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PutInternational5252 Archive

View 5 posts and 26 comments by PutInternational5252 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

Emails from ex go to a special folder that I look at once a week, or now that I'm a little better regulated, I look at them then send them there to fester until I feel like looking at them again. Most of what she sends is just stirring things up to create her own drama. Responding...do it later. Procrastinate the fuck out of getting back to her. Grey rock. Look it up. There is almost nothing that requires a timely response, at least not for you. Emails from the lawyer are worse. Her lawyer sends…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 03:05 PM
1

If you go with an ARM, the risk is that rates will adjust up or you'll feel sad if rates go way down. But there are rules about how much they can adjust either way each term and total. Carefully read those rules. What are you afraid of? That you can't afford a mortgage now? An ARM might work. That rates will go up from where they are? Maybe a 30-year fixed is a better bet. That rates will drop considerably? Maybe an ARM then. If the rates go up to the maximum allowed in the ARM terms will you be…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 11:41 PM
1

So our tax bracket or effective tax break would be a good starting point?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 03:46 PM
1

Huh. I did list objections to just about every one of her requests using a list similar to yours. My lawyer told me we'd make the objections but to "get what you can and we'll provide it." Basically, at this point, I've given her everything she's asked for. Thanks for this response. I think I need a lawyer who has a coherent strategy for dealing with her max-pain strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 03:19 PM
5

You could try a collaborative mediator. I wish we had started with one, but lawyers got in both of our heads and we spent a lot of time, money, and hatred in just a few months. I've found the financial side to be fair so far, but we haven't had our first settlement discussion. We also got a clinical psychologist to help with coparenting. We'll see. A lot of what you're going through is fear of the unknown, and once you talk to lawyer or she starts talking to her divorced friends the fear and anx…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:24 AM
3

I'm 52. Raised my kid and homeschooled her, and we were going to travel for a few years to work on our family. Ex got a promotion, took my kid, changed the locks, and alienated me. I've seen kids only a few days this summer, and they hardly look up from the new phone my ex bought them first thing. I was the one who got them ready for school and taught them some responsibility while the wife took them shopping and on playdates, and it's been a complete mindfuck to now be called the bad parent, ov…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:12 AM
5

The point is that she wins and you pay. Don't matter that the kid is going to drive a 20 year old car, won't go to summer camps, and will take out student loans. She wins, yea!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 05:34 AM
1

Not at all. Through this process I kept wanting to believe she can be decent and reasonable and she hasn't been.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 01:53 AM
1

Thanks. Yeah, you're right.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 12:03 AM
1

I hear what you're saying and I've told her I'm not dropping the lawyer or stopping the court process, but will listen to the mediator. Nothing promised, but so far their CDFP seems fair. She filed while I was on a family trip and also dropped a PO (denied). When I came back she picked up the kids because the judge ordered she should get parent time at the order for the PO. Locks were changed. Lawyer said he could probably get me back in teh house after 4-6 weeks and some hearings, and who knows…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 10:43 PM
2

A man's journey through divorce podcast. Try it, he talks a lot about stoicism and does consults. It's hard dude. I knew all this shit and helped my bro through a divorce years ago, but now that I'm going through it I forgot everything and he's propping me up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 05:08 PM
1

My experience: no, nothing short of DV or meth will make a difference. My ex had a litany of declarations from friends and family against me, just to defame me. Shit like, he just plays video games and is overcontrolling. All it did was get the lawyers billable hours. What does your counselor say? I'd start prepping yourself for the divorce. Making your own life and all, establish a relationship with the kids, have a plan for being unmarried, because this process isn't easy on fathers. Your chur…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 12:26 AM
3

contentious marriage = contentious divorce = contentious post-divorce. If you don't want her coming back at you later, get a collaborative attorney to write up an agreement and your own atty to review the final decree.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 05:44 PM
1

If you think she's at the same point, find a marriage counselor that does discernment counseling. They don't try to fix anything, they try to help you figure out if divorce is what you both want. If it is, then find a collaborative divorce lawyer or mediator. They can sit down with you and the STBX to figure out a parenting plan. Start working on yourself at the same time--figure out who you are because you're going to have a lot of days where you won't see your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:03 AM
6

Sorry man. You're at a cancer center right? Pancreatic isn't for Joe Oncologist who sees just a few cases a year. Stage IV doesn't leave you a lot of options, but you want an oncologist who knows what he's doing. Sounds like you were healthy going in and that works in your favor. There might be some radiation and chemo options that can help with your pain but you want a doc who sees lots of pancreatic cancers. When my ex has my kids, I write letters to them in a journal. Everything I can remembe…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 09:17 PM
1

The difference between amicable and nuclear is how much you pay your lawyers, and how you handle coparenting post-divorce. You want to be poor and fight with your ex for the rest of your shared custody life, light it up. Still get a lawyer, but a collaborative one that will help you see past the emotion. Once you get angry and scared, lawyers and family court will pile on the leeche to take w/e you have and leave you hating eachother. The end result is going to be about the same, it's just how m…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 06:27 PM
2

Would that show non-wage compensation, like stock grants, exercised stock option purchases, or stocks gifted by her company? Because I have our tax return transcripts and just need to know where to look for it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 11:54 PM
2

So mediation day I just say "This doesn't look right" and if she doesn't own it...?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 11:32 PM
1

She's got me there. All my accounts are with a joint money manager, her 401k and brokerage are held in accounts that only she has access to. Best I can do is show up with the statements. I also disclosed everything in discovery already, but haven't sent her a discovery request.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 11:32 PM
3

figure out who you are. best case scenario you are going to be a part time dad, and if your only identity is father you are in for a hell you can't imagine. make sure you are primary account holder and not authorized user on all your accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:47 AM
2

It's been weeks and I just can't concentrate. My contract work business I'm just not doing anything and it was going downhill and I didn't care. Today I just took a new job and I'm just so afraid that I'm going to fail at it. I haven't seen my kid in over a month and my ex is just playing games with me, I think to try and get me to voluntarily give up 50-50 custody. I exercise every day but just don't feel anything good, and if I do it's gone in a minute. No women, I just don't care, but smoke n…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 12:09 AM
1

No kids? Yes and yes. Kids? No, can't tell you (but I don't think so).
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 04:15 AM
1

Tread carefully. I wish we had gone the collaborative divorce from the get go. We sort of tried, but a bad mediator and a nasty friend of ex got us lawyering up quick. Lawyers made things worse fast. It's cost us almost 2% of our net worth and we aren't through temporary orders and discovery yet. I am deciding whether to fight for 50-50 custody, my ex has bought my daughter and turned her on me, and I'm looking at every other weekend and maybe supervised visits if they can, even though before I …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 09:30 PM
2

This is important: the named beneficiary supercedes anything in your will. You die on the way to sign the change of beneficiary papers and your ex is golden.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 09:11 PM
1

They rarely answer, and if they do it's just a word or 2. I try and keep whatever I say positive, tell them I miss them, ask them what they are doing, and always respond if they text me. I don't want to ask them why they aren't coming over anymore. I assume anything I say to them will end up twisted into evidence later.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 10:11 PM
1

early teens
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:58 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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