FDS: If he deserves a mind reader, you do too

lemur00 · 2020-02-19T21:43:27+00:00

What's interesting about this is that there is research showing that generally men are just as competent in understanding and communicating with nonverbal cues, soft refusals and the like as women. What is actually happening is that when they want something they just ignore them and then plead ignorance.

rinabean · 2020-02-19T23:32:12+00:00

I totally agree with this, but just as a further point, I read an interesting article a week or two ago by the woman who coined "emotional labour" and she said it's being massively misused. She meant it to basically mean shit like smiling when you don't want to, which again largely seems to be women's work (waitresses are the big one I think, most service jobs, I think female doctors seem to do more of this than male, too). But when it's stuff like being a personal assistant like this, or a manager when it's housework/childcare, that's just... labour labour! And women being expected to do this for men, but men scoffing that they'd never do it for women even though they will also do it for men when they want to, is such exploitation.

I think the hurtful thing is that almost any man, barring actual difficulties in understanding people, knows your likes and dislikes. It's just a lot don't care. (And some will actively use them against you.)

traditsh · 2020-02-19T17:07:10+00:00

[deleted]

lluuni · 2020-02-20T00:26:27+00:00

I agree that communication is important, and that you can’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. But men have taken this relationship advice and abused it to the max. They drag out this line every time a woman asks for even basic emotional support. They expect women to tell them how to react to every situation without doing any of the mental labor themselves.

Seriously, after years of dating or being married, you shouldn’t have to have your partner spell out everything for you. You should know what kinds of romantic gestures they like, you should be intuitive enough to know how to comfort them in stressful situations, you should know what they like and dislike in bed.

The worst part is that now it’s apparently acceptable for men to be total assholes to women if she hasn’t “communicated” her every desire first. The other day I saw a post by a woman who was upset about her boyfriend making fun of her stutter. Many of the replies from men said things like “Well, have you TOLD him it bothers you? You need to cOmUNiCatE.”

Like seriously? It’s common decency to not tease people for their disabilities. A woman shouldn’t have to put the emotional effort of teaching a grown ass man these basic social norms. Reddit is notorious for this bullshit.

traditsh · 2020-02-19T16:59:45+00:00

Further reading:

"Does she expect you to read her mind?" Yep, next question
Man takes woman he's been dating for a year to a restaurant that could kill her
apparently men can do anything to women and as long as she hasn't cOmMuNiCaTed her feelings first it's ok (not my quote or linked to (it's downthread) linked top comment in the thread for context, and yes i'm linking to my own gosh darn comment thread, fight me)

Just like, miss me with this BS. If a man deserves a mind reading partner, so does a woman! Kick him to the curb if he doesn't try to anticipate your likes and dislikes! He has to listen!

surviveIIthrive · 2020-02-19T22:42:00+00:00

But men are able to read subtext and understand nuanced interpersonal issues in the workplace when dealing with other men, like their boss! This whole bullshit “men can’t read your mind” is basically them telling you you’re not important enough to merit consideration and effort! That all the emotional work will fall on you in the relationship! Hard pass!!!!If he can’t even be bothered to be supportive, considerate, and be an equal partner, what is even the point of being with him?? Seriously? What is the benefit?!

2020-02-19T20:05:09+00:00

If a guy doesn't learn your body language, he's not worth your time.

StrikingCoconut · 2020-02-20T15:49:38+00:00

Before I started pushing FDS in my marriage, I used to get really annoyed that my husband never bought Christmas or birthday gifts for his nieces and nephews (I have none - I don't even know their birthdates, because I don't speak to his family.) It meant that this task obviously fell to me, even though they were the kids of his brothers and sisters.

I finally told him to stop fucking around one Christmas. The kids were getting older and lived overseas, so literally the gifts were just going to be cash in their home currency and a card. Surprise, surprise, he forgot to go to the bank to get it. I was not happy. His response? "Is this necessary? Do kids even like getting Christmas presents?"

DO. KIDS. EVEN. LIKE. GETTING. CHRISTMAS. PRESENTS.

Imatworkmotherfucker · 2020-02-19T18:12:27+00:00

I believe in giving feedback, I don't expect either side to mind read. If he fucks up and you leave, tell him why. You'll probably be doing the next woman a favor.

Title	FDS: If he deserves a mind reader, you do too
Author	traditsh
Upvotes	584
Comments	24
Date	February 19, 2020 4:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6diio/fds_if_he_deserves_a_mind_reader_you_do_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-if-he-deserves-a-mind-reader-you-do-too.682017 https://theredarchive.com/post/682017

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