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On a post about a woman getting into a car accident and her boyfriend not giving a single fuck - a great example of how women are expected to stay in relationships that aren't serving them in any positive way.

Solaresa

November 6, 2020

201 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

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Post Information

Title	On a post about a woman getting into a car accident and her boyfriend not giving a single fuck - a great example of how women are expected to stay in relationships that aren't serving them in any positive way.
Author	Solaresa
Upvotes	201
Comments	30
Date	November 6, 2020 12:06 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/joubhw/on_a_post_about_a_woman_getting_into_a_car/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/on-a-post-about-a-woman-getting-into-a-car.1193732 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193732

Comments

[–]whatprettygirlwhereFDS Newbie 136 points137 points138 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]-badmadAMFDS Apprentice 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I also noticed the guilt- tripping the commenter tried to do:

...it implies that you should only stay in a relationship for what you are getting "out of it". Drain your partners for all their worth and move on.

This is some serious reversal shit. the whole purpose of the question is to check if you might be the one drained and taken advantage of. In the specific context the OP wasn't the one in danger of using her partner without caring for him at all, so why would that be so hard to understand? Either the commenter is extremely stupid OR this is some manipulative bullshit move.

(Maybe they don't even notice or do it on purpose, they are just wired to not have empathy for women or see them as persons in their own right, a resource to be used, contrary to males, so they might even think they are right).

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]daisy_0720FDS STRATEGY COACH 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple 40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

This is actually what you SHOULD ask someone who's in a bad relationship. Saying "your bf treats you like shit" often doesn't work, because the woman rushes to his defense. You can point out all the bad things until you're blue in the face, but it won't make them believe it.

They have to convince themselves. You can help by bluntly tell someone the problems you see in their relationship and why you're worried for them. But to get them to truly make that connection, you have to get them to ask themselves questions about the relationship and to answer with brutal honestly. Like the famous one "is he even nice to you?" Also "are you happy?" "is the relationship everything you want?" "what does he do for you?" "what are you getting out of this relationship?"

I used to feel uncomfortable thinking about relationships as getting something from them. Bc it sounds selfish. But then i realized. Is getting respect selfish? Is getting love selfish? Is getting treated like a human being, whose labor, dreams, accomplishments, etc are recognized and respected? If a friend didn't give you these things would you keep being friends? Why such different standards for a bf? At the very least you should expect a bf to treat you like a best friend, and then way more.

[–]Solaresa[S] 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]JinxhourglassFDS Apprentice 106 points107 points108 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Solaresa[S] 71 points72 points73 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]whatiidwbwyFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5 37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]MakeURegretFDS Newbie 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Solaresa[S] 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]MakeURegretFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Geocities_SEO_ExpertFDS STRATEGY COACH 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Solaresa[S] 28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

For some further discussion:

I don't even think that the "anyone" in the question "What are you getting out of this relationship that you can't get from anyone else?" is necessarily about romantic partners. I read it more as that you can't get from the other relationships in your life - friends, family, peers, colleagues.

It sounds like the first response agrees that the boyfriend acted terribly, so why is this woman not supposed to take a hard look at her relationship and ask if someone else/other people would treat her better? I think the question is basically "Is this relationship serving me in a positive way?" and I think we should always always always be asking ourselves that. Otherwise you get stuck in the line of thinking displayed in this screenshot, which is "well, he was mean to me, but I can't just thro away our entire relationship because he said something nasty!" and we all know where that shitshow leads.

[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]gcthrowaway2019FDS Apprentice 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Salt_SatisfactionFDS Disciple 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Solaresa[S] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]blerty567FDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]quiteshall0wFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]blerty567FDS Apprentice 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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