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West_Army_160 Archive

View 7 posts and 118 comments by West_Army_160 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I know and I understand that. But what if you’re the cause of his anxieties? Then surely you should take some responsibility in easing them.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/24 06:11 AM
1

I think productive to him means that I say something to help ease his anxieties and frustrations over my behaviour. Taking part in the conversation doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I just need to figure out the right way to do so.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/24 05:01 AM
1

Thank you, I will have a look at the YouTube channel you mention. I do want to bring out the best in him and I’m trying to make him happy. He deserves only the best. It’s just difficult because I cause a lot of his problems even when I try really hard not to. If I ever suggest breaking up (if things are really really bad) he’s adamantly against it. He does want to make it work.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/24 05:00 AM
-1

Yeah… this relationship has definitely shown me I’m too unstable for children ever. I personally don’t want children anymore because of this but I might change my mind because I think he still wants children. It would be difficult to deal with but hopefully counselling and parenting classes and stuff would help.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 09:48 AM
1

Thank you for your insight. I know I really should try to discuss our dynamic during a calmer time. I think maybe I’ve become comfortable with the dynamic and so avoid discussing it? But I can definitely see how that’s unhealthy. Honestly it doesn’t bother me when he’s mean about my family. I don’t care to defend them even if I don’t always agree with what he says. He definitely has resentment which he’s been upfront about. He’s both directly and indirectly angry about it. We’re trying to addres…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 09:44 AM
1

I think so. I do chat with other coworkers/ colleagues occasionally. It’s more like small talk though which I’m okay at. Sometimes more meaningful things are spoken about with people I’m closer with and I contribute a little but I’m generally better at just listening. My friends and I share a more similar sense of humour/ interests so I talk/ share more with them I suppose. And sometimes topics come up that I can speak more on. But I think it’s because they’re “new” topics whereas my boyfriend a…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 09:37 AM
-1

Ah okay, I see what you’re saying about couples counselling. Thank you for the insight! Individual therapy would probably also be good for him but we honestly do desperately need couples counselling to help fix our relationship 😅 I agree it’s difficult to be a soft place in that situation. But again I don’t really mind the things he says. I think I’ve accepted a lot of things so it doesn’t bother me. But I do have a difficult time being vulnerable/ feminine in that way. Which I am working on in …
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 08:18 AM
0

Yes I agree. We are looking for couples counselling ASAP.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 08:15 AM
0

I don’t think he was trying to have a gotcha moment. He genuinely has anxiety over what I’m doing and checking my phone helps soothe this. I really hurt him in the worst way by confirming his fears. That’s what so bad about it. Sure the consequence is that he’s more vigilante about my behaviour now, but honestly that’s probably what I need to prevent myself from acting like that again. As what led to that point was me “putting up boundaries” (gag) and pulling away from his hyper vigilance over m…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 08:13 AM
1

I think he gets annoyed that I don’t respond in a productive way. As he’s said my simple “okays” aren’t reassuring at all and almost help prove his point that I’m XYZ as opposed to if I said “okay my love, I understand. I’m sorry. BUT that’s not true/ you can’t think like that etc etc”.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 08:03 AM
1

I can see what you’re saying and I’ve thought about this too. But honestly I just don’t have any opinions or deep meaningful discussions topics. This related a bit to my previous post looking for conversational topics because I really do not have anything to say and I can tell that frustrates him.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 08:01 AM
-2

He has acknowledged he needs to address his anger. He’s just not sure how. Especially since I’m the cause. I have completed vetting. I don’t think I struggle accepting things anymore. It just took me a bit of time and maturing to do so. I truly have accepted things now I believe. Thank you! I will read through my old post for the advice you mention.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 07:52 AM
1

I really like your description of STFU being neutral! I also agree with what you say about anger. It is a protective emotion and sometimes it’s so intense that it has to be felt. I’ve definitely felt that anger before so I can empathise but even then I don’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say to me that helped my anger. I just had to learn how to get over it and not feel it. From what he’s said there’s a few things I could say I think would help so I will try that. I’ll also maybe …
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/24 07:49 AM
-2

I looked him up with the intention of sending a picture of the profile to my friends. I had made up a story about him being cute to my friends in order to appear cool. That’s definitely inappropriate and desperately insecure and overall not a good look. Especially as I had been preaching to my boyfriend about loyalty.
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/24 03:12 PM
-7

I don’t believe anything my boyfriend says is abusive or a real concern of his. I think he’s mostly just angry. I also don’t have any major concerns about what he says. I’m really not bothered by it. I’m just trying to figure out how to respond in a way that lessens his frustration instead of increasing it. The STFU method seems to have helped but I’ve seemingly gone too far to the point of not saying anything at all when he would actually appreciate a response. I don’t want or expect him to cha…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/24 03:09 PM
-2

I looked a man up on social media and took a screenshot of the profile with the intention of sending it to my friends who I had described him as “cute” to. I deleted the screenshot immediately because I felt bad but my boyfriend later found it on my phone. I have since blocked my friends and been very vigilante about letting my boyfriend know where I am and what I’m doing and answering all his questions etc. Maybe “cheating” is harsh but what I did was extremely inappropriate and showed that I a…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/24 02:54 PM
-2

Thank you for your comment. I’ve asked him what he needs to repair the relationship. He says he doesn’t know. So I’m really just trying to do what I can and wait for counselling to be available. I’m not really sure if I should bring it up again or ask him about the things he told me before about wanting a reaction from me. These issues seem to resolve in the moment once he’s finished saying what he has to say so I feel that bringing it up again would frustrated him and seem like I’m making it ab…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/24 01:59 PM
-8

He didn’t actually cheat on me. I misunderstood the situation. And now I have told him that he can do what he likes as long as I don’t find out about it so there will be no problems in the future. I was verbally abusive earlier on when I misunderstood his “cheating”. I have since apologised and taken responsibility. Therapy has helped and so have the techniques I mentioned in my post. I’m working hard to reprove myself after cheating. We’re trying to arrange counselling. Neither of us is interes…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/24 01:53 PM
-13

He’s angry because I cheated on him. He dislikes my family because they have insulted him when he has only gone above and beyond to be kind to them. I have also been verbally abusive towards him and have acted even worse than he has. We have both acted badly. We are both looking for ways to improve. Hope that gives more context.
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/24 12:08 PM
0

He distrusts me because of my past which I initially wasn’t upfront about and my naivety that caused me to act in inappropriate ways during the relationship (not dressing conservatively, being too friendly with his male friends and having male friends of my own etc etc). I’m aware it takes seconds to break trust and a lifetime to rebuild it. I’m prepared to spend a lifetime doing that and prepared to never have trust again in my relationship. His behaviour isn’t concerning. It’s completely under…
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/24 10:29 AM
-1

I appreciate the concern but my boyfriend is a good man. Him and I both have our faults. He’s had to put up with a lot from me. It wasn’t a unilateral decision from my side to “keep him”. We both decided that we want to make this work. I disagree that it’s trauma bonding. I’m not traumatised by anything that has happened. If anything he’s traumatised by my actions but that’s probably a hypothesis for a therapist to dissect.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/24 01:00 PM
2

You make a really good point! The thing is I used to bring chores and cooking up in a more bubbly way but that never really got me a different response :/ I suppose I never brought it up in a way that could directly involve him in a discussion so I could try doing that. But I’m not really sure how to honestly. He doesn’t really contribute anything to cleaning/ cooking I could comment on and he doesn’t really care how or why or with what new tools/ methods it gets done as long as it does get done…
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/24 06:19 AM
-1

We’ve already decided that we’ll make this relationship work no matter what so it would be a bit selfish and harsh to go back on that and start vetting.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/24 05:40 AM
1

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the advice :) I’ll read through the links but honestly I’m not looking to vet at all. The bids for connection article looks very promising! I should also spend some time thinking back to what we spoke about in the beginning and trying to remember all the good things that have maybe been buried a bit.
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/24 04:59 PM
2

Haha that study would explain why they can sometimes tune you out and not be able to answer whatever question you ask them at the end of talking 😂 I’ll definitely try to learn more things and talk to him about whatever I’ve learnt. I might just need to work on my confidence to be able to do that but I think self care is helping with that. Thank you for the advice!
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/24 09:08 AM
1

Maybe. But I think I’m just awkward. I need a little extra help to make things flow naturally.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 05:09 PM
2

You make a really excellent point :) thank you. I think I’ve lost a bit of my excitement due to his disapproval. Trust is also a bit of an issue so any deviation from my normal (ie. “Oh it was so exciting because I did/ saw xyz”) can cause some anxiety in him. Therefore I try to keep it neutral with a simple “my day was good. (everyday thing) was good” and so I get a bit stuck when he asks for more detail because I’m not sure how to meet his expectations without going overboard and creating anxi…
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 04:25 PM
1

That’s a really good way to look at it :) I definitely could put in a little more effort and energy for an approach like that. Thank you! It’s also probably a good idea to approach him with a few options in a more indirect “hey I’ve been thinking of trying x or y, what do you think?” rather than flat out asking him to tell me what to do. I’ll try and think of a few things I can do with my limited time and resources 😅 then take it to him for his opinion.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:38 PM
2

I’m honestly not so eager haha. I’ve actually been quite terrible lately but I’m trying to make a bit more of an effort now! We’re in a bit of a limbo due to some other issues in our relationship but I’m trying to just focus on one minor issue at a time rather than trying to fix everything at once. If anything I haven’t been giving him any positive reinforcement or respect or care lately. I’ve been in a more neutral route which he’s expressed unhappiness about. So this is an attempt to fix the s…
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:34 PM
1

Aw, that all sounds so lovely! I guess my hobbies are more solitary other than cooking which I of course include him in (but he doesn’t really care to hear about how or why I’ve made whatever dish 😅). I might try picking up a more “inclusive” hobby or even just one that he “approves” of for lack of a better word. I’ll try and ask him what he thinks a good hobby would be. I’m excited about my own hobbies but I feel that I hide my joy because I know he doesn’t really approve of my hobbies. I know …
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:26 PM
1

That’s a good idea! And I have tried that half heartedly but I really struggle finding things that might amuse him :/ I’m often clutching at straws and even then I don’t come up with anything worthwhile. I really need to sit down and somehow find out how to target his specific interests when looking for articles and stuff. I need to find a way to ask him about his interests indirectly as whenever I ask directly he doesn’t really give an answer. It probably is a symptom of a larger issue… but I s…
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:16 PM
2

Aw, I really like that! I’m a bit self conscious doing things like that because I find it hard to navigate the line between childlike wonder vs childish/ irritating. It’s a bit of an insecurity of mine however I am working on it as I do believe he would appreciate an approach like that even if he’d become exasperated by it at times. I can definitely work on having a more cheerful attitude when asking him questions! And practicing different more unique questions to ask him rather than my usual.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:12 PM
1

Sometimes. But it’s hard to find solid topics that we have in common and can discuss. He appreciates when I’m sweet and seems more interested then. I’ve been having trouble with this lately but am working on my self care to overcome it :)
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:07 PM
1

Thank you. I’ll definitely work on my listening skills alongside my conversational skills. Maybe being more engaged in what he’s saying will make me seem more interesting to him. Like a bit of a cheerleader I suppose - bubbly and bright.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 03:06 PM
3

Thank you :) you’re very right. I think I’ve just been a bit discouraged from constantly getting it “wrong”. But there must eventually be something he finds interesting!
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 01:19 PM
0

Thank you! That’s a good idea. I’ve done that a couple times but the issue is that he then wants me to speak and actually say something rather than just ask questions and respond. He feels that I don’t actually add anything to the conversation.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/24 12:09 PM
1

I don’t think I’m hanging on for the benefits. I don’t think either of us are providing each other with any crazy good benefits right now unfortunately. I think that’s quite an accurate assessment honestly. I am waiting for my own mind to change and mature. If only I had been different maybe this wouldn’t have happened or maybe it just wouldn’t have bothered me much. And if only I was different now and thinking different then I wouldn’t be so miserable and I wouldn’t be making him so miserable. …
/r/RedPillWomen16/12/23 08:00 AM
1

I just don’t want to be selfish. He chose me for a reason. He saw potential that I’m failing to live up to which is why I’m unhappy. If I could just learn to submit to him then he would be happy and I would eventually be happy. This is my purpose in life and I’m failing. Letting go would just be me admitting that I’m too selfish and damaged to make a relationship work and that I haven’t changed my values as much as I needed to. I’d basically just be a cum rag for every future guy that comes alon…
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/23 07:31 AM
1

We had a rough beginning to our relationship where I lied/ wasn’t explicitly clear about my past. He was of course very angry and lost his respect and trust for me. The things he called me during his anger, while true and effective in making me examine and change my behaviour, were still very hurtful. He’s apologised but I still struggle to fully let it go. In addition, because he didn’t trust me he became more hyper vigilant of what I was doing and my devices eg. questioning my location, having…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/23 09:49 AM
1

Shamefully I wasn’t good at submitting to him even before this happened due to behaviours from him that while innocuous, I was not ready to accept. I fear and I know that my inability to submit and give him what he needed led to his infidelity. I know it’s not completely my fault but I recognise the role I played. The issue is that now it will be so much harder to submit. We have a long road ahead if this relationship is ever going to be healthy.
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/23 06:09 AM
1

Thank you for your comment, it’s really helpful to see your experience. I’m also really sorry that you’re going through something so awful. But you sound like you’re handing it all very gracefully. Self care is something I’m trying but it honestly seems like a drop in the ocean. Positive affirmations are a really good idea! I think maybe I need to do some more self care first or something though because there’s just this terrible weight and anger in my chest that makes me almost unwilling to try…
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/23 05:53 AM
1

Oh goodness, that's terrible! Honestly the behaviour of some of these men...
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/23 09:17 AM
2

I know :( Honestly there were things in the beginning in the vetting stage (that I wasn't all too knowledgeable about) that made me think he wasn't a right match but he always encouraged me that things were fine or whatever reason I had was silly. Which he was absolutely right in some cases! Especially things concerning my more liberal values which I've now managed to change. There was also the fact that I broke his trust very early on due to my past and so we weren't really on balanced footing …
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/23 07:42 AM
1

Yeah the "doesn't really think about me when I'm not there" did shock me. To be fair to him he's not saying these things maliciously or yelling them harshly in my face so I guess he's not trying to hurt be but just be honest. I think he meant it partly like he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions when I'm not there so he acts more single because he feels like it? I don't even know how to try and justify that one and at this point I sort of don't care. I think what is going on is that…
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/23 07:34 AM
1

Yeah his age has always been a bit of a sore point for me, especially in the beginning because he wasn't completely upfront about it and he'd often say how he knows better because he's older and has more life experience etc etc. This never seemed quite right to me but I always thought "okay maybe he's right and I simply don't see it because I'm too young and I just need to wait to grow up blah blah". I just wish he tried to encourage me to 'grow up/ change' in a more positive way rather than dem…
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/23 07:05 AM
3

Yes, these are unfortunately the same things I've been thinking. During our almost breakup talk he did admit to having issues that he needed to and wanted to work on. But I haven't seen any action and honestly at this point I'm not even sure if him suddenly doing all the right things would help any.
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 04:22 PM
2

I love the tone of your reply! Haha, thank you. It looks like it's coming up to decision time and despite have absolutely no self-respect even I know I'll most likely have to make some difficult ones.
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 04:20 PM
6

Yeah... I know I'm really just clutching at straws here trying to find the magic answer. I'm such a doormat in this relationship that breaking up will be difficult for me especially as he doesn't want to at all. I've already had failed attempts at this and the whole thing is just really sad. But I guess it really is a case of I either need to shut up and be happy or leave.
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 04:16 PM
3

Yes that's how I thought.
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 12:19 PM
-3

Yes I agree. I know he doesn't respect me because of my past. I did try to leave a few times in the beginning when I felt things were getting too toxic (he was very angry about my past and would call me many unsavoury things that I still struggle to get over today despite his apologies) but he always encouraged me to stay. I couldn't maintain my boundaries and always gave in. So yes, I know he doesn't respect me and hasn't respected me and I know I definitely don't respect myself anymore. I'm so…
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 12:16 PM
3

Yes I agree. The funny (not really) thing is that when I asked him what he would do if the roles were reversed he said he would leave me. He expects fidelity from me without compromise but can't provide me the same thing. And his explanation is always the old "it's different for men and for women" argument.
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 12:08 PM
-22

Thank you for your comment. I know this is irrational but it feels wrong to want to leave him because he's not been a good captain. He's always said that relationships are a lot of work and they aren't always happy so it feels like my expectations are unrealistic and I simply need to work harder and not think so childishly about wanting to be happy.
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 11:57 AM
-5

I don't know if he understands his actions almost lost me. He seemed to understand after the almost-breakup (he said he understood) but barely an hour after this talk he got upset that I wasn't willing to be intimate or sweet with him. This makes me feel like he doesn't really understand how I'm feeling. He contacted this woman sporadically throughout our relationship and recently met with her when he was in another city. She claims he tried to kiss her, had dating apps on his phone he was swipi…
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 09:43 AM
2

Thank you for your reply. To be fair to him he claims that nothing actually happened and that the other woman was lying. I have trouble believing him and even if he's telling the truth he still ended up in an inappropriate situation. I think in his mind he's done everything he could have so the ball is now in my court so to speak. It may come across like that in my posts but honestly... I'm not as infatuated as I should be. I have very few positive emotions nowadays towards him but I suppose I'm…
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/23 08:53 AM
2

Thank you! I don’t believe your own opinions and biases are leeching out at all and I do appreciate your comments.
/r/RedPillWomen29/10/23 05:30 AM
1

Thank you for your reply.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 03:00 PM
1

I’m a late commenter and also don’t mean to take any attention away from this post but your last paragraph has really resonated with me! I want to ask if you think there’s any tangible solution when you get to the point of not really trusting and even not really caring due to continuous digs? Or is it really a case of consciously choosing to accept this behaviour and move on from any resentment it caused (in my case these digs were made at the start of the relationship and have become a very rar…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 02:16 PM
2

Thank you for your reply. I’ll consider asking him these questions but honestly I think I already know the answers (nothing bad) and he really dislikes when I ask any ‘talking about our relationship’ questions like this so I think it’ll just be something I keep in my back pocket.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 02:01 PM
2

I’ve tried to exaggerate my response to his other jokes that I find genuinely funny. The only issue is that our humor really rarely aligns so it’s not quite gleaning the results I want. But I’ll definitely continue to do this! Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:58 PM
2

Thank you for your comment, I like the idea of leaning into my disapproval. If my STFU tactic doesn’t work I might try that to see how it goes. I also like what you said about being risk averse. I think that describes me quite well in social situations and thinking on it now, is something he’s a bit annoyed by too which could further explain some of his frustration. These comments are very useful! I’m worried I may start clogging up this Reddit page with more posts looking for advice about vario…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:57 PM
1

I was extremely worried about future children picking up things like this which I really wouldn’t want. He’s seemed to compromise by somewhat agreeing that he would try to not make such jokes until the children are 18 similar to how I wouldn’t be allowed to discuss any liberal views I have. However children are probably a ways off as he’s expressed some doubt in my ability to be a good mother and we obviously have quite a few issues to work out in our relationship before becoming more serious an…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:54 PM
1

I think that perhaps I was too extreme in my joke example and didn’t relay is as it was said (I think it’s difficult to properly relay jokes). I’ve also mentioned in another comment that while I have worried about him being racist or discriminatory he’s assured me he isn’t and has explained why in great detail (he’s simply using stereotypes as part of jokes and wouldn’t be offended at all if someone made such stereotypical jokes about him).
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:51 PM
2

Thank you for your reply. Your explanation of right wing vs left wing and men vs women humor/ socialisation was genuinely a delight to read and very informative. I do agree that it’s partly one of his ways of measuring how much I’ve adapted to more right wing views. And his frustration arises from me not being as far along as he would have expected by now. I’m not sure if you mean that I should just have no response at all. If that’s the case, I have tried that but he’ll either ask for a respons…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:45 PM
1

Yes, I am aware that some of his “jokes” border on (or are completely, in my opinion,) racist. However I’ve brought this up a few times and he’s reassured me that he doesn’t think anyone lesser than him but he’s simply using stereotypes as part of his jokes and he wouldn’t be offended if someone did the same thing using stereotypes about him. I think I can understand that and accept it. I just think the use of stereotypes for humor can easily become distasteful and classless so I don’t find it f…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:26 PM
1

Thank you for your comment. It’s something I’ve thought about too and am pretty worried about but I’m sure that it’s simply a consequence of me being too young and once I grow up and mature a little more my beliefs will become more aligned with his. He’s also reassured me of this being the case.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/23 01:21 PM
1

Thank you! I’ll try the “taking it literal” approach, that’s a really good idea. I’ll look into early 2000s comedies for us to watch as well. We do watch some movies like that and I do laugh alongside him when that type of humor is used (perhaps not as much as he does) but the main issue does seem to be his own jokes. I think it really just is him hating the remnants of my more liberal mindset as his comments have seeped into other aspects of our life recently so I can definitely work on that co…
/r/RedPillWomen27/10/23 09:14 AM
-8

Yes, that is his type of humor. The most recent joke was about some black colleagues I work with and how I should be careful because they’re a bunch of criminals. I didn’t really find this joke funny but I did smile/ giggle and simply said “yeah” but he obviously expected more laughter and he knows that I don’t find these things funny so that prompted the whole conversation. Other repeating jokes are nicknames he has for me which I don’t like and find disrespectful. I’ve tried asking him not to …
/r/RedPillWomen27/10/23 07:04 AM
2

Honestly, boundaries have been really difficult to set and anytime I had a 'boundary' he expressed that it was silly, I was sensitive, and it was an unfortunate side effect of me not being traditional enough because I was too young to understand the full benefits of that mindset/lifestyle. Any boundary I had never stuck. And the few times in the beginning I attempted to end the relationship over whatever boundaries I felt weren't being respected obviously weren't successful as I'm still here. Wh…
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/23 03:50 PM
0

I have been trying to encourage him to go out with friends and to make new friends but he doesn't have many close friends and he's expressed that there aren't any good options around in terms of friends. He also doesn't want to involve his family.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/23 04:20 AM
0

I don't necessarily think he's a scammer. He's expressed quite a few times that he wants to get engaged as soon as possible
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/23 04:18 AM
1

Thank you. I appreciate your insight and wisdom.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 06:36 PM
0

You could be right. I've tried speaking to him a bit about it (without being overbearing) and his view is essentially that he can understand my negative emotions (as he admits if the roles were reversed he would not stay with me) but he's a man and needs enthusiastic sex to be satisfied. He doesn't have any opinions on what else we could do to improve the relationship but he would be okay with a one-sided open relationship. That's all I've gathered but I'm sure there's more I might be missing or…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 06:30 PM
1

Thank you, I'll see if I can find a free pdf of the book to read it in its entirety. Up until now I've only read snippets and summaries but I'm sure I'll get a better outcome from reading the booky fully. I hear what you're saying. I don't think he's necessarily a bad leader but maybe that our views didn't necessarily align and despite the changes I've made they still don't 100% align. Perhaps that's why I haven't been able to fully submit to him and his leadership. And obviously recent events h…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 12:48 PM
1

Thank you for your comment. I've considered starting a journal or something but I'm really worried that he'd read it and become upset over the things I might write. Therapy could be useful but it's not really an option right now. Thank you for your book recommendation, I shall look into it.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 10:18 AM
1

Do you mean that I the woman am still receiving a large amount of benefits or that he the man is?
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 10:16 AM
1

Thank you for your comment. I know I need to work on actively seeking out what is good about him to replace any negative feelings I have. It's difficult but I suppose with time and practice it will become easier. Individual therapy is a good idea and something I'd like to try. The expense is just a bit of an issue so I'll see what can be done about it. I try to do things for him that will make him feel good. He does sometimes thank me for it which is nice. But I think that currently my mood/ min…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 10:16 AM
1

Thank you for your comment. I'm afraid that this is the reality but I suppose I'm not ready to just leave yet. I think a struggle of mine regarding this is that he'll never outright admit "I don't care about you and I'm using you." so I'd have to rely on my own intuition which is difficult. Especially as anytime anything comes up he reassures me that of course he cares and is trying and that I'm just being a bit too sensitive/ emotional. He's not a bad person and I have no doubt that he's trying…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 10:11 AM
1

I want to keep trying because... well it's been so ingrained into me that that's what you do. You keep trying to make it work. I don't want to be some hateful selfish bitch who walks away and breaks his heart because I couldn't keep trying. I don't know what he could do differently to make me trust him. I think that's been long gone from our relationship and I've made as much peace with that as I can. Really only time could change that I suppose. But other little things he could maybe change tha…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 10:08 AM
1

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the perspective it's given me. I fear I'm at a similar stage of not having faith in his ability to understand me or change. I'm starting to really not be able to handle it. But unfortunately (or fortunately depending on personal perspective) I'm not ready to walk away.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/23 09:48 AM
3

I've noticed very recently that he's starting to listen to some of the things I've asked of him. For example today he put his plates inside the sink instead of leaving them out which I was thankful for and tried to show my appreciation. It's small, and there are still quite a few things he forgets/ doesn't do. But I think it's because I haven't been so clear or I've been too harsh in nagging him. For bigger things it's difficult to think of concrete examples as I feel that our relationship has b…
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/23 07:22 PM
2

Thank you, I'm grateful for everyone's comments. They've given me a lot of insight and a lot to think about.
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/23 03:39 PM
1

Thank you for your insight.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 02:34 PM
1

Thank you for the reminder. It's difficult to find a line between personal accountability vs self-blame.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 02:33 PM
1

Thank you for this resource. I will have a look through it.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 01:25 PM
1

"What makes him deserving?" That is a very thought provoking question and I'm glad you asked it. I cannot immediately come up with solid answers that don't involve some sort of 'explanation/ excuse' to his cheating. Thank you, you've given me something to think about.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 01:24 PM
1

He did express his unhappiness, just as I've expressed my unhappiness to him. We've had rough patches and I have tried to improve myself in the areas he said he was unhappy with. But I don't think I ever tried 110% as some of the things he needed I felt that I couldn't give him until we fixed certain aspects of our relationship (for example he wanted me to be more enthusiastic in the bedroom which I struggled/ struggle with because of some issues that have made me feel unable to be sexually vuln…
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 01:22 PM
3

Thank you for your response. The question of self respect has always been one I've pondered in this relationship and even thinking back before this relationship. So it's something I should especially consider now. I'm not trying to justify his cheating, but rather understand some of the possible reasons behind it and how I could have contributed to those reasons through my behavior as his partner. I believe that one of the philosophies here is to focus on and improve yourself so that you can be …
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 05:37 PM
2

Yes, that is basically my situation so I do understand that it's a completely different ball game. I absolutely love the cat deal!! It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your husband where you can joke about things like this. I do find myself thinking similarly about confessing one's cheating. That it would be easier if I didn't/ never knew and that it is a bit off-putting to think about what excuses they'll say and false promises they'll make. I think that's part of the reason I…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 05:32 PM
1

It sounds like you're going through a very difficult time and I'm sorry to hear that. It seems that unfortunately the relationships we enter can damage our ideas of love and what a relationship should be like. It seems that all we can do is work on ourselves so that we can feel enough for ourselves. But it's difficult when we our partner's actions subtract from that rather than add to it. I wish you well and I hope your situation improves!
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:56 PM
0

Thank you. Your comment is very helpful. I will have a look at that subreddit and keep everything in consideration.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:49 PM
1

Thank you for your response. It is very helpful in regards to my current situation. I will think about implementing some of the things you have mentioned.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:46 PM
2

Yes, that's how I'm feeling at the moment. I think telling him could negatively affect the relationship. But I do think I need to work my way up to that. Especially as a recent commenter pointed out the risk of STDs. I would need to ensure he's been safe which would involve some confrontation. Although I'm pretty confident that he would be safe.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:43 PM
1

Thank you. Monogamy is important to me. I do struggle with conflict, especially with him. I know that's something I need to work on. Especially now that this has come to light.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:38 PM
5

He has said some things like that. And while logically I know that there are other men out there who could be better, it's always the emotions that complicate things. Thank you for your reminder.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:32 PM
2

I'm happy to hear that! You definitely deserve it.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:31 PM
1

That's true. I would hope he has been using protection as he's always been very concerned over STDs. Although regarding the incident I found out about, he wasn't successful in sleeping with these women. But who knows if there have been other times where he was successful. Or will be successful in the future. It would be one reason to confront him, to ensure he has been safe and will be safe if anything happens again (if I stay and 'allow' it to continue, as I'm under no illusions that even if I …
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:29 PM
3

Thank you, I don't think your comment is too harsh at all. Variations of your points have been said to me by others including people in my real life. I suppose I wanted to see if redpill advice would be any different as people in my real life are more liberal and so I didn't want to be biased in my thinking. I don't think he's stepping out into another relationship. From what I could tell it was purely sexual. I'm not sure he would like me to 'stand up for myself' as the things I stand up for he…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:24 PM
1

I understand your point about needing to talk about it honestly before real progress and change can happen. Thank you for your comment.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 04:02 PM
3

Thank you. I'm in the process of trying to figure it all out. I know that really, nothing I do will ever prevent him from doing what he wants to do. But I'm aware of how my actions may have contributed to him wanting to step outside the relationship. I think it is a dealbreaker for me but like the saying goes "easier said than done". I'm appreciative of all the different responses with various advice and insight.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 02:41 PM
3

Thank you for your insight.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 02:35 PM
1

Thank you for your insight. I like the idea of 'waking him up'. It seems like a good tactic to stop the cheating. I'm not sure I'm ready to hear him begging or apologizing so I think for now I will stick to Laura Doyle's method until I sort through my feelings more.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 02:30 PM
1

Thank you for your comment and advice. I'm very sorry about your situation with your first husband, he doesn't sound like he was a good partner. I hope you're happier now and with someone more deserving of your love. I'm not sure about confronting him right now, but I'll see about working my way up to it and finding a therapist in the meantime. To be fair, he did tell me his was unhappy as did I tell him I was unhappy. We've had rough patches and while it's been tough to work through everything …
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 02:24 PM
2

Of course, it's easy to say you'll do one thing in a moment of calmness, but when whatever situation happens it's difficult to act the way you planned.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 02:04 PM
4

Thank you for your insight. I'd be able to get out safely and have been contemplating leaving as this is similar to a lot of the advice I've gotten. I guess I'm just trying to make sure it's not all biased or something. Thank you again.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 01:57 PM
1

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm honestly scared and unsure about bringing this to light as I feel it might only make things worse. I'm not sure I would feel resentment if he never confesses although I'm still in the early stages of this whole situation and while initially I didn't think I was as angry as I should have been, when confiding in a close friend (which I know may not have been the best thing to do) I felt myself getting angrier the more I spoke about it. So I think I need to giv…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 01:39 PM
4

Thank you for your reply! I do like your approach in situations where one wants to leave the relationship. Would your stance be the same if the man was still committed to your relationship (ie. treating you well, wanting to continuously improve the relationship and become more serious eg. with marriage)? Even if he doesn't know you're aware of the cheating?
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 01:28 PM
-12

Thank you for your comment. In this scenario let's say you don't mind if it keeps happening occasionally but you'd want to try to meet his needs by being a better partner so that he's less inclined to step out of the relationship so often.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 01:22 PM
2

Thank you for your insight. I do like and agree with the part about 'not causing any drama'. I think in any scenario this is the classy thing to do.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 01:20 PM
8

I'm very sorry this happened to you. It sounds like an absolutely terrible situation to be in. I hope things have improved since then and you've found healthier and happier relationships.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 01:18 PM
1

Thank you for your reply, I do appreciate it. I think this ultimately might be the decision I have to make (to end the relationship) especially after recent events, but I don't quite feel ready to do so. I think I'll give it one last try and see how it goes.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 12:42 PM
2

I just keep hoping that if I manage to rebuild the trust then everything else will start to fall into place. I have tried to adapt and compromise so much. I've managed to shift my liberal views quite a lot and I'm proud of that. I'm happy with everything I've learnt. But I just hate how it doesn't seem to be enough. And I've come so far. I keep thinking that I just need to find how to take those final few steps to be fully redpilled and maybe then things would be easier too. I'm so frustrated th…
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 06:07 PM
2

One major decision that has caused me resentment (but I think I can somewhat accept now) is when he asked me to move in with him. He needed to move to a different city for his work, while I was studying in the city we originally met in. I was reluctant at first and suggested that I could simply visit him on weekends while remaining in my current city during the week for my studies. He thought this wasn't a good idea and while I argued, I eventually accepted his decision. The issue was that I did…
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 05:44 PM
1

I understand what you're saying. And I thank you for being honest. I've felt like this at times too. But I know he's not a bad person, perhaps a little misguided in thinking that my values were only due to my age and I'd eventually grow out of them. If anything I should have been firmer when I expressed my concerns over this in the beginning. But now I'm okay with it. And he's committed to making this work and so am I. I'm just looking for more redpill aligned advice on how to foster trust and r…
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 04:53 PM
1

His leadership/ choices are geared towards making decisions that benefit the relationship overall even if they disadvantage me. While I understand this, I feel some resentment as because he is in charge of what's best for the relationship, what's best for the relationship is essentially what's best for him as it's from his view. Perhaps if I could trust him more, I could get over the resentment and accept that the relationship should be put before me in some scenarios so that in the long term th…
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/23 04:26 PM
1

I never specified that while I was a virgin I had still acted inappropriately with people from my past. Obviously he was very upset and lost a lot of trust and respect towards me. We've mostly worked through it now but it can still cause an argument sometimes. I struggled to forgive myself and any time I'd say to him that I had apologized and explained and that I wanted to try and move on from it he'd argue that I hadn't really shown I was sorry and it was silly for me to ask to 'let it go'. I d…
/r/RedPillWomen30/07/23 08:04 PM
1

Thank you for your reply! And sorry for the long response ahead! I was raised with a more feminist/ liberal mindset. Neither of my parents encouraged traditional gender roles but it was never actively discouraged either. Regardless, when I met my boyfriend I definitely had much more liberal views and values but I have become more conservative/ middle leaning throughout the relationship. I'm just not 100% there yet. For example, while I'd love to be a SAHM when my children are young, I also think…
/r/RedPillWomen30/07/23 07:51 PM
2

I don't have too much advise per say, but I will comment some of my thoughts (that may be totally wrong so take it with a grain of salt and listen to other more experienced commenters!). I imagine that to a certain degree they're acceptable rather than normal. For example in a fight where either one of you or both of you are at the height of your anger. However, it is most likely a sign of poor communication. Ideally it should happen once or twice (really not at all) and then it should be discus…
/r/RedPillWomen30/07/23 02:14 PM
1

Is there any specific advice on how to do this? Even though I know it's a bit silly, I always feel that if I just 'forgive myself' and move on from my past then I won't have really atoned for it. But obviously you can't go the rest of your life punishing yourself without becoming a martyr and punishing those around you. Is there a way to balance the two? Forgiveness vs punishment. Especially in a relationship where your past has hurt your partner.
/r/RedPillWomen30/07/23 01:27 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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