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View 1 posts and 261 comments by buzzkillyall on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
69

LESSON LEARNEDbuzzkillyall/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 04:19 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
492

Clueless. "Some of you have never romanced a person with a beautiful heart and a debilitating anxiety disorder. If you live by this adage, you will never connect with anyone who is an overthinker, or a little bit socially awkward, or has a little bit too much humility. You may miss out on the rich and rewarding experience of being with someone who is neurotic! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but men with low self-esteem are people too." No one is disputing that the persons described above "are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/22 02:57 PM
27

A therapist said to me "just because he's a soulmate doesn't mean he's good for you" and that was helpful to me. Acknowledged the trauma bond, but gave me the clear-eyed perspective to prioritize MY well-being. I no longer believe in soulmates, thankfully. It is delusion and obsession, can be dangerous and cloud one's judgment. As several have mentioned, a deep trusting bond can form with souls other than your life partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 03:40 PM
40

I like "Your opinion is none of my business". It seems polite, or even deferential, but it is actually telling them you could not care less.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 04:40 PM
7

I think that for some, it's their ego. The idea that they are "flawed" in ANY way, even if it's temporary, or something they had no control over, is a direct threat to their idea of themselves. Some men are controlled by a delusional ego that is both gigantic and fragile. And they react subconsciously to protect that ego, to the point of serious self-harm. I saw this in my father. He had severe hearing loss later in life, due to both genetics and occupational hazards. He refused to get hearing a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:24 PM
3

Whoa. I am sorry you have had such a terrible experience. However, just like humans of different nationalities or different sexes, there are decent people and crappy people in ALL generations. Making sweeping generalizations about an entire huge category of people, especially if those people have no choice about being in that category? Sounds similar to racism or sexism. Yes, I just barely make the "boomer" category, and I am also very happy to be child free. I knew from a very young age that I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 04:20 PM
16

I used to sail a lot. I've crewed on yacht deliveries. I lived aboard a sailboat for years, cruising around the islands. My ex, a tradesman, decided he knew more about knots than I did, and argued with me about the difference between a bowline and a clove hitch. Not for long, because I did not waste my energy on it. I just said "OK, we have different ideas" then sent him the Wiki page about knots. He never acknowledged that I was correct. It was never about the right answer. It was only about tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:09 AM
27

Pornbrain. Willingly sacrificed his humanity for a contrived, pixilated, targeted and effective zombie brain. JFC where is their sense of self-preservation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:55 AM
51

Barf. That is just a fancy label for trauma bonds. Who would consciously sign up for THAT? Thank you for your explanation, I had heard the term but didn't know the definition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:37 AM
428

What a gentleman! I can see why you married him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 11:57 AM
90

Please forgive yourself. So many of us have been through this. We simply could not imagine that someone could be so calculating, so intentionally cruel. It's truly like encountering an alien life form. And we're brainwashed as children to value being part of a couple at all costs. It's Not. Your. Fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:50 PM
71

Years ago, I overhead a coworker tell her husband, who had been whining about a cold for days, to "either go to the doctor, or die, already". I was shocked but impressed! He picked the wrong woman to mommy him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 12:59 PM
8

This is when we should say, "I SAID NO, do you have a hearing deficit?" And then end the call immediately if the response is anything except an apology. Be firm and don't be afraid to be "rude", because he certainly is, by being pushy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 02:19 PM
5

I think it was gone for everyone (except mods). I was alarmed, but hopeful it was just "cleaning & maintenance", since it's happened before. This time it seemed to last longer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 03:50 PM
20

Oh yeah, I got that, too. You should magically KNOW how long they want to nap, and when to wake them up. But they have the same phone device in their pockets that we do. WEAK! GROW UP AND HANDLE YOUR SHIT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 02:35 AM
36

The Narcissist Ex was a fabulous cook, and I never minded cleaning up, after he had made amazing meals for us or for our parties. BUT: if he had a party of HIS friends, & I failed to get out there & clean up THEIR mess before he woke up, he would rage. And, if one of HIS tools was "missing", he would blame ME, until it was found, usually in HIS workshop. Like, I really wanted to hide your 16mm socket? To hear you rage? For LOLs? Even people who barely knew us would remark about how often he woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 02:10 AM
37

This is terrifying. Yes, they DO know what they are doing, and why they do it. Wise up, ladies. This ain't no Disney movie. They hate us, and yearn to abuse us. I wish that I was exaggerating. Watch your backs & stay viligent. Your pain and sorrow = their amusement, and the bragging fuel to impress their bros. Don't waste energy wondering "why?". WHY doesn't matter, it is our reality and we must protect ourselves. Remember, they will blame YOU for "your bad choices" if some scrote abuses you. Ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:08 AM
26

Thank you. She's "nobody" to THEM, but she is a human being, still. If they can objectify ANY of us, they can objectify ALL of us. And they do. It only makes it creepier and ickyier. Gag a maggot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 03:37 AM
26

What a toxic nightmare. I hope that you are out of that swamp now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:03 PM
2

That's what I think! So MANY people are forced to work horrible jobs, just to have health care for themselves or their dependents. Jobs that erode their health, for crying out loud, whether physical or mental. I truly believe it's an intentional method to make wage slaves out of US citizens. The people i know that want to be entrepreneurs are very challenged by the health insurance problem, for themselves or their employees. It is cruel and evil that people who cannot work for wages, because of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 01:00 AM
383

This may SEEM unrelated, but: I am an older woman, and I was married to an even older man. He died. I have widow's benefits for all my life, provided that I never remarry. That includes a tiny monthly amount, not enough to pay even half of any rent for most of the US, BUT: health insurance for life, for me. From what I understand, some of the US military has similar regulations. An attempt was made to SHAME me for not getting married to the first person that asked, after my beloved husband's dea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 02:47 AM
11

I completely agree with you NOW, but it took quite a bit of healing from an emotionally abusive relationship for me to get here. I was consumed with "why?" I want your clarity of perspective for all women. Some of them, like me, need to emerge from the fog of brainwashing and torment to see your point clearly. It is an efficient way to reclaim our selfhood and power.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 11:18 PM
31

Wait. Who is it again that is OBSESSED with virginity? Poor, poor manbaby victims. Create a social structure, then whine about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 07:38 PM
7

How i hate that confused, "dumb guy" act. He was throwing you under the bus, to bond with his friend. I've been there so many times. No more. They pretend that YOU are overreacting, but it is straight up disrespect. If he thinks of you as a "my wife" Rodney Dangerfield joke, it's a HELL NO from me. Go have your "jokes" with your bros and GTF out of my life. It never gets better. Please be on high alert. I've ignored crap like that and paid dearly for it, in emotional health and precious years wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:16 AM
128

Just, thank you so very very much. It may seem thankless but y'all woke me UP and saved my brainwashed ass, and I know I am not the only one. Your work has meaning and value and you are making a huge difference in women's lives, and I thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 04:33 AM
146

"Very few things as enjoyable in life as revenge is." He wants to take revenge on a human being who had nothing to do with his insult or injury. She just happens to be the same sex as someone who he believes hurt him. So, half the world's population must pay for what one person did (or failed to do)? Which one is the more emotional, less logical sex? So breathtakingly fragile, and so malevolent. I hope none of those hate-saturated monsters reproduce, or have pets. Only the soulless find joy in a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 05:31 PM
5

Sounds to me like your description of the wedding thing set her off, because you calmly and matter-of-factly stated that you were valued by those people, and would be missed. I don't know if she's reacting jealously to your close relationships with people other than HER, or to your quiet confidence and knowledge of your worth (in their eyes). Either way, weirdly competitive and envious. Good riddance. She has ego/self esteem issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 11:31 PM
3

Two of my siblings are teachers, one in an inner-city elementary school, one in a middle-class suburban high school. It's been eye-opening to hear them talk about it. The classroom challenges, which are already enough to scare me, are only a fraction of the burden they are tasked with. It takes so much dedication to pursue that career, at least in the US.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:42 PM
14

I. Wish. It was closer to three years before maskslip in my case. It was so very difficult to acknowledge, after all that time. I would probably still be gaslighting myself and miserable if not for FDS. OMG so hard to accept that the goodness was all illusion, all bait, and never coming back. It is awful to think we must vet forever, but NOT doing so is catastrophic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 11:46 PM
2

It makes sense to me. My late husband didn't set off sparks when we met. We dated for four years before we married, and in that time, my love for him grew into a profoundly deeply trusting bond. He treated me better than anyone in my life has, before or since. The butterfly thing seems shallow and a bit of a marketing fantasy compared to what our love was. I am grateful that I did not discard him for lack of "spark". We had each other's backs, we had loads of adventures together, he helped me to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:50 PM
7

You are so right. Thousands of incidents like this happen to us before we reach adulthood. It is not easy to break free of the programming. But many of us carry that sense that something is very wrong, even though the rest of the world doesn't acknowledge it. It is such a relief to have it identified and to know that we are not crazy for feeling wronged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 03:28 PM
9

It was a favorite hobby of my ex. I was too naive to realize it was intentional. Never again. The rose colored glasses have been smashed. If someone mistreats me, he meant to do it, and I will remove myself from his presence forever. No time or energy for any benefit of doubt. Be correct or be gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:50 PM
2

Totally my experience with the narc ex. Bad-mouthed and trash-talked me to his emotional affair partner, and was shocked when I bailed. Prided himself on his character judgment, yet could not see that she would do or say whatever he wanted, for the weed he supplied her. Pathetic pack of loosers. I cannot quite remember why I used to care about those trashy people. Ick. Thank you for your comment, it kinda crystallized some stuff for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 04:09 AM
58

It is very sad how true this simple, short sentence is. It is a shame, too. Because it does not have to be that way. They choose to be selfish arrogant manipulators. They could, if they wished, follow the Golden Rule and strive to be decent to THEMSELVES and to the people in their lives. But they are drunk on privilege and audacity and entitlement, and cannot see beyond the haze of atomized bullshit superiority that their shriveled egos demand. I've seen enough. I KNOW there are wonderful men in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:46 PM
15

Yeah! Good thing no man ever calls a woman by HER "genital tissue", that would be sexist! They would burst into flames if they spent one day as a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 12:08 PM
33

That is terrifying behavior. I hope that you avoid that person forever. I remember a post from a long while back where the OP suggested having a fake "trauma" or "worst fear" to tell pushy inquisitive people. Then WHEN they bring it up, you will know that they are just testing/manipulating you. Insane that such measures are needed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 01:06 PM
15

Thank you for this post. I am not young, yet I did not have the awareness to look out for all the points that you brought up. I appreciate your sharing your story. I would imagine that it is difficult for you to think about. You have taken a big blob of your pain, and like a potter at the wheel, spun it into a lesson and a warning, in order to help others. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:05 AM
31

Stop. I understand your horror and disgust. I get it. Some of us were raised to hate ourselves. We didn't know any different. We didn't know an alternative. We are trying to find a new way to live in this world. Please save your rage for the beings that have earned it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 04:37 AM
53

Horrified, but sadly, not shocked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:07 PM
12

Could it be the word k.i.l.l.? I've had comments removed, and that was the only possibility in my comments. Yet I see it in other posted comments. Frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 01:55 PM
6

My ex. He "needed only 5 hours sleep" so he sabotaged my sleep on the regular. It really does affect your brain. I had been sleep deprived for short stints, like before a big exam, or offshore sailing in impossible-to-sleep conditions, for days. But for YEARS? Pure evil. Literally torture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 11:20 PM
10

Oh Ivy. What a nightmare. I am so glad that you got out. I asked myself over and over why my emotionally and verbally abusive ex didn't simply break up with me, if he dispised me so much. A mutual friend told me it's because he was perfectly fine with the toxicity. He wanted a handy receptacle into which he could dump the staggering volume of negativity that he cultivated and hoarded until it was too much, for even him. It feels like they are an alien species sometimes. So much vitriol spewed, i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 04:13 PM
24

All we can do is: our best, to educate and warn the younger or less experienced women. Try to turn our pain and disillusionment into something useful for someone else. I had NO idea men could be so manipulative and underhanded, none whatsoever. A bit of a warning from a sister would have been nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 03:01 PM
18

That stupid vet picked the wrong occupation. Years ago I had a dog that licked his front paws often, I couldn't see anything unusual on them. The vet diagnosed a food allergy! I switched to a recommended food, paw licking stopped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:03 PM
87

Those poor, poor children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 02:40 PM
11

Wait. What? "Wax their assholes"? Women are torturing THEMSELVES and risking their health, just to appease a man who wants to degrade and disrespect her? I shouldn't be surprised. The brainwashing and generational warfare on female self-esteem are working as designed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 01:34 PM
17

How revolting. Thank you for the link. I would not have believed they are so gleefully souless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 04:55 PM
38

May I ask if you are in the USA? I would really like to believe that the rest of the world does not neglect their citizen's education to such a dangerous and malicious extent. Especially the ignorance of periods/pregnancy. Boys and girls should know that basic biology before they enter their teen years, FFS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 02:23 PM
6

It took about 6 months for the worst of it to fade, for me. It was a ten year relationship. I understand what you are going through. It was hell for me. I imagined smashing his face with a hammer. It will get better. My therapist told me I would have to "sit with the pain" and I really hated her for that! I know how awful it is right now. Try to stay hydrated and spend some time outdoors, that seemed to help me. Know that you are not alone, many of us have been there, and it is of limited durati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 10:35 PM
14

I also thought it was more about controlling her, than simple jealousy. He wants the ego thrill of forcing her to put her dear companion in cargo. He KNOWS it would cause her emotional distress, and he would get off on knowing he had that much power over her, to get her to do something against her will and her nature. It is actually terrifying. He WANTS to put two living beings through distress, only for some sick ego boost. I fervently hope that she gets far away from that sick fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 02:16 PM
36

Oh my dear Worldy, I tried for literally a decade to explain my hurt feelings and my pain. He knew. He fucking knew, and I refused to wake up. All he had to do was to quit being a dick. That's it, that's all. But that was too scary to his ego. He would rather trash 10 years of both our lives, than check his own behavior. Nope nope nope. He doesn't get to decide your value. He is a sploch on your radar, a bug smear on your windshield. Wipe him off, and go gladly into the rest of your life. Be hap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:19 AM
27

Thank you for saying that, and for explaining so well. The XY human I formerly allowed in my life used that word, for any and all financial transactions which did not go his way. It made me ill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 01:14 PM
6

What you do is: love yourself, forgive yourself, and work on strengthening your boundries. Maybe take a break from dating, or date only yourself, until you KNOW your worth. We have all been there. ♡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 05:10 PM
9

Neither, really. You are not letting his behavior go, you are letting HIM go. Done. Finished. Over. Down the drain. Kicked to the curb. Access denied. Don't waste energy calling him out, he knows what he did. You have better things to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 04:16 PM
1

The mob wouldn't waste the merchandise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 10:49 PM
7

That was brave if you. I'm sure it was uncomfortable. I'm sorry that piece of shit hurt you. I hope that you find peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 11:20 PM
80

Right? What is it costing him, exactly? The mental strain of not being a total asshole around her? Spare her your "friendship" then, you'll both be better off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:09 AM
29

I'm so sorry that you know what it's like. It's so damaging to your mental health to tamp down & deny your valid and completely normal emotions, to feel coerced into pretending that it's fine, you're fine, everything is fine, simply to avoid the rage. Hell yes, it changed me. I miss the former lighthearted, optimistic me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:50 PM
3

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 08:13 PM
125

I was extremely affectionate with my ex. At first. Until the years of escalating verbal and emotional abuse changed me into someone who flinched from him and avoided him. And he would demand a hug, only hours after insulting, berating, and raging at me, with no apology, of course. I have no doubt that he complained to people about how I had changed. Poor affection-starved men. So sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:36 PM
15

Our feelings are irrelevant, not even on their radar. Empty, soulless zombies, focused only on their genitals. And/or ego. If the two can be distinguished.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:04 PM
34

Yes, they want the "respect" due a "father figure", while simultaneously being taken care of domestically, like a little child. The entitlement is stunning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:01 PM
3

I have been in very similar conflicts. The narcissist ex would routinely yell at me for not waking him up. He would NOT ask me to in advance, I was just supposed to know that if he took a nap or went to bed early, I was supposed to wake him up at some undisclosed time. I told him he was an adult and knew how to set an alarm. This happened dozens of times. What I didn't know then, may help you now: go "gray rock". Do not argue or defend yourself. Be unresponsive as much as possible. He's getting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 07:57 PM
40

I've thought about the words "bridal" and "bridle". They are SUPPOSED to mean different things, but do they, really?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 05:50 PM
20

How tragic for those poor children, and their mothers. Truly incomprehensibly selfish of that male adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 02:50 AM
16

Yes, I thought the same thing about the "sex doll" and "sex worker" comments. It makes it so obvious that his issue is NOT "loneliness", because neither of those would solve actual loneliness. That the writer could simply parrot his words, without pointing that out, is telling. She's not objective. She doesn't even care about the poor guy's mental health, she just scribbles down his deluded and self-destructive ramblings, thereby validating them, instead of pointing out a healthier mind set. Lon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 03:01 PM
8

I would like an invite code, please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 04:53 AM
49

He's doing it for his bros. Men like him care more about bonding (via hatred) with other men than they care about having a sincere, healthy, and close relationship with a woman. He's signalling how "powerful" he is and how he doesn't need or want women. It's actually quite sad for him. He's consciously choosing to alienate 50% of the world's population for imagined congratulatory back-slaps from other hate-soaked XYs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 04:16 PM
2

Thanks, I needed that chuckle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 03:37 AM
3

Thank you for this post. I see so much of my own life in it. I didn't have the formed awareness of the big picture, I just knew that I tolerated and endured and forgave for far too long, and in the end, I am the only person that knows all that. The people who I forgave thought of it as their due, and were dramatically indignant and offended when I put my foot down, just as you described. They either forgot about or did not value my patience. This post helps me to know that there are patterns tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 10:56 PM
10

I hear the pain in your words. It is heartbreaking to imagine what you've gone through, and how it has impacted your outlook. Thank you for sharing. It may help to jolt some of us out of our oblivousness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 07:32 PM
8

If he was like mine, he would also also periodically express concern for your low self-esteem: after slathering on the dismissiveness, scorn, contempt, rage, "joking" insults, and backbiting. Such a mystery where all your self-confidence went. May we breathe free forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 06:01 PM
3

Fabulous! I'm so happy for you, good work!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 04:52 AM
8

I wish I had kept score of how many times my ex used this strategy. If I had only thought to record it all, it would have made a great montage, except far too long. Sometimes empathy is a curse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 07:27 PM
2

I cannot imagine how devastating that was to hear those words from him. Of course it's horrifying for your children's sake, but also to realize what a massively immature, selfish, potentially damaging (to your kids) human he is, it must have been a deep shock. I know now, looking back, that there were plenty of red flags. I just did not know what I was seeing. I so wanted to believe the love-bomb boy, even after he had been absent for a long time. That's the part I'm most mad at myself for, for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 06:55 PM
6

I've felt the same way, everything except the children part. Forgiving myself has been the biggest challenge of it all. I did not have the tools to recognize and deal with the deceit, depravity, manipulation and two-faced backbiting. I didn't realize that two different people could share one body. I tell myself that my life is NOT ruined, that it's only temporarily sidetracked, and I WILL find a way to get to a destination that will make me proud. You handled the confrontation like a boss. It wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 08:07 PM
3

Yes, not even "only" women with whom they are in a relationship. Years ago, I attended a sporting event with a work acquaintance. We happened to each win free tickets. He was such an absolute gentleman, holding doors, helping me to my seat, asking if I wanted snacks, just amazingly polite and attentive. He was probably 10 years younger than I was. I was very impressed. I had never been treated like that before or since, and he was simply being kind and respectful, he wasn't trying to "get" anyth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:41 PM
2

Most of them are worse than worthless, they are detrimental. But we have each other, and there are good and worthy people in the world. Don't despair. Plus, there are animals to love, and sunsets to admire! We will find joy in spite of the worthless men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:22 PM
137

Yes! And that feeling of pain, confusion, outrage, shock, that twisting in your guts or pounding in your heart: it's NOT because you're "too sensitive" or because you "took it the wrong way". Your body, your emotions, are warning you that This Isn't Right! I never would have thought that the tactics used against me were so widespread. Thank you FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:47 PM
32

I endured that behavior, too. He'd be yelling at me and demanding directions, and the map app would be just taking its sweet time, and of course it was all my fault. It happened almost every time we went somewhere new. He didn't like when I drove, because I didn't speed excessively and didn't stomp on the accelerator to try to beat every red light. It was very difficult to acknowledge just how abusive he was, I was trauma bonded big time. It's amazing, a year out, how crystal clear the abuse app…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:39 PM
2

OMG #2! Lunatic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:40 AM
2

I made some a week ago & added some chopped pecans. It was soooo gooood!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 09:30 PM
19

It is both terrifying and unsurprising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 02:24 AM
16

I had not heard about that quote of Cher's. How disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 01:56 AM
4

Powerful and sobering words. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 01:26 AM
1

I know this is just a minor point, but if HE wants to go "get plants", what is stopping him? Why does she even need to be involved with his shopping process? Sounds like he doesn't respect HER time. He's not Handling His Own Shit and he rages at her about it. This will never get better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 11:03 PM
8

What a horrible betrayal to endure. It is good of you to warn others. So many of us had no idea (in our youth) how evil men can be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 05:29 PM
6

Many years ago, before the internet, my mother told me: "Never put in writing anything you don't want the world to know". I was perhaps 10, very young, but it really struck me. I haven't always followed it, but I have definitely deleted things right before hitting the "send" button, and never regretted it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 04:50 PM
1

YES! It's disturbing. Maybe it IS a kid, just making it all up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:41 AM
6

Thank you! This person has a bachelor's degree? How did he pass high school?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 01:17 AM
4

Yes, my first thought was "how are these 'golddiggers' going to know his soon-to-be income? Oh. It's because he will be bragging about it. To attract women. Who he fears will only want him for his 'money', which he makes sure to tell them about." So logical.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 06:33 PM
14

CREEPY. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:05 PM
14

In my state, there is a thing called a Transfer On Death Deed. The designee has no power over the deed until the owner dies. It must be recorded by the Clerk of Court before the owner's death, and can be changed at any time (before death).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:01 PM
6

That earned a big "ouch!" from me. Too accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:26 PM
76

I thought the same thing! Poor grammar is bad enough, ya don't have to glue glitter to the macaroni, dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 09:18 PM
5

Damn, I'm sorry you are going through that. I have three good female friends, but they are all far away geographically. It's better than nothing, of course, but it would be so very nice to have a buddy to do stuff with, in 3D life. "Meet Up" has been suggested to me, but I've been too anxious to try it. In my current circumstances, I have precious little opportunity to interact with anyone at all, not even to be ignored by them! Hopefully things will improve worldwide in the next year or so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:27 PM
6

Yeah, please don't be me. I tenaciously clung to a fantasy, for seven years of a ten year relationship. I kept willing the first few years to come back. It doesn't work. Open your eyes, believe actions not words, and live in your present reality. The damage is far easier to prevent, than to recover from. Time is our most precious resource. Guard it ferociously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 04:05 PM
34

For some reason, that is hilarious to me. I can just picture his fury, all worked up about her "right" to her own preferences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:26 PM
19

A person I greatly admire told me that she doesn't want to be called "a diabetic". She is a PERSON who has diabetes. Her disease is not her identity. She explained it kindly and calmly, and it makes perfect sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:18 PM
45

Thank you. It is fascinating and revolting what the person you quoted considers "dangerous": reduced opportunities for sex, with women he considers beneath him. It's a far cry from what women consider "dangerous": emotional, physical, and financial ruin, by a man who considers her his inferior. Who is HE to decide "what they (women) deserve"? Even though we've seen it our entire lives, that level of entitlement is shocking and nauseating. THAT is the true danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 04:11 PM
2

I've lived in the USA 75% of my life, and I've always had to pay for therapists. Maybe some people can get counseling via schools or university. Adults, not so much. We are just accustomed to paying for all medical needs, so saying "get therapy" is just like going to a hospital for a broken bone. You will pay, but it's the only way to get help. Maybe we would have fewer mass murders if mental health treatment wasn't such a luxury item.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 06:06 AM
5

Therapy is free in the USA? I have never heard that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 05:38 PM
30

Sounds like somebody play-acting at being a counselor. What a waste of time and breath for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:02 AM
24

Now that is scary. I'm surprised he could function with that level of crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 03:22 PM
14

I experienced the same. He would be shattered, sometimes have panic attacks, if I objected to his scorn towards me, or his rage fits. So many times I heard "I'm not a bad person!". I never said he was a "bad person", I just said his behavior was hurtful. Now, with the benefit of a year apart, I can see how very emotionally stunted he is. While I was in it, I was too busy treading water and trying not to drown. I genuinely pity him, but he refuses therapy, so I swam for shore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 05:26 PM
2

My late husband fostered a Moluccan cockatoo when we were first dating. It was very sweet, loved to cuddle, but OMG its shriek would rattle the windows. I wish I had thought to look at a decibel meter when it was going off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:00 AM
11

He sounds frightened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 08:37 PM
38

I found that detail VERY odd. I wonder if she could press charges.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:35 PM
6

That is very cool. You got the education, and the dad+daughter time. Sweet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 01:36 PM
2

Thank you. My brain just couldn't recognize or accept that level of self-absorbtion, of utter lack of care for ANYONE, let alone someone he claimed to love. It was like dealing with a different life form, which looked human. I simply had no idea that "people" like that exist. I hope this sub gives a heads-up to others, so that they don't waste years looking for humanity in an emotional zombie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:00 PM
17

"he thinks it's none of my business" Then why is he living with her? If he wants to have separate finances when he can't even meet their living expenses, GTFO. There ya go, enjoy your privacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 07:46 PM
7

The creature that i thought I loved did it to me on the day of my father's funeral. He had volunteered to be a pallbearer. The day of, he couldn't find his shoes, so he called to tell me he wasn't coming. He tried to blame his missing shoes on me, but we did not even live together, and I certainly did not hide his MF shoes, I had been staying with my mother, FFS. It has taken me a long time to forgive myself for putting up with his abuse for as long as I did. Now I know about trauma bonds, and i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 07:16 PM
1

That is hilarious! I'm sorry if it wasn't at the time, but I hope you see the humor, looking back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 07:02 PM
8

I tend to freeze in shocking situations. Physically and mentally. Not good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 11:52 PM
2

Damn, I hope that she will recover. Also, sometimes being judgmental is necessary, and a good thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 11:35 PM
3

Thank you for this perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 11:26 PM
15

So all the men locked up in prisons for years are actually dead?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 09:11 PM
17

Bulls eye! It just crystallized! Been wondering for ~10 years, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 07:16 PM
6

I don't know if I could have done it without FDS, either. So many women are going through the SAME crap! It made me realize I'm not crazy or too sensitive, that shit was Not Right, and I deserve better. Like a helping hand out of quicksand, I was panicking and drowning and hopeless, and now I see a path, not exactly what I had hoped for, but so much better than what I was living with. I feel detoxed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 06:33 AM
16

Oh Honey. I feel. I did similar shit, for ten years. Trying so hard, for what? Be proud that you are free, however long it took. We are up against more than the particular dipshit we happen to be dating at the moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 04:20 AM
11

Proud of you! I allowed myself to be railroaded, and I'm free now, but I wasted precious years squashing myself to spare him. It's so good to know someone saved herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:01 AM
9

Yes. One of the things that kept me from leaving my ex was knowing that I would lose most of my "friends". That was painful. It has been a year now, and it was very hard for a while, but it was absolutely the right decision. No amount of social interaction was worth putting up with the verbal abuse and disrespect. COVID made it a non-issue, anyway! It's a big world, there will be more chances for friendships. You are not alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 05:29 AM
2

Thank you very much. I have a hard time with this time of year. Some people think that women who choose to be child-free are selfish, or believe they are "above" motherhood. For me, it's the opposite. I have been with two different friends during the early stages of their labor. They each had to get C-sections after hours of agony. I was traumatized by their suffering! I saw the joy and "amnesia" wash over them once they held their babies, I guess it's a built-in safety feature in order to assur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:36 PM
54

I am many years past worrying about pregnancy. But even as a kid, before I was capable of making babies, I saw the whole marriage/babies thing as as a tragic turn in a person's story. As a kid, I would read a book, the heroine got married, and I would grieve. I knew I was supposed to be happy, but it always left me feeling sick. Obviously my home life was not optimal. But even as a little kid growing up in the 1970s, I saw marriage as a tragedy, for women. I was blessed with a wonderful marriage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 05:11 AM
16

I was that woman looking for the witch spell, for SIX YEARS of a ten-year relationship. He waited a long time to drop the mask, although there were red flags, if only I had recognized them. I was desperate to come up with the the right words, in the right order, to "make him see" that he was hurting me. Now I know it was his intention, all along. I could never have imagined that a person could be so cruel. It's almost like men and women are raised on different planets. They want so badly to use …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:59 PM
2

It almost sounds like your boss was intimidated by you. I've worked in many different office settings, and I've never experienced that odd, almost avoidant, behavior in a manager/boss. It must have been incredibly frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 12:39 AM
3

It happened to me. It has been a year since I left him, and I am just beginning to feel like myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:19 AM
24

I am so relieved that you escaped that fate. I have come close, too. Made sketchy decisions, under pressure. A previous therapist told me that the instinctive drive to procreate can tinker with our logic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 04:29 AM
5

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I will be thinking of you. You have been through so much. I look forward to hearing that you are safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 01:37 PM
30

Thank you for writing this. Something about the post made me uneasy, but I didn't think hard enough to figure out what it was. I appreciate that you spelled it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 01:12 PM
103

A long time ago (the late 1980s) a friend group consisting of 3 couples decided to celebrate Thanksgiving together. The three women cooked all day. The men came in, ate, got up & left the table, with minimal thanks and no help with the cleanup. For the next 5 years, until I moved away, my two friends and I would take ourselves to a very nice French restaurant every Thanksgiving. The men were not invited. We started our own tradition. It felt radical in those days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 03:19 PM
3

That sounds like a good plan, and I hope you are able to make it happen. I chose my own path in my 20s, leaving family far behind, and it was a splendid choice. I saw wonderful places and met wonderful people. I highly recommend, if COVID permits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 05:26 PM
9

My ex did the exact same bullshit. It is terrifying how identical these behaviors are. Where do they learn this crap? How can it possibly feel like a fulfilling, enriching way to live? I stayed far too long, refusing to acknowledge that my love-bombing sweetheart was an illusion, and never coming back. My self-esteem is a war-torn, barren ruin. It is going to take a long time to get back to the happy, positive person that I was before him. I hope that everyone here will truly practice the block-…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:12 PM
35

The Worst Thing is that a rape VICTIM could be male, female, young, old, attractive, not attractive, it does not matter. Yes, most rape victims are women of (or near) child-bearing years. But some rape victims are not even humans, FFS! THIS is why rape is not about sex. Sex just happens to be the instrument of torture. It is not the "cause" of rape. Rape is about some massively flawed individual who is so WEAK, so PATHETIC, so FEEBLE, so DEFICIENT, that they feel "whole" only when someone else i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 12:32 AM
128

I once worked in the medical field, drawing blood, 40 hours a week. Guess who were the biggest babies about a one-minute procedure? Adult men. Especially the cops, my God, I started to make them lie down, too many of them almost passed out on me. Also had an orthopedic surgeon tell me he'd rather have an 80 year old woman than a 40 year old man as a patient, the woman is far tougher, and less whiney. Being able & willing to INFLICT pain doesn't make you "tough", it just makes you a violent assho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 02:48 PM
5

That thought occured to me. However, if I was trying to communicate in a foreign language, I would attempt to be as direct, clear, and precise as possible. This guy is just vomiting words randomly. He THINKS he sounds smart, because so very many words. His brain seems like it's shorting out, like a malfunctioning robot. I feel for any humans attempting regular communication with him. I've seen this "style" before. Maybe it's only a fad. One can hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 06:24 PM
7

Yes, I can relate, sadly. I'm still working on getting over the shame, but it's getting better. The main thought that helps is that HIS behavior was shameful, not mine. He was massively deceitful. I'm not a lying piece of shit, so it took me some time to recognize the lengths to which a POS goes, in order to keep their emotional terrorism game running as long as possible. You are not alone. Try to forgive yourself. He should feel ashamed, not you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 05:24 AM
60

What torturous language abuse. Is he brain damaged?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:58 AM
9

That exact image is what FINALLY gave me the strength to break the trauma bond & face almost-guaranteed-single aging. I would rather be alone than abused, and also expected to care for my abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 07:57 PM
26

I am experiencing that rage too. It hits me in waves. All those times I earnestly and tearfully tried to explain why his words were hurtful, he knew. He enjoyed watching me exhaust myself trying to "explain", to "communicate". I simply did not know that people could be so evil, so cruel, so two-faced. He pretended to love me, but he just needed someone to crush, so that he could feel superior. How weak and pathetic. I hope that other women are able to avoid that trauma, by reading about ours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 04:53 PM
3

I STILL feel the urge to call him out, and it's been almost a year since I left him. After 10 years of emotional abuse cycling, I went through a painful withdrawal from the trauma bond. I no longer "love" him, but I honestly don't think our dynamic was ever "love". More like obsession, perhaps. Every time I think about it (which is far too often in these COVID-restricted times) I want to say all the things that I was too intimidated to say to his face. But I won't. He does not rate the honor of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 05:55 PM
275

Did he see you? If I had enough self-control, I would be tempted to walk right up to their table & cheerfully ask if we were still on for dinner later that day. I don’t think I could manage the cheerful act, though! At least you found out before years had passed. I wasted 10 whole years on a lying, two-faced, soul-crushing loser. Celebrate your freedom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 01:57 PM
11

That is conforting. I want to believe it. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 02:04 AM
15

This dude would rape his starving, dying babies. And set out to make more to destroy. It's horrific.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 11:40 PM
27

OMG, this may explain a very surreal experience I had one day, a couple summers ago. It was a hot and humid day in the Southern US. Heat index over 100° F. My long hair was in pigtails to keep it off my neck, I was dressed in baggy, filthy work clothes. I had been doing chores in the backyard. An acquaintance of my ex showed up. He drank a beer or two in our backyard, got up to leave, grabbed me, ground his pelvis against me, and ran off! I was stunned, he had never acted like that in my presenc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 02:59 PM
52

That is a startling question! I had chalked up my comatose libido to his verbal and emotional abuse, but while I did endure all that, I also became aware of just how much of a coward he is. He could never address a problem with anyone head on, he always bitched about his numerous disputes to people who were in no way involved. He would organize his flying monkeys to give his "target" shit, while never stepping up, or speaking his mind, to the source of his disgruntlement. He was so dramatic with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:24 AM
11

Thank you for sharing. I have zero idea who any of these people are, but she seems powerful, acknowledging hurt, yet still confident. Strong. She has an attitude to emulate. Plus you KNOW she knows her way around the gym! Goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:34 AM
24

That was me, too. Weepy a day or two before, then all focus was on dealing with the pain. I do not miss it. Bring on the wrinkles and gray hair, thanks very much, it's a fair trade-off in my book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:55 PM
222

Don't tell him ANYTHING until you've had a consultation with a lawyer. It will be the biggest acting role of your life, but it's very important. I wouldn't even tell him that you have hacked his stuff, although he must know something is up with his FB account by now. You seem very resourceful! Now you must put on your best poker face. I am happy for your soon-to-be freedom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 01:59 PM
6

I love the giraffe. It looks like a very pleasant space to call home. Enjoy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:21 PM
13

I doubt anyone here would be so harsh if he had (what USED to be) basic hygiene. Haircut, shave, or at least a non-scraggly beard. And oh, I don't know, maybe a smile? Good posture? All things under his control, IF HE CARED. It's the lack of care that is so revolting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 04:05 PM
7

Well done, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 02:30 PM
5

Right? And "passed" instead of "past". It makes me think they NEVER read, they only hear words that sound similar, and have "know" idea that they are not the same word. A generation or two ago, a kid never would have graduated high school with such a poor grasp of the written language.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 11:33 PM
17

Is that "not the wisest of choices" crap a THREAT? To his own child?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:21 PM
11

What the hell? He needs to be locked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 03:07 AM
2

Yes, it gives me some very much needed hope. I want to spare rhe young women the pain that I went through. Maybe sometimes I just need to hush, listen, and learn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 09:57 PM
43

I have not felt physically threatened, but certainly have felt emotionally threatened, with good reason. What you are going through sounds like incredibly high anxiety. I hope that you can find some relief soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 05:22 PM
12

That reminds me of a work acquaintance whose husband was whining about his cold. She told him to hurry up and die, or else go see his doctor, she was sick of hearing about it. I was deeply impressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 03:56 PM
38

I loved sex with all my exes. I orgasmed 95% of the time. Until the last one, the narcissist, when the love-bombing ended and the abuse began, my libido ended, too. Which he had the audacity to complain about. He was a smart man, but he couldn't make the association between his red-face, neck-vein-bulging tirades and the wilting of my sex drive. Selective intelligence. I guess that is a difference in the sexes. Men will have sex with someone they loathe. Women prefer to feel safe, cared about, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 12:55 PM
3

Happy 26th, dear! I am glad that you were able to save yourself. Learning how awful people can be is a sobering but necessary part of maturing. I'm still caught off guard sometimes, and I am over 50 years old. Antenna up! Watch your back!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 05:17 PM
7

That is an excellent idea. It would literally save lives. Males would benefit too, once their terror tactics stopped working they would have to learn how to be decent humans contributing to the improvement of the community. I can dream, anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 04:58 PM
63

The idiots can not comprehend that women DO NOT WANT their genitals "worshiped". Project much? Just treat women like human beings, you one-track-minded slave to your penis. He's setting that poor kid up for a life of rage and alienation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 03:15 PM
28

I'm afraid I just don't understand his complaint. Is he whining that women with Only Fans accounts don't care about his "feelings"? Why in the hell would they? Aren't they doing it for money? Does he think they are his girlfriends? I am so baffled by what he seems to expect from strangers on the internet. Am I missing something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 07:56 PM
6

The delusion. Does he think every film he watches is real life? All those actors are actual spies, or superheroes, or cowboys? What a moron.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 07:00 PM
54

What. The. Hell. I'm so blissfully glad that the the whole pair-bonding urge is a dim memory now...my heart aches for you younger humans. This shit is so not right. What the hell. As if daily life wasn't challenging enough. Just NO. I did not even read all the comments, which I usually do before even thinking about commenting. My horrible, selfish, self-centered ex actually said that he couldn't keep it hard if he thought he may be hurting a woman, and he was totally whack and down to emotionall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 05:43 AM
3

Every woman I have known with a large bust has been inconvenienced (at best) by it. I know several that have had reduction surgery, to alleviate back pain, other health issues, and yes, being constantly stared at by men. No envy from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 02:27 PM
2

Oh, that second paragraph. Too familiar, but it helps to see it all spelled out and listed. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 02:14 PM
1

It is disturbing that they are keeping track of what particular individuals choose for their own individual routines. None of their business!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 01:57 PM
1

Holy shit if someone did that key thing to me, I think I'd scream like I was being stabbed. Bring attention to him! I may be considered crazy, but he would think twice before messing with me again. I'm done worrying about "making a scene". Shake them out of their complacency that we will remain "polite". We all need to be loose cannons! Embrace unpredictability!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 01:43 PM
4

I was thinking of trying that. I usually wear a huge, long tee shirt over leggings & sports bra, but that can get hot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 01:27 PM
8

Very well said. My ex would do just that. He actually told me that he should be able to say whatever he wanted to me, because I "should know" that he loved me, and "that's just how he is". But OMG wasn't he the delicate one when HIS feelings were on the line. My poor, damaged, codependent self was in such a Narcissistic Abuse fog. I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't see that the ONLY solution was to delete the two-faced, lying, cruel, Jekyll & Hyde monstrosity from my life. I'm working on for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 02:06 PM
126

Forgot: "It was a JOKE! You're too sensitive!" And, "You're making me feel bad!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 10:58 PM
12

I hope you mean "was" crossing your boundaries. He is badly broken, and you can't fix him. I hope you have deleted that poison from your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:34 PM
9

My grandparents were Danish, but never taught the language to my father. I remember them speaking it to each other. I thought it was very cool & mysterious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 04:09 PM
32

Did it ever occur to him that his mom's vibrator was None Of His Business? The nerve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 04:02 PM
20

Yeah, I wondered the same thing. Friend is either jealous or mentally ill, if affection is something to "put up with". And boyfriend just agrees like a dashboard bobblehead (reference may be too ancient for reddit, sorry).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 03:05 AM
7

I think it comes from a place of 1) wanting your own child and 2) being acutely aware of how horrible and dangerous the WRONG man can be. I've never had a strong desire to be a mother, but I have seen how powerful it is in some women. I understand why they would choose the donor route. It could literally be a life-or-death decision, if you accept the wrong man to father your child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:27 AM
20

For real. Set her free if you hate her so much. Pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:46 AM
18

I put up with that shit for 10 years, so you did better than some of us. NEVER again. Several different people, men and women, have told me that my ex is the only person they have ever considered hitting (or actually DID hit, one dude broke a bottle on his face). He will probably get himself killed with that "humor" someday. Right now, I'd like to dance on his grave, but I'm working every day to achieve disinterest, instead of loathing. I know it's healthier for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:39 AM
6

Yes, the childishness is what really leaps out to me, particularly if this person is about to become a parent. How can he call himself an adult with this attitude? He sounds like a whiny 7 year old. Why is his father's retirement such a "burden" to him? Does he live with his parents, FFS? Heartbreaking for the baby to be born into this mentally-stunted man's world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 04:03 AM
3

I'm so glad that you posted this. I think you are getting a lot of feedback that is very helpful, mostly to you, but perhaps to others, as well. I'm just learning about these Type B life-wreckers. It helps us all when their tactics are called out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 08:09 PM
9

Thank you so much for saying this. Bless your empathy. I've been "the girlfriend". I didn't want marriage or kids, but I was deep in the fog and stayed far too long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:32 PM
14

Nicely summed up. As you said, there is a lot more going on here than the contents of a trash can. I have lived this, and it's embarrassing how long it took me to WAKE UP to the sobbing manipulation after HE abused ME. I simply wasn't aware that people behaved like that. I needed FDS a decade ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:13 AM
47

You are so right. I used to love sex with my ex, until the mask fell and the emotional and verbal abuse cranked up. Then, suddenly sex was less interesting than making toast. He was mystified by my additude change. What a puzzle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:07 PM
2

Same. I CAN cook, I just don't enjoy it. And I very much appreciate when ANYONE cooks for me, man, woman, child!! Yes, I've had friend's young kids make Mac n cheese for me, and it was charming. I think it would be nice if everyone was more appreciative of each other's efforts. I know, dream on, right? I guess since it's a chore FOR ME, it feels like a special effort when ANYONE bothers to cook. We have to balance our basic joy & gratitude with not giving unbalanced, barely-earned credit, I supp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:55 PM
24

That was really good of you to help her out. Loneliness, and cultural brainwashing, can do strange things to one's critical thinking skills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:10 AM
18

I've been through something similar, seeing a text conversation on his phone that deeply wounded me. It was during a time when I was considering reconciliation with him. It certainly helped with the decision. I'm sorry for your pain. Please don't be so hard on yourself, it is a learning process, this boundry-setting. We will get better at it with practice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 04:50 AM
5

I'm very happy for you! Well done. I wish my own exit 9 months ago had been as dignified. Can't wait for the update.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:42 PM
8

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Imagine having so much hate and contempt that you can't keep it to yourself, ON THE JOB, with your own earnings at stake. Deranged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 02:14 PM
26

What a monster. I'm so sorry that he did that to you. It's good that you have escaped his presence. I hope that you can find help with healing the damage. It's terrifying that such cruel remorseless near-humans are walking around among us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:33 PM
19

Yep. In my case, I told a mutual friend about troubles he and I were having. She texted him our convo & ridiculed and belittled me to him. I was so stunned that for weeks I didn't mention to either one that I had seen the text. In the interim, they both acted friendly and normal to me, all the while I knew that they were shit-talking me behind my back. This woman had seen him screaming at me dozens of times, he had even screamed at her and her husband. I never did anything to her, except be warm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:13 PM
8

"Don't need to be worried" "Don't need to be scared"??? What the actual??? What is this FEAR talk? Has any FDSer ever threatened physical harm, or doxing of "them"? What the hell are they so afraid of, enough to post this "reassuring" bullshit? It is almost unbelievable. Then I remember, oh, right, fragile delicate XY. As many have pointed out, there are plenty of brainwashed, docile "females" to do their bidding. Why they choose to obsess over the outliers says EVERYTHING about their fragility.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 11:47 PM
33

WHAT? That makes absolutely no sense to me. It just seems arbitrarily cruel and distressing. Was that teacher even sane?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:58 PM
3

How I wish i had followed that advice...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 01:30 AM
2

Thank you. I’ve been drowning in depression and suicide thoughts, over my shame and disgust for my choice to stay with a toxic, sentient, rotting garbage heap, who may have been a human when he was a small child. I am finally starting to forgive myself, 8 months after walking away, 10 years after desperately trying to make it work. He is a master manipulator. I am (was) a trusting and open person. I was the ideal prey. I must continuously tell myself that it's over, I'm free, it's OK, look forwa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 02:52 PM
72

That's what I thought! He's poisoning her! THAT is the issue, screw the damn dishes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 01:00 PM
3

That is so scary. I didn't realize that still happened (not uncommon during mid-century). I'm so glad you are free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:16 AM
3

Yes, all that seems basic and reasonable to me. I am confused as to how anyone could object to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:19 PM
1

What did she post?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 03:26 PM
3

I experienced this same behavior. It was bewildering. Not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 03:24 PM
48

My late husband was PROUD to buy those products for me. First, he was providing, and that was hugely important to him. Second, it told "the world" (haha as if anyone was paying attention) that he had A Woman, and he was Taking Care Of her. He was also honored to carry my handbag if my back hurt or whatever. To him, caring for, honoring, and providing for his SO was the ultimate in manliness. He laughed at male ego fragility/homophobia. He KNEW who he was. I was so fortunate to have experienced t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 12:05 AM
8

I am also a widow, lost my husband when I was 45. I dated one man after losing him. It was not good. I have no intention of seeking "romantic" male companionship again. I am here for the community, sister strength, and shared experiences. That is one of the things I love about this place. All ages, all agendas, all love & support. Welcome, and I am sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:58 AM
2

I see you are familiar with that particular level of Hell. Best to avoid at any cost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:22 PM
4

It's good to read that ex #2 includes kid #1. That is decent of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 04:01 PM
26

Good lord! Were you kids in high school? At least Mom set him straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:16 PM
5

My ex had a years-long emotional affair with someone I thought was a mutual friend. I truly believe it hurt me more than sexual infidelity would have. He would literally run out of the room during our disagreements, to call or text her, & give her his distorted version of what I said. I would open up to her occasionally, she would feed it back to him and they would pick me apart. It still makes me physically ill to know people can be so dishonest and casually cruel. They did me a favor, because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 10:58 PM
2

Thank you, this helps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 12:32 PM
2

Thank you. I feel very alone and hopeless. It's a cluster of worldwide negativity, on top of personal trauma. It feels pointless to continue to breathe, right now. I just want to slip into oblivion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:26 AM
36

Very well said, this is what happened to me after TEN YEARS, dear ladies. Don't be me. It was emotional rather than sexual, but abuse is abuse. Just ONE time too many screaming at me because he couldn't find his own shit. Please don't be me, please walk, the first time someone treats you rudely, it's so much harder to rebuild your self love after someone has polluted it for years. Every speck of good times (and there were lots) that we shared, was not worth the damage to my soul. I just hope to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 01:17 AM
69

That revelation was very hard to accept for me. Sadly, it is the ONLY explanation that makes any sense. I will never trust people again, especially XY. Not that it will ever be an issue, since I don't expect to survive the pandemic. If the physical doesn't get me, the mental will. Best wishes to the younger and/or more resilient queens!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 01:00 AM
1

That is rude at any age. My parents would have shut that down immediately, it's never appropriate, no matter the age. He needs to learn self-restraint to be a productive member of society. It is harmful to his future that he's not getting that discipline and guidance. I know you're trying, but where are his parents? If they are aware of his behavior and let it slide, they are not doing their job, and his future will suffer for it. That shit won't fly in the workplace, for instance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 12:40 PM
21

I left a "man" like this 6 months ago, and I'm still struggling with the harm done to my self esteem. I'm in therapy and have a few good friends to talk with, but even so, it's taking a long time to recover from TEN YEARS of soul-crushing manipulation & emotional abuse. He tells mutual friends how lonely he is. Good, you earned that loneliness, bitch boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:01 PM
1

Oh my dear. Can you just turn your back & walk away from him? You've tried to explain, he doesn't care. Keep your conversations to the bare minimum with him. Seriously, leave the room when he enters, if possible. He is toxic and you can't change him. Avoid interactions as much as possible. He is abusive & will become dangerous, if a parent never checks this behavior. HE IS THE TRASH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:48 PM
19

Hold up: men are far more likely to "tease" women about all this stuf (and more) than women are to "tease" men. The article would have been fine if the author had just said "your partner" instead of "men". NO adult woman is unaware that men have "sensitivities". What is uncommon is MEN being aware that other people, even other men, have feelings, as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:08 PM
37

After I finished laughing at him, I'd explain to him that his laundry is now & forever his responsibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 10:41 PM
13

Your instincts are good. Are you expected to weigh every thing you want to say, & edit it, if it might somehow, someway, tangentially bruise his ego? No. Wrong. He's saying his viewpoint is correct and yours is not. Good for you, for realizing that he's policing your feelings. It's all about him (in HIS mind). Nope, it won't get better, he will tell you how to feel about more & more in your life. Been there, not fun. Trust your gut.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 12:48 AM
4

Is there any way that you could get therapy/counseling? If it's allowed where you live, it would get you out of the house at least, and you may learn some skills to help you endure your situation. It sounds like torture, but at least you have made the decision. You know your current situation won't stay like this for the rest of your life. Best wishes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:47 PM
19

Firstly, I'm so sorry that you had to leave your beloved cat behind. I had to rehome my cats when I left (they went to my sister, so I get to see them once a year or so, but I miss them). It hurts. Secondly, you should call the vet and ask them to call him & remind him. I would think they would help you in this circumstance, ultimately it is for the health of the cat (their patient). Don't contact him, it will just cause you pain. Hang in there, it will get better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:32 PM
8

Yeah, what about you, you stinking turd? Marinate in your "misery". I'm so glad you extracted yourself, skyerippa.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 01:54 AM
18

That was my first thought, too. I would have been HORRIFIED to receive this message, especially from a "boyfriend". It's not funny, it's a threat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:24 PM
27

Thank you, Miss Tilly. I need to read your third paragraph every morning and night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:50 PM
1

Is that a bed on the floor, and twinkly sparkly stars, in that nightstand shot? Are men sparkly now? The hand-on-hip & tippy-toe pose is odd. Maybe he's not looking for women? Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:06 PM
13

It's good that you can see all this so clearly, hopefully you will escape the cycle. Good luck, sis. Sounds almost like you're the only sane one in your whole community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:43 PM
7

SO MUCH that last paragraph!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:36 PM
14

Thank you, you're right. It was absolutely about control, but he kept insisting that he loved me & didn't want me to leave. He loved having an emotional punching bag available. I now know what love is NOT. It's so surprising to see I'm not alone on this crazy-train ride.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 07:31 PM
3

Same here, sis. It's a daily challenge to look forward, not back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:29 PM
6

Far too many of us were, dear. It almost feels intentional, to keep us naive, trusting, and tipsy on the "romance" drug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:16 PM
73

My ex told me that I should work on my self-love. I calmly agreed, & mentioned that the years of verbal abuse had wrecked my self-esteem, and I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. I am, at least, in therapy. Que the meltdown and suicide threats. This man is over 50 years old. Poor, poor him. How the hell did he think the screaming and belittling felt, FFS? How is mentioning it worse than enduring it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:12 PM
9

That bitch-boy sounds exhausting. Good riddance. It's a bit terrifying how obsessed he was in pursuing his "point". Fucking get a life, male.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:49 AM
13

Well, I am impressed! Good job!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 01:02 AM
17

My ex did it frequently. And, I wasn't just crazy, I was a big meanie for "making him feel bad". WT actual F? Did I force him to make the "joke"? I had no idea that it was a thing, and other people were experiencing this bizarre behavior. The energy expended playing these STUPID games...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:35 PM
29

They would talk smack about me via text, then be nice to my face. He's all yours now sweety, good luck. I'm free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 05:42 AM
16

Words cannot express how much I needed to read this very thing, this very day. Thank you for this thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 11:11 PM
4

Excellent analysis. You should be on the "Translating Men" team.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 06:21 PM
9

Perfect reply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 05:35 PM
5

That person should not be involved in health care. She is actively harming patients with that attitude. I hope that you find a better OBGYN. I chose to be child free. I am now past menopause and I do NOT regret my choice. I have lovely nieces & nephews who bring me joy. You can love children, and yet choose to not have one of your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:06 PM
8

You can do it! I went back @ 46 & got my degree. It was hard, my brain was rusty & creaky, but I was SO much more motivated than in my 20s. Great choice of field, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:03 AM
8

Thank you, I will check it out. The double standards amazed me, he got butt-hurt by the most casual remark, but a full-on, intentional, specific attack on me, was passed off as a "joke", and I was a paranoid bitch for objecting to it. OK, thanks for letting me vent, you rock!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:00 AM
15

She's only 21. She deserves compassion & loving guidance. We don't know what harmful programming her newly-adult brain has been saturated with. It's really hard to be strong & self-possessed if you have never seen it, in anyone you know first-hand, in your short life. I hope she finds someone to take her under their wing & teach her self-love & care. It is an alien concept to way too many women, myself included. This shit is exactly like abusing puppies, would you blame the puppies, because they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:38 AM
9

This is the perfect description of my former relationship. I had difficulty expressing it, thank you for the clarity. In my case it was emotional rather than physical, but the devaluing and re-writing was identical. It is NOT comforting to know other women are experiencing the same torture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:58 AM
8

I know it hurts. It will get better. Forgive & cherish yourself. It helped me to be as active as possible, literally go for a walk or bike ride as soon as bad feelings started up. For me, being outdoors helped. It felt like a physical withdrawal, even though my brain knew how destructive the ___ship was. We have all felt idiotic, forgive yourself. You are wiser and better prepared now. You are not alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:49 AM
2

So glad to be helpful. I moved 900 miles away from my parents when I was 22. I would have loved their guidance, but all I got was judgment. It took years to build a new relationship with them, but I doubt it would have happened without that distance. Purge all guilt, fledglings are supposed to leave the nest. It's possible to forge your own way & still appreciate your beginnings. I watch a bunch of veterinarian shows on TV, and that is kinda how I perceive young adults now. Wobbly & unstable, fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:57 AM
1

I am trying to understand your comment. • Are you saying that the only choice is between 1) avoiding toxic people or 2) isolating yourself? • Are you suggesting that hearing "mean things" from someone who is supposed to love you will "drive you to be better"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 04:38 AM
3

Good work on becoming aware. It's often difficult to see past the life-long programing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 04:28 AM
7

I hear you. It is disappointing, but there are some family members with whom it is better to just try your best to disengage, emotionally. They will NEVER acknowledge you, or your point of view. It hurts like hell, it's hard to accept. Just know: you do not have to share your thoughts, or life details, with these judgmental, out-of-touch persons. You cannot reach a delusional person. If you want to maintain contact, keep your conversations superficial & boring. You know who you are. You know you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 03:21 AM
4

I have been thinking about your response to my comment, for days. It felt accurate, but I so wanted to believe that MY ex was not that calculating, not that intentional, in his cruelty. Because how could he be so sweet and loving sometimes? I needed to read your words. I needed to know that a "part-time" HV person is not someone to entrust my emotional safety to. So, thank you. I am not young, but I am pathetically naive. Why would anyone say one thing, & believe something else? It's hard to hoi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:30 AM
6

NOT wanting marriage isn't "unpopular" here, to each her own. But if you DO want marriage, FDS will help you achieve it, with a man you judge worthy. I also don't know about all men, but my ex pleaded with & begged me do all this (and more) for him. My friends kept telling me I wasn't his damn personal assistant, but I thought he "needed" me. It starts as a few favors here and there, and before you know it, it's ALL on your shoulders. He did help me sometimes with my own stuff, but that would be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 05:38 PM
73

Helping him with his business, unpaid. Helping to care for his ailing parents. Helping him organize & deal with paperwork & bills. Making appointments for him & reminding him of them. Trying to get him to address his own health issues. You would think it would be appreciated, but they just expect more & more from you, while gradually respecting you less & less. Squelch that instinct to "help" him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 01:42 PM
7

My therapist said the "why" is simple: Because. He. Could. Makes me queasy that anyone would WANT to be cruel to their SO. Sadly, this is the world in which we live. Before FDS, I never dreamed that so many women experience the SAME incomprehensible behavior patterns from the men who claim to love them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 01:28 PM
3

How nauseating. Where do privileged people aquire all that venom? Little snots. She should have locked the door @ 10 minutes after class start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 04:43 PM
8

I'm relieved to hear she did that. I am finding it more and more difficult to forgive INTENTIONAL harm, physical or emotional. I rarely believe that the apology (if there is one) is sincere. It's completely understandable that you are scarred from that, especially since you were so young when it happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 05:20 PM
6

It seems (some) men have a different definition of the word than sane people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 04:33 PM
13

She should have pressed charges.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 04:29 PM
9

If NOTHING else, even if he's NOT physically dangerous, he is dishonest, scheming, & manipulative. I couldn't trust him at all, after learning that. He's able & willing to deceive to get what he wants. Nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 06:13 PM
21

Brilliant! I want that Teflon skin!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 03:37 PM
2

Your mom is so right. You say the same thing 100 times, he pays attention only once: when you're walking out. THEN he sees the light & wants to be a better person. By then, he has cauterized all tender feelings, with his indifference & abuse. Dude, you should have tried all those negotiations 99 times ago. I no longer care. Thank you FDS for teaching me that I don't need to try 100 times. It doesn't matter if he's willfully ignoring me, or has mental illness that he refuses to treat. Not. My. Co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 01:38 PM
63

I lived in Italy for a couple years as a young child, near the sea. Italian girls my age did not wear swimsuit tops. They thought Americans were strange with their two-piece suits for very young girls. My parents could not explain to little me why I had to wear one, but my friends did not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 05:34 PM
30

Huh? You stated an objective fact. He sounds delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 10:29 PM
7

Damn, that is horrible! Sounds traumatic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 06:08 PM
7

Thank you for saying that. Some of us actually have to consciously learn, for the first time ever, to care for ourselves first. There is no shame in that. Men do it all the time, without thought. It's a huge load to move off our shoulders, this expectation of tending to their needs, while squashing our own. And I'm not just talking about spouses or boyfriends, it's all of them, fathers, brothers, friends of friends, they all expect validation without acknowledging our humanity. Flip the genders …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 03:09 AM
4

My late husband & I had so much fun in the kitchen. It was a blast, we taught each other stuff & laughed a lot. The actual meal was a bonus prize, for time well spent. My more recent ex was a good cook on rare occasions, but basically stared at the computer & waited for food to be put in front of him. Interesting how a kitchen can morph from playground to prison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 02:18 AM
15

I've been writing long paragraphs. In Memo, & it never leaves my phone. Surprisingly satisfying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 04:45 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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