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cschoonmaker Archive

View 0 posts and 517 comments by cschoonmaker on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I don't know about Illinois but in CA, based on what you've stated here, that would not be considered marital property. The money in the trust was your sole property before marriage. The house was bought with that money and was done through your sole bank account and the title/deed are solely in your name. I'm assuming you also paid all the property taxes, maintenance and upkeep since you said she doesn't work. But again, I am not a lawyer and I live in a different state so take that with a grai…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:50 PM
2

You pay $4k a month to live in the marital home??? I'd be gone in a hurry, I can find suitable housing for less than $4k a month.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 10:50 PM
1

If you're in a place where "No fault" divorce is the prevailing method, let it go. It doesn't serve a purpose except in your mind. IF you found out positively that she cheated it might let you feel better in your own head. And then you'll spend the next 13 years trying not to say something to your son about it. And since you said you already signed the papers, if you were in a place where infidelity could be used in the proceedings to get a better deal, that ship has already sailed. You would ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 06:37 PM
1

Curious as to how these are not in conflict? "In Situations where child support is awarded, a relationship where the children are introduced to the new romantic partner requires imputation of their income to the child support calculations (i,e. eliminating the three income household iniquity)." " Child Support may never be ordered to be paid by: a) victim of statutory rape b) an abused spouse c) a non-biological parent"
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 10:29 PM
2

The problem is that specific warning is not mandated, at least not here in CA. A judge is under no obligation to issue that warning and sometimes they won't do it unless it's requested by the supporting spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 06:27 PM
4

Court issues a Gavron warning, a formal advisement from the court that they are expected to make reasonable, documented efforts to become self-supporting within a reasonable timeframe. If they fail to abide by that the court can terminate spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 02:19 AM
4

Alimony for life is a real possibility. In CA they don't call it or grant "lifetime alimony". They simply create a Spousal Support order that has no expiration date. But the person paying (the man) can petition the court to reduce or eliminate alimony if/when their ex spouse becomes self supporting. So yes it could end up being lifetime but it could also be terminated in the distant future.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 10:02 PM
14

His only response should be "My body, my choice".
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 09:51 PM
1

Either she buys you out at fair market value, or the house is sold as a whole and the proceeds are split, assuming you are both on the deed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 09:30 PM
3

I'm assuming there are children involved between you and the Ex, otherwise there would be no reason for you to be in contact with her or her new BF. Crack him in the face to shut him down will see you get an aggravated battery charge which could be a Felony and either way would likely result in the loss of any custodial parent rights.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:48 PM
6

Finally. Another state that's worse than California at something! 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 10:14 PM
3

He can ask, but she can also say no. She's not obligated to give him anything unless it's ordered by the court.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 09:44 PM
6

If her income went up from 37K to more than 180K (more than he makes now), he should absolutely want a recalculation no?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 09:43 PM
2

You don't need HER to agree to it. You just need the JUDGE to agree to it. The courts can order the sale of the home as marital property during the divorce process. If she wants to keep the home, the court can order her to buy out your portion of the equity or force the sale.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:07 PM
3

Document EVERYTHING. If possible move all communications to email/text that will provide a document trail. If vocal communication is required, immediately send an email to her recapping the voice conversation in writing. Document everything you've done to mitigate any/all of her "concerns". Keep a copy of your lease handy and highlight the section that prohibits the use of pesticides. Keep all of this as your defense to any motions she may file with the court. Then it's a wait and see moment. If…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 07:59 PM
4

Because you, an unlicensed layperson, are held to the exact same rules, procedures, deadlines, etc as a licensed attorney is. IF you screw something up it could negatively impact your case. Going to trial Pro Se is never recommended.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 05:01 PM
7

Yikes even CA is 18. Well 18 and graduated from HS. If both conditions aren't met then it goes to 19.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:59 AM
2

For decades the women were very heavily favored. It's only been more recently that men have been getting a fairer shake, but like others said, it all depends on the judge. There are still judges out there from the past that just maintain the status quo that they were used too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:07 PM
12

So the kids deserve their mum to be happy more than having their dad happy? Or they don't deserve to see dad happy at all? Life isn't always fair, we all know that by now. You are responsible for yourself and your children, not her. If she can afford a decent home and chooses not to do it because it's "less than she deserves", that's on her. She deserves what she can afford. It's not up to you to continue subsidizing her lifestyle, especially if she's weaponizing your children against you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 06:50 PM
2

Family pics stored on an external hard drive in case the kids want them later. All pics with her were then deleted from my devices. Time to move on dude.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 11:04 PM
2

Verify with an attorney but most states that recognize common law marriage only count the time spent living together within that state in regards to their common law marriage statutes.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 09:01 PM
2

You can marry here in CA. Just don't divorce here. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:57 AM
2

If you're not doing what is stated in the letter (vacating it and renting it out) you are commiting fraud if you sign that paper.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 09:08 PM
1

54, divorced 13.5 years ago. I'll let you know if I ever find someone I can convince to go out with me. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 12:27 AM
9

5 year marriage is not going to get her lifetime alimony, especially if she makes more than you. It's a pattern, they always ask for way more than they know they'll get. Unless advised by an attorney otherwise, I would not negotiate a settlement, I'd go to trial. The likelihood that she'd get even close to what she's asking for is pretty low at least in my state.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 06:37 PM
2

We chose to NOT do a 7-7 schedule because my kids didn’t want to spend an entire week with their mother and without seeing me. We explained how it would work and they still preferred the 2-2-5 schedule. At 8 and 12 they learned the schedule faster than their mother did. And since we lived in close proximity none of their extra curricular activities were affected.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 08:01 PM
2

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 06:06 AM
1

I deleted them all.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:22 AM
2

13 years and counting. Dating pool doesn't exist for 50+ dad bods. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:02 AM
2

Do what you have to do to protect your daughter and your own mental well being. Have a talk with the stepson and let him know that you are always there for him and that you don't want to lose the bond that you have established between the two of you but that have to do what's in the best interest of your daughter and your own mental health. And then follow through. Both with the divorce, and by extension protecting your daughter, and with being there for him. Do not think that staying together "…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:28 AM
2

Do what you have to do to protect your daughter. A 20yo son has probably already seen what his mother is like, whether you believe he has or not. There is always an opportunity to have a discussion with him that you cannot have with an 8yo. He should certainly understand the need to safeguard your daughter. Remember, you are not doing this to her. She is doing it to herself. You are just there trying to protect your child like a good parent should.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 11:39 PM
5

YOU are not taking her kids away from her. Her actions and refusal to truly get help are doing that. You are protecting your children, as any good parent should. Will they understand? Probably not right away, but they will with time. Especially if the Ex goes off the rails and downward spirals. Although you also say "I’m just struggling to see my daughter and step son in 5 years happy".... If the boy is your stepson, and you have not formally adopted him or have some other legal authority, it's …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 05:29 PM
1

Annulments usually require specific grounds for the request. This doesn't sound like a situation where an annulment could be obtained. You'll most likely have to file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 11:44 PM
0

No you are not obligated for child support for a baby that is not yours either biologically or through adoption. She would have to go after the bio father to get support. The only issue is if she has the baby and then puts your name down as the father. Then you have to go to court, request a DNA test and prove to the court that you are not the father. And if that happens make sure you countersue for all legal costs, time off work, etc...
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:57 PM
2

13 years post divorce. No issues with the Ex, we haven't spoken in years. Support got eliminated when she remarried 6 years ago so no "lifetime" support for me to pay. Child support got removed for the eldest when she turned 18 7 years ago and for the youngest when he was 16 because I took her back to court and primary custody in 2020. The only issue I still deal with is the occasional loneliness. Kind of sucks sometimes going out to eat alone, or going to the movies alone. Would be nice to have…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:26 PM
3

don't move out. Spousal support depends on state and both your incomes. If there is a big disparity, the lower earner usually can get support. If you're close to even, you should try to get both parties to agree to no support. your retirement - depends. Does she have one also? Are they close enough to call it a wash and you keep yours, she keeps hers? I don't know about others but after divorce has been peaceful. A little lonely at times because the dating scene today is a cesspool, at least in …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:09 PM
2

Friend With Benefits
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:53 PM
12

Love the "Holier than thou" attitude. Must be nice up on that pedestal. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a FWB situation available to them. Some have gone the dating route and that's a whole other cesspool to deal with. And the rest of us have just gone with celibacy. It sucks ass but we also don't judge others for their life choices and what they need to get them through.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:52 PM
7

Yeah it's time to close that chapter and start the next.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:50 PM
2

Unless you both have attended couples therapy to figure out what went wrong, why it went wrong and how to prevent it in the future then what makes you think you won't be right back at this stage after the reconciliation? Why does she want to reconcile? did she say? I'm doubting that there is any real substance behind it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 07:43 PM
2

She Devil Cow seeking greener pastures Biological Egg donor (if you have kids together) Lucifer in a dress Garden tool (you'll know it means hoe)
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 11:10 PM
15

Together for 24 years, 19 of them married. 2 kids ages 8 & 12 at the time. Told me out of the blue on her birthday. Like a sudden slap in the face out of nowhere. Suggested marriage counseling. Summarily rejected with no discussion. Never gave an honest answer when asked I asked "why?" To this day I still don't know why. I stopped caring why. Assumed she went through some kind of mid-life crisis and decided she hated her life and wanted a change. She's remarried to some guy who's probably 10-15 …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 08:27 PM
3

Sitting in my wallet, 13 years later. Still don't know what to do with it. I paid for it so it feels weird to just throw it out. Figured I'd ask my son/daughter if one of them wants it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:17 PM
8

We were living paycheck to paycheck as it was. After she asked for a divorce I kept money going into the joint account to pay the mortgage while the process was going. She didn't pay the mortgage. The house got forclosed on because she thought she was better off take a few thousand each month and pocketing it instead of half the equity after selling it. Also had to file bankruptcy which screwed my credit for 7 years. Then tack on child/spousal support and I thought I'd never recover. 13 years la…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 09:28 PM
2

Was 40 when the divorce happened after 24 years together. Now 53, soon to be 54. I have had exactly 0 dates in that time. Haven't found anyone where the attraction was mutual. Stopped worrying about it after the first few years because it's obviously not something I can control. Is it lonely? Sometimes yeah it is. Is it worth latching onto someone/anyone just to have that companionship? Absolutely not. I control my life, my finances, and everything else in my world. If someone is going to be a p…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 10:38 PM
2

Therapy. You need to seek therapy. It did wonders for my kids who were 8 and 12 when their mother and I split after 24 years together. Talk to your mom and your step dad. Explain how you feel. Tell them you'd like to see a therapist because you want someone independent from the situation to help guide you through this time. If they are decent people, they'll understand. They won't take it personally because you don't want to unload all this to them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 04:34 PM
7

Hell fucking no you can't do that. You need it in writing, reviewed and signed off by a judge. CYA - always.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 08:09 PM
5

For 100K/yr I would have hired a dude to date her, then marry her, and then divorce her after a year just to get that shit stopped.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 08:27 PM
3

13 years later and it's still sitting in my wallet because I don't know what else to do with it. Didn't want to toss it because I spent money on it, but I doubt anyone is going to buy it for anything worthwhile. So it just sits in my wallet. One day I'll probably toss it. I'm sure she tossed hers, or sold them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:09 PM
1

This is not a "right of first refusal" situation so you are good. It's your time so it's your decision on how it's managed. If the kids are occasionally "getting bored" maybe have a sit down with them and brainstorm some ideas of things they could do together. If she's documenting how often she takes the kids during "your time", she can definitely request a change in the custody order granting that to now be "her time" and the additional child support that would go along with it. Tell her you're…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 04:38 PM
9

1st priority = Your Child 2nd Priority = Your own physical and mental well being. 3rd priority = everyone in your life who is there supporting you through good times and bad times. Last priority = Your Ex You can be amicable and provide a good basis for a good co-parenting relationship but that does NOT mean you have to put her first. My Ex tried all that when we first separated. When I told her no and set a boundary, she manipulated the kids into asking me because it was "for them". Taking the …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 03:57 PM
2

Well then it sounds like her attorney is milking the situation for every possible billing hour she can squeeze out. Maybe have a talk with your Ex? Maybe your former In-laws to see if they can get her to see the light? I don't know but you're in a tough spot I agree. Hope you can get it moving for your mental and financial sake.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 06:59 PM
3

If your desired result is to become divorced asap, then the bifurcated status will get you there. But given the tone of the post, it sounds like you're tired of spending money on attorney's fees over BS requests and drawn out timelines. The bifurcated status isn't going to help since all other matters other than the actual divorce status are still left open for resolution at a later time. She'll keep drawing out the child custody, marital asset split, and whatever else still needs to be resolved…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:34 PM
1

If you can afford the $500 I would probably do that so that she can’t claim that you abandoned the property entirely but I would also immediately list it for sale per the court order. Tell her, through your lawyer, that she has 30 days to arrange financing to buy you out or one of the offers you get will be accepted.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 01:57 PM
7

Only 2 options: She buys you out. Sell it. keeping your name on the mortgage and trusting her to pay it is a REALLY bad idea. Always think of it from a worst case scenario. She could destroy your credit very easily.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 06:36 PM
2

Ditto. WTF?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 07:28 PM
3

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. AKA when hell freezes over and pigs fly out of my butt.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:43 PM
2

I did a bit different. Mon/Tue - with the Ex every week Wed/Thur - With me every week Fri/Sat/Sun - rotated every week Set schedule was easier for our jobs to work around and the kids didn't have to spend long stretches without seeing either parent (5 days max).
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 09:30 PM
1

As long as the person recording is a party to the conversation that is true. In that case one of the parties to the conversation has given consent which is all that is required in a one party consent state. If children join a call that the recording party is on, no additional consent would be required. If the phone call is handed over to the children and is then a conversation between the children and their mother then the recording must stop or consent must be obtained from a party to the conve…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 04:50 PM
3

Can she collect child support from the sale of the house? Do you owe back child support? Or are you asking if she can collect future child support from the sale? If you owe back child support she can probably get the family court involved and get money from the sale. If you do not owe back support, no she cannot collect potential or future child support from the sale. If you have been ordered to make monthly payments in a specified amount and you are current on those payments, she cannot then de…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 05:12 PM
3

If neither of you are current residents of the state in which the divorce began any longer, I would assume that she's requesting that your state of residence take over jurisdiction of the child support part of the case. May be a prelude to requesting a review. May just be that she wants a local court to one of the parties to be in charge. All conjecture on my part here.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:56 PM
1

" record her conversations with the children….." Your statement indicates that he should record conversations between the children and their mother that he is not a party too. The children are not of legal age to consent, so he would need the mothers consent. His consent does not matter if he is not a party to the conversation. At least that is how it works in CA. Heard that from my divorce attorney and my brothers attorney. May be different where you are.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 08:05 PM
2

One Party consent requires consent from at least one of the parties actually involved in the conversation. Recording a conversation between the children and their mother would not be accepted unless the children are of the age of consent and agree to the recording.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 04:23 PM
1

If she's trained for a specialty career and not taking advantage of it, you'd probably have to pay for a vocational assessment. But they can always impute income at CA minimum wage which is $20/hr for 40hr work weeks because those are entry level jobs that don't require degrees. And that would still be better than leaving her income at $0.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:08 PM
1

Restraining orders are issued by a judge in court. It's not something usually brought up in mediation where someone is asked to agree to it. If she feels a restraining order is pertinent, she takes her evidence to court, a judge reviews it, and if appropriate signs the RO. Sounds like she doesn't have anything really to bring to court to get one and is now hoping you'll agree to one?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 07:47 PM
1

Even if you do get child support, it won't be near what she would get from you if the roles were reversed.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 03:43 PM
2

Again depends on the state. In California ALimony is set at 1/2 the length of the marriage for marriages that last under 10 years. For marriages that are 10 years or more, no end date is set. It is NOT lifetime alimony. There are quite a few different factors that can end alimony even for long term marriages. And alimony is based on a basic formula. 40% of the higher earners incomes minus 50% of the lower earners income is the base formula. And then judge has discretion to make changes based on …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 07:17 PM
7

Get it in writing ASAP. Then talk to your lawyer about dividing up that $6.5K that is owed to the IRS. Since you're still married, that should be half her debt too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:35 PM
4

You'll split all marital assests 50/50. That's pretty much standard in all states. Spousal support is usually granted for 1/2 the length of the marriage for any union lasting less than 10 years. Any union over 10 years and alimony is not tied to a specific end date (it is NOT lifetime as many have suggested, there is a difference). They usually follow a formula: 40% of the higher earners pay minus 50% of the lower earners pay. That is usually what is granted as temporary alimony while the divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:43 PM
1

Really? Cuz I stopped after she got remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:36 PM
2

Child support is until either age of 18 and graduated from HS or until the age of 19. No such thing as "Lifetime" alimony. They just don't put an end date on it. But there are still multiple ways to have the alimony terminated.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:42 PM
4

There is no Lifetime alimony. This is a common misconception. They do not order lifetime alimony. They simply do not place an end date on the order. BUT there are still options to have the alimony terminated. You do not pay alimony for the rest of your life no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:39 PM
1

Then insist on school or other mutually agreed upon place. Don't sugar coat it. TELL her that she is not to come to your home and that there is a protection order in place prohibiting that. Make sure she is aware that the protection order trumps the settlement agreement. And if she violates it you will have that order enforced. If she gets arrested a second time for violating the protection order, you can use that to seek more custody.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:23 PM
4

What does your agreement actually say? Why did a judge say she can’t drop off at your house? Did they put that in writing?
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 03:48 AM
2

Also CA here. INSIST on 50/50 parenting time. It is in the best interest of the child to have both parents involved equally. My ex kept my kids away for months with similar BS stories. When it came time to go to court to get the custody order, she was admonished for preventing my kids from seeing me equally. There was also a stipulation added to our custody agreement. Since the kids were both born and raised on our city, the stipulation indicated that the children could not be removed from the e…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 07:30 PM
8

The only way the court could include something like that within the final divorce decree is if you both voluntarily agree to it. If you say no, the court cannot include a restriction on your speech. It would be a violation of your Constitutional rights under the 1st Amendment. They can include wording that you cannot disparage the other parent. But a blanket ban on certain words? Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 06:58 AM
7

Your divorce was finalized and you were single at the end of the year. You file as either single or head of household if you meet the requirements.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 06:50 PM
1

Fair enough
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:17 PM
2

You do realize that your first paragraph contradicts your second paragraph right?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:15 PM
1

My problem in her description is that "Identity Crisis" follows cheating. I'm not sure that is the case. I would think that the Identity crisis is what would lead to the cheating, not the other way around. I can't see a scenario where a wife just happens to cheat, finds out she loves the attention, and THEN has an identity crisis and continues to cheat. Seems it would be more likely that she would have the identity crisis first, whcih would then lead to physically cheating. But I may also be ske…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:04 PM
-5

The book you list appears to be specifically about infidelity. Somewhere between 20-40% of divorces are a result of infidelity. Of those about 13-15% are instances where the wife has cheated. Not quite sure how this could be the "Holy Grail" in such a small percentages of divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 09:39 PM
1

In otherwords she cannot move the kids 3 hours away from their current residence without your consent. If she does, that is kidnapping.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:16 PM
1

This should have been handled in the custody portion of your divorce decree BEFORE it was finalized. Our final divorce decree basically stipulated that neither parent could remove the kids from the county they resided in, for the purposes of permanent relocation without either the moving parent surrendering their custody time to the other parent or by agreement with the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:14 PM
3

Would I marry again? Possible but not probable. Is it worth it? That is not a question that can be answered easily because of the vast experiences of the people you are asking, as well as the varied age group. Is marriage worth it to the 53 year old version of me? Probably not. If the "right woman" came along I would consider it, if that is something that she really wanted. But I would be just as happy in a relationship that didn't include it. Was marriage worth it to the 22 year old me that did…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 04:39 PM
1

Thankfully not that way here.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:30 PM
2

To answer edit questions: If you decide together to not go that route, yes it makes a difference. A judge will only award support if the person requests it be considered. At least here in CA anyway. Before you sign away or give up savings and retirement, calculate the value vs what you would pay in spousal support. Don't give away more than required.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:21 PM
2

As previously stated, it depends on the jurisdiction. Probably going to have to consult an attorney in your area. In CA, marriages under 10 years spousal support usually lasts for 1/2 the length of the marriage. Calculations are done by a formula. They take 40% of the higher earners income and subtract 50% of the lower earners income and that is the yearly support amount. Divide by 12 and that's the monthly obligation. With an income difference of $100K, yeah you can expect to pay support but it…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:06 PM
5

Aug 2012 - Told me she wanted a Divorce Jan 2013 - Served with court papers for a "Legal Separation", shows she actually filed in early Jan. (No idea why it took 5 months when her parents paid for a divorce attorney for her after we agreed to do it without attorneys) March 2017 - Divorce finalized. so 4 years 7 months I guess. Initially told me she wanted a divorce, but then filed for "Legal Separation" instead. Never explained why the change. I'm assuming it was because she wanted to stay on my…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 05:37 PM
3

Also, what I listed above is all I had to provide to my payroll dept to have support stopped. No court, no talking to lawyers or Ex. Just gave them a copy of the order and a copy of the diploma. They notified me within 48hrs that their system was updated an no further payments would be deducted after that specific month.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 07:43 PM
6

Is your child support being automatically deducted from your paycheck? If so, check with your Fiscal dept. They may just need a copy of the order and possibly a copy of the childs diploma.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 07:41 PM
1

LOL if I hadn't divorced 12 years ago and actually knew WHERE my decree was I would. But that was 12 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 02:28 AM
10

12.5 years since the split. No relationships in that time. Not even a single date. Not for a lack of trying, just apparently undateable I guess. While there are times I feel lonely, There are more times when I'm happy that I can do what I want, when I want and not have to clear it with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:06 PM
4

Wedding album is stored away and kids were told they could have it if they wanted it. It will probably get tossed in the landfill because neither of them are speaking to her anymore so no real point in keeping it. Personal photo albums, I kept all the "family pictures" with everyone in them in tact. Photos of just her were removed and sent to her to do with what she wanted. Photos of just her and I were removed and tossed. Same thing with the hard drive full of digital photos. most of them were …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 09:26 PM
0

Parents can’t claim child tax credit for kids over 17. They CAN continue to claim Head of Household for older kids that are students living at home.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 08:37 PM
1

IF she asks to impute your income then a job study would be required, which is usually paid for by the one requesting it be done (in this case her). Part of that job study will be physical, what can you physically do vs not do anymore. The other part is an examination of your qulifications, background, skills and current opportunities by a vocational expert. In your case you can also make the claim that she is underemploying herself and that she could work Full time but chooses not too. The cour…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 08:46 PM
3

Basic formula in California is: Subtract 50% of the lower income earners pay from 40% of the higher income earners pay and that is what is paid to the lower income earner. Various other factors can also influence the amounts but that is the basic formula. As for duration, marriages lasting less than 10 years spousal support is given a finite date of 1/2 the length of the marriage, but it can be terminated early if a qualifying event occurs. Marriages 10 years or more are given no end date. Some …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:06 PM
2

When she had me served with the divorce petition AT my daughters dance school while I was there with my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 01:41 AM
1

Thomas and DEnise Rossi. Happend in late 90's. The entire amount was forfeited because she hid the winnings from the court during disclosure. Exhusband found out about it 2 years after the divorce and took her back to court.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:45 AM
5

Divorce is finalized and you are two separate legal entities again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:39 AM
11

During a Legal Separation through the courts? yes. During the a time when a couple splits up but hasn't officially divorced yet? No
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:17 AM
1

I would imagine, depending on how the law was written, you'd have to be able to prove that the homewrecker had explicit knowledge that their partner was married.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 11:44 PM
1

CA FC 4336 wouldn't apply in marriages that were continuous for under 10 years. "the court may consider periods of separation during the marriage in determining whether the marriage is in fact of long duration". If you were married for 2 years, legally separated for 5 years, and then dissolved the legal separation and remained married for another 5 years before divorcing, the court can consider the 5 years of legal separation when determining the long duration as an example. ETA: that's what was…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 10:55 PM
1

Your statement didn't specify you were talking solely about THIS marriage and appeared to be more of a blanket statement about Spousal support in California. My reply was for clarification for anyone reading your statement as if that were the case in all divorces in CA.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 10:40 PM
3

Indefinite for marriages 10 years in length or more. It's NOT indefinite in ALL divorce cases.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 07:13 PM
2

The court favors what is in the childs best interest. Which usually entails the child remaining in the area that they have been raised in, continuing in the same school system they have been attending and not leaving their social circle behind. The parent that chooses to move, usually will end up with the short end of the stick in custody matters. Your time with the child will go down and your child support payments will go up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 12:22 AM
4

Originally we had 50/50. Kids were 8 and 12 when split happened. Daughter was the oldest and left her moms house on her 18th birthday and began residing only with me. I took her back to court to modify the custody order for my son when he was 16 and became primary custodial parent. She was given every other weekend with the provision that my son had to choose to go with her. If he said he wasn't going, nothing could be done to me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 11:17 PM
4

Depends on how the custody order is written. If the order says she absolutely has ROFR and it happens consistently then she could request that the custody order be modified to reflect the actual amount of time they are with her which could then increase the amount of support you pay.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 11:57 PM
1

Damn I lucked out! After looking it up, they stopped that the year AFTER I stopped paying alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 11:46 PM
3

Roll the dice, I like your odds.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 08:49 PM
2

She has no income? So you're not paying spousal support? If you're paying spousal support, take the monthly amount, multiply by 12 and list that as her yearly income. Don't know where you are but in California, alomony payments have to be listed on the state income tax return by the receiver. Same is true for Federal tax returns.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 07:55 PM
5

And if she won't sign the papers then that debt is STILL negotiable. Go back to the table and negotiate that debt. Give her half the debt.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 11:23 PM
5

No one can give you a 100% guarantee that you'll see those kids, but it's certainly more likely you'll see them than not. Going on the run is hard enough. Doing it with 2 small children is even tougher. Doing it while being stupid is downright impossible. She abducted her kids, took them across state lines and then tried to initiate legal proceedings?? She has fucked herself 6 ways from sunday. Crossing state lines makes this a Federal case now. She could be looking at 20 years in a Federal peni…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 05:17 PM
2

Valentine's Day is a romantic holiday. While you two may still be friendly with each other you are not romantically linked. She made that clear when she asked for the separation and moved out. Birthdays, Christmas, etc you want to get her something no problem. But a clearly romance themed holiday? I'd say no. Do you get all your friends Valentine's Day gifts? Because that's all it sounds like she is now. JMHO
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 08:12 PM
10

Divorced 12.5 years. Have yet to go on a single date yet. Dating in this day and age sucks ass. Even if I dated again, unlikely I would ever get married again. Been there, done that and didn't like the ass raping I got from Family Court the first time. Luckily for me dating is far easier for women and my Ex actually remarried so my spousal support was terminated!
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 07:21 PM
6

There is no legal precedent that can support her position or yours. Your daughter is a minor and therefore under the control of her parents until she reaches the age of 18. Your Ex cannot simply decree something and that makes it true. You will most likely need to file for a change in the custody agreement and have the judge add it to the existing agreement that any money earned by your daughter, regardless of whose custody time, belongs to your daughter. However at the same time, expect that yo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:53 PM
1

Agreed. If you can show that you did not change jobs specifically to avoid child support (i.e. you voluntarily left a company making $120k a year and are now flipping burgers at McDonalds for minimum wage) you should be good to go. You're still with the same company. You're position might be on track for management and the only difference is that you don't earn sales commissions anymore. They should be basing it on current pay.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:52 PM
1

I have a son and a daughter. They were 8 (son) and 12 (daughter) when the Ex and I split. There is no instructional guide that will give you the perfect advice. What works for one dad and his kids may not work for you and your kids. In my opinion there are just some guidelines to follow. Be firm but fair, LISTEN to your kids (don't always assume you need to solve their problems but always LISTEN), Love your kids and show/tell them that often, Be adaptable and just do the best you can for them. K…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 06:11 PM
3

Best advice? Let her and her lawyer start. Let them show their cards first. That should tell you everything you need to know as to whether she's going to be reasonable or not.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 08:33 PM
4

This is wrong, at least in California. You most certainly can be held in contempt for failing to produce financial statements you are ordered to produce. You may not have the statement at the time of the order but you can produce one. If you say the statement is not available they'll give you a timeframe in which you would have to produce it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 07:04 PM
3

"Statement not available"??? That's the solution? You think a judge is going to accept that? A judge has ordered YOU (the husband) to produce a financial document related to the divorce proceedings before them and you think saying "Statement not available" is going to fly huh? It'll last for a few seconds before the judge holds you in contempt of court and either fines you, jails you, or both.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:00 PM
4

You have a written order that says she has to pick him up at your place. You do not have a written order saying otherwise. Follow the written order that you have until you are provided with a new written court order saying otherwise. Any agreements between the two of you to deviate from the written order should also be done in writing. Verbal agreements are a big no go. If it's not in writing, you can't prove it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 10:48 PM
2

I see it being very unlikely: 1. There will be any change to the custody agreement, unless one of you voluntarily gives up time. 2. There should already be language in your custody agreement preventing changing schools when that was made. If it's not, then you may have to argue to a judge that it's NOT in the best interests of your child for them to suddenly change schools and leave what they are most familiar with behind, as it could be detrimental to their education. 3. If she's currently empl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:41 PM
6

I maintained a civil relationship while the kids were young and we shared custody. Now that they both live with me full time as adults I haven’t spoken to her in 4 years. And have no plans to do so any time in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:37 PM
1

At first glance I was going to ask "when you two are alone, say date night, are you also happy and relaxed? or are you also anxious, depressed and sad?" But this comment seems to rule out it being just a kid problem. Y'all might want to think about couples therapy. At the most it could save your marriage. At the least it could tell you that you guys are no longer compatible, at which point you would have a very tough decision to make with 6 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:46 AM
23

You not only lied to yourself, you lied to her. For 13 years no less. I get that it's a hard thing to come to terms with and probably even harder to come out to anyone. But in this instance, my sympathy goes to her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 03:53 AM
2

Guess that depends on the judge. My Ex violated the injunction and removed all the property from the marital home that she decided she wanted to keep when there was a court order stating that nothing was to be removed and the judge did nothing when it was brought up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 05:15 PM
2

It is what it is. She decided she didn't want to be married to me anymore (still not sure why) and I didn't want to stay married to someone who didn't want to be with me. But I stayed active with my kids at all times. I was doing everything for them during the last 5 years of our marriage and I wasn't going to stop and have them negatively affected. Money was tight with child support and spousal support but they understood even at their young ages. And in the end it all worked out. CS stopped wh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:53 PM
3

I thought my Ex was a really good person. We had been together for 24 years. When she decided she was "done". She stopped being a really good person. She wanted the absolute most money from me possible and wanted me to have the least amount of time with our kids as possible. It didn't work out for her that way. And the kids got to see who she truly was without a word from me. Now neither of them talk to her. Don't become a remote parent. It won't work. As the guy above said, it REALLY sounds lik…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:22 PM
7

She's gaslighting you. You copied her on all the emails about the race and practices and she knows little to nothing about it? Sounds like she didn't bother to read the emails you copied her on and now doesn't want to look bad. No you're not in the wrong. Do what is in the best interests of your child and don't worry about what she claims to not know. If there is ever a question you can produce all the emails that show her as a recipient. Let her explain why she doesn't know anything about somet…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 07:34 PM
1

I doubt you’d be able to protect yourself with a camera placed by somebody me else. First, you’d have to be able to access the saved footage. Unlikely they would give you access to anything. Second, you’d have to get access BEFORE they deleted anything that might incriminate them, which is even less likely. The best way to protect yourself from that camera is to disable it. Prevent it from accessing the network. Then password protect the network so nothing new can be added without the password. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 08:54 PM
2

It has to be transmitting over your home wifi network. If you can’t locate the camera itself, go into your home network and disconnect any device you don’t recognize. Then password protect the network access.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 07:13 PM
2

Lawyer up. Time to start thinking of you and your child's best interests. But don't hold your breath on being able to move out and still see your kid every single day. The probabilities are against you on that one, unless mom decides to give you 100% custody because being a mom would put a dent in her social life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 05:44 PM
7

It wouldn’t matter. You don’t have to have “a valid reason” to divorce a spouse, at least not in the US. And the divorce would proceed whether you agreed with it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 05:40 AM
1

Have your lawyer impute her income. She's worked before and worked during the marriage. Means she can certainly work now. You were married for 4 years which usually means your max liability for spousal support would be 2 years and the sum would probably very little, even less if you impute her income. Figure out what the total debt is and what you would be paying her in spousal support etal. You can accept more of the marital debt in lieu of paying her anything in terms of spousal support/home b…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 06:16 PM
3

In CA it's not Lifetime alimony. Lifetime implies that you will pay forever no matter what. CA simply does not establish an end date for spousal support. But after one half the length of the marriage, if circumstances change, you can apply to have the alimony order amended or terminated.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:43 PM
5

Impute her income. The courts can/have assigned a wage based on her work experience and job history. It may end up being minimum wage but it's better than nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:41 PM
4

Sounds like she was checked out of the marriage before she told you she wanted a divorce. Possibility exists she was already with someone else and that relationship crumbled too, hence why she backtracked. Also sounds like you were checked out too if it took you only 2 weeks to start another serious relationship. You told her father that "she made this decision, not me. I believe in “for better or worse” and wanted to work things out for the sake of our family." But within 2 weeks all that had e…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:31 PM
10

Mine wasn't a 401K but a City pension. We did the QDRO. She asked for a buyout less than the value. I declined because she can't get access to it until I retire. Guess who is going to die of old age while still working? 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:38 PM
-1

Why are you making assumptions that no due diligence was done? Why are you assuming that the profile wasn't checked and found that OP is a woman?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:23 PM
4

Not sure where you are located but here in CA, a marriage over 10 years is classified as "Long Term" and there is no ending date set for the Spousal support to end. It's not exactly "lifetime" but it could be unless circumstances change.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:30 PM
5

"Best Interests of the child" Disclaimer: I did not have to go to trial. I got 50/50 by default. In CA Family Courts are using 50/50 as a default now and in order to get that to change you have to prove that additional custody time with one parent or the other is in the best interests of the child. Example: Parent 1 stays in the marital home and parent 2 moves outside of the childs current school district. Parent 1 can request the additional custody time because it's in the best interests of the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:08 PM
9

I'll let you know if I ever convince a woman to go out with me. Hasn't worked in 12 years so I wouldn't hold your breathe. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 07:57 PM
11

She's gaslighting you. SHE had an affair and was testing YOUR boundaries???? She's the one that broke trust. She has no position to set those kind of boundaries. That relationship is over, done, finito, El Fin. The only thing you should be worried about right now is yourself and the kids. Do NOT stay together for the sake of the kids. This is the worst thing you can do and will cause more harm than any good you might think it will do. Hire a lawyer and file. You deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 11:00 PM
1

I agree. And co-parenting while being decent to each other doesn't send the wrong message IMO. 2 Years after we divorced, I took my kids and their mother to Disneyland. She paid her own way, and she had a separate hotel room from me. So a family vacation isn't out of the question as long as there are boundaries. The only reason I invited her along, with the understanding that she had to pay her way, was because with the rising costs associated with Disneyland it was probably the last time either…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 11:30 PM
10

Reconciliation for the sake of ADULT kids? Even less of a chance than doing it for minor kids. Mine were 8 & 12 and I wouldn't have considered it. Staying together "for the sake of the children" is probably the worst reason to stay in a contentious or loveless marriage. They will know that there is something wrong. And as much as you may love your kids and will have to deal with the emotional fallout, your own mental health has to be a consideration too. You need to cut contact. He sounds like h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 09:16 PM
1

Like I said above, request a continuance. Tell them you haven’t had sufficient time to obtain legal counsel due to the short time frame between when you were served and the date set by the court. As long as you haven’t been actively trying to avoid service they should grant you the continuance.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 03:32 AM
5

Kind of a short turn around between service and court date. There is time to find a lawyer, but if you need more time, attend the hearing on 8/1 and request a continuance. Tell them you need time to find representation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 08:34 PM
1

You moved 18 years ago to start a family. Did you actually start one?? List your kid or kids as the emergency contact if they're old enough. If there are no kids then why not move 2500 miles back across the country to where your family is? If that's not an option pick the closest friend you have and have a discussion with them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:08 PM
2

Get a Chihuahua. They're cheaper in the long than a new spouse. They'll yip-yip-yip at you, but when you get tired of hearing it you can throw them in the backyard and close the door. 🤣🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:03 PM
3

I don't know about where you are but in California we most certainly can. Spousal support is a calculation that is based solely on numbers. They take 40% of the higher earners income and then reduce it by 50% of the lower earners income and that is what the higher earner pays in spousal support. Child support is based on the percentage of custody. The more custody, the more support. And spousal support is determined after child support.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:59 PM
2

Only solution? No. Best solution? Yes. And get full/primary custody of the girls, as it sounds like she treats them like shit. If she makes more, ask for spousal support as well as child support. Even if you don't really need it, ask for it all anyway. you can then bank the money and use it for your daughters' college or whatever else you want. You AND your daughters deserve to be happy and this current situation sure AF ain't it. Get out and take those precious girls with you.If she didn't sign…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:34 PM
3

If the daughter is a minor, you can set up a trust to ensure that the money goes to her. The point is, he gets to allocate his life insurance, pension and all that to whom HE choses and in whatever way he wants it to be done. One, he isn't bound to take financial advice from his Ex. And Two, he can always modify things as the situation demands.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 08:31 PM
4

From a guy who has been divorced for 12 years and gone on 0 dates, I wish I could say I feel your pain. 🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 08:28 PM
3

You're allowed to have more than 1 beneficiary. If you have more kids, add them on in what ever percentage capacity you choose. Unless there is a provision within your divorce decree that states otherwise, your daughter should be 100% beneficiary. If you get married again and have additional children, you can add a new spouse and children at anytime as a qualifying life event outside of open enrollment. And you dictate the percentages as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 06:47 PM
6

Then I'll die alone and be fine with it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 07:12 PM
10

I don't know about other states, but in California 10 years is "the number" that separates short term vs long term marriages. And it most certainly is married years not together years. Here if your marriage is considered short term. i.e. less than 10 years, any spousal support paid is done for 1/2 the length of the marriage. If your marriage is 10 years or more it's considered long term. And while some people think of that as "lifetime alimony", in reality they simply don't set an end date. But …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:58 PM
2

Nope. I encouraged and reminded the kids about special days for her, but I didn't say a thing from me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:05 PM
3

You'd have to speak to a lawyer about the legality of it but you could always provide her with a notice that says from this point forward ALL verbal conversations will be recorded for your protection. If she disagrees with being recorded, she should not have a verbal conversation with you and should communicate solely through written communication. Then if she chooses to speak with you, you have already given her notice that verbal communication would be recorded and by continuing to speak she h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:38 PM
1

It is possible, but not probable. A lot of those are case by case decisions. For example, my brother is going through a divorce. The entire down payment for their marital home was made via an inheritance when our dad passed away. As the executor of the estate I had a paper trail showing exactly how much my brother received, and he had a paper trail showing how it was used as the down payment on the house. When it came to court, he wanted to buy her out since there was no way for her to buy him o…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:32 PM
3

The house is considered community property. You bought it together and lived it in together. One of you will have to buy out the other, or it will have to be sold and the equity split between you. ETA: At least that's how it would go in CA. Not sure where you're at since it didn't say in the post.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:19 PM
4

I had 2 kids swapping back and forth. They both told me that their mother had a guy living there. Wasn't enough. All she would have had to do is produce the lease agreement that only had her name on it. Lawyer said kids' testimony wouldn't be enough. There would have to be corroborating evidence. Sucks ass when you KNOW what's going on and they still get away with gaming the system. Wasn't sure if her getting married again was supposed to be a dig at me or not. Trying to show how she had moved o…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:51 AM
1

What I was told is that you would need proof of the co-habitation. That means hiring a PI for $5K. They would have to get proof that the two of them are sharing the residence as a primary residence. And it's almost impossible to prove. If the lease is only in one name, and all the utilities are in the same name, and the partner is just giving them money for it you'll have a hell of a time providing proof. They each just say that the partner spends time there but maintains a residency elsewhere. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:34 AM
3

Said she was going too. Didn’t for 10 years. Then got remarried so I got the name back AND stopped alimony at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 12:54 AM
23

She's already told you where her thoughts lie. Staying together "for the sake of the children" is almost NEVER a good idea. Let her go so that YOU are not miserable for the rest of YOUR life. How her life goes will no longer be of your concern.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 12:14 AM
2

During the events, it was horrible. But I focused on my kids and doing whatever was in their best interests. That’s all you need and you’ll make it out the other side. It will be rough I’m not going to sugar coat it. But you will come out the other side in a better place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 04:20 AM
18

My son and daughter were 8 & 12 respectively. We were HS boy/girlfriend. Together for 24 years, married for 19 of them. Had all the same ups/downs of any normal marriage. She never complained about being unhappy. Never said anything about things being wrong between us. Then one day decides she doesn't want to be married anymore. At least not to me. We were living paycheck to paycheck most of the time and she knew I wouldn't fight her on the Divorce part if that's what she truly wanted. Asked abo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:09 PM
2

'97 Fatboy. In CA, so I take I-80 through the Sierra Mountains. Or ride to the Coast and go up/down Hwy 1 along the Ocean. Pretty much solo at this point but trying very hard to convince my brother to pick up a bike and go with me in future rides.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:51 PM
8

Not having to spend money at the pharmacy constantly. Reloading/shooting more regularly. Not getting yelled at constantly because house/yard work wasn't done to her satisfaction. The ability to jump on my motorcycle and take off whenever the fuck I want, no permission required. Actually getting to spend some of the money I work for on myself. I'm sure there's more that I can't think of at the moment
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:33 PM
4

Nope, nope, nope and nope. Do it right or don't do it at all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:23 PM
9

You can accept responsibility for your part in the breakdown of a marriage and your spouse can still be a narcissist. They are not mutually exclusive.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:46 PM
3

If it's not 50/50 legal custody. don't sign. Take it before a judge if that's all she's offering. The likelihood of a judge ordering 70/30 legal custody is almost nil. There is an ulterior motive at play in my opinion. Could be that she wants to move and leave you no option to say no with the intention of then getting full custody and more child support. Could be that she just wants the power to override you when it comes to making decisions for the child. Tell her it's 50/50 legal or you take i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 07:10 PM
11

the only 100% foolproof, legal proof way to protect yourself? Don't. Get. Married.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 07:59 PM
1

I live in CA. We did our divorce through mediation. Custody was set and agreed too by both in mediation. Son was 8, daughter was 12. 6 years later, due to issues during her custody time, I filed for a change of custody to have my son full time. It was granted. And an additional provision was put in by the court that during my Ex's custody time (which was now every other weekend) if my son said he didn't want to go, he was not required too and she couldn't come after me for it. So that fact that …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 09:23 PM
2

It's not uncommon for a child to have a "favorite" parent, especially when that parent spends more time with them during the course of the day. In my case I was the "favorite" because I spent the most time with both my kids during the course of the day. I got them up in the morning, got them breakfast, took them to school, picked them up from the after school program, helped with homework and made dinner with them. I don't know how long the time to be comfortable will be because I think every ch…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 09:13 PM
2

Curious. How do you know he cheated on his wife with her? Sounds like you're just inferring that because it wasn't expressly stated in the post. Are you saying that it's not possible that he divorced his Ex and then met OP after the divorce was done?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 04:53 PM
5

If you truly do not need the money to support your child, save it/invest it. When they want to go to college, buy a car, rent an apartment, etc... Give it to them then to help out with the expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 07:04 PM
2

Get a lawyer and fight her RO against you. Getting one on her after months of no contact is unlikely and would likely be just seen as retaliation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 12:51 AM
3

Downside? Job options become limited. Places won’t hire because of the RO. You lose your 2A rights and can never own/possess a firearm. If your job requires a security clearance or has a good morale clause they can let you go. Having a permanent restraining order has nothing but downsides. There is NO upside to it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 11:02 PM
19

HOH Head Of Household MIL Mother In Law MSA Marital Settlement Agreement MSOL Marital Standard Of Living NCP Non Custodial Parent NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder OC Opposing Counsel OFW Our Family Wizard (Co-Parenting App) OM Other Man OOP Order of Protection OP Original Poster OW Other Woman PO Protective Order QDRO Qualified Domestic Relations Order RO Restraining Order ROFR Right Of First Refusal SAHD Stay At Home Dad SAHM Stay At Home Mom SAHP Stay At Home Parent SIL Sister In Law SS S…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 02:44 AM
10

Acronym Definition AP Affair Partner (aka paramour) BF Boyfriend BIL Brother In Law BPD Borderline Personality Disorder (or BiPolar Personality Disorder) CASA Court Appointed Special Advocate CO Court Order COC Change Of Custody CP Custodial Parent CPS Child Protective Services CS Child Support CSEA Child Support Enforcement Agency DH Divorced Husband DV Domestic Violence DW Divorced Wife EOW Every Other Weekend FOC Friend Of The Court FIL Father In Law FOR Father Of Record GAL Guardian Ad Litem…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 02:44 AM
24

"Talked about how strange it felt to her knowing I was going to have other women in the bed that was hers, wishing she had done things differently, etc." Know what's even stranger? That she actually had sex with someone other than her HUSBAND in a different bed. This is the true version of "fuck around and find out". You can be cordial, you can even be friends to an extent. But reconciliation with someone who has cheated? Total dealbreaker to me. Good for you for learning to move on and put your…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 10:43 PM
2

Exactly. It's car insurance not people insurance. The car is insured and you can add/delete from the list of authorized drivers. If your kid gets into an accident in mom's car, your insurance company isn't liable if he's a frequent user of the vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:21 PM
1

I went with my brother to his appointments. He was always afraid he'd forget to ask something. I was there to help him stay on track and not forget stuff he said he wanted to ask.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 07:17 PM
5

In California CS applies until the child turns 18 AND has graduated high school. Otherwise the termination of CS occurs at 19. But at 18 they can choose who to live with as the "custodial" parent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 07:08 PM
2

Same thing happened in California for my brother. Except it was $90k inherited after fathers death. Title was in both their names, mortgage was only in his because of her crappy credit score. He provided receipt to the court of his inheritance and paperwork showing that the $90k down payment was withdrawn from the inheritance. During the divorce, they calculated the split in equity after subtracting his initial $90k down payment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:21 PM
3

Your lawyer knows your family court system better than anyone on Reddit. Every Family court is different state to state, and even county/city to county/city. If he/she is recommending you file for full custody to start, there is a reason for it. There is a reason you are paying them remember?
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:07 PM
8

Nope. At least not in my opinion. Icould go on and on about how she jumped right back into the dating game and ended up marrying a man who is less financially stable than I was at the time. I could also tell you that her parents, to whom she obviously lied too about me, have now seen first hand what she was like and while her father will never admit he was wrong, her mother has admitted it to my daughter. But the biggest reason I say she is not better off? My kids have nothing to do with her. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:48 PM
6

When she said "I want a divorce".
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 07:01 PM
5

Laws may vary from state to state. In California this is covered under Penal Code 637.7 and is definitely illegal to do. This is a misdemeanor charge. You could file a police report to get it on record, but it's unlikely that they would spend a lot of resources on going after her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 06:30 PM
5

Send her a quarter. Tell her to call someone who cares or might give a damn.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:01 PM
4

How did she remarry if your divorce isn't finalized yet? Are you in a country that allows polygamy?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:49 PM
3

California does, in a manner of speaking. Marriages less than 10 years, spousal support goes for 1/2 the length of the marriage and an end date is listed in the decree. For marriages lasting 10 years or more, spousal support isn't awarded "for life", they simply don't give an end date. Spousal support can still be terminated if the supporting spouse remarries, or gets a job earning a substantial income, etc. At that point you can have spousal support terminated but you have to go back through th…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:08 PM
1

If you were never married, a court isn't going to provide documentation saying you're not married. In any kind of court setting the burden of proof will be on her to prove you were married. Which you've already said you can disprove anything she brings up. SO it sounds like you're done. Go your separate ways and live your life, you came out of the relationship relatively unscathed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:50 AM
2

If you're not legally married (and you say you have proof) and there are no kids involved, then it appears you're done. No? Any other issues you didn't state? Joint property ownership? Joint bank accounts? Still living together? No laws in VA regarding common law marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 12:28 AM
8

This is the answer. What's in your child's best interest is of paramount importance here. If things are good as they are and your kids aren't complaining and you have no issue with the money you're paying her then it's all good. But if you're in a position like some of us where the Ex treated you like shit and now that you're not there, she substitutes the kids, then that's not good for them. Focus on the Kids' well being. Even if that means you have to take more custody and pay someone other th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 09:38 PM
4

I still have mine 11 years later. I don’t feel like throwing it away because I paid for it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 03:41 AM
3

If she wasn’t legally divorced from her first husband at the time of her marriage to you, then your marriage is null/void. Can an annulment be issued on a marriage that isn’t legally recognized? I don’t think so.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:12 AM
3

May not be a "Divorce" but I'm guessing most of the same situations will still apply. No one here is going to turn you away.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:40 PM
1

What your Ex believes about your parents financial's is irrelevant. A court cannot order your parents to pay your Ex money because she was married to their son and she believes she deserves more. In most states, alimony (or spousal support) is a fixed calculation based on the incomes of the married partners. They don't take into account anything about your family's ability to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:31 PM
1

Usually, at least here in CA, Pension division is based on years of marriage during the time you had the pension. I was married for 19 years. I have a pension with my current job that I got while we were married and had the job for 6 years before we divorced. She basically gets half the value of pension at the time of the divorce. She gets nothing from the end of the marriage forward. The QDRO from CalPERS basically carves out her amount and creates a separate account for her (since I could't af…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:10 PM
10

When I first met my Ex I thought to myself "I'd hit that". Now when I see her I think to myself "I'd hit that", only the meaning has change significantly. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:12 AM
1

Asking for sole/full custody does not show anything of the sort if you are doing what's in the best interest of the child. Having full custody does not mean that you exclude the mother from all contact. It simply means that you have primary custody and are primarily responsible for the child and the decisions regarding their well being. If the mother is disinterested, abusive, mentally unstable, etc...etc, you're saying you would still not seek full custody?? I respect your choice to disagree, b…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 11:24 PM
5

Yes you can ask. You can always ask. That does not mean that you will get what you ask for. In my state, 50/50 has become the norm for younger children unless one parent can prove the other to be unfit (i.e. drug arrests, documented history of abuse, etc). At 4 years old, there is no way for a child to determine what is in their best interests. That becomes the courts job. They will always determine custody based only on the best interests of the child. And just remember that even if the court i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 09:06 PM
2

Sounds like you’ve already given up and that she’ll get custody and be allowed to remove the kids from the state. If you want your kids in your life more than bare minimum, hire an attorney and fight for them. Depending on their ages, taking them away from what they’ve known as home, removing them from the schools they know, their friends, your side of the family ( if they’re currently local to you and see the kids regularly) can all be psychologically damaging to the kids and not in their best …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:26 AM
2

Definitely high in my state. In CA alimony is a calculation that takes 40% of the higher earners pay, subtracts 50% of the lower earners pay, and the higher earner pays the difference. So alimony is basically capped at 40% of the higher earners pay if the supported spouse earns nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 10:03 PM
7

In California that is default and does not require any special addendums. Marriage automatically terminates spousal support, all you have to do is file the motion. Cohabitation in a romantic relationship would have to be proven. Cohabitation is not automatic in CA unless it's in a romantic relationship otherwise divorced people could never have roommates. If you suspect cohabitation with a romantic partner you can probably expect to pay $4-5K for a PI to prove it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 07:45 PM
4

Good parents never could do what she's doing. My Ex seemed to be fine with it because it gave her more "free time". The only time she bitched about it was when CS was reduced. And now my eldest has nothing to do with her at all, and my youngest has the barest minimum of contact with her. And they're both adults now and have chosen for themselves the amount of contact.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 10:16 PM
14

If I'm reading this correctly, your STBXW is going to have minimal time not you. Is that correct? If so, take it and leave it at that. You cannot force someone to be involved in their kids life, but you can be involved more and show them what a true parent looks like. Don't be surprised when those kids become adults that they won't want anything to do with her then either.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:07 PM
1

No problem. Good luck on your new cooking journey.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 07:55 PM
2

Yes this one comes with everything you need. Has 2 seperate lids, 1 for pressure cooking and 1 for air frying. Crockpots are slow cookers that usually run all day long at lower temps. You may decide that you still want a crockpot too in addition to an Insta-Pot. I had a crockpot before I got one. But I rarely use it anymore. If I want to cook something when I get home from work it doesn't matter if it's frozen or not. I've tossed frozen chicken breasts in and the pressure cooker will cook them t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 05:18 PM
2

whether it's just you, or you and kids, I'd still go for the large 8 quart version. It's on Amazon for like $153. The name brand is Insta-Pot. THIS is the one I'm talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:41 PM
5

I'll go one step further than just an air fryer. Get the Insta-Pot with the air fryer lid. Not only works as an air fryer, but as a pressure cooker and slow cooker. There are entire recipe books dedicated to the Insta-Pot. You could literally have no stove in your place and get by with one of these things. It was a life saver for me since I had to feed myself AND 2 kids. I made sure my brother had one when his divorce started. It's awesome
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:12 PM
6

"she betrayed me, my girls, our marriage. Lied to me time and time again and I don't trust her." I think you've answered your own question.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 12:09 AM
35

If the divorce is final, block her email address. If you have full custody and make 100% of all parental decisions, block her phone number too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 12:10 AM
1

I don't know if it was much of a "request" per se, but I informed her multiple times that when the kids and I would be gone camping, that we would be crossing state lines during the trip. If she had a problem with it, she would need to let me know. And I never heard back. The one time she took the kids across state lines, she did not ask or even tell me. I found out from my son when he called with questions about something and told me where they were. I texted the Ex and had as civil of a discus…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 05:35 PM
3

Sounds like a case of “her money is her money and your money is our money”. Why would she use her money when she can use our money? Crossing boundaries is a problem. Time to open up communication and find out what’s going on.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 05:21 AM
7

Wait until it's finalized, assets are split and she can then use her money any way she'd like and doesn't require your permission. 1000x easier than drawing up a contract and hoping she abides by it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 11:36 PM
4

Spousal Support is calculated in CA as 40% of higher earners net pay minus 50% of lower earners net pay. SO based on you having 4K/month and her at 2500/month, you pay around $350/month in SS for 1.5 years. If you get 50/50 custody, which is the norm unless one parent can prove the other to be unfit or there are other circumstances you be looking at around $250 a month in CS according to the calculator I used when I divorced. So you're looking at $600 month total for both. A far cry from the $25…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 05:49 PM
1

In CA spousal support is awarded for a length of time equal to 1/2 the length of the marriage for unions under 10 years. 10 years or more it’s awarded for an indefinite period.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 05:59 AM
2

2500 a month is never going to happen given what you've listed here. Between SS & CS she'll be lucky if she got $1K I'm betting. Pay for a consultation with an attorney. Have them run the figures through the Dissomaster and see what they come up with. The courts will almost always award guideline support based on those programs unless there are exigent circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 02:56 AM
1

Any answer would be predicated on where you are, and whether it’s a 2 party consent state or a single party consent state. If you’re in a 2 party consent state and any of the recordings you have were made without the knowledge and consent of the other party, they are inadmissible in court.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 08:54 PM
1

Texas is a no fault divorce state so it’s unlikely that their request would be granted, unless they were trying to hide marital community property with the affair partner and the STBX is making a claim that the text messages contain proof of that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 10:47 PM
1

Not sure about Australia, but here in the US, you can tell her to pound sand. My Ex tried that on a number of occasions, as she was trying to not only exert control over me but she thought it would end up getting her more custody time and more money. It didn’t work out for her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 09:30 PM
1

Yes I am serious. Are you?? I never gave him the advice to have kids. You pulled that gem out of your ass. He asked “Do you regret your marriage”. I answered honestly AS IT PERTAINS TO ME. He wasn’t asking for advice, just how others viewed their marriage in terms of regret. I get it, you regret your marriage. You believe you can love your kids but regret them being born. As respectfully as I can I vehemently disagree with that sentiment. Whatever happened to you, stop trying to project your bul…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 07:57 AM
34

I can’t regret my marriage because without it I wouldn’t have the kids I have today.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 01:08 AM
3

"Staying together for the sake of the children" is utter nonsense. If you want to do what is right for your child and for you, make the break. They notice the unhappiness. They know when you fight. They know when one or both of you are depressed, or sad, or angry. They may not be able to verbalize it but they know. And eventually they will be able to tell you and you'll be shocked at how long they've known. Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for. With time, maybe some coun…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 10:45 PM
2

You should consider everything. You just have to ensure it makes financial sense to you. Your 1.7 proposal would tip in your favor. I say this because if she were to accept your $100K in equity of the house in exchange for NO spousal support, you would be saving a lot if no other circumstances arise that would terminate spousal support (remarriage, cohabitation, getting a higher paying job than you). I say that because yours is considered a "long term" marriage in CA Family Court. Which means yo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 10:36 PM
5

It honestly sounds like you're going to be headed to court. She doesn't seem to want to even attempt to be reasonable. You need to impute her income. Pay for a job study if you have too. Get evidence that she is not as immobile as she will claim to be. If the court believes she's intentionally not working to her potential, and there is no real justifiable reason for it, they can assign a wage to her that is different from what she actually makes. You Spousal support calculations won't be accurat…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:42 PM
3

Still wouldn't hurt to make the offer. Worst she can say is no. Sometimes that big number up front can be enticing. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:56 PM
5

If you're in CA you've gotten some bad advice. Spousal support is paid for 1/2 the length of the marriage if the marriage is less than 10 years. If the marriage is 10 years or longer, there is no set end date. You could be paying Spousal Support for life unless another life event takes place, like she gets remarried or begins cohabitating in a romantic relationship. ETA: Definitely make the offer but don't be surprised if her or her lawyer rejects it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:48 PM
14

You may have to end up in court. There is no reason why a judge would order it sold if you're willing to buy her out. The only times I've heard of the marital home being forced to be sold were if neither party could buy out the other, or if they both COULD buy out the other and neither of them agreed to being bought out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:29 PM
6

Mine included an equity clause for kids' expenses, that they were to be shared equally. Didn't matter, I still footed the bill on things because they were necessities (like my sons glasses) and she "didn't have the money to get him new glasses right now". Makes you wonder why neither of my kids have a relationship with their mother any more.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:01 PM
2

If most Redditors are unqualified to give legal advice on more straightforward divorce questions, we're REALLY unqualified to give legal advice on International divorce laws. Seek the advice of qualified legal counsel. Anything you find here will just be opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:24 PM
3

https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce-california You have to be a resident in CA to file for divorce her. Her statement that you have to file in the last state you cohabitated in is also incorrect. You can file in Arizona (where you are a current resident) OR she can file in Georgia (where she is a current resident). I believe, and I may be wrong, the only non-residents that can file in California are same-sex couples who married here and now reside in a state that does not allow divorce filing…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:15 PM
5

Absolutely the wrong place to post this. No one will tell you how to win him back because no one believes he should take you back. Ever heard the phrase "Fuck around and find out"? Well you're living it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:45 AM
12

I don't deal with it. Those who truly know me, knew it wasn't true. And those that don't truly know me, I didn't care about what they thought.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 04:29 PM
10

Exactly this. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do you remain on the loan. She could end up fucking you six ways from Sunday and your credit could end up in the toilet with nothing you could do about it. Either she refinances and takes your name off the mortgage or you force the sale of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:22 PM
3

Steven Spielberg, Kevin Costner and Tyrese Gibson would like to chime in on the effectiveness of pre-nups in this day and age.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 06:44 PM
1

"Welcome to Divorce_Men. This is a sub where we can discuss the legal, financial and social issues men face in divorce."
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 06:36 PM
1

In CA any marriage lasting less than 10 years spousal support (if granted) is fixed at 1/2 the length of the marriage. As for &$ amount, that is determined by a formula in the Dissomaster program. They plug in both of your incomes and declared expenses and it spits out a number. But that number is also capped. The max would be 40% of your income (this would be assuming her income is 0). The basic formula here is they take 35-40% of the highest earners income and then subtract 45-50% of the lowes…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:01 AM
5

I assume you are staying in the same location that the children have spent most if not all of their lives in? If that is the case your Ex will lose her custody time. She'll get to keep holiday and summer vacation time if she wants it but you will become the primary custodial parent because that's where the kids live, go to school, have friends and built their lives around. And it's always what is in the best interest of the child(ren). If she decides to abandon her kids and signs away her custod…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 10:34 PM
3

Don't go, and start looking for new friends. Are other members of the group bringing spouses or significant others? Are you being the only one excluded from that ability? If your Ex shows up with a guy are they going to refuse to allow him to participate? Or is all this happening only to you? I don't know what your metrics are for determining that this is a great friends group, but from where I'm sitting they're picking sides.....and it ain't yours.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 06:01 PM
3

CA is 1/2 the length of the marriage for marriages less than 10 years. Marriages over 10 years are considered "long term" and while it may seem like lifetime alimony, it's not. They simply do not put a termination date on it. And the payor can request that alimony be reexamined if there are substantial changes to the payee's circumstances. Neither of the lawyers I went too had ever heard of the courts ordering lifetime alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 04:49 PM
3

Absolutely the right thing to do. Things bought for the kids and for the family during the marriage are not things you get to go back and say "I want half that value back". Total BS. Call her on it. If she wants to play hardball, play hardball. She'll be out more money than she stands to gain.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 07:22 PM
11

Tell her no. If she insists tell her to take you to court and in the end the court will rule in your favor and she'll end up paying your attorney's fees and she'll be out more money than what she was seeking.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:19 PM
3

I would never say never but it’s highly improbable. When it comes to a marital home there are usually 3 scenarios/options. 1. You buy her out, she signs a quit claim removing herself from the title and you both go your separate ways with you keeping the house. 2. She buys you out, you sign a quit claim removing yourself from the title and she has to refinance with her own mortgage and you both go your separate ways with her keeping the house. 3. You sell the house, the mortgage is paid off, you …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:56 PM
8

What is the endgame here? Are you just trying to hurt her by embarrassing her? Are you willing to pay the price when she files a Libel/Defamation case against you? Since CA is a "No Fault" divorce state your recording is useless in Family Court. They won't care or probably even listen to it. California is also a 2 party consent state so unless you had her permission to record the conversation it would be inadmissible anyway. So again, this begs the question...what's your endgame here by doing th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 04:13 PM
17

You need a lawyer ASAP. An interstate custody battle is not going to be pretty. But being that the family home and your kids lives are rooted in WA, you have a better chance. But talk to a lawyer fast. And if you know it's inevitable, file first in WA before she can file here.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 06:46 PM
1

If you have the means to do it (i.e. an attorney and the financial means) and her earning ability is more, impute her income.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 11:17 PM
2

Keep fighting. Most courts are using 50/50 as default these days unless there are exigent circumstances to alter that. You will most likely get the 50/50, and make sure you ask that state guideline support be used for child support. If she wants more, she better have a damn good reason as to why.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:54 PM
6

That depends on what your final divorce decree states. If they awarded her the car, it's her problem. Get your name off it and stop paying for it. If there is no final decree yet, take it back and sell it to pay off the lienholder and get free of that debt.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:23 PM
4

As if after paying spousal and child support I would have the money to hire a nanny. I had 50/50 from the get go and I would never have settled for less. Does that mean it's right for everyone? No. Was it right for me and my kids? Yes. Should you be looked down upon for asking for less than 50/50? No. You need to do what's in the best interest of your kids as well as your situation. And if that's 40/60 then do it. I actually did have one of those ex wives that was toxic to the kids. And neither …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 05:20 PM
2

Income & Expense declarations. You'll both have to fill them out and give copies to the other as part of the process. That is all taken into account when they do the calculations. You, or your attorney, will need to scrutinize her statement and make sure she isn't listing a rent payment as well as the other expenses that she has listed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 11:46 PM
7

Your Ex knew 5 years before the end that she wanted out. That's why the career change to lower her income level. You need to figure out where you want to live first and then decide on the house situation. Ultimately you could sell both houses, split the proceeds and move wherever you want to be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 10:57 PM
14

"As far as you know..." Sounds like that either didn't work out the way she wanted and ended, or it's not working out currently and she's on a fishing expedition before ending it. You have doubts. You have her past history of extramarital affair. You've got a major spidey sense going off about the BPD diagnosis. If you can't see the writing on the wall 2 feet in front of your face then you need glasses. Keep it civil for the sake of the child, but I would not entertain anything more from her...e…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 10:48 PM
1

Depending on income differences you'll be on the hook for child support for 2 years for the 16yo and 3 years for the 15yo. But you'll be on Spousal support until a major change happens to the Ex (gets a job making more than you, gets re-married) because you were married more than 10 years. The only way for her to get you "thrown out" is to file for a restraining order for abuse. Document EVERYTHING. Keep all written communication (i.e. texts, emails, notes) and record every interaction. CA is a …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 10:03 PM
1

If she shows up at your house making a scene, call the police/sheriff and have her trespassed. The house is yours, she has no right to be there. Treat her the same as you would a junkie who showed up at your door screaming nonsense at you. Follow u/AudreyTooTwo's advice. Certified mail with return receipt. YOU set the date/time and consequences. You are not responsuble for paying a storage unit fee for her, nor should you. Set a reasonable timeframe and if she fails to follow through, that is on…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:50 PM
3

In CA, at least in my divorce, the date of separation was where our finances were split. Any debt incurred after that date was made to be our own seperate debt.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:43 PM
0

I have a city pension. Had to submit a QDRO for it during divorce. They awarded her 50% of the value at the time of the marriage. However, that portion was carved out and placed in a separate account for her, BUT she cannot access it until I officially retire. So I'm going to die at my job. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 07:01 PM
1

It's a public pension and protected by Missouri state law. Also OP's statement. So it would appear that where OP is pensions can be protected.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:59 PM
1

She is a teacher and does not have any savings accounts but will get a pension that cannot be divided in divorce based on state laws Answer based on OP's statement.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:57 PM
3

If you're doing this without involving lawyers what's the harm in asking to keep your 401K as an off set to the pension she'll get that is somehow protected?
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:05 PM
8

Divorced 10 years ago. Kids were 8 and 12 at the time, 1 boy & 1 girl. I insisted on 50/50 custody and got it. California Family Courts have moved to 50/50 as the starting point. To alter that, someone has to provide proof/compelling argument as to why it is in the best interest of the child(ren) to not have 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 12:55 AM
6

10years divorced. I’ll let you know if it ever happens again. But I’m not holding my breath. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 07:34 AM
4

Trust me, I was in your situation. Only SHE initiated the divorce.Asked about marriage counseling to see if our 24 year relationship could be saved. She refused. We agreed initially to doing things amicably and without lawyers. Guess who showed up to the first court date with a lawyer paid for by her parents? Guess who couldn't afford one and got bent over a table and fucked with a chainsaw? GET. A. LAWYER.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 05:54 PM
1

Good to hear. Stay strong, focus on yourself and your kids, and keep moving forward. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 05:32 PM
3

If she's making good money you got to stop with the "I don't want anything from you" attitude. She needs to pay her fair share of ALL the kids' expenses. She helped bring them into the world, she gets to help with everything. At the very least her calculated fair share should be deducted from any amounts the court might award in spousal support. Don't just let her off the hook to go live her "best life" while she saddles you with all the debt and finishing raising your kids alone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:57 PM
3

Consultations are the only way to see if they’re on the same page. I did multiple consultations before I chose one for a custody dispute. Wanted to find one that really listened to what I had to say, suggest viable options, and would fight for me if it came down to that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:35 AM
10

I think the best thing you can do is put him in touch with a good lawyer and be there for him with whatever emotional support you can.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 02:15 AM
3

If you know the Family Law case number assigned to your divorce petition you can also usually look them up online. A lot of Superior Court systems have an online access portal. Punch in the case # and it will tell where in the process it is.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:20 AM
2

since you said the whole co-habitation things is "a whole different beast" I'll just say this once and do with it what you will. You need to get TF out of there and stop living with her. This crap is going to take its toll on your mental health. Being comforted by your child is not a problem as you've described it. If you had said to your daughter "Your mother is being a bitch and yelling at me for no reason and I need a hug" that would be a problem. That would be you putting your child in the m…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 06:29 PM
6

I've been at peace for 11 years now. I will NEVER get married again. I can be social without a wife. I can even find romance without having to marry.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 04:43 PM
3

Ok. Your post said loan so I was confused
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 05:02 AM
3

If you succeeded in removing her from the loan I’m unclear why your trying to refi at new rates?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 04:27 AM
1

no your finances are separate at that point. Legal separation works just like divorce, without the final divorce decree. Yes, but barring financial issues, why would you want too? Nope not really. The only issue that arises is that you can't remarry without completing the divorce process. Are any court orders granted in one state NOT recognized in another? Countries may be a different story but not other states.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:30 PM
12

Unless you have kids together to co-parent, block her number and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 06:11 AM
11

VERY bad idea especially if you're involving alcohol. The relationship ended for a reason, whether you initiated or she initiated. Unless you have kids together that you are co-parenting there really is no reason for you to get together and talk. Trying to remain friends after the split? highly unlikely to happen. Best to move on and keep looking forward. As soon as you start looking backward you're going to crash.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 10:22 PM
1

I don't know where you are but in California there are most certainly laws against hiding assets during a divorce proceeding. At the very least in all states, knowingly failing to disclose assets would be considered perjury. And any attorney that insisted you do so, would be disbarred for violations of the ethics code as well as state laws. ​ You're comparing one attorney who would be talking about or recommending that you violate laws vs one who would be presenting you options that may affect t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 08:32 PM
1

Are you actually under the impression that licensed attorneys are clueless about financial matters and asset protection? You do realize that hiding assets during the divorce is not only unethical but also illegal? Your complaining about attorneys not doing something that would get them disbarred?? Most of us agree that Family Court is and has been slanted in favor of the woman for a long time and that things need to change. And I'm sure most of us have no issue with trying to balance the scale b…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 07:36 PM
7

IANAL To begin with all of your communication should be written so that you have a paper trail to refer back to. If that's not possible and a verbal interaction is going to happen then my suggestion (legal or not I don't know) is to follow suit with what you hear on robocalls sometimes. If she engages you in a verbal conversation pull out your phone and tell her directly that you are going to record the conversation and that if she disagrees with it, she should cease talking immediately, and if …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 10:28 PM
1

Complete BS. She’s entitled to half and not a penny more. You keeping the house means you’re keeping the debt too. Amazing how she ignores that part.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 07:14 AM
1

Attempting to refi might cause your interest rate to go up depending on what interest rate you have now and what interest rate they offer currently. If you could do a HELOC or a second mortgage or something merging just to get enough to buy her out, you’d probably be better off in the long run unless they offer you a lower interest rate when you refi.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 02:36 AM
5

If you stand your ground, and she stands HER ground it goes to court and a judge decides. Want to take a wild guess as to how a judge in Family Court is going to rule knowing how slanted Family Court is and always has been towards women??
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 10:52 PM
2

Correct. If you have a house valued at $500K, and still owe $250K on the mortgage. That means you have $250k in equity. So you'd have to pay her $125K to buy her out of the house (which is 1/2 of the equity value).
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 07:09 PM
12

Depends on where you’re at. Here in CA spousal support is determined by a program. They plug in both your incomes and it spits out a number. And that’s usually what the judge goes by. If you believe she could be earning more you can impute her income and pay for a job study to be done (you’ll have to pay for it since you’re requesting it). $1500 seems a bit high IMO especially for a 3 year marriage. I was married 19 years, made $70-75k a year and she was unemployed and on disability when we spli…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 04:09 AM
6

Married 19 years, together for 24. I personally do not acknowledge her birthday but I encouraged my kids too. I would give them money for a small gift/card to be given to her from them. My name was not put on it, nor did I say anything to her myself. I don't view it as anything petty. She doesn't wish me happy birthday either. It's just the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 01:29 AM
1

If you go after this now I can tell you already where it will lead. You said your decree states that neither of you can cohabitate for 6 months after the divorce is final. Is your divorce final? No, then she hasn't violated the decree because she's cohabitating BEFORE the divorce is final. And when it comes time to finalize everything, she'll ask for that part to be removed because she's now "been in a new, committed relationship for X months".
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 05:18 PM
1

When it happens again call the local PD Non-emergency Dispatch and request a welfare check. Tell them everything you know about the situation and her past mental issues. Stress to them that you think she needs a 5150 evaluation. If you think she could possibly harm herself then forget about non-emergency dispatch and go directly to 911.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:40 PM
3

Alimony in my state falls under 2 catergories. Long term and short term marriages. Long Term marriages are anything 10years and over. Alimony, IF awarded, is not necessarily lifetime, but they do not put a termination date on it. You have to apply to have it stopped and it has to be based on a change of circumstances (she got remarried, started making more money than you, etc) For marriages that are less than 10 years, the duration of alimony is capped at 1/2 the length of the marriage (in your …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:18 PM
2

I'm not so arrogant to think that I did not have any part of our divorce. But I do not think it was beyond saving after 24 years together. She, on the other hand, decided that it was not worth saving, and refused marriage counseling. Just said "nope, we're done". The fact that 10 years post divorce and she has no relationship with our children, or her sister, or her parents....tells me everything I need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 06:47 PM
0

Complete and utter bullshit. And by the lack of response from OP defending this hot, staming pile of shit, they know it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 04:01 PM
1

California
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 10:39 PM
1

In CA, if she asks for garnishment, she'll get it guaranteed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 10:39 PM
1

I had that put in mine. There were 2 very specific clauses added. The first was that neither parent was allowed to remove the children from our home county for the purposes of changing their permanent address (her parents lived 1.5hrs away in the city we grew up in, and I was sure she was going to move back and take my kids). The second was that they could not be taken across any state lines without permission from the other parent. But that was all added to the initial decree.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 08:15 PM
2

In some states, payments are made through wage garnishments that you cannot get stopped without a contravening court order.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 07:46 PM
1

This is the norm. Feb 2020 my Ex sent my son to live with me FT. Circumstances over the next few weeks dictated that I was going to court for full custody. She continued to collect child support. Couldn't get a court date until October 2020. She collected 8 months of child support while son was with me full time and spent 0 time with her. Judge refused to order her to pay back the child support she collected. Me = Dumbfounded.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 07:45 PM
1

Same house...now. When it was 50/50 I lived a couple miles from their mother.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 12:19 AM
2

If the house is yours and not marital property, then you'll probably get it in the end. But depending on where you are, since she has established tenancy you still can't just give her the boot. You might get caught up for unlawful eviction. Your best bet right now is to talk to a LAWYER ASAP. Make sure you let them know that she is the one who abandoned the marital home and the family. You want her out since it's inherited property and exclusively yours. And you want primary custody until she ca…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 11:42 PM
2

Somewhere in one of the responses you stated you are "getting a divorce", implying that things are not done yet. Is the home marital property? Is there a court order in place regarding who gets the house or usage of the marital home? If there are no orders in place, do NOT just change the locks and kick her out. That advice could get you in a LOT of trouble. if she doesn't want to take the kids with her for her parenting time, can you leave the house during that time? Lock up all your important …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 05:07 PM
1

External hard drive. Copy to drive and then delete. Gave the hard drive to the kids so they had the pictures if they ever wanted them. I kept copies of all pics that didn't include her. Kids gave me the hard drive back after she burned her bridges with them too. Now it sits on the shelf in my closet until I have a need for 2GB of storage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 07:03 PM
1

External hard drive. Copy to drive and then delete. Gave the hard drive to the kids so they had the pictures if they ever wanted them. I kept copies of all pics that didn't include her. Kids gave me the hard drive back after she burned her bridges with them too. Now it sits on the shelf in my closet until I have a need for 2GB of storage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 07:03 PM
1

Realistically, this should have been addressed during the initial custody hearings. You should have included a provision that the children couldn't be taken out of the current county you reside in. I still think you have a better than average chance of winning that fight if where you live now, is where the kids have lived all their lives, you have family support there, all their friends are there, etc... Talk to a lawyer like yesterday, preferably one that has a lot of experience with child cust…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 03:32 PM
11

If you have kids? Yes, have the kids send her one because she's their mother, not yours. No kids? No. She's not your mother.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 09:08 PM
-1

Because child support is based on Income. The only way a man wouldn't pay is if mother's custody was 0. For example, I was paying about $500 a month for just my son when our custody was 50/50. When I took her back to court for reasons I won't say I got primary custody. Son was with me FT and his mother's custody was 2 weekends a month AND he didn't have to go if he chose not too. And she was ordered to pay me $250 a month, where I was paying double that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 10:37 PM
3

Child support is determined not only by amount of custody by each parent, but also the incomes. In most cases, men pay child support even with 50/50 custody. And in cases where the man gets sole/primary custody, the woman will pay much less than he would pay her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 08:19 PM
2

YOU don't do anything for her. But you definitely help your child do something for her. And IMO, you do it even if she doesn't help your child do it for you on Father's Day. Because it's about helping your child recognize their parent. And your child will remember you doing those kinds of things for them. They'll also recognize the lack of help from the other side it it goes that way.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 06:00 PM
2

Get as far away from her as possible and take your son with you. Make sure you fight for sole custody. Even if it's unlikely in your jurisdiction, ask your lawyer to file for it anyway. Your little boy deserves at least that consideration from the only loving, stable parent in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 06:33 PM
2

Sounds like he doesn't really like other guys much either.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 04:43 PM
2

" I just don’t want my children to think I left them for a woman…" But you are. No amount of back peddling will change that. There is always something you can do, even in the military, to change your circumstances. From what I have read, your kids are not your priority. Don't be surprised when they realize it too, because they will. My kids were 8 & 12 when my Ex and I seperated. I was the primary caregiver for them and continued to be after the split. I rearranged my schedule, had a very unders…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 03:23 PM
15

We've been divorced for 10 years. She's had 2 relationships in that time. I've had zero. Haven't even been on a date. But her second relationship ended up in marriage and got me out of paying spousal support for life. So fuck yeah I'm happy about it. 😎
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 04:54 PM
2

Utah doesn't have Common Law Marriage laws but a petition can be filed with the court by either one OR both parties to the relationship. And a court could make a ruling that it qualifies as a common law marriage (even if one party disputes it). According to what I read, they have up to a year post separation to file and it can even be filed along with a divorce petition if the couple are separating. So I'd keep Utah on the list personally.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 11:11 PM
18

Don't Co-hab in a state that recognizes "Common Law Marriage". You can be screwed even without the certificate. States that still have common law marriages are Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah and the District of Columbia.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 07:50 PM
11

You needed something in the custody agreement when that was created. If you didn't get that in there at that time, it's unlikely you'll get it now. I had a county restriction placed in my custody agreement because I was sure my Ex would move 98mi away back to our hometown to live with her parents. Our custody agreement was laid out that neither one of us could move the kids out of our current county for the purposes of permanently changing their address without permission from the other parent. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 05:41 PM
1

I’d be happy to buy your house for $100. And I’ll rent it to you for $1 a month. When your divorce is finalized, I’ll sell it back to you for $150 ( market appreciation you know). Just make sure you send your STBX her $50 asap. 😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:51 AM
1

In fact, I'd say the reason she's probably not asking for CS is in the hopes that you'll agree to giving her full custody thinking you got off easy...and then the court will smack you upside your head and order CS any way and it would be based on her having full custody. Don't agree to her having full custody. If she wants that she's going to have to prove to the court that you're unfit as a parent or that there are other extenuating circumstances that should get her full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 10:04 PM
1

Not sure about where you are, but in CA DMV vehicle registrations and driving records are public records. They can be requested online or at any DMV office with a fee paid.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 09:34 PM
2

Correct. A motion to change venue is what gives the original court the ability to relinquish jurisdiction to a new court in the event that both parties no longer reside where the original court presides. However if one party still lives in the original courts jurisdiction, and doesn't want to change venues it will usually be denied.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 10:01 PM
2

Exactly this in most cases. It means the court that you started the divorce proceedings in retains jurisdiction of the case even if you both move to other states. If you want a new court to hear a new motion on a completed divorce proceeding, the original court has to relinquish jurisdiction to the new court.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 09:16 PM
17

Don't count on it. I was paying CS for my son who was 50/50 with the Ex. In Feb of 2020, she kicked him out claiming she was scared of him and his anger issues. Things settled down after a month and he went to go see her again in March (supposedly for her week). She kicked him out again. He came to live with me full time for 8 months before I finally got a court date to get full custody. They terminated her CS but would not give me back the 8 months of payments that were automatically garnished …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 10:14 PM
2

#2 from your previous post is still the only point that matters. You said that you are BOTH unhappy in the marriage. It's time to move on. There is no way you should be considering having/adopting kids, buying a house or anything else in that realm if you are not both on the same page. You would just be setting yourself up for heartache and massive financial ruin in the long run. If you do not love her, and she does not love you, do you honestly believe that you or her could "grow to love" the o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 09:41 PM
1

Yes. If the car titles were in your name only how did she sell it? It would have required the owners signature on the Certificate of Title (Pink slip). Same thing with the house. If your name is on the mortgage and deed, how did she sell it without your signature? Did you give her full power of attorney over your affairs while incarcerated? If so, you are back to square one with no case.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 09:34 PM
2

What she sold and ownership would determine whether or not you could sue her. If a car title says X or Y, she can sell it without you. If only her name is on the house she can sell it without you. Any way you look at it though it becomes a matter for the civil court to flush out. And if you claim that certain property was separate and not subject to marital property rules, it's on you to prove that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 09:23 PM
2

Dear OP, This is not the right forum for you. As stated in the sub’s description this is a “sub where we can discuss the legal, financial and social issues MEN face in divorce”. This sub was created for men to discuss these things because the r/Divorce sub is primarily women, where any posts made by men are usually met with vitriol and bashing. We had no voice there, and thus this sub was created to give men a voice and a place to be heard where we could seek advice from other men who have gone …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 05:41 AM
1

Ok I'm confused. Was the child the biological child of your most recent Ex that this post in about? Because the way its written, it sounds like the child isn't one of your biological child and you just said it WAS your bio kid. So was the daughter not HER bio kid? And if so, how TF did she get primary custody and $1200/month support for a kid that wasn't even hers?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 12:11 AM
5

$1200 a month for one child? That wasn't even your biological child? I'll be over here in the corner not complaining about the BS I thought I went through.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 11:47 PM
3

My QDRO was done through CalPERS. I had to redo it 3x before they would sign off on it. They carved out a part of my retirement and created a separate account for the Ex that is linked to mine. I still work the same job and my retirement grows but hers was fixed as of the date of separation. The kicker is, she can’t get the money until I file for retirement, or die. So o guess I’ll de dying on that job.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 11:50 PM
11

You do know that women can gaslight men just as much as men can do it to women right? There is no such thing as "playful banter" when they start discussing divorce with their girlfriends/guys they're probably sleeping with already. She's gaslighting you, to what exact end I'm not sure. Your marriage hasn't lasted long enough to do much financial damage to you. But the longer you let it drag on, the more damage it WILL do. Time to cut her loose IMHO. Let the other guy "fill her love tank" until s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 02:58 AM
13

I'm 50 years old. I've seen some really stupid shit in my time on this earth. But this seriously has to take the cake. The crown is yours whether you ACTUALLY do this or not, because you even gave it the remotest possible thought of doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 07:53 PM
3

Started with 50/50. Daughter aged out of custody agreement when she turned 18 and came to live full time with me. Took primary custody of son when he was 16 and his mother kicked him out twice within 3 months. He just turned 18 last May and has been with me full time for the last 2.5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 04:58 PM
21

They cannot leave you destitute. What her lawyer draws up is of no consequence. In a lot of states there are formulas for child/spousal support that take into account wages of both parties, custody time, etc. And in some states there are caps on how much of your income can be taken for support payments. Step 1. Talk to YOUR lawyer. If you don't have one...GET ONE. Step 2. Refer to Step 1 and don't do anything else until Step 1 is complete.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 10:35 PM
2

Exactly this, at least in CA where I am. The separation date can be used if agreed upon, but definitely the filing date is a lock.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 08:03 PM
3

2-2-3 works well in most situations, however with so much movement, so often, you need to have buy in from the kids as well. Remember, you're trying to do what's in their best interest at the end of the day. Some kids might prefer week by week rotation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 06:52 PM
2

If wage garnishment is the only topic for the upcoming court appearance yes. I’d just contact the lawyer and drop the matter because you’ll lose that argument anyway. I work for a city and they charged me a $1.50 every paycheck for the honor of allowing them to garnish my paycheck. I wasn’t mad at the wage assignment because I was going to have to pay that anyway, but it irritated me to no end that my employer was charging me a fee to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 10:11 PM
2

Wage garnishment is the norm in California. The only way it isn’t done is if your Ex agrees to let you pay her personally. ETA: depending on your employer, you may also get to pay a fee for “allowing” them to garnish your wages that is on top of the actual support amount taken out.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 09:25 PM
1

Talk to a lawyer (and not the personal injury one). I doubt she can get even part of a personal injury claim you make against the hotel. But she could be entitled to monetary compensation if part of your lawsuit is for "loss of consortium" and she is named as a plaintiff in the suit.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 09:31 PM
5

In addition to the above, talk to the attorney about excluding your Overtime from support calculations. I had my support amounts based solely on 40hr work weeks and the court didn't take into account the OT I worked (even though I worked it for years) because it was not guaranteed. My OT could be ended with an email telling us no more OT and I'd have been screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/22 06:54 PM
1

For rent? No. I pay rent and there is no documentation that goes with my taxes each year “proving” that I pay rent. The only tax documentation is for the owner who lists it as income on their taxes. And in a case like this, that would be the Ex-MIL who is not a party to the case and is under no obligation to provide documentation for anything. At most she might supply an affidavit stating that her daughter pays her rent in the amount of $X per month but since she’s not a party to the proceedings…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 08:21 PM
2

Child support/Spousal support is based on Income AND expenses. While her income may not change, her expenses certainly will if she no longer has to pay rent/mortgage. So you could request a reduction based on that change. However, don't be surprised if your Ex-MIL starts "charging her rent" to ensure that the amounts do not change. And good luck proving that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 10:10 PM
13

A lot of this will depend on where you are. My son was 16 when he had problems with his mother. She threw him out twice and he came to live with me both times full time. But Because he was a minor and a court order was still in effect, I couldn't do anything to stop her from coming over to pick him up on "her days". The only thing that prevented him going was the he was 6' tall and weighed 200lbs. So she couldn't just pick him up and put him in her car any more. I was afraid she would involve la…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 08:42 PM
2

Echoing what others stated or asked. If you believe that an official divorce will turn into war when the lawyers get involved, then don’t get lawyers involved. You say that you guys are amicable so why not sit down and try to hash things out just the two of you? If you can get things done on your own you’d only need a lawyer to draw up the paperwork and submit it to the family court to be signed off. It’s not really surprising that your current GF wants you to be done with this. There is a certa…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 07:17 PM
2

Not sure what its like where you are, but filing a PPO/TRO here in CA would probably require more evidence than what you have. It may end up just being money out of your pocket to have the request denied. BUT since he is 14 he should have some say in the custody decision. I originally had 50/50 custody with my Ex. When my son was 15 she kicked him out saying he was becoming too aggressive (which if you knew my son you'd laugh your ass off) and she sent him to me to live full time. They reconcile…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 09:37 PM
2

The Court does not usually do any kind of "annual review". The only way that support amounts would change, would be if either party filed for a change.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:09 PM
3

Here child support is based on parents income and percentage of custody. With 50/50 custody I was paying her for both my kids because my income dwarfed hers. 1 child turned 18 and that support stopped. But I took her back to court with 3 years left on my youngest. When I got custody (90% to her 10%) she was ordered to pay me, even though there was no change in our income disparity. She was ordered to pay me about half of what I was paying her even though I had 50/50 originally.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 07:28 AM
3

You live in an extra fucked up place if you have full physical custody and are still paying child support. And I thought liberal California was bad. Damn.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 06:36 AM
7

Still paying Child Support? Or still paying Spousal Support? Real confused how you would pay child support if you have near 100% physical custody.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 12:55 AM
24

You know how she let you f*#k her all those years? She's about to turn the tables and try to bend you over it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 02:06 AM
13

Posthumously - I do not think that means what you think it means - Inigo Montoyo Let Karma take care of her. Move on and forget about her and all her BS. Anything else and you're just potentially setting yourself up for a lifetime of her BS while she tries to get you back.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 08:32 PM
7

This is the way to handle it. If you block a user they will not see anything you post, nor will you see anything they post. Then there will be no replies to any posts.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 12:26 AM
2

Does the court KNOW she is co-habitating with an RSO? Does his registration say anything about being around/not being around children? Personally I'd be taking a hard look at the new boyfriend and then weighing my options about filing for sole physical custody if he's got multiple child related sex offense cases.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/22 10:30 PM
2

It all really boils down to whether or not you can refinance the house and buy her out. At least it does where I live. If one party can afford to buy out the other, the Family Court will usually go that route. The only time they force the sale of the home is either when neither party can buy out the other, or when both sides can buy out the other and neither is willing to let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 08:43 PM
1

Time to cut the cord. She wanted out, you let her out. And you were more than generous no fighting anything. Time for her to sink or swim on her own. Any grown ass adult should be able to figure this stuff out on their own. You have no children together so you have no reason to continue to entertain her bullshit. Block her number and move on with your life in peace.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 09:38 PM
3

Get a lawyer. Accept her offer of taking full custody. Get court ordered Child support for your kid (even if you don't think you need it, put it in the bank and give to them later). Stop worrying about her and focus on your kid. This kind of behavior from a "grown adult" is not very promising. If she's willing to give you full legal and physical custody, take it. And for your sake, DO NOT STAY ON THE MORTGAGE. You WILL get screwed in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 08:06 PM
9

Yup. Get an attorney. File for physical and legal custody of the kids. And based on the threat of leaving the country, request that ANY visitation she may get be SUPERVISED only.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 09:53 PM
3

Amazon box, papers inside. Friend (she doesn't know) carries the box to the door with a clipboard and signature page. When they identify themselves to "receive the package", hand it to them and tell them they've been served. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 12:24 AM
12

Karma's a bitch....and so are some Ex's. 😉
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 05:51 PM
2

In CA, those papers can be served by ANYONE 18 years of age or over and not a party to the case. She'll see a Sheriff Deputy or Process Server coming from a mile away probably. Get someone you know, preferably that she hasn't met, and who is willing to help out to slap on a "uniform" and deliver a bouquet of flowers or a package that requires a signature. Hell make a big giant fake check with the words "Publishers Clearing House" on it and some ridiculous amount of money on it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 03:13 AM
10

Know anyone that works at Amazon? 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 11:15 PM
1

He can still impute HER income. If she has a college degree, worked in a certain field before, she can have income imputed by the court as an off set. He also says that neither of them currently has a job, but doesn't say that she never had a job. So if she wants to bring up his past job and impute income, he can do the same and off set the costs. As far as time goes, in CA alimony is paid for 1/2 the length of the marriage for any marriage under 10 years. Anything 10years and over is NOT lifeti…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 11:05 PM
2

CA is a "no-fault" divorce state anyway. There is no option through Family Court for an "An-fault" divorce. This online thing sounds a lot more like a form preparation/filing service. Usually used by people who agree on all subjects. If she mentions Alimony and you say "no way" (yes you can say no to a request) then her only option would be hire an attorney and file for divorce through the courts or file it on her own "In Pro Per" and see if the courts will award spousal support. And spousal sup…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 08:44 PM
8

Since she can’t collect her portion of my retirement until I actually retire? No. I’m going to die on the job. She can literally have it over my cold, dead body.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 04:08 AM
4

I had 50/50 to start both legal and physical. It's more like 95/5 the last 2 years in my favor. At least it was until my son turned 18 last Friday. There is no reason why a father shouldn't get 50/50 custody absent any real evidence of abuse/neglect (not just mom saying so).
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 10:58 PM
3

Stand firm and always remember you're doing what is in the best interests of your kid, no matter what she may say to the contrary. He's built a life in the place you are now. He deserves to maintain that life with as little disruption as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 08:15 PM
2

I have to agree with the consensus. Don't do it. Not even with an age stipulation. If she wants to make a personal choice to move 5hrs away to be with her new guy, let her go and keep your son with you full time. There's nothing stopping her from giving up custody and moving. There is no reason to completely uproot your sons life along with hers. There are usually boundary restrictions put in place for a reason. To give both parents equal access to the children, so that one parent can't move awa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 04:23 PM
3

Assuming that if Mother's Day is spelled out, then Father's Day is too. When Father's Day falls on her time, you follow the agreement and you get the child during her time and if she asks for "makeup days" you can tell her she set the precedent of no makeup days being required.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 07:20 PM
2

Wife petitioned the court (as part of her divorce filing) to restore her maiden name. It was granted. 10 years later, she still hasn't changed it on anything. She's "supposedly" getting re-married in Sept. Hopefully she'll switch to his. Either way, I don't care any more.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 07:11 PM
3

Month to Month lease is not unfortunate. It's very fortunate in most cases. What is the notification period to end a month to month lease in your original agreement? Usually it's 30 days but sometimes it can be longer. Send notice to the landlord letting them know you are ending your month to month lease on date X. If your Ex wants to stay, she either becomes solely responsible or the Landlord will contact her to sign a new lease with just her on it. Basically you're just following the terms of …
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 09:38 PM
13

My Ex wife sad “I want a divorce”.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 12:34 AM
6

CA is a no fault divorce state. The reasons for the divorce don’t matter. CA is also a 2 party consent state when it comes to recording conversations. So your proof would be inadmissible in court unless you could also prove she knew she was being recorded at the time of the conversation and comsented to it being recorded.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:31 PM
10

He's a hypocritical ass. He's not alone, there are lots of men and women out there just like him. I, on the other hand, view cheating as the one thing a marriage cannot survive. Drugs, alcohol, gambling problem etc... I could potentially see a way back from. Infidelity? Nope. Never. It's done and over, never to be revisited again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 07:10 PM
2

Have her park outside. Use the slide lock that are found on most doors for when you go on vacation. Once you slide it closed, slap a padlock on it so it can't be opened again until the padlock is removed. Then don't give her a key. If she's "allowed" to use the garage, she can still use it by accessing it through the door from the house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 10:59 PM
2

I hear you brother. Mine did much the same. Just out of the blue “I want a divorce”. Refused the idea of counseling and everything. II started dating her in HS. We were together for 24 years and had 2 kids. And she just decided on her own she was done. I still don’t know why and probably never will. She was my first love and is the mother of my children so I will always care for her in some way despite the fact she tore our lives apart. But I will not be the one who takes care of her. She made h…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 04:31 AM
4

Caring for someone you shared a life with and a child with is normal. Caring about them may stay with you forever. But you have to see a difference between caring for her and taking care of her. She made her choice now she has to live with the consequences. Focus on yourself and your child because those should be the two most important things in your life right now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 04:20 AM
1

Op hasn’t said if there are any orders in place by the Family Court yet. Just said they aren’t divorced yet. If there are orders in place he could go through the courts. If there are no orders he can file a paper return and claim the child. Then it’s in the IRS’s hands to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 05:47 PM
1

It’s not misinformation. I didn’t say it wasn’t tax fraud by the letter of the law. I said the IRS won’t view it as tax fraud and will not attempt to prosecute it as such. I did not advise him to let it go. I gave him the option of what could be done in his case and advised him to consider what the costs may be. Stop reading into things that aren’t there. This will not continue to happen for him as soon as orders are issued by the Family court because they will spell out what is to de done. Futu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 05:40 PM
1

Unlikely a battle you're going to win, especially if you have two children. When the court issues orders what is most likely to happen is that you will each be allowed to claim one child for tax purposes, and if the kids are different ages then when the eldest can no longer be claimed the remaining minor child will alternate until they can no longer be claimed. As far as now, you could file a return claiming both kids (it would have to be a paper return) and that will essentially notify the IRS …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 04:38 PM
5

Yes you can get child support orders even from someone who is unemployed. At least you can in CA. The courts will impute her income based on what she could potentially earn given her skill sets, degrees, previous employment, etc. Doesn’t mean you’ll actually see any money until she actually gets a job so that you have somewhere to send the garnishment order.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 06:52 AM
7

Get a lawyer ASAP. File for a court ordered custody agreement ASAP. Accept no less than 50/50 but consider going for more if your lawyer advises you too considering the evidence you say you have. Your Ex seems to be unfit to parent a child. You're worried about all the horror stories of men losing custody....... but how is that different than what is happening to you right now?? Get this in front of a judge post haste.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 02:59 AM
2

Since it is apparent you are in CA. If you can trace the down payment back to the inheritance money, you are entitled to a refund of the principle amount (no interest). Any remaining equity would then be split 50/50. But the burden of proof is on you to document where the down payment money came from. This is laid out in CA Family Code 2640. BTW IANAL, Just have gone through it in CA
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 07:01 PM
1

Not sure where you’re at but in CA Spousal support is always on the table regardless of length of marriage. The 10 year rule here is what determines for how long. Marriages less than 10, they get support for 1/2 the length of the marriage. For marriage 10 years or more, support has an undetermined end date.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 01:54 AM
6

Link to original AITA post if you want to read for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 09:46 PM
3

I’m 50 with 2 kids, 17 & 21. No fucking way in hell am I going back to diaper changing and being spit up on. Time for dad to have some breathing space while the kids take care of themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 03:45 AM
1

Unless you have an existing custody order then yes it’s legal. Will it affect things when you go to court? Probably but not guaranteed. It’s called parental alienation and it is very frowned up unless the parent can provide adequate justification for doing so (I.e. physical/sexual/emotional abuse claims). If you’ve been separated over a year and have no plans to reconcile, you need to get with a lawyer, file for divorce and seek a child custody order ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:58 AM
3

You'd be screwed if you were in California. I should have move to MI before getting divorced. DAMN!
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 08:45 PM
3

A lot of those appearances can be handled by an attorney without having the client actually having to appear. But your attorney still has a lot to answer for if they're not providing any kind of updates or responding to you. Like I said a face to face interaction would definitely be better than continuous emails. Just make sure you call a receptionist and make an appointment so they don't turn you away because you didn't have one. That is, of course, if a little road trip can be arranged.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 03:29 AM
3

Virtually every Superior court in CA has a website for family court where you can check the case status within the court system. All you usually need is the Family Court docket #. That would at least tell you where the divorce is at in the process as far as the court is concerned. A face to face meeting would be more effective that's for sure. Continuous emails don't work, they read them, can then ignore you and add the time they spent reading it to the billable hours against the retainer you ga…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 01:15 AM
1

I'll Preface this with I am not military past or present so take it as you will. If this is something that the Army will prosecute for, then use this as leverage to your advantage. Talk to a lawyer, determine what divorce terms are favorable to you in regards to alimony/spousal support (none), the house (if there is one), or anything else that is marital property. Then tell her that those are the terms she needs to agree too or else you pursue every legal remedy at your disposal. The desire to s…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 08:07 PM
5

Not really sure why you would offer up the generous offer you made, but it's your life to do as you please. But if she's not going to try to work with you in good faith, then take it before the judge. You'll still get 50/50 custody, but you'll also, more than likely, get child support and spousal support (which you should certainly take). You'll also get 50% of all marital assets which are due to you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 02:47 AM
2

As long as things are amicable then you could conceivably complete the process through mediation alone. Only you can decide for yourself whether or not the union is over. If you honestly believe that the marriage is beyond repair and it's "just a countdown" as you put it, then there is no reason to wait for the countdown. The longer you wait, the more contentious things are likely to get. As far as the house is concerned, it's a marital asset. There are really only 3 options. You buy her out, sh…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 02:34 AM
4

You don't provide enough info for anyone to really give you any advice other than "talk to a lawyer". You don't say if there are kids, martial property like a house, what state you're in (laws vary state to state). Is it amicable? Contentious? This Sub can be a wealth of info, but you have to ask the questions instead of hoping for mind reading.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 02:07 AM
2

CA does not grant "Lifetime alimony". Marriages 10 years or more they simply do not include a fixed ending date. There are a number of life events/changes in circumstances which would allow poor saps like me to file a request with the Family Court to have Spousal support terminated.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 08:51 PM
7

Step 2: Ask the lawyer about filing for a DVRO against your wife, provide copies of the Police Reports or report numbers and have HER vacate the residence. The restraining order should name you and your kids as protected persons, which by default gives you temporary sole custody. Then talk to your lawyer about how to make it permanent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 08:44 PM
1

This is the third time this same post has been made. Is there a reason for that? Just curious.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:18 AM
1

You need to sit down with your spouse and have a serious talk. You both need to decide if you want to save your marriage or just make a clean break and move on. There is no in between that is not filled with unhappiness, stress, and severe animosity. Time to for you both to put on your adult pants and have a grown up conversation. If you can't do that, the marriage is over and you just need to bite the bullet and file already. From the sound of the post, you both know it's over and neither of yo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 07:08 PM
6

This is an unenforceable stipulation as far as the court is concerned. You have nothing to gain if you try to bring this before the court.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 03:51 AM
10

Someone missed the part about "the cat". He's picking the 4 legged pu$$y over the two legged one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 11:59 PM
12

Time for your lawyer to start upping the ante. Got to get the court involved if she's stalling. Talk to your lawyer about setting a final court date, or possibly getting a default judgement. See what he/she can do to get the process moving forward again. Can even ask the court to sanction her for delaying proceedings for no good reason.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 03:14 AM
20

Personally I would have filed the second she moved out and in with a new guy and abandoned the family. You need to get a lawyer and get you and your kids out of this situation ASAP. And you're right, that's not how this works.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 02:43 AM
2

Did she just pull a number out of her ass or did she have a lawyer run the numbers? Cuz it sounds like she’s just pulling it out of her ass. I can’t speak to FL divorce laws but here in CA it’s all about the Income & Expense declaration. If you make substantially more than her, you will pay spousal support and the standard is one half the length of the marriage. Things change when the marriage is considered “long term”, which in CA is 10 years +. Talk to your lawyer and ask them to run the numbe…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 12:35 AM
13

To be honest, they don’t ALWAYS come back. Mine never did and I’m thankful for that. For her to come back she’d have to admit she was wrong, and she’d rather die than do that. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 03:52 AM
6

In her eyes it won’t matter if it’s 20 minutes from now or 20 years from now. You’ll be the bad guy no matter what. With the emotions you’ve expressed here, it sounds like there is no saving this marriage. Get a lawyer, file now, if you have joint bank accounts get a solo one and redirect any direct deposits to the new account, and remember that abstinence is your friend in this scenario. Do NOTtake any chances of bringing a kid into a dead marriage thinking it will save things. Have the lawyer …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 03:40 AM
3

Together 24 years, married for 19. I look at my kids. They were NOT a waste. Anything else that was wrong, no matter how much of my life I spent involved my kids make it worthwhile.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 11:18 PM
3

There really are no tax implications because you’ve been together for more than 6 months of the year you could conceivably file as “Married filing jointly”. Or if you choose you can each file as “married filing separately “. If you own the home, do not move out. Most divorce attorneys will tell you not to move out. There is so much that she could do while you’re gone and you’d never know about it until it’s too late. But you would also have to be prepared that she might make accusations against …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 05:23 AM
2

If you are certain that divorce is inevitable then close the joint accounts and open up separate accounts. Don’t even give them the chance to hang a large debt around your neck. And if your divorce is assured, there is no reason not to file immediately. Get the case started and any debts incurred by her will be hers to handle.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 05:12 AM
4

Depends on where you are. In CA an EPO has to be requested by a LEO, usually after they have responded to a DV call. And EPO's are only good for about 7 calendar days, anything more than that requires an appearance before a judge. That signed agreement can be over ruled by a judge is he/she believes it is in the best interest of the child. If you were served with an EPO by an officer and they didn't take the child at that time, I'd think it's unlikely that they would do it after the fact but I'm…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:25 AM
6

Stay calm, act professional at all times. Do not react to anything your STBXW says. If you have a lawyer, let them do the talking unless a question is specifically directed at you. It's just another step in the process, don't freak out about it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 11:34 PM
1

In the divorce paperwork she requested to have her name changed back to her maiden name. 9 years later she still hasn’t done it. I didn’t care then and I don’t care now. Maybe her new fiancé does but I don’t care if he does or not either. If she actually goes through with it this time (2nd engagement since divorce) maybe she’ll change it to his name then, and I still won’t care. But I will care about not forking over spousal support anymore. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 06:57 PM
6

I can almost guarantee that you will be on a darker path. You’re going to start asking about incomes after not doing it for however long and she’s going to realize you’re now asking after her income has changed significantly for the better. Unless she’s stupid, she’ll put two and two together and realize you’re either about to ask her for support or that you’re planning on taking her to court to get support ordered. I don’t know where you’re at but in CA there are specific instances that allow s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 03:34 AM
4

You say you haven’t shared income info “per the divorce agreement “. Is this a legally binding agreement that was included in your divorce proceeding? If so, did you sign it voluntarily? I’m assuming you now want to change the agreement and have her pay support?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 03:22 AM
1

This. All of this. Communication with your attorney is VITAL.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 02:52 AM
1

That is entirely possible. In terms of custody voluntarily leaving can affect you getting equal custody. If you chose to stay, I'd suggest moving into a different room in the house and making sure you record every interaction you have. Document everything! If the two of you can come to an agreement in the kids' best interests, then write it all down and at the very least have it signed by both of you and notarized. Or have an attorney draw up an agreement. I had to learn the hard way because she…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 11:32 PM
4

you said " If I leave.. and STBXW keeps house.. " which tells me that you haven't left the marital home yet. So don't leave the home. There is no legal requirement for you to do so. And any divorce lawyer worth a grain of salt will tell you the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 10:32 PM
6

If it is a month to month lease, he must provide 30 day notice to the landlord that he intends to vacate the property and terminate his lease. If he paid a security deposit/ pet deposit or any other refundable fees, the landlord will not be obligated to return any portion of them until the lease, as a whole, is concluded. If he wants to cover himself more he could also send a 30 day notice to his spouse but I would send it registered mail with a signature required to ensure that they can't say t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 08:06 PM
8

Hearing tests at school aren't the end all be all. If you want a hearing test done, take the kids to an audiologist and they can perform a hearing test. This is just all drama filled BS. Something she thinks she can use against you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 06:59 PM
1

Document everything. Keep a journal. Record any interactions. If you live in a 2 party consent state you can still keep a recording device with you. But if they initiate conversation, tell them that you are going to record the conversation and that if they object to being recorded they should contact you via written communication only.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 10:37 PM
3

Depending on the language of the order, would just go in and start doing the repair work. If she called the cops I'd have a copy of the order showing that she was told to refinance or vacate by the 31st and that you only had 2 months to make repairs and sell the home by 1/122. So you're trying to abide by the court order. ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 12:38 AM
3

Don't give in. Do what is your child's best interest. If her concern is to match up your sons custody time with the new boyfriends custody time with his kids, then the boyfriend can change his custody schedule. If she takes that reasoning into court I doubt a judge is going to order the changes. It wouldn't be in your sons best interest. And don't bother telling her to go suck a dick, it sounds like she already is.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 07:12 PM
3

I (49M, soon to be 50) was together with my Ex for 24 years, 19 of them married. What you're feeling is something I believe most guys go through. There is an innate fear of being alone for the rest of your life when you're deciding to pull the trigger or not. But you cannot let that fear rule your life. You have to be honest when deciding whether or not you are happier with her, or happier without her. Is it possible that you will be alone for the rest of your life? Yes. Unlike some others, I ha…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 11:11 PM
2

You definitely need a new lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 10:30 PM
4

This. It kind of sucks for them not having their own space, but sometimes you have to make due with what you got.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 10:39 PM
1

Mine included a request in the proceedings to have her maiden name restored. It was granted. This was in 2013. She still uses my last name. Uh ok, have fun with that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 01:04 AM
4

If the gender roles were reversed, do you think everyone would be trying to convince HER to take YOU back? It's good that she is seeking therapy IF she's truly doing the work because she realizes that she was wrong and needs to fix herself. It's not good if she's going to therapy for any other reason. Whether or not you get back together is ultimately your decision. no one else can make that choice for you. All we can tell you is what WE would do in that scenario. And for me that would be an eas…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 10:32 PM
1

Child support will be awarded. Disparity of incomes and ability to provide for the minor child(ren) while maintaining equal access to both parents is what the court usually deems to be in the best interests of the child. And that usually means the one who makes more will pay the one who makes less. The percentage of time 50/50 or 60/40 or whatever will determine how much.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 07:39 PM
15

3 minor children, she makes 6 figures, you're a substitute teacher? Yeah you're leaving a big pile of money on the table. You can split everything 50/50, but I'd still take a look at spousal support and child support. Otherwise you're going to find yourself struggling to make ends meet.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 09:17 PM
1

Take it to court and you’ll be paying guideline support, which could cost you up to $2k. But on the plus side for you, your support payments will only last 2.5 years. Mines going to go on for who knows how long.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 10:25 PM
15

1 - Get a lawyer 2 - File for Divorce 3 - File for a Custody agreement and request 50/50 custody immediately 4 - Get into Family court in front of a judge ASAP 5 - Document ANY/ALL contact you have with her from this point on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 08:59 PM
8

What utopian dream world do you live in?? Men ALWAYS pay child support. Even with 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 12:15 AM
6

You left out how many children. In CA they use the Dissomaster program to determine guideline support and 99.9% of the time the judge goes with that number. They plug in income & expenses as well as % of custody and it spits out a number. Usually the only way to get more or less is if there is a significant change in one of those numbers. I was paying an average of $400 a month per child (I had 2) and this was with me being employed and her being unemployed and we had 50/50 custody. She would co…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 05:17 PM
2

The length of the marriage, your age, your income, the house. None of that matters in your case because you are not really invested in much of it. What does matter are the following questions: Do you love your kid? Do you want to be involved in their life? If you answer yes to both questions then what are you prepared to do? How far will you go? How hard will you fight? Because this shit ain't gonna be pretty. Get a lawyer. If you answered no...then walk away and hope that you can live the rest …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 10:53 PM
4

You know the truth. That’s what matters. Your kids will know what kind of dad you are as long as you continue to support and love them. Don’t let her draw you in to all the petty stuff. Save the fight for when it’s needed and when it counts. To use an old cliche, ask yourself “is this the hill you want to die on?” When she sends you those texts. More often than not the answer will be “no”.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 06:41 PM
3

Your situation sounds VERY familiar. Don’t engage her with her BS. You can communicate information about the children without all the rest. Learn to ignore it. Only respond to information about the kids. My Ex is the same way. She didn’t just show up at my doorstep one night, she kicked my son out of her house and told him he wasn’t allowed back until he learned to treat her better. You should have seen the profanity laced tirade I got when I took her to court to get primary custody. And I didn’…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 05:31 PM
2

not if he's in California.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 02:52 AM
4

Without a custody order it remains a civil matter. Police won't get involved. However at the same time actively withholding the children from the other parent also won't look good when you go to Court/Mediation unless you can show just cause for doing so (drug addiction, physical/emotional abuse etc...). And if you think you have just cause you better be able to back it up. Not a lawyer, not legal advice. Just experience. Get a lawyer and file immediately if no one has filed yet. And DOCUMENT EV…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 06:13 PM
1

Your lawyer should know how to combat that argument. The fact that you quit will speak just as loudly as anything else. Make sure that you are absolutely honest with your attorney so they don’t encounter any surprises. Ask your attorney if character witness statements would help and get those if they say yes. Hoping for a good outcome for you. Your kids deserve their time with you just as much as they do with their mother. Don’t let her steamroll you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 12:19 AM
1

Yeah he could have asked for anything, even sole custody, but asking doesn’t always get it. The norm that I’ve seen is 50/50 unless there is a compelling reason for something different. I personally don’t know any fathers that didn’t ask for, and get, 50/50 custody unless there was some compelling reason. If he decides in the future to request more time from you then it’s up to you since the agreement lays out custody. If he asks the court, the judge will want to know why now? What has changed? …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 12:14 AM
1

I didn’t have to fight my Ex. She filed and asked for primary custody with me getting visitation every other weekend. I filed a response that requested 50/50. When we went to mediation neither her nor her lawyer could provide any justification as to why custody shouldn’t be 50/50. And lawyerless me got 50/50. The opinion of the mediator stated that having equal time with us was always best interest and there was no evidence to support changing that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 11:36 PM
2

In CA, 50/50 is what the courts have deemed to be in the childs best interests most of the time. Any change to that would have to be justified by the person seeking the change (i.e. mom is a drug addict, father is an alcoholic, etc..). Make sure your lawyer knows that you won't settle for anything less than 50/50 and she's going to have to prove to the court any accusations she wants to make.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 10:50 PM
2

As long as it's agreed to by the receiving party and the court.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 12:04 AM
3

I hear ya. I’m certain my Ex has undiagnosed mental problems that started long before the end of our marriage. I find it disturbing that she seems to want to treat me like a friend that she can ask favors of after all the BS she put me and my kids through. Less than a year and the youngest will be 18 and I’ll never take a call or text from her again! 😀
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 10:08 PM
7

My Ex still does this even though we separated in 2012, and divorce was finalized a long time ago. We still co-parent one of our children who is still a minor. She is even on her second relationship post divorce and still acts like we're friends. Recently went so far as to ask me to help her move in with her new boyfriend when her lease expires!! I keep shutting her down, she gets pissed, and then a few weeks/months later she's right back to doing it. Irritating AF if you ask me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 09:57 PM
11

Get a lawyer. Get sole custody (if you can), Get child support going, and get Therapy to deal with all the emotions. You know your marriage is over and it's time to face facts. You've got 2 kids who NEED their father right now. They are watching their mother abandon them. Nobody is going to tell you that this is a cake walk. It's hard and emotionally draining. But your kids NEED you. You owe it to those kids to not let them become collateral damage in all this because it's obvious your STBXW cer…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 01:14 AM
3

Your kids don’t have to be “of age” to see that things aren’t right in your marriage. They might not be able or willing to verbalize their thoughts or feelings, but they can tell something is not right. I thought that way about my marriage at first. And I was thinking that I should stick it out for their sake. In fact it was my Ex that initiated the divorce when my kids were 8 & 12. And now I know that they saw it too. We’ve had very Frank discussions about it. And I can now understand that they…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 08:27 PM
2

At this point you have to decide for yourself what you can and cannot live with as it relates to your child. My kids were 8 & 12 when we divorced. Custody was 50/50 and they spent equal time with us both. My Ex was/is an addict (prescription meds for migraines and back pain) and as a solo parent was not very good. She used them as slave labor like she used to do to me so she could sit around and do nothing. On her 18th birthday my daughter left her mom and moved in with me full time. My son was …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:41 PM
2

You’ve got a very tough road ahead of you. Most courts will lend some weight to the child’s choices but ultimately they want to do what is in the best interests of the child. And while you MIGHT be successful in getting primary or sole custody based on the crappy parenting of the other parent, you’ll also inherit a whole host of other problems because you’ll be forcing the child to live where they don’t want to live, obey rules they don’t want to follow, etc. IF you gain custody it wouldn’t surp…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:35 AM
3

Hey if she passes before I do, and has no one to take care of her final arrangements but our kids, they’ll probably put it on her grave marker if it’s still her last name. Then she can carry it forever. But honestly I’m hoping she remarries (more so I can stop paying spousal support).
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 07:28 AM
9

Mine did the same almost 9 years ago. Still hasn’t done it. I couldn’t care less. If she ends up dying with it, I would find it hysterically funny.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 06:24 AM
3

Could be either or. Mine were served by a mutual acquaintance instead of a process server. Since I only know the other person because of my daughters dance school, that’s where she served me, while I was with my daughter. Luckily she was in class at the time and didn’t see it happen.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 08:51 PM
4

Don’t need to try it in Texas. Already did it in California. Like I said before circumstances dictate the response. In this persons case o stand by what I said. What she has offered is more than fair and if it goes to court, her soon to be Ex will wish he had taken this deal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 03:59 AM
5

There are times, I believe, that men have a right to be irritated at how they are treated both by their soon to be Ex and by the courts. Depending upon how the scene plays out, often times guys get the short end of the stick. This is NOT one of those times in my humble opinion. What you have suggested in your post is more than fair, again in my opinion. Here in California, if you took him to court you would get what you asked for and more, if you chose too. You could suggest that he consult a la…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 03:27 AM
17

I would have taken that deal in a heartbeat. And if this goes to court....he'll wish he had taken that deal too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 02:34 AM
4

Keep your head on straight. Document absolutely EVERYTHING. You will keep going forward because your son needs you too. There is no way that he is receiving proper care from someone with untreated BPD, lies to the court, and has cut her sons father out of his life. That's not the actions of someone with a sound mind who is fit to be a parent.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 10:24 PM
1

Not sure about Canada, but here in the US that would be a big NO. Like the other guy said document EVERYTHING. Record interactions if allowed and then take it all to the lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/21 11:27 PM
2

As far as consequences go, that would depend on where you are and what kind of tolerance DV charges have in your area. Not to mention you have to take into account criminal history. If it's a first offense or does the person have a history of DV incidents etc. If you're really curious you should probably contact the LEA that would be investigating the case or the DA's office to find out what their plans are.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/21 10:02 PM
3

Division of property was fairly equitable. May have leaned a little more in her favor cuz I just wanted it done. I don’t agree with spousal support, especially when you basically get told you may have to pay it forever. There should be a time limit if it’s awarded. So I feel I got screwed there. Also had to pay child support but got that stopped as soon as I got custody of both kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 12:47 AM
3

I disagree. I’m in CA and got 50/50 custody initially with nothing more than requesting it when I filled out my response to her divorce papers. And she had a lawyer (paid for by her mommy & Daddy) and I represented myself (cuz I don’t have rich parents). She wanted me to have every other weekend only but she couldn’t articulate a sufficient reason that I should be denied 50/50 custody so the judge granted me 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 05:29 PM
2

Well if your divorce is final and everything is wrapped up, there isn't much that could affect you. I know at one time when I was considering buying a house they asked me to provide a certified copy of the divorce decree in order to get financing. Without a copy of that they would have to include my ex's income and more importantly her debts when deciding whether or not I qualified. So it could be something like that. But I don't see how it could be used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/21 02:41 AM
2

Racking up billable hours to charge your Ex more? IF the divorce is finalized, there's not much they can do to you after the fact.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/21 01:02 AM
3

Right of first refusal. If she wants to put them in childcare while she works, and you have the time/capability to watch them, even if it's "her time", you have the right to watch the kids instead of paying for daycare. And at 15/13, there are not many daycares that take older kids. They are prefectly old enough to take care of themselves. If she has a problem with them being alone in her place, tell her they can stay at your place and then adjust the custody order to reflect your increased time…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/21 01:00 AM
2

That’s a question for the attorney. 7 months was quite a while to wait before asking that one. I know that my ex kicked my son out of her house in Feb 2020 (we had 50/50 at the time) and I couldn’t get a court date until Oct 2020 due to COVID closures. She collected child support for 8 months while my son lived with me full time all 8 months. And when we went to court because I was suing for full custody they granted me full custody but said I couldn’t get back the 8 months of child support I pa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 02:18 AM
2

If she has a community property interest in the home then you can use community money to pay for its upkeep. Your lawyer fees are most likely exempt because your lawyer represents you and only you. Edit to add: you should ALWAYS consult your attorney on these matters.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 01:48 AM
2

In order to avoid co-parenting there are only 2 options. Option 1 You either convince her to give you sole legal/physical custody of the child, or you prove that she’s unfit to be a parent and get the court to grant you sole custody. Option 2 You surrender sole legal/physical custody to her and give up your parental rights. In most cases Option 1 is never going to happen. So unless you’re willing to give up your rights and possibly be cut out of your child’s life entirely for the next 17 years, …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/21 12:15 AM
1

If you're currently renting, talk to the landlord before moving out. You need to get your name off the lease or she could royally screw up your credit. You move out, she stops paying rent and pockets all the money and waits for an eviction (which will take a while). And then it gets reported on your credit report because your name is on the lease too. Yes it would screw her credit too but to some it's worth it just to screw over the Ex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 10:11 PM
10

Stop worrying about “saving face”. You know you’re in the right. Those friends who truly know you know that you’re in the right. Those that choose to believe the BS that she is spreading are not now, nor were they ever, your friends. You’ll be better off without them. Hold out for what you are due because you deserve it just as much as she does, if not more. Get a lawyer who will protect YOUR interests and don’t put so much emphasis on her BS.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 04:31 AM
2

That depends on what the actual equity value is. Op doesn’t indicate how much the balance of the remainder by mortgage is. In a community property state he’s entitled to 1/2 of whatever the equity value is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 01:52 AM
8

He’s entitled to 1/2 the value of the home less the remaining balance of the mortgage, not just 1/2 of the increased value since they purchased the home.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 01:08 AM
3

If she wants to keep the house she has to buy out at half of fair market value. She’s offering you less than 10% of the value. She wants it that bad she can pay you what you’re entitled too. Otherwise you can take it to court where they will basically force the sale and an equal division of the proceeds. Do not give her a penny more than she’s entitled to under the law.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 01:06 AM
2

Without a custody agreement in place you really have no say because she’s not breaking the law or violating the agreement. You really should get a custody agreement in place signed by the family court judge. That way it spells out what each of you are allowed to do without consulting the other and more importantly what you’re NOT allowed to do without consulting the other.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 04:15 AM
2

Whether or not you have rights in this case depend on your custody agreement. If it’s not spelled out in there then you’re probably out of luck. My custody agreement prevents either parent from moving the kids out of our county for the purposes of permanently relocating them without written permission from the other parent. And it also spells out that neither parent can take the kids out of California for any reason without written permission from the other prior to going. I made sure all of tha…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 03:32 AM
1

IF it's only going to be 2 minutes and a sign off by the judge then there shouldn't be anything wrong with you going just to ensure that nothing shady is pulled at the final hearing right? Better safe than sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 08:09 PM
3

Not sure how it'll go for you. I had it included in the final divorce papers that there are restrictions on BOTH of us that prohibit either parent from removing the minor children from the state for any reason without written permission from the other. And there is a relocation clause that says neither of us can remove the children from within our current county for the purposes of permanently relocating without written permission from the other parent. Means she couldn't take the kids and move …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 08:45 PM
1

Take me for example. If I moved to another state (which I will when I retire) my divorce was completed in CA and therefore a California court would maintain jurisdiction. However MY change in income would not get her anything more. SHE would have to have a material change in income to be able to ask the court for more money. And as far as I’m aware it has to be a change uncontrollable by her. She can’t voluntarily quit her job, claim a loss of income and then get more money from me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 05:52 PM
10

I don't want to rain on your parade but i will say this: Don't let your guard down until a final decree is granted. If you don't have it in writing, you don't have anything....yet. My Ex and I agreed to do things amicably and without lawyers. We agreed we were adult enough to come to an agreement between us that would be fair. I showed up at our first court appearance sans lawyer (I couldn't afford one anyway) and guess who she brought with her? An attorney paid for by her parents. All that amic…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 12:22 AM
1

As it was explained to me by my attorney, the supported spouse CAN file a Request for Order to modify spousal support but only if THEY have a material change in income. Meaning if your Ex loses their job, has a medical crisis that puts them out of work, etc... Any change in YOUR income does not allow them to get more money. Its even spelled out in my final divorce papers (married 19 years) that she can't ask/get more money from me just because I start to earn more. Her support is based on my inc…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 12:09 AM
2

I used to do something similar. But for the benefit of the kids having a set schedule during the week we had it where they were with mom every Mon/Tues and with me every Wed/Thur and alternating weekends Fri to Sun. Worked that way really well for most of the years and the kids preferred it because it was easier to remember. Then she started fucking up and I eventually took primary custody and they live with me full time now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 05:45 AM
1

I hope that for you too. If her attorney is drafting something other than 50/50, I got to believe they aren’t being told by your ex that you won’t sign it. Either that or she’s making up some BS story to paint you in a bad light hoping that she’ll be able to convince you to sign for less. Because if it goes to mediation or the judge, she won’t get what she wants. Good luck and keep holding out for what you deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/21 04:02 AM
1

Divorced in 2012. Still waiting on a first date. Obviously I'm the wrong person to answer your question. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/21 11:04 PM
3

Talk your attorney. A lot of this will depend on where you are and what the laws are like there. Don't sign anything written up by her attorney without advice of counsel. Just because she wants something other than 50/50, doesn't mean she'll get it. It all revolves around the best interests of the child. And most courts have deemed it to be in the best interest of the child to have equal time/access to BOTH parents. Unless she can prove that you are unfit to be a parent (highly unlikely) and the…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/21 10:41 PM
2

Best advice is what you've already stated. Get a lawyer. Do not do anything, sign anything or leave the marital home unless advised too by your attorney. If you believe that this could even remotely become a contentious divorce, start recording every interaction you have with her. Cover your own ass so that any attempt to file a TRO or make a claim of assault/abuse can be disproven with evidence. And it would also be helpful to find a therapist that can help you deal with the emotional aspect if…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 10:05 PM
3

Time to find a lawyer and get the courts involved. Unless you are a complete shit human being there is no way she'll get full custody. It's what is in the best interest of the child, and having her father involved in her life is in her best interest. I know courts can be slanted towards the mother but i my experience she doesn't have grounds to get full custody. The fact that she has money or comes from money isn't the only consideration taken into account. The only way she'll get full custody i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 08:07 PM
2

A third party is not going to be able to tell you accurately whether it's a you problem or a her problem because she refuses to go. A third party will only get one side of the story. Again, that's the whole point of marriage counseling. To listen to BOTH parties and then find common solutions to the problems that are agreeable to BOTH parties. The fact that YOU are willing to try counseling and she is not, tells me personally that she has already checked out from the relationship. A marriage cou…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:58 PM
1

The whole point of marriage counseling is for you to attend together. Work out your differences. If she's unwilling to go, the marriage is already over. She's telling you as much by refusing to go. Forget the marriage counselor. If you want to take care of your mental health find a good therapist. And then find a good lawyer because you're going to need one to weather the storm that is about to roll in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:20 PM
3

Why would you create a new marital asset if you’re about to split??
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 05:44 AM
2

Courts only get involved when you can’t agree. Then they order mediation and usually follow the mediators report.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 05:39 AM
6

Ron White said it best. "You can't fix stupid"
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 07:56 PM
3

Get. A. Lawyer. Probably the best and only advice I can give. Even if you think you won't need one, you probably will. Even if she says she's willing to do things amicably and without lawyers, you'll probably get screwed. Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 11:17 PM
2

I hear you. I've never had any interactions with online only therapists. It took a few tries to find one my son liked and would agree to go to so when we found her, I didn't want his visits to end due to COVID. Luckily she decided to continue her practice via Zoom so my son got to keep his therapy going. But she has stated that many of her colleagues are doing things via Zoom too like she is, and a few have even stated that they will continue to offer it even after things are "back to normal".
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 07:48 PM
2

Virtually all therapists are offering virtual sessions. My son is in therapy due to our divorce and the anger issues he has towards his mother. And she began offering virtual sessions to all her clients when the COVID thing started. And she still offers them now to those who are more comfortable not going out yet. Find a local therapist and call the office and ask about virtual sessions. The best part is that once things are opened up again he'll have a local therapist that he can then go in and…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:48 PM
1

Nope. Your original post pre-edit said $100, not $100k. It was a joke because you forgot "thousand".
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 12:31 AM
0

$100 over asking price does not make it a sellers market. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 12:08 AM
2

Find a new lawyer. They should be able to argue based on her earning potential. She’s had jobs in the near past. Your new lawyer should be able to soften the blow based on that. As for length of time, it’s not necessarily forever. That is a possibility but certainly not the only possibility. While you won’t get away with paying only 1/2 the length of the marriage (just like I won’t), it doesn’t mean you’ll have to pay forever. I would definitely find a new lawyer and quick.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:23 AM
6

Maybe so but he refers to her as girlfriend and is asking about common law marriage in Texas. So apparently they aren’t married on paper and he’s worried about whether she can claim common law marriage and take him to the cleaners.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 02:40 PM
6

Per the post, they’re not married.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 02:35 PM
12

And in case it’s not blatantly obvious, change the password to your security system and use something that cannot be guessed. And don’t write it down where someone can find it. Oh and one last thing, tell your lawyer you want the supervised visits to end, immediately. And if the courts won’t end them, tell them you want a court appointed neutral party and NOT your soon to be Ex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 03:28 AM
19

Not sure where you are but in most states they are “no fault” divorce states and those pictures would mean nothing. The fact that you and she are no longer together, even though not legally divorced, makes them even more worthless. On the other hand, your stbx accessing your home security system without your permission and attempting to blackmail you are quite illegal, at least here. I’d make sure MY attorney knows what has happened and encourage him to take the appropriate legal steps, up to an…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 03:19 AM
5

As you’ve already heard, document EVERYTHING. Make sure your lawyer knows what she’s doing and don’t let her get a rise out of you. That’s what she wants. Follow the courts orders and stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 08:49 PM
1

If the child is staying with her then you don’t have 50/50 custody. You may have 50/50 legal custody but child support is based on physical custody. And if you have visitation 2 weekends a month, for instance, then physical custody is 80/20. And as far as what you should negotiate for... there is no negotiation really once it gets to court. If you could me to an agreement together that’s one thing but if it goes to mediation and then to court there is no more negotiation. They simply plug in the…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 06:56 AM
1

In California, marriages that last less then 10 years, alimony is paid for 1/2 the length of the marriage. Any union 10 years or more is considered “long term” and alimony can last as long as the courts deem it too. I was married 19 years. Both child support payments have been dropped. My daughters when she turned 18 and moved out of her mothers house and in with me full time. And my sons was terminated before he turned 18 because I took her back to court and took primary custody of him. He only…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 06:20 AM
3

Not sure about where you are but in California support is determined by a formula based on income & expense declarations filled out by both parents. The figures are put into the Dissomaster program and it spits out a number. Judges vary rarely deviate from it. The more income you have, the more support you are able to provide and that’s usually what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 07:48 PM
6

Get a therapist and a lawyer. The therapist will protect your mental health and the lawyer will protect your financial health. You can’t really predict how families are going to react, nor should you care right now. Focus on yourself and your child, that is your world right now. The rest will get sorted out over time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 08:03 PM
3

Best advice I can give is this: Find a family law attorney with experience. Don’t go for the guy whose just out of law school and is the cheapest. If you share a marital home that you purchased together, DO NOT move out. If you need to be separate, find another room to stay in but do not voluntarily leave the home. Document EVERY interaction you have with her from this point forward. It could save your ass in the future. Keep your son at the forefront of your mind. Do everything you can to serve…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 07:53 AM
4

You already said it yourself. Talk to a lawyer. Do not wait. You need a qualified professional to look out for your interests and the best interests of your child. I don’t know how things are where you’re at, but in states with “no fault” divorce laws it doesn’t matter who files first, or why. With the child being only 8 months old you’re going to be in a very precarious situation and a lawyer is going to be in the best position to help you. Here on Reddit you’ll get moral support and a lot of “…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 06:52 AM
2

If his name is on the title she can’t. But OP doesn’t specify details, just that she’s trying to sell it. If the house was bought after they married, it’s community property. If she owned the house prior to marriage but he can show that marital assets were used to pay the mortgage and maintenance then he is entitled to a portion of the proceeds from the sale. A lot more info would be needed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 02:51 AM
1

Just about any attorney should be able to plug those numbers in as long as they have access to the Dissomaster program the courts use to calculate support amounts. It’s all based on your income and expense declarations. If you both fill one out, the lawyer just has to plug the numbers in and the program spits out a figure. Very rarely do the courts award something different than what the program says.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 12:30 AM
3

Hopefully your attorney is up to date and on top of the house issue. It’s community property and your attorney should be able to block the sale until the court issues orders it to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 12:21 AM
17

Ages of the 3 kids? You might be in for a longer road than I was. My 2 kids were 12 and 8 when we split. Her parents paid for a lawyer after we agreed to do things sans lawyers and I got taken to the cleaners for $1200 month in spousal and child support combined. I couldn't even afford a place to live with what they took. Ended up renting a 4 bedroom house with my mom for 4 years to get by. I hated it. I love my mom but there is a reason I left home at 17. But I had to do it for my kids. I was t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 01:08 AM
0

Depends on where you are, laws differ in different countries or even different states. California is a “no fault” divorce state. Community property will be divided 50/50. Spousal and child support are determined by a formula depending on the incomes of the parents and who has custody. But again it all depends on where you are.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 08:19 PM
1

I’d contact the office and tell them you need to speak with the attorney directly. Not a paralegal, not an intern, but the actual attorney. If you don’t get to talk to them in a reasonable amount of time then it might be time to find someone new. It’s ridiculous that you haven’t been able to talk to the attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 09:12 PM
1

If the contract is not concluded and your divorce is still ongoing then the attorney should be handling all matters that relate to the divorce until a judge grants a dissolution of the marriage. Only thing I can think of is that they have used up whatever retainer you provided at the start, but normally they would just bill you for the services rendered. If you can’t speak directly to the attorney, it might be time to find a different attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 09:03 PM
3

This. You sign a contract for specific services and you pay a retainer. Once the contract is concluded the lawyer is done. You either have to rehire the lawyer under a new contract or hire a different lawyer under a new contract. They don’t work forever without getting paid.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 08:56 PM
2

None of us expects to be in the situation. But it happens. I speak from experience on the list. I couldn’t afford a lawyer, her parents paid for one for her. I got royally screwed six ways from Sunday. But Karmas a bitch and she’s finding that out now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 09:40 PM
4

What comes next is that you get the Divorce complete as quickly as you can and then move on. 3 year marriage won't saddle anyone with long term spousal support. You don't mention if there are children or not so I'm assuming not (because most parents would have included that info). As previously said do not move out of the marital home (if its a home you were buying) unless your renting, then it really doesn't matter. In addition to the STD test, I'd go through and start making a list of all the …
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 08:17 PM
1

Sit down with her and figure out where you both are on the big decisions like custody. If you are polar opposites, get a lawyer. Without one, you will get screwed over by the court most of the time. You can expect that the house will have to be sold unless one of you can buy out the other and then maintain payments. All other assest will be divided. Because you were married more than 10 years, the spousal support you will pay can be extended beyond the normal 1/2 the length of the marriage. You …
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 08:02 PM
0

For the last time I’ll reiterate that kidnapping requires movement. Concealing the child or lying to the father does not constitute movement. Unlawful detention maybe but not kidnapping. Either way I’m done trying to explain. Believe what you will. Have a good day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 10:29 PM
1

CA Penal Code section 207 (a) through (f) inclusive. A charge of kidnapping requires movement of the detained either to another country, state, another part of the current state or another part of the county. That’s the law that says a grandparent, or anyone else won’t be charged with kidnapping in your scenario. And unless you’re a DA or ADA in your county, you haven’t personally charged anyone with anything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 08:38 PM
0

Clearly what you are not understanding is that I do know shit and apparently more than you. Ask a cop, ask a lawyer. For shits and giggles look up the definition of kidnapping and you’ll find out your 100% wrong. Could the grandparents be charged with something? Yes. With kidnapping? Absolutely not. And LEO’s are not going to arrest the Grandparents if bio mom left the child with them, they KNOW that there is a divorce/custody issue going on and they want to release the child back to the parent …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 04:16 PM
0

Saying “Fact” does not make it so. If the kids are with the MIL with mother’s permission, you cannot charge her with kidnapping, even if the father comes along and says he wants them. “Fact”. IF you call LEO’s, without a standing court order, they may or may not let dad take the kids. But they will contact the mother first and they WON’T charge anyone with kidnapping. Guaranteed. Grandparents may not have legal rights alone, but when a parent gives them their child to watch, they become a legal …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 04:00 AM
1

You cannot get your former MIL arrested for kidnapping. That is ludicrous. The child is with her by permission of the mother obviously who has at minimum 50% legal and physical custody. This is not something you can handle through law enforcement unless you have a court order in place that the Ex is violating.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/21 04:07 PM
1

This might be late but I just found this Sub. In CA where I am, any legal adult age 18 or older and not a party to the action can serve court papers. So it's possible that one of her family members could serve the papers to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 12:17 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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