Guys with female friends

Kitty015 · 2020-08-25T08:56:59+00:00

I have tried to be trusting of guys with female friends in the past but literally every time it turns out they are fucking. Like this has happened to me with at least 20 different boyfriends.

Men are Incapable of platonic relationships with women. The only thing that stops a man having sexual with a female friend is if she doesn’t want to. If his female friends EVER give him the opportunity, they will fuck.

eveninghope · 2020-08-25T11:24:17+00:00

So I'm a woman with a lot of close male friends due to my hobbies. I have VERY strict personal boundaries with my male friends bc sure, if I wanted to and they're single, they would. Like, I might talk to a guy friend about a relationship problem to get some perspective, but it would be unacceptable to cuddle on the couch, even if he's single. Do they ONLY talk about relationship problems? In my entire life, I've never had any awkward issues with male friends who are happily cuffed. IME, once my male friends have been in LTRs, they're happy to take themselves off the market in general.

Also, men who ONLY have male friends generally have terrible perspectives on women. Does he have other close female friends? You should be able to bring up any insecurity issues with him tho. If he gets defensive or doesn't take your concerns seriously, there's a problem. Be ready to walk if you think they're getting too close.

Scotsburd · 2020-08-25T10:56:46+00:00

If your opposite sex friend is truly a friend they would be excited and welcoming towards a new partner. They would want to get to know them, not be jealous and offish. If your friend was unwelcoming and rude to your partner, would you accept it without question and continue to spend time with them? No, because that would be disrespectful to the relationship. This one is not a keeper, throw him back.

oldncranky1982 · 2020-08-25T11:12:36+00:00

Listening ear turn to hard dicks real quick. He is at least enjoying the attention. I'd dump him.

AbundantOverflow · 2020-08-25T07:50:18+00:00

If he’s committed to you, it’s time to cut this “friendship” off or dial the interaction way back. He is acting as a surrogate boyfriend to her. Men suck at discerning when another woman is infringing (and sometimes they know but like the ego stroke or want to keep the “friend” on standby).

If I were you, I would explain how I felt. If he did not volunteer to set more boundaries with her or disconnect altogether, I would move on. I have seen this story enough times to know that it never ends in the girlfriend’s favor when men have loose boundaries with other women in relationships.

igotchugirl · 2020-08-25T12:39:54+00:00

The fact that you’re concerned about this suggests there’s some unclean business going on. If she were just 100% a platonic friend, this would be a non-issue. But at least on some level, you know it’s not. And even if he doesn’t physically cheat on you, emotional cheating is a real thing. By spending lots of time with her, talking to her all day, supporting her, he is knowingly or unknowingly giving her the message that you are not his top priority. If you were, he would have dialed it back with her. Some things have to change once you’re in a relationship, but most men don’t want to accept this.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-08-25T13:19:55+00:00

God that is such such a red flag. I was the best female friend no gfs had to worry about, I never had a crush on my guy friend. Lo and behold 6 years into our friendship he expreses attraction in the most gross way.

Guy I dated talked about his best friend in college being a woman, and they’re still close. Of course I find out he tried to kiss her.

Women need to learn that men are only good friends with women they find attractive. They literally keep in contact with us waiting for the chance to fuck us.

You can never truly be friends with someone you’re attracted to. You’ll always be open to flirting, always open to inappropriate touching.

I also think it’s a red flag he’d stay friends with her after knowing she has a crush. Like, doesn’t he care about her feelings as a friend?

heliodrome · 2020-08-25T13:05:59+00:00

My guess is he likes the ego stroke of her devotion. If he is not attracted to her he may not sleep with her, but in my experience with men she would have to be a 400lb troll for him to not sleep with her.

super_thinker_ · 2020-08-25T14:15:46+00:00

I know it's going to hurt but I think you need to walk away. It sounds like he might be using triangulation tactics to manipulate you. Triangulation is when a person (usually a narcissist) will throw a third person into the mix to mess with someone's head. He might feel like he is losing his grip on you and is therefore trying to make you jealous to keep you in his grasp.

Something that always helps me is to imagine if the tables were turned. If I was in a committed relationship and a man who had a crush on me was moving to my city, I would be creeped the fuck out. I would tell my stalker, "Hey look, you need to back off. You openly admitted that you had feelings for me and that's not something that I'm comfortable with. I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested in you." Done. No need to even bring it up to my boyfriend because I've taken care of the problem on my own.

ALSO, I've been in this situation many times in my life, and I've learned that the women I supposedly "don't need to worry about," are ALWAYS women that I need to worry about. My ex cheated on me with his female friend who had a crush on him.

throwthisawayred3 · 2020-08-25T14:17:50+00:00

She's a pickme by being cold and non-inclusive. And she will sabotage you out of her own unhappiness.

Don't let her.

throwthisawayred3 · 2020-08-25T14:01:18+00:00

In my experience (I'm in my 40s), men only have female "friends" they either have fucked, want to fuck, or are fucking.

That she has a "crush on him" is a massive red flag. Inappropriate relationship at best. Run now before you get your heart broken

nycgirlhere · 2020-08-25T15:15:34+00:00

He knows she used to like him and stills allows this behavior? He’s keeping her around bc he’s using her feelings to feed his ego and if he treats her like that he treats all women like that

Rachel_92x · 2020-08-25T09:48:50+00:00

This question is hard for me to answer. I’ve got male friends that I’m well acquainted with, two of which I’m very close to. But like r/kitty015 says, if I ever gave either of them the time of day, it would be on. So, on one hand, I can see why that would give you pause. But to me, the friend who truly draws the line and wouldn’t cross it, I don’t think it’s a big deal. But not everyone is like that!

tiredaligator19 · 2020-08-25T22:58:04+00:00

I'm really close with a lot of my guy friends and I've even had crushes on some of them so I think it's good for me to talk about this. If she is cold to you and not inclusive then she is probably not supportive of your relationship. That's a bad sign, she should be happy, and enthusiastic to meet you, the fact that she is not means she is probably still into him. I think it largely depends on how long you two have been dating. If it's been longer than a year then he should have ceased talking to her after she confessed her crush. If it's less than a year then I would be cautious and tell him that you are uncomfortable with him talking to her one on one.

randomgirlimok · 2020-08-25T23:57:34+00:00

Nope. Men are friends with women because they want to have sex with them, and are also using them for the emotional support they can’t get from their male friends. I don’t want my man talking to another women for emotional support and telling her all our private info whenever we have an argument.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-08-25T20:47:29+00:00

All my male friends but one have tried to make out with me when I was drunk. Literally every single one of them save the one that’s 5’2 (I’m 5’9+ and wear heels).

Also, all my boyfriends with a nasty, rude, possessive and/or clingy ‘best female friend’ turned out to have a hookup history.

certifiedcatfish · 2020-08-25T09:47:59+00:00

I have a guy friend with whom I have a similar relationship with (minus the crush, neither of us fancied the other) and their friendship sounds a lot like ours. If that's the case, you don't have to fear it. You don't want a guy who can't see women as friends and people with good qualities of their own besides their vagina. So if he keeps her on the backburner then you dodged a bullet.

Title	Guys with female friends
Author	rinaata
Upvotes	41
Comments	33
Date	August 25, 2020 7:08 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ig7a2u/guys_with_female_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/guys-with-female-friends.169321 https://theredarchive.com/post/169321

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