TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

drowsypillowprincess Archive

View 4 posts and 158 comments by drowsypillowprincess on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
61

So he forced her to give him a grocery list of her preferences and now is taking credit for basically being an errand runner?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 11:18 PM
119

The small wear and tears really add up. The gas, the groceries, the mid week groceries bec we ran out of bread, the toothpaste, the toilet paper, the windex, etc. Not to mention that often men won’t even purchase or perform self-care maintenance unless they have freshly stocked shaving cream and razors and shampoo. But it’s always the gf/wife buying these things and sure, one bottle of shampoo isn’t a lot but adding all those things up, plus the emotional labor of keeping tabs on what needs repl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 12:38 AM
76

It really is an ugly trap. When you’re the breadwinner, you’re always going to be—at minimum—the household manager, aka the “Please take out the garbage; please clean the bathrooms; please make plans to mow the lawn this Saturday; we’re out of these essential toiletries please go to the store, etc.” It an exhausting amount of mental and emotional work, but necessary, because men will let this shit pile up and live happily surrounded by garbage before they decide to have the initiative to anticip…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:16 PM
211

I agree 100% Also, why is her divorce a Bad Thing? When I read the headlines, my first thought was “good for her; she’s on fire and doesn’t need to spend any time raising a babyman.” There’s this idea on social media that she’s suffering from her divorce. That it’s a failure. That she should be ashamed and embarrassed. I think that’s sexist nonsense. I think she suffered in her marriage, and the divorce is setting her free. I think she failed by settling for a LVM and caving to cultural and soci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:06 PM
79

Yes. This. I have a friend who dated someone who was horrible at texting. They were always having fights over “miscommunication.” She’d say “Oh, he’s just bad at communicating.” Is he bad at communicating with his boss?? I don’t think so. Also, WHY would you want to date someone who’s bad at communicating?? Why do that to yourself??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 01:05 PM
27

Your mom is who I aspire to be when I’m that age!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 11:05 PM
285

I had the same thoughts!!! If he wanted to, he would! Never drag a man to the alter (or parenthood, or the house, or even to dinner). He’ll only ever go along with it because he’s benefiting from a service you’re currently providing (sex, financial security, maid, cook, etc.) and he’ll leave the second he finds something he deems “better.” Decenter men from your life. It’s hard, but it makes a huge difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:58 PM
108

Agree, especially with shunning those men who believe the lie that women “expire.” Our society would crumble without the labor of older women. Matriarchs are the backbone of society and should be revered as such. And women don’t need to be sexy to be respected, valued, and beautiful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:53 PM
425

If she’s happy, great. I don’t see an issue with this. I think society expects older women to disappear into shapeless frocks and short permed hair that allow them to perform societies thankless but most valuable labor (motherhood, caretaking, cleaning, homemaking, nursing, service jobs, etc.) as invisibly as possible. Anything that subverts that norm is awesome, IMO. However, I do worry about this pressure to “age sexily.” I’m not saying that’s this woman’s message at all. But there’s this idea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 01:26 PM
200

Agree 100% but I think the issue goes back further to Star Wars too. Its 100% main character syndrome. It’s so bad that any man (or women) who worships Marvel movies or Star Wars is on my LV list. Also, hot take, most Marvel movies are predictable and boring. There’s nothing revolutionary about them as art. They’re the fast food of movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 07:57 PM
46

I think there’s a few things going on here, but I do agree with most of your thoughts When you’re first seeing someone, absolutely feel free to call it off for any reason. It’s your life. If you’re not happy, don’t stick around. It doesn’t matter the reason, petty or serious. Some men have unhealthy diets but because they’re young, it hasn’t caught up to them yet. Women are not responsible for teaching men to love veggies so they don’t have a heart attack at 45. It’s valid to nope out of seeing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 11:12 PM
49

You cannot lead women to FDS. They have to find it themselves. And often they (we) find it at rock bottom. The pervasiveness of misogyny is a bitter pill. It’s terrifying and sometimes hopeless. It’s easier to believe the lie that another swipe of mascara and a better push up bra is all we need to make men treat us better. I’ve had to split my friends into two groups since joining FDS: Toxic Pickme Non-toxic Pickme The first category includes women who’s behaviors and beliefs negatively affect m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 02:59 PM
18

I would definitely disable that setting!! I couldn’t imagine what my inbox would look like without it. Lmaoo There’s tons and tons of male lurkers and men cosplaying as women (legitimately). Plus, FDS aims to enlighten pickme women. So often you’re going to get a mixed bag. That could definitely be skewing the content you’re seeing. I have not personally seen as much negative commentary on success stories, but I 100% believe you that it’s there. It’s definitely got to be hard to tune out, and I’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 03:31 PM
68

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I think the future predicting users do when someone shares about a HVM is unfair. I know it comes out of a place of fear. But I do think when other users ask, “is this the bar?” we should listen. Because we do have a collective history of setting the bar too low. One of the challenges of FDS is raising the bar for all women, and that means we can’t congratulate things that aren’t exceptional. So part of it might honestly be users trying to push you further and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 02:36 PM
36

If you need to hurt a woman to get off, you’re a predator. I’ll kink shame every single person who likes to receive or inflict pain on their partner during sex. It’s fucked up. Go get some therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 03:27 PM
40

I am so tired of people dividing women with this shit. And I’m so tired of being told I’m not allowed to be afraid for my safety bec it’s racist, or transphobic, or man-hating, or Westernized, or… My safety comes before ANYONE’s feelings It is not an “act of violence” to be uncomfortable. It is not racist to cross the street so I feel safer. It is not misandry to remove myself from situations that make me feel threatened. I am so tired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:25 PM
65

Everything you’re saying is true AND Will acted inappropriately. Don’t erase his privilege as a seasoned actor and millionaire. And don’t lower the bar for him. It’s not lowered for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 01:33 PM
83

Yes, actually, I do. He’s an actor. Public speaking is his job. This isn’t his first time at the Oscars or on the red carpet. This isn’t some fresh-faced star still getting his bearings. This is a grown man who’s been in this industry for decades and should know better. I am holding him to that standard. “My wife has alopecia. It’s a really difficult disease that affects many women. I found Chris’ joke a little distasteful because she looks absolutely beautiful tonight.” There, that took me 10 s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 01:27 PM
91

Holy shit. All of THIS. He got mad not because someone hurt his wife’s feelings but because someone dared to intimately address and poke fun at his possession. If he’d really felt bad about this joke (and I’m not giving Rock a free pass! I’m tired of insult comics; we’re all fucking tired) he could have brought awareness to his wife’s condition during his acceptance speech—maybe plugged a charity—and reinforced his love for her as a person in a kind and compassionate way. That takes strength, in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 01:22 PM
5

Agree!! Always, always vet men, even the men in your life you assume are platonic friendships!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 03:13 PM
3

Hahaha thank you! I wish it wasn’t such hard-earned wisdom. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life trusting LVM. But trying to better myself every day!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 03:12 PM
6

Agree!! We need more of these men!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 03:11 PM
260

Every. Single. Straight. Male. Friendship. has exploded when one of my romantic relationships ended but they, “didn’t get a chance with me” before I started dating someone new. Even straight male friends I made when I was WITH an ex (so they met me “taken”) have exploded with anger and resentment when I didn’t go running into their arms upon breakup. The positive male friendships I’ve had are: With gay men With men in controlled environments where we share a common goal (work, school, camp, etc.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 09:07 PM
46

How much older? FDS usually says don’t go over 2 years in either direction. In this case, I personally (speaking for myself only) could see it being fine to date up to 5 years older. Beyond that you run into a lot of the issues other women are pointing out: men age horribly (mostly by lifestyle choices) and then expect their wives to be nurses. You don’t want to be 45 and ready to travel and explore new hobbies and be on top of your career but then be tied to your now diabetic, morbidly obese, m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 05:41 PM
10

As other people have reasoned, it’s only a good idea to tell the wife if you are certain there will be zero repercussions directed back at you. When you’re working in corporate America, it’s not a smart decision to risk your career and reputation to tell a woman her husband is cheating on her when there’s a very good chance she already knows. This isn’t John Jones at the minimart down the street who’s sleeping with his coworker, Nancy, while his wife’s at home with their 5 kids. In that situatio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 11:58 PM
1

If you want to take on the wedding industry, that’s fine. It does need to change. There’s a lot wrong with it. It should be possible for couples to secure wedding venues and vendors within a year of string engaged. It shouldn’t be this stressful or expensive. The cultural pressure from families and friends is enormous. I’m simply pointing out that a middle class woman who doesn’t have the resources of the Royal family, who wants to get married at her parents venue, might have to wait a few years…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 04:02 PM
390

A HV man with a legitimate medical condition that causes ED (and that he’s working on with his doctor) would tell you about his ED before you became intimate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 11:04 PM
16

Agree 100% I’m definitely a little too lenient with my timelines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 09:15 PM
36

Yes I have dated people like you described but were they assholes? Had autism? Both? It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t date people who don’t have high emotional intelligence. If someone “struggles with social cues” they don’t get access to my vagina. My vagina is not an equal opportunity employer. I can deny anyone access to it at any time for any reason. Men who act like this? Bye. I don’t care why. I don’t need to: Slow down my life to explain everything Be constantly letting go of emotional sl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:08 PM
23

This is because men do not perform self care. They rely on the women in their lives to mother them. Companies know this. So they advertise men’s products not to men, but to the women in their life who are expected to perform the exhausting labor of caring for an adult male.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 09:41 PM
33

This is one of the most profound and heartbreaking posts on here. Porn truly is a plague.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:20 AM
72

Women as a group would be excellent domestic abuse homicide detectives. Our intuition plus, you know, so many of us living through it or knowing someone who’s lived through being the target for these crimes gives us wisdom and perspective. But I know that—in addition to sexism, police corruption, funding—a lot of investigative issues hit legal red tape. It’s so easy to do something wrong as an investigator and have your evidence thrown out in court. I understand the reasons for policy and proced…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 04:14 PM
3

This is 100% true. It’s easy to fake a future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 12:27 AM
59

Women should be free to be comfortable and not afraid they will be objectified by men just for having female bodies. But we must avoid telling women they have to free their nipples to be feminist. Many women feel more comfortable wearing a bra and would continue to do so even in a completely nipple accepting society. The key is choice. And not being punished for simply being female.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 12:19 AM
47

Yeah. I think the amount of men I’ve dated who have ever set a picture of us as their profile picture is…zero. Ofc I have. 🤦‍♀️ I see it with my friends all the time too. They post profile pictures with their boyfriend while their boyfriend has some old ass random photo up, or a picture of their boat/car/dog/fish or a freaking cartoon character. It’s actually really sad. I’m sad now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:55 AM
3

A hard truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:17 AM
546

—Valentine’s Day did not sneak up on him. It’s a static day, every year, plastered on advertisements a month leading up to it. —He put in low effort because he doesn’t care. That’s the painful part, and I’m sorry you’re going through this, but no amount of excuses or mental gymnastics changes this. Remember, always: if he wanted to, he would. —There is no point explaining anything to him because he already knows. Did he graduate high school? Does he have a job? He is not an idiot. If there was a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:33 PM
24

Self-described gamers are always unfuckable in my book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:08 PM
22

I feel this. I never developed a choking kink, but I definitely developed a difficulty with letting myself relax and accept pleasure and tenderness during sex. Having been used as a sex doll, never touched or caressed, simply fucked and expected to react like a pornstar and “cum” in under 30 seconds to whatever aggressive, fast-motion fingering he felt obligated to do left me very disconnected. The BSDM scene very briefly tempted me because I wanted to feel something during sex, and it was alrea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 09:10 PM
21

First, I strongly suggest a therapist. I grew up deeply religious. It infiltrated some of my deepest subconscious feelings about my body, womanhood, and the world. Regardless if you’re still religious or not, going to therapy will absolutely help you make peace with the “shoulds” rattling around in your head. As for appearance compliments, I think it’s a cultural issue that is unlikely to change soon. I find it best to say “thank you” and then move on. Also, consider that some men are being 100%…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 09:28 PM
54

I had an ex that had a specific race fetish. I am not that race. He would ask me to style/dye my hair, clothing, makeup to “look more [insert race]” and even suggested I eventually get plastic surgery. Yes, his ex, “the one that got away and broke his heart” was that race. I was a stupid teenager. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 08:59 PM
85

I’d bet that issue with the erectile dysfunction has nothing to do with her body or his preferences and has everything to do with a porn addiction and the death grip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 11:00 PM
90

This was good content. It was helpful to be able to read through this and pick out the subtle red flags. These would have flown under my radar even just a few years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:58 PM
40

This is great advice and could even be a separate post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:57 PM
112

Agree. The projection of this statement always astounds me. Like, men are more likely to end up alone because they’ve manufactured and continue to defend a culture of individualism that isolates men from social support systems. Then they put the entire burden of their emotional and social needs on one woman (his gf/wife), and then blame that one woman (and all women) for their isolation and loneliness as if they didn’t create and continue to perpetuate this issue in the first place. 🤦‍♀️ Without…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 02:52 PM
35

This is normal. And that’s the horror. Men care only about what women can give to them. When a woman can no longer offer 24/7 smiles and perform 27/7 caretaking of men’s performative infantilism and daily existential crisis that they’re 37 and somehow not Luke Skywalker** yet, they nope out to find another woman who will continue to lie to them about their exceptionalism. Wives always stay. Wives are the table. But husbands are—more often than not—useless extra mouths to feed. **Insert pop cultu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 02:48 PM
159

I got the same vibe. I’m tired of men who “don’t like pussy,” then LEAVE US ALONE. There are plenty of men out there who’d love to get “face fucked.” 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 01:31 AM
76

YUPPP it’s another way “female empowerment” is used as facade for exclusive male pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 01:30 AM
33

Agree!!! Therapy helped me drop the “we-ing” but I never heard the term “team mode” before today, which is exactly what I was doing. But that LVX is thankfully long gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 08:10 PM
129

Thank you for giving me the language I didn’t have for so long: “team mode.” That was me, always speaking in “we’s.” -“We’re looking for a good therapist to help him with his mental health issues.” -“We’re apply to new jobs.” -“We’re working on mindful spending.” -“We’ll have more time to do that when we’re done with this semester (of HIS school).” But I was the only one in “team mode” sacrificing my health and happiness and career to pull his dead weight. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 07:48 PM
33

First, Eurocentric beauty standards are a huge issue rooted in racism and colonialism. Your frustrations are valid. And while women everywhere face pressure to conform to unrealistic standards, we must acknowledge that BIPOC’s as a group (individual mileage may vary) face more pressure to have “white” features than white women face pressure to have “exotic” features. But yes, this issue does -to some degree- affect all women. However, I want to point out, OP, that you mentioned how it would be i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 05:34 PM
422

It’s not you, it’s them. They’re “shooting their shot” and taking zero personal considerations about you other than “female with vagina.” These men are shooting their shot with women who are older, younger, richer, poorer, employed, unemployed, and every physical characteristic there is. The idea they have is if they “shoot their shot” with every woman they come across, “statistically,” one of them will say yes. They aren’t looking for quality, but availability. It’s not you, it’s them. But as o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:17 PM
96

It’s easy to glamorize the SAHM/W role when you’re not living it yet. When the husband is still a Disney Prince you haven’t met yet. When the kids are still catalog babies with rosy cheeks who never cry and always go to sleep on time. When you’re young and don’t yet have health issues or just the general aches and pains of aging. Yeah, sure. That sounds like a dream. I’ll wake up every morning and make pancakes for my grateful family while the birds clean the dishes and the forest animals do the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:14 PM
118

Agree. A well done neg feels like a compliment that makes you uncomfortable and you don’t know why. What your describing is classic negging which is an immediate block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 01:55 AM
132

Which is bizarre because women are, biologically, the default. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 04:00 PM
428

Just to be clear: this post is NOT saying that passionate kissing means a man is HV. Lots of LVM are passionate kissers. It’s saying if a man REFUSES to kiss you or AVOIDS kissing you, or only engages with you physically during sex (he doesn’t do non-sexual cuddling), then he is LIKELY a LVM who is using you for sex. It’s that “not at rectangles are squares but all squares are rectangles” thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 03:58 PM
27

Sleep deprivation is horrific. It clouds your judgment and may lead you to make concessions or agree to things you wouldn’t normally have agreed to just to get some sleep. Depriving a person of sleep is on the same level of depriving them of water and food. It’s a basic need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 05:22 PM
44

This. Men need to take responsibility for all the pregnancies, wanted and unwanted; planned and unplanned, they cause.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:21 AM
94

Parenting an infant is a full time job. Jfc. This is why more and more women are becoming single mothers by choice. Same amount of responsibility but less burden because they don’t have to appease a narcissistic manchild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 03:13 AM
8

This was harrowing to read and a reminder I need to finish Bancroft’s book. I’m glad you left. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:09 PM
13

Okay, so you know how pickmes start relationship questions with, “So my (22F) boyfriend (35m) is SUCH a great guy, but he does this one thing…” and then proceeds to explain how her boyfriend is definitely a LVM? And then every FDS woman is exasperated and like, “He is NOT great guy, sis. LEAVE.” You just did that about your friend. So my advice is the same: leave this pickme behind. She does not add value to your life. You cannot save her. Leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 05:49 PM
57

This comment right here. I am not surprised my LVX is in a serious long-term relationship with a woman who “should know better” because I should have known better too. And maybe on some level I did, but the cultural conditioning that having a boyfriend was better than being single, plus years of low self-esteem that made me think “as long as he didn’t hit me he was a good man”, and decades of romcoms and romance novels simultaneously lowering the bar (thanks every Adam Sandler movie) while peddl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 07:32 PM
8

In my experience, people who are close with their families or have big families simply do not understand or even want to understand how a person could go no contact with their family. They refuse to understand or accept abuse. They will gaslight you into feeling like because “it’s family!!!1” you should give them another chance. They hold fast to forgiveness and the “blood is thicker than water” saying (without realizing the full statement basically says the opposite) and will blame YOU for any …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 05:13 PM
38

I’m so glad you got out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 04:53 PM
40

I had two exes that snored SO LOUD and both claimed they’d tried “everything” so I just had to deal. Uhhh, “everything” consisted of those breathe right nasal strips. They never saw a doctor, never tried medication, never considered a CPAP machine. Nothing. Some of my worst years of sleeping. I was blamed as being a light sleeper. But how can anyone sleep soundly when a freight train is next to you?!? ETA: Both men didn’t start out by snoring. They started once they’d gained over 20 pounds. Dad …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 04:44 PM
40

Eww. Yeah, pubic hair is not inherently unhygienic and can actually help prevent bacterial infections. It’s terrible what ridiculous lengths women are expected to go to just to be aesthetically pleasing for a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:30 PM
42

WAXED?!? For CHILDBIRTH?!? Holy shit. How do we come back from that depth of pick me Hell?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:13 PM
47

The breast is best militants disgust me. As if we didn’t have wet nurses because not all women can breastfeed no matter how much oatmeal and special tea she drinks. Literally no one cares/knows/asks if your child is breastfed once they’re in kindergarten and beyond. It’s such a non-issue that’s been manufactured to shame hormonal, postpartum women. If you can breastfeed and want to breastfeed, great! But it’s not a requirement for a good mom or a healthy baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:10 PM
126

Dad bods are disgusting and an immediate indicator of a LVM if he’s under 50. Men don’t have the hormonal hurdles, pregnancy, or natural fat distribution women have. There is zero reason for a dad bod except poor diet and laziness (barring the extremely small exception of men with medical issues, but that’s a statistically irrelevant amount).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:07 PM
78

And yet there’s this growing trend to not treat pregnant woman any different, as if they’re not going through massive physical, emotional, and mental changes and at risk for so many complications and infections. I see all these women bragging that they worked up until they gave birth in physically demanding, high risk jobs. This 1. Isn’t the norm and 2. Can be really risky for the average woman to emulate. Pregnancy is a precarious time for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:05 PM
42

Yes! The fourth trimester is so important and so overlooked!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:02 PM
147

This isn’t true. Many women find they stay the same weight or even gain while breastfeeding due to the amount of calories they must consume to keep their supply up. I’m hear that you had the weight loss effect, and that’s valid, but it’s not a guarantee as every woman’s body is different. And truly weight loss shouldn’t be the goal anyway. Healing over time—mentally, physically, and emotionally—and bonding with your newborn should be priority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:00 PM
10

This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:53 AM
6

This is painfully true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:52 AM
32

Damn. That gave me chills. It really is all about control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 10:15 PM
44

This was my thought too. The risks of donor conception for mothers AND children don’t seem any worse than the risks for natural conception. Men lie about their health (or just don’t care about their health so they honestly don’t know), lie about their family, lie about the amount of children they’ve conceived, and lie about how involved they are going to be. The story of a child being primally wounded by a father who rejects their existence is a horrifically common story. I realize DC children e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 07:00 PM
62

I believe this about the housework 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 06:50 PM
13

Damn. You hit everything on the head. Especially that part about women who are silent but feel pressure to keep performing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/22 04:41 AM
39

In my observation, women who date down are more often cheated on because the LVM start thinking they’re entitled to ALL women and will shoot their shot 24/7 or just buy sex. It’s gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:48 PM
94

I think it’s still a radical (but growing!) view that women do not need nor want a man. The “no man will ever date you” insult grows weaker every day, because women truly don’t need men to be happy, healthy, fulfilled, and successful. Like you said, repelling the majority of men is a good thing. FDS women are looking for HV partners, but it’s okay if we don’t find one because being alone is better and more fulfilling than being with a LVM. So they can screech away about how we’re all a bunch of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:00 PM
12

I watch this song every time it’s linked. It’s gold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 05:42 PM
23

Perfect 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 04:17 AM
34

What’s the saying: not all men but #yesallwomen As in, yes, all women will experience misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 07:32 PM
6

I had someone once drop the mask too. It changed me, to see that horror and know I had loved a lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 02:01 AM
118

Been there. It IS hell. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:07 PM
49

This is a huge obstacle with dating apps and a big reason why bisexual, queer, and lesbian women don’t use the apps anymore. They’ve become very toxic for lgbt+ women. Well, for all women, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:14 PM
30

Short answer: As a bisexual woman in a liberal state, yeah mostly. Longer answer: There are more HV women then HV men. However all women live in a patriarchal society and no one—no one—escapes unscathed. Unless a woman has done the work to unlearn misogynistic attitudes (often internalized and passively expressed) she will not be HV. So, it’s not like there’s tons of HV women running around but only LV men. LV people are still the majority of people. It’s just that the majority of LV people are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:13 PM
133

This. Literally today a man—a stranger—did the most obvious glance at my chest while I was responding to a question he asked. At this point, I don’t even think they’re trying to be subtle. They have no shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 02:39 AM
142

“You’re my mommy now?!?” 🤢🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 01:37 AM
133

Like, you want me to let you inside of me?? Then yeah, I’m going to go inside your drawers. I personally think all women should do some healthy snooping for their safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:43 PM
55

“Mama baiting” 🤣 I’m adding that to my dictionary. That’s exactly what this incompetent bumbling act is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 02:00 PM
16

YUP! Another reason to never, ever raise a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 01:55 PM
42

Many men who haven’t “made it” don’t believe they deserve a good partner. To be clear, most LVM believe they deserve a partner but not at HV one. So, if they’re dating you before they’ve made it, they don’t believe you’re a good, valuable woman. You’re a stop gap to wipe their ass, warm their bed, and reassure their doubts while they work on themselves, figure out their career/school, and become the men they want to be. Once they are that man, they look at you like a worn out pair of sneakers, i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 01:29 PM
7

I’ve begun self-describing myself as high-maintenance, proudly. I take a lot of attention, money, and care to maintain (that I’m happy to do myself, but like hell will I ever lower my standards to appease someone else’s insecurities). Not up to the task of being in a high-maintenance woman’s life? Byyyeee Honestly, it weeds out a lot of people both in friendships and relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:51 PM
17

Disagree. Most men don’t raise their children, their wife/baby mother does. And Is argue a fair share of them feel ownership over their children more than love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:22 PM
12

Every downvote isn’t a downvote of you but the voice of an FDS sister saying leave him, please!!! We don’t want to see you hurt, trapped, and unhappy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:15 PM
9

I’m not sure either, but I know a lot of male lurkers come here and aggressively downvote comments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 12:44 PM
32

Thank you for giving me two new words: Narcissistic supply - damn, this gives me the language I didn’t have to describe the behavior of crawling back my ex used to do Scrotacity - Oxford word of the year material right there 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 12:42 PM
34

The silent treatment is the worst. So is the coldness. The refusal of touch. It sucks. It’s such an insidious thing but it really breaks you down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 12:40 PM
137

Whenever a man describes his girlfriend or wife or situationship as “loyal,” it 100% means, “I cheat, she doesn’t, and she always forgives me.” Runnnnnn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 06:13 PM
38

This post and these comments (on FDS, not the original 🤣) are literally everything I needed to read today. I’m cackling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 03:40 PM
64

What is bad about big feet??? What a bizarre thing to neg you about! Is he worried your dick will be bigger than his now? 🤣 Like, never have I looked at a woman’s feet and considered anything other than if I like the shoes she’s wearing (in which case I’ll ask where she got them) or if she’s got a cute pedi (in which case I’ll compliment). Men are like toddlers without naps: irrational and mean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:21 PM
26

Don’t tell me who I am on a first (or second, or third….) date. That’s my job. You don’t know me! Examples: You’re so smart (usually followed by some form of I didn’t expect that because of how I look). You’re mature/young/wise/still so sweet or whatever for my age. It’s almost like people age different…? You probably get XYZ a lot from other men. Like STOP writing damn thesis statements about who I am when you haven’t done the the research! It’s men trying to either put you in a box so you conf…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:18 PM
13

100% important. We must align on: -Abortion: I am pro-choice. This literally affects me as a uterus-having woman. If I need to have an abortion for whatever reason including I just don’t want to be pregnant I must have a partner who will not stand in the way of getting an abortion, will actively help pay for it, and will take care of me as I recover— as is his responsibility the moment he decided to stick his dick in me. -BLM: Black Lives Matter. If he is all about this All Lives Matter bullshit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 01:05 AM
30

Jesus Christ. This is Hell. We’re in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:44 AM
28

F E M A L E That’s the only red flag I need. Also, sometimes I look up those ask threads where men ask other men what physical or personality characteristics they hate in women and then I specifically go and adopt those things so I can ward off LVM like this loser. My newest one is those soap eyebrows. Men hate them. I love them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 04:43 PM
8

I resonate deeply with this experience. It’s exhausting. It’s dehumanizing. It puts you on guard constantly. It makes you acutely away of your status as prey surrounded by predators. It makes life horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:17 PM
9

I’d personally wait to date until you feel better about you. You don’t need to feel 100% confident and happy with where you are physically, emotionally, and mentally, but can you get to 70%? 80%? I only say this because it’s important we feel deserving of HV treatment or we risk settling for less than we deserve. Going into the dating pool with a “please love me; please validate” me mindset is dangerous because LVM can smell the low self-esteem and, like the predators they are, will sniff it out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 04:15 PM
7

Everyone suggests their God is a loving God, but he doesn’t seem so loving. He seems judgmental, cruel, vindictive, and misogynistic. Why would I want to worship such a being? Am I supposed to be afraid of Hell? Because the heaven I’m supposed to be doing everything in my power to gain access too seems like…well, Hell. It’s full of smug men telling me what to do. It’s still an eternal servitude to men, but now in the clouds with harps and shit. Yeah….pass So much of women’s liberation is connect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:23 PM
16

What a powerful image that stack of paperwork compared to one marriage certificate is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 07:08 PM
5

This is all very true. My mother was protected against a lot of the greed from my father’s ex wife and his family of origin when he died simply because they were married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 07:05 PM
10

This is an excellent post! Thank you for this analysis and summary!! 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 05:36 PM
58

She’s an artist. So her public persona is curated. Plus, I’m sure she wanted to get married at one point because that’s the cultural narrative pushed on all women from birth, but I think her priorities and outlook have drastically changed in the last 2-3 years. Have you ever watched her documentaries? Those gave me a lot of respect for her. The image pushed on us by the media was very different than the woman TS is/was behind closed doors (and even those documentaries are curated; I don’t blame …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:57 PM
27

I hate how mxn act like they’re requesting a woman on dating apps. Like they’re ordering off a fast food menu. “Let’s see if this site has what I’m looking for” like it’s a build a bear workshop but for people. No one deserves another person. I feel like that’s at the root of everything wrong with LVM/NVM. They feel they deserve a woman (who they don’t see as human but as a function) regardless of their own quality as a person. Women are not things. You can’t order them at your local Burger King…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:20 PM
24

So true. Especially that part about sex being when a woman is at her most vulnerable. It’s not the same for men. And I know so many women (myself included) who have been forced to shut off during sex and just prioritize the male partner because the alternative is pain and dissatisfaction: to be left wanting. You can’t want in a poly relationship because a man can just go to his other partner(s) who want less. So it becomes a race to the bottom. Poly with men is dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 02:45 AM
70

I refuse to appearance shame things people cannot change, but will 100% shame hygiene—or lack thereof. And so many poly people seem to lack basic hygiene skills. It’s baffling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:20 AM
405

Also, this doesn’t always work. My therapist (shitty therapist) gave me this advice when my NVX would forget to take out the garbage (his ONE chore because I was killing myself doing EVERYTHING else). The only reason it was his chore was because the dumpster in our apartment complex was in this very shady, unlit area and he felt it was a safety issue for me to bring the garbage there. He’d actually get mad if I brought the garbage out myself after getting tired of seeing it pile up in the kitche…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:17 PM
9

I’m not sure how we’d know if he caught anything. Charlie Sheen was HIV positive for years before anyone knew (someone threatened to out his status so he beat them to it). If he had caught an STI, I’m sure it would be something he keeps very private much like the rest of his medical history. Plus, men are less likely to show symptoms anyway. All the more reason to avoid community dick!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 09:00 PM
3

Love this! If only this was standard for every man who says they don’t want kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:37 PM
24

Love is a verb, not a feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:05 AM
65

Oh boy. This makes me even more afraid now that the torture porn industry is gaining more and more steam. Soon it will be acceptable to their homies and then…what will we do?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:03 PM
71

Agree! I think horror as a genre isn’t inherently bad—but what it’s become and what it represents to so many men is just…toxic. I actually love reading horror, and I love a good crime podcast. But the movies….I struggle to see past what I feel is, well, violent porn to so many men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 03:56 PM
11

Same. I use this account for my fundie snark community and FDS and that’s it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 03:18 PM
30

Social media is a lie. Period. Test this: Gather a photo representing only the best part of your life Crop everything even slightly negative out of it. Embellish even the most mundane positive description (it’s sunny out? No. “It’s a blessed Sunday full of God’s good rays of sunshine beating down on our freckled faces!”). Now photoshop yourself to be an impossible standard of beauty. No blemishes. No redness. No stray hairs. Pull your waist in and your boobs out. Slap a filter on that edited pho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 02:54 PM
8

I’ll add in percentages here to consider when thinking about splitting bills. 50/50 is a scam. If a bill is split in half (say a $2000) mortgage where you pay 1k and he pays 1k that seems fair, right? Wrong. If he brings in 5k a month and you bring in 3k that mortgage payment leaves him with 4K left over and you with 2k. The mortgage payment is only 1/5 of his salary but 1/3 of yours. So it’s not fair. Make sure if you go the route of splitting bills, you split bills based on percentages of your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 02:32 PM
24

My bf has male acquaintances, but his friends are women. Men are often toxic AF. A lot of this is location: we live in a very [insert political alignment] place, and it’s difficult for my bf who is not stereotypically masculine to relate to the local men who peacock around in their lifted trucks, drink cheap beer, and rage about sports. I’m sure if he met a man who wasn’t having mental breakdowns about football every week, he’d make friends (and he does have some good acquaintances), but they’re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 02:20 PM
42

Make plans after your date and make sure he knows you are busy after xyz o’clock and it’s not negotiable (first dates shouldn’t go too long anyway even if you like the guy). Have a friend on standby ready to call you 15 minutes after you’re end time just in case. Order your Uber to pick you up at the end time before you even begin the date (or drive yourself). This can help you make a quick exit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 03:27 AM
11

I struggle with this. Women are already expected to be babysitters of men’s rage and behavior. And so often when a man abuses a child, the focus is on the mother, as if she alone had the power to stop him, and because she didn’t, the abuse is solely her fault (because isn’t it just in the nature of men to hurt? The woman should have done her moral duty to calm him down, I guess). I think that’s what gives me pause: women are not keepers of men. Of course hold women accountable for their actions …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 05:54 PM
59

I had an ex who told me I was a snob, an elitist, and that my standards were too high. Fine, then go find less. Never settle. Take your moral high ground and find someone on your level. Wishing you wisdom and peace with your decision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:57 AM
9

This is true. Hardly any vetting question is 100% foolproof. If his answer is satisfactory, move forward but continue vetting, always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 08:28 PM
45

Men don’t ask women for help. They ask other men. Same way that adults don’t ask children for help. They ask other adults. If an adult asks a child to do anything other than call 911 or get an adult, it’s sketchy. I’d tell my child this. Adults ask other adults for help, not children. And adult men don’t ask women for help when there are other men around. I never help adult men. I’ll call 911 or alert someone if it’s a life threatening situation of course (I’m not a nurse or trained to perform f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:10 PM
49

Agree with the above commenters. A book that I read that put words to this issues of undervaluing what society sees as “women’s work” is the book Fed Up. It’s not perfect, and the author “not all men’s” too much for my taste, but it really shows how women are now responsible for 50% of the income but still 90% of household chores and child rearing. It’s simply unsustainable in a healthy way, especially when a LVM becomes an additional child needing care and attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 11:31 PM
107

“Would you be open to being a stay at home Dad?”is a good vetting question. See what he says. Does he scoff or laugh at it? Maybe he doesn’t take homemaking and child raising seriously or see it’s worth. Does he say he could never imagine leaving his job to raise his own children? Does he suggest that’s what you will do because you’re the wife? Does he embrace the idea? Is he open to it? And maybe from his answers you can get a better idea of whether or not he will be eager and involved in child…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 09:15 PM
12

If your BF puts you down in public or shared company, then he’s a LVM and you need to leave. It’s one thing for couples to encourage each other to be their best selves or to respond honestly to inquires about flaws, but this kind of shit is soooo insidious. And I know some people have that joking-style dynamic where both parties kind of neg each other all the time, but tbh, you’ll never convince me that’s healthy. Life is too hard to also have to “keep up” with poking fun at your SO—you know, th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:12 PM
1

Agree!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 04:30 PM
14

I think it’s how you answer it 100% and whether or not you overshare. I used to overshare way too much way too early. I learned, through therapy, I was seeking validation from everyone I met. That wasn’t healthy, and it opened me up to abuse from people who would use my oversharing to fake intimacy and use my need for love to exploit and hurt me. So learned to pull back until appropriate. If a man overshares on the first date, it’s a good sign he has trauma that’s still fresh or not worked on. Y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 03:56 AM
16

Tell her flat out: “Xyz, your boyfriend is going to kill you. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t say this. You must leave him. Now. I will help you by (insert what you can). I know leaving him is your choice and your choice alone, and this is the last time I’ll bring it up—I wont harp on it. But the offer always stands. You can come to me any time, any day, and I will help you, zero judgment, zero ‘I told you so’s. I love you, and you deserve better.” And then do exactly that. Be there for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 02:33 AM
8

Is this a fantasy? Or a creative writing exercise AND a way to test your boundaries? Maybe. Or maybe it’s real. Either way, gross. Glad you got rid of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 02:20 AM
2

Which is totally fine! But I won’t deny or ignore the issue of men ignoring their wives and children because a game is on TV. It’s a widespread, normalized cultural phenomenon. It doesn’t mean sports=bad just that a man who wants to get married and have children needs to be able to prioritize those things before a game. So I think asking about someone’s level of sport dedication is a good idea, even if you also love sports. I personally cannot stand them, so I use it as an early vetting tool for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 02:18 AM
1

Ooooo that’s a good one!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 11:34 PM
6

I do, but I think we might be different ages 😅 In my experience the “yes and no” game is something played in the early stages of dating that feels natural. And its insights are helpful for me. I’ve never had someone balk at a “why” follow up question before—honestly that in and of itself would be a red flag for me; I don’t really care if I come across as intimidating to a man—but I know everyone’s experiences are different. It’s okay if you don’t find these questions helpful for your dating styl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 09:44 PM
3

Agree!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 09:17 PM
3

Good point. I’ll add an edit to add this important information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:36 PM
16

That’s true. I guess I was thinking you could always ask follow up and get into a more natural conversational flow. Like: “Do you like dogs?” “Yeah?” “Awesome, me too. Why? Do you have any?” I generally think if a man just answers yes or no without follow up that in and of itself is a red flag. If I have to formulate every question like an open ended essay assignment just to get him to talk, then I’m asking for the check. 😅 I do love your additions to this!!! Especially “what keeps you up at nig…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:32 PM
6

Great question!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:30 PM
10

I’ve seen multiple men write who they’re like in their OLD or social media bios but agree if it doesn’t come up naturally it might be difficult to talk about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:29 PM
7

Thank you for your feedback! I’ve found a lot of first date conversations revolve around likes and dislikes as a casual, no-strings attached subject. So I thought about writing questions that stick to this formula but can also provide insight early on. The “what kind of porn do you like/watch” is a classic FDS question. Instead of asking “do you watch porn” which man LVM might answer “no” too thinking that’s what you want to hear, asking what kind of porn makes it seem like you’re porn-friendly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:28 PM
13

True!!! It’s important to vet not just their words but their body language and actions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:25 PM
3

Lmao right?!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:24 PM
9

Lmao right?!? I have FOUR cats so if he doesn’t like cats, then it’s over. 🐱
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:24 PM
7

OOOOO this is a really good one!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:24 PM
21

Hahahaha all very important questions!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:23 PM
7

YES! This is a great question to add!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:23 PM
5

Agree!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 05:48 PM
4

It’s SO common in not only my social circle—of otherwise HV women who are smart, successful, wonderful people who still felt like any man was better than no man….but that’s a rant for another day—and in wedding groups online. It’s become something of a stereotype that men just “don’t care” about wedding planning and simply show up in a tux. But the implications of that are heartbreaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:12 PM
2

Exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:09 PM
1

Exactly! Like no opinion on the food??? What??? And sure, he might struggle with the nuances of different toned blues, but surely he has an opinion on like, blue vs orange??? He could always help with the initial stage and then leave his bride to work on the nuances. And they say “men are visual creatures” but all these LVM men don’t care about the aesthetic of their own damn wedding. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:09 PM
2

I’m so so sorry. I always try to remind myself that I have a wonderful network of women in my life who are sweet and generous and will be there for me on my worst days. Why would I ever settle for a man who does LESS than my friends?!? I’m glad you’re able to be there for your friend. She’ll need you when this falls apart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:07 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter