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YarikEnterprise Archive

View 0 posts and 333 comments by YarikEnterprise on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

Pepper spray! Get it for you, get it for women in your life. After that, let's see. I love the Tile key chain attachment so I can ring my keys if I misplace them, and I have Tile stickers on my earbud case and my remote too. If I set my phone down and forget where, I can use any of my Tiles to ring my phone. Small stress reducer. A soap caddy for your sink is great too. I have one that holds hand soap in one container and dish soap in another, and has room in the back to hold a sponge. So much b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 11:09 PM
45

Smart post and the kind of content I'm glad to see here. For ladies, if you begin to see yourself engaging in protest behavior like withdrawing attention to coax attention from a man, I think that can be a good sign to take a look at what else you have going on in your life and reinvest in it. Withdrawing energy from those not giving it to you should ideally be something that happens naturally, because you have other things and people to healthily devote your attention to. If you find yourself g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 08:16 PM
11

Welcome home sis, we absolutely are happy to have you. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:33 PM
13

Onlyfans has an MLM structure where existing members get financial incentive to the tune of 5% of their revenue for the first year for getting new members to sign up. I'm sure the resultant pressuring of and lying about profit potential to 17-year-olds is a bug and not a feature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 05:33 AM
30

One addition to the rest of what's been said here : when it comes to future OLD, don't let a man know what your neighborhoods is this early in. That's not safe.
/r/askFDS14/09/20 08:36 PM
58

A man is like an expensive handbag - a nice accessory, but certainly not a necessity. So why are you trying to talk yourself into this one? If the attraction isn't there, it isn't there. That's okay. And not you should force yourself into this okay. It's okay to let go okay. Deep down I think you have that scarcity mindset. You were treated poorly so now you're scared that if you let this guy go you're destined to be treated poorly again. But if you follow the handbook and keep working on you, t…
/r/askFDS14/09/20 08:03 AM
4

It is so important to remember that child actresses (and actors) are not dolls but living, breathing children performing these acts. "How did you cast the 11-year-old female lead, Fathia Youssouf Abdillahi?" The casting process was a saga. We spent over six months and saw 650 candidates and it was only in the very last hour of the last day that we found Fathia. It was a really emotional moment. 650 girls. What did that casting process look like? Show these men how well you can twerk, line of 11-…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 10:25 AM
8

Just don't bother sis. You tested the waters and they aren't ready. Let her do her thing and you just do yours. Dating strategy is a closed topic now. Just mhm your way through it and if pressed for opinions go 'well you know we think differently about these things.' Focus that energy where it can do good instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 09:01 AM
12

You were taken advantage of by a predator, and that wasn't your fault, sweetheart. It was his. I'm so proud of you for getting out! 🎉 🎊 Welcome to your new life!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 09:03 AM
176

I just looked it up. That's a $35 ring. Cute accessory. Absolutely insulting 'proposal'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 12:40 AM
3

The younger you didn't know any better. She didn't have influences in her life telling her how things really were. She was inexperienced and she made a mistake, and what she deserves for that isn't hatred, but compassion. And a hug. I wish I could give you one right now. I know what it's like to struggle with blaming yourself for things. You think over and over again 'I should have known better.' I've worked a lot to replace that statement in my mind with 'I should have been taught better.' Your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 04:44 AM
14

At six months in he should be at the meeting your child for the first time stage, not the staying with you 95% of the time stage with you considering moving him in. That's not cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 11:12 PM
5

The audacity initially sounds laughable, but he's clearly abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 06:03 PM
4

I almost reflexively down voted this out of sheer no at that guy. Ew. Hate that you had to deal with this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 05:09 PM
29

Part of my road to healing has been in recognizing the lack of mentorship around me and thinking about my history as if it happened to someone else. Think about a girl today, being hurt by her grandmother and told it's her fault she was raped. Would you want to give that little girl anything but the biggest hug in the world? You deserve that same love and compassion from yourself, sweetheart. You didn't have the people around you to give it to you, and that can convince you on a deep level that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:24 AM
11

Agreed on the fake niceness. She isn't happy with herself. She lacks self-confidence and self-competence, and that projects outwards into her relationship with others. I didn't get why people romanticized her relationship with Jim until years later after the craze had died down and people started coming forward saying 'I used to love it and then realized it was because I was at an unhealthy place in my life and the fantasy of getting out of that seemed appealing' basically. Ie, why people cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 11:08 AM
79

Here we have the pickmeisha in her natural state, moving a felon into the house with her teenage daughter and punishing said daughter for not deferring to said man properly. Been that daughter. Different circumstances, but three stepfathers and countless boyfriends worth of having been that daughter. It's why despite being happily married for over a decade I'm here on FDS. FDS matters. Never for one minute think it doesn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 12:17 AM
18

There's nothing in your comment that says excitement about the idea of dating this person to me, just a feeling of obligation to date him because he wants to date you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 07:00 PM
14

The answer I've seen is 'I'll know it when I see it. How about you?'. That way they don't have a script to follow from you to future-fake you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:26 PM
9

Pickmeishaism is an attitude that leads to child abuse. I have lived it. I've been that daughter. It's why I am so passionate about FDS. I see this ultimately as a preventative movement, building women up with confidence, independence, and self-love so that they will choose either stable partners or no partners at all. The cycle can stop here. Every woman we break free from it matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:36 PM
10

I'm glad you took your rose tinted glasses off. Facing your deepest fears is difficult and something to be proud of. Don't keep people in your life who try to keep you down. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 06:35 AM
12

When I read this post what I see is strength, sister. You sitting back to watch quietly and see how he behaved when you suspected - it is so difficult to do that, and managing that composure under stress speaks worlds to how you are going to manage the challenges you are facing now. This man only detracts from your life, and there is nothing you can build going forward with him. You are making the right decision. Do you really think he wouldn't escalate to fucking other women if he could? He's s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 11:03 PM
4

I mentioned video games being deliberately designed to be addictive, and I think there's one rubric that we can look at to more easily differentiate the ones that are deliberately designed for this from the ones that aren't : Reoccurring payment structures. Things like MMOs, MOBAs, and gachapon games are deliberately designed to entice the player to decide to spend money. Free-to-play games are some of the most nefarious. Pay-to-win is a well known phrase for a reason. In games that stay afloat …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 07:56 AM
88

Nothing but truth to be found here. Video games are deliberately designed to be addictive, and that's how the companies behind them profit. The fable of the professional gamer has only added into that delusion. I am so happy to see this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 10:20 PM
13

You're not crazy. Moving into a new position with new responsibilities is always a little intimidating, and right now is a time of high stress. Feeling the way you do is totally normal. Either decision you choose, I'm sure you'll do well - that you're pausing to think about how you'll fulfill the duties shows a maturity that is probably part of why they're asking you to consider moving up. What isn't normal is this guy's reaction. Honestly, it sounds like he's taking his jealousy and insecurity …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 03:23 AM
6

Talking yourself into something you don't want never goes well, in my experience. If there was a real spark there, the way you would be talking would be different. It would be 'Oh. You know, I am not usually attracted to men who have those subculture markers, but there is something about this man that draws me enough to him that I really want to go on a date with him and see if there is something more there.' Like when you walk into a pastry shop and you hear the words miso caramel and your head…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 10:38 PM
6

I'd view it as a yellow flag for potential maladaptive perfectionism or low self-esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:59 AM
20

My mind goes to the same place as yours. There will always be disappointment and the desire for more because the reality of the event will never match the fantasy, leading to the same patterns of escalation that we see in violence against women. When your sex robot can't scream or bleed quite right to get you off, what can? It's a very dangerous, very slippery slope. I wonder if I'll live long enough to watch it play out and see if our fears are founded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 08:20 AM
6

Married to an INTJ (thirteen years now!), I'm an INFJ. From my experience with the type, only touch healthy and emotionally stable ones who have some success in life already when you meet them (which every FDS lady knows applies to all men), but they very much either want a woman and will fixate on her, put a ring on her, and make her the center of their world within a year, or won't notice she exists. If you can debate them to a standstill they're thrilled to bits. Expect the INTJ version of lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:40 AM
15

I am so happy to see you here. FDS can be such a healing place, and it gives you valuable tools to navigate through life. If you haven't read it before, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is invaluable for understanding abusive men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 05:09 PM
9

Advice from here, try it anyway for a bit just to get your mind out of fixated on this particular guy mode. You're romanticizing a guy who can be on dating apps but who can't even be bothered to actually ask you out - you'll quickly get some of that real time interaction when you get asked on a dozen dates the minute you make a profile! Even if you don't go out with anyone, you need the reminder that this waiting zone is not how the game works, girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:19 PM
14

Hm. The lack of Facebook activity and how he uses his Reddit are what I'd personally consider positives - I'd assume he's not friends with coworkers on Facebook because it sounds like he flat out doesn't use it (I fall into that category as well, as does my spouse). Less of a positive is that it's been months of this flirting and he hasn't simply asked you out. I'd focus your energy elsewhere. Things like looking this deep into someone and considering if you should anonymously ask their ex why t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:10 PM
9

Might not be what you're looking for, but I like Judge Lauren Lake from Paternity Court. She takes no nonsense, draw clear lines with men and women alike when they overstep, treats people with genuine compassion, and wants the best for all the babies who come through her court room while keeping a solid awareness of the situations they are actually in. She's a woman with her feet firmly on the ground in reality, and she looks like fire while doing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:37 PM
16

Just beware of older pickmeishas, ladies. I'm sure we can all think of some we've met personally. Age can lead to wisdom and perspective that is incredibly valuable - but only if the woman chooses to learn her lessons from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:06 PM
10

Read into the real, tangible effects of living under stress on your physical health. Taking time to formulate an exit plan that keeps you financially stable is just smart. But there needs to be an end date set that you're working towards, babe, because stress can literally kill. You deserve better from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:36 AM
1

Hugs from here. Our experiences are hidden in shame so often in this world, but they don't have to be. There is so much beauty and value in who you are as a woman who has gotten herself out, sister. You have so much to give to yourself and to the women here. If the patriarchy doesn't see value in that... So what? They're the ones who did this to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:51 PM
4

I come from a background of childhood abuse and poverty, and I have felt inferior for it for most of my life. It took believing I was going to die at thirty when I was diagnosed with cancer (one year scan is clean! 🎊) to make me really take stock of my life and myself. What I've learned is that my experiences of growing through the abuse done to me are actually invaluable, not just to myself but to the people around me. Yours are too. Darling, you made it out. So few women do. Do you realize how…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:52 AM
10

Thank you so much for this, mods. This sub has been incredibly healing for me. Reading through this thread feels like our hands linked together as sisters, all of us. They will not win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:29 AM
5

I am so very glad to hear you taking this seriously. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you will reach out to this community for support as you continue through your journey forward. It's difficult and challenging but your willingness to listen to your instincts saying something wasn't right and your openness to listening to what multiple women here have said gives me great hope that you will make it through this safely and be able to then begin the work of healing. You are not alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:03 PM
9

Confronting him is likely to be directly dangerous to you. The book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is a fantastic resource for women in situations similar to yours, and I would personally begin there to start understanding the situation that you're in and the dangers that come with it. If you're ready to, speaking with a domestic violence advocate in your city is a fantastic move. Your safety is in danger. I should have pieced the pieces together a lot sooner. You have not been educated o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:11 AM
15

This entire thing is a red flag. Don't assume he is telling the truth about any of these things, because the things uo do know sound pretty shady and like he's love bombing you. Without seeing his finances I wouldn't assume he actually has the money he's throwing around. I am genuinely concerned about what this man is involved in and the likelihood he will become abusive to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:47 AM
7

Oh, this was her part time. Yeah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 08:44 PM
9

My two go-tos are Beatsaber (big initial financial investment, but it's an enormously fun rhythm game that can leave you panting on the floor without noticing you were doing anything other than just having fun) and 'temptation bundling' my roster of podcasts/audiobooks with walks. The idea behind temptation bundling is this : you pair something you really like with something you don't want to do. You make the rule of you only get the thing you like while you do the thing you don't like. So you f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 12:42 PM
255

I've watched my sister-in-law decide to have a second child when she had to quit her job because her husband couldn't handle watching his own toddler daughter for an hour each day alone because it was just too hard to deal with right when he got home from work. She has a master's degree. She is so entrenched in the patriarchy that it is impossible to have an honest conversation with her about it, so I bite my tongue and just give her credit for all her hard work so that I can stay in the life of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:33 AM
12

If only leaving women alone was where this led. Have done far too many dives into trying to understand the psychology of male violence on women, and this man sounds exactly like a rapist in the making, if he isn't one already. ETA quotes from the linked post that weren't in the screenshot : Casually walking outside (getting groceries / going for a walk) is painful, because I walk by all these hot girls that most likely don't consider me as a sexual partner. I usually return to my apartment depre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 06:33 AM
3

I think it might be healthy to take some time away from men and surround yourself with women. Read women authors. Spend time here. Find women heroes. I learned about Eartha Kitt today, and her story made my soul sing. Spend time immersed in women aware of the patriarchy and how it has been and is being used to oppress other women, and the compassion and love you feel naturally for them becomes more natural to extend inwards to yourself. And be kind to yourself for needing this healing, sister. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 09:02 PM
9

Happy you're here, with all those terrible feminist influences he's so worried about radicalizing you away from Proper, Womanly concepts you were raised into, like 101 Ways to Serve Men : Women's True Place in the World as Slaves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 07:32 PM
119

I love what's on this list, too. That it steps past the 'expected' gifts. The most recent thing from my husband that made me ecstatic was a bag of perfect apricots from the farmer's market, plump and so deep orange they almost glowed when I cut into them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 07:12 PM
22

Oh, no, she was heterosexual, but she viewed gay rights as a human rights issue and from her wiki page constantly appeared at charity events, etc to drum up support. She was a strong ally who saw the way we were being treated as a direct mirror of her own experiences as a woman of color.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 07:06 PM
35

I read through her Wikipedia page, having never encountered her before. Her history of activism is inspiring. Her work with youth deserves the utmost respect. And as a bisexual woman, her work with the LGBT community and this quote spoke to me deeply: We're all rejected people, we know what it is to be refused, we know what it is to be oppressed, depressed, and then, accused, and I am very much cognizant of that feeling. Nothing in the world is more painful than rejection. I am a rejected, oppre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 05:36 PM
5

Oh, sweetheart. I feel this so much, because I know intimately what it's like to understand so well someone's traumas and how they are playing out in their life. Some people choose to do the work to heal. Some don't. Your mother hasn't. And that's tragic, and heartbreaking, and it hurts so much as someone who loves her and understands why she is so broken as a person, but choosing to engage in her broken dynamic isn't going to fix anything. Take as much time for you as you need. If it helps any …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 01:06 AM
7

Hugs from here. I think I would take this feeling of instability as a message from yourself that there's a deeper wound that needs your attention. Your view of yourself as a woman who has value is based in how men see you. That isn't your fault--it's a deliberate design of the patriarchy, beaten into us (often literally) from the time we're just little girls. We're told that no boys will like us if we do this, and no man would ever want to marry a woman who wants to do that, and when a man cheat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 12:59 AM
76

I know it's almost a cliché to say it given who we are looking at here, but that dress. The elegance and femininity with which it hugs her body, the power in the stark contrast of the black and white. It communicates presence. It says 'take me seriously'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 11:05 PM
85

I genuinely wish we could give this book to every girl on her fourteenth birthday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 08:50 PM
18

My clearest memory of this fool is from a front page Reddit post with him talking about the most important thing in a man being his relationship with God. 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 10:22 PM
22

I don't disagree, but the meaning I took away from this is that the ones looking for a servant won't stick around long enough to fall in love with you as a person if they aren't being catered to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:51 PM
51

Go off girl! 👏 I am so proud to see this strength and attitude in a woman as young as you are. It means this community is doing something right. Here's to one woman being spared the pain some of the rest of us weren't, ladies. This is what success looks like. 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 10:56 AM
6

My honest impression was that she already has and he just hasn't clued in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 05:06 AM
63

The more I've learned about the psychology of serial killers, the more I've come to the conclusion that they can be summed up in one word. Incels. The mindset, the behavior, every word John E. Douglas says genuinely seems to directly map to the incels of today. Unsuccessful men with entitlement issues, unable to thrive in the real world, who blame all of it on women and take their rage and inability to have successful sexual relationships with women out in horrific acts of violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:59 AM
6

I think fading would be best for you, yeah. You need to make room in your heart for the things you can actually have, sister.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 07:17 PM
6

I would put your energy elsewhere. The way you framed this says to me that you have an interest in this guy, and by keeping him around in your life you're encouraging yourself to pine instead of develop healthy relationships with men actually available to date you and friendships with women who won't have that dynamic of romantic tension with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:44 PM
4

You're in the right place. This sub has some of the most amazing women I've ever met, and I'm so happy to be a part of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:18 PM
2

Tell us more about "can't date". What's the story there?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:33 AM
9

Five years from now you are going to look back on the woman you are today and you are going to be so incredibly proud of her, and the strength she's showing in the midst of people telling her the sky is actually yellow. You're taking amazing steps for yourself right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:32 AM
84

Thank you for your sympathy. I will always bear scars, but I am solid in who I am today as an empathetic, loving woman who knows the face of true evil and is passionate about preventing it in the ways she is able. I am truly happy with myself, and none of the people who hurt me will ever be able to say that. 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:22 AM
261

Oh, my mother was pickmeisha enough she made me give her SHIRTLESS boyfriends massages. Starting when I was six. And begging not to. The mentality of pick-me directly leads to child abuse. I will never stop beating this drum. It is a large part of why I am here, because I firmly believe that any action I can take to help women here is the best way to keep more little girls from being created to live the life I did. (I'm a stable, content, functioning adult now. I just have complex PTSD and zero …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:58 AM
3

Hm. I think in that case I'd approach it by making a post on social media that you're going to be in town/back in town around (date), and if he's interested, he'll follow up. Or mentioning to mutual friends that you'll be in the area and letting that filter down to him and leaving it in his court to pursue you from there. An indirect way of the information coming across his desk so that he can pursue it if he's interested in doing so, basically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:54 PM
2

You need to emotionally disengage. That doesn't have to mean ignoring her at all times if you're still living together, because that might lead to blow ups that just make what you're enduring right now worse. But you can't save your sister. You can't persuade her of anything. She sees you as someone of no value, trying to insert your opinion where it isn't wanted, simply jealous that she has something better than you. And that framework she's presenting it in shows a lot about how she's viewed y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:57 AM
11

Roahld Dahl had a great page in one of his books about this that instantly came to mind!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:46 AM
6

What a boring man. I'm so glad you're here talking in the past tense about him and fully aware just how much better you deserve!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 07:26 PM
13

IMO, if a man truly felt that spark, he'd be the one hunting you down to initiate from a missed connection. And if you contact him, you're innately in a weaker starting position... And you've romanticized this one guy in your head, which makes it unlikely you're going to keep dating around and not put him on a pedestal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 10:52 AM
24

Look into the technique called gray rocking. It's very useful for people like this. Outside of that, keep working towards emotional detachment. I've shared this quote here before, but it really is relevant : "If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all." - Yogi Bhajan This isn't really about you.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 09:29 AM
12

Ugh. I'm just like you. I love window shopping, but I'm very picky about what I allow in my home. That doesn't mean I wasted my time. There's an entire mental catalog that's being updated as I walk around. That information might be dug out two years later when a girlfriend is looking for an outfit for a specific event and asks me for tips and those twenty things I looked through reorganize like puzzle pieces in my mind with her coloring and figure center stage. So what if I walked through eight …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:52 AM
13

Look around you. We are nowhere near a finish line yet, but this place gives me joy and hope. There are amazing women here. I saw a woman just two weeks out of an abusive situation reaching out to another woman -- she's in a shelter with her little girl, dealing with so much, but she's reaching out through the bond of sisterhood to lift other woman up along her journey. The women here are beautiful in the truest sense of the word.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:45 AM
22

When you draw clear boundaries in your life and refuse to tolerate poor behavior, the people who don't do those things treat you like you're misbehaving. Part of leveling up is realizing that pickmeishas cannot be more than acquaintances to a HVW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 05:31 AM
5

Yup, you are. What's going on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:31 PM
17

It took me far longer than it should have to get the therapy I needed for my complex PTSD because therapists beat the drum of fOrGiVe YoUr AbUsEr.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:55 PM
6

It's difficult to realize people that we love are LVM, but it's important, too. You deserve a better life than your mother's, sis. And you can have it. But it takes the pain of looking clearly at your father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:14 PM
22

Not valuing the things that are important to your partner and making an effort to meet those is innately low value, yes. I'm betting he's similarly thoughtless with keeping the house clean and mental labor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:58 AM
3

I recommend a slow fade out. Look into gray rocking, but basically it's being never delivering what she actually wants to get from you when you do interact so that she grows bored. As she gets less interested, you can slowly ramp down contact and explain it away as just being really busy - and it helps if you make that true. Or you can be direct, but the way you've described her screams 'unstable and vindictive' to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 05:31 PM
8

Hugs from here. You don't heal overnight. This is your wounds acting up and making it clear you need to take care of them, sister. Address your loneliness. Work on building female friendships right now. They don't have to be deep, few start out that way. Join a group locally or online for a hobby of yours and bring people into your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:43 AM
20

Applauding you here for the ninja level of instincts. That did not even float through my head but it absolutely could be. I'd never say to go in guns blazing over something like this, but definitely it's a tick in the 'see the paperwork, ma'am' column.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:39 AM
29

Don't engage further. You have feelings and he isn't interested, so you're just asking for pain here. Instead channel that energy into building friendships with women and going on dates with men who want to date you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 09:41 PM
8

Huge hugs to you. You're doing an amazing thing for you and your little girl, and you're opening your heart to other women during your road to healing. What an amazing woman you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 07:57 PM
8

That is really frightening. My heart goes out to you having to deal with this obsession.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 05:50 PM
14

I think any engagement is just going to encourage him. It's absolutely disturbing, but getting a response of any kind from you will feed into his obsession and lead to escalation. I recommend reading The Gift of Fear from Gavin de Becker. I haven't gone over it in a few years, but if I recall correctly, he covers stalking behavior - and the book as a whole is invaluable to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 05:36 PM
11

This is such a sweet, idyllic picture! Thank you for sharing a little bit of your bliss!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 05:30 PM
8

Just throwing in my hat here as a woman who had a single mother regularly bringing men through her life, who just read through said post. Until a man is thoroughly, thoroughly vetted, he should not be meeting your children. He should absolutely know they exist, but meeting them should only come after you have a solid bead on him as a person and are fairly certain he's going to stay around. Signed, a woman who underwent an enormous amount of abuse because of a mother who didn't do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 04:31 PM
1

This is perfect for me. And what a beautiful look she's created as a whole - she radiates the kind of elegance that puts men in their place without her saying a word. I love it! Thank you so much for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 05:45 AM
2

It'd depend on what he was using his time to focus on. Was he invested in building a career? Traveling? Taking care of aging relatives? And what his dating life looked like during that time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 01:29 AM
4

The difference between the comments from men and women there was stark. And proof of why you had to make the post in the first place. Men do not want us to have rights.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 12:24 AM
6

Hello, human trafficking. This is an unexpected guise to find you wearing, and yet somehow I can't find it in myself to truly be the least bit surprised that a pedophile took advantage of the ability to encourage the placement of children to traffick them to all his pedophile friends in academia. Or, y'know, that everyone else just wanted to sweep it under the rug when it came out. Can't have their reputations damaged, now can we?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:23 PM
16

What about loving kindness to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:39 PM
6

Let him go. Live your life. Be happy. It is going to take a long time and work only he can do for him to be healthy enough to be in a relationship with anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 09:47 AM
10

'I will work on my addiction' and 'I am actively working on my addiction, this is the therapist I am seeing and the group I am in' are two different things. And the proposal... It should not have been a surprise, and you can be frugal in name of the pandemic and still put in more effort than that. To me it honestly sounds like a 'shut up' ring deep down. A proposal that is to slap a band-aid over everything in the relationship, because the woman has gotten the 'goal' and now she's happy over tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 09:36 AM
60

Yeah, I just know my husband would take something like that as 'this person isn't even interested in engaging with people who haven't at least met this standard', even if the course took six months. To her it felt like he was drifting out, to him it felt like the bar had been set so he was getting a grip on it and digging in for that deadlift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 09:16 AM
5

Okay, that's a better situation than a lot of LVM. Video games are routed to directly short cut to the reward system of the brain. The amount of time and effort it takes to get the dopamine hit is much smaller than in real life. Because of that, they can be addictive, and easily become a coping mechanism. I do think that addictions can be overcome with time and work, but if this is the right relationship for you to go back to? That's harder. A proposal shouldn't come out of the blue. It should b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 09:14 AM
6

Did you ever live together? If so, what was the labor breakdown like when it came to cooking/cleaning etc? If not, what is his home situation and how did he do with house keeping by himself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 09:07 AM
445

Busy putting his money where his mouth is, imo. She said she isn't interested in men who haven't proved themselves worthy, so he nodded, left her to her space, and went off to go show her he wasn't playing around. From my experience with a HVM, he'd consider what she said as 'negotiations are closed unless my standards are met'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 08:53 AM
51

I agree with you that a post distilling the philosophy of our message for the women who come here for the first time could be a great thing. It isn't going to stop the LVM screaming on the rest of Reddit, though. And frankly, what they're doing is actually good for us. I came here because I saw this sub mentioned as being horrible, so I came to peek out of curiosity. Guess what I found? And every time I mention this, ladies come out of the woodwork to say they discovered FDS the exact same way. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 06:49 AM
15

Just a little happy yay moment : I stayed up until midnight last week helping my husband's cousin with a paper for a class. She's working to become a teacher, and with her experience as a special education aide, she's going to be amazing. She just didn't organize the best with pandemic stress and as a result our usual sit down and edit time got crunched into a five hour session of helping as she wrote instead of the preferred I'll go over your first draft, give you some editing notes, then we ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 06:39 AM
8

FWIW career wise, my husband is in your field and has found those skills invaluable. There's a ceiling past which sheer technical skill won't take you, and the time put into learning soft skills has made his career rocket where others stagnate. It's been very interesting to watch my once head buried in his computer husband more and more come to me asking questions about how to navigate people, and I love the hell out of him for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:15 PM
14

Hm. This might sound counter-intuitive at first to a fellow introvert, but try your local Toastmasters group. My husband joined on the advice of a more extroverted mentor from a previous job to work on building his soft skills for career advancement, and from what he's told me about his experiences there, he's far from the only one taking that path. It's naturally attracting people seeking to level up, so it's more likely to attract HVM, and you can gain skills yourself that will be useful in yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 05:16 PM
5

I promised myself I'd get my first when I was officially cancer free so whenever I saw it I'd remember I wasn't still in that nightmare. The day I got it I was so overjoyed I bounced up and down like a little kid. It broke my heart to see this. I hope one day she'll be okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 04:56 PM
20

This just... Makes me sad. My tattoos are a deeply personal expression of who I am as a person. They're incredibly significant to me. And to just... It makes me so sad. I think I need a hug. Time to pop off Reddit for the night, ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 05:25 AM
2

I see it as a tool. I use it in social situations to create the impression I want, and for myself for artistic expression to enjoy and embrace my own feminine beauty. I have very delicate coloring that is easily overwhelmed, but when I do my eye makeup just right, I go from the mousy robin hiding in the underbrush to a gray-eyed mystic. It makes me feel connected to a singularly feminine power that the patriarchy told me desiring made me fake or vapid. I don't think that's a coincidence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 05:15 AM
23

Okay. There is a thing that offenders do. They have a record and are aware that will come out at some point, so they frame their record in the most flattering light possible. Todd Kohlhepp, the serial killer who came to national attention for shooting a woman's boyfriend and impersonating him on Facebook while he held her captive in a shipping container, brutally raped a neighbor of his as a teenager. As an adult, he spent his life explaining away his presence on the sex offender list by saying …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 04:40 AM
36

I got sent into such a tail-spin from that I didn't even make it through the rest of the post yet before coming down here, because like... Risotto? You can make it labor intensive if you're making your broth from scratch and going fancy with your add-ins and like... Getting them from the farmers market and treating each ingredient with dignity to reach the full potential? That's time shopping and adjusting your plan around what's available and it still isn't really /hard/. Has this boy never mad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 04:23 AM
10

Let me try putting this in a way you might understand. Standards are, to an extent, a matter of taste. They vary depending on the person. We're going to use the metaphor of sandwiches. Some people like peanut butter and jelly. Some people hate whole wheat bread. Some people have never had a banh mi before and aren't interested in trying one. For some people, gas station sandwiches are fine. Others will fast if it isn't artisanal ciabatta with red pepper hummus. Most will agree that if the bread …
/r/askFDS16/06/20 05:27 PM
2

😂 🤣 Then you were an unintentional genius, sis! I'm about to hit thirteen years of marriage with an emotionally secure HVM and all I could think looking at that text from you was how with my man when we started dating a line like that would have gotten me an enthusiastic paragraph back about his favorite books and questions about mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 05:08 PM
5

This man on the surface level had it all. Women would be clamoring after this level of apparent competence at actually being an adult, but you saw what was going on not only with him, but with yourself. There is so much personal growth reflected in that. You're doing a fantastic job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:36 PM
8

When men say something like this, that's where you need to tilt your head and ask 'what do you mean by that?' and listen to what he says after, instead of the buzz words. When I say love is something that takes effort, I am talking about the idea that the grass is greenest where you water it. Love, once it exists, will die if it isn't nurtured by both parties. You need to still go on dates with your spouse, and have deep conversations with them, and emotionally engage. When he says love is work,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:31 PM
3

Your instincts are correct. If he wants you, he'll chase you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 02:58 PM
3

Any secure man won't feel threatened or condescended to by that, regardless of career. Excellent shit-test. It might not have been deliberate but however he reacted definitely gave you some important information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 02:57 PM
34

Not nearly enough rage in that picture, unfortunately, to encapsulate how they actually react to us daring to have autonomy. If you've seen the expression before, you know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 02:44 PM
2

As though it is simply a matter of fact that you're confident in and looking forward to. Mention that you've been preparing and then the ball is in his court. If he is a HVM with his eye set on you, specifically, he will chase through that obstacle. If not, you will know very quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 07:51 AM
47

I had cancer. (I recently had my one year scan and I was clean as a whistle. My surgeon also told me he's working on a paper now about how people with my particular presentation are significantly less likely to have a reoccurence, to the point where in the future people like me will only have to come in every two or three years for scans instead of every year. I felt like I was floating on air after that call!) My husband slept in my hospital room for the week and a half I was there after surger…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:31 AM
57

Oh man. That reminds me of a front page Reddit post I saw with a woman who had crocheted herself an egg apron . All the men felt the need to swarm the comments and talk about how it'd take one use to become an egg poop apron and become useless because you can't wash it, or how you should just use a basket. Like acrylic yarn doesn't exist--but to them it doesn't, because they know nothing about yarn. Dunning-Krueger effect mixed with misogyny and supreme self-confidence. It doesn't even flash thr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:10 PM
5

You cannot change a woman any more than you can change a man. It isn't within our power. After fifteen years of investing my heart in women with this behavior pattern, I learned that I needed to take a step back. Encourage them to build self-esteem and let them know that a door is open, but also cultivate emotional detachment from these women. It is not a thing within your control. That is absolutely heartbreaking, but every moment of my lived experience has proved it true. These days, I invest …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 10:34 PM
5

Love and healing to you, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:37 PM
6

Neither. Drink dates are not FDS approved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:36 PM
7

I'm happy for you! Stay anchored with high value women in your life and keep your vetting glasses on, but regardless of how he turns out, this is proof that your improved relationship with you and the lack of bullshit you are willing to take now is making a difference in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:34 PM
8

Being the daughter of a single pickmeisha mother is hell on earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:46 PM
2

So true. This isn't bad advice at all if you're trying to get someone to leave you alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:42 PM
6

Your mother has exceptionally good insight into people. What an incredible benefit to have in your corner. Thank you for sharing your experience and her wisdom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:34 PM
9

There is a deep emotional wound you are dealing with. It's going to take time, and you are not going to be functioning like someone who has completely healed from that until you've had the time to. I think understanding that is where forgiveness comes from. If you'd had a leg in a cast for months, you wouldn't blame yourself for being unable to hit your old running times before you'd had a chance to rebuild (or in this case, I think potentially build) strength.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:28 AM
7

Not a damn one. I have been free therapy vendor or unaware they were trying to put me in my place my whole life. 🤷‍♂️ It's what happens when you're raised to it, I guess, but thankfully FDS smacked me over the head with the truth bomb that you should have the same standards in character for your friends as you'd have for someone you'd date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 08:07 PM
19

I agree, and that's why I, personally, see my time here trying to add to the positive female space this is as part of a culture of abuse prevention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 12:51 PM
63

I think we have to take historical context into consideration when we think about this. For women, the right to forge an independent life is very young, and it doesn't exist across all countries or all cultures. Our grandmothers may have been raised under pressures to forgive and stay with an underlying understanding that to do otherwise was to expose themselves to an enormous amount of very real danger. Think about how very young having control over our own reproductive choices is, and how many…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 12:12 PM
34

I think you're onto something here. This could be a good early weeding out tactic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 06:51 AM
41

Oh, sweetheart. You can see the 'if I just do this well enough eventually it will be given back to me' all over this. Look how beautifully decorated that house is. How well tended it is. That sandwich looks amazing. Homemade coleslaw. The energy she has put into this is palpable. It's so much work. I just want to give her a hug, and tell her it's okay to put her tools down, and it isn't her fault that what she's been sold by society doesn't work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 06:45 AM
5

You've got it taken properly care of now, and there were valuable lessons for you in this experience. Enjoy your bike all the more for having taken care of it on your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 03:45 AM
43

Her lipstick is just perfection on her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 01:42 AM
25

Just placed a hold on the audiobook through Libby. When I watched the movie I remember thinking her actions were ultimately unsurprising given how he treated her, and just feeling sad that she chose creating more pain in the world for others (not him, but the others she harmed) and herself instead of breaking her ties to him and creating healing for herself. I'll be very interested to read the book with updated perspectives and see where I fall on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 12:37 AM
6

I am very happily married, and I think this man sounds very wise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 01:18 PM
24

This is the exact energy we need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 11:30 AM
61

My honest assumption was that they had to do this in secret from their husbands and at 4 am to be able to do it at all. I immediately thought 'of course the men would've tried to stop them'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 11:28 AM
3

I think you are onto something, but I also think you are very right when you say it has to come from her. I have also loved many women in my life who made decisions that scared me, and I have watched those decisions ruin lives. The best advice I can give to you is to support yourself, maintain healthy boundaries, be there for her as you can in a healthy way, and channel your loving heart and desire to help others to those who are ready to be helped. That you are so concerned for her speaks of a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 09:09 AM
12

Build a support system of high value women. Make friends and meet mentors. Give back to other women. Pursue hobbies for your own joy. Tend to the garden that is your life so that it grows into the beauty that you want from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 04:05 AM
23

There is a quote from Yogi Bhajan that I have spent years holding close to my heart, from the moment I read it. It's done an enormous amount for me in healing my dysfunctional relationships with others and with myself, and I hope it can help you, too. "If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:50 AM
7

that we have no control over? Hi. I'm similar to an above commenter in that I also have CPTSD, and I've also done years of therapy for it. My beliefs are about taking control. After a decade and a half of being used as free therapy by friends who had no intention of changing, I have come to realize that mental illness is something that we have a responsibility to cope with as best we are capable of to be able to have healthy relationships. If a person is not doing that work, they are not someone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 08:46 PM
13

I am so grateful for this space, because sometimes I venture out into the rest of Reddit and find people telling an adult man he's NTA for his clearly inappropriate 'online marriage' to a fourteen year old girl, and I remember being that girl, and a night where I was going to be able to sleep becomes one where I try not to vomit up stomach acid instead. Love to you all for the healing space this is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 07:11 AM
3

Thank you for your kindness and empathy. I am far enough along my path I am more often giving it than receiving it, and it makes it that much more precious when it is given.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:01 PM
14

I learned this tendency because for me it wasn't safe to react in other ways when I was very young. Slipping into the fog of disassociation or fawning meant safety. Challenging it meant being harmed much more directly. You were taught this behavior at some point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 01:43 PM
3

It means I wasn't supposed to protect my time or my energy and that's a red flag whether I want to see it or not. That is so very true, and clear evidence that you're doing the heavy lifting to improve your boundaries. You are on the right path.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:01 AM
3

First off, I want to give you the credit you deserve for realizing what is going on. Seeing your own patterns, both in your pick-me past and in your enabling now, is difficult - it's a level of growth many people don't make it to. You have done hard work to level up enough to stand where you do right now. Acknowledge yourself for that. When it comes to your friend... I eventually came to the conclusion that I could not be friends with people like this, but there were a lot of years of setting bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 01:35 AM
48

Lived it. Pickmeishaism is a road that leads to child abuse. It isn't always as blatantly obvious as this, but that's where it ends up. The work we do here is important, ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 11:32 PM
9

Whenever I hear about love languages it's always about women compromising their expectations and men getting what they want. I dunno, it'd be a red flag to me in general unless the guy was very invested in meeting my love language.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 11:08 PM
6

Be ready to answer her honestly if she ever reaches out to you to ask about your relationship with him. From my experience with women in abusive relationships and men who abuse, that's the best thing you can do for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:13 PM
17

They didn't change as people. They just found women willing to put up with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:06 PM
15

Hold your head up high, sister. It takes strength to decide 'no. I deserve better than this, and I am not going to settle for being treated like this' in a world constantly delivering you messages to the contrary. The frustration you feel now at ending up in that situation is laced with pain and anger and humiliation and I think most women here know it. We've been there. You aren't alone anymore. You deserve to be proud of yourself right now. When you are enmeshed is the hardest time to take tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:51 AM
5

What would you do if you had a bad breakup that left you down like that? It certainly wouldn't be relying on your ex boyfriend to be your emotional support and therapist to get you through it. That you're here right now is proof of that. Why is the responsibility for dealing with his own shit any less? So he's a mess? He can do something about it. It's his responsibility, and until he takes responsibility, nothing is actually going to change for him. All you engaging would accomplish is him suck…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:13 PM
8

It is such an empowering feeling when someone who abused you contacts you and you realize that you didn't shatter into so many pieces. I am so proud of you and all the work you've done to create yourself this stability. You have done an amazing job. Make extra time in the days going forward to tend to yourself kindly. I'm a bath bomb and book woman myself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 07:01 PM
15

If you think about the amount of time and effort that goes into making those posts versus memes, and the number of our users that can make a detailed guide that would be useful to women versus the number that can make a quick meme calling out something they see, it makes sense we'd get an influx of the type of content we're seeing currently. Upvote the content you want to see, comment on it, create what falls within your wheelhouse to create. And spend time here! This weekly thread is probably m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 06:57 PM
8

I also come from a background of abuse, and part of my journey out of it has been contextualizing the generational abuse in my family. And one of the more useful ways I saw to frame it was 'it wasn't their fault, but it is their responsibility'. Things happen to us in life that are not our fault when we are young and defenseless, but it is our responsibility as adults to do our best to heal from that and do what we can to not pass that on. People who are not already actively engaging in that pro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 06:33 AM
3

Several years is a 30-year-old starting an exclusively sexual relationship with a 20-year-old. If you're here on FDS, you know what ends up happening with age gaps like that. I would steer clear of this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:54 AM
2

I am so happy that you're here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 07:48 PM
8

Food for thought : how much did his Instagram reflect the reality of the man you actually knew while you were with him? What you'd see there would be carefully curated to create an impression. That's what social media is. There's nothing real there to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:32 AM
4

Sit with those feelings for a bit and process how it feels having those emotions towards your younger self, and how they're different from the way you've been framing it in your mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:31 PM
4

Cheering for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:08 PM
6

Deeply insecure. People who are solid in themselves don't feel the need for this kind of attention fishing. I'd assume it's directly related to a lack of success with online dating and trying to shore his ego up from not getting the kinds of responses he wants there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:08 PM
9

For me when dealing with past shame, I find it helps to think about someone else in that position. What would you think of a young woman that age, raised in the culture you were raised in, given the messaging you were, doing the things you were? What if this younger woman was someone you loved and wanted to guide with compassion, like a little sister? How would you talk to her about these things? And what would you say to her if she said to you, hey, I feel ashamed now of it? I find for me takin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:34 AM
81

Pick-me behavior is a road that leads to child abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 12:54 AM
10

I'd say that response is just a fast weeding out, sis. The man who would say that wouldn't magically become anything but a LVM because he didn't know your profession, it's just take longer to find out. Now, not putting it on your profile if you're doing OLD is absolutely a great idea so you're not attracting people looking for that, but I definitely wouldn't lie about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 08:32 PM
4

Hugs and healing to you, sis. There is pain for all of us in our histories, but we're moving forward into brighter futures. Chin up. Be proud of where you are now, and where you're moving to. You being here and taking it into your heart is a very powerful thing and you should be proud of yourself for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 07:02 PM
5

You will never regret it. It's a brilliant book that has saved many lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:53 PM
3

My vote for what to call these in-betweeners is just men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 08:06 AM
13

Yes, you should. Never be always available.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 02:23 AM
14

My husband spent four hours bent over the kitchen table with a tool kit taking apart my Switch controllers to make them pale pink with powder blue buttons because there was a chip on the back of the original and I didn't like the way it felt against my finger. He does all our shopping and has made it clear to his company he's working from home until we're in phase 2 since I'm high-risk for covid. That's romantic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:07 PM
7

The LVM will continue as they are regardless of the actions of these specific women. The horse is out of the barn on that account. The porn exists already in such large numbers that if all production of it somehow stopped today there'd still be tons out there. If all the women who choose to be involved stopped, there would still be the women being exploited, and those being trafficked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 05:46 AM
47

Your momma is fierce. I got stars in my eyes reading that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:36 AM
233

Don't forget, most of the time these days : Pay 50% of the bills
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 11:20 PM
4

It doesn't. Not one bit. I have handed bootleg copies of this book out to dozens of women who weren't in safe enough positions to be able to have a paper trail of owning it or checking it out from the library. (I don't feel a shred of guilt - I'm pretty sure he'd approve. And I paid for my copy, happily.) There are women on this thread right now talking about how it helped them leave their abusers. There is a shining web that expands out, from all the people that worked together to perfect WDHDT…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 08:57 PM
29

Well, yes. If you are looking for an unpaid domestic servant that requires the least amount of emotional maintenance, this is an excellent way to select one. From a sheer, ruthless point of view, wherein the goal is sex and labor - see exhibit A, bang-maid - this tactic makes complete sense. And if you want to avoid becoming a bang-maid, avoiding this behavior makes just as much sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 07:34 AM
6

Casual misogyny. The big stuff is easier to spot and the casual is so baked into our society that I feel like it's worth mentioning here because it can be overlooked. I can't count how many guys I've known who looked down on things that weren't 'intellectual' or 'high brow' enough. Which just so happened to be things like Game of Thrones being the acceptable thing to watch while something like Grace and Frankie was clearly for people with cotton between their ears. Gaming, now there's a real hob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 07:25 AM
25

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker are both amazing books. Any women here who haven't read them, please do. They may genuinely save your life or the life of a woman you love. I just bought a kindle copy of WDHDT a couple of days ago to re-read, and it was two dollars.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 07:09 AM
2

Hugs from here. Working through this conditioning, even when you know it's the right choice, is so hard. You aren't alone, though. There are women here who understand and will support you in your decision and the emotional processing through it. Use this community, it is invaluable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 07:01 AM
6

My primary abuser was a woman, and I was put under a lot of pressure to conform to the patriarchy by the women in my life (bisexual pagan born in the deep south), so I can really relate to this. It took me awhile to overcome that and start bonding with women instead of reflexively expecting them to harm me. It's great that you're already in therapy and doing EMDR, and that you're here. I found that taking small steps outside my comfort zone was better than trying to dive right into the deep end.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 12:02 AM
4

Breaking up with him is the most compassionate thing that you could do for him. In the short term, yes, his feelings are going to be hurt. That is a part of life. But in the long term, the relationship you'd have if you talked yourself into staying wouldn't be one that made you truly happy, and it'd retard his growth as a person to have you subliminate your needs in favor of tending to him. You would do a lot more damage by staying. Right now there will be pain, but it is ultimately the kindest …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 10:06 PM
12

It sounds to me like your innate, gut reaction was 'great, now you're putting the responsibility for your emotional well-being on me'. And we have those reactions for a reason. I would say trust your intuition. We're socialized not to, taking away one of a woman's greatest weapons, and we're socialized to Give People A Fair Shake, taking away another one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 05:37 AM
9

They are raised within a deeply misogynistic culture, and the conversations about female vulnerability during childbirth and child raising, household labor, etc are not a level of education they are remotely interested in. So they latch onto the easy line that fits the misogynistic narrative - our requirement of financial investment makes us gold diggers. Take Reddit being 70% male, and the Not Like The Other Girls brand of internalized misogyny that makes women desperate to be not like those go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 11:57 PM
78

This gave me goosebumps. I don't know you, but I am so proud of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 08:46 AM
53

Here is my mantra, every time I get in the weeds : 'One thing at a time. Nobody ever got anything done twenty things at a time.' It is natural to feel overwhelmed where you are at right now. My advice is to focus on your bottom line. What would most improve your day to day functioning? You have limited time and limited energy each day to spend leveling up. If you focus there, you can add to your pool of available resources, and then later on start adding in some of the bigger goals. Meal preppin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 08:44 AM
53

Lord, grant me the confidence of a mediocre man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 02:49 PM
7

Remember that the stories we've been raised on are patriarchal propoganada.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 03:44 AM
114

Edit: warning, do not go through this user's history, it is very disturbing. They need help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 01:28 AM
9

Hello newbies and much love to the mods that keep this the positive, female space it is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 06:10 AM
30

There are other friends and other families to make. Look at the women around you here. So many who are so very young, in need of love and guidance on their paths forward. There will always be those young women, and giving your time to them shines a light towards a brighter future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 06:06 AM
2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 12:30 PM
2

Relationships are complicated. Our experiences with people are never all black and white. There are aspects of your relationship that you miss, and I would encourage you to frame it to yourself not as missing him - because the full picture of him was a man who hid you from his parents, and that is not a person you will have a happy or fulfilling life with - but missing the aspects of that relationship and the way that you were treated that added positively to your life. You can find that elsewhe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 06:12 AM
8

Head is in the wrong place, sis. Put that 'where is the problem in me that they're acting like this???' mindset down (easier said than done--believe me, I know and empathize with exactly where you're at!) and take it as what it is : the quick proof that the problem is with them. They aren't worth your time and energy if they aren't going to actively try to engage in a conversation with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 11:12 AM
5

Yep. We're either a fetish or expected to be totally 120% straight now and not care about queer rights because you put your penis in us. Woo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 12:11 AM
25

Sometimes it's the little things that make me feel valued. Like putting lip balm on the shopping list and having my husband come back with Burt's Bee's in cucumber mint because he thought I'd like it. That tiny moment of 'oh, awesome!' when seeing something I would've gotten for myself (he does all the shopping right now, to minimize my risk) instead of him just grabbing the first thing he saw was just one of those tiny moments of thoughtfulness that makes me genuinely happy. Also, I mean. Cucum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 08:51 PM
10

Your friend is an addict. You can't change addicts. It just doesn't work. They have to reach the point within themselves to decide to change. I know that's heartbreaking. You want better for her, like everyone who loves someone and is watching them ruin their lives. My best friend did the same when I was a teen, and now that I'm in my 30s, our lives couldn't be more different. I'm happily married to a HVM for twelve years. She's been homeless, lost custody of both children to two different fathe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 08:38 PM
8

That sounds like an amazing, healthy meal, and meal prepping makes such an enormous difference! Your goals are spot on too. Taking care of the bottom line first and foremost is the way to go. You've got this on lockdown, girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 08:33 PM
11

I was raised being told that the only people who cared about this thing were vapid (hi, misogyny!). Then I grew up as a person and saw the papers that proved exactly what you're saying is how we function as a society, and chose to exploit it instead of stamping my feet and saying 'but it shouldn't be that way!' What a change. And I found that I actually really love it, and that I have a good eye for it, and that I was missing out on joy because of my father's bitterness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 08:21 PM
2

Yes. He does think you're stupid. Clearly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 06:35 PM
4

This meant a lot to me. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 06:12 PM
6

I love your energy. I am so happy you're here helping women who are on the path to where you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 06:06 PM
98

Staying is now a friendship-ender for me. I don't play this game anymore. I have a limited supply of emotional energy and a limited amount of time on this earth. Having had cancer made that real damn clear, real damn fast. My heart is reserved for women that it can do good for. That's why I spend some of my free time here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:10 PM
16

If that's what's right for you, it's what's right for you. But I think it might be good to take a step back from dating and from reading too many LVM/NVM posts and find examples of men you respect. My current list includes Lundy Bancroft and John E. Douglas, for dedicating their lives to staring straight into the darkest parts of humanity and fighting constantly for women in their work. Matt Mercer is a creative I really look up to who has been deeply inspirational to me. As a child of abuse, Mr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:00 PM
3

Because he's secure leapt out from your reply to me. That's exactly it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:52 AM
13

You know what makes me happy about this post? You listening to that feeling and deciding that was enough to be done. I hear so, so many stories from women that involve this moment - and then a 'but I stayed, because it was just a feeling', and such terrible stories can follow. You cut it off at the pass. That is breaking intergenerational trauma right there. Give yourself credit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 09:06 AM
11

Ah, yes. How to behave like a woman who would let the man on that cover touch her, instead of one who would pepper spray his damn eyes if he came too close.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:42 AM
29

High value intelligent men do exist, but they're rare. Take the general ego-puffing that men recieve for having penises and add in the mix of arrogance and praise for being wicked smart and... Well. It isn't exactly a road map to learning to respect others, is it? I married the smartest man I know. He's said without hesitation that I'm the smartest woman he knows. The key is that he respects me. He wants different opinions than his own. He is eager to learn. Over our marriage I have watched his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 07:59 PM
11

I see a lot here in your post of doubting yourself for not handling it in a more assertive way. Sweetheart, you were in danger. Choosing the non-confrontational way you did prioritized the most important thing possible there : getting you out safely. Being more assertive could have placed you in real danger. They're neighbors. The danger doesn't go away when you walk out. You did the best you could in that moment to keep you and the women around you safe, and the shaken up way you feel right now…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 07:40 PM
10

Compassion and grace are difficult to achieve when you're still feeling pain and you're so aware of your mistakes. When I get in those negative thought spirals I remember that I didn't have positive mentors in my life. That girl I was was doing her best with what she knew, and her mistakes hurt, but she deserves my compassion and understanding more than she deserves my anger and pain. HVM isn't just a tag line. It's about the right man /for you/. And the right man /for you/ will be one who looks…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:59 AM
17

That writing isn't wasted time. It's you looking in that mirror and seeing with clear eyes exactly what's going on. I believe in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:54 AM
7

Meanwhile, how do I start to tolerate my body enough to bathe? Body dysmorphia is a real mindfuck. I'm not sure if this will help at all but my heart goes out to you, so I'm going to share what tiny piece of experience I have. For me, tattoos helped in the aftermath of my illness. They reclaimed by body as something that was different, but something that was still /mine/. Obviously that's not for everyone and not very doable at this point in the world, but you could try less drastic versions to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:52 AM
6

I wasted a lot of time, a lot of heartbreak, a lot of tears, and a lot of frustration on girls like this. A decade later the different choices we made have turned us into entirely different people. Take a breath. Take a step back. And apply one of the most important things FDS has taught me : FDS standards don't stop with who you date. They apply to your friends, too. And the breaking point between becoming high value and being low value is actively working on yourself. Your friend isn't doing t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:05 AM
1

Ugh. Want a pretty ACNH dress to take the taste out of your mouth, one FDS girl to another?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 01:54 AM
15

This is a key example of how we end up hating women in media because they're written by men who hate women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:34 PM
88

Oh my goodness, this one! I was telling my husband about this a couple of days ago and told him if someone did this to me I'd mace them. Then paused and clarified 'mace as in hit with a mace. Not spray with a can of mace' and he immediately went 'oh, I knew that's how you meant it already, don't worry.'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 10:51 PM
2

I haven't listened yet, but I will now. This is exactly the kind of thing we need to understand more about as women trying to help other women, because the same psychology happening here applies to what we see within ourselves and with the women in our own lives. Thank you for sharing this, OP, it went straight to the top of my non-fiction listen list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 08:42 PM
6

Drop the rope and see what happens. Stop putting so much effort and care into the relationship right now. Focus that effort and care on you instead. Don't text all day. Text sometimes. See what effort he makes when you're not the easy option that's available when he's not doing something more enjoyable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 08:11 PM
2

When you go no contact, you clarify your vision each day of the life you're building as one that doesn't include them. It isn't romantic, but I went no-contact with my mother... Over five years ago? I can't even give you an exact number, and I count that as a victory. I set that pain aside and I focused on myself. I built a life for myself apart from her. And when the pandemic began and she contacted me, it was strange, the difference those years of building brick by brick, day by day my psyche …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 07:44 PM
25

This is why multiple men is so important! If you had three other guys who were your type texting you would you be all over this one? No. Stop focusing solely on him until he's done something to earn that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 10:48 AM
54

This is so true. Being on a pedestal is flat out dangerous, ladies. You're expected to be a vision, not a woman, and the moment you aren't his perfect statue, violence happens. Be the woman you want to be, alone. If a man who can walk that road beside you comes along, bully for him. If not, who needs him? All of you here in FDS know the price women pay for compromising our standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 10:23 AM
11

Have seen this. In the absence of a man fulfilling the role she desires - and her husband will never fulfill the role a pickme desires because she selects an unsuitable mate - the pickme seeks male approval and affection (projected by society as the ultimate goal) from their son. And thus /r/Justnomil was born.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:44 AM
3

I don't have a good answer for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I got uneasy about him after reading this, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 03:24 AM
1

I'd feel like he was playing games trying to bait a reaction instead of giving those gifts from an honest place of appreciation. Posted without checking other comments so she gets my raw opinion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 12:17 AM
24

I'll have been married to my husband for thirteen years in a few months. He hasn't insulted me like that once. Period. And I've looked a right fright. I'm talking bloated from surgery for cancer with him packing an oozing wound on my stomach, and never did disgusting pass his lips. Imagine him saying that to your daughter and how her shoulders would crumple in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 07:15 PM
17

We all do when we start making stuff! The first time I made a swan out of an apple I was so self-critical. The beak looked wonky! The eyes weren't perfect! But my husband thought it was the coolest thing ever and took a million pictures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 07:50 PM
52

I'm with her, that dress is fire. And that pretty strawberry heart you get to eat in your pretty dress, as it should be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 07:31 PM
6

Thank you for sharing. I always appreciate it when people do. We shouldn't expect women to be immune from misogyny. They are a safer bet for us, but that doesn't mean choosing a female doctor guarantees you the medical care you deserve. That goes doubly so for the experiences women of color in seeking medical care. The statistics there are flat-out damning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 03:29 AM
11

I'm not sure if this is worth making a post about, but I figured I'd share here for anyone who cares to read. A level up tip related to your health : when getting a new gp, and they ask if you prefer male or female, say female. There's data out there about how women's health issues are ignored, but here's my personal experience with it. My rare form of cancer was just IBS with every male doctor I went to, until a female nurse practioner paused and said 'you know what? Let's make 100% sure that's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 03:50 PM
47

This kind of thing can be a real mindfuck. When you're younger you're riding that 'yeah, he's right, I /am/ mature for my age' high, and it's only when you get older that you take a step back and realize... Holy shit. That girl is not your friend. She's still actively engaged with someone who took advantage of you, and is sweeping it under the rug. She doesn't get to unilaterally decide that you're still friends. Just like romantic relationships, friendship requires consent from both parties. Sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 08:59 AM
68

Sis, here's your sniff test. If you later in life had a ten-year-old daughter or niece, how does the thought of leaving that girl alone with him make you feel? That sensation you got reading that sentence is your confirmation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 06:43 AM
2

You really understand the life that baby would have had, then. Not wanting that life for a child doesn't make you a terrible person in the least. It's a sign of deep compassion and wanting to end the cycle of abuse. For her, for her children, for their children. I don't think it'd be messed up, but I also don't know that it'd necessarily get you anywhere. With her history I'd lean towards encouraging her towards the implant or shot and make sure to come from a place of empathy. But my honest tak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:48 PM
8

Girl, I've come out the other side of this. My mess of a former friend who had the kid? The one time in years I spoke to her I was told said kid is a young teenager now, and she's actively self-harming, on anti-depressants, and refuses to have anything to do with her mother at all. So she's basically me as a teenager. And her mother, my former friend, came from a similar background of abuse. I got out and ended the cycle. She didn't. Your feeling of relief does not make you a bad person. Knowing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:36 PM
20

When someone is not interested in leveling up and you stay in their life, you end up being the one to pick up the slack of their bad decisions. And that keeps you from being able to level up, because you're busy taking care of the person who refuses to level up. It isn't just men. A pickmesha's refusal to leave a man means that man's burden gets transfered over to you as someone who cares about her. Pay close attention to your own boundaries and how much of your emotional energy, time, and other…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:17 PM
2

It is. We cannot have justice without safety for the accuser, and I firmly believe that is exactly why our rights are so consistently and deliberately eroded and denied. Women have a boot to our throats. Anyone who believes differently is judging based on propoganda, not reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 01:42 PM
47

We need a better safety net for women in these situations. If you had the opportunity to pursue justice against him without endangering your own safety, I'm sure you would have. But you had to make the call between making it out safe and not making it out at all, and the blame for that decision and what he does after doesn't lay on your shoulders. These issues are systemic. Have compassion for your younger self and the situation she was in. She did not have the options she should have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 07:34 PM
9

Anything that challenges the status quo is going to get hate. But I found this place because someone hated it enough to link it talking about how horrid it was, and so have plenty of other women. We're divisive, and that isn't a bad thing. I wish more of the world was ready for this message, but as I get older I realize more and more that we are not as a society living in the time period I thought we were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 05:56 PM
93

I don't read gay here. I read incel looking to degrade women in any way he can, an inch away from enacting violence on us. Our physiology is just what he's latched on to make us dirty. Other men over history have latched onto periods, body hair, PMS, etc, etc, etc to dehumanize us. Pay close attention to the conclusion. Something is wrong with woman, ergo, she must behave as proper sex vending machine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 07:16 PM
2

Okay. Would you even want that man? You're here with that stuck in your head. It's been there nagging at you for however long, that feeling you've got to match what he said more to get men interested. But the blueprint he gave you was the blueprint for him, not for every man on the planet. Would you even want him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 08:35 AM
9

I like this. As women we're innately playing defense because we have so much on the line, and the immediate gut reaction is to caution. Reframing how we enter into that discussion is a great way to acknowledge the perspective we come in with at the door and facilitate conversation. I think this is a really smart approach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 08:43 AM
3

It is heartbreaking to realize that your family is never going to actually step up and take accountability for the shitty things they've done. To have your mother just scoot it (and you) under the rug like an inconvenience attacks at the core of who you are, deeply. Until that moment, there is always the underlying belief that surely if things are bad enough, they'll actually act right. Then they don't, and even through the anger, it feels like your whole world crashing down around you. I hope y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:49 AM
21

Reminds me of one of my favorite subs ever, /r/abrathatfits. Those wonderful ladies took me from low self-esteem over my rack and back pain to finally being properly fitted! But, I'll give you one guess as to what has happened with photos over there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 06:00 PM
3

You know, I don't necessarily think the way you're feeling has anything to do with him as a person all. It might have to do with missing the way you felt at that time, which you describe as being similar to relationships that you had with female friends. And the end of this relationship was obviously rocky, so that naturally causes it to be something you'd reflect back on. Sometimes the way we feel is driving us to do something, but not the something that seems most obvious. I would take this as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 03:37 AM
2

This is fantastic advice. So often as women we're taught to doubt ourselves and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Keeping a journal of your thoughts to look back over 'okay, how often am I spending skeeved out by this person?' is brilliant on every level of life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 08:38 AM
18

I'm just done with male friends. FDS has given me the confidence to realize that every friendship I have ever had with a man has been shitty. And, funny thing? For a long-ass time I've told every girl I knew not to date someone if they didn't seek treatment for their mental health issues. After having one friend kill himself and going through the trauma of that, and realizing I wanted distance from another friendship because she wasn't willing to work on her issues, guess which woman realized sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 07:12 AM
75

You are so right about this. Especially because we are taught to doubt ourselves and to conform, so when we don't bow to societal pressures, even ones we know in our hearts are poisonous, we're made to suffer for it. There is no substitute for having strong women in your life. I am long ago happily married with no personal interest in dating and you women are invaluable to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 06:48 AM
5

There's always danger of reading too much into things with too little info, but our job here as women is to protect women, not give men the benefit of the doubt, so I'll say what's on my mind. Her behavior sounds exactly like what I'd expect if she just wanted to keep that man as far away from her as humanly possible. Don't waste air trying to warn the new girl because she never believes you through the charm, and he'll turn his attention on you again and you're right back in danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 12:44 AM
82

I'll get myself out of this mess That's what I love about being on FDS. You see what's wrong with your situation and you are not content to just suck it up and carry the entire fucking burden like society thinks women are supposed to. You're already done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 04:31 PM
7

Paying you back for his half whenever he could? Sitting around reading manga and playing video games while you supported him? Was he taking care of the house during this time? Cooking? Doing the laundry? Managing the household, ie, was he the one who knew when you needed new dish soap?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 04:27 PM
15

Girl. Girl. Whatever you get from this boy is just going to be more disappointment. The infatuation you have isn't with him, it's with the idea of a boy being interested in you. The actual human being on the other side of the line has nothing to do with it, because you know and I know that he ain't all that much. You aren't into him, girl. Your ass is lonely. Get some damn friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 04:23 PM
9

They don't want to talk with you, they want to explain to you. God, I put up with so much of that bullshit when I was younger, because my failure of a father trained me to be his little ego-boosting puppet. Never fucking again. I married the smartest man I know, and one of the waving green flags is his capability and passion for teaching others. Not talking at, but genuinely mentoring. He gets goofily excited about opportunities to teach eight-year-olds to play chess, and will happily go through…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 11:50 PM
12

Alright, I'm not sure what other women will think, but from me... Play the game. Dress in a way that minimizes the amount of bullshit you have to deal with so that you can focus on your career, because that's what work time is for : focusing on your career. You're there to make money and get ahead. In the uncertain times we're in, now is the time to be the cut-throat bitch willing to manipulate their own unconscious biases against them. If you were a woman in a different industry telling me you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 11:01 PM
42

Thank you for sharing this. You are inspiring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:59 PM
6

It's become so common that I was braced when I first saw this posted somewhere other than here for it to become creepy. This lovely young man did something genuinely sweet for a woman hurting in his life, and I sat there braced for it to turn perverted because it's just so. Fucking. Prevalent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:47 PM
9

My mind went to a similar place of 'does he have sisters?' If it's a guy who was raised with a strong female presence in his life I would find keeping this kind of thing on hand to be normal, but I also agree with the rest of the thread that the later-given information about self-promoting it is a red flag, and that if the rest of his home management isn't at a similar level that would also be a big red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:43 PM
12

Humble = submissive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 07:29 AM
4

If it's with scorn, know that the off-balance way you feel is the point of the way he behaves. The most intelligent and successful people I know are /r/gatesopencomeonin types. Elitism is the mark of insecurity, not superiority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 06:45 AM
17

The world is an ugly place. But I always try to remember Mr. Rogers, who shared the words his mother comforted him with as a child with the world : in times of tragedy, look for the helpers. There are women out there fighting against this. Take a step back from stories of male depravity and look for stories of female empowerment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 02:26 AM
3

It isn't really a source, but I know for me the biggest thing was self-love. There's so much messaging that we receive as women about our value as people that's filtered through a toxic male gaze, and you can get so used to seeing yourself like that that it never occurs to you all the ways in which you're amazing because you were raised in a society that doesn't value those things even as it couldn't function without them. There are beliefs you hold about yourself that are holding you back, and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 06:41 PM
18

The main things to look out for are elitism and misogyny. I've met plenty of those guys who nurture an interest in those things specifically with the interest of being able to ride the Dunning-Kruger inspired wave of self-importance as a substitute for an actual, healthy ego. You can have literally written the paper on their current pet topic and they'll condescend to you. That isn't to say there can't be HVM in those ranks, but I would test early to see if he tends towards those traits. Mention…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 06:28 PM
20

Okay, here's the thing. They don't think trying to date you includes actually being interested in you as a person. And that's not uncommon for men. At all! It seems weird as fuck to us, because, well, duh, but for a lot of men, there's no contradiction at all in the thought of trying to date a woman and not caring at all about her interests, who she is, or really anything at all that would distinguish her from a robot driving her body. Add in the casual cultural misogyny about feminine interests…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 12:36 PM
30

Live your truth, girl. High value people will see it, and they won't be drawn into the web your ex is laying down. The ones who bite that bait he's wiggling are the ones you need to distance yourself from, because that kind of drama-mongering is going to follow them elsewhere in life. A LVM vs a HVW can be seen by anyone with the eyes to see it, and it doesn't involve her doing footwork trying to contradict him. If they don't have those eyes, they aren't worth your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 12:24 PM
11

Oh lord. Okay, so I have been on a thriller kick, combined with a read whatever the heck my library will loan out to me through Libby kick, right? So I started listening to David Baldacci, and he has this whole Army guy goes around saving shit series. Cool cool cool, so far outside of my thing, but I am here for an adventure, and hey, they were pretty decent! Not life changing, but fun, and I was like okay, I'll read some more stuff by him. I write, I'm curious, I'm interested in learning genre …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 12:14 PM
41

I am glad for FDS, because seeing this I thought 'that's a good sentiment, but who is he showing off for?' You ladies have shown me to be wary of men who are performative feminists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 11:31 PM
3

When in an unfulfilling relationship, the woman is putting her energy into that relationship. That same woman single can put that energy into herself, and work on addressing her mental health issues and lack of friends. She might feel lonely, yes, but that loneliness can drive her forward to do things she'd be too complacent to do otherwise, like joining a Zoom yoga class or book club. It can be the impetus for change that leads to leveling up. LVM are a distraction that keeps us from working on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 11:40 PM
5

Ah, man. I was abused at home, and that made me ripe pickings for men like these online. They were 'nice to me'. And they got a nice collection of pedo pics out of it. I was lucky enough they weren't local. A lot of girls weren't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 10:53 PM
62

This post rings very true to me, as someone who has over a decade of marriage to a HVM. I think it all distills down to when a HVM is in love with you, he makes the mental adjustment to viewing the two of you as a team. The idea of not sharing freely with a woman he's in love with is frankly baffling to a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:18 PM
4

Don't you just hate men like this, who feel the need to have an Opinion on every little thing, and to share that Opinion with you like it's the most important and fascinating thing in the world, and expect you to agree with whatever ignorance is coming from their mouths? If you don't see the absolute glowing clarity of the Opinion, you should Hop To, Missy, because clearly you're leading your life wrong. Lord have mercy. Someone was indulged far too much as a child, clearly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:48 AM
5

Is marriage what you want? If so, then figuring out if this is something you can't move past is something you owe yourself. My thoughts as someone who would be closer to him than you would be to look and see if he shows true Christian values in how he walks his walk. I have seen many, many, many men who say they are Christian with their mouths and don't with their hands and feet. I would rather raise a child with a man who acts right than one who talks right and carries poison in his heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 11:31 PM
12

From my experience with friends who have been in relationships that were clearly abusive, I was never able to make much progress by focusing on how much of an egregious act the biggest abusive act was. It never got me anywhere to beat the drum of 'for Christ's sake, girl, he hit you!'. And what he did was extremely fucked up. It is a massive run for the hills waving battalion of red flags for someone to choke you without talking to you about it first. It's a red flag period, but to do it without…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 07:28 AM
6

Remember his author's notes talking about the young suicidal teenage girls who would write to him? And the one who would call him that he'd talk to on the phone all the time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 02:45 AM
20

What an eloquent and haunting choice of protest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 06:07 PM
24

Male writers are on a short fucking leash with me these days. I've read creepier. Throwing off casually messed up lines like that can be a fantastic way to establish that there is something Really Fucking Wrong with this person, and I've seen writers do great things with that. Karen Slaughter is the MVP of this, but women in general, they do write creepy shit? It's for a reason. You're freaked out by someone, there's pay off down the line because you're supposed to twig onto the fact that this p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 06:05 PM
28

No man worth dating is dating during this. He's focused on keeping himself and his people (older family members, neighbors, etc) safe and leveling up. Focus on that yourself and if you're lonely build new friendships instead of relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 08:03 AM
6

Lord have mercy. Sometimes a girl is so far gone you just have to wait for her to hit the point where she wakes up on her own. And that's hard, but I have captained the USS Save A Girl in my life before and a Pickmeisha deep in the fog can be every bit as much a waste of your breath as trying to change a man. Be there for her when she starts to wake up, but you can't make it happen for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 08:00 AM
3

Farmer's market, though. The stalls are often run by families, and I've been rung up kids who don't come up to my shoulder. The second a girl develops these men are all over her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 04:31 AM
31

He's not talking about 16-year-olds. Guarantee it. Had these type of men start after me when I was 11.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 10:15 PM
132

I really think we need to start thinking in three categories as a community: LVM, HVM, and just plain old men. Experiences with LVM can lead ladies to put men who don't display those huge red flags right out of the gate up onto pedestals and dub them HVM for exactly the kind of decent human behavior you're talking about. How many times have I seen a woman talking about a man she's been on three dates with as a HVM or potential HVM, and letting that cloud her head?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 05:10 AM
8

He's in the hospital. He has people there to help him and show him ways to build a support system that doesn't include you. If you have a way to let him know now, while he is in the hospital, you should. That way he can process it while he has professionals around him to guide him through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 04:58 AM
9

Why on earth would you hurt yourself for sommeone else's benefit? If you want a friend there are plenty that you can make that won't come with this painful history and the likelihood of texting you at a later date for a hookup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 04:56 AM
12

Oh lordy, I looked to see if those were the macarons I thought those were and yes, yes they are. I am reminding myself I am a responsible adult fully stocked on groceries who does not need to go get the things to make these even though they are the most beautiful things I ever did see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 05:44 PM
5

So you love him. Okay. You aren't happy with him, though. And you don't feel safe with him. And you know that he won't change. So that intense attachment that you have to him, you already know isn't enough to result in a successful relationship. It is not an easy thing to walk away from the narrative you've written for your entire life. You decided to marry this man. That means you had a plan for what it was going to be like. But that you're here right now means that plan is already broken. We b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 07:12 AM
5

So, this one guy is a fleeting thing, but the way you feel about yourself is something you carry around with you all the time. It's a weight on your shoulders that impacts how you're interacting with the entire world. You don't think you're worthy of being treated decently because of the way you look. I know that feeling. It's so hard to move past and through when experience has taught you to expect dismissal and cruelty, and you learn as well that you aren't worth trying. Look at how you descri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 06:58 AM
23

We were best friends before we got together. We met online, which is why neither of us really considered it for a relationship at first, but we got along /so amazingly well/. And we still do. We married young and we didn't have good mentors. I asked him a few days ago, have you ever in your life gone to your parents for advice with a real problem? He said no. So did I. We've had to learn for ourselves and grow together. But we have. And the being together? That part has always been easy. He has …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:48 AM
10

Very true, and so important to have someone bring up. My experience is in the context of someone who only says things he means, and if a woman walked away from my experience thinking it was a golden rule, a man with bad intentions could take advantage of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:39 AM
15

Here's what you do. Write him a letter. Say everything you want to say in it. Hell, write his momma a letter too, where you outline just how much of a scuzzy sleazebag she done raised. Get good and gritty and mad at it. Then burn them. Because getting your anger out and processing? That's good. That's healthy. But he doesn't need to come along on the ride, because you know and I know he'll learn nothing from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:08 AM
38

Take a deep breath, sis. You're letting this man define you right now. High value is not a term you should be throwing around so fast, because it gets you right back in this trap : giving a man the power to tell you what reality is and isn't. And you're on here asking about a second chance, chasing after him because you've become so convinced he's High Value you've become a Pick Me all over again. Ignore him and his words and his thoughts. This is about you. How do you feel you were doing, befor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:04 AM
38

Anyway, can you discuss how gender roles play out in your relationship? I usually take on the majority of the housework because in our instance it's a fair division of labor. He works full time at a STEM job that pays six figures and used to result in a lot of getting called at two in the morning to fix problems, and part of why is so I have the luxury to pursue writing. (Actually, after discovering this place, I'm hoping to work on romance novels with just enough FDS bent that pickme girls can …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 06:54 AM
88

I hear my words in his mouth. If you stop and really think about the relationships you've been in and the men you know, how many times have you not only had a guy change his viewpoint/actions based on something you said, but then go around telling other people about it and encouraging them in that direction too? He isn't a passive man. He's intelligent and stubborn and driven, and he listens to me and integrates my views into his life because he truly and genuinely respects me. As funny as it is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 05:57 AM
4

Guys like this don't change. He's got a nice cozy little set up for himself here, bringing his rowdy friends over. Bet she picked up the beer and made them food and everything for them to knock holes in the walls. I know it isn't as easy as just leaving, but starting to form an exit plan is something she can do. Hopefully she's emotionally at the point where she can see the sheer scope of growing up he has to do and that she can't raise him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 11:50 PM
3

How old were you when you first got involved with him? Now think if that was your little sister, and a man his age was doing those things to her to try and turn her head. Makes your skin just crawl, doesn't it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 11:40 PM
11

Got it in one. This is a boy bye moment in every aspect of life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 11:34 PM
72

Bad press is still press! I came here because I saw a comment talking about how toxic and terrible this place was and I came to see for myself. I found a group of intelligent women clued into the reality of the world working to navigate through it. All these LVM are accomplishing is putting this sub in front of more women's eyes. Thank you for spreading the gospel, LVM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 10:10 AM
3

The suicide threats are a manipulation. They let him stay in your life. What you send in your reply re legal threats/involving the police is up to you, but only reply to him that last time. After that, never reply again. Every time he gets a message back from you, he gets that adrenaline hit. It doesn't teach him not to do it, it teaches him three new email accounts and a vivid description of how he's going to kill himself because you aren't with him is what it takes to hear from you. At this po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 08:36 AM
5

I'm a little concerned that you're falling into the trap of doing this for him. You're the one on a forum trying to figure out how to make better dates happen right now, not him. And part of FDS is keeping an eye on men who put in the effort. So... What effort is he putting into your relationship? Give me the pitch on why you're here looking for 'how do I tell my man to upgrade his game'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 08:26 AM
5

Beat Saber is /amazing/! Go to bsaber.com and get the program for easy custom song install, and all the songs with fantastic flow maps! Signed, someone who has put five hundred hours of sweat into that game and couldn't survive quarantine without it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 07:00 PM
5

Good on you. He wasn't invested in you and you saw the writing on the wall. So many women would've stayed, and just imagine what having children with that man would've been like!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 06:53 PM
15

That is a really good point. The FDS mantra is that the alternative to a proper man is no man, but historically women did not get to make that choice. And to be without a man at all was a dangerous situation that left you open to exploitation from many men at once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 06:50 PM
8

That's what's so confusing about abusive behavior. Because people aren't black and white. The pedophile who groomed me online and made me send him naked pictures of me when I was 11 was also the one who kept me from committing suicide when my parents abused me. If there was never anything positive, it'd be easier to just... Leave. But you get this. The things you miss, the things that make an actual positive influence on your life... Then all the terrible things, the things that break you. And y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 06:31 PM
21

Social media is an illusion. You know that. The life you're scared of seeing, with his career and his potential fiancée? That's an illusion too. Because that life? It has him in it. It might be superficially successful, in the ways the world measures success, but it has a big old rotten stinky dung bomb right in the middle of it. That woman, even if she is engaged? She isn't any happier than you were. Not really. No woman with a man like that is actually happy. You've seen behind the Hollywood m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 05:51 PM
246

I can’t feel turned on anymore without feeling the embarrassment of what I let these men do to me. One thing I try to remember when I look back on my own life and start the shame/blame spiral is the lack of mentorship in my life. If you'd had strong female role models in your life showing you the way forward, you wouldn't have ended up where you were. Remember to show kindness and love to that younger you in your heart even as you realize the mistakes she made. She didn't know any better, and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 10:13 PM
27

Open access to sexual health care, from HPV vaccines to IUDs to abortions. Real sex education. Punishment for daring to have a child alone not entering the narrative when it comes to helping single mothers. An entire overhaul of how rape cases are handled, and no woman ever again being told she was asking for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 07:49 PM
5

Hm. Maybe there's a middle ground with some non-committal answers that push him to pursue harder? 'That could be fun' etc, still a little wishy washy and not getting invested but not seeming like you're disinterested if you're not. Signaling if he wants you invested harder he has to make it more concrete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 06:55 PM
80

... Eww. Gross. Just. Gross. I started to ask do you think they actually think this is attractive then I remembered they don't care, because peen wants, must satisfy peen. God.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 06:49 PM
8

I think these men are inherently incapable of understanding the idea of wanting dating advice that isn't centered around getting a date because that's the only way they interact with the world. What else could a sub be for? Smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 06:47 PM
13

Oh girl. How many times have I heard that yeah but I'm just followed up two weeks later by a we're back together and oh, him holding my cat down in the kitchen and spraying canned air in it's mouth? He's getting counseling for that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 05:34 PM
35

I think of all the places on Reddit you could post this, you came to FDS for a reason. You know what is going on in your relationship isn't okay. It doesn't feel okay to you. You don't feel okay right now. You don't feel okay with how you're being treated. But you have this man you love... Or this idea of a man that you love. Because the reality isn't matching up with the idea, and you're here, where you know what we're going to say. I want so much to give you a big hug right now. You're really …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 05:25 PM
79

The funny thing is that this is posted over on choosing beggars, like the women on this sub are begging men to date them rather than saying 'if you don't do it right, I'm done.' I don't see women on here saying oh lawdy FDS I am just so desperate to get myself a man how do I find him. How do I keep him. How do I make him stay. There is no begging going on here. There is just women drawing boundaries. If the men don't meet the standards, you don't lower the standards, you enjoy your man free life…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 03:42 PM
10

IMO a man who is really into you is going to be trying to make what distance plans with you he can. Virtual museums, Netflix nights, etc. Sending gifts through the mail with the intent of making sure you're safe ie cloth masks. Send a girl a damn Lush gift basket if you can't take her out on a date, don't be a lazy bum. If I can make a list like this in two minutes and I'm not trying to date someone, what's his excuse for just texting you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 12:43 PM
3

Yep. They're selecting for submissive behavior and women who look to them for approval with this trick, too. Women who take that bait can continue to be manipulated and abused. For guys like this, a woman who wouldn't allow herself to be degraded isn't a woman he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 12:39 PM
5

I know growing up I got fed a lot of messages about how the route to happiness was straight through finding myself a man. It's culturally pervasive, that concept, and it's historically marketed /hard/ to little girls. I didn't get a lot or really any messaging around the idea of being a complete, happy person with myself, my family, and my friends. So look at the stories she's being told, and make an active effort to bring in ones where girls are complete people without romance. For LVM/LVW... I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:08 PM
26

I am a big fan of this sub (I think that's pretty obvious). That said, I have seen direct links to posts on other subs, including that one, with calls to go save other women or just screenshots without the sub or username blurred that result in the post being flooded with comments from this sub... Which is basically brigading. It's worried me for awhile, because the last thing I want is to see this place actually get banned. I'm a little hesitant to actually speak up about this, especially here.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 07:59 PM
9

I think small things like this can be big for women to see. It doesn't take much of a step outside the walls of this sub to see how women are treated on a daily basis. Sometimes, you can sweep a lot under the rug, and the straw that breaks the camel's back can be realizing that even in the little day to day things he's not treating you well. And that being treated like you matter to someone isn't some dream, but a life that other women are actively living.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:48 AM
23

Oh, God. I have known so many of these quote unquote soft men. So very, very many. And I have been the dumbass girl trying to be their friend--aka, their unpaid therapist-- while they do /nothing/ to improve. That's what that sending that article is about. Find a 'diagnosis', fixate on it, do no work. Expect everyone else around you to hold your hand because you're a poor sensitive baby, instead of acting like a fucking adult like the rest of us and pursuing actual help to engage with the world …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:37 AM
15

There's nothing I love more than seeing a woman gain the self respect to walk away. Enjoy that crown. It suits you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:23 AM
10

(I know that this is simply FDS common knowledge. But I am a recovering pickme and I finally made a breakthrough. I wish those who are struggling in the same way open their eyes too. I’m genuinely smiling right now. I’m happy!!) Sharing breakthroughs like this is so important for those a few steps behind you making the climb to where you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 02:38 AM
2

Outside of vitamin D, I personally have Seasonal Affective Disorder, so I notice when I get no sun my mood takes a huge nose dive. If you haven't tried it yet, it's worth a shot to see if it works for you! Today marks week 3 of shelter in place here and I got a beautiful twenty minutes of it yesterday. Did me better than a fourteen dollar rose cocktail, and I like my flowery drinks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 01:45 PM
12

Exercise, sit in sunlight when you safely can, cuddle pets if you've got them, don't judge yourself if you need to have a scream into a pillow sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 01:35 PM
31

If you're asking because you think you might be in that situation right now, if that interest light flicked on, he'd be pursuing you right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 01:33 PM
7

Possibly. That's engaging, though, and it's a year and a half old. It pisses me off, but I don't want to bite that bait and have him make a new Facebook to contact me yet again. My block list on Facebook is my parents' names, over and over again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 06:44 PM
24

I'm furious right now, ladies, and the why is... Laughable. My father had a picture of me on his Facebook. He is the definition of a LVM. When I was ten and told him I was scared because my step-father was leering at me in my swimsuit he said he might watch too but that didn't mean he wanted to commit incest with me. Word for word. I have been low contact with him for fifteen years and no contact for five. But I checked his Facebook. To see if he was sick yet. Because he's in the deep south, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 09:46 AM
9

He also liked a naked girl in the bathroom towel doing a dance on her private profile Giiiirl. If his ass was so artistic he could be studying actual photographers, not liking girls doing naked bathroom dances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 09:33 AM
28

No need for sons, even. The husband is plenty. Any woman with children or the intent to have them should be very cautious in her mate choice. I would slap the shit out of my mother given the chance for the decisions she made and the danger she so freely delivered me into with her pick me desperation for low value men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 07:57 AM
16

What's going on here is that they cannot pay the price of admittance. A woman is a gold digger by desiring money at all. Money they don't have. By her getting a raise she is potentially out earning them. In their minds a woman only exists to be married by a man, so your salary going higher is an insult to their masculinity and an implication they aren't good enough to pursue you. They know they can't get in the door, so they're putting you down because they can't handle the concept of not meetin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 04:17 PM
138

Women are sex dolls to LVM. The only use of a woman is for their dicks. Overweight women not only aren't pleasing to the Almighty Master PeePee, they also have the sheer gall to presume to exist for something other than PeePee, and they refuse to fall into line where they belong! The horror.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 07:25 AM
7

Yep. It took me a bit to realize that the insomnia and lack of appetite this pandemic triggered were hypervigilance. Falling back into a pattern of only being able to sleep when I passed out was not good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 11:54 PM
19

Well, the advice I can give from this side of watching things is that a green flag to watch for is the guys who willingly place themselves in positions that involve actually working with others. He has always been the person everyone I have known has gone to with questions. He's the smartest guy I know in most things. But one time he got so distracted fixing a loose knob on the lid of a buffet bin that he tipped his full plate right onto the floor. I almost died laughing when he smiled at me and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 02:10 PM
10

Preach. I would really love to see a culture shift encouraging thinking of 'potential HVM' as just 'men' in hopes it'd encourage ladies away from the scarcity mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 01:15 PM
3

Okay. It's time to take a step back and take a breath. FDS values would already have you out the door. What's going on in your heart right now that you're still entertaining this man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 01:09 PM
53

No brother, but his cousin is an extremely hot fire fighter with a mop of dark curls and, unfortunately, an adorable baby boy and loving wife. My grandfather thought I was insane when I told him I planned to get engaged at 18. I explained that my future husband was the kind of man you marry, not the kind of man you date. I can't blame his skepticism one inch in retrospect, but after twelve years of marriage, this is the man who did not leave my room when I had surgery for cancer. I was there for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:21 AM
67

I think there are some men who do. I'm an intelligent, creative woman who married a very intelligent, detail driven man who enjoys that about me, and you can see it in his life. He has a thriving STEM career and has come home lately talking with a lot of passion about a shift he's seeing in this traditionally male-driven space towards rejecting alpha-male mentality and nurturing the ability for actual, communicative teamwork. It's something he's passionate about in a business space. His ultimate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 07:57 AM
3

Interesting question! For me my color palette is super muted (gray is my best color, no lie. My wardrobe includes such rock stars as sandstone, taupe, and sage.) so my clothing choices don't ever twig him as off, but one time he tried color blind sunglasses and was very startled to notice that red stood out, like yellow did. Since red is such an eye drawing color for those without color blindness and not at all for him, I'm betting outfits read very differently when that's a muted tone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 02:57 PM
2

8% of men are colorblind. Whenever my husband is dressing for something important (or he's gotten a lot of new stuff he doesn't know how to match), I pick his clothing, and your friend's husband sounds like a guy with a fair number of important things on his plate. Might not be how it started but it came to mind!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:49 AM
3

You can and will keep climbing your path upwards. You are not contacting that man, you are here talking to women for support and help to grow stronger. I believe in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 08:08 AM
9

And when I needed support he would give it for a bit but then he would start saying “you’re fucked. I’m sick of this shit. I’ve had a cnt of a day and now I have to deal with you.” Hi. Checking in from life on the other side. I've been married to a HVM for twelve years now. (I'm here because FDS is a state of mind, and because I want to be able to support the women in my life still looking.) I have had mental health struggles for years. My husband has never said a word like this to me. Twelve ye…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 07:02 AM
0

My read on this video is that it isn't for women, but for men. It's pitched so softly towards the abuser because it's trying to get men who think this way about their wives to show appreciation towards them. That's their target audience, so they choose to portray a really stylized farce pitched towards that audiences biases. Whether that's a good thing or not I can't even pretend at being wise enough to say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 06:45 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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