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View 2 posts and 500 comments by UseResponsible4368 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

UseResponsible4368/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 01:25 AM
3

UseResponsible4368/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:01 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

This is correct. And it's weaponized as "Hoop Jumping". There is always something else needed. A house bigger than the budget. New Furniture. We don't go on enough vacations. My car is a 5 year old Subaru Forester with 50k miles and I'm bored with it even though I put less than 10k miles on it/year.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 07:39 AM
1

The quiet is awesome. I get that some guys struggle with missing the family atmosphere though.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 07:35 AM
2

Sorry to here, bud. Go find a place to cool off - a hotel room if necessary. Get the anger out and then turn to cold and calculating.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 07:34 AM
1

Right. Why Fauxtrads (to be more precise) get wrong is putting the porn before the lack of appreciation and sexlessness in married couples, almost always imposed by the wife. The husband is almost always still providing and protecting, but the woman stops caring both emotionally and sexually. Also, almost all men would prefer the affections - physical and emotional - of a live imperfect woman to any porn star on a screen. Married or unmarried.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 03:50 AM
2

LOL! "You're a serial social manipulator... who wants to go read and write in a cabin the woods" They're something else.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:42 PM
5

Agreed. Many are like that. I'd say it's the norm.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:40 PM
7

46 years, sir. Wow. I wish you the best, but you don't need my wishes. I have a feeling you're emerging into a great new dawn.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:37 PM
4

Did this! Told a few mildly risque naitve stories about when I was a teen- the kind I actually tell pretty much anybody: Coworkers at a party, a guy at a bar, etc. Mildly risque and goofy. Guess what my ex-wife did? She thought it was the key to my entire soul and psyche. Brought it up in every argument to 'explain' my behavior. It was funny at first, but then it got annoying. Like the way a dog circling the buried bone in the yard is cute or funny, but eventually he keeps pawing at the door or …
/r/MensRights12/07/24 07:20 AM
10

Yep. The real secret to women can be found without even bothering to analyze their romantic relationships. Just look at how they interact with each other! Secrets are a tool to be used, not a confidence to be honored. "Bud, don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each other" - Al Bundy.
/r/MensRights12/07/24 07:15 AM
1

I think you're on the verge of entering the I'm borrrred and/or disrespect stage. Not the little negging 'sugar tests' but the turn. Prepare yourself. I say this with an urge that you prosper.
/r/MensRights12/07/24 06:47 AM
31

If you so much as make out with a woman above the northern states, she will tell at least two other gals about how you kiss, where you put your hands, etc. etc. They do this well beyond JHS and into the Nursing Home. If you've ever shared a kinky idea or if you have a birthmark on a genitalia, all of her besties, and maybe some coworkers, know about it. You ever had that feeling when you walked in a room and her girlfriends give you a look? They're connecting your intimate secrets/private detail…
/r/MensRights12/07/24 06:33 AM
3

I'm almost 50, was a lifeguard in HS and in the summer in college, used to blare Gwar to scare off the teenyboppers from crowding my stand (didn't work), was a Raver, Gimme an E with gals many times, and had hookups aplenty and 'real girlfriends', was on OLD in the late 2000s and had plenty of hookups from that, and had a 13 year marriage and two kids. I was hooking up over AOL chatrooms on dial up and arranging mall meets (with no mods back then, oh the stories). I STILL get called incel for me…
/r/MensRights12/07/24 06:25 AM
2

Mark Twain once wrote something like: "When I was a teen I thought my dad was really out of touch with the times and reality. Then when I was 25, I was amazed at how much he learned in just a few years!"
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 06:18 AM
4

Brother, please be excellent to yourself. The Teen Years, often extending long past, they have the Social Programming plus an attachment to the mother with all the Baggage. They don't have life experience to SEE otherwise, yet. Be the Disney Dad, show them interesting things, be just be caring. Once this divorce blows over and things normalize (They will). You will find things are better than it was as a married man; time to explore new hobbies, order things in your surroundings the way you want…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:17 AM
2

Hatred of accountability - so laying it all on the ex husband. Money. And wanting to believe they're such an awesome Princess Perfect that any man cast aside for their Wonderful Presence should feel hopelessly broken. The solution to the latter is to think of all the times they had potty emergencies, couldn't hold liquor, stank up the car, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:13 AM
1

50/50 is the goal. The problem is that we do not live near each other and I do not want to live where she lives, so I have to take a small hit. it's still almost half, as close as I can get without being nearby enough for the same school everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:08 AM
1

She agreed to the whole thing. When it's over, I'll explain what happened as it may be of use for others. There's a shiny I used to distract her once she told me her plans for the future, and she's so focused on it and getting in her hands fast, that she is letting the long term things go.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:07 AM
2

"Honey, let's move to Florida! And I'm excited to send you to school!"
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 07:23 AM
4

Yeah, reminds me of the legendary canard: "My ex boyfriend/ex husband was abusive." LOL. Almost as legendary as "I only had 2-3 boyfriends before you"
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:44 AM
8

Meanwhile, those same lawyers advise HR to swing the banhammer at everybody else in every other field for far less than fornicating at the facility. Gotta love it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:23 AM
19

Document, document, document. After the divorce is finalized, write to HR about your concerns. However, the Pharma Co actually hires women for this reason, whatever makes the sale. And elsewhere you'll see doctors are in big demand due to the artifically low number of residencies allowed in the USA (assuming you're in the States)...
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:21 AM
3

Sweet! Well take half if it's joint and take your name off of it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:20 AM
1

"He told me to.... to... Can it, Jen! Nevermind I pounced on him with a litany of complaints and berating before he had one foot in the front door. I'm so.... abused... emotionally."
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:16 AM
1

Ha, in 1980s NYC we had our folding knives IN SCHOOL and went to park to find sticks to whittle. The Vice Principal came into the cafeteria and was talking to us about our Scout whittling badges and what we were making. Imagine that today, where kids get sent home for having a plastic butter knife so they can smear whatever amount of peanut butter they want on a sandwich.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:13 AM
1

When he gets old enough, give him the Brother's Grimm collected tale: "The Fisherman and his wife." It really should be on every teen or adult male's reading list, especially prior to marriage. The Russian version is even more spot on than the German version of this ancient folktale and warning.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:11 AM
1

Yep! I was like being Oddball, married to Moriarty. "What if the bridge ain't dere?" Enough with the negative waves so early in the morning!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:08 AM
1

Ha, now that I look back on it, I dumped on my wife in front of strangers during a smoke break just before I filed. "She wants to travel, even though we lived abroad for 10 years in 3 countries. When I'm retired, my ass is going on the easy chair like Frazier's Dad and that's that." hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:06 AM
4

Awesome! Glad you went to the movies and introduced her to firearms safety and marksmanship! You gave her a great story and experience, too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:04 AM
1

Get an attorney and be proactive; the best defense is a good offensive.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:01 AM
4

Well, the first thing you need to do is talk to an attorney. The second thing you need to do is document everything and I would say change the locks (after consulting with that attorney) due to "abandonment". You can say you have OCD about locked doors, lots of guys do (I know I check before bed routine, after bed routine, and sometimes a 3rd time I get out of bed and check).
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 01:55 AM
2

Hopefully your residence is outside CA, or your last duty station or whatever was. There's legal assistance for military men, but you want to get that divorce filed almost anywhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 01:41 AM
10

"Monkey Branching". A monkey never drops the grip of the first branch/vine, without having a firm grip on the next one. That's why "I can't believe she found a new BF so fast" is usually "She prepped everything and something was going before she said a word about leaving." Many guys falsely take it as "She's so wonderful she got a new BF so fast." when that's not at all what really happened.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 01:39 AM
1

If your mom is Filipino, isn't home back in the Islands? Did you find out why other than a "Big Fight"? Be careful of women using vague terms, even your own mother. Women LOVE to talk and explain drama. When they smooth over what should be a 2-hour long exhibition about what happened, that's major sign that everything isn't as one-sided as implied. Men don't usually abandon women over a disagreement about lifestyle/domestic things. It usually has a major cause.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 01:37 AM
4

Florida as well. And Florida finally imposed the "No Lifetime Alimony". All those Palm Beach divorcees were actually protesting in their pearls and had their Bentleys parked by valets.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 12:17 AM
3

Two Reasons: Socio-Cultural: The rise of Victorian Sentimentalism in the 19th Century as part of the Romanticism reaction to the Enlightenment/Reason. Economic: Women are 80% of consumer spending. But when it comes to savings, life insurance, and earning power (despite women now having the majority of College Degrees these past decades) women have less than men. So it's in the interest of shoe stores, cosmetics, Travel companies, etc. to redistribute to women. Men tend to focus on owning assets,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 12:15 AM
6

Men are not only adequate, the evidence shows they are better, starting just after school age, than single mothers. One of the dirty little secrets in Sociology. Another one is the massive descepancy in life insurance and provision between single mothers and fathers, regardless of income level (ie even well off female professions have far less life insurance for their survivors). So income doesn't play a factor, and premiums for women are generally lower than men.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 12:12 AM
1

In every age, the big lie is "We live in the best times where everything is the best for the best in the best of all possible worlds." Or as the Mayan Sacrifice meme says "Sure it's bloody, but it's the best system so far." ha! Our particular lie has to do with Men & Women. You can show people that people in the past didn't think Eros was a good basis for marriage, and they were far more earthy and realistic about marriage, and men got paid (dowries) and respect and legal privileges and security…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:07 AM
2

How old is the kid? If they're under 11-12, it's not a big deal. Once they get into JHS/HS, it's a big one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:01 AM
1

You might find without the wife that expenses go wayyyy down. That was certainly my experience. I find that quality time doing cheap things (Flea Marketing, Fishing, Hiking, finding new swimming holes) beats the crap out of lavish electronics. My eldest definitely inherited my "How Can I do without? How can I get what a basically need and save the change?" mentality. I'm the one who took him shopping. My wife goes to the Yuppiest places and finds the most expensive items. We buy at the Discount …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:57 AM
2

All comms in text. Be polite, civil, don't argue. If you don't know what to say, write "I got your message" or "OK" Get an attorney. Please don't volunteer to raise the child without a paternity test, certainly not in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:50 AM
1

I'd say 90%, as probably half the time the woman simply does as she wants or dares him to file, either refusing to work on it or yeah yeah yeahing the therapist/counselor but going right back to her ways at home, until he finally does file, so she left him no choice.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:44 AM
1

This comment is GOLD
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:43 AM
2

Yep, that's always seemed positive rather than negative. I'm working on getting rid of shit, not getting more. Yes, get that salt lamp or the ship in the bottle at the Flea Market or Ebay that catches your eye, but men don't need to have every last inch of wall covered in "Eat. Love. Laugh." woodcuts, either. Getting rid of shit helps me concentrate, too. When I divorced I had cookware in the RV, when I went to my property which was rented out, I had cookware there too. Gave the dupes to the Vet…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:38 AM
1

Do you think your son wants to see a dad who hikes and kayaks and lives a fun life even though he's in a tiny apartment, or a dad who grinds it out?
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:36 AM
2

I once was militantly anti-divorce at all hazards. Then I realized I was a workhorse, barely hanging on, happy just to chew some hay and pass out in the stall at the end of everyday. No peace or rest or fun. Post-divorce, it's like a huge weight was lifted and when my kids come by, we hike and swim and fish and I'm teaching my eldest how to cook and tie the basic knots and, bizarrely they don't teach this in school anymore, memorize the multiplication tables. I'm a happier, healthier man, and I …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:34 AM
1

People change over the years. One of the final straws that made me file is I realized my wife wanted a ridiculously expensive house in an upscale neighborhood in the USA as we moved back there, AND she intended on 'travelling' as well throughout retirement, and this was non-negotiable in her mind, and it was my job to make it happen. That and the disrespect and treating me like a dogsbody. (Keep in mind we lived in 3 countries over the last decade before the divorce, or 10 of 13 married years, a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:31 AM
9

I would stop volunteering more docs until you talk to your attorney and see her stuff. EDIT: The resume strikes me as an attempt to twist your best presentation of your work history/ability to make a case for more money given to her. If you are about equal or within 30% of each other, this is almost certainly a trick for her to get more $$$.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:13 AM
1

This, but consult with a lawyer FIRST. In some states and/or to some judges, this could be viewed as "abandonment" esp. if kids involved. Also, some states treat the one who leaves the domicile voluntarily very roughly in asset splits
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:10 AM
2

The first step is to consult an attorney. Very first. Bring general financial history, who owns what in who's name and how much you make, if there are kids, ages, etc. The second step, and this will probably be what you are told by the attorney, is to shut up until the moment arrives and give no clue, no matter how tempting.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:09 AM
3

He's got to save, save, save those texts. In Florida, it's called "Vexation" and judges by law must consider it. He must get an attorney ASAP. This is not something to try to navigate himself, there are too many technicalities, tricks, etc. and lawyers either know what a particular judge values or discounts, or can find out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:07 AM
6

The State is key information. Have you seen her side of the info?
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:05 AM
2

Been there brother. Best thing about liberation!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:01 AM
9

This. I remember feeling guilty buying an e-book. She spent so much damn money, every other month I was trying to find ways to get the bills paid. And I made more than enough, getting median US salary but living in a 3rd world country. Zappos boxes neverending, trips to import Grocery Store instead of the local supermarkets/markets, etc. UGH It's over! Now my excel sheet has green fills at the end of the month instead of yellow or red.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:44 AM
2

I'm about done and my ex sneakily put "2 weekends a month" in the agreement. I was like WTF? She is a lazy sod, always has been, but I have had them at least 3 weekends a month, a many times 6-7 consecutive weekends with no break. Fortunately I'm in FL where 50/50 is the official desired parental sharing, and EPass and electronic bank records makes it easy to show what the norm has been and should continue to be if she contests.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:40 AM
5

You're in Sandwich situation, man. You got kids to worry about as well as a parent. This is when taking care of yourself in order is key in order to better take care of others. And you matter, too. Knock those problems down. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:38 AM
3

This is true. One thing, though, document document document. At the very least, it impresses the hell out of you when you look back later and say "Damn, look at all that provocation I had to put up with, what discpline I had!" Emotionally-driven people eventually shoot themselves in the foot and you'll be there to see it. Nothing wrong with some schadenfruede.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:35 AM
2

Misery loves company is one of the all-time great truisms, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:31 AM
2

Take heart in that there is a ton of one-sided narrative literally everywhere from music to movies. Your son may very well come around. Be there when he is ready. He is everywhere exposed to the message to be the good guy (correct, but with boundaries/limits) and that women are always the victim.).
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:27 AM
1

Make sure you are getting your narrative explained.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:26 AM
2

Wise move. Sit back with a beer and watch the clown show, meanwhile take care of yourself and your boy and revisit some old hobbies and maybe some new ones.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:25 AM
1

Awesome, this is good to hear!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:21 AM
6

Women don't provide Men's validation, my friend. There are tons of free hobbies, I'm getting into growing container plants and exercise. I'm thinking of quitting the gym and just using bands to save on gas/membership.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:32 PM
5

Ah, her 18 months of "healing journey" ;)
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:29 PM
4

Excellent, glad to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:27 PM
5

Once my buddy and I came home to my buddy's place after quitting a hiking trip due to miserable weather. Sunday morning on Labor Day weekend. I saw the skinny dude running for the fire escape with my own eyes, as did he. She made the mistake of trying to blatantly gaslight two men at once by claiming it was the cable guy. "The cable box is in the Living Room, not the bedroom" he said "Nice of Cable Co. to provide customer service on a Sunday Morning on a 3-day weekend." I said. We were wet, slee…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:24 PM
4

Danger, Will Robinson. Might want to drop in as a surprise. And when you share a house, toilet, kitchen utensils, a bed, bodily fluids, etc. there is no expectation of privacy, so check her electronics. Seriously, all the dead skin human beings give off is on your blankets, don't feel guilty about 'violating her privacy'. I bet you pay more than half the rent too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:19 PM
7

Yep. I'm sure it basically followed the pattern: Lovebombing, slow rationing of love/sex which one dismisses as simply a relationship maturing and settling in, then little jabs and pokes of disrespect and demands. One day you wake up and realize it's the death of 1000 cuts. And you say "This is not my beautiful wife!" as the legendary song goes. That happened to me at least, seems to have happened to many guys.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:18 PM
8

This! "Casino" isn't just a movie, it's very close to actual events, including with Ace's wife and her family history.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:16 PM
7

I filed. Was almost the sole breadwinner, had a live in housekeeper (this was overseas), the disrespect and gross exaggeration of her duties (minimal, the housekeeper did 100% of housework, 90% of the shopping and 75% of the childcare - I was on all night until 4AM, she onl;y shopped for her special 'diet' but never lost any weight after years, ha!), etc. etc. One thing that was not awful was the sex, it was on demand but it's hard to kiss the lips that chew you out all day.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:14 PM
4

As far as I know, and you should check with an Attorney, there are no laws against taping people in public doing public things in public. Or most of CCTV cameras, commercial or residential, from parking lots to front door entryways, would be illegal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 07:47 AM
8

I love my kids. Marriages can take a long walk off a short dock
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 07:34 AM
6

Yep, my experience as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 07:33 AM
1

Have you read the old German (and Russian version!) folktale: "The Fisherman and his wife" sometimes called "The Magic Fish"? It's wild to see a cautionary tale from centuries ago about "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:18 AM
3

WOW. You're a dedicated guy and a salute your commitment to the family idea, that isn't sarcastic but heartfelt. You are also like the 3rd guy in a month to tell me how their wife cheated after a serious illness - one a bad kidney and transplant, the other two cancer survivors also. After months and months of tender loving care, doctor trips, endless worry, doing extra tasks, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:09 AM
2

Yep, this happened to my friend. The first two counselors, one male, one female, the best in Long Island, very expensive, agreed she needed to improve. Of course, those were horrible counselors in her mind. So they went to a third recommended by some online group, surnamed "Lunarwoman" or something, totally blaming him. That counselor, according to her, was the right one. TL;DR: Any counselor that holds her even 10% accountable and doesn't put at least 98% of the blame on the husband is bad. BTW…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:06 AM
3

You can't make other people happy. From what I'm reading, seems like you are a consciencious father, homeowner, and husband. Those ARE acts of love and service. IMHO, she is simply spoiled
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:01 AM
6

"No more Mr. Nice Guy" is a big recommend around here. Please check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:00 AM
6

Redonkulas, aka Terrance Popp, is a great guy to check out. He's on Rumble, Odyssey, etc. He himself was a military guy, who went through what you're going through, and he's got a lot of salty humor.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:58 AM
3

Solid brother! Very inspiring.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:49 AM
2

Yes, but here's what I'm trying to get you to understand. In most states, most of the time, there is something like an annulment or if not called that, something similar for marriages of short duration, typically a year or less. It won't matter WHAT she is doing or will do or did, it will simply be a Status Quo Antebellum, A White Peace, or in marital terms like the marriage NEVER HAPPENED. The worst might be you have to split a paycheck or two with her which is Cheap. Get rid of the maybe, thin…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:04 AM
1

Have you talked to an attorney? Most states treat marriages of less than a year as if there was no marriage, which means that $20k debt won't be your problem. Talk to an attorney. Neither you nor I knows all the technicalities involved.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:28 PM
1

You're only 24. Get out, get out, get out and go get an attorney. Immediately, ASAP, today, open an account and deposit your paycheck there instead of the usual account.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 01:32 AM
1

What's shipping out today is men being held to roles 1954 and yet more, while others are held to no-standards only-feelings 2024.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 01:14 AM
1

. She got in a fight with her mom (oil meets fire) and called the police on her. She called me in a panic, crying and begging me to take her to my house. I wouldn't be surprised if her mom wasn't excited she was moving back in, with kids, and leaving you for an ex and realizing she might be stuck with her for years. She was hoping daughter would be your problem forever! "...he's [my husband] probably the worst I've ever been with honestly" Women retcon the hell of their own past, they are master…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 10:13 PM
1

The divorce rate the 2nd time around is even higher than 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 10:08 PM
2

Aaron Cleary estimates 2% of modern women are potential marriage material. That's not including personal attraction / compatibility, just 2% of a pool to work with. That's a whole lotta sorting work.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 10:01 PM
2

The same women who scream BC doesn't matter would scream like banshees about lies and misrepresentation if they found out after the wedding the guy only made $30k/year, not $80k. Or if they found out he DOES make $80k, but $50k is of his annual income is from an untouchable Generation/Family Trust she'd never be able to legally access in divorce or in marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:52 PM
2

"I had 2 or 3 boyfriends". Good news is this dodge isn't working like it used to.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:50 PM
2

"I only had 2-3 boyfriends" is a good dodge. When the guy is into it at the beginning, he'll say "Well, she's 27 years old, and figure 2-3 boyfriends and a few flings, so maybe less than 10 guys total". Ha. Ha. Ha.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:49 PM
2

There are abundant stats that show a link between Female higher number of partners to divorce. And they've been done around the world in multiple cultures, and the same results have been found.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:48 PM
3

THIS. This is what people don't get. Women love the attention they got and even elderly ladies hold out hope that a Chad Richpants is coming to save them. After they get the kid and the ring, they begin to think about the old days, when they were single and had less responsibility... if only husband wasn't there messing up my freedom, I could be getting wined and dined again by hot guys. They think this in their mid 30s and even into their 50s in many cases.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:39 PM
3

Story as old as time. A late 20-something who was a 6 - because most women can be 6's in their 20s - starts seeing her friends marry and hasn't landed a Chad into an LTR. She's "Had her fun" so she picks her actual true match, a guy on her level, to marry so she doesn't get 'left behind." Ring and child or two later, in her mid 30s, she thinks she "Settled" with a guy who is actually her looksmatch or probably a notch better, and wants to chase Chad again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:38 PM
2

Having kind of an a-hole personality REALLY DOES turn women on. That's why there are so many stories from men about their SAHM wife cheating with an overweight balding middle aged drug addict who lives with his mother. Guarantee he doesn't look like Schwartzenegger in his prime.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:34 PM
1

The same women who claim their BC doesn't matter are the same ones who won't date "Dusty men", even if those dusty men have accumulated assets, have no serious debts, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:31 PM
1

For my entire marriage I probably haven’t had sex more than 50 times. I’m a workhorse and it’s killing me. No handy no bjs no nothing. I’ve communicated this and nothing happens. WHOA. You've got to go. She also texted that she wants to work late because it’s better to be at the office than at home because all I do is play video games. Might be good to take a drive and look at the vehicles at this workplace. And see if all this overtime is matching her paycheck if she's hourly. Something is not …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:28 PM
3

10 months? You may be able to get an annulment. If you are feeling this way 10 months in, it's highly unlikely it is going to get any better. She 'has you' so she dropped her "Frontin' " as we used to say back in the day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:24 PM
3

Pretty amazing. Once you see how it is, it's both a little scary but a whole lot liberating.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:22 PM
1

Kohlberg Stages, and there's abundant *cross-cultural* evidence this is the case.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:10 PM
1

If you don't maintain a boat, it'll go down on you. And if you don't maintain an aeroplane, it'll go down on you too. But whether or not you maintain a woman, she'll stop going down on you. So if it floats, flies, or ... rent it!!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:07 PM
1

Great post. I'm not into U2 like I was, but Pop Mart was the best big show I ever saw.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 08:43 PM
2

She's not scared of you. That's her BS excuse. She married you and had a kid with you and lets you pay for the Nanny. Your paying for all the Twin's excursions, hotels when they need to go to meets, meals, etc.? Talk to an attorney. And yes, you have leverage because she's living through her twin children, and not the new baby with you, so between having to get a job and taking care of the little one, she won't have time to be the Sports Mom. That's your leverage. You already have a nanny, so sh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 08:09 PM
1

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. It is time to consult with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 07:52 PM
4

Awesome, love to hear you are building your empire. Many people pooh-pooh the "Fake it till you make it", but there is something to be said for forcing yourself to do things, then you realize you are doing the things, then you realize you're tougher than you thought you were.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 07:50 PM
5

Drag yourself to the gym. 3x a week full body keep it simple. Gym is a win-win-win, it brings physical, mental, and emotional with only a little sweat and soreness as a side effect.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:09 PM
2

Great comment! You're broadcasting the positive waves!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 10:09 PM
0

I remember a week or so after announcing divorce, I was in my RV and airguitaring to AC/DC, Van Halen, LedZep and all the classic 70s-80s rock/metal, making stir fried rice in the wok, with the AC on blast keeping me at a decent temperature, not a hotbox like the STBXW liked it. Oh, and the electric fireplace with the purple flames (but no heat), ha! Then my then 8-year old son came over and we did flashcards and hung out. It felt like a snow day back when I was in school!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:43 PM
5

Keep sending cards and reaching out to adult kids. Mothers have an incredible weight with their offspring, it takes much longer for their children to realize things about the Mother than the Father, usually. Then they often realize Dad for all his flaws was really the one holding everything together and was working with the best intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:36 PM
2

The best revenge is living well, and eventually the revenge doesn't even matter anymore because one's life becomes far more pleasant without a Significant Other who berates, complains, and is perpetually dissatisfied.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:34 PM
2

Couldn't agree more. Intuition is key. When I was younger, in my early 20s, I still said "Naaah, ignore it, and just be open-minded and calm, nothing is happening". Store Robberies to many relationships later, I learned intuition is almost always right - something is wrong somewhere. It's a warning to step back and examine the situation and go into defense/caution mode. Nature/Providence gave us intuition for a reason!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:31 PM
3

If you need release or just a touch of feminine around, I can't recommend Dolls enough. They give you a happy vibe when you walk in the door, don't change physically, and are kind of fun. WMDolls, Jiusheng, XTDoll, all shapes and sizes and there must be 1000 heads of all phenotypes, all of which can change makeup and wigs. Under $2000 now. You find yourself giving them a few character flaws but they are nothing but delight, to come home and see mine on the couch waving at me when I walk in the d…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:25 PM
3

Getting your name off the loan is as or more important than the deed. While you want both, if you're off the title/deed but not the loan, that means you're not entitled for the asset value and ownership of the house, but still on the hook for the loan. Many ex-wives that get the house find themselves falling behind in mortgages, including those with strong incomes. And they realize the ex will be up the creek with them, so they simply default and let ex-husband deal with the money fallout - just…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:13 PM
10

Need an attorney. Don't go it alone. The few thousands you save will cost you 5 figures over the long term. There's legal technicalities we're all not aware of, but experienced Divorce Lawyers are.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:09 PM
2

Good for trying, but on marriage therapist boards (I should have archived and screenshotted; they're all protected now), the consensus is that most of the time, the only hope is trying to show the wife how great the husband is, but it rarely works. That's why 90% of marriage therapy is nagging men to clean the gutters and do more, even if the wife is a SAHM who barely cleans and doordashes/microwaves when she cooks only half the time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:03 PM
2

Actually getting to spend some of the money I work for on myself. I'm making 30% less than I did (COVID Layoff) but much less stress AND I can actually drop a $20 on some tools, chotskies, books, etc. once in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 08:59 PM
2

Many Church girls disappear from Church 18-27. At 27, they show up back at church with a marriage (or two!) behind them and often a child, who is not infrequently out of wedlock. Demanding a good, Christian man with a good job to take care of her and her stepchild, and/or be hubby #2 or even #3. Demanding, not humbly asking. But even more atrocious is how pastors behave, esp the ones who are older and married their HS girlfriend at like 19, demanding the Church guys wife up a single mom/divorcee…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 07:55 PM
2

Agreed. There is much of the same virtue signalling across many people regardless of what the underlying principle or belief system is. Growing up, I knew a woman who kicked her son out despite him having a job and going to trade school at 18, he just needed a few more months to live at home to finish the welding courses. This guy already had a 20-hour/week job before he graduated High School and started the trade school just a few weeks after graduation when it started at the local Comm College…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 07:51 PM
1

That's great.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:58 AM
3

There is nothing wrong with Setting and Enforcing boundaries. Nor is there anything wrong with enforcing how fast you want to take a relationship. It may not always have the ideal outcome, but you learned something - it's VALID - and please don't knock yourself around for adjusting your behavior based on empirical experience.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 06:09 PM
3

If you saw it once, it probably happened before or will again. Your first duty is to your son.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:29 AM
1

One gets the feeling they approach relationships as men approach a new job. "Worse thing come to worse, I'll get a certificate out of their training course".
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:28 AM
1

The Ancients compared them to storms rising suddenly
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 07:02 PM
1

Those things are really porn for women, and frankly more destructive than looking at visual porn. For trivia: The Eat. Pray. Love author is long since done with her romantic interest at the end of the book. They married, soon divorced - over her love affair with a woman, and has had other relationships since then.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 08:54 AM
1

This. One thing I learned in life, if "By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes." When the gut churns, review everything, especially what happened around the time it first appeared. "That tone she said it in, just something. Ah, her coworker who she says is really funny..."
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 08:07 AM
1

This always made my head scratch. People share a kitchen, eating utensils, bathroom, bodily fluids, seen each other use the facilities, sleep in the same bed, and double if you're married and have cleaned them up while sick and you're expected to wipe each other in old age and sickness... but... "Don't check their phone or laptop, eva!!! Privacy is sacred!!!" What the heck? I would say that somebody with that attitude is a red flag, but apparently many guys married for years wake up one day, sha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 08:00 AM
1

Saw a piece of wisdom the other day: "The Loser Guy in the past is their type." They'll either return to him or to somebody who resembles him.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 07:49 AM
2

Consult with an attorney. Screenshot everything. Say nothing an act like everything is hunky dory. The men of Ancient Times from across the World in all Cultures compared women's emotions to Storms and the Sea. You can't control the weather. If there's a sudden squall or tornado it's beyond your power to influence the weather. So hunker down, take stock, turn off any stoves or oil lamps and prepare to ride it out. You got this. Document everything and anything you can. And send yourself screensh…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:28 AM
9

You got this man. The lights are on, there's food to eat, and you're going to be even a better Papa Bear than you were before. I find schedule, schedule, schedule - not down to the last 15 minutes, but something like "Dinner 5-6PM Homework in kitchen 6-7 as I clean up, Break 7-8PM, Bath and Story 8-9PM" worked well. Also a Calendar: 1 and 15th Bills and Budget Review, 5th and 15th deeper cleaning, Monday and Thursday swiffer after sweeping, etc. Helped.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:23 AM
1

I remember the day it dawned on me that what was good for the kids, was always coincidentally what was easiest for her. It's a heckuva thing. I feel for ya. But I think you're doing a great job at parenting and to just keep doing the good things and carrying the fire.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:18 AM
2

If you remember old jokes about Wife Credit, that they're worse than buying like Store Gift Cards as they expire faster than even they do, these situations are the same, just with more at stake than wondering why after three weekends that were all about her, she is angry you're going fishing or to poker night with the guys.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:07 AM
3

Just one quick point - if she insists on returning to the home, do everything possible to have a third party with you. Consult with a lawyer and see if you can record in general. Or the legalities of installing recording devices around your home, make sure it is working at all times and backing up
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:04 AM
3

Remember hearing some amazing breakroom, college dorm, etc. conversations and dismissing it. It's very par for the course. Intimate details, bragging about how they pushed a guy into giving gifts/trips/bills paid, etc. "Those are other guys, silly guys, bad guys, not like me and my friends", although I do remember in my early 20s realizing that they tell at least one other EVERYTHING, down to birthmarks on intimate parts. Dismissed it when I was younger, but with TikTok and Social Media they not…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 05:52 AM
3

This awesome post hits on everything I experienced, esp in the first few paragraphs. The only thing I didn't is the sex stuff, which did decline with time, but she did think it was her job to satisfy as a wife (and I think also her ego) - but that didn't make up for being treated like an incompetent serf and an ATM the other 99% of the time
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 10:48 PM
2

Ancient wisdom, from the Greek Philosophers to Shakespeare to the Chinese Confusian Classics and beyond, often compared women to storms and the sea. Don't blame yourself for being in the way of a tornado, or an ancient mariner surprised by a sudden torrent. Please don't harm yourself. You are a good man to stand by your family. Please don't blame yourself for being rocked by a wild wind, I knew a man who was absolutely loving, high income, generous, kind, and frankly, as a fellow locker room cha…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:49 AM
1

Simply didn't consider that option. I'm talking about just having kids out of State Marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 12:08 PM
2

Excellent comments. Definitely chemicals are involved: I had to reduce my blood pressure pills after I decided to divorce and move out because I was becoming Hypo-tensive. The preceeding months I had been a high strung wreck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:30 AM
2

Most women don't spill the beans about what happened the 3 times they went to Spring Break in Cancun and use the "Only 2-3 boyfriends" stock response from 18 to their end of days to give the illusion that they are special and exclusive. Adding any husbands to that number only. Just go into an expat bar, order a drink, there's plenty of dudes there, and introduce yourself and tell a joke and see what happens. You can't control other people's perceptions. Nobody cares what "Farang" - foreigners - …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:25 AM
3

It's not only typical, I'd say from my experiences, people I've known, and this board, acting like you were the worst ever is the predominant, most common form of characterization. Once you personally experience it, you begin to wonder about all the ex-boyfriend/ex-husband horror stories you've been told from various persons. It's fun too when you meet the ex, not necessarily of a woman you're with or been with, but let's say a coworker who dated him. And he's a regular guy, has a few good jokes…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:14 AM
1

I can tolerate a lot, but disrespected I can't. Kudos on your strength. My Best Friend is putting up with that until his oldest is out of the house. The real eye-opener was looking back and realizing, my STRs were a blast, my LTRs always ended up with disrespect. The less of a carefree fun guy I expressed, and the more I tried to be Mr. Responsible Good Guy, the disrespect grew each time. And I see it happening to friends and coworkers to. Nobody ever says "The hottest time was when the child's …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:35 AM
2

They had an ad for the Peace Corps, it was "The toughest job you'll ever love" The slogan for Step-dads is "The toughest, most thankless job you'll ever pay others to have." I do know some Step-dads who are genuinely loved and appreciated, but the ratio of taken for granted and used is very skewed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:31 AM
3

Don't fall for the shame game. You learned life lessons, don't let somebody try to gaslight you about what is right or wrong for YOU. You got the Degree from the School of Hard Knocks, they didn't. Keep an open mind, many societies in the world don't have a concept Chivalric Love, or only have it from recent contact with the West. Many still run on arranged marriages and Classical concepts of marriage being about a relationship between families, not based on Eros Romantic Love. Make some friends…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:26 AM
5

I simply believed I had to be married to have kids and fell for the love bombing. You don't need to be married to have kids. Many ladies seem to get bored with too much security and stability. I've seen it happen to much to bother and I don't do the soulmates thing. I'm into muses and companions. STRs, no more ride or die love stories. I like women in small doses! Somebody's gotta help these 20-somethings navigate careers, housekeeping stuff, etc. and be their Naughty But Kind Professor who teac…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:16 AM
1

Absolutely. And sometimes, reactions to abuse as cast as the abuser as abuse, if that makes sense. Ex: Guy is pounced upon with a litany of berating complaints and insults the moment he sets a foot in the door after a 10 hour shift/commute and says "Ah, will you can it, Margeret, for 5 seconds, Jeez! I haven't even taken my freakin' shoes/boots off yet, dangit!" and she'll be like "Oh, he cussed me out viciously FOR NO REASON" when telling the judge/friends/coworkers/her family.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 12:27 AM
2

I agree, not ALL women lose their libido, but menopause does things like make the inner lining of genitalia less flexible and easier to tear, it doesn't lubricate like it did, and over all sex drive is lower. Nobody's fault, simply evolution: No reason to waste calories when there's nothing to fertilize. It's just that society, media, etc. pushes this fiction that women in their late 40s and beyond usually turn into hot vixen sex machines, but in reality, the drive and interest in sex usually go…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 12:09 AM
13

I think Robin Williams the comedian/actor said "You're never more lonely than when you're with somebody who doesn't love you". Life is going to get better, but you've just entered the tunnel. You can't see the light at the end yet, nor the rich valley it leads to.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 06:11 AM
5

Document in a journal - I use an excel sheet by the week to make notes of any oddity, no matter how minor, during custody exchange. Otherwise, do nothing. At some point, if she starts causing you problems, it can be mentioned by an attorney, and she may back off whatever nonsense she's cooked up.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:54 AM
4

Been there. Weeks of being stoical, sometimes without even having to try, then one little thing. Pressing the buttons she knows to press. Say to yourself "Whoops, she hit my button. Well, I guess I ate something bad and it got to me today. I'll do better next time - I've been doing pretty good lately. Eventually it won't mean a thing without any effort on my part."
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:51 AM
14

Friends, and this is not criticism directed at the OP but ancient wisdom that has been forgotten: Do not confide any serious things to a wife (or any relationship partner). That is what family and male friends are for. Whether you are looking for advice, or to see how others dealt with it, or just looking to vent, that is for guy friends or relatives. This was common wisdom until about 50 years ago, through many societies from Asia to the Middle East to the West. If you confide, she will lose re…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:41 AM
3

Depending on the state, an annulment might be possible as well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:30 AM
2

I'm sorry to hear man. You're no joke, you're a-okay. That eat.pray.love. author also divorced her husband, played around, married the 'love interest' at the end of the movie/book. Then divorced him (2nd div) and married a woman! Then lost that relationship. The Ancients compared women to Storms and Chaos for a reason. It's not your fault that the barometer dropped and tornadoes decended from the sky. You can't control the weather. All you can do in hunker down in the cellar and keep the flashli…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:15 AM
2

There was an interview with a swinger, who was a male corn-star married to a female corn-star. They met on the set of a corn movie, and were swingers until 3 kids in, then because of age and big family they only rarely partook. He said that of the maybe 50 couples they knew "in the lifestyle" for the decade they were in, maybe 2 couples stayed together. One of the couples, the man had medical issues but was happy to watch his wife. Only one couple they knew stayed together over those 10 years. A…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:06 AM
3

Yep. The reason women were called the "Weaker Sex" is not due to being physically weaker, less endurance, etc. It's because until very recently, women were considered - due to their emotional nature - more subject to temptation and sin. The only one men were considered more likely to indulge in was Wrath.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:02 AM
4

I heard from a divorce attorney that conversations about "Open Marriage" are hearsay except in very rare instances where there is something in writing. And often, the guy is so beat down that he will aquiesce in writing (though in some jurisdictions, his agreement doesn't matter; like you can't agree to get beaten up - the adultery is adultery whether winked at or not).
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:00 AM
7

One mental framework to think about it is: Men love idealistically Women love opportunistically. She DID love you at some point, and probably for a while. Then for whatever reason - her mindset switched. For example, guys tend to love more the more things they've been through, the more quirks they discover, etc. in a woman. Those tend to be "emotional labor" and "Icks" for a woman: They're very different from us in many subtle ways that have a big impact. A guy can fall deeper in love over a wom…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:50 PM
5

Yep! They gotta feel like they're barely hanging on to the guys tailcoat and they're a recurring character on his show, but if they mess up their lines they won't come back next season. Woman want certainty/security, but when they get it they become unappreciative, take it for granted, and start seeing the guy as week and wondering if they can do better. "Why do I always fall for the one guy who isn't that into me." - they tell on themselves, if we listen.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:45 PM
1

I don't see it. He asked who the other man was, pointed out that women level up by getting into relationships, and said screw and move on. He didn't say to violate anybody's marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:43 PM
4

Men want variety, women fear not getting the best they can. Variety for men isn't the guaranteed end, because a man can play with half a dozen women and still be in love with his wife. A man can still see his wife as the Sun and the other gals as wandering comets that come and go. A woman cannot be with multiple men and still see her husband as the center of her solar system.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:41 PM
1

Oldest story in the book. And badmouth the dutiful husband who paid for it all and picked up all her slack in the house while being the sole breadwinner.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:44 AM
1

When you treat them like a star, they start treating you like an annoying fan always begging for an autograph.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:43 AM
1

We have to get over this theraputic feminized societal attitudes we've created. It's Okay for a man to lash out in angry words if poked, Ralph Kramden was on primetime TV in a more innocent time. We have these weird standards where a guy is expected to be Mr. Bean Happy Schmappy Flanders next door fiddly widdly happy talkie alternating with Dr. Freud Self-help expert all the time. It's okay to hoot and holler in moderation. It's not abuse, it's a healthy display of emotion. Stoicism is good in m…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:27 AM
1

A wiseman said, if people, esp. women, think you're a little bit of an ahole, you're doing it right.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:23 AM
1

"What have you done for me lately" is basically the motto of the female sex. Think of how many guys you know, probably in your own family, that married, put a wife through law or nursing school working extra hours to pay the bills and her tuition, brought her a new car to celebrate, and a few months later she's like "Bye" and running off with a doctor or lawyer she met at her new job. And fibbing about what a Badman(tm) the guy who did everything for her was.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:22 AM
1

That time is coming. I'm exactly your age. The kids are there and you are there for them. It wil take some time for you to rediscover yourself. Change your digs if you can, and start thinking about what you like, things you used to do, and things you wanted to but never had the time. It's important for the kids to see you as a whole person, enjoying life but still working and maintaining a good balance of enjoyment and productivity. They need a good, healthy role model. Don't worry about society…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:14 AM
3

Astute observation. I will also say: Most women's drive goes Way, way down past 45. A few it goes up a bit, but that comes with negative side effects like hair on lips and other places, gravelly voices, etc. Basically, the menopause is causing T is "ascendent" which raises their drive but lowers their feminine physical aspects. Honestly, nearing 50, the three reasons I refuse to date women my age: Mental/Emotional Baggage. Pension Piracy under a false flag of mature relationship Most of all: The…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:00 AM
1

I have a meme somewhere I made, we can't link here. Basically it's the dude hiding behind a tree rubbing his hands in excited expectation: "When she tells you she's a free spirit at 25" Then it's Samuel Jackson looking PO'd on a porch with grey hair: "When she tell you she's a free spirit at 45" They can manifest Uranus for several hours and show me when the full moon has left Virgo, but they ain't leaving their quartz crystal in my house.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:58 AM
1

Looks like your Mars has trined her Uranus in the Constellation of Scorpio.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:55 AM
3

Look, everybody from the Ancient Romans and Greeks to the OT to Chinese and Indian cultures have always warned about Women who are into Magic. When you look around you today, esp. if you are old enough to remember into the 20th Century, does everything feel like it's basically okay? So we should heed what the wise have said from the Bible to the Greek and Chinese and Hindu Philosophers, right? The answer should now be obvious.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:52 AM
1

Do not, not proceed with "We have an attorney". That means, 9 of 10 times, SHE has an attorney who will just whatever to her everything, and you will find out at the courthouse what that means. YOU do not have an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:49 AM
1

If she lost respect, she cannot love you. Not in the way you want.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:48 AM
1

Just wait until you see what she does with THAT money. She'll violate the speed of light limit in physics she'll spend it so far and fast on such frippery and nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:41 AM
1

Cash Advance at grocery stores. The way prices are inflating anyway... $40 here, $40 there...
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:40 AM
1

And she'll resent him for it. She'll start thinking he's needy and using it as a weapon. They try this at deadbedrooms and it fails royally.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:34 AM
1

Excuse me for pointing this out, but it looks like you are putting all the burden on this man. I'm highly annoyed bc on one hand it's "We're all complementary to each other", but the negative hand is all "It's all the man's responsibility". It's untenable (not to mention unfair) for both to be in action at the same time. Even the duty to look attractive is now wholly and one-sided on the man. Though he protects and provides. Eve is Adam's helpmate. Adam is the Leader who serves his subjects, not…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:25 AM
1

Just watch women argue and backstab and have drama with each other, and all will be revealed. It's not you, it's how they are. Smart friends, family, coworkers figure out who the bad one was after a while. Even if they won't admit it out of familial/friendly loyalty to her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:18 AM
1

As SSM says on Youtube "When they want to get married, or come back to you, they are up for an Academy Award for best actress"
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:14 AM
1

I have zero patience for ... excuse the pun... shaggy dog stories from women. In almost all cases, they either strung along and friendzoned, ditched, or stood up 100 perfectly decent guys. And probably cheated or monkey branched from at least a half dozen other decent dudes. When a woman opens up with a Shaggy Dog story, it's like "I took an arrow to the knee" from Skyrim.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:13 AM
1

Or, the baseline of such traits is higher. It's way too prevalent to be confined to the claimed percentage of people.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:01 AM
2

Mine gave me the whole "We can just file together for a few hundred bucks" baloney. I filed on her. She was not happy, but she got over it. Should be finalized soon. Everybody, and I mean everybody, will tell you to lawyer up. There's no way to go but forward. Also, say that you're a little stressed and so are a little forgetful, so everything in text, please, so I can remember. And never text in emotion. Okay. Fine. I hear you. I see what you are saying. Yup. No Sam Kinisoning, ever, even in he…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:52 AM
2

About half a dozen guys, my former bosses, my bosses boss, professors, NCOs, etc. told me not to get married. But nooooooo, I had girlfriends and when they acted up, I ignored them and they shaped up... So I could handle marriage (with children). Hahahaha, what an arrogant little stinker I was. Well, if you wanna sing the blues you gotta pay the dues.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:38 AM
7

This. A regular Women would rather share a High Value Rockstar, Hollywood Actor, or Big Money Athlete than half a regular guy to herself. A regular guy, and even a High Value Guy, would rather have a regular women to himself than share. If a gal isn't giving me exclusive access to her sexuality, but demanding exclusive access to my emotional, financial, and labor support... doesn't sound very equal or even complimentary to me. Big diff in sharing a casual girlfriend of FwB with the lads and some…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:34 AM
2

A high number of female physicans quit practicing entirely after 10-15 years. They find a top hospital exec or doc, marry, have baby, and stop working. Almost no male physicians do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:12 AM
2

A car tracker and even a phone tracker aren't enough. I've heard some amazing stories. I know a guy who had a real family emergency, had to rush to a hospital for one of his grandparents, so he took the dog to his wife's sister's house where she usually went Friday nights and Saturday mornings about 10PM. He had a toddler at the time. He had that family thing on all the phones, and a link to her car and some map app. Was confident she was at the sisters. Well, the sister's living room faced the …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:09 AM
2

I would be extremely suspicious. is she hostile to the possibility? With $85k you have money for a PI. I have been told by divorce attorneys that old HS/College boyfriends pick them up at their parent's or sister's house, so the car doesn't move. Also look for another phone in her car. Tracfones are cheap and easy to deploy. Finally, make a surprise visit around 9PM saying you had a nap and a bad dream about your child and just wanted to check on her You really need to hire an attorney too, and …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:05 AM
3

That's a red flag. Those new girlfriends are probably selling her on the single life and trying to get her to be cool like them, not "Miss Out", etc. All those new girlfriends will be pining for "Where are all the good men at?" in a few years when Chad no longer responds to them on Tinder/at the Bar.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:40 AM
2

If they cheat on or leave Tom Brady, Kevin Costner, Scottie Pippen, etc. they'll leave anybody. The most important lesson to learn is that any man bores almost all of them after a while. Costner was very smart. His 2nd marriage lasted decades... but ended up with her sleeping with the IT Guy at their mansion while he was filming. And she asked for a big payout and claimed the prenup should be abrogated.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:38 AM
3

I find the problem is usually being too much of a "Partner". Too much listening, too much "quality time together". I've learned in my half century of life, the first half spent as a raver and a lifeguard, that they need to feel like they're barely holding on to you by your coattails to appreciate you. They have to feel like you're a musician or rockstar and they only get an hour or two of your time as a groupie and other than that they are watching from the seats/side of the stage. Just my opini…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:32 AM
1

Awesome, love to hear that you're running. Set targets! Don't let this thing keep your time and distance from improving! Wingfoot, my man!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:30 AM
1

They all do that. In time, some of the smarter ones figure it out; the victim game gets played out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:27 AM
4

LOL, that's the biggest con out there. Divorced women telling married women how great it is so they have a sob sister in between drunken flings. The FOMO from the baloney stories and fake social media posts of vacations and expensive items (but not pictures of the credit card bills and empty bank accounts). After a few years... they tire of being the novelty MILF at the bar/tinderella and having drunk Sex In The City hookup stories for their coworkers/girlfriends. Many reinvent themselves as tra…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:22 AM
2

Remarkable Egg never said anything about taking another man's woman. He simply said have fun, and leave it at that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:16 AM
3

Wonderful advice, GrimStreaker. The OP might benefit from being "So emotional, that I'm forgetful these days because of it. Can you text me a summary of what we talked about?" It's protection for him, with the good excuse of having everything she asks in writing. It also helps create some emotional distance to empower OP to be more stoical. Go to the gym every day for an hour or 2. Get in there and put your frustrations into working out and hitting the weights like an animal. That is where you d…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:59 AM
4

Why bother with an open relationship? Just become friends and move on to somebody else. I'm a sharer and a carer with not-very-serious girlfriends, but if we're sharing bills and bodily fluid and a roof, unless he's paying the rent, sharing her? Get bent! I agree that monogamous relationships generally have an end point, esp. in a permissive society like the one we live in (that definitely is not traditional no longer, not even a little bit), but just move on!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:51 AM
1

It's a cycle. Even the old Greeks and Chinese knew about it. People learn the hard way. Enforce limits. Things get good. People who grow up in good times think some old rules have no apparent immediate utility. Remove them. Then over generations, people realize they shouldn't have removed all those old rules just to see if Sally will go all the way on Blueberry Hill. Finally, it goes back after a lot of pain and suffering and the society can no longer afford unlimited single moms and unintereste…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:38 AM
2

There was an American trained PhD (in some baloney discipline like "Body Image Studies") who was based in New Zealand. Wrote articles about Healthy at any size, Weight and Beauty, etc. She was well over 300lb and she died I think about age 40. This was a few years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:35 AM
1

"People aren't crazy, society is crazy. Let's toss out the rules" isn't the solution, it's the cause of our current problems. We closed free public mental health for very ill people like schizophrenics, which we know now (and didn't then) has a mostly genetic cause. Those people ended up on the streets and mostly took drugs/alcohol to cope with the voices, dying miserable deaths, running out in the street/tracks hurting bystanders in train and car accidents... It takes a while to appear and has …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:24 AM
1

Sorry for your stepdaughter. Good on ya for being a good guy for her, and a good guy to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:23 AM
3

It's astonishing to watch. Distance and age helps, it's like watching a weird kind of absurd tragedy play out. The way happy bedroom fun, where we spend less than 1% of our lives, is such a thing that can cause so many problems and crappy behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:19 AM
2

There's a few interesting books on this. First Wave just concealed parts of the program. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was already trying to rewrite the Bible and Classic Authors with fanfics parts added about women heroines. Lois Weisbrot (? Memory here) wrote a newsletter in the 19th called "Lucifer Lightbringer". There's long a connection between womanism, occult, and certain political-economic theories. Sometimes it's called Witchcraft, other times theosophy, and the popular term now is "MANIFESTIN…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:12 AM
1

And when those types get older, without a companion, with no savings having spent it all chasing experiences, and having to work as a cashier for minimum wage at 70, they can look back on all the AirBNBs they booked long ago, along with measuring out each grain of rice to stretch it and to check is a few dollars remains on their EBT card ;)
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:11 AM
2

eat pray love types The author ditched Philip or Franco or whatever the love interest was at the end of the book/movie, then married a woman, and now is 2-3 Long Term Relationships past that, all in a decade. By the way, the dude she originally divorced to Eat Pray Love is a Canadian billionaire or close to it, whose gorgeous model wife speaks 4 languages and is 20 years younger than he is. Big PLUS one on anything "Rational Male". No More Mr. Nice guy is on my list, and "Radical Honesty" is aft…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:08 AM
2

I haven't been told what my CS is, but I imagine it'll be $800-1000. However, when I think about it, she cost me $1000 anyway and I was responsible for far more bills AND she had an opinion on everything despite me paying almost 100% of the bills (She's go grocery shopping once a month, spend $200-$300 at the most expensive imported supermarket in the country, and claim it was for everybody when almost all of it was her special snacks and lotions and potions). Keep in mind this was the third wor…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:04 AM
2

You're doing the right thing. Keep carrying the fire and help him learn to carry it too. My thoughts and prayers with you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:59 AM
4

THIS. What I meant in my above comment that "Women are held to 2024 standards, men to 1954 standards". Females are literally induldged in every whim, whatever impact it has on others. It's not enough for a husband just to be decent, employed, and providing without being abusive or drunk/addicted. Whatever flaw he has is blown out of proportion and whatever she wants he must aquiese to and not only put up with but support. Those flaws are usually minor things like "Drinks a 6 pack on Game Night" …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:53 AM
3

It's said that attention is sex for women. The availability of attention on demand from legions of men via the smartphone really changed things. That, and we live in a society that lets women follow their hearts and explore themselves even to the point of abandoning functional marriages to "Find myself". Or as I put it, society (inc. most Churches, not just Media) allows women to act like it's 2024, but demands things from men like it's 1954. Worse, actually, since men of the 50s were considered…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:50 AM
1

Older people aren't wrong. They were young people who wanted to believe, but learned the "Way it is vs. way it should be" the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:47 AM
2

If your divorce is final, go grey Ghost. All stoicism. Matter-of-fact tone and text. In fact, have everything in text. In Florida, we have "Vexation" which is the putting up of fake obstacles and drama during/after a divorce. Check with an attorney. She went wild with the Bad Boys and now wants her Provider/Protector back. Until the itch strikes again, then repeat the cycle. Do not go back, but you probably know that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:40 AM
1

Document, document, document. I hope you took pictures of the rental she abandoned, and made and have a copy of the rental agreement which hopefully detailed that the fixtures and appliances remain - to establish her character. Many divorce agreements stipulate how far an ex can take the kids. Talk to an attorney and see if there's legal avenues to get her to balance child support with distance.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:38 AM
12

You'd love "Strong Successful Male" on youtube. A huge chunk of his content is men writing in to him or to reddit with "Open Marriage Requests". You might want to check out some of his youtubes on the subject, some are quite entertaining, and all are eye-opening. The funniest ones are when the woman asks for it (so she can cheat guilt-free with the boss, physical trainer, coworker, etc.) and the affair partner eventually kicks her to the curb, while the guy is being pounced on by every other wom…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:30 AM
2

Sounds like things are getting straight, if not ideal for you. Congrats on getting it finalized! For me, and probably for many, the worst part is the uncertainty. Knowing it's X/month is better than not knowing at all, even if the "$X" seems unfair. You're probably entering your peak earning years, so not having a lifetime burden is key.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:24 AM
1

Look into county/city summer camps if he's too young to stay alone or to keep him busy. Very affordable.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:23 AM
9

I hear you on the deep sense of meaning, but maybe take a break from relationships for a while. There is no rush, and men don't have a clock to race against for the most part: DeNiro and Pacino became fathers (again) in their 70s. Take this opportunity to see the world. There are places in the world where male-female relationships are handled differently, and the expectations of men isn't based on their utility to women. It's one thing to read about them and "intellectually know" they exist, but…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:21 AM
2

I love having my two boys without having to worry about the emotional state/whinging of their mother around. We got to parks and on hikes and trips for hours. I never have to worry about entertaining/feeding the ex-wife. My boys will run, swim, and explore until the sun is long since set. So there might be a plus to this. Remembering back to my childhood, I remember days when it was sunny, beach days, snow days but few of them are about holidays. It's small stuff like my grandma cooking and smel…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:09 AM
2

Panic Attacks are rough. I've only had one or two clearly physical caused ones (sleep dep put off with too much caffine for too many days straight) and they're scary as hell, with the heart pounding and the light headedness. Three ideas that really help calm me down and might work: Get LED lights and set them in soothing colors (They have these are very affordable light bulbs - Govee is one brand), and experiment with aroma therapy and music. I like saffron-orange, salty ocean spray smells, and …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:53 AM
8

Big kudos, and great to see all these life blessings. For you and for you letting people know the way forward can be amazing. I've still got a few potholes to fill 2 years in from legal to financial, but the Peace in my life is huge. It's amazing to walk in the door and not feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:49 AM
10

Document. Eventually he will dump her or refuse to increase the commitment level.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:46 AM
3

Alot of "Just choose better, bro" guys either married the first gal who gave them the time of day, or married back when The Honeymooners were still on TV. Good news is Bumble just laid off a few hundred.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:55 AM
2

CONGRATS! The 30s are the peak for most men, when your combination of energy, knowledge, ability to learn, and youth are in a great balance. If you stay in good shape, you can extend that to the 40s and even 50s with luck. Please remember the old Aussie Comedians' song: "If it Floats, Flies, or F***s, rent it by the hour". Kevin Bloody Wilson, it's on Youtube. When you lease a boat to go fishing and drink beer on the lake, if you buy it, you gotta load it on a trailer, do maintenance on the engi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:22 AM
1

Well, with the divorce rates as they are, I think you would have been enough in ordinary times. As a child of the 70s, what I saw growing up in the 80s and early 90s is simply not present anymore. Of the 5 friends - all of whom are quite successful - that I've kept over a lifetime since School/College, only 1 is happily married, 1 is waiting for the youngest to go off to school because his wife is basically a tearful anxious lump that got worse with every child before she cut him off 10 years ag…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:06 AM
2

Dark Thought: What if it's not BPD or Narcissism, but it's fairly baseline behavior and the ones that are not so bad are rare? It's too common in all these stories and in my experiences, to be a mental condition limited to a single/low teens percentage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 01:06 AM
1

#4. is as common as pollen in springtime. There's definitely no self-esteem problem with modern women. Most mid gals think they merit at least an 8, and while they are young and listening to the Smiths, Emo, or whatever Mope Music they listen to these days and while reading Twillight develop the idea they are "Bellas", and the secret quirk inside will land them a 1000 year old vampire lord or equivalent. In College and their 20s, most mids not grossly mishappen are 'above average' by virtue of y…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:59 AM
1

Almost all of them do that. I've known guys who took women on trips they never had, treated them royally, brought them their first new car they ever had, paid for (nursing, of course) School, breakfast in bed on birthdays and anniversaries, and, 6 mos after nursing school, all of a sudden they were the worst man in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:53 AM
1

> What I did was take her to urgent care so they could prescribe something to treat a UTI. They gave her an antibiotic. It was an urgent care that she had been to previously, and I even requested that they look back at her chart to prescribe her the same drug. EDIT: I realized this is your daughter. You may want to have a conversation with her. When I was in the 10th Grade , I got a "UTI" and got antibiotics. Or so the doc told my parents.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:46 AM
1

Maybe she hasn't finished her "healing journey" to merit being in a relationship. Or whatever weasel words are in vogue now. My favorite is 40-somethings talking about needing to discover themselves, like they weren't teenagers or spent their 20s unmarried.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:44 AM
2

Once a cheater, always a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:42 AM
1

Yep "Trickle Truth" It goes from "I know I shouldn't have visited my good FRIEND so late, but advice was needed." to "You don't know HIM. Yes, it was a guy. What does that have to do with anything? We have to have trust in a relationship and as a strong independent woman of the future I can give advise to my friends, even if they are male, you 1954 Barbarian. You need to get with the times." to "Friend is actually a coworker" to "Coworker is actually the new supervisor. Yes, the one I talked abo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:36 AM
1

If he rents from his mother there shouldn't be a problem. He must not allow any title transfer to himself until after the divorce is finalized, and I would definitely discuss the "When" with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:33 AM
1

Tell your mom to delay transferring the house to you. Do whatever it takes, help her rent it out, etc. Better you have to wait to move in a year than you have to give half the house your parents worked for away. Tell your mom what happened. Be firm with everybody. Can you trust a person with your life and everything in it who does such a thing behind your back? Once it's gone it's gone.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:31 AM
2

Accountability to XX = Garlic to Vampire
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:29 AM
1

Trust your gut. Also, 27-39 is the tick-tock check off the marriage/kids box for women, called the Epiphany Phase. Don't let them rush you. The calls are a big red flag as is the clingy and the egg delivery routine. She's terrified of being alone and trying to establish routines and expectations on you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:20 AM
2

Yep, a mistake is tripping over the Ottoman, or having a brain freeze after a margarita and leaving the wrong tip. Arranging to go out, choosing revealing clothes (reeeee!!! don't judge me! I'm comfortable in this thin scratchy polyester in freezing weather!) getting inebriated, dancing with strangers, kissing them, agreeing to leave with them, getting a hotel with them/going to their home, it's a whole buncha steps. Not a mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:04 AM
2

Late 20s/early 30s socially awkward and probably - whats the word they use now, the euphemism ... mentally atypical? Who works P/T as a cashier at JC Penney while living with relatives. She's mad that Chad hasn't showed up with his 6pack abs, 6' height, a 1000 year old Billionaire Vampire Lord who recognizes her secret special Quirkiness insideand treats her like the Isabella Princess she 'knows' she is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:06 PM
1

I imagine that is MUCH cheaper than divorce, losing half your retirement, half any property you shared, etc. You're young and can earn it all back, esp. without the drain and distraction and chaos she wrought in your life. And it will be all sweeter.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 10:59 PM
1

Hatred/Revenge can consume you. It's good short term fuel to get back in the gym and max your income/skillset. But if you let it take over, she's the one who 'won' The Wall comes for them all. The 'Arr Pee' is never delivered as a sweet powder that tastes like iced tea to add to some cold water, it's more of a suppository You can understand them, or you can love them. The price of truth is often the end of romance.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 10:58 PM
1

I live in a one-bed and both my boys are fine. Putting a daybed in the living room is fine. Just create a sleeping mood in there with some salt or lava lamps, music, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:08 AM
1

Marriage Counselling doesn't work for the most part. Counselors themselves, at their conferences and trainings, talk about how while guys are resistant to things like "Conflict Management" and such, they will do it even if skeptical. Wife will not, they will toss out the book the moment they feel like it. They try to get the man to be even better in the hopes the woman will see, but most counselors know that wives will generally not improve or appreciate. They also know the Wife will dump them i…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 02:53 AM
6

Several things opened my eyes at once, but I think it was all fermenting in my subconscious: True story, she was shotgunning me about 1000 different minor things, and I just had this moment of clarity. She must have seen my expression change to resting barbarian face, and demanded "What is your Problem?! " No shit, I looked at her, and I said almost in a tone of Wonder and Awe... "It's... you!
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 02:49 AM
3

"The spirits of the age" are no joke. Take it literally or take it metaphorically (society, media, etc.) - it's a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 09:57 PM
2

Not the most misandrist Court in the Land would find a 12 hour absence an "Abandonment". People work shifts longer than that and certainly work trips many times that in length are ordinary. Truckers, Militarymen, Oil Workers, all out for weeks, months at a time. Get an attorney immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:46 PM
3

Wisdom don't come easy, and you'll come out the other side better, stronger, wiser than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:36 PM
1

I think you have a lot of comfort to offer these lonely young women.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:14 PM
1

For me it was the death of a thousand cuts, just the little dismissive remarks with the actual cut downs being rare. Eventually it dawned on me I was doing 90% of the support of the family, and I had an ungrateful roommate with a bad attitude.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:09 PM
1

Heads up - no pun intended - to a lot of guys out there: Moving from intercourse to blowjobs is a major red flag. I've heard this happen so many times. I'm not super into them myself except for like 20-30 seconds as a warm up to the "Real Thing", but alot of guys like them. Any case, often when gals are checking out - though it be only an emotional one or prepping themselves mentally - they don't want the person they're leaving inside their genitals. It's a "How can I keep him from being too sus…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:06 PM
1

Camera, camera, camera. In the entryway (obvious) and one in your sleeping or work area, with audio. Dirt cheap these days.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:02 PM
2

I find role playing and "Okaying" to be the most helpful. Roleplay encounters with her based on her past experiences, a lot of folks try to think it'll be "Better this time", when they should prep for the worst. Practice answers. And default to "Okay." and "We'll talk about it" (stalling) for her inevitable demands/'requests'. The latter gives you time to step back and analyze. 90% of the time mine wants to do something "for the kids" it's actually about making her life easier at my expense, not…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:57 PM
1

Brother, I had a housekeeper nanny in the day and did ALL the diaper/feeding stuff at night 8PM-4AM every day. My wife got a minimum of 7 hours of sleep every night - she could have had 8 guaranteed if she went to sleep earlier. She had MAYBE two hours on in the morning if the child woke up at 4:30 or something (which almost never happened... I'd go to sleep after the final night feeding so at least an hour or two)... and 4 hours on Sunday Morning... And she STILL complained, wore me down, nothi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:52 PM
1

I got that right off the bat... I LOVE IT. She still lies her butt off (Told me I had to take the kids to a doc appointment on Friday Night, but my son told me she flew to another state and she dropped them off at his sisters Fri AM so their Aunt took them tho school), but she stopped TELLING me what to do. Okay, Okay, Okay. One word responses drive 'em nuts. I LOVE IT. Like Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:41 PM
1

This. It's funny, but when there's a SAHM with schoolage kids who doesn't keep up the house to a nominal level, the guy comes home after a 10 hour day or 12 hour shift and there's no food, not only toys all over, but trash overflowing, sink overfilled, and her clothes strewn all over the bedroom... it's "But Muh Housework". They say childcare is work, yes? Then it is for you, too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:37 PM
1

No longer your circus, no longer your monkey. She's legally an adult, let her do as she pleases, got nothing to do with you anymore. She probably thinks a boob job is going to land her Jason Mamoa or Jake Gildenhall or whatever his name is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:03 PM
1

Before you meet her, spray very lightly some women's perfume on your shirt.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:57 PM
2

Man, my ex looks like an grouchy old bat like Marge's Sisters from the DMV (Simpsons). I'm looking like Richard Chamberlain in King Solomon's Mines.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:51 PM
6

"Not just no, but helllll no to the naw naw noooo..." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz2_AkfKWf4
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:49 PM
1

> She now wants to find herself(53 years old) Think of how "amazing" our society is where a person can claim this and anybody take her seriously. > Now she says maybe after a week or 2 weeks she might want to start dating me again too see if she still can love me or not LOL, as the kids say these days, the Delulu ("Delusion") is strong with her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:41 PM
1

My attitude is, I finally have peace and quiet! As for everything else: ​ If it floats, flies, or... rent it by the hour https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-IdsbBQdpw
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:30 PM
1

Thank God and Greyhound You're Gone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8SQv0mx6_k (Wait for the turnaround later in the song, hahahaha)
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:18 PM
2

Resistance bands are also cheap, as are dumbbells via garage sales/craigslist/online marketplace (I have facebook nixed in my HOSTS file but I hear they have a market). Shoot for living on half your income, it's hard but can be done. Get a trade, SADLY, having lost my Events job due to COVID, many comm colleges are doing "Associate Degrees", which means you have to go 2 years full time to get a dang trade these days, even in things like Sonography. LPN is a great job also.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:15 PM
1

Buy/ borrow a camera, at least for the entryway. They're dirt cheap on Amazon, not much more than the price of delivered meal these days.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:12 PM
1

Document document document. Get that police report.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:09 PM
8

Man, that story is familiar. Except it was endless cardboard boxes of Zappo Shoes and Amazon chotskies. A few days before I checked out, I found something like two dozen UNOPENED (tape still on the flip part) makeup pallete things. At maybe $8/pop there must have been $200 worth. And 4 dozen pair of shoes. Keep in mind we had just moved international and sold off 90% of the stuff we had previously. Yet in just a few months she acquired Amelda Marcos levels of shoes, but I couldn't afford a $150 …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:34 AM
3

Have you picked up a new hobby or restarted an old one? Men are human doings, and I find that passions and interests do wonders. That and exercise. It's hard to feel the blues after a leg day or good long jog.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:25 AM
4

Victory!! Glad to see your throne getting higher on the dias, King. Love these posts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 04:57 AM
3

Congrats! Must feel good to get a big weight off your shoulder.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 04:56 AM
1

Ah, didn't know that. Definitely get a US attorney consult. I dunno which country it is, but you might be able to escape easily or throw so much paperwork up at her, she gives up.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 08:17 PM
7

The post stroke behavior is common behavior. The workhorse got sick, so time to find a new plough horse. Many men have such a story. Please heed leegiovanni's advice, and start planning for the worst, even if you want to try to keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:01 PM
1

Thank you for your post, it's probably the most common situation - the post child checkout. My take on these things is that it isn't narcissism, it's too common . But that societies don't learn from history, and there's a reason why there was a fence where it was, before it was pulled down in the 60s. When I was out shopping today with my boys, there was a 60ish woman on the phone, talking about going to bars and how she never should have had kids. It never ends.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:55 PM
3

She's keeping the good man in reserve, her whinging about not being first when you have a kid says more about her than you, and it's time to prepare. One can love their family, though they're spread out in different places.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 07:46 PM
12

You can try alienation of affection/crim con if you want. That means you can sue the AP for seducing your wife away, even if the kid isn't yours. You probably won't see much, but you can prevent them from buying a home or getting a car loan. ​ Pretty sure that's in NC still. Should be everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 07:40 PM
1

I call this the "Death of a thousand cuts". I was never the guy that let any girlfriend tell me how to cut my hair, or to wear this style, or how to behave. Yet somehow, on little tiny issues here and there, for the sake of exhaustion after work and a desire to be able to just put my feet up, I gave in. Until I had no power whatsoever, but all the responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 12:01 PM
5

Peace and Quiet, control over my environment. Not having to be an on-call therapist, whipping boy, and advisor who is promptly ignored for Facebook Mom Groups, before she comes back to tell me exactly what I told her before but act like I didn't. I get to be a dad, without the deadweight, Spendthrift, callous, self-centered pain in the hindquarters. It's like the perfect mix. I'd prefer weekdays with the kids to give them order and shape their character, but weekends are okay.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:55 AM
1

Most marriage counselors admit they don't bother with the wife, who never follows through, they only hope the wife sees how great the husband is again, which seldom works once they're checked out. It's never about the dishes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:47 AM
1

The very first thing you need to do is check your state laws about recording consent. Also, if you are paying for the car/in your name, consent may not be necessary, at least for GPS.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:45 AM
3

Get the divorce first, and a phone call later. Affairs used to be considered a security risk, but these days "Anything goes".
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:44 AM
4

Since you are still married, back in the States (where they can't do you mischief with passport, etc.), and she works for the embassy, you could contact HR. But wait until the divorce is going, and file for adultery if possible. Also, you might be able to serve her at work, please do that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:42 AM
1

Just Search youtube for "destiny predictable divorce". I prefer the male commenters.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:12 AM
2

Hear him, hear him. After #1 she bounced back a bit from. But after #2 she went off the rails on a crazy train.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:05 AM
2

It's never their fault. Which is why they never grow.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:02 AM
2

Oh, we hominids are such creatures. "It's a new world! Let's toss all these old-fashioned notions that the wise have been writing about from China to India to Greece and Rome, embedded in folk tales from Germany to Russia to Mongolia to Ashanti!" ...People don't learn from history. "Where there is a fence, before you pull it down, make sure you understand why it was put there in the first place." Or, any horror movie when they open the door in the cellar... or the mysterious create! I'm old enou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:57 AM
1

Last thing: I had a housekeeper who did 90% of meals, cleaning, food shopping and STILL she found things to complain about. (US Salary in a Developing Country, but she was raised in the US also - in a modest household without a housekeeper like I was as well, so it's not a class issue). That's how I KNOW it's never about the dishes.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:37 AM
2

One amazing thing, if you do decide and you eventually are without her in a space, is how the Eggshell-walking stops, you walk in the door, and even with kids, it's nowhere near the level of tension. It's like hiking with a heavy backpack for hours. Then when you finally find a stopping point and take off the backpack, you feel like you're almost weightless. Once I walked into my own place, with peace and quiet and not having to hope Herself is locked away in the bedroom watching TV and not goin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:32 AM
1

Prepare, discuss with a lawyer, and when you get groceries/gas/whatever, you might want to let a little extra "pocket money" accumulate. Round up to the next $10/$20. I totally get the you're done. I noticed there's the honeymoon phase, then the kids and it gets rough, then the kids get a little older and a lot of guys go through the whole "WOW! I can't believe I'm juggling work/marriage/kids so well." phase for a year or a few years. Then the death of 1000 cuts. Once you see the 1000 cuts, and …
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:26 AM
3

Don't know about other countries but in the US therapy is mostly unregulated and held to almost no standards in most places. Mostly, therapists just confirm the feelz of the patients. They don't bother assigning wives improvement tasks because they don't do them. And, since dishes/porn/trash collection/work too much/your always around is always an excuse, doing more never helps. There are some great ones, but they're few and far between.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:23 AM
1

My friend is in the same situation. His is very severe, she locks herself in the room and lets him, after his 10-hour day running his small business, do all the dinner and homework help stuff. She literally grabs a plate, says hello to their kids, and flees back to the Princess Tower of her bedroom to consume more TV. While my ex-wife never refused me sex (and I'll admit I got bored, I mean, 13 years...) in other avenues she was a cloud of darkness, or a wave of nervous energy depending on the d…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:21 AM
2

You're right. There's a new youtuber who is a woman, and she lays out that women turn on and off their sexuality like a switch. And that women revise history. When you're first with a gal, marriage or no marriage, she's telling everybody what a tiger you are in bed. After a while, months or years, all of a sudden there was "Never" any attraction. That's nonsense, just justification for their own feelings they don't understand. It's par for the course.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:18 AM
2

Came just to say this. Even religion is an excuse, because the same religions that are anti-porn are also very, very clear about the MANDATE to have frequent lovemaking in marriage. Right in the books themselves in unpoetic, firm, clear language not subject to multiple meanings or interpretations. It's all just a rationalization. Like the dishes are, too. Did you stop wanting to have sex with somebody because they left all their makeup and potions over the bathroom counter? Or shoes scattered wi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:15 AM
1

You may think about putting dating aside. It's a great time to pick up an old hobby, or find a new interest, preferably physical/outside. What's good for you? What makes you feel good?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:10 AM
2

I'm actually quite pleasantly surprised. More and more young guys getting it real early. Y'know, it's like the quantity of children. It took a few generations from the transition of mostly farming to mostly urban/industrial for people to make the switch. I think marriage is the same.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 10:20 PM
2

And if he takes a job that allows family time, he's not ambitious enough, not working hard enough for the family, not meeting his potential. It's all excuses for whatever feelz mode she's in.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:15 PM
1

I've heard horror stories about it. Also something about dowries being used as an excuse.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:13 PM
1

Light along the toasted Cheese, Killick. Gentlemen, I give you the King. Here, in the Navy, we are privileged to salute him, sitting, given the height of the deck...
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:43 AM
5

Ha! You too, eh? Whenever I'm at Publix (for some reason much more than Winn-Dixie) and I see some poor fella getting nagged, whinged at, or belittled by the wife, I feel for him, and then I thank Providence.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:42 AM
1

Always trust your gut! From the prickling on my thumb, something wicked this way comes. Fun fact: Agreeing or merely discussing an open marriage with no written or recorded evidence is hearsay in court!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:32 AM
2

Or, it's behavior the ancients noticed was widespread. In all cultures and times. It's only very recently that the ancient wisdom has been "Questioned". Is it narcissism in individuals, or is it we moderns thought we knew better than 1000s of years of poets and philosophers from Rome and Greece to China and India? Are we the ones blind to history, the laws that were enacted to mitigate what the ancients observed repeatedly, and thus now are doomed to repeat it?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:28 AM
1

Yep, and they're great about presenting it as necessary for the family, when i'ts really just their own desire to maximize their free time and ease their own life..
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:04 PM
1

Especially this. Many men think they haven't lived up to some standard or expectation - that was set by others who aren't in the same boat and/or did these things in a far earlier time when society AND laws were much different and more husband/father-friendly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 10:49 PM
2

Thanks for your story man. Yep, us guys are learning. Gaslighting is par for the course, standard operating procedure with 'em. They ain't ours, it's just our turn.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 06:58 PM
2

This is spot on. I've noticed this too. If a fellow mentions a woman at work he's talking to, she will drop what she is doing and pump him for information. A man will take her casual mention - and often caveat that "oh, he's just a coworker" for what it is at face value.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:57 AM
2

It's kind of like the Godfather, when the Vito tells Michael the first person to come to him with the meeting is the traitor, hahaha The guy "from work" the gal mentions is almost always the one you "need to worry about" The older I get, and I'm closing in on 50, the more I realize the real "old guys" were right about most things, and by "real old guys" I mean the Greatest Generation and before. Is it "That's just old baseless superstitious tradition" or is it that WE are the ones not learning f…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:54 AM
1

Please be sure to consult an attorney first before confronting. State laws have greater and lesser differences from each other. California isn't North Carolina isn't Texas. In some states, adultery DOES mitigate things. In others it doesn't.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:51 AM
5

IF you decide to confront, please have a witness in the house or nearby. A female one would be best, but anybody is better than nobody.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:49 AM
1

Check out the story of Destiny and Melina? Malina? Whatever his wife is, starts with an M. He made the most generous of boundaries, just don't get involved with bad guys with mental issues, and she crossed it anyway within hours of swearing she wouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:48 AM
2

You probably know this, but a quick note for any readers. No matter how many movies, moments, secrets you've shared, be prepared. Anything you did out of the goodness of your heart will be transformed to a selfish act. Any closeness or true intimacy ... well it's going to shock how fast it doesn't seem to matter to her. It a red hot poker of awareness, and it might hurt. I prewarn in case you aren't expecting, and like dental work, it's gonna hurt even if you know in advance.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:44 AM
1

When they ask for an open, they have somebody lined up or already did something and are looking to assuage guilt. Interestingly, if the guy meets just one woman once to the woman's multiples (it's easier for gals to hookup, obviously), all of sudden it's "Close the relationship!" These things don't work. Society is pushing it hard, but one time I heard about a porn star couple who met on the set, were open BEFORE they married, were swingers for almost a decade before they stopped when they had a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:38 AM
6

Some people get mad when this truism is pointed out: The best sex is always at the beginning of a relationship. If you ask people "What were the hottest sex moments in your life", 90% of them will be in the beginning stages of a romance. I've never ever heard anybody say "That night, after the 2nd kid was born, and the 2-year old finally fell asleep at 2AM after a bout of colic, my wife and I turned to each other and it was fireworks, man."
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:02 AM
2

I've realized it's a power play, to subdue your will to theirs with manipulation. We're trained as guys that women are more empathetic, kind, just want happy vibes, etc. and it's "not always" true.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:43 PM
2

I'm beyond her as a person, I see a bigger widespread problem behind it. It is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:38 PM
6

Truth is most marriages are this way. It's called Briffault's Law. You could put her through nursing school, come up with the downpayment of a decent house and pay the mortgage, electric, car ins., by working a 50 hour week, and it won't count. The only question will be why you can't take her out dancing and dinner on top of it all. And if she sees you resting on a Sunday Afternoon watching TV or gaming after working a 10-hour week, mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, taking her car in for an…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 06:10 AM
2

Agreed! I don't think it's the alphabet stew of ICD-10/DSM. We're built to go sequentially through a series of tasks, maybe create a small surplus for an emergency, and then recoup our energy. Modern life has made it so easy, the "extras" to do have become "routine".
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 06:05 AM
3

Once I got 1% milk instead of 2% milk. She acted like I was responsible for blowing up the Hindenburg. Worse was when I picked her up Pignot Grigio instead of Pignot Noir.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:57 AM
2

Sounds like me Ex! 2-3 days of lollygagging in her bedroom watching endless re-runs, the next 2-3 inventing drama, details, tasks, appointments, etc. like she was racing against a clock to get it all done or she'd lose $100k in some reality contest.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:56 AM
1

Then with that right there, it's one call to my local union office, and the guy with call his roledex he knows at just the limited handful of Union contractors I'm eligible to work at. If I want to retain my union membership. Anywhere else to work I lose that. Call up the Union Office, better yet make an appointment, explain it's a must you be employed right now due to custody. I don't know your state or union, but typically in rough times and in rough circumstances, union heads will look the ot…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:52 AM
1

You can have children without signing a contract with the State. Moses and Aaron and Joshua and Abraham didn't file at the Canaan County Courthouse on a triplicate form that got filed at Sachem Government Archive stamped by a notary. Nor were traditional laws - from ancient Israel to Greece to Rome to Medieval Europe or Tang China or whatever - anything remotely like civil laws about marriage today. Since the 1960s, men have received a message to center women first in their lives, look to them f…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:44 AM
1

Friend, I have to watch what is said on reddit, but if you need to dump heavy stuff on somebody, I suggest a same sex friend, relative, pastor, therapist. You'd be shocked at what is shared by her. 90%+ of the time, at least one or two of her friends know if you have a birthmark on your genitalia, your favorite position, etc. never mind any dark secrets or kinks or preferences.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:41 AM
2

No, I love the kids, but happy to do without the wife.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:39 AM
1

Yep, the wedding ring is magic, esp. for gals late 20s-30s that have never been married. "This one is Pre-approved."
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:38 AM
1

If you buy a bed, keep the receipts. Car, anything normal and reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:35 AM
1

When you say "Strike Price" that sounds like options to me. You might want to consult an attorney on this one.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:34 AM
1

And she's apparently doing so much better and is happy and optimistic about life. It's so hard to not just feel like I'm truthfully a worthless, unattractive, monster of a person when the only two accounts in my favor are my own memory and my therapist, by all appearances her life was improved by dropping me, and I don't exactly turn heads walking down the street. Do you mind if I ask your rough ages? I'm putting in work to build back my own life and I'm still being a great dad for my kids. Gym,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:24 AM
2

Once I heard a great wisdom: Happiness is a temporary state, to be enjoyed after a life event or achievement (big or little). We should all strive for a mix of contentment and challenge.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:19 AM
1

Men having ANY boundaries or expections, no matter how reasonable, are "Controlling." Guys have told me they said "No" to an Open Marriage after a decade of marriage and were told THEY were controlling and immature because of their refusal! Character assassination out the door is routine, it's almost Standard Operating Procedure. This subreddit, Strong Successful Male (SMACK!), and others will all show you that you are nowhere close to being alone. The messaging from society doesn't help either.…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:12 AM
1

This is the Liberation Wave. It comes with the great new awareness that you're responsible just for yourself now, that you don't have to walk on eggshells or appeal to other's sensibilities. It was one of the biggest rushes of my life, about the same level as when I graduated HS in the Senior Year and knew a whole life was opening up before me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:11 AM
1

"Nobody ever went broke selling too soon or taking a small profit too early." - Bernard Baruch?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:08 AM
2

As a fellow Floridian, and this is my inexpert personal opinion, we're due for the usual 10-15 year cycle of market boom (2020) and collapse (soon), and the higher interest rates will eventually overpower the stubborn newer higher prices (30%+ in just a few years!) due to A) dumping of new houses by builders at near old house prices who want their inventory gone and B) simply from what you're experiencing - life changes not to mention C) People buy the mortgage payment, not the total cost, and w…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:05 AM
8

Right on, man. Congrats on all three. From your username, sounds like you found the win-win-win alternative: exercise. Better look and feeling, Better Strength & Cardio, Better Mental
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:01 AM
1

Myself as well. I just love the peace and quiet, tired of drama, and have nothing to prove about being 'wanted' by somebody. I have a great circle of family and friends and two wonderful boys. I like women as platonic friends, I don't even want FwB because of potential drama. So, I enjoy synthetic companions. They don't give STDs, get pregnant, nag, want to watch dumb Romcoms and use up your afterwork relax time. They dress the style(s) you like, wear the perfume you like, no drama, and a smilin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:45 AM
2

Girls don't like bad boys. They LOVE bad boys.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:35 AM
1

Trust your gut. Trust your instincts. Trust your intuition. That's very odd, she sounds dramatic, or more likely, doing a scam. First thing that hit me when I read it is that she'll claim there's too many people like you and wants your SSN. Brother, one thing I learned in life is to trust your intuition. Run.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:30 AM
2

Depends. FL has a special eviction law that is expedited -5 days to respond and typically takes no longer than 4-6 weeks - it was passed to protect older folks who might find a younger relative or friends of another relative who moved in and refuses to pay or move out. It's actually seperate from the rest of the civil code about eviction and has an entirely different name and process that's more streamlined with fewer pleas available to the evictee. EDIT: FL's special law for relationship evicti…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:26 AM
20

Well, She showed you who she really is. Believe her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:18 AM
1

Any possibility of not getting lawyers involved? That's for when there's a fender bender and all it will do is raise everybody's insurance. With kids and assets involved, you must have an attorney. Women are often advised to either bring a chosen lawyer of her own for "Both" of you, or popping up with a lawyer of her choice after a period of blindsiding, giving you no time to find or vet a lawyer properly for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:30 AM
1

Right. There may not be a physical encounter now, but there very well might be an emotional affair OR she has a target lined up. Many guys feel bad because their ex-SO finds a dude within a week or two. Nah, he was probably there before she ever broke it off. Maybe weeks or months, even years before in some cases.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:26 AM
2

Great post. The only thing I can add to this is: Make sure whatever room in the house being stayed in has a lock, preferrably one with an actual key. It might be a good idea for OP and others in the situation to go to the hardware store and replace whatever door lock with a proper key lock. That way if she flips and tries to batter down the door or put a hairpin in the little hole to open a typical interior door lock, you've a layer of defense. Finally, call witnesses and and/or an attorney BEFO…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:23 AM
2

One thing that's an ancient military maxim is, "The best way to disrupt an attack is to attack the attacker first" Meaning, if the opponent is deploying their forces to forward positions, trucking extra shells to their artillery posts for the initial shock bombardment, prepping their air forces... the best thing to do, even if it's only a few little things, is to knock them off balance by disrupting them anyway you can. A spoiler attack to make their planned attack more like to miscarry or not a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:18 AM
2

I prefer "Acceptance that it's a big shit sandwich, that things are the way they are, it is what it is, but now I have the freedom and insight to move on to other things."
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:07 AM
2

Agree wholeheartedly. To me, forgiveness is for people until a pall of addiction, stress, etc. that made them temporarily act they way they weren't. It's not for people being calculated jerks, or putting their emotions ahead of their claimed love of their life -- heck, treating them worse than they would a casual friend.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:05 AM
1

Not sure what the details are, but if it's the usual baloney, you could wash more Dishes than an Ikea Cafeteria on Saturday Afternoon and it won't help. She'll just find other obstacles to put in your way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:25 AM
13

Absolutely correct.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:23 AM
2

Yoga and "Free Spirit" - two terms I once thought meant good fun, but learned to loathe.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:16 AM
1

What's interesting is the Captain and Tennelle divorce. That was definitely strategic; the Captain was going in decline and the bills were piling up so she did a tour that was really cover to get him on medicare/welfare to preserve their assets. They made money but not a fortune and it had lasted them all these years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:13 AM
3

When interest rates go up, prices have to go down eventually. Yeah, inventory and stubborn sellers can make it last a year or two, "sticky upwards" pricing, but eventually it has to go down. Realtor propaganda aside, there's not millions of foreigners trying to buy SFHs in 99% of the US - mostly in big cities. 90%+ of buyers are looking at the monthly payment, not the total price. All those "Cash Buyers" of yesteryear weren't using their own cash, they were borrowing cash from the bank at low in…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:05 AM
1

Big Truth! Right on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 04:26 AM
1

Thanks adventure junkie. It's not just my research or experience, but simply talking with many guys. Another cool Rubic to think of, that might be of value to you, is DGBSCT, or "Dog Biscuit". That's the manipulation tactics they employ. Deny (it never happened) Gaslight (it's all your fault) Bullshit excuses (Pop psych stuff about NPD, OCD, Bipolar, Therapy, etc.) Crocodile Tears (I'm crying to get you to comfort me, then I can manipulate your feelings into getting what I want) - usually the la…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 12:39 AM
1

Right on man! It not only shows you how self-contained you are, but makes you appreciate all the effort you put in.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 12:12 AM
2

Try doing a few things/hobbies the wife would give you crap about. Like spreading out a table with woodwork or wargaming chits or whatever is your bag. Smoke a cigar inside, that kind of thing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 12:11 AM
1

Almost all women want the guy they were with to pine, mope, whinge, and go to an early grave from heart disease, alcoholism, and heart break over their wonderful behinds no longer with them. There's three reasons she's getting mad in addition to her innate Female Imperative: She thought all the crap you did wasn't enough and wanted to teach you a lesson, but ended up burning herself. She had a Chad or Chad Target lined up to hypergamy to, and it didn't pan out. Instead of him snatching her up wh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 12:09 AM
2

Frequent condition my man. Many of them are checking a box, and that's on top of the Alpha Widows and the natural bad apples. Great news, it's all about you and the kids now. Be awesome, take up old hobbies and find some new ones, and kick ass.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:55 PM
2

Rock on, my man! Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:53 PM
2

Great story, man. It warmed my heart a bit on this cold day. All power to you, man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:47 PM
2

The best thing from my divorce was moving into my almost brand new trailer. The stress cascaded down my head and off my shoulders onto the floor and down the drain. PEACE! ORDER! COMFORT! NO NAGGING! It is (though I've moved now into a small 600sq ft 1BR rental I had in a ... tee hee... trust) paradise! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0BLKudnyNo
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 10:19 PM
2

People ask me about the kids, and I say, the "Kids are great. It's the ex I could have done without."
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 10:11 PM
1

It's amazing to be older, and seeing all the complaints about Wicca I once dismissed as over-the-top rhetoric as a teen/young guy, be seen as a trapping of many divorces and irresponsible behavior as a middle aged man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:50 PM
3

Yeah, I hear you on that. One thing I found helpful is online appointments for routine stuff like renewing regular meds like allergy stuff. I can make an appointment within half an hour most of the time, or schedule it at a convenient time for myself and kids. I use Sesame for myself and have been very happy. I've also been able to order tests and so forth through them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:00 PM
0

Yep! From the pastor's wife to the storyteller's fiance, something almost all of the half dozen women doing the 'outreach' were all having emotional affairs or handies under the table with the convicts and one was meeting up on the sly regularly with one whose time was up. Group Social/Pack behavior is a huge thing too. The story reinforced one of the most important principles of any relationshit: Sudden newfound absences (overtime, new friend group hangouts/afterwork bar visits) than increase i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 08:53 PM
1

Wow. Notice the author's background. It can happen to anyone, even a person of faith in and among people of faith.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:46 AM
2

NOLO has a lot of information and forms that may help you: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/florida-divorce-laws.html I've heard of the term "Vexation" in Florida, but I'm unsure whether that's part of the divorce process OR can be used afterwards - it's for when party is being deliberately obsfucatory.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:42 AM
4

It takes multiple generations to "learn" about new social circumstances. A great example is urbanization. When a society first urbanizes, it usually takes 2-3 generations for members to realize they don't need 7 kids like they did when they were farmers, and in fact it makes it tougher to educate/prepare that many under the new situation. Keep this in mind when people who got married in the 60s to their HS sweetheart, when the sex rev wasn't in full swing and/or wasn't around in many parts of th…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:11 AM
10

You got this. How old are the kids? Somehow, I think it started in the mid 90s, an idea spread that parents need to assist with any and all afterschool activities without limit. It was very normal, as a child of the 80s, for a parent to say "Soccer or Baseball. History Club or Chess Club. Track or Swimming. Not both. If I take you to the mall, you'll have to get another parent to pick you up."
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:01 AM
3

Huh? I hadn't blocked you, but boy am I going to now. Ya might wanna off the internet for a bit. "Source?" Here it is. "Ah, well now I'm going to set out to disprove a widely cited paper... also I'm accusing you of blocking me." Seriously, smell the flowers a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:46 AM
3

This. I'm not one for foreign films, but I saw a really great one called "The Secrets in their Eyes" from Argentina a few years back. The whole basis of the film is that a tiger doesn't change it's stripes, the water likes to flow in the oldest, deepest channel. I won't spoil it, but the detective eventually figures out what really happened with an old crime by applying that principle. Really good flick. Eventually people, esp. in closer/smaller circles, piece together the facts and realize the …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:33 AM
4

Keep it up. There's a "Victim Story" that is common with many people. But, keep Grey Rocking, keep doing to the good things you do, treat everybody fairly, and the truth will out. Here's a piece of good news. When I first divorced my wife, her sister - who is cool - gave me nasty looks. Now when I see her (I occassionally drop the boys at her place), she's very friendly. I think she's starting to realize; she was the younger (and less formally educated) sister and idolized the older sister (who …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:29 AM
2

Better one. Abraham and Jacob and Moses did not go to the Canaan County Courthouse to get married under the State of Canaan populated by various bureaucrats where if they had a falling out with the spouse, the Canaanite CPS or DV Task Force or Divorce Lawyers got involved. Wherein numerous forms were put in a database or carbon copy triplicate and filed at the Shechem Government Archive for later consultation. They simply made an announcement to neighbors and family of their intent to marry. So,…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:16 AM
1

Those are the top rationalizations from choices given to the survey participants.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:12 AM
1

"Good marriages". Meaning that half of all marriages are bad? Of course, that's only assuming the 50% that last are good, many are just people putting up with each other or for the sake of appearances, kids, etc. Marriages are contracts with state-governed rules. Altering the conditions of such a contract impact the conditions of marriages. So the question is, why, in the late 50s when many states in the US began liberalizing the divorce laws, did divorces start to explode in frequency? The same…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:09 AM
3

Here you go: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1490708 Looks like the longitudinal study continued and an update confirming the first iteration was around 2014: https://ictnews.org/archive/be-wary-of-the-divorce-bugstudy-finds-its-a-social-contagion
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:05 AM
4

Friend, there's a reason why the natural order and every civilization of note was run with Pat Ree's Archies. Sadly, humans don't learn from history, so here we go, having to relearn a painful lesson about resting the final authority with the most logical, reflective partner and not the emotive, social one.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:00 AM
2

I do know it's long been noted that if a spouses' family members or friends or coworkers get divorced, the chances of it dramatically increase.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:58 AM
7

Humilating for her. Nobody, including yourself, can control other people's behavior. The very fact she has visitation and not custody will tell everybody with any familiarity with divorce or the court system who the bad one was. It's rare and difficult for a male to get custody barring very bad behavior from the female. You have been liberated. A new day is dawning, but it's always darkest before the Dawn. Be the good father you are, and think about your liberation from her. Everybody makes mist…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:50 AM
3

Both these replies are on point. OP should strongly consider not jeopardizing her employment until the final order is issued.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:21 AM
3

Women don't like bad boys. They LOVE bad boys. I heard once where a Pastor decided, on his wife's recommendation, to set up an outreach evangelical program to the local MENS prison. Needless to say, the Church was pummeled with divorces within the year, including the Pastor's wife. These weren't the worst, most violent offenders, but as you say, mostly a bunch of petty criminals and mostly check kiting, drug offenses, repeat DUIs, fraud, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:19 AM
3

One thing I've noticed is that nobody interviews the people who used to do it, but fell out of it. There was an interview with a guy and gal who were porn stars - were both before they met - they said that out of the 100 couples they knew "in the lifestyle", only 1 or 2 were still together a decade later. Eventually one or the other got jealous, got tired, or caught feelings. There's a reason why it was historically frowned upon. Learning from history and all that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:16 AM
6

Grandma - and I mean my Grandparents so the Greatest and the Generation before that - knew the score. They always maintained to be aware of who your kids and spouse/romantic interest hangs out with and the content of those people's character.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:06 AM
5

I have a feeling at least a few people will tell you "Yeah, I didn't like her, but I didn't want to say too much and disturb things." You'll be surprised. Also, get out and do some old hobbies or start some new ones. Things are going to get much better, though there might be a wave or two down before you climb to new heights.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:04 AM
4

Sounds like you're probably still young. Better now than at 60 when you have little bounceback ability. The Eat. Pray. Love. / Healing Journey thing has really done a job, as has permaadolesence. The idea somebody over 30 needs to abandon their family to discover themselves is ridiculous, but pushed everywhere. Formulating your basic personality should already be long finished before marriage, but it is what it is. Briffault's Law. If you have sons, make sure they've at least heard about it by 1…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:02 AM
1

Most relationships are like that. You know what they say about the Ladies and Accountability... Two best memes for relationships: The one where it shows a bathroom sink festooned in makeup and lotions and hair equipment and used cotton balls all over, and the text below says "My husband didn't fold up the towel right." The other is where the gal says "You need to learn communication." Where the husband asks "What's wrong", and she says "Nothing". He asks again later. Finally, she says "You didn'…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 11:29 PM
2

"Oldest Teenager in the House". One point of comparison: Teenagers: Mom/Dad's car is OUR car, but the headset they brought with their own money is THEIR headset. The Husband's income is OUR money, but most/all of the Wife's money is HER money. Also inability to delay gratification.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:35 PM
5

This is part of the old Fairy Tale/Wisdom Tale "The Fisherman and the Wife". The more the husband uses his wishes to make his wife's life better, immediately after she wants the next tier of treatment. In the Russian version, when he wishes on her behalf to become the Czarina, she says "Who is this churl who claims to be my husband? Give him a broom and set him to sweep the stables!" to her husband. Grimm's collected tales - https://sites.pitt.edu/\~dash/grimm019.html
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:26 PM
1

Great Quote!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:24 PM
0

Many women use their child when they mean things for themselves or for others to do the things for the child so they don't have to. Also, once a woman has decided YOU are the problem, nothing you do matters - even if you are giving 220%. Briffault's Law.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:23 PM
4

Ulta Beauty and Zappos. I'm not joking - within a few months of moving back to the States, she accumulated scores of those little plastic makeup things. I found at least 60 of them. She was addicted to buying $10-15 makeup chotskies and literally half of them were never opened! Stil had the tape on the little plastic latches!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:44 PM
2

Wow, these big whole neverending extended family vacations happened to a lot of guys. Fortunately I dodged that as my ex-wife's parents passed long before I met her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:40 PM
3

Mine either doordashed or asked the housekeeper - that's right - for rice and beans. She actually had the temerity to say "I cook for us." We had a housekeeper and I cooked all my dinners as I worked late and ate late. I think she cooked for me once or twice a year, max.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:38 PM
2

Mine had the ornamental pillows thing going on. No bed or couch unsullied by useless pillows you have to move out of the way to actually use the furniture. Also, I warned her with young kids to put an old sheet over the new furniture. Any of you will young kids can guess what happened with ketchup and jam and iced tea in the first two weeks of that expensive furniture she refused to cover, and removed the old blanket *I* put over it to preserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:37 PM
4

Brother, that is probably the best thing of all - control of your environment. I plotz for a half hour then start cooking, clean up behind myself, do hobbies for a couple of hours, and then I turn on one of those projectors that flash a Nebula on the ceiling - I originally got it for my kids - and tune out to some Drone Zone or classic Orb and float to sleep fully relaxed. No more hoping she'll wined and benzo'd herself so she won't harass me. Every night is peaceful. It's heaven.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:27 PM
6

I make almost half as much - not entirely divorce fault, my events-related industry took a smack from the lockdowns and never recovered - yet have far more money to both save and play with. Never seeing "Ulta Beauty" on my card statements.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:24 PM
5

I checked out the history on this. We now live under "Free Love" where people's choice and maintenance of a mate has little to no input or filter or check from family, community, etc. While it was sold as "Now you can get your thrill on Blueberry Hill!" it also means somebody can up and leave at a moments notice without severe social (and freq. economic) penalties.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 07:39 AM
7

Yep. How much time do people spend having happy bedroom fun time? 1% of their life? And yet, so many sacrifice the other 99% of their existence for less than 1% of their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 07:37 AM
11

As James Sexton, the now-famous divorce attorney said, getting married is like owning a tiger: It's all negligence; a contract of adhesion. Nothing the female does or doesn't do (like happy bedroom fun time absence, or refusal to get a job after kids are school age) is legally enforceable. But all your responsibilities (financial support, protection, etc.) are.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 07:35 AM
7

There is no security in marriage for a man. Not fidelity, not financial, not emotional. NONE. Ask everybody what the hottest, nastiest sex they had, and what point in the relationship (if any) did it happen in? 90% of the time, it will be in the first three months or three days or three hours. Once in a blue moon, the Honeymoon. I have never heard anybody say "The hottest few times were all with my wife after midnight, when we had the 2nd child and were exhausted after the baby was colic and the…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 07:33 AM
1

As a GenXer, I learned this by like 17-18.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen31/10/23 07:59 PM
1

It’s instant and genuine feedback about where you rate with her. It’s also feedback about your frame, because they don’t simply do it to guys whom they find physically disgusting, they must feel you are disgusting AND weak. A chick who asks that you do for her marriage level shit involving lots of money or time is telling you something. As I’ve said, by doing boyfriend/ husband level shit without boyfriend/ husband level benefits you are only making it EASIER for the guys she likes to fuck her. …
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen31/10/23 07:57 PM
1

If she likes you, she makes it easy. If she doesn't find you attractive, she's not that kind of girl, has to be romanced, build an emotional connection, and has standards.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen31/10/23 07:32 PM
2

Yep, death by a thousand cuts. You do more and more and give in on things and before you know it, your gonads have been completely sliced off a micron at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 08:27 PM
2

Kids don't stay toddlers very long. Not every married mother is a full time or even a part time worker. There's too much of a "Husband is my servant and owes me labor" mentality. Momlifecomics is a GREAT example of Golden Uterus syndrome.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 08:25 PM
2

Beware of "Palimony" The fact that you were married and still live together could be taken as evidence of deep friendship.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:47 PM
1

Yep, child one she went down bigly in attitude, and it sure wasn't stress because she had a hobby job, I was the breadwinner, and we had a housekeeper/nanny and I did all the night care. One of the few women on the planet to get 8 hours of sleep as an infant's mother. She improved slightly after he got to be a toddler, but when #2 came along she went down in quality big time and was a complete sodding butthead to me. One day after I grey rocked for a week (not intentional, didn't read it anywher…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 09:33 AM
1

Most women want chaos and drama. In the old days they got it from soap operas. Today they create it on social media and at workplaces. Men create order: Put 5 guys on an island and in a week there will be shelter, food, and fresh water. Put 5 women on the same island, and it'll be nothing but passive-aggressive behavior and social hierarchy fights interspersed with bouts of groaning and finger pointing, until they get rescued, or find the male camp and glom off them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 09:29 AM
2

Florida is full of men in their 60s and 70s at the gym/library the moment it opens, and stuck in their garage pottering around, their SAHMs won't let them in the retirement home in the daytime, that the man scraped and slaved for. Not even the man cave. Meanwhile the wife is filing every empty spot in the whole place with every "collectible plate" or figurine left and right. But still insisting the poor fellow with the bum knees get up and clean the gutters, pressure wash any mud stains on the s…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 09:01 AM
1

It took me half my life, but I finally realized: The Butthole Surfers didn't write "Hurdy Gurdy Man" "Mellow Yellow" is about a vibrator.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 08:59 AM
1

Online Moms Groups, absolutely awful. I remember when my first was just 1 year old and she DEMANDED he IMMEDIATELY start regular milk. Well sure enough in about 48 hours he was constipated and having tummy troubles. "It CANT be Cows Milk, because Mom Group says..." It's like, this person has a Master's Degree (granted in Education) and can't figure out that "around a year old" does not equal "At precisely 365 days from birth" Sure enough, first words out of pediatricians mouth was "Has the diet …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 08:53 AM
1

It's not odd. I gave mine a 5 bed, 2 + 2 half baths, housekeeper, nanny for the first year of each child, did ALL the 9PM-4AM infant care (diapers, feedings), she got a minimum of 7 hours of sleep (usually 9) each night 24-7-365 as a new mother. She still insisted she did more, that having to tell the housekeeper 3x a month what to buy at the grocery store was a "Mental Load", etc. By the way, if I mentioned I was the breadwinner, RRRRrrraaaaagh! Cat claws, hissy fit, slammed doors. Though it wa…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:23 AM
1

YES. "Don't spend anything until I've paid the rent and utilities" (I was living abroad where everything was cash and could only take out a few $100 a day). 2nd day, go check the bank account, $300 for amazon, streaming media renewals, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:13 AM
1

Dude, little brown boxes almost every day! Between Amazon, Zappos, and Ulta Beauty, plus mani-pedis and haircuts, easily 20% of income. I didn't realize it until it was over.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:11 AM
3

I used to feel guilty about buying a $10 kindle book while she ordered hundreds of dollars of chotskies she "needed". "I need this lotion for my rosacia, and this lotion for that, and this specific shampoo that's never on sale from France, and this exact thing from Swizterland"
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:10 AM
2

Ha! My favorite was her shit all over the bathroom sink, not so much as a few inches to put the toothbrush down. Makeup palletes, the curling iron, all kinds of lotions, with dabs of lotion blob all over the place... even the top lid of the toilet covered in her chotskies... and then coming out in a rage because I hung the towel "wrong" on the bar... in our bedroom-bathroom that nobody but us ever goes into.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:08 AM
3

Mine started drinking with her sister and left 100% of the childcare to me - and the kids were 2 and 6, too young to do anything alone or more than 10 feet from me. Yet different enough in age that one wanted to swim while the other one wanted to try to eat seashells. You'd think that she could watch the youngest while I took the 6-year old out in the water. NOPE! But we couldn't just go to the beach, we had to go to the resort part of the beach so she could order lots of pina coladas, so while …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:03 AM
2

I had this same argument. INSISTING the kids go to Disney in the depth of a Florida Summer. Surprise! A 4 year old gets hot, sweaty, as an irritable as an adult does, imagine that. He remembers nothing of it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 06:57 AM
1

Yep. People are like "Wha?" I'm like, it wasn't fur coats or something I could at least take to the Pawn Shop and get some money back for. When I left her, she had scores of those little plastic makeup palettes, each one about $5-10. It was stuff like that. Must have been dozens of cheap lace shawls, more than enough to outfit several caberets. The only big items were the shoes, I could have outfitted a company of troops with shoes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 06:47 AM
1

It’s weird. My mortgage doubled due to the equity payout, I pay all the bills and utilities now. Child support, yet I have more liquid cash left. Things like car insurance reducing, eliminating unnecessary services, streamlining your groceries, reducing the amount of times you eat out, it all really adds up. Ulta Beauty! Yet Zappos was the bane of my existence. She was like Imelda Marcos.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 06:44 AM
4

One other quick thing, if you are feeling bad or doubting yourself, start listening to Strong Successful Male. He's got story after story of relationships that were sexless. She's approaching menopause, so even if she suddenly switches back "on" (that'll take a miracle, or dread on her part - it won't be the genuine desire we men want from our partners), her drive if it returns won't last. It's actually good you're being proactive, because if she's about your age, she's entering the danger zone …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 03:55 AM
7

41m and I'm wanting to divorce due to dead bedroom for 6 years and after having a talk with my wife last June of this year, she has no intentions of restoring that part of our relationship anymore. ,,.I may be 41 and as shallow and selfish as it sounds, 35 was too young to never have sex in my life again (actually, but just sex but any affection like holding hands or even a hug) ​ That's not ridiculous at all - you joined in marriage, not joined a monastery. Bad news, leaving the monastery would…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 03:49 AM
1

Thanks for the interesting remark about demons, I didn't believe in that stuff either when I was younger. Hardcore skeptic and all that, but now I believe there is something to it, that unearthly groan and several other moments in life have made me more open to the idea.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 03:26 AM
1

Gals these days are addicted to strangers' attention and validation because of social media. It's not like the "Old Days" pre-2010 or abouts where most meetings were geophysical and locally limited. It never stops, either, there are 40-somethings and even 50-somethings just looking for validation without copulation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 02:24 AM
1

We have been divorced since last year. She just made up some bs claims (some can be proven as false, many can be proven as incorrect). Line of Credit at the bank. Credit Cards. Payday loan. Second Job. Legal counsel.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 02:10 AM
1

One thing you can do now is start thinking of setting up enrichment and fun zones for her, so when you do have her, you're ready to roll with games and activities. You will see her and you will continue to be a positive force in her life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:53 AM
3

For me, I think of Yin and Yang. Men are the positive, active, gushing, hard, emitting, orderly force. Women are the negative, passive, tractor beam, soft, receptive, chaotic force. What we have is an imbalance in the duality heavily influenced by legal and social factors; too much Yin (negative) force and not enough respect and appeciation for the Yang (positive) force in all aspects of Western Society. The fact that men these days are expected to be the submissive, soft force rather than celeb…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:50 AM
3

This. The hottest, nastiest stuff is always in the beginning or at new stages like the honeymoon or after the engagement. Almost never years into an LTR or marriage. I've never heard anybody say "I remember that one night, when the infant was colic and the toddler was having nightmares, we turned to each other exhausted... and wow!!!" Very rarely, there might be 1 or 2 memorable hot times, but when you think about it with all women, or just one woman, it's Pareto: 80%+ of the hot stuff baby toni…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:26 AM
2

Total rewrite of our story. Everyone who knew us and spent time with us said she was happy the whole time (never noticed anything off). Happened to a buddy of mine, 18-20 years together and suddenly the whole marriage was her feeling obligated to be a wife and mother and settle with a nice guy. Went with some dude she hooked up with briefly in HS after leaving him, it lasted a whopping 6 months. They like to Retcon their history, they always have to be a victim.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:16 AM
5

Ha! I listen to TV shows or rock out while sweeping and mopping or spot swiffering. I don't even bother when washing dishes, because it takes longer to find something to listen to than just to do it. "Oh my mental load! Washing dishes, boo hoo." A once every 2-3 day swiffer takes care of 90% of the dust and dirt.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:11 AM
4

Mine had a housekeeper and complained about having to give her a shopping list.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:08 AM
2

Yep, I don't like pasta but the kids take after the mom. It's just boiling water with a pinch of salt and toss the pasta in until it's soft. Seriously it's a 15 minute task and about 3/4 of it is just waiting. As for home fries (cheaper than frozen and multipurpose side for any meal inc. breakfast), just chop up a few potatoes and throw them in the air fryer for 7 minutes, then oil and salt and fry for another 7 minutes. Again, 3/4 is waiting and the chopping and prep and plating is fractional t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:04 AM
6

I have them almost every weekend, so not the same level, but it's easy if you meal prep, clean as you go, and make zones for them to mess up to limit the damage and dirt. The difference between 1 person and 4 people is that you wash 4 cups and plates instead of 1, or an extra 5 minutes, without a dishwasher. You're still just washing one skillet, air fry drawer, or pot for 1 or for 4. As a kid of the 80s, all my parents and friends parents were F/T or close to it, and still handled the housework…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:13 AM
16

Buddies, I had her for almost 7-8 years with a housekeeper and 3 of those with a nanny on top of it all. You know what she complained about? Having to make lists of what she wanted done or brought from the store or cooked for herself. "Muh Mental Load". Since I did all the nighttime feedings and diaper changes, and the help was around from 7-7 every day, she was the only new mother on the planet getting a minimum of 7 hours sleep nightly. Very rarely after 3AM (I worked afternoons being remote i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:10 AM
2

First, there are guys who have never lived outside their parental home and are older than you. Second, there's no shame in being with your parent who cares for you while you dust yourself off and get ready to re-launch. Third, you're young as heck, you have so many more things to do and look forward to and plenty of time to do it in. Take it as you learned a valuable lesson much earlier than most guys do. It's much more of a bear in your 40s - almost twice as old as you are - as it is at 23. Thi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:31 AM
1

Right. Also, it assumes a man's job is just to soldier through all of life without having a moment to recoup, relax, let loose, or have some time for himself and his own thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:30 AM
1

Came here to say just this. Sell NOW! Consult with an attorney about the division that would work with the courts but the RE market, despite what homeowners and the NAR desperately want to believe, is going to eventually react to a near doubling of interest rates, demographic pressure, and economics.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:32 AM
2

The reason marriage counselors put it all on the guy is that they quickly learn women don't put any effort into things. Esp. "Conflict Resolution Strategies". Women simply go full emotional, and if you remind them to follow the Strategies the Counselor gave, they'll be like "Paaah!!!!" There's a study on this: Dudes who were skeptical about it turn to them, but women, no matter how enthusiastic they were in the counselor's office, toss them aside the moment an argument ensures. Sadly, don't have…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:27 AM
2

Get a lawyer and check with the USCG about available legal and personal assistance resources. Don't hesitate to use them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:24 AM
1

Twice in my life, once from my ex when we were married and I caught her red handed BSing about something she was supposed to do, swore she did, but didn't. The other time when I came home with a friend early from a hiking trip and we entered HIS apartment, to find another guy jumping out the fire escape. I heard the Extistential Groan. It sounds like "ZUUUUUUHHHHHHLLLL!" from Ghostbusters. When they're absolutely caught and can't wiggle out. By the way, the friend's cheating GF came out and trie…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:20 AM
2

The best advice of all is to start some exercise program: Gym, using bands or light weights in the house, or just making a habit of taking a 20-30 minute walk after dinner to music or podcasts. It'll take effort at first, but eventually it will become a habit and then you'll MISS not doing it. One thing that's fun is to look over a few hobbies that you used to do or were curious about and dip your toes in the water.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:15 AM
3

You're really dodging a bullet here, brother. Or at least getting away with a flesh wound. It might be easier & quicker than you think since it looks like you don't have many assets like a house nor are there children. The truth about PhDs, esp. in a Liberal Art or Social Science, many of them wander from lecturer contract job to lecturer contract job that pays LESS than what Teachers make in most states, with less health & pension benefits. My Best Buddy's brother is a mid-level TSA officer who…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 11:46 PM
3

Demand greatly exceeds supply. Perhaps less than 5% of women, but many times that many men.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 11:40 PM
1

And she waited until her late 30s to marry, too. Another bad idea for men: If she's mid-late 30s, you've got a decade before menopause strikes. Add in a kid - which will be a geriatric pregnancy by definition (35+) with a high risk of complications like gestational diabetes (which can become Type 2 with attendant weight issues very easily) - and recovery time and you're basically saying: "I only want regular sex (if lucky) for a few years in return for a lifetime of responsibility and sacrifice"
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:28 PM
20

They deserve to know because she's going to lean on them with victim stories. And you're doing a good deed in the process. Many men are conflict adverse and while there's a time to choose not to amplify, I think the parents deserve to know the truth, especially given the depth of your relationship with them. It may also benefit you later in many ways: How they talk about you with your kids (if any), your social standing if it's a small town, etc. But definitely wait until all is said and done di…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 09:27 AM
1

It's ALWAYS the "Guy you don't have to worry about." Listen to the way they interact with each other, they use the same tactics on men. One gal will assure another she's still the BFF and then one day the old BFF is completely dropped.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 09:24 AM
1

He's absolutely right. I've seen this happen so many times. Cheater cheats on the next one, and the next one, and the "Superhot dude who is so much better than my ex" becomes "Lousy bum who didn't deserve me." They used to say "Has Issues", now they say "Toxic" or "Caused Trauma" or whatever. Even "Open Relationship" existed, but more subtle and sneaky - it was called "Taking a Break". That's when she looked for your replacement, had one in mind, or was already cheating. If she came back, it did…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 09:05 AM
2

Once when I was about your age I met a gal at a party. I wasn't even that super into her, but boy she rode me like a government mule and put me back wet for months. She would tilt her head and give me the lovey-dovey eyes all the time; the look the gals give when they're into you. Always trying to touch me and snuggle close. I hardly did a thing for this gal, either. Maybe ordered a pizza we shared and rented a movie (this was the 90s). Hardly any 'dates' other than 'let's go to the diner' once …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 09:01 AM
1

Delay the vasectomy! It can mess with your body chemistry. They can occasionally be non-reversible, too, esp. with time. Also, Vasectomies don't prevent STDs so it's not going to prevent all the negatives of doing it "Green and Organic Style".
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 08:48 AM
2

Depends on the state and even the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 08:22 AM
2

Women treat men the way they treat their female "friends" and coworkers. Listen to any clique of schoolgirls, it doesn't change with time, they only become more cunning or subtle. Once they fall out of love (respect) with a guy, that's it, he gets the same manipulation and social hierarchy dominance powerplays other women get.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 08:07 AM
1

Keep working on older son, don't quit. Call just to check in on his ass. I guess he was probably up to some moron young guy shit in college? Chalk it up to being a young idiot and drop it for now. In a few years, he's going to be stunned at how much you've learned (that's a Mark Twain joke about many young guys thinking their father is an idiot until they've been there and learned the 'why' behind dad's thinking for themselves).
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:28 AM
3

"You're not a good daddy! A good daddy would take me to Disney (Cancun/Vineyard BnBs) 3x a year, buy me a new pony (BMW), and spend all his hours listening to me complain about my Teacher" is basically what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:21 AM
3

Hypergamy. She feels it's time to trade up or she thinks she is. Nevermind most of the time the new shiny fades pretty fast, and she finds herself another 35-50 year old single woman.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:18 AM
2

This. And unless they have strong female rolemodels/relatives shutting that crap down and in regular contact/living with her, it has no remedy. I mean like Aunt Mabel or her Mother constantly telling her how lucky she is and how much you do, either daily or near daily on the phone or physically present every day to tell her. Or a widowed cube mate or something. And that is no guarantee. Other than that, her coworkers or just her stupid Facebook Moms Group will be insurrmountable. Add Media and E…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:16 AM
3

One weird tell I've seen happen to a couple of guys I know: The sex goes from decent (1-3x/week) to non-existent very quickly, but the wife/LTR is ready to dole out the heavy petting/downtown appointments to keep him quiet and clueless. It's usually "I have something irritating down there" or something else. This means she wants to keep the finances or isn't sure of the grip on her target guy, as she's halfway gone but not 100% certain.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:08 AM
2

Translation: Boss' wife caught him and gave him an ultimatium. He chose the wife, and now she's back grovelling. Common one is when the guy tells folks he's seperated, all these coworker and friend group females begin to swirl around or pounce, and the wife is like "What the hell! I'm the prize? Aren't I?" especially if she's over 35. Oldest story in the book: 35=45 wife ditches similarly aged man, and after she gets used by her supervisor/physical trainer/coworker, she looks over and sees he's …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:05 AM
4

The internet is a good thing sometimes. You used to have to have a chance convo with a guy in a bar or airport waiting area and the topic had to somehow go to relationshits. Now we can all see: It's not because she was SO AMAZING she got a guy in a few days or a couple of weeks; he was at least in her radar screen before the break up, if not already in her scoop or tractor beam.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:00 AM
2

Once every few months, I'll dream I'm kissing her hiney trying to make her happy, wake up at 4AM in my bedroom - with all the fixin's I like from the cool blue paint to the matching curtains and the "nebula" machine spitting out Astronomy Space Documentary music ("Drone Zone" on soma.fm, check it out) and be Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.... no more of that Cookie Raisin Apple Pie. And those once-in-a-blue-moon nightmares become happy thoughts as I drift back into blessed rest.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 01:56 AM
5

Agreed, 11.5 years together, a fun weekend celebrating her pre-disertation for her PhD and the next Monday she ends it. Like we were good and poof. Less than 3 weeks into separation she sleeps with this guy she claims she wasn't talking to before the split. I know that's a crock of shit. All while trying to string me along saying maybe we look at getting back together in December. She was manipulating me and I wasn't the wiser. Asked her for boundaries and to stop sleeping around till December. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 01:53 AM
2

Yes sir, OP keep reading this subreddit and others. It's as common as Subway Franchises.. at some point you wonder how they all stay in business. My coworker got the whole "Retcon" of how she felt "pressured" to be married and have kids. Reality, she went with some dude from HS 15-20 years ago, it lasted 6 mos., and she hinted a few times about getting back together after she left him to eat pray love.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 01:49 AM
4

Another member for the Eat. Pray. Love. Best Life FOMO YOLO Cult. Nothing to do here, just to cover your exit as best as possible. Once they are done, they are done. In a few years she odds are even steven she'll be trying to get back with you once she realizes 40+ women don't get a second chance at being pretty princess to be fawned over for life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:31 AM
2

Once they get into the "My husband is the source of all my problems" mode, nothing anybody says, does, or points to will change their mind. Case in point: MomLifeComics and the Last Ripe Peach.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:27 AM
5

"I can't believe one of the 4 guys in my roster found another gal. These guys ain't loyal!"
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:25 AM
5

Brother, it happens to us all. All the vacations, magic moments, etc. are excised from her mind as she obsesses over Eat. Pray. Love. stuff. It's wild, but that's how it is. It makes you appreciate the Ancients and their wisdom vs. the "experiences" culture today.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:14 PM
2

Exercise and time. You can start by taking walks, getting cheap bands and watching youtube, or go to the gym. The latter is the best as it gets you out of the house besides work. It takes two to tango, and if she don't want to dance that's on her, not you. Whenever you feel an urge to contact her, take a walk. Get a cheap MP3 player if you feel tempted to call her while walking. Change your music from sadness to energy. Less Air Supply, more Motley Crue. Less Sad Country, more Tractor Rap. Or wh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:12 PM
3

You've been liberated, but haven't realized it yet. Your anger is normal and it seems you understand it's an initial phase. Exercise is key here. Use the anger fuel to benefit your health and well-being and establish healthy habits Working out, you can go to a gym, you can buy cheap bands and follow some workouts on Youtube, or you can stand by walking after dinner. It's a great time to redevelop hobbies you've had to give up, and do hours-long research on new diets, hobbies, ways of living with…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:08 PM
3

Correct. Also consider exercise. You don't have to start by lifting. You can start by walking after dinner or lunch, just 20 minutes. Listen to a podcast about a hobby or interest while doing it. You can buy bands for very cheap and use them, plenty of instrux on youtube.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 06:48 PM
4

Consult with an attorney, get an order, have the Sheriff come with you. Also, get your name off the utilities ASAP. Not your residence, not your circus.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 06:46 PM
1

This. 90% of the time, it might be an advantage not to move. BUT, what about the 10% when it's fake claims and so forth like what happened to you. If you had just moved out and crashed somewhere, much of this wouldn't ave happened. A lot of guys have had this situation happen. Sometimes better safe than sorry. Some guys do months in jail for something they never did, or weeks in jail and 5 figure lawyer bills ON TOP OF divorce expenses to get out of false charges.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 04:25 AM
2

This. Guys nights have to be scheduled in advance. Poker night, movie night, grill and beer night, whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 04:20 AM
2

Most Modern Churchians are as gynocentric as the rest of society, sadly. They're filled with "Serial Monogamists" who are on their 3rd marriage by 35. Each one of their spouses was somehow an alcoholic (drank a six pack during Sunday Afternoon Football), a cheater (Projection, he was faithful and she projected HER cheating with the guy at work onto him), or a bum (legit got laid off for economic reasons but needed more than 2 months to find a specific skill set job in the area at same pay). But …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 04:03 AM
2

Trust your gut. ALWAYS trust your intuition. Listen to other posters - he is the monkey branch or at least inspiration for it. That's why she mentioned separating. You mentioned it and many guys are telling you - some of us have ignored the gut feeling and suffered for it - so listen to it. Since divorce is on the horizon, don't make a stink over it as it might keep her distracted, but it's time to talk to a lawyer and start putting aside money. One way to do it in small amounts - at least enoug…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 03:57 AM
1

My ex used her Masters Degree in Education (her bach was in Music) as a justification for being right about everything and every fad in existence. "You don't understand because you didn't read a chapter on something 7 years ago like I did."
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:44 AM
2

Woman sets boundaries, expetations, and standards: "Strong and Independent" Man sets boundaries, expectations, and standards: "Gaslighting Narcissist" Once you see the Gynocentrism, you can't unsee it. Even most of the songs. From "Suddenly Last Summer" by the Motels to "The One That Got Away" by Katie Perry, for example: Alpha Widows can never led Chad go. See also "Titanic" when the thoughts of an aged Matriarch are not on her husband for half a century, but on one Chad for a weekend once long…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:42 AM
1

Back in the 80s, we used to say "Who first smelt it, dealt it." Many of this Narcissism obsession stuff is because there's a lot of maybe not Narcissistic, but Solipsistic people out there. Can you blame them when they've been told "You're special." "The Future is Female" "Get Your Bag" "Girl Power; Women can do everything" 24-7-365 in School, Society, even most Churches...
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:39 AM
2

"Radical Honesty" is a great book. And you can be funny about it. I tell coworkers or friends trying to set me up: "I like women, but only in small doses." and "They're like chocolate mousse, too much to have every single day" after I say I won't get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:30 AM
1

I have never seen so many permateens in my life as it is today. I know it's not all Millennials, and as an Xer I've seen my own and a handful of boomers with it, but Man oh Man it's far, far, far more common in Millennial Women
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:20 AM
1

This has been a thing for a while, just the internet is making it more observable. In other eras, they were really into Britney, Madonna, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:14 AM
1

We're gaslighted/brainwashed by society. Ask any man OR woman, when was the hottest sex ever? 90% of the time, it will be on a vacation with somebody met there, a one-night stand with a stranger, in the beginning of a relationship, the summer fling, study abroad semester, etc. Now, if BOTH men and women have the hottest sex with strangers, how can it be "Emotional Connection"? How much emotional intimacy can you have with somebody you met a few hours or days ago at most? Just like "It's not the …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:03 AM
2

Just wait until you find out about the ORIGINAL plot to "Pretty Woman" before it was brought by Disney.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:45 AM
3

I had this as well. Wife had multiple fender benders, but backseat drove though I drove a cab for 2 years in Boston (before Uber), commuted 1-2 hours for 7 years in my life, and have been driving for 30 years accident free. My one and only 'accident' in my entire life was hydropaning my 1980 Ford Econoline Van into a tree when I was 17 yo during a torrential downpour, simple inexperience, but not even a dent in the bumper or busted light, just a jolt.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:39 AM
6

This is one of the BIGGEST reasons for divorce. Another one is sabotaging anything you're trying to do; mine liked to pick a fight with me on the way out the door to do sales calls as my second job. She would wait until I woke up, had breakfast, got dressed, and start a fight just as I was stuffing my keys and wallet in my pocket. At the time, she was "Starting a business" which apparently involved starting 5 different tasks, working on them for 15 minutes each in succession, getting nothing don…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:37 AM
1

Many women want the weekday schedule: A) because a woman who only gets kids on the weekends is seen (Usually correctly in today's court system) as SO crazy/addicted/irresponsible, she couldn't get what most ex-wives get. **Most Women will fight like hell to protect their social reputation at all costs** B) They can party on the weekend and they want to be free when most other people are free, even if they are in a field where odd hours pay more (ex. nursing) C) The kids are in school most of the…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:56 AM
1

Document your child going to the "Creepy" shop and ask your attorney. A child being taken to an adult store is a criminal act and may very well be a factor in custody
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:03 PM
8

Her: "You need to work on your communication skills" Him: "Okay" Some days later, she is acting oddly and distant. Day One, PM Him "Is everything okay?' Her "Yes" Day Two, AM Him "Is everything okay?' Her "Yes" Day Two, PM Him "Is everything okay?'Her "Yes" Day Three, PM Him "Are you sure you're okay?'Her "Yes" Day Four, PM Her: "YoU NeVeR sHoW cOncErN for My Feelz!" Him: "I asked you THREE times in as many days if you were okay!" Her: "You should asked a FOURTH time - it's clear YoU DoNt CaRe! …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 09:50 PM
1

Zoloft helped me understand the classic song "Now I'm feeling zombified". 6-8 weeks once a long time ago and never again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:05 PM
16

Friend, I don't even want to tell you but let me put it this way: Men find themselves by quiting a job they hate and hiking the Appalachian Trail, or learning to Weld, or hitting the gym and seeing if they can get fit. Women do not. They find themselves by having new interactions with new people. No women 'finds themselves' by taking a ceramics class. They do things for emotional reasons, and while we all experience emotions, most women cannot even begin to grin and bear or push through feelings…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:58 PM
1

Barbarism comes because of a lack of patriarchy. There are no matriarchical societies because they offer nothing to men to defend or participate in in the long term. The idea that constantly expanding openness and freedom will continually produce more benefits is misguided. Just like donut consumption, there is a point where consuming additional donuts produce diminishing returns and eventually negative effects (heartburn, obesity, etc.) I can't speak for other countries, but in the West general…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:51 PM
1

The reaction to agriculture/settled life was to institute marriage, since there's no other way to get men to put up with Chief Chad having all the women while they scythe barley in his fields. The bulk of the men would just leave and form their own unit or join others. Soon, all of the women would have been abducted from Chad as no Chad can fight off 20 guys, even with a couple of his loyal buddies. Because of that, we've had 99% of human progress all in the last 10,000 years. The 990k years bef…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:43 PM
1

In HS, my friend JP told me to come on Church teen retreats with him, and as a wiseguy agnostic I wasn't interested. He told me it was a lot of fun. Finally broke down and went, and those girls and the stuff that went on was as bad or worse than the Goth Gang I hung with. Also the gossip about what their moms were up to was an eye opener, but being a young guy I wasn't paying attention as marriage and so forth was to me far in the future at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:48 PM
2

Knocking on 50's door, I've seen the change between geophysical/social circle dating and online dating. Gals used to be pretty educated in their actual looks ranking back in the day, 90s into 2000s. They still tried to land Chad, but accepted they were Mid. Now any gal that isn't physically deformed/obese thinks they're top tier. I see gals that even as a young buck 20-year old I would have been "She's okay, maybe cute with different outfit and makeup" carry themselves as if they are hot stuff. …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:44 PM
4

Mine showed me a video fo some trophy wife with lots of household help and trying to be an "Entrepreneur" by private labelling some makeup crap make overseas. She was complaining of the "Mental Load" from having to tell the nanny, housekeeper, etc. what to do, that her husband paid for. She was like "Do you understand mental load, now?" And I was like yep, you are my mental load. A few days later she said "What's your problem?" And I said "You are my problem." And so I filed!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:05 PM
1

Serial Monogamy and Social Media and Femidolatry, three things most Churches won't touch with a ten foot pole. Modern Churchians love Ephesians 5:25, but cower from 22-24.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 09:16 AM
2

Reasons marriage therapists put it all on the men is: A) They know the woman almost never follows through. Not even conflict resolution strategy type stuff. In fact, when things get rough, it's the skeptical man who will try using it but the emotional female who will be like "Conflict Schmonflict! Muh Emotions!" B) They know if the woman doesn't feel validated, they will lose a client. Whereas men will take it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 09:15 AM
1

And that's also why there are no matriarchies that have survived.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:59 AM
2

Gone in a year is Absolutely typical.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:58 AM
1

One of the core problems is Non-Traditional Women insist on having a Trad Husband.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:52 AM
1

Fun Fact - the guy the Eat. Pray. Love author ended up with, the Argentine guy... He's long in the past. She in middle age has had half a dozen other soulmates, including a lesbian relationship. We need a law appending "What really happened in the Writer's life" to the end of all these Explore and word that rhymes with it movies and bookes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:51 AM
1

Look at one of the Jonas Brothers, just got divorced from Sansa Stark, in just 3 years despite 2 kids. She wanted to get back on the party wagon. This gal had him on a poster on her wall when she was in HS; It doesn't get more Alpha First Imprint than being on a teen's wall as a hearthrob.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:13 AM
1

Largest bridal wear market share company in the US is in bankruptcy, I think maybe for the 2nd time in decade. Jewelers are expecting declining sales and have stopped hiring as the post-COVID dating and marriage boom hasn't materialized. Demographically, 40% college ed Millie women are childless are unmarried and averaging 33-34 years old, the clock is ticking.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:08 AM
1

Like Schwartzenegger (whose maid affair and child was before he was married, and she was cheating with his campaign manager), his name was dragged through the dirt, and no surprise it's her that was the crazy one. Though, Arnie's wife was definitely no prize in the looks department at any stage of her life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:01 AM
0

He was still cheated on, and his response to her Ju-jitsu hookup suggested it wasn't the first time she acted up. He made out because she's richer than him by a quite a few million.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:59 AM
1

Misery loves company; a lot of them fake being happy to others to get them to join the misery. Many Cool Wine Aunts are anything but that when alone by themselves. They'll post about the time they went on the vineyard tour, but not the other 29-30 days of the month they spent drinking the product alone with cats and Reba Reruns.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:51 AM
1

What is this light on the dashboard that won't go away?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:47 AM
1

I take it you also had that moment when the filters broke and you realized all her requests for scheduling/lifestyle changes were about her convenience and not for the kids? That filter breaking is worse than any of her own flaws, and you realize she's only wants to take care of the kids so she doesn't "Look" bad to peers/her famil;y
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:42 AM
2

"The Message" is one sided, from their cradle to grave. You go, girl! Explore and grow your fleeting emotions, then follow it to the end, ride or die!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:31 AM
6

It annoys Tradcons when you point out porn by husbands/fathers is consumed mostly at night after a full day of work and family responsibilities, lasts a few minutes, and that's it 99% of time for 99% of married porn watchers. Just to get rid of the physical urge. But the social media is all day long and quickly becomes the primary source of all affirmation, advice, etc. for married women. They can't put it down at work, dinner table, etc. Even family issues gets run through social media for "opi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:31 AM
4

As a child of the 80s, it's really shocking how little wives are expected to do today, especially SAHMs. Some of the worst social media is SAHMs of school age children complaining about running a house with 3 other people in it. I remember my friend's SAHM moms having plenty of time in the day to General Hospital and Days of our Lives and chat on the Phone in between cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping. How is it I can meal prep for not even a full hour (most of it is waiting for the food to…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:20 AM
6

"You can understand them, or you can love them. "
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:16 AM
3

48 Oysters, and she didn't realize he didn't finish his first drink but never came back from the bathroom. (Warning: if you search this, there is outrageous slurping sounds).
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:17 AM
5

I'm one of the Few 20%ers. I THANK Tiktok. It was some user named Hyphenated-Butters talking about the "Mental Load". My ex was trying to explain her "Mental Load". Keep in mind we lived in a 3rd world country while I made (working mostly remotely with a few trips stateside) the exact median income, but we had a housekeeper, 4 bed 3 bath house. She never washed a dish or made a meal unless she wanted to cook. Since I lived on different time zones, I did all the infant care (diaper, feeding) at n…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:16 AM
2

The whole "Privacy" thing is ridiculous when you've peed in front of each other, share bodily fluid, dishes and mugs, finances, etc. "But you can't see my phone messages about what I claim are boring work projects." It's just an excuse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 04:48 AM
1

You work too much, you're never home. You don't make enough to support us, and we're not living the lifestyle "we" should. And folks, it's NEVER about the dishes. You could wash more Dishes than Ikea Cafeteria on a Saturday afternoon... it's all just an excuse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 04:42 AM
2

I have been in a situation where I came back to my friends place after crap weather killed out 3-day weekend hike. On Sunday, we entered his place just before noon with all our wet gear. Suddenly, the sound of metal clanging and a shadow whisked from the bedroom to the kitchen (where the fire escape was). She actually tried to gaslight him with me standing next to him: "Oh, that was the cable guy. He fixed everything." I kid you not. My friend said "The cable box is in the Living Room" while I s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 04:40 AM
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