I (33F) am a brand new Christian and I have been with my Christian and traditional husband (36M) (2 children, 1.5 and 4) for over 6 years. We have had many struggles in our relationship and have managed to navigate through them.

One thing that is consistently a problem, though, is how my upbringing has affected my behaviors and outlook. I have a tendency to be highly independent, opinionated, argumentative, and judgemental. Before I met my husband, I would have never admitted these things, nor would I have agreed (except for being independent). I constantly struggle with RPW and traditional Christian marriage values because I was not raised that way at ALL.

I can see my husbands perspective on all of these things now and how they are not beneficial to our relationship. Unfortunately, these habits of mine come up and I frequently feel justified in my ways.

For example - when I feel my husbands reaction to something is “wrong” or “bad” I lose my ability to have empathy for him and I go to a judgmental place. This is what was modeled for me when I was a child, and unfortunately, it feels appropriate. I also expect to be shunned when I “act out” or “misbehave” when I’m sad or upset and am surprised when I am comforted instead.

My husband hates it, and I can completely understand why, but I don’t know how to change it. He says it’s conditional love, and he’s not interested in conditional love. I understand and I want to improve, but I don’t know where to start.

Any tips, advice, bible verses, or even anecdotes would be helpful. Looking for a discussion here :)