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View 5 posts and 204 comments by carlther on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
279

FDS SUCCESS!carlther/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 04:24 PM
236

RANTcarlther/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 05:58 PM
152

carlther/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 05:21 PM
77

THINGS SCROTES SAYcarlther/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 10:06 PM
1

DISCUSSIONcarlther/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 02:36 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
23

My NVX hated dogs and loved cats. He hated people in general and appreciated the idgaf attitude of cats. He was rude to service people as well. So, no, not necessarily a sign of HVM. In his case, his love of cats was related to his sense of intellectual superiority, narcissism, and a huge red flag. My other narc ex loved dogs and hated cats, so I guess that the moral of the story is that is doesn't tell you much, just one more thing that adds them to the "no" category.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 07:40 PM
11

I have been a business owner, I have assisted exes with their businesses. My ex's input into my business consisted of telling me what to do and expecting me to follow his advice to a T. My assistance with my ex's business consisted of hours of hands on work, covering for employees, processing paperwork, even helping to renovate office space. I received zero compensation or credit, but that ex is convinced that I would be nowhere without him. Incredible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 12:43 PM
2

Or unemployed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 06:30 PM
17

I relate to all of this. My girls are also headed into their teens, and I am scared to death of attracting predators. Not worth it. And I also lost step kids in my last breakup and it was horrible. I think I stayed longer than I should have because I loved the kids too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 12:38 AM
31

My narc Ex had a dent in his fridge from punching it and he broke his hand. Blamed it on his ex for "making him so angry." I guess that I'm lucky I didn't make him that angry, but it took awhile before that relationship was over. Red flag parade (that I ignored).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 04:22 AM
5

For those of us who have a history of excusing bad behavior, denying red flags, and taking what crumbs LVMs have to offer, exercising your rejection muscle is a wonderful thing. I too have started perusing dating options, and I rarely go on a second date. Block and delete at the first red flag is something that feels foreign to me, and I am so used to being "nice" that it is something that I would never have done in the beforetimes, but it has built myself confidence tremendously. I am quite sur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 06:48 PM
36

My narc ex knows the game; He said that all he had to do was take the kids to a park, and women would be falling all over themselves to compliment him and he could "bag" a sympathetic woman. Whereas with me, the kids would be seen as baggage and I would never get a partner after we split up. While it was meant to insult me, it was sadly true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 01:34 AM
27

Oh, I forgot to add that the next narc ex didn't even say "I love you" until 2 years in, and I stayed another 3 years. God, I hate writing that 🤡🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 11:47 PM
37

I got a teeny-tiny "promise ring" after the first kid, a proposal after the second kid 4 years later, then I left 3 years after that. Never married. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 11:38 PM
77

I hate this collective brainwashing that says you must be a "team" when the only team player seems to be the woman. When I graduated lawschool, me and my NVX were looking for jobs at the same time and I had a small baby. In the interest of "teamwork" I postponed finding a job until I knew where he would get a job because my degree would travel (better school). Well, he didn't get a job. And he refused to consider moving to any cities where my degree was the most respected. My career suffered (an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 10:53 AM
7

I relate to a man "dulling your sparkle." I am outgoing, friendly, and I love to laugh. Not a single friend or acquaintance sees me as shy or sad. By the end of my relationship with my narc ex, I barely would say anything around him, he would dominate conversations and make me so, so sad that he would call me Eyore. This was and is not me. I crawled into a shell when I was with him and I was afraid to come out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:46 AM
26

I live "alone" with my two small girls. A few things helped me: -Make friends with friendly neighbors (NOT single men). They will look out for you and your house. -I have a black giant schnauzer. She is a big deterrent because she has a big bark and looks intimidating (she is actually a baby, but a good deterrent). I do not get harassed when I walk her. -I have setup full amazon camera system including blink. I can drop in from anywhere and I can speak over the camera. -Window alarms. -Always fu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:42 AM
83

All girls and women should be educated on the signs of narcissistim so that they do not fall into the narcissist trap (lovebombing) because it is so hard to extricate yourself. We should ALSO ensure that girls are raised with excellent self esteem so that they do not make good prey for narcissists. I fell into this trap too many times. Despite having the SAME career of my last two narcissistic partners, my career was never valued by them at the same level. However, THEY would undermine my career…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:36 AM
79

God, I WISH that men would use filters on OLD, then I might be able to actually look at them...they all look like bridge trolls 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:03 AM
160

This is plainly talked about in "The Gift of Fear." Never ever engage, and even if you are in trouble, you should not wait for someone to approach you, you should approach someone else to ask for help, preferably a woman. The chance that you will pick a predator to ask for help is small, the chance that a predator will find you to help you is much higher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 03:10 AM
64

Certain severe mental illnesses that often result in homelessness affect men in a greater proportion as well, e.g. schizophrenia.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 02:05 PM
50

That I was "not like other girls" aka a sexdoll doormat. Plus kudos for any sex-based skills or attributes (these were transformed to negging as well - "you are tight"--> "you are getting loose (or, your asshle is tighter)", "you are so sexy" --> "your (stomach, boobs, butt) is looking a little flabby", "you give great blwjobs"--> "too much teeth, not enough effort"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 01:20 PM
100

If I see one more "engineer" on OLD with a highschool diploma I'm going to scream. Yeah, you undeservedly got a salaried job with benefits at a factory, but you ain't no engineer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 12:06 AM
86

So...many...men... dropped their spouses/significant others during the pandemic (including mine) because they were "annoyed" by them in close quarters (e.g. looking for an excuse). Other men became (or already were) giant man babies. After things open up, it is my theory that those men, many of whom regretted their decision, will be sex-starved and ready for anything at all. Women will be exhausted, emotionally wounded, and financially taxed. They will be much less willing to relive this experie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 09:04 PM
40

If you have to go to couples therapy, the relationship is already over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 08:57 PM
46

Here's the thing, you cannot expose them, you cannot outsmart them. They are cunning, and have no empathy. Even the smartest among us have been drawn in by narcissists. Think of it, Steve Jobs was a narcissist, Elon musk is a narcissist, and they are revered by a huge percentage of the population. Your best option is to walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 01:01 PM
51

Ugh, this. I am educated, but my sister married a man who is not. After my string of abusive relationships, she insists on me opening up my dating pool to non-educated men. I'm definitely not doing that, I want to raise the bar, not lower it. She's always telling me, gIvE HiM a ChaNce, hE CoUlD bE nIcE. I'm sorry, if I can't talk about anything but kids and the weather, I'm not considering that a good relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 12:57 PM
138

Unless the therapist is well trained in spotting and treating narcissists, therapy is downright dangerous for you (and it still won't work on the narcissist). My narc ex, in a prior relationship, went to a couples therapist at his ex's suggestion. He showed up early and charmed the pants off the therapist. He convinced her that he ex was absolutely crazy and responsible for the problems in the relationship. She had to quit therapy shortly thereafter because the therapist had taken his side. He r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 12:43 PM
3

It will be a rollercoaster of emotions. However, the bumps slowly become smoother until, eventually, they are gone. It takes time and work to put everything in perspective. Don't beat yourself up; even the smartest, most beautiful, most courageous amongst us have fallen for narcissists and despite treating us the worst, they are the most difficult to get over. It's like a drug addiction. It helped to understand that they are sneaky and calculating; it is subtle and dangerous manipulation. When y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:02 PM
13

"She made me do it! She made me so angry because she's a crazy bitch!" Something my ex said about his ex. God, red flag parade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 03:34 PM
19

I have been in a couple of different businesses with NVMs. Never again... -One NVM not only messed up our books, resulting in a huge tax liability, he said from the beginning that I couldn't be trusted to handle the books. He blamed me for not making any money. He continued to run our business into the ground. I left, started my own business that made money, he is still running the old business that makes nothing. -Clients were shocked that we were in business together, and they would request me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:32 PM
37

He gets a sticker on the sticker chart! Five stickers earns you a b.j.! 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 12:48 PM
17

For me, I knew that my last relationship was over when I stopped having orgasms with him. Somehow, my body knew better than I did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:36 AM
4

Overcoming is a process, not a destination. I'm still not "over" it entirely, and I have battle scars too. Steel, ha, sometimes I feel like I'm made of paper! Our stories sound similar; my first NVX was easier to leave because he blamed me for the business not doing well and he wound up stealing from me. He was also incompetent in business, so I had confidence that I could go on without him. My second NVX helped me start the new business on my own. It was much harder to leave him because I think…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 02:57 AM
5

My narc ex bought me flowers at first. Then, when he was devaluing me, he would say that I didn't deserve flowers, that he was a great guy to get me flowers in the first place but he just couldn't do it anymore. That was humiliating and it kinda defeats the point of the flowers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 02:07 AM
15

When you are young, as other ladies have said, your safety and sexual boundaries are paramount because young college-aged guys are notorious for violating them and first and foremost, you do not want to be assaulted. Second, your career trajectory and financial goals should NOT be influenced by anyone, family included. It is so easy to get compelled off of the path that you want for yourself, and you can spend a lifetime regretting that you did not fulfill your dream (this is where birth control…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 01:27 AM
10

I've been in business with two (!) NVXs. I've said it once and I'll say it again, from the rooftops....THEY CLIP YOUR WINGS!! It sounds like you have phenomenal potential to not just survive, but to thrive. Will it be scary? Hell, yes, it will be scary. I cried just yesterday trying to remember how to do something that my ex had handled in my business. You know what, I figured it out. I still cried. I still sometimes have the feeling that I can't do it on my own, that it FELT so much better havi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 01:12 AM
22

"I am sensitive" is a manipulation tactic for you to try so hard to crack his tough outer shell to get to the soft meaty interior that somehow will give you all the love that you had hoped for. Here's the trick - it doesn't exist. If you do manage to crack the shell, the meat is rotten.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:37 AM
4

They refused to tie my tubes too after the birth of my second child. At the time, my NVX said "well, your next boyfriend will appreciate that you can still have children with him." I was still with my NVX (father of my children) at the time. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 03:47 AM
8

My paraguard got implanted into the side of my uterus. I needed surgery to get it out. On a positive note, because it was embedded, the strings continuously poked the head of my NVX's penis. He endured it, but he would spend days in pain. He deserved it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 03:41 AM
48

I lived through a horror story of financial abuse with a NVX. Despite not marrying, we had two kids together, and I was the primary breadwinner (only breadwinner, he did not tell me that he wasn't working and literally earning nothing, and he was stealing from me). We bought a house/office together that we were supposed to both work out of and live in. I fully renovated the entire house on my dime, my family helped. He refused to help or contribute. When we split, because we both were on the tit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 01:34 AM
12

My God, MOST of the guys on OLD in my age range, we are talking 30 to 50, have absolutely unbelievable profiles. Can they not get one decent picture of themselves? Selfies in public bathrooms, selfies with garbage behind them, selfies in cars, holding dead animals, shitfaced with friends, pictures with other girls. What makes them think that ANY vagina having person would find that attractive? And to show bitterness and crazy criteria in an OLD profile is equally unbelievable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 01:00 AM
12

What a narcissist! Good riddance, I say. You know, the ONLY person who thought that I was negative was my narc ex. He went so far as to nickname me "Eyore" and every present that I got from him was Eyore-related. My friends were shocked, I am literally the happiest most positive person that they know and I laugh all of the time. He was shutting me down, he was dimming my light. He also couldn't handle normal human emotions, so of course he thought I was clinical when I was ever sad or expressed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 11:04 PM
15

Make sure that they consider blowjobs sex and include them in their numbers! A man who doesn't consider BJ's sex may have a deceivingly low number. The amount of men that just get errant blowjobs are astounding. I had an ex who easily had a body count of over a hundred because he would hit up just about every woman he knows for a bj, and even more astoundingly, he mostly got them. Like, literally he would just show up at their house, pull his dick out, and if they said no, he would leave. He was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:19 PM
7

It covers their neck beards
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:12 PM
10

Those women whom date for money take a big risk because there is absolutely no guarantee that the scroat will spend it on you. A lot of times, the wealthiest men are also the cheapest men. My last boyfriend made 500K a year, and his house looked like a bachelor pad, minimally decorated, and he never ever spent money on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 05:52 PM
22

We live longer anyway, we should be dating 5 to 10 years our junior at least if our goal is to get the maximum amount of time with our partner. Young women who seek older men have it backwards, they will just end up wiping the back sides of some crippled old man in their prime years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 05:38 PM
5

Bitter
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 05:29 PM
29

Lots of guys think that they are "rollin" with a 50k salary. Don't want gold diggers! 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 05:28 PM
10

They forget that we are hitting our peak earning years as well. And, we often have more money than these scrotes because we are more prudent in our investments (this has been proven in study after study). If I hear one more guy try and "educate" be on some new hot up and coming investment that they ultimately lose an assload of money on, I'm going to rage on them. Plus, we are hotter, and live longer, they can take their tiny bit of money and they're bald asses to the grave without me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 04:59 PM
31

That's the most tragic thing in my opinion. After 6 months! She is in desperate search for a daddy replacement and it will ultimately really have terrible consequences for her son.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 04:54 PM
46

Be careful of subtle negging as well. My narc ex used to say "Don't worry, I like natural bodies," and "I like hangers [boobs]." In a fit of anger years later, he rated me a 4.5. My self-esteem was already low with the subtle digs, that just put it in the toilet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 04:52 PM
205

Having money gives you a much different perspective, and power dynamic, in a relationship. When I tell men what I do for a living, I can instantly tell if they are judgmental, insecure, entitled, or are charming me inordinately because they see a free ticket to ride. Before, I dated people exclusively in my industry so that they could relate to my job, but I think that my radar was less honed to the other red flags. Now men reveal themselves much more readily. A HVM reveals themselves to me by b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 04:05 PM
662

She has aged out, he needs to refresh with another teenager. What a disgusting human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 01:26 AM
27

I'm not sure why the RPW poster had to even ask this question. I thought that it was common knowledge that these scroats want a hot, young doormat? Did she really need it spelled out for her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 09:08 PM
53

I nEvEr AsKeD yOu tO Do iT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 04:55 PM
22

This was the definition of FWB as provided by my last NVX- I will occasionally text you memes, and if I'm in your area, I will swing by so that you will give me a blowjob. Very friendly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:36 PM
143

I don't want to define anything. I don't believe in labels 😂🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 03:07 AM
–

You truly do the Lord's (F) work! I truly appreciate that you keep this a safe place for all of us. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:58 AM
65

It's really funny that he complains about this; I have been on SO many dates that have felt like an interview. I gauge their intelligence through conversation, scrotes will just ask "are you smart?" I think it's ironic that they believe that I have something to prove to THEM. This guy probably doesn't even know what an interview looks like, I'm guessing he doesn't even have a job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:11 AM
24

Men become red-pillers because a woman, any woman, turned a mere side-eye to them and they became ballistic. Hateful. FDS is about self-preservation that is NECESSARY because of the awful and brutal mistreatment that so many have faced from men, exclusively men. I give you hugs and much love, OP, you are so strong and I admire you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:59 AM
129

6 or 7?! He clearly has a problem that even the best therapists can't fix (and, mark my words, he will wind up in prison for depraved shit). And, if he's not lying about his exes allowing him to do it to them, this is why we need to EDUCATE women that they do not need to put up with this shit! It hurts all of us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:49 AM
12

They just cheat, they can have it all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 06:57 PM
33

I second this. Also, you are going to have a major proof problem when the NVM just denies paternity. Maybe he would have to reimburse the mother after birth is possible, but again, incentive to just run far, far away. Having to get in vitro paternity testing is a risk to the mother and the fetus. Not fantastic outcomes here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 06:51 PM
44

Whilst just laying there, expecting performative sex and 45 minutes blowjob! Good luck getting your needs satisfied...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 12:09 PM
29

I have one crooked tooth and a Michigan accent, and neither of these things bothered me AT ALL. After constant negging about these things for YEARS I bought invisalign to fix my tooth 🤡 Destroyed my confidence.He didn't mention these things for the first year of our relationship (nor the 10 years prior during our friendship).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 12:05 PM
30

Both of my narc exes hated their respective mothers and would openly mock them in front of other people. And my last narc ex also despised his sister, crazy b*tch and all that jazz. But I'll be damned, their mothers would defend them to the ends of the Earth despite being horribly mistreated by their sons. I never understood it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:53 PM
247

I've had an ex tell me that he lost respect for me when he realized that I was "just like other girls." Hell yes I am, if you mean the other girls who figured out that you were a narcissist!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:57 PM
24

I have a very large, very intimidating dog (she is very sweet, and kind of a coward, but she has a big bark). She is a guard dog by instinct. I'd like to see one of those f*ckers try and mess with me when I take her for a walk at night. I wish it wasn't the case that I inherently feel safer from predatory men by owning a large dog. But I do love my dog!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:31 PM
207

We do it for our daughters. We do it for future generations of girls, all girls, so that maybe, just maybe, they won't have to experience what we have gone through. Feminism is a selfless act.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:19 PM
113

Honestly, I don't think you can win either way. When I was overweight, I was mostly invisible, but I would attract fetishists. By the time my NVex rolled around, and he seemed to appreciate my body, I fell for it hook line and sinker. Of course, as our relationship devolved, he would use my weight against me despite being seemingly attracted to it at the beginning. When I lost the weight, I wound up with a lot more leering, and my confidence took such a hit from my heavy days. I then fell for my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:14 PM
141

Wait until/if she decides to get breast implants, he's going to be back in like nothing ever happened
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:57 AM
86

Let us all have the self-confidence of a mediocre white man!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:44 AM
89

"wanting something casual"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 02:31 AM
19

Eesh, depends on who they are comparing you to! In so many adult relationships, dream girl = sex goddess. If the man has any exes that he likes to complain about, you will be their dream girl in the ways that you are different ("not like other girls"). We are humans, not puzzle pieces to fit exactly and snuggly into another person's life, and it is a fantasy to believe otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 09:37 PM
21

This is exactly what happened to me. My prior relationship hurt me financially and legally, but the relationship afterwards with my "friend" destroyed me emotionally. It was so much more painful. Thank God I ran out of male "friends" so this time around I can vet properly! Stay strong, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:29 AM
35

Just about every man I have been with had his criticisms of my face and body. Male entitlement to a perfect-looking woman never ceases to amaze. Of course, I have been head and shoulders better looking than them, so I guess the sting is a little less. As I've gotten older, I have learned that it is a them issue and not a me issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 03:35 AM
100

Always the dreaded "My wife cheated on me." For single fathers with custody, they are quick with a sob story of how their kids were abandoned by their mother (notice that single mothers who by and large raise their children on their own do not volunteer this information nor do they characterize it this way) and it is clear that they are looking for a replacement mother for their children. RUN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 03:32 AM
12

You can't blame yourself, remember, narcissists are extremely skilled in their craft. They are so likable, and they make everything seem so natural, not creepy. That is their gift, that is their trap. They also prey upon good, loving people. You now know better, and sometimes, that is all you can expect. I looked into narcissism after I had already been burned by three of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 03:23 AM
51

This is why the psychopaths swoop in when you are fresh off of a bad relationship. You lean on them for comfort, and all of the sudden, you find yourself in a string of bad relationships. This is why it is so important to spend time alone in between relationships. It helps you to not become a victim of a psychopath (or minimally a narcissist).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:09 AM
26

Thank you for this ❤️ Healing is a process, a bumpy one, but the bumps get smaller with time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:16 PM
24

It's hard when you are financially "penalized" as the hard-working woman in the divorce. When you have kids, the financial drag can last until the last kid is 18, sometimes longer. My ex actually profits from having kids who live with me. However, he clipped your wings. The net positive, financially speaking, could take a couple of years, but you will benefit from it in the end. I see it as a college education; yes it cost you a substantial sum, but your future earning potential just increased d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:34 PM
34

Any "confusion" about the situation usually indicates that he is a narcissist and is purposefully sewing these seeds of doubt. Narcissists masquerade as HVM, but they never are and they will do serious damage to you. The confusion leaves you in the relationship longer because you are seeking proof of his true intention. Confusion = leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:52 PM
356

Be careful of the guy who loves you after a date or two... Could be love-bombing, could be attachment issues, both are bad! Time to actually KNOW you is key.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:47 PM
12

Oh, men are (can be) more "chill"... They don't care about making their homes comfortable for guests! My ex wouldn't permit me to "entertain" guests at his house. So, guess what, they were instructed to move that stack of clothes on the couch to sit down, here is a blanket, go find a spot on the floor to sleep, no food so I'll just fire up a frozen pizza for everyone! I couldn't imagine thinking "not feeding you" as an acceptable answer to inviting people over to my house!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 03:33 PM
27

My narc ex would not only come up with nicknames for me that were crude references to sex (often stated in rap videos) and digs on my personality that he found objectionable (characters that were sad), he would also get the kids to adopt the names and laugh too. The final straw was when the only gift I received for Christmas from him and the kids were the characters based upon my nicknames he had given me. They love an audience, especially when having an audience is a tool to not have you call t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 03:17 PM
29

I've been called a "cougar" by a guy....older than me 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:01 AM
115

Plus, if you "give them a chance" because they seem like a "nice guy," they act like YOU should win THEM over 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 03:29 AM
108

Notice that women rarely idolize strangers. We by and large view people as people, flawed and imperfect. Men will idolize sports stars, businesspeople, motivational speakers, tv personalities, even comic book characters. They can be convinced to follow viewpoints simply because their admired man-of-choice parrots said viewpoint. There is no nuanced view. They give no such benefit to the women in their lives, the people who actually love and care for them. To admire a male persona, who has never …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 01:33 PM
30

I was you just a few months ago. 6 years for me, after a decade-long friendship. I beat myself up because I KNEW what he was, deep in my heart. I twisted myself into a pretzel to appeal to him, to try and make him love me. I had to come to the painful realization that he did not experience love like I/we do. I honestly do not think that he is capable of it. He broke up with me and it was heartbreaking, but I also, deep down, knew it was a gift to me. But your heart takes awhile to catch up with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 01:30 AM
17

Relatedly, using physicality as a "jest" is abusive and manipulative. My ex would tickle me until I almost threw up and bind me in covers and wouldn't get off until I was screaming that I couldn't breathe. Despite repeated screams to stop. He got much joy out if this. It is all about power and trampling all over your reasonable boundaries. These men are dangerous (and could be psychopaths).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 06:19 PM
16

Love. Truly resonates, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 06:11 PM
5

He is my kind-of namesake, so I've always felt like we were kindred spirits. Truth teller.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:07 PM
53

Most people don't wear tags with their ages on them, so I never paid attention before I went on OLD sites to how old men likely were. I assumed that old looking men were all older than me. The men who were my age were ridiculously hideous. I was absolutely appalled. For me to find an attractive guy, I have to go 10 years my junior. I'm sorry, I cannot date a man that I am not attracted to. Good looking guys on OLD are average at best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:41 PM
22

Even his tune would change if he didn't find the person attempting to "satisfy his sexual needs" attractive. They have their limits too, but their measuring stick is purely superficial.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 02:40 PM
77

Don't hate too much on these women, I've been one and I feel sympathy for them and hope that they see the light. Remember, society has conditioned us to believe in these ridiculous fairy tales. That's why it is contingent on all of us to fight against the patriarchy that sustains this. Also, if your ex is a narc looking for narcissistic supply, they use cunning techniques to keep you on the line until they are bored with their current supply. It is insanely difficult to extract yourself (akin to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 02:02 PM
17

Don't forget the amnesia about what you have done for them...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 01:13 AM
81

Absolutely. And SOMETIMES he does nice things, usually for other people. The treat YOU the worst, but now you are the exception.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 08:21 PM
22

Preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 07:55 PM
1

I absolutely agree with you, I'm frustrated and angry that she would make something like this up and ruin this man's life. I don't like the repercussions of her actions, personally or societally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:53 PM
84

Beware of sob stories...older men love to whine about how their ex cleaned them out as a justification for being broke. Notice that most of them had shitty jobs and were bad with money in the first place...they will forevermore be broke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:48 PM
56

Nowhere; they are all in their Mom's basement playing videogames.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:35 PM
5

I hate to see stories like this because think of all of the women who are sexually assaulted and don't report. They fear that they will not be believed, and stories like this affirm, in law enforcement's mind, that she is probably lying to get a payoff. And men hang their hats on these stories as proof that most men accused of sexual assault are being victimized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:32 PM
34

It must be so nice to have so many wives/servants!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:20 PM
90

I know that I've said this before, but the sheer number of under/unqualified men in high-salary, with benefits, jobs is astounding. With a high school diploma or GED! There is a reason for this, it's called misogyny. Meanwhile, women with the same qualifications work in low-paid hourly service positions with no benefits, all while raising children often on their own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:04 PM
14

Hugs back to you! It's nice to hear others who have been to hell and back, and have survived. It helps to know that you are not the only one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:56 PM
10

They sense your vulnerability and they take full advantage. Because I had been friends with my narc ex, I didn't realize the signs of love bombing until after the relationship had ended, 6 years later. The flowers, sliding into the booth next to me at a restaurant to be closer to me, the immediate proposal to be his girlfriend, the sex-only vacations. Because we were friends, he was there at the dissolution of my prior relationship where I had been completely neglected for years. After the love …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:07 PM
16

Fantastic post, I also have explored Alan Robarge on YouTube and I recommend highly. My therapist once told me that if I was just conversing with people at a crowded function, a conference or something, the way that I carry myself, laughing at jokes, kind and open, listening empathetically, that I exude "prey animal" to a predator. I have found this to be true. They sense your good qualities and they can see when someone will have a difficult time telling them no, and no inherently that they can…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:59 PM
67

I feel this. Part of it is that you KNOW people will judge you harshly for leaving the relationship without a "good reason", especially if you have kids. And the outward scars of physical abuse requires no explanation. I am not one to air dirty laundry, so people make assumptions. I LIVED this reality...she must have cheated! He is a good guy! He's so nerdy and intelligent, he couldn't have mistreated her! Well, he was a fucking drug addict and stole all of my money, we lived in abject poverty a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:53 PM
21

They always find a position to pump you full of air! It has to come out, and they look at you like you farted on them. No, asshole, your crazy in-out with my ass in the air did that! I had a LVM who NEVER was on top, like ever. I was always performing, gymnastics all over on top. It was exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:45 PM
50

Watch the "dad bod" dude wretch at the sight of stretch marks or C-section scars!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 09:23 PM
163

I contributed two excellent, independent girls! I'm doing my part!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:47 PM
43

All of these things. Sadly, I've done it. Guess who makes six times what I do in a year? I feel like I deserve a lifetime salary for my contribution... Men are always successful on the backs of women, no wonder they benefit from relationships!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:10 PM
22

Love this, doing it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:59 PM
15

It's unbelievable how, when you are pregnant, these so-called professionals do not respect common decency of their patients. It's almost like we are nameless vessels for the unborn. I specifically asked for a c-section so that I would never go into labor and not be embarrassingly poked, prodded, and forced to be naked in front of strangers. Best decision I ever made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:18 PM
71

I also have had my string of losers and abusers. After a long hiatus, my sister has been encouraging me to "get back out there." I gave her my list of standards, educated, matches my income, not a narcissist, has hobbies in a life, etc. etc. She almost takes my standards personally because her husband does not meet my standards. She thinks that I should just settle for a nIcE gUy. I am a professional, she is not. She has no idea how problematic it is to have differing education and income levels…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:12 PM
45

I don't know which is worse, the message me first, or the barrage of copy-paste "hey beautiful." Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:07 PM
56

They are incredibly emotionally immature. Early in a relationship, it is fine to block and delete. I had a SIX YEAR relationship where he just stopped seeing me for several months, and when I finally asked him what the hell was going on, he broke up with me via text because he did not want to have a painful conversation with me. He did not want to be confronted with his shitty behavior. He has the emotional maturity of a toddler. And this is someone who is wealthy, deals with complex business tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:04 PM
134

Men use isolation and pitting women against each other as a tactic so that we will not share our stories of abuse and put an end to it. It has been so empowering to share my story and to have other ladies share that they have experienced the same thing. It's almost like abusers have the same handbook or something. Being in an abusive relationship is so isolating, and you feel like you are the only one dealing with it, and that the problem must be you. The problem is not you, the problem is abusi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:23 AM
200

Yes. The REASON for them treating you poorly is merely a justification. Abusers have often been abused themselves. It is still not acceptable for them to abuse you, full stop. If you are asking yourself "why," you are asking the wrong question. If they are giving you a sob story to justify their mistreatment of you, it is manipulation pure and simple. You are not his therapist. Move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:14 AM
17

Any guy that favorably compares you to his "crazy ex" will also unfavorably compare you to "this one hot chick he banged" or "his sister's hot friend." Comparisons never work in your favor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 02:45 AM
54

And even those disgusting, troll-like, hairy, smelly men will STILL have the audacity to criticize, critique, cheat on, and discard a woman 1000x better than he is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 01:24 AM
293

He is going to completely check out, and when he complains that "she changed and won't have sex with me" after the baby is born, he will not think twice about leaving them both. He honestly has no idea why she is angry and paints himself as a victim before the baby is even born!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:45 PM
115

"Libertarian" is also code word for misogynist. Don't tread on me = don't mess with my white male privilege. "Socially liberal but fiscally conservative" is code word for "I support gay marriage but I draw the line at social programs that would help the underprivileged, including women and POC." Avoid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:38 PM
404

My NVX was significantly taller than me, over a foot. Whenever we went anywhere, he would speed off ahead of me, even when I was PREGNANT. I would let him go, and he would have to come back to see where I went. I got so used to following behind, that I still continued to do it with subsequent partners. Some thought it was weird. It became a part of the physical manifestation of my low self-esteem, beaten into the ground by abusers. Don't let them get away with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 05:01 PM
118

I have, and the man is encouraged by his buddies (and society) to dump her. It never works the other way around, more attractive women are assumed to be attracted to some "secret" quality that the man has.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:18 PM
44

This kind of toxic rhetoric is the most damaging. It leads the next woman to believe that she can be the one that will be "compatible" with him. He isn't compatible with anyone, He is simply an abuser. You will be in the next victim in line. I've fallen for this before, never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:07 PM
25

I fell for a "friend" immediately after all breakup. He was a fuckboi. Once I was "conquered" I was discarded. I thought it was a fairytale at first, my white knight. Learned the hard way that life is not a fairytale. Narcs LOVE playing the white knight and they will lie in wait forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 02:43 PM
18

This. So much this. Making ourselves better does not equal man hating. Identifying high value men, ones that add to our lives instead of subtracting from it, does not equal man hating. All men should get a clue and figure out how to high value themselves. If all of their subs weren't just about hating women and about improving themselves, we would all be better off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 01:25 PM
16

Also be careful of things that start out as a "joke." It builds until it destroys your confidence. My narc ex started out making fun of my accent (midwestern-He had a southern accent btw). He never let it go, for years. Then he started joking about my body. Then my "bad attitude," going as far as getting me Eyore (from Winnie the Pooh) memorabilia at EVERY single holiday. I became a caricature to him, and I lost myself confidence in the process. Don't let the little things slide, they become big…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 01:04 PM
15

Just remember that many, many people, women included, don't believe that anything that you did/was subjected to was beneath you (besides of course him having sex with your mom-that is horrendous and you should never have had to endure that, I am so, so sorry). We do. It takes tremendous strength, introspective, and valuing oneself to say, hey I don't deserve this! Your life will now never be the same again. I put up with men stealing from me, calling me terrible names, sexual aggression, belittl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:48 PM
48

I am still sorting a lot of it out, a lot of the patterns aren't apparent when you are "in it." By the end, he was a classic emotional abuser, and there is plenty out there that show you what those signs of abuse are. But how does he suck you in? Classic lovebombing was not his style at first because it would have been too obvious. He saved that for "dumber" women (spontaneous trips, gifts, etc.) We started out just being "friends". I was actually friends with him for a full decade before we got…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 02:52 AM
91

My narc ex had a string of well-educated women (doctors, dentist, lawyer-me) that I later realized he destroyed emotionally (me also included). He was brilliant, could read people better than any living human I know (he is a frightening person in many ways), and took great pride in "owning" accomplished women. He was so, so good at his game that anyone and everyone would fall for it. It's scary out there, folks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 12:53 AM
46

Guns + men is a deadly combination. The machismo, the vindictiveness, the quickness to anger. The "we need gums to defend ourselves" is complete and utter BS. Women use guns to protect themselves. Men use guns to settle scores and intimidate, just like they use any other weapon (including language) at their disposal. Even the "good guy with a gun" trope is all about bravado.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 12:09 AM
23

The problem is that their timeline to lift the veil on their act is entirely contingent on YOU. The second that they know that they've got you, game over sis. You have to remain diligent and recognize the manipulation tactic as soon as it is displayed and be prepared to cut bait. You CANNOT get sucked in, you will potentially waste years of your life and sanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 12:05 AM
45

This. The old "get over a dog that you put down by getting a puppy." Waste more years of your life on failed relationships. If you take time to BREATHE after the end of a relationship, you can find out who you actually are and what you really want!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:46 PM
–

Have standards equals the acknowledgement that what you bring to the table as a woman is WORTH SOMETHING. We have been conditioned to believe that men grace us with their presence, their money, their attention, their dick. That what we bring to the table is inherently inferior. NO. How many women are walking around with horrible self-esteem, taking scraps offered by any scrote that comes her way? I spent a lifetime trying to learn my own value, and I refuse to settle for anything that is less th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 07:29 PM
13

They count BJs as "bodies" for their body count. My ex would go to women's houses JUST for BJs. Sadly, he got them most of the time 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 05:58 PM
45

I was in your shoes. Getting over my last relationship was extraordinarily difficult for me. I cried daily for at least 2 months. Honestly, some of your man's behavior signals to me that he was a narcissist. I didn't realize that I was dating a narcissist until my therapist read me the DSM definition. It completely blindsided me, and I am an educated woman. Like you, he's seemingly was high value, and he did loving acts for me. He even helped me start my business. But a narcissist does not love …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 03:58 PM
10

Or $500k/year but he's CHEAP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 02:25 AM
6

Yes, this! Women do not do the "fake it until you make it" well at all because they feel an obligation to their employer, themselves, and society to do a good job, instead of a "good enough" job. Therefore, they "jump into the water" much later, if at all, than their male peers. Imagine the overall increase in competence with a purely female workforce! This is my issue with Cheryl Sandberg et. al. They pin this phenomenon on women as their inherent defect. What about all of the men doing shit-po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:43 PM
38

New guy is narcissist "savior." Been there. She will repeat steps 1 & 2. She will be even more destroyed when new guy inevitably leaves. She needs therapy stat!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:34 AM
128

I've not had much exposure to this phenomenon because most of the men that I have known were in graduate school and lifelong driven hard workers, but I've had my eyes open through OLD. The sheer number of men with "high school" or "some college" (read: one class at community college) whom make stable livings in salaried positions is astounding. It gives them an extraordinary self-confidence, believing that I, a well-educated and successful professional woman, would bow to them to get into their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 07:48 PM
29

I am so sorry that happened to you. It is so, so difficult right now for mothers who do not have the benefit of outside help. I feel you about the divorce money, I have a find set aside JUST for litigation with my ex, I've spent 30k so far. He sues me every year, he is a lawyer and does it pro bono and the courthouse is literally a block from him. They fight and fight just to drain you. The good news is that we woman are FAR more resilient than they could ever dream of being. Don't give up, you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 03:26 PM
8

The BITTERNESS that is so evident on OLD is amazing and appalling. That unfortunate quality will not and does not get better. That guy looks old and gross btw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:10 PM
–

Absolutely nothing is foolproof. My narc ex had children before I was with him. He ALWAYS wanted to be a father. It was his primary goal in life. Sounds great, right? He found a woman who wanted to be a mother more than anything. He had kids with her. Holy chaotic. He never married her, and they split. He described her as the "vessel" for his children. Nasty court battles ensued. What shimmers is not always gold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 02:29 PM
–

It's easy for people to understand getting an abortion in your late teens/early 20s, is much harder for them to support you when become pregnant at a "normal" childbearing age. When I first found out I was pregnant with my first, I was about to graduate law school (hello fellow attorney!). My freaking OB talked me out of getting an abortion because SHE was my age and facing her own fertility issues. We are so often told that children are a blessing and we will just "figure it out." When you are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 12:26 AM
99

Um, I'm dating over 40, I look like I'm in my twenties, and I can tell you, the men in my dating pool are downright DISGUSTING. I'm dating at 40 because I wasted my youth on ABUSIVE NON-COMMITTAL MEN. There is nothing wrong with me. I could have my pick of N/LVMs but I DON'T WANT IT! This guy lacks self awareness. HE is the joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 08:23 PM
13

You ARE intelligent, in every sense of the word. You are wounded. A wounded eagle is no less majestic and fearsome. It just needs to heal its broken wing so that it can fly again. Everyone's struggle is different, but I'm willing to bet that most of the ladies on FDS gravitated here because they saw their own wounds in the suffering of others, and they wanted to heal with a community that could understand them. We are with you, we are rooting for you, keep down this path of empowerment and FORGI…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 12:53 AM
97

Main takeaway: not only are women's shouldering unheard-of burdens in this pandemic, thus alcoholism being on the rise, but there is also a strong correlation between alcoholism and emotional and psychological abuse. There is an epidemic of trauma caused by MEN, resulting in severe harm to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 05:23 PM
51

As a lawyer, I've dated a lot of sandwiches /smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 10:41 AM
5

Transformation at 40 is incredible, isn't it? Like walking through the door into a new life. I did the same. I saw everything for what it was, with clarity, finally. I had spent the first 39 years of my life blaming myself for the bad things that had happened to me. I finally saw that I didn't deserve any of it, and I'm just now treating myself with the kindness and grace that I've afforded others all these years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:03 AM
13

I get this from other women, including married women and my sister! When I reject a man because they have red flags or we are clearly not compatible (education, income, etc), she instantly compares that guy to her husband and becomes offended (he did not finish college and certainly isn't my type of guy). If he's good enough for her, he's good enough for me, and MY standards are too high! Be hasn't gotten her a thoughtful present in the 10 years that they've been married!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:01 PM
10

While I do agree that high income does not equal high value by any stretch of the imagination, you are playing the odds at either end of the spectrum. At the low end, you have a giant chance that the man is LV/NV or just generally doesn't have their shit together. At the high-income spectrum, your pool is made up of a fair amount of complete narcissists. The red flags are probably harder to spot at the high end, admittedly. But you are looking for different negative qualities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 11:50 PM
38

OP, you are my hero! I am small, 5' 110 lbs, and men scare the crap outta me. I've started lifting, and I'll be taking Hapkido in the fall. It may not be much, I'll still be small, but if I'm in peak physical form, I should at least be able to get away. It's so sad that we have to think about these things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 08:40 PM
42

I can second this. Also pay attention how they treat their mother. Both of my narc-exes were absolutely horrible to the women in their respective families. They were all described as "crazy" and "stupid." When I stood up for my mother-in-law against my ex, my mother-in-law would tell me that I was being unreasonable! It was infuriating. I don't know how I didn't realize that I would be treated the same at some point. But I was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 08:01 PM
142

If we are leveling up, why shouldn't they? While everyone can be the victim of circumstances (women in divorces who inevitably get the short end of the stick, for instance), being perpetually broke as a middle-aged man is a symptom of something more sinister. It is not shallow to demand that you can manage your money and meet basic financial obligations, get two jobs if necessary, if we can do the same. Furthermore, a low-income man is MORE likely to mistreat you, especially if he perceives you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 07:34 PM
20

When my grandmother died, I went to her funeral alone. I was upset that he didn't come with me, and he said "I didn't think you liked her anyway." Yes, he was a heartless prick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 12:17 PM
22

How about just unzipping and waving in your face? Be still my heart!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 12:16 PM
57

They can keep their false equivalencies. I'm tired of hearing their "whataboutisms" and straw man arguments. It's not a sincere debate anyway, no matter what they say, because they jump from one logical fallacy to another. Like you said, the goal is domination, not debate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 03:10 AM
6

He's a creep: https://chicagoist.com/2017/05/11/a_brief_history_of_steve_harvey_bei.php
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 10:37 PM
3

Fantastic! I'd like to add that the test of "who does it hurt" should be taken out into the future. They may be adept at stating that their "flaws" are not your problem. But if you begin living together? If you become incapacitated somehow? His messy house may not be a big deal, but if it becomes your messy house, it affects you greatly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 10:05 PM
23

I am also a child of the '90s. This is the era when Boomer males, recapturing their machismo, took control of power structures in this country. Younger girls/women were rebelling in a much more overt manner than generations beforehand. We were seen as "problem children" that needed to be brought down a peg or three. More of us than ever before were attending college, and fewer of us decided that the traditional routes of marriage and children were for us. This was inherently a threat to both Boo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:49 PM
57

When a bad trait is identified, see if he makes excuses or blames others for his bad behavior. Or, if he tells you outright he will make no effort to fix it. This goes along with entitlement. Blaming others and not taking ownership over our shortcomings is a fatal flaw, it will not go away, and they should be discarded immediately. He is messy, and he says "My mom never made me clean up after myself." Red flag. He is sliding or getting in trouble at work, and he says "well my boss has it out for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 05:33 PM
97

A timeline simply doesn't make sense. What are you judging from? If you have two-four dates a month, and you have a 3-month timeline for sex, it means that you have only seen him in person the equivalent of a week or two. I'm not sleeping with a man after knowing them a total of a week! I'm going to make sure that I am actually comfortable with a person in ALL ways before I show them my naked body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 02:09 PM
18

Be introspective, definitely know your triggers. Routine is key, cutting yourself some slack is also important. Celebrate very small triumphs, even getting out of bed and getting ready, and build on those accomplishments. For me, just the expectation that I need to do something is not enough. I make sure to schedule the simplest activities and hold myself accountable by making appointments with others. I use my sometimes maladaptive desire not to disappoint people to my advantage in periods of d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 03:31 PM
32

My parents had four girls. When I was growing up, the comments from complete strangers about how difficult my parents life would be with all these girls were just completely astounding. Sadly, this is not changed. My best friend has two wonderful girls, and her husband is constantly harassed by his friends about not having any boys. He gets extremely offended because he loves having girls of course. I do not understand how raising girls has been so negatively stereotyped when girls are head and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:02 PM
9

He will likely stalk you if you don't also "feel the magic." He has a screw loose. If you do give it a go, he will be jealous and possessive. Afterall the universe said you were his, right?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 12:53 PM
15

Every man and any man can cross boundaries in the bedroom. Aggressiveness, smacking, more forceful bj's, "BDSM". It's a short, short trip from that to rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 09:42 PM
4

Especially if it's a few weeks into the relationship, you identify what he doesn't like (he would have been certain to share with you), and you slowly become those things. If you were responsive before, stop. Never indulge. He will become bored and dump you. It takes a little time, but most men are quick to cut bait. Don't let him circle back around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 06:02 PM
25

I hate playing mental games with men, treading on that thin line between the two. I've attempted to break up with people while playing the black magic trickery in making them think that they had made the decision themselves. That is really the only safe way, but trust me, it is so hard to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 03:20 PM
14

Omg, this. For the first time in my life (40), I ventured into OLD (I know). I'm 40, but I could easily pass for my twenties, and I am still regularly carded when buying alcohol. I was shocked and appalled at the fat old men that I had to choose from in my age bracket. It was disgusting and depressing. And the audacity of the most horrific trolls, disgusting, uneducated, unemployed, to genuinely believe that I would date them, attractive, educated, professional, was absolutely appalling. I would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 01:13 PM
13

It's difficult, as a woman, to think of yourself as one tiny person wandering around in a big world. We spend our lives making ourselves small, being servants to others. Men cannot inherently relate to this. I know what it's like to feel, as a grown adult, like I'm a little girl, and when your LVM treat you as such, the loneliness and the feeling of being lost is even more palpable when he leaves. But, this sub is so helpful to show that so many people have been there before, and they have not o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 09:32 PM
7

If you are accomplished, narcs/LVM/NVM become SO much more difficult to identify. Men are more accomplished and better looking, have more money, are intelligent and they know how to play the game. Lovebombing is extended past the initial stage. Then, they turn. It can do much more damage. You have to be much more careful, you have to watch for subtle signs at the beginning and cut bait. It very well not be worth it, especially if you are older. Pool is much smaller.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 12:36 PM
37

No amount of looksmaxxing can fix "balding" 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 12:26 PM
35

40 years old, after so many bad relationships, looking forward to developing a much better relationship with MYSELF!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 11:47 AM
84

They are the guy that gets you a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. The nice one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 07:44 PM
188

I've been an entirely-dependent SAHM to a NVX (and thus, destitute poor), I've been an earner whose NVX stole from me, and I've been a 6-figure earner whose LVX, despite being extremely wealthy, would have me pay for everything. Nope, you cannot win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:32 PM
254

My NVX actually forced me to be a SHM through abject poverty, we "couldn't afford" daycare and he was "doing me a favor" by saving me from the stress of a job. He also tried to leave me when I was pregnant with my youngest, saying I'd be ok because he would pay child support. I am in a MUCH better place, I make about 10x what he does in a year, but it is a stretch for him to pay $200/month in child support for 2 kids, so it is laughable that he really thought his measly child support would actua…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 01:05 AM
2

I understand where you are coming from, I definitely have felt the difficulty involved in making my circle smaller. However, the person who you will eventually find to be your SO is only one person. You have to look at it as hiring a new employee; you do not mourn the people that you did not hire, you no longer think about them, and you find the right person for the job. With everyone else, you can be a little bit more liberal in who you invite into your circle, keeping in mind with everyone tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 02:08 AM
2

Your description of the way he acts signals that he may have a personality disorder. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that he will not change for anyone. I had that revelation when my therapist read me the DSM definition of narcissistic and borderline personality disorders. My LVM met almost all criteria. Personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. And, he would have to admit that he has a problem and seek therapy himself. His personality disorder has helped him gain advant…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 04:58 PM
143

There was recently an article published by his ex-wife that laid out all the ways he was a narcissistic abuser. She was very intelligent, they met in college, he roped her in and destroyed her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 12:14 AM
129

I really feel for her. She likely feels so trapped , living on that scroats unemployment while she goes to school and takes care of a newborn. Sure as shit he isn't going to pay child support if he can't even shower, and if he already blames her for everything, going through a custody battle with him is going to be a nightmare. I hope that she has family support to get out now. Lesson to us all on being careful who you have kids with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 10:47 AM
44

Many of us still work in the corporate world, run by men, where unfortunately looks matter (for women) and not taking care of your looks means taking a significant pay cut over a lifetime. I believe we should be actively fighting against this double standard, but many of us are not in the financial position to fall on our sword for the cause. I hope that my daughters do not have to deal with this reality when they are older. That being said, every girl and woman should also know how to exist wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:20 AM
5

She is incredible, and a good example of a HVW finding a HVM. Doug truly supports her! Gives me hope, especially since they met later in life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:09 PM
9

"Trust me" - heh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 07:56 PM
7

Fantastic, you can do it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 07:46 PM
52

Fantastic post! Might I add that Lundy Bancroft states in "Why Does He Do That" that if he is a true narc, he will have a sense of entitlement that CANNOT be therapied-out of him. He is incapable of changing, and that is why "abuser" therapy has such a low success rate. Feel sorry for his next victim and be happy that you are no longer his victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:35 AM
44

I've been divorced for 5 years. I met my ex in school, and being young and dumb, got pregnant. I thought that he had great potential, and that he would get a great job out of law school because he was intelligent. He also put forth effort to visit me every weekend when I transferred to a school 8 hours away. Unfortunately, he failed to launch. The red flags that I missed were his constant excuses and blaming other people for smaller failures. Ultimately, he would blame me for all of his problems…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 12:23 AM
82

It's always a man who feels that they have to go alpha on the dog. I've never seen a woman beat a dog, but I've seen many men do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 12:06 AM
29

My grandmother would recommend to my mom having us girls soak in a tub of Lysol when we were babies if we got diaper rashes or yeast infections. I'm pretty sure my mother followed her advice. I can't imagine what it actually did to us, and it certainly didn't prevent our future L/NVM from cheating!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 12:04 AM
12

When you get to a "certain age," it seems that every prospective girlfriend is wrapped up in kids/husband/life to be able to spend time with another woman. As a single self-employed woman recently out of a relationship (that took a ton of my time because it was ld and I did the traveling every weekend), I've had such a hard time even finding women to hang around. It's difficult to really get to know someone, anyone really, and all of the female contacts that I have through yoga/hobbies are all v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 02:36 AM
65

Give the narrator credit for talking some sense into that NVM. Maybe he can learn? But I doubt it...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 12:11 AM
10

Thank you, I needed this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 05:28 PM
343

Truth. I'm 40, always had a boyfriend (until 4 months ago), never married. Two kids, the only good thing that came out of my relationship with my ex. After that relationship, I decided I would never live with a man without being married because they just don't respect you enough to "buy" you. Commitment first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:47 PM
13

Yes, gonna break my legs FOR YOU. God, the audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 02:57 PM
17

Yes, I think we can all be fetishized in one way or another. Look at all of "varieties" in porn! I am terrified when I get back on the dating scene that I'm just throwing myself to the fetish wolves. I wish I could keep my appearance a secret until I get to know someone!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 02:54 PM
59

This is where pickmes hurt our cause. He was under the extreme delusion that because one woman was with him, ALL women could be with him. Gross. I'm glad that you made it out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 12:13 AM
114

No one has taken more advantage of me (financially and otherwise) than the NVM that I was with when I was overweight. However, men post weight loss tended to be more emotionally manipulative like they didn't want me to figure out that I was attractive. They'd take it very personally when I'd move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 09:19 PM
45

I have also had men tell me that I couldn't do any better than them. It plants a seed of doubt making it more likely that you are to stay with them, especially if you seek comfort and personal connection with another person. I think that the OP it's just cautioning not to believe them when they try to manipulate you in this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 08:56 PM
14

I think that it's more sad that it's so difficult to form actual deep connections with people in this society that they have to resort to pretending. Everyone has to be on the defensive because so many people are users and manipulators. Loneliness is epidemic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 08:53 PM
366

I used to be overweight. I lost a lot of weight to gain confidence in myself and to be healthier and stronger. I've kept it off. Now that I'm more conventionally attractive, guys who wouldn't give me the time of day before have come out of the woodwork to see if they can "get with me." Some have afforded me the compliment "I like girls who have lost a lot of weight or who used to be ugly" with the implication that I must be inside that insecure fat/unattractive girl. It is insulting that I was i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 08:50 PM
3

I had an ex accuse me of cheating to get sympathy points with his harem. He had dumped me (with a full list of why it couldn't work and what he didn't like about me) and I had the audacity to date someone a month later, after a month of no contact! He of course wanted to get back together, and sadly I went back. He converted the "break" to "cheat" after he saw that the other guy was better looking that he was. Tortured me with it for the next year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:06 AM
30

Remember Trump complaining that BLM protesters were armed with SOUP CANS?! Well, they found pipe bombs, molotov cocktails, and guns on these guys. The sheer hypocracy is astounding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 10:48 AM
23

Men blame others for their trauma/abuse, women blame themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 10:45 AM
2

To be fair, I did see some older ladies getting arrested 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 10:42 PM
19

In 'Why Does He Do That," Lundy Bancroft says that therapy doesn't help an abusive man because no amount of therapy can remove or remedy their sense of entitlement. This has definitely been my experience with "therapized" men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:17 AM
10

You forgot the pic of one of them holding up the head of a dead deer. 😂😂 I am also in rural Indiana, btw!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 09:43 PM
208

I am in elder law attorney, and I work with people being transferred to the nursing home. I see this all of the time. The wife very commonly will care for her husband at home, and only think of nursing home care when she can no longer lift him up. A lot of times, she will injure herself attempting to care for her husband at home. However, men are very quick to transfer their wives to a nursing home. And when they do, they often have a difficult time managing the house by themselves. They are my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:26 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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