I did the poly life for about four years. During which I was with one man as my boyfriend, both of us married already, for two years. Before I found out he hires sex workers on the regular. Which he shared on a birthday outing with my husband and asked him not to tell me. Don’t trust these men.
Doesn’t read for pleasure. I’ll add to this and say what they watch on YouTube / podcasts and even shows can easily be a deal breaker. If our humor doesn’t align- we don’t align.
My father still lives with his mother taking advantage of her and hoarding up her house with his guns while he spends every cent on porn. He does have a son. It’s unconscionable
He was my boyfriends college roommate when we met. We stayed in contact a bit and I vetted him as a friend for years before he made a large road trip to meet me and spent a week driving me to work (while my brother borrowed my car) and making me dinner. We got married 9 months later.
When I met my husband my heart jumped to my throat. Just looking in his eyes felt like someone I’d always known. And that made me scared. I avoided him a while. Then vetted him for two years before dating. Got married 9 months later.
Yess my thoughts exactly. I have anxiety that has me stuck in the house for weeks at the worst of times. And I still cannot imagine behaving this way. That is my shit to manage. Even if it’s not my fault. It is my life to live. Even if it’s terrifying.
That comment section is what made me post here. This woman deserves applause for her response and self preservation. But all the scrotes and pickMes telling her she’s terrible instead 🤢
Yeah same thing happened to me on the uh cross post community ;) But that woman had posts in cuckholding communities so clearly I won’t be convincing her.
Well said. I hate that subreddit and wish there was more logical and fair support for child free women without the ridiculous demonizing other women for making other choices.
Same experience here. And it’s somehow simultaneously easier and harder the second time. Knowing it needs to be done while feeling guilty for putting yourself in the position to cut contact AGAIN.
He spit in my mouth. Commented on every attractive woman nearby. Had to be wasted to stay hard. Generally speaking down to/about women Turns out he cheated with prostitutes. Talked about other women in his life disparagingly. Never pushed for sex with me but got me fall down drunk every week - he had it on demand anyway!
I think it’s kind of a misdirect. I’ve seen this happen before. Where someone who was emotionally abusive to me went on to do their capstone on domestic violence solutions.
I dunno it sounds like he isn’t that interested in long term with you for real. I’m confused as to what “cards” he’s holding onto? Are these actually red flags he knows to keep close to the chest until you’re committed? Of course if you’re talking about commitment this is the time to put out those cards.
White Woman’s Instagram For anyone looking for this song. I hadn’t heard it before and the lyric you talk about had me crying. I came back to your comment and I just cannot understand how they are alive is the takeaway? My thought was “Jesus poor girl lost em both”
The other 75k to buy the house came from his mother 🤦♀️ so he really shouldn’t walk away with any money at all or at the very very least pay mom and forever gf back and walk away with a nice 25k
Start normalizing “No!” Yelling in the middle of the night stops most. It’s like they think they have the excuse of being half awake?? Come on. You aren’t sleep walking, you’re trying to fuck me while I am SLEEPING. Also do these men not understand how fucking vital and important sleep is? Would they also take water or food from your mouth? Would they kick you into the street with no notice in the middle of the night? What other needs do they expect you to sacrifice for their dicks?
Ouch. My brother is… possibly redeemable. But I think I have rose colored glasses for him. He’s a good brother a sweet guy. He just needs to put on his big boy pants and treat his depression really.
Turned out my “boyfriend” had prostitutes as well as myself and his wife and who knows who else. All I knew about was wife. And he slipped the condom off one night and told me after “I never did that before” I felt sick “did what?” “Sex without a condom”. Great. Thanks for the rape. The lies. The std panels. The psychological trauma. Trying to wreck my marriage at the same time and generally just being a shitty, alcoholic, misogynistic, racist, low value person. He puts on a liberal façade. He p…
Honestly while in the middle of “being poly” I tried to listen to the ethical slut and I just cried and felt sick. I didn’t make it past punching the pillow. I should’ve walked away then. But we live and we learn.
When I was a kid, maybe 14-15, I was walking my dog around my small town at night. Pop. 300, I did this a lot. I felt pretty safe. It was just me and a girlfriend my age walking our two dogs. We were near a place where a guy who owned a trucking company lived so I didn’t think much about a semi coming towards us up the road. Moved off to the side, gave the dogs lots of treats. Then it stops. And some old dude is leaving out the window saying something to us. I didn’t think I yelled “run!” And we…
Get a security camera. If you notice his car even once, alert police. Twice, ask for a restraining order. The obvious things like locking your doors and windows. Staying aware of your surroundings and just general observance will be important. It will take mental effort to not go too far into paranoia. Leave your house, but maybe don’t follow strict routines. Take different ways home. Get an idea of the vehicles and happenings that are normal so once you block you’ll be sure if something is off.
You could weed everyone out who uses OLD and delete those apps. Focus on leveling up and stay optimistic that your goals and dreams will lead you to encounter a compatible, potential HVM.
I had a salpingectomy in 2017. About two weeks recovery and I have NEVER regretted it. I do not want children by any man. Period. I am so so so glad I have never had to take plan B when a condom failed or the one time my ex raped me by removing the condom. I took plan B once and it was awful.
"I'm not sure it impedes social mobility, but it maintains a level of social inequality," says economist William Darity Jr., the Samuel DuBois Cook Professor of Public Policy at Duke University I mean. How would inequality not impede mobility?? 😵💫
Took a class about domestic violence and watched this movie. I was SHOOK. Sure she seems naive knowing what I know now, but without strong supportive women in my life it could’ve easily been me.
I have a brother. We don’t take trips together or have sleepovers! We briefly shared a 2 bedroom apartment and we argued every day 😆 My brother is my best friend. Everybody, ourselves included, note that we are closer than many siblings. I quarantined with him and his family for 3 months at the beginning of the pandemic. I even moved states to be near them. I see his wife and kids once a week and him thrice a month because of work schedules. So we’re close is the point. But what you’re describin…
I’d rather date the guy who’s obvious. My ex was a sneaky little manipulative snake. I could NOT see, literally there was no way I could have seen, all that he did to me. I’m still realizing things two years later.
No. That’s a huge stumbling block and a recipe for resentment. Also! If he were interested he’d ask you! ETA: You want to know what you want before dating. Don’t let any man sway you.
Overreacting would be blowing him up on socials or stalking him. This. This is a rational reaction. Remove the trash from your life. #litterfree2021 Edit. Meant to reply to OP. Oh well.
I was one of those girls and though my parents made rules they never expressed concern. And he abused and raped me. No we certainly were not as close as she’d tell people.
I’m really lonely. People cast me as a bitch and it stings. The patriarchy is winning with my self esteem lately. But, I am maintaining my boundaries and in every other way am very satisfied with life. Honestly, going through a depressive spell rn is probably part of it. I always feel super isolated during these times.
I was helped when my car ran out of gas in the desert with my dogs along. This man was kind and helpful and worried about my dogs when they ate his dinner. But he was bringing his wife and kids Taco Bell. I don’t have any more context than that. He didn’t ask for anything. He helped us stay alive. I left $100 in his cup holder.
I don’t even think it’s about thinking they can do “better” it’s like they live this life of getting away with EVERYTHING. Surely, they could get away with this too. (Cheating)
In line with this you could download Apple Music use an app to convert them like SongShift, create the new account, and convert them back. But Idk if there’s a desktop (PC) equivalent of you don’t have an Apple phone.
Exactly! This woman is not a bad person for not wanting to be a parent. Especially for not wanting to be a parent with a man she wasn’t even seriously involved with to begin with.
🤣 Got what exactly what you asked for. I love this. What a sick pos. The kid I feel bad for but at least he’s financially taken care of and hopefully that’s enough to find him a good therapist when he can talk.
I’m so angry too. At one in particular. Where sometimes the rage hits me out of nowhere and I find myself shaking and repeating in my head “I hate you,” so I write it all out in notes or a journal or whatever is nearby and rip it up. Then I take all those feelings to meditate on. I take them to therapy to be validated in. And I seethe and rage and feel it all the way down. And it lessens. Just a tiny bit. But someday I believe it will be but a blip in my heart. Someday I believe I’ll no longer s…
Girl. Crying is not something to feel terrible about! Did you call him names or throw something? By all means feel bad. But crying!? Hell. No. Walk away from this manchild, read the handbook, and Level Up before you consider entertaining dating again.
Walk awaayyyyyy. No. Actually. RUN. Text him right now it’s not working out and cut ties. He will not change and bringing this up will only teach him to hide it either from you or future women. Run. Run. Run.
I also would like to say THANK YOU. But add a small, I hope that through all the crap you must tread that we can allow this to be a space where women who make mistakes or haven’t always followed FDS to the letter can be welcomed and helped along.
Saw recently on a “debate” sub “don’t fds women know we’ll move on to someone who will do those things!” Yes. Yes we do. And we hope you do it sooner rather than later cause that’s all you want.
Same, sis. If I say I’m done after I cum- we’re done. Just cuddle and fall asleep. Sometimes he wants to masturbate. And I hold him while he does. It’s lovely. He’s lovely.
I got lucky. I dated his college roommate. We sort of stayed in touch on and off for a couple of years - both of us navigating young adulthood. And one semester abroad for him while I was going through it we found ourselves talking a few times a week. As soon as he was in the states he drove from his childhood home to spend time with me (8 hour drive), I had to work and when I came home he had made lasagna. He poured me some wine and I poured my heart out about how much he meant to me. We got ma…
Every. Single. Time. Haha! Yes And generally during penetration. Sometimes as foreplay too. We take turns touching each other with it. I cannot orgasm without it unless I’m on my period for some reason - I think it has to do with where my cervix sits and how it moves/stimulates me from inside. I felt awkward at first too! I originally brought vibrators into the bedroom once In a while and only with long term boyfriends. Then during my “sluttier” phase I started bringing it with me when I planned…
My husband is incredible in bed. I know there’s a lot of venting here. But. He takes his time! We only have sex maybe once a week and it’s so worth it. There aren’t quickies. He wants to hold me and kiss me and stroke my hair and rub my back. He makes sure I am comfortable and relaxed and the day / week has melted away and it’s just us before he asks if I want more. And when we finally get to the act he is the first to grab the lube. He knows I love rubbing up on him without penetration so we do…
💯 I recently got such a creepy message from someone because his “primary partner” moved out (I KNOW I KNOW). It was a song called Darkest Night - just the link to the YouTube video. I had deleted his number and was so freaked out I actually paid a service to look up who it was. When I saw it was him I just blocked his number (again!) and vented to all my friends and family about how creepy messed up it was. Simply grateful to be on the other side of the country.
I actually feel better about men. Because fds gave me the courage and ability to remove those who were shitbags from my life (consciousness) and now my marriage is even healthier (as I’m leveling up and trying to be a HVW myself!). I am soo grateful for this sub. Though random strangers still get a “scrote” thought for their stained clothes and beer bellies and unkempt hair. But I know now I don’t need to be polite to them!
I didn’t realize about the vaccine! If you have resources I’d be so grateful to be able to pass them along if not no worries I can look in the morning. You can keep the hat on - you wear it well!
Good gosh. I cannot imagine the difficulty of that position. My SIL volunteered as a LC, but she was just getting started when the pandemic hit here. I am going to pass along this information to her in the hopes she reconsiders as things pick back up. Of course, breast feeding herself rn, she won't be eligible for a vaccine for a long time anyway. Regardless of my personal connection to what you are saying: Thank you for having done that work. Even if you feel no progress was made, it's such a v…
I think as long as you both are comfortable with the money you have together it’s no big deal. Say there was some sort of emergency though and that extra cash was absolutely necessary, would you use it?
I’m vegan too. I always thought plant based meant vegan eating without the whole vegan lifestyle- like strictly food not necessarily cutting out leather or refusing down pillows at a hotel or whatever. But I think I’m realizing people just use labels to feel good about themselves more than to be accurate.
Idk lady. My husband pushes the cart and makes coffee. But also always cooks for us and takes care of our pets and buys me flowers consistently and plans trips for us as well as grabbing my favorite candy whenever he is out and making sure I never run out of “my favorite lady products,” soft cups.
I put flower vases up there! My husband gets me lots of flowers and it’s quickly filled though. I’m thinking of starting to grow some from seed to cut and fill them year round.
It took me so long to realize my ex bf raped me when he had sex with me without a condom. Because poly and forgiveness and kink and communication and blahhhh. It was rape and I was so brainwashed by him and the community that I couldn’t see it
This is what my husband did. I didn’t like the ring having no idea what it cost just that it wasn’t to my taste, when I told him so he immediately set to rectifying it. Found a ring I loved and redid the proposal.
When I was a literal CHILD my MOTHER tried to convince me to be nice to creepy MEN with the logic that "someday you're gonna get murdered with that attitude." The pervasive misogyny is sickening. (Also though, she's a major pickmeisha.)
An HOUR!? I had someone I was friends with in ELEMENTARY school break the news that my family home was on fire. I was on the phone for THREE minutes. "Thank you for the news. Gonna call people who are close to me so they don't find out from someone like you."
Another scrote that never bothered to learn what respect actually means! I had a stepfather who did this shit. Edit: Tense. I blocked that scrote because not even "family" can throw misogyny at me.
Imagine if your average man stumbled across his girlfriend's reddit account only to find it was just billions of comments on naked (10's) men and all the things she'd love to do to them.
Contribute the same amount of energy to the relationship This is TOP. For me. I'm an empathetic person. I'm a compassionate person. I love picking up emotional labor for the people I love. But if I'm not getting that effort back - It's a NET LOSS. And that's what FDS comes down to for me. Vetting forever; all relationships be they romantic or platonic with men or women or otherwise identified: need to meet the basic requirement of not being a net loss.
Why is it so hard for men to understand what constitutes assault? Like. With my ex. We were having sex. He stood up a moment and got right back into it. After we were done he lets me know he TOOK THE CONDOM OFF. That's assault, fuck head.
Ugh, my sperm donor is like this. Every waitress, cashier, customer service rep, you name it. Oh she clearly wants him. It's disgusting. Never told me that of course, couldn't let his daughter know how he really sees women. But my (male) cousin likes to make fun of him for it and get him riled up by saying "she was nicer to me, I think it's me she wants" and when he loses his shit my cousin will roll his eyes and tell him how fucking dumb he sounds. Frankly, I'm glad I no longer speak to him. …
I kinda thought the same thing. And clearly he’s not a rational person to discuss this with. People are rushing to assume she was going to hide getting a sperm bank donation. As if she isn’t allowed to exercise birth control while figuring out how to bring it up to him. Idk people are tricky but they both seem a bit wrong here.
Fact is she’s on Reddit asking for help helping her bf through her own abuse healing. It’s gross. You make valuable points and I do in fact have a hvm of a husband. Yet I see this all the time and it’s so disheartening.
I knoowww. I feel bad. But one woman was listed as having dated November-December 2020 and had photos online together. Seems pretty innocuous compared to the rest but it speaks volumes.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/music/2019/feb/24/dolly-parton-on-sexual-politics-ive-probably-hit-on-some-people-myself Dollys a mess. Claiming to empower women and then not actually standing up for us when it counts. ETA: Dolly cares about image and making money. End of story.
I like the drawing of the short guy and tall guy together trying to see over a fence. Equal is the same height step stool and the short guy cannot see. Equitable is they each get a stool that is the right height leaving them both at the same height when adding theirs and the stool together. Sorry if that’s badly described. I can find it if that’s confusing. 😅😅
I was smarter at 17 I swear. A boy I’d been hanging out with who didn’t want to date me called me a bitch “as a joke” I walked out of his house and never saw him again. He then called me, my best friend, and my bffs stepMom even crying and begging for another chance. Another chance to do what exactly? Ask me out for pizza, make me pay, invite me back for video games and call me a bitch? Nah. I am so proud of that girl. Now I’m reclaiming that self respect.
Yes! Amen. I remember just this past summer my husband didn’t understand me keeping someone in my life who had wronged me. I said I believe in people and second chances. MFer did it again in November and I realized it’s not that my husband doesn’t believe in people - but wants me to protect myself.
I gotta admit sometimes this sub reminds me to be a better wife. My husband does most of the housework and supports us both as I struggle with chronic pain most days, but still I know I could do more. And ask for less praise for the bare minimum.
Oof I feel this. Recently cleaned the trash off my fb friends and almost immediately got a message from someone I saw for less than 2 months three years ago “calling me out” for deleting him. Thanks buddy! Now I know a block is necessary. 🙄
I was open with my husband when my boyfriend of two years told him while they were out for husbands birthday that he’d been sleeping with escorts the entire time and I had no idea. It’s been more than a year since finding out and we’re still grappling with the fallout together. (My husband and I are no longer open)
I knew it was weird and needed out of my abusive family dynamic so badly I didn’t care. But then the first time we had sex I said “I’m not sure” and he penetrated me anyway. When I brought it up later he cried and asked me if I thought he was a rapist. I was 15. I said of course not while my brain screamed “is that not exactly what rape is?” Eventually I moved in with my grandmother 2 hours away just to get away from him.
