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PlaystationSwitchAWD Archive

View 14 posts and 147 comments by PlaystationSwitchAWD on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 04:46 AM
13

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 11:43 PM
12

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 11:52 PM
12

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 12:41 AM
11

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:20 PM
10

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 10:49 PM
8

RantPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 09:55 PM
5

PlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 05:58 AM
4

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 04:03 PM
3

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 07:10 AM
2

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 01:52 AM
2

LawyersPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:53 AM
2

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 12:39 AM
1

Need SupportPlaystationSwitchAWD/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 08:20 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I am thankful to God and my church community and this reddit community and my work community. I am thankful for state and federal resources. I still have a long way to go, but i am thankful AF for the knowledge and support of the people here
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:33 AM
3

AI models are not accurate because it doesn’t have enough public cases to train from. If you want to self represent, study the specific cases and laws in your state. But I highly recommend you retain an attorney, and then try to do as much of the administrative tasks that you can to save money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 08:13 PM
2

I am going through something similar. I've already discovered who my true friends are. Consider doing the following: - prioritize your safety and well being - speak to a counsellor. most employers provide free short-term counseling which covers domestic issues - consult a doctor. there may be stress building up that will affect you later. - don't react to her. she may be trying to bait a negative reaction out of you and get you arrested - call a state or federal domestic abuse hotline - document…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 12:58 AM
2

Please don't yell back at her. That is the reaction she is trying to get out of you. Just document each incident. Try recording each incident with an audio or video recorder. Even if you are in a state where the law requires the consent of both people, I have read cases where the court allowed evidence without explicit consent because the alleged crime / abuse took precedence over the privacy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 12:51 AM
1

I married an angel, but the spouse is now the devil. I wear a cross, holy water, flash light, and multiple cameras whenever i am at home.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 07:35 PM
3

Amen to this. This is the damn truth right here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 07:32 PM
1

Thank you so much. This is so helpful. I will go with the 401K and get a lawyer and try to mediate, and if that fails, then set a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 05:09 PM
1

Thank you bro. Glad you are out of hell. I'm in this for the long game. I upended my entire life in the UK to be with the US spouse, did the entire immigration on my own, bought the US house with my funds, and gave up 10 years of my prime. I will not be bullied or assaulted into submission. I will document and file divorce on my timeline.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 05:07 PM
2

thanks for making me laugh. much needed during these dark times
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:06 PM
9

Mine changed slowly but consistently over 10 years, but in year 10 it did a 720 degree turn. I get treated me with extreme contempt and abuse. She projects. I found out via YouTube she is a textbook Covert Narcissist. Nothing I ever to will ever be enough. All my sacrifices meant nothing. At one point, she would apologize when she makes a mistake. Now I have to apologize for her mistakes. She drains my bank account. She is preparing to bait me into making a bad reaction so I will go to jail. She…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:31 AM
2

I would do as much of the administrative work on your own and let the lawyer handle the stuff that they are good at. For me, anything that requires talking or arguing, I leave it to the lawyers. I would let the therapists or counsellors handle any emotional or psychological tasks.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 11:50 PM
1

I am so sorry brother. The best you can do is give her the minimum (which is probably half) and move on and rebuild. The system is broken against men who provide for their families. Feel free to date again when this is over. But never get married again, at least not without a pre-nup. Hang in there. Take care, stay safe, and stay healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 06:24 PM
1

Thank you brother. I'm waiting for a lawyer to return from vacation. I've talked to so many and she's still the best. I fully expect the spouse to accuse me of the exact cruelties and abuses she is doing to me. Classic behavior from a narcissist spouse who is also anti-Christian.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 08:43 PM
1

On YouTube, there are narcissist counsellors and psychologists available. Some of them make a lot of YouTube content and they sell courses, resources, or private counseling. It is worth considering.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:01 PM
2

I am so glad your oldest child hasn't spoken to the POS mother for a decade. I'm glad the truth is visible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:00 PM
2

Thank God I don't have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:55 PM
1

Did your pre-marital downpayment ever go into the joint escrow account right before the sale? Do you mean you got your full down payment back, and then any equity was split 50/50? I can trace the pre-marital funds right up until the funds went to escrow.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:54 PM
1

I have a go bag too in my car and at work. But it's so exhausting to keep this up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:48 PM
1

The home was bought at US Thanksgiving 2025, and married 4.5 years. The pre-marital funds were always kept separate but it had to come into a joint escrow account right before the purchase. I can trace the money. I put in 225K and she put in 15K. The home value also dropped 80K since Thanksgiving 2025. (bad timing) I hope I can get my full downpayment back or buy her out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:46 PM
1

Can you use your phone or a recorder to document any of the abuse you are receiving? Also just keep a daily timeline of all the shenanigans. If it rises to the level of physical assault, I’ve read cases where even in states that require consent for recording, the judge has permitted the recordings be used.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 07:19 AM
3

Have you accessed your employee assistance program from your employer or called the federal or local domestic abuse hotline? They may be helpful. I can relate to having to give 150% at all times and be aware of any and all BS coming my way constantly. She’s doing it to provoke a response in you. I’m sorry for your suffering.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 07:30 PM
1

Thank you. Yes, US based, in a community property state. Several lawyers asked if I had left the marital home. Yes the home was purchased during the marriage. It hurts because a super majority of it came from my pre-marital funds.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 05:32 PM
2

When the noise is so great, it greatly disrupts my ability to carry out my responsibilities early the next morning.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 05:28 PM
2

Thank you for the tips. It is annoying you have to continue paying the gas. But I think you are right not to rock the boat. I am actively looking for a lawyer now. In regards to moving out, if I sleep at my office once a week I guess that is not considered moving out? The spouse uses sleep depreciation tactics which hurts me a great deal when I have to volunteer early on Sundays. But I still keep the home clean, functional, and pay the majority of the home bills. Were you awarded the house becau…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 12:21 PM
6

I am glad you got to keep the house. It must feel really good to hit the cancel button. What about health and home insurance, HSA, cell phone? Any tips on keeping the house? Also, happy 4th of July. Hope your kids will be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 01:56 AM
1

Thank you for this through and thoughtful response. It's not a communication issue, it's a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I didn't realize it was going on for 10 years, slowly increasing each year until it exploded in 2026. (Credit to YoutTube and Reddit for the discovery). I am being extremely careful not get baited into a fake restraining order or fake police charge. I am also careful not to abandon the marital home as YouTube and Reddit suggest that would work against me. I am divid…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:26 PM
1

Congrats on making big steps forward. You are almost to the finish line. If I go through the buyout route, it is to my advantage, I think, because our home value just dropped significantly and we only had it for a few months.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:30 PM
1

Thank you. It is frustrating and I fear for my safety. Will keep video documenting and keep looking for a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:27 PM
1

Thank you. That is a great suggestion!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:25 PM
1

AirPods only work up to a certain level of noise. I have audio and video proof of 95 decibels coming from her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 07:22 AM
1

Thanks for confirming. I will keep looking then on Google, Yelp, Claude, blogs, Reddit, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 04:27 AM
1

Thank you brother. I will keep searching. I've already reached out to 20+ places. I might have to call/email 50+ places before I find someone who is available and who I can trust.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:59 AM
2

Thanks. It's a community property state. I hope I can get a lawyer this week. Today is the mortgage deadline. If I don't see a payment from her soon, both of our credit will drop, and I'll just kindly ask her to pay it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 04:17 PM
1

Thank you brother. I know 100% she’s trying to get a provoke a very negative reaction from me and frame this as me abusing her. I re-enabled the power and WIFI to the devices she disabled it for, and removed the roadblocks. But I know the roadblocks and power outages will be back tonight
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:09 PM
1

I am sorry you had to experience this. My spouse is doing the same thing with the garage. Did you get the divorce yet?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:05 PM
2

Thank you. I agree 100%. Working on the finding the lawyer. I already stopped speaking to her because she yells and treats me like a slave, even when I am the one doing her the favour. Is there any defence if she doesn’t pay her share of the mortgage?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:03 PM
2

i agree with this. she is seeking attention and seeking control. she would sacrifice her own well being to get a reaction out of me. i do know that if i apologize for her abusing me, it might buy me some more time before the inevitable
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:53 AM
2

Thank your for your perspective, advice and validation. I am trying to be diplomatic here and treat her with as much respect and dignity while she continues to abuse me. But it sounds like divorce is the only solution.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:51 AM
3

thank you for the thoughtful response i am keeping the home functional and clean and paying the majority of bills. but that’s not enough. she’s trying to provoke a response to get me arrested or force me out. what if i turn back on the power and wifi and send a polite message every morning? and for the roadblocks, i just move them back to their correct position and send a polite message every morning too?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:24 AM
14

Brother, you made the right decision. Don't look back, keep moving forward and make yourself and your life better than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 01:35 AM
2

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I totally agree on the double standards. did you call 911 or non emergency line when the ex was disrupting your sleep? I have evidence of the sleep disruption. i fear call cops because she is great actor and I am not.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 05:59 PM
2

Update: I have on film of her entering my room 5 times to move the camera when I was out. the last time the camera endured a throw and a kick. i have photos of the stuff she has thrown. but that was after the fact. she could argue I threw my own items.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 11:09 PM
4

I’m doing this now and saving to multiple places. I have built up weeks of evidence and am looking for the smoking gun when she tries to break into my room again or when she attacks me. Thanks bro
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 02:36 PM
2

No kids thankfully. I just got off the phone with staff at my local domestic violence center. they said leaving the home now may tip the scales in her favor when dividing marital assets. which would hurt because i paid for most of it. however, the local DV can provide free protection orders if I provide sufficient evidence. But i want to leave as soon as I collect enough evidence and I am not in danger of losing the home
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:21 AM
1

Do I report this to the non emergency line? or should i wait to call 911 when she attempts to get in again while i am sleeping?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:58 AM
3

Thank you. Hope you are safe now. I just got the voice recorder and body camera now. There is a barricade device inside the room, and i will consider adding the lock as soon as I can.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:57 AM
1

Because I don't have evidence of her trying to break in, and also she was not successful. But if she tries again, there will be evidence. Unless you think just calling the non emergency line now would help or protect me?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:43 AM
2

I'm so sorry you and your kids had to go through all that. Did you end up having to pay any support payments to the ex-spouse? Was it fair? Hope you and the kids are doing well. Hope the kids know the truth about the spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:10 AM
4

I am happy you left and haven't looked back. Hope your life is better than ever. I am grey rocking and not speaking. She is trying to provoke me enough to get me to do or say something bad so I can get locked up. I was about to call 911 if the barricade didn't hold. It feels like she is possessed by a demon or something. I am fully expecting the violence, with the way things are going. And I fully expect her to call the cops and make a false report on me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 12:27 AM
2

I am happy for you brother. I haven’t read that many stories where the man was able to leave without taking a financial hit. Is there any chance she could retaliate in the future? Eg reporting your foreign income to IRS or reporting trying to undermine your immigration if you are not a citizen yet? I hope I can leave without taking a financial hit. It’s truly not fair that i made the most sacrifices, paid the most bills, and provided a stable lifestyle while she treats me with contempt. The cont…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:57 PM
3

My mother says women are not the same as in her generation anymore. Women demand more and take more and give less. My spouse is a narcissist bully. But my brother and my cousin have a similar kind of wife. They have kids, I don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 07:12 PM
8

Sorry for your father passing away. Sorry also for the affair. I am glad you are rebuilding yourself and your life. Any tips on how you kept the house and money? Were you making about the same amount as your spouse? I make about 40% more than spouse, but I funded 80% of the downpayment and pay 70% of monthly bills while she buys stuff from Nordstrom. Spouse treats me with contempt and treats me like a slave.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 04:30 PM
2

Thanks. I believe this is totally true. It’s been hurting her so much when I am grey rocking her and not giving her the emotional response she is craving.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:13 PM
5

First congrats on the promotion. Props for getting a raise and promotion while going through a divorce which sucks away concentration, energy, time, and money. It sucks that she may get that full 7% or more. The divorce process is such a lucrative business. Take solace in knowing you kick butt at work. Money isn't always everything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 04:15 AM
3

I would get punished a lot harder if I committed such an act. I remember the spouse clearly breaking a traffic law, and despite the video evidence, she said the video was rigged. I don't think she will care if she gets a warning or a fine from law enforcement. But I will protect my dignity as much as I can.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 12:58 AM
3

Thank you. I just checked and it's a crime in my city / county / state. I will proceed accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 12:56 AM
2

For the credit lock, I did the 1 year, but there is a 7 year option too so you don't need to keep renewing each year.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:43 PM
3

I froze/locked my credit at Equifax, Transunion, and Experian. Also did an IRS pin lock in case the spouse tries anything evil since she has my SSN and info.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:48 AM
1

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I am in the same boat as you, except I don't have children, and I've only been married 5years. Please speak to some family law attorneys ASAP and hire one to represent you. No matter what you, do not move out of the marital home. Do the grey rock approach and stay calm. Are you the made source of income for your family? My spouse treats me with contempt and it's always my fault. She tried to sell our home without my permission recently. Please speak t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 10:22 PM
1

Brother get the divorce. Talk to a few family law attorneys using Google Maps. Retain or pay a deposit with the lawyer who you feel would best serve you. Get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 08:33 PM
1

Sorry brother you had to go through a similar situation, and the stakes are always higher when there are kids. I can totally imagine the worst things your spouse may be doing to you just to provoke you or get a reaction. Where are you now in the separation/divorce process? She's trying to get a reaction out of me, and she's also trying to pressure me to leave the house so it would look bad on me in divorce proceedings. I'm continue grey rocking and speaking to lawyers and family members this wee…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 04:23 PM
8

I think it's ok for a long term relationship. But I would be hesitant to get married again. There is no guarantee the woman you see while dating is the woman you get when you've been married several years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:05 AM
10

I think there are some good women out there. Regarding the woman that ghosted you, that's her loss. Honestly, you dodged a bullet brother.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:01 AM
2

Hire a lawyer. When a lawyer is retained, there are some tasks that only a lawyer can do, and there are some tasks that a paralegal can do. And you can pay accordingly. Just use Google Maps find some highly reviewed attorneys in your area. Give them a call. I will do the same next week. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 01:58 AM
1

Thanks. I got the noise cancellation earplugs already.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 01:07 AM
1

Thank you everyone for all the love and support. I will definitely speak to lawyers soon and also seek domestic abuse resources (ie hotlines, counseling, etc) I understand that if a partner leaves the household before divorce notice is served, it is very bad on the party that left. But what if I slept at work once every 2 weeks? There are some days where it’s critical I sleep well the night before. I don’t know when the sleep deprivation tactics from the spouse will be used, it is pretty random.…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 10:11 PM
2

I agree I need a lawyer. I have been trying to improve the situation as I am required to by my church. But when it became clear the goalposts kept moving and she treats me like a master instead of a partner, I began grey rocking. My hope is for a clean exit and my hope is she doesn’t trick and torture anyone else in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 07:21 PM
1

Amen brother. Thank you for this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 07:14 PM
2

No kids thankfully. Only my health and finances are at stake. Banging pots and pans are active as i type this. the sound recording and decibel levels are high. i am wearing noise reducing headphones
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 06:59 AM
2

Thank you. I am carrying an audio recording device, a cross, and a in the future: a police body cam as well. The evidence might be inadmissible in a divorce case, but I think my safety and wellbeing is more important than her privacy rights. i never would have thought all the sacrifices I made over a decade that the spouse would be treating me with contempt and abuse in recent times. Time to get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 06:56 AM
2

Hope you have good health and wealth and happiness going forward. She can kick me while I am down and recovering from surgery, but I will have full strength again one day. Besides the finances of divorce, I need to launch a coordinated action plan that would prevent any kind of future retaliation. Good luck and stay safe brother.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:25 AM
2

Thank you bro. I will be calling some family attorneys on Sunday (if open) or Monday. I'm also seeing a counsellor provided by my work and another one provided by my health insurance. By calling a lawyer, I read that it "conflicts out" the lawyer from working for my spouse, so it's a win-win situation. I'll get right on that ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 03:02 AM
1

Thank you for your service to our country, and thank you for having the patience to put up with a hostile spouse for for all those years! Hopefully your divorce gets finalized this summer and you can rebuild your life to be better than ever. I also have a sleeping bag in my car, a cot/mattress at work, and my boss offered his home to me if needed. I also slept better at work/car better than I slept in a big house. My health is fragile right now. But as soon as I recover my strength and get all m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 02:07 AM
2

Thanks for the response. I'm glad the gray rock technique worked well for you. I will speak to a lawyer soon. The US Government lumps violence and abuse all into the same area. https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence I just found out on that page they have a national hotline so I'll give them a call too. I am collecting evidence in multiple abuse categories. It's not going to end well for the spouse. I'll keep documenting / recording everything and let the future lawyer figure out what is …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 01:06 AM
1

I’m so sorry to hear that. Hope the physical and emotional scars, and the scars of injustice are healing. I have obtained an audio recording device now, in addition to my phone. I am in a state where consent for recording is needed, but i think consent goes out the window as soon as shots are fired, figuratively speaking. Stay safe brother. Thank you for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 05:33 AM
1

Did you have video or audio recording or physical injury evidence of the assault?Would the charge have been worse if you were on the giving end? I feel like the cards are stacked when it’s the husband on the receiving end, but I hope I am wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 03:04 AM
2

Thank you for sharing your experiences, and sorry to hear what you went through. Thanks for being a supportive father to your children and for having mercy on your ex spouse's professional license. Hope you are staying safe and doing well as your rebuild your life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 10:44 PM
1

Thank you for sharing this so openly. It means a lot. The DARVO walk story hits close to mine. I've lived the exact same dynamic. I don't know if it's a biological trait or people studied it like a strategy or cult. It's textbook behavior and it's scarily similar. The fact that you felt peaceful when she told you to leave, I think about that a lot. Whether I will feel relief or grief when it finally happens. The financial side is sobering, but your point about time and peace is what stays with m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:45 AM
1

I'm so sorry your spouse blamed you for everything for 17 years. Your experience sounds very similar to mine, except mine was just 10 years. What eventually made you decide on getting the divorce? Was there a defining moment, or just a cumulation of events? And did you end having to pay a lot of money? Would you get married again? What kind of troubles are you having right now? I've been mostly sick for the past 8 moths from the abuse and contempt, but I am still evaluating all the pros/cons and…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 02:59 AM
2

So sorry for what you are going through. I can relate to the spouse not letting me in on her finances. I had to fully disclose mine retroactively, while she hers in the shadows. Let me guess that you paid for all the counseling as well? I hope you are able to get justice through your lawyer(s). Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 03:26 AM
1

Thank you for the thoughtful and thorough analysis and suggestions. We don't have kids, and she's been speaking to me with extreme contempt for 2 years, so I taken a long timeout to reflect and detox. I'm just thinking thoughtfully and weighing my options now because the ultimatums have become very lopsided and unreasonable in nature. She herself has admitted of the brokeness and incompatibility several times, yet she is still sticking around probably because of the financial comfort. She tried …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 04:08 PM
2

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It is extremely hard. My spouse is also an abusive narcissist. I'm thinking to apply for a protection order, but will probably not because #1) the bar to prove this is very high #2) I am guessing it is very expensive. No lawyer will give an exact quote. It might be cleaner, cheaper, and faster to file a regular divorce after speaking with a few lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:42 PM
2

Thanks. Great point. I feel like she is trying to set a trap for me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:36 PM
1

I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Hope you found some peace and happiness now as you rebuild your life. At the beginning of my suffering, I thought it was just me and I had to just be a man and absorb it. But as I started attending church, building a network, and participating in Reddit, I realized i am not alone and this is not an isolated incident and this is not normal. I agree with you 100% that each time we achieved XYZ, the goalposts kept moving. It’s just sad for a 10 year rela…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:44 AM
1

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. have you spoken to a counsellor or to an attorney? Once you have more knowledge and know your options, you might see light at the end of the tunnel. Did you or your spouse sponsor their parents to live here too?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:14 AM
2

Thanks. I will not give in to threats and bullying anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:58 AM
2

I didn't laugh, as that would have been like provoking an angry bear. But I know she will make more threats going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:57 AM
1

I'm sorry your spouse got 1/2 of the appraised value. Hope your life is a lot better now. I can actually prove and trace the downpayment funds was from before marriage, and only used for the downpayment. I only used said funds to help pay a disproportionate amount of the home since I worked longer and harder than her. But I think she might be able to go after any appreciation in the pre-marital funds or any appreciation in the home.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:43 PM
1

I'm in a community property state. While the home ownership is 50/50, I paid 80% of the downpayment with pre-marital, non-commingled funds, and pay 75% of all monthly bills. I really hope in the event of a home sale, she doesn't get more than her share of the down payment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:26 PM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:22 PM
2

For a few minutes, I thought she could carry through the threat. But after checking my state and county laws, I realized it was just another BS threat. But the scary thing is there will be more threats going forward, some she can't carry through, and some where she can...
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:19 PM
1

Thank you for the kind words. If there is a settlement, does it take weeks to months to years?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:18 PM
1

I figure she could insert my signature using software, but eventually the judge will just split the proceeds anyway. I kind of hope she tries to sell without me so I can try to go after her with a fraud charge.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 11:03 PM
1

Do you own a home in California? If so, did you add her to the home deed? Also how much will you owe for support payments. The fact that she took off may help your case, but you need to speak to attorneys ASAP to minimize the damage. Knowledge is king, brother. praying for you, praying for all of us. This is a nightmare for all of us. From one immigrant to another immigrant: I feel your pain bro.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 05:57 PM
5

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I think she’s not the right person for you. I think divorce is the right option. I hope you can find someone better, but also learn that it’s fine when you are alone. If the wife does come back, you might have to refile i130 and i485 all over again. Have you spoken to a family law and immigration attorney? My wife also threatened to leave several times during the 10 year relationship. She was also “it’s my way or the highway” kind of person. She also neve…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 05:07 AM
3

Looking forward to some future updates, whether good news or not so good news. I think consistency and showing up daily might wear out the opposition in the long run. I hope your kids will one day understand the truth and support you more for doing the right thing. I am using the patience game to try to wear out my opposition as I keep researching and collecting evidence. Also, something to consider for the future, but can you prove that the opposition worked the system and filed a fake report o…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 12:54 AM
2

I remember you. I’m sorry bro. Keep showing up every day and hopefully it makes a difference in the long run. Praying and rooting for you
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 08:29 PM
2

Thank you so much for this bro. Really needed this. When I'm down, I pray to God, volunteer at church, and also play video games (Octopath Traveller 0 got me through some of the darkest moments of my life. Now working on Octopath Traveller 2). Stay safe and keep fighting and keep rebuilding bro. Praying and rooting for you all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 09:17 PM
1

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. You provided a home and children and it's still not enough. I sold my small business in the UK and moved to the US to be with the spouse. I had to learn a new career from scratch as an old timer. I got a stable job here now. Provided her with a beautiful home, all insurance, and a very comfortable life. What does she do? She demands I sell my UK real estate too! And she demanded that our current home in the suburbs be upgraded to a city mansion within…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 11:50 PM
2

This is my 2nd rodeo. I will most likely not marry again because I’m sick of this. Unless the new partner has a much better personality and is also wealthier.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 04:44 PM
17

I completely agree. My spouse wants a loyal subject that says yes to everything, no matter how unreasonable or illogical. She wants complete control. Rules apply to me, not to her. Don’t even bother fact checking her. It was never about an equal partnership, it was always about absolute dictatorship. Some women are worst or better than others. But what if they are all eventually like this?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 05:41 AM
3

Good job. But make sure those hard drives are encrypted bro. Don't want intimate memories falling into the wrong hands.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:57 PM
5

Archive and store them in a safe place, along with your other photos. One day our memory will fail. Mine's already starting to fail.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:54 PM
6

I've started to develop some friendships at church, volunteering, and Toastmasters. I also re-started video games and also studying programming languages and the bible in my spare time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 07:00 PM
3

Sorry bro. Pick personality over looks next time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:08 AM
5

I can relate to the credit cards and volcanic temper. The spouse steals stationary from work and also bullies her boss and gossips at work
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:08 AM
7

Sorry you had to go through with that. Hope you can find a peaceful solution without hurting the kids. That will be tough. My spouse acts like a child but says I act like a child (projection). She bullies me verbally, emotionally, financially, and immigration-wise. She uses my credit card without permission. She is a low earner, high spender. She keeps moving the goalposts every year on her bad behavior. She is never wrong. She can't be fact checked. She treats me with contempt. I'm trying to be…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:04 AM
5

It's time to kick her to the curb and move on. OP deserves a lot better. OP, it's time to move on. You can continue being a great dad to your daughters.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 10:24 PM
7

Sorry brother. Your wife is only trying to save this now because she got caught. You can continue being a great father and get 50/50 custody (or better). You can't trust your spouse anymore. Time to move on and rebuild your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 10:23 PM
6

I am so happy for you. Thank your for sharing. I love this part "And if you keep showing up, especially when you don’t feel like it, you come out different on the other side. Stronger, clearer, more grounded." This is so true.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:49 AM
2

I would like to remain in the US. I love my church and work community. There are some federal government staff at my church, and I also called the federal government and they said I have a straight path forward to citizenship, with or without the spouse, as long as I submit the 10 years of relationship evidence to prove it was bona fide. The home is in both of our names. She tried to force the sale of my UK home which I declined. It will be really sad if the spouse gets to take half of the house…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 09:59 PM
1

I can relate to this
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 09:59 PM
1

Is the recorded evidence admissible in court? Hope you get a favorable outcome for you and your kids. Hope the STBXW doesn't take more of your money than she's entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 09:18 PM
2

Assets are generally split 50/50. Are your accounts commingled? Are there any pre-marital assets? You need to talk to attorney. Wife cheating will hurt her, IMO. If you get married again, get a pre-nup. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:12 PM
4

My spouse committed financial, verbal, emotional, and immigration abuse against me. I pay for 70% of fixed bills, 75% of non-fixed bills, do most of home upkeep, and paid 85% of down payment for our home. She is a bully, hypocrite, narcissistic, dishonest, extremely controlling, and always the victim. We spent 10 years together including 4 as married. The goalposts are moving every single year in terms of her bad behavior. She even bullies her manager at work. i saw some warning signs in year 4 …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 04:22 PM
1

I am glad you signed the agreement and can move on. Why were the fees so high? We’re all your accounts and assets commingled or joint? Any kids or property? 200-300K will bankrupt most people
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 12:58 AM
2

I did that before I got married. It was such a rewarding experience. If I get divorced, I will definitely start it again. Also since I started attending church again and volunteering there, it has become a place of refuge, along with my video games.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 10:14 PM
4

Pursue hobbies, go out with friends, get involved with community and volunteering. You can do it bro!
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 09:55 PM
2

It sounds like the odds are stacked against you. Kudos for having the courage to officially file. I hope you and your lawyer get a favorable outcome. Hope you find peace and healing during these tremendously challenging times. God, Reddit, my church community, my work, and video games have been my source of strength and refuge during my struggles.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:51 PM
8

If the woman is rarely paying for anything now, you can expect it will get worse after marriage. I think during dating, my partner paid for 40-45% of dates. But after marriage, I had to foot 85% of the downpayment for a home. Bro, I would get out if I were you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 10:50 PM
3

My spouse mandated I sell my pre-marital property in the UK. I checked with the state laws, and as long as the accounts were not co-mingled, and you never took marital assets to pay for any of the expenses of the pre-marital property, the spouse doesn't have a right to claim your property. If the value increased, I'm not sure if she qualifies for any of that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 10:48 PM
2

That's horrible she asked for so much! I'm glad you declined. Will you get custody of your daughter, or will it be split 50/50? When you build or purchase a new home, will your daughter stay there too? I contributed 7-8X the amount on my downpayment (pre-marital, separate account), and also pay 50% more than spouse on the monthly bills (separate account). Spouse lied that she contributed more, I will find out when I complete an audit. If there is a divorce, I will give back her share and any equ…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:43 PM
2

I feel for you bro. Life will get better once this is all over. Do you anticipate the home will go 50/50? Did either person pay more for the downpayment or monthly mortgage? I am excited for the rebuild once the house sells and everything divorce related is completed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 10:03 PM
1

Thanks for the insight. She's acknowledged before that this is broken, and she's acknowledged once that she is not a good wife. But either is too embarrassed to admit to family and friends that this failed, or she is using me for kindness and finances.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 04:33 PM
2

I'm sorry you are going through a very difficult experience. It's always harder when there are kids involved. I hope you have much brightner days ahead. My spouse sounds a lot like your spouse. If I do file a divorce, and we are both living in the same house while I decide to buy out her share or just refinance, or we both move out, I know she will stage a scene and call the police and I'll be in trouble (being a UK immigrant). She always plays the victim at work, at restaurants, etc. But I do w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:52 PM
1

Yes, it seems that way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:45 PM
2

According to my counsellors and church community, I've put in way more than enough. But I need to try one last time for the current conflict. I think you are right that any change she makes will be temporary and fear based. But it's also my fault that I put up with her shenanigans for far too long, and it's her fault to keep increasing the shenanigans every year, moving the goal posts every year.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:45 PM
2

Thanks. I'm aware that a few years after marriage she is trying to extract as much financial resources out of me as possible. But I want to make a good faith effort, and she has to address at least half of her worst traits, then I can peacefully walk away knowing I gave it my best.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:41 PM
2

Thanks for the response. I don't believe she's cheated, but there are a few times she doesn't come home. She's tried to leave about 6 times before, but I talked her out of it. I don't think I would talk her out of it again if she attempts a 7th time. I fear losing my pre-marital assets, to be honest. I fear the ugly process of divorce. She won't fight fair. But after checking the law and other cases in my state, my case is highly winnable. Frankly, I don't think I will get married again if this …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:39 PM
2

if i divorce, i’ll get a dog for sure. a dog is man’s best friend
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 06:18 AM
1

Currently no, because she has been hostile and upset still for several weeks. But usually, I would say there is peace around 60% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:09 AM
2

Congrats on finalizing the divorce. I'm really happy you realized the need for structure and started building on it each day. Keep moving forward each day, building upon the victories. I hope you get the peace and happiness you deserve. I am considering a divorce and the thing I will miss the most about married life is having structure, especially on weekends and holidays. I've started meal planning and also filling up my schedule weeks or months in advance with volunteering, activities, profess…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 02:21 AM
1

First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you already know the answer to your question. Maybe give it a final attempt at improving things via counseling or church? My spouse is also extremely controlling and micro managing, yells and screams, nitpicks, cannot be fact checked. She mocks my stuttering and forgetfulness. When there is an argument, she does not fight fair. She uses my credit cards without asking. She also has made attempts at acquiring my pre-marital assets. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 11:20 PM
1

Is the house jointly own? If so, you are entitled to equity at the very least. I'm so sorry how abusive and dishonest your wife is to you. It sounds like if you give an inch, she will take 4 inches. I hope one day when your kids grow up, they realize the sacrifices you made. Hang in there. Things will get better. Don't pull any more all nighters for that woman.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:53 AM
5

My spouse acts like an angel in public. But in reality, she is the exact opposite, to put it kindly.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 05:31 AM
2

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Thank you for sacrificing yourself for your kids. I appreciate you being a grey rock towards the spouse. Please take good care of yourself. Question: Why or how did she pressure you to leave the house?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 05:28 AM
2

You should accept the divorce papers or it won’t look good on you in court. Also can you find a cheap or free lawyer? If not, chatgpt or claude is better than nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:42 PM
1

Sorry to hear about your 24 year marriage ending that way. Hope you've found peace and happiness since. You make a good point about the I-864. While I would never need her financial support, it could serve as leverage if she decides to fight dirty, and knowing her, she will. Even if we somehow survive this current period, I can already see what's coming: demands for a new car, new jewelry, a house in the city near downtown, and more ultimatums. We live in the suburbs and she's made clear she wan…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 04:39 PM
1

I don't remember me or her signing an I-864, but I do recall the language saying I won't be a financial burden or a public charge ever. I just know if I am unemployed, I will take money from my UK pension / retirement / savings while looking for a new US job. Thanks for the link on the counseling. I'm afraid the worst case would be a 50 / 50 split, even if every account has been separate from the start. Thanks for your help and advice.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 04:14 PM
1

If pre-marital assets (full paper trail available) were used to pay 85% of the down payment, do i get that 85% back in case of divorce and home sale?
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 12:39 AM
6

You are not human, you are a super human and you are killing it! Keep up the great work! Please get enough sleep and downtime. It’s not fair that an ex doesn’t have to work and just collect money.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 05:10 PM
1

Yes the UK home was acquired before marriage. That rental income goes to a separate account in UK, but a few times I brought over some of the rental income to help with the US bills. Our US accounts are separate. I agree she has a claim to the US property because it’s in both of our names and she contributed 15% of the total down payment, and contributes to the monthly mortgage. I just hope it’s not a 50/50 split. Will talk to accountants, finance, and lawyers in US and UK.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 03:09 PM
2

I am glad you are out of that marriage. I hope you live happy and well from this point onwards. Did the wife contribute to the down payment so the judge awarded her equity? I am in WA and I paid 85% of the down payment and if there is divorce, she may get half of the sale which is so unfair.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 03:56 AM
1

Thank you for your feedback and kind words. The state is Washington. I will definitely keep my eyes and ears open to all view points and perspectives. The spouse might try to sabotage my immigration, but I've already built enough evidence and continue to build evidence on my case. I feel if I divorce now, it will make my immigration case even stronger, but it would close the door to reconciliation and I might lose all the financial investments I made to the house. I'll keep trying, praying, seek…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 06:21 PM
2

Thank you for your kind words and advice. Sorry you are going through a divorce and going through all the pain. I hope you find peace and happiness soon. I'm sorry your spouse destroyed what you had, but I'm glad you were able to learn from the experience. I too feel that I can build great things without the chaos of my current spouse. I probably won't date or get married again after this. Since getting married, about half the time is chaos and drama. Take care and stay safe.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 06:15 PM
1

Thanks for your feedback and kind words. I do agree that the spouse has compulsive behaviors, but she blames that on me. I also agree the financial infidelity is a major issue. I'm still going to try to make this work with counseling and prayers, while preparing at the same time for any risks financially or immigration wise. Thankfully I've built up a community of support at my church and various volunteer places. I am more scared of losing my downpayment.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 06:10 PM
3

I am not sure counselling will help, but it’s worth a try. Does your work provide individual or couples counselling? My spouse puts on a show outside where she is positive, pleasant, and outgoing. But in real life, she is despicable, judgemental, and a bully. She is full of pride and hate. We did counselling once and she was so polite, but it didn’t provide any results. My spouse also depends on me financially. She makes above minimum wage. Good luck and best wishes. Praying for you bro.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 05:10 PM
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