We’ve been separated 6 months, minimal contact, not even been in the same room since she moved out of the marital home and I filed. Currently we are doing agreed-upon (not court ordered) 50/50 custody of two kids ages 8 and 12, first mediation coming up end of this month. I’m confident in my track record of involvement with the kids, she has historically taken them to slightly more routine appointments but I’ve been a big part of it all as well.

The kids have routine dental visits she’s been scheduling and she is not wanting to alternate who takes the kids despite my requests. My attorney suggests not drawing hard lines until after mediation but has told me to continue to request involvement to establish that she is resisting. I believe in my state both parents are legally allowed to be at appointments like this absent any sort of RO, which thank god I’ve been able to avoid!

My oldest child has a follow up for some dental work. I want to keep the pressure on but don’t want to make things unnecessarily contentious either, especially for the kids’ sake. I realize conflict avoidance has caused me problems in the past so I’m not doing that anymore. But I will if it’s part of a sound strategy.

So should I just tell my ex I’ll be at the dentist in spite of her objections? Keeping her calm might be advantageous going into mediation, but sending an “I’m not moving into the background” message might be advantageous as well. I’d love any thoughts bros want to share, you all have been huge in helping me feel informed and prepared for this process!