~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 35 | Incels and the Great Fakecel RealizationOh ppl believed that? I always assumed they had sex and still complained. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/04/22 05:32 PM |
| 39 | Little reminder about "red flags"And it sucks when friends don’t listen when we point out the red flags. Friend recently went exclusive with a guy, afterwards she told him she was open to seeing other people, and within a week he texted “casually” to ask her if it was cool for him to meet this girl who he had matched with before and agreed to meet with before their exclusivity conversation- as friends of course. This is a man who’s often on random trips. My guess is he wanted her to be exclusive while he did whatever. I told he… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 06:48 AM |
| 10 | Post where Will Smith was describing an out of hand party he threw for his wife, who clearly didn't want it. Obv gotta blame the woman for not being "grateful" for his "thoughtfulness".Yeah there’s no cheating and it’s known that Will has gotten around- so a lot of this is men being angry about Jada as if she were property. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/22 10:29 PM |
| 15 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!Yeah the conversation was over text. He came in screaming and slamming doors bc he thought I had left without him. I imagine this was common and I just never knew. If this is how he really felt about being asked to show up on time I can’t imagine how he really felt when I asked him to take me out on dates. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 09:42 PM |
| 144 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!Ex was compliant. I thought he was perfect until my birthday, when he came home screaming about how selfish I was (he thought I wasn’t home). He kept me waiting too long and I had made arrangements with my friends (bc he hadn’t) so I told him I would leave. He slammed doors and yelled about being late bc he had to go buy me a present last minute…. Until he realized I was home when I started sobbing and he switched immediately back to “normal.” When I tell you we never had a fight…. From then on … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 07:09 PM |
| 26 | Can you be a HVW and date (reasonably) older men?This seems more like an issue about not wanting to be alone until you find the right type of candidates. Maybe re-strategize your social life so you’re around more successful people your age. The way you think doesn’t make sense statistically (why would there be a wage gap if there weren’t three more wealthy men for each one of you?). The scarcity mind-set around age is likely to present itself in other areas, so I would work on that first. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 03:36 PM |
| 60 | Major Trigger Warning on the topic of War, Rape, Violence. The Mỹ Lai massacre was the mass murder of unarmed South Vietnamese civilians by United States troops in Sơn Tịnh District, South Vietnam, on 16 March 1968 during the Vietnam War. 54 years ago today, American soldiers terrorized a village. 💔It’s not talked about bc academia is also filled with a bunch of misogynists.. especially political science & history. I’m sorry about it all 💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/22 10:59 PM |
| 2 | It’s been 2 years since Brenna Taylor was killed. As an Asian woman, I cannot speak for Black women. Watching and reading comments with of Black women dealing with the challenges of misogynoir (sexism & racism) makes me really empathize and want to amplify their voices though. She deserves justice.Please fix the typo, it’s Breonna not Brenna | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/22 03:47 PM |
| 97 | What strategies should I implement for this guy that’s traveling to me?So you’re about to move into one of the coolest places in the world, with endless options, and you’re getting excited about this one guy. So far he’s a decent candidate. Common connections, not OLD, some consistency in communication + interest. The key here is to lower expectations- he’s a young guy in college. You don’t know what he’s like in his home turf. Your attitude should be light rejection and [giggle] “you’re crazy” if he offers a date, etc. I’ve had guys even offer to move before and i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/22 05:49 AM |
| 46 | The Struggle Is Real...That’s still a quarter of a million people…. So correct me if I’m wrong, but even with this super biased metric, you could still date a different guy every day for more than 700 years and not go through them all. (I’m not a math wiz, but this is based on a population of 162 million men in 2021) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 09:36 PM |
| 19 | I was told by a female colleague that at first sight I’m totally unapproachableContext is important. Personally, I’ve practiced being more approachable in social settings, and flirting/ making eye contact with men so they get a green light. It’s a skill like any other. But at work this is not where I want to be like that so it doesn’t matter to me as much. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 04:23 PM |
| 51 | What would you do if your partner doesn’t like thirst traps when you send them?I would have immediately blocked him… like why is this a conversation? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 09:44 PM |
| 27 | I don't know if I did the right thing.But at the same time he might have stalked your door and kept coming back if he thought there was hope you were on a trip or something. You did the right thing! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 06:38 AM |
| 6 | Euphoria: libfem propaganda or thoughtful series?She looks like his mom so… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 04:31 AM |
| 89 | Euphoria: libfem propaganda or thoughtful series?The writer/director/producer is a narcissist with a fetish for Zendaya. Did you see that movie he also wrote/directed where she plays his wife? It’s basically the burning trash that is his marriage because he’s abusive, plus it tokenises the Black experience. It was weird watching his dirty laundry and how abusive men are aware of how awful they are and still make a whole movie about it. Super cringe. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 02:34 PM |
| 218 | If you could write your ex's Tinder profileMale, 36, 6”2. Hot pilot with cash to burn. Will fly you out to Rome for a date. I also believe I’m a robot and can leave you any time without catching feelings. Will offer to move countries for you, and insist I have never done this before. I know it’s confusing. I like that. Will casually ask if you can launder money or trade cryptos for me- even though I said I used to work in Wall Street. My mom says I’m a narcissist. Did I tell you how much I hate her? She said I should date smart girls, wh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 03:28 AM |
| 179 | The results of applying FDS to my dating since having moved.Thanks for this! I’m slowly getting ready to date again, and your great vetting is encouraging 💕 I know a lot of ppl measure success by finding a HV guy, but I personally measure it by amount of bullets dodged. You’re doing amazing! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 08:13 PM |
| 28 | Have you ever walked out of a first date and why?Truth. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 09:57 PM |
| 96 | Have you ever walked out of a first date and why?I’m not afraid of rejecting any man, or being rude as all hell to them either. I feel it is my right as a human and I’m willing to fight them for it. I was in my pick-me days and I used to ignore the stupid things himbos said so I would get some action (we’ve all changed ok!? I now know I can find men who are both hot and not idiots). Anyways, during dinner, this one guy made an islamophobic comment that he wasn’t hot enough to get away with, so my eyes glazed over, and I immediately looked away… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 09:29 PM |
| 49 | Woman quits job to breastfeed boyfriend "full time", what in pickme hell?Lmao, yup- I’m not gonna be traumatized by this. Will just wait for the podcast to roast this dude so I can laugh about it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 02:19 PM |
| 36 | is planning the same weekend trip with a different girl one year later an issue?Cabin in the mountains is no-no for a boyfriend you don’t trust- as has been said multiple times here. I would have casually suggested we do something else. But the fact that you said it upsets you and he didn’t immediately change the trip is major 🚩 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 02:17 PM |
| 48 | Ali Wong’s “Don Wong” ShowI don’t know how seriously to take her statements as she seems to purposefully exaggerate her sentiments (about being a kept woman, for instance). So even porn & sex references might feel liberating for her Asian audience where a lot of sexuality is taboo. Remember she’s an entertainer- so a lot of what she does is stretch reality to make us laugh- and that clearly takes priority over a realistic narration of her relationship. She isn’t out there cheating or engaging in casual sex, as much as sh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/22 03:27 AM |
| 23 | Blocking is empowering yet drainingJust thinking about how to reduce their access to you… How are you meeting these men and why do they have your phone number? If it’s OLD then you just unmatch. If it’s in person, maybe it’s good to hold off on giving your info. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 05:24 AM |
| 1 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesGirl…. Are you ok? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 04:25 AM |
| 0 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesSure, girl- I’m angry and outraged. Lot of projection goin on. This was like last week, right? Enjoy the next of your week! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 04:17 AM |
| 28 | If he doesn't do anything for you on VDay you need to block him. Period. Any low effort? Bye.My male colleague consulted with me and other women at the office last year about whether to get his new girl a gift (he said it might be too soon after two months). His buddies were all saying not to. His gift ended up being very thoughtful and appropriate and I’m glad he did give it to her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 04:54 AM |
| 7 | He wants to move in togetherI’m just wondering how you missed the big red letters that said “don’t ever move in with boyfriends” is all… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 03:49 PM |
| 7 | He wants to move in togetherAnother person who didn’t read the handbook…. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 02:22 PM |
| 328 | Men asking for Instagram or WhatsApp prior to meetingNope! I’ve lived internationally and this is really common, but not for good reasons. Before, I indulged because I thought it was a good way to avoid catfishing. What ended up happening is that I had a bunch of online “satellites.” They see it as a way to vet your looks for casual sex, and feel no obligation to ask you out. Will stalk your stories, react, breadcrumb you and waste your time texting forever because they have no intention of getting to know you- they just want to beef-up their soci… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 08:12 PM |
| 30 | How do you remove a guy from your life when you see him everyday?If he cared enough to spend time/ do sexual things, then he cares what you think- trust. It’s normal when you’re young to have low self-esteem and feel bad/want his validation. Just do your best to reprioritize and focus on what you care about. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 07:04 PM |
| 16 | "Liberated: the new sexual revolution" on NetflixThank youu 💕💕 you da realest | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 02:23 PM |
| 41 | "Liberated: the new sexual revolution" on NetflixPlease put trigger warnings for rape, girl 🙏🏽 Thank you for sharing! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 02:05 PM |
| 288 | How do you remove a guy from your life when you see him everyday?Ice-ice baby. Treat him cold like you’re trying to save the polar bears. See through him like he’s windex. Always makes me feel great. Nothing hurts a guy’s ego like a girl who doesn’t give an f- especially if he’s popular. The best way to engage with any type of immaturity is to not. A lot of it is feeling like you have to be polite, say hi, care at all. Just don’t! Edit: I do want to say- it’s totally fine and natural to have leftover feelings. Just don’t show him anything. Your feelings are f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 02:02 PM |
| 0 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesThanks. When we use the term construct usually we refer to a social construct so really I was asking you if you thought ptsd is a social construct. Also, by definition, if an event is traumatic it results in trauma. Otherwise it would just be an event. Also wonder where you’re taking these definitions from. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 03:49 AM |
| -1 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesSorry- the construct of sexual trauma? You mean ptsd, right? I get that you’re probably upset at me because I don’t agree. Usually I would go on and read the article and refute it but I’ve been working on not doing extraneous labor and to me, it’s on op to explain. It’s nothing personal. Thanks for sharing :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 12:31 AM |
| 38 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesI guess I don’t understand the point of the post- no disrespect to you 🤗 Yes, we know that men should stop shaming women for casual sex. But why should we condone the narrative that casual sex isn’t harmful to our self-esteem to do that? I’ve read from many women here who have experienced sexual trauma- which is scientifically linked to low self-esteem… so I guess that though I get where you are coming from- I don’t see how we come out winning with this type of research. Lots of feminist anti-sl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 10:19 PM |
| 15 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesYour assumption that I have an inaccurate view of the sex and self-esteem (and by that you mean I shame women, etc) is quite off-base. I have no intention to reveal my own experiences to refute your argument. I also don’t have time to address the fallacy that all research is “science” and therefore unquestionable and more relevant than first-hand experience. It is not my job to do any of those things. It is the job of op to clarify their intention in why they posted a screenshot of an article wi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 10:13 PM |
| 74 | Scrotes are really running out of excuses to shame women for their sexual livesI’m confused about this post, seems very lib-fem-y and sex pozy to me. We don’t condone casual sex here, and in my personal experience, casual sex and low self-esteem are 100% linked. What do you mean by this post? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 09:30 PM |
| 274 | How many of you ladies have found HVM since following FDS?Congrats on your success! Keep in mind a lot of us have stopped dating for a while to get our bearings and fix our HVM-radar. FDS has only been around for a couple of years, and the necessary hard work takes time. I immediately wanted to get back out there but then realized I was making mistakes and pumped the breaks. The content here has helped me level up, and I when I’m ready in a few months, I’ll re-join the dating scene and actually avoid the lvm. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 12:31 AM |
| 62 | Some of these aren't even dates 🤦Thank you! Such an important distinction. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 06:05 AM |
| 29 | About dating multiple men simultaneously : the etiquette?The rule is three months I think? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 09:55 PM |
| 26 | Observe on how he treats you when you're sick or in a bad situationI mean not to rag on the guy cause he went out of his way and did the right thing and tickets are expensive, etc- but this was totally his fault! Like- if he went to the concert alone I would have immediately blocked him. Something about leaving your girl drugged while going out to have fun is…. Psychopath territory to me. Like he either looks real good or real bad, and there’s no in-between 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 09:24 PM |
| 26 | Reaching out to make amends for former pick-me waysAgree with other commenter. You’re just in shock as you process trauma. You don’t owe anyone an apology. I know you’re grieving the lost friendship but these women were not your friends. I won’t say they weren’t traumatised in their own ways, but reaching our to them while you’re clearly still processing what happened is not a good idea. It seems like you’re still blaming yourself and taking responsibility for things that weren’t your fault. We’re all sorry this happened to you- it shouldn’t hav… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 02:16 AM |
| 19 | Why he will punish you for giving him second chancesThanks! This really sums it up well 💕💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 01:45 AM |
| 40 | Reaching out to make amends for former pick-me waysAs someone who has had grimy pick me friends in the past- yes that would be lovely! Although it would help if you were more specific about what went down? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 09:54 PM |
| 165 | Why he will punish you for giving him second chancesGirl, you gotta forgive yourself. The problem wasn’t you being desperate- it was that he was manipulative. I’m glad he showed you who he was and didn’t waste more of your time! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 09:51 PM |
| 267 | 4 months and she realized she was a placeholder when he had to show basic effort. That's why vetting is important.Some men will get angry at you for not understanding their passive aggressive rejections. He probably sent hints with more disrespectful behavior previously. The behavior escalates until they get blatantly aggressive- name-calling, negging, abusive language, etc. This is the type of man who will say she wanted it/ was okay with the abuse, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 12:51 AM |
| 54 | what do you all think about familiarities? I DESPISE them!East Coast ex called me “hun” once during our first date. I waited a beat and then told him with a cold smile: “Don’t you ever call me “hun” again.” Later in our relationship, he said that’s one of the reasons he started taking me seriously. At the time, I was flattered- now, I recognize the sea of red flags. 🚩#1: he calls women “hun” 🚩#2: he separates women who he does and doesn’t respect by the way they respond to his disrespect 🚩#3: he admitted straight-up that initially he hadn’t taken me se… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 07:55 PM |
| 7 | Beware of « stable » families who will judge you for your past trauma.Yes, this is a really valid point! Wish we had some strategy for that. Hopefully the pod will cover it soon. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 07:43 PM |
| 7 | Beware of « stable » families who will judge you for your past trauma.How do they know about your past trauma? Is there a way for you to not disclose that information? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 04:04 PM |
| 54 | If This Is a War, the First Campaign Should Be . . .This is actually my favorite idea of all time. Someone make a crowdfunding proposal! I’d especially love texts that lead him on🤣 after a month he gets a message like- “you have been messaging a bot” #WasteHisTime | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 10:18 PM |
| 3 | Are you unconsciously sabotaging/punishing yourself because of past shame?Thank you for this post! I also share a lot of those fears. It only hit me this year that my native country falling apart was not my responsibility to fix, and I left at a very young age. So absurd that I carried that guilt for so long. 😱 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 05:18 AM |
| 6 | Romance, erotica novels and every kind of media related to it.I commented once about how I’m quitting romance writers and any of that because it’s brainwashing and people were upset. To me, it’s a genre that’s filled with pick me writers. I’d rather read about a woman doing something adventurous, fun, or interesting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 05:11 AM |
| 2 | Should I block him?Can you read my other comment? 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 01:30 PM |
| 43 | Would You Cut Off a Pick-me Friend for Being Dumb?She’s not stupid- she’s willfully ignorant. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 05:17 PM |
| 60 | Let’s talk about choosing not to blockKey word there is “teenager.” I totally agree with you and I used to think like her. That resulted in a narcissist having access to me. It resulted in me engaging with LVM and wasting my mental/emotional space. Lots of teenagers misunderstand avoidant “no one can hurt me” behavior as maturity. Blocking is- I know and accept I am only human and you have the ability to hurt me- I just won’t let you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 10:46 PM |
| 7 | We have a fragile one.So many men are threatened by the concept of a high value man who is a feminist ally who has muscles, is kind/respectful, provides, and worships his partner (as we all should)… the fact that their conclusion from us roasting LVM is that we hate all men is indicative of how much he fears the existence of those men. This is why their main thing is “they have unrealistic expectations.” Remember that, ladies. They think it’s totally possible for a woman to be a mom/model/Einstein/devoted wife, but t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 10:42 PM |
| 0 | What do you think of your partner having long weekends without you?A basic difference is a man taking regular trips w/o his partner and a woman doing the same. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 07:45 PM |
| 40 | "I just fell asleep" Men that won't say goodnight or just dip from convosHe does it the first time- don’t respond until he apologizes. Does it again- block/delete. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:36 PM |
| 72 | Current guy I’m talking to lied about his height on dating appDid you read the handbook? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 01:25 AM |
| 17 | Where do my FDS ladies like to shop?Fitness brands I love- Under Armor (Outlets have great deals), Aerie (best biker shorts & high waisted items), Women’s Best, and Bombshell Sportswear | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 03:53 AM |
| 10 | Update to previous post ladies!Giirl… I got 100 downvotes 😂 It’s not the mods’ fault. There’s just a lot of new people on here and a lot of pickmes who have no idea what’s going on. The discussion flair keeps getting used for AskFDS questions, etc. I’m sure it’s hard to keep track of so much traffic!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 03:23 AM |
| 38 | Update to previous post ladies!Idk… if I tell people they need to read the handbook before posting I get downvoted. I guess in the future I’ll just ignore how yet another flair is being used for content meant for Ask FDS…. Perhaps we can make a flair for ask FDS here where people can ask for the blow-by-blow advice on how to handle scrotes 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 01:14 AM |
| 12 | What do members of FDS think of the idea of love at first sight?Absolutely not. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 10:20 PM |
| 34 | Attracting HVW on Bumble BFF?I’m trying classpass instead! Going to a pilates class next week and am very excited 💕💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 04:57 PM |
| 115 | Men discuss heartache on Reddit’s relationship forum more than women, study finds… but we’re the ones who are missing out. Suuuure.This reminded me of the FDS podcast and how much I look forward to the take-down of Matthew Hussey. I remember this one thing he said about how men are looking for the female version of junkfood (A playmate I assume)- and how our job was to teach them better. We’re supposed to give them that feeling of having worked out and eaten vegetables for the day. As I read your comment, it made me laugh to think how ridiculous it is. These men see us as burgers? So I just imagined a cow talking to a Homer… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 05:26 PM |
| 137 | Men discuss heartache on Reddit’s relationship forum more than women, study finds… but we’re the ones who are missing out. Suuuure.The way he talks about Hadid and Jolie is sooooo nasty. How can you lack that much grace with women that have so much of it. I can see why Selena went “nope!” Jeez. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 05:20 PM |
| 29 | Advice: He seems wonderful but isn’t as financially secure as meI love this sub! I was originally positive-ish about this guy. After reading the comments, I share the concern. I’m an entrepreneur who travelled a lot- but I’m 1) a woman and 2) don’t have debt and am highly educated. What I would wonder about this person is two things: 1) why was he traveling? Where did he live, and what was he doing? The slimiest men I’ve seen are expats and backpackers. Absolute red flag. If he were successful, he’d at least have a corporate job abroad and connections. 2) be… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 05:14 PM |
| -3 | What to do?Gotcha…. So basically y’all who downvoted me don’t wanna follow the rules of the sub which require posters to read the handbook- our most basic rule. So you’re willfully ignoring rules from two subs and taking over the “discussion” filter to spam with questions that would be answered if you read the handbook. I’ll be unfollowing this filter in the future… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 08:29 PM |
| -88 | What to do?Reporting because this is the wrong sub. There is one called AskFDS where you can ask questions like this 💕💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 05:33 AM |
| 58 | yet another way to vet, honor yourself, and not crushGenerally realized that what I idealized were qualities I wanted in myself. So I re-invested all that space in my head towards my own growth. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 08:12 PM |
| 132 | How to tell the difference between love bombing and a man being into youI have experienced some of the most intense love bombing with expensive trips, etc. The main thing to remember is that there is always something off about his general interest in you. -He seems to know you’re inherently special but doesn’t know you. -He is doing something amazing but will let his mask slip, and subtly make disrespectful comments or ask weird questions that are not bad enough for you to get angry (you would be overreacting) but still shocking and very incongruent with everything … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 08:09 PM |
| 64 | Libfems failed to protect us and romanticised the wolf's den.I’ve even seen academic papers that speak of the agency of a young girl to be in an arranged marriage. I couldn’t believe I had read it. Basically insinuating child sexual abuse and forced marriage is okay if the girl says so. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 07:34 PM |
| 62 | what happens to men's physical appearance when they have a guarantee that they will find a partnerThis is one of the upsides to me of dating in my thirties. I’m filtering out all these men who don’t think looking good is important if they provide financially. A lot of working class men stay fit cause that’s all they have to offer, and when they save enough, or buy a house- hello beer gut! It’s a matter of values and lifelong habits, and most of all, respect for your partner. That last part is why a lot of men in misogynistic countries put zero effort. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:52 PM |
| 2 | How soon is too soon to go to a man's homeWhy are people replying? Please report posts that show they didn’t read the handbook. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 05:34 PM |
| 8 | Paying on dates, are we discouraged to go 50/50 on just the first date or first few dates?Dang people are really abusing discussion flair to dump all their ask FDS content without reading the handbook 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 03:55 PM |
| 72 | Men that push for 50/50 still don’t realize that dating has become a ladies’ market in 2021, with Tinder being 78% male / 22% female and Bumble & Hinge being 65% male / 35% female. Men outnumber women 4-to-1 on Tinder and 3-to-1 on Bumble/Hinge.This is partly because women who are unavailable (unemployed, unhealthy, or LV in any way), have shame and take themselves off the market, while men have no shame. Little twigs with zero muscle mass and guys who don’t know how to take pictures going for models, etc. Swiping through any dating site as a woman is sad, but I’ve swiped for male friends and been low-key jealous of how 90% of the women were presentable and had nice-looking profiles. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 03:31 PM |
| 243 | Woman in Denial About being in an Abusive, "open" Marriage.His head is unusually small | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 07:43 PM |
| 25 | Doomscrolling: why we need to be picky on the internetI have to say. The content on FDS has increasingly improved and become a more positive experience. Good job mods! I legit only go on buzzfeed and check what’s popular and then read actual books. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 07:19 PM |
| 3 | And just like that… Mr. Big was a rapistThat’s horrifying! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 02:53 PM |
| 45 | "The more accepting you become, the less bizarre things seem."- Why scepticism is important and why you don't owe acceptance to anyone.Dang. This was a great post. One of the main changes in consciousness is intersectionality, and it is about how women of color face a double oppression. When we justify this behavior on men because they are poor, or brown, or traumatized, etc, we don’t think about the women who are also oppressed who are their main victims. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 02:35 PM |
| -1 | And just like that… Mr. Big was a rapistIs it really dishonest? The writers and producers allowed that man to be on set and expose the women in the show to him without doing anything about it. They most likely knew who he was. We know rapists don’t stop. Those are the people who created that character and who kept writing the female lead to be such a pick me…. So. To me it’s not dishonest at all. What they did is weird. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 02:30 PM |
| 4 | Where to look to find HVM?Yet another question for AskFDS. 👀 This is a poor mind-set for both your personal life and your career. What could you possibly be doing professionally that you couldn’t do somewhere else? It’s just not a good career strategy to feel stuck and like you could not move away. What’s your plan b? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 01:19 PM |
| 1 | Advice on LVM Dad whilest living thereSorry, don’t mean to call you out specifically but I feel like a lot of discussions have turned into Ask FDS? Like for this to be a discussion maybe we need your own game plan or general suggestion of how to go about it. I’ll give it a crack, though- you shouldn’t live in an environment with anyone abusive. Whatever you can do to get your own place while you get settled is probably better in the long run. It’ll set you back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 05:30 PM |
| 65 | Bell Hook’s Death has me thinking…In the Nordics (see Iceland protests) women organize, stop working, and create a welfare state. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 06:10 AM |
| 166 | Carrie & Mr. Big Show How Toxic "Endgame" Relationships Can BeA lot of times “emotionally unavailable” really just means disrespectful and misogynistic- which is how he always was with her (and classist, since SatC is at heart a story about social climbing). We have to stop seeing these men as damaged and understand that what they are is abusive. Edit: also, the whole second episode I was like- dude, where is your mom?? Where is your family and his? Why don’t you have a family? 🚩🚩 never wondered about Carrie’s childhood before. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 12:49 AM |
| 7 | I'm so disappointed at my lack of boundaries in the pastYou don’t dissociate from the emotion, like anger- rather, you blame him and stop shaming yourself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 01:56 AM |
| 66 | Healing and taking my power backIn College I had a couple roomates, a former Marine and this small badass chick who knew Karate. He kept trying to challenge her to wrestle. Finally she agreed to a show-down in our living room. She took him down in less than five seconds multiple times. So yeah… fuck those guys! You do you girl. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/21 08:58 PM |
| 64 | I'm so disappointed at my lack of boundaries in the past“I just took a DNA test, turns our I’m 💯 that bitch, even when I’m crying crazy. Yeah I got boy problems that’s the human in me, bling, bling, then I solved them that’s the Goddess in me.” -Lizzo Blast it during a workout or dance routine! You’re just in the “reeling” phase right now. The shame makes it 1000 times worse, so try to be mindful of your self-talk. When you get angry at him for real, and externalize the blame, that’s when you’ll truly heal. Nooooobody here gets off scott free. We’ve … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/21 08:31 PM |
| 133 | Is it just me or do men not know how to talk to women anymore? It seems like every conversation involves some sort of pick up artist technique instead of being genuineShe looks 15 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/21 05:51 AM |
| 33 | He’s not happy if he doesn’t have a chokehold on your psycheYes 💯💯 this was pre-FDS Do you think this is limited to long-distance, though?My point about the chokehold also applies if he wants a poly relationship or pretends to be emotionally distant. The expectation is always there for the woman to put in all the emotional presence. I think I was just reflecting on how much shame we experience with being taken advantage of, because we are made to feel so needy, when in reality avoidants are supremely needy. I can’t imagine needing that much attention fro… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 10:07 PM |
| 39 | This ain’t no Build-A-Boy, ya know?Build A Betties 💀 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 09:27 PM |
| 20 | The First Time He Uses Your Trauma/Insecurity Against You Should Be Last Time💯💯 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 07:07 PM |
| 13 | Serious question, do any of you not want to get married?I don’t think all of us have terrible examples of what a marriage looks like so we wouldn’t make the same assumptions. Marriage has mostly been an experience of safety and happiness for the women in my life. It’s not perfect, but nowhere near the stressful experience you describe. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:27 PM |
| 120 | How to get guys to plan dates when they are the one traveling to you?Just a thing about the wording: We don’t get guys to do stuff for us here. He either does or he doesn’t. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 03:06 AM |
| 30 | Men who lie in wait for emotionally vulnerable womenI no longer share music, poetry, or anything sentimental in my social media. Learned the hard way that people in my life shouldn’t have that kind of access to my emotions 🤖 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 08:13 PM |
| 3 | Female Political Strategy: EP 1 - Introduction to Female Political Strategy - OUT NOW!!!Reux you know I’m your #1 fan. 🥳 so excited for this! Thanks for bringing up intersectionality. I would love it if you guys could cover Kimberlé Crenshaw’s work. She’s a black lawyer at Harvard who coined the term because discrimination against Black women was not recognized in courts under title IX or under anti-racism legislation. I also really love the book “They Were Her Property.” These topics deserve nuance and I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say about it 💕💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 03:50 PM |
| 13 | Erotica and Romance BooksI encourage you to write your own! I feel like we need an FDS novelist who writes escapist HVM characters and also HVW characters who are not pickmes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 02:31 AM |
| 11 | If his friends are LV, then he’s a LVMYes, and there are groups of men out there with principles, and I will not be gaslit into accepting anything less from my partner and his community. 💯💯 how they treat women is how they will treat me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 05:20 PM |
| 18 | If his friends are LV, then he’s a LVMThis is such a great story! Thank you. This is exactly what I mean in terms of environments too. But even if he hadn’t shown himself then, he still would have been a creepy misogynist. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 03:37 PM |
| 24 | If his friends are LV, then he’s a LVMGiirl… no. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 04:42 AM |
| 3 | Addition Facebook Profiles will be a Safe Haven for CheatersSocial media is not for vetting. We should all know the real people in his life (including his job) and his apartment, etc. That still won’t stop him bc if he wants to he will. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 09:07 PM |
| 1 | UK considering making it criminal to cat call women. (My take: gee, you couldn’t holler at another minority and everyone say it’s ok…)You do know Women of Color exist, though, right? The wording of your post is problematic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 09:03 PM |
| 6 | Unbelievable... my brother can't come visit our dying mother several states away but has time to go to a further state to sky dive with his bros.You’re right, the knowledge is out there. I should have said: “Men refuse to learn how to deal with grief” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 01:13 PM |
| 38 | Unbelievable... my brother can't come visit our dying mother several states away but has time to go to a further state to sky dive with his bros.Men don’t know how to deal with grief. Escaping and avoidance is a direct reaction to his grief. He might mourn her to an unreasonable amount when she is gone and he realizes he externalized a lot of his loving side onto her. Just remember that while you might try to make him make sense, he is being selfish and not doing the same for you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/21 07:03 PM |
| 43 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?Maybe when I’m forty, because that’s likely when I’ll think of having kids. Depends on how much money he has 100%. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/21 02:48 PM |
| 21 | The FDS Podcast is doing a 2021 wrap-up. Nominate your favorite Queen, Roastable Scrote, Pickme, or HVM!💯 best moment was the podcast queens dunking on that Jezebel writer. 🏀🥊! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 04:07 AM |
| 51 | He found me.Don’t men usually get fit before they cheat? Sounds like in looking for you that’s what he was trying to do. Block/delete and try not to internalize it. It’s clear what he was trying to do- he hasn’t changed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 11:42 AM |
| 14 | Have Low-Value "Couples" Ever Tried to Degrade You As a Single Woman?I’ve had LVM ogle me on front of their girlfriends who at the time were my friends, and even comment about how other guys should “have a thing with me” and not “miss their shot.” One of these guys I had the misfortune of running into at a party while he was by himself, and he all but threw himself at me, talking about my looks forever and how his LV friend blew his chances with me. Honestly, it was so embarrassing. I’m glad it didn’t work out with his gf, who I’m no longer friends with (she was … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 08:04 AM |
| 24 | Why do men manipulate even when they already get what they want?It gets “too easy.” So if he dates models, he will want an intellectual as a challenge. Then, he moves on to a model/intellectual. Then, it’s one who is younger. Then, one who is younger & rich. They define their self-worth on who they can “get.” Also, not all men men just want casual sex. Some want women to fall for them. It’s still about power at the end of the day. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/21 03:35 PM |
| 20 | Advice for grey rocking/not responding/not entertaining LV people that you can’t avoid and/or just anytime an LV person comes your way?I would push back and question why you feel you can’t walk away? Walking away is the best strategy, since toxic environments are unsustainable. Limit expodure to less than an hour: Go to your room, go outside, go for an errand, etc. If I have to be there I enjoy antagonizing abusive narcs by publicly ignoring them, making fun of them, etc, because they should face repercussions. That’s not greyrocking, as was said here. More like a mirror… What can I say. It gives me joy! Narcs only get to me wh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:45 PM |
| 82 | How do you comfort yourself after a break up?Sauna, spa, salon, beach/nature, gym, swimming, dancing, art, online classes, nutrition, etc. I’m really into somatic self-care, and making my body feel good. I find that coping by way of dissociating or disconnecting from my body (drinking, drugs, compulsive eating/TV, letting myself go and being in sweats all day) is bad for my mental health and/or downright dangerous. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 05:10 PM |
| 49 | Women Achieves, society makes movie her father......I’m tired of this myth of men turning into HVM after they discard their first family. Just saw “The Harder They Fall” on Netflix and they have this trope. Smh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 06:54 AM |
| 68 | I haven't seen a disgusting serial dater like Pete DavidsonI’m more concerned for the trail of pickmes that follows him around. I’ve never felt this much second-hand embarrassment for Kim K- not even when she wore that black t-shirt get-up. I’ve never been one to base my attraction to a guy based on other women. Wonder what it must be like to be that insecure. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 06:50 AM |
| 32 | Life hack: 💡Yes, there is a time and a place to “take things personally”.💡**New Age Gaslighting** Thank you for this term!!! Lorde (she’s problematic) has an awesome song about this, called Dominos, and her whole album tackles this theme: “Just another phase you're rushing on through Go all New Age, outrunning your blues Fifty gleaming chances in a row And I watch you flick them down like dominoes Must feel good being Mr. Start Again” And it’s 100% a thing with toxic positivity that’s part of of white appropriation of Eastern cultures. Jake Gyllenhaal studied “Eastern… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 07:35 PM |
| 36 | LVM blocked by ex decides to plaster self-indulgent hoover letter all over her new neighbourhood (French)This is a very common phrase in many songs in Latin cultures “I tried to forget you by sleeping with other people.” Sad that it’s this common. 😅 what an idiot. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 07:24 PM |
| 34 | A man disclosing his mental health/therapy habits early on is an absolute red flagSorry guys! I was the one that posted that comment. I usually try not to conflate male/female experience, and hate when other people do it, but this time I don’t know what happened! Guess I was thinking how shameful it is that men don’t take care of their mental health, and give us that emotional labor. I definitely still need to reflect and learn. Agree with everything said here about stigma not having anything to do with personal info in the first few dates. Only commenting because I don’t lik… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 08:27 PM |
| 5 | What do you think about a man opening up and telling you he goes to therapy on the second date?Oh, right! I didn’t think of that. I’m no longer in therapy and agree 100%. I hadn’t thought of the fact that if it is the first time he is going, he probably hasn’t unpacked his shit yet. Then it is a red flag because of that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 04:08 PM |
| 19 | Words and ActionsYes, came here to say this. If he says and/or shows you his red flag, believe him the first time. That’s also pretty clear in the handbook. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 03:56 PM |
| 96 | Perfect explanation on why you should NEVER date or marry down!I started earning more money than my ex while we were together and he got incrementally more and more disrespectful. He would devalue my achievements and make snide comments. I realized this all in hindsight like Taylor Swift, lol. So watch out if as you level up your partner is unable to keep up and lashes out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/11/21 11:18 PM |
| 23 | What's acceptable in terms of expressing interest in semi-social non-OLD settings?Ask help with something and if he doesn’t respond do mot give him your number! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 10:21 PM |
| 1 | Is marriage always a good idea for a woman with assets?I’m not downvoting you just because I disagree with you btw, like some have done here 👀 That’s your experience and that’s fine. But I’m pretty sure that the whole “I will never be married and all men are scrotes” thing was mentioned by the mods as not being part of the spirit of the sub and that’s what I meant. Just because I believe in marriage, even after divorce, it doesn’t mean I’m a tradwife… But I’m not here to argue. I appreciate your insight. Thanks for sharing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 04:04 PM |
| 28 | How do you show personality and let someone get to know you while still being private at the same time?Humble brag is where it’s at. If you just mention your accomplishments briefly/casually (yeah, I’ve lived a couple places) then people ask about it. It makes them interested. And intentionally say part of the story only. Don’t list everywhere you’ve lived- just say “Well, I was just in X. It was lovely… etc.” It helps to live in the moment and stay in the present. To focus on a few stories rather than what they mean. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 02:48 PM |
| 51 | The importance of lying about your disfunctional familyThat’s honestly so scary. You avoided a major bullet. I’m sure he would have pretended to be soo understanding to run a game on you. Good for you!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 02:43 PM |
| -1 | Is marriage always a good idea for a woman with assets?I didn’t call anyone a trad wife. I was commenting on the tone of “Why would I ever marry?? All men are scrotes… etc” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 02:39 PM |
| -1 | Is marriage always a good idea for a woman with assets?I didn’t say marriage elevates women’s status, but I don’t believe in having the children of men who will not marry. It’s not just status; it’s also emotional security. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 02:37 PM |
| 6 | Is marriage always a good idea for a woman with assets?This is a dating sub. I don’t get all the women saying they will never marry. But anyways, Taylor’s situation is particular. She isn’t just rich- she’s had men take advantage of her wealth before and her current efforts are to protect her legacy. That aside- I don’t see marriage as a matter of wealth, especially with a prenup. I wouldn’t want to have children out of wedlock- for their protection and social status. I would imagine Taylor feels the same since she’s expressed as much. I don’t know … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 04:16 AM |
| 24 | Beware of fuckboys who pretend to be HVM - mistakes I've made and how I dodged a bullet!Just because he is “super hot” and pays for everything it doesn’t mean anything. We should never assume HV after only two dates. I always try to video chat first, if that helps. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 04:09 AM |
| 76 | Do not let men of color triangulate you against women of colorThe amount of men (of all races except Asian) living in Asia who promise every girl they meet that they don’t date Asian women is about 90%….. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 04:05 AM |
| 9 | Be extra careful with men who have shady habits on the road. It's linked to narcissism.My ex used to drive with his knees. This was before FDS so I immediately made him stop. But now I would just ghost the dude. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/21 04:02 AM |
| 122 | One of the biggest lies sold to women is the importance of upholding the relationship at any costYou both have to make sacrifices and work hard to make things work…. Which is just us doing the emotional labor | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/11/21 10:11 PM |
| 48 | Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well”The length of a relationship doesn’t speak to the depth of the relationship. This isn’t the only older man who preyed on Taylor. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/11/21 02:55 PM |
| 19 | Asking a man for his zodiac sign can be a great vetting strategySorry girls! I hate this astrology trend, and it’s not because women like it. I’m also not a religious person. Although I am into the Mayan calendar 🤷🏽♀️ But if he goes on a tangent about it or is particularly mad about it it’s always a no from me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 02:02 PM |
| 11 | An observation regarding hair loss in men versus womenGirl… my grandma is bald and I thought it was because she smoked but my hair has been falling so much lately. I hope it’s just covid symptoms. Will be going to a dermatologist soon. Do you have a good tip of where to start if I am going bald? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 01:28 AM |
| 99 | The Dying Art of ConversationThis is a good one! Thanks for the reminder. I had to learn this the hard way, as an extrovert who can spark awesome conversations with anyone. Just let the conversation die and experience the excruciating silence. If he lets the ball drop, you have to have an emotional memory of it. Don’t be tempted to fill the silence or give him ideas, or you won’t notice if he’s boring or dumb. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 01:22 AM |
| 25 | Please don’t idealise men from other culturesYep. OP is spot on. Just have to ask the women in the culture or at the very least think about them. Men and women cultural romantic runaways for the same reasons. Ask any famous European chef what their favorite meal was and it’s always their mom’s or grandma’s who’s work they stole if you think about it 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/11/21 03:49 PM |
| 53 | Any career-focused ladies have dating advice?I have success stories! In my program, most of the women have great partners who moved to be with them during PhD, and who nurture and care for them. These guys are highly successful. They’re either teachers, VC finance dudes, big media writers, etc. My best friend put it this way: You’re the other 1%. There’s billionaires, and there’s you! Of course LVM would be turned off and intimidated. But this is a great way to save your time. Most of these guys are probably not intellectually at your leve… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/11/21 05:25 AM |
| 222 | Please don’t idealise men from other culturesThank you for such an insightful post! This is especially true of Italian men. A combination of Hollywood cliches and men giving foreign women attention in the streets of Rome has brainwashed a lot of people (including me when I was younger). You don’t have to dig too much to see the misogyny and racism. Just check out Berlusconi, and any of his tv channels. I remember one image where they had a woman hanging from a butcher’s hook like a literal piece of meat. 🙃 Other things you probably didn’t … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/11/21 05:16 AM |
| 40 | Can We Talk About Cecily Strong's Abortion PieceIt was incredible. You could tell it meant a lot to her. She was still able to land incredibly memorable jokes while also delivering an amazing message. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/11/21 05:02 AM |
| 7 | Safety issues with food delivery appsOh got it! I used a food delivery app for the drink, so maybe that was it, and he worked for other apps before. This app saves a picture of my license and hides my info from the delivery person. Still, I don’t want anyone to have that much info about me so I won’t be using any app for alcohol delivery in the future. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/21 03:20 PM |
| 9 | Safety issues with food delivery appsGirl, I’m in the States lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/21 03:15 PM |
| 81 | Being Friends With Exes Could Mean Someone Is a PsychopathThere’s always that partner who is called crazy/jealous for setting boundaries, and a selling point of how “HV” they are is how trusting they are- almost invariably they end up getting cheated on and are blamed for being gullible. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 05:22 PM |
| 65 | How to eliminate the trauma bond(s)?I found it so hard to go no contact because I was compulsive about it (and he was consistently responsive when I did). I gave myself a realistic but huge goal, and told myself I wouldn’t reach out until I accomplished it. It took a year for me to get here-I did the thing- but he didn’t reach out- and now that I know I don’t need him, I blocked him. I would advise on blocking him during no contact. For me, knowing how little he actually cared was a relief. I should have blocked him ages before, b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 05:05 PM |
| 6 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…I died at “domestic labor on tap”…. Also got a scrote to dm me being sooo offended about how I surely hate men. Deactivated chats now. Sigh… les scrotes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 03:37 PM |
| 154 | Dont mention your standardsYo, even on here I was like “I don’t date men who don’t do their own laundry” and members came out of the woodwork to defend these scrotes. People always find a reason to be personally offended and make it about themselves. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:42 PM |
| 1 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…Girl… this is clearly a gendered thing. It’s not the same. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:39 PM |
| 8 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…100% it’s a boymom thing! We have a term for this in Latin America: “hijo de mama.” There is no such thing as “hija de mama”- probably because the girl is expected to help. I know this well as the eldest daughter. Italian men are notooorious because of this. It’s very much “a thing.” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:38 PM |
| 5 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…Lmao, I would too girl. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:35 PM |
| 6 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…Lol you get it. There are so many people offended that I would have an issue with this. I went to college out of state and never had trouble doing my own laundry. I used to come home and my siblings (who went to college an hour away) would bring home their laundry. It certainly wasn’t a money thing (as it wasn’t here because- again- his laundry is free!). It’s the simple obstinate inconvenience of lugging one’s laundry to a car or train, driving or commuting an hour- just to be mommied. It’s wei… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:34 PM |
| 3 | If You Have to Confirm Plans, Cancel Them Instead.Apps have bots that will lead you on and stand you up/ ghost you…. Always good to video chat before a date! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:32 AM |
| 33 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…No… it wasn’t heavy enough for him to go to the laundromat. Campus washing machines are usually better/bigger anyways. And they’re free! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 02:26 AM |
| 31 | Just saw a guy entering the subway with a bag of laundry…Yes! I put those bad examples on purpose. Like yes the act itself might be good-ish, but the reasoning behind it and the other indicators are not. I wouldn’t ever make conclusions about a guy just because he does his own laundry or takes care of my things sometimes, but I would certainly never date a guy who didn’t do these things. Toothbrush move is definitely a douchey trope! Noted on the closet space too early on 💫 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 11:42 PM |
| 20 | Bikini waxing?Yes I think this is what I was getting at. I don’t mind waxing when in a relationship but I would never tell myself I’m spending that much money and undergoing pain for my own benefit. I also think “seeing someone” isn’t enough of a reason unless you’re sexually active, and at that point it should be a relationship. This is a big reason why I believe in FDS. One of the many ways 50/50 doesn’t make sense for women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 11:48 AM |
| 207 | Bikini waxing?Years and years ago, I used to wax because I either had a boyfriend, expectations for casual sex, or lived close to the beach. Now I have neither and it’s liberating. I used to have so much anxiety about being “unprepared,” which speaks to how toxic my beliefs were about pleasing men and how little control I felt I had over my body. Regardless of if you have an SO- try it for a bit and see how you feel? Just because you don’t wax it doesn’t mean it will be unkept. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 09:45 AM |
| 71 | Dealing with pick me sisters and men going abroad to find a brideShe’s not better off. She’s likely undergoing sexual violence, and emotional abuse, or she will soon. Your sister will be back to normal, but he will stay like that. When she moves on it will be for real. Not this fake show-off idiocy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 03:09 AM |
| 31 | Great boyfriend, not-so-great husband?How long have you guys been together? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 03:03 AM |
| 7 | How do you deal with being ignored (on purpose) by men in your workplace? What is the correct way to address it?Gotta make sure you call the man out in a meeting in front of supervisors. That way he knows not to pull shit like that again in private. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 12:13 AM |
| 11 | Friend is being bullied by PickMe roommate over a guy, what would you do?The RAs on campus have systems in place for this. She should be able to contact one and get placed somewhere else. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 12:10 AM |
| 3 | Kevin can go F himselfOne of the best shows I’ve ever seen! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/10/21 02:25 PM |
| 3 | Rapist redemption on TVA fan! Finally lol. Yes, I also get that the point is to show different perceptions of this man’s character. They mentioned they expected public sentiment to change after his death. But if that were really the case, they would have shown social interactions at the time the assaults happened. Especially the first few ones. These are the two offenses we know, and usually there are a ton more than that. It’s especially problematic because this is really about Mart Lauer and they’re making it seem s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/10/21 05:30 PM |
| 17 | Role of a therapistYw! I also filter therapists on whether they are feminists and are trauma-informed. It’s a world of difference. Best of luck🌞 You deserve a therapist who can help you readjust your man filter, not someone who’s neutral or indifferent. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/10/21 03:59 PM |
| 30 | Role of a therapistMy first therapist missed a childhood trauma, which led me to feel reassured and that everything was okay. It was a huge deal for me to tell her and she did nothing. This was very damaging, and delayed my coping process. After processing this trauma by myself, I recently had a therapist who was the opposite. She actively told me I deserved better from men, and was trauma informed. She could tell the difference between me talking negatively about myself because of low self-esteem, and me actually… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/10/21 03:36 PM |
| 55 | FDS observations in the wildThe leftist analysis of Lilith are very relevant to this change in mind-set. Fluffy is extracting resources and exploiting labor from her. When she gets older or stops pleasing him, he will be able to abandon her without a divorce and take all the money she enabled him to earn without owing her anything. She will have wasted her youth on this man. There’s this fallacy that men are only attracted to the young, inferior girls- but a lot of them are looking for a sexy mommy mac bangmaid. That’s all… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/10/21 04:45 AM |
| 19 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 34 - Building Your Girl Gang + Triple Scrote StackI agree. The last two episodes show that they are listening to members. Every other post here and in FLUS touch on problems with other women. They could have just as easily stuck to only talking about men! I can’t wait to listen to this one tomorrow (have to finish my thesis tonight first 🥳🥳) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/10/21 04:34 AM |
| 415 | How to you feel about the idea that "most men don't marry the woman they love the most. They marry the woman that’s around when they’re ready to marry."Wow. This! They also label most girls as having “daddy issues” or “damaged goods” for undergoing real sexual trauma. Misogyny is a whole trip. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 12:38 AM |
| 40 | Pickme reference in academia 💀from “Intersectionality: an Intellectual History” by Ange-Marie Hancock“Intersectionality: an Intellectual History” by Ange-Marie Hancock. It has very little to do with FDS, though, as it’s not about men or dating. This is a hard core WoC Feminist text. I just shared because it was fun to see this, which was published in 2016! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/10/21 01:37 AM |
| 31 | Flirting tips + dating when not ready for marriageTrue, I guess that was my question. Because I remember the difference being unclear to me when I first read the handbook. It’s not that my views on marriage are complicated, but that my professional career is complicated. Many of us have very specific standards (not higher, just more based on finding a partner with a particular background, set of values, or lifestyle). So we wager it will take us longer to find a partner. But that doesn’t mean we want to be celibate forever or not establish conn… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/10/21 01:22 AM |
| 20 | Navigating the FDS as a WOCOmg I agree with all you said! I won’t date black men until my bestie finds a guy at the very least, and even then I’d be very careful. I know it would make her uncomfortable. It’s shocking how outwardly hostile and vocal the misogynoir is these days. And I’ll add that Latino men are sooo racist against brown women too. Legit against all non-blonde women, like it’s so bad. Brown men have such a huge complex about their own indigenous and/or Black heritage. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/10/21 01:11 AM |
| 2 | Navigating the FDS as a WOCAll good points! I don’t start the clock on a relationship until he moves to be in my city in his own place. No way I’m living with a stranger! But yeah I think living together when engaged is not against the rules. Wouldn’t get engaged until he lives in the same city, and I know his whole family and network. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/10/21 01:05 AM |
| 17 | Navigating the FDS as a WOCI feel you on the pandemic runaround! What a great way to put it. The answer to scarcity is to be more not less aggressive and ruthless about dating decisions. At least that’s what I’ve learned from displaced diasporas- lots of long-distance issues. If it’s not looking like marriage material within three months, I cut it off, lmao. And I don’t even wanna marry yet 🤷🏽♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/10/21 12:09 AM |
| 70 | Navigating the FDS as a WOCIt’s notable that you didn’t mention white men but focused on men from our communities. I actually find (First World) men of color to be much better partners than white men. I understand that this is not the case for everyone and that many men of color are way more anti-black, etc, so there’s issues that make our experiences different. I’m Latina. My experience is that I don’t want to date white men anymore. I am not your JLo, bro, thanks. I had a LTR with a white man and found that it was actua… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/10/21 11:58 PM |
| 30 | The Aftermath of Pickmeisha SyndromeHi, are you me?? I also had to do this lately. I’m sorry about this, and I hope you remember that it’s not your fault. The more people you have to cut-out the worse it feels, but at the end of the day, don’t internalize it. Their constant presence is not just draining, it reflects badly on you (and lowers your self-esteem). I’m honestly really happy that people are starting to face relational consequences for their toxic behavior. I feel like our society has been enabling a lot of shitty behavio… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/10/21 07:04 PM |
| 3 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 33 - How to Level Up Your Pick Me Friends + Hair of the Dogand they turn to be handmaidens… it really gives you whiplash That. Ha!!! Cackled. You hit the nail on the head with the childhood trauma (anorexia, cutting, drugs- all sorts of messiness). Also, some of these girls were in the closet (from very homophobic countries) so that fed into the behavior. Looking back on these people I just feel bad for them, but in the moment it really messed up my life, because it kept happening. It honestly wasn’t until FDS that I was able to name them. I think it’s … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/10/21 06:54 PM |
| 0 | What would you consider going above and beyond?This is a discussion about standards, not about so-and-so’s boyfriend. Of course we’re not all attracted to the same characteristics in men- I like bald men but don’t expect you to. There’s a whole lotta projection here. Bottom-line: I like this sub and having honest discussions about standards, and there are plenty of other subs where women can go to and get validation about how perfect their partners are. I’m here to learn how to be woke. It’s not for everyone 🌺 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 10:44 PM |
| -8 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Thanks for the explanation! You don’t think calling me jealous is condescending? It’s weird that you think FDS shits on healthy relationships, or that you assumed this relationship is healthy right away because the man does more housework (even though he earns less-which is what women do all the time for their partners when they earn less). Anyways, we all have different red flags that we look for and I noticed some things that are red flags to me. An introvert who is lower earning, and jumps in… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 06:50 PM |
| 3 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Yes, but questioning male behavior is why we’re here so it’s confusing when some members chime in to be defensive of men they don’t know… it happened with the lady whose live-in bf handed her a teddy bear when she got sick. People had a melt down when some members suggested it wasn’t good enough. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:57 PM |
| 11 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Thank you for the context- I appreciate your clarification. I think it’s healthy to be wary of some comments like the first one because the situation described as HV could easily be an abusive LVM, depending on context. 70% of housework is not always HV if he earns less and there are red flags. What you described is definitely HV value though. I’m so happy you have such a great guy with you 🏆 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:53 PM |
| -13 | What would you consider going above and beyond?So you would allow a guy you only know for two weeks to enter your home and take care of you? Where are your friends/family? The more I think about it the more strange it seems. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:39 PM |
| 7 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Yes, exactly. Like if when you are the most vulnerable that’s when he seems HV, what about when you’re at the top of your game? Can he match that energy too? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:38 PM |
| -45 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Kind of sounds like you’re making a lot of compromises on your normal standards for finance and social skills? I don’t consider ER visits out of the ordinary even if you only dated for two weeks. Even TV show dudes visit you at the ER on the first date? And they’re generally LVM. I don’t know your partner, but I wouldn’t consider these characteristics above my standards of bare minimum. Edits: I always think it’s funny when I get downvoted because I express my standards are higher. I assume it’s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:12 PM |
| 42 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Would bring you on work trips so you don’t spend time apart (especially if he travels often). If your family lives abroad, he would plan and pay for trips so you spend time with them, and he would be considered part of the family too. When your schedules don’t match, he would get up earlier just to spend time with you, make your coffee, do baby yoga with you if you’re pregnant. Takes you out on great-quality dates! You’d be surprised how many men stop taking their wives/girlfriends out once they… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:07 PM |
| 28 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 33 - How to Level Up Your Pick Me Friends + Hair of the DogReaux I really vibe with you on every episode and now I know why. You get it! You get the thing. I have been in so many toxic friendships. Sometimes it’s with popular girls who are jealous, and others it’s with girls who are nerds and are jealous. I know it sounds very high school but this is how many adult women behave. They decide they’ll either be pretty or smart, and when they meet someone well-adjusted that doesn’t feel like they have to choose, and is just a fun, smart, pretty person- they… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 10:25 PM |
| 32 | How do I set boundaries in the situation?In person, when something makes you slightly uncomfortable but you’re not 100% sure: “No.” Smile. “What do you mean by that?” “I don’t like that.” Smile. When you’re sure it was a red flag, unacceptable, or when he argues about it: “No.” Smile, stand-up, and walk away. When texting- Seen … followed by Block, Delete. You don’t have to explain yourself as to why you don’t like something, don’t agree with something, or get into an argument about it. If his automatic reaction isn’t to reflect and li… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 05:08 PM |
| 39 | Iriza Shlesinger bit about men picking less educated, helpless women because they’re easy targetsShe’s truly a gem and the only real one out there 🏆 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 05:00 PM |
| 36 | Degrees don’t always equate to success. Be on the look-out for Dr. Hobo.Ahhh there you go! He’s just waiting until Biden cancels student debt 💀 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 02:57 PM |
| 60 | Degrees don’t always equate to success. Be on the look-out for Dr. Hobo.Yeah, all of us take into account (especially as women) when applying, how loans will make us undesirable partners. I have made so many difficult decisions to not get into debt. I just can’t imagine that level of selfishness. White men really do live in a parallel universe | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 02:55 PM |
| 78 | Degrees don’t always equate to success. Be on the look-out for Dr. Hobo.Wait he did PhDs with loans?? 😱 That’s honestly something I thought only white kids with rich parents do. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up making a ton of money afterwards anyways. He will still be demanding 50/50 because he sounds entitled AF. I’m surprised they even let him in, since multiple doctorates are actively discouraged in academia. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 02:41 PM |
| 13 | Number one sign of an HVM: he's directHugh Jackman was the less famous partner to a beautiful woman who’s now unknown because he derailed her career. He’s the definition of low value. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 07:21 PM |
| 26 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 32 - Jezebel.com Goes Inside UsI agree with this! I’m honestly awed at the way our fave podcasters gave a careful, detached, and serious consideration to this Jezzie author. I was mulling over that writer today and she reminds me of friends in abusive relationships. Someone in FDS mentioned that friends with abusive partners are the way for the patriarchy to reach out and touch those of us who make choices to protect ourselves. It really goes beyond a stockholm syndrome and a blindness towards toxic behavior. It’s like they w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 12:51 AM |
| 31 | Catch me if you can 🏃🏽♀️You’re right to be confused! Thanks for asking. My PhD is in a different country than where I will be living/working. I actually don’t know where I will be living in the future (more and more people have international careers). I’m not the only woman for whom this is the case. Many men (especially famous political figures) have wives who pick up and go wherever their husbands are posted (i.e. Michelle Obama, etc). This what I refer to as the “diplomat’s wife.” Missionaries, international journal… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 04:43 PM |
| 52 | At what age did you realize male validation means absolutely nothing?Girl, lighten up on yourself! I don’t get why women give themselves such a hard time. Girls really be like “I’m 7 years old, I can’t believe I wasted so much time on my first boyfriend!” Setting aside the trauma of sex work, which is something you’ll take a lifetime to unpack in therapy, you can’t be putting so much pressure on yourself. We all have different ages where we come to terms with our complicity with patriarchy. I am thirty and have been unpacking the internalized misogyny of liberal … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/10/21 05:16 AM |
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