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TimeTraveler0770 Archive

View 8 posts and 44 comments by TimeTraveler0770 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I’ve reached the stage of my life that whatever my ex does as long as it doesn’t impact the kids is her business and I’d rather not know about it. I guess what’s causing all this overthinking on my part is I’ve had enough drama in turmoil that my brain keeps me protected from stepping into another scene like that. But on the other hand, I would love to have a partnership with someone who values me as much as I value them. So that’s the quandary here. You have to open yourself up for what you wan…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:33 PM
1

That’s my proclivity that I have been working on. I’m way too much of an overthinker. I Monday morning quarterback everything to death.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:26 PM
3

I guess that’s what I’m trying to parse out in my mind. Is this something real for me or am I convincing myself this is something real? You hear of people who strike gold on the first shovel, but this feels almost too providential. The previous three meetings with other women were like lead balloons. This is the first one that has potential and I’m just concerned that there is some level deep in my psyche that is trying to will this into existence.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:24 PM
2

That’s the problem I’m running into right now. Compatibility just hasn’t been showing up to the party in any of my dates. None have blown me away and too many have had heavy baggage. Brutal divorces, bad rebound relationships, etc that have made them so jaded and cynical that it’s hard to get off the runway much less in flight to see if there’s anything there to work with.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:29 AM
1

Just a few weeks and am already getting ready to delete. It’s just too exhausting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 10:32 PM
2

Your take is correct. I am finding that the apps are at best, a distraction. They aren’t particularly effective at achieving what their stated purpose is. In fact they are designed to do the opposite.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 04:08 PM
1

That’s probably the healthier option. These apps don’t necessarily build connections I am finding.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 04:05 PM
1

I get it. I probably would have had a longer separation if my ex-wife wasn’t in such a hurry to get on with the divorce as quickly as possible. If we didn’t have a one year waiting period during separation she would probably filed the very next day after she asked. She couldn’t wait to get back into the dating pool. May not have cheated while we were still a functional marriage, but she couldn’t wait to start as soon as she asked for the divorce. During the conversation with this person, the way…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 03:45 AM
1

The dating apps are brutal. There’s a lot of bullshit out there on all of the apps. Doesn’t matter which one. a lot of flakes, a lot of not emotionally available, I lots of damaged people. It’s all a numbers game. For each person who actually match with, you’re gonna swipe right on probably 20 or 30 people. For each one that becomes a match, probably only one in five will actually want to meet and the rest will lock you into an endless texting penpal situation with someone who’s essentially a st…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:38 AM
4

I agree with that philosophy, and I’m really trying to practice it. I started out going with max energy and quickly started getting exhausted over it. I have limited bandwidth for emotional energy so I can’t waste it dumping it down a black hole. I’ve gotten much better at matching energy. I don’t dick around in the app texting my matches, I ask them to meet up usually within 48 hours of initial contact. If they decline or wish washy, I unmatch and release them back into the wild. I don’t need a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:25 AM
4

First few times I was thinking what the hell is wrong with me? Then I just realized that this is how it is now. Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to wade through a lot of debris to find a diamond. Thankfully, I haven’t run across anybody that knocked my socks off at initial meet and the feeling is I think been pretty mutual so no loss no gain. By the way, I am stealing the term, “Chad Thundercock.” This is a term that should be in every divorced man’s lexicon!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 10:35 PM
2

I was thinking the same thing, but I was willing to at least suss it out on a second date. To be honest with you, I was expecting the ghosting or rejection. We weren’t really popping chemistry, but we were having a nice conversation and I was genuinely curious to see how this would develop.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 10:28 PM
4

I think we’ve been living in a lot of ambiguity because we just got the MSA signed last week. Should’ve been signed nine months ago. I was trying to be the stand-up guy and worked through this ending with a little bit of dignity and mutual respect, and she obviously… Wasn’t. Now that the MSA is signed, I’m holding her to the stipulations in that document.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 12:19 PM
1

There were no discussions or formal agreements in place. I really was trying to approach the end with dignity and respect. It’s not finding a new guy, although that hurt, it was the lies, secrecy, and manipulation behind it that was the real mule kick.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 10:10 AM
6

Yeah, I think the inflection point really came once she found a new man because it’s almost like a switch turned over. If not hate, certainly contempt. It wasn’t long after the switch that I discovered that she was seeing another man. I think there’s a lot happening in there. 1. she’s got male attention. 2. her narrative that my ex is terrible and the new guy is probably validating it back to her or even reinforcing it because he doesn’t want the sex to stop and the more he tells her how terribl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:09 AM
4

Her mother and her two sisters have always been pretty messy when it comes to men and relationships. My STBXW prided herself on not being like that or so, she said during our marriage. Now she’s probably the messiest of the bunch as she always had body insecurity issues, but just prior to asking for a divorce, she lost a significant amount of weight and started hitting the gym seven days a week. That’s when this went big time south. I realize she didn’t fall far from the same tree. She was just …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:14 AM
6

Yeah, the mind-boggling part of it is how all of a sudden a person that I thought I loved and I thought love me could so thoroughly trash everything about me. That’s unsettling thing what I could consider a good memories she considers bad memories what I considered moments of connection, she doesn’t consider at all. That’s the crazy making. It gets you trying to figure out if you ever really knew this person?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:08 AM
17

No shit. We recently had a conversation where she told me she lost herself in her marriage and she’s never going to do that again she’s going to live her “authentic self“ and will never lose herself again. Well, if this is her authentic self, she sucks. Isn’t the person I fell in love with.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:06 AM
1

Oh, that’s the plan alright. Just need to get past this ambiguous phase as quickly as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 11:04 PM
5

I could confront her but at what cost? She’s obviously done the calculations in her mind and thinks I’m too trusting to figure it out. Am I being dishonest? I don’t think so. I’m not actively deceiving her. I’m just choosing not to confront her because that’s a battle that no one wins. My goal is just to get myself to the finish line and get this divorce decree filed so I can move on. At this point, what she does is really no longer my concern unless it really is egregious. Hiding her little rel…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:11 AM
6

She’s testing your boundaries, my man. And if you don’t keep them, you’re going to end up doing all the husbandly duties, but without any emotional connection or intimacy. She gets the best of both worlds your accessibility for her practical needs without any of the obligation for your emotional needs.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:25 PM
10

It’s a rough ride fellas… 18 years of marriage- 23 years together, nice house, two teenage boys I dearly love, looking forward to retiring in five years. Boom! Disappeared in a cloud of smoke and confusion. I sat in a deep dark place for nearly 10 months. Got on the lonely man diet, lost 50 pounds because I couldn’t eat, and couldn’t sleep. Tried to hold it together for the boys- mourned, grieved, lashed out in my apartment and then just got completely exhausted of it all. So I started climbing …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:14 PM
1

I’m in therapy. It helps. Support groups are difficult to find around my neck of the woods. It’s a backslide emotionally, but I’m trying to get moving forward again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:37 PM
2

I mean, I wasn’t under the illusion that the marriage could be saved. She’s been consistent in her messaging that she wanted to be divorced: not work on it, not maybe. But she did want me to be was a “good friend“ and that we could partner together for the sake of the children. Well friendship still requires a level of honesty and mutual respect and she wasn’t capable of doing that. So that sucks. Now she has forced me to change my relationship from partner to strictly coparent.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:52 PM
2

Thank you. I was slowly getting it together and was starting to get peace and this caused a huge backslide that I did not anticipate. I assumed we were on the same page. I assumed wrong..
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:43 PM
1

The kids are the only reason I have to interact with her, but I’m realizing that the old unstructured way we have been coparenting isn’t good now that trust has been broken. And I have been drafting a more structured parenting plan this week for the lawyer to insert into the agreement that is fair to both sides, and protects my peace and stability with the boys. Up to now, we have been operating as a partnership, but now I no longer feel that exists.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 10:34 AM
4

That is almost a mirror of where I’m at. I thought we’d go out of this marriage with a little dignity and respect and she just gave me the double middle fingers. The only thing is that your STXW at least freely admitted it. Mine continues her active deception and manipulation because she thinks I don’t know. And I’m not loving that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:10 AM
2

There’s a lot I’m trying to unpack here. One of course is ego. She has discarded me and that sucks. The next is trust. She’s been shady about this facet and she knows she’s crossed a line or she wouldn’t be hiding it and being deceptive. The third is betrayal. The state I live in, doesn’t recognize sexual relationships during separation and in the eyes of the law and courts, this is legally classified as adultery. Doesn’t matter if you’ve moved on or they’ve moved on or whatever. You’re either m…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 05:23 AM
2

I think I avoided this assumption after we separated and now that it is here, I am going to have deal with it and move past.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:03 PM
2

I think after last night, I realized the woman I spent 20 years with and built a life together is truly gone. Its like that person truly died and I'm grieving about it. The hard part is I'm going to have to interact with this new person that I used to know until the kids reach 18 at least.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:01 PM
3

I guess that even though we have been separated, I hadn't really given the fact that they eventually will move on the proper processing it needed, until the facts hit me square in the face. Didn't love being lied to and deceived at my expense about it though. That was the extra kick in the nads.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 05:56 PM
3

One thing I’m learning in therapy is that I may have been married to a person with some narcissistic tendencies. My STXW has lost a lot of weight and is hitting the gym hard in the last year. I think she’s getting all this male attention now that I was no longer someone she had to be with anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:14 AM
4

We had shared my Amazon Prime account up until about two or three weeks ago. Then all of a sudden she decided she needed her own Amazon Prime account, which I found strange at the time as it seemed out of the blue. She had been pretty OK with just sharing the Amazon prime. And I had no problem with it. Facing the totality of circumstances from tonight, my theory is she was getting ready to buy sexy stuff like lingerie and the like and didn’t want me to have visibility on her purchases.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:12 AM
1

Yeah I agree that a confrontation would not help me in the slightest and only be more hurtful. I have no intention of engaging. My goal is to keep plowing ahead until the day that I truly don’t give a fuck is here.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:09 AM
1

She just kept saying how tired she was and how she couldn’t wait to get to bed. And that I had a drive back to my house 40 minutes and probably didn’t want to be on the road late. I took the hint.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:05 AM
2

Believe me, I just cut off all tracking. Although it provided clarity tonight, through that clarity, it also activated more intense grief. The only upside I can see from it is that it truly indicated a point of no return ever and will shape how I proceed in the future as not a former partner but as just a coparent.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 03:17 AM
3

I can only imagine. I see it enough right now in my STBX story now. She is having her "divorce year." That means lots of time for friends, hobbies, and everything she felt denied of as my wife. I'm not angry, just in despair that I am so far behind her in the grief process. I had a walkaway wife. Once she dropped the discard, it was immediately on to her new life. When I told her early on how hard I was having processing it she told me, "I cried all my tears in the last few years. I have none le…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:32 AM
3

Man, I feel it. My identity has been wrapped into being a father and husband, that now that the marriage is gone, I'm left feeling completely devoid of who I am and even worse, not knowing who I want to be.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:14 AM
12

Once the marriage stops being partnership and becomes a record of scorekeeping on both sides, that's the beginning of the end. When you find yourself choosing to avoid connection rather than seeking each other, then they are no longer "your person." If you are always on edge for a reaction, then thats your body telling you something about safety. Some of things can be mitigated if you both commit to therapy individually and as a couple and even if it can't be mitigated you will be a better place…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:11 AM
2

Sounds like my ex and sounded like my marriage. Remorse and guilt are the calling card of power in narcissistic relationships. Believe me when a narcissist detaches it is game over. You got to start thinking ahead to who you are and who you want to be. Not the part that has been defined for you by your ex. Hardest part for me is here I was grieving, crying, and in pain. She had already departed emotionally far before physically. When she drops the divorce on you, its a big game of playing emotio…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:26 AM
3

Your in the thick of it my friend. I get it as that was me too. You are allowed to feel it, grieve it, but then for your own sanity and growth you will have to let it go and don't get stuck wallowing in it. I wouldn't date right now until you make it out the other side. Any potential romantic partners are going to suss it out right quick and pull the ejection handle which only reinforces the idea that you are unlovable. Take this time to grieve what was lost, and then start working on self estee…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:08 AM
2

That is great. I am in a high conflict separation going to divorce final in July. I lived in that survival, fight or flight, fix immediately mode for years and it broke me and partially broke the marriage. Something I have been learning to do though lots of therapy and advice is I can't control her reaction but I can control mine. You are spot on, I try to retain routines and respect the continuity between our separate homes. I don't bad mouth their mother and nip it in the bud when they bad mou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 02:56 AM
4

Why would you want this? My memories good or bad, remind me of pain of loss. It kept me stuck in a way that was unhealthy. There are things to remember from the marriage that should be absorbed as life lessons, but to hold on to them as mementos of the brain doesn't seem like something I want to do. All they managed to accomplish is reactivating grief, regret, and sadness. But that's just me, we all process differently.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 02:40 AM
4

Thank you for this! I'm deep in the trenches trying to grieve for a wife that had already left me emotionally 2 years before she asked. It does get better. Even if I'm only 6 months out of the house, I am in different mental place than I was 6 months ago.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 03:47 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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