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Tiger8438 Archive

View 2 posts and 35 comments by Tiger8438 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

Tiger8438/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 08:00 PM
5

Tiger8438/r/Divorce_Men20/05/19 06:10 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

BPD? Maybe. But her parents did a number on her. Her dad is a good catholic narcissist who dictated at home. And her mom acquiesced on everything. She wanted me to be like her mom. I was for a long time, but in therapy I found that I was enabling the cycle, so I decided I had to stop.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 06:01 AM
7

After being unhappy in the marriage for years, I[46m] went to therapy. I worked on my issues. When I started to break through the issues(couple years later), I started asking my wife[45f] to work on behaviors I saw as impacting our marriage. Her response was denial, or attack and blame me. This went on for a year. At some point I knew I needed for my sake and the sake of my kids I needed to not be unhappy in my marriage anymore. I asked for a divorce. I was hoping it would be the ultimatum that …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 10:38 PM
2

I instructed my kids to get cards for their mom. I sent one to thank my STBX for being a wonderful mother. I doubt I'll get a Father's Day card, but I'm setting the example for my kids too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 09:18 PM
2

There's nothing wrong with your feelings. We are mirrors of our individual experiences. I am also not sure what to expect from any relationship in the future. But, yes enjoying the moment and being present in the moment is where we need to live; minute-by-minute, day-by-day.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 10:05 PM
3

I did have co-dependency issues, that's what my therapist said 3 years ago when I started seeing him. I am aware of the dangers of relying on others for your own happiness. I was the enabler in that relationship with my ex. It is not healthy for either party in that relationship. I have done (and am still doing) the work on myself. Perfection is unobtainable; just keep working towards a goal.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 10:01 PM
0

Thanks for your concern, I didn't know she was married initially. And since letting me know she is married, the banter became platonic and supportive. We're more chat room buddies now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 09:47 PM
7

Same. Seeing friends and family. Sometimes with my son, sometimes w/o. I'm going eat at the little shit hole restaurants my ex was too afraid to eat it. Great yelp reviews, but wrong part of town or not an A rating. Bar food. Dancing. My ex wasn't a bar person, so we never went dancing. I miss holding a woman by the waist, smelling their hair To better days!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 03:02 PM
2

It's easier to correct poorly stated honesty, than it is to correct perfectly stated lies. You'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 09:33 PM
2

When we married, she was my friend, confidant, lover. She was everything you'd want in a woman; Smart, beautiful, sexy (still is). We had similar goals; house, kids, careers (we achieved them). I've always had a wandering eye, but never acted on it. She was/is loyal. Fast forward 20+ years, 4 tragedies, surgeries, and unattended to emotional issues. I still lover her like family, but I'm emotionally spent. I want the best for her, me and the kids. I would be willing to work on the marriage, but …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/19 03:44 PM
2

My advice on starting exercise is simple, start sloooow. Especially if it has been a significant amount of time. And depending on what shape you're in, maybe see a doctor first to make sure you're ready to start. No point in killing yourself by accident and no point in exercising sooo hard that you can't do it again for weeks. Simply do enough to get a little sweaty. When your routine no longer makes you sweat, step it up a little. Get to know your body. After a few weeks, push the envelop once.…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/19 03:58 PM
3

u/fxdbmgtow has it right! Taking care of your body is important. As for taking care of your mind, I like meditation and journaling. Meditation provides 2 things, training the brain to focus on what you want it to focus on. That's very important when your mind wants to focus on things that aren't good for you. It also can be used focus on those bad things under your control. Give "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics" a read. It's a pretty quick read. After meditation, I try to journal about my sessio…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 05:15 PM
1

Don't know the state of your divorce (physical or legal), but if you're getting (or have gotten) divorced, I say some of this is none of your business; like who she is sleeping with; internet strangers or otherwise. What does possibly having STDs and working with School Children have to do with anything. Do you know who Ryan White was? He obtained HIV through a transfusion. His school banned him. His friends ostracized him. Because they didn't understand how HIV/AIDS was transmitted. Now unless …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/19 06:03 AM
1

I want to know how she got your kids out of the country without your approval. I've had to sign a letter of permission for my wife to take our kids out of the country without me. If you didn't give explicit permission, she may have forged it. That's definitely not cool. If you didn't give permission, contact a legal professional about options.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 04:24 PM
5

First, sorry you're going through this. Second, I like the username. I never pictured myself as a whiskey drinker, but my college buddy got me into Scotch, then I discovered Bourbon. Most importantly, you didn't fail. You grew apart. How many of your childhood friends that you were going to be friends with for life have you kept in touch with? How many co-workers have you lost contact with as you've changed jobs? Growing, aging, changing is just a part of life; as much a part of life as birth an…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/19 03:11 PM
1

Most materials that enclose electrical connections are fire resistant, if not completely fire proof (metal).
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/19 03:04 PM
2

Short circuit would have just tripped the breaker.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/19 08:17 PM
1

Sorry you're feeling this way. I am in a similar place as well; not sure if I want to stay married. While I'm not going to advocate in either direction, I want to ask about your wife's behavior. Has this always been how she's acted? Sounds like there is some possibility that it has always been this way since you mention her family as toxic and dysfunctional. But that doesn't mean that she has always been toxic and dysfunctional. I ask because I wonder if this could be part of postpartum, hormona…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/19 12:40 PM
2

The only times sex came up in conversations was when she was appalled at news stories or other people's behavior. Raised staunchly Catholic. That should have been a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/19 03:17 AM
1

Sorry you're dealing with something like this too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/19 12:04 AM
1

So this kinda made me laugh. I don't think my wife enjoys sex. I don't think she's ever masturbated. I don't even think she has sexual fantasies. I think her parents had sex 7 times; 4 kids and 3 miscarriages. Also, most of my post wasn't sexually oriented. Where did this come from?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/19 12:03 AM
1

Thanks for sharing. I wrestle with the bird in the hand vs the two in the bush as well. I know that I can slug along with what I've got and maybe re-find happiness, or I can risk it and find more, new, better happiness (or I can get shut out.) I don't like what 10 years in the future looks like given the current path, but if I change course now ... , and I quote Edward James Olmos as Jaime Escalante in "Stand and Deliver," "You only see the turn, you don't see the road ahead." Sadly I just had a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/19 12:00 AM
1

I am plenty interested in life and family. But my wife due to physical issues is very restricted. So I feel like a mid-40s man married to a mid-60s woman. I have no problems with identity. I have been in individual therapy (couples and individual counseling remark in my post) for 2+ years. We tried marriage counseling 3+ years ago, but my wife decided it wasn't working when the counselor started calling my wife out for immediately interpreting everything I said in the worst possible way. I have …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 11:47 PM
1

Divorce isn't permanent. There is nothing stating that you can't date her again. I want to say I know (or know of) people that have gotten marred twice. Married; Divorced; Married again. Discuss your feelings with her and explain that you are open to trying to work through things, but you want to finish the divorce first. Then you get the opportunity to re-engage. You also have the option to bounce like a crazy ball if things go sideways. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/19 02:48 AM
1

I am very sorry for your situation. That is horrible. I am currently in a similar, but not as severe, situation. Symptoms are not as debilitating, and kids are older. She has confessed that she feels horrible for doing this to me. She says she wishes she could go way and not burden us. So that may be some of what your wife is going through; guilt, anger, sorrow. It sucks when I see my wife in that state. I think making a break with honor is possible. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/19 04:38 AM
6

Social / family expectations Wanted kids Came from 2 parent [mf] home Committed to the relationship 20+ Years later (still married, but not sure it will last), 2 kids [18f, 13m], we've both changed. Neither of us [46m/45f] are the same. Life challenges changed us. Expected changes didn't happen and unexpected changes did. There are some physical/emotional/mental issues we've had to contend with and that has put the 2nd biggest strain on our future. The biggest is that common interests are limite…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/19 03:40 PM
1

Physically/genetically? No. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for advice from time to time. Also have realistic expectations, or I'll have to go all "Get off my lawn!" on you. LOL.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/19 08:01 PM
2

So I websearched "annuity in lieu of alimony." There are articles that cover the pros and cons. https://www.google.com/search?q=anuity+in+lieu+of+alimony&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS724US727&oq=anuity+in+lieu+of+alimony&aqs=chrome..69i57.12062j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 ​ Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/19 09:23 PM
1

You seem young to have been together for "so many years." But if you've been exclusive since high school (or maybe even younger) I can understand the uncertainty. But without more background, it's hard for us (specifically me[45m, married 20+ years]) to understand how a 23yo would need advice on how to be alone after so many years. You've got lots going for you. Like u/Assaultcow said, you're really in your prime. It would be an ideal divorce scenario except you have a kid. They complicate divor…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/19 04:06 AM
1

You handle it the way you've been handling it. Ignore her; stay away from her. Ignorance is bliss. If your kids are reporting substandard quality of life because mommy is going through money like water, then you've got something to consider. But don't address anything directly, if possible. Let the courts handle it. Otherwise, focus on the positives in your life; kids, fiance, ... They'll understand in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/19 09:17 PM
2

First, I'm not a lawyer, this is just what seems sensible to me. Buy her a house?!?!? That's hilarious. Anything that is not acquired prior to divorce/separation is not on the table. You can't be compelled to buy anything. Go Navy!!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/19 11:55 PM
1

Since I[45M] am kinda in your wife's boat (20+year marriage, 2 teens, no infidelity), and will say that it is not a pleasant place to be. My situation isn't just grown apart, there are physical/emotional issues that also factor in, possible emotional manipulation. I'm still married due to fear; fear of losing family and friends, fear of losing my comfortable lifestyle. We're trying to stay together, but because I am afraid of losing half of myself (been together for more than our lives) in the p…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/19 03:03 PM
2

I'd[45M ]say my wife [44F] has 3 out of 5. :(
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/19 12:39 AM
3

I've been working on myself for about 2+ years now; therapy; meditation; journaling, and gym. There is no canned recipe to follow. Finding the right therapist is key. Give them a few sessions before moving on. It'll take a while to build trust in them. When you start to trust the therapist, you'll start to tell them things you didn't think you'd ever say out loud. It's liberating. Meditation comes in lots of flavors. I started with "Meditation for fidgety skeptics". The premise behind meditation…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/19 05:43 AM
2

Give journaling a try too. I find that some thoughts come out meditation and being able to go back and reflect on my thoughts helps me understand myself better. It also gives me something to review before seeing my therapist. Helps me remember what I wanted to discuss. Remember this is a marathon not a sprint. Start slow and keep moving forward. Much like running, reaching the end is both exhilarating, confidence building, and emotionally draining. I literally cried when I finished my first 1/2 …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/19 03:42 AM
2

Depending on what state you live in, you might be able to separate immediately. I've seen posts is this sub-reddit about the difference between abandonment and separation. As long as you're are reachable, and stay in contact, abadonment is pretty hard to claim. Obviously Check with a lawyer first; you're going to be putting one on retainer shortly anyways. And I agree with u/LandOnMyFeet. Work on yourself, for yourself and your kids. I'm a big believer in therapy, yoga and meditation. You'll sur…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/19 09:00 PM
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