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abcdeflmnop123 Archive

View 4 posts and 82 comments by abcdeflmnop123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I feel the same way. Lost my house, then lost my job, finances had been ok, now they are not. Had to move back in with my parents temporarily. Depressed about the whole situation with life not going to be how I envisioned it. She wants sole custody of our kids, so I worry I am losing them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:22 PM
1

Agree 100%. Research shows children do best when raised with a mom and dad. I wanted that for my kids like we all do. My wife asked grown children of divorce how they made out. Since her small sample size said oh they turned out fine it was ok. I guess she felt deciding to divorce would be fine. She may even think raising our kids alone and keeping me out of their lives will be best for them. My wife has blamed me in legal filings saying without evidence and without notes from my sons therapist …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:41 AM
1

Did the gentleman get to reconnect with his son he had to walk away from? That is such a scary feeling for me. No children should lose a relationship with either parent.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:10 AM
2

ah yes, the silver bullet divorce method. If you can't see them in person, try to get video visits so you maintain that connection with them. It's so important. Like my kids, they are young. They NEED their father. Others have told me children are smart. They will see the truth. They will grow up and understand you did everything you could have to be a father and in their lives, but their mother hated you more than she loves both of your kids and did this to them. They may even hate their mother…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:08 AM
1

I'm sorry you went through this too. I'm in the middle of it as you can see from my post here. I've had some really sad days not seeing my kids. I'm afraid I will lose them. I'm afraid they will think their dad did not fight hard enough to see them. I'm afraid they will think I am the worst dad and not want any relationship with me when they grow up. The court will decide what the best interests are for our children, but based on the PO she got they will say it shows family abuse (there was no v…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:03 AM
1

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I feel like we have a lot in common. My wife does not want to discuss a settlement agreement because she and her aggressive attorney want to litigate it. She told me she would die on the mountain fighting me for the kids and the house and would be fine paying hundreds of thousands of dollars doing that. She said I won't touch marital assets to do that. Of course not. Her parents are wealthy and will pay whatever legal costs it takes for her to get everyt…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:55 AM
1

Awesome. Congrats! Any advice on how to win?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 03:56 AM
2

Sorry to hear you’re in a similar boat. You said that very well. Disappointed but not surprised she wouldn’t let me see them after this long.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:39 AM
1

Can the court order that she keeps the house and that she buys me out and prevent the sale of the house? I can’t force a sale can I?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:17 AM
1

How is this affecting your relationships with these friends? Almost all went to my wife's side and don't reach out or ask how I am doing. I feel completely isolated and alone.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 06:56 PM
2

I don't get it - 52%. I've seen 30-40% of first marriages, yet we are the only ones of our friends getting divorced. Not caring what other people think, just upset that we are literally the only ones.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 06:50 PM
5

Consider yourself somewhat lucky - you're getting the kids removed from the PO and it is only going to last 6 months. My wife got a 2 year PO and it can be renewed. There was no abuse, violence, or even threats of violence. She used my mental illness crisis to say I was acting erratically and she was in fear of her life. I have not seen my kids in person in 8 months. She only wants to allow supervised visitation I can't afford now. I asked if a family member could be the supervisor in a public p…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 06:45 PM
1

You had to make the best decision for you with the information and feelings you had. no one will fault you on that. I am feeling the loss of time with my kids, feeling I am in a bad financial spot, feeling like it may not get better, and wondering if and how I can ever recover. Feeling the court could say no custody of my kids in the future or that I may not be in a stable financial position with my job and living that the court could say you are not stable enough to even have your kids every ot…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:48 PM
1

so you left your life and kids and don't plan to have contact with your kids anymore? just start a new life?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 09:31 PM
1

Glad you can FaceTime. We have to use Our Family Wizard app for all communication and video calls.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 11:44 PM
1

How long are you not able to see her? The order is 2 years. Keeping a journal is a good idea. I hadn't thought of that or where to begin.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 09:32 PM
1

My wife got a restraining order too even tho there was never violence or threats. I missed pre-k graduation, first day of kindergarten, kindergarten graduation, countless soccer games he played in. My son said graduation was stupid. I asked why...because everyone else's mommy and daddy came, and only my mommy came. Crushed my soul. I feel like my kids will feel they had the worst daddy, their daddy didn't love them enough to live with them, their daddy didn't love them enough because he didn't c…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 09:05 PM
2

Hang in there. You're in a good group for support. Today was really hard for me too. I teared up a bit.. I have not been allowed to see my two young children in person for 8 months. Video calls are allowed, but they just do not make up for being able to hug and kiss them. This resonated with me and I had not considered all of it until you wrote it: "Nobody talks about what it's like to go from hearing "Daddy" every day to hearing it whenever someone else decides you're allowed to. Nobody talks a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:33 PM
1

how have you processed that and what has happened since that time? How long is the restraining order for and has it expired? I have felt like you lately and it hurts so much. I ave not seen my kids in 8 months in person. Just video visits and that is not the same. I can't really be a father in their life like this.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 02:03 AM
1

I hear you - I know you mean well and care. If I went to trial on the complaint they filed, my lawyer said I would lose. They were asking for a monetary award, attorney's fees, and other penalties as the court saw fit. My lawyer said their complaint was petty, but your wife is angry and looking for any little thing to hang you on and you did what you did. She said my messages exceeded the scope of the protective order allowing us to only message about our children, so the fact that I literally w…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:00 AM
1

She included our young kids too. I have not been able to see them in person for 8 months. We have video calls but most of the time they have little interest in speaking to me. My son says shut up daddy, I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk. Once in a while he will come over and talk for a minute at a time if I am lucky. She can also ask for a renewal in 2 years when the PO is set to expire. The judge had checked a box saying something like this order is able to last …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 12:07 AM
1

I saw that in custody trial, the judge must consider family abuse (presence of a PO). The judge must also consider mental health, which my wife cited in the PO hearing and now wants the court to order a psych eval at my expense. I am just not sure if the PO and mental health means I will get 0% custody. My wife is asking for 100% custody. Yes, the PO was granted. I did get stopped at the airport for a while and they asked if I had contacted my wife. I said no and they said ok, just wanted to be …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:27 PM
1

I did not realize the full consequences and an attorney I spoke with said they were unavailable that day but that it didn't seem my wife had evidence of actual abuse. Her language was so broad and vague the attorney said it didn't see how it would be granted. She said just get your wife to admit you never were violent, never harmed her, and never threatened to harm her. Well, I found out the hard way why you always need an attorney. Would it have made a difference if I had an attorney? Maybe, bu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:12 PM
1

I made the same mistake. I thought that as long as she admitted (which she did) that I never harmed and assaulted her and never threatened her, that would show there was no violence and no need for a protective order to be issued. I did not understand the full consequences and had thought she did not have actual incidents of abuse so I would be ok. I was wrong. Her attorney came prepared with exhibits of text messages and I did not know how to push back that they were being taken out of context.…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:08 PM
1

Not at all. Maybe you misunderstood. We were good savers when married. We were not almost homeless. The issue is the legal costs and having to move out at rent a place to live and the thousands a month in child support is how I am less financially secure now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 09:01 PM
1

I was hoping that it would let me get a place of my own, but the cost of houses and high interest rates make that impossible. I wish I could keep the house, but she got a protective order kicking me out of the house and giving her sole custody of the kids. So, I won't get the house (she said she would die on the mountain fighting me for it and the kids). Now I am afraid with her having the protective order and me not being able to be in my kid's lives every day that she will argue "status quo" i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 06:20 PM
1

Glad you got 50/50. Did she try to provide reasons why you shouldn’t have any custody and they were rejected? I’m afraid my kids won’t figure out that she is the one keeping me from them and will just look at her as the victim and daddy is why there is a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 05:49 PM
1

Funny thing is she is the one who abused me at times. Threw me to the ground, slapped me, shoved me, etc. I never got a PO on her. She claimed she does not have a mental illness to her attorney. However, she was seeing a therapist who said she has high functioning anxiety and I witnessed several panic attacks last year.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 04:00 AM
1

Good for you coming out on top. Fighting really hard costs a lot of money. I'm glad you got 50/50 custody. Did the court give you a hard time for the PO and say that is a stain on you and you had to convince them that you were not a threat?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 03:58 AM
1

I hate being alone. That has been one of the hardest things with being separated. I got kicked out of the house and she kept all of our friends and neighbors. I feel so isolated.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 03:07 AM
1

27% of fathers completely abandon their children. Why? Is it voluntary? My wife is trying to get sole custody and only grant me supervised visitation I pay for.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 03:05 AM
1

how did you know?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 02:46 AM
1

I know some divorced families in the area and it seems all the dads kept the house. Guess it all depends. I was just looking into this some more about downsizing. Since I am unemployed and do not have a huge savings, it seems I may have a hard time getting approved by a landlord. They like to see your monthly income about 3x the monthly rent and at least for 2-3 months of paystubs.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 02:05 AM
1

Thanks - no free supervised visitation in the county. $75-100 an hour seems to be the normal. Tho for me, $75 is not really a "value" option. They add in other fees like travel, reports, court fees if they are subpoenaed, fees if the non-custodial parent is late to pick up. I am unemployed and my savings is not what it used to be having to pay for a place to rent, thousands of dollars a month in child support, and necessary living expenses. That is my fear that she will argue that I didn't care …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 02:01 AM
1

I wonder how many cases mom moves out vs keeps the house. She said she would fight me if it meant dying on the mountain to get the house and the kids. I don't really have a shot of keeping the house as she will argue the kids need to stay in the neighborhood and she got the protective order granting her exclusive use of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 01:45 AM
1

Ugh - that sucks. Sorry to hear. Did she get 100% custody? Mine is asking for it. She got a PO kicking me out of the house and getting sole custody of the kids and child support started. It's really expensive. Trying to get it reduced due to unemployment. I can only see my kids when/how she allows. She is requiring supervised visitation at $75-100 an hour. It isn't an option for me with my financial position now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 01:38 AM
1

It's a fear we all share. My kids are young too. My wife wants sole physical and legal custody. She got a PO and controls when I can see them. She allows video visits a few times a week but is making me pay for a supervised visitation. I cannot afford $75-100 an hour being unemployed and with the costs of child support and other necessary living expenses. It's been 8 months since I hugged and kissed them. I can't imagine how they are feeling wondering why Dad had to move out and why Dad hasn't b…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 01:27 AM
1

I feel your pain. My wife got a PO and had temporary sole custody and wants to make it permanent. I have not been able to see them in person for 8 months. It is soul crushing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 01:21 AM
2

Thanks for the book recommendation. I have been suffering from way too many worries and rumination. Wondering if I had made different decisions if this divorce path would not be one I'd be on. Glad it is getting better a little every day. I'm glad I found this group too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:57 AM
1

I haven't harmed the kids or her. She is arguing that I had a period of instability and had been neglectful, which that is ridiculous. I don't know if I mentioned here that she is seeking a court order for an independent psych evaluation and wants me to pay. It's about $7,500. Again, expenses I really can't afford. Custody is "best interests of the children" and two of about 10 criteria are mental health of each parent and family abuse (the fact she got a protective order is a mark against that …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:52 AM
2

True. They aren't going to sleep on the floor tho.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:47 AM
1

I am the same way. Wife made all of our friends and all but one are gone to just her. She said she resented making all the friends, but she is outgoing. She has the house. She has the neighbors. She can walk outside and get instant social support. The house is quiet. She has custody of the kids. I feel like a failure as a father now living on my own without them in my life every day and they without me in their life every day. It is hard to think of how bad this must feel for them. Their daddy h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:58 PM
2

Thank you for reminding me I am not alone and the people are great here. I wish I were more financially secure right now. It's an awful feeling and a dark scary tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:52 PM
2

I feel like I should have been a lawyer going through this. Maybe I would have been happier in that career. Sucks that your ex is reaping the rewards.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:45 PM
2

I am going through the same. It's a dark time. Tough since I haven't seen my kids in person in months too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:35 PM
1

Do you have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:29 PM
3

yes
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:11 PM
3

To be fair, she has a job that pays well. Just was not paid as well as I was before I lost my job.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:51 PM
2

The flip side of that tho is if I want custody and my kids overnight, I would need rooms for them, right? They may get a guardian ad litem (GAL) appointed who will interview me and look at my place to see if it is acceptable for kids. I may be dreaming tho about getting overnights anytime soon if ever. I can't see it happening since she is fighting with an aggressive attorney for sole physical and legal custody. It's like I do not matter anymore. Downsizing may save me $1,000 a month. Better tha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:44 PM
1

Will do. She is using my mental illness as a weapon to say I should get no custody. I am trying to push back, but her aggressive attorney is asking for a psych eval at my expense to prove I should be allowed custody and can safely parent. Definitely a bonus to get custody and have my kids. Wondering, with child support reduced $1,100 they assume that means you are paying for expenses for your kids, so you do save money overall tho. Yup, she wants alimony on top of the CS that is very expensive. …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:37 PM
2

Where can I make 350k?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:30 PM
1

ugh - so people who find another person in the future. Do you remarry? Do you cohabitate as domestic partners? What if you move into her house and then things do not go well and she kicks you out? You're right tho with your equation, she does get house and half retirement which was way more than she had saved.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:29 PM
2

No it is not the difference in incomes. They take the combined income and the number of kids and it is a standard number on a spreadsheet. There is no calculation like you are saying where I live. Maybe it is different where you live. She is getting rich off what I pay and then wants alimony too, so explain alimony being fair.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:27 PM
4

this! you're right. Then they want spousal support/alimony on top of that. What happens when I can't pay all of these court ordered fees and can't afford rent?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:24 PM
2

Haha, mommy did get a new car and furniture. Paying for my kids college - I had saved some before, but now that will never happen. I have all these other expenses I can't really afford as it is now. I am all for ideas people have about trying to double money. I thought of Uber/Lyft but they take too much of a cut and I don't get paid waiting for a ride to be booked or for the time it takes to drive to the pick up. Add in the cost of gas, and I think I maybe make a small profit. The Lyft driver I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:23 PM
1

I would have to wait for the lease to be up to make changes. It might be tough to downsize from the townhouse to a 2 bedroom apartment. I would possibly have to sell or get rid of some things. I also have a garage now. Also kind of depressing feeling since I worried the divorce would mean I have to find an apartment while my wife enjoys our SFH. It really does suck. The whole situation is frustrating. I wonder if I had stepped up to be a better husband and helped out more around the house and to…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:14 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:06 PM
1

Raises have not happened more than a couple percent. I'd love to find a way to double my income, but most get rich quickly things are scams. 50% raises must be lucky to get that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 08:59 PM
2

Thank you. I am asking my attorney how soon this can be done. I have been looking for a couple months and applying, but no interviews yet. That's the situation I am finding myself in and it is scary - burning through savings. I'm concerned I will not be able to pay for necessary living expenses on top of legal fees and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 08:58 PM
1

Do all family law attorneys have poor communication, don't always reply, and claim they are busy with trials? I'm going to check with my attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:33 PM
1

So there is objective evidence that the mom profits off the child support? It seems that way in my case. I can see her being able to save money while my savings is not looking good. On top of that, she has temporary sole custody of the kids and is only allowing supervised visitation, which costs $75-100 an hour. I can't afford that on top of all these living expenses and child support. It's all just heartbreaking and an awful place to be.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:31 PM
1

It sure seems to be a tough job market. I've been applying and getting rejections. LinkedIn shows hundreds of people applying for one role. Maybe there is a better way to find a job.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:25 PM
1

Thank you. Trying to do that, but lawyer has been dragging his feet. The court could say oh well, we are imputing your income based on what you used to make if they think I am voluntarily unemployed (not true - I lost my job) or not applying for enough jobs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:14 PM
3

It's set based on strict guidelines of combined income not an amount to meet the needs to the child.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:12 PM
1

how long is the PO for you? Is your wife seeking to get it extended? Mine can ask for another 2 years when it is close to expiring.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 03:17 PM
1

Yes, I've been to the psych hospital a few times and a residential treatment center. She got a protective order and where I live the presence of a protective order is seen as family abuse (there was no violence, abuse, or threats) but she got one and the judge looks at mental health of parent and history of family abuse (having a PO) in deciding "the best interests of the children". Good point about 50/50 child support impact. I'll see how much I can push for, but they may only say every other w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 03:16 PM
2

I had to move back and spend some time living with family as the loneliness was too much. My wife had been the one who cooked almost every meal. I had lived alone in my 20s before I met her, but I had gotten so used to how things were for 10 years as a family. It is like I forgot how to be alone. It is especially hard because my friends are gone as she was the extrovert who built those friendships with other people who have kids and go on playdates. No, I do not have my kids at all, which is pro…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 01:47 PM
1

Good luck. Let me know how that goes. It's interesting because it is a no contact protection order, but I think it mentioned that custody and visitation can be decided by a court. Mine got a 2 year order and is asking for sole physical and legal custody through the divorce case.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 02:56 AM
1

I feel your pain. I too was never violent, never abusive, and never threatened my wife, but she got the restraining order barring me from contact with her or our kids for 2 years unless my wife agrees to allow visitation. She said I can pay for supervised visitation. I am unemployed. I was stopped at the airport too. They asked if I knew why I was stopped and then asked if I had contacted my wife. Being unemployed, I am concerned that the restraining order will keep me from being able to obtain …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 02:07 AM
1

I am struggling being comfortable living alone and being by myself. It feels awful and isolating. I lost our mutual friends who have stayed with her since she has custody of our two young kids so she gets together with their families. It's like my world is upside down. She got to keep the house, I had to move out and I can't see how to rebuild. This is not the way I saw life. I have also lost so much financially and emotionally and worry about losing my housing or going to jail if I can't pay th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 01:32 AM
1

She got a restraining order to keep you from your kids? How long is it for? I'm in the same situation. It sucks. Will you be able to get custody with the restraining order?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 01:25 AM
1

I have a good attorney, but I am not seeing a path to 50/50 with them using mental illness as a concern. Plus with the protective order that was granted, they use that to show a history of abuse (even tho there was no abuse or threats - a judge granted the order so that is the assumption). She is already asking for sole physical and legal custody. I had thought at the least I might get every other weekend, but that seems like it is not likely to happen, so all things considered and with her havi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 01:20 AM
1

correct, and if you lose the appeal, a new 2 year order is granted so the clock starts over.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 01:12 AM
1

yes i do
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:47 PM
2

That is my fear that my kids are with my wife every day and they will think dad did not care enough about them. She is there to interact with them every day, tuck them in at night, play with them, etc. I fear they will grow up and not like me and we will have no relationship and they will only have a relationship with their mom who raised them. I worry that if I do not get any custody and limited visitation that I will lose hope and think my life has just been awful and will never turn out the w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:59 PM
2

I am allowed supervised visitation at $75-100 an hour for 2-3 hours. That is expensive and I am currently unemployed. She is also allowing video calls a few times a week. She has one of the most aggressive attorneys in the area. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:32 AM
2

what if your wife got a protective order against you for 2 years and got sole custody from it? How can you fight that uphill battle? What if she is saying your mental illness makes you unfit to have custody and claims you are a neglectful father? She wants permanent sole custody.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:02 AM
2

It seems standard here that a protective order is issued for 2 years. They just go with the maximum time legally allowed it seems. No abuse at all. She just claimed that with a mental illness I was acting erratic and she feared for her safety. She admitted I never abused her or our kids and never threatened them, but that was not enough. It seemed the judge felt her concerns of erratic behavior and with her having her parents come stay with us and locking the bedroom door at night that her fear …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:29 AM
4

what is missing?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:38 AM
2

she had a therapist she saw and became more confident in divorce being the right decision. When I suggested couples therapy, she said it was too late for that. It would be a waste and not change her mind. She got a protective order (I never was violent or threatening) that got me kicked out of the house and sole custody of our kids and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:20 PM
4

She is alleging that I am a neglectful father and since I have a mental illness that I am not fit to have custody. She even wants to have the court order a psych evaluation at my expense. The presence of a protective order is one of the key points courts use to decide about custody. I am working with an attorney but we can't get the protective order dismissed. Her attorney is very aggressive and trying to get everything for my wife even sole legal custody not just sole physical custody. Like you…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 10:36 PM
3

That sounds awful and then they lost their dad to cancer. That's a great idea about making the calls more interactive. We have to use a court approved app for the video calls so i am not sure about how we might be able to play games together, but it is a good idea. The protective order really makes everything very difficult for me. My wife has a very aggressive attorney and they already filed a complaint that I violated it by sending messages that were not solely about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 10:30 PM
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