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Worried_Umpire7373 Archive

View 6 posts and 52 comments by Worried_Umpire7373 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

This approach has my attention. Would the idea be to file a separate motion to modify while her action is pending or request the modification in whatever hearings need to happen during her motion to compel? Is this a reasonable strategy even if there wasn’t a change in employment or anything?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 09:21 PM
3

Codependent behavior and recovery follows a path very similar to addiction I’ve always heard (and experienced frankly). It’s gotta be related to dopamine and all of that. Being addicted to the approval we get in our relationships and then coming out of that, etc. Makes sense to me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:53 PM
1

Thanks, I think you’re right. It’s a filling, which seems kind of in the middle. But yeah, I’ll do what the lawyer says. He’s seen how this works a lot more than I have!
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:50 PM
1

I think you’re right. I should probably just keep the peace for now and let her “have her space”. It’s so childish though, ugh
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:48 PM
3

My STBXW wanted to do that, it’s called nesting. I thought about it a bit and decided it was going to require more communication and cooperation than staying married and living together was requiring. Since we couldn’t make that work smoothly I saw nesting as too difficult to be worth it. She had essentially already moved out when she tried to get me to agree to that. I said no and since then I’ve been living in my house without her. The kids shuffle back and forth but they can handle it, there …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:39 PM
1

Is it considered no-fault if the reason is filed as irreconcilable differences or is there some other way that it gets specifically filed as no-fault?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:30 PM
1

Not really, freelance and passion project stuff that doesn’t quite cut it. But she had a full time job in 2019-2020 so imputing income shouldn’t be too difficult. She quit that job to focus on her dreams.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 04:23 AM
1

Noted. I appreciate the reality check!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:50 AM
3

Fuck around on social media or something lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:49 AM
3

I hear it and believe it. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:49 AM
1

Can you give an example of some language that would be helpful for something like COVID? Maybe verbiage like “in spite of lockdown orders” or something like that?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 05:52 PM
1

Great points, thank you for your insight
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 02:31 AM
1

So wait. What happened? You filed separately but she got your return?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 11:11 PM
1

I guess I’m thinking it doesn’t fit the bill of a marital asset. It is income which was held by the feds until they realized they didn’t need it all, at which point it was released. I probably should either just cough up half or ask my lawyer, but it doesn’t strike me as an asset. So did she pay half the taxes?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 11:09 PM
2

Thanks again for your perspective!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 11:07 PM
2

Thanks for letting me bounce this off of you! To be clear, so far nobody is saying she’s entitled to anything, this didn’t come from her lawyer or anything. She asked me if I was going to “share” it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 10:45 PM
1

I am in the early stages of the process, but you are correct in assuming that I didn’t try any tricks to separate property or hide assets. We have operated our finances separately for years. The tax refund is a result of overpayment, 100% of the total tax payment was made by me. This might be classified as petty but I’m inclined to hold a boundary here. The fair thing is to divide the refund as a percentage of what we each contributed to the total tax burden…?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 10:43 PM
3

Well, we cooperated and filed jointly. I have no big issue with that. My point is that since ALL taxes were paid by me, including what she owed, she isn’t entitled to any of the refunded overpayment. Sound right to you?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 08:49 PM
4

The standard advice you get here is solid. Don’t move out, start secretly recording audio when she’s around (check your state laws, most of the time it’s completely legal) to avoid bogus domestic violence charges, and get a lawyer. The stakes are too high and fucking up is too easy for a guy. Wives rarely behave rationally during a divorce so it’s better to be safe than sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 04:58 PM
20

If you don’t want to keep the house yourself I think you should sell it. She can take her share of the equity and build her own life. “Fair” isn’t a thing, protect yourself and stick to the law. Staying enmeshed financially probably has very little upside for you. Your relationship with and what you do for your kids exists outside of what you do for her now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 09:26 PM
1

How do you push hard? Like, say I insist on keeping the crock pot and she picks it up and starts carrying it out. Wtf is a guy supposed to do?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 01:58 AM
1

A law firm should represent their client’s rights, male or female. I get the impression some of the “father’s rights” people are just doing marketing. Not that it’s bad, but any family law firm should know how to help a father.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 01:01 PM
8

Murdering criminal racist over here! 🤚Love you too..
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 02:37 AM
1

Oh, she for sure won’t accept what I propose! I just want to propose something that is in the realm of legally justifiable. I’ve been doing some reading and found a few blog posts that help. Sounds like a royalty is probably the most reasonable starting point for negotiation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 02:25 AM
4

I’m curious to hear how your outsiderness was used against you in your divorce. In what ways did this happen? Also, I agree, your post comes off as pretty cringey. But to be honest, I relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I also agree that we’re all doomed to hypocrisy and your acceptance of that gives the whole thing some amount of redemption.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 01:33 PM
3

58 and separated for 7? What is the holdup about, how much of your money she wants?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 11:23 PM
1

You don’t have to hire the $10k lawyer to file. You can hire someone cheaper and then switch representation to the expensive guy later. I think you should file for divorce asap and get her served.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 11:16 PM
1

Why? Because of concerns she’ll leave the country with them? I think mine took ours to protect herself from me doing that. It’s been two months. I noticed they were got but as far as I can tell it’s not a big deal right now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 03:02 PM
1

Seems like a huge problem that you’ve seemingly overspent on legal and CPA fees when there is an apparent conflict of interest. These are your initial disclosures that aren’t done yet? Your lawyers husband is the forensic CPA you’ve been paying?! I don’t know for sure, but that sound sketchy as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 11:31 AM
2

Don’t move out, man! You lose complete control of the situation. You can handle the discomfort and tension, it’s a time to lean in and make the best decisions for your future with your kids. If you can hold out until she can’t take it anymore you’ll be in a better position than if you move out to “solve the problem”. You’ll just end up with bigger ones. Protect yourself from any possible domestic violence allegations in the meantime.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 04:24 AM
2

My wife was being a real pain in the ass until she talked to a lawyer. From that point on (she moved out) her erratic behavior with the kids stopped completely. She went from entitled and bitchy to cooperative real quick because I think the lawyer told her to be more careful. It was helpful!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:07 PM
2

Good advice. Thank you! I’m definitely weighing my options carefully.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 02:36 AM
1

There are specific rates for trial days and mediation days and stuff like that. This is basically a general case maintenance type of fee, which strikes me as a bit steep. Fees for days in trial and stuff are more like what you’d expect. $1400/day, $2800/day, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 02:35 AM
1

Yes. I can see pros and cons. Weeks that pass by with nothing happening seem painful! But also supposedly it’s based on satisfaction. If I don’t pay and he dumps me how bad would that be?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 01:40 AM
1

Utah. It’s an atypical pricing arrangement, obviously. I can see pros and cons. He also says it is dependent on satisfaction so if you aren’t satisfied you can opt out for the week you feel like it wasn’t worth the money. This guy has clients and does work and would clearly be motivated to demonstrate that he’s doing things and making progress on a weekly basis which would be nice to see.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 01:38 AM
2

I got to that same point you’re at, hunkered down for a few more months just waiting for the right moment, she moved out abruptly and started with the threat of a lawyer. I was like, already on it, you’ve been served. I recommend filing first. I needed to do it to take my balls back. Sounds like you’re ready.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 04:43 AM
1

I get what you mean losing the last bits of doubt about whether it was the right decision to divorce or not. My wife made some shitty moves at the beginning of our separation and it was a relief to let go of the final remnants of “maybe we can work it out”. Embracing that it’s over is freeing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 04:33 AM
7

I filed less than two months ago. Rushed to beat her to it because I knew she was heading that way but I was ahead of her in preparation. The psychological/emotional upper hand was helpful to me as well. We probably won’t go to trial, but I feel like I sent a message that I was ready and expect to not be shoved around anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 04:26 AM
6

The way I understand it, one benefit of filing first is that if it goes to trial the petitioner (whoever filed) presents their evidence/case first. I’ve heard that if your vicious bitch of an ex presents first it can be one of the most brutal things to sit through, just waiting your turn to present your side.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 04:04 AM
14

It’s because a man cheating shows that he has value. Even when she was already checked out, the fact that he can snag something on the side makes her second guess dismissing him.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 11:34 PM
9

She doesn’t know exactly how it will shake out. Without knowing Missouri law specifically (which is why you should ask a lawyer) it’s probably up in the air until it’s all finalized. Threats are empty. Get info and file if things are at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 01:45 AM
1

Yeah. This was huge for me. I squeezed 5 years out of my marriage that was already shot just so my kids would be older and understand/navigate things better. They’re doing great, 8 and 11. It’s hard but not as hard as it would have been when they were 3 and 6.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:18 AM
2

Yeah. It’s everywhere in my stbx’s social sphere
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:12 AM
2

Ah haha.. the crystals! Mine was spending a lot of time discussing her issues with a pendulum, took up all the time she should have been discussing them with me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:09 AM
1

Man, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. This group has been helping me lots, stick around. For the sake of your kids you need to make the right choices, not for your own sake. Sadly those choices might involve reducing the influence their mother has in their lives and you need to come to grips with that. You are the man and need to take responsibility and make the right choices. Find an attorney to talk to, it’ll be empowering to get some real advice. Just don’t be afraid of what you have …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:06 AM
5

Everyone says moving out is a bad idea for a guy. I stuck it out in an uncomfortable home environment for a year before she finally moved in with some of her family. Filed as soon as she did, probably should have sooner in retrospect. I can see now how much worse my position would be if I had moved out instead of holding my ground. Stick it out, record audio of every interaction you can, hold the line, get good legal advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 06:47 PM
7

I heard advice that the best way to explain to kids is to tell them that nobody will ever or can ever know why this has happened. I think it’s true. It’s clear none of us here know why our situation is the way it ended up. Countless variables, trying to decide “why” is impossible. That being said, as they get older I hope we all just make sure our sons understand the reality of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:16 PM
5

My lawyer is a gay man. It might be offensive to say, but I find comfort conceptualizing him as immune to women. I’m still in the early phases so I hope it goes well, so far so good.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 05:27 AM
2

Thanks, man. I’m in a good spot. Staying off alcohol, lots of time at the gym, war gaming scenarios and gathering the best evidence I can, recording like crazy. Trying my best to follow the advice prevalent here, thank you for the input.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 01:07 PM
1

If it resonates with you it’ll change your life. If not I guess you didn’t need it. It rocked my world and also massively helped out one of my closest friends.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 03:56 AM
1

Thank you for your comment. No More Mr Nice Guy changed my life when I read it and was the catalyst for change that my marriage couldn’t handle but I couldn’t live without. I’ll read it again, just finishing up The Manipulated Man or whatever it’s called. But yes, NMMNG is the shit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 03:55 AM
1

Thank you for your input. Since there’s only so much I can do at this point I’m trying to keep myself in a confident mindset as opposed to cocky. Good to keep that in check though and stay proactive.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 03:53 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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