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starlight_sequence Archive

View 10 posts and 258 comments by starlight_sequence on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1007

REMINDER 👑starlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:31 PM
562

Story time ☕starlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:20 PM
494

RED FLAG 🚨starlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:08 PM
418

DISCUSSIONstarlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:09 AM
417

DISCUSSIONstarlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 02:05 AM
239

DISCUSSIONstarlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 04:41 PM
141

DISCUSSIONstarlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 04:03 PM
51

starlight_sequence/r/askFDS21/05/21 08:53 PM
1

LVM LOGICstarlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 07:49 PM
1

LVM LOGICstarlight_sequence/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 01:16 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I want men to make the first move. I just also want them to also be respectful about it, and not flip out if I reject them.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 07:18 PM
1

I think it depends on what they did. In some instances, a "Hey, I didn't like it when you did that. Could you do X instead?" is appropriate. Sometimes we cross others' boundaries without knowing, and I feel that some grace is warranted. How they respond will tell you a lot about the quality of the relationship. Of course, other instances are universally understood as disrespectful and boundary-crossing, in which case I fully support block-and-delete (B&D? BAD?). You don't need to explain to some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 04:50 PM
1

I recently had a mildly amusing situation that had me thinking about how the wall don't real. I (30) recently met the friend (27) of my best friend's (29) fiance (27). The four of us have started hanging out as a group once or twice a week. Fiance's friend, let's call him David, is tall, fit, handsome, and has an excellent job and salary. I was vaguely aware that David has been casually seeing two 22-year-old women, though he's never brought them around or mentioned them to me directly. Recently…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 03:35 AM
32

It’s hard. I’m going through something similar. I was with a man I absolutely adored for about 9 months. He was almost everything I’m looking for, except one big issue that he refused acknowledge or work on. Today would have been our one year anniversary. I wish I had advice. Just know that it’s normal for it to hurt, you don’t have to force yourself to be healed on any given timeline. It will get better over time. And you freed yourself up for someone who will truly be committed to you, and wil…
/r/askFDS19/04/22 01:37 AM
89

My past boyfriends have told me they stopped dating/using apps within our first 1-3 dates. We hadn’t established exclusivity at this point, they just knew they weren’t interested in pursuing anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 09:45 PM
14

I don't think we need to give these men more attention by reposting them here. They want to know that they got to you. Just ignore them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 03:33 PM
40

A little over a year ago I broke up with my live-in ex. I ended up getting a roommate to take over his portion of the lease. She was going through a divorce at the time. We started as strangers, but we ended up supporting each other through some very difficult moments. We don't live together anymore, but now she's one of my best friends. I spent today hanging out with her, and she just asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I love this story because I feel like I ended up with what is likel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 04:51 AM
1

My ex made $200k. He did pay for most things, but about six months into the relationship he wanted to have a talk about finances. We settled on me planning and paying for a date every other month, and otherwise it would never be expected that I would pay (though I would buy coffee or ice cream or something here and there). Which I didn't love, but it seemed like a reasonable-ish compromise at the time. The point being, even those high-earners can be stingy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 04:22 AM
47

I've also heard that they want your # so that you can't report them for poor behavior on the app.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 07:03 PM
1

Right? This is similar to my mindset with first dates. If I’m agreeing to go on a date with a man, it means he at least passed my first level of filters to be my potential husband. I want my first date with my husband to be special, so I’m going to go all-out in terms of getting ready and looking amazing. I expect the same level of excitement and energy from the man I’m meeting, and his equivalent is the type of experience he provides for me. I don’t want to look back and know my husband only th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 04:19 PM
18

Almost every woman I know who married in her 20s is either miserable or divorced. Men want us to think that we expire at 30 because most women have finely-tuned BS detectors by that point and won’t put up with their behavior anymore. They want to scare us into settling when we’re still naive and impressionable. I’m honestly loving getting older. I’m thriving in ways 22 year old me could never have imagined.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:56 PM
17

I feel like my profile is pretty good, I'm strategic about my photos and prompts. That said, I still may just take you up on that offer -- always good to have another pair of eyes! For whatever it's worth, I do also live in an area that's notorious for attracting men with Peter Pan syndrome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:32 AM
93

I had wondered if it was an age thing. I'm not quite 30, but late 20's. I find it amusing, because I'm actually much more attractive now than I was in my early 20's. I had also wondered if now that I'm dating men in their 30's, the selection is mostly the men who clearly don't have the skills to date properly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 02:15 AM
59

In that vein, don't explain yourself in a long term relationship either. I had been having conflict with my ex for a while, and he showed his true colors the first time I ever turned him down for sex. I gently pushed his chest away and said "I don't want to have sex tonight" and this man threw a toddler fit about how I can't just say no, I have to give him an explanation. This morphed into an argument about how I don't owe him an an explanation, and him insisting it's the "kind" thing to do for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 03:17 PM
60

I have a friend who met her husband on Tinder. But otherwise, no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 09:35 PM
8

Piggybacking off of this to say that being on a volunteer committee can help as well! I'm on a fundraising committee for a nonprofit, and several of the board members also serve on said committee. One of them is the campaign manager for prominent politician. It's been a great networking opportunity, on top of the fact that I deeply care about the cause.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 07:17 PM
1

Ugh. She told me she doesn't feel comfortable going over to a new guy's home (this one in particular also lives with his parents, apparently.) She'd rather have them in her space because she has more control over it. She also refused to share their information with me for background checks. It seems so consistent with me. She's more concerned about preserving this stranger's privacy than protecting our safety. She admits she doesn't feel safe at his place, but feels comfortable jeopardizing my s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 04:33 PM
1

We agreed we would discuss guidelines for when we can bring new men over. I suggested at least a month, and she seemed aghast by that. I imagine we’ll have to compromise on something that feels too soon for me, and too slow for her. I certainly don’t expect her to date the way that I would, but I think it’s reasonable to expect a bit more discernment before bringing someone into our space. Suggesting that we share information about the person in question is another good step.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 05:12 PM
7

Which I understand, and at the same time if she feels unsafe alone at his place, that’s probably a good sign that she shouldn’t be meeting him in private at all. It’s not fair for her risky choices to jeopardize someone else’s safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 05:03 PM
170

It’s so funny because his response is exactly why we need this strategy. I don’t want to go on a date with a man who just sees me as “some random woman.” I want to go on a date with a man who is intrigued by me, specifically. I understand there’s only so much he can know about me through online dating, but a profile + initial conversation is usually enough to get a sense of whether you’re potentially compatible. Likewise, I want to avoid men who ask out every woman that they match with. I want a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:50 PM
76

Yeah, she made a comment about hoping I would trust her judgement but… I do question the judgement of inviting a man you just met over? I wish I could live alone. Unfortunately I live in a very high COL area. My options right now are either live alone in a crappy studio that I could still barely afford, or live in a pretty nice place with a roommate. I’m looking at changing career paths soon and will hopefully be able to comfortably live alone after this lease term ends 🙏🏼
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:11 AM
171

Yes, I wish I had thought to discuss it with her before she moved in. My previous roommate and I were completely on the same page about inviting new men over, so it didn’t even occur to me. Absolutely everything in the common area is mine and will not fit in my bedroom, unfortunately. But I will likely move my more expensive electronics and such into my bedroom, and keep my cat locked in my room with me overnight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:45 PM
93

I have a lot to write about this but I’m about to jump into a meeting. For now I’m just going to say that men have caught on that we think it’s a red flag when they say their ex was crazy, so now they just call her “emotionally abusive. They can claim victim blaming if we don’t believe them. “My ex was emotionally abusive” is the new “my ex is crazy.” It’s the same damn thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 05:55 PM
69

This is heart-breaking. My friend group is a lot of very dogmatic, liberal feminists. I considered reposting this to social media, but hesitated because I'm afraid of the backlash and potentially being ostracized. I'm so frustrated that having honest conversations about these things is so socially fraught, because these are conversations we need to be having.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 03:07 PM
31

A man who told me he’s “not like other guys” and “respects women more than anyone you’ll ever meet” sporadically sent me harassing and threatening text messages for three years after I turned him down for a second date. My most recent ex’s whole brand is being empathetic and mindful and emotionally intelligent. He bragged to me once how his therapist told him he’s a “fantastic person.” He was the most emotionally manipulative man I’ve ever been with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 09:46 PM
11

Haha you’re right, an explanation would have been helpful. But I got into it a few months ago. It’s a ton of fun and you get to play with swords.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 05:53 PM
12

See if there's a HEMA club near you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 05:18 PM
98

Insert “Good for her” GIF from Arrested Development
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 09:01 PM
86

Thank you, someone said it 👏🏼
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 06:45 PM
131

The funny thing is most of these are all reasonable things to expect. I wouldn’t put it on my dating profile, but most of these are standards that I have (I’m not a stickler for height or penis size) and most of it seems like the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 06:27 PM
40

Every man who has ever been genuinely interested me in as behaved as though it was his absolute pleasure to be able to take me out. Never accept less, ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 04:05 PM
9

Ex: Waaahhh, my feelings are so hurt and I feel so rejected because you turned me down for sex and didn't give me a reason, you're so mean :( Me: I will not be made to feel guilty Ex: I can't make you feel anything
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 10:54 PM
84

I have not met a single man I would have children with, so I guess that would make me celibate. Congrats men, you played yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 06:14 PM
4

For me, a yellow/orange flag is something to watch out for. It becomes a red flag if it becomes a pattern.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 04:06 PM
16

THIS. Ugh. My ex would throw these tantrums, full on sobbing into a pillow and everything. It felt like he transformed into a pouty toddler before my eyes. Nothing is more of a turn off than feeling like you're mothering a 30-something-year-old man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 04:07 PM
25

Not necessarily intergenerational trauma, and he was in therapy, but... My ex used trauma like a trump card. If I wasn't constantly tending to his emotional injuries or giving him exactly what he wanted, it was "oh but my trauma, my trauma, you're so cruel for not being sensitive to my trauma." It was exhausting. Also it's worth mentioning that I am the granddaughter of two WWII refugees, one of whom was an Auschwitz survivor. My mother has unresolved trauma from their unresolved trauma, which i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:35 PM
118

Not all men because Lundy Bancroft exists
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:57 PM
184

I told a guy I was very casually seeing that I would love it if he took the initiative to plan a date for once. He said "I've only lived here for six months, I don't know what there is to do." Like, sir, you carry a phone around with you all day. A phone that presumably has access to the internet. You can figure it out. I honestly should have just blocked and deleted him that second! Thankfully I already wasn't super invested and ended things shortly after.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:30 PM
57

So true. Early in my last relationship I had doubts a few dates in because I thought he was a bit "effeminate." But he kept courting me and showing masculine traits, so I continued to see him. After I was hooked he started to have emotional meltdowns about minor things that reminded him of his last relationship, and he would excuse them by calling them "trauma responses." Every few weeks I'd find myself wondering if I should break up with him. Of course the in-between moments were wonderful, so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:25 PM
67

It’s a good strategy! I do also distinctly remember telling the second ex in question “no” a few times early in dating and he was very understanding. Sometimes it takes a while for the issues to show up. I’m just saying, always be cautious and vetting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:14 PM
571

One thing I want to caution against is that sometimes you start off as the "dreamgirl" based on his fantasy or projected image of you. As time goes on, he'll act like there's something wrong with you for not being his perfect fantasy woman when you do things like disagree with him, say "no" to something, have different preferences, etc. One of my exes set his sights on me from a FB picture with a mutual friend, and spent a year trying to work out an introduction to me. I was ostensibly his dream…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 04:42 PM
142

The petty-b in me wants to do this, but even just the time to drive over and grace them with my presence is more than a coffee date deserves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 07:22 PM
101

I worked as a door girl at a strip club for a few months. I don’t really like telling men that because I’m afraid they’ll get the wrong idea (I was desperate for a job after getting my first masters degree) but I’ve also found it’s a great vetting tool. Men who perk up and are suddenly super eager to hear about my strip club experience or talk to me about theirs are usually LVM. Men who are like “oh, glad you don’t have to do that anymore” are usually better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 03:57 PM
27

For one, remember that men have no shame and will shoot their shot no matter what. Attracting low-quality men doesn't mean that you yourself are low quality, it just means that those men are delusional. On the other hand, remember that a man who seems good on paper may not necessarily turn out to be a good partner either. My ex was fit, handsome, smart, successful in his high-paying career and overall came across as a great catch ... and still emotionally abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 05:28 PM
141

My roommate has been seeing a guy for 2-3 months. Came home yesterday and told me that as they were driving, he started screaming at her, driving recklessly, tried to kick her out of the car on the side of the highway... She had spoken so highly of him up until that point. It's chilling to think how easily men will turn on you once they have your trust. Thankfully she's never seeing him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:55 PM
19

Oh, definitely. I should also note this was early in our dating, pre-exclusivity. Once a relationship is established I'm more willing to have text conversations. Looking back, I should have saw it as a red flag that he was allegedly having "panic attacks" that I wasn't... text chatting with him all day? I still responded and participated if he was setting up a date, so I don't know what his deal was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:50 PM
60

So many men get VERY upset when you don’t participate in them live-Tweeting their life to you. Admittedly I got guilt-tripped by my ex when he told me how anxious and panicky he would get that I wouldn’t text him about anything other than logistics and started easing up that boundary 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:41 PM
24

#3 is important too! They would have to accept that they have already broken the trust, and it will take more effort to fix it than it took to build it in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 10:06 PM
60

Exactly. That's the point of the thought experiment -- Even if he did meet these criteria, would it even be worth it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 08:54 PM
185

As a thought experiment, I've considered under what conditions I would take an ex back. He would have to clearly take accountability for his past behavior, without blaming or excuses. He would need to outline how he has already worked through those issues, and how he intends to continue to work through them in the future. We would need to agree on a way that I can safely bring to his attention when he is regressing back into past behaviors. He would then need to agree to immediately take account…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 06:22 PM
25

I haven’t run into him again, but it got more noticeable as the relationship progressed. At first, it was like I was the center of his world, like his hobby was finding ways to please me and make me happy. I felt special, and in return of course I wanted to do things to make him feel special too. Then, suddenly those things I did to make him feel special weren’t enough. I didn’t do it exactly the way he wanted me to do it, and he would throw tantrums about not feeling “valued” or feeling like he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:29 PM
151

I won’t lie and say I don’t have fantasies of receiving a heartfelt letter where he apologizes for his behavior, professes his love, and commits to being better. But I also know that I could never be as happy as I deserve to be knowing how he had treated me in the past, constantly wondering when things would revert back to the way they were. I deserve a partner who has always truly cherished and adored me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:54 PM
66

Sometimes there would be a bouncer near the door with me. My job was to greet them, check IDs and take cover charges. They idea was that being welcomed by an attractive woman is a more pleasant experience, and would get them “warmed up” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 08:16 PM
203

Of course. Happy to share more about my experience if anyone is curious. I was only there for a short time while job hunting after grad school. I was in a relatively privileged position — middle class background, graduate level education, etc. The vast majority of the women there came from poverty, abusive households, were refugees from other countries, etc. I get so mad when privileged white feminists act like stripping is this fun, sexy career. Many of those women have no other choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 03:17 PM
357

I was a door girl at a strip club, not even in the vulnerable position of being naked, and still experienced many of these things. Propositioned for prostitution by the customers, sexual harassment from the valet, one of the managers would stand super close to me and stick his finger in my ear… Once I was at another club helping with an event, a customer slapped my butt, and the bouncer wouldn’t throw him out because “he was just drunk.” I knew of dancers who were followed home and robbed, assau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 03:09 PM
141

This made me physically ill to read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:22 PM
53

The rise of the “Mr. Sensitive” abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 10:15 PM
26

Going through a breakup and this has been my theme song lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 09:31 PM
30

My manipulative ex told me straight up, "Logic doesn't matter in relationships, only emotions do." Because if I couldn't apply logic to the things he was saying and doing, anything could mean whatever he needed it to to suit his agenda. He didn't want me to think. Emotion combined with thought is dangerous to LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 02:22 PM
11

Not at all, I appreciate your perspective and the opportunity to elaborate a bit more! To be honest, I don't even like hugging strangers, let alone having to kiss someone. It was not an exciting prospect for me at all. But I also know that some of the more exciting roles are romantic leads, so I didn't want to completely write off the possibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 08:49 PM
34

He also used his self esteem issues to guilt me into sex. Me saying no to sex always turned into a conversation about how he didn’t feel desired enough, about how hurt he was, but that he’d never ever want to pressure me. The second anecdote that I want to share is about this exact situation, and ended up being the nail in the coffin for me. I turned him down for sex and instead of making it about ensuring I felt comfortable telling him no, it was about how hurt and rejected he felt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 08:43 PM
20

Hey, I want to say that I completely get where you're coming from, and don't disagree! I fully support everyone's right to establish boundaries for themselves and their relationships. If I may offer a bit more detail... For one, I am not a professional actress, nor do I have an intent to become one. Stage kisses in community theatre are rare because it's awkward for anyone doing this as a casual hobby. The fact that those roles are rare to begin with, coupled with the fact that this was a hypoth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 08:20 PM
12

Lol definitely different guy, but I’m working on a post about my experiences dating a “Mr. Sensitive” to give some real life examples of what that looks like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 02:50 PM
216

Yup. Experiencing this right now with the boyfriend I broke up with a few days ago. I was iffy on him at first because I thought he seemed a bit effeminate. But he was courting me so thoughtfully, and was so quietly confident and open about his interest and intent with me, I started seeing him as very healthily masculine. As our relationship went on, he slowly walked those things back. His feelings would get hurt over the smallest perceived slight. I watched him sob into a pillow more than once.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 09:38 PM
51

Three months for behavior that I found to be concerning but still within the realm of normal couple conflict. Six months for the truly concerning, narcissistic behavior to be obvious. Unfortunately two more months after that for me to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 02:28 PM
29

I’m so sorry you went through that. I had a similar experience. Every conflict was twisted around until I was both confused AND the perpetrator using psycho babble. Eventually I realized “how much longer am I going to spend convincing a manipulative person that they’re manipulative?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 07:25 PM
57

All the more frustrating because therapy was basically a hobby for him. So much of his identity was wrapped up in “healing himself,” being in therapy, reading self help and relationship books, being “empathetic,” that he was completely deaf to any feedback that may have challenged that self perception.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:23 PM
1

I broke up with the boyfriend that inspired me to make this post a few days ago, and now I'm looking back at the responses with the virtue of hindsight. This is spot on. I had all of those thoughts with him, even hilariously thinking about how badly he seemed to want to be the princess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:21 PM
165

YES. I just broke up with my seemingly-HVM over this. I'm thinking about writing a post-mortem that looks at all of the subtle signs that he was toxic under the facade to help other women in this sub. The gist of what happened is that he had a meltdown (that he called a "trauma response") over me musing that maybe I'd like to try out for community theatre. His ex was an escort and he said he couldn't emotionally handle me having a part with a stage kiss because it reminded him too much of that t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:52 PM
127

A few months ago, I was meeting a friend at a restaurant with a small parking lot. The lot was full that evening, so I went to go park in the dimly lit residential area a block away. As I was driving by the restaurant, I saw a very drunk man walking along the sidewalk. It took me a minute to find parking, and as I pulled into a spot I saw that the man had turned the corner onto the block that I was now on. I got out of the car for a second, glanced at him, and the hairs on the back of my neck st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:51 AM
1

HSV-1, which causes cold sores on the mouth, is not an STI. Something like 50% of all American adults carry it, and many picked up the virus when they were children. Once you’ve acquired the virus, you can have outbreaks at anytime. Having a cold sore doesn’t mean you recently kissed or had sexual relations with anyone who also had one.
/r/askFDS10/12/21 01:53 PM
19

Also extremely educated and conventionally attractive, here: It sucks. Many men will pay lip service to liking smart women, but that's only because it sounds really douchey to say otherwise. What they mean is that they want a woman who is smart enough to make them look good, but not smarter than they are. They cannot handle the reality of not knowing more about a subject than you, of having their faulty reasoning and beliefs pointed out, or not being able to keep up with you intellectually. They…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 06:26 PM
29

“I don’t really drink, but I’m available X evening for dinner.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 05:47 AM
46

Yeah, my now-boyfriend asked me to be exclusive on date four. I turned him down for the same reason you stated -- there is no pre-boyfriend stage for me. We agreed to be in a relationship a month later. He told me that he knew very quickly that he wanted to put his energy towards pursuing me, and deleted his apps well before we were a couple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:41 PM
378

Hmm... I'll have to mull on this more, but this is my knee-jerk response: He's not doing anything "wrong" by seeing other women, especially this early on, and he was honest with you (bare minimum, but sadly rare!) But, in my experience, men who are really, really into you won't encourage you to see other men, and they won't feel a desire to date other women. They'll want to spend their time, energy, and money proving to you that they're the best option for you. They also seem to know by the firs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 01:32 AM
11

Yeah... I have a few poly friends and it's not uncommon for them to make passes at me. I've gotten better about saying "No thank you, I like to keep sex out of my friendships" and for the most part they respect that, but the odd joke or comment still slips out here and there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:30 PM
55

"I don't want to hurt you, and therefore you can't blame me if I do."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:44 PM
78

I refused a third date with a guy because for the second date we went to a haunted corn maze, and at one point he screamed and bolted away, leaving me alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 01:47 PM
196

Lmao the day after my boyfriend and I became a couple I developed the biggest, nastiest, ugliest cold sore I've ever had in my life. I literally had an scabbed over blister on my face the size of a quarter. My boyfriend was still attracted to me and we still had sex (just no kissing or oral). And this guy is whining about a pimple? I can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 01:03 AM
249

My now-boyfriend asked me to be exclusive on date four. I told him I was very flattered, but it was too soon for me to feel comfortable making that decision, and that I was enjoying spend time with him and wanted to keep getting to know him better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 03:55 PM
17

Ugh. My best friend was just telling me about how her boyfriend of two years went on a woe-is-me rant to her a few weeks ago about how he wants to marry her so bad, but it's so complicated and he doesn't know where to start. Thankfully she told him that sounds like a personal problem, though I think that should have been an instant-breakup. I can't stand the guy and think he's a massive LVM, but can you imagine? If he can't even figure out how to go about starting the process of getting married,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 03:46 PM
8

I’ve found that I enjoy it when it’s with someone I trust and care about, with whom I have a certain level of emotional intimacy, and when they reciprocate those feelings and show me with their actions. I mean, it’s not like giving a BJ is super physically pleasurable for me, but I do enjoy the feeling of pleasuring my partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 01:57 PM
2

I am thrilled with these changes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 02:43 PM
106

But please tell us before we show up for the date that you won’t be paying!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:57 AM
148

The author also mentioned the FDS Twitter dragged her once, so I think this is a personal vendetta.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:19 AM
10

Thank you, it is very disappointing. I had been so happy and able to give of myself so freely because he had, up until this point, demonstrated that he was a masculine provider, and now I’m questioning everything. I can’t think of any major red flags, maybe a few yellow or things that I’m not super crazy about but willing to overlook. I was on the fence about dating him at first because I thought he was a bit effeminate, but he courted me so well that he became more masculine and attractive to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:59 PM
6

I agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 06:38 PM
16

He specifically said he doesn’t think it should be 50/50, but roughly by income. He makes quite a bit more than me, almost 3x as much, so based on what he was saying I should pay roughly one out of every three times we go out. Which I still… don’t love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:38 PM
40

I’ve been super happy with my boyfriend of 5.5 months, but he recently mentioned that he thinks relationships should be financially equitable, as in everything should be split by income. Our status quo so far has been that he typically pays, and occasionally I offer. That’s been how all of my previous relationships have been as well. He’s really wonderful in a lot of ways, but this is a standard that I have for my relationships that I’m not willing to negotiate. He did say he “wasn’t necessarily…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:21 PM
52

There’s an awful trend in my local women’s Facebook group of women posting personal ads on behalf of their single guy friends. I suffer so much secondhand embarrassment for the women who show interest. One guy recently had hundreds of comments of women saying they texted him. Imagine being so desperate that you’re willing to text a strange man, and then try to compete with a hundred women and audition to be picked. No relationship I would ever want could start that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 04:23 AM
70

My grandmother was an Auschwitz survivor. The fact that he thought his joke would be “funny” pisses me off to no extent. The murder of my family and subsequent generational trauma isn’t funny, bro. I’m a Jewish woman who doesn’t “look” Jewish, and the antisemitism I hear when they don’t realize… 😞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 01:06 PM
30

I've also had men invite me out for drinks, so I ate ahead of time, and then they were annoyed when I told them I wasn't hungry. One instance, I told him if he ordered pizza I would have a slice so he wouldn't feel awkward. Then he wanted to split the check. On a meal I only ate an eight of. Out of courtesy. Because he invited me to drinks, not dinner. Eyeroll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 11:57 PM
23

I vouch for this strategy. I've had... maybe 10-12 alcoholic beverages this entire year, and most of them were a glass of wine with a nice dinner. I don't care for drinking in general. It's also great for curving a drink-date invitation. So many men just give up after you tell them you don't drink, you don't even have to waste your time going on a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 11:53 PM
6

I agree. I’ve been saying this for months. I think it can be useful to see examples of male depravity. I also think it could be limited to one day a week or a pinned thread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 06:25 PM
8

I will not be changing my last name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 03:29 AM
10

The "I love you" has usually come around the six month mark for me. I would wait for him to say it first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:08 PM
57

Sometimes it can feel daunting to share successes here. It's difficult to be able to talk about your happy relationship without comments like "He could turn on you at any time!" "Well actually that thing that made you happy is the bare minimum," "Always be vetting!" etc. And there are fair points in there, for sure. You should always be vetting, and you can also indulge in being content in a relationship where you acknowledge that your partner has met your standards thus far. Anyway, I've been a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 06:29 PM
289

More content like this, please! My boyfriend and I have only been dating six months, so my brag is relatively minor, but it made me very, very happy. Our first date was a few days before my birthday. I didn't mention my birthday had passed until our second or third date. I was mildly amused at his panic over not knowing, but I don't expect a man I've been out with a few times to do anything for my birthday. A few months later, we celebrated his birthday. I took him out to a nice lunch and bought…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 10:48 PM
43

AGREED! "Where attention goes, energy flows." I want a version of this sub where we spend our precious attention on HVM and the good things we have going on for ourselves. The LVM are too beneath us even to comment on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 10:38 PM
339

I've had maybe five "couple" friends explore poly, and all but one was divorced or broken up within a year. While I love my friends dearly, my assessment is similar to yours. It comes down to a cultural devaluation of the intimacy of sex, and a misinterpretation of the adage that "your partner can't fulfil all of your needs." Monogamous people hear that and think that's the beauty of committing to one person. How beautiful is it to recognize that this person cannot, nor should they, be your ever…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 07:33 PM
37

Yeah a "friend" I recently broke up with once drove an hour and a half to meet a guy for a date, only for him to sell her on Amway... and she signed up? I had to send her like three or four articles to convince her she made a mistake and she backed out. Apparently the guy got really aggressive when she called him to tell him she changed her mind. There's a reason we are not friends anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 01:42 PM
281

What terrifies me about your story is... how much younger than 20 could he have thought that you are, without actively wanting you to be a minor? And you're totally right. I've noticed that I actively avoid even polite eye contact or conversation with men in public because I've had too many instances of them reading into it as flirting. One especially egregious instance... back in college I worked at a very popular but small store in the community, and we had a lot of regulars that you'd start t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 08:50 PM
14

Yeah, I fully support other women's choice to have body hair, but pubic hair especially just makes me feel sweaty and itchy and gross. I got laser hair removal this year and regret nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 04:30 PM
22

>but why would you want to go on a date with a man you feel you need to escape from anyway? I feel like this can be avoided with proper early vetting. I've probably been on 60-70 first dates, mostly from OLD, and there are only one or two where I wanted to bail ASAP. For the rest, even if I wasn't feeling a romantic connection, I at least enjoyed the conversation and got to try a new restaurant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 04:26 PM
49

Lol I did something similar with coffee dates back in March. I accepted three coffee dates because I was on Whole 30 and eating out was impossible. Complete and utter waste of my time. One guy I never ended up meeting because I figured out he was likely in a relationship, and the other two dates were boring and dry with zero chemistry. The guy was upset on one date when I told him I had to go after 15 minutes, I told him it doesn’t take me an hour to drink a cup of coffee 😂 And isn’t that a reas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 01:37 PM
21

Reminds me of a guy who would DM me incessantly, and then finally said something like "You follow as many people as follow you, you're not instagram famous, you're not too good to answer me. Maybe you're just too lazy to check your messages" Finally blocked him after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 07:00 PM
9

I was under the impression that was more messages directly related to conniptions over FDS, rather than a general LVM showcase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:38 PM
154

Lmao I have a friend who was in almost this exact situation. Her husband pushed an open marriage onto her, she started dating someone else right away. Her husband struggled to find anyone at all, and then tried to tell her it wasn’t “fair” if only one of them have a partner and she had to stop seeing her secondary. She divorced him and is now engaged to the new guy, with no interest in another open arrangement. Her ex husband is trying to tell everyone she cheated on him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:03 PM
64

I almost wish we'd have a separate sub or specific day for posting things like this. I'd rather focus on strategy for keeping myself safe and making dating a pleasant experience for me, than think about the worst of the worst of LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 02:25 AM
50

Her mistake was debating the point. We don't want to convince a man of our value, we want to vet for a man who already understands it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:24 PM
762

My new roommate is an elementary school teacher and was telling me about how she’s been dating a single father for a month and how “sweet” it is that she’s already met his child. Alarm bells went off for me because I’m worried this exact situation will happen to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 12:17 AM
136

I think it's important that we're educated on red flags and the lengths men go to manipulate us, but I'd also love to see more positive and hopeful content on this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 08:22 PM
23

From my understanding, Reddit only keeps a cache of the most recent edit of an given comment. Nuke Reddit History overwrites the comment with nonsense before deleting it, so I believe the logic is that Reddit only "remembers" the nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 10:37 PM
59

I highly recommend that all women who frequent this sub use Nuke Reddit History on a regular basis. It's a Chrome addon that will overwrite and delete your comments and posts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 09:29 PM
146

2.2% chance of finding someone with my standards, and yet my boyfriend meets all of them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 01:07 AM
108

Imagine if the rhetoric were reversed, and instead it was "No woman will want to have sex with you unless you're able to commit and be a good, generous, and loving partner." "Women need emotional compatibility before sex, they need to know that they can trust you and feel safe with you," etc. Why is the onus on us to give them what they want first?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 01:08 PM
63

I had a conversation with a friend about this recently, and we wondered it stems from the cliche that you can't expect one person to fulfill all of your needs. Some people then take that to mean that the solution is to have multiple romantic/sexual partners to get all of their needs met. To me, that just means it's all the more meaningful when you commit to one person, knowing full well that they can't be everything to you, and yet you still reserve certain parts of yourself just for them. The r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:44 AM
242

I've wondered this too. I have very close friends who are a married couple and who are polyamorous, and a sort of extended social circle through them who are also poly. I love the couple dearly, but their poly-circle are all just... very unattractive people. I don't get it. None of the more conventionally attractive/desirable people I know seem to have any interest in this arrangement. Beyond the married couple and their polycule though, I've know about four or five other couples who tried to do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 09:11 PM
54

Not that he’s worth it, but my response would be “I would say that I have high standards, which guarantees I only have high quality experiences and high quality people in my life!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 01:40 PM
31

I need more friends like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 02:16 AM
30

My boyfriend and I had our first date a few days before my birthday. I didn't tell him my birthday had passed until our third or fourth date. He definitely panicked when I told him, but I didn't really have any birthday expectations that early in the relationship. We celebrated his birthday recently, and he decided that because we were technically dating over my birthday, he wanted to celebrate mine too. So we celebrated my birthday several months belated. He took me to prix fixe dinner-and-a-sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 04:21 PM
298

This is 100% true in my experience. Every man who was actually excited about meeting me ensured that we had a time, date, and location, and confirmed the morning of at the latest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 02:10 PM
5

I'm at work so I can't watch this video right now, but I wonder if the title is intentionally a response to Robyn's song, called "Call Your Girlfriend," about being the other woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 08:57 PM
134

LOVE this! I had to do something similar recently. I posted some ads on FB looking for a new roommate as mine is moving out. I explicitly stated in the post that I was only interested in female roommates, and I already have a cat and do not want to live with more pets. Tell me HOW many men still messaged me, even acknowledging "I know you said only female roommates, but here's why I should be the exception!" and then tacking on a "Oh, and you'll hardly even notice my dog!" After the second or th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 08:37 PM
21

The popular concept of sex positivity is one of those things that works theoretically, in an ideal world where men aren't depraved and predatory. But in the real world it provides very little benefit for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 02:17 PM
170

When he was courting me, my boyfriend took me to (along with dinner): Mini golf, an arcade, an escape room, a ghost tour, the zoo, and archery lessons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 02:36 PM
580

Obsession with anal, choking or slapping, needs to be able to “see” what he’s doing to you (porn trained him to be a voyeur), he thinks groping will turn you on and has an aversion to sensual touch, difficulty getting it up and staying hard even at a young age
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:58 PM
27

It reminds me of an old fight I’d have with my ex about how he only touched me when he wanted sex and those touches were like, ass grabs. I’d tell him in plain English things like “play with my hair” or “stroke my cheek/neck” or “let’s kiss more”. Too much work I guess. He never did any of that shit. Had this exact conversation with my ex many times. It worked for a week or so and then he'd go back to normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 04:42 PM
50

Oh no. When I lived with my ex boyfriend, we had an arrangement that he would do most of the cleaning and I would cook dinner. He wouldn't eat breakfast and lunch. Instead, he would have like three servings of whatever I made for dinner and completely ruin whatever plans I had to stretch the meal as leftovers for a night or two so I wouldn't have to cook every evening. Looking back, it almost seems like that was a cognizant strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 02:32 PM
98

You only have a date if you have a time, date, and location.
/r/askFDS20/07/21 04:03 PM
588

Like that time a guy invited me out for drinks (I no longer accept drink dates) so I ate beforehand. I show up and he's seated at a table at the restaurant rather than the bar. He insists he's "starving" so I tell him if he'd like to order a pizza, I'll have a slice so he doesn't feel awkward. Then he asks me to split the bill. Clownery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:41 PM
124

I've actually been spending some time thinking about this as it pertains to my personal life. I got out of a long term relationship at the end of last year. I dreaded sex with him. It felt like something I had to check off my to-do list every week to keep him satisfied, but wasn't really something that I enjoyed. I started dating my now-boyfriend a few months later, and I love sex with him. I actively seek it out, and even want to go again once we're finished. I've been trying to figure out what…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:35 PM
36

Yup! Recently broke up with a friend who did nothing but demand that I be available to tend to her emotions at all times. Feels good. I'm also trying to figure out how to navigate a situation where I have a "group" of friends that all know each other from a certain platform, but I really only feel like 2-3 of them add anything of value to my life. The rest are messy Pickmeisha who seem to enjoy wallowing in their own misery. I want to host events without inviting the messy ones, but I also don't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 03:00 AM
4

Most women I know who play video games have a healthy relationship with gaming. Most men that I know who are "gamers" do not. I play Hearthstone and Animal Crossing. I MAYBE play one to two hours a day if I'm lucky, but that's after all other obligations and social engagements. My ex would disappear into the office for 6 hours every night to play video games. If I asked him to spend time with me, he would insist he "already had plans to play games" with his friends, and if I wanted more time I h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 02:53 PM
3

It might be! The only time I've noticed this myself is before I had a flair and my comments were being moderated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 03:05 PM
14

Absolutely. I've lived with two boyfriends, and in both relationships started to be very unsatisfying for me shortly after moving in. The lease made it so inconvenient to leave that I stuck it out way longer than I should have. I now completely agree with this policy, and have no intention of co-habitating until there is a ring on my finger a wedding date set. I know some people may say that it would be worse to move in after marriage and have things fall apart, but I think that 1) you can disce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:36 PM
7

I think it's because they may have been removed or in the mod queue?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:26 PM
38

Oh yeah I talked to a guy on OLD who claimed he didn’t know anything about Peterson’s controversial views. Riiiiight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 05:24 PM
174

My now-boyfriend took me out for sushi for the first date. For the second date he invited me on coffee and a walk. I waited a few hours to reply (I was traveling anyway so it wasn't that contrived) I responded enthusiastically, "Hey! Sorry, I was traveling in XX all day and just saw this" so he'd know I was happy to hear from him, but then followed up with "I'm afraid I'll have to decline, as I don't consider that to be a proper date." He immediately countered with dinner and an activity, and ha…
/r/askFDS07/07/21 03:48 PM
67

Her free content can be good, base-line level advice for people who want to achieve a more "sophisticated" aesthetic. Her paid content is redundant, overpriced information that preys on insecure and desperate women by selling them a very, very unlikely dream. She's also far from actually being "high society." She's a former escort and has enough money to be adjacent to extreme wealth, but she's not really in the inner circle itself, and it shows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 02:21 PM
93

Like that time I broke up with a guy I was casually seeing because I was getting fed up with how unreliable he was. Finally he said he'd do something, he didn't do it, and it was the last straw. He denied ever saying he would do the thing, I showed him receipts, and then suddenly it was "Actually my memory has gotten so bad lately, it scares me so much I don't know what's wrong with me, maybe I should go to the doctor :(" That's how shameless they are when trying to avoid accountability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 02:12 PM
95

Some cheesy story about how he knew you were the one the moment he saw you = “you’re hot and I want to project my fantasies for my dream woman onto you”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:03 PM
82

You have to be careful about how you phrase this because it can come across as overly interview-style or judgmental, but I like to ask them about the last book they read, and then what was the last book they read that was written by a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 04:12 AM
11

Yup! Something felt wrong in my last relationships for a while. I even went home to stay with my family for a week so I would have some space to think. But I talked myself out of the feeling, thinking something was wrong with me, because he had convinced me so well that he was what a good partner looked like. And now it's taken me months to work through the emotional manipulation and gaslighting in therapy :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:17 PM
20

Dang girl, got me nervous. My now-boyfriend asked me for coffee and a walk as a second date. We had already been out once, and I liked him, so I wanted to give him one chance to course correct. I told him I'd have to decline because I don't consider that to be a proper date. He immediately countered with dinner and an activity, and has absolutely spoiled me since then. ... Buuut, it's only been three months. Now I'm worried about when the 50/50 bomb will drop, haha. Though he did tell me recentl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:35 AM
9

I agree, I think OLD can work you just have to have extreme levels of patience and be willing to take frequent breaks. I met my BF on Hinge and we've been joking about how we only could have met using online dating because our ideal partner would be at home, reading a book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 10:30 PM
29

Oh yeah, I have definitely done the same. Like I said, I wasn’t planning on going on the date at that point anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 07:32 PM
122

Yeah I was talking to a guy on Hinge and actually enjoying the conversation. It took him forever to actually ask me out and I was starting to get irritated. When he finally did, it was for coffee. I told him I don’t do coffee dates. Then he offered a shitty pub across the street from my apartment. I told him I didn’t care for their food. Then he offered a casual breakfast place and I gave in and accepted. He did not confirm the day before, and I knew it had been more trouble than it was worth. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:01 PM
43

I personally had reasonable luck with Hinge because I could passively accept or reject my likes rather than spending a ton of time swiping. Hinge is also less populated than the swiping apps so the likes tend to trickle in rather than flood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:04 PM
33

All of the HVM I've ever known support FDS principles, even if they have no idea what FDS is. The other day my boyfriend told me he thinks men should pay for dates because women take on so much more inherent risk, and I almost wanted to marry him right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 10:26 PM
24

I think that's perfectly reasonable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 10:22 PM
29

Let the man cook for you instead. A common trait I’ve noticed among HVM is they love to cook to impress you. True! My boyfriend and I both love to cook, but he's probably cooked for me five times as often as I've cooked for him. I don't mind it one bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 10:18 PM
10

I applied for a promotion and didn't even get selected to interview. For context, the role I'm in now essentially a support role to the type of work I want to be doing. But unfortunately, even though everything I'm doing is directly related to that type of work, a lot of people in my field don't see it as "real" experience if you're not the one getting your hands dirty. That said, I could absolutely do the job no problem. Honestly, I knew it was going to be a long shot. The hiring manager for th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 02:42 PM
3

You indicate interest when they initiate! Respond with enthusiasm and receive with appreciation :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 01:26 PM
127

You guys. I thought maybe sex was just boring and not something I liked very much. But it turns out my ex was just bad at it. Something about just… everything that my new BF does (and ngl the size helps) feels amazing 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 02:40 PM
11

Piggybacking off of OP to ask how I might navigate a hypothetical prenup situation if I don't really have any significant assets but my partner does... If there ends up being children, I would consider being a SAHM and want to make sure I'd still be financially protected. If there aren't children I'm much more comfortable with a prenup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 12:27 AM
36

A lot of women get bitter, jealous, defensive, etc. if they pick up that you're completely spoiled by your man because they haven't learned to believe that they deserve those things too. I've found it's best to move in silence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 02:45 PM
14

It’s easier to find a naturally masculine man than it is to make a man more masculine. I think the idea of wanting to hone his masculine energy is still your masculine energy coming out. Your focus should be more on being in your feminine. Focus on you. He will either respond by shifting into his masculine, or you’ll know there isn’t enough polarity for the relationship to work. To shift into your feminine, stop doing anything to move the relationship along. Don’t initiate plans, don’t figure ou…
/r/askFDS16/06/21 01:07 PM
4

I know. The difference between a 13 year old and a 16 year old is… immense. I’m not saying she’s a statutory rapist because she was a child herself (and admittedly should edit my original comment to reflect that) But I still imagine it was a formative sexual experience and likely not for the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 08:14 PM
5

My ex said he was into "older women." He lost his virginity at 13 to a 15 or 16 year old woman, which I think is vaguely predatory and likely a traumatic experience. He also had maternal enmeshment issues. So make of that what you will!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 07:08 PM
47

I met my boyfriend on Hinge. We've only been together two months and I think that is way, way too early for me to be able to say he's a HVM, but he does demonstrate a lot of HV traits that I am looking for, and has added value to my life. That said... I've found that being absolutely ruthless about disqualifying men has helped hone my "picker" to the point where I spend much less time than I used to on LVM. Basically any question, comment, or boundary violation that makes me the slightest bit un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 03:06 PM
2

It was the same thing with the rural vs. city thing for me! His family and I just like... did not mesh. It was almost like we spoke different languages, and he did nothing to ease the relationship along. Weird how common this scenario is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 02:46 AM
10

Girl... My ex was obsessed with me spending time with his family, his family gatherings were like 12 hours of card games, and then afterward he would tell me about how his mother thought I did a million things wrong. Did we date the same man? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 11:25 PM
12

I'm hesitant to say he's a HVM because it's only been a few months, but I met him on Hinge. This is the first relationship I've ever had from OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 02:23 PM
105

I worked at a strip club as a door girl very briefly while I was job hunting after grad school. It’s a humiliating experience even when you work fully clothed. The men, customers and staff alike, all treat you like absolute trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 01:18 PM
20

This is pretty much my exact experience with him. I was a fan in my lib-fem days, largely because he was so staunchly anti-RP/Incel/PUA and seems to talk sense to the male-writers who have those tendencies. I hadn't read anything from him in a while, but I was absolutely horrified at him gaslighting this poor woman. The entire letter I kept thinking "you in danger, girl" and how obviously untrustworthy her bf is... and then, he has the AUDACITY to tell her that she's the problem? I just can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:07 PM
6

I told my very pro-sex work friend why I’ve become more anti-sex work as I’ve gotten older, laid out my reasons, and she said it gave her a lot to think about and she didn’t necessarily disagree with me and asked for some resources to learn more! I’m glad that conversation went the way it did because I was nervous we were going to get into an argument.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 03:54 PM
1

Why is he single, then? I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. Wouldn't the alternative be that he's in a relationship? Which would also not be ideal. He told me he got out of a relationship a year ago, wasn't dating during the height of the pandemic, and moved states a few months ago. It seems reasonable for him to be single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 02:11 PM
4

Thank you! Honestly, I feel a little hypocritical because my ex's sexuality didn't bother me too much because he was so masculine otherwise. I think if this new guy is bi and a bit effeminate, it may be too much of a turn off for me. I'll try to suss it out of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 04:47 PM
10

My ex was very masculine in mannerism and voice and was still bisexual so 😅 I don’t know if it indicates anything either way. The man in question did make a joke about how his male, bi friend told him he would do well in the gay community, but I’ll definitely do more digging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 04:27 PM
62

SAME. I'd have so many pickmes and LVM friends in my DMs though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 11:51 PM
95

So, I've been posting the last few weeks about being on the fence about a man I've been seeing who has been really wonderful and I was enjoying his company, but his feminine voice and mannerisms were kind of turning me off and giving me pause. His voice isn't high-pitched for the record, it's just kind of got a valley-girl intonation. I accepted a house date after a month and about 7 dates, because I thought maybe a make-out session would help me determine if there was enough physical chemistry …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 01:58 PM
178

Me: I'm open to children but being a mother scares me because of how much women are expected to give up. Ex: Men give up a lot when they become fathers too! STFU.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 01:40 AM
191

So true. My ex was psychologically and emotionally abusive, but god forbid I ever take a tone or raise my voice to him when his behavior was hurting me. Then suddenly I'm the "bad" one who needs to be "fixed" because "you don't speak to someone you love like that."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:57 AM
370

Nah, here's what happens when you give an unattractive guy a shot: 1) He figures you have poor standards or self esteem and tries to walk all over you 2) He figures if he can get you, he can get an even better looking woman and treats you like crap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 03:50 PM
61

I was at a gathering a few days ago where a guy passed this meme around giggling about it. All of the women were just deadpan, irritated. I very much wanted to say “That’s some LVM garbage” but held my tongue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 07:15 PM
66

I don't know where any of them are because they've all been blocked & deleted!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:49 PM
2

Interesting, thank you! I see similarities between my ex's family and your ex's, but it was the inverse in that the center of gravity in his family was his mother. . Everything seemed to orbit around her wants and needs. I have countless examples of this, but the "big" issue was that I had only met his family a handful of times over the course of the year, but the day following every meeting would result in a sit-down with my ex where he explained all of things his mommy didn't like about me. So…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 04:22 PM
5

Would you tell me more about his "off" family dynamic? This was a huge point of contention in my previous relationship with a suspected narc and I'd love to compare notes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 12:55 PM
2

Oh wow! I doubt we dated the same man, but it’s both validating and horrifying how frequently women go through the same patterns of abuse with the men we love. I have a somewhat similar story to yours. The first week we lived together he woke up one morning and told me his nethers hurt, and I immediately told him to go to the clinic and get tested. I insist on immaculate sexual hygiene, and we had both gotten tested when we became monogamous. He came back from the clinic and the doctor had told …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:57 PM
40

I am so glad I only dated my ex for a year and a half. He sprung the prenup talk on me immediately after we moved in together. I told him any prenup I sign will benefit me and make sure I’m financially protected, especially if there are children involved. I remember feeling so... sick to my stomach and betrayed after that conversation. He also built a business with help from my ideas and labor during our cohabitation. And we broke up almost immediately after it got off the ground.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 08:53 PM
6

Well, I've been on the fence about whether or not I think what I endured with my ex was narcissistic abuse. I know it's endemic to diagnose your ex as a narcissist right now, which gives me pause. But I see so much of how he treated me in this writeup. I suppose it wasn't as "bad" as it could have been. But there was gaslighting, triangulation, word salad, push-pull, lovebombing, devaluation, and baiting for sure. I was also isolated, but he didn't arrange for that himself, it was just by virtue…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:26 PM
67

Yuuup. My ex ended up being a LVM, but he still paid every time we went out or ordered food, and let me keep probably a grand worth of kitchen stuff we bought together. Am I hurt it didn’t work out? Yes. Does it hurt less knowing at the very least, I made out well materially? Also yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:41 PM
8

Ah, I see! I agree, maybe asking for exclusivity early is a good sign, just not a request that's in our best interest to accept right away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:22 PM
24

Also, in my experience, almost all men will ask you to be exclusive after 3 dates. Interesting! Looking back, I've never had a man I met from OLD ask me to be exclusive before, I've met all of my previous boyfriends IRL. Usually three dates without sex is where a lot of the OLD crowd start to drop off like flies. Historically exclusivity has been established around the 2-3 month mark for me. My ex asked me to be exclusive after three months, and we had known each other for for several months bef…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:44 PM
72

Does anyone actually have a rotation, and if so, how? It's rare for me to meet even one man that meets enough of my criteria to get a date, and rarer still that they get past the first. If I do find someone who fits the bill, it could be another several months before I meet someone else who does, and usually by this time is when the first man has either done something to disqualify himself, or is interested in exclusivity. I posted last week about a man I've been seeing who has been great, other…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 01:54 PM
36

I did not care for it either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 01:45 PM
4

I knowwww. He was so amazing about the early courtship that I let it slide and I shouldn’t have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:10 PM
38

The first night I had sex with my now-ex, he had performance issues and it wouldn't work (which I now know was due to porn-induced ED, yay) The second time it worked, and as we were laying in bed he said something about how he was glad it worked out this time and then added "and your pussy felt tighter this time, too." As you can imagine, that royally ticked me off and I laid into him about how stupid that was to say, and a tight pussy is one that isn't aroused and is NOT a good thing. Somehow, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 02:50 PM
1

We all know women who date the effeminate guy everyone low key feels isn’t 100% straight Hmm. I'm not sure. My ex was short and chubby and had a big beard, not my usual type, but he had this masculine aura that attracted me to him immediately. He was also bisexual. I'm not sure it means anything in either direction. Oh, or are you implying the woman in this scenario isn't 100% straight? Because... I'm not, lol. But I'm attracted to masculine men and feminine women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 01:51 PM
46

Omg, THANK YOU! I’ve been reading Becoming and thought the exact same thing. I’m also disappointed because I wanted to learn about her, but most of the book seems to be Barrack’s story from Michelle’s perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 01:17 PM
10

I’ve been reading Why Does He Do That and the book states as much — to be extremely wary of any man who claims he was abused by a woman because the majority of the time he’s doing mental gymnastics to justify his own abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 08:00 PM
12

Don't answer this question. It's none of their business. Keep your response vague. Something like "Making connections" and then turn it around on them.
/r/askFDS03/05/21 04:24 PM
61

I’ve of the opinion that you never truly confirm whether he’s a HVM, you can only observe the lack of LV traits and behavior
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 01:45 PM
34

I’ve have a fourth date lined up and I’m so conflicted. I’m enjoying his company, we have good conversations, he’s fit and good looking, he has a good job, he’s been a perfect gentleman but... His voice and mannerisms are so feminine, and it turns me off. Like if I had met him under any other circumstances, I would have assumed he was gay. Which is fine of course, just not something I feel attracted to. I kind of observed him from a distance while I was coming back from the restroom last date, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 01:41 PM
25

Honestly, I don’t have too many physical dealbreakers. 5’6” is about the shortest I’m willing to date and I don’t care for big, bushy beards but otherwise I’ve been attracted to a range of men as long they’re reasonably in shape and well groomed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 06:34 PM
46

I recently had a "bonding day" with my dad. It was fishing. His hobby, not mine. But I decided that since he was going to be stuck on a boat with me, we were going to have some hard conversations about our relationship. It went about as well as you would expect, but at least through that conversation I understood so much of how my early Pick-Me days were influenced by my father's constant managing-down of my expectations of both him, and men in general. The messaging I received about men from hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 03:09 PM
263

The problem is meeting more than one man that I even like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 03:27 AM
75

The night he asked me out was at a party with his coworkers. He and I were flirting a bit, and one of his female coworkers came up to me and was like "Are you good? Do you need me to intervene or give you an out?" I told him the story later, and he insisted she was jealous because she had always had a thing for him, which I found hilarious because it was very much a "There is no way a girl like you would be into this guy so I'm doing my duty as another woman and making sure you're ok with this" …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 09:01 PM
28

I've had some luck with "I'm afraid I'll have to decline, as I don't consider that to be a proper date." It's about 50/50, they're either unmatch or suggest something more high effort. Even in the latter instance though, note that you've already had to guide them into treating you better, which is a strike against them and frequently isn't worth it in the long run.
/r/askFDS29/04/21 07:24 PM
226

Once my ex was telling me about a female coworker inviting him out to drinks before we were dating, and she suddenly asked him "So, what do you look for in a girlfriend?" He told me he was instantly turned off and told her "I really like a girl who is a challenge."** He then told me "I mean, sometimes it's nice when the girl makes the first move, because it doesn't happen very frequently. It's a nice ego boost." I said "I would imagine you don't put in as much effort though, because if you were …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 06:46 PM
239

She's right. Every relationship I have needs to be better than the last one, or I don't want it. Why downgrade your treatment?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 06:02 PM
15

My ex had this exact dynamic with his mom described in the OP, and this is how he behaved with me. I called it "gleeful impudence." Like he had this "Neener-neener, I'm not listening, you can't tell me what to do!" attitude with me, and then would have the gall to turn it around on me when I would get frustrated with him, suddenly his behavior wasn't the problem, it was that I took a "tone" when I got frustrated with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 03:20 PM
8

I continue to be amazed by this sub and how frequently this community generates content that is able to describe and explain my experiences in ways that even therapy hasn't been able to achieve. I could tell an anecdote from my previous relationship that exemplifies nearly every sentence in this post. I just... wow. This helps me understand and name what happened to me so profoundly, thank you OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 03:17 PM
4

It was a retrospect kind of realization. He had set his sights on me from a FB picture a year before we were actually introduced, and we were both spiritual people so he paid a lot of lip service to how he believed I was his soulmate and such. At the time it was flattering, but now I see that was a recipe for projecting an ideal onto me that I was never going to live up to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:53 AM
16

Honestly, I think sometimes it's difficult to tell until you can put the early courtship in the context of the rest of the relationship. My ex was wonderful, too, in the beginning. He planned and paid for romantic and thoughtful dates every weekend for a few months before asking me to be exclusive. It didn't feel like lovebombing at the time because the pacing was appropriate. It wasn't until we moved in together that I realized he had placed me on a pedestal, and promptly knocked me off of it o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 02:47 PM
93

I learned this the hard way. I was the "dream girl." The early courtship effort was high, but once he locked me down and we moved in together, it slowly tanked. I also got the sense that because I had been deemed Dream Girl, he really struggled with any desire, need, or emotion I had that was incongruent with his conception of how Dream Girl should be. It was a nasty cocktail of dismissiveness and unreasonable expectations that left me feeling confused, like I lived in some bizarro world where d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 02:21 PM
140

My ex and I had an inside joke, because sometimes I would bring up something he said or did and he would completely deadpan, straight face tell me it didn't happen, or he didn't know what I was talking about. I found it funny at the time because it was so obvious that it happened that I would just jokingly say "Stop gaslighting me!" And now looking back, I see so many instances of gaslighting that I didn't pick up on at the time. The moments where we were "joking" were just the moments he didn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 05:53 PM
96

I agree. I've also observed that somehow dogs got coded masculine, and therefore good, and cats are coded female and therefore bad. And I've found men who don't like cats tend to be misogynistic, the type who think football and video games make them interesting and well rounded, but feminine hobbies like makeup and fashion are vapid. It's just a weird correlation that I have found to be predictive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:40 PM
222

Listening to Joe Rogan podcast Any interest in conspiracy theories, even if it's a "what if" Any utterance of the phrase "Saturdays are for the boys" Telling you who they are instead of showing you. The more they insist to you that they have a specific trait (respect women, are good in bed, etc.) the less likely they are to actually have that trait Disliking cats
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:14 PM
17

My birthday is coming up and I'm sad :( I usually cry on my birthday, but last year my ex really went out of his way to make it special. And now we're not together, I'm afraid of the contrast of how happy I was last year vs this year, and it's year two of Quarantine Birthday Boogaloo so I can't get my friends together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 03:11 PM
7

I quit caffeine last year and just swapped for decaf!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 03:07 PM
16

Yeah, thankfully when we were living together we had a pretty even household split. I did the cooking and he did most of the cleaning, and he always paid anytime we went out. He even let me have everything we purchased together for the kitchen when he moved out. In terms of material gain I'd say the relationship was a net positive for me. Worth the trauma of breaking up and having a partner move out? No, but at least I benefitted somewhere, and I was conscious to make sure it was arranged that w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 08:59 PM
55

Tell a man you like gangbang porn or you can only get off to men with 11" dicks and see how quickly they feel uncomfortable with you watching porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 05:16 PM
32

I know, I know. Somehow I thought I would be the exception because he had courted me so perfectly, and was so adamant that he wanted marriage and a family and was completely committed to me. It seemed like we were on the same page about what what we wanted, so it felt like the next right choice to start building our life together. And then once we moved it, it felt like I was living my life around him instead of with him. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 04:57 PM
107

Yeah, I'm far from a Pick-Me in the dating stage, but once a long term relationship is established I struggle a bit. I don't do anything specified in the OP, but I really struggle to leave if things aren't up to my standards once I'm with someone, especially if we live together which was the case with my ex. I was unhappy once we moved in together. Our quality time was better before we lived together. It was like he thought because he saw me in passing all day, he didn't have to carve out dedica…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 03:17 PM
40

I feel called out but it's necessary
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 07:09 PM
10

I wish I had handled it more gracefully, to be honest. I had internalized his gaslighting so much at that point that I really believed that I was the problem. I even wrote an apology letter to his family. Which like, I stand by being apologetic if my discomfort came across as rude or standoffish and hurt their feelings. I don't mean to make anyone feel that way. Looking back they had a very WASPY culture (without the sophistication) and I definitely made some comments that are likely considered …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 01:23 AM
61

I'm in a venting mood so here's the story of Thanksgiving, the catalyst for our breakup in case anyone wants to be indignant with me: Context: I didn't have a major issue with his family besides them being republican, they're just not my kind of people. We definitely have some cultural/life experience differences. They're very basic, rural, conservative white people. I'm second generation, ethnic/Jewish, from a city, and extremely educated and well traveled. Up until this point, every time we sp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 06:13 PM
71

Oh man, I have so much to say about this. My ex had some weird fantasy idea where he desperately wanted me to be close with his family (despite the fact that I had only ever met them a handful of times, and when they did get together it was in large groups and no one made an effort to include me in the conversation) I can think of a handful of instances where he just abandoned me and left me to fend for myself, and yet anything that suggested I wasn't having the time of my life or wasn't working…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 05:33 PM
59

Absolutely. This wasn't even really a sickness, but I experienced vasovagal syncope for the first time in my life and had NO idea what was happening to me. I was terrified and called for my then-BF. He sat at the edge of the bed and stared at me like I was psycho while I was freaking out about hearing water-rushing sounds and my vision going spotty. As soon as it passed, he got up and left. The next day I tried to cOmMuNiCaTe with him and tell him I didn't feel very supported in that moment. He …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 09:44 PM
113

Oh yeah, I refuse to add any man who approaches me with "romantic" intentions on any social media, and they drop off like flies. A guy on Hinge the other day asked to move to IG DMs and I told him I don't keep IG on my phone (which is true!) and he said something like "Fine, I'm getting off this stupid app. Best of luck to you." Like wow, way to make it obvious that you were just after collecting pretty girls to follow and chat with. Byeeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 03:26 PM
30

I gave a brief summary of my experience of being the "dream girl" on a separate comment thread, but I want to say this is absolutely SPOT ON with my experience. He was really, really wonderful at first, almost the "perfect" boyfriend. But once things about me starting coming out that didn't align with his script, or my wants or needs or emotions were inconvenient for him, he would invalidate or ignore or dismiss. Not sure if I want children? Invalidate the reasons you feel that way! Feel overwhe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 01:09 AM
10

He saw a picture of me tagged on FB with his coworker, my roommate. He decided I was "the one" and spent a year trying to finagle an introduction to me. We did finally meet, and after that point saw each other other week or so in a group setting. He eventually told me how he felt about me and asked me out to dinner. He planned and paid for thoughtful, romantic dates every weekend for three months before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me he wanted to marry me. Around the 1 year mark, w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 12:51 AM
8

Great advice, the social media stalking in particular can be so useful. I recently used the crumbs of information a man was giving me to find his LinkedIn profile and discover he's Republican political strategist. Promptly unmatched him. There was also a guy who wanted to move from Hinge to IG. I told him I don't have IG on my phone anymore, and he threw a little fit saying "Fine, good look to you I guess. I'm getting off this stupid app."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:28 PM
113

Big yikes. Glad you listened to your intuition on that one! I rejected a man for a second date once four years ago and now he texts me from a new number 1-2x a year with a wall of text about how he's such a nice guy but "good" girls like me only date assholes. So that's cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 11:13 PM
181

I've told this story here before, but I think it's worth repeating: My ex was very adamant about wanting children, and I was unsure. Once when it came up in conversation, I expressed to him that motherhood scares me because of how much women are expected to give up when they become mothers. His response? "Well, men give up a lot when they become fathers too." Annnd, alarm bells. This man is not empathizing. He doesn't "get" it. And the fact that he spent 6 nights a week holed up in another room …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:38 PM
2

The cumulative cost of a single application of my makeup and perfume is probably more expensive than a $3 coffee, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:27 PM
2

Several reasons, but foremost because it's not my job to impress him enough to "earn" a better date. It's his job to impress me enough to go out with him. I've never had an issue with meal dates. Typically by the time I'm agreeing to meet them in person, I've successfully vetted them to at least be able to carry on a conversation. Even if I find I'm not romantically interested, I at least enjoy the food, company and have a good evening. In fact, my worst dates have typically been coffee or drink…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 01:53 PM
31

I remember once when I lived with my male friend/roommate I was kind of thinking out loud at him about how I would fit in gym time in with my commute and new job. He suggested "Oh, your office has a gym right? Why don't you just get there early, workout, and shower there before work?" and I laughed so hard I almost spit my coffee out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:30 AM
199

Also men when you tell them you’re bi “Waaah, now I have to compete with everyone 😢”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 05:28 PM
44

I respect and understand what you’re saying, and I think it’s excellent advice. I also think, for me personally, a one-time, “my standards are here” check for a man I’ve never met is reasonable. I also trust myself well enough to know that it it becomes a pattern, I have no issues walking away. When I was younger I had to date men that I had to guide and hint, and never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 08:38 PM
22

If you feel uncomfortable eating around strangers, what about an activity date? There's a number of thoughtful dates a man could plan for you that don't involve food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:56 PM
27

I, personally, wouldn't mind lunch as long as it was at an actual restaurant. I would also schedule it during my workday so I'd have a "hard stop."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:54 PM
55

I wouldn’t consider it “convincing.” Just stating where the bar is, and they can meet it or not. I told the man who inspired this post that I would prefer dinner and he immediately asked what my dietary preferences and restrictions are, so perhaps there’s some hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:13 PM
18

Decidedly not Tinder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 06:57 PM
35

The most HVM I ever met on a dating app was handsome, fit, ambitious with a good job. He also got upset with me for using words he didn't understand, and for never offering to pay for dates despite him constantly choosing pricey places when I was fresh out of grad school and job hunting. Not that I would have paid anyway, but still. And that was OLD's top shelf offering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 07:48 PM
24

Once again, men misappropriating "woke" terminology to justify their poor behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:51 PM
142

Did we date the same person? Lol He really tried to write an apology letter while still heaping a bunch of blame on you, huh? He’s basically just excusing his behavior because you “made” him feel certain ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:49 PM
255

I quit Bumble for this exact reason. I put in the minimum effort with the initial message, but the number of guys who would be like "Try to put in more effort, I'm a catch, impress me, blah blah." My personal favorite was a dweeby looking guy that I swiped right on because we shared a few niche interests saying "Everyone sends that as a first message, try actually engaging with people's profiles." Sir, I am an attractive woman on a dating app. I can have over one hundred matches a day if I swipe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:40 PM
1

If you go to my post history I left a comment with the context!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:48 AM
1

I unmatched him after this. My analysis I posted in the comments elaborates on my thought process here :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:59 PM
1

The question seemed designed to give him an excuse to bring up sex early, TBH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:40 PM
1

This is GREAT insight, thank you! It's definitely something I felt while writing up my analysis but wasn't able to articulate it as well as you have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:20 PM
1

For context, he asked about my perfect day. I gave a brief answer, while his was much longer. He also ended his "perfect day" with a plausible euphemism for sex. I then asked him to explain what he meant. As you can see, I very politely established that I don't feel comfortable with sex talk with a strange man. I considered simply unmatching, as I had a hunch how he would respond based on experience, but at this point I was approaching it as more of an experiment on one of my dating philosophies…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:15 PM
5

"Sure! Here are my professional organizing rates: $X,XXX"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:56 PM
41

Ugh, THIS. Anytime a man talks about how much they "love pleasuring women" all I hear is "you HAVE to cum or it's going to hurt my fragile ego" and makes it all the more difficult for me to relax and enjoy myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 03:42 PM
45

I was expressing to him how sad I was that within a few months all of my close friends moved away and how much I missed having close, intimate friendships nearby. He said "Well that's a solvable problem, you can just make new friends." He also had some weird obsession with trying to force me to be close with his relatively pleasant but also extremely dull family, despite us not really having much in common or clicking. I still made an effort to be cordial, they just weren't my type of people. So…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 03:31 AM
58

I definitely agree. When I first met my now-ex, he was a wonderful partner, everything about it felt like a dream, and it was the first time I felt the stirring of excitement at the possibility of having a family with someone. Then we moved in together, and while he did his fair share of housework, most evenings he spent holed up in another room playing video games. We only ever spent time together if we had some sort of social engagement, or it was our "designated" date night. Every other night…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:56 PM
34

Yeah, I'm fine with that. I don't really feel a strong urge to be a mother, I think I'd be plenty content spending my life focusing on my career and travel. If the right man comes along who adds value to my life AND makes me feel that he would be an equal partner in parenting, sure. If not, oh well, guess I'll just have to spend all of my money on travel and designer handbags. So sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:36 PM
15

TRASH FR tho the boundary I established was basically like, "Hey, you did X, next time I would appreciate if you would do Y instead" and somehow that warranted blocking and ghosting me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:10 PM
361

I wonder how much resentment those women have been holding onto over doing all of the childcare, domestic labor, taking on the mental load, and generally feeling unappreciated by their husbands. But gee, I wonder why they aren't readily available for intimacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 06:06 PM
380

It's so true. It's so easy for men to say they want children because they barely have to do anything. I had a conversation with my ex shortly before we broke up about children and I expressed to him how motherhood scares me because of how much women are expected to give up in order to become mothers. I'm not entirely against having children, but my biggest fear is having children with a man who leaves most of the parenting up to me, and all the more stressful if I also have to work on top of bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:51 PM
83

I dated a guy I had tons of chemistry with for a month before he ghosted me over a very simple assertion of my boundaries (unrelated to sex). He came back about six months later, apologized, and told me part of it was he was feeling frustrated that we hadn't had sex yet as if that was a reasonable excuse, and then had the audacity to ask me to dinner to "make up for it." I blocked and deleted, of course. Looking back too, I remember once we started making out and he immediately put his hands aro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:44 PM
21

I went to grad school for rhetoric and this was one of the first things we learned in my history of rhetorical theory class, I was SO MAD my undergraduate courses never covered it. (Although, contrary to this article, we were taught there's no definitive evidence that Aspasia actually existed) The professor told us that it's theorized that Aspasia developed the Socratic Method, because as a woman in Greece the safest way for her to be heard and make her point was to ask questions and go the "sof…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 04:54 PM
7

This. Or maybe a weekly thread?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 03:58 PM
66

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I didn't care for sex with my ex. I thought maybe something was wrong with me, my sensation, and my libido. Now finally, in hindsight, I realize it's because he just wasn't very good at it. There was no art to it, no finesse, it felt clumsy and rushed, like my first few sexual experiences as a teenager. But he insisted he was good at sex, he insisted that I was the only woman he'd never been able to get to orgasm, and so somehow I managed to be con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 03:52 PM
3

I knew my ex-bf's mom was going to hate me the second he told me before our first meeting she asked "Is she high-maintenance?" Yes, yes I am. She ended up being the reason we broke up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 04:03 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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