Apologies ladies for any formatting errors. I’m on mobile.

I am a 29 year old recovering pickmeisha. Over the last year I had some fatal tragedies in my family and friend group that sent me into an anxiety spiral and I finally took the plunge to go to therapy because I realized I didn’t want to burden others with my issues.

I’m so grateful that I did because it was the best decision I ever made and it opened my eyes to so many unhealthy ways I was coping with family trauma and how this presented in my romantic relationships. Trauma is a bitch!

I have known for quite some time that I was childfree and I thought my partner of 7.5 years felt the same. Well before the end of 2020 he decided “out of the blue” that he did want to have kids. We split. Therapy really helped me work through it. It’s been about 5 months since our split. I ended up moving back to my more affordable home state. Surprisingly this move has been a total boon for me. I got a job at my dream salon, my apartment is beautiful and all mine, and I’ve had a lot of time to think and recover from a total life switch up I wasn’t expecting.

Over this time I have realized that I always had a gut feeling that things were not going to work out with my relationship and he was LV but I guess I didn’t recognize that then. I always chalked it up to my issues and that I was vehemently resisting the example of my family which was always run away when things get tough. I always felt like things would “get better when...” and “relationships take work.” Well it shouldn’t feel like work all the fucking time. I realize now that I stayed far far far too long in a situation that was never going to improve and ultimately didn’t leave me satisfied. Looking back I feel a lot of shame for putting up with some of the things I did. Wish I had my realizations sooner but I’m excited to enter a new phase of life illuminated!

I found FDS shortly after my breakup actually from a comment criticizing it and comparing it to the incel community. Went to this subreddit and immediately realized this is what I always needed in my life! I can’t express how grateful I am to have found this community. Every time I feel myself reverting to my pickmeisha “cool girl” ways, I tell myself I’m sipping on dumb pickme juice and what would FDS think?! 😆

I have decided now to ALWAYS trust my intuition when it comes to men. I will never tell that voice to be quiet again. I will never chase a man or put up with a man not respecting my boundaries. I don’t need attention from LVM/NVM just to feel worthy. I’m so much happier alone, my anxiety is almost nonexistent now! It takes time and work and discipline but you will come to a better place if you’re a beginner like me. TRUST YOUR GUT! I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes: “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” - Warsan Shire