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View 4 posts and 56 comments by No_Surround_495 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

New York has legal separation which is essentially the same as a divorce. You draw up an enforceable contract much the same way as mediating a divorce. The only thing that’s different is you don’t file it and get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 10:40 PM
5

FWIW here everyone says never move out. I’m In a similar boat to you financially. I make all the momey, so I’m stuck paying the mortgage and HOA. I sold a lot of my money market accounts however, so I could move out. I couldn’t stomach being around her. She’s the one they wanted us to get a divorce. She has a boyfriend (it’s been 2.5 months since I’ve been out) and was “just a friend” before I moved out. Either way - I don’t care about my money market accounts, I don’t care that the courts might…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 09:24 AM
3

Take the money. Invest it like others say and put it away for your kids. Use it for their college. If it was the other way around, would your STBXW have a problem taking it from you?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 08:31 AM
15

So why are you on this thread if you’re a married women ?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 01:19 PM
11

I agree with what everyone else said. She’s done. Your priority is your son and at two years old, it’s a long way to go. Someone who says their weekend is ruined because you get to spend time with your son? GTFOH. Selfish. Leave her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 08:46 AM
6

We are pretty amicable, which is really because of me, which I do for my daughter. I’m not sure what her hope is, but there’s no chance I’m getting back with her mom. She wanted this and threw me out for someone new (typical story Right?), she can reap what she sowed. Everything I do is for my daughter, and if she wants to have part of her history up, so be it. But as time goes on, she will see that there’s no chance for reconciliation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:36 PM
2

My soon to be ex wife threw out a big canvas that had me and her holding our daughter when she was a week or two old. You could really only see a small sliver of our faces and hands. I hung it in my bedroom in my apartment per my daughter’s (and quite frankly mine) wishes. My almost 9 year old asked her mother why she didn’t want it anymore and she lied and said “I wanted pictures of you older, not younger”. I hope it gave her some pause thinking about her childish behavior of pretending I didn’…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:32 AM
8

My STBXW took down any and all pictures that had me in them (she’s staying in the house). My almost 9 year old daughter was helping set up our apartment and she hung them up in her space. Do I like looking at the ex? No. Even our wedding picture she hung up. But my ex is part of my daughter’s story so they are up. My point is, my opinion is keep them. It’s a part of your story and kid’s story. My ex is still my daughter’s mother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:27 AM
1

Ridiculous. Hopefully the podcasts help you guys. We wee beyond repair.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:18 AM
1

You know when we were trying to work things out, she wanted $900 an hour for counseling
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:07 AM
9

I’ve to gotten to a place where I don’t care what my STBXW does. Let her go out and pretend she’s still in high school. I’m prioritizing the time with my daughter and me first. My STBXW will make the same mistakes twice because she is not doing any of that. You know whose problem it is ? Hers. As long as I’m there for ny daughter, it is not my problem.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:44 AM
10

I’m not too far along this journey, but I assume, just like when you were married, you can never do anything right. I’ve given up trying to understand or care what my STBXW thinks or cares (at least that’s my thoughts for today - I do ebb and flow).
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:58 PM
4

You know - a lot of folks here recommend not leaving. For some’s mental health, you have to get out. Living togthrer is awful in many of these situations. I’m more worried about my mental health and surviving 18 plus months of living together miserably than j would be abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 09:17 AM
1

Got it. Smart.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 01:43 AM
1

How does this work? Do your kids live with your wife and you go get them from her house and take them to school?
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 09:13 AM
1

Not only would the money have contented if you were married, you’d be paying more! Guarantee you more disposable income at the end of the day divorced and after child support, alimony and equitable distribution than if married and spending money on all her crap.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 01:40 AM
1

I concur. This month will be when I reach out to attorney/mediator to do the separation agreement (nys allows for a separation whcih acts like a divorce but keeps you legally married. Good for insurance and taxes).
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:14 PM
1

Yeah. I’m worried about that. But one reason she wants to split from me is show the world she can survive on her own. So hopefully that means not trying to take me for as much as possible and let’s just be adults and do this amicably.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:11 PM
7

I am in the same exact boat as you except I’m still in the house for another month. Wife talking to her tinder boyfriend going out etc. At first I cared and at some point, I just stopped. Still bothers me, but you know what? Other than being scared of when I’ll see my daughter (8.5) once I’m out, I’m at peace. Time to work on me. Not to find someone new. Not to get laid. Just time to lose the 70 lbs I put on from the stress of marriage (I used to run marathons!). I’m leaving the house and found …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:02 PM
1

I’m in New York. Hoping that’s the same here. Becauee our situation is pretty unique I’d really not like a judge setting our terms.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:53 AM
1

If you’re amicable, can you negotiate whatever terms you want ? I’m asking for myself as well. About to head down this path and we are pretty amicable and fair. I’d like to stay that way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:50 AM
2

I’m in the same boat as you. I’m leaving. Can’t be here anymore. I’m worried about when I’ll see my daughter and if she’s gonna stay with me. She has Severe anxiety and won’t sleep without her mom (she’s 8.5!) and is also homeschooled. I made a lot of mistakes while married and now want to minimize the impact to her going forward. Scared for what comes next, and have to figure out what’s best. Her mom Sure isn’t helping.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 05:23 AM
6

I was in the same boat as you OP. I’ve been holding on for years while being unhappy for my daughter. We just weren’t a good fit from day 1 , but I thought we could weather it. I wish we went to therapy earlier - but not sure that would have even helped. I don’t think my wife would admit she has a problem. It was all me all the time. Either way, waiting has taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I’m cut off from social circles. Gained 60+ lbs and can’t sleep. Like I said maybe couples th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 10:00 AM
1

I’m in the same boat. SAHM who homeschools Our daughter. She wants the divorce not me. I’m looking at a separation (NY) to “stop the clock” on my pension and other assets, but she can keep insurance. At least for a year until We figure out nest steps. I feel guilty too, but again tell myself, I wasn’t the one that checked out. Goal is to make it best for my daughter. Gonna cost me a lot though since I’m moving out too. Can’t be here anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:54 AM
1

I’m in the same boat as you. Wife homeschools my daughter and my daughter has separation anxiety when leaving her. I’ve been unhappy basically our whole marriage but really got bad with the birth of my daughter. My only advice is it’s going to come to a head at some point. It took me 8.5 years but now we are headed to divorce (she initiated). I read my journal back recently and it kept saying in it “I’ll wait until daughter is 18 then I’ll go”. Point is I was trying to hold on because, like you,…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 11:06 AM
1

I’m gonna get out for my sanity. She won’t leave nowhere to go. I wish I didn’t care but I do. I’ll get there. Slowly but I will
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:15 PM
2

Thank you for this. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:24 PM
2

Of course. Lol. Rich people seem to survive everything better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:57 AM
2

I actually really like the sound of that. I don’t know who can afford it, but it sounds promising for the kids. I’m guessing from the reactions here, it’s not a great way to do it?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:27 AM
0

I see that she no longer gives our daughter her full attention because, like yours, she’s busy playing 20 year old college student as well talking to her new “boyfriend” all day. Only A matter of time (I would think) that he disappears and the novelty of whatever this is dries up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:26 AM
3

The whole situation drives me nuts. I feel the same as you. She is already moving on (or trying to, or lying to herself about it), not being there for our daughter, while im the only one thinking of the next steps. This is an awful way to live. Also, it hurts me knowing that this is the end and that I hurt her so much. I never wanted any of this. We weren’t happy for a long time, so I guess it was always coming. But I didn’t want it like this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:58 AM
1

My attitude as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:54 AM
2

Thanks brother. I’ll be better too. Luckily I have a money market retirement account that I’m using to pay to move out. Sucks that I have to raid it, but I’ll have 25+ years to work more to build it back up and I have a decent defined pension benefit even after she gets hers. Honestly - I’m telling her to stay in the house until my daughter goes to college. I’ll worry about the mortgage (will just come out from her alimony and child support). She won’t be able To find rent for what we pay and it…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 05:08 AM
1

Unfortunately just my name. We are both on the deed since she wanted to be on it when we got married. And yes - total pain in the ass. I can be stuck with it forever if she doesn’t want to sell…..
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 04:49 AM
3

She just started therapy and I’m gonna to be on my way out shortly. Hopefully it all helps. We get along fine in front of our daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 04:39 AM
4

Leaning in a month or so. Not as easy as picking up and finding a new place.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 04:03 AM
1

Why’s that? What do you mean I won’t get it back ? If the divorce or separation says we will Split the proceeds 50% when it eventually sells, What is the problem?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:32 AM
1

I don’t care about the house. I care more about my mental sanity. Move out, and when we sell it down the road, split the proceeds. My daughter needs some stability and I think staying in the house she grew up in, provides tbat. I’m in New York. I’m not worried about abandonment claims.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:16 AM
1

All I got is a) I’m scared of change (not good reason and b ) I wanna see my daughter (an ok but incorrect reason)
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:16 AM
1

Thanks brother. After 15 + years I really do think it’s all me. At least i got an amazing daughter who I love and is fun.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:15 AM
3

I agree. It’s Been wrong for awhile. Her being so disrespectful to me really is showing who she is deep down. The best pay back I guess is thriving without her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:14 AM
1

I don’t care about the house. I care more about my mental sanity. Move out, and when we sell it down the road, split the proceeds. My daughter needs some stability and I think staying in the house she grew up in, provides tbat. I’m in New York. I’m not worried about abandonment claims.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:13 AM
1

Sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:13 AM
1

I don’t care about the house. I care more about my mental sanity. Move out, and when we sell it down the road, split the proceeds. My daughter needs some stability and I think staying in the house she grew up in, provides tbat. I’m in New York. I’m not worried about abandonment claims.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:12 AM
2

I don’t care about the house. I care more about my mental sanity. Move out, and when we sell it down the road, split the proceeds. My daughter needs some stability and I think staying in the house she grew up in, provides tbat. I’m in New York. I’m not worried about abandonment claims.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:12 AM
1

Why is that?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:11 AM
1

What is nesting? Where the couple switches off for the kids during their turn? I plan on getting my own place and having my wife and daughter stay in the house? Eventually my daughter will Come with me some nights. Is that a dumb move ? Would nesting be Better?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:07 AM
4

I don’t know. I think you can control how you act on that feeling, but controlling your feelings is another ball of wax.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 11:07 PM
2

I’ve been unhappy the whole relationship. I knew I was settling in the beginning. Lots of disappointments that led me to settle here. Saw my parents and just figured Eah you settle. My mistake. At least I was smart enough not to have a second kid with her after I saw the first. Either way still sad it’s over. I would have stayed for the kid. Wrong reasons, but the thought of not controlling my schedule of seeing her sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:24 PM
5

I try but you can’t control how you feel. 15 years with someone. Child with someone. Hard to not feel disrespected and discarded. Just cause my priorities are straight (hell I would have worked on this more if it was salvageable ) and hers isn’t, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:17 PM
3

Thanks. Wife won’t be ok with that and daughters won’t want to go without her mom. I thjnk it’s all or nothing. I’ll just suck it up and be the bigger guy for my daughter and try to be in the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:11 PM
11

No desire for other women hoenelty. More concerned about what’s next for me and my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:06 PM
6

I should add that we’ve been together 14 years and married ten. I’ve been unhappy a long time as was she. She was being particularly terrible to me last May and I texted a friend venting. I said some real nasty things as did he. How she is helpless. Has bad anxiety and can’t do anything. He made fun of her hair (was short at the time) and I “didn’t defend her”. Anyway she ends up Reading them and after that was downhill. I think it was just the straw that broke the camels back - but I still feel…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:05 PM
2

Plan is to move out in February. Unfortunately we have a trip to Disney planed and haven’t told my daughter about the split. We want to give her one last trip. Not fair to cut it on her. She didn’t do anything to deserve this. I can suck it up for another month or two I guess. I’ve been this miserable for this long. It’s just awful.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:02 PM
1

I wish I had one. My marriage has been awful forever. My wife had an emotional affair and she told me she wants a divorce. I’m still in the house living our daily lives in front of my daughter like everything is ok. She went on an app and met someone and went out even “just as fiends”. Yet I’m still in denial and want to make this work. Not sure why.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 11:33 AM
2

I am considering the same situation - keep paying the mortgage so everyone can stay in the house when I eventually do move out. When we sell, we will split 50/50 (although the house was purchased prior to marrige, we both have been living here for 12 years). I think it’s the right thing to do for the stability of children and I am Not of the opinion that I need to make this any harder on anyone (including STBXW) than it has to be.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 10:40 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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