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Passive_Tuna Archive

View 8 posts and 47 comments by Passive_Tuna on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Eiffel Tower?
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:29 PM
15

I had a dream a bit ago where I was watching my wife get railed doggy by some random dude. She was visibly enjoying it (pretty much unheard of with us). She looked me in the eye and said i could have my way with her once she was done and passed out. Totally not surprising considering our sexless, loveless marriage. But definitely still gave me feels. Dreams are definitely revealing. I feel you, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 11:52 PM
1

I’ve heard of the better of spouse secretly buying homes with non disclosure agreements, etc. I assume they must have secret money or having friends or family hold their money and front the house. Very sketchy. But I can see how it could save you big $$$ from your settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:54 PM
17

You better get your name off every bill or debt that she could screw up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:48 PM
2

Agree with him that we have to find peace, happiness, fulfillment within ourselves. And that the wrong woman can ruin that. But I’d say that it’s our decisions that keep those women in our lives. And maybe I’m still too much of an optimist, but I’d like to think there are some women out there for me who can be more equal, satisfying partners and not simply accessories.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 12:20 PM
10

In the eyes of many, Honesty = Abuse. Because it hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:30 PM
1

Thanks and Congrats! Unfortunately, I’m already looking at delayed retirement due to this marriage (she was not a frugal SAHM/W). And the settlement and support (or extra settlement) is not gonna help. But at least I’ll have control over the remaining pennies.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 12:37 AM
1

She does not want to get divorced
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 07:13 PM
0

The kids having parents that are happier and get along better and can be seen to take control of their own happiness is a consideration too. No doubt we BOTH have issues. Both seeing therapists currently for some time now. I feel that “being selfless” does not necessarily mean staying at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 07:02 PM
1

This is part of what makes it so hard.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 06:14 PM
3

No intimacy at all for months. Only a couple times the year before that. And it was bad soulless. Duty sex only for the 20+ years prior that she barely enjoys. Almost no orgasms ever with me (her choice) our entire relationship. Couples therapy for almost a year now revealing the truths. I apparently make her unhappy almost daily for 23 years. She literally told me that she hasn’t trusted me emotionally or had genuine interest in being with me intimately since before we moved in together in 2001…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 06:13 PM
3

Community property state. We had nothing before marriage. Kids are 15, 17. She doesn’t have any accounts or friends or family close that could help her hide anything. She hasn’t held a job in 19 years. I’m financially screwed in the best of scenarios. But, I hear you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 05:42 PM
3

I’m sure we have $10,000 in makeup alone. Not that it could be sold. Who’s gonna want used shoes and yoga pants?! But it should be accounted for at new replacement value. And she should keep it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 01:21 AM
5

I’m curious myself. How the fuck do I add up all the makeup items, the clothes, the shoes, the Knick knacks, etc, etc, etc. The few big things seems easy. The majority of crap that cost us the majority of money is daunting.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 11:24 PM
3

Or we would have just divorced when the kids were young. That would have saved me likely millions in retirement losses due to lack of saving and over spending.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:44 PM
5

I could have had two full time, live-in nanny’s for half of what my SAHM wife overspent every year. My career would be the same and I would have had more in retirement at this point. And been happier. Somehow, I don’t think the courts would care about that though. And now I will owe her at least half and 10y-lifetime support if I get divorced. Tell me how that’s fair.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 10:47 PM
11

To be fair. She may be highly educated, healthy, with older kids, and has absolutely refused to go back to work for years. And half his income may be a high standard of living that is beyond necessary. Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:21 PM
10

Plus, you get to pay her taxes. At filing single rates. I think the fairness of this is ambiguous since we don’t know: age of the kids, your income, her education/ability to work, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:17 PM
4

No. Even though things weren’t perfect, life was in flux and there was optimism. Never seriously considered it until after few years of marriage she didn’t seem anymore comfortable with me or any further along in improving herself in any way personally besides the daily requirements of motherhood. Have been struggling with the thought since the kids were babies. 15 years now. Of course, when they were tiny, I couldn’t realistically imagine leaving them or the horror of some stranger raising my k…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 08:10 PM
10

After marriage. My wife quit working. Gave up on school. Spent much more than I ever would on herself and running a household. Had I only had child support and no wife, I’d literally have millions saved. And I would have had much more spending money for travel and whatnot along the way. Now I won’t have enough to retire at the same standard of living for more than 10 years after my original goal. And if I get divorced, she could sue for alimony that would mean she takes most of my income for 10 …
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 08:41 PM
1

I’m realizing more everyday that it’s been my decision to stay for the last 20 years. And that I’m not bringing anything to this marriage at this point (other than a wallet and my time and effort), as far as I can tell based on her responses to anything I do. And that I’m not going to improve or feel better while stuck in this depressive relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:39 PM
2

Both kids are old enough to drive. They will do what they want. I have a very good relationship with both. But my wife has tarnished my daughter’s view of me a bit and I think she may change her attitude toward me more negatively if I left. Which is already depressing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:12 PM
1

Not a snowball’s chance in HE🏒🏒. I’d actually be very happy for her if she found a libido somewhere inside herself, even if it was with someone else. I would immediately divorce her, of course, and she’d be set for life if she’s very careful. But I’d be happy for her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:09 PM
5

She refuses to work. Plans on grad school, starting in a year. She’s now 47. We have teens in private school and going to college soon. Married 20 years in community property state with likely close to 10 year alimony, maybe more. All the other entanglements you can imagine after being together for so long. Etc It ain’t gonna be easy, simple, or painless.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:12 AM
2

Yeah, no. I have teens that I don’t want to feel like they were dropped like a hot potato. Plus, I’d rather not lose any dibs on the house.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:08 AM
1

Thank you for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:04 AM
4

9 months into weekly couples counseling. Months on and off of us both doing individual therapy. Too much talk and reading over the last few years. Not a lick of evidence she actually has anymore romantic interest in me than she did when these problems started 23 years ago. Kids are mid teens. She’s already spent enough to have made staying together painful and shift our retirement goals years down the road. I might as well work until I keel over and have a chance at improving myself and maybe fi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:03 AM
1

He needs a forensic accountant and shark lawyer ASAP. Otherwise I’m guessing that he’s gonna lose out on hundreds of thousands of $$ considering her income, hidden wealth and NYC real estate.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:01 AM
2

How much time did you serve to end up with that deal?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:42 PM
2

Turns out this is kind of a moot question. Like, why would she ever give that up?? Which brings up the reality that only divorce (or legal separation?) could halt the possibility of lifetime alimony, and thus save the relationship. I feel like I’m a delirious person in a fever dream.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:28 PM
4

I totally feel like you before you made the decision to leave. Do you wish you had left differently? Like, was there a way to make it partly her decision? For me, I think my wife would be indefinitely “happy” (enough) to stay in this no intimacy marriage. So, I will have to make the move. If it ever happens.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 06:41 PM
8

But SAHM is the hardest job in the world! /s
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 03:43 PM
1

SMV?
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:43 PM
1

Same. Except 23 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:34 PM
5

Counseling and whatnot well underway for a couple months now. I just wish it seemed either of us felt more connected to each other in the slightest.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 11:45 PM
0

Working on all of that. Just not feeling it so far. Neither is she as far as I can tell. But she’d be happy enough having me as the roommate/caretaker without sex indefinitely.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 11:44 PM
2

Plus any inheritance she had as a single child.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 08:54 PM
2

Thanks for chiming in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 08:48 PM
2

I don’t really know if I can wait that long for her to figure out getting into grad school, finishing grad school and finding a job. We’re talking probably at least four or five or more years.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 08:47 PM
10

I can see us working through things. She is starting to see a career counselor after sitting at home for years (kids are in high school and driving). Her adhd is now recognized and treated medically. I am in therapy. We are in emotionally focused couple therapy. I am exercising. We are going through Hold Me Tight, Come as You Are, The ADHD Effect on Marriage, etc. We are both motivated. She has zero sexual attraction to me and has 100% responsive desire and admittedly could happily go indefinite…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:53 PM
9

Exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:27 PM
2

What’s the secret?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:23 AM
1

Money helps, too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 03:22 PM
1

That sucks. I’m assuming your taxes went way up when you now have the same income being taxed at a single rate. Did that reduced take home for you go into the alimony calculations?
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 03:43 AM
1

Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s much appreciated. Fortunately, I’m not in California. My estimates on SS length are based on local courts. It could end up worse, I guess. Does your SS end if she gets married? Can you get it adjusted lower when she starts taking social security or if your income goes down?
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 02:53 AM
1

Thanks. Sadly, I think she’s been lying to herself all that time as much as she’s been lying to me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 02:49 AM
10

Thanks. Your perspective is invaluable
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 04:09 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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