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TheSteveSteward Archive

View 0 posts and 107 comments by TheSteveSteward on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

You’re doing great, that means lots of common advice doesn’t really apply to you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Why did you marry this person in the first place? Did you make any mistakes? What can you learn from those? Would you benefit from being single for a while? Why or why not? What really matters to you in a future partner? How do you want to be in a future relationship? Can you develop those traits in yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 03:48 PM
4

You probably won’t get her back. Even if you do, your best path forward is to let go of your attachment to her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:48 PM
5

You’ve got it, you just keep feeling the pain to get it out of your system
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 11:45 PM
1

Sounds like you're in for a battle. Don't give up. You've got support.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 10:01 PM
1

I feel you man. You've got support here.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 10:00 PM
3

Absolutely tell her to figure it out on her own...or with her mysterious benefactor
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 09:59 PM
1

If you've gotten this far, you're absolutely doing the right thing. I've got you, dude
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 09:55 PM
2

The obvious answer is move out. Why would you wait til the end of the year?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 09:53 PM
2

What would you be getting out of it? Obviously the sex, but how would this affect you emotionally?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 09:52 PM
3

Yep, super frustrating. Just sit with that feeling, dude
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 11:12 PM
1

Ah, that makes sense, fear is in charge.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:43 AM
2

What a mess!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:40 PM
4

Your ex is free to make her own choices, nothing you can do about that and you gotta let it go. However, you do have a responsibility to protect your kids. Document everything your ex and her boyfriend do that harms and endangers the children, and if you have good evidence, it may be worth pursuing a change to custody based on her actions being detrimental to the children.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:38 PM
2

You're feeling a lot of really hard things. I feel for you, man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:35 PM
0

Sounds like you've got some resentment left from your divorce, bud
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:32 PM
2

You got this dude, hit send!
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 06:12 PM
1

I've been there. It sucks. And it takes time to work through. Go for another bike ride.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 06:10 PM
7

Took 6-12 months, great relationship with kid but she still prefers mom, ex is still broke af, I did find love.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 06:04 PM
2

But it could be worth thinking about why? Are you afraid of getting hurt? Disgusted with women after what your ex did? It's fine to not be interested, but if there's some baggage left from your divorce, wouldn't you want to at least know that?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:32 PM
2

Don't have to date at all
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:29 PM
1

Is your wife in therapy? Sounds like there's something going on postpartum that needs to be addressed
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:28 PM
1

Perhaps using your OWN words to apologize would be a good start
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:26 PM
1

Perfect 👌
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:25 PM
1

You just keep feeling the anger, man. Go somewhere you can throw stuff and hit stuff and scream. It's gotta get out, keep finding healthy ways to let it out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:23 PM
2

That's really hard. Counseling could be a good thing, sounds like one way or another some help is needed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:21 PM
1

You're doing great taking that step. It's so scary. Just get through the next two days. From there you can take another step, and another, and...
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:17 PM
1

There's a lot of pain and grief there, man. Can't drink your way through that, it's just a distraction.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:14 PM
3

Sadness is part of it. You can handle the sadness. And getting through makes room for more pleasant feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:13 PM
3

It's tough. Are you more stuck on what to do with yourself, or more worried about your kids being away?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:39 PM
1

Totally relate. It sucks, but this is the worst part and it will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:36 PM
3

The answer to both questions is you have to feel those feelings to move through them. Distractions help temporarily but you gotta get those feelings out to feel anything better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:26 PM
1

It's hard to get over your ex. Distance helps. Acknowledging your feelings helps. Time helps. Talking with someone who can support you helps.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:24 PM
3

Yeah man, anger is totally fine, jus be careful about what you do with that anger
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:22 PM
6

Hey man, I feel for ya. This is the roughest part. Believe it or not, you’re actually not that far from things turning up. Rooting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:51 PM
5

I’m sorry to hear that, man. Sounds like you’re doing the right things. How are you handling everything?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:43 PM
7

My friend, this is a nightmare scenario. No matter what you do, you’re going to need some support. I’m here for you, dude.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 04:32 AM
2

Distractions are fine and just feeling it is best. Punching bag, going in the woods to scream, and mindless tv are all coping mechanism I’ve used at times.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:59 AM
1

Lawyer and therapist are great suggestions. Help us help you with some more info. What are the things she can’t forgive? Why did she marry you if she was so hung up on those things?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 11:32 PM
4

Yeah, so that doesn’t help you. Focus on the other parts: work through the feelings, and don’t say anything that can be used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 11:29 PM
10

So there’s two parts to this. First, you want to make sure recordings can’t hurt you legally. Keep it short, factual, boring. Don’t defend yourself, get sucked into arguments, or continue unproductive conversations. Communicate in writing when you can, and avoid any emotional conversation. It’s also worth checking laws in your state to see if she needs your consent to record. Second, being recorded probably makes you paranoid and on edge. Sit with those feelings, ask yourself why you’re feeling …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 11:26 PM
1

Thank god. Kids make it so much harder. I guess being black in America makes it way harder too 🤦‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:49 PM
2

This is great! Good work man 👍
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:54 PM
6

That sucks man. Gotta keep your cool through this. I know it’s hard and that doesn’t even solve the problem, but it’s step 1
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:53 PM
7

Sounds like there’s some work to do getting past your ex before you’re ready for a new relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:51 PM
2

Man that is fucked up. How are you handling it all? That is a huge betrayal and I would be so mad.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:49 PM
2

That’s ridiculous man. I’d be pissed too. Hopefully no kids?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:46 PM
1

That’s great man!
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 02:29 AM
2

Yeah. I’ve been there. It really sucks. It is ok to find a distraction to keep your sanity, whether that’s a workout or a tv show or a chocolate cake. Best if it’s not something self-destructive. Just do what you can to help yourself feel better. Plenty of time to deal with those challenges.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:56 PM
1

If you think it might help to talk, let’s just talk
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:50 PM
2

Yep, it’s so expensive. Happy to talk through the financial part or whatever else if you’re interested.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:35 PM
4

I know, it’s so hard. Feel free to DM me and we can talk more. You’re doing a great job reaching out, and I can see how much you care about your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:28 PM
6

I’m sorry you’re going through that. My daughter still prefers her mom even though I’ve been the more stable parent. It’s ok to feel the panic, but don’t act on it. Just let the freak out come on, wait it out, and it will pass. I know it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better. But it will. There’s lots more to it, but time will absolutely help. Hang in there brother.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:24 PM
3

Yeah, document all of it. In my case, alcohol abuse was a big deal and made a difference to custody. The court’s guiding ideal is the best interest of the children. So the clearer you can make it that mom is doing things not in the best interest of the children, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 10:01 PM
4

That’s really tough, man. I can’t imagine it working but if you’re going to regret staying silent, shoot your shot.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:00 PM
2

Yep, it’s part of the process. Hooking up might feel good in the moment, but there’s almost certainly a lot of emotional processing that you need to do, and avoiding it by using women as distractions can keep you stuck for years.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:15 PM
6

I agree with the other commenter that you want to be really careful at this stage because decisions you make right now will have consequences for years. I would talk to a lawyer before moving out. Your post is very unemotional. How are you Feeling about all this?
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:13 PM
3

It’s unusual because most people find it stops them from moving on. Why did you split up? How are you feeling about it now?
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:02 PM
2

That sucks man, I feel for you. Why did you have to choose between your kids and your wife?
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:56 PM
6

Still hurts a lot. I get it man. The most important thing is not to act on that rage. But it’s perfectly fine to feel it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 03:32 AM
2

Sounds like you have good documentation of poor decision-making. Your lawyer is the best person to help you use that effectively, but you’re making a good case that she’s making decision based on herself rather than what’s best for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 03:25 AM
6

The big thing is want to know more about is, have you told her all of this? If she knows, and has stubbornly refused to change, then sure, it’s time to get divorced. But if you haven’t told her all this stuff, at least tell her that these are huge concerns for you and you’re in the verge of leaving over these things. FWIW my ex-wife was very similar. Didn’t work for years before kids. Minimal cooking and chores Didn’t do anything except drink. Claimed she was miserable because of me. Divorcing h…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 03:21 AM
2

Courts will agree keeping kids in current school is good. She’ll have a hard time changing that unless there is some major benefit to changing schools. I’m not sure whether speed to settlement matters. Probably not too important unless she somehow gains an advantage by waiting. What matters in Washington is decision-making authority. You definitely want at least shared decision-making, and if you can make a case that she makes bad decisions, you can try for sole decision-making over things like …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 03:17 AM
1

Hoping is fine, but clinging to someone who is pulling away is unkind to them. That’s insecurity, not love. I’m sorry you’re going through this man. It really sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 01:40 AM
1

Are there good things? Sounds like a lot of negative and you’ve basically already decided to separate. Is that right? That’s a valid choice and you can totally do that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 04:54 PM
2

It's so painful, man. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here to support you, DM if you're interested in that
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:38 PM
5

Yep, you already know what to do, but I’m here to validate that choice! I also divorced an alcoholic wife. It was so hard at the time, but it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. It may be worth filing for child support so your stbxw has to pay. Definitely a better way to get the money than staying with her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 08:45 PM
3

I have had to go back to mediation. Totally agree with others, if you have a contempt case that’s what you should do. Ask a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:58 PM
2

I resonated with “leaving feels like failing.” I was in that spot for a long time. But here’s the truth: leaving is just admitting the failure. The failure already happened. You know it. Will you act on what you know?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:44 AM
9

Man, that is so shitty. How are you doing? Obviously mad at your ex, but you got anything good going?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 02:16 AM
3

There will be guilt and there will be conflict. It is very scary. But you know you can’t keep living like this, and the longer you wait, the more you just drag out the misery. How crucial is this work stuff you need to finish before you file? Is it really worth dragging out the most miserable part of your whole like another an extra year? That’s a lot of pain to put yourself through. If it’s really just fear and guilt holding you back, I’d suggest you sit with those feelings instead of waiting a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 07:09 PM
3

Yep, that’s super frustrating. You gotta go through your lawyer to deal with this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:44 PM
3

The message your kids are getting is that you don’t value your time with them because you don’t even make an effort to keep it. I don’t think that’s what you meant to communicate, but it’s a pretty big problem that you’re sending them that message. You need to talk to them about this, make sure they know they’re valued, and you might have to insist on getting makeup time with them to get that point across.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:43 PM
7

Don’t give her more than you have to. It is not your job to make her happy. It is her own job to be an adult and figure out how to get by. Child support and alimony? Pay those. Extra for a nicer house? Absolutely not.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:42 PM
4

Tell her how you’re feeling. If she can accept moving at the speed that works for you, great. If she continues pushing, that tells you what you need to know
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:13 PM
2

Man, the retinal tear is awful! But yes, this string of bad things will stop and things will get better. It takes time and work to get through it. But you can always find support here. Lots of us have made it through to better days.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:14 PM
15

50/50 split with alimony and 50/50 custody is super common and you should go for that
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:00 AM
1

There’s lots of options. I actually kept a lot of debt in the divorce settlement so I could also keep all my retirement savings. Sure, settling or restructuring could help with the stress of having to see her name on the statements. But I’m not sure that will really help you long term. Talk to your lawyer about how all this affects the settlement. The emotional impact is real, but I would caution against making a big financial decision just to avoid feeling those hard feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:50 PM
1

Is your stbx in the house too? What makes the house so great that it’s worth living with her?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 07:17 PM
1

It’s tough but it starts with feeling the feelings you have for your wife. Do you still love her? Describe that feeling a little.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 06:38 PM
3

Hugs!!! I’ve been at the bottom, man. It sucks. I see your exhaustion, grief, anger, all of it. It will get better. I am willing to support you. DM me, I got you dude.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:49 PM
5

Hey man, you’re going through it right now and it’s really hard, no way around that. You want your brain to hurry up and see that this is a good thing. But it doesn’t work that way. You’re mad, you’re grieving, and you’re going to have to get those feelings out so better feelings can come along. Wishing you the very best, dude ✌️
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:44 PM
3

My experience is I didn’t put up a fight against my ex getting 50/50 and shared decision making and I regret it. You only get one shot at an initial parenting plan and it’s worth the effort to get the best deal you can the first time. It’s much harder to change later. As for whether you have a realistic case, ask your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:27 AM
1

Sure. I’m rooting for you and always happy to support. Feel free to DM me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 09:55 PM
2

Hey man, good job reaching out when you’re feeling this way. No one can be their dad. I’m actually on the other side now where I’m a great stepdad, and I’m telling you, no one can compete with their real dad. Even if they love a new stepparent, they can’t replace you. Just keep being a good dad and that part will be fine. I’m surprised you’re ok with the other parts though. Really? You’re just that zen?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 09:50 PM
2

You’re doing great. You described a lot of what you’re doing and not much of how you’re feeling. Care to share? Keeping it private is fine but you do need to spend some time sitting with those feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 08:02 PM
1

That sounds awful. I’m sorry you’re going through this dude. It’s really hard, your marriage is probably over, but your life isn’t over. You can recover and come back from this. Find a punching bag or go out in the woods so you can scream.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 04:32 PM
3

Of course you don’t want to experience it anymore! You’re hurt and angry and trying to understand why and it all sucks. It won’t suck so much forever, but it will take time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 05:15 AM
2

You don’t need to celebrate her. It’s good for your kids to celebrate their mom. Flowers and a card are an appropriate way to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 05:05 AM
4

You’re doing great, really. It’s phenomenal that you’re recognizing the anger and hurt and sitting with them rather than acting. I don’t have the perfect thing to say but here’s a couple ideas. Reassure your kid that they don’t actually have to choose and you’ll love them no matter what. Ask them if they’d like a place to stay with you, and if it’s a yes, work on getting a place with a room for them. You can’t control your stbx. You can only control how you respond. And you’re doing really well …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 05:03 AM
1

I moved back in with my parents and took on extra jobs (up to 5!) to dig myself out of the hole. It's so hard but it's worth it to get free and come out financially secure after a lot of hard work.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:57 PM
1

That sounds so horrible. When my ex-wife harmed our kid, that was my breaking point. Been happily divorced three years now. Focus on one step at a time. Figuring out childcare will be hard. But the next step is call a lawyer. You can do it. You've got support here, and you'll keep finding more support as you need it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:53 PM
2

Man, that sounds rough. I felt like my time in court was unfair, but yours takes the cake!
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:49 PM
1

You’re getting the right advice. Make sure you keep handling the basics too: eat, sleep, show, go for a walk, talk to friends or family. And when you can, sit with your feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:13 PM
1

Can you post in a community forum that you just need a room? Camp in a tent? Negotiate a longer-term rate at a hotel? Try anything, man, you gotta get outta there
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 02:02 PM
2

Block for sure. You don't need to justify that choice, you are allowed to protect your peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:58 PM
1

No one can tell you the "right" answer without more information. There probably isn't a right answer even with all the information. You'll make a choice, and live with the consequences. Are you open to saying more? What led to the separation? What growth has happened, in you and in her? Aside from the kids, what are your feelings about your wife? When you think about going back, what is your immediate emotional reaction?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:53 PM
5

It feels like a sudden change, but they're changing all the time. That change just progresses in secret until they cross that threshold where they're ready to show you the change. Then it feels very sudden.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:47 PM
1

I’m so sorry for your loss. You are at the absolute lowest point. It will get better. Are you safe? Please don’t hurt yourself. I care. DM and I will support you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 10:39 PM
1

You are right. You can get a couple normal hours. There is a way to feel normal more often, and even make your new normal better than ever. But it’s hard, and not everyone is ready to hear it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 07:22 PM
1

I get it. Did your lawyer tell you to stay in the house? Probably best to lean on them for advice about custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 04:50 PM
3

That sounds so painful, man. I’m sorry you’re going through it. Getting on the apps is not your best move. The best thing you can do right now is take care of your basic needs day after day: plenty of sleep, good, easy exercise, long hot showers, conversations with friends and family. When awful feelings come up, it’s a balance. The more you can sit with them and feel them, the faster you’ll process and move through. But if it’s too overwhelming, find a distraction that feels good and helps you …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:57 PM
3

Survival mode is completely right. Take care of your most basic needs. Anything that doesn't harm you or someone else is fine as long as you get through the initial shock. Long-term, you're going to have to sit with those feelings of loss and self-doubt. But they can be too crushing at first and it's ok to put that off. Connection with friends or family is huge. Sleeping, eating, showering, moving your body are huge. Wishing you the best, dude.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:46 PM
1

Respectfully, there are three things wrong with your post. Go to the gym and work on career are really not the obvious ways to become a better partner. They have almost nothing to do with being a better partner. Becoming better for the new partner is totally the wrong motivation. Doing it just for someone else is not going to last. You need to want to change for yourself. And without knowing too much about your situation, I'd question whether you have really moved on. How long has it been? How l…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:42 PM
2

You're doing great in a really hard situation. Period. When she's getting under your skin, you can try taking a beat to breathe and remind yourself that her story is not reality and you're making your own path now. Sounds like you need a new place to live. How does apartment hunting this weekend sound?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:37 PM
2

Sounds like you're doing the right things by setting those boundaries. You can turn off notifications from her so harassing calls and texts don't even make your phone buzz. You're also describing some fear that's worth sitting with.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:33 PM
2

No, you won't feel the same way for years. But that doesn't help now, does it? When your world and self-esteem are destroyed, it's so hard to keep going. "Fucking the pain away" is so relatable. If you could wish for one thing to change right now, what would it be?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:27 PM
3

What do you really want out of this situation? Do you want to separate? You probably know sex will make that harder. Do you want to stay together? You probably know sex isn’t going to make that happen.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 03:56 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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