I moved to my current city in 2017. This was pre-FDS so my standards are more strict now, but even then I let men do the pursuing. I knew I wanted to screen for men who were good at planning and courting, so I only went out with men who were able to plan a date with a time, date, and location at least 48 hours in advance. However, I was more flexible about whether it was drinks, coffee, dinner, etc. as long as they actually had a plan.

That said, most men still asked me out to dinner. Sometimes very high end restaurants, sometimes something casual, but a meal none the less. Of the 50 or so first dates I went on in two years, only maybe 5-10 were drinks or coffee (and, to the surprise of no one, were also usually my worst dates).

I value my time more than I want a free meal, but I am an old fashioned romantic. I want to be courted. To me, dinner represents romance and effort.

I ended up meeting one ex boyfriend in person in 2019, and we dated for a year and a half. I met my next boyfriend online only a few months later and we dated until a few months ago, so I haven’t spent much time on OLD in a few years.

It seems even worse than I remember it being. Every man I’ve spoken to has been completely ineffectual at coming up with a proper plan for a date, and even in the rare instances they’re able to get the three components of a plan down, they ask me out for drinks (I no longer drink, which is stated on my profile) or coffee at like, 7 on a weekday.

Most of the time they’ll just say something like “How about six on Tuesday?“ and then never follow up with a venue, or message me at 5 and ask where I would like to go (at which point I unmatch them). It’s very frustrating.

I don’t think it’s me. If anything, I’ve become even more of a catch since 2017. Is this just a general cultural trend?