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_NotWellBitch Archive

View 1 posts and 37 comments by _NotWellBitch on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
393

DISCUSSION_NotWellBitch/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 07:38 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

actually, the writer did a pretty good job of explaining to the reader that the girlfriend was being prudent and keeping herself safe as a woman, and that he keeps characterizing it as a “get out fund” instead of a personal emergency fund, and that he should examine why his girlfriend being able to leave makes him feel so insecure. or at least, that’s what i got out of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 05:13 PM
28

warning: long post i met my current boyfriend on hinge, but i went through so many horrible people first and it honestly was traumatizing. i really really do not recommend it. the reason i used it is because i had moved to a place where i had no friends and no means of socializing during covid. if you have any friends at all or can go out and socialize, do that instead. or put dating on hold if you can’t. my worst experiences were when i was more pick me. after i finally internalized FDS, my fil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 08:46 PM
1

can i have a flair please?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 11:27 PM
5

i’ve had a very good experience with the mirena iud. after a few months, it pretty much completely stopped my period and cramps. no mental side effects, unlike the pill for me. it has much less hormones than the pill and they stay more localized in your uterus instead of taking a systemic pill. everyone i know with a mirena likes it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:44 PM
5

ask your doctor for anti nausea suppositories. uncomfy but the only thing that always works
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:39 PM
44

this is off topic but is your username a HEALTH reference?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 07:54 PM
15

+1 to that lol. also it’s clear you have done your own healing and overcome a lot, but try to think back to your early 20s or before. i think people who have not done their healing or are still in the thick of abuse/trauma are not fully ready to hear your message. my healing was very recent, and i know that two years ago i would not have understood what you’re trying to say. know and trust that you have the right message, but ultimately you can only lead a horse to water, and it takes a while fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:32 PM
32

i think a lot of women who have been abused struggle with blaming themselves (and being blamed by others) and so it makes it hard to absorb this message, that ultimately you are in control of what happens to you (of course barring being held against your will or imminent violence). when i first heard the message that “you choose what behavior you allow/accept, and you can choose to not let abuse happen to you” i prickled because i felt blamed. but then i realized the true meaning is that i am no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:24 PM
3

oh awesome, thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:24 PM
4

what does gcdk stand for? i want to find this blog
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:14 PM
47

if a boyfriend finishes too fast, it just leaves me wanting more and also feeling good about myself. if a boyfriend has to get really rough/fast for a long time and it starts hurting me, it makes me not want to have sex with him again. it doesn’t really help my self esteem either. so with the first one i only deal with mild disappointment, and with the second one i feel like a worthless fleshlight. we’re all human and won’t finish easily all the time. that happens to me even when i’m by myself. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:07 PM
55

completely agree. in a vacuum i don’t mind my leg or armpit hair, but i shave it so i don’t stand out. however, i completely hate my pubic hair and feel ugly with it. this is learned and not my choice at all. i’m getting laser so i don’t have to deal with shaving to look “acceptable” in a bikini, but i am not doing it for me at all. i’m doing it because i feel like i have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 03:13 PM
14

go to libgen.is and search for “how to marry the man of your choice” and a few mirrors for the pdf download should pop up. i always just use the first mirror. let me know if it doesn’t work for you and i can try to put it on google drive!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 06:14 AM
61

margaret kent, how to marry the man of your choice, chapter 5. you will learn how to let people talk and reveal themselves and what questions to ask, while not giving up much yourself. libgen has the pdf. got the recommendation from another poster and literally just finished reading, and i learned soooooo much. it’s an old book so the stuff in the beginning about how to attract men sounds dumb, but skim through the whole thing to get what it’s about. she’s a genius
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 11:13 PM
5

people can have extremely strange and unhealthy reactions to being sexually abused or assaulted. i don’t think her reaction should be compared to what is being described in the post, especially with the reference to defending him/ego in the title. clearly she is trying to process, understand, and cope with what happened and we really should not criticize a victim of abuse. the most horrifying thing is that someone did that to her, not the way she is processing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 06:12 PM
40

my mother always taught me it’s ok to talk about your symptoms but don’t give it a name. like if you get panic attacks, you can say sometimes you will suddenly feel very anxious and have a racing heart etc, but don’t say you have panic attack disorder. or if you have ocd, you can say that you sometimes get very preoccupied by one thought and that doing a little ritual makes you feel better, but don’t say you have ocd. this goes for everyone, not just romantic partners. people need to get to know…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 08:12 PM
63

+1 about the right man avoiding awkwardness! recently, i was on a trip and out to dinner with a friend and really wanted to pay. i didn’t want to have an awkward fight for the check where i had to convince her to let me pay, so i paid while i “went to the restroom”. it was honestly so much fun for me to be sneaky and it felt great to gift her without her having to go through a song and dance about not accepting just to be perceived as not rude. i love treating people and giving gifts, and i felt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 07:21 PM
35

thank you, i’m safe and have been talking to my mom and friends. i managed to de-escalate last night and leave, but i obviously wish i wasn’t put in that situation at all. it feels horrible that i’m dissociating on and off to cope; i hate not being present. i’ll consider going to the police, but i also want to be done with this and never think about it again. i know it’s selfish but i just don’t know if i have the energy to do it. is it worth it to have acquaintances like that? is it enjoyable o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 08:45 PM
38

i went through something really similar, almost word for word the same actions. it’s horribly damaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 07:52 PM
5

oooooo boy one time i took my ex out to dinner for his birthday (he picked the restaurant!) and he said it counted as a present for ME because i was always asking to go out (he never wanted to go on dates!). i disagreed, but i was still going to get him a physical gift anyway, i just needed him to go to the specialty store with me to get the right size. he never did because he refused all activities with me, we broke up a few months later, and six months later he’s tried talking to me again and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 06:10 PM
1

any concrete tips for this? i always feel bad when i forget details that other people remember. in both dating and friends. how do you probe for the refresher without literally saying sorry, could you remind me ___?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:49 PM
20

we know it’s “not all men”. you don’t have to tell us that. we’re complaining about the men who do this. this whole sub is about finding guys who arent like this, of course we know it’s not all men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:05 PM
11

i see your point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:22 PM
46

i think this is more about guiding a horse to water. come off as non judgmental and purely informative, so people with the coping mechanism don’t immediately shut down for feeling criticized, and then they can learn more about it and come to their own conclusion that they want to change. it’s very hard for people to separate their actions from themselves, so when you judge an action, people feel personally attacked and it’s hard to help people when they’re in defensive mode. like, i actually str…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:09 PM
8

i’ve heard this forever but it’s finally starting to sink in and click with me. it was jarring when i broke things off with someone and he was saying he needed me in his life (also said some emotionally manipulative things about suicide, etc, you know the drill). healthy people do not need others. they are a nice addition, a want, not a necessity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:00 PM
79

my personal experience is much different than yours. when i was like 20, getting an engineering degree in 3 years at a top ten university (i do not say this to brag, just for perspective about the self inflicted stress i was under) and dealing with the worst mental health spiral of my life (so far! hah), i was absolutely doing those things and much worse. i flew across the country to stay with a strange man i met on a forum for the summer, met a ton more random guys, did a ton of drugs (everythi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:53 PM
2

interesting, thank you. it’s not FWB, it’s still romantic, just much less strong feelings on my side compared to theirs. looks like i should be pickier in the initial stages, as i tend to get locked into these things with people i don’t actually want to be with, and that’s not fair to me or them. this is kind of a big ask, but do you mind if i DM you with a specific, odd situation that im not sure how to navigate re how long to wait?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:36 PM
9

how much investment is enough though? like how do i feel out the moment when he’s invested enough and respects me enough to keep putting in effort after we have sex? to be honest, whenever i don’t see myself in a relationship with a guy but like him enough, i’ll sleep with him whenever because i don’t want to do that with guys i do see a future with, so i need the outlet. funny enough though those guys always stick around. it’s the ones i really like and wait multiple dates to have sex with that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 12:23 AM
6

in college i dated this guy for a few months who was a virgin but masturbated so much that he couldn’t really orgasm from vaginal sex. he wasn’t super porn addicted, so he was always turned on by me and he made sure i finished and enjoyed it, and he said he enjoyed it too, but it honestly did make me feel really bad that he wasn’t orgasming. he reassured me it was fine but i was so torn up about it. and that made me wonder why don’t most men feel bad when their partner doesn’t orgasm? i mean, th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:47 PM
25

i feel like anger is created when someone hurts you or wrongs you, but those things also create sadness. in my experience, anger covers my underlying feelings of sadness, and it protects me in the moment because it’s a less vulnerable position to be in. but it’s exhausting to be angry. eventually the anger slips away and i have to process my pain and cry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:34 PM
3

oh, this was more for internal processing and how to not let things affect you if you’re sensitive. if you’re past that and have the energy to call people out and educate them, that’s awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:27 PM
2

one thing that might help is to remember that it’s a generalization and not about you at all, and it’s an inaccurate generalization, so just disregard it completely. i have an illness that is frequently vilified, sometimes rightly so, but a lot of the time i read ignorant, inaccurate things and i just have to remember the person has no idea what they’re talking about and to not give credence to their misinformed opinions. most people don’t even know there’s two types of bipolar, or what the symp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:20 PM
29

this is so vague that i don’t think anyone could give you advice that’s specific enough for you. but the fact you call yourself pathetic (and don’t call yourself that!) makes me think you aren’t over him and are aware of that. i think you should focus on yourself and moving on. if he’s truly a good friend then going a while without talking won’t change anything. there’s no rush.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:05 PM
10

i’ve had similar experiences. some people do care about you and see you as a person with real feelings. some people truly cannot conceptualize the fact that other people exist. you can show them your pain over and over again and show them the full extent of it and they will not care because they don’t have the capability to do so. they cannot learn. you cannot change them. it is traumatizing to be with people like that, where only they are valid and you are not. but you aren’t broken, you’re hea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:58 PM
53

firstly, thank you op for posting this and sparking a discussion. as already mentioned, i disagree with 5 because that’s a pretty low bar. but i also don’t like 2 or 6. re 2, it can be very difficult to recognize a bad relationship just given those guidelines because abusers, or even just toxic people, will make you feel like you aren’t good enough and you will try to change into someone you feel is worthy enough for them. you can feel inspired and moved and trying to be a “better” version all t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:44 PM
2

yup :( i’m a serial monogamist, and tend to take whoever comes to me instead of waiting for someone who fits my standards. i used to need people so badly that i could only break up when i had another person lined up as a crutch. this is my first time ending things with someone without a specific guy in line, and it’s been really freeing. i’m working on finding people i actually want to date and not just accepting whoever wants me, and being able to walk away when someone isn’t meeting my needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 11:08 PM
31

idk if it’s just because i’ve mostly dated terrible men or if this is true more generally, but whenever i’ve started initiating, i get treated differently. it’s almost like their view of me changes, and they have to think that they’re the one in control and calling the shots? my most recent ex boyfriend would always, always turn me down unless i was really subtle about it and let him think it was his idea to convince me. a guy i dated recently was complaining about my libido very early on and go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 09:54 PM
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