He even starts by saying he's adding backstory to make himself look better. I have no words.

Thestral-glow6 · 2020-11-10T00:17:09+00:00

Soo her appendix burst, she’s in agony... and the majority of this post is still about him and how he felt. Fu*king typical.

venomous_g · 2020-11-10T00:32:41+00:00

This wasn't the first time he emotionally abused her, and since she didn't die from her appendix bursting, it won't be the last.

I hope this woman escapes before he destroys her.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-11-10T01:11:33+00:00

I had completely blocked this out until just now...

Just after I graduated high school, I moved to a large city (far away from all my friends and family) with my first real boyfriend. He had received a job offer and was insistent that I come with him. He was a perfect gentleman up until the day that we moved in together. The only red flag was that he was much older and had absolutely no business dating an eighteen year old.

One night, I came down with a fever of 104. I felt like I was freezing so I kept adding new blankets to the huge pile I was already under. Then the seizures started. I'd never had one and was absolutely panicking. I told him I needed to go to the emergency room. He told me he wasn't going to drive me to the ER in the middle of the night because I was messing up his sleep schedule and that I'd have to wait until morning. I told him to give me my phone and I'd call myself an ambulance. He took my phone and hid it. His reasoning was the same: "i dOn'T wAnT tO hAvE tO pAy fOr iT!" My family is well-off and would much rather pay a hospital bill than have me, you know, dead. He knew it. I knew it.

A couple hours later I was still violently shaking and his solution was to physically throw me into the tub and start hosing me with cold water, which, due to the fever, was excruciating.

He went to work the next morning and I had a neighbor drive me to the ER. I had bacterial meningitis and could have easily died.

If a man is not attentive to you when you're even mildly ill, throw him in the trash. This isn't even the worst thing he ever did to me. Hell, I'm not sure it cracks the top 3.

Edit: I'm reading the comments on that post and why in the ever-loving fuck do so many women have stories EXACTLY LIKE THESE?! I'm furious. What the fuck even are men?

MakeURegret · 2020-11-10T00:21:11+00:00

This is why I’m against cheap men. My parents glorified it by saying “frugal is good.” But no being prudent with your money is good, cheap is bad.

Waiting to go to urgent care, because you don’t want to pay an ER bill, because you’re saving for a house is DEADLY cheap.

Also WTAF she’s feeling not well, your friends were concerned with the case numbers in the area, but you didn’t think possible COVID and still had her make dinner??? He knows how contagious diseases work right?

“My biggest mistake was while she was doing the dishes...” WTF WTF she just cooked when she wasn’t feeling good. Why is she ALSO doing dishes?

Edit: okay went into a bit of blind rage. She was doing the dishes to get away from him. Good lord this guy is a grade A jerk. They’re his friends why does she need to be present? Why is her feeling unwell “ruining the whole night” cry me a river dude. Absolutely no empathy.

Also notice all the red flags he points out. He KNEW what he was doing. He knew this wasn’t her normal self. When did he do something about it? When it finally affected him. “She kept crying and I couldn’t sleep”

notroyaltyyet · 2020-11-10T01:35:53+00:00

I just finished reading this and I have to say I've never seen so many people on reddit so united in a set of comments, pretty much everyone saying this is a divorcable offence.

I think the way people treat you when you're sick says a lot, I've literally fallen deeper in love with some one because of the way they've looked after me when I got sick. Husband/wife aside, at a basic human level this is atrocious, let alone having VOWED to look after each other for the rest of your life!!!!!

ponchoacademy · 2020-11-10T01:22:29+00:00

Im getting horrible flashbacks...such a similar experience. Id been married a couple months and since it was our first Christmas together I wanted to do something as a family, but his friend invited us to his parents house for Christmas and he wanted to do that. I wasnt happy about it but didnt want it to be a whole thing so agreed to go.

It was about a 3-4 hr drive, I was not feeling good at all, and kept needing to use the bathroom. He said I was "acting like a child" and decided he wasnt going to make anymore stops. We get there, and Im feeling like death warmed over, spent 90% of the time there sleeping and feeling like I was going to die. On the drive home, he told me how I ruined Christmas and how I embarrassed him by not being social blah blah blah being a jerk the whole drive home. This whole time Im not saying anything, just felt too sick to even try.

We get home and I manage to just make it to the couch and couldnt move, in a huff he gets my daughter to bed and going off on me while Im just sobbing from the pain. Eventually he got annoyed sits on the couch next to me to tell me to knock it off and freaked out cause he felt how hot my body was. Suddenly he was in a panic, got kiddo back up and had to carry me to the car to take me to the hospital. Turns out, I had a very bad UTI and developed a kidney infection.

If that had happened to me now, I would have filed for a divorce immediately. But I was 20 and was all, well, as soon as he realized I was sick he took care of me. But it never should have come to that, even if I wasnt sick he never should have treated me that way. I know better now...and he's an ex for a reason.

Solaresa · 2020-11-10T01:41:48+00:00

This line in particular struck a chord with me: " I was trying to comfort her. She just would not stop crying. I couldn't sleep because of that. I felt so guilty. Around 1 am, I could not stand seeing her in pain anymore."

So much to unpack here, so let's try:

I was trying to comfort her. Douche, she doesn't want comfort, she needs medical attention. You can't comfort the hurt out of someone who is severely ill or injured.
She would not stop crying. Not could not. Would not. As though this was a choice that she made, which leads on to...
I couldn't sleep because of that. Again, all about him. She just wouldn't stop with the annoying crying, so he couldn't get any sleep. Poor baby!
I felt so guilty. Wow, this must be so hard for you! Still zero mention of feeling bad for his poor wife, all about him and his feelings. Now he wants a prize for feeling guilty! What a great guy.
Around 1AM, I couldn't stand seeing her in pain anymore. Look everyone, a saint! Can we just say once again that the only time he has mentioned his wife's feelings is to essentially berate her because she won't stop crying? Literally every other thing has been about him.

Even as he admits that he was in the wrong and professes to feeling bad about it, he is still blaming her for her (life threatening) illness and pain and talking about how hard it was for him. Absolutely unbelievable.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-11-10T00:24:23+00:00

What is the point of being in a relationship if the other party won’t be there for you? Protect my ass

Inevitable-Leader-99 · 2020-11-10T01:24:55+00:00

She could have died, and he thinks he can ever make it better? Ever? No. He is done. There is no going back.

"Let's wait until morning"??? What is she, livestock, the vet 100 miles away?

Never mind the appendix bursting, well before that moment: even if your person has a mere cold and fever, you do not get petulantly ~~interpret~~ erase their pain to describe the situation as "she was pretty standoffish."

The OP lacks moral grounding and is seeking validation in denial. Go join a monastery and leave other living beings alone.

Inevitable-Leader-99 · 2020-11-10T00:35:36+00:00

I was with a man like this. I had a kidney infection that started as a UTI, probably given to me from him. My kidney was bleeding and the pain was extraordinary. He said I was faking it, exaggerating, and refused to take me to the hospital. He told me I needed to go home and have sex with him because I’m just faking it as a way to get out of sex. I had him drop me off at home and woke up my mom (I was a kid at the time barely 18) and she took me to the ER. I was there for three days then in best rest for two weeks.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-11-10T01:20:03+00:00

I hope she leaves him. "her appendix burst but I still made her make dinner for me and my friends, entertain us, and then also do the dishes. At the end of the night when she wouldn't stop crying I told her to shut up because I didn't want to pay an ER bill. How do I make that better?"

Um? Die maybe?

My favorite part before the whining about paying the ER bill, is the part where he tells her just to leave the dishes for the morning. Not even that he will fucking do them. It's still her job but just for later. How comforting!

I honestly cannot believe she didn't just walk out and go to the hospital herself. Poor woman. This POS would drive her right into her grave to use her as a servant.

OKReady47 · 2020-11-10T03:30:14+00:00

I am Jewish. My husband is not. Last Passover, I did not feel well. My husband told me to lie down. He made the whole dinner including all the ceremonial foods, Zoomed with my whole extended family and kids to go through the two hour service and meal. And checked on me every 20 minutes. Hold out for a good man. They exist.

MadamLeFay · 2020-11-10T00:14:54+00:00

OMG, that is abuse! And everything is "I, I, I". It's all about how HE feels.

theminiaturelife · 2020-11-10T00:38:52+00:00

What in the entire fuck. Unreal. What a selfish dolt. And he’s like “my dinner-making sex toy might resent me :(“ I hope she leaves him and buys her own house.

hope-wallace · 2020-11-10T02:02:59+00:00

I hope she leaves. Can you imagine being in labor with his child? "Her water broke at 1 am, but I told her I would drive her to the hospital after I got some sleep." Or, "She has been in labor for 12 hours -- I haven't had any real food -- I hope she pushes the baby out soon so she can make me a hot meal."

sikedyke · 2020-11-10T01:25:22+00:00

She recognized the early signs of appendicitis and wanted to go the the ER. He refused. This was completely preventable and just prolonged her suffering.

I’ve had appendicitis and it’s not a fun thing to go through. Mine ruptured as well and the post surgery time was the worst. Couldn’t eat and couldn’t walk for over a week. Had to stay in the hospital for almost two weeks.

Really pissed me off that when she was doing the dishes he said to “leave it”... why didn’t you offer to do the dishes instead? Leave it for her to do it later? Fuck off.

QueenOfCorvids · 2020-11-10T00:23:34+00:00

I hope she uses the house savings to hire a good divorce attorney.

RhiannonEmilia · 2020-11-10T00:27:46+00:00

He seems annoyed when talking about how she couldn’t stop crying because she was in so much pain. Like it was more a burden on him than it was her, imagine the agony SHE was in.

seawitchbitch · 2020-11-10T08:02:45+00:00

He almost killed her because he does not have sympathy/empathy towards her.

He almost killed her because he does not respect her.

He almost killed her and wants to brush it under the rug as quickly as possible.

Never let their selfish, disrespectful actions slide.

Sewud · 2020-11-10T06:29:05+00:00

Why are so many men awful when their wife doesn't perform exactly like they want, in this case entertaining his friends.

EveSerpent · 2020-11-10T00:26:48+00:00

Wow, what a total POS.

KateJ1982 · 2020-11-10T02:05:07+00:00

She almost died due to his selfish behavior and she says it's fine? Honey. It's not fine.

fleuretpomme · 2020-11-10T02:55:13+00:00

Fuck this guy. Seriously. He's not sorry he did it, he's sorry he risked his live-in cook/maid. The annoyed tone he uses when describing the 1am crying is sociopathic. His first sentence- "I think she's upset with me" You... think? Why not CoMmUnIcAtE and ask her???

sardonic_flare · 2020-11-10T07:07:06+00:00

I have to get something off my chest because this post really triggered me.

When my ex of two years had his gallbladder removed, I practically lived at the hospital for 4 days. I was so worried for him that I would cry every moment I could steal away, all while maintaining a positive exterior. I took care of him, night and day, for over a week after his surgery. I also would warmly listen to him talk about his "harrowing"/traumatic pain and recovery for over five months. I never complained. I loved him. Yet he had the audacity to speak these words to me, words that have seared into my soul: "You don't know how to care for me"

I used to ache over them, thinking about what more I could have done. The truth is I stayed too long.

A year later I had a miscarriage. He saw me in agony, emotionally and physically. He even said that I looked like I was in more pain than when he had his gallbladder issues.

He didn't accompany me to the hospital. He didn't stay with me afterwards, even when I had dangerously low hemoglobin levels and was having a total grief-filled breakdown. I would get texts instead.

He didn't grieve. He ghosted. I didn't hear from him for a month. He told me I was being self-centered for thinking that my sadness was greater than his. He said that my attachment to my baby was "just because of hormones". I hated him. I can't even believe I'm telling this story to strangers. I can't believe that I stayed with him for six more months.

This was a year ago. Before FDS. Before therapy. Before excising the part of me that gave this man my love.

I admired him. I believed he had great ideas and a strong personal code. I stayed silent to protect his reputation. I dimmed my own light so he would shine brighter.

NEVER AGAIN!

hanjaporfavor · 2020-11-10T05:29:19+00:00

What a fucking idiot. Emotional intelligence of a 3 years old child who wants to "win" cuz he didn't get his way.

four_q · 2020-11-10T09:28:59+00:00

Who the fuck scolds a partner? They are your equal, not your child.

RainyBobbins · 2020-11-10T05:08:47+00:00

She’s seriously ill. He should have been looking after her not guilt tripping her into catering for him and his buddy. What a selfish piece of shit.

Elegant-Stop · 2020-11-10T10:46:29+00:00

What is the point of having a man? She almost died because he was not willing to protect or provide.

LucysFakeTits · 2020-11-10T08:11:11+00:00

This guy writes like he's a teenager, it matches his shitty baby behavior. That woman should have stood up for herself and said no, fuckface i dont fucking feel good I'm going to the dr. I had appendicitis a few years ago and I could hardly even function. It was agony, this guy is beyond selfish and fucking stupid to not see how badly his SO was feeling. Like an oblivious child.

Edit: I take the oblivious child part back. My 4 year old son has noticed me not feeling well with my current pregnancy. He notices when im feeling sick and he asks whats wrong, I tell him and then he tells me he feels bad for me. This man is just a piece of shit. Sorry for insulting children.

okcool_12 · 2020-11-10T05:01:40+00:00

Oh god... i had an ex who would constantly down play my pain and gaslight me into thinking I was being overdramatic even when I was legitimately ill. TL;DR: one time this happened and We went to the urgent care anyway. Turns out I had the worst UTI the doctor had seen and I was severely dehydrated. She said I was very lucky I caught it early as it could have very easily been a UTI that reached my kidneys. I was on heavy antibiotics for about a week or two, lol. We got back in the car after seeing the doctor and I was like, showed you dumbfuck.

excuse my language

Edit: TFW this damn thread is full of identical stories

light_workerx3 · 2020-11-10T13:35:31+00:00

I know I seen this and I could believe what I was reading last night !!! My god that scares me ....what is bad also is he FINALLY brought her to the hospital after he COULDN'T STAND LISTENING to her in pain anymore because he was trying to get some rest .

Imagine being with someone that when you tell them you need to go to the E.R they tell you to take a tyelnol and go to bed ?! Like wtf she almost could have died !!

Provocative_Pizza · 2020-11-10T09:49:52+00:00

Does anyone have the link to this? I want to see the comments for my sanity.

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-11-10T12:37:04+00:00

Do you see how this fucking abuser is trying to control his narrative? Do you? She'll never forget this day. Ever.

kalina95 · 2020-11-10T16:40:57+00:00

This is the kind of guy that is super dangerous. He realizes his actions were wrong, yet here he is trying to justify his crappy actions so he doesn't have to deal with the guilt.

Either he's a troll, or he's so guilty that despite seeing the evidence right in his face, he wants some validation, of any kind.

My god. Fucking sadist.

fuckbxtchesgetstds · 2020-11-10T03:23:26+00:00

I hope she leaves his dumb ass. He starts off the post by calling it a “big oops” and justifies his side the entire time??? How can he be annoyed when she could’ve literally died?

flowers4u · 2020-11-10T03:28:18+00:00

KateJ1982 · 2020-11-10T15:59:19+00:00

The big story here is clearly the illness and him preventing her from getting appropriate medical care (and then making the post about his feelings, still not really concerned about her). But near death experience aside, let's say she wasn't sick at all. He still admits that he made her make dinner for her friends on short notice after a full day of work plus overtime. He "scolded" her for starting the dishes early instead of performing like a trained monkey to entertain his friends, until said friends left at 12am, at which point he planned to "pick a fight" with her (presumably while she was doing the dishes). And if she hadn't nearly died in the process, it would have been just another Tuesday in this poor woman's life.

What a prince.

pikkpie · 2020-11-10T07:33:12+00:00

Fucking hell. What a piece of shit. Ew. Throw him where he belongs to. In a trash can that is.

-badmadAM · 2020-11-10T11:39:14+00:00

Also the way he describes the way she behaves and now admits that it was so out of character, but it didn't make him think anything then? Doesn't seem that he really knows her well or cares a lot. I also wonder about those "friends", didn't they ask what was up with her or if everything was okay or how she felt? Those male friends seem shitty too.

AllTheBeanToes · 2020-11-10T11:50:02+00:00

I hope he dies. What a monster

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2020-11-10T05:57:14+00:00

I hope she leaves him. This guy is awful. Also, one detail that irks me is how he knows he’s so awful and “feels bad.” If I had a quarter for every time a dude knew he was doing something shitty but kept doing it and then told me afterwards that he “felt bad.” Fuck that shit. Get out.

moxymoxalone · 2020-11-10T03:53:09+00:00

Not trying to victim blame at all, but Holy crap girl, grow a spine!!

When she came home feeling like shit is when she should have advocated for herself and said, “I’m afraid if we can’t reschedule you’re going to need to order take-out to feed your friends. Im going to be in bed because I’m sick as a dog.” The wife appliance should have taped an Out Of Order sign on her forehead and gotten in bed!

We women are so used to putting ourselves last that we forget that NO is a complete sentence. NO, I’m not going to sit here watching you play video games, NO I’m not paying 50 /50 on dinner/the vacation/your mortgage, NO I’m not watching your kids, NO I’m not going with you to a field you know!

By the way, if there was anything in this story that was supposed to make this scrote look better, I surely missed it because he comes off like an A1 shitbag who doesn’t deserve a wife.

cryptographicbot · 2020-11-10T12:59:52+00:00

He only wrote all that to make himself feel better and not because he actually feels bad or cares about her...

yggiwtmiih · 2020-11-10T16:02:06+00:00

r/iamatotalpieceofshit

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-01-20T22:10:48+00:00

Jfc is he even a damn human ????

Title	He even starts by saying he's adding backstory to make himself look better. I have no words.
Author	Solaresa
Upvotes	293
Comments	94
Date	November 10, 2020 12:04 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jr9sbe/he_even_starts_by_saying_hes_adding_backstory_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/he-even-starts-by-saying-hes-adding-backstory-to.326660 https://theredarchive.com/post/326660

Comments