Hi everyone! First time posting, long time lurking (love love love the podcast).

I need to talk about this issue because a couple of my friends are marrying LVM, and I’m watching the train wreck happen in real time.

One of the red flags I want to explore is the trope that men don’t care about wedding planning.

That’s incorrect. LVM don’t care about wedding planning, but HVM will be excited to plan with you.

Now before anyone says “My man just isn’t crafty,” I’m not talking about HVM suddenly becoming decorators and florists and professional musicians. But your HVM should WANT to joyfully help you plan one of the biggest days of your life. He should eagerly have a say in a few of the choices—and there are many choices to be made about a wedding. Do you think every bride is thrilled by every facet of wedding planning? No! But she does it anyway. So, he should also be taking an active role in contacting and vetting vendors, choosing food, decor, style, songs, and the color and style of his freaking tux!

Etc.

I’m in a few Facebook wedding groups, and the amount of posts that say something like, “How do I get my FH to be more involved with our wedding day? I’m overwhelmed, and he says I should just do whatever I want and he’ll show up in a tux, but I want him to be more involved!” Almost every comments gaslight the bride and tells her that this is normal and men just, “aren’t into weddings and decorations and stuff like that” and, “just be glad he shows up!”

Or they tell her to cOmMuNiCaTe

🤦‍♀️

This is happening with my friends too. At engagement parties the bride is with her bridesmaids talking about wedding details and the groom is drinking beer and talking about sports. Sorry, if your man doesn’t want to spend time with you at your own goddamn engagement party then he’s not a HVM. 🤷‍♀️

Ladies, don’t settle. The effort a man puts into your wedding is indicative of the effort he will put into his marriage with you.

And it might have changed. Maybe he was HV until after you got the ring. Lots of LVM men feel like they can check out once you say, “yes.” Don’t fall for it. Keep vetting until you say “I do.”

And every day thereafter.