Hi sisters!

I made a throwaway account just for this post. I’ve always wanted to share my story on here, I think it might help a lot of you who doubt yourselves.

I grew up poor in a developing country, in a very conservative, religious and abusive family. I was sexually and physically abused as a child. My parents knew of it but didn’t care enough to help. I practically raised myself. I found my escape in books. I lived close to a public library and had access to amazing books with stories of a better life and amazing women. I decided at age 10 that I wanted a better life than all the women in my family. I wanted to be independent and successful like the women in the books I read. I wanted to be good at school and have a loving family of my own eventually.

I was a very depressed child and teen. I was desperate to be loved and accepted which led me to date some LVM. Thankfully I was never in an abusive relationship but I was hung up on a man who constantly cheated on me in my early twenties. After him I decided to stop dating and focus on myself and resolving my issues. I was an extreme pickme. Desperate for a mans love. I was so ashamed of myself.

I found a wonderful therapist. I saw her every week for years and she truly saved me life. At this point, I made a list of qualities I needed in my ideal partner - dealbreakers, must haves and nice to haves. I also decided that I wouldn’t marry unless I had the courage to leave my marriage if things went bad.

I eventually met a wonderful man and married. He is truly the kindest, most loving and generous person I know. He is successful, he never expected me to pay, was always there for me when I needed him. We have both truly elevated and enriched our lives. I left my career and moved to a new country with him. He made sure I had a separate bank account where he deposited money every month - I asked for it for my security and he agreed. There were no long discussions. Even after I found a job, we never went 50/50. Infact, he didn’t expect me to pay at all.

Unfortunately, he had some issues he couldn’t work on. We tried individual and couples therapy but nothing seemed to work. I was unhappy, so after 7 years of being married I decided to leave. It wasn’t an easy decision and devastated us both but it was the right thing to do. I could have stayed with my husband, my marriage wasn’t ‘bad’ but it wasn’t good enough. I knew he would never leave.

I could see that we might start to resent each other eventually and lose respect so I chose to leave. I wanted my husband and me to thrive independently.

We have been divorced for a year now. We have no kids. Even though our separation was hard, we both respected each other. We had some intense arguments but we never said anything we couldn’t take back, we never insulted each other. He was generous during our divorce. He gladly gave me half his paycheck so I could maintain my lifestyle. He insisted on giving me 50% of his assets. We continue to emotionally support each other and truly respect each other as friends while maintaining healthy boundaries. Love is important but respect is what truly matters in a healthy relationship.

I found FDS after my divorce but everything on here is 100% truth.

I’m 35, child free, single. I make in a week what I used to earn in an entire year in my home country. I’m the happiest I have ever been. My marriage ended but I still had a successful marriage and an even more successful divorce. I never though I could have a ‘normal’ family after being raped as a child. I never though I could have a healthy relationship with a man.

I left out a lot of details from my story for safety and privacy but I hope this helps any of you here doubting your worth if you come from abuse and trauma.

Truly work on yourselves. Go to therapy. Get educated and become financially independent. Don’t have kids unless you have worked through your traumas. Learn to be happy and learn to go through those bad days ALONE. You could have the perfect HVM but you could lose him to an accident or illness. You have to learn to depend on yourself. Learn to let go of toxic people, even if it’s your parents.

It’s also important to have realistic expectations. If you want HV partners and friends, you have to work to become HV yourself.

In any relationship, always respect yourself and ALWAYS leave with DIGNITY.

Please dm me if you have any questions. I will only reply if your post history verifies that you are a woman and fds follower.