Howdy folks,

My spouse has some positive qualities and some negative ones. Do others out there have a spouse that has a good balance of pros and cons? I feel like over time, I've uncovered more issues than positive traits with my spouse. We've been together 10 years, including 4 as a married couple. I'm trying to find a way to fix us, but it seems hard. Here is the list. Am I being unfair?

Positive qualities

  • Good mood creates a pleasant home atmosphere (cooking, positivity, jokes)
  • Provides structure for weekends, holidays, trips
  • Buys me clothing
  • Can be loyal
  • Has good fashion sense

Negative qualities

  • Very controlling and doesn't negotiate in good faith
  • Judgmental — counts faults, not blessings
  • Hypocritical / double standards (rules apply to me, not her)
  • Has a public face and a private face
  • Lacks empathy and self-awareness, plays victim
  • Bullying (her manager, me)
  • Quick to anger, low patience
  • Sensitive to everything
  • Blames without getting all information
  • Stubborn
  • Brags about ignoring coworkers
  • Poor financial judgment — great at spending, not at making or investing money
  • Doesn't apologize when wrong
  • Can't be fact checked
  • Ultimatums (if we don't get a house by this year, we're done. if we don't get a city home in 5 years, we're done)
  • Uses silent treatment to get what she wants
  • Contributes insufficiently with home tasks and home finances (not even close to half)
  • Has no interest in church, volunteering, community service, etc
  • Mocks my stuttering and forgetfulness

My negative qualities:

  • I am unintelligent and slow
  • I am awkward socially
  • I can be forgetful
  • I can be disorganized
  • I may have symptoms of OCD

We've tried counseling once, and I am currently also in counseling by myself. I'm also talking a lot to my church community in the US and UK. Family and friends want us to stay together because when we are old, we need someone to look after one another. I'm not sure at this point if I get critically ill, if she will care for me, but I'm probably just being negative.

Thanks.