thing I wish I had understood better
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 10:12 PM
7

Totally agree. I never cheated on anyone in my life and never thought I would, but try being in a marriage with kids that is completely sexless with zero alone time or intimacy for 5 years. She also refused to go to therapy and said it was my problem not hers basically
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:17 AM
1

Sugar dating is the way to go. I don’t even regret anything. I stayed out of anyone else’s relationship, I had unbelievable intimacy with very interesting beautiful women, and at the end of the day the result was always going to be the same anyway. My choice was to either walk out on my kids or have fun on the side and hope I don’t get caught. IMO it is well worth the additional expense
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:14 AM
3

Stay away from the booze
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:18 PM
6

That is very well put. It’s exactly where I am. The part I struggle the most with is why she couldn’t have just recognized what a great life we had and tried a little harder to focus on me and our relationship. She didn’t care about “us” once we had the kids. I’m not sure I could have ever changed that, but I miss the family and the life we had together.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:10 PM
6

I would bc I love my 2 kids more than anything. I’m not sure there was anything I could have done better but I would have tried harder with hindsight now. I don’t think it would’ve mattered either way though. She wanted me to be someone I’m not and I’m not sure anyone could have met her expectations. She fundamentally didn’t understand how marriage is supposed to work
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:08 PM
3

At least you’re getting dates! I have no problem picking up women in person, but the apps are terrible for me I never get any dates. I’m with you though, I thought it was a miracle I found my wife in the first place. Now it feels like why even try? I’m emotionally not ready for anything serious and it feels hopeless anyway like all the women I would want are already married. The divorced ones would seem a better fit but like you I can’t get over them referencing their exes, it immediately just d…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:26 PM
3

The tax bill this year was the kicker for me. Getting completely screwed on top of all the lawyer bills and stress. It’s ridiculous
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 10:03 PM
1

I don’t know what it is in California but in my state it is they pay for half the length of the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 03:12 AM
1

It’s next to impossible IMO to choose to walk out on your kids. I cheated bc I couldn’t face the reality of the situation and I got sick and tired of her ignoring our relationship and generally treating me like crap. Mine was a very different situation to yours, but I’ll tell you staying together for the kids actually is much worse for the kids bc they can tell if you don’t love each other. It keeps them in this limbo where they know things aren’t right but they see you pretending like it is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 07:11 PM
2

If she had an affair and you’re not both in therapy and actively working on the relationship regularly (ideally bi-weekly dates, weekend/evening get away once every 3 months, and one trip together at least once every 2 years), then you’re not going to get her back. My wife checked out of our marriage completely and we weren’t intimate for 5 years bc she refused therapy and wouldn’t make time to focus on us. Without that there’s just no hope. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’m in the middle…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 06:49 PM
1

Why did you lose all trust in her? Can you elaborate? I understand you’re basically done, but is it lack of intimacy? Is she making any effort on the relationship?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 06:33 PM
2

Be the best Dad you can be. It is the one thing that matters at the end of it all. Don’t be afraid to job hop in your 20s if you don’t like what you’re doing but you don’t know what you want to do. It’s OK to try different things as long as you’re not quitting every 6 months. Travel. Once you get past 30 you won’t have as much free time, you won’t have as much energy, you might get married and have kids which means even less time and money. Go have fun when you don’t have your kids and live your…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 12:12 AM
6

Listen man, at least you’re still only 24!!! You have your entire life ahead of you. I’m 44, I feel like my life is behind me now and I’ll just be living it out for my kids. There doesn’t seem much point in anything else, my body is gonna start deteriorating and I don’t have interest in a lot of things anymore. I’m hoping I’ll find someone else to spend my life with eventually but I am nowhere near ready for that
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 11:40 PM
1

You’ll make it out. Look what you built before this. You know you have it in you. Do it for your boys, whether you see them or not. Let them know you’ll never stop showing up or fighting for them
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:56 PM
2

I made one of those Walgreens picture albums for my ex every single Christmas and Mothers Day for 10 years. She always loved them, but the last few years she acted like she hardly cared just like everything else. Yesterday did hurt. Not a lot, but just in a small way that took me by surprise. It’s the first year where I wasn’t with my ex and my kids for Mother’s Day. I put so much effort into trying to do things to make her as happy as she could be, and she just didn’t care in the end. I don’t u…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:43 PM
2

Unfortunately you have to learn to let her go man. The hardest part will be that she will probably be very irrational and fight you in the divorce especially over the kids. I know it’s hard and mentally exhausting, but you have to just focus on one step at a time and keep moving forward. 1. Always try to do what is best for the kids 2. Understand that your ex probably does not have your best interests at heart. You are adversaries now, at least in the short term until the divorce is final 3. Try…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:31 PM
2

Exactly. Pretty sure my ex is a narcissist, she is also very smart so that’s probably why she didn’t want to go
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:03 PM
16

I’m in the middle of it now. Wife checked out 6-7 years ago didn’t bother to ever go to therapy with me or talk about things. We split up last year, now she’s flipping out bc things aren’t working out her way. But the one thing she can do is use the kids to hurt me
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:46 AM
1

Yeah it’s hard to explain. It causes an underlying anxiety and depression I can’t explain. Not overwhelming, it’s just very much there and makes it hard to focus or do anything productive. When you’re a dad who has always been present with his kids it’s just very odd and unsettling. You get used to them being at your side at all times, when they are gone it just feels like part of your heart is gone
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 02:02 PM
5

Everything you’re saying resonates with me, so I hope you’re right. I’m trying to wrap up my divorce with my ex and she just won’t let it go. She keeps coming back with attacks trying to get primary custody. It has been an exhausting year full of incredible stress. I had just started a job 3 months before we split, I ended up losing that job too but was able to land a very good one by the skin of my teeth. I’m just in a place now that feels very empty when my kids aren’t around, and when they ar…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 06:39 AM
2

It’s probably not salvageable. I feel like men can change their minds and go back to a marriage sometimes, but women once they are checked out emotionally are just gone. They may choose to stay, she may even want you back, but the romantic connection you once had is just gone now. Unless of course you start making a shitload of money… (not joking)
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:15 AM
7

This is why I ended up cheating instead of trying to work it out amicably. My wife checked out of the relationship 6 years before we split. We had zero intimacy and she wouldn’t communicate with me about any of it. Refused to go to therapy. But I’m the bad guy bc I cheated. It’s such BS that women get away with this crap in our society
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 04:40 PM
13

Constantly stressing about and working on keeping the house together while she does next to nothing and complains and blames me for everything. That house became someplace I just didn’t want to be most of the time. Glad I don’t have to live there anymore
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:36 PM
1

Exactly. And in your situation you did what any good father would do. You were trying to do whatever you could to hold everything together for your child and your family, even if that meant cheating. The reason that sounds screwed up is bc it is. THAT is the situation SHE put you in. And she knew it and didn’t care
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:46 PM
3

What else were you supposed to do? Don’t beat yourself up over this, it’s not your fault
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:44 PM
2

No, she is a terrible wife. Get it straight. You were a great husband for putting up with that abuse for 5 years
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:38 PM
2

You have no idea what you’re talking about. The child would’ve been damaged either way bc of what the wife/mother did here. A marriage is a partnership, she gave up on it well before he ever did
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:38 PM
0

Easier said than done when the kids are very little
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:37 PM
4

I was in almost this exact same scenario. It has worked out OK for me. I am getting 50% custody, 50% of the house, and she is paying me bc she is a doctor and makes more. The odd thing is that I don’t really feel bad about it and neither should you. My older daughter (11) has actually been a lot better since the split, she has had major anxiety issues for years. Now I think it might have been our relationship and her mother causing it partially. Bottom line is when you’re left with these 2 choic…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:35 PM
4

Yeah I’m with you. Recently had a girl stop me after she came to my place and we had started making out etc. I stopped obviously and let her leave, she basically ghosted me after that. And the weird thing is I couldn’t care less
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 02:07 PM
15

You have to just let them go. She’s not your wife anymore
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 01:46 PM
1

Actually one of the weird thoughts I kept having before we split up was “what if I die in a car accident or something, would I even want her to be my widow when she clearly doesn’t really love me or care about me?” And the answer for me was a firm No. The main reason we stayed together is I told myself it was better for the kids and it would get better with time. Turns out neither of those are true at all, the kids are better off now. What we put them through was traumatizing, I didn’t even real…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 01:40 PM
1

I don’t know. I mean she can’t be different, I just didn’t know how she would change over time. Some of it is things we lived through together, 2 very rough pregnancies, COVID (she works at a hospital), issues with my family over time. I’m not saying it’s all her fault, but I feel like she gave up too easily. It felt like she just quiet quit the marriage without ever really trying to make it work
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 01:51 AM
5

I do still love her, but I don’t want to be with her ever again. I think of her all the time, but it’s more about why she couldn’t have been different, why she couldn’t try harder at our relationship, and why she thought it was OK to treat me the way she did for so long. We had a great life. 2 beautiful girls, everything she had always dreamed of. We made great money together, we both had great careers, went on great trips. But it wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more and felt like I wasn’t doi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 01:12 PM
1

Just let her move on. Let her be happy, stop worrying about her, she doesn’t care about you. Let her go and try to make yourself happy. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way forward and ultimately if you weren’t happy together you both deserve to be
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 10:33 PM
2

I’m sorry man. The best advice I can give you is just focus on your mental health, only take on as much as you absolutely need to, and just keep moving forward. You can try to get her to reconcile but it’s sounds like she either found someone else or her mind is made up. I understand how devastating it is but try and keep it together. Definitely do not offer to move out of your place, make her move. See if she will go to couples therapy with you, if she won’t do that then hire a lawyer Just be h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:57 PM
1

I probably could’ve gone the rest of my life with no sex if she just treated me well and acted like she cared. When you won’t even put in the effort of trying with dates and trips etc and refuse to go to therapy or even talk in depth about the issue, there’s just no hope
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 03:55 PM
2

See mine was kinda worse. We had zero intimacy for over 4 years and the minute I cheated on her she was on me like a hawk. Never imagined I would ever cheat on anyone, I never had before. I didn’t want to, she left me no choice bc it was either that or walk away from my kids which I would never do
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 12:23 AM
8

I have a much harder time forgetting all the good times we had as a family of four than I do forgetting about her, but when I think back to when we fell in love I still can’t understand why she gave up on me so easily. She just quiet quit the marriage and never really discussed anything, refused therapy. I understand it’s just who she is but it’s hard for me to accept. We could have had a great life together if she was different, but this is who she is unfortunately
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 11:57 PM
3

I always thought that when I cheated on my wife I would feel this horrible sense of regret and pain. I didn’t feel any of that at all, I felt relieved and once I was seeing someone who liked me I rediscovered the intimacy I had been missing for ages (years of dead bedroom). So it made me realize in a way that I didn’t love her anymore anyway. I knew at that point it was over
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:19 PM
2

I mean these days it’s ok not to go to college, but ONLY if you’re going to get into a job like a trade where you can make 6 figures by age 24. Otherwise it’s stupid not to go
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:29 PM
4

It’s having a clear understanding of your partner before you marry. I don’t understand why women do this, but most of them seem to have this fairy tale way of thinking where things will just magically turn out. My ex was horrible with this. Spent money like a drunken sailor and then would bitch I wasn’t paying for enough or doing enough. Meanwhile I had no personal life bc I was always at home with the kids while she worked. At the end of the day they are just unstable people who do these things…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:10 AM
5

For me it was when our 10th Anniversary came and went and she avoided any discussing about doing anything to celebrate really. My daughter’s communion was the weekend of our anniversary and then Mother’s Day the next weekend, so we FINALLY went out to “celebrate” with a nice dinner, but that was it. 10 years of marriage and I felt like I was dragging her out to dinner with me for a few hours. After that I kind of just gave up eventually
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:03 AM
1

Yeah she definitely sucks, but we have 2 great kids together so I’m stuck with her
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:00 AM
4

I totally understand where you’re coming from. My wife and I fell head over heels in love when we met and it was amazing for a few years. Then she had a very tough pregnancy and became just overly obsessed with our kids to the point where our relationship just became a nuisance for her. Everything that she ever got frustrated or upset about was constantly my fault too. I took the blame for everything. We were together 14 years and married for 12 and she wasn’t even willing to see a therapist wit…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:53 PM
9

What I have learned from my experience is that the laws of attraction for men and women in most cases sort of require the man to either make more money or be extremely handy around the house and in the yard. My wife was a doctor so no chance I was making more than her pretty much ever, and I am extremely bad with home maintenance stuff. I feel like the combination of the two just made her not attracted to me after a while. I didn’t realize it until it was too late, but now I see it. I tried to t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:44 PM
1

March Madness and seeing my kids
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 10:25 PM
5

You said you’re divorcing, she’s probably seeing him now. She may have been seeing him before you split or longer, no way to know. But if you’re divorcing you have to move on regardless. She isn’t yours anymore DO NOT confront this guy. Why? Nothing good will come from it bc like you said you’re divorcing anyway. You need to work to move on with your own life. Again, you said you’re divorcing. It’s over, you have to move on
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 09:26 PM
2

I think I’ve tried to do that and have grown a lot as a person since I met my ex, but when only one person puts any effort into a relationship and shows up and tries to make the relationship work, there is really no hope. She basically “quiet quit” our relationship and I tried absolutely everything but she just wouldn’t discuss the issues, wouldn’t go to counseling, wouldn’t even go on dates or trips with me despite my asking her repeatedly, stopped wearing her wedding ring, we didn’t sleep toge…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:52 PM
1

I mean I jumped through hoops for her and her career for years while taking care of the kids more than she did and working full time etc and she never showed any appreciation. She also put zero effort into our relationship after we had the first baby and she tried to alienate me from my parents and family. There are plenty of reasons I could list. I made the relationship work for as long as I could
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:13 AM
3

Going through my first now, hang in there. It’s a weird feeling when it’s painful as hell to go through but you’d never do anything differently seeing it from the other side. My wife treated me like shit and I allowed her to for years. I couldn’t see it that way until it was over. I am in no rush to even date anyone else right now. Just focus on my kids and have fun when I can
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:53 AM
8

She’s cheating dude, it’s over, I’m sorry. You have to move on. I’m here to chat if you want
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 01:34 PM
4

Yup, exactly. Everything revolves around her needs, her job, her priorities and she saw me as a nuisance.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 04:34 AM
12

For me it all changed after we had kids. All of the sudden I went from her #1 to #4 behind the kids, her job and her Mom. The writing was on the wall bc she didn’t prioritize our relationship. Seems like way too many women these days do the same
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:49 AM
14

She’s a drunk woman at the bar. Par for the course
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 01:57 AM
1

I think my marriage fell apart when I had some success at work and gained confidence in myself and realized I had been putting up with too much BS. She didn’t like that and pulled back even further and it was just downhill from there. But the point is by gaining a bigger legit sense of real confidence it has not only transformed my life, but it’s the one quality all women love
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 04:41 AM
2

There is only so much you can do. It’s a fine line between making sure you maximize your time with them and reinforcing discipline. I just try and do the right thing and think about how the kids will view this when they are grown up. I want them to look back and recognize that I was always the one trying to be nice and keep things together while their Mom was always playing stupid games and causing drama
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 09:12 PM
2

I mean most guys in their 20s who date enough probably see the patterns. The hot & fun girls all go for the biggest low life “bad” guys until they want a boyfriend or ready to settle and then they run to the richest or potentially wealthiest guy they can find. Their goal is to have babies and sip on Starbucks and take multiple Disney trips each year all while treating their husbands like crap. The guys who pay for everything and provide the whole life they have. They don’t give a shit. Society h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 08:49 PM
1

Yeah I fell for that too and it just allowed her to push me around. I was behind the 8 ball to begin with bc I married a doctor. I was never going to make more than her and she was always right about everything as time went on. Also a terrible communicator and stubborn as hell. In hindsight it would have been surprising if it did work out, but when we first fell in love it seemed like a no brainer. Hard to teach someone the risks when they are head over heels either way. I also knew this would b…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 08:45 PM
1

I think a lot of them have unrealistic expectations for how life will be and if it doesn’t turn out the way they wanted they just blame their husband. It’s a convenient excuse for a generation of spoiled brats
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 07:13 PM
1

Too many women expect their husband to make more money than them, do ALL the housework and yard work, do everything a stay at home Mom does for the kids, and do it all with a big smile all the time. It is absolutely insane. We have raised a generation of women on completely false hopes and pretenses.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 07:03 PM
5

My ex (a narc) was very clear from the beginning she wanted kids, I always knew in the back of my head that might be the primary reason she even wanted to date me. Fast forward a few years, she had a miscarriage. She was miserable for weeks which is understandable, but she said something I’ll never forget “I want a baby and I won’t be happy until we have one”. It is like her entire identity as a human was tied up in being a Mom. She obsessed so much about that, nothing else mattered to her. She …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 07:01 PM
2

That’s one way to put it. My ex is constantly pulling these ridiculous passive aggressive moves just to screw with me. It gets exhausting after a while
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:19 PM
2

Well just know that while you might feel broken right now, you are definitely not worthless especially to your son and you can put yourself back together with time. Just focus on trying to manage your mental health as well as you can
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 11:03 AM
2

OK I can offer some advice bc I have been there too: 1. Take medication for the depression and if you’re still super depressed look into higher dose 2. Smoke some weed and just chill at home sometimes. Sounds crazy but I swear it saved me going through that period. 3. Stay away from alcohol 4. Focus on your son and being there as much as you can for him 5. Sounds cliche, but exercise does help. Sleep helps too, don’t feel bad about sleeping more than normal
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:38 AM
6

Nothing. Ate a Betty’s Eddies and hit the vape pen
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:30 AM
6

Co-parenting really sucks when you have a hostile ex, which seems like most cases, but the worst part is definitely nights when you don’t have the kids. It feels like you have no purpose and no motivation to do anything. What’s the point? I still haven’t quite figured out how to get out of that trap other than to just be there for my kids as much as possible. Also, avoid alcohol at all costs. It leads nowhere good when you’re going through divorce
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 02:11 AM
1

Just get through each day however you can and smoke a lot of weed to help you get to sleep.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 04:14 AM
-6

Listen man, if all you did was grab her arm that isn’t all that bad. You definitely need to put the bottle down. If you need to use something use marijuana, it’s a lot less harmful. Best of luck with everything man, don’t allow her to take your son away from you
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 11:59 PM
4

I understand man I’ve been going through it myself. Honestly seeing other women helped me get through it some but totally get it. I smoked a ton of weed since our split and nearly lost my job. Hang in there
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 12:28 AM
12

You should always wear protection man. Obviously not worth the risk, and these women all lie so don’t trust them if they promise they are clean or haven’t seen other people. 90% of the time she’s following the same pattern with you that she does all the guys she sees
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 12:21 AM
1

You can kill yourself going over all the “what ifs” I often wonder if things could’ve been different for me and my wife if we had no kids or her pregnancies were easier, but ultimately it felt like she only really ever wanted to marry me so she could have kids. Then once we did she didn’t care about me at all, which is the foundation of the entire thing. I swear too many modern women are naive and foolish about marriage just bc they want to have babies
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 12:19 AM
1

It’s great you don’t have kids. The worst is when you marry a woman who is desperate to have kids and then once you have them she doesn’t give a damn about your relationship. That’s what happened to me, and now the kids suffer bc of her own selfishness and foolishness
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 11:47 PM
1

Mine started acting very religious after we split up all of the sudden. I would’ve been in favor if she acted that way when we were married but she was just fucking miserable all around
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 09:00 PM
1

I got shingles back in October
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 01:14 AM
5

Listen man, if there is anyway you can possibly avoid it DO NOT get divorced. However, you should understand these things before making that decision: 1. Don’t stay together “for the kids”. If you need to do that then you’re not modeling a good relationship for the kids anyway. Also, would you want them to stay in an unhappy relationship? (The answer should be NO) 2. If your wife won’t try, doesn’t care, and won’t work on the relationship, just get out. You need her to put in some effort and car…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 01:10 AM
2

It’s such a hard situation to be in. I was there for about 4 years before I finally broke. I cheated on my wife, which I’m both ashamed of but I don’t regret. Logically the other alternative was for me to just walk away from my kids which I was never going to do. I eventually got caught and the marriage broke up, which was the best end result. I am taking all kinds of shit for cheating on her but my family and good friends are supportive and my kids still love me as much as ever which is the mos…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 08:09 PM
1

Start focusing on protecting yourself financially immediately
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 06:14 PM
1

You need to spend a lot of time preparing for the financial hit. When you’re married everything is 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 12:51 PM
1

My ex was a doctor and we still somehow were always tight on money, always asking me to pay for more. Some people are just idiotic spenders, and a lot of those people are women
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 03:34 AM
3

I’ve also used my kids as my motivation to keep pushing forward doing the right things, so it’s not all bad. My ex is doing all kinds of passive aggressive crazy stuff to keep me from the kids and to make me out to be the bad guy. I try to stay focused on doing the right things knowing they will see it all more clearly down the road
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 07:29 PM
9

I wish I didn’t have kids with her so this could be me, but I’ll have to deal with her to some extent for probably the rest of my life. At least another 15 years
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:56 PM
2

My wife had confronted me about cheating before twice and I denied it, but the final time she claimed to come with the receipts and had at least an idea of some details etc. so I just admitted it finally and she kicked me out a week later. We had not slept together in years, no intimacy, never went on dates or trips, AND she refused to communicate or go to therapy with me. I felt cornered & trapped. Now I realize it was basically an abusive situation and I am glad I got out, but bc of my kids I …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:26 AM
2

No it all worked out well. I didn’t want to put the kids through more grief than they needed to, but she just hasn’t given a damn and made everything difficult
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 11:12 PM
3

Yeah my wife refused any intimacy or even dates or trips for over 5 years and also wouldn’t go to therapy or discuss anything directly without attacks. So then when I eventually cheated after 4 years of that she kicked me out of the house (she said if I refused to leave she would take the kids to her parents), then when I got settled she wouldn’t let the kids stay at my place. Then she started requesting money for all kinds of stupid things before we ever had any agreement. So in order to get th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 10:30 PM
3

It feels like I’ve lost my entire identity. I was a husband to a doctor with a good job, we had two beautiful girls who are my whole life, a very nice house that she never kept up well at all (place was a hoarder mess), and I was very happy with my life. The problem was she totally checked out of our relationship about 7 years ago and didn’t bother to tell me. Just started getting more and more miserable and fed up with me and I had no idea why. She wouldn’t talk about it and wouldn’t go to ther…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 06:37 PM
1

They aren’t all the same, we just chose the wrong women. There are plenty of good women out there, but probably not a majority of them and a lot of the good ones aren’t the most attractive. If you have a woman who is that great and that beautiful, you’re very unlikely to get them
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:37 PM
9

Hang in there man, I ended a 12 year marriage last year and my ex was similar. Nothing ever her fault narcissist who refused to communicate openly or go to therapy. She gaslit all the time and had me thinking there was something wrong with me for a couple years. She nearly alienated me entirely from my family. They all hate her. What I can tell you that has worked for me is just focusing on my kids, drinking a lot less, exercising more, and volunteering for something. Also smoking weed really do…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 04:18 AM
1

Thank you I appreciate that
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 12:48 AM
8

I would have been happy if my wife just went to a couple sessions with me. I know it wouldn’t have immediately changed her attraction toward me, but it would have at least helped clear the air some and help me understand what the real core problems were. She refused to go multiple times when I asked over the years. Or if I was persistent she said I should schedule it, but she’s a physician so obviously I need to schedule it at times that work for her. Of course she would never get around to that…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 08:40 PM
12

I fell into this trap. With women my experience is unfortunately you can’t allow them to push you around like this. At some point you have to stand up and make demands. The truth comes when you see how she reacts to you, and that’s why people avoid it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 12:38 AM
1

I definitely avoided any relationships where I felt like I could break up someone else’s family or that my kids knew like their friends moms etc. There were a few I am pretty certain I could’ve gotten with but that would’ve been a mess. People always find out and once you start it’s really hard to stop
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 12:35 AM
1

Yeah I mean that’s very level headed. That’s what I ended up doing lol. I even set intentional barriers where we were both very clear it wasn’t going to be serious and I wasn’t going to end my marriage, but I ended up falling for this girl anyway. She was 31 but very fun and youthful, absolutely gorgeous, smart, had a 6 figure job and her own little house, and she just loved older married guys for whatever reason. I found that there’s definitely a larger number of women than you’d think who fant…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 02:17 PM
3

Yes. And it’s not exactly that I feel like I failed, it’s that it all should have been so preventable. Wondering where I went wrong etc. Ultimately you reach a point in a relationship where there is just no going back, but what happened in the steps toward getting there. What if I knew then what I know now. It’s your mind trying to make logical sense out of a situation that isn’t logical
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:36 AM
2

The initial shock is overwhelming. I assume you haven’t cheated on her, and if that’s true I applaud your courage and admire you for how you’re handling it. I ended up cheating because I couldn’t handle the thought of leaving voluntarily
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:32 AM
2

It was the lack of real intimacy for me. I was actually surprised after I did cheat how much of what I missed was not the sex necessarily, but more the intimacy and conversation after sex. I hadn’t had that in years
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:28 AM
2

It’s exactly that. You can’t do anything for someone who won’t help themselves. There is only so much you can do, ultimately it is on your wife to take some initiative
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:26 AM
1

I don’t recommend cheating if you can find any other reasonable alternative. I never thought I would, but my only other alternative was to just leave my kids and I didn’t want to do that
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:24 AM
29

A lot of them won’t admit it but I don’t think many women care anymore after they’ve had their kids. The social dynamic doesn’t work
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:36 AM
3

I’ve been there done that. In my case my wife worked insane hours and did a lot around the house too, but she put absolutely zero effort into our relationship. I sacrificed my job, living location, and nearly my family trying to accommodate her and she was never appreciate of anything and never did her part in the relationship. She refused to go to therapy, called me crazy and angry, I went to therapy twice and they both said she was the one with the issues not me. I told her this eventually and…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:31 AM
7

I did but it had more to do with her just total lack of effort or care about our relationship
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 10:05 PM
3

I’m right there with you at the moment. My divorce was just finalized and the overall effect has been I just don’t really want to be with anyone seriously for the foreseeable future. It has sort of lost all its luster for me now, and I agree with you about modern day dating. It sucks. Women often make more than men these days, but they still want to be treated like princesses and have everything paid for etc. Then they will turn around and target you for spending any time or money on yourself. A…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 10:17 PM
2

My parents hated my ex so this part was pretty easy
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 01:17 AM
5

I never begged. I asked her at least half a dozen times to go to therapy with me and she made excuses and refused. Dead bedroom for 5 years, she wouldn’t do anything about it. I cheated on her and she caught me and that was that. I never wanted to leave her and never wanted to cheat. You can’t treat people that way and expect anything else, but so many women seem to do that
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 11:23 PM
1

Was married for 12 years and together for 14. We have 2 daughters together 11 & 8. She caught me cheating bc we hadnt been intimate in 5 years. We basically never even went on dates together for years either. She also wasn’t wearing her wedding ring for years, we didn’t sleep together, and my family all hate her. I was really scared to do anything, so when it was forced on me I was near panic mode. Had to stay in a hotel for a week before staying with my cousin and finding a place. Then getting …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 02:07 AM
1

I did that pre-divorce lol. Wife checked out years ago, wouldn’t go to therapy, I was stuck so figured what the hell. We eventually got divorced, I don’t regret a thing
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:59 AM
1

It is a bad idea. Women will just see that as pathetic or excuses. The best thing you bc an do is move on wi to your life, work on yourself and be as successful and happy as you can be, and just cut her off. If you actually want to get her back that’s the only way
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 11:48 PM
1

I put in all the effort I could. My ex refused to put in any effort and wouldn’t even go to therapy. My entire family hates her. It’s a crappy situation but I did everything I could for them and I’ll continue to do that regardless of how she acts
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:21 PM
15

It seems like generally the wives feel a need to drain the man of any resources they can, even if they come out worse for it. They have an intense need to inflict pain on being “wronged”
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 01:55 AM
3

That’s not true if the parents clearly don’t love each other and argue all the time
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:51 AM
4

You always should take whatever the court will give you financially, because the woman will squeeze every bit out of you she can regardless
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 05:17 PM
6

Here is the thing that got me over the hump my friend. It’s actually WORSE for the kids if you stay together if it’s not ever getting better. You said your child was in the next room. I’m certain they heard most of what happened. That is not good for them. I got to the point where I realized it was never going to improve much if at all, and I didn’t want my kids growing up thinking that’s normal or OK
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 05:10 PM
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