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UniformFox_trotOscar Archive

View 10 posts and 116 comments by UniformFox_trotOscar on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

Sounds like you may have some sort of interest in being a cuckquean (girl version of cuckhold). Maybe explore why that is and see if there’s any consensual way to bring that into your sex life with your husband. 100% agree that actually letting him sleep around is a terrible idea for many reasons.
/r/RedPillWives28/05/25 06:06 PM
12

AL-Anon (even if you’re the addict) therapy, CHRIST. Go to Church, find God. You’re trying to fill a hole in your life that only Jesus can fill.
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/24 10:13 PM
2

Thank you, I’m grateful.
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/24 01:23 PM
2

Firstly, I think this is a silly question. Secondly, of course. The mindset portrayed in this community benefits everyone, and especially the entire nuclear family structure. And keeping families together is the key to success in many different ways. RPW (at the end of the day) is really about taking responsibility for the only thing you can control, yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/24 01:40 PM
6

This may or may not be helpful, but I’ll share what helped nudge me in a better direction. Think of all the wonderful things men have done. Men founded America (where I live) and created the Declaration of Independence. They invented things to make their wives roles easier (ovens, dishwashers, vacuums, washing machine) They have designed, built, and maintain our infrastructure They do the nastiest, roughest, most dangerous jobs. Jobs we NEED them to do, not just for our own household income, but…
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/23 10:12 PM
2

As I understand it - “I hear you” is to replace arguing or defensiveness. It’s not to be used as a catch all.
/r/RedPillWomen09/11/23 09:09 PM
1

It is!! Especially when I look at what I judge most - anger. Because anger was not allowed in my house and was judged harshly. Then I grew up with shame around my own anger, therefore judgement for others displays of anger. Vicious cycle.
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 12:32 AM
2

I love a good podcast! Thanks for the recommendation
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 12:30 AM
8

Thank you for these verses. Although I’m a new Christian, I’m familiar with these but they are wonderful reminder and I will continue to study them. I am extremely fortunate, thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 12:05 AM
3

I would start by posing this question to your fiancé to see what HE would want in a wife. Then follow up with what was already suggested here.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/23 03:27 PM
6

Excuse me, but what the fuck?
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/23 08:33 PM
2

Unfortunately, I have no help to offer you but I just wanted to say I relate to your experience whole heartedly and you are not alone!
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/23 01:56 AM
1

She wrote it in the comment - “Getting To ‘I Do’ ”
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/21 02:51 AM
1

She wrote it in the comment - “Getting To ‘I Do’ ”
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/21 02:51 AM
7

Creepy profile, dude. Self proclaimed “pussy critic”
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/21 12:20 AM
7

I do know how much. It's no small sum, and I wasn't consulted either. But it was just cash that was set aside for an investment opportunity already, not from our personal account. It doesn't feel like it's my place to tell him I wouldn't feel comfortable with him using that money.
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/21 12:10 AM
7

Thanks for the info. Luckily he's been very transparent with what he's doing. I find it all to be very confusing though so I still don't fully understand it.
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/21 12:08 AM
2

The annuity was from luck. Really terrible bad luck, but luck. He invested it well though, including buying cheap property and renting it out. He owned and operated a bar for 7 years, we've always been fine as far as bills being paid. ​ He's generally risk averse, with the exception of opening a bar with no experience (he worked really hard to keep it up though) and now with the day trading. Every other financial move as been generally low-risk. I respect your respect for your mans qualities. On…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/21 12:04 AM
2

Thankfully he's proven to be very trustworthy when it comes to what he's up to and the money situation.
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/21 12:01 AM
4

If only. I really should ask for that but it seems a bit ridiculous because I don't what I would even do with my time off. I don't have any real hobbies outside of my job and I don't really have any friends either. Wow, thats really depressing to type out.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 11:58 PM
2

I'm 31, he's about to be 35
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 11:46 PM
8

This has been a consideration of mine. When I say commits, it is short term. And it’s all he does. It consumes him because that’s how he is. He’ll spend all day for weeks researching stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 09:50 PM
6

Right, exactly. Nooo we are nowhere near danger. We are quite fortunate. And we both know that. But when we have clear goals to achieve more, settling for what we already have doesn’t seem very motivational. I’m NOT concerned about going broke. I’m concerned about not reaching our goals.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 09:21 PM
18

I don’t know if this makes a difference but it’s all with coin (Bitcoin type stuff). It’s funny you say that because his dad called it day gambling. Which caused me to raise my eyebrows.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 09:19 PM
6

I don’t mean to factor it out. I’m super grateful to have that. But we have goals to make more than that. And he’s working hard to make more than that too. I want to encourage him to reach our shared goals and the rental income/annuity are a given at this point that don’t take any extra work.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 09:14 PM
2

My hair is about armpit length and a sad frizzy mess. I wash it twice a week. Blow it out and curl it when I wash it. Touch up the curls during the week as needed.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/21 08:19 PM
2

Thanks for the response. I find the enneagram to be much more in depth than the MBTI. And I like that is included level of mental and emotional health within your type, includes a sub type (ie your wing) and your number for growth (or how to become healthier) I do think I need something like this to jumpstart bettering myself, but that’s just a personal thing.
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/21 11:31 PM
1

Sure! “The Enneagram is simply a map for self-discovery and personal growth based on 9 basic personality types. The Enneagram accurately and clearly describes why you think, feel and behave in particular ways based upon your core fears and core desires. The power of the Enneagram is in its ability to harness and transform self-limiting behaviors into life-enhancing personal empowerment. The gift of the Enneagram is that through self-discovery, one can create and sustain meaningful and lasting re…
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/21 10:51 PM
2

Boooo that really bums me out. I find enneagram to be so interesting because it includes level of emotional and mental health, and ways you can improve yourself as well.
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/21 09:41 PM
1

Hi! Thank you, oddly enough it means a lot. I took the free test from truity and paid the $20 for in depth results. I also cross referenced the enneagram institutes website. I hope you find some motivation from it. And if you think about it, update me on your results!
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/21 09:20 PM
2

I guess we disagree on fundamentals. The scenario to leave in my opinion, is when misery outweighs happiness. I cannot be a good mother or a good co-pilot if I’m miserable.
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/21 02:16 PM
1

I have written something down and I was thinking about using that. I feel unable to clearly express what my actual issues are this time because it’s a culmination of so many little things. It’s resentment, unfortunately. And the times I have been able to clearly express something, he essentially tells me to get over it and any issue I might have is my own fault. I crave interdependency with him. But any time I express that need he brushes it off as codependency and tell me I’m wrong to feel the …
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/21 02:09 PM
2

Trust me I know there’s a lot at risk. And frankly I don’t care if there is another man. I’m not interested in finding anyone else. It’s the man I chose forever, whether we’re together or were not. He’s the father of my child(ren) and he’s a good person. Why do I have to like it? Because we picked each other to spend the rest of our lives together. We agreed to work together. If one person is miserable, that’s not a successful pairing. Maybe you might spend the rest of your life miserable and no…
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/21 02:03 PM
2

We need therapy. I sort of took a hiatus from talking to him for my own well being. I know it’s not really recommended but I needed to do it and I feel like it’s helping me a lot. We will talk about this tonight after our kid goes to bed. There is a part of me that knows he’s a great man. But the part of me that believes I’m not the right woman for him is much much louder.
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/21 01:13 PM
1

All I do is create peace but that is what has led to these issues. It’s creating a cognitive dissonance for me. And trust me, we’ve been trying the RP concepts. He believes he’s a good leader. I don’t think he’s a bad leader. But I dislike that he seems to have it all figured out and doesn’t really care what I think. I’ve said this and it feels true still “I don’t feel like a copilot. I feel like I’m tied up in the trunk.”
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/21 01:11 PM
2

Our lives? Or our personalities? He is a second child from a divorced family. He’s extremely honest and direct (to a fault sometimes, I’m not the only one who believes this) He is a RPM. His career is investing. In whatever he wants to. He also has his real estate license and he has just recently started working with a brokerage. He’s a big thinker and big dreamer. I am (raised) an only child to married parents who I never witnessed fight or even argue until I was an adult. I have been on the sa…
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/21 01:04 PM
6

I think you missed the point of the post entirely. This isn’t about how you would feel in these situations, OP wants to know how to respond based on the way SHE feels.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/21 02:36 PM
6

Yes, please share because I need help. Ha
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/21 11:21 PM
33

Something about the use of the phrase “tight little body” is really off-putting to read. Moral of the story is this- it is easier to get in shape than it is to get a hot face so if you’re going to put effort in somewhere, work out and eat well.
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/21 02:59 PM
7

Internalized misogyny, perhaps?
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/20 02:41 AM
1

I never said it was abuse and I’ve never ever accused him of being abusive in our relationship. His response to “it makes me feel blank when you blank” is always “I’m not responsible for your feelings”. It hurts to hear that so regularly.
/r/RedPillWomen06/12/20 05:05 AM
2

I think maybe you misunderstood my question. No he didn’t cross a line (other than my comfort level) or do anything unforgivable. I’m trying to figure out how to tell when someone is “taking their frustration out on you” aka when is it ok to say “I know you’re upset but don’t take it out on me.” Of course we will work things out, we always do. I just have issue with the way he directs his anger. When something arbitrary becomes personal.
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/20 05:39 AM
6

Who knows. The trap of his emotional state would be my guess.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 09:08 PM
1

No he’s not. He’s done a ton of therapy in the past but not much for anger. He thinks his anger is a positive characteristic to his personality. He says at least he has the ability to express his feelings.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 09:08 PM
3

And I forgot. I would agree with being sweet to them when they’re negative. But as soon as that negativity become directed at me when I didn’t do anything wrong, the sweetness will not continue. Maybe that’s harsh, but I’m tired of being treated like a project all the time.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 08:33 PM
3

I do almost all of those things. Mostly because I enjoy them. He doesn’t appreciate a clean sheets or a made bed, he doesn’t shower frequently at all, he WANTS to stay up late and watch stuff on YouTube while I go to bed early (10pmish). I understand wanting some alone time- I try to get mine in the morning before our kid wakes up. Of course, we have a toddler as well. I can’t keep him silent or keep him asleep past a certain time (7:30am wake up usually) I already agreed to do dishes at night b…
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 08:32 PM
1

This is really helpful and good to hear. I’ve been thinking I’m crazy or there’s something wrong with me for being sensitive or for disliking fighting in the way we do. I can handle a disagreement and a discussion just fine. I hope maybe there is an interim period we can find before it escalated to me taking the kid and leaving the house for awhile. That seems so extreme but if it’s the only way to get my point across, so be It.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 06:16 PM
2

I much prefer this method. Especially when our kid is around (he was at daycare this morning). I despise fighting in front of the kid and I try to walk away or say “let’s talk about this later” yet he follows me all around the house and won’t drop it. It feels abusive - but he would strongly deny it. Always says things like “I’m not calling you names or hitting you.”
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 05:09 PM
13

He compared it to this: if your dog is stuck in a bear trap and you try to help him, he might snap at you. Would you take it personally? It made me so angry. You’re not a fucking dog, dude. You’re a fully grown adult male. Act like it.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 05:07 PM
2

You’re right. I do need to have more confidence in putting my foot down. I’m navigating a new territory here and when I do stand up for myself, we just end up fighting more. Which of course, makes me uncomfortable. I would prefer to say my piece and then let both of us cool off.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 05:06 PM
3

It made them worse ie - it made him even angrier. I guess it made things worse temporarily, but hopefully when I get home later we can have a calmer discussion about where I don’t just hide and apologize. I’m so tired of this dynamic.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 04:55 PM
0

Yes we have a 16 month old and things were certainly rough for awhile and they continue to be. He is miserable in the morning and when he’s sleep deprived. He always has been. This morning he latched onto some dumb minor shit and made it a HUGE deal and all I wanted to do was leave and let him cool off. This has always been an issue for us. He has anger issues but excuses them because he’s not “abusive” and I AM overly sensitive but that just gives him even more excuse to dismiss me when I say h…
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 04:53 PM
2

Unfortunately, I don’t think I do know my limits. I FEEL like I’ve been wronged here. I feel like I’m right. He was inappropriately rude to me this morning and by sticking up for myself, it seemed to just make things worse. He always says I’m too sensitive, but it seems my only alternative is to not say anything or to just agree with him when he’s being an absolute dick. But that would make me a doormat. I can’t seem to successfully find the middle ground of sticking up for myself and not backin…
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/20 04:45 PM
14

Hmmm. That just doesn’t fly for me. Being the more hands on parent or the go-to parent is all well and good. But damn, I DO need a break. Don’t you ever feel overwhelmed?
/r/RedPillWomen16/11/20 03:55 AM
10

What do you do for “you time?” Do you feel like you need a break and when/what does that look like? This is something I struggle with. I work full time, he works full time. He gets a break every weeknight or every Sunday, when does mom get to relax, totally worry free? I really need help here. I completely understand not expecting the full-time working parent to also do equal amount of chores and child-rearing. But when do I get to chill?
/r/RedPillWomen16/11/20 02:42 AM
6

Ditto. I have my dream job too but I only work part time while my partner works full time. I still do all of the household chores, childcare, etc. it’s a lot of work, but I like that I’m able to balance both.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/20 05:29 PM
2

Check Benjamin Moore Agreeable grey. Or if you want a lighter shade, whispering white. Just painted my house whispering white and I’m loving it! Edit: nope. Not Benjamin Moore. Sherwin Williams.
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/20 04:53 PM
7

Taupe. It’s a real game changer, lemme tell ya. (JK. Taupe is just a warmer, brown-grey)
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/20 04:39 PM
3

Yeah that seems more on brand for us too. I think all problems would be solved if our 14month old was in daycare on the days I worked. For now he watches the baby two work-week days instead of working.
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/20 01:09 PM
3

Oh ok. Since I’m only part time and my bf is “handicapped” we don’t argue about housework. I do it and I don’t mind it 98% of the time. Glad you guys were able to find a solution that works for you!
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/20 12:59 PM
6

Can I ask what you were arguing about? I’m working part time and my partner REALLY doesn’t want me to. I’m considering staying home and being a house wife. I’m just not 100% if I’ll be happy not working at all because I really enjoy my job.
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/20 12:44 PM
11

Can you elaborate? What is the “two-income trap?”
/r/RedPillWomen27/08/20 03:01 AM
12

Good bot Best bot
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/20 03:21 AM
1

Ok, fair. Let me rephrase. I have no intention on leaving my father behind. Boundaries, sure.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 02:53 AM
0

It’s not that easy man.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 02:29 AM
3

Oh man, it’s sounds like I have some reading to do. When I wrote he was a narcissist I didn’t realize how true it may be. It just seemed like the right word. I unfortunately have similar tendencies to my dad. And I have extreme anxiety around confrontation and disappointing people I care about. I’ve only recently started to see the issues I have with the relationship with my dad.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:41 AM
0

It’s nothing like that. And I would hope that my dad would trust me enough to pick a man of quality to be the father of my children and to spend my life with. His rejection is not only a reflection on his feelings about my boyfriend, but also shows distrust in me.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:30 AM
2

No, no I’m not waiting to get married until my dad says it’s ok. We are committed to each other and to being parents forever. We made that decision when we started trying for a baby. I just never thought I’d my Dad would outright say no-and I’m having a hard time imagining moving forward knowing there will always be this stain on my relationship with my dad.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:28 AM
-1

Unfortunately I’m not all that surprised at my dads response but it doesn’t make it feel less petty and hurtful . If anything, I’m surprised my bf even bothered to ask but I do respect him for asking anyway.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:25 AM
1

I don’t exactly know. I haven’t spoken to my dad about it since I just found this out yesterday and it happened months ago. I want to talk to him about it soon and ask him these questions. But another part of me thinks it doesn’t matter anyway.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:23 AM
5

“Don’t read his mind and try to anticipate his feelings or behaviors. Don’t try to rationalize to him or make it easier on him because you know he disagrees.” HOW did you know this is EXACTLY my problem?! I do this with him all the time and didn’t realize it until recently. It’s so hard to break these habits.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:22 AM
1

Of course he’s not an idiot, so he must know that we will be getting married if we want to, regardless of my dads blessing. So I’m curious why say no? If he’s doubted my boyfriends level of commitment, what better time than now to say yes? By saying no, what does that achieve? Edit: of course I want to talk to him about it eventually. But I need to wrap my head around it first and be on the same page with my boyfriend.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 01:14 AM
1

It was a personal and financial choice. The papers don’t show commitment any more that an actual commitment does. Do you think that’s really enough of a reason to not give his blessing? Especially because with the blessing, the next step IS the legal benefits of marriage? That seems awfully petty to me. If he wanted the commitment beforehand, wouldn’t he still want it now? Instead of better late than never, it’s “if not now, never.”
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/20 12:07 AM
3

He did. But his judgement is absolute bullshit. He worried my boyfriend can’t provide for us, he has “too much leverage” (which are slightly contradictory) and that he isn’t committed. But for the last three years it’s been proven through actions that we are committed. My boyfriend just bought us a house, and he pays 90% of the bills.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 08:57 PM
2

On one hand I understand that. On the other hand he didn’t “get me pregnant” so much as “we decided to start a family.” I feel like that makes a big difference. My dad might not see it that way.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 08:56 PM
3

The wedge I was talking about is between my dad and I, not my partner and I. I’m so scared to stand up to my dad. My sister did it once before, didn’t invite him to her wedding and went no contact for almost 10 years. He still hasn’t changed, she just got better at not letting him get to her. I don’t have that confidence in myself. My dad is 72 and if my standing up to him hurts our relationship I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive myself. I’m between a rock and a hard place.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 08:51 PM
9

This is so true. I’ve NEVER stood up to my dad and never set boundaries with him but it’s becoming clear that things need to change. I’m terrified of losing my dad though. He’s older (72) and we live halfway across the country. It’s important to my bf and I that he be involved in our kids lives also. It’s a treacherous path to walk.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 08:49 PM
7

Yes it was out of respect more than anything I suppose.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 08:47 PM
8

The wedding is not scheduled and there’s been no proposal. My bf and I have made every decision together, between having kids, AND waiting to get married in the future. I think he just asked as a courtesy and out of respect. It’s been very clear that my dad simply does not respect my partner and sort of by default - doesn’t respect my decision making capabilities either.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 08:45 PM
14

My dad and I have a complicated relationship. I only realized how complicated in the last few years. I always liked the tradition of “asking for his blessing” and I knew my boyfriend had a similar feeling too. I believe my dad knows it’s a formality and I’ll get married regardless, which makes his saying no seem even more petty, and a specific dig at my boyfriend. It disgusts me, honestly.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 05:03 PM
62

He definitely is in the wrong. “Asking for his blessing” is really more of a courtesy thing.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/20 05:00 PM
2

I guess this might be my problem. I don’t always appreciate it. Sometimes I’d wish he’d let things go or not react in certain ways (usually anger and swearing when the other person wasn’t on the same level) Although I might be glad he stood up for himself (or us) I do feel like the anger is unnecessary. Do I have a right to bring that up? (Afterwards, obviously)
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 06:42 PM
6

This is great! We have talked about it a little bit. I don’t think I’ve told him how I feel when this happens (wanting to disappear...it’s embarrassing)
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 03:47 PM
6

So far he doesn’t seem to mind my being quiet. And I don’t think he’d want me to take the lead at all. But personally, I’d like to be more obvious in my support, rather than just shrinking away, wishing it to be over. Does that make sense?
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 03:46 PM
9

In my head I don’t think about being in front of him. I get embarrassed and want to disappear.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 03:45 PM
2

I’m not really talking about fighting here. And I’m quite the opposite of loud and crazy.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 03:44 PM
16

Totally! He’s surprisingly handy but keeps that under wraps. When we moved into this rental house a lot of minor things needed fixing and he just handled ALL of it! Quickly and quietly. I had a history of dating more “feminine/modern” men in the past and to see a man do these things AND not brag about it is damn sexy.
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/20 01:44 PM
18

Awesome to hear! My boyfriend taught me how to test and replace a light switch the other day. My garbage disposal had been shorting out and not turning on for weeks. I asked him to fix it, and instead, he took 40 mins to teach me how to do it!
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/20 01:15 PM
3

My partners mother is not the easiest woman to get along with. Developed codependency with her him, alcoholic, and manipulative tendencies as well. My partner loves his mother dearly, but is very aware of the way she is and is great at setting clear boundaries with her.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/20 02:57 PM
2

I’m in a very similar boat. It sounds as if you and I though, don’t speak up for fear of conflict, whereas that doesn’t seem to be OPs problem. My partner always asks me to speak up and when I do...it feels as though I’m still doing it wrong.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 11:51 AM
1

He doesn’t give me any spending money, I pay for all my own stuff out of my personal savings account because I always intended to go back to work. He’s picked up two of my personal bills simply because I couldn’t afford them anymore without working. He would like to be the sole provider, but from the beginning that’s not something I was ever interested in. It feels insecure. insecure That’s how I feel. Recently he mentioned buying a house (with his money) and mentioned if we were to ever split u…
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/20 03:53 PM
1

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Neither of us have really been “showing up” for each other in the ways that we need. It has caused some resentment from both of us, and disconnectedness from me. He would be willing to give me the world if I connected with him more, and I’d be willing to connect more if I didn’t feel like I was shoved in the trunk of the car. Its a vicious cycle that needs attention. The more my husband and I talk about it, the more obvious it becomes that this is the rea…
/r/RedPillWomen03/07/20 12:46 PM
3

I cannot raise my kid by giving him everything he wants. Just because he WANTS me there 24/7 doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for him. He also wants to eat dog hair and play with his own poo. Eventually he will need to learn that just because mom goes to work, or to meet a friend, doesn’t mean I’m gone forever and it certainly doesn’t mean I love him less, and he will not be neglected. Going to work simply does not equal neglect. Some full time stay at home parents are STILL capable of neglectin…
/r/RedPillWomen02/07/20 03:19 PM
5

Your personal feelings on the matter are unfortunate, yet irrelevant to this scenario. I understand you felt neglected by your mother, but these situations couldn’t be less similar. If I were my baby, I’d like to spend some more one on one time with dad. And I’d want my mother to feel like a complete woman who loves herself, and me.
/r/RedPillWomen02/07/20 12:01 PM
4

There’s nothing wrong with the traditional way of doing it if both parents agree that’s what’s best for their family. It’s not unreasonable at all in that case. The problem here is that that’s not what we agreed to do from the very beginning. Paying for a nanny wouldn’t be worth it to me I don’t think. And if that became necessary, we’d have to reevaluate.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 10:50 PM
1

He’s a great guy! But we’re all not without faults. Luckily the baby is a fantastic sleeper but I’ve always put him to sleep (unless a grandparent has done it). He’ll sleep for anyone I believe. Not a bad idea about a babysitter. I suggested that to him as well. He might be on board.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 10:29 PM
2

That’s a good question. Neither of us are entirely sure what to expect with his schedule. As far as we know, he can set his own hours. And with my schedule, he’d still be able to log full time hours at work. He likes to sleep late (at least till 10) and it seems clear to me that it would be easy to wake up a bit earlier to be available for work rather than lose those hours AND the hours I’d be out of the house.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 09:55 PM
1

No you’re totally right. And honestly I do empathize a bit. I know it’s going to be an adjustment and that’s not lost on me. What hurts to hear is that even though I told him this day would come, and he agreed that this was the path we would choose, that this whole time he’d been hoping I’d change my mind. He’s hurt because I told him I wasn’t fulfilled staying home 24/7 and he was hoping I would be.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 09:50 PM
4

God that’s hard to hear. Only because that’s exactly how it feels and I was hoping I was wrong to feel the way I did. Thank you for your insight. I believe we can get through this. I need to stand up for myself more.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 09:48 PM
1

Yes we talk about this at length. We were home together 24/7 for a year and a half now way before covid started so our schedules haven’t changed due to the lockdown. (in another comment I explain he is paid an annuity that covers our basic expenses, he hasn’t worked in 1.5 years, and I have used all my personal savings (almost $20k to support my own bills/hobbies until recently)
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 06:53 PM
7

You are making a ton of incorrect assumptions. Neither of us have ever received FMLA benefits or employer health insurance. And working for 9 months now isn’t to plump up my resume. But taking 6+ years off without working in between would leave me in the dust in terms of industry innovations and modern techniques. He gets paid an annuity for the rest of his life and we have both been out of work for over a year. So he doesn’t have to work, and makes enough to cover our monthly expenses. We are n…
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 06:46 PM
2

I will take time off. And more than just time to heal. I want to stay home for at least 6 months if I’m able to.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:58 PM
1

That’s exactly how I was thinking about it too! Thanks so much
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:58 PM
3

I have considered not going back. But my career isn’t the kind where I can take 6+ years off and then jump back in. To be fair, I haven’t been the most supportive partner recently. I have felt distant, bored, and disconnected and that has translated into our communication. Everything is just coming to a head at the moment. Tricky stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:42 PM
1

I’m miserable at communication. I have a tendency to keep things to myself to keep the peace. But I definitely didn’t do that when it came to my job. He’s also concerned that instead of focusing on us and our emotional needs, that I’m “running away from our family because what I really want is to be a working girl, and not a mom and a good partner.” That I can empathize with. I can understand how it may seem that way. But ultimately it’s not that I’m running away from anything. I’m trying to get…
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:39 PM
6

Yes he knew right away. The second is wanted and he was the one continually asking me if we could start trying for #2 back in March. I don’t think that’s what’s causing it, no.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:36 PM
7

The both of us need counseling and it’s been talked about. We plan on going. But you’re right, to me it really seems like he wants all the glory and freedom of making money and supporting us, but very little of the responsibility of actually raising the baby.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:34 PM
7

He did voice concerns, but whenever we would talk about it, my going to work never seemed to be THIS much of an issue. It simply seemed like it wasn’t his preference, but we’d make it work when the time inevitably came.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:32 PM
5

He had accepted that I wanted to go back to work. We had talked about it a handful of times before baby and after baby. I knew he’d prefer if I didn’t, but I underestimated how much he really opposed it. And to be fair, he didn’t make that very clear to me until now either.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:31 PM
10

Yes we do need to see a therapist. I stayed home much longer than I thought I would, was delayed three extra months due to Covid (which he was THRILLED about) and I finally got my act together right at the same time he’s starting a new job too. It is not lost on me that the timing sucks and it will be hard at first, but if that’s a good reason to not do something...why do anything at all?
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:29 PM
6

I think you hit the nail on the head with your first sentence. To me it really feels like he wants a big family for the bragging rights but other than “making all the money” doesn’t want to be more involved than that. I believe he would argue by being the only one working he is sacrificing time with the baby (Soon to be babies) but I don’t feel as though that’s a true sacrifice to him. He doesn’t make much of an effort to spend time alone with the baby as it is. He just likes showing up for the …
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:27 PM
4

Thank you. As much as I don’t want to view this disagreement as “I’m right and you’re wrong” I’m having a REALLY hard time empathizing with him. He said he just wants to drive the car and get us to our goals, while me and the baby sit in the back seat. I find that analogy incredibly demeaning and I don’t have the verbiage or grace to explain why. I’m ok with the pilot/co-pilot analogy and I think it can work for us. But I really don’t feel like a co-pilot at all.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:22 PM
5

I’m already going back on reduced hours. I worked 50 hours/week before we had a baby, now I’m going back to 18 hours/week. He spends very little time alone with the baby. At most, 2 hours per week. And if ever more than that, one of his parents is there too. I love my job and I miss my craft. There may be a part of me that misses the independence, but in a million years I would never choose my independence over my family. But now it feels like I have to choose one or the other when really I just…
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:18 PM
3

This is true. On some level our values are mismatched. Our goal is the same, but the path to get there is not. I was 100% up front that I didn’t believe I would be staying home 24/7 and he expressed his desires were different, but agreed that when I wanted to go back to work we’d make it work for us. It seemed pretty clear to me that he expected me to go back to work eventually, but his reaction to my getting job offers is not what I expected
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:12 PM
11

It means adjust his preferred schedule from “no schedule at all, work when work calls, complete flexibility” to specifically be home with the baby from 3-9pm two days a week. Those are the only hours I wouldn’t be home with the baby.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/20 03:04 PM
19

Not who you asked but I’m on a mission to spread awareness. They can be dangerous if you don’t remove them properly. You HAVE to break the seal when you remove them EVERY TIME. I didn’t know that and would get frustrated and sometimes just tug at it before breaking the seal. It exacerbated a mild uterine prolapse.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/20 12:48 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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