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MakeURegret Archive

View 8 posts and 1,080 comments by MakeURegret on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

Complains about her skin, doesn’t offer to pay for the dermatologist. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 11:59 AM
1

Make a list of all the bad things. Even little things that are petty like “his ears were too pointy.” And refer to it whenever you’re having a moment of rose colored glasses/“regret”/“what if”. Read about lvm on here and realize he is no different and would’ve been doing the same kinds of things too. It’s difficult with quarantine, but try to fill your time with friends and hobbies. Mindfulness meditation. It’s normal to still miss the good moments. I think it’s not mentioned on here a lot for t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:01 AM
1

Thank you (ha no pun intended) for explaining why this bothered me. I could never pinpoint it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:51 AM
6

Cultivate RBF. Go towards others, preferably women, if no women are around then seek authority figures (workers, admins, volunteers, etc at the place you’re at, or police, firemen, etc.), and if that fails then go towards other men. If you do go up to a woman she will likely believe and help you, “this creep won’t leave me alone pretend you’re my aunt.” Men are less likely to believe someone is creeping on you and/or that it’s a big deal. So pretend you have a different reason to approach them “…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:48 AM
15

Also the audacity. As if getting used for a meal is anywhere near the toll of getting used for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:53 AM
6

At first I was confused why a woman was doing the 2nd part. The ending tho - so perfect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:51 AM
371

Oh so does he do this for men too? Like do his male friends put up sexy pics and does he compliment them in a “totally not gonna hook up with you bro” way? Does he go out of his way to follow unknown/random/acquaintance sexy male accounts? Would he comment that stuff on a gay man’s sexy account? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm 🤔 Flipping sexualities is the easiest way to demonstrate that men know their antics are wrong. Men: “Catcalling isn’t a big deal” women: “oh so you wouldn’t mind if a 300lb linebacker who w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 04:20 AM
1

Huh it might be naive but I think it’s just a native speaker thing that man vs men is a much more distinctly different pronunciation/sound than woman vs women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 02:21 AM
5

Let me just pick apart this whole paragraph: Part of this is because I struggle with people telling me I have value. I had an abusive childhood and always thought I wasn't worth much, so having people focus on me and say nice things is hard. Part of this is always because I felt that you don't need to be told what day to celebrate your partner. And part of it was the fear that comes with any special occasion, which is that my partner half-arses it, doesn't put much effort in, lets me down, and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 02:14 AM
37

Pasted from a previous comment of mine: Female/male is an adjective. Woman/man is a noun. If you refer to anyone by a prominent adjective it sounds a bit demeaning and as if that adjective defines them. “Wow, look at the blond over there.” vs “Wow look at the man over there with blond hair.” “Six-packs need to just chill out and eat some pizza.” Vs “Men who have six-packs need to just chill out and eat some pizza.” “Fatties need to get disciplined and go on a diet.” Vs “Men who are fat need to g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 12:29 AM
1

Oh for sure. I definitely think it’s great to have a space for it. And I love contributing when I have the capacity for it. Guess I was confused because of this post when it was introduced: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/irgdxw/were_retiring_the_seeking_advice_flair_and/ This post implied to me that any seeking advice posts should go there. And that even staunch fds followers that need help on a specific situation should go to the askfds sub and not post on the main one. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 11:31 PM
1

So they took away the flair for asking questions here “seeking advice.” And the mods advised that anyone with specific questions should go to r/askfds https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/irgdxw/were_retiring_the_seeking_advice_flair_and/ I do still see some people ask questions specific to their situation and just tag it as something else here. Most often using the “discussion” flair. If fds followers are still able to ask specific questions on the main sub then I think we don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 06:40 PM
183

Hey #NotAllMen #Only40_OutOf41Men /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 01:32 PM
6

Thank you I appreciate it a lot :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:28 AM
81

Thank you mods!! ❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:08 AM
77

Dude likely can’t retire, because even if that’s 1million tax free (doubt) that’s still not enough to retire on in this day and age. So now the internet has his face with this quote attached to it. Still betting it won’t get in the way of his job/career opportunities. But you have a woman with one nude out there and it’s game over 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:05 AM
31

Is there a way we can tag/flair posts to differentiate between fds followers vs non-fds/newbies? I like helping out, but there’s a lot of posts where the OP either hasn’t read the handbook or isn’t following it and then asking how to fix her situationship with a clearly disrespectful man... Much easier to give advice when I know the experience level/willingness to listen to FDS guidelines part before diving in. I know everyone tailors FDS rules to a degree (even I do), but it seems like most pos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:00 AM
5

Yep this is documented. It’s called the confidence gap: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/
/r/askFDS04/02/21 11:44 PM
11

Have you read the handbook?
/r/askFDS04/02/21 11:38 PM
11

I caught him the other day looking at his high school ex’s Facebook pictures and going through their old prom pictures. He doesn’t follow any of his exes on any social media, but he apparently still visits their pages. The fuck...? That’s deliberate. It’s not like he was reminiscing highschool in which case he’d be looking at his friend’s pages and/or his old photos. And if his exes still bother him so much - why would he go to their pages? To inflict pain on himself? No there are plenty of guys…
/r/askFDS04/02/21 11:38 PM
10

Ended up a day and a half later and I was still busy and this dude is not a priority yet. He texts me, “So you meant way later?” Block delete I know. But it would be so tempting to reply with “My appendix burst thanks for the sympathy.” Lmao. Some people are incapable of understanding others exist without them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 11:04 PM
50

So I told him he was oversharing and his response was to tell me that he was sharing all his trauma in the hopes that I'd open up to him. Lol fully admitting his main purpose isn’t looking for support/sympathy but that it’s primarily transactional to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 10:39 PM
33

Same. I haven’t even gotten a chance to apply FDS to dating due to covid. It helps all around with any type of relationship including the one with myself ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 10:34 PM
136

Oof been there done that. The resentment that builds when he’s making frivolous amazon purchases while you’re not putting anything into savings is volcanic. 😡 So glad to be rid of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 10:32 PM
62

Imagine agreeing to go on a date with this guy, peeking at his SM and finding this post. Lol my dude you’re not doing yourself any favors here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 02:14 AM
168

Look at him lying to her and trying to create a scarcity mindset with the “I help, you’ll never find someone who remembers where a vacuum cleaner is remembers to do basic household chores.” How insidious. What a jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 02:10 AM
8

Yep whenever anyone would ask me why I broke up with my ex “his wants became our needs, my needs became our wants.” What a selfish jerk. So glad to be rid of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 02:08 AM
7

I mean 2 months sounds like fds guidelines. Are you attracted to him? Do you want the relationship to escalate? What are the pros/cons if you cut it off now vs if you cut it off later and vs if he cuts it off later?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 01:41 AM
1

Were they (taxi drivers) screened? It’s true I don’t like how uber/lyft/etc are incentivized to keep drivers on their platform regardless of their performance. On the other hand there was a lot of racial discrimination prior to the apps. There was also a lot of “card reader is broken you need to pay me cash” scams. It’s also easier to keep the driver accountable to not have them drive you the long way “scenic route” - not to mention being able to share real time location data. Taxis have that te…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 09:49 PM
72

Because women are never lonely because they always have so many men willing to “provide companionship” aka use their bodies. /s Hmmm hey wait a second maybe men mean something different when they use the word “lonely” 🤔 Also lol @ the below: women have it much easier and better because we have “support systems” like friends and family 🤡 As if men dont have friends or family too many just dont give af about them 🤡 Once again men discounting emotional labor and expecting things for free. Women typ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 04:42 PM
43

Yep and best believe he’d never let you get away with the same excuse. Sorry you dealt with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 04:31 PM
65

Yes - this was my initial misgiving with FDS. But I kept returning for the memes that called men out on their shit. Literally the only place where I saw women actively saying being a mommy-bangmaid shouldn’t be expected and men need to be held to better standards than “just babysitter for the kids.” Once I saw what it was really about it made a lot more sense. And I love that it also tends to protect from love-bombing. Because when men love-bomb it’s more often broad stroke gestures that could a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 12:05 AM
207

A lot of women also fall into the trap of thinking good men don’t exist and mediocre men are rare. So when we write: “don’t let him walk all over you” they hear: “be single forever.” Even people here struggle with the above, complaining that HVM are rare and “they’ll never find an HVM.” I mean not with that attitude, but the handbook also makes it clear that it’s okay if you never find an HVM. You should never be 100% invested in anyone regardless of their HV status. And you should work to make …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 11:59 PM
76

Well at least he knows he ain’t wise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 02:25 AM
5

Can you imagine? Abortion would a human right yesterday if that were the case. So infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 08:13 PM
17

Female/male is an adjective. Woman/man is a noun. If you refer to anyone by a prominent adjective it sounds a bit demeaning and as if that adjective defines them. “Wow, look at the blond over there.” vs “Wow look at the man over there with blond hair.” “Six-packs need to just chill out and eat some pizza.” Vs “Men who have six-packs need to just chill out and eat some pizza.” “Fatties need to get disciplined and go on a diet.” Vs “Men who are fat need to get disciplined and go on a diet.” I’m no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 08:10 PM
1

I like that poem excerpt, thanks for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:49 PM
3

Yeah exactly, I’m happy for the authenticity. But wow ripping this bandaid off hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:48 PM
3

Actually funny you say that. I don’t find cutting off friends hard if I’ve got other friends/social outlets. But I find I don’t do well friendless so that’s been its own struggle. This post happens to be about a family member that due to various limitations I haven’t cut off. I still hope that they change while I still am interacting with them. But FDS has showed me I shouldn’t hold my breath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:47 PM
3

Oh yeah for sure. This is a family member that I have yet to cut off for various reasons. So unfortunately it won’t go away even if I do find a HV person. And that is what I like about FDS it helped me realize 1. There are HVM out there. 2. And even if I never find one, I can make my life awesome all on my own so that I’m never dependent on anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:40 PM
2

There’s a book about this called: Give and Take. I highly recommend it. The tl;dr be generous at first (unless you know/suspect it won’t be reciprocated) and then if the other party doesn’t return the generosity you pull back. This allows you to attract generous people and cut off the non-generous ones quickly. And now I’m realizing maybe I’m explaining when you just wanted to rant. So I hear you - it’s not a fun position to be in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:35 PM
94

They think we can’t put two and two together and realize they’re saying this to all the women they’re messaging. Just like if you know someone who talks bad about everyone else behind their back, then you know they’re talking bad about you when your back is turned. Most men are smart enough to hold off on this stuff until at least a couple dates in where you might be duped into thinking he really means it... 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 02:37 AM
64

Carrying a dessert tray. How did he think he was going to hide that?? The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 01:19 AM
7

Ha I was completely surprised. Definitely thought it was a “me” problem and a “communication” problem. And tbh it’s an alluring lie to believe in. Because if it is a “me” problem then I can control it. If it’s a “communication” issue then I can learn to communicate better! But no it wasn’t me trying and failing. They literally just didn’t care about me at all :/ Oh well I’m glad I know now. Helps me understand why paragraphs weren’t working and how to sidestep the whole issue completely :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:34 AM
10

Huh they’re clickable for me (on mobile).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:02 AM
65

Yeah whenever I see women doubting that on here I paste these links I’ve saved. I’ve got the receipts: /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fm5xsr/he_knows_sis/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqcr8z/its_okay_to_hate_him_he_knows_what_he_did_wrong/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fk44i3/dont_explain_why_youre_leaving_just_leave_he/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/husyt0/the_best_revenge_isnt_revenge_its_silence/ He knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 10:59 PM
16

Oh interesting I guess I associated balding as more a genetics thing than an aging thing since men can have that happen early. Either way, this post made me really think about society and culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 10:51 PM
22

Ah yes it’s called “Just World Fallacy” (Just as in justice). It’s really sad when taken to its extreme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 08:33 PM
29

This was really well written. What do you think has been the most impactful/important FDS knowledge to you? Mine is “he knows” & “if he wanted to he would” it really applies to a lot of different relationships. And has helped me keep rock solid boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 08:26 PM
1

She really can’t promise that. Also feels like subtle blaming of mothers. There’s plenty of men who have good mothers who either don’t know what their sons are doing or can’t stop it. Why no onus on fathers? Why isn’t it raising great sons to be good people regardless of whether it’s “your daughter” or not?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 06:41 PM
34

We missed: “hAvE yUo tRIeD cOmPrOMisINg?” Ugh 🤦‍♀️ so glad fds was able to explain why all this advice was bad and how to side step it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 02:21 PM
201

I never realized this wtf. 🤯 At most they get advertisements for dye to reduce gray hair. I’m going to be thinking about that all day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 01:59 PM
12

Right but a prudent man would’ve invested in a good disability insurance policy that could’ve covered for an event like that. (Especially if he was bragging about “making bank” lol). Obviously your choose your own standards, so you do you! But I do see that situation as more a reflection on his money management skills vs trades/non-college decision. And I only point this out for if other fds ladies are seeing this and thinking about trades for themselves and/or are concerned about a man in trade…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 07:26 PM
5

Planning dates is the most basic thing out there. Like every guy knows that’s what you do when you’re in a relationship. Him not doing that is a huge sign of disrespect. Him not planning dates is him communicating that he didn’t care about losing you. It’s also him communicating that he wanted you to beg for his love. And we at FDS don’t beg. If I were you I’d take myself out on a couple dates to prove to myself how easy and fun it is to plan a date to really recognize and drive home how disresp…
/r/askFDS26/01/21 12:44 AM
125

The only time men care about equality is when we’re talking about the bad things men do. “Men perpetuate DV.” “Oh yeah well women do it too!!” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 12:37 AM
14

I hate how often I’d run into men who said they wanted kids and then when I dug a little deeper these same men were shocked at how much daycare cost (generally about as much as mortgage rent, if not more). The lack of empathy and carelessness showed they just wanted to have kids cause “that’s what people do” and they knew it had little consequences for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 09:32 PM
4

Same story for me hahaha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 09:18 PM
25

They like the validation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:56 PM
14

Yep, used to be exactly what happened. Would always fall into that trap of explaining and explaining. Not realizing that it didn’t matter how perfectly I communicated they were never going to get it. They know what they’ve done wrong, they just want to rile me up and paint themselves as the victim/martyr.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:49 PM
0

Lol oh it didn’t read like that. I wouldn’t have seen it as a red flag if you edit your mom out of this story. More just if your mom is trying to stay away from an lvm typically alcohol makes that more difficult. So if she’s trying to cut down on alcohol for herself as well, it’s a bit insensitive to bring alcohol over. If he didn’t know your mom was trying to cut down then it’s a little different. i.e. if all he knew was that your mom drinks and there wasn’t a lot of alcohol in the house then i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:42 PM
10

I love this analogy. Thanks for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:01 PM
21

Dealing with this from a family member right now, so frustrating. They’re acting like a petulant child refusing to do any form of restitution post apology. Thanks to FDS I know not to waste my time trying to eXPlaiN to them why what they did was wrong and how it hurt me etc. No more paragraphs from me. I need action from the other party before investing more of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:56 PM
12

I wonder what would happen if you accused them of the exact same emotion they’re accusing you. Them: “Why are you so angry?” You: “I’m not, this is how people who are happy look. In fact your body language indicated to me that you seem angry. So why are you angry? Did I do something to upset you?” Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:53 PM
8

Have had the EXACT same experience. But luckily I’m far away from all that now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:50 PM
1

Ewwww so manipulative. And I’m sure he feigned ignorance or would’ve if you ever brought it up and directly CoMmUnIcATEd with him. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:47 PM
6

I echo the other commenter. Does he know your mom is trying to quit drinking? It’s one thing if you and your mom both didn’t drink and he’s been with you for years (not months) and knows it won’t be tempting to you guys. But that’s not the case. Seems a little insensitive even with your tacit approval “anything you may want to drink.” I’m glad you refrained from doing the laundry list detailed instructions style answer. It’s hard to resist from that. So kudos to you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:45 PM
18

But wimmin are soooo one dimensional /s 🙄 I get that there are women who turn drugs into a one dimensional personality but more often than not it’s men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 04:47 PM
9

Really messed up. 100% that’s rape.
/r/askFDS23/01/21 02:42 AM
13

Yeah interestingly enough it was the book about negotiation: “Never Split the Difference” that taught me that emotions are good. I hate how society vilifies emotions and holds stoic men (it’s always men cause a stoic woman is just a b**ch) as the paragon of maturity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 02:33 AM
16

I think she thinks every woman goes through this - that there’s nothing better out there. It’s what kept me with an LVM so long. The LVM was great at being a responsible adult and I didn’t see a lot of other men doing that. So I thought he was rare and I’d never find another man that would “know how to take care of the house and make his own doctor’s appointments.” Lol 🤦‍♀️ My expectations for men were so low before FDS it was tragic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 02:05 AM
3

Because they know they can get away with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 02:00 AM
8

Lots of times I don’t have headphones on me, but I’ll watch tiktoks anyways because they’re usually captioned. This was so WEIRD to watch without hearing her voice. Her body language is screaming “this isn’t funny, I’m actually angry, upset about this stuff.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 01:59 AM
45

Many don't realise they are oversharing and struggle to read their audience. Often oversharers aren't aware they have revealed too much until after the act, or they might just not see it as a problem. So much cringe from when I used to do this :/ Sadly, individuals with poor attachment lack emotional intelligence (the ability to manage your emotions and sometimes others emotions)... I never connected that it was a lack of emotional control. And it took me awhile to learn that emotional control d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 01:49 AM
14

LVM: I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 01:38 AM
1

Thank you for sharing this! I love seeing examples of good behavior. It’s a great reminder of what we should expect from men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:31 PM
11

For real this sub has given me so much life advice. I haven’t even dated since finding fds (thanks covid), but already it’s helping me in some many other non-dating areas of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:16 PM
9

And then people are shocked to learn unmarried older women are the happiest demographic. Lol 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:13 PM
5

Lmaooo these are hilarious!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:05 PM
11

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fm5xsr/he_knows_sis/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqcr8z/its_okay_to_hate_him_he_knows_what_he_did_wrong/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fk44i3/dont_explain_why_youre_leaving_just_leave_he/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/husyt0/the_best_revenge_isnt_revenge_its_silence/ They know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:03 PM
1

What’s the best case scenario for you? And what’s the best case scenario for your mom? If those can balance then try to execute them however you can. Do you think you can pressure your dad into giving up the details and stopping? Whether because he will want to avoid a costly divorce would or you saying you’ll out him to all his friends/family/etc. If he did that and tried to make amends and your mom didn’t want the divorce either (due to social norms/pressure etc) do you think you’ll be okay? I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 08:55 PM
23

It’s male entitlement. “Fuck her needs, I want her, I’ll convince her, eventually, that what she needs isn’t as important as my need to be loved.” VILE. I’ve been here before. Luckily I was strong enough to break up right then and there even as a pickmeisha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 08:41 PM
7

I was REALLY worried before I realized that was a typo in your title lmao. Society says: do 90% of the work and get blamed if the kid/husband doesn’t turn out perfect. (Because if the husband cheats it’s obviously because you weren’t the perfect woman not that he’s a flawed individual).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 08:31 PM
3

Ah I’d heard of these questions before and answered when I was a teenager. Luckily I didn’t remember them so I was able to play along. Didn’t know this was called relational psychology fascinating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 06:10 PM
28

Hahaha at least they’re giving the “communicate” advice right back. “Let her sleep in” “I even made breakfast” ugh dude you’re not the babysitter getting extra brownie points. It’s your child too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:49 PM
3

7 billion other people on the planet half of them men. There’s no need to give second chances to people who don’t deserve them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:04 AM
2

Yep I endured years of my ex gaslighting me “you’re not good at communicating, I just wish you’d communicate more, etc.” I fell hook line and sinker, he totally had me convinced. Which killed my self confidence and self esteem. Then one day he just completely ignored what I said. As in I asked him not do something and then he purposefully did it. And that’s when I realized: I’m not bad at communicating you’re just bad at listening. He killed the relationship right then and there. It was simultan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:17 AM
33

Not pictured: Empathy. Seriously has he ever thought about someone other than himself for more than 2 seconds?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:08 AM
69

BuT i tHoUGht cOMmunIcaTIoN waS tHE aNSweR to EverYtHInG /s So glad FDS was able to teach me why that was wrong. I would’ve wasted years/decades of my life had FDS not laid out how communication isn’t the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:04 AM
20

HVM is a hypothesis that you’re constantly testing. A status that a man can lose at any point in time. Some men can hide it for years. Regardless it doesn’t matter if you’re married, if you’ve been together 30 years, etc. If a guy disrespects you he is automatically not hvm, even if he acted like it previously. No man has permanent hvm status. However the likelihood of a guy losing hvm status gets smaller over time as generally any bad trait would’ve outed itself at some point earlier in time. M…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:26 PM
38

What have you tried so far? Have you tried putting up ads online? That’s where I’d start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:02 PM
81

Not to burst your bubble. But “thinking about” (what he said) vs doing (what you are implying) are two very different things. You know him better than us, but most men just say these things to impress us. They rarely ever start and even if they do they don’t keep up with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 04:55 PM
3

Lmao then he shouldn’t have upset you. Men know what they’re doing. He knows it’s unacceptable. He’s just trying to see if he can still get you to hold on for crumbs of affection. Meanwhile there are men who will jump at the thought of being able to marry you. Remember: Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from your husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 11:06 PM
6

Oh I like this thanks for these tips! Never thought about leaving cleaning stuff out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:49 PM
8

Oh dang I knew I was forgetting one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:44 PM
13

But when someone keeps repeating you, day after day, that you're stupid, after some time, you'll start to believe it. This is very true. Are you able to cut these people off or distance yourself from them? These people are actively hurting you and make no mistake they know exactly what they’re doing. It is not cruel to cut these people off. But it is cruel to yourself to keep them in your life if you can cut them out. As far as the below: But right after telling me that, they also tell me that w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:34 AM
6

See this comment on guys and types: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i01llw/friends_with_benefits_will_never_turn_into/fzn5kh1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 I like this Shera video on getting self confidence. You really only need to watch the first 30 minutes. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 02:21 AM
25

means he values you over a game to me that’s what I needed to restore my relationship but sadly that won’t happen Ah yes the “I’m not even getting the bare minimum, so you should be happy with your table scraps” ‘logic.’ 🤦‍♀️ Honestly calling women pickmes isn’t going to change any of them. So I wouldn’t have commented that, but to each their own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 02:17 AM
60

Lmao must be breaking up because she’s cheating. Not because the guy is working a part time retail job while his mommy pays for his house. And he only reluctantly agrees to marriage. Yeah must be she’s cheating. Cause it couldn’t be a man’s fault! 🙄 “yes they should break up if she’s unhappy, but I wouldn’t look at this pattern and think: deadbeat.” Uhhhhh. Guarantee if you switched the genders, men would be all be screaming “gold digger.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:48 AM
73

Lol naw people on fds have done the calculations. Childcare in the US alone is generally as much as your mortgage/rent if not more. Add on a chef, a personal assistant (cause you know these lvms do NO emotional labor), and prostitutes. And guarantee it’s more than his take home. And how dare he bring in the LGBT as if that makes him enlightened. And no that’s not how it works in LGBT relationships, that shouldn’t even need to be said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:42 AM
38

What is there to respond to? There’s no question. Does this person know how to have conversations? Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:05 AM
39

Rest assured if he glanced at this sub he’d become the biggest snowflake on the planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:07 AM
12

What if it comes up - ie a friend/family member brings it up in front of you/your current male partner?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:05 AM
15

There’s a whole sub for it r/fdssuperfans
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:02 PM
32

Yeah to take the analogy further: it’s easy to say after your house getting robbed - I should’ve put up cameras, and made sure the door was locked. But just because you didn’t do those things doesn’t mean you deserved to be robbed. It’s not like the criminal can say “but your honor the door was unlocked so their stuff was fair game.” No. But yeah had the door been locked they might have moved on to an easier target. Still doesn’t make it right or your fault. Yep FDS gives you preventative measur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 08:29 PM
87

I find it attractive... because it’s the opposite of confidence. Predator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 08:24 PM
21

I mean any part of the past was pretty messed up. Civil rights not until 1964 in the US... I give serious side eye to anyone who talks about “the good ole days.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:51 PM
93

See it means I’m special! Because if he were dating other women, then I’d only be hinge girl #1. /s 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:14 PM
21

Hey you handled this so well. And thanks for writing out your experiences. Very interesting to see. This is also a red flag: That night he asked me if I wanted to go to a local restaurant the next night and I said yes. Men should have things going on and so should you. I would make sure there’s more space between a FaceTime and the next date (about a week).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 01:40 PM
19

And they still trip over it. Lmao. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 01:27 PM
20

This is a good article. Thank you for sharing! My only issue with it is, she’s encouraging you to “communicate” at the end as if this is a communication issue. But rest assured if a guy is telling you he wants to go with flow - having a conversation isn’t going to change his mind. He might tell you he’s changed his mind, but you can’t negotiate his feelings. A guy would never tell his dream girl “let’s just go with the flow.” No he’d be trying to lock her down asap. If he says “go with the flow”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 01:21 PM
84

Men on dating apps: but but but why do I have to prove I’m not a serial killer it’s so demoralizing and dehumanizing!! Woe is me 😩 Women: you know what’s also dehumanizing, being murdered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 01:06 PM
9

Example Script: You: Hey I’m not feeling this anymore. I’m breaking up with you. Him: What?!? Why?!? You: this relationship isn’t working for me anymore. Alright bye. Him: no don’t leave. What do you mean by not working anymore?? I thought you said we’d work through any problems. You: yep and we did and the differences are irreconcilable. Bye. Helps to have something scheduled or “scheduled” that you have to go to right after. Spa, hair appt, class, tutoring, studying with a friend, etc. If you’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:57 PM
49

Yes, I hate the romanticization of the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:39 PM
14

No man is ever going to use money to control or manipulate me again, and I'm not even gonna give him the opportunity. I had this same attitude too. It was one of the reasons it was hard for me to come around on fds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:34 PM
32

Yeah even in the US it’s not necessarily about degrading. But there’s definitely the message that if a man pays for you then you’re not independent, you can’t handle yourself, you can’t have it all. With independence being synonymous with freedom over here, pop culture has turned getting the check into a battle for your rights. Ridiculous 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:33 PM
67

When we “have rbf.” “We should smile honey.” When we smile in a polite customer service way. “Omg that chick was totally into me.” When we cry. “omg women are so emotional.” When we hold ourselves together and don’t let our face betray our emotions. “Omg what a stone cold b**ch.” Dammed if you do dammed if you don’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 02:57 AM
217

I asked my friend and they said they’d feel degraded if they didn’t pay. (Paraphrasing) Cool then dump your gf and date that girl. I hate hate hate when people compare to others outside the relationship in order to drag your standards down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 02:43 AM
79

Who says stuff like that out loud?? You shouldn’t have to put up with any of that. I know this is a difficult job environment - but if you can switch jobs you should. At least keep your resume up to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 02:40 AM
29

That’s amazing. Thank you for taking the time to make this list. I appreciate it a lot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 02:36 AM
14

Sometimes the sheer volume of posts outing LVM is overwhelming, and I start to wonder if there are even any decent men left out there. I mean this is kinda like looking at the news and wondering if there are any good people left. Of course there are! Many of them are just being decent/normal people which isn’t necessarily newsworthy. Think about it. How often do you see uplifting news versus negative news? Same dynamic plays out in FDS. It’s just a natural human bias.
/r/askFDS18/11/20 10:55 PM
21

Congratulations! That ring is so pretty!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 09:31 PM
181

I feel like women have set rules about brushing teeth... uhhhhh didn’t know the dentists were giving different talks to men... Once again this isn’t a “communication” or “compromise” issue. This is a basic lack of respect on his end issue. Also wtf - does he not shower everyday.... Men do this and then wonder why women aren’t into spontaneous blowjobs...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 08:08 PM
9

Oh I was wondering how it was giving that glow. That just makes this extra confusing... Does he like having a crick in his neck?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 06:49 PM
27

Lol there’s the tiny thought there like your instinct telling you: he shouldn’t be on his phone. But the pickme brainwashing from society overrides. Struggled with the same thing pre-FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 06:29 PM
96

I would get a new friend. Saying no firmly but politely is diplomatic. Diplomacy isn’t just agreeing to whatever the other side says...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:58 PM
9

I don’t understand!!! Wahhh explain it to me I’m just too dumb!!! 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:52 PM
5

Yes it’s why I love r/femalelevelupstrategy too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:48 PM
36

Asshole tax: when your money is spent to find out someone is an asshole. You can try to argue and fight and get your money back. Or you can consider the $5-10 in this situation money well spent to know to block his number and leave right then and there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:46 PM
14

Was going to comment the exact same thing. Nothing infuriated me more than this when I used dating apps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:42 PM
17

Let’s disadvantage women by punishing them for taking time out of the workforce for children. By assuming and pressuring them to be the ones to do the childrearing if their partner leaves. By not establishing affordable child care. By punishing them at their jobs when they have to take off work for their kids. And then blame them when with juggling all of that they can’t get a decent job that allows them to take care of and raise their child properly. But hey at least they’re trying to raise the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:40 PM
15

Yep on top of that. Even if it’s amicable etc those are still months-years off her CV that employers will count against her that she’ll never get back. Meaning she won’t get the most competitive jobs/wages/ won’t be at the same career level as her ex. This is talking about poverty specifically so I imagine a lot of this is attributable to women who have kids before they’re able to graduate college. Not only does the lack of college mean their upward trajectory is cut. The kids mean they’ll need …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:29 PM
106

Traditional aka all the benefits of the old ways (submissive wife, etc.) with none of the drawbacks (having to provide, etc.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:19 PM
30

That is so scary I’m so sorry to hear that. It was so nice of your friend on the phone to tell you to go towards him. Another option if you’re ever feeling unsafe again is to drive towards a police station. Men are so entitled 😡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:09 PM
12

Yay that’s a great start! I think these posts are a great addendum. Can be a good starting off point for you either post handbook re-read or beforehand. /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fm5xsr/he_knows_sis/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqcr8z/its_okay_to_hate_him_he_knows_what_he_did_wrong/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fk44i3/dont_explain_why_youre_leaving_just_leave_he/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/husyt0/the_best_revenge_isnt_revenge_its_silence/ All of these to show: he knows. He …
/r/askFDS18/11/20 01:46 AM
5

Since you’ve held firm in not responding so far. I’d see if you can talk to a lawyer about options/next steps, before breaking the silence. If you find out that you need to tell him “stop contacting me” to get a restraining order. But then learn the restraining order doesn’t really help you. Then you’ll have broken the silence for nothing. Also, you might get a restraining order and then cops may shrug their shoulders on enforcing it. Not sure if you can really figure out how your local police w…
/r/askFDS18/11/20 01:25 AM
3

I think the handbook explains dating culture/boundaries/expectations pretty well. Have you read it? https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading
/r/askFDS18/11/20 01:08 AM
94

Keep in mind, often what is or isn't considered "slutty"/"revealing" depends largely on your natural body type, race, height, facial structure and other factors that are impossible control. Any woman who has had to survive school uniforms inherently understands this. Yep yep yep. And this is a great point: Like do these men just walk into the Louvre and think "Venus de Milo. What a fucking slut." orrr? Thanks for making this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 11:38 PM
35

So he gets everything he wants and “needs” to feel loved and you get nothing? Not even him trying? Words aren’t going to fix this. He’s started taking you for granted. I’d start being a lot busier. We're now in the routine where after I finish work and finish the gym I'll go to his and we'll go to sleep, maybe watch a movie, maybe have sex, but that's really the extent of it. On weekends we're not really going out and doing anything either. Stop doing this. Now you have FaceTime chats with frien…
/r/askFDS17/11/20 11:35 PM
11

It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for the societal gaslighting that you experienced. Seriously, just take an average week. Tally how often you see examples of pickme/misogynistic behavior being glorified and how often you see advice that is in line with FDS being given. The former will win in a landslide compared to FDS advice. Unless you’ve really curated your social media, and don’t consume ANY mainstream media. How were you supposed to know what you didn’t know? Also, have you heard of t…
/r/askFDS17/11/20 11:31 PM
4

Seriously hated this hypocrisy so much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 10:51 PM
7

The grapes were probably sour anyways. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 10:37 PM
26

This happens to me so often it’s not even funny. But the practice is good for if I ever encounter it in the wild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 08:11 PM
41

cAN’t gO wROnG 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 07:18 PM
53

I think a lot of controversy from those posts come from the fact that we want to point out expected behavior, but we don’t want to glorify it. There are a lot of pickmes/newbies who will visit here and not realize what even is expected behavior. Pointing it out helps normalize it for them. But then you get people saying it’s crossing the line of glorifying it. The other issue is that you can’t capture an HVM with a single act. He could show a green flag in one area, but if he’s terrible in anoth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 06:06 PM
1

So that’s chasing, which is not recommended by FDS. So then the question is, do you want this to be the pattern for your relationship? You: “we haven’t been on a date in awhile.” Him: plans one date the next weekend. Then back to nothing. You: “hey so we haven’t talked marriage - is that something you want to do?” Him: “oh sure...” buys a ‘shut-up’ ring, while you plan the whole wedding. Because he “doesn’t care, whatever you want babe.” People are on OLD to date. If asking you for a date made h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 04:14 PM
9

Laughing my fucking ass off AT you (or whoever actually takes him up on his offer) ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 10:06 PM
2

Yeah think the bigger thing is listening. Keeping a dating journal can help you analyze and possibly see patterns where you otherwise wouldn’t. Help you see things due to you reflecting on it in a more neutral state later. Otherwise focus on open ended (can’t be answered with yes/no) questions. And make sure the questions aren’t leading. For example, asking “are you looking for a relationship?” Is a closed question AND is a leading question (he can probably gauge from your tone that you want a r…
/r/askFDS16/11/20 10:01 PM
2

Yeah have the same issue. Was unsure if I should message the mods to ask. But I erred on the side of caution as I don’t want to overburden them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 09:10 PM
21

I wish more men knew how to ask for and accept help. Maybe there should be a training manual on that? No no, they know. /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fm5xsr/he_knows_sis/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqcr8z/its_okay_to_hate_him_he_knows_what_he_did_wrong/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fk44i3/dont_explain_why_youre_leaving_just_leave_he/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/husyt0/the_best_revenge_isnt_revenge_its_silence/ They know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 09:05 PM
14

As others have pointed out: This allows him to not need to remember your name (and all the other names of the women he’s texting). It’s also trying to establish a false familiarity. Which is an aspect of future faking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:24 PM
7

“opportunity to cheat would be prevalent” I paraphrase. Insanity. Fuck that. Imma get my bag and coin Yes queen I love to see it! 👑💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 03:35 PM
5

It kinda sounds like you’re blaming the woman? I mean why do women stay in abusive relationships? If they could exit they would. They just don’t know how. They don’t have the tools. Whether that’s money, time, the emotional wherewithal, safety, knowledge, etc. So they keep the status quo. Life isn’t always about dollars and cents and rational cost/benefit analysis. And it can be hard to see the forest through the trees so to speak. I imagine this was only the tip of the iceberg of the abuse she …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 03:02 PM
44

"facetime with me and help me pick out glasses" Lol, not even a question, a demand. What a jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 02:56 PM
19

They ask about if I wan’t children, religion, where I wan’t to live, places I wan’t to see etc. so they are looking for relationship compatibility That is a large assumption. I wouldn’t conclude that’s what that means. These are just typical things to ask on dating apps. Men asking these questions really means nothing. It’s kinda like when you go to a coffee shop and the barista asks “hi how are you?” They’re asking that, because that’s the polite/social contract thing to do. Not because the bar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 02:51 PM
18

Why do you still follow him/see that stuff? Block + delete him and be at peace :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 02:34 PM
12

I literally didn’t know sexism and sexual harassment in the workplace still existed until I got to college and had an assignment on it. They had us fill out a survey having us guess how often this happened and I was like oh it’s gotta be less than 5% that women aren’t getting equal pay, being given less promotions, getting sexually harassed at work, etc. We solved that in the 70s. We’ve got equality now. It was a rude awakening when I learned it was A LOT more prevalent. But I’m glad they prepar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 02:31 PM
40

Yeah gotta love all the highschools that have been shrugging their shoulders saying “we can’t enforce masks” and all the girls who have been dresscoded like “the hell you can’t!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 01:51 PM
10

Men tend to be incredibly clingy and needy, they just have the privilege of escaping being stereotyped even when reality is staring everyone dead in the eye. It's like how women get stereotyped as being bad drivers even though it's a statistical fact that we cause fewer accidents, and our car insurance rates are lower by default. No basis in reality, just like the clingy/needy woman stereotype. Yep have run into the same myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:03 AM
33

Lol @ your username.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 10:50 AM
6

Ooof yep that describes me lvm ex to a tee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 11:19 PM
21

Needed to see this around the holidays. Thanks OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 04:38 PM
24

Not over thinking that is weird. A couple questions came to mind: At what point is he going to tell you to “be relaxed” about something you should be justifiably angry/sad/upset/the opposite of calm about? Example: him: “Relax it was just a few innocent texts.” At what point is he going to “be relaxed” about something that he SHOULD be more worked up about? Example: him: “I’m pretty relaxed, even though we just missed our non-refundable flight because I was late. Oops oh well.” 🤷‍♂️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 04:34 PM
6

Yeah I’ve found it the easiest way to internalize all the fds lessons: *If he wanted to he would *he knows *an hvm won’t ever make you question where you stand *etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 04:27 PM
18

It’s sad that she feels she has to justify it too. “I have scoliosis and it’s uncomfortable, it makes me ache the whole day.” It shouldn’t matter if you just don’t want to spend 10 minutes on it. He’s not entitled to dictate your body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:55 PM
15

Yeah I just considered that “link from another subreddit.” It was the same for me. I love the people who trash talk this space. Gets us so much publicity!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:41 PM
52

Same thing. Kept seeing it bashed and couldn’t figure out why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:39 PM
23

This thread might be interesting to you: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gg8d24/am_i_naive_for_thinking_that_soulmates_exist/ I see soulmates as just a worse more intense version of crushes, which fds is really against. I think the worst part of soulmates is that if you’re not that 1 in 50,000 (or whatever the statistic may be), then what happens when you settle down with your non-soulmate and then he runs into his soulmate??? That’s why I don’t believe it, because I don’t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:28 PM
17

It’s just a substitute way of saying his dreamgirl. Guys will fuck anyone even women they’re not attracted to. However if you’re his dreamgirl you’ll know it and won’t have a doubt it your mind. He won’t let you slip away he won’t mistreat you, because he’ll be afraid of losing you. This is just another way of saying: if a guy doesn’t feel like “hell yes” about you then it’s “hell no.” And as another commenter mentioned if men say “I’m not looking for anything serious” the “with you” is silent. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:12 PM
4

If he wanted to he would. Don’t settle for someone who treats you as an option. Don’t let your boyfriend (or ex boyfriend) keep you from your husband. Meaning - all this time, mental anguish you’re spending on this guy is a waste. You could instead be spending that time leveling up and dating other men who will jump at the chance to have you. Not just mention “you should move towards me.” You shouldn’t have to beg for affection/a relationship/commitment/etc. That’s always going to leave you feel…
/r/askFDS15/11/20 04:16 AM
62

I will never understand why men feel so entitled to comment on the hairiness of women’s legs. Especially when theirs look so much worse unshaven.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 03:35 AM
37

You think if he had a date with Beyoncé at the end of it he’d say “hey just wanna be upfront, I don’t want anything serious.” No he wouldn’t!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 03:32 AM
101

The idea of soulmates is such a pernicious lie that I can’t stand anyone who perpetuates it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 03:27 AM
1

I know right! My previous tactic was to not save the number at all, but I’d still get all excited at the string of numbers 😂 Thank you fds for helping me realize crushes are bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 02:49 AM
2

Oh that’s smart. Esp since I’m not dating anyways. Better than anonymous, but not as risky as saying I’m a hardcore follower.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 02:45 AM
318

I feel for her, I do, he isn't terrible enough to leave but it's been a DECADE of the same thing No no, it’s downright cruel that he’s not leaving her. He’s literally just using her, because no one better has come along. Guarantee WHEN he runs into his dreamgirl he’ll drop her in a second.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 11:20 PM
8

Yes I struggled so much with this. FDS helped me realize that they reason I was so broken up about it was because I wanted to be him. And FDS also helped me realize I could be him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 10:08 PM
6

No no no. He knows. It’s not like we all haven’t switched to zoom, facetime, etc for things. If he wanted to he would. If he wanted to move the relationship forward, but he didn’t want to meet in person - he would say that. “I want to meet you, but I don’t think it’s safe right now.” It’s not like his brain stops working after that thought. Everyone’s next thought is “why don’t we do a video chat?” So either he’s trying to get her to chase him, he’s shy, he’s talking to a lot of different girls …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 06:39 PM
9

Couple things: can you apply for legal aid/seek out pro bono service? Can you take up any side jobs to help pay for the lawyer? Can you go to a free legal aid clinic and see if it’s a relatively simple matter that you can represent yourself in? Can you post on SM and see if any friends or friends of friends know someone who would take you on pro bono? (I know this is tough since SM is a double-edged sword). Is there a way to write a letter to the judge instead of going back into court? Also, if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 06:32 PM
2

Yay!! 🥰🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 06:00 PM
17

Damn girl 🔥🔥🔥🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:55 PM
38

Stock and replace the cleaning supplies. Remind me about the seasonal projects (cleaning leaves, covering the pool, clearing the gutters). But DON’T nag me!! Plan the vacation, but make sure it’s a spot I want to go because I don’t want to compromise. I mean I work hard and am the only one working hard, because don’t you know a paycheck is all that counts? 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:51 PM
35

I know right - is it supposed to be ironic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:43 PM
3

This is amazing advice. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:39 PM
30

Focus on their bad qualities, whenever you’re getting that feeling. Save them in your phone as their worst quality (e.g. it’s not “Kevin” it’s “Never bought me flowers”) Multi-date, multi-date, multi-date. Focus on leveling up your life more, add more activities to your life, take on more responsibilities, etc. I found that I crushed on/got attached to a lot of guys, because I wanted something they had. Whether it was a better car, job, salary, neighborhood, social life, etc. And I thought by da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:36 PM
23

Epic burn. 👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:21 PM
7

I disagree with comments saying it’s unreasonable to not text in 48 hours. I get you. My phone becomes an attention hole when I pick it up. So I can imagine if my life were much busier I would need to just not use it for longer stretches at a time. This may mean though that now is not a good time to date. You may find men who are okay with this frequency, but they may be rarer. And a lot of people will read that frequency as disinterest. Even I don’t know if I’d put up with that frequency from a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:18 PM
3

Everyone has their own standards/boundaries. She has a valid reason to be late on the texting - he didn’t. The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person. So if she’s that busy and he doesn’t like it - he needs to exit her life. She doesn’t need to (and she SHOULDN’T) change her life/schedule to accommodate him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:10 PM
7

I feel like it usually takes one fds affirming experience before you truly believe and see the value in fds. So don’t sweat it girl. Everyone learns lessons in their own way. And I’ve also learned for myself that if my life isn’t 100% how I want it to be, dating is not going to go well for me. Because as soon as I find a guy who has x,y,z thing I want my mind gets tunnel vision and I start crushing. And so that’s another reason I haven’t been dating during covid. Covid dating is hard enough as i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:05 PM
29

I would be LIVID like my work can read my texts on my work phone buddy. What an asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 04:57 PM
54

Aww goodluck girl. You can get through it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 04:47 AM
2

What does the lawyer say about moving? Can you move back towards your family? That is so messed up that he tricked you into moving towards his family saying they’d help and then they didn’t.
/r/askFDS14/11/20 03:30 AM
14

relationship status/history, intentions, ideologies, etc At what point during the prescreening interview or date should I ask them? Okay so this is your problem. That’s a lot of stuff to cover in an hour and a half! If you actually covered all those topics in detail within the prescreen+first date it would seem like an interview. Fds guideline is to wait 3 months before exclusivity, because it takes time to figure out all of this stuff. Also, even if you were somehow comfortable doing it intervi…
/r/askFDS14/11/20 03:26 AM
6

Oh that’s really nice of you! I see people here talking about dm-ing women. But I don’t have the strength to do it. I understand that for some people it takes time to learn (even for me it did). But it kills me when I see updates that are “I’m just going to try to communicate and compromise some more.” ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 12:56 AM
16

Yeah suppose I should’ve worded that better. I think “consequences” of others knowing I’m in on it would’ve been better phrasing. Although, I don’t mind necessarily being known as a rabid feminist, I don’t want men to know I visit here. Don’t want them to have the playbook to my heart so to speak. Also some women I know might take to it and start trying to discuss in public fds acronyms/phrases (lvm, pickme, etc) with me. It’s one thing to discus your dating life over a glass of wine at a happy …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 12:48 AM
2

Hahaha that’s right. I can barely remember this show and doubt I could stomach a rewatch knowing all of what FDS has taught me now. It’s crazy how you start to see pickme/lvm dynamics everywhere post fds. Paradigm shift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:38 PM
102

100% agree organized religion is not a woman’s friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:32 PM
20

Yeah they drag their feet so much on it...😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:45 PM
64

Why respond? But ugh can’t believe there are so many of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:43 PM
25

Asexual would mean you don’t like/care for sex. You just don’t like bad sex... which is normal. (Except for men, they don’t care about bad sex, because they’ll still get an orgasm). I don’t think you’re doomed to never have good sex. I think you just need to figure out how to hone your vetting skills. And be quick to nix men who show a red flag. I’d start trying to make a list of things bad lovers did before sex that could possibly have been a red flag that he would rush foreplay, not listen to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:39 PM
35

Yes emotion inspires action. For so long I thought controlling my emotions meant shutting them down/blocking them out. But it contradicted my experiences at work. The projects that I did the best at were the ones that had an emotional backstory. Whether it was that I was mad about a manual process so I decided to automate it, or not feeling well and looking for something/anything to distract me that day, or being so excited about the end result that my excitement was able to power me through the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:25 PM
36

This is a scarcity mindset with is not good. All women should work on an abundance mindset. The best thing that helped me with this was to make the rest of my life so awesome so that any man was an additional “plus” but I wasn’t trying to get anything else out of him (money, an ear to listen, a better apt/house, etc.) I think it’s pretty natural to want a relationship. Else why would gay people fight so hard for their rights?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:15 PM
33

put everything they say through the "is this a harmful lie?" filter. Straight truth!! Thank you for the reminder!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:11 PM
4

Oh that’s crazy. That’s also not fds at all lol. Sorry to hear that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:47 PM
8

Oh interesting! I read it in more of a threatening tone almost instead of “read or don’t” as “read or perish” 😂 Either way the title is reason enough to not read it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:44 PM
40

Omg blocked emails still go through? That’s messed up. One word of unsolicited advice, don’t delete the email address. If he gets an email bounce-back he’ll realize you’ve deleted it and go hunting for your new email address. If you just stop using this one he won’t know to go looking for the new one. This advice is from the book “the gift of fear” btw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:43 PM
4

Oh yeah I’ve seen that one too. Thank you for reminding me of it. Too funny 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:39 PM
53

Lol @ “read or don’t” I’ll take the latter thank you. Good for you queen - block his email address! (Unless you still need to keep contact) ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:38 PM
30

After the fifth shot. Okay gonna have to start to read a bit slower here... lmao 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:36 PM
19

There is r/lesbiandatingstrategy but don’t think it’s too active. And yeah gave up for a little while on women cause I kept running into the lv ones that would hide the bf until the first date. Have definitely met lvw friends, but have cut them off relatively quickly. As I’m not one to entertain people who detract value from my life. Also, I know a lot of pickmes that are that way just because they don’t know there’s an alternative. (Like me one year ago lol). I don’t consider them lv necessaril…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:35 PM
28

Yeah agree ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 04:56 PM
31

Guessing he’d be better off with a black circle for a face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 04:03 PM
191

Same thing with any problem you’re having with a man. It’s not that you’re not communicating well, it’s that he’s CHOOSING not to listen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 03:45 PM
7

See it’s funny because I thought it was a great “test drive” FOR ME. Like growing up you see the stereotype of the bumbling husband who can’t figure out how to do anything at home so much it’s a trope on tv. So I moved in to see - okay is he going to slack off now that I’ve moved in. My lvm ex didn’t slack off in the chores dept, but he started to completely take me for granted. By the end I was begging for dates. Which killed my self esteem. I mean he was also actively working on killing my sel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:49 AM
3

I think you can block them. Not sure it really makes sense to do that for every left swipe, but could cut down on repeat offenders. I also don’t know if that would affect the quality of people you’re shown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:31 AM
19

Great post. Very similar thing happened to me. Emotionally dependent. Knew I had to get out a year before I actually was able pulled the trigger. Such sweet relief once it was done. Like seriously so happy. I couldn’t believe how happy I was. It really showed me I was putting up with WAY TOO MUCH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:27 AM
24

He can have unsatisfying PIV with no orgasm like we do, then he can pull out and finish himself, like we do. You can "cuddle" during because it's all about the iNtiMaCy. Or he can go get a vasectomy while you watch. Yessss exactly!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:25 AM
0

Okay I think wording is important and the definition of condone is: approve. That’s why I asked for clarification. You really think straight men would risk their lives for it, when they won’t risk $50 now? When they honestly don’t seem to want it all that much? What leads you to believe that? Rape
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:55 AM
9

You can take a screenshot, but you need to blackout usernames and subreddit. You can message a woman via dm or chat. You can even comment (although those can get deleted by mods and/or downvoted to oblivion). What’s not okay is if you link directly to the reddit post which makes brigading (a whole bunch of users from one sub commenting on one post) much more likely to happen. If we brigade other subs we’re liable to get banned. And since it seems like reddit is just looking for an excuse to get …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:21 AM
5

but I also don’t condone breaking them That’s a pretty privileged thing for a straight person to say. Do you instead mean you don’t recommend breaking those laws? Or that you don’t personally think the risk/reward trade off is there? But yes if straight sex was a crime tomorrow men would break the law for it. But it would be the lvms doing that. Hvms would figure out a way to handle (coping, moving countries, lobbying politicians, or being extra careful to ensure no one finds out). Basically lvm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:14 AM
17

Hey so video dates are FDS. I think if you start embracing them you can start using it as an essential vetting stage. For example, this is unacceptable. But why are you telling him?? There’s no need. There’s no need for a text. He didn’t plan something, therefore you didn’t block out your calendar. Therefore, you’ve made other plans. If he asks you either that day or afterwards - then you say “oh you never made concrete plans. So I made other ones.” If you tell him preemptively that shows you’re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:05 AM
29

Eh I feel for the women who fall for the move-in as bf/gf to “test the relationship before marriage” trick. Only to realize the lvm is happy to lower his standard of living vs doing the housework he used to do when he lived alone. Like I cannot stand an unclean bathroom. So I’d clean it even if I thought it was unfair. And I imagine that would extend to other areas of my life. You’d think you could just let it go and it’d start bothering the lvm, but no. Have gone to many a party that was lived …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:00 AM
24

This is interesting and I bet you’re right. Never thought about that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 12:01 AM
111

I feel like I want to do those things before or after work but she insists on doing it. Lol she probably insists, because the last time he said “No babe I got dinner tonight” and she trusted that he didn’t actually make dinner. Because he felt like he wanted to but then realized it involved extra work and so just gave up. He’s also acting like, she always does them. So, I can’t get a chore in! Like bucko there are plenty of chores that happen on a daily/weekly basis that you could just do before…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 12:00 AM
19

He was wearing jordan's with jeans and a summer button up. I didn't want to judge him on that alone as he bought me flowers and he has never bought any girl flowers before. Who cares if he’s never bought another girl flowers before? You need to have your own standards and be firm in them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 09:45 PM
6

Sarah Cooper also does a lot of comics on workplace inequality from a snarkier tone. https://thecooperreview.com/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 09:29 PM
19

Yikes yikes yikes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 07:28 PM
35

It haunts my dreams. But it’s taught me a lot about myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 07:27 PM
7

Brigading can get us into big trouble. Please don’t encourage it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 07:26 PM
9

Well my love for you has changed. Lol What a loser. Glad you’re moving on :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 06:29 PM
20

I think the bigger issue is the change in tone/generosity. It’s one thing if from the beginning he laid it out as in the 2nd texts. It’s a red flag that he boasted “oh you won’t have to pay anything.” Then once she moves in the narrative changes “I do so much more than all the other couples I know. I wanna change the agreement.” How many other times is he going to pull a bait and switch?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:30 PM
28

Why are they dressing it up in cute language?? a lingering look at her “figure“ No how about CREEPILY STARING DIRECTLY AT HER BOOBS. “Figure” makes it sound like it might be innocent. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:11 PM
27

I just love this whole comment. Wish we didn’t need to point out these obvious truths.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:07 PM
79

Same!! Funny thing is I was still pretty pickme. So would visit, but not stick around. Had I found this on my own I wouldn’t have stuck around. But I’d revisit every time I saw it bashed thinking maybe THIS will be the time I see why it’s “Ssoooo baddd.” Instead I started coming around to the fds principles and dropped my pick me ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:01 PM
13

The intimidation is the attraction ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:41 AM
15

Yes was answering your question: Why does this happen, why can’t they control themselves around young girls? They can control themselves. They purposefully pick the most vulnerable and weak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:34 AM
16

I mean if he’s bisexual he might be getting enough attention from men with this account and therefore not changing it. Instead just complaining - “why are women so picky???”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:09 AM
3

Sure I charge $300 an hour including travel time. I’ll need half upfront.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:07 AM
97

You just know if she wanted to open it up he’d come up with all the excuses in the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:06 AM
55

🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🔍🔍🔍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:05 AM
7

It’s just a prank, bro!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:01 AM
3

My lvm ex. What a mindfuck that was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:00 AM
29

Also girls and young women are the most impressionable and easiest to manipulate. They don’t have the experience to know HOW wrong and HOW serious a situation is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:58 AM
111

Literally he could’ve just said “yeah babe sorry to hear you’re tired “ and she would’ve assented and kept this dynamic. I can’t believe the mil is getting involved. I bet she heard a heavily biased version of the story first though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:56 AM
15

Men want sex for as little effort as possible. If they don’t end the relationship it leaves that door open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:50 AM
7

Yeah absolutely ridiculous. Just goes to show they don’t actually care about the pre-born (cause we all know the care fuck all about babies), they just care about controlling women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:45 AM
7

Is this really that rare when it afflicts so many men? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:34 PM
40

Time to block him back!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:33 PM
24

Only listen to positive labels. Negative ones are people just trying to bring you down. If I have negative feedback for my friends/family I always try to explain, use SPECIFIC examples, and help them see how to change. I wouldn’t just say “you’re stupid” I’d say “you seem to really be struggling with school, have you looked into one-on-one tutoring?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 10:40 PM
52

It’s not like women are born with therapist credentials. Men need to get a grip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:54 PM
6

Interesting. How did you hear about these books?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:49 PM
1

Hey think this stuff should go on r/fdssuperfans
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:47 PM
18

Oh i don’t doubt it is incredible. I just lost it at the scene where one woman is getting prescribed birth control and the doctor says something along the lines of “don’t go out with a lot of people now, don’t make me take it away.” It’s still ridiculous to me that doctors can just refuse to prescribe it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:44 PM
7

The “only” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 05:45 PM
29

I love that you made this list and pointed out these examples. I should start keeping track of this as well. It’s always hard to stand up for ourselves in the moment, but is rewarding in the long run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 05:44 PM
16

Well stated. Had never thought about that: The reason, bucko, is that she has already tried telling you 11 times in the past. You don't care because her feelings don't matter to you. So now she is resorting to making your life miserable in the hopes that that affects you enough to actually change something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 05:36 PM
12

I suppose word is she’s already broken up with him. But I’d love it if she did the bleach in the laundry trick with his clothes on Sunday night. Make sure to leave his gymshorts and ratty tshirts fine, but ruin all his “dignified” clothes. she usually cooks dinner and does laundry for us both and hasn’t been. but she should have more dignity in public.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 05:35 PM
46

Is this mad men? I tried to watch that show, but it was too sexist for me to get through. I know that’s just how things were back then shudder. The women of that generation must be extra strong to have put up with all that and still fight for our rights.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 05:00 PM
18

To be on that show you already have to have your new house picked out. I’m not surprised that they purposefully pick houses that the man will eat up and the woman will just roll her eyes at.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:36 PM
29

Yay!!! I got here the same way. Except I wasn’t immediately sold on the strategy. I’d come, be happy there was at least one place on the Internet where men were called on their shit. Then I’d usually see a post that triggered my ingrained “But what about EquALiTy?!?” response and I’d leave. But I didn’t see anything wrong, at least not to the proportion of the complaints. So I kept returning every time I saw it bashed thinking maybe this will be the time I see why they think it’s so bad... never…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:17 PM
1

Right!! At least the mods are pretty responsive and fair if there are any super egregious posts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:10 PM
17

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. It’s okay to set boundaries if this hurts you. It’s okay to have man free days. Or just listen and give no advice, because you know any advice you give won’t be used. And it’s okay to fade out of people’s lives. But yes it is very rough to see people hurt themselves when you know how it could be fixed.
/r/askFDS11/11/20 01:59 PM
14

We exist and men think it’s for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 01:37 PM
2

Yesss!! Bock his citizenship. Level up queen. I love your story. I love how you wanted to improve so much that you didn’t stop searching until you found what resonated with you! You are an inspiration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 01:34 PM
16

It’s so awfully blunt when you don’t fall for my manipulation! 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 01:03 PM
7

Yeah but I think this covers it: This doesn’t mean you can’t ever be honest about difficult situations, but work with a therapist as either your primary person to help you with situations so that you don’t need vulnerability to feel close to your partner, OR your therapist can help you reach a good balance of honesty vs. over sharing with your partner. It’s about not using your partner as your sole validation for the hurt you’ve experienced. Also, if they’re seeing these examples and seeing you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:20 AM
3

Confrontation isn’t going to do anything. He’s certainly not going to change from it. And it won’t make you feel better, because again he won’t change. So you just gotta ignore him. Goodluck not a fun situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:07 AM
65

Yes I agree. I prefer them vs the alternative (not having them). But yes sometimes it does feel like lesser of two evils.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:01 AM
701

“She hasn’t spoken to me or done anything for me since.” 😑 Only Sherlock Holmes could’ve seen this coming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:23 AM
27

I’d also like to know if anyone has found a resource to ferret out multiple email addresses/phone numbers/dating app usage/multiple social media accounts specifically when these things are not connected to their own name. As in, on tinder under a different name with no photo/5 Instagram accounts/5 emails/stealth apps used for hiding texts and calls etc. This is what vetting is all about.... Chances are he’ll tip you off about this stuff from a red flag than from you going to an external backgrou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:20 AM
520

This is kinda the issue with any green flag posts. You can’t really capture the essence of a whole hvm. I prefer having the post to not though. It’s good to see compared to the pickme drivel we’re bombarded with incessantly from basically any other media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:11 AM
23

Feel the same way about people who think atheists must have no morals. I don’t need a god to not want to to do bad things in life. Men don’t need a woman in their life in order to not act misogynistically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:04 AM
12

If you were thinking about cutting him off he probably sensed that and figured you’d fall hook line and sinker for this. All of this is generic. There’s nothing that personalizes it. You could put this in a horoscope and 90% of women would say “oh yeah that’s the partner I want.” There’s nothing here he’s risking - the equivalent to saying “I like the office and long walks on the beach.” Kay - so does everybody - tell me something unique to you. If he really was so interested in that stuff, is h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:02 AM
143

Please do not go over the top with sexual content initially. Lol don’t worry dude 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 12:56 AM
57

Yes such a pet peeve of mine to see women on here saying: “my hvm whom I’ve known for 2 days.” 😍 I mean I’m exaggerating, but still. We definitely need to make UVM (unknown value man) more common.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 09:19 PM
12

Actually I feel like a lot of this is where. One woman will have 5 pieces, another only 3, another 5 different ones. So then when you encounter a woman who says “oh I love bdsm” then you write off all her other opinions. Not realizing that when she also said “well men should always pay on dates” she was right. Creates this competition and confusion. I don’t 100% agree with every fds guideline. But the principles are sound and I know I’ll never get denigrated or told I’m being too sensitive if I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 09:09 PM
18

True!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:36 PM
50

He wants a republican prostitute?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:45 PM
24

Yep knew all this. So I embraced hookup culture. Learned wait that’s not for me either. So what do I do now? Enter fds thank goodness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:29 PM
28

Yep. I even agreed on the jealousy/emotional labor stuff, with an lvm. So I hung on for so long because wow how special a man who cleans up the house and is generally an adult! But then I realized the disrespect was still a huge double standard. He’d do something and gaslight me, or tell me “it’s not that big a deal.” But if I ever did something even half as disrespectful it was like WW3.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:26 PM
19

What the actual fuck “Because you have to learn to live in a world where you don’t get told things you want to hear” Translation: I want you to hang on my every word. In fact it’s stroking my ego right now that you asked what I thought. Silence is the best medicine for this asshattery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:21 PM
9

when I was 23 years old, and goddess, do I whish it was sooner. Love this phrasing! So annoyed I didn’t find this place until mid-20s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:19 PM
13

I was SO embarrassed but too polite to leave (idiot me). Alright this is 100% not your fault. I hate hate hate that society from all angles implies or outright tells women they NEED to be nice and polite in all situations. It causes this shitstorm and guys know it and take advantage of it hardcore. So be nicer to yourself! :) and I’m glad you’re here now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:12 PM
42

I’d challenge him to name 50 inventions that he’s SURE were made by men. Bet he can’t do that. This is the problem with default=Penis(male). 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 06:55 PM
11

Think it would be better if you posted this to r/fdssuperfans
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 06:53 PM
6

Love this attitude!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 06:51 PM
7

Ha used to be so naïve about this. Thought I was better than most women, because I generally lean towards claws out vs giving benefit of the doubt to people. And then fds: oh yeah no all men. Not just a teeny-tiny minority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 06:50 PM
8

Even most lvms I know would only consider 2-3 of these as “unreasonable.” Mainly the ones around money or the hardline on texts/excuses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 06:45 PM
12

If she’s that pickme I’d avoid discussing guys any further with her. Recognize it’s something you’ll have to listen to given that you’re living in her house, but it’s no use arguing. Because arguing just makes you feel upset and invalidated. Some moms come around when their daughters bring around their hv partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 01:13 PM
16

Not obsessive or anxious. But used to think I was incompetent. He would quiz me about banal things that truly didn’t matter then use it as proof that I wasn’t smart. Like sure asshole I don’t know which direction the car is current going right now that’s what compasses are for. But watch me make it through and all around ikea no problem.... So mad at how much gaslighting he did to me when I thought the relationship was mainly fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:58 PM
20

“Don’t tell us to break up” k well neither you nor I are wizards so you’re kinda stuck...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:44 PM
5

Sorry to hear that. And sorry I did not mean to make light of your situation. Glad to hear you’re safe and glad to see that fds is helping you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 05:56 AM
44

No problem they’ll just get the pickme to do it. They’re always pawning off their labor onto women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 04:08 AM
6

Bu-bu-bu-but communication!!! Guess you didn’t try hard enough by slipping into “compromise” or “lower your standards” territory. /s If I have to communicate so thoroughly that I might as well do it myself, then I’ll communicate something that can’t be misinterpreted. The lack of my presence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 04:05 AM
2

I’m very much in love with myself 🥰 Love to see it! ❤️ You can’t accidentally future-fake as the key component to that is active manipulation. It sounds more like he wanted things to go faster so he planned more things with you, which you agreed to thinking “why not, sure I’m free.” Which obviously in the moment is no big deal, but little by little builds into you meeting up more frequently and it becoming serious quicker. And no problem - definitely hope to get this kind of help when I get back…
/r/askFDS10/11/20 03:51 AM
186

Ah she left thank goodness. Breaks my heart how often these crossposts have the woman ignoring her intuition/gut in favor of cOMmuNicAtIOn or “well we REALLY love each other.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:52 AM
113

Hahahaha proposed and then took it back lolololll
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:47 AM
6

This looks eerily like an ex. Was worried for a split second. However, luckily I’ve always been the messiest one in all my relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:45 AM
95

is this too much to ask for? Classic give an inch and they’ll take a mile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:40 AM
7

more like 3 or 4 times per week. We’ve been intimate and he’s been sleeping at my house a couple of times a week as well. Ahhh this is why the pacing is quick. Don’t feel bad for choosing different timelines for things. Fds is guidelines. And I’ve definitely amended some to fit my life. The bigger help is to know why those guidelines are recommended in the first place to see if they’re tailorable for you or not. So why does fds generally recommend a slower timeline. Why 3 months before sex? A: b…
/r/askFDS10/11/20 02:30 AM
63

Men: Idk 🤷‍♀️ Fds: He knows. Thank you fds!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 01:36 AM
26

Still had my sex drive (it’s always been high) but sex always hurt. Even though we had foreplay. Clearly not enough of it I can see now. So yeah this is a big red flag to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:48 AM
8

Hmm yeah if your gut is telling you love bombing then listen to it. Hard for me to weigh in as I’ve only been love bombed once (lol). I have more questions and feel free to treat them as rhetorical- you don’t need to respond. Did you tell him you’ve been lovebombed before? Cause this sounds like he’s purposefully trying to toe the line - go to the very edge of the boundary, but not over it! So that you can’t accuse him and he can just call you up tight if you call him on it. Also why @ 6 weeks i…
/r/askFDS10/11/20 12:42 AM
47

Sorry I was so quick writing this. Edited to add more rage. But this goes back to one of the core FDS principles: He knows. /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fm5xsr/he_knows_sis/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqcr8z/its_okay_to_hate_him_he_knows_what_he_did_wrong/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fk44i3/dont_explain_why_youre_leaving_just_leave_he/ /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/husyt0/the_best_revenge_isnt_revenge_its_silence/ He knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:32 AM
167

This is why I’m against cheap men. My parents glorified it by saying “frugal is good.” But no being prudent with your money is good, cheap is bad. Waiting to go to urgent care, because you don’t want to pay an ER bill, because you’re saving for a house is DEADLY cheap. Also WTAF she’s feeling not well, your friends were concerned with the case numbers in the area, but you didn’t think possible COVID and still had her make dinner??? He knows how contagious diseases work right? “My biggest mistake…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:21 AM
18

So true! It’s funny cause growing up my family was into video games, but in a healthy “occasional but NOT sole and only hobby” kind of way. So I was kinda surprised why fds was so against it. But seeing how much time lvms will put into it, how they will neglect extremely pressing responsibilities needs, how they’ll expect their gfs to cater to them around it (cooking for them, not interrupting them, no quality time, etc), how it will incite their anger problems, how they’ll get entitled “buy the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 10:31 PM
16

As another user pointed out to me awhile ago. Men only care about equality when we’re talking about the bad things they do. Women: Domestic violence is bad. Men: oh yeah well women do it too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 10:03 PM
49

Rightttt? I get why it’s a hard line for some fds women, but how you feel/talk about it is a way bigger reflection on you than the binary fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:48 PM
3

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading
/r/askFDS09/11/20 09:44 PM
143

I fail to see how living with the ex was relevant. I guess to show: look I have lived on my own (of course a woman was still doing my laundry/majority of housework) but shhh don’t pay attention to that part!!! Also let me insert some negging/“not like other girls” in here with “...some women don't have anything to offer intellectually or physically, but...” 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:38 PM
3

Yeah I’d 100% be rethinking everything. What a jerk!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:32 PM
17

I think the why is more important than how close he is/isn’t. There are plenty of people I know who consider themselves family oriented even though they only have surface level relationships with their family members. And on the opposite end you’ll see people say “family isn’t that important to me” when they’re really close to their family. Pay attention to the “why” and what that indicates about your future. If he says “family isn’t that important to me. Not sure why, just never felt a strong b…
/r/askFDS09/11/20 08:31 PM
7

Have you read the handbook?
/r/askFDS09/11/20 08:21 PM
1

cOmMuNiCATion!!!! Pre-fds I always wondered why this seemed like bad advice. Of course I kept trying it with 0 results. But it made no sense - if someone told me what I was doing wrong, I’d fix it. Oh I assumed I was dealing with an empathetic caring partner. Didn’t realize that was such a large assumption.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:12 PM
92

Been there done that hell no fuck that. Begging for dates is the fast-track to low self esteem 😕 Luckily fds is the fast-track to rebuilding self-esteem 🙂 And that’s a hard boundary for me now. If I ever feel like I even have to ask, bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 08:07 PM
42

It’s doesn’t even have to be about job marketability. Reading books (even fiction) will increase your vocabulary and knowledge. Reading the news will expand your mind and help you be more informed and generate nuanced opinions on a variety of current world topics. As well as give you things to converse with others about. Woodworking will give you things that you can use - bowls/tables/etc. Painting will give you art and help you have a better eye for color/composition and help give you more appr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 07:40 PM
199

Can we fix it. No WE can’t!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 07:04 PM
71

This is how I was treated by my parents and why I have such hangups around love now. So happy to have fds clarify things now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:02 PM
86

Wahhh my feelings get hurt when it’s implied I might be a bad person! Make it stop! /s And women are the more emotional sex... right 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:32 PM
60

No no it’s okay see he says “he tried really really hard - pinky swear! And he’ll never forgive himself.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:28 PM
2

Would people believe him over you? I wouldn’t. My reaction would be: “did this guy really get his teenage mentee to share all this stuff with him?” And even if it did seem plausible then I’d think that’s gross and I’d be judging him not the content of what he exposed. It might be worth it to get a couple trusted people who know the details in your corner to see what they say. Example script: “hi mom/sister/trusted friend, I was being mentored by X but I shared some pretty personal stuff. I’m wor…
/r/askFDS09/11/20 04:15 PM
1

No problem as you can tell it took me awhile to figure out why I instinctively saw these situations as different. So thank you for helping me get there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:39 PM
7

Are there any signs of love-bombing? That phrase alone doesn’t sound like love-bombing. Guys tend to know much quicker about commitment than women. Because women generally have to do a lot more vetting.
/r/askFDS09/11/20 03:37 PM
3

Blocking isn’t impolite when he already crossed good mentor boundaries. And 100% he has with mentioning which celebrities he likes and asking you your favorites. I know you would feel hurt if someone blocked you, but he isn’t going to be sad at all and even if he does then he deserves it for way overstepping boundaries. Do not feel guilty. Grey rocking is a good technique to use for people you can’t avoid (family, with colleagues), but it is exhausting. Save yourself the mental energy and block …
/r/askFDS09/11/20 03:25 PM
20

Was anyone else thrown off by daylight savings? I didn’t even realize it until Friday. But that whole week I felt very distracted/more out of it than usual. Covid/wfh is hard enough as is. Anyone got tips for getting their head back in the game?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:14 PM
3

Thank you for the book recommendation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:09 PM
6

That was so well executed 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:04 PM
76

Please go into great detail. I promise I’ll listen as well as you listen to others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:03 PM
15

Yes once fds helped me be really okay with being alone and also teaching me abundance mentality I was able to get over this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:58 PM
42

Tampons are more valuable than this man. At least you get multiple strings with those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:57 PM
29

I bet he’s the first to ask “what was she wearing” when he does hear about a victim tho. Jerk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:53 PM
29

This is why I’m not dating right now. It’s hard enough to implement and hold men to fds boundaries when there isn’t a pandemic going on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:50 PM
21

I literally can’t imagine. Like what if he starts acting weird or you’re just done. You can’t just leave it’s your home - you’d have to kick him out. shudder
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:49 PM
4

Came here to say this. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:35 PM
8

I.... ugh you’re right. Well there’s my depressing thought for the day. Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:33 PM
7

That’s how I felt pre-fds. But I actually think hvw do commit time to friends/friendship. But they are harder to find - and making friends is hard enough as is! And yeah idk what could really replace/give that community vibe. But I refuse to go backwards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:26 PM
12

Right there with you. I would be livid if this were me. Luckily fds promotes leaving at the first red-flag so very doubtful something like this would come out of the blue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:22 PM
2

Lmao yeah I did say parent, but was definitely thinking mom. Although, an hvm would never. I love your cynicism though I’m 100% there with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:20 PM
7

HVMs do. They may not get it on a visceral level, but they do have and utilize empathy. But I thought your question was more - why is it wrong for him to leave what’s the line between self-care vs selfishness and that’s what I’m trying to breakdown. Self-care becomes selfish when you are engaging in it above a responsibility without trying to account for that responsibility (especially a responsibility that you actively signed up for). For example if you told your sister you’d watch her kids on …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:17 PM
8

I can’t think of an example where a woman is putting the man in a more vulnerable position. But you can think of it from a parent/child position. A child (5-10 yr old) could have a bad day at school and decide “I just wanna go to my room play and not be bothered for a couple hours.” If a parent comes home and does the same thing it’s not okay, because the child is the vulnerable one and the parent has responsibilities. If the parent truly needs some time then they can get a babysitter and leave.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:07 PM
4

Because it’s affecting her way more than him. Yes emotionally they may be on the same path. But biologically nothing has changed for him, whereas everything has changed for her. She could even be one of the luckiest women out there with 0% side effects from pregnancy (I don’t think that’s possible lol but for the sake of argument let’s pretend). And it would still be wrong, because she just became way more vulnerable. His vulnerability hasn’t changed - aside from the emotional impact which again…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 01:56 PM
2

No actually bralessness I would take 100% offense at. That would not be okay for him to comment on at all. And anything around the house I would take offense to him objecting as well. It seems like his problem is more the fact that they’re at the beach a public place and pedophiles/weirdos exist. This is not necessarily an untoward concern. It IS WEIRD he’s bringing it up when it’s not his kids and presumably the sis+bro-in-law have weighed this risk and decided it’s de minimis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 01:43 PM
28

Oh trueeee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:27 AM
58

It bothers me too that most white men then say “oh we should go back to church/wish we could get that community vibe that church provides” because it’s the one outlet they can think of that provides this other form of bond/closeness. Like no historically those have been so discriminatory and straight up terrible. Why can’t we think up something new?! Church might be a community to you middle class white male who’s on top, but it’s detrimental to your mental health if you’re a woman (in general).…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:27 AM
19

Is he from the same country/culture as you? As an American woman I might express the same view depending on how it came up... as that’s not how it was done growing up around where I lived. And with the age of phone cameras everywhere and social media I can imagine being a little paranoid. But I’d never say that to a friend, because it doesn’t personally impact me and I’m sure your sister/bro-in-law have thought through that scenario/risk and made an appropriate decision. I guess if you directly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:23 AM
62

“Kept talking to the guy in the Safeway line” lololol 😂 too true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:08 AM
2

I don’t regret doing what’s best for my safety. I regret that there aren’t better men out there who have held the “other” men responsible for their violence towards us when we use our words straightforwardly. Other in quotes, because they like to pretend it’s some small minority. And yet it’s prevalent enough for me to worry about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:02 AM
3

They also promote crushes for women. And basically everything else anti-fds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:58 AM
15

Not a bug - fds has set the auto-moderator to be pretty strict to shield us from any male trolls. But this means a newbie/throwaway posting anything with “trigger” phrases/words will have to have their comments manually approved. As newbies/throwaways are generally recounting direct experiences they’ve had with men you can imagine how often the bots catch that as “possible man/possible derogatory comment.” Pic posts are generally auto-approved hence being able to see this post, but not her comme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:54 AM
10

The picture posts are generally auto-approved. I think all throwaway comments have to be approved by mods - unsure. Newbie comments if they have specific words/phrases will need to be approved by mods. E.g. “b!*ch” can be used by a newbie in a way that’s okay/doesn’t break rules, but it’s also not hard for a male troll to make an acct and harass us. So they’ve set up auto-moderator bots to be biased towards banning the comment. It’s what keeps this place so pure. And I’m so grateful for it. Even…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:50 AM
103

Reminder to myself. If I ever put in extra on my appearance and the man cancels last minute w/o a good excuse AND apology then he’s done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:43 AM
274

“I think that’s an extreme reaction since I was gone only a few days.” I want her to go fuck off for a few days and not tell him. Even better if she googles on a shared tablet/device beforehand: “ how to get an abortion, signs men aren’t ready for fatherhood, should I go through with my pregnancy with a deadbeat”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:38 AM
8

That’s pretty dependent on a variety of factors. I’d say the biggest consideration would be: does it mean you’d ever have to interact with your ex again. If so I might distance myself from the friendship. Similarly if the main thing you had in common was your ex then that friendship will die naturally. If there was any friendship that if a future partner had would make me uneasy then I’d drop that too. For example: I’m not sure I’d be happy if my future partner were friends with his ex’s brother…
/r/askFDS08/11/20 10:20 PM
83

The benefits of people assuming I’m a bitch when they meet me. 🤭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 05:48 PM
34

This is so blatant 😦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 05:42 PM
18

Ahhh so hard not to cringe when hearing convos like that from other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 05:40 PM
71

Promise rings were the dumbest concept I’d ever heard of. Even at height pickme I would’ve been insulted by even the thought of one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 03:25 PM
34

Could not upvote this fast enough. Men love to twist the narrative so that any feelings are instead “logical reactions to situations.” Yes brad - anger is still a feeling! Even if it’s proportionate to the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 02:40 PM
4

Same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:28 PM
25

Tell me about it. Growing up in a patriarchal cult. It was the worst. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 02:31 AM
10

Right but that’s 8% of ALL canadians. But you wouldn’t date ALL canadians just men who are 20-30. I’m betting if you delete women and delete men over 40 from the atheist statistic it would be higher than 8% is my point. Of course don’t change your standards, but I think you’re getting clouded by the numbers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 02:28 AM
21

This is the opposite of abundance mentality. Also I know the stats for bmi and childfree are age and gender restricted, but the politics and atheism aren’t. I have to wonder if only 8% of men 20-30 years old (or whatever your age range is) are atheists. I would bet it would actually be a much larger percentage. As we know the most religious people are old and women. Politics eh that is a mixed bag. Men are generally more conservative, but younger people are generally more left leaning. Also, non…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:09 AM
35

Thank you was going to echo this. Also a lot of these requirements do seem correlated. Think it would be harder if it were: religious and doesn’t want kids or atheist and right leaning politics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 12:56 AM
244

In fact it generally makes you more anxious. Trying to get what you want, while settling for less than you deserve, is a recipe for uneasiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 10:54 PM
34

Yeah this one really depends. If it was coffee shop bookstore and he got coffee for her and 3 books @ ~20 each then that’s like 60-80 dollars spent which is equivalent to a dinner date and what the guy should be paying on a first date. I can see this as a good alternative for Covid times as you can keep masks on in a book store (with dinner you’re generally seated at a table where there’s only 2 feet between you two and you have to have masks off to eat. But yeah if it’s a lot more than what he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 05:08 PM
34

Everyone in that thread is crying about how poorly single dads are treated by society (I have no idea what world they live in but it's obviously not realistic) ??? So weird. Do they mean how women won’t date them when they’re clearly a terrible co-parent as compared to their baby mama? Even then we all know single dads have less trouble/stigma dating than women do. So you must be a shitty dad to be judged and “treated poorly.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:57 PM
5

Yeah I wasn’t even worried about being rude. I was rude to them over text and have honestly always had a low threshold for “guilt.” I just never put two and two together. I think also since it wasn’t that bad I never looked into solving it with a better solution than just ignoring it. But now I know :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:54 PM
2

Thank goodness!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:47 PM
132

Actually this kind of thinking is what kept me in one of my relationships so long. He seemed good enough and like he would be good in this kind of situation. He was a very responsible adult. There were multiple past instances of disrespect, but prior to fds I could only see them as weird isolated incidents instead of a unified theme of disrespect. It took the disrespect escalating so much, to him doing a single act so overt, before I could leave. It took even longer for me to realize I could sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:52 AM
30

Idk about the other YouTuber you mentioned but I’ll share my positive experience with Shera7. Sheras earlier videos are good. Specifically her ones on self esteem and self confidence really helped me. Like no one ever gave me such a clear succinct, easy to follow roadmap. But yes her other dating videos are geared towards women who want to “grab the bag” she’ll never say “sugar baby.” And to give her credit she does say “don’t have sex, just get the money” and gives various tactics for that. Als…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:35 AM
1

Idk I skim my DMs and anything that sets off red flag I delete and forget. Don’t need to be hurt by someone who has way too much time on their hands lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:14 AM
3

It’s just a way for them to create “exceptions to the rule.” “A true woman is above any man” 🙄 oh except that one that I used for a pump and dump. She wasn’t a truetm woman tho, so it totally absolves me of my guilt. Duh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:13 AM
23

How many times can he say “true woman.” He should get a lifetime ban from ever using those words together again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:30 PM
16

Some of it could be bots too that just spam usernames that come up here. Men have no selectivity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:28 PM
68

Woweee that has gotta be the biggest pickme test I’ve heard of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:26 PM
13

Oh yeah they love the plausible deniability. It’s why you see them get so up in arms about the metoo movement, etc. It’s not that they’re socially inept, it’s that they know and they don’t want to be called out for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:02 PM
9

If she does end up having to explicitly tell you to take a hike you have already crossed so many lines that you are definitely a grade A asshole. Yep women are so conditioned to be polite. I wish I could be more assertive, but I have my safety to worry about. Women have been killed for rejecting men. So yeah I’m gonna give you soft-nos and excuses, because my safety > your feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:01 PM
5

Aka correctile dysfunction. Unfortunately there’s no little blue pill for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 08:48 PM
94

Hmm I’ll let the actual victims chime in. No need to white knight “nice guy.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 08:45 PM
26

This is a really great point that I hadn’t thought of. This is actually really helpful for me! You know how the common advice is: “would you be okay if your friend was telling you this is how her bf treats her, no then don’t allow it yourself.” It never seemed to work for me, because I could always rationalize it and tell myself that I’m the exception (I know that’s never true). But now instead I can use this. Would 10 year old me out up with this, no? K, done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 07:23 PM
65

I love how fds normalizes blocking. I haven’t actually needed to use it for men (yet). But I’ve dealt with a cult that wouldn’t stop harassing me. It’s weird. I definitely knew there was an ability to block numbers. But I never put two and two together that I should do it for anyone whose text would ruin my day. Prior to fds I always associated it with someone who is stalking you scarily or incessantly hitting you up (like nonstop 37 calls in a row). Never even crossed my mind to use it for the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 07:17 PM
1

God I hate that. I think there is a way to turn off PMs if you wish. And I can’t stand how therapy treats men and women counselors as interchangeable. Even at my height pickme eQUaLIty mindset I still thought you should always be able to choose the gender of your doctor/therapist. Even the app I use for therapy now treats it as a preference 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 07:05 PM
206

Did your friend drop the guy after this? Shouldn’t be with a guy who has/keeps friends that crash his car because AnGeRY...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:28 PM
3

Hmm okay so then it sounds like you want validation/to be heard. You can get different therapists. It usually takes a couple of tries to get ones you click with anyways. This forum is here, but only his so far. And I wouldn’t recommend talking about it to others irl that aren’t very close friends/family/your therapist. FDS recommends never sharing past trauma with people outside those groups, that means not sharing even with an eventual significant other. Goodluck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 01:40 PM
9

First of all I’m really sorry to hear your story. It breaks my heart. I think actively working on building your self-confidence. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk And actively working on building your self-esteem will help. https://www.amazon.com/Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns-M-D/dp/0688094554 Above are the tools I used for that, for myself. These had a huge impact for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:57 AM
12

Oof yeah. My friends aren’t that pickme. They were honestly better than me pre-fds. And I’ve found it so hard to not be like: “he should be traveling to you,” “he should be organizing a high effort date even during Covid,” “he shouldn’t be expecting you to play therapist or even bringing it up,” “you shouldn’t need to CoMmUnICaTE,” etc. I try to temper my tongue, because I honestly wouldn’t have listened to myself like this a year ago. So I try to make sure I’m just hitting the highlights and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:46 AM
35

It’s definitely either depression, adhd, or anxiety. Trust me, I read a pamphlet once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:34 AM
62

It’s a slippery slope! One day you’re asking yourself what are you getting from this relationship that you can’t get from anyone else? And the next day boom golddigger. Remember that if you even think about putting yourself first for two seconds it’s time to stop: compromise, communicate, lower your standards. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:20 AM
88

Thanks for laying this out again. It definitely took me awhile to wrap my head around this concept. And it was one of my initial misgivings with fds. But the biggest point to me is - if he won’t invest in you it means he doesn’t really care. He’s trying to see if he can give little effort and still get sex. Men will have sex with anyone (hell anyTHING). And why wouldn’t they? The risks to them are little and they’re basically guaranteed to get off, even if they don’t find the woman that attracti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:49 PM
42

“...always leave a little paper trail behind for me to find. He’s an idiot, it was easy.” No he’s thinking “this is easy I don’t even have to hide it, just need to grovel a bit and back to square one.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:30 PM
21

Thank you for sharing. This is really sweet. And I think it’s so important to say to pickmes - we don’t condemn and we hope you start to see the value in the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:21 PM
8

Sorry that happened to you. It’s insane what guys try to get away with these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:14 PM
4

Yes childhood dream of mine as well. And I’m glad to hear a “survival” story. Like with many experiences I tend to just hear the extremes and the worst experiences were making me very leery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:09 PM
6

Yep don’t worry about him. You can say “I’ve decided I’m looking for different things.” If he asks “like what?” Just say “I’m not getting into it.” If he responds “I’m owed an explanation” then block him. Because he isn’t owed an explanation.
/r/askFDS05/11/20 09:43 PM
5

Does rotation help? Think you might just need to compound strategies. So make your life busy and amazing. So amazing that you wouldn’t want to share it with someone mediocre. Look for the flaws and save them in your phone by that for example if he’s never bought you flowers his contract name is now “no flowers” not “kevin.” Or just don’t save them in your phone. Another one I’ve heard is to play hangman, save them as “Kevin” and subtract letters as they do something wrong. So after “Kevin” is la…
/r/askFDS05/11/20 09:39 PM
3

Ooh this is a good point: don’t explain. You don’t owe him an explanation.
/r/askFDS05/11/20 09:27 PM
7

Men and their audacity 😶
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:16 PM
15

That is insane. One of my biggest worries with getting a PhD is that I hear that you sometimes get into very dicey positions where you don’t have a lot of pull. Even if I get sexually harassed at work and they fire me at least I can go to another company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:14 PM
68

“As if she’s the only woman who’s ever given birth” well she’s the only woman who had made the mistake of giving birth to your child. So yeah maybe start listening and stop talking... jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:10 PM
175

Will anyone swipe on a guy that includes “obedient”? Ugh 😡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:02 PM
8

Ohhhh she was in emperor’s new grove. That’s where I know her voice from. I love it - it’s so distinct and biting :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 06:44 PM
47

The grapes were probably sour anyways
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 06:38 PM
14

He's saying im handling things inappropriately. He's also saying its a turn off for him because he doesn't like fighting. Lol as if you care that it’s a turn off??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 06:22 PM
12

Lol “oh then you won’t mind if I throw it out? Today’s trash day right?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 06:22 PM
6

So annoyed because I had found a bar that was very good about this (I find the employees tend to be the worst offenders as they are often trying to get through the crowd multiple times and you’re not going to “win” against an employee). And then covid happened so can’t go to it anymore :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 06:02 PM
1

Yeah I guess I feel like there’s still a lot of behavior that they dismiss for avoidants as “well they don’t know they’re doing that.” And for anxious types “you’ve gotta compromise, lower your standards, be more understanding communicate.” I think I’m just hypersensitive to it, after getting that advice for years pre-fds so I’m bristling at it. I think it’s helpful to see that lots of people struggle with relationships issues (getting attached to the wrong people). But I don’t feel like I’m get…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 05:51 PM
3

Okay yes that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling with it. Like it was very difficult for me to answer the screening questionnaire because I’ve had the whole range of “attachment styles” avoidant, secure, and anxious with different people. I would’ve answered it very differently had we isolated it to different relationships. They also seem to bring up examples of avoidants doing excessively bad things (e.g. insulting gf, wanting separate beds at a bnb, checking out others, nice to everyone but you) …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 05:45 PM
32

I think this is also why guys don’t like to be approached and need to chase. As a pickme it felt very dammed if I do “if I initiate then the guys with w/m complex will just use me because they classify me as W” and damned if I don’t “if I let men chase then they might also have the M/W complex and are simply misogynistic the other way.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 03:06 AM
42

as baby #1 clings to my leg shudder He doesn’t give her any time for herself☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:57 AM
7

It is useful information but slippery slope in my opinion. I think this is my problem with the book. I actually don’t feel like I fit an attachment style. I rated as secure. But I’ve gone “full anxious” on some partners and full avoidant on others and yet also had a relationship that I would say was secure. I suppose it’s similar to love languages. And how lvm took that and turned “physical affection” into sex 🙄 I actually do think I do classify more discretely in love languages. So maybe I shou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:51 AM
4

That’s true. I did like that they advocated multi-dating. However, it seemed like the screening questionnaires has questions that would bias men screening as avoidant and women as anxious. Even though they do state elsewhere that anxious/avoidants can be any gender. It also seems there’s a lot of implications for women to initiate and/or “communicate” your needs. It’s possible I’m just extra sensitive to advice that isn’t 100% fds, because that advice in the past did the pickme version of me no …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:38 AM
17

Oh actually I get it. Didn’t read the subtitle. It’s top relative search compared to other women in the US. So the real top results are getting canceled out. Which is what makes this graphic “interesting.” (Interesting to men). Otherwise for most states it would be “big dick.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:26 AM
20

Flawless logic lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:19 AM
31

Lololol @ Massachusetts: Boston. Also Hawaii. Wonder if that’s women trying to figure out if there’s revenge porn of themselves out there...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:13 PM
11

Thank you for sharing your story. That was really inspiring!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 04:21 PM
5

Don’t be mad. You’re not clairvoyant. And lots of things seem obvious in hindsight/when you take a bigger picture view. Harder to see the forest through the trees when you’re among the trees. I apologize my intent in mentioning this was so you could see you shouldn’t feel guilty. And to help you realize that: he knows. So he shouldn’t be given any “benefit of the doubt”/no second chances, etc.
/r/askFDS04/11/20 04:00 PM
14

Love to see it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:48 PM
1

What is your question? I wouldn’t “discuss” divorce with him any further. Go to talk to a lawyer. You don’t need his permission/acceptance/any more discussions. You can get a lawyer and start the process right now, without him. So go do! You got this girl 💕
/r/askFDS04/11/20 03:41 PM
7

It’s not like biological clocks and wanting marriage are new concepts. If he didn’t want to get married young he shouldn’t have strung you along.
/r/askFDS04/11/20 03:34 PM
13

I just told him “we need to talk. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.” In hindsight “want” is a bad word to use. He could afford the apt by himself and it was his before I moved in so I just left mid lease as soon as I found a place - which took about 2 weeks. I slept on the couch while waiting (in hindsight I should’ve made us switch on and off, but that guy really did a number on my self esteem). I didn’t have much stuff because I moved into his apt and used his furniture because it …
/r/askFDS04/11/20 03:23 PM
5

Honestly a lot of advice people give is just projection. It says a lot more about them and what advice they wish they were told when they were your age/in your circumstance. And yeah that advice is bs. I’ve done similar - not adding guys to the mix means things don’t get worse. But it didn’t magically solve my problems either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 02:18 PM
27

I cannot comprehend this “logic” what in the world!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:51 PM
24

“Paycheck dispenser” lmao I feel sorry for her because she probably is experiencing ppd, and an hvm wouldn’t add to her stress like this. They might be a little freaked out about quitting a job unexpectedly, but I also wonder if she did that cause she knew how he’d react if she “asked permission” rather than just telling. Like my goodness her hormone levels can’t be back to normal by now. How selfish to even consider leaving just after your kid was born.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:20 PM
87

They only say they don’t like fake boobs cause they see bad ones in porn. And then think that’s representative of all boob jobs 🙄 You only notice bad toupees. You only notice your IT team when tech is on fire. I’m sure there are a lot of boobs this guy is holding up as “ideal” and “perfection” that are fake and/or altered in some way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:08 PM
1

Lol they can’t help but play armchair neurosurgeon when that’s the only tactic left to give men the benefit of the doubt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:57 AM
17

Oh great collage. Thank you for the reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 08:48 PM
19

Hey congratulations! So happy for you 🎉🎊🍾🎈 Hope to also see you on r/femaleLevelupstrategy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 08:46 PM
12

Projection much?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:59 PM
7

Yeah this question kind of annoys me because I feel like it’s pretty obvious from even just glancing at the handbook, but decided to comment and make it clear just in case. That was a good point that she shouldn’t be proposing the date. Can’t chase!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:54 PM
2

It blew my mind when I learned this fact. And when I learned it I was still full pickme, had never had to block anyone in my life. And I still would’ve said it was NEEDED. Like men really do just live on another planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:51 PM
132

buT bLOcKiNG iS MeAn!! 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:19 PM
73

FaceTime/zoom calls pre-date are fds. Coffee dates are not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 12:57 PM
6

Bad ass. Good for you. That must have really hurt in the moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:51 PM
5

Or just reacted appropriately to bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:27 PM
1

This was a neat guide. Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:26 PM
1

I couldn’t even finish the first column.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:25 PM
3

Where is his empathy my goodness 😶
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:23 PM
39

It always either maybe he has depression or ADHD. Very big lack of these arm chair diagnoses being applied to women! I also always see people outside those subs saying “omg don’t trust r/relationships they just tell you to break up” like yeah if people are getting to the point where they need objective strangers to weigh in on their relationship high chance they shouldn’t be together at all. It’s definitely painful to see the ones who don’t get it. But it’s nice to see the ones that finally open…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:21 PM
3

Yeah it’s so annoying, because I’ve found dr. Burns book “10 days to self esteem “ really helpful. But there is underlying misogyny in it. And they shouldn’t be using examples of scenarios where the are more solutions than “just rollover and accept it.” I’m glad you brought this up, because I thought it was just me reading a bit much into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:12 PM
86

Lambskin doesn’t protects against STDs (nor does unprotected oral). So it’s literally just that she doesn’t want to get pregnant. If he’s so concerned about it why doesn’t he go get a vasectomy?? (Because he’s selfish) 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:05 PM
5

Hey kudos to you for blocking. I know it can be hard to set boundaries with family. Hope you’re able to forget his comments quickly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:00 PM
43

Fun fact you used to not be able to block people on LinkedIn for a comically long time. (11years since inception before they implemented the feature) https://readwrite.com/2014/07/28/linkedin-blocking-engineering-effort/ Because they “never anticipated people would need it.” Betting there were very little women involved when that decision was made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:54 PM
4

Nah he said he didn’t want someone higher than his count. His is probably 16. Somehow....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:45 PM
17

I echo blocking them. But it can be a good thing! I found out about this subreddit originally due to it being trashed by someone in a comment section. Had I heard about it in a tamer way I might not have stuck around to investigate. At the time I wasn’t dating and I wasn’t convinced on the strategy at first sight. This place is quite a shock at first glance to a (former) pickme. But I’d visit everytime I saw it trashed thinking - “maybe THIS will be the time I see why they’re so against it” (spo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:37 PM
13

Literally all of that can be applied to any woman on the planet. That could go in a horoscope it’s so universal. It’s definitely love-bombing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:30 PM
46

It’s a well known term: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mommy_track It’s when your bosses don’t give you good projects, promotions, opportunities for advancement, etc because they know you have kids and they assume you’ll make that a priority over work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:24 PM
73

That is such a stupid test of loyalty too. Like even if you were a cheater you really think you’re gonna get away with it with the best friend. I mean I know people do, but still most people are smarter than that and will at least go for someone outside their friendship circle. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:29 PM
106

Even on a microscale this is comically obvious. Like you think I’m not experiencing a pay gap? You think I’m getting the same opportunities at work as you? You think I’m getting promoted at the same time frame? You think I won’t get mommy tracked if I decide to have kids with you while your career does better because you have a kid now? You think sexism is just completely gone? Fuck outta here with that attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:26 PM
53

Really depends on when he’s saying “unlike anyone I’ve ever met” cause if he’s saying that the first time he meets you or even a few dates in - how does he really know? It’s like love bombing when they say “wow you’re the perfect mix of smart/intelligent/beautiful!” Like that may be true, but they don’t know you well enough to say it. So therefore you know they’ll say it to anyone they’ve know for a few hours. Therefore you know he doesn’t really mean it he’s just trying to gas you up. If a guy …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:21 PM
51

If a guy is that affected by me asking him out I wouldn’t want him anyways. There is a better reason to never ask a man out. If you ask a man out you’ll never know if he’s really into you. He could be, but he could just think that this will lead to an easy lay. And men don’t care about using women for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:00 PM
77

Had the same thought. Like this really isn’t that hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 04:38 PM
7

How would you know? Lol also if he’s so mad about it why doesn’t he just not text back until the show is over? This isn’t rocket science...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:05 PM
6

I’d agree with your statement. But it’s one thing if you’re talking about actresses (ppl he will never meet) and he says “I think blake lively is hot” (okay to me) vs you’re out and about and he says “that girl is hot.” (not okay to me) I think it’s okay to think it, but to actually say it out loud crosses the line into disrespect. Not all of our thoughts need to be voiced!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:58 PM
9

No matter the label issa red flag 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:44 PM
178

“You mediocre fucks” yupppppp
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:33 AM
24

This is a great edit hahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:33 AM
74

“About you “ ??!??!?? The audacity. Motherfucker you don’t know me don’t dictate my personality and how I should act around you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:32 AM
18

I’ve never understood this “joke” it’s not funny at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 09:36 PM
1

Yeah I’m sure you’re trying your hardest. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Can’t save everyone, and some lessons people won’t learn unless it’s the hard way. So don’t get down on yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:20 PM
1

Oh that’s a good idea - very smart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:19 PM
30

Yeah true you’re right. Just so sad to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 03:44 AM
13

Oh my goodness please post that as a story time that sounds hilarious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:32 AM
28

Ugh it’s such a tragedy to hear women and know they can do better, but know there’s nothing you can do to convince them :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:26 AM
87

I wonder if she can sue. How are men so entitled??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:23 AM
3

Yeah the “I’m even fixing breakfast” just killed me lol. Dude that is the bare minimum.
/r/askFDS08/10/20 02:18 AM
9

Why do you keep these people as friends? Why would you keep people around who bring you down? If for whatever reason you do want to keep them around which I STRONGLY advise against, then don’t talk to them about dating again.
/r/askFDS08/10/20 01:52 AM
11

Both
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 07:09 PM
20

That dress is amazing! So happy for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 06:36 PM
35

“10 days to self-esteem” by Dr. Burns is a great workbook. Can help with not only self-esteem, but other emotional problems as well. “Why does he do that” by lundy bancroft I think will help you gain perspective about the relationship and why you should never even look back.
/r/askFDS07/10/20 06:29 PM
24

Men are just as capable as women (some MRA scrote told me so once) I’ve been laughing for like a full minute. It’s seriously so ridiculous the expectations right now on women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:41 PM
959

Men: “can we be in a relationship” Women: “kay just be monogamous and don’t insult me in front of all of your/my friends.” Men: “wow long list”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:38 PM
90

Lmao - where are the comments calling him a gold digger?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:34 PM
63

The silence is the response
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 02:08 AM
7

^ me Except luckily I didn’t marry him so was just a break up. But he acted so surprised. That’s when it sunk that wow you really had no empathy for me at all, did you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:21 AM
22

Lmao 🤣 She didn’t look at the black holes with her vagina so it shouldn’t matter anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:19 AM
58

Omg I thought it was the woman responding (in yellow), cause the first line is so strong/pick-up-artisty lmao. Forgot bumble meant the woman reached out first. Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:04 AM
153

It was at a michelin star restaurant. Can’t remember which one cause you take me out to them all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:57 PM
15

You’ve got to be kidding me. Idk how you kept restraint in such a situation I've had an older white female nurse tell me that my poor immigrant parents (my parents are not poor) got teen pregnant (they had me in their 20s) and I should do everything in my power to not do the same (I was 31).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:31 PM
14

Do you mind DMing me too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:25 PM
29

Hahaha I am here for this energy!!! Love it!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:25 PM
5

It’s crazy but these two other posts on this the other day made me realize a new boundary. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j5q2xd/the_fact_that_she_feels_the_need_to_ask_if_shes/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j5eknn/comment/g7x8x1u?context=1 I’ve always hated getting slapped on the ass. Guys ALWAYS do it way too hard, it hurts, it’s annoying, you often don’t see it coming, and it’s annoying to get your balance thrown off like that. Also, spanking w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:26 PM
31

I actually was really good at seeking out people who valued me. The problem was I wouldn’t believe in their assessment of my value which would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wish I could time travel and teach myself what I know now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:03 PM
6

Congratulations. Such a freeing feeling!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 06:59 PM
115

WeAreDone2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 06:57 PM
28

No mention of how she might feel with the shoe on the other foot. How self-centered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 06:53 PM
3

Yeah I’ve learned to shut up about it. Otherwise people will just judge based off their own experiences and not even try to understand your point of view. They think I’m heartless, meanwhile I’m surprised my heart is still beating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 06:50 PM
4

Too bad there’s no pill for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:32 AM
11

I see so many women in this forum saying the same thing (myself included). “Oh fds interesting but eh I don’t need it.” Cue: low value males being low value around us. “Oh huh fds totally predicted that. Time to listen to their advice.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:03 AM
3

CBT is great! Anyone who wants to try it out should look into Dr. Burns. I’ve used his book 10-days to self esteem to help with all kinds of emotional issues I’ve had (not just self-esteem). He also has a website and a podcast if you can’t afford/get the book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:16 PM
9

I really like the workbook 10 days to self-esteem by dr. Burns. It’s about $18 and totally worth it. Although the title says “self-esteem” I think the exercises can be applied to any kind of emotional issue you’re having. Edit to add: he also has a website, podcasts, and other books. So if you’re not a book person or can’t get the book maybe his other media can help you. Good luck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:03 PM
75

“I’m not a burrito” lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:25 PM
6

Best believe if it were the other way around it would be “how could you betray me like this” “you need to make it up to me” and he would never let you forget it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:39 PM
6

Focus on what you want. If you want to date cool. If you want to stay single some more also cool. What do you think of the fds principle that we shouldn’t share our past trauma with men? I would consider all of that past trauma and wouldn’t share any of it. I wouldn’t even share the fact that I was trafficked. He doesn’t need to know. But you can also say “I was sex trafficked.” And leave it at that. I don’t think you need to, but you can divulge that without getting into the nitty gritty detail…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:19 PM
1

I would journal and try to be specific about what my boundaries are. I would examine the past situations where I cut people off and see if there was any benefit of the doubt I could give. I would question if it was truly a cut-off worthy offense or did I just think it was indicative of future boundary pushing? You may find that no, in every past instance the person was crossing a hard boundary I have. That’s okay there are duds out there and sometimes people tend to attract them. If this is the …
/r/askFDS05/10/20 01:58 PM
2

I switched to online therapy to avoid this. It makes it easy to switch therapists until you find one you click with.
/r/askFDS05/10/20 01:44 PM
15

Lmao that’s what he gave you “silent treatment” for. What an idiot. Here’s hoping detaching goes quickly and you’re on to better and brighter things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:38 PM
31

Damn girl you are smart!! And your writing is well put. Yesterday, I was on a first date and he just asks what I'm looking for, then I said a boyfriend and he gives the 'monogamous sex, and deeper intimacy than a friendship because he's lonely, but doesn't want to LaBeL it' spiel. Just one word of caution here. Apparently, they haven’t learned to lie yet. I wold avoid telling them what you’re looking for till after you hear them say it. This guy could’ve easily lied and said “same” after you sai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:34 PM
9

That is sound advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:25 PM
27

Ugh that’s the worst when people who have had good or okay upbringings telling you how to handle bad parents or judging you for how you handle your parents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:11 PM
23

I’m living vicariously through you. I haven’t gotten to the point to be and to leave mid-conversation that is impressive. One day I’ll get there. And yes I felt the same thing. There was a lot that I just put up with before, because I never examined my boundaries. And because I was still following well “most girls do x” (kiss on the first date, sex on the third, have casual sex) I know those are lies now. But prior to fds I felt so pressured. Now with fds I have the confidence in myself to know …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:09 PM
7

I wouldn’t text back after nine and I’d add in some post work activities that keep you busy from 7 until 9p. Could be hobbies, freelance work, calls with family, w/e. This should make it so you’re not waiting for his text and that you’re too busy to carry out conversations on his convenience/ his timetable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:58 PM
7

No wouldn’t come as boastful at all. I love hearing positive stories!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:24 PM
4

Yeah money was never the concern for me. I’ve always been one of those people who if money is the obstacle I’ll find the money. It was always that I’d get emotionally attached. He’d be “my person” and “I couldn’t just leave” 🙄 “but what about all those other great memories” and “what if I reject him and then I die alone” lmaooo. Once fds helped me realize that it’s okay for me to not be 100% emotionally invested even into marriage was when I realized “oh yeah I can do relationships.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:48 PM
14

You’re not a fool! This stuff works because it’s so subtle. Sure when it’s all laid out like this it seems obvious. But you didn’t know this. And kudos to you for listening to another woman. There’s plenty of women who get warned, and still stick with the man. Don’t let this knock you it’s not a reflection on you. It’s solely a reflection on the guy and how much of a scum of the earth he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:15 PM
7

You can post on r/askfds about the specific situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:06 PM
216

When you want to believe the lie you don’t see it as a lie. Don’t fall for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 03:57 PM
22

Yeah that was another fds practice I initially recoiled at. That unconditional love should be saved for yourself. I thought that at some point you could know with varying certainty that a guy was good (barring a true psychotic break/extreme circumstance). But fds showed eh they can change on a dime at any time. So you need to always be prepared to leave. This doesn’t make dating a worse proposition for me it actually makes it better. I don’t have to constantly be on edge wondering if I’m missing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 03:55 PM
5

I literally work with an old man like this and it’s infuriating. He CANNOT admit he’s wrong. He’s done some shady stuff in those cases where I did catch him. Ugh boils my blood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:27 PM
41

Fds has lots of bots set to automoderate. It removes comments from men, comments from people unapproved, comments with typically bad phrases eg “as a m-a-n I think blah blah (insert invalidating opinion here).” Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:19 PM
17

Hate how entitled they get. They can’t admit they may be in the wrong. So they stick to what they were doing, even if your request is reasonable and doesn’t inconvenience them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:07 PM
64

Sunk cost fallacy can also get them. To them this isn’t his natural state. To them they’re convinced there’s some magic combo of words/incentives/rewards/tricks they can say to get him to start contributing and being like his pre-moved in self. They think this is the act, not the part before it. They think this is just a little hiccup, because he was so great before and “I know we can get back to that.” And if that were true then it would mean she hadn’t wasted years to someone who does the bare…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:00 PM
12

Happens when you try to using the dating apps for women too. I always just swiped them away, but I wish I had reported them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:58 AM
83

He forbid her?? The dude does not deserve to reproduce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:56 AM
34

Same girl same. That was also when I was horniest and he would just leave me in the dust what a jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:53 AM
41

He’s not “showing his emotions” he’s being straight up manipulative!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:51 AM
13

Yeah like it’s one thing if they’re a stoner in their moms basement with no plans for the future at all. Those people still might be able to change, but not without significant effort and I don’t need to be friends with a person like that. It’s another thing if they’re doing most things right, but they tend to be a pickme towards guys. But they don’t talk about their boy drama too much and I don’t discuss my dating life with them. So yeah I mean I definitely think it depends on your personality …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:01 AM
53

Yeah personally I don’t want to have a “secret” savings account I want him to know. Know that I can leave at anytime, any man who feels threatened by that can gtfo my life. I guess the worry is that if you tell him all the details he might be able to social engineer access to it. But just don’t tell him what bank it’s at then. And this is what I plan to do. Yep it’s still marital assets in a divorce, and therefore I’d split it per the agreement in the divorce. But it means if I find out he’s che…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 01:49 AM
2

Taxes hmm. You can say health insurance and other pre-tax paycheck deductions costs more than they really do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 01:35 AM
49

Really depends on your definition of friends/the nature of the relationship. With some LV people I don’t see them that often, don’t talk with them that often, but when I do I have a good time. Overall I don’t feel influenced by their opinions and don’t feel like I’m dealing with any LV drama from them. So I don’t mind keeping the status quo on those relationships. Also, these people are just barely skating the line of LV (just like I was a couple of months ago tbh). I think any of them could wak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 01:29 AM
8

The book “then charisma myth” has an excellent exercise on this. I recommend reading the whole book, but will give you a summary on the technique. The technique is for when you need to get over resentment towards someone that you may have to interact with again or that’s just overall affecting your mood negatively. And it’s someone you KNOW you’ll never get an apology from (or at least not a true apology or at heart not a true apology anytime soon). What you do is you write a letter to the perso…
/r/askFDS04/10/20 01:08 AM
1

Ehh I’m definitely in the camp to use them if they’re going to use me. Ie take the offer knowing that once you have a local address you’ll be applying to way more jobs there. Do you know anything else about the job/coworkers/boss? Do you think the environment will be bad or is it just corporate that’s bad? As in will the day-to-day be okay because the boss and colleagues are cool, just your pay sucks because the people at the top suck? Or do you think it indicates that the whole environment will…
/r/askFDS04/10/20 12:51 AM
5

I’d prioritize my safety in the situation. So I’d reach out anonymously. If you want to stick around to see her response go for it. Sometimes they may want extra proof. But other times you’ll see them go full pickme and ignore what you’re saying or attack you for it. Don’t take it personally. They’re just trying to survive, and to them that sometimes means defending a sack of shit over listening to their intuition and other woman’s warnings. So don’t reach out if you’ll be hurt if she does nothi…
/r/askFDS04/10/20 12:47 AM
24

Yes this my kink lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:47 PM
9

Yes this was my outlet before I found fds. It was a poor substitute though as I’m not religious and find the whole “witchy” thing not my style. But I loved their “take no shit from men” attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:41 PM
7

Sometimes it takes a wakeup call before you can trust fds. Needed to “test” it myself before buying in. After a shitty situation that I got myself into by going full pickmeisha, was when I realized huh fds would’ve helped me avoid this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:29 PM
8

Thank you, exactly: Why be with a man who would be happy to treat a woman, his life partner, like shit just because she hasn't overcome her conditioning in a way that he approves of?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:26 PM
33

Not to mention the “do as I’m told.” Implying that he’d still expect you to STILL do ALL the emotional labor. I actually think that’s what this is getting at. Like when guys say “I’m an asshole (teehee)” And then when you get mad at them for doing something hurtful, “well I TOLD YOU I was an asshole (so I’m absolved of all responsibility).”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:17 PM
11

You may be influencing G. That’s great. I had no one to challenge that culture fed belief that high maintenance = bad 🙄. If I’d had a friend like you I might have thought it through more. Kudos to you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:14 PM
9

A sale only for men...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 11:09 PM
3

“It was a nice date, but I’m looking for other things.” OR “Thank you for the date, but I do not see this progressing further.” You can even add in a “good luck in your search” if you feel like it. Definitely listen to your gut, trying to make something work that you know isn’t good doesn’t make sense. That’s a scarcity mindset and we don’t do that!
/r/askFDS02/10/20 12:59 AM
16

Preach! And people wonder why there are so many women who don’t want children. You mean I’m risking permanent changes to my body - only to have to take on 90% of the work anyways? (In addition to a full time job). No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 12:24 AM
30

Even still - hold it up to them. Then confirm with the parent who actually cares about her children. This isn’t that hard? This isn’t something to get wide eyed about??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 12:07 AM
56

Of all the things to try to convince someone to buy. Like you’re not even getting paid my dude. Classic projection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:38 PM
7

I wouldn’t be so concerned about a functional relationship in the future. When things like this are fresh it feels really raw, but time will heal you. In a year you will be in such a better place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 10:11 PM
4

This is my anthem
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 10:05 PM
69

Yeah friends were watching it so I wanted to watch too. But boy do I regret it. That did not add anything of value to my life (except to be able to laugh about it with my friends).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:08 PM
63

Lololol that he has to specify it’s not a p0rn community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:07 PM
2

“My ideal women” (emphasis added) I know most men can’t seem to get this straight, but I still think it’s a freudian slip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 05:41 PM
3

What a great reminder. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 04:46 PM
6

Lmao epic story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:37 AM
6

Hope you’re right that they aren’t real teen girls. Some of this stuff I would’ve rejected prior to my experience with men (lol). But I would’ve really appreciated the call out on the double standards and the safe space to not hear the whiny: “notallmennnnnnnn”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:28 AM
7

Your name at least needs to be on the accounts. In case (heaven forbid) he dies it will logistically be much easier for you to access your guys’ joint accounts than it will be talking to banks proving he’s dead and you’re next of kin and owed the money. Not to mention figuring out where all the accounts are and all the details there. So possibly you can spin it that way. As far as your contingency and protecting yourself in case of leaving. You should have a savings account that can hold you ove…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:25 AM
15

No not too harsh that’s an appropriate reaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:34 PM
3

There’s this method talked about in the book “The charisma myth” highly recommend reading the whole book. When you’re angry at someone and you know you’ll never get an apology from them but you need to move on here’s what you do. You write a letter to them (that you’ll never send) detailing everything you would want to say to them, everything you’re angry about. And then you write a letter “back from them” where they apologize for everything you just wrote about. Then you read that 2nd letter as…
/r/askFDS29/09/20 01:50 PM
8

What should we do if we see a post that’s better suited for r/askfds? I didn’t see a specific way to report it for that reason. (I’m on mobile browser so maybe there are more options and/or a free form text field in other mediums that I don’t use).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:42 PM
6

Yeah really hated that thread. Like if it’s a step in the right direction for a recovering pickme that’s good. But that is totally something pre-fds I would’ve swooned at that I now realize is just a double standard for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:18 PM
12

You should. He’s definitely acting like he’s the prize. Highly likely it gets worse from here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:14 PM
62

“ vagueness IS manipulation.” this is a great line - thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:03 AM
14

“Must be my third eye opening” lmao And that gif is epic omg hahaha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:59 AM
7

Do you think social media is playing into it? If so you could try keeping up your activities, but holding off on social media and seeing if you don’t feel as bad. Is it possible for you to journal your thoughts when you stop or how you would feel if you stopped? Maybe that can get to the root of the problem. Good luck on your journey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:38 PM
22

And when it came to actually addressing issues, I might as well have sent a message in a bottle out to sea. Hahaha love this line. Been there done that. Welcome!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:32 PM
72

Why do men tell on themselves like that? What on earth makes them think that’s socially acceptable?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:42 PM
1

Could you add me please?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 06:23 PM
6

Oof I could not deal. Giving your all to someone should happen after you get to know them. He doesn’t know you therefore, this is lovebombing. An hvm has a life. So although he might be anxious for your answer he’ll have enough things going on in his life to understand that other people have their own lives too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 10:56 AM
-5

Well I’m glad you’ve never EVER done anything cringy as a pickme. I’m glad you had good female role models, and a good environment to grow up in to think that this is something unfathomable to do. What if the girl who did this came to fds, huh? Would you say this to her face? I think it’s really low to judge other women. Especially on this site where we’re trying to uplift other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:04 PM
-5

Oh come on as if we all haven’t done something cringy in our pickmeisha past. Have some sympathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 03:13 PM
2

You ever hear people say “I can’t start a business, what if it fails?” Or “I can’t leave him, what if I never find love again?” It’s just a way to challenge those thoughts. “What if your business succeeds?” “What if you find someone who loves you ten times better than this man.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 03:08 PM
17

I feel really bad for her. How many men are going to take that as an invitation :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 02:04 AM
16

I agree. I’m not dating either (especially with covid). I come here to level up and have a safe space. It has done wonders for my self esteem. I love this community and I’m glad you’re part of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:59 AM
7

This is a really great comment. These are all excellent points and easy ways to see the difference. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:47 AM
32

I have a coworker who frequently refers to his wife as “the roommate” he won’t refer to her as anything else. It’s really sad tbh. It’s disrespect 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:39 AM
16

Hahahah got him to rage quit. Nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:14 AM
1

“...Weakest member of the heard...” Seems like he understands he matches the people he pursues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:03 AM
2

Seriously periods are the worst. If men got them they would’ve figured out how to get rid of them long ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:00 AM
22

Have you ever read “the gift of fear”? It talks about stalkers and how to handle them. The gist is to be completely silent and never ever give into their demands. If you resist the friend attempts 5 times, but on the sixth attempt give in - he’s just learned it takes 6 friends requests before you’ll give in. If you change all your social medias and even your number he’ll see you’re not posting and go find your new account. And then he remembers that it took 6 friend requests last time so maybe t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:56 AM
98

“The government wasn’t in bed....” “Five kids together...” and you “can’t figure out why she sent you away.” They. play. dumb. all. the. time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:47 AM
26

“Oww you’re hurting me with the truth of my own awfulness - stop that!” What a loser!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:42 AM
15

I love this!! therapy says to seek the “ what if it goes exactly how you want” mindset Thank you for the inspiration!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:46 PM
99

Eh I’ll admit as a former pickme I used to not see this as a red flag. I would understand why people wouldn’t want to ask/talk about it. But if the guy brought it up I didn’t mind sharing and hearing from him too (I’m not jealous). In fact it was nice to unload on someone who I presumed to care. Well turns out that’s a LARGE assumption. And even if he’s not using this info against you now, he might later. So, now past emotional pain is kept to myself. Thank you fds for enlightening me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:42 PM
117

“I’m getting a divorce SIR”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 09:42 PM
8

I've met guys who seem to have really turned it around but having a past of disrespecting and using women like objects just isn't something I can easily overlook. I would be worried about residual LVM tendencies. Thoughts?? Then don’t overlook it. Your standards are your standards. I agree that if I found out a man had disrespected a whole bunch of women before me I wouldn’t want to be with him. Not because I worry about him slipping into lvm habits, but because I’ve been one of those women. And…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 09:41 PM
87

Yes I especially love to dress up when I know I’ve got an important meeting at work. Even if I’m presenting over a conference call. LVM will tell women they look better without make up while simultaneously looking at IG models all day. LVM will tell their bros: take her to the pool so you can see her without makeup, while simultaneously pointing to heavily madeup women as what they want their gf to look like “without makeup.” They’ll say they hate boob jobs, because they only notice the bad ones…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 08:34 PM
2

This is the real translation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 07:16 PM
37

Fake sadness. I watch for it religiously now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 06:00 PM
2

Does anyone have good recommendations on where to buy? I like for love and lemons so was going to order some stuff from there. But even looking at the lingerie subreddits, I wasn’t seeing too many stores with that similar price point and look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:58 PM
45

Yay way to level up queen! I know exactly what you’re describing here: was firm and he finally relented, but I didn't believe him. I just knew if I had gone through with that wedding (thank God I didn't) he would've disrespected my wishes It’s so sad that we’re taught to deprioritize ourselves and what’s important to us in the name of an LVM’s wishes. Best believe it wouldn’t be considered “overreacting” if you did something equivalent to him and he blew up at you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:55 PM
7

Any time we’ve done something other than what I’ve mentioned? I’m the one that planned it. Dates that were my idea have included the art museum, hiking, biking, a sunset picnic.. maybe a couple of other things, but this is over the span of a year. He’s always happy to do these things, but he never makes plans for us. He doesn’t care about the relationship. Been there done that. Begging for dates just makes you feel worthless and slowly eats at your self-esteem. This is pickme behavior. Do you th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:51 PM
3

You don’t know he’s HVM, because you haven’t been dating. Guys can act different to their friends, and/or let their guard down when they feel they’ve locked a woman down. (So the secret is to never be locked down). Also, he’s not an HVM for you if you’re not sexually attracted to him. What you really need is perspective. One way to get that is with some space. Another way to do that would be to multi-date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 04:45 PM
7

Let me guess there’s no option to turn it around. No older women seeking younger men....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 03:45 PM
1

Yeah I don’t really have traditional SM so any notifications I do get generally aren’t “interrupting” me. Nor causing me to derail from whatever I was working on before. Yeah android has way better built in controls for this. But have an iphone now and their screen time controls suckkkk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:26 PM
2

Yeah I just don’t have any traditional SM. So any notifications I’m getting from apps would be 1:1 communication that I wouldn’t count as being online since they don’t really impede me getting other things done. (I’m not addicted to texting my friends lolol). Interesting about tracking how you spend your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:22 PM
1

Yeah I’d consider it a red flag if a guy said he wouldn’t respond on x days. Even if it were 100% just to get more downtime (which I’m not sure I wold believe from a complete stranger tbh). Like it’s one thing if he’s going on a trip to somewhere without service. But this... hmmm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:20 PM
3

He didn’t eat... so the girl was just eating alone. How tacky can lvm get?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:15 PM
1

Wait I’ve never heard that argument, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:08 PM
33

May you learn to only listen to positive labels! May negative labels fall on deaf ears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 01:00 AM
260

Ah I always love seeing this post 😊 Just complete Queen energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:59 AM
12

Interesting insight. Curious tho- you didn’t allow notifications from OLD dating apps? You even counted notifications from OLD apps and responding to those as being online? This is something I’m trying to work on as well (unplugging)- so I’m curious about your mindset to see if there’s an attitude shift that I’m missing. I appreciate the unique and additional idea to keep detached! I’m always looking for more of those, so this is great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:57 AM
48

Add it to the handbook! I used to be quite the firecracker when I was younger. Luckily I learned pretty early on in life there are arguments you’ll never win with some people no matter how 100% right you are. And from there on out I learned it’s not worth it to argue with people - I have better things to do with my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:00 AM
18

Yep experienced the opposite of this. His personality wasn’t anything to write home about, but there were no red flags there either. And he kept house so well. This was back when I was a pickme so I was like oh well I guess this is going to be the best I’m going to get. Turns out that being a good person is important in addition to keeping house! Ugh I weep for past pickmeisha me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:53 PM
49

Tbh I think a little fun flirting is less psychologically damaging than manipulating a woman into having (unsatisfying) sex 100% It’s also why I have no sympathy when guys get used for dinner. Yep no one likes getting used. But getting used for $50 is just not that bad compared to getting used for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:49 PM
5

Shera has a couple videos about this. One of the things she talks about that helped me was to treat men like a business. Don’t invest emotional labor if he isn’t. Don’t be more available than he is, etc. In this case you know men would be bad for your “business.” They’re a liability not an asset. You wouldn’t take on a liability if you didn’t have to if it were a real business. So don’t do that for your personal/dating life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:44 PM
8

Same. I really feel for why we have to do lockdown. But I am enjoying the silver lining that this is a great time to work on self-improvement. I’ve been able to level up my home a lot more too, because I’ve been working from home. Easy to see what needs work when you’re spending so much time at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:37 PM
2

I used thredup recently where you are able to do returns (with a small restocking fee). And they were great. Once you know what brands work for you and what size you are for them it’s a gamechanger for thrift shopping. Thank you for all the YouTube recommendations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:33 PM
8

I get your point a lot of fds comes off kinda hardcore. But the point really is, if you find out his favorite book is Fight Club because he idealizes the character, you don’t have to wait for him to engage in toxic masculinity before leaving. You can just leave. There will always be exceptions to red flags. Fds generally hates on gamers. But there will always be some women who like to game and find hvm who don’t let it take over their lives it’s just a small form of entertainment. But on the fli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 10:57 PM
7

Oh lol. Yeah don’t want anyone idealizing that character. Thanks for clarifying that. I guess the modern day equivalent is American psycho. Some people appreciate the writing, but you never know which men are taking it as a how-to book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:59 PM
16

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:12 PM
34

Lmao won’t even say it. Cause he knows it’s wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:57 PM
61

Have definitely given things time that shouldn’t have. There’s a reason we recommend leaving at the first red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 10:37 AM
7

Man, if I had a dollar for every nonsense "(social phenomenon) is just biology!" post, I could easily pay for a worldwide campaign that explains just how ridiculous and wrong those posts are. Hahahaha. And they still wouldn’t get it! But at least women might be more aware.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 10:35 AM
18

Okay I looked up fathers and sons. Can’t figure out what red flag it indicates. Anyone got any clues?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 10:19 AM
8

When they mention that they want kids, you look at their actions, they can’t cook a decent meal or clean up properly. Hahaha yep
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:23 AM
27

I kid you not, he responded with "you know, Einstein and stuff". I thought this was hilarious and asked him what exactly he could tell me about Einstein, and.. he had nothing. He bumbled and fumbled. He was so deperate for a chance to show his true intellect though... This whole paragraph is going to have me snickering to myself for days. So much audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:00 AM
4

party line: a policy, or the policies collectively, officially adopted by a political party. Agreed I think it qualifies as both! If there’s one thing I’ve learned from US politics and libfems it’s that groups frequently disregard facts in order to push ideology that’s beneficial to the group - even if detrimental to the individual members.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 08:01 PM
8

This was a recent post about how to do your profile. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i693h2/upleveling_my_hinge_profile/ Have never used online dating for men tho so dk how good this advice is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 05:13 PM
58

Wasn’t till fds. And even then I had to have one experience proving fds right before I really got it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 05:09 PM
15

Once you know FDS you can't unsee anything anymore, it's just all there in plain sight. Best thing about fds hands down. Good luck on your situation. You’ve got this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 05:07 PM
15

Hardcore agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 05:02 PM
2

It is incorrect. If his parents’ opinion is that important to him then he should know exactly what they are and aren’t okay with. Furthermore, if you were his dream girl it wouldn’t matter. King Edward gave up being King so he could marry his love Wallis. He could’ve kept her as a mistress in order to remain King of England, but he wanted her that much it didn’t matter to him what a whole country thought of his marrying her. But also even if that excuse were true would you want to be involved wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 04:57 PM
53

It’s mind blowing to them. Because they’re a perfect angel. So how could they have caused you to be sad? So you must not be sad! <—— LVM “logic”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 04:23 PM
52

That’s terrifying. Also, hollywood doesn’t need any more ideas for bad romcoms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 04:18 PM
31

Get a smaller bed lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:49 PM
5

He probably gets upset and...what do you know, insecure, when you try to make plans outside of him. It was so weird dealing with a grown ass man who did this. Luckily he dropped me when he realized I wasn’t playing his game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:41 PM
23

“It’s not an easy convo to have with someone who I have a ton of history with.” So I’m having it with strangers like you instead 🤣 There’s a reason sex clubs only allow men who come with dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:37 PM
24

Is she down on both knees? Seems foreboding 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:29 PM
114

“Cause this took a lot of time (6 months!)” Hahaha Edit: Mobile typo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:24 PM
24

Why shouldn’t we be judging people based on where they live? If we’re in undergrad... kay.... if we’re teenagers... kay. Beyond that yeah sure we all got our journey doesn’t mean we have to go along for the ride. When you’re along for the ride you’re sure to be dropped when the guy upgrades.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:51 AM
22

Wow you picked the lowest common denominator of human traits. It’s almost like you’re looking for a place to stick your dick and not actually looking for a compatible life partner!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:34 AM
48

He’s good with instructions???? “Step 1. Google for a recipe. Step 2. If that doesn’t pan out, post on the forum your own damn self. Jesus.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:32 AM
3

“Make a close friend casually” Kay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 12:22 AM
20

So that is love bombing (saying ILY too early) and future-faking (talking about kids, future, marriage etc. without any actions backing them up - eg introducing to friends/parents making long term plans like vacations/events). Also, it’s not like your culture/religion were a surprise & it’s not like his parents suddenly changed how they feel about differences in culture. He knew you weren’t compatible from the start. Either this is an excuse and his parents don’t actually care - or they do and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 12:20 AM
140

Sounds like a setup for love-bombing and rushing commitment to get into pants. Either way it’s sending the message that he doesn’t care who he gets in a relationship with just that they’re good enough so he can have sex. He’ll still hold out for his dream girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 12:11 AM
12

Hate when LVM hide in “plausible deniability I’ll accuse you of being ‘presumptive’ if you shut me down early” land. I’d try to talk about a “crush” in front of the LVM. Should be fake, cause crushes aren’t good. Script: “OMG a new guy just moved into my apt complex and he’s so hot he has blond/black/salt-n-pepper hair and is greek/italian/southern/russian/etc and he winked at me the other day!” The key is to pick whatever traits are the opposite of the LVM. So if the LVM is blond your “crush” h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 11:18 PM
125

Recommended just for you lol. Hope he gets the crazy that will expose him to his gf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 11:04 PM
9

I couldn’t care less.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:50 PM
11

Omg I never thought about that break in their “logic.” Thanks for the additional argument.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:44 PM
15

Not sure what specific movies, but the way crushes are romanticized in hollywood. For women and men it’s just accepted that people get crushes and you should follow them and do all the silly things they cause you to do. And that you shouldn’t try to control your feelings at all. Or if you do that you should just reign in the stalking/daydreaming/unfocused behavior, but not solve the root which is the crush. Was one of my initial revulsions with fds was fds saying crushes are bad. But now I see w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:50 PM
14

I think a lot of this takes time. As time moves on you’ll forget about the sex, but you’ll remember the boundary pushing. And you’ll remember how he made you feel (overall not good, unfocused, etc.) So don’t worry too much right now that you’re still missing aspects of the situationship. Just make sure that you don’t contact him and in time it will get better. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s easy with hindsight to think about all the things you should’ve and shouldn’t have done. But yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:46 PM
27

Huh weird cause I feel like the party line here is that fwbs are generally not worth it for women. Like a “you do you but don’t be surprised if you’re getting the short end of the stick.” And I agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:38 PM
22

Little queen energy that’s adorable! And yes. I’m not even dating right now but I’ve been using this sub and r/femalelevelupstrategy for improving my self-esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:25 PM
1

Hmm I’ve never used a fabric one always plastic ones. I tend to just clean mine with tub cleaner when I’m cleaning the tub. That usually keeps it going for me for about a year (I think idk I don’t keep track of these things lol). And then I’ll just replace it when it gets to be too icky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:14 PM
16

Yeah I grew up the same way. But I really wanted to have sex and didn’t feel the need to have “specialness” so I embraced hookup culture. Overall it wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t for me. So I was struggling just like you of not wanting to go back to religious roots, but also not wanting to do ONS/have a bunch of partners. I think fds is a great middle ground between the religious virginity obsession and hookup culture. Definitely do not embrace hookup culture if you want some specialness for sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:09 PM
52

So much of what I have experienced now makes sense; it has reframed and clarified all of the pain and stress that I have experienced in my relationships with men. I feel different, and I view myself differently. My priority now is to be happy with myself, with or without a man. Yes it’s CRAZY the amount of clarity the handbook provides. So glad to have this community to help me realize: I’m not being unreasonable with my standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:00 PM
4

I think there’s just more lvm that you will “catch” in OLD vs real life. It’s easy for LVM to write a convincing profile/fake being hvm and swipe swipe swipe. But you’ll never meet these men doing hobbies (because they have none lol). Even if you do meet LVM irl they’re less likely to approach you, because that’s a risk and it takes effort. There’s no risk in texting a woman who’s already swiped on you. So you’re probably just burnt out by dealing with the massive amount of lvm on OLD. It’s okay…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:44 PM
3

I just love the audacity. Like doesn’t his gf see his profile and who he follows? Doesn’t he worry about anyone in real life seeing who he follows?? Women get shamed and lose jobs because of any nude images they might have out there real/fake consensual/or not. Hell sometimes it even happens when they post bikini pictures on their private sm. But jackasses can just follow underage girls on sm and it doesn’t impact them at all...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:40 PM
126

Wow if this affects your mental health then men truly are the weaker sex. As if women don’t hear 10x worse on a daily basis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:27 PM
35

Lmao this list is too funny. “BUt WeRE aSKinG fOR toO MucH!!!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:26 PM
8

Thanks I’m going to read all rp like that now. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:03 PM
3

I’m with you on your rant. I actually have met some het men who haven’t tried anything (yet lol). But I do think it’s few and far between and I do work to actively keep my boundaries up around men. Even to go so far as to heavily discourage any touching. I will hug my girl friends I will wave bye to my male friends. You’re not overreacting for whatever actions you take at this point. You’re not overreacting if you decide not to build any more friendships with het men - but it’s also okay if you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:58 PM
5

My friend argued that I did not end the relationship 'quickly enough', as an attempt to poke holes in my judgement, and 'what's wrong with wanting someone physically? you stayed with that guy' The entitlement is astounding. And the restraint you had in dealing with that is impressive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:44 PM
3

How to make people see all the best in you? Distance. You can't see the beauty of a painting if you have your nose stuck to it. Wow I love this analogy thanks for putting it out there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:39 PM
20

Ah yes I’ll just pull out my boys vs men detectorTM that can accurately assess maturity despite age. And next time I’m walking alone at night and I cross paths with a man I’ll just pull out my “is he trying to abduct/assault me or is he just trying to go home” detector...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:28 PM
65

Hahaha about a book they read in 2001. Can’t believe guys can just get away with not liking reading....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:23 PM
6

The proposal should be the surprise, the engagement shouldn’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:54 AM
9

Omg that’s my worst nightmare. Cause I know I would say yes in the moment just to get out of it. My deepest sympathies that you had to go through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:52 AM
21

And people wondered why I didn’t want kids. Even when I saw guys who wouldn’t pull stunts like this, this would basically be the only time they would help...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:48 AM
7

They make bath pillows. Also having a bath tray is great. I put my phone in a ziplock bag so I can read books without worrying about splashing/excess water. I love the kombucha! I don’t normally take snacks to my bath so I’ll have to try that next time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:45 AM
36

They look kinda short In the future this is where you have carte blanche to cut the guy off. I know hindsight is 20/20, and hopefully there is no future where you run into someone making these kinds of comments again. Also, the timing of his apology is abominable. Shows he knows what he did was wrong, but he was still going to try to get you to do it until he realized this was a firm boundary for you. Imagine all the other boundary testing that would be in store if you continued to entertain thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:37 AM
30

Lmao @ his picture. And lmao @ his terrible segue. It’s easy to say “block and delete” I know the advice can be difficult to implement. So good for you in following through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:25 AM
13

Two things: Think of it like a business. Imagine if a candidate showed up for an interview and they handed the interviewer a resume that did not match the one they submitted online. And in fact the one they hand over in person had way less experience. Do you think the business would have the interviewer waste any of their precious time on the candidate? No, the interviewer would say “is this your real resume?” And after hearing yes this is the real resume. “Okay I think we’re looking for differe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:55 PM
9

A good thing that has helped me is to relate dating to a business/your job. Aka don’t invest more of your money than he is. Don’t invest more of your emotions than he is. Don’t invest more of any of your resources than he is, etc. Remember that the guy paying is him proving he’s interested in you and willing to invest in you. Guys will fuck anyone, girls who aren’t their type, etc. If guys could always get sex after the 3rd date they would ask out anyone and everyone in a skirt. Because bad sex …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:42 PM
14

Yeah idk how I missed this pattern pre-fds. Really grinds my gears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:26 PM
32

It’s pretty “normal” to hear criticism like this. You have to understand a lot of it is projection. Projection meaning they eroded their standards in order to settle down, so they feel you should too. If you don’t erode your standards and you do find a quality person then it hurts them subconsciously. It hurts them because they’ll realize that maybe they didn’t have to erode their standards to get what they wanted, since you were successful. Therefore they are vested in the outcome where you low…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:25 PM
53

At least it shows men supporting each other and not a woman supporting him. Although, that’s what men will turn this into.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:13 PM
2

Yeah don’t think David was HV at all. Just interesting to me that he could’ve kept mistresses (like men do now with fuckbuddies), but he still wanted to marry her so bad he gave up being King. And yes I loved Helena’s portrayal in the movie as well. Although, I did feel like the movie was really rushed, really compressed. So I didn’t enjoy it as much as the book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:08 PM
6

There is r/lesbiandatingstrategy Yeah some of this stuff is really hard to translate to wlw scenarios. I feel lost there, but try to still use this to motivate me to maintain HVW energy. The main issue in dating isn’t really: who pays, what app to use, what month to say ily, or whatever. It’s making sure that the person you’re with is into you and that they’re adding to your life. All the stuff talked about here for men are just applied strategies that work for the majority of men. So you can ki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 02:51 AM
90

Those same men if they won the lottery tomorrow wouldn’t be complaining about the women hanging around them then. Actually they would still complain, just so that maybe they could find a woman who would agree to a heavily biased pre-nup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 02:33 AM
2

Right so googling is just an example of one way to source information. I kinda just used it as a proxy to keep my comment short. So other resources include but are not limited to: classes at your local community college, paid experts (lawyers, doctors, mechanics, etc.), librarians (it’s their job to know HOW to research things, they will know where to point you), expert forums online, calling real numbers (you’d be surprised how many businesses/resources have hotlines), friends parents/older sib…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 02:27 AM
12

Yes the problem with this isn’t even necessarily that a guy would develop a superiority complex although that is a large risk. The problem is you’ll then become very attached, because he’s given you great advice about x, y, z. And you’ll think to yourself - if I break up now where will I get that information? And it will cause you to be scared/hesitate to break up. If you learn how to source this information on your own then you won’t be worried if 6 months later you need to dump him. If you’re …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 09:43 PM
148

I thought the point of hiding your wealth was to prove they love you even without money... seems that’s proven and therefore the LVM wouldn’t need a pre-nup. That is so selfish! Her working two jobs to support him. The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 09:30 PM
14

Fake boyfriend or fake “crush” on someone else that you can talk about around him so he starts to leave you alone? So disappointing when someone shows promise and they end up being awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 09:26 PM
13

that and they legit ask me out for water. Nooo omg that’s too funny. 😂😂😂 Can you imagine how awkward it would be to go out for water? But that’s the whole point to the guys - they’re hoping to make it awkward enough to push your boundaries so you order a drink/juice/etc. Even if it’s just a juice, if he knows he can push one boundary he knows he can push others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 09:20 PM
3

“I dare you to tell that to my LGBT friends.” “You’re right it’s just a piece of paper so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal for us to get one.” “So you’re telling me, if you go into a coma you want your mom to be the one making the medical decisions and not me....”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:27 PM
1

Can you say you live in the EU or California? The EU and Cali have greater privacy protection laws so they may not be able to pull that if you’re under that jurisdiction. Also try googling the website and seeing if other people have gotten out of it. And if none of that works, maybe you can tell them their info is outdated then give them fake info? Tell the site you got married so name change, you lost/gained weight, new (fake) picture, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:23 PM
2

Did he mention why he has no social media? Also, not even a linked in? Did you try to search or are you taking him at his word?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:05 PM
46

Men have a type for relationships, but for sex no. They’ll have sexy with anyone and why not? You ever hear the joke “bad sex is like bad pizza, it’s still pizza.” Yeah no women has ever resonated with that line. Even in 100% consensual “hookup” women are risking so much. Pregnancy, painful intercourse, STDs, and Rape. Because even if it starts off consensual who knows how entitled the guy will get when the clothes are off. And we’re not even guaranteed an orgasm. For men they’re risking nothing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 06:48 PM
58

Oh look at that a weed out test. LVM Logic: See if she falls for this line. If she does then I can say anything I want now! Because if she gets offended I can just say: “told you I might say something I shouldn’t.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 05:12 PM
4

But I feel like having no actual friends make me more vulnerable for predatory men and general predatory people. These types generally don't mess with people who have plenty of social contacts. Right this was the other con. In this case I think it’s perfectly fine to lie by omission or stretch the truth. You can talk about online friends as just friends. They don’t need to know that your friends don’t live nearby. I think hvm will understand the need to stretch the truth here. I think predatory …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 05:07 PM
14

The death glare in the painting. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:51 PM
55

Where’s my hug? 🙄 Yet another example of fake sadness men use to manipulate women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:51 PM
8

I think lying by omission is fine here. Kinda weird that it gets brought up. I guess maybe they presume there is some experience given your age. But I would just keep the topic moving. “A woman doesn’t kiss and tell.” “I don’t know you well enough to talk about it.” “Let’s pick a different conversation topic.” “Oh let’s not go there yet.” “None of your business.” I don’t think an hvm is going to be put off if you don’t tell him until after the fact. I don’t think an hvm will be put off if you wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:41 PM
9

Yeah it was one of those: “I have a gut feeling that this is wrong, but I can’t explain why. And I don’t feel like getting in an argument only to ‘lose’ and feel even more invalidated and trust my gut even less. So I’m just not going to bring it up.” Situations 🤦‍♀️ Also love this line haha Mistakes are inevitable, being an asshole is optional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:31 PM
3

Yeah I mean it took me a year to be ready to date again (I know it’s not the same feeling) after a four year relationship. So, it’s not surprising that after 2.5years there are still lingering emotions (however positive or negative). Plenty of habits get built in less time, and the brain craves familiarity. Good luck on your journey! Also if you haven’t checked out r/femalelevelupstrategy you should!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:27 PM
2

How long were you with him? How long has it been since the break up? Sometimes these things just take time. Is there a new comfort ritual you can do to attempt to replace that feeling you got from him? e.g. a bubble bath every day, or a spa facemask everyday, or a little bit of ice cream every day you’re on your period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:08 PM
9

their gets woman to do it program is overridden by the need to be patronizing. I will need to keep this in mind lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:05 PM
7

Yikes - congrats on getting out. That is not easy at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:02 PM
6

The logic only makes sense in the mind of a “bumbling idiot” lvm brain. And yeah her never complaining doesn’t mean anything. Hate when they prioritize their tiredness over the woman’s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 01:59 PM
43

I would’ve been in that thread too before fds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:57 PM
9

“Once she asked me to pitch in for a day (which I thought I did enough) and she’s never complained again after I proved her wrong.” Proved her wrong...? Oh honey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:52 PM
5

ANd OthER AssORtEd ThINgS tHAt WiLl pRoBaBLy BoRE YOu 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:46 PM
3

I mean you see a lot of advice here saying not to date right now. If your area is still so affected by the pandemic that he can’t do any high effort date then you shouldn’t date now. High effort doesn’t have to be about spending money. If he’s putting in lots of time or energy in another form. Remember we need to have high effort dates because that sets the tone of the relationship. Guys will do low effort with any girl to see if they can get their dick wet. Guys will do high effort for their dr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:36 PM
3

some parenting stuff because I'm a masochist. Hahahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:23 PM
7

I hope the mom blows up on them. I hope when they again throw the daughter under the bus that the mom reams them for that too. What jerks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:22 PM
27

But only if they work with other men and cant easily dump that job on a woman. That’s the key here. But honestly once this sub pointed out that men are able to keep their jobs. Men are able to figure out what their bosses want. Men are able to keep appointments at work. I couldn’t unsee the bumbling idiot at home narrative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:20 PM
3

Thank you for sharing. I really appreciated the explanations with the pictures! Cheers to leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:14 PM
52

Reminds me of when my lvm ex announced a driving mistake I made in front of his whole family. Granted I was driving his car... because I didn’t have a car (so hadn’t driven in awhile)... because he wanted me to pick him up from the airport. Should’ve told him he could pay from ubers from there on out. Should’ve dumped him after he made that comment. I would’ve preferred an anonymous online post over telling people I know, in front of me, over that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:11 PM
48

He is always very worried about not accidentally hurting my feelings and often asks if everything is ok. It’s a little annoying, Sounds as if he’s trying to get you to walk on eggshells around him. At best he’s just insecure. I’m not sure I’d want to be with someone so insecure that I have to keep reassuring. At worst this is on purpose and he’s doing it to shift your attention from his mistake into you comforting him. e.g. “It hurts me so much to hear how hurt you are by what I said.” Imagine i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:03 PM
7

Ahhh classic mistake: you’re assuming the grown human has the ability to feel empathy and uses that ability. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 01:06 AM
39

There have been very few times I’ve felt safe enough to outright reject a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 01:04 AM
1

No way to frame it as a furlough? “They wanted to keep me, but they needed to keep the lights on due to slowing business from the pandemic.” I know some sectors haven’t been hit as hard so that might not be believable. I like the other commenters point to say, because you’ve been home it’s given you more time to reflect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 10:33 PM
18

Lol as if the wife doesn’t work hard and it’s not her home too. The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 10:13 PM
6

Same!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 10:05 PM
2

Oh I get that! Cheers to leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 10:03 PM
81

Yes that fake sadness was so annoying! I don’t think I could’ve dealt after the first broken heart emoji. This was a totally preventable situation my dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:53 PM
10

Both those red flags are pretty bad, because it shows she puts men in your life (that she doesn’t even know) on pedestals. I might’ve let the first one slide - sometimes people try to “make things happy” in a misguided emotionally stunted effort to make the situation the other person is dealing with less sad. But the second one sheesh.... I’ve been in a similar position friends wise. Idk what advice to give as I err on the side of cutting people off. So I’ve only ever really picked that option. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:27 PM
16

There is a good exercise that I think you should try from the book: The Charisma Myth. For people who you know you’ll never get an apology from, but you still have to deal with them and/or their actions still weigh on you. What you do is you write out a letter “to them” (don’t actually send it to them) listing all the bad things they did, all the ways they mistreated you, etc. Next, you write a response “from them” (you’re writing it as if you were them) here you have them write out the perfect …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:07 PM
6

19 Must come on dates with me. ....kay As if he’d plan them...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 11:52 AM
19

Idk seems like you’re still blaming women? Men are the ones who got women to lower their standards so much. Don’t blame pickmes they often don’t know what they’re doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 11:42 AM
8

The not like other girls is really bad. There are ways to compliment your love of nature without pitting you against other women. For example: “I loved that you wrote about your garden.” We block at first red flag, so that we don’t encounter worse problems later on. No you’re not being too harsh at all. I’d block him too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 11:30 AM
5

In addition to all of these, like to do little pamper dates. I’ll run a bubble bath. Do a spa facemask. Light some candles. Paint my nails. Read an ebook in the bath. It’s really relaxing and comforting :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 07:05 PM
11

Even at my height of pickmeism I still let guys pay if they were offering. I doubt this numbskull is doing that and is instead taking advantage of the 50/50 culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 07:02 PM
60

“What tone?!” As if they can’t hear it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:59 PM
62

Saw this. Did a very similar thing. She said in the comments her parents started to turn around when they noticed all of their kids left home immediately just like she did. Fuck the patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:58 PM
13

Echoing that I too have been told this by a love-bomber before. Think about it they don’t really know you - they don’t really know all those things are true yet...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:54 PM
50

Truly intelligent people will talk about their interests and ideas rather than engaging in weird masturbatory conversations about their own intelligence. Yessss exactly! Also, love the phrase “masturbatory conversations about their own intelligence.” Lolol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 03:23 PM
5

Eh masks protect other people from you. I wish lvm had to wear masks so we could be protected from them. Seem they only wear masks to hide their (shit) personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 01:33 PM
2

This video really helped me get confidence. Watch at least the first 30 minutes. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk You need to block him on everything. And so talking to him 100%. Generally that first week is the hardest. Are you able to visit friends/family for that week or able to block him during a week where you can particularly distract yourself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 01:30 PM
9

Huh never thought about 6. Will keep that in the back of my mind now. Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 01:22 PM
17

There is a good exercise that I think you should try from the book: The Charisma Myth. For people who you know you’ll never get an apology from, but you still have to deal with them and/or their actions still weigh on you. What you do is you write out a letter “to them” (don’t actually send it to them) listing all the bad things they did, all the ways they mistreated you, etc. Next, you write a response “from them” (you’re writing it as if you were them) here you have them write out the perfect …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 04:02 AM
99

And new hair! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 03:51 AM
11

I was laughing until I realized that I’ve run into this too. What the heck?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:32 AM
24

These men would upgrade their women if they ever did actually get gold to dig. It’s entitlement. It’s wanting women they don’t have access to. It’s feeling entitled to those women, because they’re “nice.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:27 AM
31

I feel like it would be less cringeworthy to have his mom post this lol. I feel really bad for this girl. She must be pushing for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:21 AM
15

What exactly are your thoughts? What’s the emotion tied to them? Anger, disbelief, (false) hope, fantasizing? Different answers for the different thought processes... But also 12 years is a long time. I’m not surprised that you’re still not ready after a year. It took me that long on a 4 year relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:20 AM
3

Yes guys will wait that long. Guys who really want YOU. Guys who don’t actually want YOU won’t wait. Please read the handbook. Guys will have sex with anyone. Guys will only invest (time, emotions, energy, money, etc) in woman they want more than sex from. And so you’re constantly evaluating if the guy is just in it for sex or in it for YOU. Now you’ll still figure this out if you don’t want to wait. But most women find sex causes them to get attached - so waiting is a protection mechanism for t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:16 AM
12

It’s so easy for them to pretend for a day. Even for a month it’s stupid easy for them to pretend. That’s why fds recommends waiting 3 months. Even though I hate how long that it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:23 PM
3

Seriously, break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:13 PM
6

Depends on your definition of “strange.” I imagine the population that fits this criteria will be small. Small doesn’t equal strange. The worry with small populations is it can induce scarcity mindset. But if you’re content with knowing you may never find a man, then you’re already combating that issue. I would also be wary. I believe there are guys who are legit and don’t have social media (whether due to stringent jobs, privacy concerns, etc.) But there are also many who don’t have them for ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:09 PM
6

HVM are different for every woman. Because a true HVM is someone who adds value to your life. For example: I live in a big city and I like it. I see myself being here or in another big city for awhile. A man could be perfect in every way, he could take me out dancing, etc. But if he eventually wanted to move to a rural area, then he wouldn’t be hvm for me. But he could be an hvm for you. It’s the same as attraction - a man can be perfect on paper, but you just don’t have chemistry. Or he’s simpl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:54 PM
23

like dude, you're literally 30 and don't know how to turn on a washing machine, of course you shouldn't be trusted with a child. Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:16 PM
6

Thanks for the post. This is so sweet to hear!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:05 PM
5

Pretty much!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 03:56 AM
2

Wow this is great specific actionable advice. Thank you so much for writing this up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 08:08 PM
85

Did they need to take a poll to find that one out? (I know still important to document/measure “obvious things“ that “everyone knows”)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 08:03 PM
52

So painshopping won’t help. Don’t look at the guy’s Instagram. Don’t try to “figure out what it means.” (It means nothing he’s a loser who can’t be honest with people). This guy is just one of 7billion. You’ll find another guy that is better than him in every metric: looks, money, how he treats you, etc. Imagine what that new guy would look like every time you start fantasizing/worrying about this loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 08:00 PM
10

I love how when you paraphrase these things they just sound so ridiculous. Yet, dress it up in flowery language and lvms share without a second thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:40 PM
16

I love this comic. I can’t imagine how many women deal with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:25 PM
2

Ok, Kyle. Lmao. “Not all men” was one of those things that always bugged me, but I struggled to articulate why. And this insight REALLY adds to that. So thank you very much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:24 PM
173

Her dress and whole outfit was so cute! I hope she uses that outfit again and slays it as a single woman!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:15 PM
46

It’s so annoying how entitled they get about it too. And pretend the woman is the one in the wrong. They rationalize it as the woman should’ve known. Therefore she did know. Therefore she was taking advantage of him. And the reason the woman “should’ve known” is classic projection. They never do anything nice for people without it being transactional. So, they don’t understand that women frequently do “nice” things for their friends without any transactional reciprocity expected. And that’s why …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:13 PM
27

Huh you know I never thought about how “not all men” 🙄 was basically shifting equal responsibility to women...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:49 AM
9

Ahhh yes I guess this guy doesn’t believe in cancer either? It’s not like you get diagnosed, and then the doctors say to the pharmacist “1 chemotherapy pill please!” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:47 AM
11

Does he know what a unicorn actually is? Lol. Single women who want to engage in threesomes with a straight couple are ACTUALLY rare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:43 AM
17

I had no idea about the 100-300 calories difference for half the month. I had no idea about the potential for a 60% deficit in what you can lift for the latter part of your period. The PCOS stuff is insane - how are you supposed to eat anything if your bmr goes down that much? And I never thought about comparing week over week vs same week to week. Thank you so much for sharing this video!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 09:08 PM
27

How nice for you that you get to drink a six pack every night and eat pizza whenever you want and still have abs. 🙄 Yeah ever since this sub pointed that out to me I’ve been so resentful of lvms with trash bodies who expect perfect women. Like it took her twice the amount of work it would take you dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 09:02 PM
12

Huh you’re right. Sometimes it is harder to cut someone off than to forgive and “forget.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 08:29 PM
91

Seriously. This must be how men feel on the Internet. I’ve yet to run into a bad comment. It truly makes this space different and 1000x better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 12:24 PM
7

I probably use it way too much. It’s just such an easy way to translate: if he wanted to he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:35 AM
9

They’re very swift in deleting comments that go against the rules. The bots err on the side of caution so that we don’t deal with any verbal abuse. It’s what keeps this space awesome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:32 AM
59

Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from your husband. He will never be the husband you want. Better to be single and have a chance at meeting a better man than to stay with a man who is only bringing you down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:28 AM
4

I wonder what happens if you only respond to men who have a unique non-copypastable opener. Hey! How are you? Cute pictures, how’s your day? Pretty eyes, what’s going on etc Can all be sent to any woman on the planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:26 AM
5

Oooh I’m basically at the same spot you’re in. So here are my next ideas: Is it possible for you to start a business or a side hustle? Is it possible for you to do some virtual volunteering? Is it possible to do a free online course on a subject you’ve always been interested in? Is it possible to plan a little self care routine each day? Such as: today I’m going to paint my nails, tomorrow I’ll do a bubble bath, etc. Does your wardrobe need updating? Since no one is really seeing us right now, c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:21 AM
18

Ahhh classic tactic. Boundary testing and pretending you weren’t by saying that you were joking after a poor reaction from the woman. I predict more boundary testing in the future if you continue to talk with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:14 AM
8

Do you think he’d checkout on beyonce? Do you think he’d be condescending to beyonce? Do you think beyonce would take someone being condescending towards her? Find a man who treats you like you are his beyonce. The condescension is bad. Respect (or rather the lack of it) is the number one predictor of divorce. The orgasm issue is so so wrong. That alone is enough to throw him out. How much time are you spending on sex that you get nothing out of? How is he reciprocating that? Treat dating like b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:11 AM
29

Kickhimout2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:01 AM
14

Always call the police on a suicide attempt. Either they’re faking and they’ll learn quick not to do that again, or they need serious help which the police are equipped to handle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 02:59 AM
24

Yes exactly cracked the code! That’s exactly how I feel now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 02:55 AM
40

Welcome to the new normal lol. And all we’re asking for is the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 02:54 AM
12

This is great. Thank you for taking the time to write this up! Curious if you ever had issues with the seating arrangement? i.e. not by windows, away from door. In the US in nicer restaurants you don’t really get to choose where you sit. The hostess chooses for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 02:45 AM
488

He knows and he just doesn’t care. One of the saddest realizations from fds: he knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:57 PM
27

Lmao “why is my human dildo treating me better...” Good for you getting your needs met when you were emotionally unavailable!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:52 PM
18

It explains so much of men’s behavior. It was one of the first things I was able to spot even before fds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:46 PM
51

Yep yep yep yep. Once I connected the dots from this sub there was no going back. This sub helped me realize it’s better to be single and have a chance at an hvm, than to settle with an lvm and have a 0% chance to attain a hvm. And ever since then I just cannot with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:44 PM
4

Thank you for such a well thought out comment. That gives me a lot to think about. I never connected the dots that this was a common mom theme. And it probably does come from the women who sacrificed their identity, but feel unappreciated. The weird thing is if you asked my mom she’d say she always wanted to be a stay at home mom and loved her job (job of being sahm). However, now that most of the kids are out of the house she’s working on her degree & another hobby. And she seems a lot better..…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:38 PM
4

The pickme brainwashing that still hasn’t gone away: “Hit send! Hit send! I hope he’s still available!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:32 PM
5

Hmm my mom is in this picture and I don’t like it. Although I don’t think she’s really a narcissist. I think she’s just a passive aggressive martyr.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 10:26 PM
1

Thank you. Can’t wait to see it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 09:57 PM
3

So happy to hear that worked! What a dumbass - we’re all laughing at him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 09:26 PM
3

Lol ship that is amazing. I can’t imagine it actually working though. It would be fun to do for someone else initially, but for like a day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 09:24 PM
3

Excuse my naïveté. I apologize, I see why no contact is very important now. I’m glad you possibly have leverage with his mother. Not sure exactly how abusive this guy is, but you might want to go to the mom now. That way it’s before he’s able to create a story that you’re “just a crazy ex and anything she says can’t be trusted.” I know there are some moms who are smart. However, she may not believe you if he lies to her before you contact her. Try to give as little info to this man as possible s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 09:07 PM
6

Are you able to shame him into it via someone he respects? i.e. if you tell his mom/sister/cousin/etc. will she get him to sign it? Cause then it’s tattletale time. If not then: Just pretend, just lie. No contact is good for protecting your energy. But if you’re spending all this time worrying about the lease, the no contact is pointless. How long is left on the lease? Let’s say 6 months for example. Okay so you arrange the call. He will probably play some tricks here. Giving you weird availabil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:11 PM
7

Do you ever get worried that if you pullback and match energies, you'll have very few friends? This will give you more time to meet new friends who will match your energy. because I personally don't care if I have few friends, but other people like my family or roommates from the past use the fact that I don't have many friends to jab me. So I feel extra motivated to do a lot of heavy lifting to keep people around even when I don't really care about them. If you didn’t care then you wouldn’t do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 05:45 PM
4

This humor is shamelessly stolen from this post btw: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ev8r74/enough_said/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:18 PM
14

They all start out super infatuated with me (with THAT look in their eyes and everything, being angelic in general) This sounds like a form of love-bombing. Is it possible that maybe you tend select men that show huge interest early on? Is it possible that you’re biased against men that take a more even-keeled approach? Maybe you tend to think men who don’t start out strong aren’t interested. And therefore you don’t reciprocate their interest? Because if these men still aren’t in relationships t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:11 PM
13

Take me on dates. Listening to me. It’s probs why I stayed so long, I had a scarcity mindset. I thought ‘well at least he’s pretty tidy & clean, cooks regularly, and is a well rounded adult. So I can’t break up with him. I’ll never find anyone better.’ 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:59 AM
2

Yeah I think quarantine amplifies this feeling times 1000x. You’re intuition is good that you shouldn’t meet new guys. But if you’re able to meet up with friends you should. It’s especially hard when you’re alone with your thoughts to not think about the breakup. On the other hand you can take this quarantine time as a great opportunity to work on yourself and level up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:56 AM
30

“I know he meant no harm” okay sureeee, but it’s still pretty harmful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:42 AM
21

EQ of a banana lol. Bananas are insulted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 01:27 AM
38

Someone put it this way to me once. I’ve interned at a job before and got $0 pay. That’s no excuse for that same employer I interned with, upon hiring me full time, to still pay me $0. And it’s no excuse for any future employer to pay me $0. Your standards are allowed to change even mid relationship. Imagine you found out your company was paying your male colleague double for the exact same work you did. Would you just shrug your shoulders? Would you just say well I’ve been working @ $X salary s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 01:04 AM
7

Huh this seems like a lot of emotions for casual. Make sure you’re not doing too much emotional work, nor investing too much emotionally if you want to stay casual. A lot of things in life are all about timing. Covid sucks and it’s not an excuse - he literally can’t go over. But does that matter if the end result is that he’s still not there? Sometimes the timing isn’t right in life and it is what it is. The other thing to me is he says 5 years in the US. So that means 5 years of being his gf? A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 12:55 AM
8

I agree. I think it’s because the Internet really helps with this. Communities like this can be your lifeline when you’re surrounded by pickmes. Media content used to solely come from top-down. Now anyone can generate it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 11:40 PM
14

I think it’s really nice that you made another thread to discuss this. And absolutely they do exist, it sucks. Yes perfect/textbook therapist are able to be completely neutral and still help you. They are able to stay impartial by asking questions rather than stating opinions. But this is the real world even well meaning therapists: make mistakes, lean back on their biased value systems, and can be unhelpful. That’s why it’s really important to therapist shop until you find one that jives with y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 10:21 PM
23

Yes always rubbed me the wrong way when my ex-lvm would say “you look better without make up.” Which he genuinely meant as a compliment 🙄 I would think in my head ‘I’m pretty sure you can’t tell the difference between make-up and a no-make-up-make-up look....’ But I could never verbalize why it annoyed me so much. So glad to be rid of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 10:02 PM
13

It sounds like you feel like you’re competing with the other women. Am hvm in a relationship wouldn’t even look twice if beyonce showed up in front of him naked. An lvm doesn’t care about his relationship and will take the flimsiest excuse to cheat. You can’t control whether or not a man cheats, you can only control your reaction. Whether a man cheats or not has no bearing on your value - even beyonce got cheated on. And beyonce is amazing. You can be the most amazing woman in the world and stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:57 PM
16

It sounds like a form of scarcity mindset. You seem to think that this kind of behavior isn’t just rare, it’s so rare that it doesn’t really exist. So you don’t believe it when it’s right in front of you. I get that it’s a pretty powerful feeling, and therefore difficult to let go. Best advice I have is that you should embrace abundance mentality. And not just with men. Make your whole life fuller, richer, better. This way it doesn’t feel like he’s doing something “amazing” when he exercises pat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:39 PM
41

Honestly I always wanted to be, but was worried. What if I get with someone with all of my make up on and then they see me without it and think I’m ugly! Not realizing this is also a line used by really shallow guys. The lies go deep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:26 PM
19

Lmao queen move. You know I never thought about forcing that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:07 PM
79

Ahhh yes I remember my pickme days when I believed men who said they liked low-maintenance women. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:04 PM
54

This ain’t build a b*tch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 08:55 PM
8

Yes even post vaccine I’m still going to hold off for a few months. I don’t need to fall for any man’s desperation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 08:53 PM
18

I know! Whenever I forget and then remember her I go binge all her posts. So cathartic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:44 PM
5

Nah google photos is a way for people to share photos. Can even make it private. Quality gets heavily diminished when using texting. So non-iphone users typically will share links of photos via google photos instead of texting the photo. Idk why he shared what medium though? Like why not just say texted? Maybe he wants to seem like it wasn’t that bad, because it wasn’t Snapchat? I found that whole line so bizarre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:40 PM
55

Wait so he contacted you on another app? We really need to make a cute little checklist of all the main social medias. Make it easier to go scorched earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:31 PM
12

🙋‍♀️ I was that pickme. Although tbf it wasn’t a good relationship, one of those momentum relationships. 🤦‍♀️ So I’m glad he didn’t propose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:28 PM
97

Epic burn lol. Let me translate how he’ll read that: “oh a reaction good! Okay so she’s angry, let me see if I can still manipulate her into hanging on my every word. I think an apology next will maybe confuse her into thinking I’ve changed.” I know it’s hard not to hit the send button. Thanks for sharing with us though. I got a good laugh out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:25 PM
57

You don’t want to be begging for a ring. You don’t want to be a forever gf. Compromises will lead to you being strung along as a forever gf. First it’s “I need 3 years,” then it’s “I need to save for the ring,” then it’s “I need to get a house first,” then it’s: “I’m sorry work is just so crazy right now,” then it’s: “well you know so and so just got a divorce, now is not a good time,” etc. If he had a shot with beyonce do you think he’d wait 3 years to put a ring on her finger? He wouldn’t wait…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 06:27 PM
62

It’s so funny, because I was just ready to be emotionally available and start dating again. And then corona happened. I see it as a sign from the universe and have enjoyed using this time to work on me and leveling up instead!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 05:21 PM
17

Oh of course that makes more sense. Love all the inspiration!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 12:21 PM
106

It is amazing how fast you’re able to turn these around!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 12:16 PM
14

Yeah I’m sure that’s the only reason you lost the “perfect“ gf...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 11:22 AM
10

r/iamverysmart
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 11:11 AM
6

Hahaha spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 02:04 AM
6

Lolol I love the thought of you just sitting there trying to figure out the puzzle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 12:16 AM
8

I was stuck in this place for a little bit. Don’t have much advice other than just do what you have to do to survive. Are there creative ways for you to get the things you want without spending money? Such as clothing swaps, or offering to do a friends make-up in exchange for them getting you a sephora gift card, selling old items on craigslist/ebay for spare cash. Are you able to focus on the business idea? Lots of prep work doesn’t require money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 12:14 AM
6

Thanks for the advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 12:02 AM
3

Ahhh well I’m glad you can vent. And you know I should’ve figured that of course you’ve already thought of these things! You don’t sound like you’re making excuses. You sound like you’re trying to find the solution to a sticky problem. Keep at it I love the tenacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:58 PM
45

Questioning standards. Done. Next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:51 PM
68

Clearly not overly competitive about his hing profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:49 PM
4

Oh right that’s gotta be rough being in a new area and not being able to make friends there yet. I actually think when you’re missing something is the worst time to date. When I have done that, sure I got what I wanted via the guy. But that made me super attached, which made me clingy, which made me pickme. All because I wanted that (car/money/emotional support) I was missing. Are your friends back home still under restrictions? It can be easier to do virtual bookclubs, or other virtual meetings…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:46 PM
8

Ugh yes I forgot about that aspect of dating women. How some women will just hide the dude. For some reason it hurts worse than when men do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:37 PM
8

Even getting to know someone virtually right now I feel like wouldn’t be worth it. It’s hard to assess chemistry in person even with FaceTime. I would use this time to work on leveling up. Ideas include more self-care, starting a business, working remote side-hustles, reading more books, organizing your apartment, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:32 PM
21

Wow and then the pyrotechnics. Epic. I used to be the pickme who wanted to propose. And it was mainly so I could plan something as awesome as this for myself. But also because the planning for something like this sounds kinda fun. But nah if a man wants me he’s gonna have to prove it. Hope he proves it with fire like this guy did 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:28 PM
37

Hmmm a few things: Dating men is pretty easy. Weeding them out is a bit more difficult. But if I just went through life without thinking about dating ever again, I’d still get asked out a lot by men. Some of them even attractive lol. I find I have to pursue with women. Which I actually like, because I like being in control. On the other hand I find it hard to meet other queer women. My family wouldn’t be accepting of my dating a woman. I’m not sure I want my partner to experience that/feel like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:25 PM
33

I haven’t gone there yet, but I’m getting close.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:52 PM
6

She'll often expose me as queer around people I don't know and tell people stories about my dating/sex life without my consent No. Do not put up with this. Run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:34 PM
11

Feel free to stand up for yourself when you feel safe. Checking people is a great way to deal with these comments. If I were you I would come up with zingers to use for the most common comments so you’re not trying to think of them in the moment. Keep in mind that the first couple times you try this you might not feel very confident and it might not come off as you’re expecting. However, as you get practice you’ll become queen level at this. So let’s see: you and your boyfriend look like a daddy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:30 PM
13

I just don’t get what these would have to do with adhd except for maybe the texting. Even if that explains point 4 just because it’s a new diagnosis and he might get better doesn’t mean you should risk wasting your time waiting for him to figure out how to manage it. And that would still leave points 1-3 unexplained. Here are my initial thoughts. We don't exchange "I love you". Ever. Not once. This is weird... none of the stuff you wrote afterward matters. He’s 50 so he should know by now this i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:15 PM
5

Hvm understand it is a risk for women to deal with unknown men. They know we look them up. Hvm are not scared we background check them, because their backgrounds are clean. If you’re having trouble finding him online then find a classy way to bring it up. Don’t ask in the first message: what’s your last name and give me your socials. That’s going to put even hvm off. But you can ask straight up after establishing a bit of a rapport. Especially before the the first date you can just mention it li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:50 PM
37

This is a good point! It's easy in that situation to try be nice and keep chit chatting until they get the message and ready to leave but men would never do anything to be polite/considerate if they had zero attraction to us so we need to learn to be clear with what we want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 07:11 PM
20

I’ve just stopped listening to labels unless they’re positive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:26 PM
77

“Remember” you just left the stove/curling iron/iron/air conditioning on and you need to leave RIGHT NOW to turn it off. I think the harder thing is getting used to leaving middate. It can be easy to brush things off in the moment, think well I can sit through the meal, it can’t be that bad, it will feel weird to leave now, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:24 PM
17

Nah still just as bad. Idk how to handle that in the future. I guess just laugh at the audacity and then leave immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:18 PM
20

Hahaha omg the audacity. “Well you have a credit card.” What a jerk. Glad you handled it like a queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:16 PM
19

2.5 years and counting. I love being single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:11 PM
21

It’s gotta be especially bad right now due to lockdowns - I can’t imagine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:07 PM
37

Fyi polls can be answered by anyone. Including the nvm that lurk here. So probably best to read the comments and disregard what the poll says. What does your gut say? Other rhetorical questions to consider: If he knows he occasionally has to pull overtime during the week why didn’t he schedule the date for the weekend? Also, how does he handle other commitments during the week if he just randomly has to work overtime? If he had a chance with beyonce do you think he would’ve canceled on their fir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:06 PM
4

Shera made a great video about this. It gave me a blueprint and it works! Watch at least the first 30 minutes. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 05:59 PM
4

I think you just kind of have to embrace the awkwardness. An hvm knows women have to put up with a lot of shit. They won’t mind being background checked, because their background is good. They won’t mind a woman taking extra steps to ensure her safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 05:02 PM
71

Omg what?!? That looks so good!!! You are a queen! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:15 PM
57

You’re right that’s even more cheap - counting out your portion!! It’s so sad too, because had you known you were gonna pay for yourself you coulda just ordered the steak. Also, this was a really valuable lesson to me to not ignore red flags. I need to remember if I get to the point where I feel like I can’t order the menu item I want I should just bail on the date right then. It ain’t gonna get better. Thanks for sharing your story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:13 PM
1

Lmao not working out as much as he wanted you to. The audacity! It knows no bounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 03:24 PM
25

Do you have a non-cringey way if asking this? Just feel like any script I come up with would sound tactless. I don’t care about the “teaching” for the next girl. In fact I don’t think this will teach many men anything. The ones who aren’t paying are entitled and they might pay for you, but they’ll be right back at trying to do it with other women. Had op asked we know this lvm would’ve said “no I never pay.” When op would’ve blocked and deleted, the lvm wouldn’t have changed he would’ve just com…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 03:22 PM
170

Omg that sounds like a disaster. Hopefully one day you’ll be able to look back at this and laugh. All of your observations are spot on. He’s probably so adamant about splitting the check, because he never gets to date 2 with anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:30 PM
6

Can’t even show it in the box or on a nice surface. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:05 PM
4

My only thoughts on this are see what he says about what he would do for his parents. I.e. “I would never let my mom be put in a nursing home, etc.” = good vs. “I hope my parents saved up enough in retirement to pay for the increasing medical costs seniors are incurring these days.” = bad. Does he seem to be a “fair weather fan” with people he should be loyal to (family). Has he been there for his siblings and/or close friends when they were going through tough times? But yeah really hard to spo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:02 PM
20

They can be, but I got mine for sub $200. Especially if they’re watching in pitch black at night a cheap one probably works fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:44 PM
6

Hey don’t compare! You’re doing great. Progress is progress you got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:35 PM
3

I dealt with this pre-fds except idc so I just was like “no I don’t text at work.” But because it was pre-fds I ended up sharing an insecurity of mine and when he got fed up that I wasn’t texting him incessantly throughout the day he used that insecurity when breaking it off. It was easy to recognize it for the “sour grapes” comment that it was, but I was still appalled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:29 PM
111

For me the answer to this has been to level up. I noticed the guys I got hung up on generally had something in their life I envied and thought I could get through them. Examples include: living in a better neighborhood, higher salary, dream job, better car, emotional support, etc. While it’s technically true that if I dated them I would then have access to those things it is completely dependent on dating them. In working to make my life 100% on my own I’ve noticed I don’t fall as easily because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:24 PM
9

Omg I never thought about this. This is why women learn to refrain from complimenting men unnecessarily, because it is deliberately misconstrued as interest. Fds helped me see the bumbling man stereotype. And the fact that men can figure out how to exceed in their jobs, but the dishwasher remains a mystery to them. All deliberate. And now there’s one more behavior to add to the list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:00 PM
3

Yeah I knew intuitively it wasn’t good for me to share these things right off the bat. But pre-fds I didn’t realize how bad of a spot this put me in and I also thought that after a few months it would be okay to open up about. Now my lips are sealed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:45 PM
9

Same!!! I was able to hold out being single for longer because I’m younger, but I figured I’d eventually just have to settle for an LVM. No more settling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:42 PM
8

“Horrible” lmao you gave him the courtesy of saying “no thank you” before blocking him. If anything you were too nice. Beware about telling anymore dating stories to that friend. Our friends shouldn’t make us question our standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:34 PM
8

Eh they may have had a late start in life. They may have wanted to pay off student loans and get more financially stable before settling down. As long as he wasn’t forever-girlfriending another woman and/or wasn’t just hooking up all throughout those years, but actually just working on himself then it could be fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:25 PM
16

Lol didn’t even try to hide it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:17 PM
29

Eh your standards are your standards. Let’s see for me: Relationships over 1.5yrs with women in the past that went nowhere. Not ambitious at his job/in life. Doesn’t have at least 3 hobbies. Doesn’t take care of his body. Talks badly about his mom/other women. Calls any woman a “b&&ch” it’s one thing to use the word if you’re quoting a movie or saying a phrase like “son of a b&&ch” or “he bi&&ch-slapped me.” But if he calls other women b&&ches it won’t be too long before he calls you one. Refers…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:15 PM
19

I mean do you want them to be exactly like you? Some blonds like brunettes - just because the partner is not the same doesn’t mean they’re settling. Some fit people like non-active partners. Some ambitious people like non-ambitious partners. There can be benefits to this such as agreeing that the more ambitious person’s career will take precedence, you will both move for it, possibly take on more hours/the less ambitious partner take on less hours to help with the home, etc. But if you want some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 05:03 PM
12

It’s even funnier if her hair is straight. That way he knows it’s an excuse. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:37 PM
10

Not at all, please go ahead! I’ve never created a pattern so would love to piggyback off someone else’s. There is no shortage of creative phrases I hear from this sub on the daily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:36 PM
54

“If he wanted to he would.” I’m considering making a pattern for this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:18 PM
14

Hey you’re not stupid! Next time don’t ask if he wants to hangout. Always use the word “date” and if the guy doesn’t use the word “date” then that’s a red flag. Hope you’ve blocked him and moved on. You’ll find someone hotter who respects you more. Hang in there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:16 PM
8

Ah so you know their intention is def more pickme, that’s too bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:11 PM
4

100% Guess I finally had a moment where I forgot about men. Gonna ride that accomplishment all week lmao. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:06 PM
15

Next time @ that 7:30 mark. “Omg I just forgot I left my curling iron on. Gotta go bye!” I know I know hindsight is 20/20. What a jerk. Probs didn’t even get ready until you sent that text.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:56 PM
8

It looks like there may be ways to do that depending on the medium you’re using (desktop/mobile browser/app). It seems complicated but it may be worth it to switch mediums and/or sit down for 15 minutes and see if you can figure it out. https://www.reddit.com/r/modhelp/comments/czx9so/filtering_by_flair_a_guide_for_desktop_old_and/ Good luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:54 PM
38

Eh she didn’t say “be fwbs” or “do sleepovers” or other code words for sex. It sounds like she just wants dates without it progressing to that bf/gf stage. I wanted that when I was younger, but I didn’t think it existed sadly. It wasn’t that I thought I wasn’t worthy of a relationship it’s that I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:46 PM
12

The woman who got strangled can’t even see that bright future. The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:41 PM
7

Yes I hate the lying. The needing to interpret everything and trust nothing. Gets old real fast. And I feel you on the struggle to multi-date. Hang in there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:32 PM
76

You would think they would have a rule that third person be a woman... Strongly encourage you to look @ r/exmormon Notice how all the mormon women in this thread are defending the church by saying the rule would work great if they had just left with the extra man. Mormonism is highly patriarchal and frankly not good for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 06:49 AM
23

Lmao “I know of 7 people who have died from covid, but I have no empathy - soooo wanna get coffee?!?” Also you just know if he’s asking you to coffee even after all that, he’s asking 7 other women if they want to get coffee. Social distancing is just a suggestion to this man. Also @ 7 people (a lot of them family) you have to wonder if he played an impact in any of that i.e. flaunted the social distancing guidelines, became asymptomatic, and passed it on to people with weaker immune systems.... …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 01:29 AM
19

I feel like that’s so tactless. I guess I’d ask him if it’s a theme for him to be so tactless. “Oh are you the kind of person who asks how much someone spends on rent when you visit their apartment?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 01:18 AM
11

Dk if you saw r/femalelevelupstrategy but if not check it out! You’re on the right track!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:37 AM
5

Oh that’s a good idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:31 AM
23

Queen response
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:26 AM
8

Omg yes I was thinking the same thing I wish we could normalize UVM on this sub for men we haven’t known long enough, but haven’t exhibited any lvm/nvm traits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:13 AM
32

I don’t mind the high value traits/green flag pointing out. We have to have a way of communicating (and even bragging) when a guy is doing something good. It helps the pickmes realize the traits are expected and that there are guys in real life who exhibit those traits. As long as the post isn’t: he bought me flowers but then did ‘insert awful thing here’ I think it benefits our community. And I’d much rather see: “he sent me a gift certificate for a spa day and hasn’t shown any red flags but dk…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:09 AM
26

And then when it is that super violent act of murder and/or whatever these idiots think is a “justifiable level of violence,” they then turn it around. How did she not see that coming? Why didn’t she leave earlier? Didn’t she see the red flags? I’d never let my sister/mother/daughter put up with that. Edit: typo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:02 AM
56

he couldn't know because men are only fucking stupid when it benefits them to be Too accurate. Once fds pointed this out to me I couldn’t unsee it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 11:58 PM
37

I’d rather be alone, than be with people who make me feel alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 11:57 PM
6

I think we need to normalize love being conditional. Yes 100%!! And yeah I love how the greeks broke out love. I guess it’s just very jarring growing up for decades under the belief that: love = unconditional support & unconditional commitment. Then realizing it basically just means fondness for how you are now. Luckily my parents did always drive home “you should be attracted to your partner.” But I hate how our culture generally shits on women for “being shallow” yet just gives men a pass “bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 11:54 PM
3

I like what you wrote. Damn the culture I grew up in really sold me a lie. And I despise hollywood even more now...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 10:55 PM
61

“It’s the only explanation I can think of.” 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:36 PM
10

What a queen response: “oh, I didn't see that you weren't on tinder" You rock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:34 PM
2

Thank you for your comment! Idk maybe I’m just still in a state of shock thinking “that’s it...? That’s all there is to it...?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:03 PM
3

He’s probably ~twice her size yet they’re both served the same size portion. Would proudly be mad if she ordered something but then only ate half of it too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 07:32 PM
2

Lololol. The way this previewed on the mobile the last line was “ah geez nevermind”🙄 I spat out my coffee when I saw there was more and the next line was “we can plan together” 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 07:08 PM
6

It was hard to let go of having my trauma linked to my identity. I was really proud of how I handled it and it was a really tough thing to go through. So it felt like if I didn’t mention it, if I didn’t hold onto it then all that work went unrecognized. It just didn’t seem fair. Why did I have to go through hard shit and yet pretend that I’m as happy go lucky as someone who didn’t go through it. But yeah once I let go - then my identity could become about me and furthering my goals. And now I’m …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 06:36 PM
6

Lol @ the phrase “kingdom of red flags.” Was in a similar situation with a long term bf. I did get the courage to break up with him pre-fds - but had so much uncertainty about it and how to prevent it going forward. Just knew it wasn’t right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 06:14 PM
19

He’s right it does “seam” like shame to break up what sounds like good home for the child over sex. That’s why the man should just forego bjs for the rest of his life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 06:00 PM
16

This might sound dumb. But what is love? Is it really just extreme fondness of another human being? I was sold the lie of unconditional love growing up. So I thought love was sticking through anything together thick or thin, no matter what. But now I don’t think that’s right. Everyone should have their standards and even if you love/loved someone you can’t tolerate disrespect. But then what’s the point of saying “I love you”? I mean I guess it’s quicker than “I really really like you” or “I have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 05:57 PM
24

You gave him a blueprint he could’ve followed and pretended for a date. But no this low level loser can’t even pretend to be interested for the 1st date. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 05:45 PM
40

Yeah it’s my biggest pet peeve
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 05:31 PM
6

Oh I don’t care about validation from men lol. In fact I think it works to my advantage I feel like I don’t get the usual amount of bs that most women have to put up with. The rbf comment has mostly come from women. Mainly when I’m trying to form friendship they say I didn’t seem friendly/seemed almost mad at first. Which I don’t take to heart, idc 😂, but if it’s affecting my ability to make new friends then I think it might be something worth taking into consideration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 05:18 PM
76

How many messages in and he wants to jump to cuddling?!? At a stranger’s house?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:49 AM
36

Ahhh yes projection at its finest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:47 AM
7

Dinner at a restaurant where he has to wear a suit. He’s prompt. He’s not pushy, he doesn’t try to create false intimacy, he doesn’t try to get me to extend the date. We have good conversation that is reciprocal. He has manners and is charming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:46 AM
127

“Proposal shaming” ? Poor woman really needs some fds. And that guy totally knew what he was doing. He wanted to see how invested she was and how much it would hurt her. He wanted to see how low her self esteem is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:40 AM
5

Yeah you should stop dating and work on your self confidence. This video by Shera (mentioned in the sidebar) gives a great blueprint on how to do that. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk Guys will sense your lack of self confidence and even if they’re not manipulative they’ll begin to think you really aren’t worth it if that’s how you’re treating yourself. And then they’ll stop putting in effort until it turns into disrespect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:36 AM
34

You should build your self-confidence. Shera has a great video on this that gives you a perfect blueprint. Watch the first 30 minutes at least. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:29 AM
12

Omg yes I’d be super interested in a longer post. Already this is super valuable advice. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:12 AM
15

Yeah once I heard that it became my new standard too. Guys will go to all lengths to get/keep their dream girl. It’s a more concrete and easy way to understand and internalize the fact that: if he wanted to he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:57 AM
14

If I don’t get date/time/place, it’s nothing, and doesn’t even go on my calendar. This is a good rule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:51 AM
1

You should post this to r/femalelevelupstrategy as well. Nice going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:47 AM
15

I’ve met someone who was 3-8. Was hard for me to spot, because I’m so used to 1,2,9 being the giveaways for that personality type.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:44 AM
21

Ugh forgot how annoying it was to read threads like that when men are allowed to comment. Thank goodness for fds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:41 AM
5

Nice level up sis! Had a very similar experience except luckily I don’t think he’ll pop back up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:29 AM
35

Idk do you think if he matched with beyonce he wouldn’t text her all day because he was busy “running around after work?” It’s one thing if he would’ve had to postpone and gave you a heads up. Also interesting that he’s not apologetic until after you call him out. If he had truly forgotten he would’ve been apologetic as soon as he realized he’d forgotten. I think this was a shit test to see if you’re the type who would wait by the phone for him. Either way trust your intuition!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:26 AM
122

She looks really good! I love how she owned it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:50 PM
90

Huh never thought about that dichotomy. We’re punished for showing emotion and not showing emotion. It actually took one of my guy friends pointing out that rbf is overblown and that I probably don’t have it. And that the commentary I’ve gotten on it from mainly other women is likely just people projecting. Thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:47 PM
6

He can't look like a literal toenail AND be trash. Hahahahaha oh the audacity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:36 PM
17

100% this man is going 50:50 with her and would expect her to pay for everything related to becoming “more anime like.” A new wardrobe, makeup, hair, shoes, etc cost money. But even more expensive would be the time she’d have to spend on it. And I can guarantee that achieving a Henry cavil look would be cheaper: gym, haircuts, and protein powder don’t cost that much dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:19 PM
15

Brilliant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:08 PM
13

Shera (youtuber mentioned in the sidebar) talks about how to make this happen. In general I think you have to be very social and out where you can meet new different people a lot. I haven’t used online dating for men and yet still have dated plenty of men. Nothing post fds though, because I discovered it just before quarantine. I think the only hard thing to do would be to meet multiple men to date at the same time organically. So idk how I’ll handle that when quarantine stops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 08:47 PM
57

Lol at least her wish was more realistic. I bet in addition to having this unrealistic wish he also expects her to spend for all the things it would require to look “more anime.” A new wardrobe, hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and most importantly her time are not cheap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 08:35 PM
5

Hahaha dead. Can only imagine the next justifications that were coming out of his mouth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:52 PM
4

Aww I’m sorry to hear that, I’m glad you got out. Hoping you’re doing much better now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:50 PM
6

I’ve heard it pronounced as pick-me-sha Think it comes from the word: geisha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:13 PM
10

That is an epic line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:09 PM
16

Omg you actually said it. Amazing!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:43 PM
3

“Don’t let you boyfriend keep you from your husband.” As in if she’s tied up with this guy (even if she broke up tomorrow she’d need a month or more of being single again) she’s not going on dates where she could meet her Mr. Perfect. Introduce some FOMO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:28 PM
19

That’s straight up disrespect. I have luckily had no such bad experiences. I think I’d just go grab a drink at another restaurant bar then. No use wasting my outfit+ prep when I have the time blocked anyways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:25 PM
3

Omg I want more details did the therapy help you? What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:08 PM
4

Yeah I used to have such FOMO with this stuff. Like what if that one red flag was really just him having an off day, and everything else really is perfect?!?? And then I’m missing out on the perfect guy, because I’m too judgmental!! Now I know - no silly that’s the just the first red flag you caught outta the corner of your rose colored glasses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:07 PM
3

I’m glad your therapist has your back that’s so important! And good for you leveling up your standards and boundaries - it’s hard work but so rewarding!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:04 PM
90

You shouldn’t compare yourself to other women. It has everything to do with the men being jerks and nothing to do with the women. Think about beyonce - if you ask people they will generally say she is objectively pretty. But if you ask men how hot she is you’ll get variations in response spanning the gamut. Some men will say - hottest person on earth, I can think of no one hotter if she had me I’d wife her in a minute. Other men will say she’s hot I’m interested but there are other celebrities I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 05:59 PM
8

Actually I’m kinda glad I thought up something so ridiculous. Because thinking I’d need to resort to something so pathetic made me really reevaluate whether I was the one with the communication issue. I’m sure there were loads of other times I communicated something clearly and he didn’t listen. But because he had me believing so hard that I was a bad communicator I just assumed it was a me problem and I needed to try harder, etc. I didn’t question it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 04:53 PM
11

Part of the upward spiral you can create for yourself. Also I love your username!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 03:31 PM
2

It’s a great cross stitch idea if you’re into that and need a new quarantine project.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 03:04 PM
2

Maybe you could help them meet good men in real life? They need to get an abundance mindset and they also need to not be desperate for marriage/have a specific marriage timeline (ie I NEED TO GET MARRIED BEFORE 30). Also stories of how you or others have rejected multitudes of men before finding a good one. Helping them reach the conclusion of: I never would’ve found the guy I did had I settled for a relationship with one of the previous losers I rejected. Helping them internalize “don’t let you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 03:03 PM
44

Just goes to show men will put in unceasing effort for girls they actually are into. Also gross at the straight up disrespect of her boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:44 PM
32

Also there’s a reason diamonds are used because they’re tough and will still shine and be unscratched after DECADES of daily wear. It’s called an investment. But I can see why an LVM who knows a girl will divorce his dumb ass before they get to the decade marker doesn’t want to invest in a high quality ring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:52 AM
7

He wishes lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:48 AM
14

I've been talking /seeing this guy for a while and although we never had that talk that we were exclusive it would be assumed we were a couple at an outsiders point of view. I hope you were still seeing other people. The last two or three dates we've organised, they haven't happened. It gets planned but it falls through because he has work or something came up etc etc etc..... “We’ve organized?” If he hasn’t asked for exclusivity he should be planning them and you saying yes/no. And if he wanted…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:46 AM
19

Yeah fds pretty much ruined hollywood for me. And also a lot of relationship ideals I had been taught. Simultaneously, fds explained why I was the way I was, why I believed the lies I did. Because I’d been fed those lies my whole life! I swear I look at things and it’s black and white how I viewed them pre-fds and post-fds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:37 AM
2

Aww big hug! That must’ve been so hard to deal with blind (without fds). Kudos to you on getting out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:33 AM
2

:) You’re welcome! Sticking around and reading the handbook will make all of this instinct for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:27 AM
23

And people wonder why I never wanted kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:20 AM
2

Oh boy that link you added. Cathartic and infuriating at the same time. Have been gaslighted with the “you’re so bad at communicating“ line before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:03 AM
5

Omg watch sheras videos on this they literally changed my life. She gives you the exact blueprint to acquire self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel like whenever these terms were talked about before no one could explain them accurately or give a good step by step guide on how to get it. Ironically I practiced gray rock before knowing what it was AND when my self-esteem and self-confidence were at all time lows because that’s how badly I was being treated. I still knew it was unacceptable and it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 01:06 AM
5

Ha that’s a much better summary. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 12:50 AM
55

Also if you’re bad at spotting red flags or one of those people who is very forgiving then the first red flag you notice is likely not the first red flag the guy actually gave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 12:44 AM
5

Yes the benefits do compound. It’s an upward spiral!! And tbh I hate the term “gray rocking“ but it’s nice to have a word for the method.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 12:39 AM
21

I will summarize below, but you should read the handbook. If a man had a chance with beyonce do you think he would need beyonce to explain how to be a good boyfriend. How to take her on a proper date. Do you think he would give bare minimum effort to her and then blame his narcissistic parents. The answer is an emphatic no. If a man had a chance with beyonce he’d be googling “how to be a good boyfriend” he’d be googling “michelin star restaurants near me” he would be googling “is it too soon to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 12:35 AM
233

Notice how he’s starting with language to make it seem like he’s on the moral high ground “I don’t want to be rude, I don’t want to ghost you...” Also lol @ “if (probably when...) things don’t work...” translation: ‘after I pump and dump the girl I’m currently on’ and/or ‘after she’s not pichmeisha enough for me.’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 12:01 AM
2

But now he makes me feel bad and kept saying its me who doesn’t make time for us that I didn’t even care to reply or answer his calls. That’s manipulative. Don’t feel guilty in doing what you need to do to protect yourself, to put yourself first. That’s self esteem. Don’t feel guilty for not falling for a manipulator’s tactics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 09:49 PM
38

Lol cause it’s not about the pictures. It never is. It’s all about the power play.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 09:11 PM
22

Yup yup yup it’s gotten so much easier to gray rock ever since I found my self esteem and self confidence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 09:09 PM
8

Hahaha love your conclusion. “But look at him now being a typical lvm.” Yeah tbf I used to be a pick me so I’m sure I used to give bad advice (and took some bad advice too). I think that’s why I couldn’t save myself until fds. It’s so easy to think you’re the one that’s wrong and to become even more of a pickme when everyone you know is a pickme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:39 PM
13

I know right it’s such a cringy word and it also implies he gets a space to retreat to but the woman doesn’t. And that they would be so separate in their interests that they couldn’t just have a general hobby/extra space room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:24 PM
3

Man this is the perfect comment. Thank you for typing this out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 10:48 AM
5

Hahahahaha this is great motivation to pick up another language!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 10:45 AM
283

If he wanted to he would. One of the hardest pieces of advice for me to take from this sub. Because I didn’t want to believe it so badly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 10:44 AM
17

Be careful with going to that best friend for dating advice in the future. I’m sure she means well. But bad advice that’s well meaning is still bad advice. You may be smart enough now to recognize that you should listen to your gut over her. But what happens when you’re in a more vulnerable/unsure state and she says “just give them a chance...?” Something to think about. Also you handled yourself so well! The not texting for 2-3 days is insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 10:42 AM
5

That was lovebombing and it was deliberate by him. Either the friend said they would tell you so he told you before the friend could get to you or there was no friend. Either way this wasn’t done from a place of honesty. If he felt like it wasn’t appropriate to bring up earlier then he wouldn’t have used the friend excuse. He knows it was unacceptable to hide - he was just hoping you were invested enough to manipulate to change your views to match his religious incompatibility. Pure selfishness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 12:25 AM
150

are you pissed of with me? Lolol. Now he’s going to try to get you to explain it until you give up out of boredom or he “promises to do better!” Block and delete sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:57 PM
3

Lolol embarrassing. The audacity. Wonder if he thinks it’s prideful to be a teen dad?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:52 PM
20

So definitely not saying it’s nothing/blablabla/insertLVMexcuseHere. But I have to wonder if you have some projection going on? This is not healthy: I have always kind of felt I wasn't his type but he did think I was attractive and fell for my personality and then worked himself up to loving my beauty as well. This girl was the type I would have assumed he liked over me and this kind of proved it (in my mind). Why do you assume he likes the type of woman you just saw? Whey do you assume you’re n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:48 PM
4

This shera video gives the blueprint for building self confidence. Watch at least the first 30 minutes. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk I think when you have that down (self confidence) trusting your intuition will be easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:19 PM
9

Oooh that’s a great line. Can’t wait to use it sometime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:17 PM
36

Even as a teenager I knew men who did this were up to no good. Called them out on it too - feels so good to be validated for that action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:16 PM
6

Lmao if he had a shot with beyonce then he would text her on his family vacation. He wouldn’t say to beyonce “he would be more in communication this time but nada.” If he wanted to, he would. I would block and delete. You don’t need him breadcrumbing you and stringing you along. Silence is what hurts men most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 07:38 PM
2

was prioritizing ME instead of him, and it acc made his tiny brain confused LOL His tiny brain omg too funny lol 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 05:43 PM
131

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fm5xsr/he_knows_sis/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqcr8z/its_okay_to_hate_him_he_knows_what_he_did_wrong/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fk44i3/dont_explain_why_youre_leaving_just_leave_he/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/husyt0/the_best_revenge_isnt_revenge_its_silence/ He knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 05:31 PM
141

When people want to believe something so bad they’ll believe anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 04:36 PM
46

I hate all the confusion I had around dating pre-fds. Lots of feelings like something was off but not being able to define why it bothered me. Which made me stupidly doubt myself. Fds has taught me to catch a lot of insidious behavior. But it also gave me the confidence and “permission” to listen to my gut even if I don’t know why something seems off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 04:31 PM
3

I’m dead lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 04:00 PM
98

The audacity. Besides the fact that you’re more vulnerable to abuse and domestic violence if you “only do cooking and cleaning” which is a much higher risk percentage wise than getting shot at a protest...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:51 PM
2

There is r/lesbiandatingstrategy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 12:51 PM
6

Lol “why” what a jerk expecting you to explain to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 10:54 AM
111

Meanwhile millions of working mothers are somehow finding the strength everyday 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 10:50 AM
18

“Tell us more about you “ how lazy and entitled can they get?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 10:48 AM
7

I think sheras videos tackle this concept really well. (Sheraseven1 in YouTube, she is mentioned in the wiki). I’ve found that there are still elements of control I can enjoy without being the leader.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 10:46 AM
32

Honestly even 50/50 can get like this that’s the insidious thing. At the end of a four year relationship we were splitting 50/50 even though he made 20k more (and the gap widened significantly at the end). He would spend to his limit and I would be wondering why I was broke every month. He would be making random purchases on amazon while I was scrimping to go out with friends for lunch and not saving any money. I cannot believe I stayed with someone so selfish now that didn’t care about my finan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 10:43 AM
12

So glad fds has given me the tools to be able to interpret these things now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 08:13 PM
5

Ooh yes use their own language against them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 08:10 PM
6

Of course the men were attempting to mansplain his behavior. See how they support one another’s depravity? Idk why I was so surprised to see that :/ Half of that has gotta be classic projection too. These guys are scared of being called out in the same way by the women they’ve done it to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 08:09 PM
4

Obviously none of those things just fell on his head from the sky The imagery of this is making me laugh out loud. Great point we all have to work on ourselves. I love how fds emphasizes level-up behavior!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 07:51 PM
24

I love reminders to treat dating like business. The corollaries are uncanny and lead to much better results!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 07:47 PM
34

“What is the absolute bare minimum I need to do to have sex?” At the very least be one of those guys who just shoves everything into his closet. Sheesh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 07:44 PM
8

Queen energy!! 👑 I love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:40 PM
5

Yeah her video on self-confidence is life changing. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EW0sKSJzNRk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:38 PM
2

wasn't telling you how his penis feels about you! This made me laugh so hard lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:34 PM
3

Yeah used to read those subs as interesting drama entertainment. Believed most of the “just coMMunICaTE” advice. But wondered why it never seemed to work 🤔 Was always surprised at the people women would have kids with like - did you know he was like this before?!? Just further validated my not wanting kids stance. Then I found fds - I’ve tried to go back and read the stories for entertainment but now it’s just too sad to read the stories of women putting up with what I can now recognize as disre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:27 PM
31

That’s so sweet. Thanks for sharing!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:18 PM
5

Yep one day I was trying to figure out yet another solution to get through to him. “Hmm maybe I can use our safeword or a different one for when we’re in public and I need him too really listen to what I’m saying” - I thought to myself. And then I realized “wait a second he always says that ‘I don’t communicate’ that he ‘wishes I would just communicate, please.’ Well I literally just told him exactly what I needed and he completely ignored it. So wait I AM communicating it’s just that he’s NOT L…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 04:04 PM
6

Hmmm yeah I totally didn’t do this in my past pickmeisha life. Totally didn’t! 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:53 PM
45

How does anyone send that and think it’s a good idea?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:43 PM
35

Next time don’t even send the screenshots. Just block and delete right then. What a jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:36 AM
2

Same!! And so glad I didn’t before fds. That would’ve ended poorly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 10:19 PM
7

Yeah this is totally something I would’ve written off as a cultural difference and I just need to be more “woke” pre-fds. Now I see it as either a shit test or trying to create intimacy that’s not there (as in we’re such close friends we can insult/be sarcastic with each other as a joke and it’s funny!! You can pull that off with childhood friends you can’t pull that off with an acquaintance you’ve seen at your painting class 5 times and you certainly shouldn’t be trying it with someone 3 texts …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 10:18 PM
6

I had this mentality, not because I didn’t want to put in work, but because I just wanted to get to that #rideORdie stage. Hahahaha. Imagine how well it worked trusting men and not vetting them... yeah. I now appreciate that it will take time, have changed my mindset, and I think I’ll enjoy that vetting/courting stage now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 10:07 PM
28

100% that man can’t tell the difference between no makeup and a “no make up” make up look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 10:03 PM
5

Hardcore agree. Very annoyed that with the popular therapy app I use, while I can state preference for gender, it doesn’t actually filter it. And in fact it still shows majority male therapists. What is the point of asking preference if you’re just going to ignore it anyways??!? Since seeing all the articles of doctors dismissing female pain and symptoms etc and because I live in a large city so I have choice I only choose women doctors now. I know they can have the same biases and sometimes be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 09:59 PM
17

Have had the same mindset after being in one too many doctors offices where I suddenly got that instinct that I should know EXACTLY where the exits are (and sadly generally when you’re in an exam room there’s only one and the doctor is standing between you and it...)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 09:53 PM
148

This is a manifestation of the confidence gap: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/ Guys will have helped their buddy do demo on a bathroom remodel and then say “yeah I can renovate a house I’ve done it before.” Whereas a woman will have done tiling, hired plumbers, fixed the switches, chosen the paint, put up shelves, installed a new vanity, etc. and you ask her “can you help me with new fixtures for my bathroom sink?” She’ll answer “oh I don’t know I’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 09:49 PM
6

What do you think you’re learning in that 5 minute mark? Is there a way to learn that in texting format? If not is there a way to learn it over a phonecall? The handbook does advise a quick (15minute) call/FaceTime prior to a date and I think this is why - although I’ve never personally implemented this advice. But yeah hard to learn about chemistry before interacting in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 09:29 PM
36

I forgot pounds were a currency and I was thinking how are those flowers that heavy?!? 🤦‍♀️ Hahaha And love the inspo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 09:26 PM
3

We weren't even in a relationship, we were just FWB! Lololol but I don't make moves. I just don't. What a queen!! It's honestly quite hard to see the signs, especially if you want to believe them. I guess I would say take everything with a grain of salt A good reminder of why I need to avoid crushes - thank you. Thanks for your write up. I’m sorry those boys were awful to you. Hope you find an hvm!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 11:14 PM
3

Thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 08:19 PM
7

Aww this is an adorable story. Thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:41 PM
3

I loved this book. I second the recommendation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:36 PM
16

Lol I thought your title was a translation. Ewwwww
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:33 PM
12

So happy for you - it’s always impressive when people are able to take tough love and use advice instead of buying their head in the sand more. Don’t dwell on your mistakes keep moving forward. You got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:32 PM
13

Smart to make this a post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:29 PM
19

Omg lol the audacity - let me not propose to you but reap all the benefits (bragging rights 🤮) as if I did? What a psychopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:27 PM
14

And I wonder where I got my pickme tendencies from lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:24 PM
1

Oh yeah even if that 10% kept up it’s still abysmal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 03:05 PM
5

Jealous!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:59 PM
9

Don’t you know? When men do a chore incompetently women are expected to swoop in and take it over. When women do a chore incompetently men have the right to complain and throw a tantrum like a toddler. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:50 PM
2

Why is she still doing the laundry?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:48 PM
9

Yeah I’m really picky on looks. Which made me such a pickme lol. That scarcity mindset yikes! I always wondered if part of it was also me not having fds, but realizing I didn’t deserve fuckery so me just inflating what I needed. Because if I was gonna have to put up with men and their fuckery they at least better be hot. Then found fds and figured out I could have boundaries. Still really picky on looks though 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:47 PM
3

Keep in mind that some of it may be tinder algorithms seeing you swiping a lot and not getting swiped back and therefore showing you users of a “similar caliber.” Which is why the statistics probably dropped off after 50. But yeah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:42 PM
7

Same. I’m lucky that I didn’t have an active question/situation so I had the luxury of time on my side to figure out this sub. But I don’t feel like it’s that complicated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:30 PM
4

WHILE WORKING - you are a queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:13 PM
16

Ugh definitely worry I would do the same thing. Thought multi-dating would help. If you don’t mind sharing - were you seeing the same tactics as laid out above i.e. bringing up large milestones too soon, failing to deliver on smaller promises? Or are there any other warning signs you’d recommend to watch for?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:05 PM
13

Yes why else it’s not like women are sentient human beings who might want to do hair/nails/makeup/clothes/exercise to look good for themselves?!?? That couldn’t be it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:00 PM
4

I mean there’s a reason scam calls/phishing emails have grammar mistakes and are “obvious scams” because they want to get the dumbest people - the people who will go along with the scam no matter what. If the scam were more sophisticated smart people might fall for step 1 or 2 but would question things and might ultimately pull out. Wasting the scammers time. https://josephsteinberg.com/why-scammers-make-spelling-and-grammar-mistakes/ I’m convinced it’s the same for LVM. Lol. ETA: but I’ve never…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 06:57 PM
5

This sub was instrumental in me fully realizing that last sentence. It took awhile, but it will never be me again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 06:48 PM
29

Always thought it was so dumb when women had this attitude going into marriage. But before FDS and gaining stronger boundaries I always worried I’d cave and forgive a guy if he cheated on me in marriage. Now I know I won’t cave :) Disrespect = divorce. ETA: also I highly doubt it’s just one girl once a year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 06:45 PM
12

Love the red line under “wanna” lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 06:37 PM
2

Okay so questions (rhetorical): When do you have to make this decision? Are you able to book the flight out but not the return flight? (unlikely but if so I think this is the best course of action) Or could you book a 5 month return flight with the option to move it up if @ the 2 month mark you are just dying (or vice versa book @ 2month with option to extend - I imagine it will be easier to do the former option). Have you done long distance before or are you assuming that you won’t like it base…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 06:32 PM
7

💯 Guys worry about being rejected - women worry about wasting years on someone who wasn’t “fuck yes” about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 02:04 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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