Catch me if you can 🏃🏽‍♀️

This long-distance situation 🛳 with a hot LV narcissist was in murky waters and finally sunk! I’m a long time lurker and wanted to celebrate with you all.

The handbook is locked tight with its strategy yet there are some situations (international, etc) that will make us question whether our standards are unreasonable.

We haven’t been in contact for months, and I had just been waiting for the day when I stopped caring. Things got busy in my PhD and I finally feel settled in a new city. And one day, just like that- the wind changed, and it was time. I no longer care.

In the past, I had blocked him and quickly changed my mind. But this time I deleted all his info. We haven’t seen each other in a couple of years and I had convinced myself that it was “harmless” to keep him around to entertain myself and get some validation. Ladies, don’t do it! Deep-down, I knew that the only reason I gave this rich himbo the time of day was because I was afraid of being alone because men can’t keep up with my international lifestyle and ambition. To be fair, I was trying to break my pattern of desperately moving onto a new scrote to “prove something.” I wanted to learn the lesson once and for all. He’s the only one who had travelled to see me multiple times and said he would move for me. Mind you, I never stopped dating other men while we were seeing each other, but emotionally I still had a small shred of hope.

What made me do it? I guess I was waiting for him to confirm that he lied about going to an Ivy. He had asked me for help with his LinkedIn, and after one year of international dating and another year of pandemic-times broken promises to move/visit (I wouldn’t have held on if borders weren’t closed)- I made a joke calling him out on lying about his degree and he didn’t text back. I guess he realized I wasn’t gullible anymore. Jig was up. In the past, he would pop-in after a while, out of nowhere, to check in- but not this time. I knew he just was sore about the burn/ obviously doesn’t care about me, and would have instantly picked things back up if I “broke” first and texted. But last year I started lurking here and instead of “breaking”- got busy. I hacked my brain by telling myself, “I’ll just text him next month” again and again.

Between the last time I saw him and now, I got into this program, moved to a great city, rebuilt relationships with my siblings, got rid of toxic childhood friends, lost weight (gained some back but that’s not the point) and gained muscle, went celibate for a year to stop “needing” men, and got my finances in order. So when I tell you I grew…!! 🌳

After I blocked him, I checked-out his profile and he showed the school he really went to- an HBCU that he had no reason to lie about. But this is the part that felt exhilarating. He had misspellings and came off like the self-aggrandizing narc I knew he was. Narcissists are sooo good at lying and making themselves look good in person or over the phone. The misspellings over text I had given a pass to because he’s dyslexic and trilingual- but boy- what a way to make himself look unprofessional for not having “his people” check it. What an idiot, honestly. I guess I just needed to see it to believe it emotionally (which is different than logically knowing it).

In a few months I’ll start dating again. I told myself this was my last rookie mistake in love. Now, I’ve been good with attracting men for a while, but now I feel like I’ll be a pro at dealing with them.

If you are out there with an atypical career, and society tells you to settle because no man will chase after your ambitious goals the way women always have done for their husbands-tune them out!! If he can’t love you like a diplomat’s wife, next him!

I know some ladies here have situations similar to mine. I know some of you are war correspondents, international journalists, expats, teachers, academics, researchers, doctors without borders, diplomats, actresses, politicians, models, entertainers, etc!

It really doesn’t matter what his excuse is. If he doesn’t put a ring on it or move within months: Next!!!

That’s my standard. Ruthlessness has never done me wrong.

Here’s some textbook questions to find out whether to reject men who don’t meet your international standards on the first date/ before the first date:

“Oh but you’ve never lived abroad, so I don’t know how this could work.”

“Have you ever lived in a developing country? Would you?”

“Is your retirement plan tied to your country?”

“I don’t think you have what it takes to crack it in a developing country” (flirty smirk)

It’s his job to prove to you that he’s able to follow you, and if you have a challenging lifestyle- challenge him!! I’m done coddling men or making exceptions. If he wants a catch he better tie his shoelaces and start running. You want a catch? Bitch, catch uuuup. I’m not slowing down or making myself “attainable.” Being single forever feels much better than dragging scrotes along. No more consolation prices.