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traditsh Archive

View 8 posts and 187 comments by traditsh on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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45

You may be a friend to him, but the way he is treating you shows that he is no friend to you. Think about all those threads where the woman is talking about her boyfriend's abusive behavior and throws in a, "but I love him." That's what you're doing. Yes you treat him like a friend, but what is his friendship worth if it manifests in this behavior? Do you want a friend who expresses friendship like this? You'd be better off without it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 07:07 PM
4

I read Mrs Dalloway a couple of weeks ago! Strong recommend! I liked Why Does He Do That so much that I bought a copy. Keep doing you! I'm so glad I'm not the only one doing a male gaze detox. Haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:15 PM
7

I'm trying to do a male gaze detox too! I started with books, I'm trying to read a majority of female-authored books this year. How are you maintaining this? Do you watch a lot of tv and movies? I'm having a hard time applying this to my co-viewing habits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 03:21 PM
154

Thanks I hate it. FDS was crucial in me finding the partner and relationship I have now. The rest of my life will be forever changed from my time on this subreddit. We have to find spaces off reddit where the education can continue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 10:28 PM
2

You can send it over, but it sounds like he's not interested. Three days after a date is a long time to follow up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:46 PM
1

How did I text with him during the 'talking'/'texting phase? Infrequently. I was dating a few other guys when I started dating him. I had a couple of hours a night (6-8pm) set aside when I would readily respond to texts. If I received a compelling conversation prompt during that time, I'd open myself up to immediately responding. Outside of that time window, responding to texts was a low priority. I strongly advise against chatversations. There's a linked thread below about texting fostering fal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:34 PM
40

I borrowed this book from my library's digital service as an audiobook. I find myself thinking about it frequently. Despite having a "No spend June," I decided to buy a copy to have it on-hand at all times. It's a great book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 06:32 PM
8

You're an 8. You will attract most men, of all types. Is it possible you're only opening yourself up to receiving/recognizing/accepting advances from nerdy guys? This post reminds me of this exchange. For the record, I'm a 28F who made the change you're describing. The majority of my life, I dated nerdy dudes who look it. I didn't encounter more sporty men with good haircuts until after college when I joined a digital nomad group. These men are still nerds, but with more social skills and blend …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 03:54 PM
13

You don't develop a crush until after he has made a move and shown that he's a quality person. Find yourself daydreaming about him? Cut it out, focus on something else, read a book. Crushes dull your ability to vet. You don't crush until he's proved himself to not be a shitbag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 07:19 PM
21

I have a tip that corresponds with the prompt in the title, how to avoid crushes and distractions. My first qualifier to even consider a man as a potential romantic partner is this: Is he physically and emotionally available? If the answer is no, I actively remind myself, "I'm not attracted to unavailable men." It took a lot of training and repeating to finally settle in and become true. This man isn't available. He isn't an option. Remind yourself that you're only attracted and will only develo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 05:51 PM
1

In that one book, "All the Rules," the author recommends setting a 15-minute limit to phone calls. What would you think of keeping facetime meet & greets to a similar level of scarcity? I met my bf in December after starting FDS, so I don't know how practical this is for vetting during COVID. I'd be interested in your take on this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 04:31 PM
4

You're a man. Men aren't allowed to post here. You don't understand the tenants of FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 05:39 PM
49

Buried comments telling her she's NTA for doing what she wishes with her body: https://imgur.com/6i0TED5 https://imgur.com/4bF5B4Z https://imgur.com/of5BPa1
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 08:19 PM
15

You have to love the ESH (everyone sucks here) declarations. Why does ESH? The patient because she dismissed a medical assessment by a professional on the topic she was seeing her about (her sexual health). The doctor because of her tone. Nevermind that the tone can't be read from text and the delivery and exact phrasing are second hand from the patient. This is AItA bullshit at its finest. The female doctor's perceived tone is why she's an asshole. The same female doctor who has experience seei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 07:38 PM
34

I grew up in conservative culture and had learned a lot about dating and men on my own. I went through single-sex ed and my sex education was abstinence-only, so I never learned how do decide when to say yes. Some insight that I wish I had when I was 17: Boys & men both can have sex with you without respecting you. Boys & men both can pursue you and try to seduce you while actively disliking you. Boys & men both will lie about their interest level or interest in commitment to have sex with you, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:24 PM
38

Yup, this is it! Next time u/inappropriateegg has something to bring up to boyfie, she's going to spin her wheels on how to make the frustration palatable for him. If he can spin this back on tone instead of the issue, suddenly she's at fault. Instead of thinking this: My boyfriend didn't like the way I brought up an issue Here's the real problem: My boyfriend didn't like that the way I brought up an issue He didn't like that the issue was brought up at all. He is trying to disarm her from being…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:09 PM
1

My launching advice would be to pick a book and just do it. There's always going to be some discourse on what book is picked, but more people will participate regardless of the book than people drop out just because they don't like the book. I'd pick two books: the first month and the second month, then maybe do a poll for each following month the month prior? If that makes sense. Either way, super excited for this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 03:59 PM
2

I love this idea and got permission from the mods to run a book club over on the FDS offshoot subreddit for life leveling, but could never decide on a book to start with. I'll be happy to participate when you pick a book. I saw a mention of making a subreddit for it, I think hosting it on FDS is a good idea because this way it will get attention and people will want to participate. An offshoot will definitely generate less interest. Even people who are interested won't know about it unless they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 03:35 PM
6

I've now watched hours of this channel. Thank you? She's a disaster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 10:49 PM
6

Aw, thanks. :) I've read some data crunches on reddit, and it always comes out that a core minority of users produce the majority of a subreddit's contributions. When I found that out, I said to myself, "I could actually make a difference!" and I've been submitting threads ever since. I'd love to see the kind of content people want to see, versus what already exists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 05:48 PM
15

Could we consider having a, "contribute the kind of content you'd like to see," drive? I get disliking certain kinds of content. Every so once and a while I see a sort of thread on the FDS front page that I dislike and think to myself, "why do people post this?" But then I go to the thread, see that it's been upvoted, and is fostering a conversation. This subreddit recently blew up and the moderators are doing their best to keep the subreddit clear of men and the content on-topic. I don't think …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 04:35 PM
34

I don't want to come across as rude, but there are comments on this post that introduce concepts that could be discussed. Those comments even have upvotes, meaning they must have resonated with people. I think fostering conversation is an important part of this subreddit. I saw that other thread and think that that thread is a great place to have that conversation, not this thread, which introduces its own concepts. If you don't like this thread, why not downvote and walk away? This thread is fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 04:18 PM
56

The thing about "low value low effort posts," is that they're easy to read, enforce the group's ideals, and provide a space for conversation. I'd love to see more hard-hitting high-quality posts too. Whenever I feel that way, I write one. Wouldn't it be better to contribute more posts like you'd want to see than limit the kind of posts you don't like? That way, everyone wins?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 04:09 PM
19

I've also read Ayn Rand. I like to read. Just because I read a book doesn't mean that I like it or agree with the philosophy. I read to learn how other people think. I hated Atlas Shrugged, but I'm glad I read it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 07:16 PM
59

Just because there are other currents in the mainstream doesn't mean traditional, conservative dating advice isn't also present in the stream. If you said to someone, "I don't have sex unless I'm in a committed relationship," this won't be new, groundbreaking territory that you have to explain the fundamentals of. It's already widely understood to be an option. That's what I mean by mainstream. No new concepts are being introduced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 05:42 PM
255

The thing is, most of the FDS philosophy is mainstream dating advice. Don't want to get conned by a man? Follow the rules, don't sleep with them until after commitment is made. The tactics here aren't new. Definitely don't tell a man, "hey, hi, I'm subscribed to this dating forum called Female Dating Strategy. Here, let me search it for you." But the concepts here aren't exactly earth-shattering. My partner and I have definitely discussed how neither of us are cool with casual sex, porn, or low …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 04:57 PM
18

Sounds like now would be a good time to cool down on the texting in favor of a FaceTime "date" once a night (or as often as he asks for them), throw yourself into hobbies, and see if he pursues you. You might already have a plan like this in place, but here's a tidbit: In "Why Men Marry Bitches," by Sherry Argov, she talks about how to address arriving at the end of 2 years without a proposal. Slowly drift away and fortify your free time. Have an open conversation with him where you tell him tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 08:58 PM
16

One of FDS' core principles is that men should pursue women. If you're saying that women should not date chasers, yet women should not chase men, are you saying that no one should date anyone?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 06:53 PM
81

Can I bolster this with a story of my own? I lived with a traveling and working community for a few months. Most participants were freshly out of long-term relationships. The group regularly had conversations about relationships. The men would regularly get to the topic of pursuit and seduction. These men are educated and gainfully employed. The points they frequently revisited? The men enjoyed the relationships more when they pursued and there was a chase period. They fell in love with the wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 04:49 PM
5

He can be better than the others and still not be a HVM. Testing you like that was such a jerk move. :( He should have proactively offered to pick you up. He sounds like he's yanking your chain and will jerk you around in the future. I love that you read The Rules and Why Men Love Bitches. Those books are genius strategy pieces. Have you ever watched The Four Man Plan?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 03:27 PM
22

Unless it's emotional cheating, in which case they don't see anything wrong with it. Or unless the wife (who is being cheated on) "let herself go," or is a "bitch," in which case it's totally ok for husbands to cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 03:11 PM
25

This really hits home for me because my birthday was Friday. I've been exclusive with my partner since the beginning of February, so I didn't expect a lot. When I told him (in Feb) that I planned to take my birthday off work, he immediately took the day off too. I had reservations and an itinerary for the entire day. The city shutting down put those to a halt. What did my boyfriend do? He arranged a dinner party with my best friend and her partner. They replicated the menu of my favorite restaur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 03:09 PM
33

With both recession and the likely recurrence of COVID-19 after this round of social distancing ending, I think there should be new emphasis on old standards moving forward. The social arena has changed. The lessons of public hygiene, resource allocation, and hysteria should stick with you and any other high effort person. I would say it's more important than ever for the following: Men to open doors on dates (car door, restaurant door, event door) and to take the seat nearest the population den…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 05:10 PM
5

That's a great example and story of knowing boundaries, enforcing them, and finding healthy alternatives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 04:40 PM
3

That's great! Alcohol lowers your inhibitions. But it turns out that I like my inhibitions. I built them and fortify them for reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 04:39 PM
15

Trust is one thing. I have to trust my partner enough to not do things that will hurt me and our relationship. It turns out that humans have relatively poor self control when presented with temptation. Those with perceived high willpower / self control don't put themselves in situations where they will be tempted. That's the lifehack. Remove the temptation. In this instance, I'd be on his case about why that's the best course of action. It seems like a really stupid idea to dance into the lion's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 03:35 PM
7

Her most recent comment shares that she believes she has Coronavirus. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 09:50 PM
21

Her self-described crime? Having a "brilliant mouth," what sort of doublespeak is this? It kind of sounds like the phrase an abuser would apply to an otherwise totally healthy attribute. What does that mean? She has a witty turn-of-phrase with the eloquence to hit to the heart of a situation? The only time that would be a bad attribute is if the abuser convinces you of it. It's the greatest weapon a woman could have. And it's been doublespoke into a detriment? TF? If you give the asset (communic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 06:40 PM
37

If the relationship starts to suck? It's her fault. If the communication about the relationship sucking is unproductive? It's her fault. If the relationship turns violent? It's her fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 06:23 PM
16

I didn't want to include the usernames and took the screenshots after the height of the abuse apology, so I don't know if it would have been all the more compelling. But you're right. Edit: At the time of screenshotting, these comments were very popular and had positive karma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 06:20 PM
37

I present to you: the cycle of advice subreddits and their logic: Communicate! but if you communicate, you deserve domestic abuse!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 05:23 PM
54

Hey, thanks! I know I won't be able to sway the commenters I'm responding to, but lurkers will see them and know that this isn't a one-sided response. Plus, I have to step away and work. If other people want to fight back the domestic abuse advocates, it's a lot easier if someone else stepped up first. I can't let that woman think that everyone sides with her abuser. Even if it's just one voice against the grain, she needs to know it's out there. Thankfully, there are other commenters standing u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 04:42 PM
153

Well, apparently I'm a glutton for punishment because I couldn't help myself but plant my flag in that comment section. What the actual fuck? How does being mouthy necessitate a physical escalation? If she gets beat to death by this abuser, they'll pile on victim blaming. Also, they're running with this "brilliant mouth" bullshit. Tell me those words don't sound like justification from the abuser's mouth. She's accepted that she deserved it because he's told her. And these jerks are running with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 04:01 PM
6

Read the handbook before posting next time. :) All of our advice is going to line up with it. Our advice will never not line up with the handbook. Read the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 08:02 PM
6

I'm genuinely worried about the guy cause he seemed really anxious It kind of sounds like he deliberately got into your head to manipulate you. He's a grown ass man. Why do you want to mommy him so badly?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 07:59 PM
61

Closure from another person is a myth! It can only come from within.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 03:58 PM
5

Aestheticians are beauty professionals. The one I'm referring to is a nail girl. But she deserves me using the fancier title because she is a professional and kills the beauty game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 03:40 PM
3

I'm saying that because we see examples of women employing FDS principles and having good lives without knowing about it, we can understand it and adopt it with less friction than an unfounded concept. I'm not denying that modern dating culture throws women under the bus. I'm saying that examples of high effort dating and relationship culture make adopting FDS less foreign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 08:14 PM
7

Do you know any "natural FDS" followers? That's who I'm talking about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 08:09 PM
31

Highly agree, Id figured out new rules for myself dating this time round, and finding this sub was like someone had put it all into words for me. That's exactly how I felt! I had worked through how I wanted to date and evaluate partners. Finding FDS gave me a community and language to explain everything I'd worked through on my own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 05:07 PM
118

I definitely agree that the gendered comment restrictions contribute to its growth. Other supposedly women-centric subreddits are flooded with, "as a man..." comments that invalidate the lived experiences of women. It's a blessing that FDS is a woman-only space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 04:52 PM
43

My aesthetician is too! She had the greatest dating / relationship forming stories. She would never let a man walk over her. She's a queen. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 04:41 PM
15

Would this exchange happen between platonic pals? They were talking about male actors they liked and thought were attractive. My boyfriend saying that he wished he looked like them and her saying she really wanted them to fuck her.. Emotional affairs interrupt relationships when a person no longer goes to their partner for affection and instead the third person. The exchanges pivot to the new person, cutting off the exchange with the partner. I would call it cheating when the shift causes the pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 09:45 PM
26

I think that sometimes people want to get a sanity check on a situation. That or they don't have as much relationship experience or confidence. Either way, it totally breaks my heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 09:29 PM
28

There were so many comments on the original thread about how this isn't emotional cheating because they do the same thing with a person outside of their relationship. That doesn't make this not cheating, it makes them cheaters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 09:16 PM
35

this story can be easily found on news articles so I need to be vague. Nothing has ever not happened as much as this story didn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:03 PM
2

Dating isn't like this. Dating a creepy, pathetic man with poor self esteem is like this (your words). These things aren't normal: not being friends with your partner on social media for a year arguing about your partner being listed as single adding strange women on social media interacting with strange women on social media Dating isn't like this. Dating emotionally manipulative assholes is like this. You don't have to and should not put up with this man. You should leave this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 06:20 PM
3

Yup, you're right! You are in a relationship with a man with poor self esteem and immense insecurity. Why are you choosing to remain in this relationship? He will not change. He is not lifting you up. He is dragging you down. He is in his 50s. He is not going to change. This is who he is. Why are you choosing to do this to yourself? You said it yourself, your partner is a creepy, pathetic man with poor self esteem and immense insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 06:10 PM
6

Hey there, u/leanbean44! It appears as though you post a lot of questions about your relationship in various subreddits, don't take their advice, or plan to adhere to any of the FDS concepts. Why are you posting here? You posted this same concept a week ago. The advice won't change. Other related threads of concern /u/leanbean44 has posted: Phones - /r/relationshipsover35 So I admit I snooped in his phone and found the he in fact had asked another woman out to happy hour on FB messenger. I stupi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 06:02 PM
13

A flat-out no doesn't give him the opportunity to rise to the occasion. There's a chance he'll chase, but also a chance he'll read this as a lack of interest. There's a standard of drinks-first dates that exists and he doesn't know that she's not interested in that. High Value Men like to show that they'll rise to the occasion and exceed expectations. He doesn't know what her expectations or typical occasion is. I'd counter with a, "No thank you, I don't drink on a first date," and see how he ta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 03:38 PM
29

Exclusivity shouldn't only mean physical. In a relationship, I expect both physical and emotional exclusivity. Emotional intimacy with individuals outside of the relationship is damaging to the relationship. If this man were physically involved with another woman, there wouldn't be a second thought to its impact on the relationship. Why is emotional intimacy any different? He's giving emotional access to this third party. This is no longer an exclusive relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 08:39 PM
35

I'm gonna address this point by point: How do you cultivate a rotation of men? Good methods of doing this are participating in social activities where men are present, accepting dates when requested, and spacing dates out. Attending events where men are present: Do you have a hobby? I joined a running club. It might as well be called, "singles mixer with some running," because that's what it was. Other things to consider are hobby classes, lecture series, book clubs, etc. Accepting dates when re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 05:41 PM
13

I really love this! I see there's a strict auto-mod. Additionally, I predict that we will get a lot of repeat questions. For instance, I just responded to one about short men being categorized as LVM. There are some really beautiful responses to that post. Could there be an index or master sticky-post of commonly asked questions? As we see them become common? Or an auto-reply on posts, kind of like the porn-detecting-bot that writes the FDS stance on porn in threads related to it, that direct th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 05:11 PM
10

This is really tough because it is normalized to be protective of your phone. I've had relationships with people who never let me see their phone and dearly protected it. Side note, all of those relationships have ended. I know people my own age, honest people who would not want to hurt their partners, who balk when I mention how weird it is to be possessive of phone 'privacy'. I imagine that teenage boys may have their own culture of phone etiquette that has moralized the 'privacy' of the phone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:19 PM
8

Eh, the whole point of texting for me while early dating is to schedule dates. There was a one/two month phase where a lot of the FDS home page was full of texting tips and methods of keeping texting to a minimum between dates. I would prefer as little texting communication as possible in early dating. I definitely don't want to have textversations that we could be having in person. Plus, wouldn't less access make him extra excited for the date? I wouldn't want to signal that access to me is so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 06:54 PM
23

I was seeing a man who is running for federal office in my state. We went on a date before he announced his candidacy. He's a qualified professional in his field. He knows how to maintain a career and is dedicated to his work. But for some reason, he couldn't find time to text me back or set up dates ahead of the nights he wanted to go out. He couldn't even find the time to call me. Yet, when we were together, his phone was always in his hand. I hadn't seen him in weeks when he asked if he could…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 06:48 PM
2

Okay :) I was curious! I'm used to that word getting thrown around here but I didn't read it in my post. Thank you for elaborating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:10 PM
3

Which part is ruthless? I advocate women showing compassion for themselves and taking steps to take care of themselves in relationships. I ruthlessly promote protecting yourself from unnecessary pain. I guess I don't get which part reflects that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:04 PM
7

Here's an excerpt from the FDS Handbook's ideology: 2. If a man isn’t chasing you, he’s not that into you. A man’s role is to be the pursuer, the one to convince you that he’s the right man for you. As a woman, you don’t have to prove yourself to him. He either sees your value or he doesn’t. The only thing that’s within your control is working on becoming your best self. This philosophy can be applied to any initiation of a major step in a relationship: asking for the first date, exclusivity, me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:51 PM
3

A HVW is confident in her interests and takes care of herself. There's no filter on what type of music genre is high value. I know HVM and W who enjoy metal, self-grooming, and independent fashion designers. Are you being your most confident and comfortable self with your pink hair? If you're doing it for you, because it brings out your best self, there's no reason to label it anything other than high value. The important thing to focus on here would be the quality of the color job, maintenance,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 06:06 PM
122

Beautiful post! ​ He doesn't despise high-maintenance women because his sisters are that way, and he respects them for it. One of the biggest epiphanies I had when I stopped being a pickme is that being low maintenance isn't actually a selling point. Plenty of men love to maintain. Many men prefer a high maintenance woman. The whole, "I'm not like other girls because I don't need to pack a hair dryer when I travel," philosophy is lightly veiled internalized misogyny. It was a game changer for me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:41 PM
6

Beautifully handled! Great job standing up for yourself. By defending your equity and role as a partner, you're being a great role model for your children. QUEEN VIBES!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:26 PM
52

If he drives aggressively/irresponsibly, ESPECIALLY after you say something, ESPECIALLY if he laughs and blows off the comment, RUN. I dated a LVM for a few months, an unfortunate length into the relationship, I learned he was a drunk driver. He was an alcoholic and drank to excess frequently. The night he drove me home whilst very drunk was the scariest experience of my adult life. When I confronted him, he told me that even while drunk, he was a safer driver than most other drivers. As a perso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 03:56 PM
25

When I was dating, I followed the four man plan. A core aspect of the four man plan is that if a man asks you on a date and you don't feel endangered, uncomfortable, or threatened by it, you go on that date. The logic is that if you only date your type, and only dating your type has led you to the point where you're currently single, maybe you should be going outside of your type a little bit. So you go on at least two dates with someone if they ask (with regards to your safety). Then you judge …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 05:00 PM
8

The handbook has a good article on LDRs: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/el2aeb/lets_talk_about_ldrs/ I used to fall into LDRs with people all the time. We'd meet while traveling, or while I was in town for a couple of days. Before you know it, we're chatting all day! When I realized my dating strategy wasn't working and that I needed to critically re-examine how I approach romance, these relationships were the first thing I had to address. Texting is false intimacy. You s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 08:03 PM
3

I understand and agree that pieces of the argument/scenario are missing from the initial post. I'm not arguing that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 08:45 PM
4

Yo, she's tagged in this thread and could come here and read this post. Do you think she's going to be receptive to any advice after reading insults against her? Not trying to pick a fight, just trying to make sure that if this thread is labeled as a "rescue mission," we're putting our best feet forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 08:35 PM
8

When I lose my appetite due to emotional situations, I tell myself I'm allowed to eat whatever. I. want. Get a craving for a milkshake after having no appetite all day? I'm going to get whatever milkshake I want and whatever could possibly go well with it. It's not a good diet by any means, but you'll get your calories, fill your tum, and get through the breakup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 08:00 PM
7

Thank you, it's a bummer she deleted the post. :( I hope she got some helpful insight and outside perspectives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 07:55 PM
17

Wow, dude. So many red flags. Here's the post I made: He hates jealous women? Well, what if you hate men who can't let go of their past? Why do his feelings automatically trump yours? Also, that's like saying that he hates angry women, or women who experience allergic reactions. Jealousy is a natural response to threatening stimuli, just like anger is a natural reaction. It's not fair to you to minimize your natural reactions and emotions. That is emotional manipulation. He's presenting a standa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 07:35 PM
5

Real truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 04:08 PM
12

That's a good point! "Mental labor" may have been a better fit in this situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:35 PM
13

Yup! It's #3 on the FDS Recommended Book list. :) Here's it's wiki page. I got my copy from the library. It's a good read so far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 07:59 PM
23

It doesn't, but that doesn't change societal expectations. Women are expected to just know what their partner likes or doesn't like (mushrooms, blue shirts, etc.) while men aren't. If women are expected to predict or know these things from spending time with their partner, why shouldn't men?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 07:56 PM
83

I just read this chapter of The Rules last night! If he wants to know what it's like to wake up to you every day, he needs to propose to you. That being said, where does everyone draw the line? Will you move in with a fiance? Or will you only move in when the marriage contract is signed? I've been thinking that I'd be comfortable after accepting an proposal and setting the wedding date. From there, we can start looking at places and move in together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:19 PM
35

It's almost like it's a skill you have to train and practice! Do people just know to to play the piano, or do they practice? There's some self awareness in knowing you lack a skill, but from there it becomes personal responsibility. Are you interested in bettering yourself? I agree that it is a sign of immaturity. It can also result from never having the expectation to train and exercise that muscle. Women aren't here to build men!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:09 PM
53

Further reading: "Does she expect you to read her mind?" Yep, next question Man takes woman he's been dating for a year to a restaurant that could kill her apparently men can do anything to women and as long as she hasn't cOmMuNiCaTed her feelings first it's ok (not my quote or linked to (it's downthread) linked top comment in the thread for context, and yes i'm linking to my own gosh darn comment thread, fight me) Just like, miss me with this BS. If a man deserves a mind reading partner, so doe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 04:59 PM
15

Yesterday, I got really invested in a situation where the rescue mission target became very defensive from the tone of the thread, shut down, retaliated, and was banned. On threads flaired as "FDS rescue mission," maybe a gentler tone should be used by commenters? Before she even joined the thread, I found myself thinking, "Oh no, I hope she doesn't come here, these comments are harsh." Then she did, and she did interpret them as harsh. It didn't excuse the language she used after and I agree wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 04:33 PM
34

/u/Castor346 - our views on men are indeed based off experiences. Most of mine are positive. I've had wonderful relationships with men I adore who loved me. I've also had bad experiences and have tried to learn from them and inform others about common pitfalls. I'm really worried for you right now, but it's hard to express that through a comment. You're 18, have social anxiety, and are crushing on a boy whose friends are all assholes. I want you to have happy, good relationships. I hope this goe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 09:32 PM
37

Hey, I know you didn't ask for our input, and that the posts on this thread are harsh. But in my experience, I made the first move on all of my romantic interests from age 18 through 23. The result? I was left single and experienced a lot of heart ache from being in relationships with men who would have never made the first move if I hadn't initiated. If I'm in this thread supporting the harsh feedback, it's because I wish I could go back and tell myself to not initiate contact with or pursue my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 08:26 PM
10

His manic depressive cycle does read like it aligns with BPD or bipolar disorder. :/ Either way, it's not going to go away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:44 PM
5

Do you have any advice? We both entered FDS at the same time, started dating our guys at the same time, and are now both in relationships. So I'm so interested in your journey! What were the big things that you did that you felt made this successful?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 06:35 PM
39

I am seeing a trend on some advice subreddits where respect for women is advocated. It's got to be thankless and aggravating, so thank you for being a voice of reason. May you never be baited into arguments with scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 06:04 PM
66

Top ones: Physically unavailable: He doesn't make himself physically available to me (lives too far away, won't meet for dates, won't make any moves or reciprocate moves) Emotionally unavailable: He doesn't initiate emotional intimacy (doesn't communicate interest, ask me out, tell me how he feels about me or other topics) Has incompatible goals: He doesn't prioritize a career, family, financial stability, or has those goals in a manner incongruent with mine (I want kids and pets, if he doesn't,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 05:44 PM
52

/r/relationship_advice is man-centric and defaults to the "communicate more" response a negligent amount. Commenters there read like 13-year-old boys LARP-ing as adults. LVM behavior is celebrated. I don't trust 'em. They advocate giving men what they want instead of what women deserve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 05:22 PM
81

Seeking input: Hey Queen crew! FDS is always going to get bad press from parts of the manosphere, there's nothing we can do about that. However, there are ladies out there that can benefit from knowing who we are and what we do. I think it would be beneficial for us to have easy to digest snippets like above that are short and to the point about this subreddit's differentiators. I'm interested in hearing what your quick take on our market angle is. Who are we / why are we? How can we communicate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 05:09 PM
20

I love this!! Your FDS contributions combined with this posts: A Case Study In Not Doing Wifey Shit. 😂 All of this is so thoughtful and sweet! How long have you been seeing him? Were there any early green flags leading up to this? Tell me everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 04:50 PM
6

Be TA. Be TA that puts herself first. Like, who cares! His shitty friends who excuse his behavior? Him? Be the asshole and have a good life! JFC! It's like, you're already going to be the crazy ex if you stand up for yourself, might as well be an asshole too while you're at it! Get a Bingo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 04:27 PM
19

I made this comment there, but I want to make it here too for the sake of context for FDS readers. This isn't the first time she's posted about him, and this is all the more nefarious for what else she's posted. My post: Hey, /u/justachoo! I made a comment about arguing skills here, but I wanted to address a couple of other things from your comment history about this relationship. About a month ago, you posted about him keeping in contact with his abusive ex and the discomfort this caused you. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 04:25 PM
5

Thank you for your thoughtful response! At the end of the day, the whole point is to defend myself against men, so cross-training is important. I recognize that and I'm not disillusioned to that reality. I just want to make sure that where I'm doing it, the instructors know how to look for / build to behavior intolerant of disrespect or groping while sparring. How much are the start-up costs? I know the suit (gee?) is mandatory, is there anything else I'd need as prep? I know I can call and ask …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 04:07 PM
11

I would love to take BJJ classes. Is there a way to find studios/gyms that are female-focused / not entirely male? When I look up all the local gyms, there's no mention of male/female differentiation between classes and zero women in any of the group photos. I want to take the classes to be able to defend myself, but I don't want to surround myself with a peer group that I may have to defend myself from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 03:46 PM
1

How is this not standard shaming? From the rules: Don’t Shame Other Members for having higher standards than you. If someone says they only date men with six figure income we don’t want to hear all about how your first date with your boyfriend was in his mom’s basement sharing a microwaved Hot Pocket. You’re not going to get a cookie or high fives from us because you choose to settle for scraps, sis. Women with desperate pick me behavior will be banned on sight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 03:33 AM
2

That date counts for me as a Valentine's Day date. :) It's really up to you, but I would count that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 09:41 PM
9

Does cooking meals for him, at his request, and him not showing up qualify? My(21F) bf (28M) asked me to cook and didn't show up So me(21F) and my bf(28M) got back together 3 days ago. Yesterday,he said he'll come visit me at night when I asked I asked him if he'd be home at night.He said yes he'll be home and I told him that he can visit me because no one else would be home.He asked me to cook chicken for him.I'd been cooking since the evening and when night rolled around I asked him if he's co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 06:29 PM
57

Reposting the summary I wrote up before for lurkers. Here's a bulleted outline of their relationship, according to OP, summarized by me. There's also an introduction: Why are you with someone who is giving you so little validation and support that every 40-ish days you're asking internet strangers for guidance? Why isn't your partner stepping up to keep you comfortable? Why are you trusting internet strangers to fill that role instead of your supposed partner? Because you didn't outline the situ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 06:27 PM
106

Sam, you said you were going to dump him weeks ago. He's going to Miami with the guy who hires sex workers, rents fancy cars to attract women, and goes clubbing with, right? On Valentine's weekend? You should read the FDS handbook if you want FDS advice. You're a pickme and you don't want any of our actual input.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 06:23 PM
3

The best way I discovered to not develop one-itis (focusing on just one man) is dating multiple at once. How do you do this without violating anyone's trust or expectations? Be clear from the beginning that you are dating other people. Then don't move quickly with any of them. I recommend the Four Man Plan. Dating multiple people lowers the expectations of things progressing with any of them. This gives you more headspace to properly evaluate men as partners. What are they bringing to the table?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 11:24 PM
29

Take the hint?! What hint? He'd text me everyday about missing me, that he'd see me soon when he felt better. The only hint there is what he was clearly expressing & stating! What a sociopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 11:11 PM
6

That's so great! :) I'm glad. Even if this doesn't work out, you're exercising maintaining boundaries. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if other people think you're overreacting or being dramatic. What matters is you being comfortable. If he doesn't try to make that happen, he's a loser. Thanks for sharing your scenario. I hope your V-Day is excellent!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:11 PM
8

Here are a list of the signals you've recognized, itemized: Frequency - He wanted to see you 3-4 times in one week. Trip - He wanted to go on a private trip with you within a week and of a half of dating, in a few weeks advance. Financing the trip - He wanted to pay for the entire trip. Nicknaming - He wants to call you pet names. Consistent contact - He wants to be in contact all day. Would I be concerned if I experienced three of those in a week and a half? Yes and I would reduce the amount of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:58 PM
21

I don't think it would be too soon. I think it's entirely appropriate to ask out the woman you're seeing for a date holiday. Valentine's Day isn't just for committed partners or people deep in love. It's a low commitment holiday. I would be more concerned if he hadn't invited you out. If you don't mind me asking, what are the other actions that felt like love bombing? If you don't feel like sharing, here are some signs. I don't want to discredit or challenge your gut instinct, just provide input…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:40 PM
28

This isn't a communication problem and screw anyone who says she hasn't talked to him enough or the right way. This is a disrespect problem. This is an honesty problem. No one should have to communicate to their partner that betrayal, disrespect, and theft are wrong and hurtful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:02 PM
46

Recently, I've seen posts using recency/newness to justify lack of interest from a man on Valentine's Day. For instance: "We've only been seeing each other for two months." Full. Stop. If you've only been dating for two months and he's not booking your Valentine's Day, he's leaving you open to see someone else. Think about it. If he was really interested, wouldn't he want to ensure you're not spending it with another man? That's a red flag, sis. He should be making extra effort if you're new to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:49 PM
1

I think of this sub as strategy advice for dating with intent. I don't really see FWB scenarios as part of that ecosystem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:42 PM
15

We've got to be the change we want to see. I try to be pretty serious in my responses, even if it's not easy to hear. I downvote content that is pickme in tone and upvote content that is quality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:41 PM
15

When I comment on breakup subreddits or here, I'm channeling something similar. I've sludged through so much crap and if I can help anyone by writing something out (even if that person is myself), it's worth it. I definitely might borrow some of your response's structure / concepts in the future! You phrased it very eloquently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 08:14 PM
32

That comment was pure fire! Amazing response. I regularly contribute to r/ExNoContact and I wish I could drive home this point a million times: He did not tell you, because his ability to have you for these past 10 months was more important to him than your happiness. It was more important to him than ensuring that you did not get hurt. This was so beautifully written!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 08:02 PM
65

Is that a treat on his nosie?!! What a good boy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 07:59 PM
6

That relationship list of what you want? You're not going to ever get it from the relationship you have. The longer you are in the relationship you have, the longer it will take for you to get into the relationship you want. It's better to be single than in the wrong relationship. You can't find the relationship you want while you're with him. Cut him loose! Make the break-up stick. Hold your ground. You can do this, and you'll be all the better for it. The sooner, the better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 08:20 PM
23

I'm not on the creative side, I'm on the data analytics side. I make much more than the average household income in my state, but people who don't know that love to turn up their noses! Whatever, I'll just be over here planning my next European vacation in between doing research on YouTube.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 08:14 PM
46

Social media is my career (not an influencer, work in an office setting). Whenever a man drops snide judgments of IG or FB, I get the creeps. How dare someone have a hobby that you don't have an interest in. I was seeing this guy, on the first date he mentioned he didn't have an IG. I responded that I do and that photography is a major hobby of mine, so is social archiving. I would have gone to get a masters in library science if I had the funds. He told me that he "never saw it that way before.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:54 PM
27

I'm banned too, they don't give you a reason or way to appeal. It's so frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 04:08 PM
24

If he was with someone he wanted to impress, how would he treat them? Is it different from how he's going to treat you? I would prepare for a plan B on Valentine's Day, if his plan doesn't stack up to what you want to experience. Do you have any girl friends who might want to go out? Prepare to leave whatever he has "planned." If he wants to keep you, he needs to come up with plans that do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 04:28 PM
14

sHe JuSt NeEdS tO cOmMuNiCaTe BetTeR /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:40 PM
7

If she gets to the point in the breakup where she's sad about her feelings or questioning how other people handle breakups, that's a great way to push her seeing your therapist. Therapy helps more with breakups than any other tactic I know. Honestly, everyone should have a therapist if only for processing breakups. It's a lifehack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 09:44 PM
20

Hey there! If you've been dating him for three weeks and he drops off the map with no follow-up for another date, regardless of your conversation topics, he sucks and should be taken out of the rotation. Three days is an inexcusable amount of time for him to not follow up. A couple of points: Discussing FDS strategy - I would not recommend revealing points of FDS to dating partners. Especially terminology or criteria like high/low value traits. It makes the relationship seem more transactional a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 09:18 PM
57

Don't know what to get her? Get her flowers and hand-made chocolates from a local chocolatier. Unless she doesn't like chocolates, in which case, get her some other sort of hand-made sweet or good. Write a message to her in a thoughtful card. Those things are better than one of these sets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 06:10 PM
20

Well, you see, if the women raise their standards to not allow this sort of bullying, they may just have too high of standards to settle for their man. So they have to keep the standards low. If they respected themselves too much, they would lose their partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 06:06 PM
21

Yeah, and I feel like men will manipulate women by gaslighting their discomfort with porn. A man who wants to keep his addiction alive can just use the "my last girlfriend didn't have this insecurity," or, "I'm glad you're not so jealous," cards. A pickme/"cool girl" will see the opportunity to be different by being ok with porn. The OP in this instance doesn't recognize the opposition to porn's actual points or stances. That's because she's trying to cater to a man. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:54 PM
36

It's better to be single than in the wrong relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:37 PM
68

I used to have this perspective too, I get it. She's not threatened by the women on the screen. Where she was to where I am is a paradigm shift. She thinks it's about jealousy, I imagine a lot of lurkers do. It's not about jealousy. My new stance on porn has nothing to do with jealousy, insecurity, or trust issues. I could care less if my partner finds a porn star sexy. That's literally the porn star's job. Opting out of porn in a relationship has nothing to do with jealousy. It's about maintain…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:34 PM
9

So I guess he doesn't care who you're seeing on Valentine's Day. Ew. That's a strike. Treat yourself and book a date with someone new.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 06:52 PM
15

I like to get to know a guy before going on a date with him. Texting is not a way to get to know someone. Texting is false intimacy. Are you looking for a penpal relationship or a real life partnership? Establishing a relationship through regular texting and no other means will get you one of those two things, and it's not the real life partnership. I think you should have as much communication as it takes to find out he's not waving giant red flags and to establish that there is a baseline of c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 06:35 PM
20

I think you need to raise your standard for men you spend time with. I don't want a man who would pick a porn star for a partner over me because of how she looks. You can have those LVM. I don't want them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 07:24 PM
23

Yeah, it's a cool girl in the flesh. "What's wrong with dressing like a porn star? That's what men like!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 07:21 PM
23

No one says you should look "worse." You should groom to your standard of comfort, femininity, and reveal. Not to some book author that idealizes a porn version of womanhood. Do men like porn stars? Really? They respect them? Would seek them as a life partner? No thank you. I don't want a man who who wants that sort of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 07:17 PM
33

A HVW is High Value regardless of her appearance. Dressing a certain way does not warrant more respect. A woman should be respected no matter how she looks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 07:14 PM
28

It's healthy to feel bad! I would support you giving yourself a day or two to really feel everything about what happened. Be sad. Mourn it. But afterwards? You have to put an active effort in getting over it. Remember the reasons you ended it. Treat yourself. Focus on what's in front of you, be in the moment. It's good to feel sad when you end a relationship. It means your attachment abilities are working. Your empathy is working. Don't beat yourself up. Feel it, and then move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 08:05 PM
11

I'd simplify the bio and rework your conversation starters to be more active and less yes/no. for example: what was your favorite travel destination? (instead of places you have traveled to?) what's your favorite workout? (instead of do you work out often?) I would cut down that list to two or three icebreakers. Too much choice isn't always better. I'd do tacos/spaghetti, workout, and whichever one you have the most 'skin' in (what's your biggest hobby? pick a question related to that). I would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:36 PM
5

What would you tell her? I'd love to hear your $.02, plus I can be kind of harsh! Haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:25 PM
36

When I was reading this initially, my response was along the lines of "if he doesn't come to the table to eat with you when it's hot, he doesn't get the meal. Pack up his plate as your meal prep for tomorrow. When he comes down to eat, he can make his own dinner." Then I scrolled down, read the top comment chain and realized it was a lost cause.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:20 PM
38

She communicated at multiple points with her actions and her words! The insinuation that it's on her is so condescending. She made dinner, asked him to put down his game, expressed her disappointment, none of that was communication enough. There will always be endless hoops to jump through. She'll never meet the bar that's always rising, and if she asked too many times, she would be a nag. It will never be entirely the man's fault according to those subreddits. She'll never be good enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 05:42 PM
40

Like, I'm sorry, was making the dinner not communication enough? Was asking him to put down the game not communication enough? Was expressing her disappointment not communication enough? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 05:39 PM
127

The more I read FDS, the more enraged I get when the top posts all recommend "communication" and put the blame equally on both partners for "communication problems." I used to be one of those people who would always think, "she needs to TALK to her partner!" Now I'm disgusted by how much the blame gets shifted onto the woman. Why would she need to communicate that her partner needs to treat her with basic human decency? It doesn't take a genius to understand how rude and childish this behavior i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:18 PM
7

When it comes to safety and respecting other peoples' feelings, I think over the phone is a better solution than dragging on something for over a month when the person is no longer invested. The guy is gone for 6 more weeks, all the while his partner is becoming more distant as she becomes more checked out because she's resolved to end the relationship. The partner can't figure out why and is looking forward to seeing her. After 6 weeks, she could be pretty far along in the break-up moving on pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:14 PM
9

I end them however is cleanest, most expedient, safest, and ensures the breakup will stick the most. This usually means it's a different strategy each time, depending on the man. How would I end this LDR? I would end it over a video call, make it short and sweet. I like to state the intended outcome before getting into anything else when it comes to a serious relationship conversation, that way there aren't any needless arguments or any confusion along the way. So here would be the layout of the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:05 PM
6

wait until he’s back to be nice and also for my own closure That's 6 weeks! You'd keep a relationship going for 6 weeks after you don't feel it anymore? Wouldn't that be the opposite of nice?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 08:56 PM
3

Thank you for the context! Since I don't know how much is needed for you to interact with him politely, I recommend walking through the "picture strategies" exercise. I can't provide lines when I don't know the norms of your script. Here's how I would come up with my go-to lines: Sit down with a pen and paper Write out a scenario that's likely to happen, including what he's likely to say Write 3 different scenarios: the worst possible way you can handle it, the best possible way you can handle i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:44 PM
1

Revenge harms twice: the inflicted and the inflictor. Don't give him that power and energy over you. Pettiness is unflattering. Rise above, take actions the you you want to be would. Collect your things, hold your head high, move with dignity, leave him in the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:40 PM
7

I freeze up if I don’t have a plan and I’m so attracted to him and don’t want to get sucked back in. Here's a gift you're giving yourself: you know what you want. You want to not get sucked back in. You know it enough to state it plainly. How do you help yourself not get sucked in? Picture what these strategies look like. You know what methods you can put into practice that keep yourself from not getting sucked in. You don't have to justify anything to anyone. Some ideas: Block his number. Keep …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 05:45 PM
2

This is a really beautiful story and exactly the kind I was looking for. Thank you for sharing! :) I'm so happy you are in a better place now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 04:36 PM
13

By "The Rules" Do you mean the book "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider? I just want to make sure I have the right content and authors you're recommending.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 11:39 PM
10

Thank you for sharing your stories! It really is powerful to be with someone who is more interested in maintaining and keeping the relationship than you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 07:54 PM
8

I really appreciate how open you're being to the feedback in this thread! Remember, no matter what happens, you will be okay. Even if it means this man isn't your husband, that's okay, it just means it's time to move on. I hope you update us (or at least me) on what happens in the next few months. :) I'm rooting for you! We're all rooting for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 12:27 AM
8

You're welcome! I really hope this works out for you. I highly recommend reading the book, and doing so covertly. Even just to get your brain synapses firing in a new route when it comes to problem solving in your relationship. It's a really interesting book!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 12:19 AM
29

Suppress the need to fill silence. Let him squirm to move the conversation along if it hits a lull. He's more likely to reveal more about himself when it's up to him to fill the silence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 09:57 PM
51

Howdy! In Sherry Argov's "Why Men Marry Bitches," she has a section on moving the relationship forward when he's taking too long. I recommend reading it (and so does this subreddit), because her writing is better than my summary and re-wording. Inform him that you think the world of him, adore him, and treasure your relationship, but you're discouraged by the pace it's taking and are starting to question his intentions and if this is the right relationship for you. Then after the conversation, p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 09:38 PM
2

He was very sweet and calm,said he would never let me leave over such a small issue. You don't need his permission. This is manipulation. Of course he wouldn't "let you leave." He has every reason to keep you around. This isn't about his health and well-being, this is about yours. And instead of taking care of yourself, you keep letting him string you along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 07:43 PM
3

He didn't want you because he fully had you. There was nothing to want or chase because you gave it so freely. Men want what they have to earn, what's just out of reach. he isn’t asking for forgiveness because he doesn’t deserve it. I am too good for him Baby girl, he doesn't want you. If he wanted you, he would step up to the plate and fight for you. You can't make a man want you. They either want you, or they don't. It won't be learned by you behaving a certain way. He decided to break up with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 07:21 PM
14

Totally salvageable, and if it isn't, it's his loss and tell as a LVM! In "Why Men Marry Bitches," Argov has a good section on after-coitus behaviors. Argov postulates that the man thinks he's in, that his chase is over. Some women feel like after sex, the commitment is made and that she has him now, and start chasing him. Argov would probably suggest that that is what's happening with your man. He thinks he's in the clear now. He's had you, you're caught. Argov recommends keeping the distance. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 06:11 PM
54

I’m not considering changing my personality but wondering what you ladies would think about receiving a “compliment” like that? If I was on an early date with someone who told me that unlike other women, I'm easygoing, I would interpret that as a neg or some sort of test. He wants you to accept the compliment and take on the trait. That way, down the line, he can suddenly realize that he was wrong about you. You are just like the other girls. And hold it against you. I would inform him that it's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:57 PM
4

I love this flirty way of establishing your expectations. It's time for him to get some skin in the game or back off. He's not risking anything right now. He's investing as little as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 11:52 PM
24

I've gone out on other dates during these months and (allow me to exaggerate a bit) I have had a better time during a chat with him -tragic I know. It's not a tragedy, it's a strategy. Isn't it easier to keep someone engaged over text than show up in person and have to deliver on all fronts (banter, hygiene, attention, physical interaction)? It's almost like hitting the easy button. He doesn't even have the opportunity to fail on the bare minimum. These other guys are actually showing up and tak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 11:34 PM
19

Absolutely. If he wanted to be clear and upfront, he would. He isn't? Must be the woman's fault for not prying it out of him! Cut out the emotional labor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 08:28 PM
59

I did read it, he completely neglects any of the context. What a prick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:59 PM
7

The best tell is a verbal confirmation. It's up to you how much porn you're willing to tolerate with a partner. Sometimes, it feels harsh to get shamed here for having a stance contrary to the accepted philosophy and, at times, I get a little irked. But, this subreddit does exist to uphold and define standards, empower women to make informed decisions, and hold users accountable for their actions. Good on you for finding what works for you. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:48 PM
206

When people ask me why I'm single, why I'm so picky, or why I put off going exclusive for so long, this type of horror story is the only thing I can think about. Her husband is an entitled monster. Could you imagine experiencing that lack of empathy for your life PARTNER? I want to be incapable of believing this story. He's so selfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:43 PM
34

I like u/iamjuste's angle with a modification. I wouldn't "pretend" to be ok with it, moreso just not openly criticize or say anything strong on the topic leading up to the conversation. Before you have a definitive answer, don't put your foot down one way or another about porn. Screening for a pornsick man: does he guard his phone like mad? does he follow pornstars on social media? (twitter/IG) do his dick work? easiest tell in the book. if he can't get it up or finish, boy is probably pornsick…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:34 PM
32

It's so weird to read those sorts of criticisms. I read the thread because it was linked here, but otherwise, it's so completely irrelevant. They're not willing to wait 90 days? Ok great, that just means they'll never have sex with anyone who follows that rule. Who cares? Why be mad about it? It's so far off my radar to care about anyone who's trying to treat me less than I deserve. If it bothers them, why even dwell on it? It's such a waste of time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:30 PM
2

There will probably be other opportunities to asses them. :) Cheers for not bending to his whims! It's only date 6. Queen vibes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:03 PM
30

I would say it's a yellow flag that shows that he's serious about you and not hiding you. Also, it grants you the opportunity to see the sort of people he surrounds himself with. Pay attention to how they build him up / put him down around you! If they think highly of him, that can be a green flag. If they put him down in front of you (a HVM he's pursuing), that's a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 11:25 PM
38

I would tell him that I have other plans. There's no reason to get into the details of it being a date or that you're doing something with someone else you're dating. You're busy. Get into as much detail as you're comfortable with. If I have dinner plans that conflict with a date someone's trying to plan, that's what I tell them. Sometimes my dinner plans are romantic, but sometimes they're with my parents. I have platonic dinner plans all the time. He doesn't need to know that level of detail. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 10:55 PM
21

He knew what he was doing! He knew the message it sent. Good on u/k97aw01 for shooting it down. Queen vibes. He's a LVM looking for a LVF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 10:44 PM
33

My simple response to anything resembling that question is that I'm a 10. It's not just about what I bring to the table, I built the fucking table myself with reclaimed wood. It's clear what I bring to the table. When a man doesn't meet the bar, I send him away. Men are the ones who need to show up and provide. Women, we are the prize. We are the ones to be sought after. We are the ones that keep this world on it’s fucking axis for goodness sakes. Don’t ever let anyone make you question your wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 10:39 PM
22

Are you posting this about the man who has broken up with you multiple times a week for the past year? The man you posted about here? Sis, he's gaslighting you. He's not taking your relationship seriously. If he was, he wouldn't risk losing you by breaking up with on a weekly basis. He's garbage. Throw the whole man out. Copy/pasted post from the other thread for everyone's reference: So me and my bf have been having a rocky relationship in the past year mostly due to the fact that I still live …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 10:07 PM
45

Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov has great advice and rationale about not being too available/chasing a man. I recommend checking it out from the library and reading it. That book, combined with this subreddit, has helped me further develop a better understanding of the thrill of, and the importance of, the chase. Texting too much too soon can develop artificial intimacy. Texting too frequently diminishes your allure. You don't want to be too available, too easy to catch and keep. I recomme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 09:56 PM
8

A good rule-of-thumb is to not treat someone like a boyfriend unless they are your boyfriend. He has no commitment to you and can drop you in a moment. How would that make you feel? You're giving him the power to break your heart guilt-free (because there's no labels). Why do you want to give him this special place in your life if he's not willing to grant you the comfort of any sort of commitment? You said that you're not ready to be in a serious relationship. If he said he was, with you, would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 09:39 PM
5

Reposting what I posted last time you asked for help here for cliffnotes for everyone else and because I want you to read it: Hey there u/sabthefabk! It looks like you're in the sort of relationship where every month you're questioning reddit to whether or not you should stay with your partner. Why are you with someone who is giving you so little validation and support that every 40-ish days you're asking internet strangers for guidance? Why isn't your partner stepping up to keep you comfortable…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 09:29 PM
34

How dare we have standards!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 05:36 PM
248

It's better to be single than in the wrong relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 05:22 PM
62

I check the subreddit growth stats regularly and the growth rate is incredible. The numbers don't lie, this subreddit is necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 05:00 PM
141

Sub count on Dec 1: 37K Sub count on Jan 7: 45K Yup, totally toxic drivel. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 04:20 PM
33

When you have close friends outside of the relationship, it's easier to maintain high expectations of your partner. It's easy to fall into the rut of your S/O being your everything, but diversifying who you spend your time with cultivates a much richer life! Good insight, OP. I hope you find the strength! Get out there and make some pals, start calling up your friends more. You'll be okay! You'll get through this. You're worth everything good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 08:36 PM
45

This is so amazing! You did such a good job of sticking up for yourself. That's some real queen energy. You had a little line where you deck yourself: (this is where I wish I would have just kept my frame and not engaged) I encourage you to let that go and hope that isn't a jab at yourself, but more of a note to be aware of for the future. Because you held your ground and let him know that his behavior was unacceptable, like a warrior queen. Nothing but applause. I'm so happy for you!! Thank you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 10:46 PM
8

Just curious, what timeframe is appropriate for a man to bring that up for you? I'm on the same timeline with a HVM as the OP and he's also expressed interest in something serious with me. How do you decide it's too early for him to know and express it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 10:22 PM
25

I love the, "Uh oh." Who does he think he's impressing/entertaining?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 06:13 PM
15

Hey, we all have low points, and some of us have harder low points than others. You've been dealt a rough lot and if anyone deserves confidence, it's you. You deserve to feel complete. If I were you, I'd work on building self-efficacy, and that will contribute to confidence. Self-efficacy is about your ability to motivate yourself and follow through on goals. Self-efficacy is about proving to yourself that you have control over your situation and are able to accomplish what you set your mind to.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 10:02 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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