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Sublomino Archive

View 1 posts and 212 comments by Sublomino on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Sublomino/r/seduction25/06/10 04:31 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

This is definitely important, to act anyways. For some people, if they act anyways and fail, they'll have negative brain chatter about failing after the fact. So I think it's important to challenge the automatic thoughts to be more rational, as well as acting in spite of your fear. Challenging your automatic thoughts can also help you get to that place where you can accept your fear and be ok with taking action in spite of it.
/r/seduction20/02/11 08:30 PM
1

Meditation is a great start but you have to continue with it for some time. It's been proven to re-wire your brain to some extent, so stick with it if you can. A great thing to try to get at this directly is the CBT daily mood log technique. It works by recording your emotions and automatic thoughts to a particular stimulus, and then identifying the cognitive distortions in what you say to yourself. Then you write out more rational, realistic responses to your thoughts. There is a list of cognit…
/r/seduction20/02/11 06:55 PM
-1

There's nothing wrong with that. You can have her be your wingwoman. Use that situation to gain social proof with other women. If your friend trusts you he's got nothing to worry about. It's normal for him to be a little bothered by it, it would make me a little jealous, too. That doesn't mean you have to stop, it means he has to learn how to trust his friend and girlfriend, and accept jealousy as a normal part of being human, and not get down on himself for feeling jealous. Also if the girl lik…
/r/seduction18/12/10 07:37 PM
3

Very good post, you hit on many of the top ways to improve inner game, happiness, and self esteem. Number 9 is my biggest issue. Thanks for reminding me. I dwell on my past so much, it feels like the past is the only thing that's real. Got to remember, the past is over.
/r/seduction16/11/10 07:56 AM
1

I don't think it's "do I console her or not?", but a question of how you console her. There are ways of consoling that make people feel less secure... like telling them how wonderful they are. Like throwaway PUA said, mainly you just have to listen and try to understand how she is feeling without making any judgement about it or taking any action about it. Just being there, present, listening, and feeling what she's feeling is pretty much the beginning and end of it. However, if she's just whini…
/r/seduction12/11/10 08:16 AM
1

I agree with the posts below me. You do have to expand your horizons about things that interest you, and explore different aspects of yourself through different interests. You don't know that other people think your interests are boring, that's mind reading. If you think other people think your interests are boring, it could be that's your own projection -- it's you who thinks its boring, and just blaming "society" that you're bored with what you do. I don't know if that's the case, but it could…
/r/seduction27/10/10 05:30 AM
2

People think that their life won't be fulfilling unless they have someone else there with them to do it with, so they do nothing interesting by themselves thinking that they can't enjoy their time just by themselves. If you had a girlfriend, what kinds of activities would you want to do with her? Would you go out and have a fun time, or would you stay home and play video games together? Being interesting is about living an interesting life. Living an interesting life is about doing interesting t…
/r/seduction26/10/10 03:31 PM
1

Definitely an anxiety attack. You might not be breathing properly. When you smoke, you take long, deep inhalations, which contribute to the sense of feeling better. When you stopped smoking, you stopped taking those deep breaths. I would try doing some pretend smoking. Smoke an imaginary cigarette and breath in and out the same way you do with a real cigarette. I think that'll calm you down.
/r/seduction26/08/10 07:40 PM
1

It seems that Alpha is a bad choice of a word for what you are describing, if it causes that much confusion.
/r/seduction23/08/10 06:56 AM
1

I went to lair meetings at the SF lair, project SF. It was great, Lance Mason and his crew organized everything and they had basically free guest speakers like David Shade, Doc Love, and Badboy. Of course they wanted to sell you products and boot camps, but I met some decent guys. Some were quite good at opening which I found helpful because I was awful.
/r/seduction17/08/10 05:08 PM
11

Proof that banging lots of women won't solve all your problems, as it should be.
/r/seduction17/08/10 04:52 PM
0

I think the "not caring" part is about not caring if you get rejected. You can still care to meet a girl you're interested in. You can still work to improve your attraction. But, if you care too much about not getting rejected, that's where it screws up, because then you're putting undue weight on the importance of getting a success. Go into it with the idea that if I get rejected, well you know it kind of hurts, but that's totally OK to feel that. Getting rejected is fine. Not that it's "no big…
/r/seduction13/08/10 11:53 PM
0

No, you can't 'control' how another person feels. But you can have influence over how they feel. The only thing you have any bit of control over is yourself, and sometimes you can't even control how you feel. That's why you have to constantly calibrate yourself to the situation. If she seems to be turned off by something you did, then you have to readjust and try something else. It's utterly pointless to try to get every single woman to be attracted to you. The only thing you can do is increase …
/r/seduction13/08/10 07:07 PM
1

Writing about it is a great start! Write about it some more, say 15 mins every day in a personal journal. And make sure you're sober when you do it. Also, I agree you can seek professional help if things are really bad and you can't get yourself out of it. There are therapies that work tremendously well, you just have to get beyond the self-stigma of seeking help. You will be so much better and proud of yourself afterwards.
/r/seduction13/08/10 04:54 AM
1

A zero with a hunchback like you described has the potential to go up to a 5, given a wig, physical therapy, and dentistry. Likewise, a 7 or 8 has the potential to be a 10. Seeing it is about having positive illusions. Research suggests that couples who have positive illusions about each other are the ones that are happiest and last longer. If you look at a 7 and all you see in her is a 7, she will remain a 7. If you see a 10 in her, she will strive to become a 10(which is also what will keep he…
/r/seduction11/08/10 07:39 PM
1

There is no guarantee at all that you will get laid with this stuff. None of the material has been proven to get you laid. But, the basic idea of trying something new, failing, and learning from failure has been proven over and over again to raise your self esteem and self efficacy. I think that's really the main reason to do it, not simply for getting laid. That also has a major positive effect on your mental and physical health. If you try it and you don't get laid on the first try, that doesn…
/r/seduction11/08/10 01:44 PM
1

I think I know what he was trying to say. Basically every woman has the potential to be smart, and has the potential to be hot. If you simply can't see that potential then you're missing out on some great women. Watering their seed of potential is where it's at. You can do that mainly by holding yourself to a high standard and by your actions and example the women will try to keep up with the challenge you present to them, and the expectations you have of yourself and of them. Secondly, you're o…
/r/seduction11/08/10 08:27 AM
1

It's not about getting rid of your anxiety, but you can reduce it over time. There will always be some anxiety, and it's ok to talk to someone when you're anxious. It makes you appear more human and more likable. Trying to suppress your anxiety will just make it worse. If you wait until you feel no anxiety whatsoever, you'll be waiting forever! Anxiety can be an important signal, it let's you know that it's time to act now!
/r/seduction10/08/10 01:20 PM
3

Coaching is a whole different ball game. You might be doing well, but that doesn't mean you can coach well. I understand the idea though, you want to help others. If helping is your motivation, then I would say GO FOR IT!!! It will be highly personally rewarding and fulfilling. Otherwise if it's jus that you think you're skilled enough to start making a buck off of it... I'd say meh, you can try it, but you won't do so well. For a decision like this you've got to make sure your values are in lin…
/r/seduction10/08/10 06:43 AM
2

I just started meditating a month ago! I love it so much. It's clinically proven to make you less reactive, which is one of those things that the PUA gurus say is important, not to react to what she says. I'm digging this book so far. I went out and bought it because I cant stand reading it on my screen. Coming up with more rational responses can be hard, even after you've identified the cognitive distortion. But I'm learning. I did it on some bad rejections I had in the past... they seem like n…
/r/seduction10/08/10 06:33 AM
0

It's a bad look. It makes it look like you didn't buy clothes that fit you, or at the thrift store or second-hand. It looks indecisive. It looks old chinese lady. It looks like grandpa. Go with clothes that actually fit properly or are tailored. Pant leg is hard to get the length right, it shows attention to detail.
/r/seduction09/08/10 07:38 AM
4

Started reading it. I did the intimacy profile test in the beginning, and it shows that my biggest weak points are rejection sensitivity, hopelessness, and feeling trapped in a relationship. My biggest strengths were that I have no desperation at all, and I'm not at all unassertive. Yeah this test is really accurate so far. But rejection sensitivity, damnit! I'm looking forward to cognitively re-jiggering myself to deal with rejection better.
/r/seduction07/08/10 05:56 PM
1

Preview on Mac crashes, and iBooks on the iPhone takes about 5 minutes to render each page. Adobe reader opens it fine, but is noticeably slow. I guess Reader works for now...
/r/seduction07/08/10 05:47 PM
2

This PDF is totally messed up for some reason it takes forever to load and crashes my PDF programs.
/r/seduction07/08/10 03:34 AM
5

I was still threatened by the thought of iniating sex, or being sexual. I was O.K. if it sort of worked out naturally, or if it was obvious to me that the woman wanted me to make the move. But I couldn't get myself to be agressive about it, or to acknowledge that it was a nortmal part of being human. Thank you so much for this detailed description. This is how I feel now, and have felt for many years. It gives me so much hope to see that you went from that to dating some pretty decent women. I'v…
/r/seduction07/08/10 02:38 AM
4

Hey, great contribution! I'm curious, could you tell us what results you got from this book with a few more details? How were you before and how were you after going through it? I'm really interested in reading it, I want to know if it will help with some of my issues.
/r/seduction06/08/10 06:59 AM
1

Start working out. Get your hands dirty.
/r/seduction05/08/10 08:31 AM
1

Why bother? Why do you want to fuck someone who hates your guts? That's kind of masochistic. Be glad that you're not fucking her. You could get married to her and spend the rest of your miserable fucking life with someone who hates your guts. What a fucking waste of time!
/r/seduction05/08/10 08:27 AM
10

to prove to others and myself my self-worth The moment that you lost your self-worth was the moment when you decided that it was open for debate. Damn, this is just way too common, it breaks my heart. We have a major self-esteem crisis in the US. Well, at least being honest is one excellent way to increase your self-esteem. About superficiality: here's one question that cuts through people's superficiality right away: "What would you do if a spell of anonymity was cast upon you, so that nobody w…
/r/seduction05/08/10 08:16 AM
7

i know we loved each other we still to this day are perfect. No person and no relationship is perfect. The only thing that's perfect is the ideal you have in your mind about the perfect relationship. The ideal is not reality. About her getting married to someone else: It hurts, bad shit happens, and you have every right to feel bad. Some people say that things happen for the best. Things don't always happen for the best, but some people can make the best of things that happen.
/r/seduction05/08/10 08:06 AM
0

I hear you, and I for the most part agree. But, acting a certain way can reinforce good inner game. Self-perception theory of psychology says that we see ourselves in a way that's consistent with how we've acted. If you've been a jerk, you see yourself as a jerk, etc. If you act confidently, you begin to see yourself as a confident person. This reinforces positive inner game. But, I think you can take it too far, to the point where you mouth the words of an Alpha to the letter, but the result is…
/r/seduction05/08/10 07:50 AM
2

In this event the women stayed seated while the guys walked up, that's already putting the guys at a disadvantage. Secondly, these are all very nice girls. There's no need to play it like these guys are. The first guy's way of dressing was way too much for this event -- that's better suited to a high-energy club. They were both pretending not to be nervous, I think it's way better of they just say that they're nervous and move on from there, instead of accusing the girl of being nervous (when cl…
/r/seduction02/08/10 08:08 PM
6

Don't lie. It lowers your self-esteem because you're reinforcing to yourself that your real self isn't good enough, and that's bad for game. You don't have to have an ex-girlfriend in order to have value. You can tell a story with un-true details, that's called fiction. That's ok because you're not trying to pass it off as truth. It can involve a fictional ex-girlfriend, so long as it's understood as fiction, for example by adding obviously fictional elements such as traveling to the center of t…
/r/seduction31/07/10 05:48 AM
8

Haven't failed enough, rejection of failure, perfectionism. You're only going through with the improvements that don't require failure. That's not enough.
/r/seduction27/07/10 07:47 PM
1

Great! It would be a good idea at this time to write down or think about what you personally have learned from this experienced, and what other ways have you actually gained a benefit from this whole situation.
/r/seduction27/07/10 07:32 PM
6

I think getting mad was the absolute right response. In fact, you probably should have just expressed that anger and frustration earlier, it would have saved you a lot of bullshit. But no matter, you did it and that's great! You couldn't move on before because you kept suppressing the anger, not acknowledging it, not expressing it. But this time, moving on is possible, you can feel the change already. I suggest you do this sort of thing more often. You'll save yourself a bunch of time. Congrats!
/r/seduction27/07/10 08:17 AM
17

No man, it's the disillusionment you're feeling. You thought that if you could just get an HB that it would make you happy ever after, and you're finding out that it's not. You get the temporary high of success, that will last a few weeks, but when it's over you'll just be right back to being as happy or as miserable as you were before. The guilt is from having this HB and not feeling totally happy all the time. You think that because you've got this it means you're supposed to be happy, but you…
/r/seduction26/07/10 09:05 PM
3

Of course the speech was not solely responsible, it was the changing attitudes that did it. People were fed up and wanted the end of segregation anyways, but it wouldn't happen unless the attitude changed on a massive scale. They lacked a coherent, shared vision to make it a reality. That is what the speech gave them. It created in their minds a vivid picture of where they were going to go. It became real on the inside, and then the behavioral expression of the vision made it manifest on the out…
/r/seduction26/07/10 07:21 AM
1

http://www.amazon.com/Cube-Keep-Secret-Annie-Gottlieb/dp/0062512668
/r/seduction26/07/10 01:56 AM
2

It's normal conversation for Ross because he's a trained hypnotist, that's just part of his identity. This is just straight direct hypnosis. It would be silly for you to do that because you're not a hypnotist. It's just like how Mystery is a magician, that's his thing, but you don't have to perform magic tricks like he does. I think basically that would only work if you're really congruent with it, that being a hypnotist is part of your identity. If not, and you're not interested in becoming a h…
/r/seduction26/07/10 01:53 AM
8

Just watch the I have a dream speech from MLK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk He starts by pacing the ongoing situation, then he uses sensory descriptive language to build a vision of a compelling future, one we can see, feel, hear, and taste. He asks us to imagine: by saying "I have a dream" repeatedly, "have a dream" is the embedded command to imagine a new reality. You can't deny that this speech changed the entire reality for black people in America. If someone came up to you and…
/r/seduction26/07/10 01:48 AM
3

It sounds like this girl has an extremely well developed sense of independent self-esteem. You're not going to have anything with her if you try to pump her self esteem up and down like normal game. I think this girl would very likely respond well to language patterns, seductive poetry, and Ross Jeffries type of game, where you use your language to convey imagery and emotion. Either that, or you're just seeing this girl through the halo effect and thinking no this girl is different from all the …
/r/seduction25/07/10 09:11 AM
2

Staring is mindlessly looking at them with little awareness. Strong eye contact is mindfully looking at them with strong awareness.
/r/seduction25/07/10 03:44 AM
9

Yes and No. Avoidance is probably recommended if you don't know how to deal with stuff like that. However in your life it's inevitable that you will have to deal with people like that, so it's in your best interest to learn how to handle it. Without going into too much detail, I'll leave you with a quote: "Treat a man (or woman) as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be." -Goethe It's just immaturity. You simply have to …
/r/seduction25/07/10 03:41 AM
0

Let me explain the fallacy of your post. If you go out and flirt with 30 women, what actually happens? Their value to you goes down, because now you see them as less rare. If you stick to the same 1 or 2 girls, the perceived value of a woman goes up because they are rare to you. To say that women are really that valuable because they have the womb and blah blah blah, this is all coming out of the frame that you have around it, that women are rare and therefore precious. Think about it. You've go…
/r/seduction24/07/10 08:31 AM
1

What people think will make them happy is usually different than what actually makes them happy. What people think will make them happy are usually things like a new car, a promotion at work, a bigger house, better grades at school, becoming the world champion, etc, etc. Studies show that these things don't lead to happiness. The same is true for sexual desire. Women think they want one thing, but it's another thing that they find truly meaningful. Also, note studies that show women's desire for…
/r/seduction24/07/10 08:17 AM
-1

You can't be serious. This is pure satire. It's brilliant. Ughhh, do I really have to explain why this is utterly ridiculous?? This is like The Onion status!
/r/seduction23/07/10 07:44 PM
-1

HAHAHHAA. Oh my fucking god. I got so worked up into a frenzy over this, coming up with a reasonable answer. We just got trolled!! It's The Ultimate Beta. Wow. Damn, you are good. Almost too good. Scary good.
/r/seduction23/07/10 07:49 AM
2

Ahh, I see how the kissing thing works. It's like I'm giving her a window of opportunity to kiss me. I get to stay high value. I like it. Thanks.
/r/seduction23/07/10 01:04 AM
27

Most women are just the same as most men, they don't have a clue what women want or what women respond to. We've all received bad advice from the women in our lives growing up, that's why we're here. We've all been manipulated and lied to by at least a few women, using their sexual power to make us do whatever they want. That's why we distrust their advice, we see it as just another woman toying with us. But, we've also received bad advice from clueless men, too. It's not about if you're male or…
/r/seduction23/07/10 12:55 AM
1

Nice response. That leads to my second question: what are some high-value qualities in men that they should consistently demonstrate? Is it the same as what the PUAs say: leader of men, pre-selected by women, cares about loved ones, or is there something else? Another question about the yearning, and this may be my own issue, but, if a man is going to be the one to go for the kiss, doesn't that kiss mean the end of the yearning? Usually I don't feel like I want to kiss a woman who I see is low v…
/r/seduction22/07/10 09:28 PM
3

This made me smile. Haha. Ok you need to get real with yourself with what you want. She's planning on becoming a nun. For me that would be non-negotiable, can't date a nun. Just let her know that you're looking for someone to date. Basically, it's time to LJBF her. She seems like a nice person.
/r/seduction22/07/10 08:59 AM
1

I think it's interesting to know the way women are wired, but the caveat is that if a guy totally changes his behavior to trigger female desire, then he's still focusing on the external, trying to get the validation, when really I think he should focus on expressing his internal no matter how the female responds. Getting the women to want him means he'll feel good about himself because of something external that happened, rather than feeling good for internal reasons that are independent of exte…
/r/seduction22/07/10 06:57 AM
7

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm usually the same way, except that I even have some very legit reasons why women wouldn't be interested in me. But that aside, there is one exercise that I've been doing to help my self concept tremendously. Write down a list of all of your positive traits. It's going to be hard because usually we are more aware of our weaknesses. Then shorten each trait down to a one-word description such as, intelligent, responsible, athletic, honest, loyal, etc. Go t…
/r/seduction21/07/10 08:47 AM
4

Haha, Awesome. Things will be tipped in your favor. Have a great time!
/r/seduction20/07/10 08:45 AM
8

Man, there are so many scientific studies done on speed dating. There's one that showed that if you stayed seated while the women switch tables, the women start getting really attracted to the men because they feel like they are the ones pursuing you, and the men get more selective. Whereas if it's the men who get up and the women who stay seated, the reverse is true, the women tend to be more selective, and the men more competitive and attracted to the women. Keep that in mind, try going to an …
/r/seduction20/07/10 08:09 AM
1

Well yeah I agree with you, we're talking about the same thing. Lashing out can make it worse because then you see yourself as someone who lashes out. Conversely holding it in can make it worse because then you see yourself as someone who can't cope with expressing anger and has to hold it in. But expressing anger in a healthy and appropriate way is the way to go, because then you see yourself not as someone who explodes with anger, and neither as someone who can't cope with the consequences of …
/r/seduction20/07/10 07:53 AM
2

Classic one-itis. Learn the Game. I feel like I couldn't find another girl like her There's your problem right there. This is the same reason why some women stay in relationships with abusive men. They're getting their asses beaten every day and they won't leave because they think they can't meet another man like him. Low self-esteem. Well, you can. You have to believe in yourself. You have to try and fail and learn. Start by listing all of your positive qualities. Then, list all the qualities y…
/r/seduction20/07/10 12:00 AM
2

Letting it out is one option, but sometimes that makes the anger worse. Holding it in also can make it worse. Healthy anger is about letting it out at the appropriate time, in the appropriate amount, with the appropriate response. Smashing your desk would be unhealthy. Going home and yelling at your wife or girlfriend when it's something at work that made you angry would be unhealthy. I think it can help to get really specific about what exactly you're angry about and then telling the appropriat…
/r/seduction19/07/10 11:39 PM
1

One thing I think you did wrong was to say "why?" because it just led to her giving you all the reasons why, even further reinforcing her decision to not date. I think you should have just gone for the kiss without mentioning anything about a date. Doing "date" and kiss at the same time is too much too fast. It was you who made kissing about dating, not her. I think you can kiss her without it being a "date". From another perspective, she's not over her issues. She needs to talk to a therapist o…
/r/seduction19/07/10 09:10 PM
2

IMO I think her saying she doesn't date or have relationships is her way of saying that she doesn't want to date or have a relationship with you, sorry dude. I disagree. I know you said IMO. But, IMO I think this is just personalizing it and taking it too personally. I think that's the wrong interpretation, too pessimistic. He should just take it for what it is: she said she has issues with trust and being cheated on.
/r/seduction19/07/10 08:59 PM
18

How is that a failure? It's a failure to get laid instantaneously after uttering two sentences, which is a pretty unrealistic expectation. I see pure win. Excellent job. You can keep on doing just that, but trying new things each time. That's what it's all about. You might run into them later.
/r/seduction18/07/10 09:33 AM
2

Robert M Pirsig said: So often the truth comes knocking at our door, and we say to it "go away, I'm looking for the truth."
/r/seduction18/07/10 09:00 AM
4

Oh yes, absolutely. You should be measuring your success by how good you feel, how happy you are, how much fun you're having. Number of lays or whatever is just a number in the end. edit: it's just like with exercise. It's not about how big your biceps get or the number and weight of bench presses you can do. It's about listening to how your body feels. If it feels good you've succeeded. If it hurts alot, you're doing too much and you're just gonna get injured!
/r/seduction18/07/10 05:20 AM
1

My first recommendation is always to go work with a qualified coach or therapist. Secondly... Richard Bandler was always a big inspiration to me. His seminars on tape are better than his books. Tony Robbins is a great NLP coach. The real cutting edge is happening in the Positive Psychology movement, which is like the academically-accepted cousin or nephew of NLP. For that, you can check out any books by Tal Ben-Shahar. All these guys are looking at the same thing, but each from a slightly differ…
/r/seduction17/07/10 07:06 AM
2

American women have low self esteem in general. Try asking her this: if you could name three positive traits about yourself, what would they be? It's a qualifying question, but it also gets her to focus on her positive qualities, so she may not feel the need to impress you with her heels, and more likely to express herself with allowing more physical interaction and feeling more comfortable with herself physically.
/r/seduction17/07/10 03:10 AM
3

I am the consummate NLP defender. NLP is not junk science, only one or two aspects of NLP have been disproven (given only one study.) For seduction I'd say you can ignore NLP if you want, but at least follow the latest in psychology like understanding cognitive therapy, beliefs, priming, goal setting, visualizing, etc. All these separate elements that are included in NLP have been scientifically validated. You don't have to learn NLP in order to learn these things, however. You can ignore the Ro…
/r/seduction16/07/10 07:58 PM
1

I don't think you should necessary ignore anything, but what you should do is focus on your strengths. What are your positive traits? Make a list and go over it every day to remind yourself. That's not to say that you shouldn't work on your weaknesses, it's just some perceived weaknesses seem very minor when looked at through the lense of your strengths.
/r/seduction16/07/10 06:58 PM
4

Huh? Of course it's to your benefit more than his. It's not a competition. You're not going to improve by winging with someone who is less skilled than you. Your wing is going to push you further out from your comfort zone, and show you things that you might not ever learn without him.
/r/seduction11/07/10 07:53 AM
8

The standard PUA tactics are by design to get lays with virtual strangers. You got lessons from guys who are experts at getting laid by virtual strangers, and you were expecting to get something different? Here's your next quest: find some people who are really good at serious relationships and learn from them instead. I'll give you the long and short of it: relate rather than control. Express rather than impress. Be known rather than be validated. Lasting relationships are the ones where the pa…
/r/seduction10/07/10 08:46 AM
1

Excellent work! She lied and now she feels bad about herself that she lied. The good news is: you don't have to lie. All you have to do is tell the truth and you get to feel good about yourself. You get to like yourself, she gets to hate herself. You come out ahead. She lied one time, maybe you can forgive her for that. I would say that I appreciate the honesty. Whether you're still interested in her or not at this point is your call. If you've lost interest over it, just let her know that you'v…
/r/seduction10/07/10 08:32 AM
8

The beauty of this is that it was so creative and in the moment. You can try the same routine again... but I think the real effect of it comes from being in the moment, being mindful and playful, and having that mutual tension of we don't know where this is gonna go together. When it comes down to it, you can always assume that it's a good idea to hold your umbrella over an HB in need, but never expect a date out of it. I don't think you were expecting anything out of it when you did it, which i…
/r/seduction09/07/10 07:56 PM
6

Excellent work on trying. There are so many areas for improvement. What have you learned from doing this? You jumped for the number too quickly. It sounds like your goal is to get the number. Try starting out with a smaller goal, like just smiling and say hi when you get the eye contact. Or making some light conversation. Make a goal to practice that regularly, even with women you're not interested in. You can't expect overnight success, or the shortest route to success, you've got to put in the…
/r/seduction09/07/10 08:27 AM
3

A date where there is plenty of touching is a good idea, or at least opportunity for touching. Cooking something together at home is a good one. The actual activity doesn't matter so much. I highly advise doing many different activities or going to several different places. The more different contexts you are together in, the more it seems as if you've known each other for longer. Go from one place to the next, don't stay too long in one place, and always be leading her to new places, don't let …
/r/seduction09/07/10 07:41 AM
5

I think you just need to get clear on what it is that you really want. We think that once we get that one hot girl, or have that threesome, then we'll be happy ever after. But those are all things that society says is supposed to to make us happy, but it never does. Well, it does temporarily, but then we go back to our baseline level of happiness. If you really want lasting happiness you've got to pursue a woman who meets your deepest values. What kind of woman do you really, really, really want…
/r/seduction09/07/10 04:41 AM
1

I don't need to earn my self esteem with my dick Flawless Victory!
/r/seduction08/07/10 08:39 AM
2

I think if you get a number it doesn't really mean anything. If you had said something like let's go for a picnic on Friday and she says yes, then you can go ok let me have your number... then it makes sense to call, right? You've already agreed to the future date and the number is inconsequential, it's just logistics. But, I mean that doesn't mean you shouldn't call it. If she gave it to you without hesitation, then she's probably interested. It's just smoother if the number is not the object o…
/r/seduction08/07/10 08:32 AM
1

Yeah I think leadership is harder with women because sometimes in the back of your mind you're thinking "how can I get this girl?". I think the act of having a lot of various experiences in social situations does build natural leadership. I think what builds leadership is getting lots of feedback. When you're out picking up, you're getting tons of feedback - subtle emotional cues about how people are responding to you and all that stuff. You get trained by responding to the feedback by adjusting…
/r/seduction08/07/10 08:20 AM
4

It's alright that you didn't do anything. The important thing is that you actually went out to a club for the first time! That's a great success in itself. You got some beginners luck, good for you. You're not going to go out to a club ONE time and then hook up with a girl -- but you almost did. Good on you. The only thing you can do at this point is to write it down and write about what you have learned from it. What happened in the situation. How you felt about it. How you feel about it now. W…
/r/seduction08/07/10 08:15 AM
5

I have no idea, but it really matters how you define success. If you've never spoken to a woman before, and you're idea of success is to get laid by a new woman seven days a week, then maybe 0.01% of those will actually make it, or less. When you make success a huge goal that's very far away, there's little chance of making it because there no positive reinforcement along the way. If, however, your idea of success is simply to go out, approach, and get rejected, then you're much more likely to k…
/r/seduction07/07/10 07:39 PM
1

Here's what it comes down to, and others have said it too, that you just have to go out and fail as much as possible. Yeah you can learn some stuff from videos and reading, but you won't learn it, really learn it. You can see something from a video and try it infield and get some result from it, whatever system you want to use. But, because it won't mean anything to you, you'll just forget it as soon as you tried it and move on to trying something else hoping that that will work, too. By going o…
/r/seduction07/07/10 05:49 AM
1

He's not how much money he has in the bank. He's not the car he drives. He's not the contents of his wallet. He's not his fuckin khakis. He's the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuFvx7vN_pU
/r/seduction06/07/10 06:51 PM
3

Anti Slut Defense means when a woman is defending herself from being perceived as a slut.
/r/seduction06/07/10 07:57 AM
2

Upvoted for sperglord
/r/seduction05/07/10 08:40 AM
2

Absolutely. I think (hope) most of us have come to that conclusion already. A full "10" is not just a 10 in looks. Looks are only one attribute among many that weight the final score. I have a list of all the qualities and attributes that I really want in a woman -- that includes what she looks like, and more. An average looking woman can be extremely sexy in my eyes if she has personal qualities that I find sexy. A very photogenic girl can be extremely un-sexy if she's rude and immature.
/r/seduction05/07/10 08:39 AM
3

It's what we call "getting into state." If you read any Tony Robbins or learn some NLP you'll learn all about it. There are some great ways to get back into state, including visualization. Sports coaches use visualization to get their athletes into state so they can perform at their best athletically. Just remember a time when you were in that state where you were turning women on, and vividly imagine the situation in your mind from your own point of view, looking out through your own eyes. As y…
/r/seduction29/06/10 08:27 PM
7

Honestly, I don't know what would get into my head in terms of openers. A great female DHV for me would be if you demonstrate that there's something in your life that you have a passion for. That's my main screening question. If you're not pursuing something in your life that's fulfilling and fascinating to you, that's in line with what you really value in life, then it's a major mental turn-off for me. I think negs and teasing might work well because that's just about being playful. Kino works …
/r/seduction29/06/10 07:57 AM
10

Can you give us some examples of the kinds of negs you used?
/r/seduction27/06/10 07:21 PM
3

I think The Game is great because it's like an autobiography of how he went from average guy to master seducer. Anything that shows you a real person's challenges, mistakes, successes, and everything else along the way really helps a lot, because it gives you a realistic sense of how you can progress. I highly recommend reading it, not for the particular techniques, but for the whole story of how he changed his life. That's where most of the value is. You're not going to get as much benefit if y…
/r/seduction26/06/10 08:34 PM
2

Did you notice him use any standard routines from the community? Was he out by himself, or did he have prior social proof? I guess what I'm getting at is, what clued you in that he is a PUA from this community? How do you know that he wasn't just a random smooth guy?
/r/seduction26/06/10 01:27 AM
4

Ah yes, we've entered the crippling don't want to fuck it up phase. It's always a shame when that happens, we get a great success and then we fuck it up by just looking ahead to the next goal, when instead you can just stop, and appreciate what you've got. It's time to accept success my friend. Be here, be in the moment. Appreciate this gift, the present. Appreciate means to grow, like how money appreciates in value, when you appreciate this experience you make it grow even bigger. Which is what…
/r/seduction23/06/10 07:28 AM
1

You don't have to change your perspective right away. You can take your time. In the meantime I suggest telling your ex how you feel about the breakup. Don't exaggerate and over-dramatize it, just say what's on your mind. You can mention the withdrawal symptoms and how they feel. You're not telling her this in an attempt to get her back, but as a way of communicating and negotiating the situation emotionally. If you get back together, then you'll realize oh yeah this is the best option. If you d…
/r/seduction21/06/10 07:10 PM
0

hahaha F*cking magnets, how do they work?
/r/seduction21/06/10 08:33 AM
1

When you're just starting out like this, your goal should not be to try to find the perfect thing to say to get her interested in you. Your goal should just simply be to try anything new with her that you haven't done before. I recommend using honesty. Just simply tell her: "Hi, I see you here every week, and I just feel shy sometimes, but I wanted to tell you that I really like your smile." Don't use these words exactly, use whatever is true for you. It requires that you check in with yourself …
/r/seduction21/06/10 08:31 AM
2

Wait, so in your mid-twenties you were getting laid like a rockstar, and you were an AFC. But now you're no longer an AFC and you're not getting laid at all. There's something wrong with that logic. I think you're confused about what is and isn't an AFC.
/r/seduction21/06/10 07:42 AM
0

There aren't any specifically tailored to girls as far as I know. There is one book I know of called "truth in dating" by Susan Campbell. It's a great guide to using radical honesty as a dating tool, and it's mainly geared towards women. I find it a useful guide for men, too. It has no affiliation with the PUA world, which as far as I'm concerned is a great strength. For a guy to go to parties/clubs/bars alone it also looks desperate and weird. Again, no difference there. You can't use "but I'm …
/r/seduction21/06/10 07:24 AM
3

Whether you can get her back or not is not the issue. The issue here is that there was some kind of failure, and it hurts. But, I think there's also a little bit of over-exaggeration or catastrophising the failure. Sometimes when this happens people think this is the end, it's all-or-nothing, I'll never be able to get her back or to get anyone ever again. This is what happens when we don't fail enough to learn that we will be ok and survive it, and when we don't give ourselves permission to feel…
/r/seduction21/06/10 07:03 AM
2

You got caught up in the rat race is what happened. That's what happens with school, where the grade you get is the final authority. You're even counting your worth by how many facebook friends you have and how many people comment on you. Relax. Back when you were having more fun, were you worried about how many friends you had or how many comments you got? I don't think so. What mattered was how much you improved over where you were. How many new and interesting experiences you were having and …
/r/seduction21/06/10 06:46 AM
0

My opinion is that all the advice is going to be the same whether male or female. The main difference is going to be in the attraction phase. Men look for different characteristics in women than women look for in men. A lot of times it just comes down to personal preference, and that goes both ways. Men will be attracted to your physical assets, in general. What we're basically looking for, subconsciously, is evidence that you will be able to carry a child to birth, survive childbearing, and be …
/r/seduction21/06/10 06:33 AM
1

Sounds like pretty good advice, thanks. I definitely feel like I'm not the prize. I can see how that changes things. Any ideas on how to cultivate that mindset?
/r/seduction19/06/10 06:30 AM
5

Such a great post. There is some really solid advice in here, especially about keeping a journal of your attempts, rather than just your successes.
/r/seduction18/06/10 09:27 AM
0

And tame the cunt!
/r/seduction17/06/10 06:12 AM
11

I think it's because they/I haven't failed enough to learn that it's not all that scary. And then we take one failure and catastrophize it. :( But I'll give you one. I have the fear of just being totally ignored. Like I say something and it's like she's pretending that I'm not even there. That's my biggest fear. It's freaks me out and gives me extreme anxiety. Something like that happens sometimes, I smile at someone and they look away, pretending they didn't notice me smiling at them. Or I send…
/r/seduction17/06/10 05:56 AM
4

The only good thing that research is for is screening. If you don't want a woman who does drugs, and you see drugs in a facebook pic, then you know right away to move on. Your personal preferences though. Otherwise knowing her interests does not help at all! Because then you just miss the opportunity to ask about her interests and all the great conversational threads that can lead to. Knowing ahead of time takes away from the fun of discovery. Pretending to have similar interests is not a strate…
/r/seduction16/06/10 11:49 PM
1

It doesn't. The argument against NLP was that they make outlandish claims. This is a counterargument. Ohh, you're referring to claims of effectiveness. Yeah, without proper research you won't know whether a certain NLP technique is more or less effective than some other therapy or taking an antidepressant or a placebo. I totally agree with you there. You can only know its effectiveness by trying it for yourself. It's not an ideal situation.
/r/seduction15/06/10 02:55 AM
2

I know that one of the outlandish claims was that it could be used to improve your eyesight. Well, just a few weeks ago Harvard Psychologist Ellen Langer came out with results that show that eyesight does improve when the subjects were induced to believe that their eyesight had improved. http://www.physorg.com/news192043428.html And here's her talking about more studies on physical changes the body undergoes when mindsets are changed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycSyQY8qW8A&feature=player_emb…
/r/seduction14/06/10 07:28 PM
1

I went to my local Shambhala center, too. They have free lessons.
/r/seduction14/06/10 06:39 PM
4

I force myself to smile when I'm all by myself until its time to see people. Oh, that's a great one! I really am not utilizing that one enough.
/r/seduction14/06/10 06:39 AM
3

By the way, doing Ross Jeffries patterns is NOT the whole of NLP. Yes, reciting scripts is weird, but just because that's weird doesn't mean all of NLP is useless. Actual NLP is totally different and has nothing to do with reciting scripts to random passers-by.
/r/seduction14/06/10 04:55 AM
3

Meditation is great, there are lots of places that will give free meditation classes. Meditation is proven to make you more non-reactive. Visualizing your outcome, as well as visualizing all the practical steps along the way to your outcome, improves performance. Keeping a list of all the qualities that you are looking for in a woman, and going over it again from time to time. This will keep you focused on what's really most important to you, to avoid wasting your time on women who you won't be …
/r/seduction14/06/10 04:49 AM
1

I'm not an expert on this, but I think it helps if the thing you're going to do is presented as a really juicy opportunity that they might miss out on. You know, something where they will be willing to re-arrange their schedule in order to make it. Obviously not every date can be like that. And she won't always be able to take time off work or whatever. Another idea: make the initial date a much smaller meeting with little commitment. Insta-dates right after first meeting are ideal to get the ba…
/r/seduction14/06/10 04:35 AM
6

1 I am the most important person in my life, and I will act accordingly. I think a more accurate way to say it might be "Don't do unto yourself what you wouldn't do unto others." This basically means don't be a dick to yourself, be kind to yourself. Other people are important too. Just don't give undue importance to other people, sexy women for example. Also, it means to pursue self-concordant goals, goals which are in alignment with what you value most, not what society says you're supposed to …
/r/seduction14/06/10 04:23 AM
4

No, NLP is not as useful as they claim, but they make some pretty wild claims! However, NLP is still incredibly useful. It has plenty of scientific validity, or I should say that most of the individual parts of it have scientific validity, anyway. NLP shares so many parts, principles, and underpinnings with humanistic psychology. These things are beginning to get much more scientific scrutiny in the Positive Psychology movement. The research is there, you just have to look for it. Tracking someo…
/r/seduction14/06/10 02:16 AM
1

Agreed.
/r/seduction13/06/10 06:02 AM
1

Ok, I'm over the whole Nazi argument. I think it's just my definition of leadership is good, ethical leadership. I consider unethical leadership to be not leadership at all. But yeah, it took SOME leadership skills to pull off what he did. But, that doesn't make it a good example to learn from.
/r/seduction13/06/10 05:07 AM
1

Yes. If he had had leadership ability, people wouldn't have done those things. It was essentially the absence of leadership that lead to those events. It doesn't take leadership to get people to kill each other. It takes leadership to get people to not kill each other.
/r/seduction13/06/10 04:59 AM
1

Absolutely I am saying he wasn't adept at leading men, because ultimately his leadership failed. Millions were slaughtered under his leadership. Millions of otherwise good people committed unspeakable acts under his leadership. He was adept at bringing men to ruin, not leading them. Ok, you can read the book, but only look at it as an example of bad leadership.
/r/seduction13/06/10 04:42 AM
1

There's a fantastic Harvard course called Psychology of Leadership with Tal Ben-Shahar. There's videos of the class floating around on the torrent sites. The best leadership development tool is probably taking an Outward Bound, or a wilderness leadership semester. Another great tool is to get 360 degree feedback: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/360-degree_feedback I find leadership to be endlessly fascinating. Some other great tools are to use appreciative inquiry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appr…
/r/seduction13/06/10 04:38 AM
1

Mein Kampf? Seriously?
/r/seduction13/06/10 04:11 AM
4

This reminds me of some great psychological research I read. It's basically that it's often hard to change a habit because we associate it with positive qualities about ourselves. So, even though we don't like being shy and quiet, and want to change, we find it hard to change because we want to keep all of those positive qualities we associate with being quiet. So, what you can do is list all of the positive qualities about yourself that you associate with being quiet. It might be being polite, …
/r/seduction12/06/10 07:47 AM
4

Personally, I really like the posts asking for advice. It gives me a chance to see where people's real life challenges are, and to give real-world advice. Cognitive science and psychology are cool. I would really like to see less articles put out by the "seduction industry" because a lot of the times they are just preying on people's insecurities. More articles from science and real research is what I want to see. But, you know, everyone gets their upvotes and downvotes! Use them!
/r/seduction11/06/10 11:12 PM
1

Well, I'm having a hard time figuring out what your exact criticism is because there's a wall of insults that I have to filter through. Yes, some people are in the rat race to a more or lesser degree. It's the people who compare themselves to others who are most in the rat race. If you have a few lays under your belt, and you meet a guy who has none, then you can feel good about yourself by comparison. But if you meet someone who has slept with dozens of gorgeous women, than by comparison you mi…
/r/seduction11/06/10 10:22 PM
6

Bars are not always the best places to go to meet women. The best place is where you're doing an activity that you really enjoy, or something that is relaxing to you where you're around other people. Obviously you don't enjoy bars that much, if you did you might be more outgoing. You could take a yoga, tai chi, or meditation class if that's what you're into. You could take a dance class, or go to a concert. I don't know what you like to do! But, find something that you're really into that you en…
/r/seduction11/06/10 07:47 AM
4

You noticed an opportunity, and that's a great start. I think if you just make an effort to say anything, even if it's not the exact right thing, would be a move in the right direction.
/r/seduction11/06/10 03:33 AM
0

Focus on and appreciate your strengths. Sure, you may be a bit of a goofball at times, but it is not the only thing you are, just an occasional weakness. Identify your strengths and build on them, so that you spend less time being a goofball, and eventually the goofballiness will shrink down to nothing for lack of practice. Also, being a goofball may at times be a strength, so don't discount it completely.
/r/seduction11/06/10 01:08 AM
1

I am just trying to rationalize to myself somewhat when I feel like using these techniques might be going against the grains of what I find normal. On second thought, I think the real issue here is that you might be going against the grain of what you value. Before you get into this game, you have to clarify to yourself what's most important to you and what you really want. Otherwise, it's just going to be a competition to see who can bag the sexiest bitch. What's most important to you in a rela…
/r/seduction11/06/10 01:00 AM
2

Gonna need more information than that. What stops you from making the initial approach, or what stops you from getting past the initial approach?
/r/seduction11/06/10 12:08 AM
2

This is just plain trolling. If you want a sincere discussion, make a sincere fucking comment.
/r/seduction10/06/10 11:52 PM
5

If you really want to be super-ethical about it, then I would advocate total and complete honesty with women. Really, if you see a woman and you think "wow, she's freakin cute," just go up and say "I saw you and thought to myself wow, you're freakin cute." This is actually a technique that is advocated in seduction systems such as "Mode One," and by the PUA "Zan". They even advocate you go up to a woman and say "I just really want to fuck you right now," if that's honestly how you feel. I'm not …
/r/seduction10/06/10 11:26 PM
5

I have a moderate amount of experience with NLP, and yes it does work if you use it with common sense. The aggressive marketing tends to over-promise, so when you actually learn NLP you tend to get into it with a sort of delusion about how powerful it's supposed to be. But when you get down into the details, in my experience, at the very least, 4/5 of everything in NLP can be backed up by sound psychological research. NLP practitioners take this science and transform it into an art, and at that …
/r/seduction10/06/10 09:15 PM
1

What are you talking about? How about posting in advance before the call starts. And what about a little info on how to actually get on the call.
/r/seduction10/06/10 05:11 AM
2

OMG! WTF? GTFO!
/r/seduction09/06/10 07:57 AM
2

Good point. I think it was supposed to be a word that invoked for him a sense of being cat-like in his approach. Or at least something neutral that didn't bring to mind the whole dating frame and dating rules. Just like how he's says instead of having confidence, you should have google. Unfortunately for most people it brings to mind some kind of military mission. And now of course google brings to mind the search engine. That's how long ago this was -- before Google was even around. I think may…
/r/seduction09/06/10 06:30 AM
1

Most recent one was a new Jenna Haze swallow, purchased from Fleshlight.com. It was a few weeks ago. That's the one that I had one of the worst reactions to.
/r/MensRights08/06/10 08:27 PM
3

What in the world are you talking about? How are you feeling a woman through the airplane seat? Those seats are pretty thick. I don't understand at all what's going on in this post. You think you made her orgasm because of the vibrations from take-off? Well, I guess there's a good argument for having positive illusions.
/r/seduction08/06/10 08:01 AM
1

Yes, they have given me refunds which was really good, and they gave me lots of data about their materials safety, which by the way it says it has never actually been tested for toxicity on humans, but they they expect it won't be toxic based on testing done on similar materials. So, that's kind of suspect. But I mean in the end if I'm allergic to it, and nobody else has the same kind of reactions, then there's nothing I can really do beyond that...
/r/MensRights08/06/10 12:41 AM
3

NLP comes from observations of interactions between people in therapy and leadership/coaching contexts. That's why it seems invented, because it's the type of communication that isn't the normal day-to-day. Since PUA is from observations of interactions in a purely social context, I agree, PUA is much better suited for the social scene.
/r/seduction07/06/10 09:27 PM
3

Ross Jeffries started the community on his seduction email group, and that's where most of the original lingo came from like Sarge, HB, AFC, etc. Back then it was totally creepy and nerdy. We have Neil Strauss and the Project Hollywood crew to credit for actually making it seem cool.
/r/seduction07/06/10 09:06 PM
1

I'm pretty sure it's the fleshlight and not the lube, because I've tried the lube by itself and no problems there. I've owned more than one FL. One of them I was only mildly sensitive to, but another one I was extremely sensitive to. I think their formula isn't always consistent.
/r/MensRights07/06/10 08:52 PM
1

:) :) :) I'm so glad I could help!
/r/seduction06/06/10 07:47 PM
1

Keep in mind that it is always nerve-wracking and scary for a man to ask out a woman, no matter how confident and secure he is. Also, this is just my opinion, but it seems like you wanting to be asked out by him is mostly about you wanting to be validated by him. If you want to have an actual relationship with him, and not just be validated, you've got to share with him who are you so that you can be known. You don't necessarily have to tell him "I want you to ask me out", although you could. Bu…
/r/seduction06/06/10 12:01 AM
1

You might just have naturally cold hands. Or, it could be from nervousness or anxiety. Maybe you have poor circulation and need to get some exercise, or you have too much stress. I think these can all be factors with cold hands. So, you should consider that, but if your hands are just naturally cold, then learning to have self-acceptance about your hands can benefit you. If someone comments on it and says you have cold hands, you can say "I'm glad you like them. Thanks for noticing." Also, kino …
/r/seduction05/06/10 11:19 PM
2

Yeah, I think that's sleazy. Because.... if you had left the condoms there by accident and didn't realize it, then when you saw it you were probably likely to respond with embarrassment, or at least acknowledge them. The fact that you had no response would definitely be fishy. She can smell the dishonesty. I think you could have said "Oh woops, how did that get in there? I should be more careful about where I put my things." Or at least joked about it like "shh, don't tell anybody that those are…
/r/seduction05/06/10 11:12 PM
14

I know exactly what's going on, and it's very common. The reason you're having a hard time is because you've been praised for your good looks. It breeds perfectionism. What happens is that you think in order to live up to this idea that you're good looking, that means that you shouldn't ever fail with women, or even have to try. If you do try and fail, it calls into question the idea that you're good looking. Now, the people who praised you for you looks had good intentions, they wanted you to f…
/r/seduction05/06/10 11:05 PM
3

There isn't anything that you can consciously do to place your body language into a sexy position that makes her think "sex". I think if you want to go that route, you've got to have sexiness in your mind and in your soul, and it will come through in your body language in ways that are not consciously definable. I can't say put your lips like this and your eyes like this and your legs like this. The best way to keep someone thinking about sex without talking about sex is to use innuendo, sexual …
/r/seduction01/06/10 07:29 AM
1

when we do science we may endure hardship, but we do it because we must. Haha. Totally made me think of this: Aperture Science. We do what we must because we can. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI
/r/seduction01/06/10 06:59 AM
4

It seems to me like it's the fear of screwing it up. You've got a good thing and you don't want to lose it. The fact is, relationships that don't experience conflict ultimately don't succeed. There has to be a small amount of conflict for the relationship to grow. You can't think that you can go through this perfectly without any errors or mistakes. You've got to forge ahead with what feels right to you. Yeah, she might think it's slutty, but you've got to work that out between you and her. You'…
/r/seduction01/06/10 06:20 AM
5

Forgive me for finding this funny. Legs open with a hand near your crotch! Ok, ok. :) That's the kind of thing that guys want to see women do, so we think logically women will like it when guys do it. Just wrong... Okay, well body language in terms of posture and body position is mainly used for making yourself more attractive, not necessarily seductive. Body language can convey confidence, charisma, friendliness. But, it won't necessarily make a woman think of you in a sexual way. The way to be…
/r/seduction01/06/10 06:09 AM
3

No, but I'm glad you like it. Thanks for noticing.
/r/seduction31/05/10 09:03 PM
1

Let me clarify. When you were a child, it was essential to have validation from your parents. As we grow older, we don't need that validation as much. However, a child who did not receive validation from their parents will grow up to be maladjusted. They don't have a rock to stand on from which to cultivate a healthy independence and autonomy. We should always be trending towards more independence, more self expression, and less validation seeking. But to completely deny the ego, or to totally s…
/r/seduction31/05/10 02:42 AM
1

Yes, it's ok for you to feel passion for her. AND, it's ok for you to feel bad because she thinks you shouldn't feel it. But, I think she's making a big mistake to tell you you shouldn't feel that way. How someone feels is just how they feel. Most likely what's going on is that she does not accept her own emotions, and she's externalizing that and not accepting other people's emotions either. So yeah, you are in the right to feel how you feel and to express it. But I mean, if it makes you feel b…
/r/seduction30/05/10 04:50 AM
1

I think it's going to be really important for you to talk about it. Do you feel like you failed? Are you rejecting your failure, like it's not OK to fail? Here's an excellent exercise on learning to accept failure and learn from it: Take fifteen minutes of your time and write about an event or a situation in which you failed. Describe what you did, the thoughts that went through your mind, how you felt about it then, and how you feel about it now as you are writing. Has the passage of time chang…
/r/seduction30/05/10 04:37 AM
0

Things don't always happen for the best. But some people can make the best of things that happen.
/r/seduction30/05/10 04:30 AM
2

Yes, it is possible to care about the process too much. Most AFC's starting out have the problem of wanting validation too much, so they learn that wanting validation is bad, and that it's all about not seeking validation and just focusing on the process. The problem is that wanting validation is totally normal and human. If we try to deny it too much, it will creep back up on you and ultimately it will be very damaging. I think it's much healthier to acknowledge that seeking validation is perfe…
/r/seduction30/05/10 04:24 AM
1

Have you ever had any kind of allergic reaction to the material, or any physical symptoms like sore throat, asthma, swelling? I'm trying to figure out whether it's just me that's allergic, or if it's a widespread thing.
/r/MensRights27/05/10 04:37 AM
1

This is a great one because this is how I often used to feel, and often still do. I have perfectionistic tendencies. What's going on is not just the fear of failure, which is normal, but the total rejection of the whole notion of failure. Getting an STD is one kind of failure, and getting shut down is another, and to a perfectionist they both seem totally unacceptable. The other thing is all-or-nothing thinking. In your mind, the only failure you see happening is basically the worst possible sce…
/r/seduction24/05/10 11:23 PM
2

Just thought of one other thing. You can say this, referring to the person who is over-talking you (let's call him Steve) "hey everybody, listen to Steve. He's talking right now, please pay attention! Steve has something he wants to say." This can be done in a dumber of ways. One way is to make it funny and silly, like you're teasing the guy for being unnecessarily loud. Another way of doing it is to be genuine about it, like you're really doing your best to help out the guy who has to over-talk…
/r/seduction24/05/10 07:38 PM
1

Agreed.
/r/seduction24/05/10 07:31 PM
10

A lot of it has to do with your voice, and I don't mean how loud you are. I mean your voice tone, and your voice tempo. Speak with more passion, more enthusiasm, more emotion, and vary it up. When you're speaking about something exciting speak with excitement. When you're talking about something sad, speak sadly. Use your voice to express emotion. Speak slowly and clearly. Use.... pausing..... when..... you.... speak. Use pauses at just the right...... time. People's attention becomes captivated…
/r/seduction24/05/10 04:33 AM
1

Ok yeah, that's a great point! I have a 100% legitimate excuse for them to come back to my place right away. And, I've noticed that most women love helping in the kitchen. And, if I could do that then preparing my food would just be that much easier. Double bonus. My kitchen right now is awful though. That's a really compelling goal for me to set though: to get a great kitchen.
/r/seduction23/05/10 08:28 PM
1

Yeah, I get pretty down about it sometimes, and I am assuming that women will think it's a drag. Actually, It's frequently a drag on me, and I feel like in order to date I have to be up and cheerful and funny all the time... but the reality is that I'm often going to be down. So maybe I'm assuming that being down means that no woman would want to date me because I'm down. It would be a drag on anyone to date someone who has a health condition that requires everyday attention. Why date me, when y…
/r/seduction23/05/10 07:00 AM
2

I need some specific advice. I have recently been diagnosed with multiple food allergies/intolerances that pretty much prevent me from eating at any restaurants. When should I tell a woman about my health condition? It's not possible to hide it because at some point she will want to get food with me. I can't ask her out for lunch or coffee or anything food related. Do you have any advice for mini-dates or day-2 type of activities? When and how is the best way to bring it up? Beyond the day-2, ho…
/r/seduction23/05/10 06:08 AM
5

I dont get how this is frame control. What I see is someone who goes into a flow state when he drives.
/r/seduction22/05/10 07:39 AM
2

It's actually a very good thing that you don't act on all your desires. It means your human, and not a psychopath! Only psychopaths act on all their desires. I think what's missing here is a self-permission to feel your feelings. I can tell there's a lot of lust going on here, and it makes you uncomfortable to feel lust. My advice is to get comfortable with lust, lust is your friend, welcome it in. The best thing that you can ACTUALLY do without breaking the law is just to say to the woman "when…
/r/seduction19/05/10 02:27 AM
2

This is one of those things where everyone has their own personal preference. I would say that since you are so attuned to smell, you should go with what smells best to you. You can go to a men's department store and try smelling some of the free cologne samples. The other thing I've heard guys do is put a different cologne sample on each wrist, and then go around and ask girls to vote on which of your wrists smells best - the right or the left, and count up the votes.
/r/seduction16/05/10 08:06 AM
5

My personal attitude is that just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to express how you feel about her. You know, it doesn't mean that suddenly your feelings are invalid because she has a boyfriend. That's totally silly. For me it's like if I say "I find you very sexy," and she says "I already have a boyfriend," it's like OK well what does that have to do with me thinking you're sexy? It's not like having a boyfriend makes it so all other men in the world are not al…
/r/seduction16/05/10 03:47 AM
1

Don't use anti-perspirants, because they prevent your body from detoxifying through sweating. It's very unhealthy. They also use aluminum in them. This kind of thing can lead to even worse body odor and bad skin conditions. If you want to smell good, go for a cologne or aftershave instead. Although, many colognes and perfumes these days are made with synthetic chemicals. I think because of all the recent AXE commercials, there might be an over-emphasis on body odor in terms of personal grooming …
/r/seduction16/05/10 03:37 AM
1

Well, the OP asked what will engage the person. No, this is not good at all as an opener, because it requires too much commitment to answer. But you can use it anywhere from the attraction/qualifying phase all the way to the comfort building and pre-seduction and post-seduction phases. The criticism I'm hearing is mainly from people who have never tried it. You know, "that won't work." etc. Studies in organizational leadership show that is it perhaps the most effective tool at building group coh…
/r/seduction13/05/10 01:26 AM
3

Such a great idea! But I think you just need more precise questions. Like think if an actor screwed up his part in a play and he asks you how he bombed it. You'd have no idea, because you don't know how the performance is supposed to go! All you know is that you didn't like the performance. And you're not an acting coach either, so your advice would be basically useless. Yet still you can appreciate a good performance. However, if he asked you like on a scale of 1 - 10, how good was his enunciat…
/r/seduction12/05/10 06:54 AM
3

Yeah, I know it's weird if you're not used to saying these things, and especially if you don't really get the purpose of why to ask these things. This is not for small-talk, like "hey hows the weather?", you get what I'm saying? It may feel natural to you to say "nice day we're having, isn't it?", but as you may well know it doesn't lead anywhere in the end. The thing is, when I'm talking with a woman, I genuinely want to know: what are you passionate about? what excites you? what makes you feel…
/r/seduction12/05/10 06:30 AM
-2

What will really engage someone is to ask an "appreciative inquiry" question. The question will be along the lines of "What's something that has happened recently that was most exciting for you?" or "Can you remember a time when you felt the happiest?" The basic purpose of the question is to get the other person on the track of thinking about something that excited them, or made them happy, or made them feel positive emotions. You're getting them to talk about and appreciate a positive experienc…
/r/seduction12/05/10 04:41 AM
3

I commented on this technique earlier. I am glad someone is getting some use out of it. Honestly, I don't know how effective it is. My guess is that it's about as effective as doing a gratitude list every day, where you ask yourself the question "what am I most grateful for?". I think that problem with affirmations is that it's an optimism that's not built on reality, but the questions method hopefully will be based in reality. Anything you can do to focus on your strengths will help to build th…
/r/seduction12/05/10 03:06 AM
1

It's simple. It's a failure of leadership. Of course the people who have failed you don't want to admit it, and will naturally become defensive about it - that's where the failure is. It's the same answer to the reason why there are still millions of people around the world today living in slavery. Yes we thought we had abolished slavery, but it still exists and nobody will talk about it. Why hasn't anyone gone to help those in slavery, and nobody in the developed world is willing to talk about …
/r/seduction09/05/10 07:02 AM
2

Congratulations on your successes. Unfortunately for someone who is chronically insecure, these words will have little effect, but they do point the way. Everyone has their own unique challenges. People learn different beliefs -- you obviously have beliefs that support you in forming relationships with relative ease. I hesitate to say that what you need to "have" is supportive beliefs, because it's not so much something that you have or can get, but a belief is more like something that you can b…
/r/seduction07/05/10 05:21 AM
2

Social Proof is the name of the principle which says that people will tend to do the same things as others who are perceived to be like them. Thus women who see other women around you will want to be around you too. Social Proof is used heavily in advertising and marketing, and of course political campaigns. Note the politician who always says "I'm a regular Joe, I grew up on a farm in middle America," etc. He's leveraging social proof to gain support for his policies.
/r/seduction02/05/10 06:20 AM
2

I agree that when you approach, you should have nothing on your mind. It should be totally clear and empty. However, it's not really that helpful to say that you need to have nothing on your mind, because it doesn't say HOW to get to that state of having nothing on your mind. I remember reading something about Paul Ekman, where he uses software to train people to identify an emotion in someone's face in a split-second. On the first try, nobody gets it right at all, maybe 50% accuracy - not any b…
/r/seduction02/05/10 06:03 AM
3

It's not just because of proximity. You also have to bring emotional acuity and empathy into it for it to really work, otherwise it's purely a physical exercise. You have to tune yourself to feel the other person's feelings - and that's what creates the sense of bonding, and that's why gazing is especially important in mother-infant relationships. In that sense, it really is a stronger bond.
/r/seduction01/05/10 11:24 PM
3

That's true, it is more about how you say it. There can be a number of reasons why you find it difficult to approach. The first thing to me is that your approach should not be about impressing her. I know it's a temptation to think that your approach has to be so smooth and perfect as to instantly sweep her off her feet. If you're trying to impress, then you're already getting off on the wrong foot. Your approach should focus more on expressing. If you're nervous, don't try to hide away your ner…
/r/seduction01/05/10 10:59 PM
1

I did not actually read it, because I can already tell your writing is going to be very long-winded. However, congrats on writing! There is tons of research that shows that writing about stressful or traumatic experiences can lower your baseline level of anxiety(your long-term anxiety level), it boosts your immune system, and makes you more outgoing. Make sure at the end of your writing you also write about what you have learned from the experience, and perhaps write about steps you think you ca…
/r/seduction01/05/10 10:23 PM
7

Soul Gazing is not an NLP technique. If you want an explanation to why soul gazing might work, check out the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, and perhaps Social Intelligence as well. I'm not sure whether gazing is talked about in the first book or the second, but there are tons of experiments done with mothers and infants where they gaze at each other in an emotional feedback loop, and they study how the child gets anxious and basically freaks out if the mother looks away for too l…
/r/seduction01/05/10 10:15 PM
1

For me, I would say to know you and to be known by you. To express who I am and for you to express who you are. But really, I think it's kind of an awful question: What do you want OUT of this relationship? It implies that there is an object to obtain from the relationship. I would also opt to reply with a similar but far better question: What's most important to you in a relationship?
/r/seduction27/04/10 05:41 AM
2

Be OK with being uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is the zone where you grow. So, I think trying to stay comfortable is the wrong goal altogether. When you are pushing your limits and feeling uncomfortable, give yourself permissions to be human and allow those feelings of uncomfortable to be there with you. You know the expression: "get outside of your comfort zone"? That's where you want to be.
/r/seduction26/04/10 03:28 AM
3

Let's just get off the boxing metaphor right away. You're not in a prize fight with this woman! Perhaps she is very beautiful and quite a challenge. If you date women who are not challenging at all, you will ultimately not grow as a person and not be happy. If she's too much of a challenge, you will just get frustrated and not be happy. There is a sweet spot right in the middle where you can be in the happiness zone. Go for it! If she becomes way too much for you to handle, then hang back and da…
/r/seduction26/04/10 03:18 AM
1

I completely agree with the reply from nearlyantisocial, but I'll answer your question directly. This is just one method, and I think direct and straightforward radical honesty is sometimes preferred. --First off, say you open a set with an opinion question, keeping the conversation going with comments/questions while ignoring and possibly negging the target.-- When you do this step correctly, the target will IOI you first. You're displaying value to the rest of the group, and this is the bait. …
/r/seduction25/04/10 11:52 PM
1

I second this. Success is when you learn something. So actually ask yourself: What have I learned from this experience? It's too often that we think success only happens when we get the big grand prize at the end. That makes it so that each step along the way is a pointless exercise that ultimately has no meaning other than as a way to finally get to the end. It's really important to know your values. What's most important to you in life? What is it about getting into a relationship that's most …
/r/seduction25/04/10 08:39 PM
2

I think there's a huge lesson to be learned here about self-esteem. You did what you knew was the right and ethical thing to do. It doesn't matter if in the end your calling security didn't help the situation. You didn't simply walk past like all the other AFC sheep. You stopped and thought about what would be the right thing to do in this situation. This is one way to cultivate independent self-esteem, a self-esteem that does not depend on being liked by other people, or by comparing yourself t…
/r/seduction24/04/10 08:31 PM
2

Their problem is very simple - they are comparing themselves to you. When they make that kind of comparison, of course they're going to feel bad about themselves, and blame you for it. And then they start telling themselves lies to make themselves feel better "that stuff is all bullshit" etc. Another way to look at it is this: are you comparing yourself to your less successful friends, in order to feel better about your achievements? This is likely to happen if what you have achieved is not in t…
/r/seduction23/04/10 08:19 PM
3

It helps to understand why AMOGs behave the way they do. These are generally the types of guys who have an unstable sense of self-esteem. They get their self-esteem mainly by being the guy who gets hot chicks, or wins in sports, or whatever it is they do. When you come in, you're obviously perceived as a threat to their self-esteem. You could waltz right in and take their girl. That's where AMOG situations are most likely to take place, anyways. So in response they act arrogant and douche-y, as …
/r/seduction22/04/10 11:23 PM
4

No, I can't seduce everyone. What makes people invest in other people is small repeated investments that build up bigger and bigger over time. Making eye contact is an investment, however small that may be. Then talking to someone for the first time, then hanging out with them, then going to their place, then... on and on. Investment requires emotion and trust - honesty, reliability - otherwise they won't invest. It occurs repeatedly and builds up. It's the principle of commitment and consistenc…
/r/seduction21/04/10 03:44 AM
3

Bottom line is she likes the validation that she gets from you every time you ask her out. If she goes out with you, she might do something stupid to lose your validation. Better to take it away now so she gets used to it. Rather than playing the back-and-forth validation game, play the being known game. Tell her exactly how you feel about the rejections from her. Does it make you angry? Does it make you lose interest? By saying "I put the burden of invite on you." the reason it's a mistake is b…
/r/seduction19/04/10 11:10 PM
1

Tal Ben-Shahar's Positive Psychology class at Harvard, the videos. It's an entire semester of class, but it is 10x better than Deep Inner Lame. He does a few sessions on relationships and self-esteem that are phenomenal. You'll recognize alot of PUA inner-game concepts, but he presents them in a very thorough and rigorous scientific context. It's more general though, as he doesn't go into the finer details of cognitive therapy, but it is highly recommended.
/r/seduction18/04/10 06:24 AM
1

This first thing you should do is set a goal for something that you want. Otherwise you're just going to try to copy everyone else and follow along with the crowd, and it ultimately won't work, because you won't know what the hell you're doing it for. The fact that you're here means you have some idea about what you want. What do you want? What do you REALLY want?
/r/seduction18/04/10 06:08 AM
2

I have a suggestion about affirmations that comes from Tony Robbins. He suggests using questions rather than affirmations. For example instead of an affirmation like "I am confident with people," you ask yourself the question "What are all the reasons why I know I can meet people and make new friends?" That way, you have to come up with REAL answers that are actually TRUE about yourself. Doing it this way shines a light on your actual strengths that have been for too long hidden away in the dark…
/r/seduction18/04/10 06:01 AM
1

You mean DeAngelo's "Deep Inner Lame". Sorry, but it's probably the worst inner game program ever, in my opinion.
/r/seduction18/04/10 05:56 AM
1

upvoted. This is the best advice for starters who have depression and low self-esteem.
/r/seduction18/04/10 05:53 AM
1

There is no way to tell what someone's intentions are by what travel arrangement they made about getting one bed or two. There's too many variables. It could be he's trying to save money, or he thinks of you as like a sibling and doesn't mind sharing a bed. Or, he was lying when he said he just wants to be friends. The only thing you can go in is what YOU want to do, whether or not it's a shared feeling by him. I realize that women often don't know whether they want to have sex until AFTER they'…
/r/seduction16/04/10 01:17 AM
5

I noticed that you keep saying that you always screw this stuff up, are a total idiot, and that you're a moron. A habit that I have sometimes is asking myself "Why do I always screw this stuff up?" without even realizing it. My brain will give me answers like "because you're an idiot and a moron with women." Well, that may be true at times. And it can be useful to ask that question sometimes, but it is not useful if it has become a habitual pattern of thinking, and it's not useful for getting in…
/r/seduction15/04/10 10:59 PM
3

I use patterning. All effective speakers use patterning - think Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, or Obama. They capture our emotions. To oversimplify it, it works on the principle of "priming", look it up. Also, it's the embodiment of "express rather than impress". Don't use them as a way to impress with how amazing your words are, use it to express something that you feel strongly about. In that sense, coming up with your own patterns and metaphors is most effective.
/r/seduction15/04/10 03:43 AM
1

Start pursuing a self-concordant goal. That is, a goal that is in line with your own personal values, rather than a goal that is meant to impress someone else or is someone else's ideas of what you "should" be doing. Self-concordant goals foster a self-esteem that is independent of outside circumstances (getting dumped, for example). Self-improvement is sometimes a good self-concordant goal. Only you know what you really, really, really want to do. Also, tell the truth. I mean every little thing…
/r/seduction15/04/10 02:33 AM
3

I am improving my emotional intelligence (EQ) by staying present with every feeling that I have, allowing myself to have every feeling that I have, and trying to be radically honest with people about every feeling I have about them. Yeah it can hurt people's feelings, but it's giving me an incredible sense of freedom, and it's getting much easier to move on after being rejected, or moving on from having a crush or one-itis. If you just allow yourself to feel it and pay attention to it, and name …
/r/seduction14/11/09 10:10 PM
1

epicly well? Then it wasn't anything that I did - it's what you did. I'm glad to hear it!
/r/seduction09/11/09 03:46 AM
2

There are two possibilities here. One is that you need to re-evaulute your criteria for what you're looking for in a woman, because what you're being attracted to is unattainability. Imagine that same woman in a situation where she was attainable - would you still be interested in her? Second is that some guys really enjoy a challenge, so I'll go along with you. You can write her a note in an envelope with her name on it and give it to her. You can try to be equally as challenging and try to get…
/r/seduction05/11/09 01:38 AM
0

Everyone's ignoring the real issue here. I know some people say the best way to get over it is to go meet someone new. The truth is that you don't get over it until you process your feelings and learnings from the situation. One thing that has been proven to lower anxiety for the long-term is journaling. Write for 20 minutes about your breakup, focusing on the emotions of how you felt, how you feel about it now, what you learned, and any new positive realizations or action plans. It's okay if it…
/r/seduction05/11/09 01:08 AM
2

You've got 2 out of 3, that's not bad. And by going out you're working on getting the third one. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly at first. You know, now that I think about it, a woman is someone's child, and she has special needs, too. Go out to the kind of place that you enjoy, like I like discovering local indie bands, so that's where I like to go. That way even if you don't meet someone, you got to enjoy yourself anyways. Or, I like bookstores because I like looking at books and ma…
/r/seduction03/11/09 03:24 AM
4

My advice is to start out slowly, jump in at the shallow end. Don't run a marathon if you haven't been training for it, you'll just injure yourself and you won't want to go back and try again. Physical attractiveness is not as important to women as it is for men. What's important for women is how you make them feel emotionally. Let's talk about women's attraction triggers. The first trigger is a guy who is a leader. It could be the lead singer in a band, a CEO, a president, a teacher, or the soc…
/r/seduction02/11/09 10:33 PM
3

I think there are two sides to attractiveness - one is how you maintain yourself and present yourself: grooming, wardrobe, accessories, posture, voice tone and tempo, general attitude and way of being. The second is your self image and your beliefs about your own attractiveness and self-worth, and your self-acceptance. I don't know what you look like but it is entirely possible that you are a good-looking guy and don't know it because of the inner stuff. It's also possible that your inner self i…
/r/seduction02/11/09 09:40 PM
1

Sometimes guys want to tell a girl that they "like" her as a way of lying, manipulating, and trying to control the situation. You know what I mean, like hiding your true feelings and desires behind the mask of "I like you". If you really think about those situations where you wanted to tell a girl that you liked her, there were probably much more feelings going on - I bet you liked her, but you also found her annoying, or were jealous of other guys she gave attention to, or sometimes she really …
/r/seduction02/11/09 09:24 PM
4

I'm not sure if I understand the question. But, it's simple, just say "I want..." whatever you want. Not saying it with the assumption of getting it, but saying it as a sharing of and transparency of your desire. You can also say "I think you look..." whatever she looks like: cute, gorgeous, stunning. Or you can say "I feel..." whatever: attracted to you, like I want to meet you, etc. And it's important not to say what you think you're supposed to want or supposed to feel. Take a moment and real…
/r/seduction01/11/09 08:01 PM
2

Speaking for myself: Manipulative as in being controlling is simply not true. Anyone who's good at game is sufficiently socially intelligent and emotionally intelligent, and has leadership skills. Beginners will always face some temptation to use PUA skills to manipulate. Manwhore is not true either. A true manwhore is one who spends all his money and resources on women - giving his power away. Men don't give away their power by sleeping with women. Heartbreaker is OK. Heartbreak is a normal hum…
/r/seduction13/09/09 05:46 AM
4

Please see the acronym/slang guide on fastseduction http://www.fastseduction.com/acronyms.shtml. If you want to go more in-depth you can read "The Game" by Neil Strauss.
/r/seduction09/09/09 11:24 PM
2

That Brando example is great! Notice something else about it... his level of honesty is uncompromising. He is completely honest in every answer, and he demands honesty from his interviewers. That's why there are so many pauses - he's considering his answers on the fly, which gives us a much greater sense of sincerity and trustworthiness.
/r/seduction25/08/09 03:10 AM
6

You don't have to go to a bar... Go and do anything that you enjoy doing where other people will be there doing the same thing - a class, a booksigning, a sport, rocking out to a local band. Bars are only a good place for trying out new routines and lines because there is a high volume of people traffic. Unless you really really enjoy going to bars, you've got a low chance of meeting someone there who genuinely clicks with you. One way to enjoy bars is to go there only to group up with friends a…
/r/seduction25/08/09 02:45 AM
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