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huevos_and_whiskey Archive

View 14 posts and 1,044 comments by huevos_and_whiskey on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
558

LESSON LEARNEDhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 02:24 PM
319

DISCUSSIONhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 09:38 PM
284

FDS HUMORhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 01:49 AM
180

LEVEL UPhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 05:40 PM
171

WHOLESOME CONTENThuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:50 PM
169

NAH, SIShuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 06:07 PM
158

MINDSET SHIFThuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:32 PM
144

DISCUSSIONhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 10:55 PM
107

DISCUSSIONhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:11 AM
94

REMINDER 👑huevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 03:40 PM
80

huevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 02:42 AM
64

PICKMEISHA HALL OF SHAMEhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:05 PM
57

PICKME CULTUREhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:34 PM
1

FDS HUMORhuevos_and_whiskey/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 11:46 AM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,044 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Are you actually trying to argue that if women can’t find good relationships they should just lower their standards to accept even worse treatment? That makes literally zero sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 05:23 AM
5

I can see why you might assume that, but I’ve seen it from guys across the looks spectrum. It’s not just hot guys, it’s the ones who really should be working to have something else to offer instead offloading all the emotional and mental labor even of the getting to know you phase onto women and then raging when they get ghosted. It’s like they expect to send one message and then be entertained. The state of it /smh
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 06:36 PM
5

Commenting here because not only do I agree with OP’s frustration, I think it goes farther than that. The “they just have to show up” complaint isn’t just inaccurate, it’s also largely projection. Men are the ones who most often seem to think they just need to bring themselves, and barely that. As far as the mental work, emotional work, etc. that goes into the beginning? Women are carrying those conversations. Guys are putting in minimal to no effort and then acting put out about it. Oh, and don…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 06:22 PM
1

No, if you’re a woman a polite “sorry not interested” is absolutely not the best response. At best, it invites negotiation on a non negotiable. Worse responses can range through the guy taking all sorts of offense from trying to play off that he wasn’t looking for anything to getting aggressive or even downright dangerous. The girl in the OP’s story did the right thing - being cold will keep you so much safer than being polite about a rejection in this type of scenario. If it’s a friend asking y…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/25 02:09 AM
3

Sure, let me spend the next four hours looking up actual studies and charts and numbers for you to disprove your lazy, unscientific assertion. Oh wait, no.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/23 04:36 PM
2

Men are willing to go through the motions for an act that more often than not centers their pleasure. Color me shocked. Your poll didn’t test the right variable(s) to prove your conclusion.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/23 08:24 AM
3

Women have been slut shamed for at least ten centuries. The rhetoric about men wanting to fuck anything “dick is abundant and low value” has only been around for a few years. Older iterations of women fighting back against the unfair double standard by turning it around on men goes back a few decades at most. 1) It really doesn’t compare. 2) Turnabout is fair play. Also, the material consequences for a woman being seen as a “slut” were and in some ways still are much harsher than for a man. No m…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/23 04:37 AM
0

Sex jokes are not necessarily flirting if they’re common among one’s friend group, media choices, or other common influences.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 08:12 PM
3

How are you going to take a shot if you don’t know how to aim?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/23 10:49 PM
4

Agreed. Anyone is allowed to have whatever dating preferences they want, but women are more than just trophies for well behaved men and/or rehabilitation centers for misbehaving men. This post is setting up a dynamic where we’re still just seen as “helpmeets” instead of equally valuable and whole human beings with our own contributions to society.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 11:01 PM
1

The keyword here is claim. There are people who lack empathy who claim to be neurodivergent as an excuse. That shouldn’t reflect on people who are actually neurodivergent.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 09:41 PM
1

Women tend to act like consensual sex is something that is happening to them. This is the opposite of what is true.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 09:12 PM
–

She would not like whatever it is she likes. Ok buddy 🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 07:17 PM
–

She married him. There was something he used to do in the beginning that got her interested. Do more of that. Go do something fun together. Make her laugh. Stay up all night talking. Play. Like, whatever it is she’s into, that attracted her to him in the first place, he knows what that is because he did it successfully before.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 06:57 PM
–

I really hope you meant stress. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 06:06 PM
1

Directly from this article. Do you mean that it doesn’t make sense in terms of word choice / clarity, or that you disagree?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 08:51 PM
9

There’s a vast difference between saying that men have a higher propensity for violence and claiming all men commit violent crimes. You’re the one conflating those things here, not me. You’re also shifting goalposts on your points, and which one is being refuted by which rebuttal, so it seems like you’re not arguing in good faith.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:59 PM
0

Abusers manipulate people, virtue signal, get jobs that make them look prestigious, caring, or above suspicion, donate/volunteer to charity, and otherwise mask their intentions. Red flags rarely show up right away, and are often played off as misunderstandings. Women are conditioned to be kind, give the benefit of the doubt, and put others needs and feelings ahead of our own. I assure you, no woman gets into an abusive relationship on purpose. If you think we’re “asking for it” you’re part of th…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:54 PM
2

I’m sorry, do you consider a woman being at home with her husband or boyfriend “invading a male space”? Did you mean to respond to a different comment entirely?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:49 PM
2

A man’s average power to throw a punch is 162% higher than a woman’s, with the least powerful men still stronger than the most powerful women.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:42 PM
11

Over 80% of all violent crimes are committed by male perpetrators. 98% of sexual assaults are committed by male perpetrators. You can’t replace men with any other group here, because that wouldn’t be factually true.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:37 PM
5

Guess what? Murderers/rapists/abusers don’t wear signs. People don’t get into abusive relationships on purpose. They get into those relationships because that other person seemed great at first.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:23 PM
3

It can be difficult to talk about violence, especially sexual violence, in which the perpetrator is female. It is much rarer, but that doesn’t excuse that the attitudes people have toward it are often dismissive, minimizing, and downright backwards. I’m sorry you’ve been through that. What I haven’t seen, is people calling good faith discussion of this topic “misogynistic”. What does get called misogynistic are bad faith attempts to shut down conversation about sexual violence against female vic…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 06:14 PM
2

Why are you talking about strange men in a dark alley somewhere when most perpetrators of rape, murder and abuse are someone the victim knows?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 05:50 PM
1

People aren’t advocating for punishment of these crimes, though, and our justice system rarely prosecutes them. Less than 1% of rapes lead to a conviction. Out of every 1000 rapes, only 50 lead to an arrest, and only half that lead to the perpetrators being incarcerated. 80% of domestic violence cases are filed as misdemeanors. 70% of the time, prosecutors do not file a case at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 05:41 PM
2

You think you’re walking on eggshells, imagine tiptoeing around people with twice your strength. A woman is killed every 11 minutes. The majority of femicides are committed by an intimate partner or family member. In the US, the most likely person to kill a woman is her husband or boyfriend, the least likely is a stranger. Contrast that with the data for homicides of male victims: the most likely person to kill a man is a male friend or acquaintance, the least likely is an intimate partner. The …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 05:27 PM
2

Lovebombing isn’t just being in love with someone. It’s showering them with over the top versions of things we associate with love.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 04:10 PM
0

K. Sounds like you’re personally identifying with a specific, niche situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 04:43 AM
1

Cost really depends on where you live. Check local restaurants, mid-range and top end, and see how much it would cost for two entrees, a couple of drinks, maybe apps/dessert, and a 20% tip if you’re in the US.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 04:14 AM
3

Have you ever worked with abused women? It’s really difficult for them to get out safely, especially if there are kids involved. That’s not a rationalization or an excuse. The entire system is skewed in abusers’ favor.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 03:47 AM
4

If your definition of “works” is she stays with you for a few more months or years than someone without trauma would, while you exacerbate her trauma and cause additional distress, then you need to adjust your priorities.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 01:27 AM
3

Positive manipulation isn’t much better. Take lovebombing, for example. Your partner is a human being who experiences the full range of human emotions, including insecurities, nervousness. Except in rare cases, she cares about you and your opinion of her. So the lovebombing and phase might feel really good, for both people, and get a lot of investment really quickly. But are you going to keep it up forever? No. So when it stops, she’s going to wonder “did I do something wrong?” “does he not like…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 01:23 AM
12

A list if manipulation tactics I have witnessed, in no particular order: Negging Lovebombing Mirroring Future Faking Triangulation Lying about Past or Current Relationships Backfooting Breadcrumbing Severe Emotional Abuse / “Dread Game” Gaslighting Minimizing Toxic Behaviors Blame Shifting / DARVO Obfuscation Deflection Physical Intimidation Weaponized Incompetence Projection All of these behaviors can fall under the umbrella of coercive control. They are all examples of not participating in a r…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 11:35 PM
–

Reptile people.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 10:20 PM
3

The “loverboy” con is the male equivalent of a “honey pot” - just the lovebombing stage of abuse. It’s a manipulative short-term strategy, and it’s a con. It’s often used by human traffickers.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 09:59 PM
6

He’s going to prison because he’s a conman who committed human rights violations. That’s not a successful long term strategy, and anyone who does as he did should go to prison. If he could have made the same money advocating for equality and selling videos of himself taking women on nice dinner dates, he would have. He conned those women, and he conned his audience. The content of his message doesn’t need to be true for that to happen. Manipulators mix lies and the truth, they don’t really care …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 09:39 PM
2

Even when he gives no indication he thinks anything like this, these comments are inevitable. Are you sure he hasn’t? Denigrating attitudes toward women have become so normalized, most men don’t even see it when it’s right in front of them. Often when men and boys online ask for help with relationships with women or girls, even just the way the question is phrased belies entitled or objectifying attitudes. Normalizing and minimizing misogynistic attitudes, whether online in manosphere forums, or…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 08:55 PM
1

Tape test to measure fitness/BMI. Military has regulations around the acceptable measurement range, not meeting it can get you written up. So a thick neck from being really muscular actually skews the results in a negative way.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 07:41 PM
1

I didn’t assume that. I said waiting for the right person is better than settling for just any relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 05:47 PM
1

thick military neck Tell me you’ve never had to worry about making “tape” without telling me.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 05:43 PM
3

Women don’t just get called names, when we’re perceived as a “slut” or a “bitch” we get mistreated. Men are allowed to be assholes. The stakes are much lower. Women, on the other hand - you in danger, girl.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 05:32 PM
2

On looks, though - I can usually tell within seconds if a guy is angry or arrogant. Posture, facial expressions, etc. This is a bigger factor for me, because if a guy who is objectively attractive carries himself like he’s a complete jerk, I’m going to respond to the latter much more than the former. Same goes for a guy who is mid/unattractive, if he’s stable and approachable I’m going to have a higher opinion of him in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 05:23 PM
2

Yes, I love having my living space to myself. I have friends and get along with my neighbors. Being single is certainly better than being in the wrong relationship, and nothing about the current attitudes toward relationships or dating have made me want to have anything to do with that scene since my divorce. If the right person comes along someday, cool, but either way I like my life and I’m not actively seeking to change it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 04:28 PM
28

Why do so many men expect women to understand their mood swings when their testosterone cycles daily?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 04:38 AM
–

1) Your source doesn’t even address what traits women find attractive, it’s just about short term vs long term relationships. Also, Psychology Today is a rag. 2) This is a completely inane take. Everyone vets their partners. This is not a gendered thing. Everyone makes decisions about who they will or will not sleep with or have relationships with. Vetting is simply the process by which we make those decisions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 03:25 AM
2

Interesting. He has to have something he’s passionate about, and be able to talk about it without being pretentious. I don’t really care what it is, anything can be interesting with the right attitude. Seeing a guy get excited about his interests, his eyes light up, etc. is attractive. Being able to learn something new is also a plus. Kindness/altruism/empathy/compassion. Good sense of humor. Able to banter. Smart enough to keep up with me during said banter, or just generally conversationally. …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 01:53 AM
–

Um, no. Your entire comment is a load of horse pucky. Most women vet for characteristics such as individual compatibility, values, interests, personality styles and the like. In fact, studies have shown that the trait women find most attractive is altruism. Don’t listen to chronically online men who tell you what women want. They either don’t know, or are trying to sell you something.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 01:21 AM
3

IMO starting a first date with a hug gives off needy/clingy/insecure vibes, especially if you met online. Less so if you were friends first, and knew each other fairly well before the first date. The more important question, though, was what was her body language before and after each hug? Did she seem ok with that, did she find it charming or sweet, or was she just being polite? You’ve given us no information to go on, and if you’re not reading nonverbal cues then all these tips and advice are …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 01:05 AM
–

What are you even talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 12:32 AM
–

Sex with someone who sees you as an equal partner can be a beautiful thing, transcendent even. That being said, I really fear for your generation because the attitudes towards sex have become so degrading and in some (many) cases downright abusive. It’s not just your generation, either - men of all ages have followed this trend towards viewing women and sex in such dehumanizing terms - but for the younger generations it’s like this is all you’ve ever known. I’ve heard younger women, and even som…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/23 11:40 PM
1

For every one like you there are hundreds who are unwilling, trafficked, traumatized, or otherwise stuck in the cycle of poverty and unemployability and can’t get out.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/23 07:17 PM
-2

Financial coercion is coercion.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/23 04:21 AM
1

We men ARE trying to leave you alone at work; and then when we do, women bitch and complain that we're not being "friendly" or "helpful" or they get excluded from "men's groups". Fewer instances of cooperation during daily work. Exclusion from networking opportunities. Leads to less opportunity for advancement, and having to do more than average the amount of work due to coworker noncooperation.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/23 10:40 PM
2

If you won’t talk to 50% of your coworkers because you have a sexual interest in them, you’re not doing your job and you should be fired. Seriously, what is with this all or nothing attitude? If you can’t sexually harass women at your workplace you shun them? Team cooperation is essential. You are hurting the company. Out you go.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/23 10:31 PM
8

Lol Aragorn. Agreed. Not even the actor who plays him, he would have to literally be Aragorn to make the cut.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 04:49 AM
2

You’re not alone in feeling that way. I haven’t had sex since 2018, about 6 months before my ex husband and I separated (just finalized the divorce!) and for the two or three years prior to that sex with him was infrequent and increasingly bad. Like, as soon as we were married he started getting lazy and selfish in bed, and it just got worse from there. The last time I had actual good sex was probably 2016. 6 long years ago. That last time we had sex in 2018 was so awful I was fine with never do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 04:36 AM
2

Thank you for your response! That’s really well said. Yes, I’ve had to grieve the loss of who I thought he was - who he pretended to be early on - and not who he actually was. It comes back around sometimes, as grieving does, but it’s less impactful each time. I’ve been spending my free time on creative pursuits, and some of that touches on my feelings about what happened, but some of it is also refocusing on moving forward. You’ve got your power back now. This, really hit me. I don’t know if I’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 03:38 PM
6

Well I was going to hex the f out of him at the next new moon if he didn’t finish the paperwork to sell the old house back to me, but he did, so now I’m out of ideas. 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 12:02 AM
16

Ah, the peace. I have enjoyed some of that during the separation, at least when I didn’t have crusty old scrotes literally climbing my walls (and looking in my windows) during the renovations on my new house. My personal rule: never date LVM, never hire LVM, never in any way associate with LVM if I can help it. So much more peaceful that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 10:05 PM
5

::hugs:: I hope your friend’s situation gets better, whatever that ends up looking like, and I hope you’re doing ok. It’s got to be hard watching a friend stay with a shitty guy. And thank you. 🙏💖 It actually helped a little to write some of that out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 07:20 PM
48

Hey everyone, I’m feeling pretty tapped out, but your support is wonderful! If I didn’t reply directly to your comment, please know I do appreciate you and at least one of those upvotes is mine. 💖💖💖 Sparkly hearts to all of you, because I love my sparkly hearts and will never stop using them, and I love all of you supportive ladies here at FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 04:57 PM
32

I don’t have a lot of words left today, but I’ll try. My marriage started to break down a few weeks after we got married (courthouse, no wedding). He waited just long enough to parade around in front of his friends and family over the holidays that year, as if we were the perfect loving couple, and then on the way back from that trip the mask started to come off. Suddenly he was angry at me over every little thing, even accusing me of things I hadn’t - and would never - say or do. It took me two…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 04:52 PM
13

You hit the nail on the head in terms of how it feels. Thank you, sis 🙏💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 04:26 PM
20

Congratulations! Was your divorce over teleconference too? Any thoughts looking back after a year out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 03:33 PM
7

I would be down for something like that. I love my space and living alone, but I worry about what if something happens to me as I get older and there’s no one there to even find the body. I fell down an icy flight of stairs last winter and I was like, what if I hadn’t been able to get up? I’m only 37, but how am I going to deal with stuff like this when I’m 70 and a lot more breakable?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 03:24 PM
59

Thank you! I started crying happy tears at “I’m proud of you too, sis.” Probably going to be an emotional day for me, but I’ll think on what I might do. Missed low tide this morning and it’s been raining on and off so taking my dog to the beach is probably off the table. I gave her an extra cookie right after I got off the teleconference, and said “congratulate me on my divorce” and she gave me puppy kisses on my chin, so that was a nice moment. Maybe we’ll do something more fun over the weekend…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 03:16 PM
118

Vanilla is the second rarest spice in the world, and it’s worth more than silver.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 01:31 PM
20

Fun fact: “clipping coupons” was also a euphemism for having bonds. Bonds used to be on actual pieces of paper, and they had “coupons” on one side that could be redeemed for periodic interest payments. So when asked what they do for a living, some people who had passive income from stocks and bonds might reply, “I clip coupons.” It’s a safe bet that anyone living well that way had a trust fund.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 07:11 PM
512

"Traditionally law enforcement and other public safety officials focus on crimes," Dr. Lina Alathari, Director of NTAC said. "And so, if there's no 'direct threat' or a criminal statute violated, they often feel that they can't do anything.” Ok but like ??? The guy that shot up the yoga studio did commit multiple crimes prior to that. He was arrested three times for groping women in public. He was thrown out of his niece’s birthday party for touching little girls. Why did no one take these incid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 06:07 PM
63

It’s so ridiculously toxic that porn is normalized. It’s so gross! My imagination is so much better than watching people who are exploited, abused and trafficked. Our society is so backwards about these things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 02:48 PM
87

And yet every time I report blatant misogyny they decide it doesn’t violate the community standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 11:00 PM
35

After all that, mf got to live out his life and die of natural causes?! Wtf is wrong with our justice system?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 02:49 PM
102

People who say things like this are usually operating from a Just World Bias. They want to believe that it would never happen to them, if they make good decisions. They don’t want to accept that bad things can happen to good people, or that someone can lie and con so well as your ex did, because those ideas make the world seem like a scary place full of uncertainty. So they’d rather blame you for “choosing wrong”, because it comforts them to think they can choose better and they will be ok. It’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 12:45 AM
12

Exactly! If at some point I meet and have mutual attraction with a HVM, great, but until then I’m staying single. It’s also fairly unlikely given how rare truly HV men are. If I never find one, I’m ok with that. I am, however, still an adult human with all the same desires as anyone else. When that energy hits, I’d rather direct it somewhere that won’t be a detriment to my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 11:46 PM
19

Yes, totally agree about it staving off getting dickmatized! Great word, btw. As long as it’s in moderation, I don’t see a problem with indulging in the occasional fantasy. Better a fictional character than a real person you might have to see every day. Less awkward that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 11:16 PM
38

Yup, in his mind she was wearing it just for him. So disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 02:33 PM
1

“Drama free” = causes tons of drama, no accountability, it’s always someone else’s fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 10:30 PM
186

This is horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 06:12 AM
14

I had to look that up. HEMA is Historical European Martial Arts, for anyone else who’s wondering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 05:42 PM
56

Let us die go to the respawn point with honor shouting and glory throwing our controllers across the room for something greater than ourselves fake internet points!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 04:25 PM
7

I took that to mean that she wants him to get tested and give her copies of the results.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 04:39 PM
27

I think this is a really interesting topic to bring up! On the one hand, erotica is not exploiting anyone in the same ways porn does. There’s no human trafficking, or tricking actress into enduring abuse. On the other hand, there is some really weird, toxic, abusive stuff out there, so it has the same potential to spread ideas about abusive sex and normalize them. I think it really comes down to what type of erotica he reads and, even more importantly, writes. It’s really interesting to see how …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 12:33 AM
36

💯 All of this! I think we need more examples of healthy, loving sex in media, and one of the few places I’ve found it is in erotica. Unfortunately it’s like, the top 1% of erotica meets the criteria of being well written, grounded in character, non-objectifying, etc. There’s a lot of really weird, awful, and just plain poorly written stuff out there. So you’re absolutely right that it matters what type he reads, and if he reads anything else. As a side note, anyone writing good, healthy, loving …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 11:53 PM
42

Being raped by someone you love and trust is psychologically damaging in its own unique way. That it’s the least recognized form of rape with the fewest consequences is so backwards. Wtf is wrong with our society?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 02:58 PM
1

I think I had the same groove! I actually tried botox for it, and I do not recommend it. It just felt so wrong. Like my body was screaming at me during the injection that the stuff was poison. The groove in my forehead came back after several months, too. Never went back for botox again, but after I left my husband that groove in my forehead went away permanently, just like yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:03 PM
4

Also if he’s always criticizing your workouts like what you do is never good enough. Had one guy do this while I was recovering from an injury and following the directions of my physical therapist, but ofc gym bro dude thought he knew better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:53 PM
27

Only slightly higher than the percent that already do, because the laws are so rarely enforced it’s tacitly legal anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 07:34 AM
20

I’m a little surprised it’s that low.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 07:19 AM
6

Right? Should’ve left it on the bedside table, on the kangaroo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 03:43 AM
19

Good point! I was going to suggest annulment but this is even better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 12:39 AM
387

I took back an ex. He said he had gotten therapy, and he really talked the talk. Many years had passed. I thought he had grown up. He just learned how to lie and manipulate better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 06:53 PM
1

I thought the point about erotica was interesting. It’s too bad that it’s a dying genre because most of it has become pornified. Maybe we need to bring back storytelling about sensual (and consensual) loving sex, so people can have a template of what that looks like. You can still find some among literotica, though there’s a lot of really disturbing pornified stuff there too, but it’s practically nonexistent on screen anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 02:47 AM
1

Wow, there are so many great comments on here! I’m taking my time reading them all, and hopefully I’ll have a chance to respond to some. For now I wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone who took the time to respond and share your insights!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:38 PM
85

So excited to see you got Lundy Bancroft on the show! Can’t wait until part 2 drops on Friday. I read his book a few years ago, and one of the things (maybe the only thing) I disagreed with was his resistance to characterizing abusive men as narcissistic. What he said on the podcast today (I’m paraphrasing here) about how framing it that way takes it out of the purview of a societal problem and puts it back in that box of being about the abusive man’s individual psychology, it all just clicked f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:07 PM
8

The most hateful comments I ever heard about overweight women were from this one guy I dated years ago who was severely overweight. I decided to give him a chance because I “didn’t want to be shallow” 🤡, and when we were out in public he would say the most atrocious things about random women. Most of them probably didn’t even weigh as much as he did! I think it’s definitely a projection of their own self hatred with guys like that. Also, he was the most emotionally abusive guy I ever dated. No g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 06:39 AM
9

I hope someday the mockery/fetishization of womanhood is seen as just as appallingly as a white person wearing blackface.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:54 PM
3

If all else fails just start yelling at them in Polish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 05:45 PM
41

I have sometimes dreamed of being rich enough to hire an actor to be my “face man”. Like, basically a secretary who does all the communication with people I hire/contract with, so that they always believe they’re dealing with a man, but I’m behind the scenes pulling all the strings and if he doesn’t represent me right he’s fired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 04:01 PM
4

Any pro life man should abstain from sex in all cases except for the purpose of procreation, including with his wife. Pro life couples, except for when they’re actively trying to conceive, should be celibate or they’re hypocrites.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:24 AM
2

Oh very much agreed. Coat hangars are super dangerous, the risk of infection means taking one’s life in one’s hands just as much as drinking poison. I just wanted to be explicitly clear for anyone else reading, how dangerous herbal induced miscarriage is. If you intend to learn these methods, more power to you! I hope you never need to use them 💙
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:24 PM
16

This method pretty much relies on calculating a dosage that is just shy of fatal, and with herbs dosage is really difficult. Pennyroyal was my fallback plan (in theory) when I was r*ped at 14 and didn’t have access to healthcare, but I got lucky and didn’t conceive, so I never had to try it. Basically only do this if you’re willing to die trying, because that’s the risk you’re taking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:56 PM
22

Well, that’s a fairly easy sell in the case of LVM/NVM who lack empathy, because in psychological literature people lacking in empathy have been shown to also have more simplistic emotions, themselves. They literally lack the same depth and range of emotion that the rest of us have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 01:26 AM
41

The sound won’t unmute for me, what did she say?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:13 PM
14

Some of the trashiest people I have ever met live in million+ dollar houses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 05:54 AM
25

Neg the clients?! I want to see the look on their faces when this massively backfires and the whole company goes under.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 05:05 AM
143

Just FYI your spoiler text covers didn’t work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:32 AM
9

Rarely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:25 AM
5

Depends on how much you have to invest and where you’re located. Answering this question online (like here on reddit) would be a personal information security risk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 05:00 PM
7

Keep her at arms length until she comes to her senses, which may mean keeping her at arms length forever. I don’t know the context of that quote, but it sounds a lot like the things I was saying shortly before breaking free of my own pickmeism. I knew the relationship I was in was toxic, and I was mentally beating myself up for not heeding the red flags sooner. I was afraid that it was my own judgment that I really couldn’t trust, that no matter what I did I’d keep attracting and being attracted…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 08:15 PM
12

Is your mental health better or worse by being with him? It sounds like he’s adding a lot of additional strain and only relieving a marginal amount.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 05:48 PM
41

Yes please! I’d love to hear a FDS podcast episode with Dr. Ramani answering questions about what 🚩to look out for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 10:17 PM
5

Thank you so much, that’s really helpful strategy! And wow, I just looked it up, and salary history bans are really recent legislation. I hope it continues to catch on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 07:39 PM
9

What did you say when they asked your previous salary instead of just answering the question? These are the type of moments when I totally freeze up and never know what to say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 05:22 PM
76

He didn’t control the impulse to tell her about it. Imagine, if he’d kept his mouth shut, OP may never have known what a threat this guy is. He told her about it because he wanted to get the same effect - her being intimidated / feeling unsafe around him - without the consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 04:27 PM
49

The bar is so low, Cerberus is chewing on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 05:09 AM
46

I guess I have an unusually high number, and I don’t recommend it. 20: 8 were long term relationships (7 of those were monogamous, 1 was poly), 4 were short term relationships (all of those were monogamous), and 8 were one night stands. Of those 8 ONS, 5 were women - 4 of whom were “brought in” by the one poly guy I dated over the course of my 4 1/2 year relationship with him, and the other was a close friend who wanted to experiment. Of the 20 sexual partners total, 6 were women. I’ve never rea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 06:19 PM
56

I did the opposite: I used my main account for FDS, rarely look anywhere else with it anymore, and created an alt for other interests.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 11:57 PM
14

Her book recommendations are great, in fact most of this article is straight out of Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 08:24 PM
12

Do you ever worry that if you say something crass like this to a man, he’s going to start fantasizing about physically forcing you to do it? Is it just me? Like, I don’t want to give them any ideas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 02:28 PM
15

I have screenshots in case he deletes his posts before the mods see this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 02:56 PM
17

I had to watch that for an intro to psych class, senior year in high school 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 02:20 PM
10

I loved DA:O, is 3 good too? I couldn’t get into the second one and haven’t really paid attention to the franchise since, but I loved the combat interface in Origins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 02:15 PM
11

As problematic as the show is in terms of historical (and mythological) accuracy, Sky Network’s Britannia doesn’t have sexual violence against women just for the sake of it. There’s sex, and there’s violence, but it’s pretty evenly distributed. There are even a few characters with bad teeth!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 02:04 PM
10

I’ve been starting to explore classical music because it’s instrumental only, no lyrics. I like Chopin’s nocturnes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 05:09 PM
8

Yup! Additionally, many songs portraying women as some mysterious “other” or as objects to be possessed or won. And as someone- I guess an unapproved commentor, the reply showed up in my email notifications but isn’t visible here on the thread - pointed out, there’s also the song “Under My Thumb” by the Rolling Stones 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 05:05 PM
33

The same thing happened to me with classic rock. I loved it when I was a teenager, much to my parents’ joy because it was also the music of their generation, but now when stuff from the 60s and 70s comes up on my playlist I can’t help but notice the misogyny in the lyrics. Might be a little subtler than it is in rap music, but it’s there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:30 PM
148

That escalated quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 04:24 AM
20

I think you’re giving them too much credit that they wouldn’t victim blame and dehumanize their own daughters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:52 AM
77

Or how about, “I’m going to lay you down on fresh clean sheets, with bouquets of beautiful smelling flowers all around the room, and I’m going to caress and massage you all over, I’ll worship your body with my hands, mouth, and tongue, and then make passionate love to you until we’re both satisfied.” Like, I thought that up in about 20 seconds. It’s not difficult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 02:31 PM
180

The characters they play are better people than they are in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 08:36 PM
42

Up to 200,026 in one hour. I love this place and love seeing it grow 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 05:39 PM
25

”On another note, I think men should take some notes from women and learn how to be sensible, speak to people in a kinder tone, learn good manners and social skills, emotional regulation, etc etc, and etc. 🤷🏻‍♀️ they have a lot more to work on in those departments than women. Men in professional fields with board regulated standards of conduct already do all these things …with their clients. They are absolutely capable of professional decorum when they need to be. When they’re dealing with someo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:34 PM
9

I agree that misogynistic men are the ones who need to change. That’s not going to happen by asking, though. Oppression never changes without force. Hit ‘em in the wallet, I say. What if that firm lost its entire secretarial labor force? Well, they’d hire more. Then they’d have to train the new ones and, assuming they hire women to fill those roles, it would take a while for the new women to wake up to the conditions there and leave, starting another round of hiring and training. Eventually that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:16 PM
40

Men don’t have that problem because their boundaries are usually respected. They are just handed credibility and the benefit of the doubt. No matter how tactless or emotional they get, they’re seen as logical and justified. Reframe: How to set boundaries, while men are constantly pushing your boundaries, without setting off men’s fragile egos? Not gonna happen. But we are constantly contorting ourselves, bending over backwards to find just the right way to say it. As if there is some perfect bal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 01:16 PM
60

If it’s not actually followed through with submitting a police report, this could backfire horribly. Imagine the increase in audacity from millions of men thinking they’d gotten away with it, despite thinking the police had been notified. Men only understand consequences. Never threaten, just take action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:58 PM
138

Yup, men who watch porn are less satisfying partners.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 01:06 AM
164

If he wanted to, he would. Does she wish he would ask her out? If he wanted to, he would. Does she wish he’d bring her flowers? If he wanted to, he would. Does she wish he’d treat her nicer? If he wanted to, he would. Here at FDS we will often say dick is abundant and low value. For that age group you could say, male attention is abundant and low value. 14+ is the age where I really wish I had focused less on boys (my boyfriend at the time in particular) and more on school and my health. Cultiva…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 09:51 PM
70

Excellent advice! I like to say: I’m not self centered, I’m centered in myself. You can put your own interests first and still be a good person, still have integrity, even still be altruistic. That’s the balance I strive for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 09:48 PM
23

Have you ever had physical contact with him? Handshake, hug, touch on the arm, etc. From what you said about your trauma and barely even hugging your closest friends, it seems unlikely that you would have ever touched him in any way. I’d say go farther than the physical boundaries she asked for and just don’t see him at all. When you go climbing with her, make sure she doesn’t bring him along. Cut all contact with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 03:41 PM
47

😆🤣💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 02:22 AM
214

Probably because he has the least privilege.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:28 AM
146

Also if any of you own cats, especially black cats, keep them indoors on Halloween. 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 09:02 PM
10

Omg most of them don’t even communicate properly in business! And no matter how many times they get fired they always insist it was someone else’s fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:58 PM
210

“I don’t want to hurt you” is often a way men tell on themselves that they know they’re likely to hurt you. This could be for a number of reasons: maybe he knows he’s abusive, even though he hasn’t shown you that side of him yet. Maybe he’s thought about hurting you, or even wants to hurt you. Maybe he gets off on the idea of hurting you. He says he doesn’t want to as a way to set up a loophole later on, he’ll say he warned you, or play the bumbler and pretend it’s all a misunderstanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 03:57 PM
25

That’s been my experience with therapists, as well. I commented on that thread and talked about some meditations one therapist had me do. It was a way to help me get in touch with what my own instincts were telling me about the situation. Come to think of it, that was the most involved a therapist has ever gotten. My other experiences with therapists they were more the sit back and listen type. From what I understand, their focus is supposed to be the patient, and they can’t assess other people …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 01:40 PM
19

Not the beginning of time, just the beginning of agriculture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:38 AM
14

If you’ve experienced su*cidal ideation, it’s best to get help for that before getting a gun. Also, make sure you’re not surrounded by assholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:35 AM
70

Even without kids, housework is still a lot of work, especially if the husband is a lazy slob. These women who think being a housewife means they don’t have to work are going to be in for quite a surprise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 03:41 AM
105

Destroyed my best pair of boots because he insisted they needed to be polished. I had them for years and only put waterproofing wax on them a couple times a year. Whatever he put on them ate through the leather and after years of staying in great shape they developed holes within weeks. Also, they don’t make them anymore, and I haven’t been able to find a decent replacement since. He misused a bunch of other stuff of mine too, but that was the most egregious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:59 PM
52

That’s terrifying! Seriously, why are men?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:24 PM
166

I’ll pretend I don’t realize they’re talking to me. Just keep walking not even looking at them. Then if questioned, I don’t have to pretend to be deaf or foreign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 04:22 PM
17

The thing that creeped me out the most about the first season of the netflix show You was his internal monologuing about who the girl is, based solely on her appearance. His projection of wanting to watch and stalk her, so he tells himself that she wants attention, wants to be watched, was just so bloodcurdlingly gross. The creepiest thing about it was knowing that so many men do that, they see a woman and start making up things about her, projecting onto her that she wants them because they wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 02:00 PM
11

This right here is the #1 sign. Best early detection of a fantasizor/projector.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 01:39 PM
52

It’s come up a few times, like in threads about which professions are red flags, but it bears repeating. Military is right up there with police officers in terms of propensity for domestic violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:51 PM
7

For what it’s worth, my ex is from a rich, liberal part of the country. Old family money, etc. He dropped out of college and enlisted. I think it’s more about the type of person than where they grew up or socioeconomic status. Certain types will get drawn into the toxic culture if they’re exposed to it and buy into it, just like certain types of guys can get redpilled if they spend time on those sites and buy into the mindset. It’s temperament + exposure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:47 PM
236

My therapist had me doing meditations where I’d think of a situation and then focus on how my body reacted, what I was feeling and where I was feeling it. Mostly it was like, I’d think of something and feel tension in my stomach, or I’d think of something else and feel my shoulders relax. When I thought about still being home (not having moved out yet) when he got back from deployment, I felt abject terror throughout my entire body. That was a pretty clear sign I needed to hurry up and leave. If…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 02:38 AM
12

As far as I know, that’s based on contributing high quality posts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 04:58 PM
5

It sounds like some kind of projection. What does “slave to biology” even mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 02:06 PM
43

You dodged a bullet. That guy sounds unhinged. Throwing a tantrum in his own restaurant? You’re better off not working with him in the long term, can you imagine what he would do if your business ever became dependent on his collaboration? If this ever happens again, sever ties on the spot. Don’t let him be the one to turn you down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 01:15 AM
164

After my grandmother had her 2nd stroke, my grandfather spoke at her funeral about how much he loved taking care of her after her 1st one (the 2nd one killed her). She was wheelchair bound and could barely speak for a few years, he did everything for her. People would say things to him like it must be such a burden, etc. but he was so happy to be able to do that for her. I wish I could remember his exact words because it was really sweet. So, men like that do exist. Don’t settle for less!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 09:17 PM
24

Now I’m picturing some scrote trying the pull this on Donna Meagle lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 04:11 PM
13

I’m a little shocked he might have killed himself. Abusers don’t usually do that. They just try to skate by on their rationalizations and playing the victim. They’ll threaten suicide but rarely mean it. Did someone else take him out? Are those even his remains?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 03:31 PM
21

Exactly! You’re helping justice come to them when they might otherwise slip through the cracks, and that’s admirable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 03:20 PM
66

The thing is, you’re not destroying them, you’re letting them destroy themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:22 PM
14

Yes, burner apps!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 01:21 PM
24

Sometimes I think they do. It’s just one more thing for them to get off on, that you’ll never be the same after, that it might ruin you for any future relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 07:10 PM
41

I tried to press charges one of the times I was raped, but I waited too long. There was no evidence. It might be difficult, but I’d advise going to the police or the hospital right away. I was really young and did everything you’re not supposed to, including going home and taking a shower right after because I felt dirty. From what I’ve read, even if you do have evidence collected, the chances of actually getting the perpetrator prosecuted are low. As far as recovery, it changes you. Don’t focus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:44 PM
138

If you catch him in the smallest lie, or even just twisting the truth, don’t ignore it. If he says something that’s contradictory, or just seems off in some way, listen to your instincts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:33 AM
2

Oooh I haven’t read that one! That’s going on my list now. The one I read was “Reaching the Animal Mind”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:11 PM
4

If you’re interested in animal behavior, check out Karen Pryor’s work. She invented clicker training, and in her book she says any animal can be trained.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 05:18 PM
19

I was going to say, is he independently wealthy? Because I can’t imagine any other way to afford all that school with nothing to show for it. He’s probably couch surfing and mooching off other people while not telling them he has millions in some trust fund.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 04:14 PM
146

Lovebombing is a tactic to get you invested quickly. Then when the devaluation starts, you’ll try even harder to get back to how things were, but that initial stage was just a lie and there’s no going back to when things were good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:05 AM
5

Some really crazy guys will try to “get back at” a woman for something he did to her. It’s toxic shame. So maybe he felt bad for flaking on you, and then decided to string you along again as punishment for how “you” made him feel. You probably dodged a bullet with this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:28 PM
5

Oh, nowwww they tell us! 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:05 PM
2

I had completely forgotten the snoring. There needs to be a whole post about sleep deprivation, the many ways men cause it, and how a HVM would handle the situation …if anyone knows? Has anyone here been with a HVM who snored? Did he go sleep in another room without somehow having that destroy the intimacy in the relationship? Did he get the surgery? …Do HVM just not snore in the first place?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 02:12 PM
3

High King Margo (The Magicians) Can’t believe I didn’t think of her until now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 03:56 AM
97

The only thing I’m cheating with is the luxury of having an entire king sized bed all to myself. Ever wake up in the morning in the middle of the summer, and just slide over to the other side of the bed where the sheets are nice and cool? It’s glorious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 03:55 AM
13

Agreed. I’m less bothered by “dog mom” than I am by “fur baby” though, but yeah it’s just mildly annoying and I don’t choose to use those phrases. Like when I call the vet’s office I say “Hi this is [my dog’s name]’s owner” but if they call me and ask “Is this [my dog’s name]’s mom?” I don’t quibble about it, even if I do find it a little unprofessional coming from veterinary staff. Likewise, if other people go around calling themselves dog moms or calling their pets fur babies, I might think it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 09:41 PM
220

Chances are, he’s just idealizing her after the fact. That doesn’t necessarily mean he treated her well when they were together. It also doesn’t mean that if he had another chance with her he’d appreciate her. I was put on a pedestal by a guy once. I gave him another chance and he was horrible to me. After the lovebombing phase, ofc. Not saying the guy you matched with is also like that, but I would see it as a red flag that he’s idealizing someone, or that he’s even talking about his exes at al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:17 PM
21

That sounds like duping delight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:04 PM
496

If he mockingly mimics women. Like, say he’s talking about something a woman said, or that he claims she said, be it his ex, his mom, sister, friend, coworker, etc. and instead of just saying “she said _” in a normal tone, he “quotes” her (again, this could be a real quote, hyperbole, or completely made up) in a high pitched, annoying tone of voice. Do not ignore this red flag. Don’t brush it off, or give the benefit of the doubt. He’s not just joking, he’s not a funny guy doing impressions. Thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 03:12 PM
3

Absolutely! Paragraphs will get you nowhere. If it’s just a romantic/social relationship, block and delete. If there is business involved, divorce/coparenting issues, just stick to the facts and pertinent issues. Keep it short. Don’t let them drag you into the mud with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:22 PM
5

Cordelia Goode, Lana Winters, Ally Mayfair-Richards
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 12:42 PM
38

Well, yeah they need to create conflict somehow, to move the plot forward. All characters must be flawed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 12:04 PM
13

It’s only been a couple years since I left my ex husband, and I’m still not ready to date again. When I am though, I feel much more confident that I won’t fall for the same things and that’s all thanks to FDS. This place is such a blessing! OP, if you don’t want to choose poorly again, you’re in the right place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 12:48 AM
10

💯 Do not forego the wedding planning. It’s your final vetting period before being legally bound to a man. How he handles the process of planning a wedding will tell you so much! Is he able to cooperate with you? Is he generous or stingy? Can he make long term plans and stick to them? How does he react to disappointment or stress? These are crucial to know about your partner before getting married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 07:13 PM
104

There’s so much male projection involved in stereotypes about women. You’ve got to know yourself and hold onto your own truth. It takes time and experience to do that. Meanwhile, those of us who have been through it need to spread counter-messages to our younger sisters. Let other women and girls know that those stereotypes are falsehoods, that it’s about power and control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 07:00 PM
4

A misuse of HVW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 05:00 PM
30

I only bring it up with people who have already said things that indicate they might be open to hearing about these ideas. Look for the people who are on the cusp, and start small. It’s no use trying to debate people who are entrenched in opposing beliefs, and in some cases it could even be dangerous to out yourself to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 04:13 PM
59

There’s nothing they can do because their hands are tied by their own misogyny and entitlement. They cannot admit fault, cannot consider her point of view, because to do so would require them to acknowledge that she’s a human being equal to them. If they’re helpless in that regard, they did it to themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:31 PM
437

How to keep a man? What, like in a terrarium? A little wheel for him to run on and some hay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 05:02 PM
4

Yup, sounds a lot like the place I was living! Old converted army barracks that got turned into apartments after the army no longer maintained a base in my state. The laundry was in the basement, and the walls down there were so moldy and water damaged they were rotted out for the first foot or so up from the slab, and there were mushrooms growing on the studs and on the windowsills! It was so gross. I bet the management company thought none of the tenants would have the clout to do anything, bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 02:49 PM
11

I had something similar happen to me! When I was in my early 20s, I had an apartment manager bring a tour into my apartment while I was in the shower. They were supposed to be viewing the apartment one floor above mine, and went to the wrong one. I heard the front door open and voices in my apartment and came out of the bathroom in a towel. I don’t think those people ended up renting from them after that! I had a lawyer write up a cease and desist on their law office’s letterhead, only cost me f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 02:30 PM
136

Wait, so most men can’t feel when someone is looking at them? I thought everyone had that sense! This is kinda blowing my mind rn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:00 PM
40

Did you mean “incels”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 05:02 AM
7

lol! The Dark …whatever. I absolutely adored Hannah McKay in seasons 6&7.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 02:27 AM
14

Not OP, but I also have ADHD, diagnosed in adulthood. I went through intensive therapy for it, and learned a few things. First and foremost, any skills training therapy should be combined with medication to be the most effective. Please consider getting tested and diagnosed, and work with a specialist to find the best treatment for you. I’ve had good luck with PMHNP’s for medication, and LCSW’s for therapy. Never trust your mental health to a GP or primary care doctor, they don’t have the traini…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 02:57 PM
104

Do not date misogynists, do not socialize with them, do not hire them, do not buy things from them, etc. etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:30 AM
2

It’s probably downvoted because I wasn’t clear enough before my edit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 12:34 AM
44

This is why equitable division is so important. In many states in the US, he’d only be entitled to the furniture he bought, which are depreciating assets. If he didn’t contribute at all to the equity on the house, he shouldn’t get a payout when the market value rises. There are a lot of things England seems to be more progressive about than the US, unfortunately this is not one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 11:51 AM
2

Can you say more about narcissism being rooted in misogyny? That’s really interesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 10:39 AM
8

Even if they message you first, be wary. A guy I used to know told me he messaged 100 women a week using a formula: skim read their profile, pick two of their interests, and mention them in your message. Never comment on how they look in their pictures. He had the basic message saved, then he’d just edit in a line or two to personalize it. 100 women per week. Didn’t take up much of his time, and every once in a while one would respond. These guys know they’re going to have a 99.9% fail rate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 03:44 AM
31

Ouch, that one’s the worst! The hypocrisy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:10 AM
117

Me: What do you mean when you say you love me? My ex: I would take a bullet for you! Me: 🙄 The likelihood that we’d ever be in a situation where that would even be an option is so low it’s pretty much non existent, so you didn’t really answer the question. Him: 🤬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 09:05 PM
2

What? We’re not considered a hate group. The only people who perpetuate that myth are desperate redpillers grasping at straws. We’re not on any official lists like the manosphere subs are for being an indicator of a propensity toward violent crime. We’re not a threat. The only thing we advocate for is ghosting. The manosphere advocates for violence towards women. We just walk away from problematic men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 12:57 PM
100

She should cut him loose before he drags the whole royal family down with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:57 AM
47

The draft ended in the mid 1970s. That’s almost half a century ago. Most of the guys bringing it up in arguments weren’t even born yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:43 AM
20

Right!? I could deadlift this guy himself, and then some!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 08:40 PM
409

6’2” and 140 lbs? This man has no muscle mass. Skinny, gangly mfer probably looks like a junkie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 01:31 PM
6

This needs to be a roast-a-scrote
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 12:25 PM
5

Thank you for saying so! Your first two sentences are pretty much verbatim what was running through my head as I helplessly called out, “wait, aren’t you going to close the door?” …but she was already gone. I never went back to that practice. Worst part is, I had been told by the referring doctor that it was the best OB/GYN in the city.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 08:42 PM
8

I was once getting a GYN exam, and the doctor doing it wanted to go ask the head doctor a question. She left the door open, while I was in the stirrups, and the chair was facing the door. Everyone walking by in the hallway had a full view.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:36 PM
12

Get a PO box for the return of your security deposit. Apply to multiple places, so they have to send references to all of them and won’t necessarily know which one you’re renting next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:31 PM
58

Like most men, he is probably incapable of loving anyone but himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 11:54 AM
1

Ask a lawyer (licensed in Oregon) before doing this. Most single party consent laws stipulate that the person doing the recording must be a participant in the conversation. Having a third party record it could be a violation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 12:49 PM
250

Wait, so he was raised to pull a bait and switch where at first he sets one standard, then expects her to magically deduce that the standard will change after the first few dates? What is he, a cable internet service? “Get your first month free!” Even worse, because they state that up front in the contract. He’s moving goalposts and expecting mind reading, and he thinks he’s a gentleman? 😂🤣😂 Guess again, loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 12:31 PM
27

Yup, those books are disgusting. I also highly recommend reading them, if only to know what to look out for and better identify when you’re being played. I read Machiavelli’s The Prince in my 20s, and it changed my life. That Christmas, while being stuck visiting my incredibly toxic, psychologically abusive family, was the first time I actually recognized the patterns of what they were doing, and I was able to stand up for myself and walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 11:17 PM
118

Agreed. Additionally, any negative generalizations about women, i.e. “all women are [x]” type statements where x is a negative stereotype, should be considered hate speech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 03:51 PM
23

Also if you are (or your heritage is): Estonian, Latvian, Lithuanian, Belarusian, Ukrainian, Romanian, Bulgarian, Polish, Czech, Slovakian, Hungarian, Serbian, Bosnian, Croatian, Slovenian, Italian, German, Scottish, Welsh or Irish… Almost any heritage other than English, and maybe a few others, has slurs and “jokes” about them. If a guy tries to shittest you with any prejudicial remarks, walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 01:41 PM
4

What we gain, they lose. Strongly disagree with this part. When women gained the right to vote, did men lose theirs? No. When women gained the right to work, or have bank accounts? Men still have all those things. It’s not a 1:1. What they lose is a pittance compared to what we gain. The only men who lose anything significant are the lowest of the LVM, who couldn’t compete anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:30 AM
351

They way men (and predominant society as a whole) brush off the oppression of women reminds me of the Narcissist’s Prayer: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, it’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did You deserved it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 03:02 PM
17

I hear ya. My twin flame/soulmate is the person who made me grow the most - because his toxic abusive behavior, and more importantly the process of leaving him safely, was how I learned to remain calm in even the worst situations. My marriage was a crucible. I’m stronger now. It’s hard to let go of that whole “soulmate” idea. The absolutely magnetic attraction at the beginning… I kind of like how the concept has evolved in recent years: this is not necessarily the person you’re meant to be with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:30 PM
13

Adding onto this list, too: when his accent changes depending on who he’s speaking to. Like he’s playing a part to manipulate people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:44 PM
47

Adding onto this: the eye twitch. When his pupils dart side to side really quick during or right before a fight. This is a really subtle sign of rage. Watch his eyes, you can literally see him calculating how he’s about to let loose on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:40 PM
102

Yup, if there are no real consequences, they’ll do it again and next time it will probably be worse. They’ll act shocked when you leave, too, no matter how many times you cOmMuNiCaTed. That tells you everything you need to know: communication is not a consequence, in fact they see it as tacit approval.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:21 PM
45

He touched her waist?!? She probably went home furious from that violation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 09:03 PM
1

The spotify version seems to be down right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 06:45 PM
84

I smile and wave at every car that drives by when I’m walking my dog in my little neighborhood. Everyone here knows that means just wave back and keep driving. Because I’m with my dog, I have to step off the road with her and hold her on a short leash so she doesn’t dart into the road if she catches a scent, sees a squirrel, etc. So even with me stopped on the side of the road, smiling and waving, people still know it’s not an invitation to chat or anything. The problem is not you, it’s these we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 10:35 PM
49

Exactly! Bottom line, it doesn’t matter if he’s diagnosable as a narcissist or anything else, if he’s making you unhappy, leave. You don’t need to wait for a “valid” reason. Not being happy, even some of the time, is valid enough. You are valid enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 12:21 AM
12

Ugh, I’m sorry. I don’t know why grown men don’t understand that no matter how nice or polite someone is, everyone has their limits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 06:50 PM
2

Lol “bingo” 😂🤣😂 It sucks that there are such dangerous guys out there that we sometimes have to come up with strategies like this. Glad you got out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 06:48 PM
18

Next time whip out your phone and open the voice recorder app when you ask an audacious man to repeat something like that 😂🤣 Heck, ask him to state his name, the time and date while he’s at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 04:56 PM
13

It’s like the romantic/sexual version of plot armor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 04:32 PM
12

Andy is the human version of a puppy dog. Like, not a well trained adult dog but a perpetual puppy. April should have kicked him out and just lived alone with Champion. She likes animals more than people anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 03:23 PM
34

I was someone’s Genny. We actually dated in hs, so at least I wasn’t just some girl who was in one of his classes (so creepy!), we met again as adults and it was the. most. toxic. When I turned out to be a real person the reality filled him with so much rage. It’s crazy. Guys like this are crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 01:36 PM
32

Omg the “my mom used to call me _” one! Pay close attention! They may try to spin it as their mom was so mean, they had such a hard childhood, but no. Mothers know. That woman watched his whole development, she knows him better than anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:50 PM
34

Was his response a veiled insult / double entendre? “Green” is also a euphemism for naive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:44 PM
3

Thank you for not being offended 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:14 AM
7

I relate to this so much, with the exception of one or two details. Sometimes it can feel like the enablers are even worse than the abusers. They hide under this veneer of being “the normal one” or even “the good one” all while throwing the victim under the bus, withholding aide, etc. The betrayal cuts deep. Maybe even deeper than the abuse itself, because the abuser can be written off as sick, depraved, aberrant. But when “good” people do nothing… when they turn a blind eye or when they go so f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 04:07 PM
12

This doesn’t detract at all from your main points, but Anya lost her immortality and was trapped in a human body because she was fired from her job by D'Hoffryn. She didn’t choose that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 02:44 PM
20

Years ago in my pickme days, I invited a guy to stop by my apartment to smoke a bowl before going out, and he brought a duffel bag with overnight stuff! He even brought his pillow! It was our third “date”! Even back then I knew something was wrong. Never tell guys you live alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 12:35 PM
58

😂🤣😂 Whaaaaat? In my early 20s I was with a guy who “decorated” with his childhood action figures and I thought that was bad, but this just takes the cake!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 11:41 AM
1

Civilization was built by men and women. Then men took credit for all of women’s work. Look at the usual split of household work - I’m willing to bet it’s been that but on a macro scale.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:49 PM
4

I’m with you one most of that, but disagree on one minor point. If there’s a plan for a specific day, time and place, why need to follow up the day of? If I schedule something with someone, unless I hear otherwise (preferably at least 24hrs in advance) I will be there. I don’t like last minute cancellations. Also, if I’ve scheduled something in advance, that means I’ve also planned to get everything else done before and after. I don’t like getting interrupted the day of when I’m trying to finish…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:19 AM
78

It’s worth a try, but probably not. Most social media sites don’t care about misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:03 AM
30

I think it would be a slightly more effective reversal if it focused on the assumption that girls (or in the reversal, guys) are automatically “casuals” and can’t play the game well. Getting talked over, shunned out of the more difficult end game group stuff, having all your ideas second guessed, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 04:07 PM
40

It will be done badly and late. Even if the timeline was their idea. Even if other important things are contingent on it. And don’t you dare bring up the fact that they said they’d do it by whatever time, or that other plans fell apart because of it, they’ll just start shouting about how they did the thing, even though it was half-assed and the whole point of doing it at all was rendered futile because everything else riding on it fell through. Future faking and malicious compliance make for one…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 04:13 AM
44

Also when he puts you on the spot like that the focus isn’t on him. He could be dull as a doornail and hoping you won’t notice because you’re too busy jumping through all those hoops he set up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 04:49 AM
16

Both of the sociopaths I’ve known had no taste in music of their own. They each had playlists that were just a random collection of things friends had suggested to them, or ex girlfriends had uploaded for them. One tried to seem all edgy or whatever by claiming to be into obscure stuff, but he only started talking like that after I’d known him for years, so I already knew that he had no taste or preference of his own! All of a sudden he was claiming to be some kind of connoisseur of like, classi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:27 PM
109

Spoiler alert: putting a modicum of effort into personal grooming and presentation, and treating women like equal human beings, or at least pretending to up until the first date, is what he means by “fight tooth and nail.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:37 PM
23

Whatever you do, do not let your body get out of shape in an attempt to deter objectification. It won’t work. A lot of men see every woman as a sex object: the only difference is whether you are a successful sex object or an unsuccessful one. Overweight, old, or otherwise “nonconforming” women are simply relegated to the unsuccessful category. Still objectified, but instead of come ons and harassment these men will just dump a bunch of hate and unprovoked aggression at women who don’t appear sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:50 PM
8

This is an excellent idea! When I was taking martial arts classes and regularly doing strength training, I became so much more at ease while out in public. Unwanted advances seemed less threatening because I had an exit strategy. They also happened less often.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:44 PM
26

Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a great book! If you’re not Christian, it can seem a little heavy on the biblical references, but it’s well worth pressing through. There’s so much useful information in that book. I didn’t really understand boundaries until I read it, and I’d been reading about the topic for a while. None of the other explanations really clicked for me like this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:55 PM
31

Yes, absolutely! Be wary of people who use publicly altruistic activities only to promote their career or social standing. Tbh your ex sounds kinda racist. It makes me wonder if he thought being with you was some form of “charity” too. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 05:43 PM
11

The most dangerous are the ones who say they’re supportive of your friendships, but over time they’ll start sneaking in little criticisms like, “she’s just using you” or “she treats you like her personal therapist” or “the friendship seems really one sided” when you help a friend through a hard time, even though that friend may have been there for you through similar hard times over the long term. If the guy is good enough at manipulating you, you’ll end those friendships and think it was your o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 03:27 PM
1

Wow, this is some next level entitlement. I thought the household I grew up in was archaic because my mom cooked most meals and the only things my dad ever cooked were the meat portion usually on the grill, but sometimes he cooked steak in a cast iron pan when the weather wasn’t permitting. He also cooked scrambled eggs for Sunday breakfasts. My mom always cooked the veggies and side dishes and if it was anything other than steak or things that could be grilled, (so, most nights) she cooked the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 03:03 PM
107

Are you sure they’re all on the autism spectrum? Some psychopaths like to pose as aspie because to the untrained observer, their lack of empathy and blunted aspect can be mistaken for autism symptoms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 09:40 PM
13

It’s not even bleeding, it sloughing. Which btw, might be my favorite word of the day. I’m going to see how much I can fit the words “slough” or “sloughing” into casual conversation for the next 24 hours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:31 AM
25

Boxing is a great workout. I’ve also heard good things about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but haven’t tried it yet. Beware of gimmicky martial arts studios. I took Aikido several years ago, and the moves only worked with sparring partners who did the appropriate countermoves, in real life it was completely ineffective. I don’t know if that’s true of all Aikido or just the dojo I went to. If a place promises one on one training with an instructor, but then puts you in group classes for the same price, wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 08:07 PM
113

I grew up with video games. We had a Nintendo, then a Super Nintendo, and also computer games. As a kid I loved adventure RPGs. I still love playing video games, but limit the time I spend on them. They’re addictive and can suck your life away. Even though I enjoy them, I totally understand why gaming is a red flag. I mostly stay away from MMOs because they’re full of toxic, misogynistic guys of all ages who take the game way too seriously. I will occasionally play games online with friends who …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:18 PM
32

She’s still being lovebombed. She’ll come around after his mask falls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:22 PM
13

I think it’s originally a Buddhist concept, so no it doesn’t have anything to do with attachment styles in the sense of avoidant, anxious or secure attachment. I came across it while reading about mindfulness meditation, but honestly the thing that really trained me in non-attachment was getting out of a psychologically abusive relationship. Having to take a step back and not react to the inflammatory things my ex said, realizing that a lot of what he accused me of was projection, and just not t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 03:28 PM
35

Not just in terms of sex, but in general practicing non-attachment in relationships is a good thing. Having the confidence to know you will be ok if you lose that relationship, job, friend, etc. is part of healthy adult interaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 02:46 PM
37

This is the first I’ve ever heard of filial responsibility laws. Wow, good to know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 03:58 PM
5

HG Tudor is the pseudonym of some guy who claims to be a narcissist and that writing those books is mandated by his therapist. Why would you believe anything he says?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 04:19 AM
14

😂 I didn’t ask, but that’s probably the best case scenario! Oh dear, yeah ok points for that 😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 01:44 AM
24

Lol, he was in his 30s! Hey, don’t feel too bad, mead is tasty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 01:07 AM
43

😂 The viking wannabes are too much! Before I dated LARPer guy, I was on OLD and got a message from a guy who claimed to be a vampire. He talked like he fully believed it, too! I didn’t go for that one. Too creepy, even at my lowest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 12:32 AM
54

Answer: she was vulnerable. On the rebound from a bad breakup, had an abusive family, financial insecurity, housing insecurity, you name it. These guys prey on vulnerability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 10:39 PM
84

During the lowest of my pickme past I dated a “polyamorous” guy, and he didn’t even play tabletop, he was a LARPer! Oh, the shame…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 10:35 PM
11

Alcoholism is usually a symptom of a deeper problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 10:31 PM
101

I was just rewatching Six Feet Under (circa 2001) and they had an episode about a guy who died from autoerotic asphyxiation. The widow was freaking out that he had committed su*cide and couldn’t understand why he would do it, and one of the main characters had to explain to her that it was probably an accident. So weird looking back on a time when mainstream people were just finding out about it, and it was this uncommon/fringe/deviant thing, and now it’s become so normalized. I wish we still sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 05:16 PM
18

It sounds like he’s probably rewriting history, it’s a common gaslighting tactic. If your gut says you’re being gaslighted, you probably are. I hope you find a good home for the birds!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:34 PM
31

I’ve gotten to the point where I only believe unsolicited apologies. If someone transgresses, I just keep my mouth shut and wait to see if they figure out on their own they shouldn’t have said or done whatever it was. If I have to drag it out of them it’s not a real apology.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 11:39 AM
1

Yup! The cultural aspect is real. Just a funny aside, but when I went backpacking through Europe in my 20s I started the trip in Ireland, and it confused me so much when I’d walk into a shop and the clerk would ask, “Alright?” I was like, yeah of course I’m alright, why do I look tired or something? Must’ve been weird for them, too, to have this dumb American come in and be like “yeah… why?” Luckily I met up with a friend my second day there and they explained it to me so I stopped embarrassing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 11:33 AM
10

Wow that sounds exactly like my estranged brother. He became a lawyer, too. He’d be about 40 now. Always super popular all through school, but behind closed doors he was toxic af. He’d say the nastiest things about people behind their backs, and he dropped people like they were nothing once he was done leeching off them. He got most of these traits from our mother - he turned out alcoholic like her, manipulative like her …there’s some other stuff I don’t talk about that she did that I hope he ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:14 PM
41

If by nuance you mean giant glaring differences 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 10:37 PM
52

Put him in a conservatorship as if he’s mentally challenged, but make him continue to work and earn money. Hey, if they could do it to Britney…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 11:08 PM
4

Most of them are bridge trolls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:57 PM
13

No they’ll be brushing it off as “not a big deal” or yelling at her for “turning on the waterworks” and “if you want to cry I’ll give you something to cry about”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:40 PM
6

This should be top comment. While coworkers encouraging OP to go out back seems nice and protective on the surface, doing that really just protects the creepy guy from having to face consequences for his behavior, and protects the workplace from having to actually make a stand. It puts all the responsibility on OP to avoid this guy. The only fair and ethical response is to kick this guy out and refuse him service.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 11:35 AM
19

Mmm, metallic and slightly numb. …Or so I’ve heard 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 05:42 PM
2

Realizing it’s a lie is such a massive paradigm shift, though. It seems so obvious after you see it, but not before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 05:37 PM
1

I see you’ve never met my mother. Women like her are extremely rare. The fact that such appalling behavior is tolerated in men is absolutely cukoo for cocoa puffs bananapants crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 05:31 PM
22

I have so many questions… Are those actual size? Imagine how fragile a man’s ego has to be to need a “medal” that big for basic tasks. Do they just do the thing once and then get the medal for all time? Seems like a chore chart would make more sense. Note: if you’re thinking about making a chore chart for your adult husband or boyfriend, it’s time to leave. Long past, probably. Edit to add: I say this as an adult with ADHD, who has had to make chore charts and similar for myself. They look like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 07:04 PM
1

Lol do they not know the fourth dimension is already defined? It’s time. /facepalm
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:24 PM
1

Lol do they not know the fourth dimension is already defined? It’s time. /facepalm
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:24 PM
1

Yes, this! Take it as a warning sign of lovebombing and mirroring. When my ex and I were in the pre-dating getting-to-know-each-other phase, it seemed like we had so much in common: not just liking the same things or anything, but on a level of deep, core life philosophy. Nope, he was just mirroring me. He made one comment, just one, about something along the lines of soulmates/twin flames/whatever, and I was off and running with it. However, being the weird nerd that I am (which is something I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:20 PM
10

Yes, this! Take it as a warning sign of lovebombing and mirroring. When my ex and I were in the pre-dating getting-to-know-each-other phase, it seemed like we had so much in common: not just liking the same things or anything, but on a level of deep, core life philosophy. Nope, he was just mirroring me. He made one comment, just one, about something along the lines of soulmates/twin flames/whatever, and I was off and running with it. However, being the weird nerd that I am (which is something I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:20 PM
336

Why the f can’t they just practice on conscious people?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 11:52 PM
57

I’ve noticed this a lot since moving back to my home region, people love to settle for the bare minimum. Any time someone advocates for better infrastructure, or better schools or anything, they get shouted down by a bunch of people criticizing and attacking their character, like “oh aren’t you so special you want [xyz]” or “this is how it’s always been and it works just fine” “you don’t need all that” etc. etc. It’s like crabs in a bucket. It took traveling and living in some different parts of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 08:19 PM
473

WTAF. She was assaulted by two guys, called him up in tears to try to get support from this guy who claimed he loved her, and this is his takeaway? Really?! Can we just exile these scrotes already, please? I don’t want to be on the same planet as them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 04:50 PM
44

Absolutely! And other than that one nod to the devaluation of women, it’s a very good article.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:45 PM
3

Ok, I’m glad you’re well protected!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:44 PM
208

“In Shyamalan’s film, visitors to a tropical island resort are invited to enjoy a secluded beach, where something mysterious makes people rapidly age: Every half an hour, they grow one year older. The alteration (spoilers to follow) becomes apparent first in the kids, but soon the adults begin to feel and look older, too. The men acquire wrinkles and gray hair, but their essence isn’t really changed. They just look like mature, even more distinguished versions of themselves. But for the females,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:16 PM
194

To a person with an entitled mindset, accountability feels like an attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 01:56 PM
2

Did he go behind your back for the mortgage too? My ex did that. We were going to get the house 50/50 (I know, I know, I was such a pickme) but then he went out and got a mortgage without including me! I was on the title, but not the mortgage just like you. If I had been on the mortgage I could’ve taken it over entirely and kicked him out. Instead, I had to move out, and now I’m in a smaller, older house that cost way more. If you can get yourself added to the mortgage it might be worth it in th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 01:53 PM
22

Men will try to pet trap you similar to how they’ll baby trap you. Don’t fall for it. When I left my ex, it was 1000x harder and more expensive because I had to take care of the dog. His job requires him to be gone for long periods of time, sometimes at very short notice. There was no way he could possibly take care of a dog. Even though I have the time and money, it cost me so much more to leave, it was extremely difficult to find rentals that would allow dogs at all, and almost impossible to f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 01:38 PM
37

I’m surprised he found a lawyer to take the case. Sure, you can sue for anything, but the vast majority of lawyers will refuse to take frivolous cases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 12:48 PM
25

If he turns everything into an innuendo, he’s probably a porn addict.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:00 PM
12

Yes, and a copy of Why Does He Do That.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 04:17 PM
24

It’s abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:00 PM
16

It’s tempting to come up with ways to try to explain it to them so they’ll empathize, but they’ll just come up with reasons your analogy doesn’t apply. There’s no magic set of words to make them understand because they already do understand and it benefits them to play dumb and uphold the status quo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 01:49 AM
5

Yeah, me too. He was much more of a danger to me than I ever was to myself or anyone else. Even at my lowest point, no matter what I was thinking or feeling, I never pointed a loaded gun at me, but he sure did. Had the same evil gleam in his eyes as he did when he’d start in on me with his crazy accusations, too. I still get shaky every time I think about that night, and it’s been years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 02:47 PM
39

Gratitude and meditation pulled me out of a series of nervous breakdowns as my marriage was imploding. My ex became severely psychologically abusive and it almost sent me over the deep end. Scratch that - it did send me over the deep end for a while there. Meditation helped me get clear on what I needed to do (leave) and it helped me be less reactive when he’d start in on me with his bs. Focusing on gratitude, even for the tiniest things, helped me not give up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 12:22 AM
6

If he owns his home, you can get info like his full name by checking the local tax assessor’s archive online, or the registry of deeds. The deed will usually list the buyer’s (i.e. his, as he would be the most recent buyer of the property) previous address. You can use this to verify the accuracy of any people search services. If you ever need to go to the police about him, you will need some way to identify him, at least his name and address. Keep this information in a file somewhere. It may al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:59 PM
17

It can be but dogs, just like people, are fallible. They’re just keying off emotional states: body language, tone, even pheromones. The overly friendly ruse this guy is playing could very well fool a dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:31 PM
3

I’m so curious though, what happened? How did you know they tried to arrange that, and how did it not work out? Did an assassin actually show up? Did your 70+ y.o. mother kick some ass? There’s got to be a story here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:18 PM
42

Also, if you’re on OLD don’t advertise on your profile that single dads shouldn’t bother messaging you. I did that when I was 24 and I got an influx of messages from single dads who wanted to tell me off for setting that boundary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:46 PM
10

Wait, what? They tried to arrange a hit on her? That sounds terrifying!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:42 PM
9

On fb, any guy who comments too heavily on my posts or like/love/laugh emojis on all my posts gets put on the restricted list. I also don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t recognize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:15 PM
23

Call it a temper tantrum and watch their absolute shock that no, it’s not intimidating like they hoped, it’s just childish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:09 PM
43

I just had an idea from reading your comment, the way you said having the date set in stone made me think of this… Have the guy put down the deposits on everything. Venue, caterer, etc. It’s traditionally the bride’s family who pays for the wedding, but more and more couples are paying for their own these days, so work out whatever split makes sense for your respective financial situations, but make sure he pays all the deposits. That way if he walks out or fucks it all up before the wedding, yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:00 PM
4

Yes! I do this with people I’m considering hiring, if they don’t respect small boundaries (usually involving scheduling and communication preferences) they don’t get the job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:32 PM
14

This is such an excellent point about having to vet harder. LVM and NVM prey on the vulnerable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 11:51 AM
158

Random men on the street, too. Years ago I had an apartment downtown, and the only parking was metered street parking. Whenever I was home during the day, I had to go downstairs every few hours and feed the meter. The first floor of the building next to mine was under construction, and one of the construction workers would always make comments like he thought I was just going outside to show off for him, like “did you wear that skirt just for me?” and crap like that. It made me really uncomforta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 10:04 PM
6

Yes!!! I love that she finally figured out that she needs to focus on herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 03:01 PM
9

BtVS will always have a place in my heart, but seriously her relationships are like a crash course in what not to do. Every single one of them was toxic. Yes, even Riley.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:19 PM
217

Yes, omg my ex was terrible about this. I have some old injuries that I have to work around, and I had a good routine that worked for me and I was increasing at my own pace. Nothing was ever good enough for him, and he gave me tons of unsolicited crappy advice that could’ve gotten me hurt. I thought being with a guy who was into working out would be a step up from the last guy, but all the know-it-all “advice” really sapped my motivation and my self esteem. Despite what his ego may have been tel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 07:46 PM
50

Oh gosh, I hope she’s not living with him! You’re right, her priority needs to be getting away safely. I wouldn’t recommend using that obfuscation method for normal breakups, though. Just for guys who are… semi-dangerous? I don’t know where the line is for that, but on second thought I agree, this guy is well past it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:52 PM
161

She needs to pick some random thing, anything other than his admission of this, act super upset/offended by it and break up with him, preferably over the phone or text. Like, say she doesn’t like the socks he was wearing last time she saw him, cue a tirade about how he doesn’t put enough effort into his appearance when they’re out together, big superficial argument, break up. Boom, done. That way he’ll keep admitting his sick fantasies to other women in the future, not knowing that’s why she lef…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:30 PM
163

Right? Even with the NSFW spoiler, I was not expecting something that bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:18 PM
8

Since gaslighting is already part of an abuser’s playbook, it’s really disturbing that this precedent was set. It’s like legally ratified gaslighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 07:11 PM
7

For a time, Britney Spears was the epitome of the Good Girl Bind. Rebellion for anyone takes courage, but given her public image it took even more courage for her to rebel - and had much more dire consequences. No one locked up Ani DiFranco when she shaved her head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 07:04 PM
3

There’s a woman I’ve known since we were in Jr high school together, and after she got married she changed her fb profile name to [her first name + his first name] [his last name]. No spaces between the first names, either, just capital letters to differentiate where one ends and the other begins. I’m worried she might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:40 PM
2

I was just thinking about this. So glad to see your comment! A woman stating she’s a wife and mother is shorthand for listing out how she manages the responsibilities that come with those roles. On the other hand, a man saying he’s a husband in that context would be, what? Admitting that he’s accustomed to shirking his basic daily chores off onto another person? They’re not comparable. I’ve sometimes heard men bringing up that they’re fathers, albeit rarely, in a professional context. It usually…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:29 PM
6

Will never work, and yet all of civilization has depended on that unpaid labor. If we (collectively) suddenly had to start paying housewives a fair wage for everything they do, the economy would implode. Everything is depends on unpaid labor - in other words, slavery. The whole system has been unsustainable from its setup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 06:42 PM
39

Wouldn’t that be an “Electra complex”? Oedipus was a dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 04:03 PM
124

Agreed. I would break it down like this: Women connect more deeply and genuinely in relationships and friendships, with both women and men. Men respect and care about the opinions of other men more than they do women, regardless if the woman is a friend, spouse or significant other, though men’s connections (even with other men) tend to be more shallow. Men don’t have deep connections with each other, but they will treat women like crap to impress their friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 12:11 AM
35

Hmm, it’s almost as if you’re implying some kind of connection here…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 10:37 PM
11

It sounds like you’re dissatisfied with the existing groups for professional women in your area. Why not start your own? Get a few likeminded women together, and grow it from there. I recently finished reading Kasia Urbaniak’s book, Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power. (Yes, I saw her ads on facebook, but thought her online courses were outrageously pricey and bought her book instead.) While her outlook isn’t 100% in line with FDS principles, it does have a lot of interesting ideas, and in it she …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 04:59 PM
4

Ok, first: breathe. This all seems overwhelming, but it’s do-able. Take the time for yourself, maybe just 5-10 minutes a day, and do some mindfulness. It’s imperative that you get control of the overwhelming feelings so you can tackle everything else one step at a time. Do you have the option of seeing a doctor for birth control or a therapist for su*cidal ideation? It would be best if you can, but ok if you can’t due to your situation. You can still get through this. Breathe. You’re going to be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 02:17 PM
25

Future faking is really common with LVMs. It costs them nothing to lie about big plans in the distant future, and they can use it to guilt you for years. Then the day comes and they don’t follow through, and they’ll turn around and accuse you of being manipulative/controlling/needy if you call them out on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 10:47 PM
5

There’s a very fine balance that needs to be struck, in giving the victim enough agency so as not to re-victimize them with the system, while still taking into account that they may be suffering something similar to stockholm syndrome. I think the only way to satisfy all those competing needs is to get victims support services and education about their situation so they can make healthy decisions, while keeping decision making power in their hands. Anything that falls short of that ideal - so li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:45 PM
25

Who knows if it’s really PTSD though? If he’s using it as an excuse for unacceptable behavior (snapping at people) chances are he’s lying. Yes, some people respond to stress by snapping, but anyone who’s working a treatment program for PTSD knows it’s their own responsibility to manage their symptoms. It’s not a get out of jail free card. This goes for pretty much any mental health condition. If they’re using it to excuse their behavior, they’re either not in treatment for it (and should be) or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:27 PM
3

Exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 05:48 AM
6

Long hair, too. I had a boyfriend who had beautiful dark curls, almost down to his shoulders, really well taken care of and shiny. Then one day he had it all cut short and it totally changed his face. Or, maybe it was that there was nothing distracting from or hiding his face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 05:43 AM
32

Sharing my home with just my dog is so much safer and more peaceful than when we lived with my ex. I let her up on the bed if she wants to (though she likes the cold and won’t snuggle with me if the room is warmer than about 65 degrees) and she has her own designated side of the bed, her own pillow and everything. There’s nothing more blissful than when she’s been laying on her belly and then sort of flops over onto her side so her back is pressed against me, and she’ll stretch her whole body ou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 11:56 PM
1

Absolutely nta. I love her response about Satan having to serve snowcones in hell before she apologizes! This is flaired as a rescue mission, but she seems to be sticking to her guns pretty well already. I hope she doesn’t cave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 05:15 PM
12

Reading this made my stomach tighten and my blood run cold. How can men think like this and not realize how wrong it is? 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 05:10 PM
8

In college I was friends with a guy who told the craziest stories. It took a while before I recognized a few of them from movie plots. I even overheard him retelling some of my stories as if they’d happened to him! Dude was entertaining, but everything out of his mouth was bs. I figured he was just abnormal or pathological or something, such a shame to think there are a lot of guys like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 03:17 PM
30

Holy shit... I’m amazed you actually got one of those manipulative Cluster B fuckwads to crack. Thank you so much for sharing! I too have wondered if they know, I’ve wondered for decades. Especially the pretending not to remember because of alcohol. They know. You just answered a lifelong question, thank you thank you thank you! 🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 11:53 AM
36

For those of us in the US, this is equal to about $225,885. The original calculation is also from 2014, so in today’s dollars it’s about $255,250. A little over a quarter million.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:41 AM
2

If it feels like a red flag, it’s a red flag. Trust yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 06:50 PM
120

Fecundity is a great word if you’re talking about soil conditions for gardening, but calling a young woman that? Ewww! 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 06:48 PM
26

If we have the right to say no, then when that right is violated there should be consequences. The consequences are not yet adequately enforced. It’s a little better now, but protecting our bodily autonomy still means being very careful about who we allow near us. Date rape still happens, getting groped by a stranger in public still happens, and by and large they just get away with it. Women are still shamed for voicing our boundaries. If someone grabs you or cops a feel on the subway and you sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 01:42 PM
7

Quicker to just say slave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 06:07 AM
8

Damn. I loved Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, but I cannot stand for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 11:58 PM
29

My money’s on Elizabeth Loftus. Her career is built on discrediting victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 03:57 PM
9

I just don’t get why it’s legal to take pictures of strangers in public. If you’re taking pictures of a location and some people happen to be in the shot that’s one thing, but if the focus of the picture is the person, you should need their permission. We should change the laws.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 09:09 PM
28

Wait wait wait, they called you “not a team player” for presenting them with a contract?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 04:31 PM
10

My grandfather died when he was in his 50s. My grandmother outlived him by 40 years. She spent the last several years of her life in a swanky retirement community, with a beautiful 3br apartment, ‘round the clock care if/when she needed it, and tons of friends. Her daughter, her youngest son, her grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren visited her regularly. She had a full life right up until the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 03:35 PM
36

I loved 90s music too! 90s into early 00s it was almost a badge of honor to be as toxic as possible. Some artists were holding up a mirror to our cultural toxicity, some were just depraved. I love that the wholesome trend came along as a backlash to all that. But oh, there were some sick riffs and killer hooks in 90s music.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 11:35 PM
13

Yes! I hated how much everyone fawned over Tom Scavo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 09:06 PM
20

Agreed! Riley was emotionally abusive and manipulative. He also cheated. Every (major) boyfriend Buffy had in that show was abusive, each in their own way. Not counting Owen or Scott Hope, because the relationships were so short. Edit to add: Owen was just using Buffy for the adrenaline rush of being around her and what she does, and Scott Hope’s character was just a foil to show that when a normal, decent guy was interested in Buffy, it wasn’t enough drama to even register as romance to her bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 09:05 PM
129

Sit down, Joffery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:28 PM
100

I used to love classic rock. Now I notice misogyny and patriarchal indoctrination in so many of the song lyrics, I can’t stand most of it. I had renovations going on at my house all last summer, and every day all day the crew was blasting some classic rock / oldies radio station that played the same few hundred songs over and over. I just wanted to drown it out with dubstep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:27 PM
5

Most of what men accuse women of is just projection. Women are too emotional? Projection. Men’s emotional disregulation causes more violence, property damage, car crashes, wars, etc. etc. than women ever have. Women are too hormonal? Projection. The hormone responsible for mood swings during PMS is testosterone. In women testosterone cycles monthly, in men it cycles daily. Also, at it’s highest during PMS, a woman’s testosterone levels are still lower than the average man’s. Women talk too much?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:15 PM
7

Exactly! It can be dangerous not to sugarcoat things with most men. And you’re absolutely right, the core issue is misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 06:04 PM
7

Ewwww, that reminds me of that one character in the asylum from Girl, Interrupted with all the chicken carcasses under her bed! YouTube clip
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 05:47 PM
15

That part about rephrasing so a guy feels less called out is something I’ve been becoming more and more aware of - we’re so socialized to coddle men’s feelings! I totally relate to the urge to do it, in most situations I would too, to just not have to deal with a blowout. Thinking about it now, I can only think of one guy friend who I can just tell things to straight. Sometimes he disagrees with me, but in the almost 20 years we’ve been friends he’s never gone off on me for stating my opinion. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 05:29 PM
7

Write a new entry!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 05:10 PM
13

13k seems kinda low for that. I mean, I’ve never looked into it, but I assume a real one would cost more. This guy is dumb and crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 03:39 AM
38

To which they will adamantly insist they can, while simultaneously demonstrating their ineptitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 01:10 AM
18

I’m so glad I watched that movie a few years ago. I think they really ham up the gaslighting in the movie so the audience will get it, which is very effective. Good to remember that in real life it can be much more subtle, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 06:31 PM
14

The micro and the macro reinforce each other. I am more vulnerable to individual LVM because the patriarchy gaslights me, and I am worn down more by the patriarchy because of being undermined by individual men. This is gold!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 06:24 PM
76

Relevant username 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:15 AM
14

How did you manage to get him to pay for the Uhaul?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 01:18 PM
16

“Ok, c u next tuesday”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 12:17 AM
26

You have to hit at least the 70-100lbs. overweight range for them to stop hitting on you, but then their unwanted attention just turns into outright hostility because how dare you not be eye-candy for them?? So either way it’s really not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 07:00 PM
10

Yuuuuuuup. And Lisa Kudrow, who is the oldest, looks like she’s taken care of herself the best (though Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox also look good.) Also David Schwimmer is the oldest of the three guys, and he looks so much better than the other two!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 06:02 PM
8

Friends cast ages, from oldest to youngest: Lisa Kudrow - 57 Courteney Cox - 56 David Schwimmer - 54 Matt LeBlanc - 53 Jennifer Aniston - 52 Matthew Perry - 51
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 04:47 PM
12

Why did she fawn and try to placate his ego until she had a plan in place to get out safely? 🤔 Hmm, I wonder...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 12:09 AM
22

I accidentally read that as GenZ anyway, so used to people on here praising them (rightly so!) for getting it at a younger age than previous generations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 06:44 PM
38

She’s probably just glad for the break. That’s so sick procuring young women for her husband. Like this is some straight up Ghislane Maxwell sh*t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 03:04 PM
9

That was fantastic. Subscribed. I’m going to binge (pun intended) a bunch of her videos tonight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 10:56 PM
4

::Hugs:: to you too! That must’ve been so frustrating!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 07:34 PM
31

::Hugs:: I got missed for ADHD diagnosis when I was a kid, too. I was diagnosed when I was 30. I started smoking when I was 15, quit when I was 29 ...and then my whole life fell apart. Apparently I had unknowingly been self medicating with nicotine, which is a poor substitute for actual ADHD meds, but I guess it was enough to get me by. I had no idea what was wrong with me. What I thought were withdrawal symptoms didn’t go away. I went through testing for tons of stuff - blood sugar, thyroid, ce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 04:00 PM
18

It’s a cycle. Art imitates life imitates art imitates life...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 03:36 PM
22

Emma Caulfield’s performance was amazing. My heart breaks for Anya during the wedding episode every time I see it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:26 AM
10

Not OP but I’ve gotten similar flack from contractors who could’ve gotten the job building a big house for me. Some people just have no tact or professional decorum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 04:43 AM
34

Let’s not forget that time he got possessed by a hyena spirit, tried to rape Buffy, and then lied about not remembering so he wouldn’t have to so much as apologize!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 03:29 AM
34

Yup that’s the gone effect. It’s like when you have an eyelash in your eye and you finally get it out - feels so good! Only because it felt so bad to have it there. The relief part feels better than the steady satisfaction if the pain/discomfort had never been there in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:44 PM
17

As I was reading your OP my first guess was childhood trauma. The sentence about her being from an UMC family so it made no sense that she was going for these guys - trauma seemed like the most likely explanation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:17 AM
87

I hear you about the tension. When I was in high school I was hanging out with my best friend and her boyfriend and my parents invited them to stay for dinner. Later my friend’s bf commented to me that was the scariest dinner he’d ever been to. There wasn’t even any yelling or anything, most of it was just in silence. I had no idea most people didn’t live with that constant simmering tension under the surface at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 02:46 AM
16

It’s a feature not a bug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 02:07 PM
8

It’s literally the equivalent of vasectomy vs hysterectomy. In spays they remove everything, unless you pay a huge amount of money and happen to have a specialist in your area who can do a laparoscopic ovariectomy, though some vets believe that leaving the uterus intact can lead to an increased risk of pyometra, so yeah for most spays they remove the uterus, ovaries, all of it. Edit: Oh wait, sorry, I’m thinking of dogs. Is it the same for cats?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:55 PM
16

The issue I have with all the press about billionaire pedophile rings is that it’s so sensationalized, and it draws attention away from more common cases of child abuse. Things like, signs to look for to spot a child who’s in trouble and may be suffering from abuse; the hallmarks are so different from the info being spread by, for example, QAnon supporters. I have an acquaintance on social media who got deep into the QAnon stuff shortly after the pandemic lockdowns started, and it was just so ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:22 PM
38

What kind of liability could a bookkeeper be exposed to if they make a mistake? Do you need some kind of professional insurance?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:45 PM
5

Unpopular opinion: I think it should be illegal for enlisted military personnel to get married. They’ve already pledged themselves to the organization, to be ready to drop everything and disappear for months at a moment’s notice, so how can they pledge themselves to another person in that situation? If their job renders them unable to participate in the marriage most of the time, they’re basically signing two competing, mutually exclusive contracts. It’s a conflict of interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 03:01 PM
10

While he’s back at school maybe he can learn the word “utmost”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 02:47 AM
16

I was told a similar line. I’m going to go ahead and guess yes, that was most likely a heaping load of shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 11:15 AM
9

Yes, this! If he were standing up to it, he’d be on the outside. Here he is benefiting from all of it, and just paying lip service for woke points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 10:28 AM
17

Maybe they love other men so much they couldn’t bring themselves to put another man’s health at risk by doing what they really want to do, so they do it to women instead because they see us as subhuman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:03 PM
5

Is Bill Gates a LVM? Gary Kildall has entered the chat
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 01:52 AM
12

“If i [sic] had to deal with men the way women do” Sir, we don’t have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 03:41 PM
3

Maybe it’s time our systems which are supposed to keep order, everything from the judicial system to social norms and mores, start targeting the actual threats.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:21 PM
6

So, like this but with “Karen” instead of “danger”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:13 AM
6

I mean... should we not? J/k I wouldn’t use NVM/LVM or scrote in public, but gosh darn it’s so hard sometimes to hold my tongue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:01 AM
39

Because women are much less likely to retaliate with deadly force.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 01:52 AM
78

She probably meant “perpetrates” because you’re right it is rape and that’s a crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 02:26 PM
46

So, he won’t even show his own face? Oh, the irony.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 10:25 AM
80

“sometimes people treat the people they feel closest to the worst” That’s such a toxic mindset. My ex mother in law tried the same line on me. If someone in his family says that, run! Glad you got out, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 08:31 AM
382

“Poor old man” he did that to himself. And yet doctors are biased against giving proper treatment to women, not believing in certain conditions entirely, not believing women about pain levels, gaslighting female patients by trying to push depression and anxiety meds instead of treating actual illnesses and injuries. But sure, save all your sympathy for some old man who let himself get a preventable disease because he lost his house slave, because that makes sense /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 10:25 AM
6

Your idea in your edit is brilliant! For one thing, men should be doing extra at home (on top of their 50% of housework they should already be doing) if their partner is recovering from childbirth. Say... 100% of the housework and the majority of the new infant care aside from breastfeeding? Until the woman has recovered and can resume an even split. So giving them time off too would be time for them to do all that. Secondly, it would even the playing field a little in companies’ hiring practice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 12:40 AM
30

She sent him a link to the ring she wanted, on sale, with her ring size, and he claimed he “couldn’t find it” ...and she believed him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 12:25 AM
3

I’m so sorry you went through something like that too, and I hope you’re free and thriving now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 09:40 PM
39

If it’s any consolation, they might be very different behind closed doors. Anytime my mom and I were out in public, like school clothes shopping or even when I’d accompany her to the grocery store, we probably looked like we had a very good relationship. 1) She’d have her public face on, and 2) my people-pleasing behavior would be on high alert, because I wanted to keep her happy so she wouldn’t do something atrocious and embarrass me. We’d be all smiles, we’d banter, we had in-jokes... but then…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 04:38 PM
39

I learned about strength training in my mid-late 20s, and just thinking back to when I was a kid seeing my mom doing her aerobics every morning with the same 3lbs. weights for years makes me cringe. Women were lied to for decades. To make matters worse, some of those workout gurus who sold aerobics and jazzercizing to women were secretly lifting off screen to get into shape for their videos! So many lies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 07:07 PM
8

That last part reminds me of this meme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 01:42 AM
27

Came here to say this. It’s always been public record, but back in the day someone would have to physically go to the town office and search through the registry. Now, it’s just a quick inexpensive internet search from the comfort of home. If you rent, you may be a little more protected, but many companies don’t think twice about sharing or selling your information. People finder sites will mine all this data and link your name and phone number to all known addresses, past and present, as well a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 07:15 PM
7

Pre-FDS, and while I was going to therapy but also working on things outside of therapy, I read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. While I don’t agree with everything he believes, his theories really helped me get control over my own ego. I started meditating, and learning to observe my own thoughts and emotions without getting carried away with them. When dealing with my abusive (now ex) husband, especially when he was trying to pick fights, these skills I developed by practicing meditation helped m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 06:55 PM
10

Imagine if friends with benefits was, like, a friend can put you on their health insurance. Similar to a Boston marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 02:22 AM
6

Did you reach out to her and tell her about FDS? All girls and young women (and older women, too!) need to learn how to protect themselves from LVM, even if they come from wealthy homes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 02:12 AM
1

What are some good things to say if he asks her point blank?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 01:49 AM
5

I keep my toothbrush in the medicine cabinet for this same reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 04:29 PM
7

Omg, anytime I’ve lived on my own I’ve been surprised that the floor around the toilet doesn’t get nasty. I thought it was just a condensation + dust combo in some of the places I lived, like maybe different mildew spores or bacteria in some locations were more prone to growing quickly... I feel so dumb now. And when my brother and I shared a bathroom growing up he had the nerve to complain about my stuff, like neatly wrapped feminine products in the trash when it was his turn to empty it! And I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 04:21 PM
10

I’m sure you take better care of it than this guy, though! Do you have enough floor space for a dehumidifier?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 09:40 PM
31

Ugh that’s so disgusting 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 07:53 PM
69

What even is that? Mildew? Rust? I don’t understand what I’m looking at.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 06:24 PM
27

But that’s just what they want...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 02:28 PM
32

I love it 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 10:38 PM
253

The person who wrote that post is the side girl. The other girl is most likely his longterm live-in girlfriend who he convinced/pressured to open up the relationship, or a recent ex he’s keeping around as a fwb. Whoever has keys to his place has greater standing in his life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 07:43 PM
158

Stopped reading at “We built passive income [...]in housing.” Nothing passive about maintaining a rental property, let me guess who does all the work? What a leech! There’s a lot more to unpack here than just the porn use, but yeah the porn (and all his wheedling about “sobriety” and relapse) is the slimy cherry on top of the slimeball cake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 11:30 AM
1

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 01:12 AM
8

Would it just be work-related, or would it take into account responsibilities outside work as well? For example, would two able-bodied neurotypical people get the same rating if one had children and the other was single with no kids? What if one has a disabled spouse or relative for whom they provide care? Would a person’s number go up and down throughout their lifetime if they get sick, or go back to school to further their career? Would the number change for short term difficulties, like if a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:03 PM
41

I want to build a vardo someday. I’d still keep my house, but it would be awesome to be able to go camping all around the country with a beautiful tiny house in tow. I’d love to drive down the highway turning heads with my beautifully detailed and adorned unique vardo. It would definitely need to have running water hookups, a bathroom and a kitchenette, though. There’s a world of difference between a tricked out RV or tow-behind camper, and this dude’s woefully unequipped van.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:17 PM
36

That or he’s a “trustafarian” who never grew up. Like the rich kids who follow bands on tour every summer ...except middle aged and still hanging on to that lifestyle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:10 PM
30

No no, you’re supposed to just rub it on your chakras, under a dark moon. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 03:11 PM
93

Why are they respecting this creep’s wish to be kept anonymous? The courts wouldn’t even respect my wishes to keep my address private when I filed for a restraining order against my abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 10:36 PM
81

Right?! I can’t believe some of them pulled the “he has cancer” bit, like what? So 👏 does 👏 she 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 08:54 PM
21

This makes me so angry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:31 PM
19

Right? How is this a “starter pack” and not just copy-pasted keywords from our sub?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 04:10 PM
8

The girl who sat near you after that, did she hear you go off on that creep? You may have had all the men in the vicinity disapproving of you, but you may have also showed that girl that she would be safe near you because you were willing to stand up and call out inappropriate behavior. This gives me hope! This is why we need to speak up, even if a bunch of assholes try to silence us, we never know who else could be listening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 03:37 PM
44

This. I received so much discrimination from the LG community in my area when I was open about being bisexual that I just kinda gave up on dating women, or participating in Pride Week. I also don’t see myself getting into any romantic relationships for probably at least a few years, if ever. For the time being I’m just focusing on leveling up and recovering from the huge upheaval of leaving my husband and moving back to my home state.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 08:56 PM
9

A door stopper is another option, and you don’t have to put holes in the wall or doorframe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 05:04 PM
117

100% I don’t even crave intimacy much anymore. Every once in a while I have sex dreams, but that’s as close as I ever get to wanting a romantic relationship or even a fling. I wake up and I’m like wow, that was amazing but if I tried to go out and find it in real life I’d be thoroughly disappointed. No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 03:35 AM
23

The pdf is a great resource. That being said, it really helped me to get a paperback copy and go through it with a highlighter. I highlighted every passage that applied to my ex husband, and oh wow when I was done and flipped back through and saw just how much of that book was highlighted it was a real wake up call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:28 AM
100

I hear you on the depressing part. Most days I am super happy with my life - my freedom, my peace, having my house to myself, being able to focus on my own goals - but every once in a while I’ll get reminded somehow, like I’ll watch a movie with a romantic subplot that hits just the right notes (like I did tonight not knowing going into it), and it taps into this deep, bottomless well of grief that most of the time I don’t even realize I’m carrying around with me. I didn’t even really lose somet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:14 AM
8

Most aggressive dog breeds ranked: you can’t rank them because aggression isn’t breed specific it’s a learned behavior Chihuahuas
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 02:10 AM
23

My initial knee-jerk reaction was to point out that there are male witches, and that thinking of “warlock” as the mail equivalent is kind of a misnomer as it’s roots mean “traitor” ... then I thought about it for a moment and wondered, do men who take on the moniker “witch” actually honor the historical context of that word? While yes, some men were executed during the witch hunts around the globe, it was predominantly women, and one of the main purposes or effects of the witch hunts was to depr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 05:22 PM
4

Oh wow that’s news to me! Find any good sources for further reading?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 03:17 PM
10

Testosterone can exacerbate/amplify aggressive behavior, yes, but women also have a thicker corpus callosum, the nerve fiber bundle that connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:45 PM
7

I’m totally using all these phrases from now on when I give her daily affirmations! ...Because I’m that weirdo who could never quite get comfortable doing daily affirmations for myself, so I do them for my dog instead 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:52 AM
10

IW 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:45 AM
31

The dog doesn’t even have to hate men. I have a big dog that loves everyone, and the number of men who have looked apprehensive/fearful when they see her is hilarious. She’ll be wagging her tail and everything, and they still step back. Dumbasses can’t read body language to save their lives. They always say “whoa that’s a BIG dog” and there I am, beaming with pride, like “YEAH she is!” She tends to see men as potential playmates, because my ex used to wrestle-play with her, so sometimes she trie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 10:05 PM
17

When you break through the culturally indoctrinated assumption that all men’s anger is justified and start seeing the tantrums for what they really are ...can’t unsee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 01:28 PM
5

I would rather be at home with my dog literally pawing at me trying to get my food than be out with a man metaphorically “pawing” at me trying to use my body. (Also, she hasn’t done that since she was a puppy and first learned to give her paw on cue. For weeks she’d run up to me and paw at me for everything. It was super cute but oh my gosh the bruises and accidental scratches! Like, ::THWAMP:: and then look at me like, “Am I doing it right, mom?” Not quite, but I see you trying babygirl.) But y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 03:17 PM
44

I absolutely believe they could. My generation was raised being spoonfed the assumption that feminism had won, and we had equality already. This was patently false, and a lot of us had to break out of that illusion through painstaking trial and error. Misogyny and patriarchy are still alive and well today, they have just become more insidious and hidden in many ways (while in many others they are still quite blatant.) The addition of the lie - that we already have equality - leads to a lot of wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 09:47 PM
67

If Gen Z women end up having better opportunities and get to choose more equitable life and work situations than my generation, I will be so happy for them! Literally, if y’all actually get the equality that was (falsely/gaslightingly) promised to us millennials, I don’t even care. I’ll just be happy for real progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 08:36 PM
14

And this costume is so well done! It looks beautiful on her and must’ve taken a lot of time and talent to make it. I’ve never been to a cosplay event but if I did I could just imagine myself going up to every woman there being like, “You look amazing! Did you make all that yourself? Oh my gosh you’re so talented!” ...and on to the next person and gushing just the same. Except you can’t gush over a guy’s costume ‘cause he’d think you’re flirting with him, so I would just be walking around praisin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:41 PM
808

Exactly! Also there’s no mention of who paid for all the medical costs during the pregnancy and birth. I’m betting it was her. Tbh she got a raw deal. Paying for all of that, plus child support for 18 years, for a kid she didn’t even want? That’s a huge investment that she basically just gifted him because this dude wanted a child, and this guy has the audacity to want even more from her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:45 PM
12

See, I know this on the rational level, but... on maybe an emotional (?) level I keep wishing that men who are praised and treated with the respect due to the title “man of God” would actually ...live up to it? Really the expectation is just setting myself up for disappointment. Reminds me of the song Funkier Than A Mosquito’s Tweeter
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:28 AM
20

Ew! And he was a minister!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:46 AM
204

Please be a troll, please be a troll, please be a troll...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:39 AM
10

What I don’t understand is why it would’ve been acceptable to be feeding mice?? Mice infestations are bad, too. I mean, not as bad as collecting slugs to poison his gf, but still not something to be encouraged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 02:56 PM
48

Like between the treads so you have to sit down and find a stick or something to scrape it out, and then you’ve permanently got little crumbs of poo melding into your yard, and you’ve gotta pray there are no parasites your dog could catch. That’s how much hassle it is sorting through all the turds on OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 03:00 AM
33

Think of all the preparation women put in before sex. If I’m going to shave my legs and armpits, trim my bush, exfoliate and moisturize my whole body, give myself a mani/pedi, pluck my eyebrows, choose something pretty to wear, including sexy underwear and bra, put on a good perfume, do my makeup and hair, wear nice shoes, etc. etc. A man should be putting in equal effort to planning and preparation. It may not be the same stuff but it should be equitable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 05:53 PM
16

So many red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 05:41 PM
27

If they even have a real circle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:43 PM
28

I stopped doing all the things when I had my 2nd nervous breakdown. Even during it I was still doing the bare minimum housework, shopping, and taking care of the dog. There’s some stuff that needs to get done no matter what, so putting one’s foot down isn’t really an option. Granted, there were a lot of frozen dinners and I outsourced everything I possibly could. For sure though: the fun extras like holidays, decorating, sending gifts and cards to extended family, that all stopped happening. Whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 02:37 PM
110

My dad admitted to raping someone when he was overseas in his early adulthood. The worst part is, he told me the story as if it was an example to illustrate date rape isn’t (in his perspective, I strongly disagree) a big deal?? He told me this a few years after I was raped by my first serious boyfriend in high school, and I was still struggling with PTSD. It changed my view of him completely, and compounded my trauma. I have never forgiven him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 11:15 PM
51

This is projection. He’s telling you that you couldn’t care for the kids on your own because he knows he doesn’t do any of the childcare now and couldn’t handle the added responsibility if he had to care for them alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:16 PM
400

Why do men jump to so many erroneous conclusions? Because they’re so insecure about not being able to reach them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:28 AM
25

Every time I’m reading something where the word “females” is used instead of “women”, my mind immediately think-shouts FEEEEEmales! Every. Time. It’s been almost a year now since I started reading it like this and now the word practically jumps off the screen whenever I see it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 10:15 PM
51

LVMs and NVMs don’t love. Most women know how to love, and assume that their partner means the same thing when they say “I love you” but if you’re with a low value / no value / negative value man, you cannot trust that his words mean anything. He will swear up and down that he does know what love is and he really means it, but at best he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and at worst he’s lying to your face and playing you. The only way to find a real loving partner, if you’re a heterosexual wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:05 PM
2

Also smart! It can be really hard to remember details like that, I think there have been studies done showing that people are way more confident in their abilities to remember faces than they actually are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:45 AM
2

Ugh, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Good thinking on recording it, though! At least you have some evidence of how awful he was being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:21 AM
3

I’m appalled on your behalf how that guy tried to gaslight you! And very glad your dog is ok, too. I know I got really lucky with how my neighbors handled it, and honestly I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve learned to brace myself for bad behavior, especially with men. If only everyone could be like my neighbors and that kind woman who went to the vet with you and was so sweet with your dog!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:15 AM
7

My dog got attacked by a neighbor’s dog and I’m not even mad: a short story about how to high value. Let me start by saying my dog is my world. She’s a large breed but she’s a total sweetheart and surprisingly sensitive. I love her with all my heart, and I always thought that if she ever got hurt I would go complete mama-bear and absolutely wreck anyone and everyone responsible. Well, last summer I was walking her around the neighborhood, and I saw one of my neighbors in her yard with her two do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:03 AM
2

We need to stick up for women and girls who have been abused by women, too. The rarest and most unrecognized group of child abusers are women who sexually abuse girls. In her book, The Last Secret, Bobbie Rosencrans, MSW, compiles data and testimony from 93 adult women who were sexually abused by their own mothers when they (the victims) were children. It’s horrific, and the shock of reading about it is only compounded by the fact that these women had to cope with what they went through totally …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 11:09 PM
81

The wording is very strange. Was he a victim of abuse? Or did he abuse someone and now claiming to be traumatized by his own actions? Or does this woman just have no clue what she’s talking about / making up flimsy excuses to control what her stepdaughter wears?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 03:19 AM
13

Right? She makes a very good point about the running commentary and how it would sound if she did the same about all the things she does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:20 PM
62

Can you imagine needing praise every time you feed the dog??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 09:35 PM
24

It was. They found that something like 1/3 of abusers claimed to be abused as children, this was in a prison study, and when told that they would be given a lie detector test after the interview and that results would affect their chances of parole, most recanted their claims. So it just means that abusers will say anything to gain sympathy and try to excuse their behavior. Edit: I highly recommend Dr. Anna C. Salter’s book, Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders: Who They Are, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:50 PM
218

Also: listen to your children! If they are uncomfortable around someone, better safe than sorry. Never demand that they hug or kiss someone (even family members) if they don’t want to, teach bodily autonomy and boundaries early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:04 AM
26

I never even thought about this before FDS, but being more selective than a sperm bank should be standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:23 PM
12

I think you already know the answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 01:23 PM
11

All chambers are loaded. Except maybe one, sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 06:47 PM
3

As I have deprogrammed myself from internalized misogyny I’ve found myself swinging towards the other extreme, and it can be really confusing when faved with examples that contradict that. It shouldn’t be, because people are people, there are good and bad examples in all groups. But sometimes it almost feels like a betrayal of female solidarity and empowerment to point out when women behave in LV ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 05:50 PM
6

It was really hard to resist the knee jerk urge to downvote this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 05:37 PM
95

Now he’s probably going around telling some sob story about how you broke up with him on Valentines day. /smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:40 PM
13

My therapist called borderline “a diagnosis in search of patients” and said it was usually just a label applied to intelligent women with strong opinions. This was several years ago, when someone I knew was trying to armchair diagnose me with it, and when I brought it up in therapy she laughed it off like no, 1) you don’t show any of the clinical symptoms and 2) it’s mostly a bs diagnosis anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:11 PM
6

Yeah if he can’t reach over and close the door, how much control does he have on the wheel while he’s driving? If it was true, he was putting everyone else on the road at risk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 05:35 PM
3

THANK YOU! Getting real tired of seeing us compared to dogs so much. And I lol’d at your last line. So true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 04:04 PM
25

Yes, it took me so long to reclaim pink! Like it’s just a color?? How did it get so vilified? But then anything feminine was either vilified or oversexualized, or both. You had to be a cool girl, a one of the guys type girl. Female empowerment got turned into just some cloying mimicry of men, and it wasn’t even empowering at all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 10:37 PM
118

When you’re a kid you just kind of accept the world as it currently is as normal. This post has me thinking back on all the messages I received growing up in the 90s. All the “underdog” stories of the slacker guy or the nerdy guy who was supposed to turn out to be the real prize - and the qualities those guys were supposed to have - honesty, integrity, loyalty - that were more important than the “superficial” qualities of being responsible and able to provide. But it’s a fiction. Just because a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:17 PM
10

Yeah this is more a factor of too many women dating - and marrying- down. Men still out earn us. The pay gap is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 01:59 PM
7

I’m so sorry you went through that, and I hope you’re safe and coping now! You’re absolutely right, communicating with an abuser only puts a bigger target on your back. That being said, everything your dad did is on him. You were just a kid and doing the best you could with what you knew at the time. It wasn’t your fault. I hope you know that 💖🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 06:45 PM
19

Tbf, martyrs die. They get to rest. Women are expected to be willing slaves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:21 PM
16

True, and the number of women killed worldwide per day is about 137. The naysayers and apologists need to just stfu.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:13 PM
10

Last time I checked, being a woman was neither a matter of choice nor is it unpopular.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 07:58 PM
2

But none of the people executed in Salem were witches.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 07:53 PM
112

It’s almost like recovering from an addiction. I tried to quit smoking a few times and nothing worked, then I read Alan Carr’s book The Easy Way to Stop Smoking Now and it just clicked for me. Similarly, I put up with LVM who treated me badly for years, but then I read the handbook and now I can’t even look at LVM the same way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 06:18 AM
3

Ohhhhh! That makes so much sense now. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 11:24 PM
4

What does ETA mean in this context? (I only ever knew it to mean “estimated time of arrival” but this is like the third time I’ve seen it used in a way where that can’t possibly be it, and I feel like I’m missing out on the lingo.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 11:15 PM
51

Now I want to know who made the original. I saw another tiktok a few months ago with the exact same audio, but it was a different woman in the video. Like, not just the same speech, it was the same voice and the same cadence to the words. I love this trend, but does anyone know who started it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 05:45 PM
7

Oh they realize it. They’re just trying to regain the upper hand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 07:44 PM
1

This is one of the stages of abuse. After she had the baby he thought he had her trapped. All of this is 100% on purpose. Making extra messes? Hiding dirty dishes? He’s trying to burn her out. If she doesn’t leave him / kick him out he will keep escalating until she has a complete mental breakdown. My predictions: Emotional abuse and gaslighting will increase. Right now it’s in response to her requests that he keep up his agreement on the housework, but soon he’ll just start making up reasons he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 07:22 PM
32

I see what you’re saying, but here’s the game: they will fake it. Even the moderately dumb ones will know to say all the right things when you first tell them about your trauma. It’s not emotional empathy, though, it’s cognitive empathy. They’ll know how to put on an act at first while simply filing away the information to use against you later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 02:04 AM
10

The hand shaking with the coffee mug at the end, though. Because as a woman there can be a backlash for expecting equal treatment and equal respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 06:19 PM
39

The guys complaining about alimony aren’t thinking about how much it would cost to raise the kids if they stayed together. Alimony is only going to cover a fraction of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:13 PM
8

Three. Weeks. 🤣😂😅😅😭😭😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:57 PM
3

If you do sprout another head it’ll just be a sign that you deserve another crown! 👑 Go you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:49 PM
19

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:31 PM
23

I lot of this post reads like she’s just regurgitating something someone told her. My money’s on the bf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 01:02 PM
5

Military subculture is so toxic. Abuse of all types, martyr complexes, and it gets reinforced from all sides: the service members themselves, the FRG, even the general public constantly putting them on a pedestal. I used to admire people in service until I got to know some of them. Now I see it as a giant neon red flag. So much of what they put themselves through is totally unnecessary. Take the sleep deprivation, for example. There’s no way to train your body to be desensitized to the effects o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 06:22 PM
10

He wishes he wasn’t male so he wouldn’t have to deal with the shame of being associated with rapists, criminals and abusers? Would he rather be female and live his whole life as a second class citizen under threat of abuse and rape? Really? Does this guy even have two brain cells to rub together? He didn’t think that through at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 02:25 PM
145

A guy I dated when I was in my late teens (he was the same age) routinely drove about 20 mins to see me. Then one night I wanted him to visit, but his car was in the shop. He skateboarded over, probably taking at least an hour, on roads where people drive pretty fast, at night. I thought it was incredibly sweet. Too bad we went to different colleges the next year, that’s the only reason I broke up with him, he was probably the closest to a HVM I ever dated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 01:00 AM
60

I feel like this would work really well in duplex housing. Like, have a door between them and a shared yard, but each family has their own space when they want it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 11:37 PM
56

Scrolled down to the comments to say this, too. Sometimes “no drama” means he creates tons of drama, blames it on other people, and refuses to be held accountable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 05:29 AM
50

Yup! And that age should be well before they leave home. I was doing all my own cleaning, laundry, etc. by the time I was 12. I also did some of my own cooking by then. My mom would also regularly ask me to help with chores that benefited the whole family, like baking, doing all the dishes or helping her fold everyone else’s laundry, including my dad’s tighty-whities 🤢 My brother, on the other hand, was still bringing laundry home on the weekends for mom to do it when he was in college, and stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 01:57 AM
36

Lmao that video! There is no wall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 01:18 AM
62

Adding: check the reflection in storefronts to see if someone is following without alerting them that I know they’re there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 01:02 AM
32

I don’t doubt it! Just pointing out that even his lameass attempt at an excuse failed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:22 PM
91

Only 3 or 4 times... /smh. Once is too much. Jokes about anal, or “jokes” about anything crass - because you know it’s not really a joke but a test of your tolerance - should be a dealbreaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:42 PM
22

The smile makes it extra creepy. Wtf was going through his mind while he’s doing something so wrong and smiling about it? Psychopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 04:08 AM
3

I’m worried about her because she’s asking how to communicate with him, so I don’t think the rose colored glasses are off just yet. She may not really wake up until after she’s had the baby and is tied to this guy for a lifetime. Edit: this discussion has gotten me thinking about the process of waking up to the reality of an abusive relationship from the inside. We see our fair share of posts about women who are in this stage of the process - they’re not awake yet. They’re still dreaming. The al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:01 PM
22

Tuna? They want us to start reeling in blobfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 04:50 AM
65

Not the trousers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 03:09 AM
7

I can relate so much to the part about being proud of getting in better shape only to have a guy poke my bicep, hard, then flex his own like it’s a competition. Ugh. Why can’t they just be proud of their partner’s progress instead of trying to one up everything?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 02:22 PM
175

I feel bad for kids who have parents like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:41 PM
11

At this point I have to believe it’s on purpose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 01:13 AM
14

Mine had an obsession with “getting my goat” so yup it’s to bother us. They find it funny. Lack of empathy red flag I missed pre-FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:21 AM
13

Omg did you date my ex husband? lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:08 AM
26

If you do have a knife, eyes are also a good target. Slash, don’t stab. Also, it’s really simple to make a person sized dummy out of a few cardboard boxes and practice using a knife. You can even draw targets on it. I’ve practiced quickly pulling my pocket knife out, opening it, and hitting vital organs. Practice drawing it from where you actually carry it. Keep it in your purse? Practice drawing from your purse, notice if the strap restricts your movement, etc. Adjust accordingly. Know what you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 11:28 PM
25

I had shaved my head a few years before that and thought pretty much the same thing when everyone freaked out about hers. The thing I loved most was the feeling if wind on my scalp. Having long hair most of my life I’d never felt that before. It also grew back in super healthy, which was awesome. Edit: I don’t know if it was this comment, but someone just reported me to redditcareresources and it sent suicide hotline info to my inbox. Any other (formerly) buzzcut headed ladies getting harassed b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 10:30 PM
22

Please start documenting all instances of this behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:59 PM
36

Staff ...where? Because anyone who refers to children that way shouldn’t be anywhere near them, let alone be some type of authority figure charged with their care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:48 PM
55

Kinda wishing they all would’ve caught MRSA of the dick just to teach them a lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:03 PM
16

I would love to read this paper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 03:35 PM
5

Is anyone else bothered that a financial analyst has such bad spelling and grammar? This looks like it was written by a 10 year old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 11:41 PM
3

I’m in my 30s, usually dated guys within my age range (except two age gap relationships in my 20s when the guys were in their 30s) and in my experience the older they are the more selfish they get in bed. I don’t even want to know what guys 40+ are like. These entitled pr*cks have turned me all the way off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 11:19 PM
1

Therapy targeted towards abusiveness, which is what Lundy Bancroft does for his career and is how he had the professional experience to write his books, can work. Only if they’re held accountable, though, and even then not always, which is why Bancroft advises to leave and don’t go back even if they seem to change. If they can’t be rehabilitated, what do we do with incurably mentally ill people who are a danger to themselves or others? That’s a longer sentence than they’d ever get in prison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 09:35 PM
1

Ok, but it would also open up treatment options to rehabilitate them to stop being abusive. Given that they get such little prison time, if any, we as a society wouldn’t really be losing out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 02:27 PM
8

I’ve never understood why abusiveness or hurting other people doesn’t have its own category in the DSM. Like why is are abusers considered “sane”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 11:02 PM
45

Also write in that he must pay all medical costs and a surrogate fee. They’d 180 on it so fast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 12:35 PM
94

If you search online there are some horrific stories about people surviving who tried it this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 02:59 AM
5

Sadly this has been the attitude of most of the guys I dated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 12:29 AM
33

Lol nope
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 12:06 AM
305

Years ago I was chatting with some gamers online and one said to me “go make me a sandwich” and I responded “go build me a bookcase” and he didn’t know what to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:55 PM
3

We are animals and no animals respond this way to being touched by someone who hasn’t already worked to earn their trust. The text is 100% misinformation. This guy should go touch a wild moose and get kicked in the head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 02:38 PM
107

So true! It doesn’t matter how we treat them. They’ll think you want to sleep with them if they want to sleep with you. It’s just projection. No amount of modifying our behavior will change it because it’s not really about us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 07:08 PM
18

Dr. Jennifer Freyd is one of my heroes 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 08:32 PM
16

Um, no. I care for my dog like she’s a dependent, I feed her, house her, walk her 2x per day, brush her, bathe her, take care of her teeth and nails, pay for all her medical needs and advocate tirelessly for her if need be. I take her fun places when I can and make sure she gets playtime with other well behaved dogs, because it makes her happy. It’s my responsibility to do everything for her because she can’t do it for herself. I put way more effort into caring for her than the 0 effort most men…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 05:07 PM
51

The worst one I fell for with this was my ex husband. He waited to show his true colors until after we were married. I went through all the anguish of thinking I had done something wrong, many times he criticized me and flat out told me I’d done something wrong and I believed him. It took me two years to figure out that the guy I fell for never really existed and was never coming back. I’m still grieving the loss of that person, even though it was just an act. The real him is a f’ing monster. I’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 04:21 AM
42

Like calling you “woman” as if it’s your name? Not “a woman” but just “woman”, as if you’re interchangeable with any other woman. Yeah, I hate that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 04:17 AM
3

He may tell you that you ruined everything, but you didn’t, he ruined everything he had by cheating and lying to you both. You absolutely did the right thing. He’s just mad he’s being held accountable for his own actions, nothing he says about it means anything beyond that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 06:16 PM
12

The VD date that won’t give you VD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 02:19 PM
20

My mom literally said “boys will be boys” to me after I was raped in high school. It’s a real thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 03:03 AM
6

Put that way, they sound like drug addicts. I think you’re onto something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 02:16 AM
16

No matter how well you communicate, it sounds like he’s just playing games. Dump him. Hold out for someone who listens the first time, or better yet doesn’t have to be told at all, at least with common sense things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:34 PM
29

Guess who’s got two thumbs and won’t be buying that stock? 🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 05:43 PM
24

I am so sorry these sickos are sending you these depraved messages in response to your comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 04:41 PM
8

A good start
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 11:44 AM
23

Oh be careful with millionaires, my ex is worth over two million and doesn’t know how to do his own taxes. Up until we got married (when he was in his mid 30s) his mommy did them for him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 10:44 PM
25

She’s beyond help. That or it’s a male troll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 10:41 PM
80

If historians actually gave credit to all the women in the sciences, the arts, and every other field, history would look a lot different. They can’t actually sit down and compare the whole of men to the whole of women, because women’s achievements have been erased, hidden away in the back rows of archives, or credited to men - white men, at that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 10:36 PM
57

Couldn’t be me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 02:20 PM
9

This is so strange to me because when I think of people who like Shakespeare I think of teenagers who just learned one of his plays in school. Definitely not the image of refined, cultured, or smart. I’d think an adult who extolls Shakespeare as being the best is probably a little stunted. In the parlance of our times, Shakespeare is basic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 01:42 PM
19

Funny how it’s called “keeping the peace” but if there’s abuse going on, that’s 👏 not 👏 peace 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 04:39 PM
7

That’s kind of you to say!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 02:26 PM
25

I wish there had been a sign like that where I grew up. I actually threatened to call CPS when I was 12, but I didn’t follow through. It went even worse for me after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:04 AM
4

Lol I wish my ex’s ego had died. He would’ve been a better person without it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:34 AM
14

Is there an age when they stop harassing us?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:20 AM
12

The hypothetical conversations! I thought my ex was the only one! It does sound absolutely psycho, yes. ::shudder:: Ugh, so glad I’m away from that now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:06 AM
5

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for writing this. 💖🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 05:19 PM
1

Love the sign! However, I have never supported Hobby Lobby and I never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 05:12 PM
13

Also the cheaper stuff requires more work. There are multiple utility bills which can vary in cost and they usually come at different times of the month, unlike one flat rent payment on the same day every month. With rent there’s no added mental work of keeping track of multiple bills throughout the month and adjusting budgeting as the cost goes up and down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:47 PM
33

Good call! I didn’t even notice he’d given all the harder jobs to the woman. That’s sneaky!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:40 PM
3

I’m so sorry it went like that. I also hope my earlier response wasn’t too harsh, even though that harshness was directed at the doctor, not you. I totally get being in the moment and not knowing what to say, or just being too shocked by his behavior to say anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:26 AM
3

Here ya go!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 03:26 AM
1

I just checked her tiktok and she has another video that advertises a webinar she and another researcher are running. Could be interesting, it’s on Wednesday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 03:16 AM
7

Just remember, pushing a boundary is the same as violating a boundary. They’ll pretend they’re just “temporarily” violating the boundary to see what they get away with, but there is no temporary, there is no first time didn’t count. It all counts. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is not a video game. There is no reset button.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:19 AM
7

Yup! People who grew up with abusive or neglectful parent(s) often develop hypervigilance and the ability to read microexpressions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:08 AM
7

It really ticks me off when people colloqialize real medical conditions. Ever since I got diagnosed with ADHD I’ve had so many people claim they have it too if I tell them about it. I started asking when they were diagnosed, what treatment(s) they’ve had, etc. Most shut up at that point, a couple doubled down and blatantly lied to me. I’m so sorry you have to go so far as to ask about surgery when people lie about having endo. Malingerers suck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 01:20 AM
4

And did you respond, “yeah and tautologies are tautological, so what?” Because what he said is one of the most inane things I have ever read and I’m appalled that an (allegedly) highly educated person strung those words together and deemed it an actual sentence worth saying out loud. Not shocked, though, because doctors say some really stupid shit when their egos get triggered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 12:40 AM
5

This is a little off topic, but how did you get into that line of work? It sounds fascinating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 12:22 AM
9

Put it in writing. Make them sign it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 12:10 AM
4

Thank you! 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 10:19 PM
29

Yes! This! I’m right there with you, sis. It’s not just the sacrifices made, it’s that they were made for ...what? Mistreatment and contempt. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 05:13 PM
18

I’m glad that someone as prominent as he is trying to bring attention to these issues, but at the end his call to action is directed at women to get their husbands to understand the issues. The final takeaway is really veering off in the wrong direction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:19 PM
58

This popped up on recommended videos for me, and I was absolutely horrified while watching it. It’s obvious that the quotes were taken out of context, the mental gymnastics she must’ve put herself through are astounding. She sets up multiple strawman arguments framed as her own assumptions and biases, as if she speaks for all feminists. She repeats blatant lies and speculation as if they’re facts (just count how many times she mentions “false rape accusations”.) I’m thoroughly disgusted that she…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:40 PM
11

There are some like that for sure. Some are actually projecting their own emotions onto other people and calling it empathy, which is really disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:29 PM
121

Yeah it seems like their entire marriage was based on false pretenses and she should at least be entitled to an annulment. Unfortunately there’s probably a time limit for that, for example in my state it was something like 30 days after getting married. I don’t even know how a lawyer would go about arguing for damages but I 100% agree that she deserves them. Our justice system is such a failure though, I wouldn’t hold my breath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:01 PM
80

“Go to therapy and become normal.” Yes, this! For a while now there has been this push to normalize aberrant, antisocial behavior. It got to the point where people with completely normal human responses have started thinking of themselves as rare, for example people with normal levels of empathy calling themselves “empaths”. No. An empath is someone with an extremely high level empathy, an outlier. Most people who call themselves empaths are very much within the normal range but have no frame of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:24 PM
88

I love this space. Thank you to the mods for keeping it safe for us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:01 AM
79

Absolutely about power and control. My ex, when I was packing up to leave him, actually lamented the fact that I have my own money because if I’d been completely financially dependent on him “things would’ve been different.” Like, yeah, I might’ve been stuck taking his abuse for much longer because I’d have no way out?? What a contrast from the beginning of the relationship when he told me how great it was that I wasn’t like all those “dependas”. He wanted it both ways and both sides of his pers…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 09:09 PM
72

My dad tried to take credit for everything my grandmother gave me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 08:52 PM
5

It’s like the reverse of the lottery, where they just about halve your winnings through taxes. But yeah, it’s bullshit. The guy only has to be on the sex offender registry for 10 years, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 07:57 PM
6

He was sentenced to 7 years but only served 30 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 07:36 PM
1

Me too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 07:31 PM
10

How about we just give them a permanent insanity loophole, lock ‘em up, and call it a day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:49 PM
3

Omg I thought the same thing! I was like, Jerry is that you? But that would be a little too clever even for him... Amazing how so many of us can have such similar experiences. It’s bittersweet, because while it’s nice to know I’m not alone, it’s also sad that other women have had to go through it too. So glad to have found such a supportive community of women here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 05:35 PM
16

Yup! If a man refers to a grown woman as “girl” it’s a red flag for misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 03:17 PM
52

Why don’t these guys understand that their games erode the relationship? Like, what kind of long term plan is it to destroy their primary relationship, little by little, and then after all the damage is done they cry about it like they don’t know what happened? Actions have consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:56 AM
10

Yeah why are all these news sites saying he was convicted of it, as if to imply maybe wrongly convicted? SAY HE DID IT. He murdered someone. They need to stop trying to spin it like the conviction was something that was done to him, like he’s some kind of victim or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 12:18 AM
7

Hey now, my dog is no pickme. She’s a sighthound, though, and they’re bred to be a little more independent than the sporting breeds like goldens and labs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 06:34 PM
7

Yelled at me for six hours straight because he thought I called him a “shitbag”. I never called him that. He often called his coworkers that. All I did was very nicely and calmly ask him to bring his shaker cup in from the car and fill it with water in the sink to soak when he got home from work, so his protein shakes wouldn’t get all crusted inside it. Also had the same thing happen when I very gently asked him to put his laundry in the hamper. Two years of getting accused of calling him a “shi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 11:36 PM
5

I agree about the ADHD, but she said he also had borderline personality disorder, which is a cluster B personality disorder and can make people volatile and dangerous. The diagnosis doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it does explain it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 11:01 PM
2

I agree, a rental should usually only be a couple bucks. I really hope this doesn’t set a precedent. I think because it because available on streaming services just a couple weeks after it was released in theaters, and because they know with covid still around most people aren’t going to go out to the movies, they’re charging movie theater prices for the rental for a short time. Hopefully it will go down to regular rental prices around the time a new movie would usually go to video/streaming. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 04:10 PM
4

Oh my gosh, yeah, I watched it Saturday morning and spent the whole day processing it. You ok? Please check back in after you wake up, ok?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 12:55 PM
138

I don’t believe this divide even exists. Almost everyone is capable of being both logical and empathic, many just choose not to be. It’s like when people say they’re a right brain person or a left brain person, usually corresponding to scientific or creative, like no that’s a myth and we all use both sides of our brains.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:13 AM
21

When I read that people here didn’t like the ending, I assumed that it was going to have some sort of romcom twist where she falls for the guy and the whole thing is some kind of anticlimactic contrived happy ending. I’m so glad I was wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 03:53 AM
48

I hope they start teaching college classes on it. The way it subverts expectations is masterful, from early on in the movie when they use the song “It’s Raining Men” in such a way that turns the meaning on its head, it’s like a hint to the audience that the movie is going to make you rethink your own nostalgia. It’s like we, the audience, are put in the position of expecting one thing out of the movie, but then it does something completely different ...much like the men in the movie think they’r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 11:54 PM
11

I watched it on Amazon Prime, but it’s also listed as available on Google Play and Vudu. It costs about $20 for the rental, similar to seeing it in theaters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 10:56 PM
25

There is one scene that is very uncomfortable to watch. I think it was intentional, from how drawn out it is. If you have a hard time with violence in movies you’ll probably want to fast forward through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 09:57 PM
81

I loved this movie! It wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, but it’s what our society needs to have made. I think the choices they made were brilliant. Little details such as how she never says yes to going home with these guys or anything, like the one in the opening scenes she didn’t even kiss him back, she just sits there with her mouth closed, and when he stops kissing her he pulls back and says “wow” like it was really good?! Brilliant. I also love where they went with the ending. I don’t w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 09:47 PM
134

I almost downvoted this out of instinct. That “relationship coach” gave terrible advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 04:18 AM
106

If this pornsick LVM thinks she’s average, she’s probably stunningly beautiful and way out of his league. I hope she leaves him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 04:12 AM
3

I’m so sorry to hear you went through that. To have him twist your connection with your friend and accuse you of these things, must’ve been really painful! And to have your friend fall for it and not stand up for you... and then ultimately drop you altogether! I’m so sorry. I was in a relationship years ago where the guy used tactics like these to isolate me from friends and family. In addition he exhibited hot/cold, push and pull behavior, triangulation, all hallmarks of psychological abuse. It…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 04:25 PM
13

Also me! It was a guy I dated in my 20s. He claimed he was polyamorous, which I had never heard of before then. He even recommended books to me, like The Ethical Slut, and after reading them we set a bunch of groundrules. He broke all of them. He got off on doing things that were “taboo”, so pretty much no matter what agreements we made he was guaranteed to break them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 04:02 PM
3

I wouldn’t use the term scrotes anywhere outside of FDS, not even on other social media. For one thing it’s kinda crass, and that’s not the image I like to project to people who know me in person, and secondly I think a lot of people would be quick to assume misandry if they heard it, not realizing it only applies to the lowest of the low. I’d recommend going in the opposite direction, and drop terms like ‘high value men/women’ into conversation and see if they recognize it or if they ask for cl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 04:20 AM
20

I can relate! The last one cried when I fired him. Can you imagine? A grown-ass man crying over something he did to himself? If he actually wanted to keep the job he would’ve shown up on time and put in a full day’s work, every day, Monday - Friday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 10:47 PM
13

Every few days I see something upvoted really high on wholesome memes that absolutely fails to be wholesome and every time it’s because of misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 07:07 PM
5

I haven’t gone on a date or had sex since before I left my husband almost two years ago. It’s been over two years since the last time he and I had (very disappointing, coerced, and just all around bad) sex, and I haven’t been with anyone else. I don’t miss it at all. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking back on all my partners before and including him, and the vast majority were just not worth it. Almost all of them are selfish, overconfident about their abilities and only care about a woman’s plea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 06:44 PM
3

I’m surprised (but glad) that girls are getting diagnosed at 12 now. I got my ADHD diagnosis at 30. I’ve met women in their 50s and 60s who had just gotten diagnosed after a lifetime of not knowing why they were struggling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 04:06 AM
8

This is how it was with my abuser, too. He was the one afraid I would leave, almost obsessively and to the point of paranoia. That he treated me so badly that it drove me away was like a self fulfilling prophecy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 03:37 AM
24

I was 14 when I lost my virginity / was raped. He was my 4th boyfriend, having started dating when I was 11. I wish much better for future generations. Let kids be kids!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 01:09 AM
2

The only person I love unconditionally is my dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 11:54 AM
5

Almost two years after leaving my ex, I’m still working my dog through the trauma he caused her. It breaks my heart that she went through that, but it makes me so proud to see her make progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:59 PM
2

I’m so sorry you went through that, and I hope you’re safe and much happier now. Hindsight can be difficult to come to grips with. I look back on my last relationship, and there are so many points in the timeline where I wish I’d seen it for what it was and left then. I really struggled for a while in whether I could ever trust myself to judge someone’s character again. Ironically, the thing that helped me heal that doubt was learning to listen to my own intuition sooner and more faithfully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:30 AM
7

I’m sorry but just looking at that mug has me rolling 😂🤣😂 Picture and post title are just perfect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:36 AM
8

There are signs, yes. There are also “explanations” and excuses, at least in the beginning. It’s really easy to rationalize away the first initial red flags if you don’t know what you’re looking at. When people say someone suddenly changed after marriage or pregnancy or something, it’s usually that the abuse increased significantly after one of those milestones. There were signs earlier, but there was also a noticeable (often shockingly so) change in behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:52 AM
2

Actually the bare minimum would be not wanting to be violent towards you in the first place. Sadists belong in institutions. Sorry not sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 10:58 PM
1

It looks like that post has been taken down now. Did anyone give this girl decent advice? I’m so worried about her, especially because her parents aren’t willing to do anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 05:51 PM
2

The case took place in Florida. If it had been New York she would’ve been screwed, that state has some of the worst self defense laws in the entire country. If you own guns and care about protecting yourself, never ever ever move to New York.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:46 PM
3

All I had to see was the picture at the top of the article to understand why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:40 PM
6

When I was a teenager into my early 20s, I was really into the retro “hippie” aesthetic and often wore bandannas and pretty headscarves. For at least a few years, it went completely unquestioned, then sometime in the mid-aughts I started getting asked if I was muslim whenever I wore one. There was a definite cultural shift, at least here in the US, where any type of head covering suddenly became synonymous with Islam, when it hadn’t been before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:16 PM
7

I disagree slightly. The way I see it, men either treat you as a sex object or a failed sex object. Women who are older, overweight, or otherwise deemed “unfuckable” are additionally subject to derision and sometimes outright hatred from men who see them as some kind of failure for not pleasing their male gaze. I think what OP is experiencing is different from that. She’s in a unique position where, at least among her white European colleagues in academia, she is being treated as if she’s actual…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:01 PM
7

Sad that “treated me like a human” is a point of praise with doctors. It should be the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 01:14 PM
1

I thought it was toxoplasmosis?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 03:18 AM
3

That article is excellent, thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:14 AM
86

Every time I report something that’s hate speech against women on fb I get a little message saying they looked into it and decided not to remove it. I still report everything, but I don’t expect it to do anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:25 AM
7

Just because they haven’t found a surefire cure for PTSD yet, doesn’t mean they won’t in the future. There have been huge strides made in the past few decades on the psychology of abuse and what it does to the victim. We will find it. Never stop trying to heal yourself. If you find something that helps, please share with others. Together, we will find a way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:44 PM
36

If you reuse it, be sure to correctly spell “seize”. “Cease” means to stop, which I guess could also fit but it’s a stretch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:33 PM
9

Reading Machiavelli’s The Prince changed my life, for the same reasons. It was my first introduction into how the other side thinks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:04 AM
8

I tried Botox once, in my early 30s, and it just felt wrong. Like the actual stuff going in felt wrong. I’ve gotten flu shots and had blood draws and I have a few tattoos and piercings, and never felt anything like it. The stuff in that Botox injection felt so unnatural and it was like all my instincts were screaming at me don’t do this. I guess it could have been all in my head because I knew what it was and what it’s made from, but I really do think it was more than that. The physical sensatio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:54 AM
3

Of course there was a lack of reaction from the forces, some of the (what should I call them? Domestic terrorists? Traitors?) were their coworkers. Those were their buddies. They’re not going to use force against them. One current Metro D.C. police officer said in a public Facebook post that off-duty police officers and members of the military, who were among the rioters, flashed their badges and I.D. cards as they attempted to overrun the building. “If these people can storm the Capitol buildin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 04:44 AM
3

If he gets to take a picture of your ID you should get to take a picture of his badge number. Turnabout’s fair play. Ofc in practice that might get you hurt, so... 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 04:16 AM
1

That sounds like an awful situation, I’m glad you’re out of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 09:25 PM
2

Also all the amateur videos taken without consent via a hidden camera, which btw is a crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 09:21 PM
2

Yeah, this photo sums up about 15% of my facebook feed. Just... why?? I cringe every time I see it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:12 PM
4

If you work for the state and they do this, document everything , get a copy of that video if you can, then (anonymously) send everything to the press shortly before the next local elections.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:17 AM
12

You’re not wrong. It’s not a virus though, it’s DNA.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:11 AM
3

Not their birth charts, but I bet there’s something in their childhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:25 AM
4

Happy for you! 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 12:10 AM
5

I used to think Kubrick was a genius ...right up until reading these comments. Damnit, there’s another one whose work I can never look at the same again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:56 PM
2

Generous of you to say most of them matured to the level of a high schooler or college student! I’d say their emotional maturity probably peaked in about second or third grade. Right before moving to the big kids’ side of the elementary school. Maybe they found block scheduling too traumatic? And just got mentally stuck there for the rest of their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:40 PM
1

I did it, back in my pickme days. It was someone I knew when I was younger, and after catching back up we’d spent months on the phone, so it wasn’t like it was some rando. Still, I told multiple people where I was going, where I would be staying, who I would be seeing, and had regular check-ins with the both during and after the trip. It still ended up being a bad idea. I didn’t get murdered or anything, but the guy was LV and kept future faking and manipulating throughout the trip. 🤢🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:15 PM
9

Girl, same. I love this idea in the OP of just letting them spill whatever useful information they have, though. Just try not to catch feelings in the process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:38 PM
45

Congratulations on your new house! Good thinking on having it rekeyed! It’s also pretty easy to change out a doorknob yourself, so if you ever need to change the locks again it’s easy to get a new set of doorknobs and diy and no one needs to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:31 PM
20

I browsed a few of the other videos and the dumb stuff the grandson was saying and asking made my stomach turn. I didn’t see that one, but the ones I did see were like he was getting a kick out of trying to humiliate her, and she was responding so graciously she sidestepped every trap he laid for her. Dude has the emotional maturity of a fruit fly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:23 PM
59

From the context it seemed like the timer was to wake them up from the nap so they could go watch the movie with his family. So, he raped his girlfriend in his parents’ home, with them maybe a room or two away. Despicable. Also, instead of just getting up and being on time for the planned activity, he chose to rape his girlfriend. Can you imagine his mom walking down the hall like “honey, come join us for the movie, we’re all waiting for you two” and overhearing the sounds of her fighting him of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:17 PM
7

The real problem is that men are unsafe drivers, bad at sex, mansplain every scene of a movie while you’re right there watching the same damn movie, want to mooch off you and use you for free labor, and will lie and bullshit until they’re blue in the face and also get mad at you for not being a mind reader and magically knowing what they really meant. Projection. It’s all projection. And then these girls out here saying “I’m not like that!” No shit, Shirley, most women aren’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:53 PM
25

This woman seems wonderful, but the guy behind the camera is LVM trash who’s deluded himself into thinking he’s funny. With a grandson like that, she must have the patience of a saint!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:48 PM
8

NTA, but you don’t assert boundaries by forcing people to do what you want. You assert boundaries by walking away from people who don’t meet your standards. Granted, there’s no way to make his daughter dump this guy, and at the end of the day it’s the daughter who needs to value herself and enforce her own boundaries. There’s really not much the dad can do, other than talk to her and let her know she deserves to be with someone who treats her better. It’s a delicate situation, because if the dad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:52 PM
7

Yes, I don’t allow anyone in my life who supported or covered for the pedophile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:15 PM
56

From one survivor to another, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I was molested by a family member. It started when I was 11. When I tried to speak up, my whole family rallied around the abuser. They said I was lying, accused me of trying to destroy the family, told me I had “a chemical imbalance” and threatened to send me to an asylum. I shut up about it real quick. It almost hurts more, the betrayal by the people who covered for the abuser, because while I can understand that the abuser is sic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 10:43 PM
29

By and large, they do: none.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 10:24 PM
8

That just blows my mind. What is the point of putting them through that? It sounds like the same backwards outdated modality they still use in the military. It’s been proven that you can’t “acclimate” someone to sleep deprivation, and the best way to have your people ready to perform during emergency situations where they might need to, say, pull an all-nighter, is to have them well rested and healthy the rest of the time. Preemptively burning people out is just nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:15 PM
7

Yes. This is one of the ways people develop increased levels of malignant narcissism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:00 PM
21

Ikr? Like, sure, there are 24 hours in a day, and 24 - 16 = 8, which is the recommended number of hours sleep an adult should get per night. Of course that doesn’t factor in her commute back home from the hospital, maybe getting I dunno...a shower? After a long day of work? (Not to mention any extra precautions she takes to decontaminate because of covid!) Plus getting ready in the morning and commuting back to work. Even if he didn’t expect her to come home and do housework, she’s realistically…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 06:51 PM
2

Seems like an oxymoron to me, but maybe I’ve become cynical in my old age still-relatively-young adulthood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 06:08 PM
14

Anyone who expects, after only a few interactions, a level of trust that should be built over years, is toxic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:21 PM
17

“Are you calling me a LIAR?!” as he’s being caught in a lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 04:54 PM
55

Her schedule also highlights the ridiculous hours that doctors are expected to work. 16 hour shifts?! She operates on people’s brains. That’s not exactly the person we can afford to have sleep deprived. Also, a week on and a week off is just a recipe for an irregular sleep cycle and insomnia. Who makes these schedules? What possible reasoning could there be for not having the surgeons on a rotation that takes their basic physical needs (like adequate, regular sleep) into account?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 04:17 PM
100

In my (childhood) house a lot of the Christmas “magic” (what little of it there was in that house) was my dad, though. He’d get the tree, he’d get us all together to decorate it, he was always the first one to start singing carols and to suggest we all gather around the piano and sing while my brother played. I miss my dad’s singing. It’s one of the things I miss most of all about him. This year I tried putting on Christmas music alone at my house, but every time I tried to sing along I kept bre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:51 AM
21

Where are you that you’re even finding any women in those trades, though? There are none around here, or I would’ve hired one in a heartbeat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:28 AM
29

I fired the contractor who was remodeling my house for throwing a temper tantrum in my driveway when he thought I’d gone inside and couldn’t hear him. I had gone through the house out to the backyard. I didn’t catch everything he was yelling about, but I definitely heard the b word a couple of times. Done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 01:38 AM
34

My ex’s eyes would dart rapidly side to side during that silence before he exploded. He’d also get this weird little smirk on his face, like he was excited about / enjoying the prospect of another blowout.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 01:30 AM
32

It’s when you verbally or non-verbally placate or soothe the person who is threatening you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 01:26 AM
7

Change some of the details and this is very similar to something I did for my ex husband. Never again. Don’t even do mommy shit for them when you’re married. It’s an equal partnership between two adults, or nothing at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 09:26 PM
3

Also avoid Kris. Or Topher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:11 PM
12

Just telling him stories to gauge his reaction? That’s clever af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:28 PM
3

I agree with all of this, but can we please stop referring to our platonic friends as “girlfriends”? Just seems kind of homophobic. There are actually women who have girlfriends, they’re called lesbians and bisexuals, they exist and that’s ok. On the other side of the same coin, calling non-romantic female friends “girlfriends” just plays into our society’s tendency to suggest the possibility of sexual tension in any female relationship, like the myth that all women are at least a little bisexua…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 04:31 PM
3

THIS. They are handed respect and credibility by society just for existing as men. They are coddled and privileged from birth, and never had to learn that respect is earned by doing right and treating others respectfully. Then when someone comes along and holds them to a reasonable and equitable standard, they can’t cope, so they act like spoiled children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 04:01 PM
2

Sorry to break it to you, but if it was HPV it can show up years later, after plenty of negative pap smears. If a guy has bumps on his dick, kick him out or leave immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:46 PM
2

True! I guess you’ll have to hold out for that sweet widower who lovingly cared for his first wife through cancer or whatever, never left her side, and never thought he’d fall in love again, but now it’s been a few years and he’s come to terms with the loss, and even though he wasn’t looking for a relationship he met you and now hope springs anew...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 05:07 AM
3

An article I just found says it should be available streaming online sometime in January, approximately 17 days after debuting in theaters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 01:16 AM
2

You can still choose from divorcées and widowers. This article only applies to men who have never married by that age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 01:09 AM
2

”As a group, however, Waehler found that the men did show three ‘modes of defense’ in relationships: avoidance, isolation and distortion.” Was there a control group? Because this could very well describe the majority of men, regardless of relationship status.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 01:03 AM
14

I was thinking about this recently, I’d rather go through my last moments alone, too. Imagine if some “well meaning” rando was there, making the whole thing about their ego and forcing me to caretake their emotions during my last few moments on earth? I’d be pissed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 12:34 AM
13

My only criticism is that the feminine of ancestor would be ancestrix so the plural would be ancestrices, otherwise 💯 yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 10:18 PM
2

...but that describes all of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:30 AM
4

You’re right. It’s also entitlement. They’re so sure that someone will bail them out every time they fail. Surprised pikachu face whenever there are actually consequences to their actions, or in this case inaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:03 AM
18

I foresee a lot of women living alone. Single bedroom houses, or two bedroom houses where the spare room is repurposed into a home office, are going to start taking the place of the standard 3br “starter home” in the lower end of the real estate market.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 10:27 PM
3

That’s almost a haiku and I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 07:27 AM
27

My dog was sick and needed to be on a bland diet of boiled chicken and plain white rice. My ex said he’d pick some up at the store on the way home from work. He came back with a brown and wild rice blend, and got mad at me when I said we couldn’t feed her that. When she was sick! Then he made up a big pot for himself for dinner. He also ate most of the chicken that was supposed to be for her. ...and pan fried it instead of boiling iirc. 🤦‍♀️🤬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 02:31 PM
1

Round ‘em up into camps and force rehabilitation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 09:01 PM
5

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 30. Went through the standard misdiagnoses before that, including depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until after I quit smoking (nicotine binds to dopamine receptors) and my symptoms got way worse, then I couldn’t even function and I had to try to figure out wtf was going wrong with me. I went to the doctor and got tested for a bunch of things, thyroid and blood sugar levels, but everything came back normal and they kind of gave up. So then I started doing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 07:38 PM
2

Oh you were still married? That’s kind of a key factor. The only time you can change your name without having to put a notice in local publications is during divorce. It’s so people can’t duck creditors by changing their name without a public record of it. Needing your husband’s permission seems a little outdated, but the other part about having to put a notice in the paper is for a valid reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 06:27 PM
13

That’s ...hazing. They’re literally trying to justify hazing other women? Wtf is wrong with some people?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 10:38 AM
28

Plenty of toddlers, both male and female, do this. Only men fail to outgrow it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 10:19 AM
19

Fun fact: Uncle Fester’s appearance was based on a picture of Aleister Crowley.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 11:58 PM
7

Yes! And they will always lie when selfishness and sexism are the real reasons, just like with entitlement, control and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 05:40 PM
30

I agree, age gap relationships are always a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 04:14 PM
60

Not all parents have their kids at the same age. When I was 21 my dad was 60. If someone said not to date someone my dad’s age, I would have agreed wholeheartedly, but that still left me open to being confused about why someone half my dad’s age would also have been inappropriate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 04:10 PM
15

Oh, I see what you’re saying. Yes, we need to teach more women, especially young women, how to differentiate what are legitimate symptoms of mental illness, vs what are red flags for controlling behavior and abuse. Good point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:37 PM
2

I hope she enjoys her house which she now has all to herself, and now that he’s gone, I hope she rescues as many cats as she wants!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:12 PM
11

I wonder if these guys who say they love dogs have ever actually had one? And if so, who did most of the work taking care of the dog? I have a suspicion they’re romanticizing the stereotypical qualities of loyalty, etc. without having ever put in the work involved in caring for and training a dog. If they ever did have a dog, it was probably cared for by a former spouse, girlfriend, parent, or it was just neglected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:06 PM
87

Absolutely spot on, don’t doubt your judgment sis! It’s pretty clear when she describes how angry he got while she was eating that burger. Slamming doors and whispering angry comments under his breath? This is 100% about controlling her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 02:33 PM
57

Ok, but the behavior has nothing to do with ADHD or depression like she’s rationalizing to herself. Her misattribution is actually pretty insulting to anyone who has ADHD or depression. Even if her boyfriend does have those, they’re not the reason he’s behaving that way. He’s behaving that way because he’s entitled and controlling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 02:29 PM
10

Ask ten people what the definition of love is, and you’ll get ten different answers. It’s totally subjective. Just because you love someone, or they say they love you, doesn’t mean you’re even talking about the same thing. The character in the video is most likely talking about love as an emotion. It’s a feeling she has for him, which has no grounding in practicality. It has nothing to do with whether he improves her life by being in it. That’s not a good reason to stay with someone, especially …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 12:47 AM
4

They have different names for them in different places. In some places it’s called a Protection from Abuse Order, or PA Order.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 05:23 PM
5

Sis, I’m cackling at these 😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:21 PM
7

Approximately 6% documented at the clinical level for a disorder characterized by lack of empathy. Sounds small, but that’s about one in every fifteen people you meet. I used to feel like I was a lightening rod for these types, too, so I did a bunch of reading. It’s not just you. You’re probably not even attracting them at a higher rate, you might just be better at spotting them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:15 PM
5

Sometimes I think all the psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists should be rounded up and put into camps, forced rehabilitation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:07 PM
9

They won’t introspect. Do it to them anyway, but don’t expect them to learn anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:01 PM
3

They would be dumbfounded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:21 AM
5

The sex got really bad. It’s a shame, he was good at it when we were dating, but after we were married he got selfish and lazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:51 AM
4

See also: Studio Ghibli’s predecessor, Topcraft, which made animated films such as The Hobbit, The Return of the King, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Winds, and my personal favorite, The Last Unicorn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 09:49 PM
16

You mean the clothes from his picture? That could be a fitting room selfie - he tried them on, snapped a pic for his OLD profile, then changed back into his own clothes and walked out without buying anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 03:58 PM
4

“too needy and ridiculous” coming from a guy who slept in the same bed as his mother?! Talk about projection...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 03:15 PM
10

It’s shocking how much outright resentment some men have towards unattractive women. Even in a professional setting, where sexual attraction shouldn’t even come into play, these men will be visibly seething with hatred and go out of their way to make things more difficult for unattractive women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 02:46 PM
58

At least she found out before marrying him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 02:45 PM
6

This is the plant from OP’s story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 02:34 AM
200

Should’ve let him eat more 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 09:13 PM
3

Aaaaaand another tiktok account followed. Almost my entire follow list on there is inspired by FDS. Thank you queens! 🙏💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 07:38 PM
6

I ask this question every time I find more stuff in my new backyard. The previous owner, a single young(ish) white man who inherited the property from his parents, absolutely trashed the place, then it was foreclosed and bank owned before I bought it. I had the entire house gutted and remodeled, so the house itself is good now, and I picked up everything I could find in the yard right away, but it was absolutely shocking what I’ve found in the yard. Trash, beer bottles - glass bottles, so pieces…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:03 PM
6

Oh, they know. The second they have a wife or a live in girlfriend they will rage at her if the home is in conditions 1/10th as messy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:42 AM
17

Several years ago I was reading about how to support survivors, and one of the big points on a checklist I found was to never label it for them. Basically, it’s up to the survivor to label it rape if they choose to, but someone else shouldn’t label for them because they may not be ready to hear it yet. I recently tried to find the page again, and I couldn’t. It was weird because iirc this advice was from one of the major organizations that supports survivors. Maybe the going wisdom on this aspec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:30 AM
35

I’m shocked by this. I love her facial features, I think she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen! I was literally mesmerized by her through the whole show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:12 PM
2

In vino veritas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:23 PM
2

I’m so sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:22 PM
8

Alas! Poor LVMs, I knew them well...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:01 PM
2

Completely off topic but I cannot get over her shoes 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:55 PM
7

It’s just shocking to realize how many men have been coddled their entire lives. Guys who think they’re hard or tough, and they can’t even handle a little accountability? Weak. Delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:32 PM
16

Almost everything in this thread is entertainment I love... This is a huge eye opener for me! I’ve always naturally separated characters I love to watch but wouldn’t want to emulate. I like exploring my dark side ...vicariously. Also the point of shadow work is to bring that toxicity to light to deal with it, not to wallow in it. It’s not as simple as just finding someone who likes the same movies, books, etc. that you do. You’ve also got to pay attention to why they like those things, what’s th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:56 PM
5

It’s not relatable at all to me, either, and not too long ago it would have made me sad, but I’m happy for people who have those kinds of relationships with their family. I’m happy with my life now, too. It’s so much more peaceful after walking away from abusive people. For companionship I have my dog, and I meet plenty of people while I’m out and about with her, so I’m far from lonely. I have a fair number of acquaintances, and I don’t really feel the need for super close friends or confidants …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 11:25 PM
5

I guess if your family are good people, sure. You can be totally unattached and still be ok, though. A lot of people from abusive or broken homes get stuck on chasing relationships trying to make up for all that love, etc. they feel like they missed out on from their family of origin. You don’t actually need any of the stuff listed in this comic. You can be happy and whole without all of those things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 11:19 AM
11

That’s horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 10:52 AM
4

How is it a “new law”? Informed consent is required for all medical procedures. There shouldn’t need to be any specific law regarding pelvic exams, because they’d already be covered under existing informed consent laws.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 10:32 AM
11

Where did she hide the recorder? Not trying to be crass, but what’s a foolproof way to do this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 09:42 AM
9

The first one made my blood run cold just reading it. TW: emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sleep deprivation. My ex would make up stuff to get angry about, then he’d keep me up all night interrogating me, about stuff that never happened, he just made it all up, and he’d be standing over me shouting rapid fire question after question, and if I didn’t answer immediately, I mean even if I paused for a split second, he’d jump to the worst conclusion possible and just run with it. And then he’d just be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 02:50 PM
8

I’m all for the guy driving 2hrs to her place, but why plan a date 2hrs away from there? Unless it’s a special occasion like a concert or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 02:10 PM
18

I only wear makeup when I have an important meeting, and I worry about it a lot more when that meeting is with another woman because she’ll actually know if I took the time to look put together or if I rushed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:13 PM
42

Yeah they say they’re visual creatures but then they pretend to be oblivious when a woman’s facial expression and body language are clearly showing her discomfort when he’s acting like a creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:10 PM
264

Pretty sure the moral of the story is, dick is abundant and low value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 11:52 AM
8

Wow, I am so disgusted by that but I am so glad that more of the world is waking up to abuse and manipulation tactics. Pretty soon, any woman who has experienced trauma will have extensive knowledge about how to recognize abuse red flags, and these guys will be stuck wondering why their tactics don’t work anymore. I can’t wait to see it blow up in their faces.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 10:25 PM
17

There’s such a thing as irrational and crazy, I once knew a guy who thought he had a 6ft invisible tail. If something fell over for no apparent reason, he’d be like oh that was just my tail, sorry. I knew another guy who went on a rant about how he had weapons all over his apartment, and when asked where they were he pointed to his books. That one made at least some sense, though. I mean, it’s a stretch but yeah, books hold knowledge -> knowledge is power -> power is dangerous like a weapon ...i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 12:12 AM
1

I’m reading this on the reddit app right now and there’s no NSFW tag on this post. Was one put on and then removed? I think OP brings up some important issues that should be discussed, but given that the title is about shaving, there’s really no warning whatsoever to readers who may be triggered by issues regarding CSA and rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:24 PM
6

I agree with you. I like the ones where they’re actually talking about the advice they’re giving, even if there’s text it’s related to what they’re saying. The ones where it’s just text and the video/audio are completely unrelated don’t make any sense to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:12 PM
2

I’ve sometimes dreamt of opening a foster house for teenage girls, and teaching them how to stay safe in the world, and helping them deal with any trauma they’ve already experienced so they don’t repeat toxic cycles by getting involved with abusers later in life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 06:56 PM
4

Lol at the men complaining about mandatory army service who then go on to enlist in volunteer forces and then complain when women get the right to join. I’ve seen it firsthand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 04:10 PM
8

The fact that this isn’t prosecutable everywhere in this day and age is an absolute disgrace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 03:14 PM
29

I legit opened the lid on the toilet once and a wasp flew out. No idea how or why it got in there but ever since, I always check for toilet wasps. This happened when I was a kid so pretty much my whole life I’ve been checking for toilet wasps, and it only happened the one time. I think people who don’t check are crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 09:25 AM
3

I can’t even imagine breastfeeding with that going on, you’re a true champ!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:56 PM
3

Oh my gosh that sounds awful and painful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:40 PM
7

Do you live with them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 08:49 PM
5

They made the right call in firing him. It sounds like initially you thought that they were just going to talk to him and make him stop, but here’s the thing: you can’t stop a predator from being a predator by talking to them about it. You can walk away from them, if it’s a personal relationship, you can fire them if it’s a business relationship, but you can’t change who they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 07:52 PM
3

Hold up a sec. Lost part of your right boob??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 07:39 PM
9

I have been such a hot mess for so long that I have excused so much bad behavior just because I thought I understand. I have ADHD (diagnosed late in life, so for most of my life it was untreated) and my complete inability to prioritize even the things that are very important to me meant that all the sayings about “if it was important you wouldn’t have forgotten” didn’t really apply to me. Which meant I was willing to consider it might not apply to the guys I dated, either. I didn’t even think of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 07:15 PM
8

They were peak male attractiveness ...in the late 90s and early aughts. Leo peaked in his 20s, and Brad peaked in his 30s. 20 years before that? Harrison Ford, John Travolta ...have you ever seen pictures of young Michael Douglass? The standard of male attractiveness changes a little from one decade to another, and there’s always a new crop of celebrities to fill the role. Just like with women. On the whole, beauty standards for both men and women have trended towards more muscular in recent yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:21 PM
19

Or she had a psychotic break and mistook it for “love”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 07:17 PM
46

I’m so sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 07:04 PM
5

Yes, the metaphor and symbolism in that show is fantastic (no pun intended) and works on many levels. I see something new every time I watch it. It took me rewatching it in adulthood to understand that Buffy’s relationships are more of a cautionary tale than goals. Even though I’ll always love the show, I think it could be somewhat damaging to younger girls who watch it (for example I was 11 or 12 when season 1 aired, and kind of grew up with the show. In hindsight I don’t think that age group i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 03:26 PM
5

Thank 👏 you 👏 ! I recently saw something about the Angel/Spike debate... apparently Stacy Abrams made a comment about it? So it’s back in the news, and none of these little fluff piece journalists seem to get that all of Buffy’s relationships were toxic (if not downright abusive) and no one should be “shipping” any of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 02:38 PM
17

Likewise, thank you too! I can relate. I used to think I’d just tell a boyfriend about my trauma and expect him to be a normal human with empathy who would take care not to trigger it, especially during intimate moments. There are some really depraved men out there, though, and they’ll actually trigger your trauma on purpose because they think it’s funny or they’re trying to control you or they get off on it. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it myself, enough times to determin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 10:33 PM
43

Most of these look like the picture was taken with the intent to humiliate the woman. Absolutely prickish behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 10:10 PM
26

I see what you’re getting at, but let me make a counter argument. The handbook tells us not to discuss past mistreatment with dates or new partners. If a HVW doesn’t discuss “crazy” exes, shouldn’t we expect the same from a HVM?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 10:02 PM
221

It’s confusing, because if a woman says her ex was crazy, it usually means he was abusive. On the other hand, if a man says his ex was crazy, it usually means he was abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 02:50 PM
9

Bet he didn’t burn in the new oven, either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 05:36 AM
3

I really want to tell my neighbor’s teenage daughter about it, but I feel like that would be overstepping my bounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 02:50 AM
4

Classic hoover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:52 PM
9

Not just their daughters, any girls and young women unlucky enough to come into contact with them: members of the same congregation, Sunday school students, god forbid some of the women who think this way end up as teachers...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:04 PM
3

Hate to break it to you but a million dollars won’t even come close to buying a town. A hundred million might not even do it, unless it’s in a really low cost of living area.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:44 PM
9

Or call someone. Either really or just fake it. Start audibly giving your location and a description of the harassers to the “other person” on the phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:41 PM
14

Well, let’s take this one for example. His last line, “how are we going to normalize it if you keep glorifying it?” while he has a point, the “you” in that sentence is implied to be women. It’s still a woman’s fault (or women in general) if men don’t meet or surpass the bare minimum. We’re still held responsible for their behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:32 PM
5

That last paragraph had me rolling 🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:30 PM
27

In my case, he was the first to say it. A few weeks after we got married, he started screaming about divorce during every argument, most of which were manufactured by him. He’d just make up things to get mad about, then yell at me or interrogate me for hours. The strange thing about his bringing up divorce was, he accused me of wanting one. I was blindsided. I thought we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase, and all of a sudden he was insisting that I had “buyers remorse” and wanted a divo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:22 PM
13

I saw a headline the other day that he was broke/in debt after GoT, too. Total LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:06 PM
3

I think it’s intentional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:48 PM
12

I love this! That’s such a beautiful way to put it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:42 PM
20

Grey rock. Keep your head down, figuratively speaking. Save money and get out as soon as you can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:47 AM
25

You don’t need to communicate better. They already know it’s negatively affecting you. They don’t care. The shaking is because part of you can see this, somewhere deep down you recognize these deflections for what they are, but the rest of you is fighting against your intuition. Probably so used to being gaslighted by someone who claims to love you that you’ve started to gaslight yourself. You could drive yourself crazy doing this. Don’t cling to the illusion of love, let it go. Learn to listen …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:45 AM
18

Not even capable of loving one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:27 PM
8

I 100% would have frozen up initially and then placated him (fawned) just to get through it, then ghosted him after. Society will shame women who do that, but it’s just survival instinct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:25 AM
2

But when you do you get accused of “black and white thinking”...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 01:08 AM
11

You can say no to women / other girls touching your body, too. If someone says “it’s ok we’re both girls” but you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to go along with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:24 PM
21

Also read Why Does He Do That? even if you’re not currently in an abusive relationship it helps to know how to spot the signs. I would also recommend Boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:17 PM
2

Good for you for sticking to your guns! Always trust a specialist for mental health, never a GP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 06:42 PM
6

So edgy...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 06:20 PM
9

Every time I see this statistic I feel so betrayed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 06:11 PM
1

DIA&LV
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 05:54 PM
33

Nothing smooth except his brain
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:48 AM
51

He’s saying he’s as unlikely to share his music playing as she would be to send nudes, or maybe that he’s so pRiVaTe about sharing his music playing ...but he might make an exception for nudes, OR maybe he’s just pretending he might make an exception, he’ll dangle his music playing like a carrot to see if she’ll send nudes and then he’ll renege on his side of the deal. Isn’t he so clever? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:45 AM
11

You don’t have to carry that alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 10:31 AM
38

Not to mention many of the guys claiming false accusations might be rapists who are just denying it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 10:29 AM
8

I’m not a lawyer, is this assault? Or, since it’s not putting someone in apprehension of offensive contact, it is offensive contact in itself, is it battery? Edit: Unless “offensive contact” has some special meaning in the legal system. Are there any lawyers or law students on FDS who can explain this? Also, on a related note, why do we refer to rape/molestation/etc. as sexual assault and not sexual battery?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 05:17 PM
9

”something, something- locks and keys.... blah.” What is this, Ghostbusters? ”I am the Gatekeeper, are you the Keymaster?” 😂🤣😂 Men need to get a grip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 03:26 PM
5

Yes! Also, “you’re such a nice person” could mean he thinks you’re a pushover. It’s frustrating, you can be strong and sweet and an all around kick ass person, and some guys will take it for granted and just keep pushing boundaries and trying to take advantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:59 PM
2

To you as well! 💖🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 01:00 AM
3

Thank you for saying so! I agree, resiliency is a good trait to have, but no excuse to get used and abused. I’ll take all my strengths with me to the better life I’m building for myself, leave all the users and abusers in the dust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:51 AM
3

You have just described my pre-FDS self. Back when he said that, I took it as a compliment. If only I had known what he had in store for me, smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:23 PM
7

How do they not figure out after the fourth or fifth girl that everyone has their limit? Maybe one girl gave him twenty chances, maybe another gave him a hundred, they all eventually leave, bro. Guys like that are dumbasses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:13 PM
7

“You’re so resilient” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:07 PM
3

At least three referrals who aren’t family or friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:26 PM
9

Because she knows that being with her increases his social value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:16 PM
45

If a girl trashed and damaged the house, she’d probably end up institutionalized. She’d have some serious diagnosis on her record and her life would never recover. If a boy does it, it’s just boys being boys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:18 PM
2

Wait, is this a thing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:30 AM
6

Why doesn’t anyone tell the guy to “make peace”? It would be a lot more peaceful if he just respected your boundaries in the first place. Barring that, he could apologize for violating them, that would be a good start towards making peace. Making sincere amends and never violating the boundary again would also make peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:11 AM
9

The really sad thing is, that’s their way of trying to be PC. How did everything get so turned upside down?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 10:40 PM
10

That young, behaving sexually towards other kids, she may have been being sexually abused at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:44 AM
2

😄 Was that how it was intended? Or just coincidence?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:24 AM
26

I think the little tests are so stupid and shortsighted. Like if I just met a guy who says some outrageous bullshit just to see if I’ll put up with it, I’m not going to know it’s a test, I’ll just think that’s who he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 08:03 PM
7

I heard that in Willow’s voice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 01:26 PM
16

“Oh, you want to be apart from my life? Done.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 07:47 PM
6

It doesn’t. These chemical changes in the brain help in the short term, like if back in cave people days you were being attacked by a tiger, cortisol (and adrenaline) would help you fight or flee, or on a grimmer note freeze and go into a state of shock so you don’t really feel it as you get eaten. On the other hand, oxytocin is the bonding hormone, it helps us feel a sense of connection with our mates, babies, etc. The brain wasn’t built to handle the alternating hot and cold of a long term tox…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 02:57 AM
2

Yes! This is called minimizing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 04:17 PM
5

You’re sitting on a gold mine!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 03:56 PM
2

Don’t feel bad. There’s a whole mindset shift some of us have to make before being able to do this. If, for example, you were conditioned in childhood to internalize everything and take the blame for everything, it’s a lot harder to just let people’s actions speak for themselves and let it go like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:35 PM
4

Ah, I got ya. The kind of hobby where they do no research, develop no skill, buy a bunch of expensive “toys” and then quickly lose interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 11:16 PM
3

All holidays matter!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 11:10 PM
6

It’s unfinished wood. If woodworking was his hobby he would’ve known to finish it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 09:47 PM
3

Agreed, but I bet he’ll play it off as he “wanted it to be really special.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 09:35 PM
7

Even if you phrase it in a way that affects them, most of them will know what you’re doing so they still won’t care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 11:29 PM
4

Lol it’s coming out on Christmas
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 07:03 PM
10

After the age of 35 they’ve undergone meiosis too many times. I wouldn’t trust the quality of anything they produce after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 04:39 PM
21

What’s the appropriate reaction to someone disrespecting you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 04:15 PM
1

Thank you for your kind words! Yes, it could have been much worse, I got lucky that time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 12:14 AM
4

When I was in my late teens I worked as a waitress at a seaside restaurant. There was one regular, local townie (ugh my lack of standards back then ), who always flirted with me. He was a few years older, and kinda cute I guess. So one night he invited me to go out on his boat with him and his buddy and have some beers. I was underage so I couldn’t get beer on my own, and it was free beer, and my brother often went out night fishing with his friends, so dumbass me was completely oblivious to the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 02:48 PM
2

Yup. I remember when I went back to him, too. Still hadn’t learned. I’ve learned now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 01:20 PM
9

That feeling of getting rid of someone who’s been making you miserable, it’s like finally getting a stray lash out of your eye! The relief feels so good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 10:11 PM
12

That’s worse than putting the milk carton back with less than a cup left in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 10:09 PM
11

I hope she kept all the receipts. If he tries to keep the furniture, let him and bill him for it. If he refuses to pay, “forgive” the debt and then report him to the IRS for failing to disclose this gift income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 10:04 PM
2

I was diagnosed with ADHD about five years ago. What made me seek help was a combination of things. I was in a toxic relationship, trying to start a small business, and I quit smoking. It was too much. My boyfriend (at the time) was cheating on me and gaslighting me, started intentionally triggering my PTSD after I opened up to him about childhood abuse, and eventually everything came to a head and I had my first nervous breakdown. I did tons of those online tests trying to figure out what was w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 05:27 PM
7

ADHD and PTSD. I do think ADHDers are more susceptible to bullying and gaslighting, just due to the distractibility alone. People with all types of mental illnesses, just like other vulnerable segments of the population, are at higher risk to be targeted by abusers. I wonder how many people are actually neurotypical? How accurate are the published statistics? How many mental illnesses/disorders go undiagnosed?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 05:09 PM
3

Isn’t it weird they treat this like a diagnosis? The psychologist who did my testing explained to me that it has its own challenges, but I still think it’s strange to categorize it this way. After my testing, I was diagnosed both as gifted and with ADHD, and on some level I’ve struggled with the giftedness label the most. All my life people treated me like a flake or a ditz, and I still tend to assume that anyone else must be smarter or know better than me. It’s been about five years for me, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 05:04 PM
12

I had a male GP for a couple years. When he started taking a special interest in my mental health, things got weird really quickly. Luckily I was in therapy at the time, for ADHD and PTSD, and I told my therapist about all the random misdiagnoses the GP was trying to put in my chart. She went off. I still smile to remember her venting about how GPs should just leave it to specialists instead of trying to stick their fingers in everyone else’s pies. Following her advice I got him to take all that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 01:52 PM
7

It’s good that he was acknowledging the problem while trying not to contribute to it, but every dog I know would react as soon as he started talking. My dog just tries to run over and say hi (and in her world saying “hi” means getting all the pets and scratches, and definitely does not happen at a distance) to anyone who talks to her, but I’ve seen other dogs react fearfully or aggressively. This dude’s attempt to be unobtrusive - while well intentioned - was still a fail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 12:43 PM
18

If someone was to read only one of her books, which would you recommend? Which of her books would you recommend to someone just getting started in learning about feminism? Are the two recommendations the same, or different?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 02:08 PM
7

Or just don’t date them. Not the girlfriend or wife’s job to teach him. Being foreveralone will teach him. That being said, I do kind of live this idea. Dude sucks at certain chores? Those chores are now 100% his responsibility until he masters them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 03:24 AM
2

Please, spend $175 for a half hour consult, talk their ear off so they end up charging you $350 for a full hour, only to have a lawyer tell you how dumb you are. I hope he insists on “the best” and ends up talking to one of the firm’s partners whose hourly is even more. Looks like this guy is just begging to put down a retainer, too, but they’ll probably refuse that ...which would be even more of a hit to his ego so go on. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:53 PM
3

I was confused by the photo, too! Is she escaping some scrote’s basement?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:13 PM
19

I have been wishing there were all-women construction companies. I’m willing to bet women would do better work, more attention to detail, and have better client relations. Even finding one with a woman as supervisor sounds like one in a million. And yes, I’m also learning how to do a lot myself. I’ve already had to re-caulk my shower/tub because these guys did such an awful job. The seal was already separating right after they did it - not even wear and tear from use. I paid someone else to fix …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:59 PM
2

Observation changes the experiment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:14 PM
6

Because the “sweet” and “wonderful” stuff about him is just talk. He’s paying lip service. OP needs to wake up and see this for what it really is, until his words mean as little to her as they do to him. So many of these relationship problems are because the guy is saying one thing and doing another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 01:21 PM
23

Imagine you’re in an enclosed space with a wild animal that’s larger than you, and it starts roaring and aggressively posturing. Obviously you’d expect it’s about to physically attack. How do they not get that that’s what they look like when they do the same thing? They literally expect us to be mindreaders.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 01:00 PM
6

What utter trash. Throw the whole man away. I can’t even fathom what guys think they’ll accomplish by behaving like this. I’m just so sorry that she doesn’t seem to see that his behavior reflects 100% on him. I hate him even more for making her cry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:21 PM
1

The ratio is more like 1/200
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:12 PM
2

That’s because the pecs are just a modified version of the female dolls’ breasts. I can’t imagine who would ever spend money on that 😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 04:06 PM
3

Yuuuuup. That anime hair, though. It just completes the unrealistic image. Like, has whoever designed these actually seen a naked man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:40 PM
4

Yeah the only male sex dolls on the market are just slight changes to the female mold, and they’re hilariously hideous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:09 PM
0

Exactly. It must be intoxicating. Hell, throw in some lovebombing and it’s like a perfect storm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:59 AM
6

There would be short term increase in unwanted behavior before any positive results. An extinction burst. Extinction Burst.) “While extinction, when implemented consistently over time, results in the eventual decrease of the undesired behavior, in the short term the subject might exhibit what is called an extinction burst. An extinction burst will often occur when the extinction procedure has just begun. This usually consists of a sudden and temporary increase in the response's frequency, follow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:31 AM
8

Like every time the guy wants anal the robot “misunderstands” who will be receiving?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:14 AM
12

I disagree. If dating were a chess game, FDS would be the place that trained women to fold up the chessboard and put the table it sat on to better use. We don’t have to play their games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 12:05 AM
3

Covered in bodily fluids, yup sounds about right 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 10:57 PM
1

Too true, that false sense of security. After reading through the comments, though, I wonder if on some level these women just have a death wish? Like maybe they hope they’re the exception and if it turns out they are that would be amazing and exciting, right? But if it turns out they’re not the exception and they get murdered they really don’t care. Maybe they’re just fucked up and nihilistic enough to take such a huge gamble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 08:35 PM
2

Maybe it’s a whole lot simpler than all these theories, maybe these women just have a death wish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 08:22 PM
1

Yeah but then you’re cornered with the most deranged psychopath of them all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 07:58 PM
9

THIS. 👆👆👆 They will benefit from it. The social benefits from family and friends, tons of people coming out of the woodwork to support them, plus a convenient sob story to reel in their next victim. Plus, they get to watch you fight for your life all the way down that spiral they nudged you onto, all the while concern trolling and looking like a great partner. It’s entertainment for the abuser, while scoring major social points with everyone around them, and discrediting you so if you ever reach…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 07:09 PM
2

That’s cool, do whatever works for you. I’m going to do what works for me, which is primarily texting only and enforcing my boundaries about unscheduled phone calls. It’s ok if we have different preferences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:33 AM
1

I’m not going to drop whatever I’m doing just because it happens to be convenient for the other person to call. They can text and see if it’s a good time for both of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:56 PM
1

And here I am insisting that people schedule phone calls in advance, usually by text 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:08 PM
3

Probably that formula getting them into trouble. Those criteria don’t actually tell you if the person will take care of the place. My last landlady thanked me for taking such good care of her house after I moved out. I have a dog and I’m a smoker, which disqualifies me for most rentals, and yet I took great care of this furnished rental, meaning it wasn’t just the house I was maintaining but her stuff as well. I never smoked indoors because even I think that’s gross. I picked up after my dog bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 03:45 PM
20

No long hair either! I dated a few guys who looked absolutely gorgeous when they had long flowing hippie hair, and then they cut it and you could actually see their faces and 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 02:12 AM
29

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to be held accountable.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 02:08 AM
43

It’s also possible they’re lying for sympathy. There was some study done, I hope I’m remembering the details right, where they interviewed convicted child molesters who claimed to have also themselves been abused as children. When they told them that after the interview they would be given a lie detector test, and that the results would be reported during an upcoming parole hearing, many of them recanted the claim of childhood abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:44 PM
32

If I count all my relationships, including the cute little ones from elementary school and jr. high when we were too young to be serious, I have a 65% rate of being the one to end it. If I exclude everything before adulthood, that number rises to 100%. And yes, some of those ended after months of the guy becoming increasingly intolerable but refusing to leave. A few even talked about how they’d never be the one to end it as if that was some point of pride. They talk like it’s loyalty but it’s ac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:55 PM
4

Tbf they also had PSAs about not giving out personally identifying information, and not meeting people online and then meeting them in person, but look at us now with our social media under our real names, and sharing our addresses and our jogging routes, and online dating... It’s like all our notions of safety and common sense got turned on their heads. Sharing key information about our schedules, and pictures of our homes and workplaces, pictures of our kids, pictures of ourselves scantily cla…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:23 PM
5

Having flashbacks to when my brother freaked out on me for used period products in the trash in our shared bathroom ...but he was a child. And he got over it. This grown man in his late 20s losing his mind over it like this is just pathetic. Throw the whole man away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:48 AM
83

They were married just 18 months before he murdered John Lennon, and during that time he abused her. He’s been in prison ever since, and all those years she “stuck by him”. This is just so sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:08 PM
10

Bingo. This is also a stepping stone, it’ll empower other people who read it to explore this as a kink even if they wouldn’t have come up with it on their own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:37 PM
11

I’m all for more women finding empowerment through spirituality. However, with any flavors of witchcraft or wicca that hearken back to the 1970s and earlier, beware misinformation. Anything based on the debunked Murray hypothesis, including Gardener and derivatives, is suspect. Vet your sources as carefully as you would your dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:39 PM
11

It’s not uncommon for people high in psychopathic traits to use autism as a cover - they’re not actually autistic and it does people with autism a disservice, not that psychopaths care about that. I’ve begun to wonder if the increase in autism awareness and support activism is (in part) because the disorder makes such a convenient and sympathetic cover for psychopaths, who often seek to maneuver themselves into positions of power and wealth. Wealthy and powerful people supporting the cause may h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:48 PM
16

“Contagious yawns” or yawning when other people yawn is a sign of empathy. It’s one of the ways they look for indicators of cross-species empathy in other animals, for example dogs will yawn when their owners do. So on the flipside, if someone doesn’t catch yawns like that it can be an indication that they’re lacking in empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:37 PM
5

Toxic people take accountability as an attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:34 PM
13

Comments like this make me realize just how abhorrent my pubescent years were. Eleven years old is still a child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 03:33 PM
2

True, but it might give me a chance to connect with likeminded women before going radio silence again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:02 PM
7

Post my honest opinions on social media under my real name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 07:08 PM
1

Yes, be prepared for the hoover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 03:02 PM
1

Absolutely. Some even pride themselves on the training in hatred, as if it’s a strength, when really it belies weakness of character and insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 11:02 AM
2

I agree, but something about the phrase we’re not capable of it rubs me the wrong way. In this case, not being capable of sinking to their level means we’re better than that. I believe that everyone has the capacity for good and bad actions, and a lot of the differences between men and women have to do with socialization. If women dehumanize men, they’d be villainized for it, but when men dehumanize women they’re seen as just guys being guys, it’s accepted and they’re even sometimes socially rew…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:56 PM
5

Reading your comment got me thinking, the cost of the date may say something about the guy’s failure rate. When I was on OLD, like many women my experience was that I got lots of messages from guys, narrowed that down to who I wanted to respond to, then further narrowed that down to who I was willing to meet in person. I went on only a handful of dates before I got into a relationship with one of them - this was several years before I found FDS and admittedly I should have been more selective, b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 10:03 PM
4

Spot on. My ex accused me of things he was doing or planning on doing. He accused me of wanting to kill him (??) multiple times, even though I would never, and it was him who once pointed a loaded gun at me. Shortly before I left he went on a rant claiming “I” was was going to hurt my dog. I got her out of there right quick. She and I are both safe far away from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 03:22 PM
13

Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations is written like a diary. There are some good parts, but I’d say it goes beyond stoicism and verges on pure nihilism. I got really depressed reading it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 03:57 PM
2

Fostering a dog from a local shelter might fit those criteria, plus it’s a really good thing to do because they’re much more well adjusted (and thus adoptable) when they’ve been living in loving homes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:38 PM
5

I didn’t know what love was until I got my dog. Having to care for a living being’s every need, having to make sacrifices, having to take better care if myself so I can always be there for her, it’s a whole different kind of love. The joy she brings to my life is nice, but that whole component of being ultimately responsible for her and for everything she does is just a whole other level. She’s not my child, but she is my dependent. I’m not her parent, but I am her guardian. To think my ex once …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:32 PM
6

This is disgusting. Sex with non-human animals is rape, no matter the circumstances. They’re incapable of informed consent, just like children. This is just men projecting their own depravity onto women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:48 PM
-3

He thought her work was as important as his? What did he do? Most people wouldn’t even know his name if he hadn’t been with her. By all accounts they had a great relationship, and he was supportive of her, and that’s great. It seems like that’s the best a woman of her generation could hope for. I hope future generations can do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:15 PM
25

Sociopaths. Most of the guys I dated were normal, except for that first one and one other. Because my first real relationship was full of lovebombing (in the beginning), possessiveness and danger, my expectations got all messed up. After that, I just couldn’t handle normal relationships. For a long time, I was toxic and very codependent. When there was no lovebombing, it felt to me like maybe they just weren’t that interested. If they weren’t possessive, jealous and controlling, I’d think it was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:37 PM
36

The sad thing is, they actually think they’re being clever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 02:35 PM
10

Even worse, they’re even lower than the lowest member of the pack, they got kicked out of the pack. They literally stalk other packs and try to lure young females away to mate with them, I saw a documentary on it. This metaphor is just so apt I’m floored 😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 12:12 AM
10

He actually called himself an omega? 🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:43 PM
28

Aren’t “lone wolves” also known as omegas because they’re outcasts who were exiled from their former pack? Maybe all the unattached guys calling themselves wolves are just outing themselves as NVMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:09 PM
3

Nah, I had to tangle with at least two before I was able to see the warning labels for what they were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:00 PM
4

“Security theatre” is such a good way to describe it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 03:20 PM
4

I’d trust your instinct on that. I was always told to never threaten anyone with a weapon, if it’s already escalated to the point where you need to use it just do it, but don’t brandish it or threaten to use it. That can actually signal that you’re unwilling to follow through, or at least hesitant, which could give them the upper hand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 03:18 PM
2

My own father used to claim that he was a feminist, and as evidence of that he’d quote George Carlin’s “God must be a woman” bit. So I learned early on what male feminism is - a joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 02:15 PM
2

But what if the pet’s a brindle?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:07 PM
1

Sometimes I wonder when people (men) ask if they can take a picture of my dog when I’m out walking her...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:02 PM
13

That’s the girl they’re going to triangulate you with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:58 AM
11

The relief of walking away from shitty people is my new high.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:49 PM
2

I’m of a similar mindset - probably leaning even more towards WGTOW than you are, but I’m following FDS to learn how to be more of a HVW, and if I ever do decide to have another relationship after my divorce goes through, I don’t want to let some LVM/NVM wreck my life again. I’m putting so much work into building a happy, peaceful life for myself, it’s worth too much to me to let anyone jeopardize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 05:57 PM
14

I think this post is about not giving wife benefits before marriage, not about sleeping around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 09:33 AM
13

I’ve also heard it said about women that we can’t Perceive space as a 3D form because we can’t think in abstraction. 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂 What a load of crap!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 09:13 AM
3

The attempt at crisscross bangs is horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 12:53 AM
8

I’d guess the vast majority of misogynists would swear up and down that they’re not misogynists. Cognitive dissonance for some, just straight up lying for others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 07:26 PM
2

The scariest guy I ever dated was an Aries. The phrase that comes to mind is “unhinged rage”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 04:32 PM
3

Wow... do they not know they could mute you and then unmute you and you’d never know? Guys have the social acumen of a pile of pencil shavings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 01:29 AM
14

I’m hoping that proposing in this context is just poor word choice for she asked him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 07:10 PM
4

The comparisons to “crazy exes” can also be a form of triangulation. As soon as you start trying not to be like those other girls who done him wrong, you’re already jumping through hoops. Remember that everything he said about them could be completely made up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 07:02 PM
8

They’re definitely not all writing love letters, and the ones who do aren’t necessarily doing it on the reg. A couple guys I dated in high school wrote long letters. Each only did it once, it was only during the courting phase if the relationships. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if we found out that those civil war (or whenever) era letters that we as a society have been romanticizing turned out to be just some teenager’s first attempt at lovebombing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 03:31 PM
3

Wow. This guy is incredible. Unbelievable, even!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 07:54 PM
5

I see what you’re saying, but I disagree. I think a person needs to be at a place in her life where she’s ready to hear these ideas for them to have a positive impact. The influx of pickme energy here is a risk of watering down the message. This may sound harsh, but I think each of us needs to go through the gauntlet of shitty relationships and come through the other side on her own in order to overcome the pickme conditioning. You can’t just pick her up in the middle and airlift her to the fini…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 07:44 PM
4

Likewise! When I was in pickme mode I would have had a really hard time with FDS principles. I had to start waking up on my own before I found this place, otherwise I probably would have rejected a lot of the ideas here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 07:35 PM
2

Right?! There’s just something so satisfying about looking around at everything clean and lovingly decorated, and knowing no one is going to come in and mess it all up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:09 PM
4

Were they straight white boomer women? They can be such creeps! It’s like they have some toxic, outdated views on body positivity that don’t respect others’ bodily autonomy, coupled with the inherently homophobic notion that “it’s ok, we’re both girls” 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 01:45 PM
9

If they didn’t have double standards, they wouldn’t have any standards at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 01:40 PM
13

I started from the bottom and scrolled up. Once you get to ~3/10, there are celebrities mixed in. This whole chart is ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 01:29 PM
9

Let’s just say I’m pro huevos and pro whiskey and leave it at that ;).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 01:43 AM
23

Are you an actual scallion? Is that why you hate when people like potatoes? Don’t want to be a garnish? I’m on to you...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 12:34 AM
28

I miss the “I know this is random” questions my friends and I used to call each other about ~20 years ago. Pre-smartphones but we had cellphones. Things like, “I know this is random but can you help settle an argument” followed by questions like which band did such-and-such song, or other actually random trivia.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 12:31 AM
1

I’d like to believe that this is fake, but then I remembered that meme about how it’s weird that in mythology all those creatures like mermaids and sirens are faulted for “luring men to their deaths” when they were really bathing minding and their own business, and men took that as enough of an invitation to pursue them. This is like the modern day equivalent of that, except the scrote lives to tell the tale, which in some respects is more tragic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 07:02 PM
3

Get a black lab. As dumb as it may sound, people are more afraid of black dogs. Maybe it’s an extension of racism, maybe it’s superstition about hellhounds, I don’t know. I worked with one black lab, I don’t know if he was from hunting stock or show stock, but he was really tall and lean for a lab, and people would cross to the other side of the street to avoid him when I walked him. Easy to train, great temperament, but people were intimidated by him just because of how he looked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 08:52 PM
3

Nope. I was in full on pickme mode for another two years after that. I didn’t even find FDS until after I’d left him. I wish I’d found these ideas sooner. Marrying that man was the most costly decision of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 08:39 PM
4

I love the added bonus of giving gold to well thought out comments on topics I care about - usually self help subs and, more recently, here - because it goes against the hivemind. Most reddit gold goes to such inane crap, I like to do my part to counteract that where I can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 03:55 PM
4

So, I have kind of a weird story - cautionary tale, really - about engagement rings. Even if he gets you an expensive ring, you’ve got to look at all of his behavior. My ex wanted to move very quickly. This is a massive red flag, as I now know, but at the time I overlooked it because we had dated many years prior, lost touch, and when we got back into contact we glossed over the usual getting-to-know-you stage because we already knew each other. If you’re in a similar situation, which I don’t re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 03:37 PM
15

I had no idea this was such a common experience, but mine too! I’d make him breakfast sandwiches to eat on the way to work (because he was always running late 🙄) and at first he raved about them but then after a while he started telling me about how he gave them away to his coworkers, or I’d find them uneaten and rotting in his car. I stopped making them. Tf would I wake up at 4am and run downstairs to put coffee on and make him a delicious sandwich toasted to perfection if he’s just going to th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 12:38 PM
3

Being aware of it is the first step. Re-read the handbook as many times as you need to, it has good explanations why not to fall in love with potential, and re-reading it from time to time will keep you strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 12:28 PM
14

This is why I miss gendercritical. Pointing out that the entire construction of gender roles serves to subjugate women was a huge eye-opener for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 02:58 PM
1

I’m glad you never saw him again! My jaw literally dropped open when I read your comment, he’s horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 11:47 PM
6

This was never clearer to me than when I went to Amsterdam. Out of curiosity I went to one of those sex shows, where you go into a theater and there are people who have sex on stage. While I could appreciate the athleticism - some of it was downright acrobatic - it was totally devoid of any connection between the people on stage. You could see it in their faces and their body language, it was just a job to them. All I could think was, they’re doing it wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 11:21 PM
4

So some guy assaulted and battered you? Just for practicing riding a bike? What a psycho. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Do you know who he is, and can you avoid him in the future?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 06:48 PM
2

File a complaint with the state veterinary board.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:14 AM
3

Oh my gosh, when they accuse you of saying things in a much nastier way than you actually said them. Mine did this all the time, and for years I got caught up in trying to defend myself. It doesn’t work. These guys are just making up reasons to be angry, they don’t care about the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 03:23 AM
7

I will absolutely purchase and read her book when it comes out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 06:45 PM
5

Gaslighting, PTSD, brain fog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 04:11 PM
7

Even 👏 if 👏 you’re 👏 wealthy 👏 If we go into another recession it’s better to have the work to fall back on. Also, if you’re wealthy enough to not need to work it’s still better to have something so people aren’t constantly prying into where your money comes from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 09:16 PM
3

Don’t buy into the explanations. Every time he behaves badly he’s going to have an explanation of why it’s a one-off, how he’s trying to do better, how he didn’t mean it or didn’t know, blah blah blah. As much as you may want to believe him, you’ve got to make up your own mind. What you see is what you get. What you hear is just lip service.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 12:01 AM
24

Sociopaths are estimated at about 2% of the population, narcissists are about 4%. That combined 6% sounds small, but it’s still approximately 1 in every 15 people you meet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:21 PM
142

Oh, which kind of animal would I rather house, feed and care for? I’ll take the loyal one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:50 PM
4

Margo Hansen from The Magicians
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 01:56 AM
11

Ok, but the reverse is a little more confusing. In your scenario, you’re going along with it up until the “no” and everything stops. In OP’s scenario, the “no” came before they started making out again. We need to talk about these other types of situations where the aggressor has more plausible deniability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 05:57 PM
33

Maybe he is holding his stomach in 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 01:16 PM
12

So is it that you find politics boring, or just his manner of droning on and on? Because he’ll probably do this with other topics as well, and framing it as your problem as if you just don’t like politics, and saying he’ll never talk about politics again, is a bad sign. I don’t know him but it kinda sounds like he’s a blowhard with no self awareness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 01:03 PM
98

I’m so glad she got some decent advice and dumped him! Edit: Trigger Warning: Rape When I was 14 I dated a 16 year old. He pressured me for sex and I gave in - that was how I lost my virginity. The sex itself was awful, and after that I didn’t want to do it again. I figured that meant we had to break up, and I was heartbroken because I loved him, but he assured me it was ok we could stay together and just go back to making out. For the next three months he groomed me, got me comfortable with bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:21 AM
5

Yeah my jaw literally dropped while reading that. Then he starts talking about celibacy and I’m like ok if you don’t want a relationship focus on your career, right? But nope! He still wants her to quit her job and ...become a nun?? Is this all just an elaborate ploy to get women out of lucrative careers?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 06:52 PM
14

Came here to say this. Girl, RUN. All the stuff he talks about, life philosophy, feminism, is he just picking up your ideas and expanding on them? I’d be willing to bet money that he’s just parroting. It’s only been a month, you’re not seeing who he really is. This is just the image he’s projecting to reel you in. Right now you’re dating Jekyll, but if you marry him you’ll meet Mr. Hyde. I found it particularly disturbing what he said about how there’s no reason to lie about the past because he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 04:10 PM
65

“You are the reason babies cry when they are born.” 😂🤣😂 I love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 03:42 PM
14

Yes. All of this. This got me thinking about a comment I saw recently that said that women who get diagnosed as sociopaths simply behave like men. Extrapolating on that: if there are a small number of anti-social women, it stands to reason there could be a proportionate number of pro-social men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 04:42 AM
15

I just spent the past hour cleaning my dog’s poopy butt and giving her a sanitary trim, and I would literally rather have dog shit in my bed than a guy like him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 04:15 AM
29

I love seeing women supporting other women 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 05:42 PM
60

I consider it a red flag if a guy doesn’t have favorites. If he just kind of gloms onto whatever you like, he might be playing you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 05:19 PM
5

Did anyone else notice that he said he’d make the years less painless instead of less painful? They really do tell you who they are up front if you just listen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:22 PM
26

Yup, it’s a stall tactic, just like “I’m saving for a ring”. When I was in my 20s I had a guy “saving for a ring” for two years. By the time I left him all of the good manners he’d shown in the beginning were completely gone and we were arguing over little things all the time. So glad he never actually bought me that ring, because back then I probably would have gone through with it 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 12:48 PM
43

Sweet, I can finally be an 800 year old bog witch, and I don’t even have to do the work to unlock the secrets of immortality!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:05 PM
19

Hey, Toyotas are actually somewhat decent cars. He probably drives a Nissan or a Kia.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:00 PM
14

Thanks, and yes. Yes he is. I don’t know how common this type of behavior is, but the other really awful relationship I had, the guy did something similar but much milder. At one point I told him I’m not really a fan of cunnilingus, and from then on out that was his go-to during foreplay. It was pretty much that or no foreplay at all. Again, not nearly as bad as the other one because it didn’t involve anything traumatic. Either way though, if a guy starts doing stuff in bed that’s in direct viol…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 02:45 PM
13

Wow, he seems really threatened by the idea of women working in construction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:40 AM
53

I told an ex (together for ~5yrs) about my CSA. Specifics, like how and where. He started touching me the same way during foreplay. Never touched me like that before I told him, then all of a sudden he was doing it every time, and if I asked him not to he’d just play dumb and then do it again the next time. This creep actually got off on the idea of retraumatizing me. It took me a few months to figure out the pattern. Makes me sick to think back on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:28 AM
8

I have lived alone often during my adult life, I prefer it. So far, other than being hassled in the hallway, I haven’t really had a problem, and the only building I got hassled in was the “safest” most expensive apartment complex I ever rented from - gated community with mostly middle aged and older tenants - it looked really swanky and upstanding but those older men had all the audacity. You really can’t predict what’s going to be safest just by how it looks. I did also have someone con his way…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 03:50 AM
10

Susan Mayer
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 01:23 AM
32

Your replies are excellent 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:02 PM
7

Exactly. One of the reasons I’m so grateful FDS is here 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:01 PM
19

Hey, you’re not alone. I had not one, but two NVMs drive me to nervous breakdowns. Both long term relationships, one after the other. I feel so ashamed when I think back on those times - ashamed of how I reacted to their crazy bullshit, but also ashamed that I didn’t get out sooner, or that I even got with them in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 09:47 PM
2

I agree that no one should buy property with someone they’re dating, but if married, in the event of separation or divorce, there’s still a question of who keeps the house. Having your name on the deed and/or title alone might not be enough to be able to kick him out, especially if he’s been paying 100% of the mortgage. If you’re doing childcare and all the housework, an argument can be made that there’s a financial equivalent to that contribution, but it’s probably not going to be valued at any…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 05:27 PM
5

An argument could be made for having a stake in the purchase of property. If things go south, who keeps the house?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 04:50 PM
24

I don’t think you’re going to get the reassurance you want here. You don’t trust him because he’s untrustworthy. Trust yourself, trust your instincts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 03:56 PM
24

The OP has since been deleted. Sad to see that happen so often on that sub. I had a message for her that I doubt she’ll see now, because by the time I had submitted my comment she deleted her account. I just want to take a moment to acknowledge how painful this must be for you. Not only did you just go through the traumatic experience of being robbed at gunpoint, but also your own brother offered you up to be raped for no relevant reason (why was this even an option in his mind?!) and now also y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 06:16 PM
23

Oh gosh, I hope all the women in the comments there get picked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 12:50 PM
8

Oh I bet he’s doing it iRoNiCaLly, teehee he must have such a great sense of humor! I’ll spend all my time trying to come up with a witty comment and message him first. Challenge accepted! pickmes, probably
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 05:18 PM
10

There were red flags I ignored, because there was always an alternate explanation, and he was just so sweet and caring otherwise ...until he wasn’t. He fully dropped the act after we got married, but if I hadn’t been so blinded I should have walked at the first red flag, when we were still just chatting. When your gut says a guy is lying, or a little off or whatever, listen. Don’t write it off, don’t “give him a chance”, just go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 05:02 PM
34

Why oh why did they get rid of the axis system? Before the removal of the axis system (as of DSM5) those wider societal influences would have been interpreted via axis 4. Now, external influences are ignored, and everything is pathologized. You’re not crazy. You’ve recognized the unfair playing field. It sounds like maybe you don’t want to date anymore? Would your therapist support your decision if you take a break from, or exit, the dating pool, and just focus on yourself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 02:06 AM
8

That’s a fair point. I’ve seen some gross behavior from guys, but those same guys were particular about other things ...especially when they wanted me to do it. They could clean up, and did when they lived alone, but stopped after we moved in together. Maybe I just haven’t seen any of them (over the age of 25) sink to the depths of disgustingness that you’re describing, but I 100% believe you based on what little I’ve seen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 01:34 AM
24

Oh, he understands that part too. He just knows that if he actually helps out he’ll have to do stuff, and if he plays dumb he can keep getting free household labor. The only thing they don’t seem to understand is that this kind of manipulative behavior will eventually tank the relationship. It’s short term thinking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 12:14 AM
28

A sexy 60 year old woman with no kids, a great job and freedom to travel? So... you want to be a disney villain
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 12:04 AM
36

This is why I pretend I don’t notice and just keep walking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 07:13 PM
32

Guys who are this entitled are dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 11:59 AM
66

Everything. Absolutely everything. I would have had different priorities, different friends, everything would have been different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 01:21 AM
28

Half those subs are people who have been victimized by personality disordered people, and the other half are personality disordered people playing the victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 09:07 PM
25

...including the table.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 05:54 PM
5

Willing to bet this “epiphany” lasts no more than 20 minutes until he’s back to his old ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 03:29 PM
13

YMMV. I’m surprised you had good experiences with psychiatrists, the few I’ve seen have been little more than walking prescription pads who speak to their patients maybe 15 minutes per month. Rife with misdiagnosis. I also had far better experience with LCSWs than with psychologists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:28 PM
42

“We are both consenting adults” Well, he’s part right. Such a turn off how he presumes consent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 05:51 PM
59

Absolutely valid. This is way too soon to go away with someone, far from home and friends and family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 05:34 PM
202

I hope her parents set up generation skipping trusts for their grandkids and he gets nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 03:52 PM
21

“Last” as in that’s their endgame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:04 PM
26

One morning when I was in college I was driving to campus, running late and scarfing my breakfast (a croissant from Dunks) while at a stoplight. Some middle aged guy in a pickup truck pulled up next to me and had the audacity to yell “hey where’s mine!” I immediately lost my appetite so I threw the rest of my croissant at him. The light had changed and he was already pulling forward, so it landed in the bed of the pickup. Kinda wish it had gone through his open window but oh well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:30 AM
6

How do these guys not get that when she’s had it with him and accepted that she can’t count on him for anything, she’s not “trained” she’s about to leave. Do they even understand that they’re dealing with another living/breathing/thinking human being, and the relationship - the bond keeping them together - is something that can be damaged and broken by this kind of selfish behavior? Sadly, I think the answer is no. They see women as NPCs in a video game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 07:41 PM
10

That’s rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:19 PM
8

I lost it at “hobosexuals” 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:05 PM
20

Mine didn’t just double the mess, though. I’d rather clean 100% of my own mess than any % of 5x the mess I make on my own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:22 PM
2

I once asked my stbx what he meant when he said he loved me. He waxed poetic for a few minutes about how he’d take a bullet for me, then about all the other people he’d “take a bullet” for, starting with his mother, his best friend, anyone in his platoon because that’s what they do for each other, then from there it just devolved into him alternately bragging about and disparaging the army. That’s not love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 06:18 PM
5

Likewise, both mom and dad raised me to accept mom’s abuse. As I got older I dated a few guys who have personalities like hers - very charming on the surface but they turn out to be manipulative, short tempered, possessive and capable of holding long grudges. I’m sure there must be something, or some combination of things, that attracts me to people like this but I just never see it in the beginning. I’m learning though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 04:35 PM
1

I agree, that phrase seemed really off to me, too. Huevos con chorizo with a tumbler of whiskey on the side is pretty excellent, my friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:38 PM
19

Wear Sunscreen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 05:12 AM
16

Not really applicable to your situation because you just graduated (congratulations!!) unless you decide to change direction in a few years or something, but if I could tell anything to my 22 year old self, I’d say you’re not too old to go back to college. Ten years from now you still won’t be too old. Do not sacrifice your education or career path for “love”. Do not narrow your choices of where you’ll live for some guy. Put your own life first, and don’t be ashamed of doing so. Also, learn stre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 05:01 AM
21

Agreed, but $300 an hour?! The most I’ve ever paid is less than half that, usually closer to $100, and those were good therapists in cities with a higher than average cost of living.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 02:53 PM
1

I only trust male feminists to be genuine if they some history like growing up watching their mom get abused, like Patrick Stewart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:33 PM
51

“Mary drives in her 2007 Toyota Camry from her studio apartment to John’s studio apartment, at an average rate of 34 miles per hour. The trip takes her 13 minutes. Mary has been dating John for 8 months, and he still pronounces her last name wrong. How far away is John’s house?” Unsolvable. John does not own a house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 08:01 PM
7

I’m wondering if they started having sex before or after she told him? I could be wrong, but it sounds like they were friends for five years, she felt safe enough with him to tell him about some really bad stuff that happened to her, then he took it as an opportunity to put the moves on her. And now she thinks the friendship just turned into a serious relationship and he’s ready to cut and run after basically taking advantage of her vulnerability. Am I reading that right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 07:37 PM
3

The fattest guy I ever dated used to point out overweight women in public and call them “hamplanets” or other such derogatory names. Projection for sure!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 07:11 PM
74

I pray it’s on the inside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:08 PM
4

Yeah it doesn’t really matter if she’s doing it just to point out that it’s not realistic. You can have a conversation with your kids about porn not being realistic. Anyone who actually watches porn with their kids is gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 06:26 PM
9

And then when you won’t put up with their crap anymore so you leave, and “prove them right”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 03:20 AM
11

Heavy vetting before heavy petting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 03:56 PM
25

I agree it’s messed up that she’s asking if she’s overreacting, but I actually think it could be an advantage that she didn’t react right away. Now she has time to process this before confronting him instead of getting blindsided by whatever bs he’s going to spin. If I could give her one piece of advice it would be just kick him out, don’t even tell him why, just out the door good luck finding a new place to live during a global pandemic, kick him to the curb. Because this dude’s clearly a liar …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 06:44 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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