How to stop being the insecure/needy gf?

funmisticqueen · 2020-01-14T21:27:31+00:00

Stop taking men so seriously. Get busy

traditsh · 2020-01-14T21:56:22+00:00

Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov has great advice and rationale about not being too available/chasing a man. I recommend checking it out from the library and reading it. That book, combined with this subreddit, has helped me further develop a better understanding of the thrill of, and the importance of, the chase.

Texting too much too soon can develop artificial intimacy.

Texting too frequently diminishes your allure. You don't want to be too available, too easy to catch and keep.

I recommend setting aside a couple hours a day when you will respond to suitors. The rest of the time, you're not beholden to being at anyone's text beck-and-call. This is a good place to practice developing this habit. It's not supposed to be a game. You're not doing this to fool anyone. You're doing this to protect your time and heart. As someone gets closer, open the window as you feel comfortable. No one is owed your complete and total attention.

On the note of begging for chances, a man knows whether or not he wants to be with you. There's no "perfect girl" recipe you can whip up and serve to him that will make him fall in love with you. There's no "3 more dates and then he'll see I'm perfect," he either feels it and wants you, or he doesn't.

If he doesn't want you, there's no point to begging or pursuing. If he wants you, he will make time for you. He will fill up your calendar. And if he doesn't, there's someone out there who will. You can't find that someone new if you're occupied with a man who is not interested.

I love the other advice in this thread: get busy. Hone your hobbies. Cultivate rich friendships. Try new recipes. Work out. Get enough sleep. Be happy and complete while single. Your self-efficacy will bring on confidence. Achieve things. When you feel powerful in other areas of life, you'll take less shit in your dating life. Practice being a queen.

Then, when you are ready to date, stop one-itis before it can start. The Four Man Plan by Cindy Lu recommends having multiple suitors of varying intimacy. If you're dating four men and one ends things, it will have less of an impact.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-14T22:47:33+00:00

Girl. Every time you hear that from a guy just walk away. PERMANENTLY. I guarantee they will regret ever having said it, but it will be TOO LATE. I am by no means a needy woman, but my abusive ex would say that any time I tried to soften and show him affection. Hearing that made me completely stop trying and do you know what? He complained about that too. It was either you're too needy or you aren't affectionate enough. Same thing with sex. He complained when I initiated ITS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX and then he complained when I stopped WHY DONT YOU EVER TRY ANYMORE?

Next these dudes and work on yourself while you recuperate. The more practice you get, the better you get at it. It's okay to be single. It's way less stressful. A man in your life should improve it, not make you question yourself.

Toomanyprollems · 2020-01-15T02:10:58+00:00

I read something in that Sherry Argov book "why men love bitches" last night that helped me. Before you start dating you gotta be a full ass person- have a schedule, things you do that you like, self care routines. Then when you get in a relationship, do not sacrifice these things for a guy. These self care routines are not to be fucked with. Guys don't cancel their haircuts and life stuff for women. If they have a haircut scheduled they don't cancel their haircut because a woman wants to hang out. We shouldn't do that either. Don't skip your gym time, meal prep, improv class, or girly movie night spa days to hang out with a guy. You'll resent him and if he notices you drop everything when he calls he will eventually be less attracted to you.

If you start missing the things in your life because of him you'll be wanting him to fill the void left in the place of those things. And guys cannot replace any one of these things let alone all of them. Don't give him all of your time because he will disappoint you if you look to him to replace all that you have learned to cherish before you met him.

I would really recommend that book. As far as begging to not be dumped it goes kinda the same way. If you're a full ass person with a full ass life you can just say ✌️ more time for myself! Don't give up your passions or friends for a man because if he leaves you you'll have to relearn how to have hobbies and take classes and have best friends again.

throwaway56662 · 2020-01-14T21:27:35+00:00

Don’t react with every emotion, take a step back and think about things before responding.

Look at your previous relationships, you’ve cried, begged for other chances and have survived and eventually found peace. You can control your emotions and how you respond, just be aware of that.

Black-and-the-moon · 2020-01-14T23:10:29+00:00

I read your other post, and your bf sounds a lot like my most recent ex (it’s very toxic).

The best thing you can do for yourself is to leave. Next time he breaks up with you (which is actually his form of gaslighting), block his numbers, block his email, block his Facebook.

Take your power back.

I also recommend you get a copy of Why Does He Do That by Lundy Barcroft.

fatfagit54 · 2020-01-15T07:40:57+00:00

Get yourself an equally clingy bf. If you start hating his clingy behaviour, then you'll have a good opportunity to see what you look like to other men and change your behaviour for the better. If he likes it, then marry him idk. Nothing wrong with being clingy

Title	How to stop being the insecure/needy gf?
Author	BarenakedBear123
Upvotes	40
Comments	11
Date	January 14, 2020 9:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eorpta/how_to_stop_being_the_insecureneedy_gf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-stop-being-the-insecureneedy-gf.684836 https://theredarchive.com/post/684836

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