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Toomanyprollems Archive

View 6 posts and 288 comments by Toomanyprollems on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Yes, dealbreaker!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 02:00 AM
5

I will also say that one of the above aforementioned guys I was friends with for over a year and really cultivated this image of being a gAy $LUTttttt. Like he really, really sold it so much that that was his entire personality in my presence. Then one day we were in the car together and he parked in a parking lot and told me he's been in love with me the whole time. I turned him down because, well, I obviously didn't see him like that and he proceeded to cry for 2 hours begging me to see it his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 05:54 PM
23

YEP. Was talking to a guy recently. Not like "talking-talking" but we were having a conversation. Anyway so he starts talking about how he had had TWO DIFFERENT GIRLFRIENDS smash his guitars. He made it sound like he just has bad luck and picks crazies. So I said to him... "Lol, what did YOU do?" And cracked up because I ain't one of those women who are like "ohhhh puppy that sounds so hard! How unlucky!" ANYWAY so he did this knowing guilty look and looked up in the air and with a devious side …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 02:42 AM
26

Had two guys pose as my gay friends get really butthurt that I wouldn't date them. TWO. One ended up being a psychopath that I dated and had to get a restraining order to break it off. He asked me out and I said "no thank you I have someone I'm seeing" and he said "oh don't worry I'm gay." It took me 2 years and much trauma to get rid of him. I was 23 at the time so I didn't know any better. Don't trust 'em!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 02:32 AM
7

I'm so glad she did her hair and I hope she dumps his ass. What a creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:25 PM
15

There is a really good book in the FDS reading list called "why does he do that?" By Lundy bancroft. I highly recommend it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:21 PM
34

If you read Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that?" He discusses this in his book. Abusive men often bring people to their side by explaining away the incident and appear full of remorse and also make up some reason why they abused you. He makes himself appear to be misunderstood and not in control of his emotions and says he just feels so strongly for you that he "lost control"- and they feel sorry for him. I'm not saying that your friends are not in the wrong by siding with him but this i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:20 PM
2

try dating guys with hobbies that are different than yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 11:55 PM
1

I htink the 5k was referring to 5 karats
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 09:33 AM
4

Lol socks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 05:56 PM
11

No- let him bring all of that stuff up. Let him ask you to be exclusive, let him say I love you first. If he doesn't do these things in a timeframe that you find acceptable then pull back. Take longer to text back and be busy when he wants to hang out or talk unless he schedules with you ahead of time. If he still doesn't chase you then consider cutting him off. Also- date others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 07:34 PM
6

Lol like on Thanksgiving when I'm at my aunt's or cousins house and they are making the turkey and doing this elaborate orchestra of oven timing for all the sides... Their husband comes in and says "I could make a turkey it's not that hard!!!" And then leave the room to go watch TV. EVERY FUCKING YEAR!!! How about instead they could say... "geez wife this looks absolutely amazing and thank you for cooking this ridiculous bounty of which I am so undeserving I will run the bath and rub your feet l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:23 AM
6

Fantasy: I would go full-on psycho on his ass- I would call him a nasty, rapist piece of shit and throw a lamp at his head and force him to run out into the street naked with ceramic items being hurled at him until he is far, far away hoping that I don't get my pistol. Hopefully I never run into this situation. I've never had guy ask me for anal and I've never had a penis slip into my butthole. If it did and it really was an accident he'd be like "what the fuck I am so sorry oh geez do you need …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 08:26 PM
6

Next time just let the guy bring up all that stuff. Commitment, exclusivity, saying "I love you"- all of it. Let him do it. Don't think about it like wasting time because you shouldn't be exclusive with anyone who hasn't asked you to be exclusive. Date others. Fill up that dance card. And if a guy is wasting your time move him down on the dance card, be generally less available or cut him off completely. Instead of telling him that you need commitment when you're feeling insecure, just become a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 01:49 AM
3

Let him ask you to spend the time together. Do not ask him. If he doesn't ask you before a timeframe that you can reasonably get it together, make sure to make other plans and tell him about them. If you tell him of your other plans DO NOT break them if he asks you to change them. Just say, I would love to and that would have been so nice but I already made plans. Ps if he really cared yes he would absolutely ask you. Someone who really loves you would give anything to stay a week or two togethe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 01:36 AM
2

This has been my strategy also. I haven't found anyone really worth talking to yet (or rather, no one worth talking to has found ME!) But I stick to the rules. I don't send messages on the weekend even though I'm in quarantine and have "nothing" going on (I actually have a lot going on and am somehow insanely busy at home!!). Weekends are still a blackout zone unless he have scheduled to talk at that time (which no one does because they're in constant instant gratification mode probably chopping…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 01:35 AM
5

Block and delete
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 01:28 AM
3

Lol yep
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 04:32 PM
3

It's not petty- it's a big deal. If someone can't even put the roll on what else are they going to put you in charge of?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 04:24 PM
2

I get most of my furniture second hand from thrift stores. They don't make things like they used to- pretty much all contemporary furniture stock is shit. But I also have some Ikea stuff as it does it's job
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 04:07 PM
18

"good" men benefit from the behavior of sociopathic men even if they themselves are not doing the behavior. They benefit because these men cause women to be afraid a docile which makes women serve all men as a default mode. This benefits all men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:34 AM
16

When I broke up with my ex I felt sad but also a huge weight lifted off of me. I ordered a bunch of FDS literature and am reading a ton of books and just generally having a good time without him since December. I've also been reading The Rules books by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. I have a ton of time to spend just doing whatever I want and also knowing that I am soley responsible for my own happiness has helped a lot instead of leaning on someone who isn't emotionally available.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 04:15 AM
37

I like the Rick and Morty episode titled "pickle rick"- the scene at the end with the therapist is amazing. She describes so many men who intellectualize and avoid looking inward and therapy. But it's ok if you don't like that show. It's also good to let guys know when you don't like stuff. A good one will just make a mental note and try to discover what you do like
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 04:12 AM
2

smells like bullshit to me! unmatch, onto the next one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 12:35 AM
2

you may get some additional support in r/AlAnon
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 12:31 AM
3

Yeah I'm pretty over it too. I've been wanting to get a "scrotation" going so that I can follow FDS more effectively but it's fucking stab-my-eyes-out frustrating to find even one guy to put on the roster. After this quarantine is over I'm going to join some art clubs or improv or classes or something, hopefully I can get a scrotation going. Online dating is a fucking shit show boring waste of time. Scrolling through the apps is just a constant cringe fest. I'm scrolling through and I'm like "oh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 11:59 PM
2

That is adorable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 11:35 PM
2

I have had pretty similar experiences- my general rule is not to date guys in the program because if they're not on top of their step game things can get pretty looney (I know I am pretty looney when I'm off my step game.) Also, if down the road they fall off their game you're stuck with a looney. I think this guy has 4 years but I think I've lost interest already. We were on the meeting last night and then moved to a smaller zoom group in the after meeting and we all talked for a long time and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 04:53 PM
2

I want to have a roster so badly. I am going to work on my dating profiles more- the problem is getting more than one that I am interested in at once. Should I keep a couple of guys on that I'm not particularly wild over just to keep the numbers up? I'm very new to online dating and I am quite introverted so I haven't met many guys that approach me. I'm going to just work on my game here and hope they come after me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 09:13 AM
3

I know all about that but thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 07:27 AM
2

Thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 06:08 AM
5

I agree that FDS is common sense but it is totally not so common as we have all been brainwashed SO HARD to cater to and make excuses for men. All the shit that makes sense and is so fucking obvious (uhhh, no we can't have sex on the first date after we share $5 footlong in a subway parking lot, DUH!") I need to have this stuff hammered into my head over and over and over again to combat the manservant messages I've gotten all my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 01:41 AM
10

Thank you for your reply- in the other comment I was defensive because I thought that she was implying that I'm trying to get a fix by dating people in the program. I guess I am pretty sensitive right now and trying really hard not to act out with stupid behaviors like buying cigarettes and eating too much because this quarantine is making me crazy- and when I perceived that maybe someone was implying that I was trying to get a fix with a guy my head got a little hot! I didn't realize that she m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 01:01 AM
10

Thank you for your reply. My head got a little hot as I thought that you were implying that I was trying to get a fix by dating in AA- but it makes sense that you were meaning him lol! Your answer makes sense- if I gave a guy my number to make it easier for him I would definitely be be waiting for low effort texts in no time. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 12:03 AM
7

Thank you!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:59 PM
45

I am childfree and I used to go on r/childfree a lot but pretty much that is all that sub is. When talking about people who have children they often say, "So, you think you need a medal for having sex?" There's a lot more to pregnancy than the having sex part. that's like .05% of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 08:03 PM
1

fender play is offering free guitar lessons for 3 months! I am learning guitar!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 08:18 AM
2

I left my ex in December. I occasionally think about him and wish he were a better boyfriend so we could be together. But then I get back into reality and I'm so happy where I am. If I hadn't left him I would be miserable in this quarantine. Just do all the stuff you love doing and more. Stay active and watch any shows that you like that your bf didn't like, eat foods that you like but he didn't like. If you have no examples just take serious advantage of being single. Being single is amazing. Y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 08:14 AM
9

I really don't know what the purpose of that sub is if it's not women finally divorcing their useless husbands. Having kids is hard but having a POS husband who is unhelpful, gaslighting, and falling short of the role of partner makes it 100x worse. I don't have kids but I think it is far better to know that the only one you can rely on is yourself (being a single parent) instead of having someone with you who makes promises to help and then just... doesn't. What a nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 07:41 AM
16

Lol pickmes are being bulldozed right now by their LVM who have no idea how to make a store list or meal prep let alone plan meals for a month straight. I've seen so many posts from women who are like "my husband/SO is not helping me and I'm the only one preparing us for sheltering in place." The men are just binging on free gaming and porn subscriptions while their women steer their households through the apocalypse. I hope when we get out of this thing all the pickmes #kickhimout2021 and they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 07:36 AM
15

Just keep mirroring, match his energy. Don't even address his apology. If it's just once in a while and he's genuinely busy don't worry but if he's constantly taking hours to text back and apologizing it's a pattern of apologizing and not changing behavior, which is a red flag in my opinion. People who constantly do things and then apologize and then don't change their behavior are priming you to be ok with them being disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 07:25 AM
3

I don't care for him and even if it weren't for this information I will cringe to vote for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 08:36 AM
10

I read the rules by Ellen fein and Sherrie schnieder. In it they discuss that a women never initiates contact with a man. Let him text you first, then wait at least half an hour to respond to any text. If you dont want to ever speak to him again- block him and delete his number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 08:34 AM
13

I mean, in my opinion that's kind of true when you're looking at it from the perspective of trying to avoid STDs. Particularly HPV, which can be transmitted even if you are using condoms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 03:20 AM
20

Hahaha just desserts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 04:13 AM
9

There's bumblebff
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 05:05 PM
3

Threatening suicide is such a classic LVM move. I can't tell you how many times in my youth I had guys threaten to kill themselves if I left! I was young and gullible and really thought they would do it. It didn't occur to me that I wasn't responsible for their deaths even if they did kill themselves over a teenage relationship. But one guy who was threatening it was in his 30s too but he was just generally a whacko. He didn't end up killing himself of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 03:40 PM
28

Yep. I agree with your post 100% Something that I will add to the "upgrade" idea: It isn't just that they want a "better" woman (well maybe they perceive the new woman as better I don't know). They want a woman who has never seen them broke. A woman who has seen them broke knows they ain't shit but a woman who has never seen them broke will see them in a better light. This is just my opinion, speculation. But It has to do with their standing and the woman's perception of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 06:48 PM
12

Hahaha omg "I'm fat and live with my parents can you fix me?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 05:33 PM
3

I always look at those 5'9" guys on OLD like... are you really 5'9" or are gonna be shorter....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 06:00 AM
3

"I disappoint everyone in my life" sounds like someone trying to lower your expectations and standards. Like, "Don't expect too much from me 'cause that's way too much presssuuuuure...."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 05:58 AM
3

I love that book!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 05:24 AM
29

The part where she said that he made it sound like it was "our problem" was so familiar to me! When I was in my early 20s I used to hang out with this homeless old guy. (I know, I know my daddy issues were that bad.) I used to chat with him on my way home after work. He was super fucking old and homeless so I didn't think anything of it. I gave him my email because he wanted to send me some articles and after a few weeks he sent me a long email talking about how he's in love with me and what are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:14 PM
13

She should use the money to buy herself a nicer car than his and be like... Look at my car. The end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 03:47 AM
2

Keep doing little things like this as much as possible, every day. Take a nice walk, pick some flowers, buy some flowers, see a movie, take a class, go out to a fancy dinner, art museum, art gallery, concert, comedy show, do things for yourself that you enjoy. That way when you encounter a man he'll have to bring you an experience that can compete with how pleasant your life is when you're single. If he doesn't enhance your life or makes it worse or takes away these lovely things and gives you s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 06:55 PM
5

Drive an hour- get drinks and .... Drive an hour back home or "oh it's so late and you've been drinking how about you stay at my place I'll sleep on the couch and I'll be just a toooootal gentleman you don't have to worry about anything happening with me 😉"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 04:20 AM
8

Yes!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 04:11 AM
8

I wanted to say this also. When I read lundy bancroft's book this blew my mind. Ladies- read it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 12:21 AM
6

Haha the joke is on him because many male managers already give poor performance reviews and shittier leads to women. This is already the state of things and we are still lapping them. So fuck off with this. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 07:41 AM
13

Accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 07:32 AM
19

I do think the love languages thing is real but I think a lot of guys who have heard of it just say "mine is physical touch!" But gary chapman addresses this in his book and says that by physical touch he's not talking about the sexual part of the relationship. A guy can be doing everything else right but if he doesn't give me affirming words on a regular basis I feel very unloved and the relationship quickly falls apart. He can bring gifts, want to spend quality time, hug and me kiss me a lot, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 04:26 PM
17

Sorry to hear that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:01 PM
109

One gamer guy I know in particular was very picky and critical of the appearance of women (pretty much just wanted someone who looked like Jessica Alba) while he himself spent 0 effort on his appearance or any self improvement. I think since he sat around absorbing idealized media of women and spent less time with actual women he has unrealistic expectations of what women look like. I guess that's similar to guys who view a lot of porn. Also the hobby in itself gives a false sense of accomplishm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:01 PM
49

Also they are generally larger and smellier- so more laundry because they fill up the washing machine with fewer articles of clothing. When I first moved in with my ex I was shocked at how many loads of laundry he had for the same amount of time as me! He was 6'7 though so... Might be a bit of a special case. But you're definitely right about electricity and food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 03:08 AM
2

As far as job hopping I haven't really worried about that- I usually stay for a year or 2 and then move on. This is because the raise I've gotten from changing jobs has often been more substantial than being offered a promotion. That being said you'll want to assess each offer (if your employer is promoting you vs. a job offer from another company.) I don't know about in other economic climates but in this one I've gotten a 10%+ raise each time I've moved jobs. I'm still in the beginning of my c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:24 AM
238

"Why are you saying you're hungry when there's a perfectly good hot dog on the ground outside?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:47 PM
9

This post is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 So much resonated with me! I've had two slaps in the face that I recall: My ex's aunt told me at a BBQ that she was "this close |==|" to setting my ex up with someone and then I came along. My ex was not pursuing women at all before I chased him around. I just fell into his lap and did all the work. I contacted him and asked him out. I planned all the activities. He just had to show up. He wasn't interested in pursuing women, relationships, getting married, or anything like t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:23 AM
15

Yep. My cat is a great friend to have. The only thing that I don't like about her is she gets hair all over my stuff but wayyyyyy better tradeoff than a guy who I'm like "Why doesn't be text me back? I know he's spinning pokestops right now.... :(((((" I don't have to wait for my cat to text back, she literally talks to me all day long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:05 AM
29

Never lower your standards. If you do you'll be hung up on some Plebe when someone actually worthy comes along. You're gonna be fine. 24 is a wonderful age to be single and focus on yourself and your goals. You can travel by yourself or with girlfriends if you want to without some LVM ruining the trip. You're killing it and you're honestly in the best place to be at 24. Young, beautiful, driven and unattached.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:02 AM
15

Zing!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 12:59 AM
13

Oh NO. I love her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:58 PM
11

In other news I think it's hilarious that someone looking up the hashtag #Christianity is gonna find this tweet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 03:31 AM
3

Leaving an abuser takes an incredible amount of persistence and is not for the faint of heart. You're making sure your daughter doesn't grow up with an abuser father in the house. Going to school and doing that too is also HUGE. I have friends in your former position who never got out, never went to school, and their abusers are eating their souls every day. One of my friends from kindergarten has 4 kids with a guy and they're not even married. He discourages her from going to school (we all kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 03:24 AM
14

Yeah I think about that sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 12:45 AM
6

Thank you for posting this! I haven't had any dates since I started reading FDS but reading your post helped me realize that I'm a little scared to start dating because building a rotation like you said is going to be hard. I am a little afraid to go on dates unless I have a few dates because I don't want to get stuck on just ONE GUY. Your post helped me so much! Thanks. Congrats to your friend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 11:22 PM
11

Just be grateful he showed you his cards early before you're invested. Consider it a learning experience and good job flexing the muscles of, "Hm, no that's not good enough for me."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 11:17 PM
5

UGH I do miss sex with my ex except I have to remind myself that I mostly just miss what we had in the beginning of the relationship. And in my desperate phase when I was trying to make the relationship work while mixing it up. But that didn't last long because I got fatigued in doing all the work to make it exciting and he didn't match my effort and creativity, so... I had to break up with him. I do not miss the sex that caused me to break up with him. He wanted me to initiate and do all the wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:11 PM
26

This is true. Make sure you're stacking your resume, not just hours working for a company. Take advantage of ALL company perks- make sure you're getting that 401k match, and if they offer classes on the company dime make sure you are shopping for classes right away and taking them. Then put those courses on your resume. Also, see if your company foots the bill for other certifications and organization memberships. Finally, look at job listings constantly. Then apply for some of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 09:44 PM
9

Yep. I can't even imagine what a meteoric rise in productivity and genius I would experience if I had someone serving me in this manner. I cannot imagine waking up to coffee on my nightstand appearing piping hot, just how I like it, at exactly the right moment. I cannot imagine worrying about NOTHING ELSE but my work. No laundry, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, deciding what to eat most of the time, remembering appointments, or anything besides my work. Can you imagine? Having a personal mind-read…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 04:05 AM
4

Don't marry someone who won't go to the doctor or won't take care of themselves. You'll be nursing his prematurely geriatric ass while you're still feeling young and spry and wanna go to Hawaii and swim with dolphins in your retirement years. With health, anything can happen to anyone at anytime. We don't have control over many health issues. But if a man eats like shit, won't exercise, won't go to the doctor please don't hitch your trailer to that. Find someone who cares for their body so you c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 03:55 AM
16

I love this subs shit talking on LVM. Yeah, there's a lot of content on that but a lot of it just illustrates that we are not imagining this, it's friggin' real, dating culture is a huge scam on women. Getting slapped in the face with constant memes and stories and takes of LVM and going "yep... Yep yep that's true, yep, yep... That happened to me more than once... Oh yeah that's my mother for sure. Oh no that's my cousin, poor thing..." the second I clicked on here got me hooked and literally m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:57 AM
9

This is all so huge! Quitting a job, a FWB, starting therapy, learning new skills. This is what leveling up looks like and you're truly an inspiration!! 💅🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:40 AM
3

It's ok I have mostly moved past it but I had such a similar experience as you. Where do these guys even come from? I can't imagine being that way to another human being it's crazy! I would never date that much younger. Crazy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:59 PM
8

What op said is absolutely true- older men are attracted to a young woman's inexperience and naivety. Sure, hot young bodies and faces are beautiful but an older guy going after a young girl is a predator 100%. It is the inexperience he is after. He can get away with a lot more with a younger woman than with a woman who's seen it all and takes no shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:55 PM
25

Men are just armchair diagnosing women left and right. "I dunno what's wrong with her I wasn't listening to what she's saying but she's got IsSuEs." This is a tale as old as time. A man gets pissed at his wife for calling him out for cheating or just general fuckery and he puts her in a mental institution. This does not happen quite as much anymore I imagine but back in the day many women were locked up because their husbands were just fucking assholes. Dolly Parton wrote a song about it called …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:46 AM
10

I had a very similar experience with a 31 year old guy when I was 23. Showing up at my work with gifts (so many fucking gifts), banging on my door, stalking me, and he actually kidnapped me at one point and was calling in sick for me. I didn't realized how messed up it was until later when I called my friend to get me a train ticket home because he took all my money. Everything you wrote brought me right back to being with that guy in that headspace. All the fears I had were real and I doubted m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:27 AM
11

I have an app called "female fitness - women work out"- on there there's a "28 day challenge" which is what I've been doing. The workouts start at 7-10 minutes and then get longer and more difficult slowly. I love it because I've never worked out before and they have videos with people showing you how to do different exercises. They also include stretching as part of the routine and each day the exercises are different so my muscle groups don't get too sore even if I do it every day. On the firs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 09:20 PM
34

I bought all the stuff to do UV gel manicures and I did my nails for the first time in years and they look fantastic. SO SHINY and RED I am a babe and a half. I'm still sticking to my 15 minute workouts every night and I did a short yoga last night as well and meditation this morning. I feel so amazing and I look great even though I still have a lil pooch I love my body and I'm so happy I started working out. Nothing on the dates front, all the guys who have liked me on hinge are yucky or just c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:34 PM
10

I've been doing the phone thing too! I put my phone "to bed" at night in a box with a lid and I drilled a hole for the cord to plug it in. It's really been helping me to do this. ​ Awesome progress!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:25 PM
3

This is fucking SCARY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:43 PM
1

Yep 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:15 AM
4

There is a term for this it is called emotional incest. It is not advisable to divulge information like this to children as it is a parent's job to be a parent and protect the children. You can leave a LVM without getting your children emotionally enmeshed with your personal relationship information and knowing too much. You do not have to lie to them, you can say whatever thing you need to to be as vague as possible. Emotional incest can result also in kids growing up too fast. It is not a chil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:11 AM
23

Yes- this is the way. I have a friend that I met up with on Saturday who is interviewing for a Fulbright Scholarship and I realized way too late in the conversation that I had been venting about my stinkin' ex boyfriend for way too much of the conversation. I didnt know exactly why I didn't feel connected with her tbh- but now I'm realizing it was because I said almost nothing of substance about myself or drawn any light from her. Two amazing women meeting up to hang out and all we talk about is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 08:15 PM
5

Maybe the step father was abusive or isolating them and didn't want him to visit. Just an idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 02:38 AM
5

In a book I read on attachment theory (called "attached") this is one of the signs of someone who has an avoidant attachment style.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 02:23 AM
9

haha maybe she could have gotten some edgy temporary tattoos done and a fake nose ring if she was into it? That would be so much hotter imo- "Hehe remember that time I dressed up like a sexy badass for valentine's day? Wow I'm such a a babe!!!!" vs. "remember that time I got tattoos to show my husband that I will do anything to satisfy even his most fleeting fantasy and stave off the constant background noise of feeling not good enough? I remember because I have to look at my tattoos every day!"…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 10:05 PM
10

THANK YOU for this I loved it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:23 PM
8

After a life of conditioning to people-please and put up with so much shit standing up for myself feels wrong. I broke up with a guy a couple of months ago and it was amicable at first, but after he sent me a clueless text I just tore him apart. I told him things I was going to just keep to myself but I just lost it on him. Honestly I think I did him a favor. If he takes what I said and truly self-reflect and make changes he will be a better person truly set up for success. Ie, clean his apartme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:20 AM
65

This is an accurate translation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:55 AM
15

I blocked a guy without responding. I thought I would feel robbed of the chance to respond but all I could feel was a giddy smirk forming across my face knowing that I struck a nerve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:33 PM
19

A few months into my last relationship I realized that I was doing all the work. My ex refused to plan anything without my input and I was exhausted by month 3 with planning dates and activities. I told one of my girlfriends that I just wanted to be "wisked away" once in a while and she said that that was unreasonable so I continued to do 85% of the planning and handhold him during his contributions. Never again. I asked him if we could "take turns" planning dinners and dates and he countered th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:19 PM
15

That is odd. If you liked him and he was courteous maybe try another date and see what he is like. Maybe he was nervous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 08:15 PM
9

"My birthday? Penis day." I'm DYING
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 08:09 PM
9

HAHAHA oh my fucking GOD Yes get the fuck out right fucking now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 08:06 PM
4

With a capital "A"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 08:01 PM
4

The Audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 08:00 PM
5

It's called closet essentials: 60 core pieces and how to wear them. it's a chronicle books book by amber mcnaught.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 05:15 PM
10

It's ok he won't have hair forever and he'll wish he bagged a HVW when he was young and not made of pudding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 02:57 AM
2

That sounds AMAZING!! Light some candles too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 02:55 AM
2

You may be able to block his number from calling you. The longer you go without hearing from him the better you'll heal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 02:53 AM
37

I have been doing a skin care and makeup routine that includes cleansing, face moisturizer, sunscreen, and I've been putting on mascara, eye shadow, and lipstick these past couple of weeks! I've also been dressing better due to getting a book on how to match clothes. I've noticed that the male attention I received lately has increased quite a bit from where I was- walking around with an unwashed face and just wearing whatever frumpy thing I have lying around. I also have done my 15 minute workou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:33 AM
2

Imdying
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 10:10 PM
3

I dunno I think this is too heavily upvoted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 07:12 PM
11

Yes! I was dating someone for 1.5 years and I was doing backflips for this guy. He lives alone and his apartment was a pigsty and he played video games all night and didn't get enough sleep or take care of himself other than showering for work. In conversations with his friends about women he would say how nice it is when women initiate dates and stuff. He had depression, refused to go to therapy citing that it won't work for him because he's too smart. He insisted he knew about love languages a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 02:50 AM
2

I am so happy you shared this with us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 11:08 PM
6

When I thought I might have a problem with alcohol I headed over to http://reddit.com/r/stopdrinking. I eventually got sober in AA and now I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. Good luck to you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 11:04 PM
11

I donated. I want one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:01 PM
2

Lol good thing lava can't kill a goddess!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:24 AM
28

Even if it is a hot HVM (maybe even especially if it is a hot HVM!) make him wait until Monday because that's when your business hours are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 08:34 AM
5

Omg. I'm sorry that happened but thank you for sharing this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 03:12 AM
6

Oh my God I saw a guy on Hinge listing that in his profile I was like ... what the fuck is this white guy saying about intersectional feminism?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 03:09 AM
8

Oh man, I know! I'm spiritual and I told my therapist that I wanted to find a guy who is also spiritual but I am too afraid to look for someone like that because the spiritual trash guys are just too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 03:08 AM
3

YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 03:06 AM
1

Oh my god
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:19 AM
3

I have seen a lot of repeat memes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:16 AM
5

I'm dying, HELP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 06:57 PM
21

This is the basis of a communication strategy called "Nonviolent Communication." The core of it is to identify the feeling, what is the need behind the feeling, how it is not being met, and then you make a request of the other person. When I first read it I knew I was in trouble because I didn't even have language to attach to much of my feelings. "I feel not listened to" is not a feeling- I feel neglected is not a feeling. You can say, I feel lonely because I have a need for connection- but "ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:57 PM
7

I have seen it in a few posts on here but also I'm listening to the audiobook "Not Your Mother's Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider. In their books they say 1-2 hours for the first date, 2-3 (maybe dinner and out somewhere for dessert) hours for the second date, and 4-6 (dinner and a show, an activity, etc) for subsequent dates. If for a first date a guy recommends dinner, a show, and then drinks after in the book they say to just say "drinks sound good" to limit his time with you to keep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 05:58 PM
2

I didn't even know that! I'm reading that apparently routine therapy is seen as reason for them to be out on medical leave and they could lose their jobs if the therapy is not part of a special circumstance caused by the job. This is crazy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 05:44 PM
16

A longer date means less effort, less planning on his part and less opportunity for you to evaluate him. If it was 3 2-hour dates he would have to navigate the process 3 times: choosing a place, confirming ahead of time, performing well during the stages of the date- how did he treat the waitstaff, did he open the door for you, and what energy did he bring in to the date from the day he had. You have better chance to catch him if he had a bad day. How does he handle a bad day? Also if something …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 07:05 AM
17

I am a member of AA. Sometimes after meetings we go out to eat and there was this one guy who would join often after the meeting. Anyway, he was training to be a cop when he first started going to meetings. Then he disappeared for a few months and returned in haggard shape. He became a cop and started coming back to meetings because the mental toll was so much. Anyway, so after a meeting one time he started telling us about this horrific event that he witnessed. Basically, an intellectually disa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 06:39 AM
20

My ex shipped me all my belongings in a huge box that arrived yesterday. The box was way bigger than my stuff but it happens to be perfect for all the stuff he left at my place. I am so grateful because I was having trouble finding a box large enough to fit all the stuff he left at my house and stressing about how to pack it. I was coming close to texting him about it, asking him to do a belongings exchange, but the box was on the porch when I got home from work. He didn't tell me he was going t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 06:25 AM
6

We live in an abundant universe with more than enough for everyone. Even if a HVW doesn't find a man there's so much other amazing stuff to do. Also, if there's more HVW than HVM it's not a bad thing, just more badass bingo biddies to hang out with when I'm old. I get way more true joy from my friends than I have from any guy. My female friendships are more authentic because they aren't based around love chemicals in my brain. They are the real deal, and I wouldn't trade them for any man. The fe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 05:32 AM
22

Does he give you flowers, or...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 04:07 PM
2

They do have a new one called "not your mother's rules"- it navigates texting and gives you a texting timetable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 03:58 PM
13

Haha this was my ex down to the not even owning a vacuum. He's also live in the same shitty apartment for 10 years and plays a lot of video games. I asked him if he wanted kids (because I don't) and he said, "I dunno I just figured I'd do whatever my partner wanted to do." Wrong answer! Having no opinion on whether or not you want kids is unacceptable. It's a huge decision. Know what you want damn it! When I asked him to pick up groceries once before coming over he brought crackers, some of thos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 03:55 PM
15

That's true- having to go to a store and buy porn probably makes a huuuuge difference!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 02:47 AM
12

I have had another type of experience. I was single for a year before my last relationship. I was doing all the things- self-help books, therapy, 12-step, exercise, cooking all my own food, killing it on my hobbies, job was going great, taking classes, etc. Then I met a guy and little by slow I started doing less of these things to spend time with him. I found FDS and ended the relationship, mostly because he didn't know how to level up himself and didn't wanna do therapy and couldn't pay me a c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 08:07 PM
13

This is the truth. I would rather be single for life than spend one night with a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 07:10 PM
19

Whaaaat oh my god
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:53 PM
40

This year, Valentine's day will serve as "self-love" day. (Haha although every day this year is going to be self-love day!) I'm going to do something nice for myself this Valentine's day. Haven't made a plan yet but I'm going to do something nice like go to a musical or comedy or go practice billiards or something like that. I'm definitely going to get myself some NICE flowers. I purchase flowers for myself often, and replace them as soon as they wilt. I usually go for flowers that are on sale a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 06:20 PM
3

Yessss!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 07:09 PM
7

Lol are you me? This is exactly what my ex was like! I broke it off with him 2 weeks after finding FDS (in December). He played a lot of video games, pig sty apartment with gaming chair, I planned most of the dates and vacation activities! He is really good looking with a good job. He never paid me compliments, though, and towards the end he didn't want to initiate sex at all, I was doing all of the work! I was constantly begging him for some small showing of effort and when I got a breadcrumb I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 07:02 PM
10

The last guy I dated was 29 and in a previous relationship for 9 years- not really any other experience. He was single for 2 years before I chased after him. We were together for 1.5 years and I broke up with him a month ago (after finding this sub) for various- he had a lot going for him that I really liked but he also had about a million dealbreakers. Some observations about him and our relationship: He told me he wished he had more dating experience. He did not know how to clean his place- li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:36 PM
18

Quitting stuff always makes my life better. I quit drinking, smoking cigarettes, using credit cards, bending over backwards for my mother, holding onto useless crap; I've quit shitty jobs, I'm quitting certain dating practices, and I've quit making excuses for people. I'm quitting fixer-upper guys, I'm quitting disrespectful guys, I'm quitting forever boyfriends, and I'm quitting anyone who doesn't match my energy or tries to cut me down. I love quitting. All the best things in my life have grow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 11:05 PM
3

Holy shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 06:04 PM
57

lol my ex would always run into the bathroom after grocery shopping to poop for half an hour while I put all the groceries away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:35 PM
3

Yes!!! I forgot what she calls that particular dish 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 04:17 AM
35

Yeah this image that all men are good with money needs to fucking die. A lot of men are not good with money and go without basic necessities and don't pay bills on time because they prioritize spending on stupid toys and gadgets and takeout. A lot of guys run up credit cards for vacations and hobbies and going out to eat and drinking at bars, don't contribute to their 401ks, and all that other financial newb shit. The idea that men are "savers" and women are "spenders" needs to die. The women wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 06:17 PM
5

I spent weeks painting a guy that I was in love with. He lived out of state and wanted nothing to do with me!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 11:50 PM
21

In an ideal world, what you are suggesting should work. This is what I aimed for in my previous relationships. What ended up happening is that I outed myself as a great cook and an organized meal planner from the start and I ended up taking care of all of the impromptu meals. In the beginning I had a blast cooking with my last guy. It was so much fun and it's what I miss probably most about that relationship. But on weeknights where we would decide what to cook together if I didn't plan it ahead…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 07:06 PM
41

I love cooking for guys. But I just love cooking. But that said, I'm gonna reserve it for special occasions and if we are married we can take turns cooking. I'm not cooking for boyfriends anymore. I'm just going to have nuts and microwave popcorn and hot dogs around the house. In Sherry Argov's book "why men love bitches" she says that if I guy comes over and he's hungry just boils some hot dogs and cut them up into little pieces with toothpicks stuck in them. Have ketchup, mustard, and mayo on …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:15 PM
12

You're an angel! I am always nervous about first dates and my fear often causes me to just cancel. I am going to put this into practice on my next one. ​ Thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 08:25 PM
12

In my last relationship I was planning most of the dates and activities. I didn't notice until I was met with resistance when I asked him to plan or take more initiative. I bought us pricey concert tickets to a show about 2 hours away, and we were both excited about a weekend trip. So I asked him to book a room somewhere ahead of time. He was like "you like fancy things I don't know what kind of place you would like to stay in." For the record, I like NOVELTY places with character, but I didn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 07:36 PM
4

AHHH YES - HE CAN JUST SAY "any man who doesn't help put away groceries is not pulling his weight" instead of crying over not getting scooby snacks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 05:48 PM
7

I notice that guys do nice things for their girlfriends in front of her friends to display to them that he is a "good man"- like literally doing nice things for her in front of other people AS A SHOW to make it look like that's the shit he does all the time. If all they see is him putting away groceries for her and doing nice things they put him in the category of "Good man". The rest of the time he can just sit on the couch while she does the laundry. This is also insulation for him- when his g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 05:37 PM
8

all I can say is Wow. Congratulations on your degrees!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 05:34 PM
16

I think you said the right thing. If you wanna say fuck off, that's fine, but guys know how to respond to that already- they will just match your obscenity and get off on it. Also, saying fuck off, I feel like, in men's minds is an "overreaction"- he'll be like "what ruined her day? Surely it couldn't have been my comment" but you directly addressed what HE said with no additional weight thrown behind it. One thing that MIGHT make your comment stronger is to start by saying "you're bothering me"…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 04:10 PM
5

I was feeling sad but this cheered me right up thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 04:24 AM
6

Facepalm! I'm so guilty of this. I will stop TODAY!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 10:43 PM
10

I want this to be my desktop background.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 10:42 PM
3

there is a stickied post on that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 08:11 PM
15

I had a date scheduled on Friday but I cancelled the date 2 hours before. I got stuck at work and I didn't want to be rushing and late and I wouldn't have had time to stop home and change clothes and shower. I didn't want the hassle so I just cancelled. In our first conversation he chose the restaurant, and said I can pick the time. Then I said 8 and he asked for 7- I said how about 7:30 but I wasn't thinking about if I could actually make that work. It turns out 7:30 was too early for me. It ki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 07:42 PM
3

No bites yet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 07:32 PM
74

I've been just sending these guys wilted rose emojis. 🥀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 04:31 AM
33

Was gonna say "would Gallagher that shit"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 08:03 PM
15

YES LADIES READ IT!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 10:38 PM
26

It's amazing how just being honest DOES NOT WORK. I thought this was the way, but apparently not! I have worked really hard on communication through going to therapy and reading books on "nonviolent communication" and all this stuff- but I have found that these skills have not worked in my romances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 10:49 PM
7

Phew wow this is the truth!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 07:59 PM
1

ok I'm gonna re read the wiki too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 01:32 AM
6

Thank you for your reply!!! I did some mirror work this morning and one of my affirmations is "I trust my perceptions" I think writing will be super helpful for me too! I've been writing a lot and it always helps me. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 01:18 AM
3

yeah I've had a few boyfriends with beards and they cause my lips to chap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 01:14 AM
0

haha that's good a lot of guys have them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 01:14 AM
8

I don't know anything about parenting as I am not a parent but as for myself I didn't start brushing more than once a day (sometimes if I was unmotivated or depressed not at all) and NEVER flossed until this year when I went to the dentist and they shamed me and I had to get a deep gum cleaning and have gum disease. My mom used to get on me about brushing because her teeth fell out young but I didn't listen to her. I thought I was invincible and my teeth would never fall out and I just didn't ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 06:15 PM
3

I admit I was embarrassed for my ex because I paid for dates and tickets so often. It never occurred to me to just pay less often, or not at all. My solution was handing my ex some money once so that he would not be embarrassed when we were at the cashier. 🙄 It never even occurred to me that I should not be paying for shit so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 04:06 PM
3

We just see things differently I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/20 03:36 PM
5

I was a little bit into him actually. He was handsome and tall and seemed nice. But I didn't know him at all, and this was a very sleazy move. The asshole bit is he wasn't honest about having attraction towards me and used my hopes and ambition for my art as an excuse to get close to me and spend a week at his flat presumably having a lot of sex. He put all of this under a professional guise until he mentioned staying with him which even then he framed that as totally professional. I was like uh…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/20 03:23 PM
9

Yeah I had a guy in NY who wanted me to do this whole art show. I got very excited and started fantasizing about my "week in NY!" where I'd install the art show at his restaurant and I started looking at AirBnBs and planning how to ship my work. I mentioned my travel plans to him and he was like "Oh I thought you would just stay at my flat..." I was like "no" (still planning to go!) but then I told my roommate about it and she was like "that doesn't sound safe don't go" and I was like "oh shit y…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/20 05:29 AM
19

I read something in that Sherry Argov book "why men love bitches" last night that helped me. Before you start dating you gotta be a full ass person- have a schedule, things you do that you like, self care routines. Then when you get in a relationship, do not sacrifice these things for a guy. These self care routines are not to be fucked with. Guys don't cancel their haircuts and life stuff for women. If they have a haircut scheduled they don't cancel their haircut because a woman wants to hang o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 02:10 AM
1

ahhhhh I am LOVING THIS! Thank you so much!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 09:59 PM
12

This is the truth!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 09:45 PM
7

this is my dream date!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:33 PM
9

I feel like we are the sexy Amazon village and us women are just flourishing and using our skills and talents for our own benefit and practicing our horseback riding and archery and they are the smaller male-only village across the river where there are just men running around in circles screaming and confused and everything is on fire. Saw it on an episode of Xena.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:35 AM
2

My laughing is going to wake the neighbors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:09 AM
6

Lol yeah he might ask her to venmo him later
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:02 AM
4

Honestly I don't know if love is real. I believe in it but is it real? I am working to redefine it for myself as I struggle to find someone who works on their self improvement as much as I do. Love is society's last connection to the Divine. It is pretty much our last sacred thing. (And increasingly one of our least sacred things) Much of society as a whole has abandoned God and religion as superstition, but much of society still believes in love. Love is something of a holdover from the divine.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 11:11 PM
1

This reminds me of one of the descriptions of a type of abuser in the "why does he do that?" Book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 06:32 PM
3

Lol that emoji note
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 05:10 AM
1

I love this sub 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 04:19 AM
1

I know right. I've never dated a "Chad."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 02:21 AM
16

I just ended my relationship a couple of weeks ago and I am so happy I can finally get back to my stuff. Phew!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 10:09 PM
2

haha oh my gosh. I wish my ex would have dated a few therapists- maybe he would have gotten some help before we got together! zing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 08:32 PM
54

A lot of women cease life as they knew it when a man enters the picture. If he turns out to be a dud and the relationship doesn't work out she's like back to where she was before they met. An example, Me:My friends are like "oh I missed you! let's pick up the conversation we were having a year and a half ago..." and I'm like "oh yeah I was taking that class that I stopped attending to spend more time with him... my whole garden is dead, I need to apply for graduate school but my portfolio is all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 07:00 PM
29

Oh sweety he's tearing you down. At this point you are just abusing yourself. You got back with him- you can unget back with him even faster. Do it today!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 06:51 PM
39

And here I was sinking hours into relationship books and podcasts to make my next relationship stronger after the LTR I had 3 years ago failed... The guy I picked was phoning it pretty early on and I chased him the whole time, asked him out, made all kinds of silly efforts to make it work for him. He wouldn't even read a book on how to express love and I had to ask him to get me flowers on valentine's day and he showed up with the saddest Safeway plant I've ever seen. He waited until the last mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 06:38 PM
12

This is true. Women share information about how their boyfriends treat them. Sometimes that information reveals that he is a substandard person and not treating her right and should probably get the boot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 06:00 PM
4

lol oh god yes this happens :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 05:10 PM
14

Happy Friday!! Thank you for sharing! ps what a tool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 05:05 PM
14

Yes because alcohol will lower your inhibitions and loosen you up for when I unsmoothly ask if you'd like to go back to my place...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 06:04 AM
29

This was me 🤦‍♀️🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 05:58 PM
8

My ex wanted to move in after 5 months- way too soon. Hell no to that. It would have been very convenient for him but he hadn't even told me he loved me by that point. I told him off about it- he never moved in. I broke it off a couple of weeks ago. I will never move in with someone unless we are engaged to be married. I heard some advice somewhere- never be a wife to a boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 05:39 AM
1

omg this is all the men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 12:04 AM
2

I know this is an old thread but I am having the same problem. I shelled out for the paid version today (for one month) so that I can filter out guys who drink and smoke and smoke weed and do drugs so that I can X through them faster. But yeah all the stuff you mentioned with the beards and the group pics and the dogs and the landscapes. I left a comment on a guy's photo and then he matched with me and then did the "your turn" thing for me to start the conversation. I had to unmatch with him bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 11:44 PM
5

Thank you I thought autism because some people say "the spectrum" to mean on the autism spectrum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 11:52 PM
7

I had a guy want to match with me with the "new in town" thing on his profile. He filled out the "message me if..." with "if you want to show me around to all your favorite places!" I nexted him because that sounded like too much work for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 11:49 PM
2

Do you mean the autism spectrum or the sociopath spectrum?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 10:14 PM
3

I was wondering about this myself thank you for your answer!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 08:12 PM
4

I know that I am very smart but I have noticed over the years that I hesitate to express myself and my thoughts because of treatment I got over the internet from men when I was younger. When I would start winning an argument in a chat room I would always get sexual comments or they would say something lewd to me. I was young and did not like these comments so I usually retreated. I also tend to second guess myself and have a fear of being wrong so I don't risk looking stupid and I just don't say…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 07:00 PM
4

And men are supposedly NOT irrational.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:22 PM
4

What is a good paid app I could use?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:06 PM
9

This film is pretty accurate. Cool girl to the rescue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 10:31 PM
1

"I just admire them like diamonds and let them be on their way" This is amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 07:23 PM
21

Lol one of my exes called me up years ago in the middle of the night while we were dating to ask me if I was in this xxx video and I was like uh no (I never did a porn video). He was very sure it was me. And then I apologized to him. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 06:16 AM
12

Woohoo!! Well done on unfollowed your ex too!! It's good to just not even have the option to look. 🙈
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 05:29 AM
18

Haha thank you I'm working on it from 🤡 to👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 04:45 AM
2

I do not have experience with losing weight. I do know of a 12-step program involving food called "OA" or Overeaters Anonymous. I have done the 12-steps in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and it helped me stop drinking, and now I'm doing DA (Debtors Anonymous) for my problems with money and debt. In regards to my money- DA is the only solution that has worked for me and helped me stick to a spending plan and truly work towards my vision. I'd tried everything to fix my money and it would get a little b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 04:16 AM
18

Holy crap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 10:25 PM
3

it says if you're childfree (meaning don't want children, don't have children) don't date single fathers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 10:04 PM
2

omg you cannot make this stuff up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 09:29 PM
3

Oh my God I feel you here. So I'm in AA. I don't date guys in AA because there's a very high chance they are unstable and have a mess under the hood even though they seem put together they are probably some kind of psychotic. I've met a few who seem like they could be good ones but they are usually taken. Anyway. Every single time I feel a tingle of attraction and feel my eyebrow want to lift at a guy in a meeting he raises his hand as being brand new, "8 days sober," whatever. In other words, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 07:36 PM
16

I am creative, a great writer, smart af (like an actual genius), great cook (I love my food so much!), I have a green thumb, I can Macgyver pretty much any situation (so I'm resourceful!), I'm hilarious, I make parties WAY MORE FUN even tho I'm sober (move over alcohol!), I see the good, funny, and lighter side of dark situations, I have great taste in stuff and things (I expect the best and get it!), I'm always improving myself and setting goals, I see beauty everywhere I go, and I keep myself …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 05:57 PM
5

How to get over a breakup. Get out a pen and paper and write this shit down. It helped me so much yesterday!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 11:54 PM
9

This year I did Konmari. I also started a 12-step program to help with my money, shopping, and time management problems. I am gaining a lot of tools there to help me with self-care in other areas. I fully separated my art studio from my home, now my home is a space for relaxing, cooking, recharging, resting. and my art studio is for art making. I practiced negotiating a job offer earlier in the year- it didn't work out as they low-balled me but I didn't settle. It would have been a bad situation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 11:46 PM
6

I met a guy as part of a group last night and I was like "this guy is a fuck boy" as he was showing the group his hinge profile on his android that had a cracked screen. I was thinking that because of his profile but he also happened to have an android with a cracked screen lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 10:16 PM
5

I just started doing mirror work and recording the results. I found this website that helps explain it here: https://lonerwolf.com/mirror-work-guide/ The mirror work I've been doing is: Look at my face and shoulders and features in the mirror silently (without moving arms or body or looking away, etc) for 5 minutes. After the 5 minutes of that are over I repeat positive affirmations that I have written down and posted next to the mirror- "you're a beautiful woman, you are talented, you are smart…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 10:20 AM
37

"he's not in any of their social media but I ignored that because I'm a clown" 🤣 It's ok- I'm here learning too!!! I'm glad you have a sense of humor about it it does help the sting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 09:40 AM
8

Your post really resonated with me but something that I've pointed out over the years is the 12-19 year-old window of sexual harassment. I experienced this very same phenomenon. I haven't had guys pull their cars over and ask me if I needed a ride since I was 20 or so. But it used to happen to me once a week AT LEAST since I was 12-13. I brought this up on Reddit once years ago and was booed off the stage- men saying that I just became fat and ugly probably (lol I didn't). I just grew up and sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 12:42 AM
87

I don't think I'll ever be the same. I called out a senior co worker for telling me I should smile. We got in a very uncomfortable argument but he seems to be seeking my approval now 🤣. I'm sizing up every man I know and meet as high value or not. I'm exuding confidence, saying things like "I am not dating ANYONE unless he is HOT and chasing my ass around the block." I'm telling people what I think! I'm eating up FDS approved YouTube's and relationship podcasts and picking up books I stopped rea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 12:12 AM
10

Omg please put all his stuff in the lawn and set it on fire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 11:41 PM
4

😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 04:18 AM
2

Hahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 01:47 AM
3

🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 01:45 AM
43

I just joined OLD and it seems like everyone wants to travel to Patagonia and Japan. Says something about the office and Seinfeld, etc. Also I don't drink and it seems kinda rare when a guy doesn't reference alcohol in his profile. I'm so glad I joined though so I can see what you ladies have been talking about. I have looked at like 500 guys and only "liked" 3 guys' pics. It was almost 4 but the last one wrote in his profile "I don't like texting" so I just couldn't bring myself to like him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 01:41 AM
4

I haven't played any since the fire red/leaf green ones were out but I played all the ones before that and I loved playing them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 09:20 PM
12

I went vibrator and dildo shopping and bought some erotic books. It's way easier than emotionally untangling myself from a LVM after sleeping with him. For me, personally, after having an orgasm with someone I get pretty hooked and I force it to be a LTR, no matter the quality of the person I am dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 09:16 PM
10

I also love final fantasy and pokemon!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 08:32 PM
2

This was exactly my relationship, down to increasing my efforts and affections. Then I started withholding and then he stepped it up slightly and it was too late so I decided to dump.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 06:11 PM
9

I made a bed for my phone and I put my phone to bed at night now. It helped with the internet timesink/procrastination problem but it has shown me that I am very addicted to my phone! I have also been neglecting my business! And I want to ramp up my working out! I love your post thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 05:56 PM
2

i will try some of these
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 02:14 AM
5

attacked by bees omg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:51 PM
1

I would suggest continuing to see other men while you see him. As his dysfunction shines through those boring guys may begin to look pretty appetizing. I will also edit to say that the qualities you are interested in in him are occurring while he is sober I imagine? Is he drunk or sober while he is doing all these this nice things with you? That is why falling for an alcoholic is so dangerous. You fall for their charismatic, sweet, sober side and end up having to deal with the horror that is the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:08 PM
1

Are you dating anyone else while you date him? What value is he adding to your life? I am pushing because if you proceed to fall in love with him his alcoholism will be a stain on your heart for years to come. If you doubt this, check out /r/AlAnon/ and have a look into the future of loving an alcoholic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:39 PM
14

I'm single as of last week so.... I'm in! I would like to edit to say that I am focusing on my goals in 2020 and planning a vacation as well as really focusing on applying for graduate school and my career and other opportunities. I'm not getting on dating apps for at least 6 months. I've never been on them before so I'd have to learn a whole new skill and I don't want to do that yet. I am going to try some new hobbies like improv class or maybe a writer's workshop. I am also going to work on ge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 05:53 PM
4

As a sober alcoholic I would say don't go further with him. I got sober at 25 and I was not fun to date before that. Also, I would have stopped my drinking for no one. You cannot change him. You saying that he's subdued I take that to mean he does not have a big reaction. Does it seem like he is stifling a big negative reaction? When I was drinking I would say nothing that bothered me when I was sober. I would say, "it's fine" and then I would let loose and go get drunk and blackout somewhere on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 03:39 AM
8

So many sunglasses
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 10:43 PM
10

Love your username
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 09:51 PM
40

I believe in synchronicity. I found this sub about a week ago and I was just ready for it. I was dating a guy who I have spent thousands of dollars in my therapy sessions for over a year complaining about. I'm supposed to be spending this money and time healing my past childhood trauma and instead I was going into so many sessions complaining about him. I realize that this is my pattern- I find someone kinda broken to distract me from dealing with my own shit and digging in. Learning this patter…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 09:44 PM
26

I loved your comment thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 08:25 PM
3

That is horrifying! I do have a fear that mine will come out but it hasn't so I'll just cross my fingers for that to keep up!! 🤞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 05:55 PM
25

I agree with this too. I just broke up with my (ex)boyfriend over this because I'd been using my words about various things for months- then I started playing hard ball and distancing myself and "teaching him a lesson" 🙄 and he started doing the stuff I'd been asking for for months! I decided I wanted someone who is willing to listen to what the fuck I am saying instead of waiting until it's an "i-hate-you" emergency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 04:18 AM
4

Omg yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 04:11 AM
13

I have the Paraguard non-hormonal IUD. My cramps were pretty serious for a couple of years but I have found that when I quit coffee they lessened to be more on the level that they were before I got the IUD. I drink tea now and it doesn't affect my cramps. I'm really in touch with myself now and feel much better and can track my cycles. Also, I listen to my PMS for signs of what is bothering me instead of questioning it as me just being crazy. Hormonal birth control made me feel like I was having…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 03:58 AM
3

Haha me too!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 03:26 AM
1

I can count on one hand the number of times any of my therapists spoke about their own experience AND I've never had one push medication on me. I guess it's because the ones I have been seeing are specifically CBT (cognitive behavioral therapists). I can imagine after getting up the gumption to actually see a therapist it is very difficult to then say this one is no good for me and then go back and find another one! That is some serious self care. I've gotten really lucky and only had one bad on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 12:50 AM
3

thank you for sharing this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 10:29 PM
2

"I would like to thank the FDS Academy for giving me the insight and courage to realize that I am better off without my low effort (now ex-)boyfriend and lowering my tolerance for bullshit to 0. Thank you thank you thank you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 08:33 PM
2

Thank you it wasn't as hard as I thought
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 08:29 PM
1

Thank you I am so happy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 08:29 PM
3

Your last sentence is so funny and sad- I relate to it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 04:27 PM
3

ps thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 11:13 PM
3

Oh I just made that phrasing up it isn't an official term from anywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 11:11 PM
5

and I want to add in regards to the career piece: the most common outcome I've heard as the result of therapy is career advancement. Every person I have encountered who has gone to therapy has had a come up in the career arena. It got me out of a 6-year stint in retail to finally moving into an office job, my ex found a job after being jobless for a few years, my best friend just started graduate school a few months ago, etc. People go in to therapy because of very serious emotional handicaps an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 11:09 PM
6

I was very maladjusted to life because of my traumatic and unstable childhood. Mental illness and alcoholism run in my family. I am just starting to come up in my career and get myself in order through steady work over the past 7 years. I did sliding scale therapy at first paired with an overhaul of my finances which helped me discover that I have alcoholism (I kept spending A LOT on alcohol and was blacked out all the time which I didn't think was a problem). I joined AA 6 years ago and I've be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 10:38 PM
21

My post wasn't ordered very well the rest of the paragraph was the "negative manipulation" I was talking about- Just kinda ignoring him and not acknowledging his efforts. Putting distance between us to scare him into straightening out and giving him an ultimatum about cleaning his apartment and getting a nicer non-floor-mattress bed. He didn't end up cleaning his apartment or getting a bed that I know of. I had to stop it though and break up because I realized that this late in the relationship …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 10:01 PM
4

I broke up with him last night I can't believe I did it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 08:22 PM
9

This is so crazy. Definitely dump him and find a new therapists. There are a lot of places that offer sliding scale therapy if you live near universities. I have had 5 female therapists (they were all really great except for 1). Some for only a year until their Ph.D program was up and 2 of them I had for multiple years (including my current one). Definitely find a new one, this guy will have you backsliding. Plus you're on hiatus while he sorts out "personal stuff"- just find someone else defini…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 01:57 AM
2

I gained 20 lbs in the past year- my job is more sedendary than my last two jobs which involved running around a lot. I also quit coffee due to extreme menstral cramps because of my IUD. This has helped my cramps immensely but also I have gained weight as the result of switching to tea, which I was adding 2 tablespoons of sugar to every time (I used to drink my coffee black) I haven't seen results yet but I am slowly upping my game this past month and I might start running soon. Here are some st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 10:53 PM
20

holy crap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 05:46 PM
36

I am leaning in that direction. This sub has really smashed through all my denial and tolerance for his immaturity and low effort. He got a new job recently with a substantial pay raise- his first and biggest purchase was a new gaming chair. 🙄 he still sleeps on a mattress on the floor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:12 PM
6

Oh no stay away from that hairy pig.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 07:15 PM
16

yikes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 06:09 PM
23

sigh this is my boyfriend
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 05:24 PM
8

I too was looking for the bong lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 05:23 PM
9

Not NYC- there's lots of similar situations unfortunately!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:35 AM
23

I dated a guy 8 years older than me when I was 23- I had to break up with him via restraining order after two years of absolute insanity that he brainwashed me into believing nothing was wrong. He tricked me into dating him even though he told me he was gay- then we got drunk on tequila one night and had sex. Not consensual by the way- when I confronted him about it he said I was crazy and how dare I accuse him of being a rapist. I was really never planning to have sex with him because he was pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 04:36 AM
7

Eat her out and buy her a dress wow!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 04:24 AM
7

I try to do one thing alone per week that is fun. There are usually art galleries open if I don't have a lot of money. I also like to go to art museums and the movies. I haven't tried this yet but I would like to see a comedy show by myself soon. There's also improv classes, classes at community college you can take (that are fun!), Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 12:38 AM
4

I just mention puppies because a friend of mine (someone older who I really look up to) got married to a man who is a manchild. My friend's sister mentioned to me long before they got married that the guy wanted to have kids but the woman (my friend) didn't really want to because she is very busy with her career. Well, they got a puppy. I noticed this dynamic unfold where her husband was playing video games when she came home and she exasperatedly asked "did you take the dog out to pee?" And he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 10:07 PM
23

I have been going to AA for 6 years. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me because of the women I have met and built bonds with (my sponsor and friends I have made.) I have met some decent men in there too but we go to eat in groups after meetings, see each other in meetings and my relations with them never go beyond that. You will hear this from other women, and you're hearing it from me: Do not take numbers from those creeps. Especially if you are new. Decent AA men do not give thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 09:12 PM
11

Get a puppy and see how he coparents the thing. Puppies are a lot of work and if he doesn't pull his weight you can get an indication of what having kids with him will be like. They're not as much work as kids but you can ramp it up with extra training appointments and stuff like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 06:24 PM
3

I do write long comments on here haha 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 05:11 AM
7

I've been on this sending my boyfriend love languages stuff kick for months now. I am so happy I will soon not do this anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 01:09 AM
45

I am actually going to do it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 10:42 PM
33

this is me with my boyfriend holy crap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:46 PM
3

After two months he has run out of things to do? You can do better. I am sure there are more creative people that you can date. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 09:50 PM
2

I have been in therapy for a few years and also joined ACA which is a 12-step group for Adult Children of Alcoholics (and Dysfunctional Families). It has worked wonders for me in knowing that when I am down or really messed up, it will pass and is not permanent. I'm not defective. Be gentle with yourself. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 12:02 AM
4

You are amazing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 03:41 AM
2

Wowwwww
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 03:39 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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