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Solaresa Archive

View 4 posts and 190 comments by Solaresa on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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17

Nope. Call this the price of a valuable lesson and never speak to him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 10:38 AM
64

I have a very sporadic period and don't carry pads or tampons for myself, but I carry some of each at all times in case a sister needs one. I also have them visible and available in my bathroom for any guests - I don't want anyone to have to come out and ask where they are of if I have any.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:46 PM
108

How? How???? Men are literally praised for cooking pasta badly when the instructions are on the packet and one singular Google away if he isn't sure. Those meal prep kits have recipes including cooking time and everything on them. It should not be possible to fuck up this badly, and I am convinced that it's learned helplessness to ensure he never has to cook again. But no, all we get is "wow, so proud of him for trying?". Sis, is he a toddler?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:32 PM
8

This is what we love to see - another woman realising her worth and going out to get it. I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to hear about your new life. ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 09:30 AM
47

Time to leave the changing room and wait for him outside the stall door to film his face, then go to the cops. 😇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 12:49 AM
18

Holy hell, the depths people will sink to to defend male behaviour. Now something physiological and biological that happens after someone gives birth is suddenly an excuse for their partner (who did not give birth) to act like trash? So this poor woman has to deal with not only her own PPD/PPA, but also his PPD?????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 11:33 PM
21

Hey girl, just to reiterate what the other women here have said, this is absolutely a relatable feeling and you are not alone. Having HV friends is super important for this reason. I used to have friendships that made me feel drained and unappreciated and I blamed myself because of all the pressure on women to be motherly and love everyone in our lives unconditionally. I now exclusively keep friendships that give me as much as I put into them. I feel validated ad appreciated, and I validate and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 10:31 PM
34

Same boat here! Not quite the same boat as you, since I lost my virginity quite young, but had only had one sexual partner (and only had sex five times) by the time I was 24. I used to be so embarrassed that I had so little experience. I used to tell guys about it when we started dating and let them know that I didn't really know what I was doing and apologise for it. Awful, I know. I've still only had sex with three men to this day (I'm in my late 20s), and I'll never tell another man that. It'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:10 PM
6

God, this is so sad to read. You can feel the heartbreak in her words. She trusted this man, thought he was one of the good ones, and spent 12 years building a life and family with him. And he insults her body behind her back with all of his friends and finds it funny. This is why you can never stop vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:07 PM
21

The sad truth is that I don't know, because I've never had it. MY guess is that my list would look similar to yours. I also can't handle any kind of impatience. I need both of us to be willing and able to set aside the time to take things slowly and build up the energy. I get zero pleasure when I feel like a man is just trying to get off and fall asleep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:00 PM
67

The double standard isn't just from the man specifically in the relationship - it's all around us. The reason they think they can get away with the absolute bare minimum and expect to have a gorgeous 8/10 partner who cooks, cleans, gives BJs daily, etc. is because it's reinforced every day by the world around us. Women are supposed to look flawless (not too made up, but not lazy!), keep the house clean (but never "nag" about their partner being messy), cook (whatever he wants, of course!), work …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:58 PM
11

Yes, queen! I recently did the same thing - been with this guy for over a year and ended the relationship because I finally stopped making excuses for his behaviour. Can I just say that that is the worst excuse for not saying nice things I've ever heard? As if we aren't all acutely aware that we live in the real world, where you don't always hear what you want to. You know the one person who should be kind to you and tell you nice things? Your damn partner. How pathetic that he feels so threaten…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:52 PM
4

Thank you so much! I am enjoying it so much so far. Way less pressure and stress. Just learning to love myself again. ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:45 PM
138

Sis, this had me CACKLING. Scrote really thinks he's some kind of foreplay god. It's truly remarkable how little men understand female sexuality and arousal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 01:57 AM
27

Absolutely. As terrible as this thread was, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the comments were as they should be, and not some "apologise and buy her flowers" type bs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 01:48 AM
62

This line in particular struck a chord with me: " I was trying to comfort her. She just would not stop crying. I couldn't sleep because of that. I felt so guilty. Around 1 am, I could not stand seeing her in pain anymore." So much to unpack here, so let's try: I was trying to comfort her. Douche, she doesn't want comfort, she needs medical attention. You can't comfort the hurt out of someone who is severely ill or injured. She would not stop crying. Not could not. Would not. As though this was a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 01:41 AM
83

Oooh, good catch. I missed that last part. She cooked and he behaves like he is so grateful to her for cooking for him and his friends even when she was feeling unwell...and then he doesn't even do the bare minimum and wash the dishes. Also the fact that he says she always downplays feeling ill and very rarely gets sick or says she feels sick... how can you not take her seriously, then? Such a violation of trust. I would be devastated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:24 AM
172

This is absolutely the case. I genuinely considered myself asexual for quite a long time because I just didn't have any interest in sex with my long term partners. I realised that throughout the relationship I had given a lot more than I ever got in terms of love, care, kindness, compassion, etc. and I just couldn't be sexually interested in them anymore because I felt resentful of that. I really think this is likely to be very common in women in long term heterosexual relationships. I feel like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 11:46 PM
26

That's the other thing - half the advice you get is "just stop doing housework then!". Yeah, but...unlike some men, I actually don't like living in a dump and it's very stressful and unpleasant to do so. So no thanks, I'll ditch the guy instead of my quality of life. 😇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 10:17 PM
32

Absolutely me too. And if you've been living alone/with flatmates for several years and he never has? You can be your ass that you'll be playing mother and either teaching him to be an adult or doing his shit yourself for as long as you live together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 10:09 PM
2

I believe the phrasing in the handbook is: "That's the not type of date I'm accustomed to.". Either that, or as the comment below says, just block and delete when they try it on. No need to waste time if they're going to waste yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:20 PM
8

For me it's definitely sociology. Women are essentially trained from birth to be people pleasers. We are judged more harshly for not taking others' feelings into account, taught that our role is essentially to be a caregiver and healer. This is, of course, very toxic and unhealthy. However, when women realise this and harness it for themselves, I believe it makes us great friends, great partners, great daughters, mothers, sisters, aunts. When we are able to take care of ourselves and harness all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:02 PM
93

I was just reading this in horror. "But babe, why should we have a nice meal at a nice restaurant, when you can buy more caloric content for less at McDonalds?????" Tragic. I hope she finds someone who isn't a cheapskate and wants to share nice experiences with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:52 PM
193

"Don't appreciate the comments calling him disgusting with no advice." Well honey, when he's that disgusting the advice seems pretty obvious...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:45 PM
120

In my experience, men who have never lived alone do not know how to take care of the most basic household duties and have no idea what is required to keep a household running. For me, it's nothing to do with financial independence (although obviously that is another aspect to it), but about them having been coddled and not having a clue how to do anything for themselves/expecting housework to magically get done for them like it did with their ex/their mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:44 PM
29

Okay ladies, my last update was a little sad, and I'm happy to say that this week has been so so much better. Last week, I finally ditched an LVM I have been dating for quite a long time, and I have felt so free and unstressed ever since. I have taken up drawing again (I'm no good as I haven't drawn in over ten years) and am enjoying it so much. I have spent more time with my family, friends, pet, and hobbies. I've scheduled a haircut for the week after next and I am excited to get it cut drasti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:12 PM
9

Aww, I'm so happy for you! Congratulations on your new kitten and lovely date. 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:02 PM
13

Lesson learned, sister! Move on with your new non-negotiable and the knowledge that when you're thinking about dropping someone regularly, just do it and find someone who is better for you. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:01 PM
18

Dear god, the depths are unfathomable...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:00 PM
84

Men and society as a whole want women to believe this. That way we don't compare notes, don't discuss, don't support one another in ending shitty relationships. Instead we play doormat to LV/NVM as we have been taught to do, and see other women as the enemy. I firmly believe that most of pick me culture is created by women being pitted against one another from a very young age. We are taught that other women are jealous, catty, bitchy - female friendships are shallow and competitive. None of it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 11:49 PM
33

Written by or for men (or both). Men love to shame women for having standards, while at the same time shaming women for having low standards ("omg women always go for bad guys!"). It's the only way they can rationalise it being not their fault that women don't want them - it couldn't be them! Women are just picky bitches! 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 11:46 PM
86

It has, but I'm glad you posted it today. Officially broke up with one such dusty ass yesterday and woke up this morning feeling like a million bucks. Get your glow on, queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 09:53 PM
2

This is the opposite of sad, and actually inspired me to do the same thing! I just went out and got myself a new sketchpad, some nice markers, pencils... everything I need to pick up drawing again, a hobby that fell y the wayside when I was a teenager and that I'd love to get back into! Thanks for the inspiration, queen. Enjoy your self-care time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 08:09 PM
8

Ugh, have always love this one. So relatable. And happy cake day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 08:14 AM
4

A very good point. Relationships are disposable, and bad relationships should be disposed of. It's so indicative of men's desire to keep relationships without any effort at all that they think relationships (which end all the time!) aren't disposable lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:43 AM
4

Ah yes, pedophilia - specifically sexual actions towards five year olds. Super narrow definition, but can't argue with a man who always knows best! PS. Sounds like someone's a pedophile and doesn't like it. 😊😊😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:19 PM
10

Also I said I ALMOST said it. You can't get offended because I didn't say it!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 08:58 PM
337

I hate when they say "Haha, I totally almost said this thing, let me say it here, and then if you don't like it I can just say that's why I didn't say it!!" Boy you ain't slick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:22 AM
20

Ugh, yes. This is everything I felt but couldn't put as eloquently as you did here. Asking questions and letting people in bad relationships come to their own conclusions is so much more effective and useful than saying "wow, you have a shit partner". And to condemn someone for asking "what does he bring to your life?" is essentially saying that you shouldn't expect your partner to be a positive influence in your life. You're allowed to (and should!) ask for respect and kindness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:10 AM
99

FDS is that for me. While it's not exclusively for women who don't want to date at all, it is about women's overall happiness, and for many women here, that means not dating. I've found an acceptance and like-mindedness here that I have never found anywhere else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:03 AM
72

Nooo, don't think about the value of your relationship! Then you might realise its not worth your time and energy! Just stay in the cycle!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:29 AM
33

What if he had a hard day??????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:21 AM
29

For some further discussion: I don't even think that the "anyone" in the question "What are you getting out of this relationship that you can't get from anyone else?" is necessarily about romantic partners. I read it more as that you can't get from the other relationships in your life - friends, family, peers, colleagues. It sounds like the first response agrees that the boyfriend acted terribly, so why is this woman not supposed to take a hard look at her relationship and ask if someone else/ot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:11 AM
21

Welcome home, sis. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:01 PM
7

I will not put any blame on a teenager for dating a rich, powerful man who goes out of his way to seduce her. 18 year olds make stupid decisions and don't understand the power dynamic that age, fame, and wealth contribute to. Any grown ass man (25+) going after teen girls is predatory. I am 29 and thinking of dating or even being interested in my 18 year old self is insane - there is such a huge maturity gap, I would never be interested in dating someone so much younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:51 PM
3

I gotchu, girl. I'm currently going through a breakup and have been doing a bunch of things that are making me feel a million times better and less stressed than when I was in the relationship. Pick up a hobby you haven't had time/motivation for in a while. For me that's drawing. Something I love, but that kind of fell to the wayside as I got busier in life. I have actively set aside time to just sit and draw with a podcast on. It's so lovely. Work on yourself - whatever you want to change about…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:29 PM
386

I just read this and came to see if it was posted here. My god, this had me absolutely FUMING. Everything he says about his partner is so condescending and negative. Talking about how he hates her stretch marks and they're different from his because they totally cover her whole body. Making fun of her ways of managing her stress and changing body (and clearly unsupportive partner). Acting like you can't try to be self-confident ("I love my body because it grew my daughter!") and still struggle w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:21 PM
49

Men: I will never let a man near my future daughter/s, not in a million years, I have a shotgun and I will literally murder any guy who looks at her. Women: I'm nervous around men due to bad past experiences. Men: um wow okay first of all, not all men are like that... ​ Men know what men are like. They just don't want to admit it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:18 PM
12

This is all the way fucked up. I hope she's safe and gets the fuck out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:14 PM
2

Ugh, honestly how has this shit become the norm? How hard is it to ask a woman on a nice date, give her enough notice, and be in touch to ensure it happens? God damn, step up, boys. Sorry to hear you've had bad luck. Focus on yourself and building value in your life - the right guy might come along and might not, so best to be happy with yourself and for yourself. 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:52 AM
18

This is absolutely men self-reporting as women. Even when I used to watch porn (before FDS) it was never anything half of this - women searching for "gloryhole" and "bbw"? Yeah, no. Can't trust stats if you can't verify where they're coming from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:48 AM
1

He wants someone with gorgeous eyes and a body? Just a body? Okay bro... ​ Also "I have a job"... boy oh boy, the bar is at the centre of the Earth...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:19 PM
1

Honestly, with half the stories you hear about these scrotes, I wouldn't be surprised if he actually did. 💩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:13 PM
7

This post is such a mess from start to finish. Girl, you deserve so, so much more than a man who starts dating you with C cups, states that you aren't what he prefers, but refuses all your efforts to "fix" this (which you shouldn't be doing anyway, by the way). Holy hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:09 PM
12

Oof. This hit me really hard. I'm breaking up with a guy currently for this exact reason. Realised I'm waiting for him to decide if he truly loves me or not. I feel incredibly stupid for letting myself fall for this shit. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:05 PM
23

Oh my god, I get so so mad about people's weird opinions on children and gender. My sister has two boys, and when she found out she was having her second, she was thrilled. Talking all about how much easier boy toddlers are than girls, how much easier puberty will be, etc... The only reason anyone thinks it's so much better to have boys is because we have been socialised to accept men/boys' temper tantrums and emotions at any age, but women/girls are expected to behave like civilised adults and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:03 PM
28

Hey guys, I walk all over my wife and she doesn't even say anything about it! The ideal relationship, right? 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 07:51 PM
32

Wow, that's some stark reality right there. Thanks for your time sacrifice. Another reminder that OLD is not worth the time or effort and to just focus on ourselves instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 07:40 PM
80

Yep, whenever you find yourself actively wanting to make your partner feel bad, it's time to be out of that relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:18 PM
403

Men in men-centered groups: Keep women guessing! Never date one woman, have multiple side chicks to make sure they all feel competitive with each other and are terrified to lose you! Treat them like shit, they like it! Women at their core are shallow, vapid, cheating, lying whores. FDS: Women should focus on our own happiness above all else, whether that's with a high value man or single. Men: What the FUCK is this man-hating shit??????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 07:36 PM
62

This is so the opposite of my experience in life. In my experience, women tend to have varied interests and hobbies and not make one hobby into their entire identity. The things we enjoy do say a lot about us as a person, not because they shape who we are, but because who we are shapes our interests. Men, on the other hand? 50% of men consider gaming to be an actual personality? No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 01:49 AM
2

Ugh, commiserations. Thank you for the support and sharing - it's tough, but being single is so liberating and I no longer have to deal with external LVM stress. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 07:07 PM
7

This is one of my favourite songs of all time and I can't listen to it enough. It's also a stellar workout song!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:17 AM
12

I just looked at this too. I feel like there needs to be a stickied post that just says "you're not overreacting, your standards are not too high, you're not being too picky". Even in a safe space, filled with women who are looking for the best for women everywhere, it's too easy to fall into the minimising/self-deprecating spiral. So sad to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 11:08 PM
19

I am breaking it off with a man who has shown me his true LVM colours. I decided yesterday, but I'm struggling, because I thought he was the one, and believed he was my best friend. But here's the thing - my best friends don't treat me how he treats me. I've made so many excuses for him, tried so hard to convince myself that it would get better. I know, I've been so stupid. I feel like an idiot, and I can't believe I let this happen again. I hate that it's hard to end things, even when I know it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 11:02 PM
3

lmao "oh, I'm deeeeefinitely not shorter than you, nope, not at all, no chance..." big yikes. glad you unmatched this clown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:12 PM
20

Oh girl, I feel this in my soul. Realising what you have settled for and I thought I was happy back then, but I wasn't. Deep in my heart I wished my partners would do more - even meet me halfway in the romance department. I wished they would notice when I put effort into something, or clean up without being asked, or compliment me. I convinced myself that I was happy with the status quo because society told me forever that women who demand better from men are bitchy, too picky, and materialistic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:04 PM
163

Men have no idea what a looks match is. I know it's been discussed here before, but men will consistently rate women lower than they would rate men and think that they deserve a 9 while sitting firmly in the 4 zone. Do everyone a favour and be realistic with yourselves, boys. Live your best 4 life, but don't demand a 9 when you bring nothing to the table for her. ​ Edit: And the irony of him literally saying he's "not shallow" for wanting attractive women and then accusing women of being too sha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 09:32 PM
3

"Jackhammering my cervix" lmaoooo So true though. Men cannot handle the idea that their dick might not be this magical orgasm machine, despite all the evidence that many women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation. It's a mix of deluded arrogance (my dick is a pleasure machine!) and not giving a single fuck about female pleasure (as long as he gets off, the sex was great!).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 10:15 PM
311

Must be so hard being a man, with all these unreasonable beauty standards being forced on you all the time... oh, wait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 01:37 AM
66

And therefore you're supposed to accept mediocre (at best) sex because you already had your gift - him doing housework like a normal, capable human! How could you need actual foreplay on top of that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:48 AM
9

It's okay to mourn what you thought you had, but remember that it's just that - something you thought you had. It wasn't real. It can be better than that, and it can be real. It is healthy to grieve loss and to be sad. Let yourself have those feelings and know that they will pass with time. You will come out of this stronger. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:25 AM
9

"No." If you want something more elaborate: "I love my own company, and in order for me to invite someone to share that, they would have to offer me more than I can offer myself alone. No one has met that standard."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:24 AM
6

Absolutely fucking true. And men know it, too. You can see they know it in the way they try to keep their daughters away from other men. They know. They just won't admit it because the stupid "women are overly emotional" narrative works in their favour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:19 AM
66

This is absolute gold and so common. Men really think that the mere act of putting their mouth of a vagina makes them some kind of god to women and worth of praise - "All hail the one man who will deign to give women oral! I know, I know, a rare beast and so selfless and kind!". Honey, no. If you're just going to slobber all over me, I'd rather you just stay away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:16 AM
343

"Spoiled" is just people's way of shaming women for liking nice things. It's "gold digger"'s slightly subtler cousin in terms of phrases. You're absolutely right - you are not spoiled, you are loved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:11 AM
6

It's not really a visual exercise - it can be, but that's not the core of it. Who are some people you admire? What do you admire about them? What could you do in everyday life to be more like them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 01:33 AM
72

Ah, I see - that makes a lot of sense, and I'm sure a bunch of the replies here are boys/men who haven't outed themselves yet. I wouldn't worry too much about your peers. Things change a lot as we grow up, and they have plenty of time to come around. I really like the sentiments that if a memory of something you did makes you cringe, it's valuable because that means you have learned and grown since then. 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:28 PM
60

Oh boy, I feel you on that one. I genuinely have no idea how/why I thought these ideas were good or valuable in any way. Big yikes to teenage me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:26 PM
490

Teen years are normally the peak of pick-me and "not like other girls" feelings, and that's assuming that the commenters are actually teenaged girls - there's a high chance that some are male. I certainly remember thinking and saying a bunch of silly, anti-women things when I was younger. A lot of them will come around in time. The kids are alright.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:20 PM
87

"Women let themselves go after marriage!" - some scrote who let himself go well before marriage, if he ever had anything to let go of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:40 PM
39

It's so sad that this is something that we need reminding of. But it really is, and thank you for the reminder. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:38 PM
94

Can't be bothered to think of compliments of my own, can you just give me some generic ones I can use?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:13 PM
8

This is a very good point. I do think men are also prone to looking down on/belittling positive emotion, but I agree that in general it's the negative emotions that are considered to be "irrational". Thanks! 😀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:03 PM
25

This is it exactly! How many women do you know who even shout in an argument? I don't know many at all, and yet men seem to deem this perfectly acceptable behaviour and not "irrational" or "emotional" at all. Crying in an argument because it's upsetting though? Super irrational!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:48 PM
812

He walked into the room, and my eyes devoured him hungrily. He wore a suit, carefully chosen to highlight all his best features. His hard nipples were clearly visible through the thin fabric of his shirt, begging to be freed. His penis was small, but perky and already semi-erect (though it was hard to tell due to its diminutive size), and judging by the clear outline he hadn't bothered wearing panties tonight. His pants clung to it as it strained against its cloth prison... I'm so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:44 PM
214

"My regulars"!!! Wow, lucky ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:36 PM
205

Imaging having to introduce a 24/7 kink dynamic to your relationship to convince your partner to "follow proper hygiene". Honestly, the bar is subterranean. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:31 PM
34

So true. I don't miss the fuckboy dating scene at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:29 PM
121

"haha wow thats crazy i should come over and make u forget about it" ​ 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:24 PM
86

It's time to fight for yourself and for the woman you want to be. What does your goal self look like? What does she do? Is she into gardening, martial arts, writing? What are core values? Integrity, trust, empathy, honesty? How would she speak to you in this moment? Would she be calm, kind, motherly? Determined, supportive, confident? Let yourself grieve. Work through your sadness. When you are ready, start making some lists of things you want to do for yourself, things that will help you achiev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:22 PM
12

"Committed to misunderstanding" is such a powerful phrase. We have to remind ourselves that this isn't an actual misunderstanding, this is someone who refuses to understand, no matter how clearly and eloquently you are explaining things. There was a meme posted here the other day (apologies to the OP, I'm too lazy to look for it, but it was great!) of a woman texting paragraphs about how she felt and why she felt that way and the guy responding with "wym?" and I feel like this post is its spirit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:04 PM
46

One of the biggest scams the modern patriarchy has gotten away with selling us is the "men are logical, women are emotional" bit. Even the premise that emotional means irrational is so flawed it's unbelievable that it's stuck around for this long. In my experience, men are very emotional when it comes to anger - far more emotional than any woman I've met. Women are far more rational when it comes to feelings - speaking about emotions in a reasonable way, working through them, etc. There is nothi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 07:57 PM
69

Absolutely. And pick-meism doesn't just reinforce LVM behaviours, it also reinforces to young/impressionable women that other women are their competition. We see it in the "not like other girls" phase that so many young women go through - we use that to make fun of the young women, but in reality we should be considering what they have grown up seeing that makes them think this way. It's not just about LVW ending up with LVM, it's about women teaching men AND women how to treat women badly. Pick…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 10:12 PM
24

No need to apologise - we have almost all been there and understand what it's like. It sucks, and I'm sorry you had to experience it, but it's a lesson and you'll take it with you as you grow stronger and wiser. 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 10:07 PM
8

Came here to say exactly this, so upvoting this post instead. No one care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 08:23 PM
16

Imagine viewing women like this and thinking somehow you're the catch. Stay single, no one is here to deal with that bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 09:52 PM
3

Thank you! I feel so silly for letting my boundaries get pushed this time after I told myself I wouldn't. But it's a learning experience, as is all of life. I really appreciate the insight. I am looking at getting a roller (going for one of the shortest possible needle options to start with) and I'll just see what it does for the scars. Seems like it should improve my skin either way, so win/win!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:50 AM
3

Don't worry about letting him know - when you truly feel that way, it will show and he will know. My advice is to talk with your girlfriends. I have a group chat with my besties, and of course a private chat with my absolute best friend in the world, and they're blowing up all day with things we just have to talk about. We talk about our days, shows we're watching, successes, failures, and everything in-between. Of course talk to your dates/boyfriend as well, but don't spill everything to him. H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:24 PM
8

I'm feeling a little disheartened this week, for a bunch of little reasons.Nothing big has gone wrong, but work is extra stressful currently, I'm having a stress breakout on my chin (super frustrating as I have been taking better care of my skin than ever!) and it's currently period time of the month, which isn't helping. ​ A reminder to myself of some of the good stuff: However, one of my BFFs organised a girls' night for tonight, so we are going to watch a movie and hang out, which is exactly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:20 PM
2

I absolutely love photography! It's such a great hobby because it can be enjoyed alone and helps you to get out and see places you've not been before, and I also find it helps me to see the beauty in everyday things that I might not have noticed before. I hope you love it too, I'm sure you'll be awesome at it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:03 PM
4

Hey hey, fellow lady in STEM here. I am also relatively short and look young for my age. I have found that dressing the part (professional clothing, hair done neatly, subtle but mature makeup) has really helped people to automatically perceive me as more "serious". I also find wearing a more "mature" perfume helps with this. Previously I used to wear more casual, brightly coloured clothes and it's definitely made a difference in people's response to me. Apart from that, I just do my work. My sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 08:37 PM
3

I love the "I'll know it when I see it" answer below, or just beat him to the punch and ask him first so that he can't tailor his answer to match what you said. The number of times I told men I'm looking for serious relationships only and then they parrot it back and turn out to be lying is astounding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 08:22 PM
28

Over the past two years or so I have been collecting things that I love doing by myself. Now, these are pretty specific to each person, but a few for me are: A specific show that I love and love watching without interruption or comment from others. A game I love playing by myself and always look forward to spending a few hours on. Houseplants! I have so many healthy, thriving houseplants now and I love looking after them so much! I tell myself that it is vital to enjoy one's own company. If you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 01:46 AM
39

As a fellow STEM lady, yes to all of this. It shocks me to this day how normal it is to hear STEM men talking about women as though we are some entire other species with different abilities/desires/mysterious ulterior motives. I'll add a couple: Speaks to you or other STEM women as though you aren't in the field, constantly challenges or "tests" your knowledge. It's not a joke and it absolutely represents his attitude towards women in general. Unable to accept help or constructive criticism abou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 11:14 PM
12

Oh, sweetheart. My heart aches for you reading this post - it could have been written by me ten years ago. There's not much advice I can offer that won't sound terribly cliché and silly, but here goes: You are worthy of love and respect regardless of what you can physically achieve. Think of your mother, or another person you care deeply about - if they suddenly became disabled, would you feel about them the way you feel about yourself? What would you say to them if they told you they felt worth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 02:16 AM
5

Society and pop culture. Look at those depressing graphs showing the relative ages of male leads in movies versus their female love interests. The women stay around 20 - 25 as the men get older. That being said, how the average 60 year old LVM has convinced himself he has the same chance at dating a 20 year old model as George Clooney is beyond me. Delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:25 PM
21

Preach. I have a chronic pain condition as well, and the number of people, both in the community and outside it, who think that means you should be grateful for any scrap of love and affection you get because they are "putting up with" your illness is mind-bogglingly tragic. As though you don't deserve respectful, compassionate love because you have chronic pain or a chronic illness. Men especially are so quick to compare chronic/lifelong pain to some random pain they once experienced as though …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:22 PM
7

Ugh, you poor thing. I see this all the time where women will try to sell LVM to their friends. "Oh, he's really sweet if you get to know him" or "he just needs a good partner to bring out the best in him!". Nope. No way. Not a chance. If you have to be convinced that someone is worth dating by someone else it ain't gonna work. Coming from someone who has only found her HV friend group in the last three years (I'm almost 30), you will find your people as you go on. Keep being high value and you'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 07:20 PM
2

Absolutely riveting conversationalist - such wit, such flare! "Tell me where you see yourself in five years..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:20 AM
41

Abso-fucking-lutely. I'm glad you know your worth and stick to your guns. I think self-improvement is so valuable and important, and what I love about FDS is that we aren't about demanding something for nothing. FDS is about women improving and empowering themselves first and foremost, and then asking for the same in return. I work every day at becoming a better person and having more to give myself and the people I love. I will never again settle for someone who isn't doing the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:15 AM
37

Absolutely love the advice from women, for women, about women. Weekly check-ins and hearing other women's success stories is always inspiring and seeing this community support one another is awesome. Memes and screenshots are okay for a laugh or a demonstration for a discussion/broader point. I agree with a previous comment that I would like to see less duplicated content where possible. 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:04 AM
2

Have to agree with this. Also sounds like he came over to your place? Nah, sis. You can do better and so can the other girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 12:21 AM
205

This reminds me so much of LVMs who ask me and my partner if we can set them up with one of my girlfriends. I am super fortunate to have a group of insanely high value female friends - almost all are the complete package of intelligent, compassionate, gorgeous, and high-earning. So naturally, male acquaintances sometimes ask to be set up with them. My first (and usually only) question is "okay, so what do you have to offer her?". Usually they are immediately offended by this question and get def…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 12:11 AM
3

Yep, all our fault for not being picky enough. But as soon as they realize that us being picky excludes their L/NVM asses, they get mad about it. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:55 PM
8

Usually he claims he doesn't block her? Meaning this farce has happened before? Absolutely not, sis. Go enjoy your life and your kid and keep your phone on "airplane mode" for the rest of your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:54 PM
5

Oh my god, this is awful. You are reacting reasonably - I would be absolutely devastated if someone killed one of my plants deliberately. It wouldn't even matter if it was a plant you got last week for $2, the fact that he went out of his way to destroy something he knew you cared about as a joke is way out of line. The fact that it represented seven years of dedication and care only makes it more heartbreaking. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you and your plants go on and thrive. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:43 PM
45

This is so accurate and something I've been thinking about for a long time. Men are so much more irrational and emotional than women, but it's somehow treated as reasonable or expected behaviour. Man loses his temper and screams at someone in a professional setting? Well, he was having a bad day and was stressed. Woman snaps at someone in a meeting? Wow, what a raging bitch. In my experience, men are ten times more likely to lose their temper, and ten times more likely to lose it in a destructiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:39 PM
23

Men: Women always end up with shitty boyfriends and if they want a better life they should choose better men! Not all men are shitty, it's women's fault for choosing bad ones. Women: Okay, here's a resource to help women choose good men. Men: WHAT THE FUCK I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS MISANDRY, FEMINISM HAS RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE AND WOMEN ARE ALL SOUR, UGLY BITCHES WHO DON'T WANT TO DATE ME
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:33 PM
2

Honestly, yes, it's fucked up that some parents don't teach their sons to do housework. However, as several ladies have mentioned previously in this thread, it's important to recognise that there comes a time when that is no longer an excuse. It's 2020 and all the resources in the world are available at our fingertips. It's not hard to learn how often to wash sheets, how to use a dishwasher, how to cook basic meals. It's time to stop giving these men a pass because they were never taught - you'r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 12:13 AM
106

Very subjective and I'm sure everyone has different limits for this. For me, yes, and I'd lose friendships over it if needs be. Any friend who picks a cheating LVM over me probably isn't worth having as a friend anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:26 PM
13

FDS: If a man isn't enriching and improving your life, you shouldn't be with that man. Men: I cannot believe this level of misandry!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 09:37 PM
19

I haven't seen this type of rhetoric in FDS at all. If anything, I see a lot of criticism of women (especially our past selves!) for their behaviour. From what I've seen, a lot of us (myself included) feel sorry for Pickmeishas and women who have settled for terrible relationships, and hope they realise that they can do and be better. That has nothing o do with absolving women from fault or consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 09:30 PM
7

Men's understanding of bra sizes is truly legendary in its idiocy. They really think "A cup small boobs hahah, D cup biggest giantest boobs ever haha". Amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 08:56 PM
19

I read a great saying about "brutal honesty" years ago and it's always stuck with me: "People who claim to be brutally honest place much higher value on the brutality than the honesty."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 08:59 AM
20

I am more guarded in relationships, especially to begin with. However, I love myself with all my might - unashamed and uninhibited. This has been the big switch for me. Instead of immediately pouring 100% of my love and care into a partner, I always pour 100% of my love into myself. I love my partner and show it in many ways, but I love myself first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:23 AM
3

I remember my time in retail so well and don't envy you - it's totally normal to feel nervous or anxious when dealing with difficult customers. I think harrohamtaro had really good advice and it's what I used to do as well - put things into perspective. These people will likely never see you again, they don't know your name, they are irrelevant and your paths are completely separate. If you have anxiety related to past experiences (like remembering bad/awkward things happening) I like to remind …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:09 PM
2

Thank you! I'm looking for something for everyday, so practical, but looking for high quality/nice to wear fabric and possibly some cute/interesting colours beyond the basic black and nude. I will check out In Intimate Detail though, because sexy lingerie is always welcome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:05 PM
111

YES. Those posts from women saying "how do I bring up to my bf that he needs to shower/wear deodorant/wash his clothes without making him feel bad?" First of all, honey, dump any man who does not know about basic personal hygiene by the time he's grown. Second, he should feel bad about it! How vaginas ever got made out to be the grosser of the two sex organs I will never, ever know. Hell, most men won't even put their mouths near one, yet expect women to give blowjobs on demand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:31 AM
71

Oh, poor baby, did you have to start a conversation with a woman and try to keep her interested in your uninteresting life? That must be so hard. Never mind that women literally have to do background checks before meeting up with any guy in order to avoid becoming another statistic, have to be in charge of birth control entirely, have to let a friend know where they're going before every date just in case, have maybe one 7/10 in a sea of 2s... No, guys have it harder for sure!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:27 AM
263

To the point of douching or using fragrances or body wash products with fragrance in them on the vulva, both of which are not healthy at all. But women are taught all our lives that vaginas are gross and stinky and must be scrubbed, shaved, exfoliated, and perfumed in order for a man to deign to put his dick in it. Cue Jared, who is wearing boxers he got for Christmas three years ago and hasn't ever properly washed his ass: lol smells like fish
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:24 AM
3

Friends with benefits does not mean you are his friend and you give him benefit money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 11:17 PM
54

This is such a bizarre phenomenon. I truly believe it is the ultimate "not like other girls" of pickemeism. These women are convinced that they are special and different from the woman/women that these fucking scumbag men have abused or murdered. They have a ~~different connection~~ to him and ~~understand him~~ better than other women. If he doesn't murder her, it's the ultimate proof that she is super special and Not Like Other (dead) Girls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:50 PM
39

Two options: a) Nasty ass clogged pores from not having a skincare routine. b) Acne scarring. Unsure which, but either way it's his DNA sO doNT ShAme HiM!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:07 PM
11

In a group of men: "Hilarious" banter, rape jokes, sexist jokes, gay jokes. In a group of women: Actual relevant social commentary and references. This whole "women aren't funny this" has to be purely driven by the male ego, because it's not real life at all. I've never been in a group of men who have made me laugh harder than my female friend group regularly does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:39 PM
37

The ball and chain/"haha I hate my wife" trope is so tired and old. It's been the standard forever and is still seen in every single sitcom ever for some reason. Nope, we know the stats now and we know that marriage and long term hetero relationships benefit men far more than women on average. Negging on a goddamn cultural level to try and keep women down. Embarrassing, honestly. Get new material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:26 PM
18

Hey all - love reading everyone's check-ins, successes and struggles, so adding mine to the bunch: Beat my personal best for both bench press and pec flys yesterday! Had one of my best friends spotting for me, so felt like I could push a bit harder without fear of injury. Super stoked with the outcome! The wardrobe level up continues from last week's update. Still haven't found the lovely underwear I'm looking for, but have got a few new classic pieces for my work and play wardrobes that I am re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:24 PM
1

Every day is just a new chance for standard hetero relationships to outdo themselves in awfulness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 06:58 PM
5

Massive respect to you for what you do, and thanks for your difficult work. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 10:38 PM
22

I agree with you, and that is exactly why I no longer interact with posts about abusive relationships. These people need empathy and kindness, and I am not the right person to give it, because if I hear another excuse for an abusive piece of shit, I will lose my mind. It is an act of self care to not interact with this stuff. I admire the people who choose to, in particular social workers and therapists who often go into these situations knowing that the abusee is likely to stay with and even de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 10:23 PM
18

Oh my god, I have never been to that sub before. I was already 90% sure I didn't want kids, but after reading three posts there I think I'm at 100%. I feel absolutely terrible for those women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:35 PM
25

A sign of how hugely inflated his ego is when he sees a woman not orgasming during sex as an insult to her rather than himself. "I don't make you cum, there must be something wrong with you!" Riiiiiight...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:16 PM
79

Hahaha oh my god, the lack of understanding of fundamentals in that suggestion made my day. Oh, you fix cars? You should develop software as well bro!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:37 PM
11

True! A silver lining!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:35 PM
103

Right? Them: My husband hits me. Us: You're in an abusive relationship and should leave. Them: Wow, all your advice is so black and white! He's a good guy who is just struggling - you say to leave him just because he is having a hard time? You're just a misandrist, man-hating bitch! That's why I don't post anywhere else, just read. It's pointless trying to get through to these people who know they're in bad relationships but don't want to leave. Heartbreaking but true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:57 PM
80

And a reminder that no relationship is infinitely better than a bad relationship. We don't put up with this shit any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:52 PM
49

I love WearTheCrown! I realise that FDS has to focus on male behaviour in order to warn women about it/support women through it, however I do really like when we can focus on our own happiness and living our best lives without even mentioning LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:14 PM
13

Zero. I am in my late twenties and have slept with three men. I have had orgasms exactly 0 times with them. I can usually orgasm very quickly by myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:11 PM
8

Completely agree. I left OLD years ago after a few months of this. So tedious, almost no chance of an interesting conversation because the men either only want sex, or are incapable of keeping a stimulating conversation going, which means it's all effort for no return on your part. And as someone who is also attracted to women, it's honestly almost as bad. Between the couples looking for a threesome (which makes up roughly 40% of the pool of "women" looking for women) and single mothers (nothing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:10 PM
26

Oh my god, that's awful! It's disgusting and genuinely very scary to see how men will use positions of power to get whatever they want and feel no remorse about it. I wish I had laid a complaint at the time, but by the time I realised how inappropriate his actions were, about five years had gone by and I didn't even remember his name. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:17 PM
23

Oh my god, that edit. This poor woman is so convinced that she doesn't deserve anything from her relationship - not even a text response to a heartfelt message. How is "should I propose with the ring I tried to give my ex" even a legitimate question? She is asking for the absolute bare minimum here, and still minimising her feelings and assuring him that she will love him even if he doesn't meet the absolute lowest standards for a partner. You can feel the ingrained self-deprecation and lack of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:42 PM
99

Oh god, I just had a flashback to something I'd buried way down in the Too Hard To Think About vault. I have a chronic illness and when I was younger I spent quite a lot of time in hospital. Think like 16/17 years old, very sick, and not feeling empowered or confident enough to say no. I have also had large breasts since I was very young (promise this is relevant). One hospitalisation I had some possible malignancy in my underarm area, and the doctor treating me brought in an entire class of med…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:00 PM
55

I love the movement away from phrases like this. I hope I'm like other women! Other women are badass and empathetic and kind and powerful, and if I'm not like them it's only because I haven't got there yet, but believe me, I'm on my way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:50 PM
14

You had me cackling with those titles. Tragically accurate!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:25 AM
35

And people joke about how the advice is always "just leave him". That's because it should be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:57 AM
28

YES. "Just talk to him about it" - when her post clearly states that she has talked to him about it many times. "He's probably dealing with depression/anxiety" - mental health issues are terrible, but not an excuse to treat your loved ones like trash or be a terrible parent. Also, if he is having mental health issues he needs to be actively seeking treatment for them. "Try making a chore chart/some other toddler suggestion" - nah, sis, my partner is not my child and I won't treat them like they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:55 AM
2

I could not recommend it more highly! Definitely look at the portfolios of your local aestheticians and find someone whose work you like. It's seriously changed my eyebrow life, hahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:49 AM
248

Not just your looks - your independence in every respect. Your own money, your own hobbies, your own support network. Whether your relationship lasts or not, you will be a happier, more fulfilled person if you put yourself first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:37 AM
21

So true. I just want to give them a big hug and remind them that they are worth more than what they are accepting. But as you said, it's not what they want to hear and not what they believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:45 AM
57

I used to frequent that sub too. Now it's too depressing - almost every post is some god awful behaviour from an NVM, with the girlfriend/wife in the post and comments defending him. "He's the best man I've ever known! He's such a great husband and father! It's just this one tiny thing that I want to fix!" And the advice is usually just as tragic. The standards are subterranean at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:22 PM
10

Oh, my heart hurts for you reading this. Almost all of us have been there are one point or another. u/finalbosskitten covered most of what I want to say better than I can say it, but adding onto that: Please remove your ex from social media. I used to be caught in this trap as well - checking in on what they're doing, how their relationships are, etc. It gets to a super unhealthy place, as you are finding out now. Remove him from everything, do not check in. He no longer gets the privilege of li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:15 PM
3

Yes, that's the one! I love it because it looks fab and is so little maintenance. Lippie is still great for a date or a night out, but for me tints have completely replaced it for daily wear. I hope you love it too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:05 PM
5

The biggest thing that levelled up my look was getting my eyebrows microbladed. They look great all the time now and I never have to think about it in the mornings. I feel like I look more put together even with no makeup, and I only have to get it done once every two years or so! Highly recommend if you have disappearing/light eyebrows like me. I drink a ton of water (aiming to drink even more) and moisturise day and night (+ sunscreen in the mornings, and toner in the evenings). Now for my fav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:45 PM
13

Ugh, yes, this all sounds so perfect and I'm so happy for you! No reason to wait to do things that will improve our lives. You've got this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:00 AM
21

I have two, houseplants and going to the gym. Houseplants don't take much time, but they do give me the satisfaction of caring for something and helping it to grow without that something being a man! I find it super helpful to get over those nurturing needs that can lead to lowering standards for relationships. The gym does take a lot of time and feels so productive and awesome. I am trying to love it even more and find more workouts that I genuinely enjoy doing. Work in progress for sure. 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:56 AM
70

No addictions full stop. Must have empathy and be willing and able to express emotions in a healthy way. No negative comments about women (obviously negativity about specific people is okay, but generalities like "women are so emotional" etc. are unacceptable).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:15 AM
2

My country/city also has women's only gyms! I didn't know it was so rare. Very sad to see that it's not normalised. I never worry about who is looking at me or how they are looking. The only unsolicited comments that ever happen are "hey, how many more sets/reps do you have left?" or "wow, love your leggings/bra/trainers, where did you get them?" and even those are RARE. It's so liberating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 08:04 PM
6

I suspect it's closer to 100% too. 😢 It makes me so angry to think of all the disabled/chronically ill women out there accepting abuse because they've been told they don't deserve healthy relationships and they're lucky to find a man to put up with their illness. Lord knows I've heard that rhetoric enough myself to know it's out there! I'm so glad there's a community of women here who promote the safety and wellbeing of women both in and out of relationships. Statistically, it's scary to be a wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:00 AM
17

I think about this all the time. I am a disabled women, and 3/4 (!!!) of us will be abused by a male partner at some point in our lives. Those aren't fun odds, it's like Russian roulette, except all the chambers a loaded but one. Is it worth it? The statistics are hard to read and even harder to comprehend. The sad fact is that these stats are likely even higher and more horrifying, due to the nature of the abuse and the likelihood of underreporting. Ladies, read the signs. Don't ignore the warn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:23 PM
1

The way you handled this is inspiring. I hope you and this girl can be friends for many years to come, long after you've forgotten everything about this LV dude except the funny story of how it brought you two into each other's lives. Well done, queen, stay killing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:14 PM
5

Ooh, thank you! Another thing to add to the list to try out at some point! I am super fortunate that I work in the healthcare sector, so while the work has been stressful and crazy at times, I haven't had to worry about my job, which I am really thankful for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:04 AM
20

Hey all - I posted my check-in pretty late last week, so not too much to update, however: I bought myself a lovely new perfume (I have a signature winter/autumn scent, but needed one for spring/summer) and am thrilled with it. Previously I would have balked at spending $100 on a perfume just for my enjoyment, but it's something I get a lot of pleasure from, and the bottle will last years. Working on my wardrobe, especially my work wardrobe. I have donated a bunch of clothes that I didn't feel gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:01 PM
8

Girl, yes. However, as AyemHerself said below, I would suggest working on your therapy and management for BPD. It's important, not in order to get a HVM, but because it sounds like you're questioning your own value and worth because you don't have it as under control as you would like. Work on that for yourself and your own peace of mind. You are worthy of love and respect, from yourself first and foremost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:52 PM
6

Tragic and just affirmation that you made the right decision! I agree with boxing his trash up and putting it on the curb, but the porch is a (kinder than I would be) compromise. He has no right to monopolise your time or your brain space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:48 PM
5

It's completely normal and okay to feel this way. Writing down the red flag sounds like a healthy way of dealing with it, but as manifestationqueen suggested below, I think writing down some non-negotiables and must-haves/green flags for future partners is good too. Feel your feelings, remind yourself that it's healthy to feel them within reason, and make yourself some mantras for the bad times. It's super cliché, but this really helped me: Talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:47 PM
1

Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear that. You're more than welcome for the advice - it's what we're all here for. On a serious note, I know times are hard, but if you can control your emotions enough not to though things or shout at your partner, he should be held to the same standards. It's not okay for him to behave like this. Please be safe and don't accept this treatment. You deserve (at the bare minimum) to feel safe and secure in your relationship and home. ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 08:10 PM
7

It is a mark of society's hatred for women that single mothers are criticized and looked down on, and women with """daddy issues"" are similarly degraded, when the root cause of both of these things is deadbeat men who somehow get away with barely a slap on the wrist. Silly fatherless women, why didn't they just choose to have a loving and supportive dad?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:21 PM
31

Look at you go! Proud of you for changing your internal monologue - it's not easy to do. I used to be exactly the same. Women are taught that other women are our competition, our rivals, our potential downfall. Nah, sis. Other women are my backbone, my support system, and my motivation to be the best I can be. I still sometimes catch myself having those pesky thoughts automatically (amazing what years of brainwashing will do) and whenever I do, I turn it around just like you said. "Damn, she loo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:57 PM
11

"Darling, you should know I have never ever found you attractive and this is very upsetting for me. Oh, how I weep! I only wish I could afford to pay the enormous amount of money it would take to make you appealing to me! However! I am so magnanimous and kind that I will deign to remain in this marriage despite your shortcomings. I am a martyr, and you should spend the rest of our marriage wallowing in a pit of low self-esteem, and desperately trying to make up for the fact that you are an ugly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 07:44 PM
3

Go out on the town! Stay out til the wee hours of the morning with my girlfriends, just dancing and having a ball, no fear of unwanted attention, harassment, or worse. I'd walk home from town. It's only about a 20 minute walk from city centre to my place, but I don't do it after dark (or even close to dark) because...well, y'all know why. Leave my big patio doors open all evening to enjoy the fresh air. Wear both headphones while walking/running in public (I always have one out, just in case). D…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 07:16 PM
34

Wow, I had never thought of it this way, but you're so so right. As though our standards for friends are lower than our standards for relationships. My friend group is solid 24k gold. The audacity to think that they get to insert themselves into that just because their ego is hurt. Just accept the rejection and move on - there's no time for L/NVM in dating OR friend circles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 07:09 PM
119

So out of touch with reality, it's astounding. Nevermind the danger that men pose to women and how risky it would be to invite a strange man home for casual sex. Nevermind STDs or accidental pregnancy. Nevermind that men almost always put their own pleasure first. Nevermind that women tend to need to be relaxed in order to orgasm and with a random fucking man in your bed that is very unlikely to happen. Nevermind that men this desperate are likely absolutely hideous inside and outside. Nevermind…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:35 PM
39

I have realised that I really, truly love my own company. I love coming home after work, making myself a nice dinner, and hanging out with my pets. Maybe playing a video game for an hour or so. Pottering around the house. Taking care of my plants. I feel like it's so taboo for women to be happy alone - we should be desperate for a partner and kids, and "oh god, isn't it so sad that you spend your evenings alone?" No, it's not! I have stopped pretending to align with other people's feelings so mu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:23 AM
17

Low and unacceptable behaviour. It's amazing to me how often men will give these underhanded/negging ""compliments"" and expect us to be grateful. Disgusting. As a personal rule, I do not negatively comment on anyone's appearance. As a few others have mentioned here, since noticing the negativity that gets thrown around about women's appearances I have started to go out of my way to compliment women I see during the day. Friends, strangers, work colleagues, anyone. If I think something nice abou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:37 PM
16

Oh, girl, I feel this. For so long, whenever a man would raise his voice (happens way too often - why are they like this?) I would cower and immediately back down from whatever was making him react like this. If he is that upset then I must have done something wrong! Back down, apologise, let the issue fester for a few weeks/months, then bring it up again and rinse repeat. I worked in a very unpleasant situation where it wasn't uncommon for the older men to yell at and belittle the younger women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:10 AM
5

Ugh, living in my own place is a dream. It's always clean and presentable, quiet, and I know where everything is. I am so happy living alone, it would take a lot of value to get me to add a partner into my home life! Ordinary looks really great and actually has a store in my country (pretty unusual). Super keen to try out some of their stuff now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:59 AM
4

That's so good to hear. Let's create our best lives! I aim to update next week, so I hope to see you there too. ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:45 AM
3

Thank you! I haven't come across Ordinary products before, but I'll look into them now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:32 AM
15

Great advice. It used to be a running joke in my old friend group that my advice on any relationship issue is "girl, leave him". No surprise that this friend group was full of women dating L/NVM, defense of their garbage behaviour, and the rest of the advice would always be "communicate" with him, as though the trash men in question would ever listen. It's no longer a joke because my current friend group (three HVW, two dating HVM and one happily recently single) understand that if you tell your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 11:16 PM
15

I have never had a Reddit account before, purely a lurker. However, a few weeks ago I started reading this sub, read the handbook and went through all the top posts - it was such a welcome eye-opener to realise so many women feel this way and to see this community lifting each other up and supporting each other! I'm a late 20s woman and have a fantastic small friend group of other women who are career and self-focused, all about improving and creating the lives they want. They are a huge inspira…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:36 PM
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