Married 20+ years, together 25+ since early 20s, 2 kids(teens m&f), wife[45f] is beautiful and sexy. There is no infidelity or abuse, there is probably emotional manipulation (80% from her, 20% from me). We both work and make good money, lead an otherwise idyllic life but ...

But, there is always a but, I don't want to be married anymore.

My wife has some emotional/physical/mental issues that are difficult to live with. I love her more like a sister now. I want the best for her and our kids, but I don't love her the way she needs to be loved anymore. I don't know that I ever really did love her exactly as she wanted/needed. But the last 5 years we have really grown apart. And I have changed, started to develop some of her behaviors. Interpreting responses as criticism rather than information. She senses something is wrong and tries to inject herself into my activities, but that is not what I want. We have one common interest right now; parenting. And we often spar about the correct action. I have spent more of my life with my wife than any thing or body. I want change, I want solitude, I want freedom, I want to look at the future and see happiness. Right now I see sadness, and restriction. I feel as thought I have given up a better part of who I am to help her through struggle after struggle. I want to be the spontaneous, laid back guy I was years ago.

It's not all bad. I am also a better person for this relationship. I am a better person because of her. Her good habits and characteristics rubbed off on me long ago. I didn't see any of what I was hoping for in me rub off on her. I am now seeing her bad habits and behaviors rub off on me. I want to stop that. I want ...

That's part of my problem. I don't know what I want. We've done couples and individual counseling. I've tried to help her understand her behaviors that I would like her to work on. She agrees that they are not conducive to repairing our relationship, but it seems like she can't change them. When I try to discuss how I feel with her, it quickly turns around into me attacking her and her crying. Then she uses the fact that I tried to discuss my feelings as fodder for her attacking me as mean and hurtful.

TLDR; Mid-40s, 20+ year married, no infidelity or abuse. Teen kids. Idyllic life. Don't want to be married anymore.