How to bring up divorce?

jimsmythee · 2024-08-19T18:19:54+00:00

I had told my now exwife that I wanted a divorce. We were in the kitchen and she was just hammering at me that everything I was doing, "wasn't good enough." She wanted a new car, because she had totaled her previous 2 cars in great big DUI crashes. She refused to work, even though both kids were in school because getting pills from 10 different doctors was her full time job. So her solution was that I needed to get a second job. I wasn't doing a good enough job cleaning up the kitchen.

And then I told her, "I have given up trying. I don't want to be financially responsible for you and your disasters anymore." She asked me if I wanted to divorce and I said "yes." She didn't say anything and she was calm about the whole thing. We were already doing separate bedrooms, so nothing really changed. Then we got sued for another crash, and had to file bankruptcy. And before that was done? She got pinched on a felony DUI.

She did her jail time and had a bunch of DUI fines and no way (other than me) to pay them. I borrowed a few grand from my mother and filed for divorce. She got served the divorce papers and she screamed so loud, I thought the neighbors were going to call 911.

Fast forward a year and the divorce trial was done and decree in hand. She read that and screamed (according to the kids) for 2 days straight. Glad I wasn't there for that.

Three_Minute_Hero · 2024-08-18T23:04:58+00:00

Brother, here’s my .02; I’m 5yrs out of a 30yr marriage. What you describe mirrors a lot of what I went through. She, too, didn’t want to get divorced. For me, the status quo was not sustainable. Been in therapy (alone) for 8yrs. Cracks started to show 10yrs ago. I had enough. I owe therapy the mental wellbeing I enjoy today. Being single after 3 decades with someone has not turned out to be overly stressful nor emotionally draining. I had 10yrs of mourning. Shit was dead for the last decade. I’m 61, and looking at the barrel of early retirement and I’m so ready to enjoy this second (and possibly last) phase of my life. This journey is too short. Wish you well, friend!

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-08-17T22:50:10+00:00

Think what would she do if she would be the one bringing it up.

Stay civil no matter what and then... Drop the hammer.

Special_Profit4509 · 2024-08-17T18:30:54+00:00

Be selfless for your kids sake. If intimacy is the issue there's a lot of work for the trust to return. But honestly if it gets lost it speaks more on personal issues from both of you. It takes constant effort and work to keep a relationship good.

bluephotoshop · 2024-08-17T17:40:32+00:00

If I ever had to do it, first, I would send the kids outside. Then I would make a pot of coffee, set down with the stbx at the kitchen table, pour her a cup, and talk about it.

soontobesolo · 2024-08-17T17:09:04+00:00

Imperative that you create a strategy with a lawyer secretly, before you do anything.

Passive_Tuna · 2024-08-17T17:21:24+00:00

Community property state. We had nothing before marriage. Kids are 15, 17. She doesn’t have any accounts or friends or family close that could help her hide anything. She hasn’t held a job in 19 years.

I financially screwed in the best of scenarios.

But, I hear you.

Title	How to bring up divorce?
Author	Passive_Tuna
Upvotes	7
Comments	20
Date	August 17, 2024 4:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1eum3j2/how_to_bring_up_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-bring-up-divorce.1527568 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527568

Comments