~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 30 | there's nothing like the smell of scrotes mad in the morningSo very sad, and I'm resisting the pleasure of engaging with him, asking him for all the advice so I can "improve" and be a PROPER woman! HAR HAR | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/22 01:49 PM |
| 23 | What options are there for kicking out a LVM who refuses to leave?Yep, you remove all doors. With no way to lock up their belongings, tenants tend to move out quickly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/22 03:12 AM |
| 76 | What options are there for kicking out a LVM who refuses to leave?Came here to say this. Study the law to protect yourself from it. I'd bet he has squatter's rights, and getting him out is going to cost time and money, minimum three months. Easy way to get him out? REMOVE ALL DOORS. This has been done, and there is nothing illegal about it. A day or two before, go in and remove all valuables, then when he's at work (God forbid he works from home, ugh), go in, remove all doors and take them with you. Works like a charm. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/22 12:30 AM |
| 116 | Have you ever experienced this?I call it co-opting. It's a phenomenon where someone horns in on someone else's interest, or livelihood, friend group, whatever. One person is already established, knows their stuff, and a newbie comes in and makes it their own thing. Worst case scenario of co-opting is being pushed out, sidelined, marginalized, or if we're talking work, fired and black-listed. Narcissists do this. I'd say it's a big red flag of a possible narc who may not have hobbies, much less a sense of self. Block, delete, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/22 12:24 AM |
| 25 | Men with social media harems.What do FDS queens think if a man's Insta is set to private? I allow people to follow me and don't follow back. I'm not interested in people per se; I'm way more interested in inspirational and informational posts. I'm not particularly interested in seeing a bunch of selfies. And all I post on my Insta is Pokemon GO finds. Total shiny hunter here! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 10:51 PM |
| 3 | Support in getting over a crushFeel all your feelings. Don't quash any because they'll come back twice as powerful. Miss him, then think how little you know about him. Think about how there is no real relationship. And then go do something else! He's a colleague first and foremost. Kindly don't date where you work; it's shitting where you nest. NOTHING good comes of dating at work. That's the most important thing to remember. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 08:24 PM |
| 140 | What characteristics are you looking for in a partner?Like attracts like. I for one don't believe that opposites attract. I want someone much like me: highly educated, a highly sensitive person, introvert, avid hobbyist, animal lover, feminist (ally in his case), humanitarian, egalitarian, kind, thoughtful. I found that acknowledging my best qualities was a good place to start. I also want someone whose issues play well with my own. I have high-functioning anxiety and tend to be a perfectionist. Someone who is more forgiving would work well for me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 07:47 PM |
| 87 | Demand what you ask forand simply respect a woman's wishes... not hard. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 07:35 PM |
| 9 | Protect your wombs even moreMen have no right to sex at all in states that criminalize abortion. LYSISTRATA TIME! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 03:00 PM |
| 14 | “Little baby nothing” song by Manic Street PreachersPlease do! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 02:57 PM |
| 81 | You Cannot Save Those Who Love To Drown, And Honestly, It's Not Worth ItThank God it fizzled and no loss to her especially. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/22 02:55 PM |
| 8 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?That's what I want RIGHT THERE! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 08:02 PM |
| 5 | "policing of emotions"?Control, power, domination... as usual. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 07:40 PM |
| 2 | "policing of emotions"?Horrible, he was TRAINING you to be a Stepford wife. That. Is. HORRIFIC. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 07:34 PM |
| 4 | "policing of emotions"?Plenty of times with first husband. I'd get louder, more insistent, and just NOT EVER GIVE UP until he heard me or he just gave up. I was GOING to be understood. Finally, though, that uphill battle got to be way too much and I realized he just didn't care and had little if any empathy himself. I started the process of leaving very soon after. With late second husband, never any issue being understood, same with family and good friends. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 07:32 PM |
| 24 | Self sabotage.I'll be honest: for decades, I wondered so many times why some women really disliked men. I didn't, wondered if I was naive and/or lucky, and, okay, a bit of both. I had my issues with males: my brother tickle-torturing me, but fortunately that ended swiftly one day when I hauled off, reared back, and punched him solidly in the balls, all of around seven or eight years old, not at all knowing what I was doing. That was the first time I solidly connected using force and consequences to make bully… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 04:37 PM |
| 13 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?Excellent and CONGRATS! I am so proud of you! Yes they are, so we know we're on the right track by being such. May we ever be so. My and others' absolute refusal to be Mommy McBangmaid and/or their intelligent pack mule upsets them? Die mad, scrotes. Or hey, YA KNOW, maybe get a life, learn how to keep a tidy, neat house, learn how to cook, and LEVEL THE HELL UP ALREADY. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 04:29 PM |
| 187 | "You're a Saint!" isn't a compliment...This whole thing of sainthood just riles me on many levels. Partly it's from being raised in the South, having an over-developed Protestant work ethic that I'll be the rest of my life trying to tame, and a recovering over-functioner my entire damn life. It's also partly from having suffered through trying to be the Good Wife the first time around, and that just failing spectacularly on so many levels. Women are expected and conditioned to just do MORE MORE MORE all the time, and it never ends. Y… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 02:42 PM |
| 344 | Netflix has been producing lots of pick-me and lvm propaganda latelyWhen I moved to LA, it was common knowledge that the further out something was advertised, and the more and more widely it was advertised, the worse it was going to be. The movie and TV studios were selling hard because they knew it was LV. The very best movies had next to zero publicity; it was all by word of mouth and/or well-known actors or a very clever plot. This seems very much the same situation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/22 02:01 AM |
| 26 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?Second marriage was VERY much like yours, I did most of these things. Love solo travel! It's important to have his, hers, our interests. Totally agree. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 11:55 PM |
| 31 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?Absolutely to all of this. I was passively on Facebook OLD, got off it, nothing there. And even the first time around in the 90s, I quit being the Good Wife pretty damn quick. Utterly rebelled, refused to do the second shift. Let the house smell, and he still wouldn't get off his ass to clean. Just kept waiting and waiting for me to resume service, and I never did. Second marriage, one of the FIRST things Jack and I did was hire a housekeeper who became chosen family and was with me and our best… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 11:54 PM |
| 65 | Block and delete all LVMWankbadger! I'm dead! Good for you for blocking and deleting, and not having to massage their wee egos that they overbid and didn't get the job. Wah wah wah. Die mad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 07:58 PM |
| 12 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?Love that response! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 07:55 PM |
| 83 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?There have been a few men I've liked chatting with online, and in my own mind was okay with talking to them more and seeing where things would go. But the moment I mentioned living apart together, cue that deep disapproving silence that's such a tell. Cue them suddenly losing all "interest". Even when they claimed they wanted to see me, I was like, okay... then move to Louisiana on your own dime; find a place to live, and find a job, because I'm settled here. I'll move when I build my forever ho… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 06:14 PM |
| 18 | ladies, how do you hold space for yourself?I agree, and with another introvert, this should come naturally. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 06:04 PM |
| 31 | i can’t take this relationship anymoreBlock EVERYWHERE, leave no space where he can contact you, because he will. He wants more supply, and you need to make yourself a complete void in his life. You're not Barb the Builder. His mental health is HIS RESPONSIBILITY ONLY, and no one should ever be allowed to lash out and be vindictive and mean and use mental health as an excuse. That's his way of seeing just how much emotional/verbal abuse you'll take. He can look up therapists himself. Make him do his own work. If he spirals, not your… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 05:58 PM |
| 13 | Little reminder about "red flags"And I'm all for NOT giving men any more second chances. One red flag, THANK YOU NEXT! Dick is abundant and low value. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 05:47 PM |
| 45 | i can’t take this relationship anymoreOh HELL NO, sis, I am so glad you are out. The first few sentences were nothing but red flags! Fighting for your life, being scared, being negged/outright insulted/told to settle for less or get nothing, blaming you for his own depression, outright stating you'll be promiscuous after the break-up, not doing enough for him (when I'm sure you're already over-functioning) so as to make you "prove" yourself... HELL NO. HELL. To. The. NO. And then the AUDACITY to say he's sick of you? EFF THIS MOTHER… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 05:45 PM |
| 73 | Little reminder about "red flags"You ARE the agent of karma. Go for it. He actively stole from you and did not give you credit. Tell people the truth, which is not libel. Good enough for John Peter Zenger back in the 18th century, still applicable today. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/22 11:33 PM |
| 130 | Little reminder about "red flags"I was just listening to the podcast driving back today, and the FDS queens made such a valid point: women are conditioned to be accommodating, forgiving, and to give men second chances... which doesn't work in our favor! It is part and parcel of patriarchy, and the sooner we all de-condition ourselves to STOP giving second chances, start listening to our guts and just cut men off, the better off WE as women, as a class/group/demographic, will be. Just remember, patriarchy is hugely uncomfortable… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/22 11:30 PM |
| 26 | and they want women over 30 to just... disappear? hide in a basement somewhere? this queen is goals! title is" why can't I be sexy at 71". LVM in fumes! gross is sexualizing teenagers and 20 somethings and preying on them! gross is drooling over 16 year olds when LVM are their dad's age!As a woman who's always been plain and overweight, who's always been invisible, I learned to accept it and even revel in it, due to all the freedom it gives me. What freaked me out was gaining visibility when I lost weight. I think that's why I'm struggling with this last 90 pounds: I don't want to be seen as sexy, and I've never wanted that. However, for my health, HELL YES I will lose the weight. I want to lose the symptoms of t2d most of all, get off most if not all meds, and be healthy for m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/22 08:41 PM |
| 14 | Women have it way harder then men in almost everything.Dang... where do you live? I'm never approached by men AT ALL. I *think* men may notice me, but I guess I'm super unapproachable. That's what 50+ years of living in a female body will do, plus 25 years of marriage. I SUPER keep my eyes and energy to myself. No eye contact, no smiles ever out in public. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/22 01:42 AM |
| 31 | Women have it way harder then men in almost everything.I love this, every bit of this. Could not agree more. I would like companionship, sure -- but with major qualifications: another introvert like me; someone up to five years older but possibly 10 years younger; someone who gets and appreciates wanting to live apart together; someone who likes and appreciates my brand of weird. And most of all, a man who is an adult, who keeps his house clean, tidy, and who can cook for himself and do his own laundry. We would both want each other, but never NEED … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 09:13 PM |
| 8 | Yeet any man with weird food hangupsBut you don't have to change YOUR diet. You can eat whatever you want, and a man can eat whatever he wants. He'll just be making his own meals, while I make mine. Problem solved. Once again, DO LESS. He has dietary requirements? Make him meet them on his own. You do you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 02:21 PM |
| 218 | Women have it way harder then men in almost everything.The moment I realized as a child that when I made myself comfortable, that that angered other people irrationally, then I was on the right track. If my comfort deliberately makes someone else uncomfortable, then they don't have my best interests at heart, so I better have my own best interests at heart. Easy vetting tool. If someone wants you uncomfortable, you simply don't need them in your life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 01:36 PM |
| 138 | Women have it way harder then men in almost everything.Although I (and older sister and brother) have inherited now from our dad, we've also inherited several times from other family members, ALL female. I'm on track to be the next rich aunt/great-aunt to hand down assets. I want to teach my nieces and great-niece how to invest so they, too, can keep handing down family assets matrilineally. Trust me, folks, I'm solidly middle class. None of these except one have been major inheritances, but they absolutely gave us a leg up in life. I want to give t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 01:34 PM |
| 235 | Women have it way harder then men in almost everything.A hell of a lot of performative femininity and performative female-ness you can simply walk away from. I did, and my life is better for it. I always knew from single digits I wanted to marry and be happy. Also knew from single digits I never wanted to have kids. I'm 54, twice married, happy the second time, no kids, no regrets. These days, I know for certain I'd like companionship, but living apart together, and we'd keep all finances separate. Saying all that out loud produces that vast disappr… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 01:29 PM |
| 78 | Living With MenOnce again, living apart together for the win! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 12:31 PM |
| 15 | Have you ever seen your threads on FDS being shared in other subs?Yep, once on a cringe post. I remember that post and stand by it: no thanks to single fathers. So a woman having a preference and stating is is cringey? Yeah right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 09:47 PM |
| 186 | NVM Single DadsYou need to call Child Protective Services YESTERDAY and report him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 11:51 PM |
| 28 | If you’re scaring them, you’re doing something right.BITCH: boys I'm taking charge here, or babe in total control of herself. Choose either, I like both. I've said this to men before. The surprised Pikachu face is everything. If he wanted to, he would, but you're right, they know they have nothing to offer. They know they're not on your level. They know you're smarter, more successful. It's a blessing when they don't approach, because on some level, they actually do have some self-awareness. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 07:53 PM |
| 47 | Do you sometimes think whether you come across a single and compatible HVM who likes you back is beyond your control more than anything else in life?I agree: humanity overall has a negativity bias built in for survival. I think HVM are out there; moreover, whoever you're supposed to be with, you'll be with when the time is right for both of you. I don't know if soulmates are a thing, but my late second husband Jack was as close to one as it was possible to be. Could there be another out there, someone with whom I'm highly compatible? It's possible, not sure how probable. Not holding my breath, not on OLD, not looking, just passively open. I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 07:46 PM |
| 66 | The audacityHELL YES to all of this. Do not be compliant! Be loud, be difficult. It's what stops kidnappings, rape, murder quite often. Make him think twice, or think at all before pulling some rape-adjacent scene. HELL YES! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 03:05 PM |
| 139 | The audacityAgain, it's all about power and control, nothing about you, your wants, your boundaries. It's objectification and rape culture. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 03:04 PM |
| 165 | The audacityI visibly flinched away from a male at a buffet recently. He did that thing where he tried to touch my lower back (ICK BARF) to get by me, and I held up my hand, moved back, and said, you do NOT need to touch me. Rather than saying sorry or anything, he looked at another man, they both shrugged, and went ahead and got food. Pissy, stupid, clueless, but I made my point, held my space, wasn't touched, and was then avoided. Win all around. Scrotes don't want to understand clues or social signals or… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 03:03 PM |
| 63 | Why do men pretend women don't go for looks?A hell of a lot of that is aided and abetted by the glass escalator. They're simply networked more, given more chances, more promotions, accepted more in the workplace. Women, on the other hand, have to fight to be included everywhere. See any post here or on the Level Up sight about women learning about finance. If men can do it, we obviously can do it even better, but it's NOT at all something women are steered toward or congratulated for pursuing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 02:20 PM |
| 34 | Why do men pretend women don't go for looks?I'd say it makes them feel better to pretend that so they don't have to do upkeep and maintenance. If anything is labeled "feminine" then it's "not masculine" and therefore to be avoided under toxic masculinity. Also, saying women go for money is again the gold-digging BS. All of it is a way to deflect and avoid accountability and leveling up to look one's best, then blaming women. It's all a form of hate, both self-hate and misognyny. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 02:04 PM |
| 13 | Have a nice day!TOTALLY agree. All of that is just horrific. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 01:39 PM |
| 180 | Have a nice day!For some males (not men), just acknowledging their presence by accidentally looking at them means you're open to conversation, friendship, moving in together, and marriage, pretty well in that order. I'm not convinced that they can't read signals; I'm convinced they DO NOT read signals when they are simply selfish and want/crave/need connection. It's a power move, not a move to befriend. That to me spells a man who is a very possible rapist. He's ignoring signals, ignoring consent, ignoring word… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 10:25 PM |
| 24 | What’s the FDS-flavoured tea on cold approaches? Advice appreciated.Following, same. Thanks for posting this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 08:53 PM |
| 1 | Mini-tip for vetting (OLD)Done! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 08:10 PM |
| 40 | “Dick is low value and abundant” - finally, a lesson learned.You and me both. I used to weigh over 400 lbs; I'm down to 250 (maybe a little more with the pandemic). Working on the last 90 lbs! I've always been average looking. Not a dog; children and animals flock to me because they know who loves them. People smile at me all the time. I'm average-short, overweight, female, older, with a kind face so not at all a threat. (Which means I could get away with A LOT if I wanted to! HA!) I've also always known I'm super basic and have no fashion sense. Love see… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 08:04 PM |
| 144 | MiSaNdRy Only Exist When Women Are Able To Control A Misogynic NarrativeWomen are making money without needing men. Women are independent and happy. Dick is abundant and low value; no one wants to see men's bodies. Men's bodies sell NOTHING. Their names and reputations may, but their bodies? NOPE. Misandry is a huge wah wah cry from manbabies, nothing more. Agree with all of this, every sentence. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 07:58 PM |
| 9 | Another reason why you shouldn’t use dating apps: your photos can be used without your consent.My POF profile got hacked by some Russian woman, and I abandoned it. Then I had a scrote from chat tell me that he set my profile pic as his wallpaper -- how next-level creepy is that. (By the way, the profile pic of me on chat is about 3/4 of my face, not all that well lit, with a now-deceased cat who was photo-bombing.) Lots of dating sites apparently have in the fine print the clause that they can use images of people however they choose. Just another reason not to be on OLD at all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 06:57 PM |
| 53 | “Dick is low value and abundant” - finally, a lesson learned.You and I have a lot in common. I don't know about trauma; you know yourself, maybe you do have some, but that's up to you to determine. I'd say your friends see only 10-15% of you. That deep, soul/mind/emotion work of reclaiming yourself, leveling up, that's what people don't see until suddenly you've changed, and you are changing now. I'm widowed; August will be six years. I haven't tried to date. Most of that from 2016 to 2020 was being a full-time teacher in Los Angeles with a commute, then … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 06:54 PM |
| 169 | If you need to ask for it, just leave - You want PROACTIVE, not compliant!They're nice, but they're not kind, or thoughtful, and that's why they're resentful. They know, in their heart of hearts, that they are emotional children. Asking them to do something against their self-interest of course leads to resentment. They're not mentally and emotionally mature enough to think of it on their own. They're LVM, maybe not Z/NVM, but low. They can't think outside themselves, show empathy, think about how their actions impact others. That's when you bail, and let him work on … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 06:42 PM |
| 47 | "Not all men" and intentional trauma triggersI admit I have a proclivity for confrontation, up to getting physical. The moment a man does these things, and that switch in my brain flips from self-preservation to preserving my dignity at all costs, I've done these things right back. Louder, with even more destructive force, absolutely letting the chips fall where they may. It's a way of showing power, control, dominance. Every man I've ever done this to -- and broken up in that moment -- has backed down and backed off, and it was glorious. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 06:33 PM |
| 5 | I’m literally listening to this man lie to me about how amazing he is…and how deep he is…when I know him personally that he is not anything that he’s saying😹😹😹😹I can’t get away cuz we are in a car 😥😥😥😥Next time don't be alone in a car with a man you don't know well. I'm sure you never expected to be talked AT! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 01:06 PM |
| 26 | so glad this scrote clarified that calling me crazy wasn’t an insult.NOPE. Schrodinger's scrote here: if you were insulted, he totally meant the dig. If you didn't, then he just meant do something different. I despise passive-aggressive hostility, and plausible deniability, plus ambiguity. Drop this guy like the turd he is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 03:39 AM |
| 103 | Such an Important Idea. Stop accepting " I suck"Vetting strategy: ask him, what do you plan to do? how are you going to change? Use silent wait time to let him figure out his own answers. Change is hard, no doubt about it, but people generally want a sounding board to make sure they're on the right track. If he has zero clue at all, even after a couple of gentle suggestions to get the ball rolling, block and delete. No one should be Barb the Builder. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 12:52 AM |
| 19 | I’ve been a pickme for a very long time. This time, I’m done. Im choosing myself.Several hard truths that actually make life easier: -- no one will save you but you -- seeing situations and people as they are saves time, money, effort, excess emotion -- centering yourself, your wants, your needs is positive selfishness, and is not at all toxic Welcome, queen. We are happy to have you here! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/22 10:18 PM |
| 26 | Social media potential flag - should I block/delete?I've heard (here, in fact) of men having one public-facing social media account, then another private/hidden/secret account. Vet for that. If he hides one thing, he's surely hiding more about himself, none of which is flattering. Vet more, vet harder, vet longer. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/22 08:47 PM |
| 20 | Mini-tip for vetting (OLD)In chat, which is a cesspool much like OLD, I've actually had this happen. And curious me, I stay with the chat just to see how far they'll spiral into truly demented territory. It's a sociological experiment to me, pretty much like a cat toying with a mouse. Asking, asking, asking, over and over, like a bratty child is extremely common. I find it hilarious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/22 08:11 PM |
| 51 | Mini-tip for vetting (OLD)Absolutely stick to the app. I chat (keep it in the background) but leave DMs on. Can't stand public chat, and prefer one-on-one. They all want to get off the app, and I've told them, nope, here to chat, pass time, have fun. Why chat with just one person when I could stay here and chat with a lot of different men? It's all just for fun anyway. They're not OFFERING anything, any reason, to chat elsewhere. It just seems like a total control/power move for no good reason, other than to move me away… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/22 08:08 PM |
| 2 | 50/50 Cautionary Tales Part 1 : "Something feels weird here"The more I think about it, a very quick way to vet before you move in together: ask to see three years of tax returns. Again, unless a man is insanely wealthy and can hide money offshore, three years shows his average. From there, you can make an EQUITABLE distribution of who pays what. I recommend spreadsheets. If he balks, keep your place and don't move in. If he grumbles, even a little, keep your place and don't move in. Equity or nothing. I'd even advise re-thinking the relationship. If he c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/22 10:20 PM |
| 66 | A decent strategy guide to land a man /sTacos! I'm dead! LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/22 08:15 PM |
| 162 | This Is Why You Should Never Give An Ugly Man A Chance. It's The Audacity For Me. Hell No!The moment that teenage girl stood up to him, showed power, dominance, and control, and returned a taste of his own to him, OF COURSE he backed down like the cowardly bitch he is. I have less than zero respect for "males" like that, and I use the term loosely. They are all such slimy, slithering little coward-shits. Confront, confront, confront. Yes, there is a chance of violence, but reclaiming your dignity is priceless. And just never go 50/50. Vet always. Go SLOWLY. And always keep your own m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/22 08:12 PM |
| 66 | Have you noticed LVM yawning when intimidated by a conversation?First husband did this. It's very mammalian: apes do it to assert dominance. I found it farcical. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/22 07:36 PM |
| 69 | 'Men age like fine wine' 'Women hit the wall'I agree with all this and have more to add. People who are genuine, kind, well-meaning, and who have a growth mentality seem to shine more from the inside out as they age. The more we shed ego, grudges, resentment; the more we embrace light, love, happiness, what's right, the lighter our spirits get, and it shows. People (think Trump) who are mean, cruel, ugly in heart and mind: it begins to show. People absolutely do become more themselves as they age, and those qualities on the inside shape ho… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/22 01:28 AM |
| 70 | Never forget this ladies.. accept nothing lessI think this is why I'm so meh/unmoved by most men these days. Already married twice for a quarter century; I'm 50+, had two careers, been to 29 countries. I've lived, got a lot of experience. I'm not some dewy-eyed, innocent, naive thing and don't pretend to be. The only thing that impresses me now from men IS when they go out of their way to be kind to me personally. Otherwise, okay, you're human, I respect your basic right to exist in peace, but other than that, outta my way, I have things to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/22 04:50 PM |
| 140 | How to deal with men who want to be “orbiters”I'd just say, sorry, don't have time, super busy, and then go grey rock. Don't explain. Maybe don't even say sorry, other than as a polite demurral, not an actual apology. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/22 03:05 PM |
| 30 | How I sleep at night knowing no man is cheating on me, lying, hiding things, scheming for ways to undermine me / get my money, drooling over instapics of another woman, watching porn, dragging me to his buddies...!Adoggable! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 02:16 PM |
| 45 | Scrote has tantrum and refuses to vacate property that’s been soldBut again, they've already got a buyer. The deal is going through, from what I understood. Either he vacates or gets evicted. At that point, it wouldn't matter if they're married or not. Once a house is bought, the buyer has rights, and the seller has to vacate. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 02:40 AM |
| 186 | Scrote has tantrum and refuses to vacate property that’s been soldSit back, let the sheriff handle it. Bring popcorn when he's evicted and all his stuff is thrown out in the street. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 12:23 AM |
| 9 | Being anti-porn is not enoughI can't honestly see how you're going to get EVERYONE to go from all or nothing. Everything humanity does is a process. You can't just tell people not to do something. They have to process the whys and hows. Think porn watching is just magically going to go away on its own, when there's a mass wake up? Don't think that's how it happens. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 10:48 PM |
| 61 | Being anti-porn is not enoughI do think you have to start somewhere. All your points are valid. It's a leap to go from self-interest to much broader societal interest. Not everyone is capable of that level of humanitarianism. Not to excuse men at all. Just realize it's all a process. I'll take small gains where we can get them, with the realization that as you say, JUST not watching porn isn't enough. They have to have other characteristics to be truly HV. And who knows, just like with pick mes, let's always plant seeds. So… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 04:31 PM |
| 44 | Genuine question: how can a woman maintain the hope that there really are good men out there?All of this, all the time! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 02:43 PM |
| 37 | & that’s on porn addiction… SMHAll about power, control, domination. Not about cooperation, consent, love, consideration. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 01:05 PM |
| 12 | Where do men go to find the audacity? What kind of good man is this? Is this the standard? Because if so, then sorry to this man. 33 and childish with his priorities out of order. What an embarrassment. Feel sorry for that baby.I hate when they cover all the bases. They're not looking for anything long-term. WHY LIE? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 10:47 PM |
| 39 | My 3 Year Old Son's bus driver this morning was disgustingly inappropriate with me . .REPORT HIM TODAY to the school board office. That's grounds for at least a reprimand, and the sooner they start a paper trail on him, the sooner he can be fired. ABSOLUTELY lodge a complaint without delay. And yes, lest I forget, as Path said, IN WRITING, as well as a phone call. Keep a copy for your records. Inform other parents on the bus route, too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 06:54 PM |
| 47 | Let's Talk About "Cool Girls"/"Strong Women"Once again, living apart and separate finances for the win. This is one of the ways I simply refuse to be a strong woman. I won't be an intelligent pack mule for a man, and because I won't be USEFUL, so much male "attention" and "interest" just dissipates. Yes, it's annoying because it's transactional, and overtly so, but better to get fake interest out of the way entirely, and see things as they are, than gaslight myself and go along with a socially-prescribed lie. I won't be used for domestic … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 06:53 PM |
| 3 | life gets easier when you set boundaries and enforce consequencesThanks for the clarification. I had JUST wanted to chat, but they never make it that simple and easy. There's always a damn AGENDA. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 06:28 PM |
| 20 | Is it just me, or is OLD getting even worse?Came here to say this, and now that I'm older and a lot wiser and more picky, it's worse. All of this, SuperbusRegina is SPOT ON. OLD is a dumpster fire. Just steer clear! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 01:25 PM |
| 21 | My boyfriend shared a funny video that i didn't find funnyTwo sentences in and I clicked off. Objectification, misogyny, gross. I'm not you, but I'd suggest re-evaluating your relationship if he finds that funny. Gross. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 01:22 PM |
| 0 | Will Smith’s Slap, Protecting Black Women and My Own Experience Being Unprotected by Black MenSo what can a white ally do in this situation? Stand up for you, against the other woman, and say good things about you to your boss? I hate injustice like this, it's so hurtful. I know you're strong and resilient, but you shouldn't have to be SO MUCH just to get through. I wish you a life of more ease and relaxation! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 12:47 PM |
| 6 | life gets easier when you set boundaries and enforce consequencesMerci beaucoup! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 12:28 PM |
| -32 | life gets easier when you set boundaries and enforce consequencesI thought it was? Maybe I'm not quick or ruthless enough. I want and like conversation. So long as they comply, and understand, then I'm okay with still chatting. This is not the way? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 11:56 PM |
| 37 | Beware of the man with a female friend/female friendsI know what you're saying. I want to listen to the most recent podcast, can men and women be friends, just to hear what the FDS mod queens have to say. I, too, have grown suspicious over time, given how men are, and how much more I'm aware of as an adult. Online, I'm approached by SO MANY men who "just want to be friends" and yet constantly push for a relationship, so no. That's when I set a hard boundary, and am ruthless about blocking. No need to delete, since I never add anyone anyway. I make… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 03:40 PM |
| 67 | Is chasing unnatural beauty standards making women more vulnerable to unhealthy emotional states? Have you experienced this? Please discussOverall, I agree. I've had body image issues my whole life, starting in early childhood. I was bullied and teased about being overweight from second grade on. It's a big part of what gave me a mouth and a spine of steel. It's what inculcated in me a fierce desire to clap back, because for me, the teasing and bullying didn't stop until I made it stop. Now that I'm older, though, I've learned to set better boundaries, but old habits do die hard. I was put on diets in high school by my dad, back in… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 03:35 PM |
| 120 | Beware of the man with a female friend/female friendsWith this kind of "friend", yes, beware. My late husband was friendly with all his ex and parted peacefully on good terms, which I thought spoke well of him. He had a female friend for 40 years, who was there with me and our housekeeper at the end of his life. They dated for about five minutes, then realized they were better off as friends, and so they were. Zero competition, zero flaky shit, zero shit-stirring. She was and is just a good friend. She's still my good friend 20+ years later, and w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 03:23 PM |
| 11 | I lost track of how many red flags I heard.I'd like to know her best videos, please and thank you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 03:06 PM |
| 30 | reminder: power, not empowerment; equity, not equalityCould not agree more. I began to take power over myself as a child. I deliberately walked away very quietly from dolls, dresses, anything too femmy. It just felt less powerful and more like being forced into a role that was entirely too small and confining. For a long time, I identified with the patriarchy, true Athena style, daughter of Zeus, but those archetypes of Hestia, Artemis, and more were always there in the background, pulling me back to the feminine. I just had to learn how to navigat… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 03:00 PM |
| 15 | for the love of god stop explaining yourselfThank you, I needed to hear this. Just today, I blocked (didn't need to delete, I never add anyone) on my chat program. My new go-to line: your options right now are very simple: you either accept that it's just chat, and I don't want any relationship, or you get blocked. It really is just that simple: accept my wishes, stop pushing, stop looking at me as a "challenge" (UGH, hate that word), stop thinking your wishes are more important than mine, or you don't get to be any part of my life. I've … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/22 02:06 PM |
| 109 | New low, disabled men demanding prostitutes under "disability rights"No one is entitled to another person's body. There, fixed it, argument now shattered. You're welcome. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 03:26 PM |
| 21 | Don’t let men (or women) shame you for leveraging your looks.This, so much. I've had a theory for years now that as we age, and looks begin to fade, what's in the heart and mind really come forth. Look at Trump, and you can see decades of grifting, cheating, lying, manipulation play out on his face. Look at someone in your life that you love and look up to, who tries to be a good person all the time, and you can see love and kindness radiating outward. It's that more than anything that's true beauty. Of course good genetics help! No doubt about that. But … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 03:24 PM |
| 82 | Reddit advising women to "be honest and straightforward, don't play mind games" when the wife caught the husband cheating/or lying.From an early age, even though I didn't have the words for it, I knew that if something was told to women and not men, it was safe to ignore it. Do what men can do, AND use feminine wisdom, and you'll come out ahead. That contributed in large portion esp growing up in the 70s and 80s to me being a patriarchal pickme, but it's also advice that served me well. I kept my bodily autonomy, exerted my will, spoke my mind, had a mouth on me, set boundaries. Now, here on FDS, time to give all that stren… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 03:20 PM |
| 42 | Reddit advising women to "be honest and straightforward, don't play mind games" when the wife caught the husband cheating/or lying.Once it comes down to power, make your moves and pull any and all power moves you need to. At that point, it's no longer about getting along, working things out, cooperating. It's about making everything work for you in your favor. At that point, it's a zero sum game, so play to win. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 03:09 PM |
| 354 | Don’t let men (or women) shame you for leveraging your looks.I'm average, overweight, plain. There's no point trying to turn a pig's ear into a silk purse. I'm not ugly, not a dog, I'm nice enough looking, but no amount of money thrown at me is going to turn me into a model. I quit decades ago trying to leverage looks. People can accept me as I am, bare-faced, dressed super basic, or they can leave. That coin has two sides. There's a lot more to me than meets the eye, but I like my camouflage. I want people who can see deeper than the surface. Totally adm… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 04:09 AM |
| 2 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellThank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 04:03 AM |
| 7 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellNo I use a specific chat platform. I've chatted since the 90s. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 11:46 PM |
| 4 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellSo many men ask me all the time to stay in contact again, it's JUST chat, I tell them that. I also tell them I never add anyone, my friends list has been blank for years, and that any man who wants to chat will have to contact me first. So many times I've said online, I am very lazy. I make it just as casual as I possibly can. It's not a way to meet people. It's in the background while I'm playing games online (endless competitive solitaire), reading FDS on Reddit, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 06:15 PM |
| 16 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellI agree, and am very up front about telling men, chat to me is JUST a way to pass time while I'm doing other things online. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 06:13 PM |
| 138 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellIn my experience, with an abuser that you don't know well yet, who's still on good behavior, a woman setting a boundary usually sets off this particular tell. If you ask him something and he doesn't immediately agree, and agree without any excess emotion or making it a thing, and goes silent, consider that the mask slipping. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 06:11 PM |
| 63 | men's silence after setting boundaries is a vetting strategy and a very big tellFor the first time or two, no, not within five minutes. BUT if we've been chatting a while, and I ask him something I deem crucial, and he takes time to reply? No loss to block and delete at that point. I ask men in chat all the time to call me by my name, not dear/honey/darling. They don't agree instantly, block and delete. That's a dealbreaker for me, has been all my life. Cannot stand familiarities, esp from someone I only just met. They simply aren't entitled to be familiar. I also agree wit… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/22 04:18 PM |
| 1 | Men stating they fear “Marrying the wrong woman” is a mind game and power play.Thanks, very true. Redacted! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 11:26 PM |
| 9 | sea-lioning, and how to push back hardI get this, but my own history plays against this. I had an older brother who, when I was younger, would just keep on going, usually tickle-torturing me until parents intervened. I ws laughing, but it was from being extremely over-stimulated, not because it felt good at all. When I was around seven years old, I accidentally hit him right in the groin, and the tickling stopped. It was my first real introduction to using violence and power against a male. I was also bullied in school, and they sim… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 09:22 PM |
| -12 | sea-lioning, and how to push back hardThanks anyway, I've done all that. He was a significant part of my life. I know myself, you don't. It shows. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 08:10 PM |
| 8 | sea-lioning, and how to push back hardThis is precisely what I do. I realize my mistake is thinking everyone is on the level and up front like I am; clearly NOT esp online. I despise trolls. It always takes me a bit to realize they're trolling, then get that last zinger in, something truly unforgivable, block, and move on. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 04:54 PM |
| 2 | How do HVM behave during conflict?All of this. Jack and I rarely even disagreed, because we had so much in common, but we certainly did discuss. We heard each other and listened to each other. We asked questions. We clarified, and we came to decisions that we both liked, agreed to, felt good/right, and didn't ask either of us to make unfair sacrifices. That's what you get in a HV relationship: stability, consistency, calm. Life's going to throw you curveballs, so the primary relationship needs to be a ROCK. I just knew that we c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 02:43 AM |
| 13 | Men stating they fear “Marrying the wrong woman” is a mind game and power play.I'm 54, and my late grandmother actually divorced, back in the 1940s I think, maybe earlier? She stood on her own two feet, and made her way, and did not give a damn if people judged her. She was determined not to live miserably, and did something about it. Might also mention she worked with the WPA during WWII. Born 1901, died 1993, she saw the vast majority of the 20th century. RIP M, aka Granny. Love ya and miss ya always. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 02:37 AM |
| 72 | Pickme women in the workplaceFinancially savvy to do so, at least until any kids are out of college, then out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 02:20 AM |
| 24 | TAKE UP SPACE, YOUR VOICE MATTERSYes, all of this. The moment you know a male at work is LV, start setting boundaries and enforcing consequences. Remember, with them, it is all about power, control, dominance. I know I preach this so often, but it's the world we live in. Be polite; be professional, no need to antagonize anyone. You want to get along with everyone in the office. But set those boundaries and enforce them. That's just about the only way these type of men will respect you and/or any woman. Extra respect is seen as … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/22 02:19 AM |
| 186 | TAKE UP SPACE, YOUR VOICE MATTERSSTOP qualifying. Just speak your truth. Ask your questions. It makes you look stronger, and at home and at work, power matters. Own your voice. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 06:20 PM |
| 135 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.Came here to say this, too. Last horrible argument with first husband, I just shut off. Went to bed, said "I divorce you" three times to myself, slept like a baby. Next day, bought a notebook, started making plans to get out, was out in a few months. What royally pissed me off was every single weekend, I'd take some of my extra belongings and spend Friday night to Sunday afternoon at my sister's house. She gave me a bookshelf so I could pile household stuff there. First husband either never noti… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 06:19 PM |
| 22 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.Came here to say this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 06:15 PM |
| 109 | After trauma, how are you forming healthy friendships and romantic relationships?Walking into a room and thinking, who here do I like, instead of wondering who likes me. Realizing that healthy people don't ever go around tearing others down, and the moment someone does that, they're out of my life as a toxic person who's pathetically insecure. I don't need that and won't tolerate it. Realizing I'm also an introvert, and it is what it is. I talk when I want, with some people a lot, some a bit, some people not much at all. It varies person to person, along with how much sleep … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 12:54 AM |
| 116 | I don’t approve of low value behavior from any one, including a woman. However the FDS in me is suspicious as to what her side of the story is. She sounds miserable, burnt out, and exhausted. I can’t help but wonder how evenly the work load is shared in the house. For both of them, it appears toxic.Always push back, reflect his own wishes back to the man, and every time, there is always MORE MORE MORE he could be doing, but isn't. Normalize making men do more, their fair share, and normalize having women define what's fair to them, so things work in our favor. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/22 07:35 PM |
| 7 | Why do women always have to be "kind" and "nice"?Reframe this in terms of power, and it begins to make sense. All of those words mean accommodating, malleable, changeable -- all to his will, his wants, his whims. You know you're on the right path and doing everything right when you are "too ___" anything. That means you have reclaimed your power, and are making the situation at hand, your life, your wants work for you on your terms, and the man may be slightly inconvenienced, or actually have to accommodate. Keep doing what you're doing. HVM a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/22 06:24 PM |
| 15 | Made a mistake and fell backwards. Devastated and need help with feeling grounded back into the real world. “If he wanted to, he would.” has never hurt so bad.You forgive yourself by realizing you made a mistake, and now, having learned better, you won't ever make that mistake again. Besides, why are you introjecting/blaming yourself? He wasn't forthcoming, or kind, or worthwhile in any way. Please don't impute good qualities onto men! That is such a mistake that most young women make, because we want to see the good in others, and we think men are more like us than they really are. Some are, but as you can see with this guys, some just are rather psy… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 09:40 PM |
| 61 | pickme glamorizing doing it all. there's no prize for doing it all🤡Two catchphrases that need to be normalized: 1) do less, and 2) there's no prize for doing it all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 08:09 PM |
| 63 | Pretty simple except that women are almost mandated to massage men's egos because it's more important that they collectively think of themselves as "good people".I wasn't raised to be "nice" or super polite and I'm glad for that. I just don't massage men's egos, never have, don't even know how to. I've actively told men, I'm not your therapist, go pay for that yourself. I am in no state to take on your burdens; I have my own! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 08:05 PM |
| 162 | Can you be a HVW and date (reasonably) older men?So much this. Jack, late second husband, was 20 years older than me, and we diverged somewhat as we both aged. It happened especially when he retired, and by that time, he was super morbidly obese, both his parents had died, and he was beginning to be unhealthy and on his last few years. He did survive retirement by eight years, so that's something. (A male surviving a year past retirement is one milestone, then five, then 10. If a male can survive retirement by 10 years, he's pretty well set up… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 03:54 PM |
| 207 | There was a man masturbating and watching porn at a coffee shop I like to go to, have they no pride or dignity?Yes, definitely let the workers and/or managers/owners know. That behavior needs to have the police called, charges filed, and him banned from that space. Actions should have consequences, esp for scrotes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 03:48 PM |
| 18 | Normalise telling men to just shut upI get that risk, but there are times when my brain flips and honestly, robbing a man of all his dignity, and saving my own dignity becomes paramount. I have called out catcallers so many times. I know it's all about power and control. I get that. I know I run a risk of violence, BUT (huge qualifier), most "males" when confronted back, just wither and wilt. Their bark is worse than their bite by far. They have no clue how to wield real power, and since women have been historically disempowered, w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 02:39 PM |
| 47 | Can you be a HVW and date (reasonably) older men?I'm an outlier on FDS, and have personally always ADORED older men. I have a thing for grey hair, grey beards. I think older men look incredibly distinguished. Silver foxes are amazing. Nowadays, though, as a widow who's gone through caregiving unto death, always love to look at handsome grey-haired men. Getting involved? LOTS of caveats. That said, never again with a more than 10 year age gap; no caregiving unto death. It nearly wrecked my health; I had no social life; all I did was work and co… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 01:36 PM |
| 5 | Normalise telling men to just shut upOf course! Note the steps in the process: try to talk with him in public, around others. Take note of what's happening. Note how often it happens, and if it's threatening to become a pattern. Confront privately, and lay down a consequence. (This was more than 20 years ago, but I do think I said if he kept doing it, I'd talk to administration, and/or the union, file a grievance, do whatever it took.) Then watch what happens out in public, and also watch how others treat you. I fortunately had a f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 01:27 PM |
| 14 | Normalise telling men to just shut upSame here, confront privately first, but I've been known to confront publicly too, and let the chips fall where they may. After that, radio silence. I simply won't have my dignity and humanity threatened, minimized, disrespected ever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 01:25 PM |
| 39 | It took me years to get out of the Pickme mindset.You know you're with the right one when there is zero relationship anxiety, when you're cared for and cherished. For the life of me, I have no clue why red pillers set up this antagonistic thing from the start. Just... why? Nothing good, kind, positive, hopeful, helpful, or loving ever comes from that. Best of luck to you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 02:46 AM |
| 60 | Ok what is up with this man and sleeping hats?Keep the cap, dump the scrote. The cap is far more valuable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 12:43 AM |
| 181 | Normalise telling men to just shut upStory time: I've told this one before, but it bears repeating. Years and years ago, at my first school in California, there was an older, taller, skinnier man who talked AT me, never with me or to me. I highly suspect since I was over 400 lbs at the time, and shorter than he, plus female, he just didn't have much respect for me, did not think I was at all bright, cue all the stereotypes. Several times he would just word vomit on me, and turn away. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? It… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 12:36 AM |
| 265 | Normalise telling men to just shut upI'm to the point now in my life where I count how many times I say filler words like okay, I see, mm hm. I get to three, and that's it. I find a reason or make an excuse to leave. I've realized the moment I'm even tempted to ask, do you have any questions for me?, the conversation is hopelessly one-sided, with no hope of mutuality and reciprocity. Throw the convo and the man in the trash, and go elsewhere. Watching paint dry by that time would be vastly preferable. Paint is QUIET. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/22 12:28 AM |
| 16 | The most effort this dude has put into anything. Block and Toss.This is all about power, dominance, control, and at this point, it is SUPER easy for me to take all emotion out of the equation, and focus simply on regaining my power, and if need be, stripping a man of all of his over me. You want to play a zero sum game? Bring it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 10:35 PM |
| 12 | BBC: "As many as 1 in 3 couples deal with financial infidelity." Don't let it be you--your financial vetting should be your strongest vettingYou know you're on the right track! And that it's time to dump him. That behavior is so telling. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 10:32 PM |
| 118 | The most effort this dude has put into anything. Block and Toss.Sorry this is dark, and the handwriting is spidery. Can you transcribe? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 04:23 PM |
| 79 | BBC: "As many as 1 in 3 couples deal with financial infidelity." Don't let it be you--your financial vetting should be your strongest vettingDemand to see all their tax returns going back at least three years. That's huge, and unless they're the top 1% and can hide money, most people's financials will be revealed with a tax return. Also watch the mail to see if they get credit card statements, then snoop. You really don't want to be tied to someone else's shitty credit score or their debt. And once again, esp for me being older, living apart together for the win. No dealing with a hobosexual's credit or debt. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 04:03 PM |
| 4 | Male Lead Complaining I Don’t Smile Enough at WorkI've looked at people before, and asked, would you ask this same question of a man? And then just waited. I understand about not wanting to play the game. I agree he's got real work ot do on many levels. I think there's going to need to be a confrontation about this, and more than likely you'll need to document and pass it on to HR, hopefully before he does. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 02:29 PM |
| 11 | Male Lead Complaining I Don’t Smile Enough at WorkTake what I say with a grain of salt: I've never worked in corporate. I am not politic. I say what I mean, mean what I say, and generally tried to stay out of office politics. The most I've ever done is keep my ear to the ground. I always wanted to know what was going on and where the loyalties/ties were, but I stayed at a distance. How much of this can you actually say to them, maybe without actually saying? I'd say keep centering it around your performance, your contribution. De-emphasize or e… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 02:20 PM |
| 31 | Women who have high body counts because they want to, or because of the amount of promiscuous men who lie about their intentions?Yes to all of this, from an older FDS woman. The narrative of what real love is needs to change, pronto, yesterday. All this Disney princess crap needs to wither away and just be forgotten. I also remember thinking that older women were just bitter or had had bad experiences; now I see no, they didn't, on the whole. They just knew more, had more perspective, more objectivity. But how that's communicated to younger women is very important. I remember wishing I had older women's wisdom, but I had … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/22 12:48 PM |
| 7 | How HVM deal with Pickmes/LVW and LVMCame here to say all of this. Agree 100%. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/22 02:57 PM |
| 72 | It's deplorable that men call women crazy when they behave in a way that isn't subservient or "nice". A woman's actions (this doesn't excuse destructive/bad behavior) are usually a direct result of abusive, controlling, or manipulative behavior. Why aren't men called crazy for their wrongdoings?Two things: I've actively said to certain men I knew I didn't want to be around any longer: I don't feel safe telling you how I really feel, because you simply can't handle any real emotion from me or anyone else. And the moment I'm at that point, it's all over, be it friendship or a budding romance. They simply can't keep up. The other thing is, I'm a firm believer in getting both sides of the story. I've mentioned before that deep, telling silence when a man is told, or found out, or exposed, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/22 02:16 PM |
| 14 | A reminder that you have more power than you thinkThank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/22 02:05 PM |
| 30 | You are never safe when online dating EVEN IN PUBLIC. Please be careful. TRIGGER ALERT: Assault and rapeYou can ALWAYS say no, and the more you say and the crazier they get, you know you're on the right track by refusing. Also, I cannot recommend enough voting with your feet! Get up and just leave. That sends the strongest message possible: I DO NOT WANT YOU. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/22 02:00 PM |
| 9 | why it's harder to date as an older woman (follow up to the "easier" post)So much this, every bit of it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/22 12:54 AM |
| 21 | The Scrotation PlaylistGen X here too! Thanks for the history; I don't know much about music history. Always good to know. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/22 12:52 AM |
| 168 | It Took One MinuteI see it as a power, dominance, control move. These creeps have an absolute radar to know when a woman is vulnerable, pre-occupied, off in her own thoughts, and simply not focusing on men, and they insert themselves and demand to be noticed. Like a bratty child who can't stand not getting attention. I find it utterly childish, immature, thoughtless, inconsiderate, rude af, entitled. This is not how any mature person acts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 11:38 PM |
| 76 | Forever Girlfriend finds out her baby daddy isn’t going to marry her. This is why we need FDS.Intelligent Pack Mule Syndrome. Supremely sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 10:52 PM |
| 263 | The Scrotation Playlist#1 Blurred Lines. I absolutely ADORE the drums though. The beat is awesome, lyrics are rapey. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 10:50 PM |
| 323 | A reminder that you have more power than you thinkI always knew something was up when, from childhood, I actively asserted my own self-interest and it seemed to ruffle feathers. I knew what I said was logical, well thought out, and not hurting anyone else, but I couldn't parse the emotional negative reaction. In my 30s, I realized I wasn't mirroring other people; I've spoken about this here before at length. By putting my own interests first, I've also violated stereotypical woman code, too. PUT YOURSELF FIRST. It works so very well, and people… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 10:00 PM |
| 8 | epidemic of women buying homes or trying for a baby with no ringThis is me! Not dating yet, wouldn't mind companionship, but he must have his own place, preferably close by. No third marriage, no more living together. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 08:53 PM |
| 10 | Spotted one in the wild.So... paradox? The man is supposed to pursue, but I'm not going to pursue? Zero sum game. Truly dumb. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:33 PM |
| 13 | epidemic of women buying homes or trying for a baby with no ringDamn, that's sad. As an older woman who's now widowed (and divorced in the 90s), I'd love to live with other older women... who weren't pickmes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:32 PM |
| 28 | epidemic of women buying homes or trying for a baby with no ringFor younger women, yes perhaps... but older women? I question this. I can definitely see this as a problem when you're in your young 20s, even 30s, and the drive is on to meet, mate, start your own nest together. I get that. I went through that. However, now as an older woman, I'd ADORE sharing a house with other older women, or even better, a duplex, triplex, quadplex, where we live very close, but we all have our own little spaces. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:31 PM |
| 8 | epidemic of women buying homes or trying for a baby with no ringBored Panda just had an article about this! Four women with kids co-bought a house together to help each other and raise their kids. Very wholesome! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:29 PM |
| 12 | epidemic of women buying homes or trying for a baby with no ringLiving apart together once again for the win on so many levels. Your own house, your own way, your credit not damaged by his. You can visit, sleep over, stay together a week or so, but you always have YOUR OWN house to go back to. Time alone, time in your own space just how you like it. No one else lurking there in your space, possibly taking up too much room. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:29 PM |
| 20 | Overheard: "Insecure women are BAD"It does make you insecure, and I can attest to that with my first marriage. So, once again, storytime: long story short, Peter never validated me, and he invalidated me constantly, in low-level, under-the-radar, sneaky-ass ways. Examples: -- no flowers -- "forgot" my Valentine's birthday once, came back the next day with a Walmart bag of trinkets. No gift bag, just the Walmart bag. Worst birthday ever, and I've written about that here a couple of times. -- compliments only sporadically (intermit… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:21 PM |
| 20 | Best friend is on her way to being a forever GFShe'll do it, then he'll ghost, bring up respectability politics in a way that puts her down/shames her, and then go on about his merry way. Just get OUT. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 03:10 PM |
| 25 | Men who glorify villainsNo wonder I got up and walked out! I despise Adam Sandler, juvenile dudebro humor anyway, and lazy humor. Blah, I've missed nothing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 02:14 PM |
| 41 | Men who glorify villainsI got up and walked out of Deadpool. Didn't find it funny, amusing, interesting, just blah. I don't get the appeal of it at all. Can you explain what it even is supposed to be? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/22 07:15 AM |
| 47 | Howl at the scrotesHELL YEAH, holla back! Confront with power, dominance, control of the situation, watch the cowards slink back under the rock they crawled out of. I've done this many times -- not every time, sometimes the surprise/shock is real -- but whenever I do, DAMN at the feelings of POWER. Stripping them of all so-called "power" they think they have, asserting my power, refusing to be annoyed, bothered, harassed. Keep up the queen shit whenever, however you can. My Deep South state is concealed carry, and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 07:49 PM |
| 2 | Definitely emotional abuseThis is where my inner badger comes out, teeth and claws. CONFRONTATION TIME, no holds barred. I'd obviously ask him not to do that first of all, and make it clear this is a limit he's not to go over OR ELSE. That badger spirit coming out is the no holds barred. And then MY GOD it is so past time to DTMFA. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 07:46 PM |
| 2 | Why we need to de-center men from our life (yes, even in dating) - It gives you the power to walk away.I got to choose myself. Everyone I know got to choose themselves. The cultural conditioning is there, but there are ways even in childhood to choose yourself, center yourself, make choices that benefit you first, and don't harm others. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 04:07 PM |
| 59 | Finding out one of my “good” male friend is a scrotewhich means they're still pickmes, just with better vocabulary, and better at hiding it | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 04:00 PM |
| 28 | I was told by a female colleague that at first sight I’m totally unapproachableYou and I are soul sisters! Came here to say almost every bit of this. We are much, much the same. Love it! Embrace the RBF and drive off everyone who isn't real friend material. No loss. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/22 03:43 PM |
| 1 | I don't know if I did the right thing.DEFINITELY. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 11:16 PM |
| 8 | why it's mostly easier to date as an older womanYes, the eyebrow flash is a micro-expression, so blink and you'll miss it. Just like a curled lip, downturned mouth, frown all indicate displeasure, the eyebrow flash indicates attraction, openness, and/or friendliness, not necessarily all of these at once. As a teacher, I and my colleagues were inveterate, indiscriminate eyebrow flashers! It's just something people in public-facing jobs do A LOT to indicate we're non-threatening, happy to help. Micro-expressions are worth studying, because it's… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 11:13 PM |
| 75 | why it's mostly easier to date as an older womanVery much the shifting expectations. One of the millions of reasons I stopped being a mommy (non)bangmaid to my first husband was that if I ever did something, it wasn't good; if it was good, it wasn't enough. The ONLY sane response was to stop trying at all. No more meeting his shifting expectations, only meeting my own. Life got a lot simpler, a lot easier, a lot more on my terms. He hated it. I gloated. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 01:50 AM |
| 190 | I don't know if I did the right thing.Lessons learned: -- always keep vetting -- he got what he wanted (sex), then left... words are cheap; watch the actions -- you leveled up (CONGRATS) and outshone him 10 times over minimum -- his finding you? that's next-level scary and stalkerish. I get opening the door, blood boiling, wanting to confront. I'm glad you told your family. I'm just sorry this loser knows where you live. -- if you have to confront, confront without mercy. Clearly this guy is fragile, and a stern talking to would pro… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 01:47 AM |
| 9 | Banned from a feminist subreddit for asking if someone had a source or a link... Pretty sure the real reason is because I'm in this subreddit. Reminder to keep your FDS account separate if you want to participate in discussion outside of this sub. You can, and will, be banned just for being here.Yep, same... turned into read only, I left. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/22 11:21 PM |
| 32 | NYT advice column tells women to CoMmUniCateI know you've raised this issue with him already. However, now is the time to go nuclear. I don't mean communicate more. I mean leave his sorry ass. Find a quiet time when you can discuss this calmly, or not. Or just break the news as you're walking out the door. Oh, and tag his ex-wife, too. She can have your leftovers. Or some other woman can. You no longer care, and this is no longer your problem anymore. There, fixed it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/22 07:45 PM |
| 45 | post about hating women topped off with a picture of an on-screen abuser and the girl he abused!I've got better things to do, like run my own life and do my hobbies. He can go build himself. That's clearly all he's interested in anyway, so BYE! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/22 07:34 PM |
| 6 | Insecure Men and their Allegations of CheatingI've always thought the simplest explanation is usually the one that's right: THEY THEMSELVES are cheaters or want to be. They can't handle that about themselves, know it's wrong, yet don't know how to deal with those feelings, so it's projected outward. Add in very possible insecure/avoidant attachment, and they are shitting where they nest, and almost ensuring a breakup, since they can't handle real intimacy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/03/22 01:08 AM |
| 36 | A rant about beauty standards; men have no right to decide what women "should" look like.I'm 50+, and have had body image issues my whole life. I was well into my 30s before I decided to stop hating my body and begin to start appreciating it, liking it, getting to know it. Part of that was I could never trust it. I have wonky knees that do nasty things. One I've had fixed (two surgeries); one still needs to be fixed. I'll spare you the gory details. I just knew as a child that I couldn't reliably run or jump or else I'd hurt myself. However, growing up in a rural area, in the 70s, I… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 10:59 PM |
| 66 | Nice Guy Syndrome in Women- Why Women Get PlayedThis is straight up manipulation, and there's a term for it: creating a sense of obligation. You're not ever under any obligation. If anyone gives you something, say thanks, and then think consciously, I do not owe this person anything. I've said thank you, and that's the end of it. Narcs use this tactic to hook people, and those gifts always have barbs attached. Storytime: at the middle school that shall remain forever unnamed, I worked with two narcs in my department, one benign (supply/book h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 06:53 PM |
| 12 | on being told (over and over) that I have "walls up"I love this, and have done this. Just keep turning it back around. I've said to them, we're chatting, I don't see any problem, do you? They say, well, yeah! I say, ok, so what to you is the problem then? And wait. They can't ever say, because actually saying you're just not easy enough, can't be manipulated, you're not needy enough, makes them sound shitty, and on some level they know it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 02:12 PM |
| 98 | on being told (over and over) that I have "walls up"Hello sister introvert! I'm not shy, but very much an introvert and also don't trust easily or quickly. I've learned over the years to appear more open outwardly, but inside, still keep my wits about me. Not easy! It's super easy to get caught up in new relationship energy, or just the excitement of going out on a date. But a part of you simply MUST be sitting back, watching, listening, evaluating, remembering. I think the next time a man says this, I'm just going to own it and say, yeah, I do. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 02:44 PM |
| 70 | What in the pick-me hell? Ad on Facebook for virtual mental health help.Long ago I decided to play dumb fox and really lean in to the "not good enough" thing by just saying okay and agreeing. DO LESS. Okay, I'm a gold digger. Okay, I'm useless. Okay, I'm not as ___. Okay, I'm too ___. This is so liberating, it's mindblowing. All of a sudden, you own it, and you are off the hook to do more, be more, put in more effort, try to earn praise, acceptance, etc. You just are. And they are free to do whatever they want: stay or go, it matters not. Life is all about freedom t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 02:28 PM |
| 6 | Wonderful advice to start your Mondays off on!Seriously this, so much this. I now see even more clearly, as an older middle aged widow, that when I say no living together, no marriage, separate finances... any so-called "interest" evaporates. Of course it does! I won't be their intelligent pack mule and take care of them. I'm taking care of me first. The only exception to that would be a fellow introvert with his own life, who also wanted companionship, who wanted me and didn't need me. That's my HVM, my 1% worth holding out for, someone wh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 02:18 PM |
| 13 | Hmm, did this seem like an innocent question from him or am i wrong to possibly feel the ick?He's writing as if your and every other profile is there FOR his enjoyment. That to me is the ick. He's "displeased" (EYE ROLL) that your last paragraph suddenly disrupted his enjoyment of all these fine lady-objects by suddenly making him realize, oh, she's an actual human, not an object just to be enjoyed and cast aside. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 01:42 PM |
| 113 | 🚨PSA: More than 70% of communication is non verbal. Communicating with your partner isn't going to change anything. Your non-verbals are clear already!Over my 50+ years, I've noticed anytime people to whom you aren't related, don't know, and who don't have any skin in the game, start getting angry over something, you're on the right track! Seriously, from not mirroring insecure parents because I chose to be childfree, to divorcing my first husband, to moving out of my Deep South state to California to pursue a better, more lucrative career in a place that was a lot more liberal and a lot more like me... people had some feelings about all of th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 01:40 PM |
| 22 | "I just can't believe someone hasn't put a baby in you already!"Basically this, analyzing it out loud in front of him. It let him know I understood the neg, and was taking it apart piece by piece. And I added in my contempt and absolute refusal ever to have a baby, ever to be RAPED, because a man "putting a baby inside me" would have to be rape, since I never wanted a child. He absolutely slunk off in shame. It was glorious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 05:19 PM |
| 61 | "I just can't believe someone hasn't put a baby in you already!"Once again, parse this through the lens of power, control, dominance, then it begins to make some (twisted, perverse) sense. As a CF person from single digits, I was OPENLY disgusted withthe one man who said this, and let him have it, both barrels on blast. I wanted to create a Grand Canyon of estrangement there. It's odd because it is an odd sentence construction: look how it puts you, or any woman, as literally the OBJECT of preposition. It turns a man into the actor, and not just the actor, t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 12:51 PM |
| 15 | Can you at a later point in an established relationship – bring up exes as a conversation for reflection?Absolutely you can. Jack and I talked extensively about our exes. We talked about the life lessons we learned, what we learned about being a good and bad partner for them and for us. We talked about dealbreakers, what we did and did not want in any future relationships. We talked about the big five: money, sex, religion, work, housework, and agreed on all. Humans are natural storytellers. We tell stories to help ourselves find perspective and objectivity, and occasionally experience epiphanies. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 12:39 AM |
| 6 | it's the phrasing that mattersOh I definitely think so. They seem to think that my being retired (early), plus being widowed AND childfree spells PICK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE to be your next intelligent pack mule! I'm just soooooooooooo lonely! I have ALL this money, and NO ONE to spend it on! I just NEEEEEED housework and cooking and laundry to feel like a COMPLEEEEETTTEEE woman! /snark | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 12:31 AM |
| 16 | Don't be with man who is squeamish about women bodyJack always said, it's just the body. I loved that open, judgment-free, compassionate acceptance that bodies malfunction, we repair them and keep them in repair as best we can. We are all aging. We are all going to die. It really is just the body. Be with a man who thinks this way. Any other attitude, they will ghost when you get even a little sick, much less have anything life-threatening. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/22 02:48 PM |
| 58 | Dating men who are grievingAbsolutely steer clear, and give it at least a year or more. I speak as a widow of going on six years. I haven't dated, and honestly haven't tried hard to date, but I'm now way more open to it than I was. That said, I had done 100% of my grieving way before I even divorced my first husband, and was more than ready to leap back into dating the weekend I separated from him! He was so easy to break from, it was ridiculous. There were just no bonds there, and he made sure of it, with his avoidant at… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 10:42 PM |
| 10 | Forever girlfriends turned wivesTo me it's always been the Big Five: money, sex, housework, children, religion. Disagree on one, and your relationship is in jeopardy; disagree on two or more, it's doomed. Similar social class is a must -- Peter was working class, I was upper middle class, and most of the time we just stared at each other, not able to comprehend where the other was coming from. I was from an abundance mentality; he a scarcity mentality. I'd also say that introverts do well with other introverts and vice versa, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 10:36 PM |
| 64 | it's the phrasing that mattersWhen I was a teacher, I could not stand it when people said I "went to school" or asked me "how school was". Maybe that's being overly picky, but it just felt condescending. I'd often say I go to work; students go to school. Just another example of infantilizing women, in my rather permanently salty opinion. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 04:56 PM |
| 157 | Man wants to have a kid with his wife's younger sister....the traditional way. This poor woman is actually confused about it. WHAT.TL;DR: Scrote basically thinks, HEY I REALLY WANT TO SLEEP WITH MY WIFE AND HER SISTER! Let me put all my time, effort, and energy into thinking how to dick two women, baby-trap both if at all possible because, YA KNOW, muh legacy, and get muh penis wet in a way that's extremely out of bounds! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 04:20 PM |
| 11 | Why is "do literally anything other than a coffee or walk date" so hard for so many men to handle?So. Much. This. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 02:44 PM |
| 33 | Why is "do literally anything other than a coffee or walk date" so hard for so many men to handle?Came here to say this! Oh look, him again... and I can imagine them rating them together, maybe even creating a bingo game. If I had been one of the wait staff, I'd have had a HARD, if not impossible time, not giggling when I served them! Or spilling the beans and telling the female date all about his game! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 02:42 PM |
| 1 | Why is "do literally anything other than a coffee or walk date" so hard for so many men to handle?Laughed out loud at that sentence! LOVE the sarcasm! OWN IT, QUEEN! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 02:40 PM |
| 27 | Forever girlfriends turned wivesWhere is that article about the times in a man's life where there is a far greater than average chance of high commitment? After that age, it falls off precipitously. I met Jack in his late 40s, and he had already been married once, as I had. We both wanted to get married again, but do it right for the second and last time. Jack was an outlier in many ways: his entire 20s and 30s was devoted to getting his PhD, rising in the ranks and learning the craft of professorship/teaching. He also helped … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/22 02:38 PM |
| 43 | is planning the same weekend trip with a different girl one year later an issue?Came here to say this. It sounds lazy and like it's in his comfort zone, and not all that important what the woman he's with actually likes. HE likes it, so that's enough. Blah, hard pass. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 07:27 PM |
| 11 | Grieving my former selfI was just reflecting on this last night. I was thinking of the abuse I've been through, and put myself through because I didn't know any better. Mind you, it's been years since I've had anything but real love, given that I was happy with Jack for 17 years. These days, there's no settling for less ever again, and I'm older and wiser in so many ways. The important thing is this: you can't change your past, and the only really important thing is that you just learn what's what so that moving forwa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 03:09 PM |
| 6 | How do you respond to men who ask you to teach them something as an OLD opener?As a retired teacher, I ALWAYS respond with either hell no, I'm not going to teach anyone anything, esp for free, what a waste of my time, and NOT FUN. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 02:04 PM |
| 27 | Red pilled Twitter caught encouraging men not to wear condoms and thinks STIs are part of a government conspiracy to keep birth rates down🤡JEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ, I am so glad to be post-menopausal and childfree. Posts like these make me happy there's no man in my life at all! GAHHH! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 07:32 PM |
| 10 | Steps on becoming indifferent towards your abuser and trauma (bond)?When I was healing from being with my LV first husband, long before I got out, but well before we had that last, final, awful argument, I journaled. This was in the 90s, long before even blogs were a thing, but it helped put things in perspective. I also talked about things with my sister and one or two other close friends that I trusted. I especially talked to them even more when Peter said "don't talk about me to other people". Nah, I'm going to do as I please, and if you do things that make m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 03:15 PM |
| 10 | Please don't approach anybody's grown-ass son...I agree, and I know what you mean. However, I'm not going to hide my light, either. But I can live my best life and keep leveling up often without any man noticing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 01:41 PM |
| 63 | Please don't approach anybody's grown-ass son...I've thought SO MUCH about this over the last five-plus years. During my first marriage, I approached my first husband, and also did everything that u/alpinepunch2021 said: shaping the relationship and then forgetting that he was contributing less and less. I definitely over-functioned, and part of that was trying SO hard in my 20s to have more control over my own life, to establish adulthood, get my economic momentum going. It's a common mistake to fall into; we push too hard, and yet, to get a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 09:51 PM |
| 3 | Divorcee's and DatingI was so proud and happy to leave my LV ex, I happily stated I was divorced! I'd wait a while first; you don't want to have blood in the water. Everyone has a story, and if I met someone who said he was divorced, I'd make sure both our histories came up sometime after the first few dates just to see if we're compatible, what actually happened, how much responsibility he took for the breakup. I'm happy to share information, too, but as we all know, you just don't want to share too much too soon. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 07:09 PM |
| 7 | Women leaving the dating appsApps promote looks over preferences. So many men look only at pictures and don't bother to read what someone else wrote. Prime example: I'm a widow and childfree. I make it ABUNDANTLY clear I don't have kids, and don't want anyone else's either. Who contacted me most often? Single dads. /facepalm Apps also promote the idea that everyone is an option, no one is a choice. It makes everyone generic, replaceable, interchangeable, when as humans, we are all unique and talented in our own ways, and de… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 07:04 PM |
| 76 | What counts as toxic femininity in 2022I agree, and I think "paying for dates" is one of those cover stories, a facade, a pretext, that conveniently hides all the rest of the stuff. They know if they did say all the rest, they'd come off looking like horrible humanoids, so they stick to something safe, and hide their real hatred, same as people who are polite out in public, prejudiced at home or around others who are the same. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 07:01 PM |
| 24 | Pickmes in the media and the perpetuation of misogynyI don't think work is off limits at all, and the more questions you ask about absolutely anything someone else labels as "off limits", then you're on the right track. Anything off limits usually means hiding something, or someone has a sore spot for a reason. They're defensive, which also means hiding some deficiency. Always worth it to ask. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 03:41 PM |
| 20 | Pickmes in the media and the perpetuation of misogynyAnd it could have been so easily re-phrased to avoid blame! I wonder if these women ever suspected anything? Did the man give any hints that something wasn't right? Were there clues that just didn't add up? All of those things are neutrally phrased. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 03:39 PM |
| 30 | When all of my frienda are so desperate not to be alone and date guys just because they're "nice", how do I stop this from infecting leveling up journey?Seriously this. I thought I might feel lonely/lonesome as a widow, too, but no. August 2022 will be six years, and I am now around family, friends, community, always doing art projects and getting ready to go to my SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) event which is going to be TWO WEEKS! Tons to do and see, people to meet, volunteering to do, so much fun. It's at a gigantic site, so tons of steps every day! These days, I'm rather iffy about having a man in my life. He'd have to have his own h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 03:25 PM |
| 463 | What counts as toxic femininity in 2022Oh I gather it's way more than that! We center women; we de-center men. We put our own interests first without any apology. We say dump losers at the first sign and don't give second chances. We emphasize knowing what we do and don't want, having boundaries and limits, and sticking to them, instead of having porous, ever-changing boundaries depending on the man we're with. We see women as full human beings with intellect, soul, character, talents, quirks, and preferences, and we honor that. Yeah… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 02:50 PM |
| 2 | What types of OLD websites or apps do you prefer?I get you. I went home four times a year; easy to do as a teacher. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, summer. Texted all the time with family, too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 02:26 PM |
| 2 | What types of OLD websites or apps do you prefer?I was in a medium sized city in Louisiana, and knew from single digits I wanted to leave my hometown (already did), the state, and the South. I was looking for a reason to move, and I knew LA was hot, hip, happening, and they were hiring for teachers, plus Jack was there. I moved very happily. It all depends on how you feel about where you are, plus what the prospective city you're considering offers. These days, though, 180 degrees different: not at all moving. I'm settled here near family, fri… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 02:11 AM |
| 83 | Never Tell Men You Live Alone. Protect Your Space, LadiesWidows know this or learn it pretty quick. In many parts of the world TO THIS DAY, widows are courted, then used up and/or murdered for their assets. I've had many males in chat try to assess me, and I make no bones: living apart only, no compromise. All of a sudden all their "interest" disappears. No loss to me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/22 01:48 PM |
| 125 | Pickmes contributing to the idea that women should be low maintenanceOne of my favorite advice columnists is Captain Awkward. One of her main mottos is DO LESS. For women, it's heretical, revolutionary, and life-changing. It's something we should all aspire to. Do what you must, of course, to survive and thrive, but how much extra can you let go of? Probably a LOT. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/22 12:32 PM |
| 1 | I really let myself down last nightNow you know and it's confirmed. We've all made mistakes. I will say you did right in not sleeping with them; sorry your friend did. Let's hope she wakes up and finds her worth as you've done. I'll be honest, the moment the conversation gets dull, I'm out. And I can't imagine any stranger touching me at all. People just don't do that. How does that even work? Lesson learned. Forgive yourself, realize it won't happen again, and going forward, you are wiser now than you were. Let's hope your roomm… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/22 12:04 PM |
| 1 | What types of OLD websites or apps do you prefer?We were. We met online on a listserv for scholars of Victorian literature, then had an epistolary romance. We were both married, but it wasn't going well for either of us; both our ex-spouses were controlling and insecure. We gave it a year; no one wants to divorce. But things kept getting worse with both spouses, and Jack and I kept finding more and more in common. Both ex-spouses married again, and Jack and I were happy for 17 years til his death in 2016. Things worked out. We talked about EVE… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/22 10:11 AM |
| 17 | Men Who Are Bored/ Claim You’re BoringSeriously, you should record this and take it to HR/your boss. It's bullying and a hostile workplace environment. Don't put up with this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/22 01:25 AM |
| 28 | vetting, and how scrotes always tell on themselvesThis. I'm what I recently read as a "zest for life" type of worker, meaning I don't have to work, I just want different experiences, different skills. Like being around people, learning new things... and will absolutely nope out the second I'm being mistreated. Cue recent food bank job where I was written up for making a suggestion, among other several petty write-ups like "giving orders". Someone got butt-hurt and threatened that I was highly competent, not just a pair of hands and a strong bac… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/22 12:46 AM |
| 22 | Men start looking for reasons to hate/intentionally misunderstand you when they realize you’re smarter than they expected?See my story above for precisely such a boss. They hate on you even though you are decades younger because you have and are realizing your potential. What they don't realize, because they are close-minded and not that bright, is that it's never too late to level up. But no, rather than look within, feel bad for a minute or so, then choose to climb that mountain, take pride in themselves, and DO SOMETHING, they externalize and take it out on someone younger, innocent, a bystander, who usually has… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 04:57 PM |
| 25 | Men start looking for reasons to hate/intentionally misunderstand you when they realize you’re smarter than they expected?Yep, I was in my 20s, working a summer job at a "Christian" newspaper here in the Deep South. Used the word "intrinsic" and it triggered my LV boss. He dressed me down in front of other co-workers, demanded I not use that word. Used to call me by my first name, even after repeatedly telling him I preferred to be called middle or first two names. Y'all... I was a SUMMER INTERN. I was 20something. I was going back to college after summer was over. I was just there to get my clips, and yet I had to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 04:53 PM |
| 47 | What types of OLD websites or apps do you prefer?He was Mister RIGHT NOW, and nothing else. Watch as that trash takes itself out! I love to see the light in their eyes dim, esp when I told them that my late husband and I took THREE YEARS getting to know each other before we even met! I tell them, I'm in no hurry at all. Watch the "interest" fade immediately. Such a win. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 04:16 PM |
| 128 | What types of OLD websites or apps do you prefer?None to be honest. After my husband died, I dipped my toe into dating, but I soon realized I had neither time nor energy to date at all, especially as a full-time teacher with a commute in Los Angeles. It would have been totally unfair to date only during summer, and anyway, every single time there were breaks, I was going home to Louisiana to see family and friends, and in summer, traveling internationally anyway. I had zero time for men, quite literally. I was on Facebook OLD passively for abo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 03:13 PM |
| 20 | Men Who Hate Women Show It When Women Are Most VulnerableStory time: as a child, my knee would do weird things, which I won't describe since it's gross and triggering. I was in my 20s before I got an official diagnosis, since I finally injured myself badly enough to where I needed to see a doctor. Had one surgery to set knee straight and get out osteoarthritis; a couple of years later, I had to get out more osteoarthritis. I was married to Peter, LV first husband. Second surgery, he went to work as usual. Had to have my dad drive an hour and a half th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 02:04 PM |
| 4 | Remember no man can be "baby trapped" if he doesn't let it happenI agree. Both Jack and our HV male friend got snipped, Jack 10 years before we met. It was a weekend of low-level discomfort and a bag of frozen peas on the crotch. By Monday they were able to go to work, albeit moving a little slowly. By the end of the week, as if nothing had happened. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 01:57 PM |
| 7 | A man i've never spoken to in my life dealing with abuse "allegations" and losing custody of his daughter who is barely a month old decides now is the perfect time to talk to random women. Should pass this along to the mother in case he tries to get back with her?First of all, I hate random capitalization. Makes things super hard to read. Second yes, pass it along, then block and delete. All he wants is emotional labor, and won't provide any in return. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 01:56 PM |
| 231 | Men start looking for reasons to hate/intentionally misunderstand you when they realize you’re smarter than they expected?Yeah, as a teacher, this, all the time. All the so-called "jokes" about teachers, all based in insecurity, and not one ever funny, just cringe. My personal pet peeve is the "Do you work?" question. So cringe to ask IF I work in the 21st century. I've said to men, how odd to be asked if I work, since it's the 21st century. It's far more normal to simply ask someone what they do. And of course it's only men who ask me if I work. Quite often I ask, do you work? have you ever worked? Nine times out … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 02:23 AM |
| 70 | What is this the FDS take on “free the nipple” movement?In college, I did this precisely once, and never again. On one hand, yes, freeing, but I was super self-conscious, and it did nothing to help my body image issues. Got home from classes, got a random phone call (back in the day of land lines and everyone's name being published in my medium sized college's directory... oh 80s/90s, we were so innocent back then!). It was some scrote who noticed (PUKE) and then tried to chat me up. When I got over being shocked he effing tracked me down, then got o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 10:16 PM |
| 94 | From a FB group: male rando on OLD sends woman low-effort opener asking for personal information, woman states boundary, pickmes are upset she didn’t coddle him enough.She's absolutely right and what she said was spot on. I have scrotes all the time on chat who IMMEDIATELY want to get off chat and go chat somewhere else. NOTHING doing. I'll tell them immediately, nah, dude, I'm here in chat to pass time, have fun, and talk to lots of different men. Everyone here is a choice, and I never have to choose anyone! I see it as a very clumsy kind of "mate guarding" strategy: they want to separate you from the herd and have you all to themselves. Plus, your phone numb… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 10:07 PM |
| 46 | Say to a man : "I don't trust men"Late second husband Jack even said he didn't trust or like most other men, precisely because he knew they were L/NVMs. He knew very few were HV, and overall preferred the company of women. One of my long-time friends, his friend for over 40 years til his death, is a true-blue honest-to-goodness good man. HVM keep other HVM as friends. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 07:55 PM |
| 90 | Remember no man can be "baby trapped" if he doesn't let it happenTalk about natural consequences... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 07:50 PM |
| 82 | Remember no man can be "baby trapped" if he doesn't let it happenI want to push back gently on some of that: you don't HAVE to get "fixed" to call yourself childfree. Yes, obviously, it helps a TON, especially for younger people who are more than likely fertile, but people are whatever they deem themselves to be. I'm childfree, was always childfree from single digits. I never got fixed, because the time and place I grew up, it was next to impossible. Didn't make me any less childfree, though. I knew had I gotten pregnant I'd have aborted in a NY second. No go… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 07:49 PM |
| 32 | Pornsick Scrotes Want Their Money Back!Once again, though, if you look at this through lenses of entitlement, power, control, it begins to make a twisted sort of sense. I want, therefore gimme. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 12:51 PM |
| 586 | When they show themselves in the second message…. Boy bye.It's just so lame, so juvenile. No effort, no thought, just muh peenis. Blah, BORING SHIT. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/22 04:24 PM |
| 8 | What is up with men saying they want someone who is passionate about something?Everything everyone else said, yes. I also think the following, no particular order: -- what can I get her excited talking about so that when I go to make a move, it turns into sex? -- what hobbies can I steal or co-opt from her since I don't really have any of my own? -- how can I show her off like a trophy like "hey I have a very cool girlfriend" But yeah, how dare a woman know more than a man about anything. EYE ROLL. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/22 03:30 PM |
| 29 | The occupation of men on OLDAnd in my area of the Deep South, a LOT are blue collar. Depends on where you live. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/22 02:05 PM |
| 14 | Why you can’t take men seriously…Only gets better as you age. Yesterday, when I told that troll at the store to go around me, because PANDEMIC, we're still in this! Glad I also added a "fuck you" in there, too. No shits given if store workers heard me. He deserved it, and he knew it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 10:41 PM |
| 104 | Man Deducted $1 From Fiancee's Valentine's Day Gift Every Time She Yelledor simply raising your voice to be heard, when he's been ignoring you. Fun fact: I used to ACTUALLY YELL and say in a normal tone of voice, I was simply raising my voice... then THIS! IS! YELLING! I'd ask students then, NOW do you hear the difference? because there's a big difference. Don't make that accusation again. I despise tone policing anyway. It just makes me want to yell all the time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 10:38 PM |
| 14 | This is why I refuse to date single fathers. Being childfree keeps certain drama out of your life.I get it, and didn't mean to endorse anything; I get how this is toxic. Thank you for explaining more. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 10:35 PM |
| 32 | Zero Effort Valentine’s DayDTMFA. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 02:54 PM |
| 3 | on personal space in general and in datingFirst time, yeah okay, whatever dude. I'll notice but not say anything ONCE. I've been known to turn around the second time and growl, "I already moved up. Stay." And glare at them. Once again, parse this through the lens of power and control, and it makes sense, but overall, not really. Scrotes are just so damn pathetic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 02:48 PM |
| 32 | This is why I refuse to date single fathers. Being childfree keeps certain drama out of your life.Okay, as an older white woman... not a lot of this makes sense to me. Sex should not ever be transactional; this sounds like free prostitution. And it also sounds like she wouldn't be "giving up" much. Dance recital, pride at her child's accomplishment over the unbridled joy and privilege to suck a peen? yeah, such a hard choice there. I'm a childfree woman, and I have a hard, hard, nigh impossible time imagining "sharing" a sperm donor without basically cutting all contact if he's going to be c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 02:44 PM |
| 37 | Getting (discount?) Flowers delivered to you the day after Valentine's Day.I've told this story before but it bears repeating: first LV husband Peter and I had issues from the start, but I was young, a pickme, naive, inexperienced, and just REALLY wanted to be married. Among the issues was that he was ace/aro and oblivious; he chose to work 6p-6a while as a teacher I worked just the opposite; he was more than likely avoidant, and got easily overwhelmed/flooded, and could not handle any intimacy. All this was in the 90s; I knew something was off, but didn't have the wor… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 01:31 PM |
| 5 | Let’s talk hobbies! What are your current hobbies? What’s a hobby you’re interested in starting?Longtime amateur artist here! I currently do the following artistic hobbies, in no particular order: scrapbooking, painting, drawing, banner making, flower arranging, charcuterie boards/food art, interior design (for real and an online game), and when I can afford to, home renovation. Side note: I have BIG plans afoot for this little condo! First project, handyman stuff, low end, a few hundred bucks, maybe less if I can rope my sister into helping me: hang tapestries, finish gallery wall, put up… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 01:14 PM |
| 2 | I thought they always said cat ladies were gonna die alone.Thank you | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 12:16 PM |
| 19 | Are sororities high value?Back in college years, I thought for about five minutes in joining one, and realized it wasn't for me on many different fronts. They want a uniform look, and I did not at all fit the slim, pretty, bow-head, extrovert, preppy-dressed, outgoing "type". I was leery of other frat boys, anyway, and even more leery as a fat girl who had never fit in anyway, being gifted and unwilling and unable to hide my brain. I don't think sororities provide nearly the leg up in life that frats do. It's sisterhood … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 11:58 PM |
| 10 | on personal space in general and in datingOnce, fine whatever -- minor annoyance, I'll excuse it. Same man, same space? Nah, I'm all about just WHAMMING into someone very much on purpose, just to assert that I'm here, I'm in this space, and if you get too close, oh well, natural consequences, like being body slammed into, knocked backward/off balance, having your instep stepped on. Maybe don't get so close, and none of that would happen in the first place. But DAMN having to do that just to get a scrote to back off! Like seriously, you … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 11:54 PM |
| 24 | on personal space in general and in datingYou and me both. Let's normalize it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 08:08 PM |
| 2 | Thoughts? How would you debate that? Seems like it's from a male perspective?!I divorced my first LV husband because I absolutely could NOT love him into loving himself more. He had issues stemming from childhood: uneducated coal miner/gas station owner step-father in Appalachia called him "gay" for liking to read and liking animals; he had a pin in his hip from early teens; he was the red-headed step-child among his step-brothers, and by the time I knew him, he was a cop steeped in toxic masculinity for decades. His bio father died before he was born, and in 1958, his mo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 03:47 PM |
| 48 | Male depravity makes it to the front page.So many times I've said to men, I'm not here to chat. I'm here to enjoy my coffee/book/whatever in silence. I've only had to repeat it once, I think. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 03:42 PM |
| 29 | Discerning high value among the retiredI'm 54 today (2/14/2022) and retired three years early due to the pandemic. Super worth it! Left money on the table, but I had the last year and a half with my dad before he passed last August. I'm back in my home state, close to family and friends. Life is better and slower in my Deep South state, as compared to life in hustle and bustle Los Angeles! I was a middle and high school English teacher for 26 years. I'm very glad to be retired, but do still want to work. That said, it takes at least … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 11:48 PM |
| 22 | I thought they always said cat ladies were gonna die alone.Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 11:35 PM |
| 207 | I thought they always said cat ladies were gonna die alone.As a widow who's 54 today, 2/14/2022, this is my Valentine. Thank you! (cackles in an evil swamp witch voice!) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 04:56 PM |
| 41 | Porn sick scrote almost killed his girlfriend performing kink. THIS IS DANGEROUS!Glad to be older here, and this was not at all normalized during Gen X coming of age. Any man that tries that with me gets what he deserves. It's on, he's a perp, I'm pressing charges. Marquis of Queensbury's rules once any man ever does that. Everything is allowed at that point, anything to stop the criminal from killing me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 03:52 PM |
| 77 | Say it with me: I will not be disrespected againA few tips to keep from getting disrespected: -- question and push back, ask why do you say that? what does that mean? how do you know? where's the proof? -- if it's a deliberate slight or slur, get up and walk away, no arguing, no rationality, just vote with your feet and leave. It really is the strongest message. -- if someone is important to you, set a boundary once, and also lay out consequences of what will happen if they ever disrespect you again, up to and including cutting them out of yo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 03:36 PM |
| 1 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outThis. It's what I always believed, just never knew the name. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 02:46 PM |
| 6 | Don't trust your male friends.Any man who has this attitude is an upholder and supporter of rape culture. This is all about power, dominance, control -- if not his over a woman, the so-called "right" of other men to use women without regard for their feelings or preferences. At this point, it's on, violence is 100% acceptable, and they are perpetrators who put their lives at risk for breaking the law, harassing, and disturbing the peace, plus whatever other laws anyone cares to throw at them. Nail their balls to the wall, an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 02:22 AM |
| 427 | Incel saying the quiet part out loud: we’re not people to them.My eternal question is: why DON'T they just go their own way and leave us the hell alone? Go be homosocial! Go hang with the bros, do your job, have hobbies and interests, and STOP OBSESSING ABOUT WOMEN. You're not really going your own way if you keep mentioning and talking about women all the time. Seriously, GO YOUR OWN WAY and have a nice life somewhere else very far away from me and all women! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 04:59 PM |
| 84 | I finally get itYou've got a good start here, but I want more details, please. First of all, what's your definition of a nice girl? How does it get you in trouble when dating? What "wrong things" were you doing and how can you change that? Was it being lonely and wanting attention? (Don't worry, we've all been there.) What kind of self-work do you want to do to level up? I'd also say, you can be perfectly polite and still be kind to yourself and other people. Remember, niceness is mostly performative; it's abou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 04:38 PM |
| 3 | You deserve to be loved tenderly.I second this hard, permanently, vociferously, having been loved well and truly by Jack, late second husband, and not nearly enough or well enough by Peter, first husband, or for that matter, previous boyfriends. Seriously, folks, if you're really well-matched, you'll have tons in common; you'll just get on together really well, and love just won't be a struggle at all. You won't fight, although obviously there will always be discussions about important matters, and finding a true compromise tha… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 03:18 PM |
| 5 | I need someone to help me make sense of this...You want apology because the lady was being considerate? Because she had common sense?Kanye is pretty well known as being a narc and as being bipolar. Ignore at will. He's got delusions of grandiosity and adequacy. And honestly, his face looks like he's permanently constipated anyway. I lived in LA for 22 years. Deliberately never bothered to know any Hollywood or music world gossip ever. Happy to go see movies, the end products... did not give a flip about random people who had talent in one or two areas making drama with themselves or others. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 03:08 PM |
| 5 | Men asking for Instagram or WhatsApp prior to meetingJust remember what other queens here have posted: men will wank to anything, and I'd bet quite a few of them are looking for wank material anywhere they can find it. Doesn't matter if you're not a thirst trap. Any picture of your face and/or body, they will use. I'd never give this out. I'm the one behind the camera, and quite honestly use my Insta to post Pokemon Go brag pics, but still. I wouldn't even add a scrote to my Pogo nick, because when you send gifts, it shows city and state. I don't … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 03:04 PM |
| 42 | Men will not compromise on their space and living arrangements just for being in a relationship. They can use the woman's place as their own when it suits them but not return the favour. Women who compromise for the men that don't, disrespect their own boundaries.Living apart together once again for the win. I'll go a step further: if and when I ever date again, no man can just come inside my place and just encamp himself. I'm next level territorial about my space, and I own it. I don't ever want a man showering in my house when he has his own. I don't want, quite honestly, to entertain much in my home, because I don't want a man getting used to better amenities, better cooking, and a more lovely, calm, quiet space than his own house. I want to go out an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 01:37 PM |
| -2 | Beards change way men look a lot more than makeup. Makeup comes off every day while you only see what men looks like if they shave. Don't trust men with beards.I don't think it changes the look that drastically. I for one can see the jawline every time, no problem picturing it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 01:20 PM |
| 34 | Why we shouldn’t have men as friends….a sequel.This, this, this, and more THIS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 02:49 AM |
| 46 | Why we shouldn’t have men as friends….a sequel.Yeahhhh, as a divorcee and now widow, and as a childfree woman, this resonates SO HARD. First of all, her so-called "friend" has a very NARROW definition of normal that preferences men and excludes her. He wants her to change and be completely different, in order to cater to men's preferences. What she's doing is awesome, strong, and absolutely female-centered, so you know she's on the right path! It centers HER wants, HER needs, HER preferences. She should not change a damn thing. Said it befor… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 02:47 AM |
| 1 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?I'm glad you got out, but just wow at this dude. The first major red flag for me was that the dead wife was an alcoholic, which automatically makes him an enabler, with equally poor boundaries. Those two types always get together, and I noticed in your telling of this tale, his boundaries were/are extremely porous, and all over the place. The fact that his house is a mess is simply an extension of the mess in his mind. This is not a well-organized person by any stretch of the imagination... and … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/22 02:04 AM |
| 1 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?Ooh, do tell, how did you change your opinion? Must know the whole story! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 10:02 AM |
| 1 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outAwesome, thanks! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 08:47 PM |
| 3 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outThis, all day long. Thanks. Fair is not equitable. And it absolutely is meant as a silencing tool. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 04:08 PM |
| 10 | How to deflect dating questions from friends/family/coworkersI've done this, and the amount of squirming and inability to look me in the eye in that moment or ever again is lawful evil but worth it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 03:55 PM |
| 6 | How to deflect dating questions from friends/family/coworkersNope, but I'll order one on Amazon (whips out phone, starts scrolling) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 03:54 PM |
| 8 | How to deflect dating questions from friends/family/coworkersThis is the same song, second verse of "You Must Comply and Follow The Script". The first verse is "when are you having children". The second verse for divorced and widowed women is "When are you going to start dating". I push back on this very hard, and to me, this is a hill very much worth dying on. I got pissed off in my 20s and early 30s when people simply couldn't hear my NO to not wanting kids, so I MADE them hear it. Got loud, repeated, smacked tables, did whatever I had to do to force th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 03:49 PM |
| 20 | Low Effort ValentineHail to the hive mind that should exist! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 03:39 PM |
| 19 | The Queen behind TinderTranslators gets it. Absolute gold.All of this: power, dominance, control, objectification. The MOMENT someone doesn't respect your preferences, your boundaries, NOPE THE HELL OUT! Dump right then and there! The moment any scrote gets butthurt that you did something once with some other man, didn't like it, and he then thinks you should do this with him, THAT IS OBJECTIFICATION. You're not seen as human, or as having needs or wants, or that those needs or wants matter. You're seen as a series of holes that need to be filled. You'… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 03:38 PM |
| 5 | Reddit Moment: Guy Admits to Sexually Harassing Women, Women Get Pissed On For Calling Him Out (Including Pickmes!)To be honest, I've planted a straightened, locked arm in men's chests before. Or you can do that wonderful thing that Rowan Atkinson does; there's a clip somewhere on YouTube where a woman goes in for a hug, and he puts a hand on her forehead. No touchie. Noooo touchie. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 03:24 PM |
| 5 | I'm now less obsessed with finding "the one"Yes, we clicked immediately, and we both realized after about six months. It all happened before endless vetting. The consistency, stability, trust, and good vibes were just all there. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 12:15 PM |
| 3 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outYes, so much this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 01:40 AM |
| 10 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outI've worked super hard on myself, and have the "shoulds" pretty well conquered by this stage of my life. Took a long time, lots of journaling, self-reflection, questioning myself and society. I can also live with my body image demons, and know how to keep them tamed and at a low growl. I know what placates and silences them, and what makes them howl and go ballistic. It's been a journey. Pretty sure I could benefit from therapy, esp since I'm gifted, an HSP, and have high-functioning and general… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 11:44 PM |
| 7 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outNail on the head. When chatting on my chat program, now I know: MAKE THINGS WAY TOO REAL FOR THEM. I had already kind of done this, and it somewhat worked. Now I have AMMUNITION. Heh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 11:41 PM |
| 11 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outAnd my drive to assert my own dominance over BEING A PERSON kicks in big time. Then it's just a huge game to act as un-object-like as possible. Be argumentative! State LOTS of opinions! Don't answer questions! Answer slowly! Do every single thing to show I have a will, goddamn it, and you will see this. Throws them way off balance, and then I've won. Petty me fist-bumps the air. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 11:38 PM |
| 11 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outUgh, cannot stand Torrid. Their styles look cute, BUT only if you have a very curvy figure. For those of us who are more straight and/or have a tire round the middle, those styles just don't work. Love how they look on the models, but that's not my body. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 11:35 PM |
| 8 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outI get it, but I do not sew. Too bad, it sounds like it could be good, but not important to me, and I just never wanted to learn. My sister bought a CD series on how to sew coutour (sp?) and made herself a bespoke jacket! Admire the skill always! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 11:34 PM |
| 42 | A confusing man is a dangerous man - Excerpts from Lundy BancroftOh I've soooo told men this. I'm intelligent, and don't hide it, and I've had so many of them claim I "talk down" to them. Okay, it is what it is and at that point I've said, sorry you feel this way, I'm just talking like I always do. They press it, and I say, I don't dumb down, so you'll just have to keep up, now won't you? When everything comes back to me, I lean hard into all the "abuse" I'm supposedly dishing out, then I've told them, I never MADE you do anything; anything you do is YOUR CHO… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 11:30 PM |
| 21 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outI always just answer with one word. Anything that's okay for a man to do, it's okay for me as a woman to do. I believe in matching energy at least at first. How he treats me within the first 10 minutes tells me all I need to know to either stay or nope out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 05:35 PM |
| 26 | MIDDLES: Middle Aged, Middle Income, Middle ManagementYeah, I was in college, or had already graduated with one degree and was on the path toward my MA. Looking back, I think he was one of many who felt threatened that I was younger and already ahead of him, or had the potential to get far ahead. Being young, female, and fat made me a target of so many insecure scrotes. Ugh, 20s. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 05:07 PM |
| 39 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outTrue up to a point... for regular sized women. For plus size women, of which I'm still one but slowly sizing out, not true. There's very little fashion in plus size, and mostly buying clothes for me has meant just trying to look decent, forget style. That's changing, but still, it had an impact on me not liking fashion, feeling very marginalized by it, left out, sidelined, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 05:00 PM |
| 14 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outYou are my soul sister twin! Every bit of this resonated so hard! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 04:58 PM |
| 57 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outI've very deliberately pushed back on this, and forced the issue, and focused ONLY on what I was doing, what I accomplished, and said things like "well, forgetting looks". I did not care at that moment if that made someone super uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable having looks focused on at the exclusion of what I was doing that was way more important, or what I had just accomplished. Push back. Their reaction tells you all you need to know. One time also, this creepy old scrote catcalled me and … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 04:56 PM |
| 33 | I'm now less obsessed with finding "the one"The stability and consistency is just awesome. Such an overused word, I know, but it's just so amazing, so quiet, low-key, but just SOLID. When all you see is green flags, the trust is there, and it just feels right. Nothing better. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 03:26 PM |
| 25 | I'm now less obsessed with finding "the one"Thank you! We were happy together for 17 years, but a good 10 of that was more and more caregiving, so never again being a nurse and a purse. Living apart, separate finances for the win. It is such a good vetting strategy. As a widow, I'm seen as having MAD wife skills, and I do! I'm also a strong, strong introvert, which always throws them for a loop. Heh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 03:22 PM |
| 16 | This scrote just followed me. Can’t decide if it’s a fake or if he’s married.Second account is an immediate tell to me that he is trying to live some kind of internet double life, so proceed VERY cautiously. His own standards? Weird phrasing, may be doing something that wife/gf would not approve of. I wonder what he means by "my own" standards. Curious kat that I am, I'd ask first thing! Greeky? Is that a Greek geek? LOL The only thing I see that's kinda sorta positive is "giving without expecting in return" so at least he claims not to be transactional. The rest is way … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 03:19 PM |
| 1 | Free vs SlaveIt's not just men, it's MOSTLY men. Some women can be like this, too, and it's a low value human quality to get upset when people don't mirror them. All of this has to do with insecurity. For those who might not have seen: someone asks an opinion or just says something, you say something different, or have a different opinion. The usual case in point is either wanting or not to get married and/or have a baby. Original person gets all bent out of shape, angry, upset, etc. because you didn't mirro… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 02:56 PM |
| 4 | Disgusting Vday GiftsEvery single male I play on Words With Friends tries to chat. They will use ANYTHING that allows communication as a dating app. Disgusting and just so PATHETIC. It's honestly why I love Pokemon, and it's my go-to game. You can't communicate! I love any game where there is no chat feature. My interior design game, check... Blockdoku, a combination of Sudoku and Tetris, check! All awesome and relaxing, no scrotes trying to DM me and chat me up. I can JUST PLAY THE DAMN GAME. I'll play anyone on WW… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 02:37 PM |
| 2 | Disgusting Vday GiftsEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 02:32 PM |
| 6 | Instead of matching their energy, give them less.I give a man 24 hours to pick back up the energy, then block and delete. People do get busy, but ultimately that's no excuse. He's not responded after 24 hours, time to move on, and no loss. Plenty of fish out there, and he ain't the one. No biggie. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 02:31 PM |
| 115 | I'm now less obsessed with finding "the one"If the guy is the right one, compatibility is a total breeze! You'll have way, way more in common than you can believe, and everything will simply flow. Whatever you don't have in common won't matter, or will be fodder for discussion and learning about each other, and won't threaten either of you. With Jack, late second husband, it really felt like we stopped talking in one incarnation and picked it back up in this one, and have done so, will continue to do so. With everyone else, it's like Sisy… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 02:05 PM |
| 10 | What are some signs someone's not over their ex?As a widow, let me chime in with another angle: using an ex or dead spouse as a shield against scrotes. Constant comparision, singing their praises, appearing not to be over the ex so as to drive away someone who won't otherwise take a hint. Almost every widowed person I know has done this, when someone wants to butt in. It's not a particularly kind strategy, but when you've used your words, made your wishes known, and someone just keeps on... then to me it's a fair move. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 02:01 PM |
| 91 | Even on Airplanes in business class we are not safe.I'll be honest: I have a small gift of being able to buckle in on an airplane, and be asleep within about five minutes. I've always thought that if I ever felt hands on me, it's on, and I'm going to hit, scratch, bite, kick, scream, yell, make a scene to end all scenes, and make sure he gets hurt. There will be blood, mostly his. Kick me off, press charges? Worth it. I'm clearly a victim, sleeping for pity's sake, minding my own business. Anyone who brings it to me (because I NEVER EVER care eno… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 01:14 PM |
| 75 | MIDDLES: Middle Aged, Middle Income, Middle ManagementStory time: mid-90s, broke grad student, either living together with first husband (UGH) or newly married. Needed money so I worked at a very close chain pizza place. Worked one night, everything went fine or so I thought. I was called in the next day, and when I drove up, middle manager was STARING at me from the window. Felt clearly... evaluated, and almost pirouetted, but I needed the job, so I didn't want to piss him off. Who am I kidding? I wanted to piss him off! He already looked pissed o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 01:09 PM |
| 23 | Apparently, to some pickmes, opening doors is a grand romantic gesture worthy of sex. And of course, someone calling this out gets downvotedYep, this, many times, also making a production about holding the elevator door, and wanting to try to force me to get out first when he's closer to the door. I lived in a high rise for about a year; made it a regular point to say, you're closer to the door, don't make it a big production. Seriously, can we all just be EFFICIENT about getting through doors? EFFICIENCY, people... that's the bottom line. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 12:18 AM |
| 3 | epiphany: men who neg strong womenAwesome, thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 09:17 PM |
| 100 | Apparently, to some pickmes, opening doors is a grand romantic gesture worthy of sex. And of course, someone calling this out gets downvotedI have a love-hate relationship with men opening doors, especially having grown up in and now returned to the Deep South. It should, ideally, work both ways: you come in first, someone is close behind, whoever is there first just holds the door. It's common courtesy. You just don't let it slam in someone's face. However, I cannot stand it when men make a huge PRODUCTION out of holding the door; then it gets into performative chivalry, wanting a cookie just for being a good human, blah blah. I've… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 09:13 PM |
| 16 | epiphany: men who neg strong womenI've read all of them! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 02:01 AM |
| 55 | Why does this man think that this is something to brag about? I already had an idea of what profession the women he was talking about was when I initially read his answer to the Hinge prompt. I've run out of words.So who is Pheonix Marie, and what is the CN tower? And how is this not impressive? Sorry, don't get the references at all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 10:49 PM |
| 14 | Anyone else had their "low quality posts" removed by the male overlords recently? High five. Free speech is scaring some of the boys. Discuss below and make bets on how quickly this thread will disappear and prove us right. If we're not right, the thread will stay.Same, had that a few times here. The hell? It's always jarring. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 10:45 PM |
| 93 | Women and CaregivingI was a nurse and a purse with Jack, and his care got more and more and more demanding. I was extraordinarily lucky to have his/our best friend, plus our housekeeper, who became chosen family. I do not know what I would have done without these two women! There was one point in time that we hired a friend of our housekeeper a couple of days a week, since I simply had to stay late at school and run off papers and/or grade/record, so there were THREE helpers, two paid. That's some middle class priv… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 10:30 PM |
| 45 | My friends “Thirst Trap Strategy”Dogbird -- is this something you made up or did I miss this? Love the concept! That made me giggle. Great idea. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 12:36 PM |
| 22 | My friends “Thirst Trap Strategy”Precisely why in chat I have only one pic of me, shoulders up, not particularly well lit, just showing face only. Not that flattering at all. No pics of me exist out there other than on basic social media, and that, very few. I'm the one behind the camera, very seldom in front of it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 12:35 PM |
| 27 | Let’s hear your clever responses to “How are you still single?!”Remember, you're not mirroring her in her shaky, ill-thought-out non-decision, so that's where the irrational prickliness comes from. Same with people who just CAN'T BELIEEEEVVEE you just don't want kids. Knowing what mirroring is really helps deal with people who go on emotions, who aren't introspective, who don't know their motivations from a hole in the ground. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 12:01 AM |
| 44 | Let’s hear your clever responses to “How are you still single?!”I've pushed back hard against clueless people who did this. Why ARE you still married? emphasis on the are. Really puts them on their back foot. Shuts down conversations, and I'm fine with that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 11:59 PM |
| 5 | Let’s hear your clever responses to “How are you still single?!”Just lucky, I guess! (shrug, smile) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 11:58 PM |
| 6 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?That's precisely why at some point in the convo, I always ask them, what's in it for me? I like making them uncomfortable, and forcing them to consider another point of view, which they often can't. Fun times. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 04:29 PM |
| 57 | I’m speechless and his excuse is even more sickening.Very good for snapping but sorry you were pushed to that point. Glad you left. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 04:21 PM |
| 92 | I’m speechless and his excuse is even more sickening.Power, dominance, control. No respect for her feelings or needs. This is predatory in a moment of weakness. Begin divorce proceedings immediately, and plot revenge. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 04:20 PM |
| 3 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?Please do! Feel free! STEAL AWAY! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 10:05 PM |
| 18 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?This. Through my niece who has my great-niece, I know a little girl who has a step-family. Bio dad's version of taking care of her is to leave her in her room with a tablet and let her watch endless, unsupervised YouTube, cartoons, anime, whatever. This girl is five or six. She comes home over-stimulated from too much screen time, under-socialized, under-parented, and her mother and (I think) HV step-father have to work double- and triple-time to re-calibrate her. This little girl already has a … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 10:03 PM |
| 65 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?CF groups call them "acquiescers" and it's a valid term. Men by and large accede to the wishes of women, since the partner/wife is the one who decides whether or not to have a child or not. The fact that they are so blase' and indifferent to it is a red flag, but equally a red flag to me are those ultra-creepy men who claim to want a whole team of kids. Those I always looked at as baby trappers or possible narcs who want mini me's. Both extremes are... not good. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 09:54 PM |
| 18 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?Do tell! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 09:52 PM |
| 69 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?I hope you said this to her! Or say it on a regular basis. Entitled parents need to hear this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 03:32 PM |
| 117 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?And don't get me started on how dangerous that is to the kids. I agree, a mark of a HVM as a parent would be being in no hurry whatsoever to introduce a new woman to his kids, to make sure things work out, and I'm talking all ages, up to and including adult children. In chat, I've gotten the DISTINCT feeling of just this, men wanting to dump kids on me, and them just assuming that since I'm widowed and have no kids, I'm PINING for a ready-made family, when nothing could be further from the truth… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 03:30 PM |
| 29 | for all those single dads who think I REALLY, REALLY NEEEEEED to marry again... what possible value would it bring to my life?So much this. Yes, definitely two parents need to date/marry, but that leads to other issues as well. My late dad married my late step-mother when I was 17. It worked out overall for everyone involved since my step-sister graduated in about a year's time after they married, and I went on to college in about a year's time, too, so they were effectively empty-nesters most of the time, and I got out on my own soon enough, in my 20s. That said, though, since my dad died, and since my step-sister has… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 02:43 PM |
| 18 | The darker underside of the “cool girl”Yeahhhh, dissociation for the win here! (eye roll) Or SA, because unconscious people can't consent to sex. Not a good thing for anyone involved there. Just wow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 02:10 PM |
| 64 | New Rule: His kitchen appliances cannot be older than the women he datesin HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 02:07 PM |
| 140 | New Rule: His kitchen appliances cannot be older than the women he datesI dunno, a really good stand mixer might pass the test, too. Some of those vintage ones are tanks! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 02:07 PM |
| 27 | Scrote obviously has a porn addiction and is neglecting his kids and gaslighting his wife. I can't even with these men anymore.This, all day, every day, FOREVER. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 01:37 PM |
| 46 | The Tinder SwindlerWavelength -- same thoughts! Especially the money thing, OMG, just no. That's a great vetting tool, just always say NO to lending money, or make it legal, with a notarized receipt and paper trail so if it comes to that -- and it'll come to that -- you can take him to small claims court. But seriously, why bother? Just keep all money separate; it is just so much easier that way. There were so many red flags with this guy, and yet, I hate to say, he is attractive, from a distance, a very long dist… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 01:15 PM |
| 13 | Women are interchangeable (seen on IG)Just got yet another message on FB Messenger from a man I don't know. He's in Ecuador; I'm in the USA. Widowed to him meant "available and looking" -- NOT. He tried every single thing he could think of, I just said no thanks to all. Finally he said "Latinx men have such big penis". I said yeah well, that's special, screenshotted it, posted it on my wall for all to laugh at. Then block and delete. Ninety nine point nine percent of all people I have on my Camino communities are so respectful and k… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/22 12:16 AM |
| 22 | another quick vetting strategy: how a man views your job and work historyTo me that's saying "Are you a nurse and a purse? Can you play those roles for me while I leech off you?" Big turn off. Hate that question. It also presumes those are the only careers a woman would consider going into. Super retro, throwback, traditional, conservative outlook. Hard pass forever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 10:02 PM |
| 6 | another quick vetting strategy: how a man views your job and work historyThank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 05:58 PM |
| 55 | Powerful Infographics: When Women Make HeadlinesReally good article. It underscores why I got out of journalism and went into teaching. I was in college in the late 80s, and it was a time when talk shows were just becoming popular. Sensationalism was all the rage. I was taught explicitly that you do NOT editorialize, and you report the news as it happens, without inserting yourself or your opinion. I could see the direction journalism was going, and now it's there. Ink will always run in my blood; I still miss the newsroom to this day. But I'… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 04:48 PM |
| 28 | another quick vetting strategy: how a man views your job and work historyI'd say negatively overall. It always just left a bad taste in my mouth, because it over-emphasizes emotional labor, caretaking, caregiving over the actual work and scholarship. I think there's better, more direct ways of saying that, like you did. "Oh, I bet you were a good teacher and kid enjoyed learning in your class." Real compliment, emphasizing my competence and getting along and learning together. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 03:51 PM |
| 21 | Trafficking disguised as dating or job offersSo glad to be older, overweight, and plain! HA! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 02:37 PM |
| 16 | I've had to tell myself this after cutting a few toxic people out of my life, especially with long-term friends who have felt the need to pat me on the back and tell me that I've "come so far" every single time we speak. It comes off very patronizing and forced. DAE understand what I mean?Two people on social media unfriended me during the last presidency. I only just now thought about them nearly two years later. These were people I had known in high school, 40 years ago. I think I was unfriended during the last presidency. Oh well, bye, have a nice life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 02:33 PM |
| 90 | Is it a crime to wear fake brand?Honestly, sounds like your mom is a jealous pickme. That's what LV people do: pick apart others and put them down to make themselves feel better. It's not what emotionally mature, confident people do, ever. Anytime someone feels a visceral need to tear down someone else, insecurity is showing big time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 02:25 PM |
| 27 | Stop fucking falling in love with "potential"!This, all the time. This for the win. This is what we are fighting against. We are upholding do more, be more, expect more, never settle for less. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 01:16 PM |
| 28 | What are the telltale signs that he might actually have mental illness and/or personality disorder?Write everything down, and email yourself and your boss so you have a paper trail. No need to record and possibly get in trouble. Just document by email. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 12:19 PM |
| 29 | What are the telltale signs that he might actually have mental illness and/or personality disorder?I push back on THEM pushing back. I actively question, why are you questioning me? Are you doubting my experience, education, knowledge? What's that all about? This feels like undermining, are you trying to do that? Then stare and wait for them to answer. Pushing back with wait time puts them on their back foot, very much on the defensive. That silence makes you stand in solidarity with yourself. You aren't questioning yourself, you are actively questioning him and his motives. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 12:18 PM |
| 21 | What are the telltale signs that he might actually have mental illness and/or personality disorder?Love bombing then criticizing in the same conversation, then tried to play the victim | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 12:14 PM |
| 8 | “Interview with a Sociopath” - Sociopath admits he actively hones in to manipulate when he senses a person is weak; Behavior is similar to that of LVM/NVMs. Perhaps many of the LVMs/NVMs discussed here also have Cluster B personality disorders (including sociopathy, narcissism, etc) like this man.And EVERY single widow/widower has stories about this. There are absolute vultures out there. My dad, before he died, talked with me about this and we swapped stories. It was so good to have a heart-to-heart with him, and get his perspective. We were on the same page. Grateful for family, friends, community, the internet, grateful to be emotionally self-sufficient, not needy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 01:51 AM |
| 6 | Cooking together in a new relationship - wifey shit?These days as an older, widowed woman, I'd never cook together with a man, who presumably would be around my age. It's the whole nurse and purse thing. I'd like a relationship like the one I have with my sister and niece: we all take turns cooking for each other, only when we want to. Nothing expected, always a treat. That works well. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 07:01 PM |
| 34 | “Interview with a Sociopath” - Sociopath admits he actively hones in to manipulate when he senses a person is weak; Behavior is similar to that of LVM/NVMs. Perhaps many of the LVMs/NVMs discussed here also have Cluster B personality disorders (including sociopathy, narcissism, etc) like this man.This. I gather no sociopath would ever approach me out in public. I am not at all nervous, and very confident. Approach me, get the ice queen. Have something to say, add value to my day, or off with you. That ice queen demeanor is titanium armor. That said, I'm approached all the time in chat; they see "widow" and think lonely, broke, needy, horny, and I'm not. Just today I turned a scrote's words back on him after he attempted to criticize, then love bomb. So much fun toying with idiots. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 06:45 PM |
| -10 | Can someone tell me when will women’s trauma stop being used as entertainment?She has a choice not to watch it, even though it's out there and hurtful, disgusting, harmful. Honestly, blood in the water to let scrotes know she is annoyed/triggered by it. So hard to do, but better for her to just not react at all, and let it die down. I HATE that we have to grey rock some man or situation that triggers us, but overall, that strategy lets something harmful wither and die away. Acknowledging it makes it keep going. UGH, there is no winning with some people. I used to watch ID… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 06:19 PM |
| 11 | One close to home, 21 year old killed by her 47 year old boyfriend. Ladies there is a reason women his age don’t want him.Once again, living apart for the win, vetting slowly for the win, no age-gap for the win. I admit when I was younger I had a thing for older men, BUT I was also highly allergic to any control or manipulation. Thank God for growing up mouthy and willful. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 06:16 PM |
| 63 | Men say they don’t want whores for wives but in the same breath will say they expect sex in return for a $35 meal on the first date. I mean why else would she be going to this strange man’s house?He sounds amazing, and I hope if it's right then it all works out. So heartening to hear a good story on here. <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 05:59 PM |
| 30 | The Phantom Ex - when avoidant men pine for a past loveFirst husband Peter was avoidant, which I didn't know; it was the 90s; the internet was just getting started, and I had no clue what was the matter, just knew something was the matter and he was just way off compared to others I knew. I want to talk specifically about those strategies avoidants use to avoid intimacy. In no particular order: -- avoiding sex (he was ace/aro, but nature/nurture? who knows which came first) -- avoiding deep conversations, keeping everything surface level -- at some … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 04:56 PM |
| 57 | Does anybody else get tired of fake women's posts undoubtedly written by men?I'll be honest: I dress super basic, and I don't think I even own any dresses anymore. I'd show up just as I am, because if a man is interested in me, he's interested in me, not my clothes. I'm clean, well kept, not wrinkled, but not stylish; I'm basic and I own it. I wear the INTJ "uniform" of grey shirt and black pants almost all the time. That's what he's going to see me in anyway. I also don't wear makeup. Like me for me, because physically, what you see is what you get. There's a lot more u… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 04:20 PM |
| 171 | Men say they don’t want whores for wives but in the same breath will say they expect sex in return for a $35 meal on the first date. I mean why else would she be going to this strange man’s house?Thank you, expressed very well what I also thought. It's a "cutting off your nose to spite your face" strategy. Dating is a long game and you have to be patient to meet the right person. You rush, you low-ball, you don't make an effort, BAM, right back to square one. How is that winning? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 04:15 PM |
| 200 | Spotted this ad under "housing" on craigslist 😬Friendly/accommodating = have no boundaries, no wants, no needs of your own no BBW = I am fatphobic and don't hide it, but saying "no BBW" also gives me free rein to fat-shame any woman at any time, no matter her actual size 25-50 = ideally naive, inexperienced so I can run roughshod over you in all possible ways pay attention to me = we will sleep together sooner, not later, and then I'll proceed to take up all your time, eat up all the food, and consume all the air in the room, and be a gigant… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 11:21 PM |
| 91 | The title was « exactly why you should do coffee dates first »JEEZ. Every single sentence contains a red flag from him! That's... amazing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 11:17 PM |
| 35 | I’m not gonna ask on relationship advice subs to get gaslit, I’ll ask here if allowed. Do you think I should leave because he didn’t stand up for me, or is it trauma?THIS RIGHT HERE. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 10:14 PM |
| 21 | I’m not gonna ask on relationship advice subs to get gaslit, I’ll ask here if allowed. Do you think I should leave because he didn’t stand up for me, or is it trauma?Nice is performative. Kindness is real, and it means doing what is truly necessary to help someone, even at cost to the person doing it, and doing it because it's the right, good, moral, upstanding thing to do. Niceness ain't shit. It's not meaningful. Kindness is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 10:13 PM |
| 25 | I’m not gonna ask on relationship advice subs to get gaslit, I’ll ask here if allowed. Do you think I should leave because he didn’t stand up for me, or is it trauma?Some male just having an intellectual little debate is other people's human rights. Your boyfriend is not as HV as you want to believe with a rapist friend like this. Sorry, not what you want to hear but I'd re-evaluate the entire relationship. Such a red flag on many levels. Please don't succumb to the sunk cost fallacy, either. I know you have years together. You are/were looking toward a bright future. I'd reflect at this point if there have ever been any other times where he didn't support y… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 10:06 PM |
| 102 | On the term 'old wives' tales' in the English language and its cultural relevanceGot harrumphed at one time on a literary listserv when I called something a man said quite wrongly a "phallusy". Oh my, ALL the harrumphing. Feel free to steal. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 09:48 PM |
| 34 | A good vetting strategy is to share a FAKE pet peeveHit hard enough to injure with the first one; for both, block and delete. On a date, get up and walk out. No words necessary. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 09:40 PM |
| 93 | The title was « exactly why you should do coffee dates first »How did it go? SUPER curious now! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 09:38 PM |
| 3 | Kind reminder for you to never trust a man if he claims to be infertile. This woman was impregnated and ripped off financially by a psychopath. Always take care of contraception yourself.Yes, I believe so. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 09:32 PM |
| 25 | Almost every comment is telling her its none of her business, don't get involved. Not only would I tell her immediately, I would convince her to dump him 💅and no marriage. Just wow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 03:28 PM |
| 18 | My friend says "I don't like men that are kind to me, they're boring, I like my men a little bit toxic" how to respond to her? She keeps ending up with trashy men, and when they use and discard her I'm the first person she comes running to and I'm sick of it😩Unpopular opinion here, but hear me out: call her out on every bit of it, but kindly. Define precisely what happened in blunt, stark terms, ie, this man ghosted you, rarely ever texted, it means he does not care. He used you for sex, then disappeared, it means he does not care. He said x, this is hurtful, you are hurt and crying. I found out only a few years before retirement that one thing you can do to make people feel heard is echoing back to them what they just said. Personally, I'd feel con… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 03:25 PM |
| 30 | Kind reminder for you to never trust a man if he claims to be infertile. This woman was impregnated and ripped off financially by a psychopath. Always take care of contraception yourself.There's a book about this on Amazon. Riveting read, highly recommend. I'm so proud of her that she's written about this guy, and gone on TV to tell the story. I think he's in jail now for a very long time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 03:18 PM |
| 49 | How heartbreaking, talk about long con on the husband’s part!And now she's baby-trapped with a liar. That's my version of hell. She's going to need to think long and hard about what she wants to do, and how it will affect her very young children. Honestly, I'd bring it up to him, and I'd force a heart-to-heart, plus make some stringent demands, including therapy for him. Gross and sad, in equal parts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 03:15 PM |
| 56 | The best thing about getting older and finding FDS is realizing that you don't have to "work" in a relationship - he is either great or you are gone.Yep, and the moment a woman is condemned, you know it's the right thing to do for many reasons, mainly centering herself and doing what's right for her. All my life I've paid close attention to double standards, and pushed back against them hard, all the time. They crumble so easily, and it's always been such malicious fun silencing people when they can't explain WHY a woman should or shouldn't do something, because they know it's sexist. Gotta love leaving weak, shitty arguments in shreds. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 01:10 PM |
| 81 | The best thing about getting older and finding FDS is realizing that you don't have to "work" in a relationship - he is either great or you are gone.All of this, all the time, 25/8/366. I'm 53, about to be 54, and will never settle for less again, after having been loved well and truly by Jack. Living apart, separate finances, no extra cooking or cleaning, or I'm outta here. I'd tell any man, I may want you, but I'll never need you. The right man for me would be relieved hearing that. No toxic dependence ever. No manbabies, no being an intelligent pack mule. No being a nurse and a purse ever again. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/22 01:08 PM |
| 41 | Not Bitter Just Better: Taking 2022 Off from Dating 1 Month Progress ReportThis has been my lifestyle since Jack's death in 2016. There is so much peace. I get so much done, and my time is my own. Still wouldn't mind companionship, not actively looking, and the guy has to have his own house or apartment. And as an older, gifted woman, my chances are probably in the negatives hahahaa! I think that is hilarious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 11:33 PM |
| 11 | What is female liberation?It is, but it's also personal power: the power to decide to get married, stay single, be partners. The choice of whom to marry. The choice to divorce, and not be shamed or outcast for it. The choice to have a child or not, and be supported which ever way you choose. It is also hugely economic: the ability to get an education, get a job, keep a job because you have access usually to a vehicle or other dependable transportation, enough money to buy gas or a subway pass. The ability to buy professi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 10:47 PM |
| 7 | Reasons I changed my mind on having children and all the aspects of motherhood society does not want to acknowledge:Not all do. I did for a while; it was a young, immature strategy for holding space for myself and pushing back against the endless pressure. I found as I got older, the pressure lessened considerably, then just stopped. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 10:12 PM |
| 79 | “It frustrates me that so much time is spent trying to change men rather than working toward women’s liberation.”If he wanted to, he would. Drop all others, simple as that. Life becomes freer and easier. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 03:26 PM |
| 27 | Strippers are finally coming out with the truth. Faithful and respectable men DO NOT go to strip clubs. you’re not a ‘cool girl’ who lets her man go hang out with strippers. You’re just a fool who is getting playedI went to a strip club once with a male friend -- there had been some flirting between us, but it didn't really pan out and we have become platonic friends of 20+ years. Almost never happens, but G is honestly a good Geordie bloke. I wanted to go just to say I'd been, and have the experience; this was when I was married to Jack, but just out with G in London, for a lark, so why not? Utterly skeevy experience, not from G but from the stripper, who stared at me way too aggressively, and basically … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 02:46 PM |
| 327 | A guy brought up porn half a minute after matchingCongrats, the trash just took itself out. Unmatch, delete, forget, get on with your day scrote-free. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 02:27 PM |
| 21 | Late Miss USA, having previously written a heartbreaking essay about turning 30, dies by suicide at 30 years old. Women being worthless at 30 is an idea perpetuated by the manosphere, yet they dare say FDS is toxic?And let me tell you, 30 is just the beginning! At 40 and now 50+, I'm a stone cold, take no shit woman and it rocks so damn hard. I know myself inside and out, know my boundaries and limits, am not at all afraid to assert anything, and have no compunction about dropping people who are low value to me. My life is peaceful, quiet, drama free. I have family, friends, community, and no man in sight -- not opposed, just not actively looking. Edited to add I've always worked hard at knowing myself, ga… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 01:51 PM |
| 5 | how have you changed in the way you deal with friends?There have been times, when I've had the spoons, when I've said something, it gets questioned, pushed back on, not believed, then a man comes along, says the same thing and it's swallowed whole, I look at the woman, turn my head a little and say, you do realize I just said the exact same thing to you? Why are you believing a man, and not believing me when we just used the same words? Yes, direct and assertive, even a bit aggressive, but worth it. Let's hope in that moment I planted a seed of awa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 01:31 PM |
| 178 | I think he told on himselfHe told on himself, and you can let the trash take itself out. Probably not what you want to hear, but better y'all break up now than later. One of the biggest "fuck you"s there can be to patriarchy is being an assertive, outspoken woman. I grew up like this, and it's been a lifesaver. Speaking your mind, telling the truth, asserting boundaries simply runs off low/negative value people of all stripes. Those who know you and love you as you are can count on you to tell the truth. Of course, telli… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 01:19 PM |
| 15 | Saw this on IG. Could say I'm shocked but sadly I'm not.I've chatted a long time, well over 20 years, and every single time, my blood always ran cold. Man and I would be talking, asking get to know you questions. He'd ask if I was married and had kids. I'd say no kids, and he would ghost right then and there. Clear signal he was a pedo and/or abuser, and wanted to target lonely, needy, horny single mothers and/or their daughters. I want to hunt these men down and make them suffer. And then... use your imagination. I'd be the only one walking back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 12:08 PM |
| 17 | Let’s talk safety tips all women should know (even the obvious ones)Be difficult! Keep talking, asking questions, making observations. GET LOUD and STAY LOUD. Keep moving around, feel free to freak out. Perps want docile, quiet victims, and if you're not, they will more than likely just leave. You're not worth all the effort. I'll add that I've traveled to 29 countries solo, and I always wear my hair in a ponytail. I just cannot wear my hair down; it's too hot! That said, I have VERY strong "don't even think of fucking with me" vibes, and I'm just not ever haras… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 12:05 PM |
| 14 | Let’s talk safety tips all women should know (even the obvious ones)I've mentioned before about answering questions without really answering in depth. Let me explain that a little more here. In no particular order: -- I've had guys in chat/OLD ask me where I work. I always said I teach (grade level) and English. I have had a few that actually asked which school, and I've pushed back and said I'm not going to tell you that; I don't want to be stalked. Assertiveness matters, and from that moment on, I knew we were not going to meet. I let that conversation end nat… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 11:52 AM |
| 8 | How to be more assertive the FDS way?DO NOT make yourself small! Take up space! This is a gigantic way to say "fuck you" to the patriarchy, by claiming your space and your right to exist in the world. What that boils down to is just being in a space, and not immediately moving or making room for people; it takes time to unlearn nice and accommodating behaviors, but once you practice it, there are a lot of positives. You'll get more respect overall. It's a total power move to take up space, not make yourself small, and be very prese… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 11:44 AM |
| 19 | The beauty of boundariesReminds me of that awful year that Jack was in hospital for 4 months, and I had the class from hell. Worst year of my life personally and professionally, plus I was evaluated for the fourth time in four years, plus caregiving, and I was pretty well excommunicated from my department's closer friend group due to two narcissists in my department, and I was oblivious. It was such a blessing at the time. I had flashes that some petty shenanigans were going on, but I just couldn't be arsed to care. I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 11:35 AM |
| 101 | Reasons I changed my mind on having children and all the aspects of motherhood society does not want to acknowledge:Welcome to everything and more ever discussed on every CF listserv and group ever. There is so much more than just this. Totally, totally get it and support this, and you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 01:38 AM |
| 9 | Stop getting into cars with men.Precisely my thought as well. Meet somewhere in a very crowded parking lot, park a little ways off, have other stores around to hide out in. Thank you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 11:05 PM |
| 57 | The way deadbeat fathers victimise themselves is wild.What did he do, have sex three times and then disappear? Why did she invite him back the other two times? Why do these people keep having kids when they can't afford them? Does not compute, has never computed, will never compute. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 07:08 PM |
| 141 | Are you testing him?Seriously this. Have your own life, and prioritize your needs, wants, hobbies, interests. Don't be too available says it ALL. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 05:41 PM |
| 152 | Rihanna & Her Pregnancy AnnouncementMany in the CF communities echo this very thought about ALL pregnancies, not just hers. You see a vibrant, active, ambitious woman just killing it out in the world, making great strides, then bam, pregnancy, and all of a sudden, her world just shrinks. Not all women, but far too many. I get that some women really want kids, but for those of us who just never did, what we see is a woman whose life just got very small, very domestic, very quickly. Even if this child is wanted and planned, it still… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 05:15 PM |
| 16 | It's Time to Let Go of Your Toxic Female FriendshipsWait, what? This scrote basically triangulated you with her to make her feel... insecure? or what? Wow. All the wow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 04:39 PM |
| 18 | We say “so glad you got out” when women leave abusive relationships. That’s also what you say when someone gets out of prison.Got it, thanks for explaining. Words do make a difference. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:56 PM |
| 72 | 'Strong evidence' links pandemic job losses and new victims of domestic violenceAll of this says to me, as an older woman and amateur student of history, that men know their power base is actively receding, and they are now desperate to hold on to power. Ironically, the more they act out, and the more anti-social they are, it just proves how unethical they are and how much they don't deserve the power they have. Power is never given; it's taken. I said last night that any time women out-earn, and buy land, property and investments, and do all they can not to be dependent on… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:49 PM |
| 44 | We say “so glad you got out” when women leave abusive relationships. That’s also what you say when someone gets out of prison.Then what do you say? Saying "glad you got out" is positive, and tells me she is brave and independent. How else do you phrase this then? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:44 PM |
| 24 | Why do men show up to our homes uninvited?It's my understanding that if you feel trapped in your home, this is kidnapping, and it's a Federal offense. Call the cops. Get them involved. The moment any male shows up unannounced, you can't leave for fear of your safety, you are indeed kidnapped and being held hostage. Escalate right then and there. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:38 PM |
| 18 | Stop getting into cars with men.I have a very recognizable vehicle in a bright color. My issue would be, anyone who sees me drive up could never forget my vehicle! I live in a medium sized city, but I've only seen three vehicles like mine. I'd worry about being stalked, although I LOVE my vehicle, and chose the color because it's very happy! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:31 PM |
| 13 | Learn from me (and looking for some moral support after my breakup)I see several red flags here: -- if you asked from the start how his parents would feel, girl, it won't work out. There are some cultures that are very far apart, and I think Indians and North Americans are far, far apart in every regard: family, culture, marriage, treatment of women, etc. There was a thread on here not long ago, last week in fact, about how every single South Asian woman would not at all date a South Asian man. The misogyny is just too strong, too ingrained. -- moving back in w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:20 PM |
| 6 | Valentine’s Day approaching, what are you ladies doing to celebrate?It's going to be my 54th birthday! I need to decide if I want to stay local or go out of town and do something. There is absolutely no man on the horizon at all, so it's all up to me! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:15 PM |
| 9 | “You’re Not Happy”- A Gaslight PhraseI've said pretty aggressively, stop deflecting. Focus only on the issue, and sounded like a broken record. They would always acknowledge because I forced the issue, but in my mind, I noted: manipulator, not wanting to take responsibility, trying to make me the problem, has to be forced to own up to any mistake. Mind you, these were middle schoolers, but it got to be a gigantic problem for one particular cohort that was just, well, weaselly, for lack of a better term, and acted like nothing was t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:14 PM |
| 459 | Don't let any entitled male tell you that you need to be desperate for male attention. This mess is Exhibit A for what they want women to believe about their chances of meeting a man. Don't lower your standards.So you're in that 80% that I deem unattractive. Tough shit, bro. Hehehehehe | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 01:34 AM |
| 5 | Feminist Realism: An IntroductionReal power is never given; it's taken. That means that when you get your degree, get a job, start saving and investing, you have power. Anything you can do to live as you see fit, without having to be subordinate to others means you have power, and this usually includes home ownership, land ownership, investments, a job with benefits, and some free time during the week, with a set date for retirement. She who has the gold, rules. It will take a while, sometimes QUITE a while, but anytime you are… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 01:25 AM |
| 8 | In the Spirit of Valentine's Day..All of this, yes! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 11:59 PM |
| 50 | In the Spirit of Valentine's Day..I just don't GET this, on so many levels. First of all there's my story of first LV husband "forgetting" my Valentine's birthday, when his was precisely two weeks later on 02/28. The hell? Then he and all these men just making it so blah and meh and non-special. Is it a way to avoid intimacy? Are they really that low-level, that socially incompetent? It's so sad if so. Why the hell would you pass up a day dedicated to love to make someone else feel shitty? Oh right, because you males feel that s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 08:31 PM |
| 6 | "I claim that rape exists any time sexual intercourse occurs when it has not been initiated by the woman, out of her own genuine affection and desire." - Robin Morgan, 1974So damn gross. Not that anyone has it coming, but reality show contestants... I just can't even. People being that desperate for attention, for love, ugh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 07:38 PM |
| 397 | One thing these scrotes gonna do is drop their masks. Their real intentions show when they feel they have trapped their wives. Girl run!Came here to say this, and those words are precisely what made my radar go up about possible abuse of all types in the future. He's got a script that she better hew to or else. This is nothing but baby-trapping as an excuse to control her every movement, because now there is a helpless infant around, so she's manipulable. Fucking low life piece of scum shit. She needs to get the hell out, soar on her own with her child or without a child if she miscarries/aborts, and he needs to die alone in a f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 07:20 PM |
| 61 | One thing these scrotes gonna do is drop their masks. Their real intentions show when they feel they have trapped their wives. Girl run!She's now well and fully baby trapped unless she miscarries or has an abortion. The abuse and laziness will only get worse. This was my absolute worst nightmare and one of the millinos of reasons I never wanted kids. You're nothing but a dogsbody and a domestic servant. You're not seen as an autonomous human being with needs, wants, dreams, aspirations, ambitions. Fuck all of this. Fuck it all and let it burn down in flames. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 07:14 PM |
| 5 | Why do men think their sudden, unplanned, SpOnTaNeOuS trips are a positive?Partly what bothers me is the sheer unrecognized male privilege going on here: the freedom to quit a job; the ability to make more money; the freedom to get drunk in public and at most be robbed, but have next to zero threat to personal safety and not worry about sexual assault. All that is primary. The other thing that bothers me is that unrecognized privilege of being able to come back and just pick up and go on with life without planning, and/or having friends and family to fall back on. The … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 06:21 PM |
| 11 | He forgets about her bday and ignores her, but he (finally) surprises her! Is this a new rock bottom?I recently told nearly this exact same story. First husband forgot my Valentine's Day birthday, when I had talked about it, hyped it up, received gifts already from family, plus phone calls. That night, he took the only car we had, even though his work was just a mile or so from our house, stranding me at home. Came home partway through his shift, asked what there was to eat, and I exploded on him. It was the beginning of the end in a big, big way. Dump this clown. They do not get better. She wo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 06:18 PM |
| 31 | Men literally have no empathy for women: A case study on prostitution and pornWhen they get this way (usually online, in chat, those who don't know me at all), I start very deliberately, out and proud centering myself, my wants, my needs, and saying so. Suddenly they lose all "interest" when I'm openly doing what works for me. Again, easy, quick vetting strategy. He wants you to put yourself out there, cater to him, take care of him, and doesn't care if your needs are met? Get positively selfish. It will out L/NVM in a second. Next to no time wasted. That complete lack of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 06:11 PM |
| 32 | Getting to see men's true colors after some pictures of me were used in an advertising campaign.That's when I get REALLY REALLY mouthy, opinionated, stubborn, and insistent on doing things my own way, so I will be seen as an autonomous human being, no matter how they want to see me. I force the issue big time. Not always do I have the energy for this; but quite often when they start projecting, I start asserting myself aggressively. Worth it just to shatter the idealization. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 04:55 PM |
| 48 | 10 year age gapI'll be honest: I'm 53, and when I was in my 20s, I married two men, both older. Always had a thing for older men, had not been exposed to FDS. Divorced the first one due to irreconcilable differences and not enough in common. Very happy with the second one, with a 20 year age gap, for 17 years. However, I was a nurse and a purse, so never again with caregiving. Not to say you'll end up a caregiver, but with most men, they are looking to be taken care of. These days, I'd consider dating someone … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 04:51 PM |
| 50 | As a psychologist, I think something we need to do is stop using men’s mental health as an excuse for their asshole/disrespectful behaviorSis, WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS CLOWN CHILD? What possible value could he ever bring to your life? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/22 04:46 PM |
| 8 | Need advice…also learn from my mistake!Anytime you can't shake a man after you've used your words and expressed lack of interest, means he has zero respect for your boundaries and will try to bulldoze you. That's the behavior of a spoiled brat, not a respectful, mature man. Scrotes, die mad. I'm right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 03:39 PM |
| 8 | Don’t ever let a man make you think you need him for ANYTHING. Women everywhere are raising their standards and LVM are getting desperate. This one in particular is trying to use fear and coercion to find himself a lower income wifeFear and coercion, once again, power, dominance, control. This is never love, respect, kindness, partnership. It's men looking for intelligent pack mules who will care for them and not have any needs or wants. Hard pass forever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 03:21 PM |
| 0 | Your male friends WILL masturbate to you, and it’s not their fault. Here you have it Queens, If you are friends with men, they will masturbate to you, because they can, and because it’s private, and none of your business.I get that, and it's an excellent natural consequence of being a negative value male. Confess shit you absolutely need to keep to yourself, and don't need to be doing anyway? Then get dropped, door slammed, forgotten. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 03:07 PM |
| 37 | How does this serve my interests?I've posted here before about how I'm on chat, and have put on my profile "no thanks to all single fathers". I see it as them wanting to get with me and have a relationship as a conquest. It's damn sure not about my wants, when I make it clear I don't want them and their child. Why else try to run roughshod over clearly stated boundaries? It's a power move, no doubt about it. They're calculating that if they can demolish that first big boundary, any and all other boundaries are negotiable too. H… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 02:58 PM |
| 38 | In praise of being a mean womanThis, this, this. All of this, now and forever, amen. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 02:47 PM |
| 41 | In praise of being a mean womanI grew up like this as a female child in the Deep South! I absolutely despised the way people were indirect and quite often did not at all say what they meant. As an INTJ, it made no sense to me at all. I got little white lies and such, but when it's something important, something meaningful, that's THE TIME to be direct, to say precisely what you mean! I also had to learn that you can say what you mean and even say no and still be kind, but that's a life skill that takes a lifetime to keep lear… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 02:45 PM |
| 4 | what do you all think about familiarities? I DESPISE them!So much this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/22 04:09 AM |
| 14 | what do you all think about familiarities? I DESPISE them!I'm in central Louisiana, where are you? I lived 22 years in Los Angeles, and can't remember a single instance of some male stranger calling me a sweet name. It is a Southern thing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 04:42 PM |
| 18 | On "Roasting"I despise this. As an empath, I feel the white-hot anger, resetment, hostility. I've literally gotten up and walked away when a man tried that, and that was in college, if I remember, somewhere back in the 80s-90s. This is not a joke at all, and it is NOT funny. To be honest, I see it as a precursor to physical abuse, and it's a first way of pushing against boundaries to see what he can get away with. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 01:26 PM |
| 108 | He’s just like every other man I’ve met, except this one has a working machine of complicit enablers.Having lived in Los Angeles for 22 years, I very deliberately NEVER wanted to know anyone famous, just because of this. All the narcissism, selfishness, self-centeredness, insecurity, and all the enablers, groupies, fans, sycophants. Big no thanks. Actors and teachers, thankfully, did not move in the same circles at all. The closest I got was knowing a few subs who were extras, and that was okay. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 02:33 PM |
| 90 | Do not go back where you did not belong — your shitty, abusive ex will never change for the better.And let's say he actually does level up, which is highly unlikely, but occasionally it does happen. Remember that with you in particular, it just didn't work. This is most noticeable in men who have second, more successful families. They were L/NV scrotes with their first families, more than likely walked away, had issues, and abandoned people who depended on them and loved them. Then they "started over" with a second family, who gets more love, time, attention, etc. That first family, though, i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 02:04 PM |
| 66 | The bar is in hell.And son, you ain't one now or ever. Next. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 01:55 PM |
| 24 | A follow up to the post about the Air Tags being used to stalk women. Tamron Hall interviewed model Brooks Nader about her experience with this on January 25, 2022. Such an excellent episode that everyone should watch. Stay safe, everyone!Lucky break that her phone died. I've seen enough true crime to know that that's how criminals are often caught, because they forget to turn off a victim's phone, and movements can be traced. The moment her phone died, so did the Air Tag signal, so far as I know. Now some scrote does NOT know where she lives. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 01:40 PM |
| 78 | I walked away when my needs weren't metSeriously what does that even mean? I've never heard that in my entire 53 years. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 01:10 PM |
| 7 | Valentine’s Day Has Always Been the Saddest Year of the Time For MeI get this, too, but coming to a place of indifference, of peace, is a way of getting past anger, wanting to lash out, hit back, get revenge, or even past schadenfreude. Feel all your feelings, absolutely, but don't get stuck. It takes time to work out all that anger, no doubt. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 08:44 PM |
| 9 | Ladies who have dated Desi or Muslim, how did the misogyny affect how you were treated in the relationship?Right, I knew that, I was asking more about paraphernalia, I guess what they wear or have in their home. What exactly indicates higher or lower caste? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 08:43 PM |
| 21 | Taking “breaks” before holidays.Petty me would confront first: so when you say "break" you mean we're free to date other people? And no matter what he said, I'd act as if he said yes, then a LONG, LONG pause. Ideally he'd ask what's going on, why did you go quiet. My response: oh sorry, just got distracted downloading Tinder. Time to rev up that dead bedroom! Not that I'd go back on OLD, but I'd want him to think that! LOL Would I ever be that petty? Probably not, but it's fun to have comebacks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 07:27 PM |
| 17 | Valentine’s Day Has Always Been the Saddest Year of the Time For MeHe might very well do it again -- but he'll never do it to YOU again. That's key. I knew when I divorced Peter, first LV husband, that I did not want to be the stereotype of the bitter divorcee. I bought a small notebook after our last final, awful argument, and not only did I inventory all my possessions, and started trucking stuff out of the house and storing it at my sister's, but I also wrote down every single thing I resented him for. Over the next few months while I was working hard on get… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 07:08 PM |
| 38 | Valentine’s Day Has Always Been the Saddest Year of the Time For MeI've told this story before but it bears repeating, because I want to push back gently on holding one scrote's bad behavior years ago against a holiday. First husband "forgot" my birthday, which if you look at my nick, is 02/14, Valentine's Day. His birthday was precisely two weeks later, 02/28. I still to this day do not believe he forgot for real. That day, I got up in a good mood -- hey, birthday! -- and not a word from him; it was just another day. Great day at work, lots of good wishes. I h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 06:23 PM |
| 65 | Eve doesn't date single fathers, or: cultural misogyny in a nutshell, or: the audacityI adopted that mindset decades ago! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 05:54 PM |
| 6 | Guy I dated thinks a woman should design and furnish his new apartment. Proudly establishes he WANTS to be a project.This just screams to me, "I don't have any design capability. I have no taste, I've never thought about what my taste is, and moreover, I have a hell of a lot of internalized homophobia, misogyny, and unconfronted privilege to work through." He sounds very young, and not that bright. Who the hell doesn't furnish their own apartment? Does not compute. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 03:09 PM |
| 51 | When they tell you to settle for the guy’s attractiveness and the moment he levels up, he dumps you.You do have to change your lifestyle, and I'm living proof. Diagnosed in 2003 with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high BP. Immediately got off all full-sugar soda, joined a gym, did what I could (swim and walk) at 425 lbs, started working on my diet. These days, I'm 250, 90 lbs more to go (less than 100) and I've lost 175 lbs. I still have a tendency to want to sit and snack, but don't we all. You have choices in life. Being mindful of what you eat and what you do is huge. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 03:05 PM |
| 26 | Ladies who have dated Desi or Muslim, how did the misogyny affect how you were treated in the relationship?I'm American, never dated Desi. What is high-caste paraphernalia? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 02:25 PM |
| 32 | Ladies who have dated Desi or Muslim, how did the misogyny affect how you were treated in the relationship?Can both wives sue for bigamy and get divorced? It's what could happen in the West, but not sure about laws in other countries. Would there be shame or social shunning involved for divorced women? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 02:20 PM |
| 75 | An observationCame here to say this. If it doesn't make logical sense, then it must be emotional. You are a threat because you thought for yourself, and made a decision that benefitted you first. Anyone who doesn't support that to me seems ipso facto to be abusive. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 02:04 PM |
| 100 | Eve doesn't date single fathers, or: cultural misogyny in a nutshell, or: the audacityThese are men who would have been far happier CHILDFREE, as would the woman they were with, and their children! We're beginning to crack that open wider, since the 80s, but there's still a long way to go for some. Admitting you don't want marriage and/or children really is one of the last taboos for most people. But once you admit you just don't want that, it's freeing! Why be a father at all in the first place if all you're going to do is shirk? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 02:00 PM |
| 473 | Eve doesn't date single fathers, or: cultural misogyny in a nutshell, or: the audacityAll of this, all the time, in chat. I've specifically put "big no thanks to all single dads" on my profile, and it does not deter them, because since I'm JUST a woman, I can't POSSIBLY know my own mind, or have preferences, or standards, or think that what I want actually MATTERS, amirite? UGH. Oh, of course THEY'RE different. Their kid is different, you'll love them. MFer you think I'm actually going to meet your child anytime soon? Big red flag. I fully admit and own and lean hard into my firs… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 01:50 PM |
| 5 | Romance, erotica novels and every kind of media related to it.Sure no problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/01/22 02:04 AM |
| 60 | Romance, erotica novels and every kind of media related to it.I remember also being so young and idealistic, BUT not buying into every single bit of it. You're right, though, no one tells us anything. I will say, though, that sometimes the gap between age and experience can be so vast, that even if someone tells you something, you're not always able to hear it or process it. Sometimes people have told me things and I think ahh, they're bitter or that can't be right, or sometimes you ask, how do they know? how do you prove that? is their experience universa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 09:37 PM |
| 15 | we need to talk about being overly visible, then invisibleYounger pickme simultaneously wanted and didn't want the attention. I was relieved yet pissed when the attention started to wane in my 30s but I was also at my heaviest. I'm realizing now that healthy attention, the kind I'd welcome, has come my way a few times in life: it's seeing and appreciating the physical me, but then almost immediately delving deeper to make a mental and emotional connection and find out what we have in common. It's the connection that's just IT for me. Stimulate my mind,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 07:32 PM |
| 7 | What do *you* think a pick-me is, and why do you think you used to be one?I put more validation into what men thought of than what I thought of me. I used to cheat with a married man and thought he was sexy, and I was sexy that he "wanted" me. I believed the dead bedroom story. I went out of my way to make my first husband notice and want me he would in fact pick me. I used to laugh, smile, and flirt a lot more with men, hoping they would find me sexy and desirable. I used to think older men who flirted with me were hot and desirable and wanted them to desire me. All … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 07:25 PM |
| 37 | we need to talk about being overly visible, then invisibleSo much this. I never got into makeup (broke my face out no matter what brand), and never got into fashion either, mostly because I was fat, and there is no fashion in plus sizes until VERY recently. Zero performative femininity, only kind of did like you say. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 03:59 PM |
| 255 | Trust your feelings and the strategyGood for you, and youre 100% right to do this. The biggest way you two weren't on the same page is way different ways to deal with the future. Dealing with things when they come up? Not my style as an inveterate analyzer and contingency planner, and it sounds like you're one, too. Career changes, moving, differences in belief are huge, and definitely need to be worked out beforehand. Good for you for losing dead weight. A true HVM will discuss and plan with you, not around you or in spite of you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 03:37 PM |
| 1 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsThank you, I look forward to reading! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 08:05 PM |
| 47 | Is it really worth trying to help PickMes?As a retired teacher, let me offer a metaphor: in 26 years of teaching, I realized after just a few years that what I was doing was 80-90% planting seeds of curiosity, kindness, yes some English literature/writing/grammar, doubt, skepticism, how to be a better human, manners, etc. I was also watering the seeds planted from other teachers, and once, twice, maybe three times during my career would I ever see a student absolutely bloom. That's what FDS is. We are here to offer help, feedback, some … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 01:03 PM |
| 64 | Pickmes at workBittersweet, isn't it? FDS helps in so many ways to level up, but you do leave some people behind, and others actively reject it. And yet, somehow, we all woke up from being pickmes. I guess there have to be enough experiences, enough bricks in the wall, until one day it's all suddenly enough. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 12:59 PM |
| 11 | STRATEGY: How to Emotionally DetachLiveJournal is one, blogged there for years. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 12:24 PM |
| 1 | I lost one of my best girl friends because of a scrote 😕I'm seeing signs of narcissism and abusive control. Isolation is one of the first ways an abuser starts his shit. This is a long, sad, lonely road. Just continue to be there, but as you say, hold her accountable and just hold space for her to come back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 12:21 PM |
| 3 | saw this on my friend’s social media. she shared a memory of the snow and said she misses it. this dude is referring to her husband. I am dead at her reply 💀Wait, what? So some man is saying her man needs to "discipline" her, and she snaps back? That's what this is? JESUS at the infantilization and thinking anyone should or could ever do that to a grown-ass adult woman! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 11:35 PM |
| 2 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsNEGATIVE 3? Scrotes mad! LOLOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 09:28 PM |
| 3 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsHAHAHAHAHA love it. I have Venmo! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 09:27 PM |
| 24 | Awww, this poor baby! Let’s guess what actually happened.Truth. I adored my Shower Massage and depended on it with ace/aro first husband. These days, Hitachi Magic Wand FOREVER! If it ever dies on me, I'm willing to brave going in the local adult emporium to make sure I have one. If necessary, I'll order from Amazon, but it'd be a LONG wait even with Prime! LOLOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 09:02 PM |
| 6 | Awww, this poor baby! Let’s guess what actually happened.Sinister! ROTFLMAO Wow, three whole syllables. Tell me I'm awful and incompetent at sex without saying I'm awful and incompetent at sex. Dude, you are one big walking unresolved issue! This is hilarious! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 09:00 PM |
| 3 | “Do You Like Kids?”, Being Used to Judge if You Are a Bitch or a Nice PersonThe fragile narc in my department did this, gossiped about me in a meeting I wasn't even involved in, and a friend gave me a heads up. I shut her down, cc'd a letter to her and my principal (who liked and supported me, before fragile narc principal came), and when the confrontation came, I brought the dean of discipline with me as a witness. She then started trying to smear my rep, but in a way, the cliquishness and fractured nature of the school worked for me. Those who were my friends from the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 08:53 PM |
| 86 | Unhinged stalker believes I’m someone else or her friend. Threatens to keep calling me until I give him her number. Creates new numbers each time I block.And NO WONDER she changed her number! OF COURSE she did! She's lucky to get away from him with her life! Males like this I automatically presume to be MURDEROUS because of his utter lack of rationality and all that anger, not to mention the dogged, perverse perseverance and entitlement. SHUDDER! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:52 PM |
| 33 | Unhinged stalker believes I’m someone else or her friend. Threatens to keep calling me until I give him her number. Creates new numbers each time I block.JESUS, this sounds so much like The Idiot With 10,000 Names I'm dealing with in chat! So many issues, so much anger and an irrational refusal to listen or comprehend. I just can't even with men like this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:50 PM |
| 11 | “Do You Like Kids?”, Being Used to Judge if You Are a Bitch or a Nice PersonThis. Every single sentence I agree with SO HARD. I think a lot of this is what happened to me at my food bank job, on top of being a natural leader when all they wanted was a strong back and a pair of hands. My next question is, other than quitting and changing jobs, how do you deal with this? Is there any way to win them over while still remaining true to who you are? I had this at one middle school, and never anywhere else so I knew it was them, not me, and that seemed to piss them off even m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:37 PM |
| -29 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsYou're right, I know you're right. I need to get my ego out of this. I'll be honest: as a deeply analytical person, this dude fascinates me because of his mental/emotional issues and how deeply disturbed he is. If he is indeed fire, chatting online feels like playing with fire from a very safe distance, but then I think yes, you're right, he won't ever meet me or bed me or marry me, make me clean, cook, and watch his child... but he gets my attention. So, I'm going to watch for his tells, and bl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:35 PM |
| -15 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsThere's no way on many levels, and trust me, I've thought of this. Partly it's just the nature of chat; we can all make new IDs with a few keystrokes. This guy changes nicks more often than his underwear. I could create a new nick, but honestly, I'm lazy, and I also never give out truly identifying information online, and I've been chatting since the 90s. I've never been stalked once, other than by this one dude who just changes nicks all the time. Moreover, I honestly have an ego about all of t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:29 PM |
| -16 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsThis particular one has certain tells. For one thing -- and I fully admit, this is ego talking, but I'm conflicted -- he always asks, "Are you married with kids?" As a CF person, I always want to push back hard against just presuming every woman is traditional, every woman wants that life, and living any differently is just too different, too other, less than. On one hand, it would be easier to lie and say oh yes, I'm married and have kids BUT to him, more than likely from a macho/patriarchal cu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:22 PM |
| 51 | “Do You Like Kids?”, Being Used to Judge if You Are a Bitch or a Nice PersonOne other thing: when I worked at the food bank, there was an utterly cringe incident I witnessed between an older woman who was clearly a mother and more than likely loved being pregnant and having children, and a younger woman who was married and did not have kids. Not sure if the younger woman wanted kids, didn't want kids, was trying, had had miscarriages -- not my or anyone else's business. All I knew was that she was married, happy with her husband, had dogs, did not have kids, and seemed … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 05:54 PM |
| -41 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsI do end up blocking and deleting most of his names; I've found out he does follow a script, so he's also not particularly imaginative. He has a set of tells. To be honest, I just like trolling the troll, but only sometimes. There's only so much I can handle then nope, done, block, delete. I've considered what would happen if I leaned hard into everything he said and agreed down the line: yes to immediate friendship; yes to contacting me on another site; I absolutely want to marry a third time; … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 05:41 PM |
| 6 | I'm not intimidated by much, but the thought of meeting with this dude puts me back on my heelsThat's awesome. Well done! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 05:39 PM |
| 37 | “Do You Like Kids?”, Being Used to Judge if You Are a Bitch or a Nice PersonOh I love this post! People get irrationally angry at people, specifically women, who don't want kids, because you don't MIRROR them. As an INTJ, I noted the irrational anger, but had no clue where it came from. Seriously, what does it matter if you have kids and I don't? How is my choice about my life affecting you in any way? Logically, there is no answer for these questions, so I knew it had to be emotional. Sure enough, it was. Lack of mirroring sets off insecure people who want others to va… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 05:24 PM |
| 7 | Dating strategy: If you're single, carefully cultivating a group of male friends is a great way to vet for mate compatibility and secure resourcesI agree with all this, and this is how all my male friends have been to me. I just never realized I was doing it FDS style til now! The breakdown of psychological and emotional aspects really helps. Thank you! I will say, in many ways it helps being a nice looking woman (versus someone who is really good looking) who's also very intelligent. I don't get hit on for looks, and it's a blessing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 04:50 PM |
| 367 | Another porn scrote horror storyWell done, and as a retired teacher, good for you for reporting the pedo. I have said many times that I wish society would give people, teachers especially, $10,000 bonuses for every pedo scalp we turn in. Great way to supplement income. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 03:32 PM |
| 15 | Studying for a psych test. Thought you would appreciate this tidbit- postpartum depression in men is related to feeling “replaced by baby” 😭😭😭So what did you do? What happened? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 04:56 AM |
| 11 | Should we avoid dating men of certain occupations if we don't want kids?Teachers are not necessarily out. Speaking as a retired one myself, it's been noted all over CF literature that 20-25% of teachers don't have kids. For myself -- and I think I'm pretty representative -- we loved the energy and imagination of kids, and want to help in a pro-social way, but when we go home, we want to be off, way off, and able to rest and re-create and/or be creative. My older sister, also a retired teacher, said her most exhausted years were teaching middle school and having a mi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 07:44 PM |
| 36 | Men wanting to have sex with you is not the compliment you think it is! Men will have sex with a mcchicken sandwichOf course, because once again, as usual, it's all about power, dominance, and control. It's not about collaboration, cooperation, intimacy, closeness. It's all about every single negative out there, none of the positives. Anything men do that doesn't make logical sense, re-frame to see it in terms of power. Then it makes a twisted kind of sense. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 04:52 PM |
| 26 | When dating POC men that come from patriarchal cultures...Good luck, I hope he continues to be HV. Wishing you the best! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 04:18 PM |
| 30 | Irritating mannerisms are a red flag and your intuition telling you that something is off!Mugging and mimicking human expressions is a total narc trait. Watch Trump or Manson, they mug all the time. It's how they think regular people behave, and it is NOT. Worked with a guy recently who gave me major ick, and I couldn't figure out precisely why. I actually observed him closely one day when I sat behind him. Overtly there was nothing just horrible about him, but his energy was just (insert disgust noise here). Turns out when I worked at the food bank, he was standing too close, talkin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 02:52 AM |
| 6 | Another reason why we don’t do coffee datesThat's a really good compromise, meet at a nice restaurant with a bar with dinner as an option. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 02:50 AM |
| 95 | Another reason why we don’t do coffee datesAs a former full-time teacher, I had thought at one time that coffee dates were great for a first vet, so as not to waste time, see if there is compatibility, attraction, conversational flow, THEN go to dinner. To be honest, I'm still a bit torn, since my INTJ heart prioritizes not wasting time, and I also wouldn't want to get roped into an hour-plus long dinner with an ugly scrote. I guess I would feel like I'd need to stay at least an hour for a dinner. Is it okay to nope out if a dude is ugly… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 09:11 PM |
| 2 | Lol you thought this would make us mad? Dude, we already know that this is what 99% of male lurkers are doing. You want a HVW w/standards. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you send us hate. Any interaction with us turns you on. Y’all need to stop acting like we are undesirable 😂Yes, and that's what I did. It's a way for people with low self-esteem and issues to feel more in control. If you ask me, it's deepening an already deep wound. I get it now, but it's still infuriating when it happens because it is always non-consensual and really insane. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 08:58 PM |
| 9 | Lol you thought this would make us mad? Dude, we already know that this is what 99% of male lurkers are doing. You want a HVW w/standards. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you send us hate. Any interaction with us turns you on. Y’all need to stop acting like we are undesirable 😂CONTROL -- that makes so much sense. So my response about taking back control is spot on. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 04:16 PM |
| 4 | Lol you thought this would make us mad? Dude, we already know that this is what 99% of male lurkers are doing. You want a HVW w/standards. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you send us hate. Any interaction with us turns you on. Y’all need to stop acting like we are undesirable 😂EWWWW! Do you feel comfortable sharing what happened, and how you handled it? I'm fascinated, and repulsed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 04:09 PM |
| 15 | Lol you thought this would make us mad? Dude, we already know that this is what 99% of male lurkers are doing. You want a HVW w/standards. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you send us hate. Any interaction with us turns you on. Y’all need to stop acting like we are undesirable 😂I get it but for me knowing WHY is how I operate. I looked it up online to understand it better. I get the strategy of not responding. It's the psychology that's fascinating to me since it is so foreign. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 02:39 PM |
| 5 | Scrote insults his girlfriend to his friends, then takes joy in telling her about itEven better! Hits home a LOT harder! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 02:19 PM |
| 34 | Lol you thought this would make us mad? Dude, we already know that this is what 99% of male lurkers are doing. You want a HVW w/standards. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you send us hate. Any interaction with us turns you on. Y’all need to stop acting like we are undesirable 😂I don't get this and want to know the psychology behind this. I've been trolled by trolls like these, and it is INFURIATING. I just want them to leave, so I say something insulting, thinking that that would make them leave, because it would make ME leave. But no, they eat it up and want more! The only solution I've found is to go grey rock. I've also outright told them, this is all about power and control, so since you like being insulted, which is insane and messed up, I refuse to play that gam… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 02:16 PM |
| 83 | When a Boyfriend Has LVM/Pickme FriendsDoes your boyfriend know you think this of these people (who by the way sound just awful and cringe). Have you asked him why he's friends with these people who seem so different? I'd be interested in what he says and doesn't say. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 03:02 AM |
| 1 | I Regret my Plastic Surgery: The Impact of the Patriarchy & LVM FathersI had lipo done when I was 40, and no regrets. By that time I was no longer a pickme, or working out the very last of its insidiousness. I really did do it for me, and in fact, may very well do it again since I have fat deposits on my upper arms that are genetic. That said, I for one always believed in myself, even at my heaviest of over 400 lbs. My father, a Depression child, did tend to use shame-based parenting, but by the time I came along (older sister and brother), he and my late mother ha… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/22 08:29 PM |
| 4 | Texting AdviceI think text him once, then sit back and observe how long he takes to respond, if he's at all sorry for the lag, and give it a day or so, THEN decide. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/22 07:19 PM |
| 156 | Scrote insults his girlfriend to his friends, then takes joy in telling her about itThe appropriate response is "Nope, and we're broken up. Your shit will be outside." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/22 06:31 PM |
| 61 | Indian scrotes threatening to boycott marriage if marital rape is criminalized in IndiaSo... the trash is taking itself out? Awesome. Indian men online are some of the biggest trolls, babies, and clueless idiots on planet Earth. Not sorry, I have 20 years of online interactions as history. I am not at all a fan of most Indian men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/22 03:39 PM |
| 111 | The Inverse Relationship Between Financial Maturity and Marriage DesirabilityAs a 53 year old widow, I cannot agree strongly enough. Absolutely no third marriage. No marrying someone else's credit score or their debt. Those were not things I nor most 20somethings ever thought about, but now, it's a major consideration. Considering how we now know how most men are users if not also abusers, it makes a hell of a lot of sense to keep money very separate. I've said here before that I want my assets going to family, not some man. Most men my age would have kids, so I don't wa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 10:14 PM |
| 8 | West Elm Caleb, and how it relates to scrotes hating on FDSThere's always HollaBack, which is mainly for calling out catcalling, but it could work for this, too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 07:55 PM |
| 9 | This trended on r / starter packs with a lot of men gaslighting women’s experiences in the comments 🤦♀️This, always, everywhere, all the time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 04:32 PM |
| 49 | This trended on r / starter packs with a lot of men gaslighting women’s experiences in the comments 🤦♀️I was considering doing this job. Do you think it's safe, or is that just a one off? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 04:12 PM |
| 7 | A disussion about men's heights and lies thereof with my HV fatherCame here to say this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 04:05 PM |
| 17 | On “hard to get & hard to keep” what men value & respect & men courting prestigious organizations. Men’s effort for men’s love and respect / lack there of for women’sI'm this way now, but it wasn't always so. Pickme days, I had the perspective of does he like me, am I good enough, what more can I do, do I please him, etc. Not all the time! I was always my own person first, and enough of a hard-nosed pragmatist to back off and leave if things just weren't panning out. I left quite a number of boyfriends, and of course first husband. But the energy of looking outside myself for validation was there, and it never felt good at all, because honestly, anyone else … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 04:03 PM |
| 34 | A quick reflection exerciseAbsolutely this. When I thought about this with LVM first husband, I got ANGRY, HELL NO I don't deserve this, I deserve so much more, so much better, so much deeper. Every single thing I wanted, more love, more sex, more talk, more understanding, more anything you can imagine, he just wasn't providing and wasn't emotionally capable of providing. With Jack, well over 90% of all my needs and wants, all the time. With the right partner, life is just incredibly easier, brighter, fuller, happier. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 03:57 PM |
| 29 | Being disrespected at workI've experienced this before -- it's how bros talk to other bros. It's a particular toxic mixture of smack talk and immaturity. I had this kind of fun relationship with my trainer, BUT he knew how to read signals, and mostly we were just incredibly silly together. From him, it was okay ONLY because he was an incredibly talented trainer who trained all kinds of people from all walks of life. From other men, it can be infuriating, toxic, bullying, demoralizing, just shit. This is all about power, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 01:14 AM |
| 34 | Man wants to bring his young daughter on a first dateOn so many levels, for kids most of all. I didn't bother to ask who takes care of his kids now but once again, I'm pretty sure he has primary custody, the bio mother isn't in the picture due to issues, so he's foisting homelessness on two innocent kids, and has failed to make plans, knowing he has a set discharge date? Just wow on so many levels. "God will provide" I'm sure. EYE ROLL. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:34 PM |
| 12 | FDS changed me and gave me a heal-gasm.Very grateful I was never abused out of it. I grew up in a small town, and everyone knew if I liked them or didn't, and why. No guessing where you stood with me or with anyone else. It was the Deep South, so there was always surface cordiality, but you could absolutely tell when someone was JUST polite, and nothing else. And most people knew why! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:29 PM |
| 20 | FDS changed me and gave me a heal-gasm.When I noticed this as a child, the first thing my BS radar picked up on was, why is it different for men and women? Something isn't right here. If you can't apply it equally to both, something is off. I knew this long before I had words for it. One thing I've learned is to say, I don't forgive you, I only accept changed behavior. And that's only if you insist on keeping someone around, which is always up to you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:26 PM |
| 20 | FDS changed me and gave me a heal-gasm.Once you start centering and trusting yourself, it is all over for N/LVM, and they know it. There is no hold for manipulation, and they know it. All of this is so awesome, and congrats to you on doing such deep work and healing. I am so very proud of you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:24 PM |
| 19 | FDS exercise: How many red flags can you spot before he went bashit crazy?Came here to say this. I'm probably going to get my massage therapy cert. As I said above, easy way to vet if they're worthwhile to know at all. I've also decided that if some scrote asks for a happy ending, I will remove my hands, step back, and say this massage is now over. I dare any employer to get mad at me for enforcing ethical standards. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:06 PM |
| 8 | FDS exercise: How many red flags can you spot before he went bashit crazy?What do you bet when I become a massage therapist, I get these comments, even at my age and plain looks? Oh well, easy way to vet at least. Not worth knowing, drop, forget, move on. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:05 PM |
| 21 | FDS exercise: How many red flags can you spot before he went bashit crazy?As a retired teacher, I tell men all the time that Google is their friend. If pressed, I'd say you can't pay me enough. If pressed even more, I say what a boring waste of time for me, I have better things to do, like play online solitaire, rather than teach. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:04 PM |
| 7 | FDS exercise: How many red flags can you spot before he went bashit crazy?I swear, men like these who already have a script in their head are insane and dangerous. They're just waiting for a woman to say something "wrong" ie, off the script in their head that they have never told her about. In other words, they're waiting for her to set a foot wrong by being an individual who thinks for herself; that's the wrong move. And they use that "wrong" move to punish her and all women for being individuals, for not being automatons. Just wow. How he flips in an instant is scar… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 04:03 PM |
| 37 | FDS exercise: How many red flags can you spot before he went bashit crazy?They say that in chat all the time, they constantly want to change programs. It is absolutely a control move. I say no, this app works just fine, there's no need to change. This puts them on the defensive, having to give reasons why I should change, and they never do list reasons, because saying "I want you all to myself away from chatting with all these other men" sounds controlling AF, because it is. I've told them openly, I'm in chat to talk with all kinds of men. Why would I change programs … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 03:57 PM |
| 94 | Man wants to bring his young daughter on a first dateOn chat today, some dude said he was getting out of service in a few months and wanted to see me. I asked why? we only just met a few days ago. Turns out he and his kids don't have anyplace to live. Hobosexual, dragging his kids along. I happen to be female and polite, so that's enough. Wished him well, block and delete. Some are just insane out there, and I mean that literally. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 03:39 PM |
| 43 | UPDATE: on 46 y/o coworker claiming to be 34.So a gaslighter and a liar. You were not at all over-reacting. Most people do react poorly when they are lied to, and rightly so. If people have been "overreacting", then he's been lying for years, and he's also not at all comfortable with aging. You are not at all "fascinated" and no one is. Everything he said is just projection. Talk about a NVM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 11:32 PM |
| 32 | How to reconcile with the fact that my brother doesn't support the FDS strategies, although he is an HVM?Why does this sound to me like he hasn't confronted his male privilege? As if it's his right to bestow respect on women he deems worthy, who hew to the social cues he deems necessary. Why in the world would he make you feel bad about having high standards? Doesn't he? Where is this double standard coming from? Have you called him out on this? Honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was wanting to ask him, what, it's okay for you to have high standards in a partner, but not me? women can't… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 05:49 PM |
| 9 | My story of the worst NVM I allowed in my life, back in my pickmesha days 🙆🏻♀️Sounds like a narc to me! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 03:30 PM |
| 19 | Just 3 Queens out there living their best LVM-free livesI love this so much. I'm now in a condo that's nicknamed "widow's village" and it's an over-21 building, and it is so quiet, so peaceful. Every single person who comes here for the first time remarks on it. There are a few men, but they're vastly outnumbered by older women. Alas, I won't stay here forever; I do intend to build my forever home out on a lake in a national forest! My condo does not have a washer and dryer, and I could use more space. But the next couple of years here will be blissf… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 02:30 PM |
| 42 | He knows he’s hurting her but he enjoys it 🤮This is all about power, not love, or cooperation, or communication. It is power. This is when you turn on that white-hot anger, and get deathly quiet. And you do this the very first time he ever steps over a boundary. His reaction to your anger and setting boundaries will tell you all you need to know in that moment: stay or leave. All bets are on leave since you've reached that point already. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 11:55 PM |
| 7 | I am a 40 years old and haven’t dated for 2 years and for the first time in my life, felt at peace with it.I want to do that also! Sounds AMAZING! Happy birthday! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 11:14 PM |
| 21 | I am a 40 years old and haven’t dated for 2 years and for the first time in my life, felt at peace with it.Fifty three here, widowed, childfree, and also at peace about never dating again or possibly ever being in a romantic relationship again. That freedom is such strength! Men (or women) have no leverage to manipulate or scare you at all. It's threatening to some, both your strength, and your peace. Let it be, it is not your problem to reassure them about something so existential. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 11:13 PM |
| 10 | Is He Negging You? 10 Signs He’s Trying To Secretly Destroy Your ConfidenceAnd, because you showed power, dominance, and control, did you ever have to deal with it again from that person? I'm betting not! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 11:01 PM |
| 2 | Your anger is a divine blessingI can do that! Let me think about it, and specifically how to link it to dating. Alas, one of my "roast a scrote" posts got taken down, not sure why. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 11:00 PM |
| 44 | Epiphany! HVM are NOT entitledHVM simply see your worth as a human first. Yes, they also see you as a woman, but as a human being first and foremost. This is a vetting strategy: any time a man looks at you and sees "woman" first, rather than human being, he's simply not the one. He's going to be a L/NVM; he's going to be a user. Always look for men who look deeper, who really want to see the real you, who want to see all your complexity and nuance. Those men will love the real you. It's simply a fact that L/NVM simply can't … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 03:26 PM |
| 48 | How to tell if you are you building a man or building the relationshipJack and I hired a weekly housekeeper, and although that's a privilege that not all are able to afford, we did, and it was amazing. A became chosen family, and was there along with his/my best friend, when Jack died, she was that close to us. I kept her on even after I moved, and she finally retired when I moved back to my home state. Again, another big, big vote for living apart. It's such a vetting strategy to see men's "interest" wither immediately when I say I'm not interested in a third mar… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 03:20 PM |
| 85 | Is He Negging You? 10 Signs He’s Trying To Secretly Destroy Your ConfidenceI was going to do these in order, but it's too much to type. I've found if you either lean in hard to the neg, and say how much you love it, you absolutely own it, they can't deal with it. They have nothing to grasp onto in order to manipulate. Or conversely, if you mirror what he says, that you don't normally like x in a guy, but on him it's kinda cute, watch the reaction. It'll either be that dead silence of being utterly caught out in the neg AND knowing that "omg, she negs back, oh shit, wha… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 03:13 PM |
| 11 | Your anger is a divine blessingNo struggle with anger here. I wield it like a weapon if needed. I seldom raise my voice, or get truly angry, so when it happens, it is with damn good reason. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 02:23 PM |
| 35 | Let’s talk about choosing not to blockYou can never win with a narc, and they engineer it so you always "lose". Blocking is a win, though. You have slammed the door. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 12:03 AM |
| 38 | A cautionary tale on why you shouldn't settle for less. Break up at the first sign.This. He knew her birthday, he failed to plan, and he's low-balling her to see how little she'll accept. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 10:49 PM |
| 62 | A cautionary tale on why you shouldn't settle for less. Break up at the first sign.Just having a kid that he has full custody of is a big major first red flag. Where is the mother? Why did the mother walk away from her own child? As usual, my mind immediately goes to substance abuse issues, mental health, etc. Her moving in was a wrong move, too. She gave away all her power doing that. As for the cake, I agree, probably a last straw. I think he was low-balling her to see what he could get away with, and see how little she'd accept and still be mommy bangmaid. What a horrible w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 10:43 PM |
| 12 | We have a fragile one.Someone send Redditcare! LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 10:00 PM |
| 9 | 35+ Queens - He Still Ain't S**TThank you! My niece has said she will help me as I get older, so that's a blessing. Honestly, I'd be A-OK dying doing something I loved, like out on a trail somewhere, hiking, in nature, seeing all the beauty around me. Time will tell. I want to go until I can't! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 07:07 PM |
| 88 | What do you think of your partner having long weekends without you?When Jack and I were married, I always vacationed alone. It just worked for us. He was a homebody, and I've always been an explorer. He had traveled when he was younger, and encouraged me to travel. He said you teach school, you've earned it, go and enjoy! We also spent the vast majority of months of the year together, so the breakdown of these trips was just a short break: a week at Thanksgiving in Louisiana with family/friends, 10 days over winter/Christmas break in La., a week at spring break… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:56 PM |
| 35 | "I'm the Prize" vs "I'm Priceless" MindsetThis. As an older woman, I started taking back my own energy after I divorced my first LVM husband. I started seeing people as they were, not as I wanted them to be. And I started just holding back in terms of getting to know people: not immediately available, not immediately all in. As a child, I didn't understand the need for being reserved like that, but in my late 20s/early 30s, I finally understood: not everyone has the same heart as you, and there are users and people who do not have good … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:48 PM |
| 18 | "I'm the Prize" vs "I'm Priceless" MindsetA prize is an object, so this is still objectification. Being priceless? That's queen energy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:38 PM |
| 1 | We are living in a clown world 🤡Came here to say this and the above comment, too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:33 PM |
| 10 | Valentine’s Day Is Coming UpSee my username? It's my birthday! And a year until I'm eligible for my pension, which means a second income, which means (I hope by that time), omicron has died down, there are no other variants, I can go back to work, get a third income and... BUILD MY FOREVER HOME! Out on a lake in a national forest. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:30 PM |
| 23 | Guy is sexist and racist, shocked that makes him an assholeI hope she takes a long, hard look at her relationship, dumps him, and levels up. She will have a glow up, and he'll become paunchy, pasty, and even more puerile. I'd have been tempted to violence if I had heard any of that. That is sickening. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 04:22 PM |
| 20 | 35+ Queens - He Still Ain't S**TI've thought about this A LOT over the past 5 years after Jack died. Do I want to date? If I do, what kind of man? What age range? I already said here that while I was still a full-time teacher in Los Angeles, with a commute, I knew I couldn't date at all, due to my schedule. These days, retired (although want to work again, just waiting on more info on covid and for numbers to start going down), I wouldn't mind dating, but how to meet people? I'm an introvert, and I've said here before, it's a … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 03:10 PM |
| 17 | To all the women doing the hard work of healing: give yourselves credit...when, at any moment, they can choose differently and go a completely different path, just you know, open yourself up, level up, own that being friends with other men isn't "gay" and just live a happier life... so easy it's difficult for them | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 01:38 AM |
| 46 | REMINDER: Playing devil's advocate is a social fauxpas, and men who do it are LVFirst husband would do this, so it's harder to do when it's someone close. I finally called him out on it, but it was just another brick in the wall by that time. You cannot command someone to show empathy. I think I ended up doing it to him, and of course he never did it to me again when he had a taste of his own handed to him. I was so done by that time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 11:58 AM |
| 68 | Current guy I’m talking to lied about his height on dating appCame here to say this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 02:13 AM |
| 35 | I think it summarises unconditional love, ladies 😂Words, so many words from men. Always look at actions. Words are meant to woo, coerce, manipulate, move you. Actions tell everything you need to know. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 12:24 AM |
| 63 | Ibu-f*ckin-profen - the difference in male and female medical careI've gotten loud and aggressive with doctors who didn't take me seriously, and I've always gotten the treatment I needed. Once again, sorry to sound like a broken record, but showing power, dominance, control, especially to those in control, usually works. If they see you're going to put up a fight and be disagreeable and difficult, they can, will, and do cave. But DAMN that it has to come to that! Why why WHY can't you just, ya know, take us at our word that we actually know our bodies extremel… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 07:42 PM |
| 79 | The audacitySo she got stitches, and he convinced her to switch to the more comfortable (for a hospital) bed? They deserve each other! He for being L/NV, her for actually acceding. Ugh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 07:32 PM |
| 55 | I know there are creative types here. Shall we use this as a writing prompt?YES PLEASE! None of us could eat or drink anything while listening to it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 04:09 PM |
| 190 | What’s with men not giving a damn about birth controlEven in my hormonal haze, I was so adamantly childfree, that even as a teen and young 20something, I always used some kind of birth control, usually with backups. I get for younger people being so in the moment, swept up, full of feels, etc. but seriously, this is your lives you're talking about. And it can potentially mean a lifetime of parenting. It can mean going to great lengths and expense and time to get an abortion, too. I'd say anytime a man acted like it's a chore, he's not the one. It … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 04:03 PM |
| 8 | Why do they keep romanticizing “toxic love” ?Just about as cringe as when Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton wore vials of each other's blood, got matching tattoos. That was a shitshow too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 03:27 PM |
| 1 | Anyone else get lonely or disappointed when they can’t share FDS and their dating life with their friends?What the hell? Sneaking into your house? I need to know this story please! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 03:24 PM |
| 12 | Anyone else get lonely or disappointed when they can’t share FDS and their dating life with their friends?My immediate response: if they're broke, then why are they dating in the first place? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 03:24 PM |
| 13 | Anyone else get lonely or disappointed when they can’t share FDS and their dating life with their friends?I agree, from growing up and now returning to the Deep South. Repeating what they say, framing it as exactly what a man is doing, telling them that must be hard for you... all ways to plant seeds of doubt in the man's behavior, and plant seeds of deserving better in the woman. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 03:23 PM |
| 29 | REMINDER: STAY MADI honestly ADORE my anger. I manage it quite well, and use it as absolute whip and flail, hell, a cat of nine tails, against L/NVM. By the time my voice rises, things have come to a head, and things are GOING to change, that instant, or I walk away. It is that simple. These days, though, it honestly doesn't get that far. I'm far more likely now to walk away. I take forever to bond with someone anyway, don't need a man economically or in any other way, just want companionship. There's nothing kee… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 02:51 PM |
| 21 | A tip for (recovering) PickMes and people who want to follow their heartLate second husband Jack told me within a few months of our knowing each other, and just getting on swimmingly, I do want to marry you. I was shocked but very pleased. I loved how he communicated up front that he wanted me, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 02:36 PM |
| 48 | "I am afraid I will be conned by a psycho man that only reveal his true face after years of marriage"It must have been when I just stopped trying to be the Good Wife with first husband Peter (mid to late 20s) that I adopted this mindset of seeing things and people as they actually were, not as I wanted them to be. And what a difference it has made in life. It also made a difference when I started withholding feelings from the outset. Maybe because I have a Valentine's birthday, and it's just expected of women anyway, I had thought I was romantic. I am not at all romantic. I'm not aromantic (or … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 07:48 PM |
| 20 | Redpill/PUA tactic: breaking the touch barrierCame here to say this, and have been this way my entire life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 07:30 PM |
| 19 | Redpill/PUA tactic: breaking the touch barrierI'm extremely touch-averse to ALL strangers, and get loud and aggressive if any stranger, male or female, ever touches me. No apologies, and have been like this my whole life. Partly it's fortunately always having been in complete control of who touches me; partly it's being an introvert, an empath, someone who picks up on other people's energy. I don't immediately want to mingle energy -- I know that sounds really woo, but it's the best way to explain it. I want to sit across from someone, obse… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 07:22 PM |
| 4 | Recovering from narcissistic abuse.I had a bout with a fragile narc cow-orker (dash in the right place); she was one of three narcs at this one school I worked at. One was benign overall, just very self-involved and a supply/book hoarder. Her I didn't mind, since she wasn't toxic to other adults. Kids came out of her room crying, though, so when she moved on, no one was sorry. The other one was my principal. Under the five years he was at this school, we lost 600 students (over 100 a year), plus a good two dozen teachers and staf… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 03:27 PM |
| 14 | Recovering from narcissistic abuse.There's a petty part of me that gets a warm, glowing feeling when I see anyone, especially a woman, stand up to an abuser, and show power, dominance, and control. WELL DONE. Don't you just love it when they visibly deflate, from words alone? Just delicious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 03:04 PM |
| 94 | Do men understand the difference between flirting and being friendly?One other thing: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, buy a door bar jammer (not sure of the actual name). Masterlock makes them; they're $20 at Target, Walmart, any big name store. They are adjustable, and fit under your doorknob. You absolutely cannot push any door in; a door would have to be broken and splintered for someone to get in. It is the best $20 you will ever spend in your life. And use it if you ever have any roommate situation. Sleeping peacefully at night, knowing someone canno… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:51 PM |
| 76 | Do men understand the difference between flirting and being friendly?predatory old scrotes make shitty tenants. THIS. PREDATORY OLD SCROTES MAKE SHITTY TENANTS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:47 PM |
| 23 | Do men understand the difference between flirting and being friendly?You need a new roommate STAT. This guy sounds like he could very well assault you. Who the hell ever says "stop being cute" about either looks or behavior, which is basically an accusation of being coy and lying? You never have to touch anyone in any way as far as the fist bump goes. Yelling at you after you've explained yourself means he's looking for any reason to engage, positive or negative, and this could get into way toxic territory, and I fear it already has, if he's going after blood in … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:46 PM |
| 14 | Just another day in the mind of a LVM. Men shouldn’t be allowed to date, they’re evolving from walks to wanting to run errands on dates for their own benefitEasy way to vet: ask him if you both can do an errand for you. If he says no, seems unenthusiastic, says it's too far out of the way, then you know, but you know anyway. Asking for yourself, super easy way to gauge if there's any reciprocity at all. I honestly would scoff and say, no, that does not at all sound like a proper date. Call back when you're ready to take me out properly, and end the call right then and there. No arguing, no gaslighting, no but but but, no backpedaling. You'd also be … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:45 PM |
| 2 | scrote tried to neg me online, I used his words on himThank you. I also used to be just that way. These days, yes, sometimes, I do enjoy it occasionally. This guy was that instance. Most of the time, I just stop responding, or block completely. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:00 PM |
| 22 | Apparently his wife is TA for kicking him out of his own houseI feel this SO hard. After Jack retired, he already had a lot of health issues that were steadily getting worse. He was also a "hearth hugger", meaning he just LOVED staying at home, and it got to where he was very nearly home-bound. I had the whole upstairs to myself, but it wasn't the same, and the TV was on 24/7 for *years*. My blood pressure got high and stayed high living in Los Angeles: teaching is loud; that city is super loud anyway; at home, there was always noise, all the time from the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 04:33 AM |
| 114 | Facts Dont Care About Feelings: Study reveals men and men alone are worse off when theyre alone or suffer from divorce/breakups. Women are unaffectedDefinitely. In chat, I get inundated by men who are lonely, and who cannot adult, and yet somehow also have kids that they want any available female to take care of. BIG no thanks. They're all just so... limited, in every possible way you could think of. Stunted, immature, just not fully human. Manbabies. They bring nothing of value to anyone's life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:38 AM |
| 81 | OLD Men that use nicknames / different alphabets when they don't speak that languageI even noticed some had feminine names! Scammer alert. I think the different alphabets are a super crude way to try to force interaction. Not a good look. Screams scammer, liar, manipulator. HARD left swipe. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:36 AM |
| 163 | That would be instant ICK for me followed by my departure and blocking everywhere. If he is doing something this gross in front of you, imagine the filthy shit he's doing secretly 🤮EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW TO INFINITY! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 02:35 AM |
| 21 | Stay Strong and NEVER Lower Your Standards!!It's hard to say; a lot comes down to gut feelings, but mostly it's just green flags all the way. His stories all check out; you feel heard, seen, understood, adored. You are listened to, understood, never undermined, never second-guessed, never spoken for/on behalf of. You keep learning new things about each other and from each other, because you're both people of depth and experience. You never run out of things to talk about. There's no frustration, anger, struggle, not feeling a connection. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 04:24 PM |
| 8 | Stay Strong and NEVER Lower Your Standards!!How adorable! Love that. I'm good with cats and they love me, but Jack was The Cat Daddy. Cats just ADORED him. It was the best thing ever how they would seek him out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 04:20 PM |
| 23 | Scrote just find the pettiest sh*t he can from his girlfriend and proceed to share it with the whole damn world. It is like he determined to make her hate him.Noticed that, too. Shudder. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 04:17 PM |
| 12 | Interpreting a scrote's sad talecame here to say this. And yes, I for one get super squicked out about men "really" wanting kids. I always smelled baby-entrapment, possible abuse, like they wanted the woman tied down, anchored, unable to leave. Just no. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/22 04:14 PM |
| 12 | Looking the same after babiesI've never had kids, but I highly suspect that somewhere in childhood, my abdominal muscles separated, or something happened. Is there anything to be done, other than a tummy tuck? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 11:41 PM |
| 68 | Have your first impressions of men been accurate?It's in the eyes, they really are dead, like you're staring into an oil slick with no bottom. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 11:21 PM |
| 68 | "When can I do 50/50 with a man?" - How about NEVER?Living down here in the Deep South, if any pick-me older woman ever asked me that, I'd say, what value would he bring to my life? They get deeply offended over this on several counts: me prioritizing myself; centering my wants and needs; questioning his worth; demanding real quality; refusing to settle for less. Those eight little words can absolutely slam shut a conversation with a pick me. They have no rejoinders. It is delicious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 11:05 PM |
| 26 | First real date post-breakup and FDS helped SO MUCH. THANK YOU!!!All of this is pure FDS gold. Good for you on ALL counts! You saw through him with every ploy he tried, gave nothing away, kept yourself safe. WELL DONE. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 11:00 PM |
| 8 | Strategy for scheduling datesI'm going to avoid education no matter what! Soooo done with teaching after 26 years. I realized I miss it ONLY because it's familiar, but I do not at all miss the physical, mental, emotional tiredness and exhaustion. What I really miss is my food bank warehouse job! I would blow past 10,000 steps before noon, and go home physically tired only. Ah well, there are other jobs, and no point putting up with toxic office politics. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 10:21 PM |
| 3 | Strategy for scheduling datesThanks for this. I'm double vaxxed, and want to get Moderna also. Lots of hand washing, antibac in the car every time. I've always social distanced anyway. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 10:19 PM |
| 46 | Have your first impressions of men been accurate?I think what Catz means is, if someone is really into you, the feet and torso will turn toward you; if they're just not that into you, feet and torso will point away. I met a guy for lunch one time, and about halfway through he turned sideways in the booth. I could tell right then that the friendship wasn't going to go anywhere, and sure enough, I was right. This was from chat, so casual anyway, and he happened to live close by. No loss. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 10:17 PM |
| 146 | Have your first impressions of men been accurate?My first impressions are accurate now; for all of childhood through 20s, no. In childhood I idealized men; in my teens and 20s, it was the hormonal haze. I ascribed to them qualities I wanted in myself, and it took a long time to learn how to take back my energy and put it back where it needed to be, and not look for validation outside myself. It took a while to be able to see them as they were, not how I wanted them to be. All that goes along with "young person thinking" of love is enough, that… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 10:14 PM |
| 1 | how many have ever met a HVM living single by choice, and doing well?I have; my first two boyfriends from the 1980s, in fact! We're friends on Facebook. I don't chat with either of them often, just write happy birthday to them on their timelines, but it's nice to know they're there. They wish me well, too, on birthdays and such. They sent notes of condolence when Jack died. I'm friends with my first husband, but predictably we don't talk at all. I drove a few times from LA to La, and the town that Peter lives and works in is right off the interstate. I offered a … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 10:06 PM |
| 10 | how many have ever met a HVM living single by choice, and doing well?Correct, the women he parted on good terms with were not close friends except for two. One he had dated a little while, then she found the guy she married. We often had lunches/dinners with them as two couples, and the conversation was always good. The other close friendship was his best friend for 40 years, my best friend now for over 20. They dated for about five minutes, then realized they would be better off as friends. She was there when he passed, and she came over every single weekend for… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 10:03 PM |
| 28 | how many have ever met a HVM living single by choice, and doing well?He was pretty enmeshed with his family of origin; parents were Depression children also, so there were some things, as with my Depression-era dad, like money, that just did not get discussed. His parents came from MS, and late father is still pre-eminent in his field of 18th century literature. Jack talked to his parents and sister every day. The week he died, he rallied halfway through the week, and talked to his sister two or three times that day. Very poignant memory. His ex-wife and my ex-hu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 09:58 PM |
| 20 | Strategy for scheduling datesThis is one of the main reasons I didn't date after Jack died: I was a teacher, working more than full-time, in Los Angeles, with a commute. Most days I'd wake up between 4-5am, and get home between 4-5pm or later. Weekends were for resting, shopping, cooking. I realized I just could not at all have any relationship from August to June! Laughing just thinking about that now. These days, I'm retired for now, but do want to work again; I'm waiting to see what the deal is with omicron. I suspect it… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 02:39 PM |
| 5 | Married At First Sight Australia - My guilty pleasure while witnessing valuable lessonsExactly this. I can't watch these types of shows, knowing it's all fake, all for show, all manufactured drama. Strikes me as the absolute worst of middle school drama with kids who should know better, but who are still extremely immature. I don't get how adults can do this, or why anyone would. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 02:11 PM |
| 2 | I had a weak moment and caved....First thoughts about how this could have gone a lot differently. You've learned your lessons. If it had been me (and it wasn't), here's what I would have done to vet: 1) First of all, be clear about how much distance is okay with you. It's worth thinking about. Since I want a living apart relationship, an hour at most is all I'd want. From now on, you'll have this boundary firm in your mind. 2) Personally I don't do long-winded phone calls; face to face is way better. I am an inveterate texter, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 02:05 PM |
| 42 | Dating 'travellers' and the VisaThis is almost every man I meet on chat. They are, to a person, all hobosexuals. Education, work history, personal history, all spotty or made up. I keep circling back and asking the same question, the stories keep changing. Invariably they always have a kid, are broke. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR WELL-INTENTIONED WOMEN TO TAKE FOR A RIDE TO BANKRUPTSVILLE. These men are EFFING LEECHES. I have no doubt they know enough of the legal system to make any woman's life a living hell. They would take a woman … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 02:19 AM |
| 4 | A “predictable response” from a redditor. My concern about men preying on young girls is definitely just jealousy 🙄Any ad hominem argument automatically loses. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 01:06 AM |
| 29 | While I try to support our sisters, this… idk how I feel about this…. Like why can’t we protest woman’s rights.Came here to say this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 01:04 AM |
| 45 | This ZV Canadian politician put his ineptitude on blast for the entire world to see.Can we say... intelligent pack mule? He loves her for her utility. Just pathetic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 12:58 AM |
| 3 | online vetting, a listRemember, all abuse and control always starts with words. Wanting to know where I've been, when I go out: this is how it starts. Disrupt it and stop it in its tracks, and never let them get a hold on you, literally and figuratively. It's all about power, control, dominance, and ENTITLEMENT. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 12:06 AM |
| 168 | Trigger warning!!Please protect your private information ladies! This scrote ordered a hit on a woman be met online!!!I'd also ask to see his drivers license on the first meeting. If he can't understand my need for safety and security, then he's not worth knowing, much less dating. Absolutely never give out any identifying info; it's just foolhardy to risk safety. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 04:05 PM |
| 106 | A man rant from a main sub... he admits right at the beginning he moved her in ASAP as a nurse and a purse. His complaints about her are extremely mild and every comment is telling him to dump her 🤣There are a couple of red flags here that I see: there's a disconnect when they communicate in number two, and that needs to be resolved. Either they're not really hearing each other, or they don't really care how the other one feels. That's enough to tank a relationship. Number 4 seems pretty serious, not taking Covid seriously and exposing him. Lack of concern for her own health, his health, others? Big red flag to me. That same lack of concern about his sleep, too, is a red flag. She could qu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 04:03 PM |
| 9 | online vetting, a listThey have attempted to keep tabs on me in the past, and I've always seen through it for the first tentacles of control. I know what that is. If my simply living my life, doing my own thing, going and coming as I please EVER upsets any man, run. That's a first clear indication of control. I've always LOVED disrupting their control strategies, seeing through them, and naming what they were attempting. They always go silent, which means "oh, she found me out". So delicious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 03:53 PM |
| 27 | Success Stories?It all just flows, and is nearly effortless, without struggle. You feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated, loved to the depths of your being. You don't mind putting in effort because it's a labor of love, and they do the same. The reciprocity and mutuality is very nearly equal. When you do have to do extra, they get it, and when they're able, they do extra for you. They would never do anything to harm you, and if there is an unintentional mistake, they apologize immediately, learn from their … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 03:26 PM |
| 20 | AITA with FDS-approved commentsAnd then what happened? Tell us the rest of the story! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 02:11 AM |
| 248 | The absolute audacity of some of these men. Could you imagine telling your partner that you are taking a three month break from being a spouse and a parent?Seriously. Dump the kids off at a relative or with a sitter (assure the sitter that the husband will come pick them up AND pay; I know that's using the kids as pawns, but hey, all's fair here, right? RIGHT?) Then go home, pack your bags, take off! Road trip time! Seriously, she'd be well within her rights to pull a stunt like this just to show him how it would feel to be left with the entire responsibility of a household and kids. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/22 05:56 PM |
| 96 | Gaslighting women into staying with LVMI sure as shit noticed this when I had plans in the works to divorce my first LVM ex, the ace/aro cop. Noooo, don't gooooo! Just cOmMuNiCaTe! Do this, do that! Change this, change that, and on and on and on. All labor on me, none on him. WOW did that not sit well with me at all whatsoever, and i let people know. It was their reactions that fascinated me. Older, divorced and/or widowed women, to a person, all got it, congratulated me on basically leveling up before I knew this term, always told m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/22 01:59 AM |
| 155 | Pickmeisha me vs FDS enlightened me:The question is, how do you get from here to there? I'll tell you my story. The first picture has so much to do with naivete, youth, inexperience, co-dependence, thinking you've got "the one", not knowing what to put up with vs what to walk away from, and so on. The second one is all about experience, a developed brain, zero co-dependence, realizing that dick is abundant and low-value, knowing how to vet, being financially able to walk away, and realizing one's own worth is never worth any strug… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/22 01:54 AM |
| 170 | How quickly widowers move on from their wives shows that they don't see women as people, just bangmaidsCan confirm. First story: my late father lost my mother rather suddenly to an aortic aneurysm back in 1980. I was 12; my mother only 48. He was lonely, and they had been childhood sweethearts. He started dating another woman a few months afterward, not out of any disrespect to my mother, but because he was lonely. Even as a child, I understood intellectually, and honestly didn't mind, since the woman was nice. Dad and this lady talked about marriage, but eventually he called things off with her.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 09:21 PM |
| 86 | How to tell the difference between love bombing and a man being into youAll of this; it's handbook worthy. I'm a very low-key person, so any and all lovebombing immediately sets off my radar. I'm now super quick to pull away and leave at the first sign of it, because it's so unnatural and fake anyway. One of the reason I really liked both husbands is that they, too, were low-key, quiet people. Lovebombing just strikes me as exhibitionistic, extrovert behavior. I honestly can't picture another introvert loveboming. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 08:31 PM |
| 27 | How to vet for emotional availability using 'bids'Made me think of a guy I worked with, who retired a few years before I did. He was perfectly nice and polite, but I eventually stopped talking to him. I'd say, hello, nice to see you, and he'd always reply, "Nice to be seen". It pissed me off, and at first, I didn't get why, but then I realized, he wasn't reciprocating. I had wanted, "Nice to see you, too" but it ended up feeling, logically or not, as if he was the only one seen. He also never asked about me or anything, so it was like I was pou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 08:03 PM |
| 23 | How to vet for emotional availability using 'bids'All of this is true. First husband was very inconsistent about returning bids, and was absolutely avoidant, which I didn't know in the 90s; I think no one did, the terminology just wasn't there to my knowledge. I'm normally securely attached, but his instability, inconsistency, and random meanness made me anxiously attached with him only. With everyone else I had secure attachments. Just the feeling alone made me start questioning his worth. Why do I feel shitty with him, no one else? Oh yeah, r… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 07:27 PM |
| 50 | Menopause liberates women from the hormonally induced "caretaking" role. In short, menopause makes women act a bit more like men, and men can't handle it.I get this, and stopping caretaking, nurturing, willing things to work out when I was in my teens and 20s was exceptionally difficult. Realizing things weren't working out, no matter how much effort I put in, when to walk away, very hard. What I wanted, craved, thought I needed was an intellectual and emotional connection with tons in common. Until I met Jack, late second husband, in my late 20s, close to 30, no man had ever had that. But, that said, I was also unreasonable with hormones, too, 6… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 07:20 PM |
| 26 | "Daddy issues"I agree. I think I avoided most issues around my father, who was a HVM overall, very responsible and kind and well-meaning, but he was emotionally rather stunted and ham-fisted. He provided for us, loved all us kids to the moon and back, paid for three BAs, and we inherited from him. He was amazingly kind and generous, but, born in 1930, he never learned and never had any instruction on how to deal with his emotions. It was a time when it was all "boot straps" and such. I grew up very much diffe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 07:00 PM |
| 36 | "Daddy issues"My first husband definitely had daddy issues. His bio father died before he was born, so back in 1958, his mother married an Appalachian coal miner. He beat Peter, called him "gay" for liking animals and reading, and so on. I think it was why Peter grew up with avoidant attachment, which I don't blame him for, but I do blame him for not working on his issues by 30+. Never again with living together, being a forever girlfriend, without marriage on the horizon until I pushed the issue. Never again… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 06:52 PM |
| 68 | Never accommodating disrespect in 2022 💕Way too many words and syllables for a scrote to comprehend, but WELL SAID. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 04:11 PM |
| 69 | I prefer men to have the emotional strength to call out their fellow men, thanksQuis custodiet custodes? Who will guard the guardians? Men calling out other men is precisely what's needed, along with them dismantling their own privilege, seeing how it's toxic, and working for equity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 04:10 PM |
| 3 | Men will worry about wether or not their wife is having sex with them, but never consider if they are someone she even WANTS to have sex with, or enjoys what he does in bed.AWARD TIME! Love this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 03:49 PM |
| 7 | Reminder: Take Up Space! Use Your Voice!So much this. Personally, I've always had a voice, never lost it, in fact found it even more when I was a tween and teen. It was the fat bullying that gave me a mouth like a sailor, and a backbone of steel. I've seen this too, in older women, although I've never worked in a law office. Personally I just ignored it, and never got push back from it, although maybe I was thankfully oblivious. I just speak how I speak, and although I'm absolutely not ever a yeller, my voice just tends to be softer a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 02:59 PM |
| 33 | A guy in a FB video who may or may not be a doctor just said that one of the 3 main signs a girl has autism is that she doesn't want hugs and kisses and-Such bullshit. Othering, pathologizing, just no. I'm not at all autistic, but I'm touch-averse from every single stranger out there, male or female. I absolutely want the 100% bodily autonomy and sovereignty to deicde who touches me, where, when, how, how long. One of the worst memories I have is when I was at my second awful school, and some woman put her hand on my shoulder. I was wedged in between two seats; someone was sitting behind me, I think, and people were on both sides of me, so I was… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 02:45 PM |
| 93 | “You’re so Weird!”/“You’re quirky”I lean HARD into it: why yes, I AM weird, thank you soooooooo much! It's a neg, I get that, but I completely embrace it, and have done so all my life. You're never going to insult me by calling me weird, when I own it, have cultivated it, and adore being weird. You are right, though, it's what manipulators say right before they walk away in disgust. Awesome, thanks for playing, bro. Next? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 02:40 PM |
| 51 | On dying alone:As a widow who's outlived my older husband, and it's been five years, yes, I agree. However, that said, I really don't much care if relatives put me in a home. I know it takes a LOT to provide care, and I wouldn't expect that at all, were I to be disabled, or need help with personal grooming. That's precisely when you go into a home, because they pay people to do that. Of course I'd like to live at home right up to the end. Personal financial planning is the best. I'm 53, but I don't have the ty… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 02:38 PM |
| 3 | Do any of you NOT want to get married one day?Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 12:12 AM |
| 63 | Does anyone else want a long-term partner, but also doesn’t want to live with them?Oh yes, quite definitely, after 25 years married twice. Living apart together for the win. Strong introvert here, love having my own space just the way I want it. No sharing. I sleep all over my bed, and definitely need time to recharge after people-ing. It's gaining traction here in N. America; pretty common in the Scandinavian countries. I'm on a FB page, Apartners, and I think I have a Kindle book on living apart together. There are articles online, too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 09:57 PM |
| 9 | So.. if she’s so important to him why aren’t they married after 7years? No one in the comments brought that up. People in the comments are betting the brothers relationship won’t last as long but at least he knew he wanted to marry his bride within 2 years.All possibilities, thanks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 05:59 PM |
| 10 | Happy Scrote-free Birthday to me!Happy peaceful, scrote-free birthday, queen! YOU DESERVE THE BEST! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 05:01 PM |
| 135 | Do any of you NOT want to get married one day?These days, having already been married twice for 25 years, big big NO to a third marriage for a lot of reasons. Mainly, I've had my happy marriage the second time around, so that lifelong, strong vocation simply ended when Jack died. I want my assets to go to family, not a man. And I'm extremely comfortable on my own, and I need my own space. Plus, the idea of being a step-parent is my version of hell on earth. I have no kids by choice, and I damn sure do not want anyone else's ever. Having rea… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 04:56 PM |
| 22 | So.. if she’s so important to him why aren’t they married after 7years? No one in the comments brought that up. People in the comments are betting the brothers relationship won’t last as long but at least he knew he wanted to marry his bride within 2 years.Is there a place in this discussion for long-term, living apart together partners? Some of us have already been there, done that with marriage, and don't want to again. On the other hand, I know if my partner got this kind of invitation and I wasn't invited, I just don't think I'd take it that personally. And quite frankly, I'd be relieved beyond measure not to have to go shopping, buy a new dress and shoes, and mingle with people. Bye, go have fun! let me know how it was. And I'd go off and do … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 04:48 PM |
| 44 | Low Energy Men - How men steal women's energyAll of this, my first husband. I stopped cleaning up the house, other than my own messes. He used weaponized incompetence against himself when he simply stopped cleaning up as well, and just expecting me to do the second shift as a tired first-year teacher. He had kept his house tidy enough before I came, so it wasn't like he wasn't capable.Stopped eventually asking for any type of affection, since he always got all huffy and resentful. Stopped talking, much, even, other than functional communic… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 04:34 PM |
| 37 | Only a scrote takes it personallyEasy way to vet then: if you can sense he's pouring on the charisma, that to me is a red flag in and of itself. He talks trash about an ex, on any date 1-10, red flag, and a pity-party ploy. They gauge reactions by watching you super closely; think car salesman, how they always face you and are constantly looking at you. It's not natural for any stranger to be that into someone unless you're selling something. All of these are dead giveaways to me that he's more than likely a con artist. I'd pul… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 04:18 PM |
| 2 | just realized I don't introject, can't be coerced, and am super strong... but at what a priceVery good points. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 03:35 PM |
| 27 | Count the red flags! What happens when you set boundaries with a narcissistSays video unavailable | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 01:03 AM |
| 10 | This shows how misogynistic most of the gaming community truly is in this day and ageI got through precisely three sentences, and noped out. Just so damn dumb. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 10:22 PM |
| 56 | He just cannot meet your standards. You are not asking for too much. 💜Owning my "too much" and recognizing his "not enough" is extraordinarily freeing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 03:35 PM |
| 16 | Typical emotional abuse- bodyshaming tactics & using feigned ignorance regarding his fiancée's health needsThis -- you're standing up and showing power, dominance, control. Bet every scrote backed down and backed off, didn't he? It's such an effective, efficient silencing technique. I say you're not learning to be petty, so much as using "them" on them, giving them a dose of their own. They don't like it? THEN BE KINDER. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 03:33 PM |
| 57 | Typical emotional abuse- bodyshaming tactics & using feigned ignorance regarding his fiancée's health needsEvery bit of criticsm and body-shaming has NOTHING to do with you. The cricticsm and shaming is ALL about control, needing to put you down so you don't realise you can do better, projecting his own insecurities, and simple sadism. This, this every bit of it. Growing up a fat girl, it's why whenever someone, usually a man, tried this with me, I was on blast, and it was Marquis of Queensbury's rules. NOTHING was off the table, everything was allowed. I threw every bit of verbal and emotional abuse… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 03:30 PM |
| 57 | Although painful at first, this perspective will save you so much grief in the long run. A man who is sincere about you will not play mind games. If commitment is not spoken AND shown, it’s overThis is such a powerful perspective, as well as operating on an axis of power, control, and dominance -- over our own lives and time, not over anyone else. And that's the difference between most men and most women right there. It goes back to Chaucerian times: when the Wife of Bath was asked what women want most, she said "sovereignty". That answer has not changed in a millenia if not longer. Knowing dating is about EFFICIENCY is such a mindset shift. You text someone, they say one wrong or icky… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 03:17 PM |
| 77 | Him making new numbers to text you after being blocked is harassment. My state says it's "not enough" to file a restraining order. I am not changing MY number bc a scrote won't listen to "no"I hate how ALL the "advice" is for the woman to do something, never for the man to back the eff OFF and leave. Seriously, he's the problem. Women shouldn't have to duck, dodge, run, hide, throw up shields, learn tai kwon do, move heaven and earth, just to get a scrote to back down and back off. That advice is wrong. HE SHOULD CHANGE AND JUST STOP. Period, end of sentence. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 03:03 PM |
| 74 | More men than ever single? GOOD! Women are finally getting standars and the men are screeching and seethingThis. You win the internet today. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 02:45 PM |
| 13 | Anyone else feel the same way sometimes?I've been thinking about this the past several years since my late beloved second husband Jack died. I knew from single digits I very much wanted to be married and happy; second time was the charm. From childhood all the way up into my 20s, this was the desire of my heart; I had a strong inborn vocation to be a wife, and a damn good one. But now that he's gone, that vocation just evaporated. I knew when he was dying that there was a very, very good chance that I would stay single the rest of my … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 01:24 AM |
| 17 | just realized I don't introject, can't be coerced, and am super strong... but at what a priceTotally agree with you too! I've thought many a time life would be so much easier if I loved pregnancy, babies, children -- just don't. It'd be easier if I was conventional. It would be easier if I wasn't gifted. But I am all this and more, and I learned camouflage at an early age. I also mind.... and like you, I mind A LOT. Loneliness is better than losing self-respect and dignity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/01/22 08:08 PM |
| 16 | just realized I don't introject, can't be coerced, and am super strong... but at what a priceThank you, and good point about telling you what you want to hear. I've learned that, too, and a good way to vet is to push back against that. Ask a question, then circle back to it. Remind them of what they said. I've circled back several times, in fact, just to make sure they're keeping their story straight. If it sounds too good to be true... always a skeptic and I own it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/01/22 08:05 PM |
| 4 | After telling him I’ve been in hospital, have covid pleurisy & too unwell to date atm.. I’m done with menOh I've screamed externally PLENTY of times! That is one hill that is SO worth dying on. I point out the logical phallus-y: so you mean all women, all over the world, are all the same and all want the same things? really? So that means all men all over the world are all the same. Every man everywhere is named Mike, correct? And we all know Mikes are brown haired, brown eyed, and are accountants. Every man in the world is an accountant. Right? Then silence and stare at them. Their argument is in … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 11:49 PM |
| 32 | I believe the push for men to go to therapy will end up with the same results as the libfem idea that “feminism is for men too” therapy will not destroy the patriarchyThat's awful. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 10:33 PM |
| 50 | I believe the push for men to go to therapy will end up with the same results as the libfem idea that “feminism is for men too” therapy will not destroy the patriarchyI have a question for you as a therapist; answer only if you want to. I was a teacher, and a school I worked at had two narcissists in my department. One was benign, just self-involved and a supply hoarder. The other one, a fragile malignant narc, hated me from the get-go because I wasn't a baby teacher she could take under her wing and mold. She came to me anyway, offered to be a mentor, and I said, why? I have 15 years experience. Eventually she gossiped about me (in a meeting I wasn't a part … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 10:32 PM |
| 33 | Pretty Privilege is Real, But False and Fleeting.Love your nick, by the way! Let me say that not all of us are brainwashed, of course, and as you grow older, you can and should pick and choose what of that you care to participate in, if any. I simply refuse to be any kind of object at all, so far as humanly possible, and if a man tries that, I'm going to rip and shred that objectified role to pieces. Personal grooming, yes. Clean and presentable, yes! But all the rest, strictly personal choice, as is the choice not to participate. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 10:02 PM |
| 86 | Pretty Privilege is Real, But False and Fleeting.One of the ways I was always super subversive even at my heaviest of over 400 was I always believed in my own humanity and my own worth. I knew I always had a razor-sharp mind, a good heart, and many, many talents. It's what gave me a mouth like a sailor, and brought out the badger-like fangs and claws. People only ever got abusive with me *once* and I was ON BLAST with them. Just believing that you are a good, kind, intelligent, talented human being AND a woman is a subversive act. May all wome… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 10:00 PM |
| 53 | Pretty Privilege is Real, But False and Fleeting.I don't think it's power, I think "pretty privilege" is influence, and there's a big difference. At my heaviest, I was over 400 lbs, and I was so hyper-visible, I was invisible. Now I'm 250, a basic plus size. I'm a "small fat" and quite often, down here in the Deep South, in much better shape than a lot of women. In Los Angeles, of course, I was not even on the radar, even after losing 170 lbs. Long, long ago, in my teens, I gave up on makeup and style, because I knew that for me, it would be m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 09:57 PM |
| 45 | After telling him I’ve been in hospital, have covid pleurisy & too unwell to date atm.. I’m done with menAs someone who's a lifelong childfree person... PUKE. Did he even *ask* if you ever wanted kids? Did he just assume you'd be okay with him as a father? Gross if he's a baby-trapper. Someone needs to hold him down and perform an emergency vasectomy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 07:34 PM |
| 57 | Be a Foster girlfriend today and make a differenceHilarious... and not wrong! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 03:59 PM |
| 20 | new to Reddit, and there needs to be more feminist subs, so what happens?so damn gross | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 03:49 PM |
| 1 | looking men in the eye, and being receptive vs naturally feeling defensive -- how do you navigate this?You and I are twins. Love this energy. Let's keep it up always! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 03:48 PM |
| 44 | new to Reddit, and there needs to be more feminist subs, so what happens?Okay, so how does FDS escape getting shut down or overrun? I mean, WELL DONE that it hasn't, but... how? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 01:23 AM |
| 90 | So done with avoidant men.As an older woman, I'm not a fan of aloofness even in the beginning, and I'll tell you why. I speak only for myself, and YMMV. I know that when I met men who were handsome, perfectly nice, and with whom I got along -- but the spark just wasn't there -- I was aloof. I knew without knowing even in young pickme days that they weren't my person, so I held back all of me, knowing they couldn't handle all of me. Sure enough, they could not at all handle all of me, and breakups ensued. With Jack, late … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:58 PM |
| 24 | So done with avoidant men.Why do I keep picturing Mitch McConnell? Blurg argh, I need brain bleach now. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:52 PM |
| 44 | So done with avoidant men.Came here to say this. If he wanted to, he would. Hell, for that matter, if I wanted to, I would. I've said, "Let's see where it goes" to OLD men just chatting, and within 24 hours, deleted, because I knew myself, just not that into him. It does mean precisely that. And when I said that, it was the early years after I had been widowed. I dipped a toe back into dating, appreciated the ego boost of a match, but wasn't invested. There's so much to be said for laying your cards out on the table, say… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:51 PM |
| 524 | FDS wisdom prevents DISASTERI love all of this from you: directness, bluntness, holding a boundary for yourself and your friend, standing up to him, calling the law on him. Why, why, WHY can't they just simply SELF-REFLECT and think, wow, now law enforcement is involved! This is going to go very poorly for me if I continue! I think I'll just cool my jets and go pick up a new hobby or sport or something. I mean, how easy is that? Don't give the benefit of the doubt. The *MOMENT* that twinge goes off, you feel the creep or t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:48 PM |
| 2 | Yeah yeah I know the answer is just to leave, but this visual is hilarious!I knew from single digits I wanted to be married and happy, and also knew from single digits that I never wanted kids. Back in the 70s and 80s, parenthood and esp motherhood was worshiped and glorified, and saying ANYTHING negative about it brought swift social reprisals, so immediately my INTJ antennae went up, and that bullshit radar kept going off. If it was so wonderful, why were any and all negative comments squelched with such force and anger? Not logical. Just like that IG post I saw rece… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:41 PM |
| 17 | OLD gold digger talks money way, way too early, among other red flagsVery. I could tell almost immediately, within about the first three times we texted back, that his speech wasn't quite regular English. There's a sort of stiltedness that second language users can never quite get past, since idioms are the last thing learned. Then the misspellings, the other small mistakes in fluency... nah, not a native speaker. And just keeping ON about money after I said three times I think that I demand money be kept separate... what, you think you can coerce or bulldoze me?… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:35 PM |
| 33 | OLD gold digger talks money way, way too early, among other red flagsBetter zero than a NVM who would detract from your life and your bank account! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:32 PM |
| 6 | looking men in the eye, and being receptive vs naturally feeling defensive -- how do you navigate this?Why in the world would they neg you for asking a question about a horse? Was one showing off for his bro? Gross, no matter what. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:31 PM |
| 65 | My sister is dating a guy who lied about having kids, thoughts?He lied and can't be trusted with anything. Run. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 09:28 PM |
| 102 | Tell me a pickme runs a page without telling me…I vet men who do this simply by saying, wow, I wonder what your ex would have to say about that? It's such a quick, easy way to vet, to watch their reaction. Dead bedroom? Really, why is that? I'd like your wife's perspective on that. Watching the color drain from their face, that silence of "oops, caught out", the backpedaling... delicious. Glad you said something. Pickmes and scrotes can both die mad... or ya know, change, which you're free to do at any time! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 04:35 PM |
| 29 | Attractive FDSers - Are Low Value Couples Hostile Towards You?They honestly sound pathetic! Sorry you experienced this. And by the way, your outfit sounds amazing! I always envy people with good fashion sense, love seeing people wearing fashion that suits them, looking their best. Well done! Ignore the haters, they can tell you've leveled up and they know they haven't. Walk on with pride! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 04:33 PM |
| 9 | As funny as this sounds it's really hard to find men who actually like sexI hope we both find one like Jack. Best of luck to you, to me, to all of us looking for someone who genuinely sees us, and loves us, warts and all, inside and out, down to the ground, to the moon and back again, forever and aye! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/22 04:21 PM |
| 65 | Remembering Valentina Grigoryeva: 1 Year Anniversary of Being Murdered by Youtuber BoyfriendAnd if/when I ever find out a scrote is like that, I'm alllllllllllll for inflicting pain on them, on my terms. See how they like a dose of their own medicine. I swear I'm not a vengeful person, but hearing stuff like this makes me want to turn vigilante. I'm older, and I just do not care anymore what men think. Justice for women and girls everywhere is what's most important. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 08:22 PM |
| 26 | He didn’t really ask, but I’ll answer (scrotes, pay attention!)Ahh, my INTJ sister from another mister! You have my UTMOST respect for doing that. Badass QUEEN! I totally get the intermittent explosive anger. There just comes a point where a switch is flipped in my head, where stripping some scrote of all his dignity outweighs possible danger to me. I go extremely silent then. It is ON, and 99.999999% I will unleash a verbal attack meant to make grown men cry, total Marquis of Queensbury's rules. Physicality is a last resort, but it's on the table at that p… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 07:12 PM |
| 53 | He didn’t really ask, but I’ll answer (scrotes, pay attention!)I just got home today from running errands, and was sitting in my car playing on my phone, looking down. I was not at all looking around, not open to conversation, very obviously doing something else. One of my neighbors (older man) said hey to me. Nope, not acknowledging, READ THE SIGNALS. He stood there for a minute all perplexed, then just left. Seriously, this guy isn't toxic, but the sheer unthinking entitlement that every "hello" deserves a hello back, no matter what a woman is doing? Nah,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:54 PM |
| 20 | He didn’t really ask, but I’ll answer (scrotes, pay attention!)You fought a scrote? Hope you kicked ass and took names! That's so awesome. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:49 PM |
| 99 | He didn’t really ask, but I’ll answer (scrotes, pay attention!)I'd be so, so tempted, in a grocery store, to either spray them with wasp spray, or shaving cream, or douse them with dishwashing detergent. MY ASS he's a "nice guy"; he's a Nice Guy (TM) who can't or doesn't care to read signals. He wanted interaction, and did not care at all in the least about what you wanted. You gave off PLENTY of "I don't want to talk at all" vibes, which he conveniently ignored, then got harassing. Yeah, that's just soooo nice, so kind, so caring, so unthreatening. SNORT. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:48 PM |
| 19 | looking men in the eye, and being receptive vs naturally feeling defensive -- how do you navigate this?There's just going to come a point some day, I both fear and look forward to as an older woman, where I just lose it around sleazy men. I picture stripping off every inch of clothing, letting out a piercing war screech, and going full Maenad/Fury on them. Screaming, shouting, getting up in their space, crawling all over them, tripping them so they're on the ground, ripping off clothing, biting, rubbing dirt all over them, spitting, drooling, scratching, trying hard to break bones...full on RABID… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:44 PM |
| 14 | Yeah yeah I know the answer is just to leave, but this visual is hilarious!Same here, so when my first husband, the ace/aro cop, did the weaponized incompetence thing about cleaning up "his" rent house, which was never our house, I stopped cleaning up except for myself. Was not about to be a first year, tired teacher and be saddled with the second shift. The house eventually stank, and yet somehow he had magically been able to keep it tidy before I came. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:18 PM |
| 34 | Yeah yeah I know the answer is just to leave, but this visual is hilarious!No, don't. Just walk away. Or, be completely hands off and let them experience natural consequences. Actually, that's some of the best parenting out there. Touch a hot stove, you get burned. Almost every kid does at some point, but they only do so once. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:16 PM |
| 14 | Yeah yeah I know the answer is just to leave, but this visual is hilarious!This resonates. I'm back here in Southern Baptist Deep South land, and I just cannot with these guys. All weaponized incompetence, all tradition, sexism, misogyny, male-centeredness. Spare me, I do not want any of them now or ever. Even when I was young and in full pickme/OMG I want to be married mode, just no with these types. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:14 PM |
| 17 | Is your boyfriend part of the secret Nude Trading Club?I am very glad that all my shenanigans happened well before the internet! I'm 53, have no nudes anyway. It's a relief to be older and a bit wiser! That said, I've chatted online since the 90s, and I've always had ONE pic on my profile, never more. When a man asks for pics, I always say no. If asked why, I don't hesitate to say that I don't allow my pics to be shared, don't want any man to jizz on them while I feel nothing. I don't want my image posted online without my consent. I don't want him … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:07 PM |
| 4 | Happy New year lasses, and REMEMBERI can absolutely answer this, since that was the story with Jack, late second husband and me. We were both married before, to okay people who just weren't our people. His ex-wife was a dry alcoholic but still had lots of emotional issues, like being controlling. She had not processed the why of her addiction, or addressed that first deep wound that causes addiction. My first husband, as I've said before, was the ace/aro cop, so he was controlling, withholding, weaponized information, and sex-rep… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 06:03 PM |
| 9 | looking men in the eye, and being receptive vs naturally feeling defensive -- how do you navigate this?Love this. So much this, always, everywhere, all the time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 05:52 PM |
| 31 | looking men in the eye, and being receptive vs naturally feeling defensive -- how do you navigate this?Not unpopular, I quite agree. Yes, more like approaching in social settings. As an introvert, though, I'm not in social settings all that much. I don't go to bars; I do go to church but just don't approach random people. I'll say hello, and if someone initiates convo, then I'll chat. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 05:52 PM |
| 25 | looking men in the eye, and being receptive vs naturally feeling defensive -- how do you navigate this?I've never been smiley out in public anyway, constantly wear an absolutely neutral to slightly frowning face. And any man who tells me to smile, I'm fully prepared to say, in my LOUD teacher voice, YOU DON'T TELL ME TO SMILE, YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR TESTICLES. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 05:50 PM |
| 71 | As funny as this sounds it's really hard to find men who actually like sexI agree. Vet for mutuality and reciprocity first, and that's this problem solved. What do I mean by that? If you do something for him, even something small, does he say thanks? Does he think of you in large and small ways, and do so consistently? Does he do the same things for you as a good female friend would? Do you talk together easily, is there sharing of information, feelings? Do you simply just get on well together? Is there an equal back and forth exchange of information, ideas, feelings,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 04:01 PM |
| 19 | Was wondering if any FDS ladies on here have lost interest in dating after finding a job with a healthy environment and/ making more money?Pretty much. Given the fact that I was already married twice for 25 years, happy the second time for 17 years, and for 26 years was working (over) full-time as a teacher, I've had no interest in dating. It's been five years since Jack died, and up until summer 2020, I was working full-time, with a commute in Los Angeles. I had no time at all! I was also busy working on myself, processing what I really wanted (and didn't want) in a relationship. I'm still looking for work down here, too. If my ca… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 02:35 PM |
| 5 | Queens, what are your plans for NYE?Picking up a Walmart order, getting some new paint, since I'm painting a banner for my SCA group (medieval re-enactment). Might very well go out and catch a lot of Pokemon, since I play PoGo. There's a NYE event today! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 02:28 PM |
| 23 | Queens, what are your plans for NYE?Good luck on finals! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 02:27 PM |
| 2 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?Yes, I thought the z was supposed to be s, thanks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 01:58 PM |
| 68 | date men who think like thisTrue, but if he's really doing it to model good and kind behavior for his sons, and otherwise leaves his ex alone, then I'm okay with it. Christmas, Mother's Day, her birthday, that's okay to me. Otherwise as long as he keeps current with child support and isn't a flake about when he takes his kids, doesn't haul her to court all the time for power issues, and just tries to be a good man who realizes they didn't work out and owns his own part in that, yep... I give this one a pass, so long as all… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 01:30 AM |
| 2 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?Awesome! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:18 PM |
| 12 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?So how exactly do you create an alt? I am still relatively new to Reddit. Thanks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:17 PM |
| 23 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?All the more reason to keep talking and never, ever shut up. They can all die mad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:16 PM |
| 15 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?Oh I hope it was entirely too direct. I've been direct all my life, especially having grown up female in the Deep South, where indirect communication is an art I never learned, and that directness done nothing except make my life easier, either when the trash takes itself (and its widdle fefes out), or by letting others know precisely where they stand with me. I don't play games, and I speak my mind. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:14 PM |
| 19 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?It is now! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:12 PM |
| 82 | First, your wife had a baby, not you. Second? You’re the problem.And I bet later he'll "babysit" grudgingly. Yeah, dude, it's YOUR OWN CHILD, it's called parenting, not "babysitting". Scrote all the way for the loss. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:59 PM |
| 29 | Man tries to challenge my standards when I say walks are not datesEhh, still iffy. Nice venue, but still low effort. Outdoor seating, check during pandemic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:59 PM |
| 68 | Man tries to challenge my standards when I say walks are not datesYep, tell me you're cheap without telling me you're cheap. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:58 PM |
| 84 | Man tries to challenge my standards when I say walks are not datesThe moment they get all defensive and start wah-wah-wah-ing, I'm out the door. Go walk yourself and your dog. That is not a date. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:57 PM |
| 72 | A man who values you and wants you, will move mountains and go to the ends of the Earth for you... for NOTHING in return but your Divine Goddess presence. You are to be doted on. No matter what is invested, no matter what they do for you, you owe nothing.Late second husband Jack was this man. Good, good memories. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:56 PM |
| 37 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?love this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:54 PM |
| 24 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?I LOVE ViolentAcrez! Used to read her blog allllll the time. What happened on Gawker? Is she still writing? Wait, VA is... male? I used to read a person with almost the same name who had HER own blog, at least I assume it was her? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:37 PM |
| 1 | AITA cringe age-gap but the comments are telling her to wake up, dump him, grow upMore than likely true on all counts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:04 PM |
| 130 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?I'm sure it was "too direct", I've been that way my entire life. I always know I'm on the right path when I say something that actually is kindly phrased, and yet still ruffles feelings. They can get over it, or maybe CHANGE AND BE BETTER HUMANS, or die mad. LOL about "tha patriarchy", like a nebulous cloud system hovering over earth! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:04 PM |
| 83 | not supposed to represent feminism on a feminist subreddit... what?Wow, I did not know all this. Reddit is sad, then, very pathetic. Glad we have FDS. I know I'm completely 100% right about everything I said on that sub and others. People can't handle the stark truth when it's phrased in a way that helps and centers women, and calls for men to level up. Big whatever, then. They can all go rot in festering puke. So over it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 03:02 PM |
| 59 | Early warning signs to spot "avoidants" and... avoid them?My first husband was avoidant. I've read a lot about it, and it still baffles me overall. However, I understand how he got that way: physical, verbal, emotional abuse as a child; his father died before he was born; his mother married an Appalachian coal miner back in the late 50s. P had three step-brothers, and was treated like a step-child. He also had orthopedic problems (pin in hip at a very young age, teens, I think). He got immersed early in toxic masculinity, and left home around age 17. N… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 01:54 PM |
| 0 | Forced Female Bonding Over Kids Though ChildfreeAww, thanks and bless! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 11:36 PM |
| 57 | Having a relationship start from a hook up is not the flex you think it isI've straight up told men that if they're propositioning me and don't know me, that sl*ts don't do it for me. I've told them, if you'll have sex with me without even knowing me, who knows who else you'll spread your legs for? No thanks, I'll pass. I'd rather someone with some self-esteem. The resounding silence was, shall we say, delicious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 05:45 PM |
| 28 | [deleted by user]Something I said triggered a scrote, got a personal message, after I thought I had turned off DMs. Couldn't send a Reddit care, alas. Clearly I'm on the right track, so I'll just keep on thinking, speaking, posting precisely what I think. How dare I expect men to take care of me? I'm not doing my God-given unpaid domestic slavery duty! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 05:43 PM |
| 16 | In 2022 I want to reduce the patriarchal energy, thoughts and opinions around me. Send me your recommendations for new content!I watch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC daily. She's gay, consistently upbeat even through the worst news, and her insights are spot-on. I do miss Keith Olbermann, who had such a fine anger, but Rachel is better on a lot of different fronts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 05:38 PM |
| 42 | PickMes be like: “It’s OUR nest!”Young 20s, I lived with my first husband, the ace/aro cop, and convinced myself I loved him and he loved me. Looking back, I was in full pickme mode, and he never even got me a pillow. I mean, he did give me quite a few really good Christmas gifts that I still have: an El Cid sword, plus a VERY good replica Viking dagger in a nice presentation case. I still have those, and love them. But honestly, I can't remember anything else, but it was the 90s, so I've slept since then. What really woke me u… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 04:23 PM |
| 2 | Men that are still parenting step-kids after their divorce?I've found as a financially comfortable widow, with family, friends, community around, I am not needy at all, so I do believe NVM never approach, and most LVM are repelled by my independence. All good to me, if you need to be needed, then it's about power, dominance, control, not an equal, equitable, reciprocal, mutual REAL relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 04:05 PM |
| 21 | Forced Female Bonding Over Kids Though ChildfreeCannot stand "but what about"-ism. No birthing kids, no adoption, no fostering. And the most oblivious people just look at your gobsmacked, as if you're not fulfilling your divine purrrpoossseee. Spare me. Even as a child, teen, then 20something, I knew these were the kind of people I could cut out of my life ruthlessly and be better off immediately. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 04:02 PM |
| 36 | Forced Female Bonding Over Kids Though ChildfreeThat's why so many in the CF community claim to "hate" kids. Some legitimately do, but the vast majority are pushing back against that unthinking social expectation as a way to hold space for themselves and assert individuality. I totally get it, used to do it myself, because during alleged "fertile" years, you can't just say to someone, oh what a cute baby, because then the questions and proselytizing starts, and conversation goes off the rails. So it's easier to claim you don't like kids just … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 03:59 PM |
| 54 | Forced Female Bonding Over Kids Though ChildfreeI pushed back hard and aggressively on that, and never backed down. That to me was always a hill worth dying on, worth alienating someone that oblivious. Did not ever want that energy in my life. My go to phrase was, what, you're a fortune teller now? with an obvious scoff of contempt. Shut them down fast and hard. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 03:55 PM |
| 32 | Forced Female Bonding Over Kids Though ChildfreeI know precisely what you mean, especially having grown up here in the Deep South. I was an early articulator CF person from single digits, and from childhood up through about my mid-30s, when the pressure FINALLY lessened, I was ON BLAST with anyone who pushed kids. I mean ON BLAST. Did not care about burning any bridges, actively wanted to burn bridges of people who were unthinkingly pro-natalist, oblivious to other points of view, or outright aggressive/arrogant about being a parent. Partly i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 03:52 PM |
| -21 | To those who were cheated on and took back their exes for a “second chance” how did it change you emotionally/mentally? What gave you the strength to leave?I was the one who cheated, because my ace/aro first husband just wasn't meeting any needs, not just sex but touch, communication, emotional/mental intimacy, so I stepped out. I went back, and he papered over everything, asked no questions, pretended it didn't happen. I realized he just wasn't capable of communicating on any deep level, and I resented him and felt contempt. I hated that he as a spouse was just so basic, so deficient on so many levels. I, too, had created the version I wanted to s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 02:01 PM |
| 47 | Strategy - make him jump through hoopsThis is honestly how it would have to be for me, having been married twice for 25 years. I've been there, done that. No third marriage, no living together. A man would first have to leap in front of me to catch my attention; I'm busy going about my life, getting stuff done. He'd also have to make an effort to be around me consistently. I'm just not good at keeping up with people. Love to see people's status updates on FB, and I usually "like" statuses, but honestly, that's all I do. Partly it's … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 01:43 PM |
| 16 | Men that are still parenting step-kids after their divorce?My first take is that the bio mother has issues like drugs or alcohol. Just seems like a shitshow waiting to explode. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 01:30 PM |
| 14 | OLD profiles and effortVery self-centered, turns all conversations back to him, no concern about your problems, dismissive, minimizes hurt feelings, takes no responsibility, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 01:16 PM |
| 89 | OLD profiles and effortI agree with OP: know what to watch out for, because they tell on themselves almost immediately. Narcs are easy to out as well, it may take just slightly longer, ie a day or so. All you have to do with a narc is say no, make another suggestion, show you have your own way of doing things. Basically be an individual, and watch the mask slip. OLD can be fun if you're ruthless, vet constantly, watch for slip-ups, and have high standards. It doesn't need to be work or a slog. Go with your first insti… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 11:19 PM |
| 66 | Frauds on datingsites/appsI've had this tried on me multiple times. So sorry, can't help. You say your kid is going to die? Really now. Why aren't you with your kid in hospital then? And silence! LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 08:00 PM |
| 60 | For the angered men lurkingAs a 53-year-old, overweight, average/nice looking woman, AMEN to all of this. Big no thanks to manbabies, community dick, or men around my age who want to be taken care of. No thanks EVER to being a step-mother: I don't have kids by choice, and damn sure do not want anyone else's. No thanks to any widowers who try to triangulate between me and a sainted dead woman. Have her, ashes and all, I'm out. Live in the present, dude. Big no thanks to any man who thinks I'm "lonely" and will accept the f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 07:50 PM |
| 6 | Have any of you ever known a man who initiated a split with his partner WITHOUT getting into a new relationship right away?There was one man I knew as an online friend; he lived in Ireland, and I'm in the US. His partner of 20+ years died, and he spent at least five to seven years voluntarily single. Finally met someone as he was finishing up a Master's degree he had put on hold. Met in the library, which pleases me no end as a book nerd. I admired him; he was quite happy on his own, took time to process her loss. He almost died of a broken heart, literally; had a massive heart attack, and showed me his zipper scar … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 03:53 PM |
| 20 | Your partner should never ask you for a gift wish list.That curio box is something you'll keep and enjoy for years to come, whether you're with him or not. It represents love, care, concern, and the best of your relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 03:46 PM |
| 83 | So he’s too “busy” to date, but not too busy to use you for sex? 🤔This resonates with me, even after a couple of decades after divorcing my first husband. I was like this, the main reason being I was financially dependent on him for a couple of years in grad school. Too afraid to ask for anything, and "lose what we had" which was a lot of not much. The moment I started working, got on my own two feet, is the moment I felt way more empowered to ask for what I needed and wanted. Took a while to learn, but every time I did it, I felt better; every time I shrunk m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 03:44 PM |
| 44 | Trust him, he’s worth itshe, he AND they? LOLOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 03:35 PM |
| 20 | Have any of you ever dated a widower? What was the experience like? Would you advise against it?I'm widowed, it's been five years, so yes, I'd date a widower, but again, all the caveats that everyone mentioned would apply. I won't be triangulated; if he still worships her, then I'm out. Anything more than a picture or two, I'm out. Adult kids that live with him, I'm out, even if there was the living apart together thing going on. He'd never have any real privacy, so that's a no go. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 03:00 PM |
| 13 | Online dating just to practice or learn FDS?I'm passively on OLD on Facebook, not paying for any dating app. Already been married twice for 25 years. I'm very much considering taking a break; FB won't let you delete your FB dating profile, but you can turn off dating indefinitely. I've thought about it long and hard, and if it's meant to be, it'll be. Struggle love isn't real; I've been there, and of course divorced. Remarried to a man with whom I had a ton of stuff in common, happy for 17 years. The work that went into that relationship … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 11:19 PM |
| 67 | Just another year end reminder to NEVER EVER build a man. Focus on yourself and only yourself.So much future faking from him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 05:53 PM |
| 25 | Men will marry women who they don‘t love, find attractive or even hate. How does one even vet for this?I honestly think this is what happened to a former friend of mine. We drifted over the years, but I didn't know the term "friend-shift" until much, much later. Found out later she had had two children; she always LOVED children, very much wanted to marry and have kids. Her older son has Asperger's; her younger son is neurotypical. She also had several miscarriages over the years. Her husband is just... ick. Back in college, I agreed to type up a paper for him. He hounded me to get it finished su… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 04:44 PM |
| 3 | Do older ( 40+ ) HVM exist? And how do I find them?Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 04:28 PM |
| 16 | From all of us at FDS, we wish you happy holidays and have a wonderful new year!I leveled up by paying cash for my condo in a really good part of town! My father passed in August, and although I've tried to work, I'm happy I quit rather than force myself to deal with three situations that just weren't good for me. One was a job transporting cars; super easy, way too much sitting, so that I had to go to a chiropractor most days of the week. Second job was teaching; first day that students were in school, got the notice my father died. Glad it was a staggered opening and I ha… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/12/21 11:40 PM |
| 61 | Do older ( 40+ ) HVM exist? And how do I find them?Widowed 2016, divorced 90s, was married 25 years. Haven't dated anyone new in about 30 years. I'm also wondering the same thing as you, but like these other queens have said, I'm VERY okay living on my own the rest of my life. After all, a man wouldn't be competing with any other man; he'd be competing with my love of solitude, peace and quiet, my independence. I won't marry a third time; I won't live with anyone again. Living apart together, separate finances all the way. I'm looking for compan… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 07:22 PM |
| -21 | AITA cringe age-gap but the comments are telling her to wake up, dump him, grow upTBH, I had read it to where she was fearful, intimidated, and maybe in the back of her mind wondered if this taller, possibly stronger woman might try to beat her up. I do think it's a valid fear of short women toward anyone who's much taller and possibly stronger. Something to keep in mind. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 06:36 PM |
| 242 | AITA cringe age-gap but the comments are telling her to wake up, dump him, grow upYes, all this "I'm grown, I'll do what I want". Typical. Very much in pickme mode. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 06:34 PM |
| 224 | As I was reading this... I was thinking "He must be significantly older than her." But she handled it perfectly. 💅 👑LOVE her response: "You're done with your order, right? We're done here." So stealing this to use. I'm in between jobs but definitely want to keep working, and more than likely want to get something easy for spending money, which means public-facing. Need to have a few comebacks like this in my pocket to deal with men. LOVE THIS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 04:46 PM |
| 166 | My experience leaving an emotionally abusive lvmThat list, though. Giving you permission to do basic things that you did anyway before you met him. If that doesn't scream controlling narcissist, I don't know what does. Just think, though: narcissists have to live with themselves, and that's the real punishment. It's a revenge you get just by leaving him. Narcissists are deeply broken people inside, from childhood, and it's a wound that never heals. Your happiness will come back; I daresay it's coming back now as we speak, but just like we bar… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 04:43 PM |
| 32 | If he’s in a power of superiority over you, check he’s not exploiting itCaptain Awkward, one of my favorite advice columnists, just had a post on this! Person was 19, and got co-opted by professors who were way closer to cult leaders. This was about academia, not the movies, but the same coercion, force, narrowing of choices applies. Captain Awkward couldn't answer herself, she was so angry, but she let someone she knows answer; the woman who stepped in has also written a book about this very thing happening to her, too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 03:16 PM |
| 11 | How to deal with passive men?Either confront, or just say, nope, this time you make the decision, and start small. Wait. Wait him out. Bring something to do while you wait. If he tries to change the subject, bring it back around to the decision yet to be made. Always keep going back to the decision, and do not let him deflect. I cannot stand this behavior. I've had people do it with me a couple of times, but around the third time, I make them make some kind of decision and force the issue. And if they're capable, keep askin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 02:55 PM |
| 26 | Men knows they’re saying hurtful things to youI gave him (first husband) a taste of his own, just started spewing whatever, let the chips fly. All of a sudden, it wasn't so much fun anymore when it was dished right back to him. I don't often show it, but I can say some HURTFUL, mean shit, then bat my eyes and say, what? I was just being HONEST! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 08:52 PM |
| 11 | It’s just me or you also find man cave a bull$hit ?Story time again: when I was with my first husband, I very nearly bought myself a shed just so I could have any space at all in our rent house! I was relegated to a chair in a corner. I had moved in with him, and was a total young, dumb, naive pickme all the way, super hormonal, with a STRONG vocation to marry, so I made moves on him, moved in/shacked up. Had I not insisted on marriage, I would have been a forever girlfriend, which legally would have been cheaper and easier. I couldn't afford to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 08:48 PM |
| 73 | It’s just me or you also find man cave a bull$hit ?One of my online friends bought herself a shed, had it finished out, and called it her "bitch barn". She's bada$$. Throws and sells pottery. Just had a mastectomy, shared everything she could about it on social media to educate women and let them know they're strong, they can handle it, and she may have had cancer, but cancer didn't have HER. I call her my Amazon warrior woman friend! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 08:43 PM |
| 66 | Can we hear your LVM break up stories?Ooh, scrotes mad! Just saw a downvote. Bet this one is going to get dragged like my "I refuse to date a single father" post. Be watching! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 08:32 PM |
| 27 | 'AirTag found moving with you': Apple devices linked to suspected stalking and theftAnd that's when my blood would run cold. I'd nope out of there super quick and check every possible hiding place for trackers. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 08:31 PM |
| 28 | Beware of 'moody' menAll of this sounds like low-key narcissism. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 03:16 PM |
| 24 | RANT: aDvEnTuRoUs guysCame here to say this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 03:14 PM |
| 9 | Man in a hetero relationship doesn't do housework -> solution = "get a cleaner!!!!"That's precisely what I and my late husband did. We had A, our housekeeper, for 17 years; I had her for several years more. We saw her children grow up, and she became family to us. She called Jack the father she never had. She became a CNA to take care of him, and she was there when Jack breathed his last, along with Jack's and my best friend. The summer Jack died, A chose to take the late shift, coming in after 10pm and staying til the morning, so there were always several people in the house … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 03:11 PM |
| 6 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersI think this is the weird non-logic The Idiot With 10,000 Nicknames uses. I think he thinks that because I was already married twice, yes, true: I do have mad wife skills. But I'm childFREE, not childless, and the difference is stark. Plus I tell anyone who asks, I do not want to marry a third time; I don't want to live with any man. I never had kids by choice, and I damn sure don't want anyone else's. I want companionship for fun: dinners, dates, movies, road trips, etc. But, as you say, what's… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:19 PM |
| 8 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersYour dad sounds awesome, that is so wonderful. He busted butt to provide for y'all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:16 PM |
| 10 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersWow, man of the house, huh? Yeah right, uh huh, suuuuure. That movie "The Burning Bed" comes to mind. I'd honestly do time with a smile on my face if some man ever dared. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:13 PM |
| 12 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersBetter late than never, but damn. Thank you for the story, always instructive. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:12 PM |
| 2 | ever been shamed? a case for being shameless/shame-less... it is, after all, externally imposedSame here, I've always leaned hard into whatever they're trying to shame me about, or just say I don't understand, explain what you mean. Same with "jokes" that are sexist or about hurting women. Give them the rope to hang themselves. Asking an open-ended question, then using wait time for them to explain themselves often tells you all you need to know. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:10 PM |
| 12 | (long) fascinating Buzzfeed story about stalking and harassmentI get what you're saying, but I must have a gigantic internet presence, from 1992. Seriously, I was online when ya had to type code to send email. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:07 PM |
| 5 | (long) fascinating Buzzfeed story about stalking and harassmentthank you | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 02:04 PM |
| 51 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersI'd be fascinated, if you'd care to tell, to hear more about the specifics of "nauseating and terrifying". Tell it as a cautionary tale for other FDS queens to learn from. I love other people's stories, always instructive and gripping. Stories are what bind us together as humans. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 08:45 PM |
| 37 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersThank you, and it feels so empowering. I want to take that strength and give it to all young women everywhere. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 08:44 PM |
| 6 | ever been shamed? a case for being shameless/shame-less... it is, after all, externally imposedThank you for this. Very educational. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 08:35 PM |
| 37 | and another thing on not ever dating single fathersThis precisely. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 08:25 PM |
| 56 | The OP was a man bragging about six babymamas and not paying child supportYou're not, and I speak as someone who had just about the best step-family ever. I was 15, recovering from losing my mom suddenly. I was 12, and she was only 48 and had died from an aortic aneurysm. My dad waited a few years but was lonely, and he met my step-mother, a lovely person. They were married from 1984-2015 when she died. (My dad outlived *two* wives, and died at 91. That's unusual.) And yet, I just could have done without a step-family at all as a teenager. I liked all my step-family a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 08:03 PM |
| 2 | Story TimeDaring! Edgy! Love it. :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 06:39 PM |
| 2 | Story TimeOh I totally get the small angry bee energy thing. I'm 5'4 1/2" (shrunk a bit due to menopause, used to be 5'5") and now that I'm a more average size (still plus, but a "small fat"), I sooo get this. Even as a child, I was badger-ish about protecting my space and not allowing people to touch me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 06:38 PM |
| 23 | Let’s bring back shame! Society does not shame men enough!I absolutely cheated on my first husband because he was, of course, abusive. He withheld sex, didn't communicate, and was a cold fish. I had needs, and I stepped out, partly as a way of acting out. I wanted to get any kind of reaction from him at all other than heartbreaking indifference. The fact that I openly cheated, lived with another guy for about a week, then came back and he plastered over everything as if nothing had happened told me all I needed to know. We had that one last bad argumen… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 06:36 PM |
| 43 | ever been shamed? a case for being shameless/shame-less... it is, after all, externally imposedLeaning hard into something usually stops negging altogether. Well done! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 06:33 PM |
| 13 | ever been shamed? a case for being shameless/shame-less... it is, after all, externally imposedGood question, I do think shaming them is powerful and it works. Sometimes it can take a long time, but sometimes, on AITA for example, it can be brutal and swift. I also like how nowadays, we're normalizing outing predators, sharing information, and protecting other women more. Let's have more of that, always. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 06:31 PM |
| 45 | 'Body count': Do people count and what even matters?Absolutely on the right track then! Yet another term used for quick, efficient, ruthless vetting. Any man who uses the term is a scrote. Anyone who asks is out to shame you for either too much or not enough, and the goal posts WILL move. Don't play any game you cannot win. Scrotes, DIE MAD, we've outed yet another shitty game. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 03:17 PM |
| 60 | 'Body count': Do people count and what even matters?I'd look over at any man who asked that, smile, and say, "The term 'body count' is what you use when you talk about a disaster. My sex life is, shall we say, far from a disaster." And let him make of that what he will. Silence and a long sip of whatever I'm drinking. :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 03:15 PM |
| 39 | Let’s bring back shame! Society does not shame men enough!A sure sign you're on the right track, 100% correct. WELL DONE. Keep up the good work! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 03:06 PM |
| 40 | Let’s bring back shame! Society does not shame men enough!"the dead-eyed wank army"... LOVE THIS! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 03:04 PM |
| 43 | Hilariously Bad First Dates That I Have Been OnYeah, I'm pretty convinced a lot of military men are 100% hobosexuals who try to cadge lodging, food, everything off any woman they can find online. They also almost invariably want free babysitting, too. They bring NOTHING of value, and want to take EVERYTHING. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 03:01 PM |
| 48 | Hilariously Bad First Dates That I Have Been OnSo was Norman Bates' mother. Creep vibes all around. Imagine marrying a mama's boy like this and getting the MIL from hell. Enmeshed families? BIG no thanks. No boundaries at all, a lifetime of hell. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 03:00 PM |
| 32 | OP asked for advice and naturally everyone gaslit her into thinking she was at faultYet another reason I'm glad I never had a kid. Abuse during pregnancy, a checked-out, absent father, almost inevitable divorce, of course being the parent who stayed, poverty or way too damn close for way too long, never getting child support or in dribs and drabs. I could go on. I feel like at some point I lived this in a previous life, and thought NEVER AGAIN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 02:42 PM |
| 36 | Have you noticed that cult practices and lvm are the same?That #1 is especially interesting, given about how, yet again, it's about power, dominance, control. I'm very convinced that as women get older anyway, there are a lot of men who simply give up manipulation. As an older woman, there's not a man out there who would DARE try to manipulate me or any other older woman, simply because we take no shit, and no effs given in telling people so. That's because we also see through #2-4 as well. I'm convinced that the lack of male "attention" as women age i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 02:35 PM |
| 4 | I don't know why anyone would date a single fatherI suspect brigading. Every singe upvote gets downvoted. Someone is watching ANGRILY! This makes me laugh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 02:18 PM |
| 12 | Whenever I'm feeling down about a broken friendship or someone not treating me the way I should be treated, I have a little talk with myself. I remind myself that yes, I am enough, and no, I will not sacrifice my own happiness or stability for someone else's. Choose yourself every time.Such a good reminder. I was thinking about the non-profit job I just quit, where the hard, honest physical work was fantastic, even slightly too hard for me, causing me to be really, really sore, but I was making SUCH gains in muscle, endurance, stamina, etc. I think if I could have stuck with it, I would have possibly lost a lot of weight, maybe even healed from t2 diabetes. I could have seen easily losing 25 lbs over the next year of the contract. To my face there, for the nearly three months … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 01:55 PM |
| 17 | Story TimeThe more you level yourself up, the more NVM won't even bother to come around at all. Truly high energy from a woman scares them away completely. Occasionally a LVM will approach, but if you are high value in terms of just doing everything you can mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially to level yourself up, they'll see pretty quickly you're extremely out of their league, and will just slink off. I'm 53, dress basic (I wear the "INTJ uniform" of black pants and grey shirt alm… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 01:42 PM |
| 29 | Story TimeNot entirely a joke, but if there was an Amazon card in there, I'd spend that sucker in a heartbeat! LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 01:34 PM |
| 308 | I’ve had more intriguing conversations with cats at this point. How many dates will I go on where a guy believes the date went swimmingly, and the whole time I never got a word in edgewise? oy veyThe moment I ask, do you have any questions for me? I'm more than halfway out the door already. If they don't comprehend mutuality and reciprocity, especially in something as introductory as conversation, they're selfish, takers, and babies. They will drain you of EVERYTHING if you stay with them. They'll also speak for you, presume, assume, and project onto you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 12:21 AM |
| 48 | Weaponizing Communication and TrustMy first husband to a tee, every bit of this, every sentence. It's why, after an argument where every single bit of this occurred, I simply just stopped cleaning up anything except the messes I made. I cooked for myself, did my own laundry, etc. He kept his house (always his house, never our house, except it wasn't "his" house -- he rented) clean enough before I came along. Utter Pyrrhic victory, since eventually the house stank, but worth it to just stop playing the Good Wife, stop his presumpt… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 10:07 PM |
| 2 | “Merry Christmas from me and my family, whom I hate!”Thanks... I have seen this before, alas. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 09:41 PM |
| 7 | POS Scrotes will LITERALLY find the most random obscure dark holes to hit on you!I need to know this entire story! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 06:06 PM |
| 18 | POS Scrotes will LITERALLY find the most random obscure dark holes to hit on you!Report him to the company he works for. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:51 PM |
| 9 | POS Scrotes will LITERALLY find the most random obscure dark holes to hit on you!Big red flag for abuse when the manipulation and power-seeking is that transparent. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:50 PM |
| 33 | How long to wait after divorce to date with kids?Now that I'm 53 and widowed, they think because I'm widowed and have no kids I'm absolutely ripe to step in and be a step-mother. My version of hell on earth, and I say so. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:36 PM |
| 44 | How long to wait after divorce to date with kids?Can confirm. I've chatted for years on many different platforms. Had quite a few men ask me if I had kids, and when I said no, blocked. Yeah, they weren't looking for me as a partner at all. My blood always ran cold when they heard "no kids" then just left. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:35 PM |
| 35 | How long to wait after divorce to date with kids?As someone who's widowed and considering dating again, EVERYONE has an opinion and "feelings" about it, which they will let you know, whether you want to know or not. It is your life! You decide when the time is right. I don't have kids, but since my marriage to J was happy and long, some in my immediate family were iffy about my dating again. II always want to maintain peace, but I don't give those meh/downward mouth-turn looks any credence. It HAS been five years, which is way long enough. The… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:31 PM |
| 11 | “Merry Christmas from me and my family, whom I hate!”I don't see an image, just the title. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:02 PM |
| 625 | I just waited around to protect my lash technician from a creepy client.Most businesses have signs saying "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone". I don't know where you live, but this is a very good sign to have in any store. Calling back once to confirm? Not a problem. Second or third time or more? Sorry, your appointment has been cancelled; something came up. This is excessive. If he still came, then call security or the police and report. I'm sorry she felt like she *had* to provide service -- you do not! Any manager who's not understanding of that is… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 04:59 PM |
| 12 | I don't know why anyone would date a single fatherFascinating how this post has zero upvotes, while ALL other posts are upvoted. Scrotes mad! HAHAHA! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 02:43 PM |
| 6 | Read this if you’ve ever wondered “what if I gave my lvx a second chance…?”no, chat... I'm on Facebook OLD, not paying for any dating apps | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 01:03 AM |
| 21 | I don't know why anyone would date a single fatherNot getting pulled into the role where I do all the caretaking/caregiving, and become the mommy bangmaid with no wants or needs | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 10:21 PM |
| 29 | I don't know why anyone would date a single fatherThis! SO MUCH THIS, all the way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 06:29 PM |
| 26 | I don't know why anyone would date a single fatherSorry but what's HBIC? Head b in charge? Love it, if so! I agree, I absolutely want to come first with a partner. You can't be #1 if a man has a child. That's selfish (positively to me) and I lean hard into it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 06:28 PM |
| 288 | Yep, just about what I expected 😡Whaddaya wanna bet this dude is a middle manager at a fast food or big box store, too? Never married or long divorced, lots of first dates (or none), has a porn habit that eats up all of his extra cash. I could go on. We all know the type. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 05:04 PM |
| 67 | YOU alone get to determine your standards!Totally hear you. I'm 53, was married twice for 25 years, and I absolutely refuse to date any single father, since I'm childfree, as well as a short man, or man with bad tattoos, or any man who I deem just not good looking, and that's surface only. I'm also pretty average looking and overweight, and I've always insisted on my own standards. The more that pisses someone else off, the more I know I don't need or want them in my life. I used to think I'd never date or marry any man without a degree… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 05:02 PM |
| 556 | Friends that make questionable relationship decisions like this are LV. I don’t understand how the entire friend group KNOWS it’s disgusting and yet…no one steps up to call him out. Gross.Honestly just say THAT: she's still a child, regardless of the legal age of consent. She clearly doesn't fit in, looks out of place, looks miserable. Dude, what the hell are you thinking? ARE you even thinking? Date someone your own age, man, because this makes me really, really uncomfortable. I mean, our friend --- has a DAUGHTER close to her age. Seriously, man... really? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 04:37 PM |
| 51 | Read this if you’ve ever wondered “what if I gave my lvx a second chance…?”Just got done with yet another coercive conversation with The Idiot With 10,000 Names today. Same thing. My chat profile says clearly "single fathers, keep paying other people to take care of your kids". I make it clear I don't want that. And yet, this idiot love bombs me by telling me randomly he "loves" me (yeah right, internet stranger who's known me for five whole minutes), and says he wants "us" to be a "family". I just troll the troll. It is such a game to say no, because honestly, what's … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 04:12 PM |
| 25 | Read this if you’ve ever wondered “what if I gave my lvx a second chance…?”Do it TODAY. You'll feel lighter, better, FREER. And you can enjoy your holiday in peace! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/21 04:09 PM |
| 84 | Men being body shamed 😢I'm so TIRED of men co-opting EVERYTHING. What gives? Seriously, what's so difficult about letting a topic be about women, staying on topic, and NOT taking over? How difficult is it just to shut your festering gob and JUST LISTEN? understand? empathize? Are they that insecure that anytime the focus is on women and women's issues, they can't staaaanddd it and have to yank the spotlight back? Gimme a break. I'm just TIRED. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/21 08:30 PM |
| 2 | In North America, why is prostitution illegal but “massage parlours” AKA brothels operate so blatantly everywhere?I've had good massages from men, so it's possible. One of the best ones I remember was again, through my chiropractor's office. This guy did wonderful things with my ankles and feet. I was a boneless puddle! LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/21 07:42 PM |
| 126 | Why do men act so nice to other people but seem to hate their own wife and children?Came here to say this. First husband married me because I was there and convenient, he wasn't getting younger, and I guess he thought it was time to marry. Just earning my BA alone the first year we met outshone him; he had his HS diploma and some college. I then went on to get my MA, and go to work, too. I've said before here, he kept saying, "You're educated beyond your intelligence" which if you analyze it doesn't even make sense. I finally said, no, Peter, I'm educated beyond YOUR intelligen… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/21 01:48 AM |
| 74 | Was anyone else CONVINCED they were asexual?Once again, more about power, dominance, control, as well as cutting off their noses to spite their faces. First husband was like this. He'd rather have his immature version of "control" than sex, which, if he was the avoidant person I think he was, was overwhelming to him. No clue about avoidant attachment style in the 90s, but it fits him down the line. Live and learn. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/21 01:39 AM |
| 13 | Was anyone else CONVINCED they were asexual?Typical of most things new, people over-generalize without adequate background or research. I'm sorry this happened to you; it honestly does sound disgusting. I agree: find out if it's global (true throughout all sexual experiences, true throughout your life, or a very recent thing which bears a lot more looking into by analysis and feeling), or if it's just that/those guys who are clearly not the right ones, and/or who do gross crap that utterly turns you off before labeling yourself. Took me w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/21 01:36 AM |
| 42 | 'When rape is inevitable, enjoy it’: Karnataka (India) Congress MLA in AssemblyFrom what I read (a while ago), it means young men born into a culture where infanticide is common. They are boy kings; their mothers spoil and shield them from consequences. They're immersed in men-only spaces from birth, practically, and learn to hate women from the start. I did a quick search, and turned up a lot of articles. The Chinese men don't have children, because women won't date or marry them or have sex with them much less kids. They're stunted human beings. https://www.google.com/se… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/21 09:50 PM |
| 91 | 'When rape is inevitable, enjoy it’: Karnataka (India) Congress MLA in AssemblyWant to see gun control in the USA? Let all women and minorities join the National Rifle Association and arm themselves. All of a sudden, it'd be top priority, what do you want to bet, hmm? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/21 08:57 PM |
| 104 | 'When rape is inevitable, enjoy it’: Karnataka (India) Congress MLA in AssemblyTrust me when I say they also get "aroused" at strength, too. I am a world traveler who is going to give India a pass, with regret. There are 10,000 holy spots in India! So much history, so much culture. But their human, civil, women's rights? Execrable. I've had so many Indian men try to coerce me and break me down, so much so that it turns into a game. I've toyed with them, trolled them, cockblocked them from here to the moon and back, just to be defiant, obstructive, non-compliant, willful. T… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/21 08:54 PM |
| 63 | In North America, why is prostitution illegal but “massage parlours” AKA brothels operate so blatantly everywhere?I'm considering doing a certification in massage therapy. I have my BA and MA, so no extra degree program needed. There are ethical, above-board massage spas, salons, businesses. However, massage therapy as a whole keeps fighting the good fight and distancing itself from these types of establishments. My massage therapist who operates within my chiropractor's office and I talked about it, and about men who ask for "happy endings". I admire this lady a lot; we get on very well, and she is someone… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/21 07:35 PM |
| 40 | Beware of the chronic resentmentStory time: again first husband, and by the time our second year married had rolled around, he absolutely refused to join me in going to see my family for Christmas. My family is overall pretty healthy; there's no estrangement; we all get along; we like and love each other; we always make an effort to keep peace. He just did not want to socialize with anyone, even people who wanted him to come, asked about him, missed him. It was the beginning of me just blowing him off entirely about everything… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/21 07:29 PM |
| 10 | How much do you expect your SO to spend on gifts for special occasions?Thank you! He was a LVM, then, because he had no relationship skills other than as a friend to other men. Very, very glad I was never around the New Age softboi types. We always said of Peter "still waters run deep" but I think even that was giving him too much credit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/21 03:04 PM |
| 56 | I did it!So happy for you. WELL DONE! YOU ROCK! There is so much to be said for having your own job and independence, that it can't be said enough. Landing on your feet is the ultimate, best revenge. Knowing you can provide for your own needs is crucial. Knowing you won't be lacking, hurting, needing is so empowering. I fully expect you to do a major glow-up just because you don't have that stress from him in your life anymore. You'll work through all your issues. You won't make that mistake again with a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 07:04 PM |
| 197 | How much do you expect your SO to spend on gifts for special occasions?My worst experience was with, no surprise, my first husband. He was, all in all, a MVM, a medium-value man. He wasn't porn-addicted; this was the 90s, not a scrap of porn to be found, but he was ace/aro and a cold fish. He was responsible and a good citizen, but a cold man, all hail fellow well met to all his male buddies, standoffish around women. How I dated him and married him remains a mystery to me! I was young, naive, a pickme, and had no clue about men operating from power, dominance, con… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 06:57 PM |
| 116 | This shit is still going on in 2021. Unbelievable!Respectability politics is the worst. So much shaming, withholding, centering men, de-centering women's wishes, and in OP's words, her mental, physical, emotional health. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 06:44 PM |
| 17 | Strategic ignorance of women is what keeps the majority of relationships aliveI agree. Unblock her, block him. Give her time to put 2+2 together. She might one day contact you, and I hope you're open to talking to her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 06:18 PM |
| 62 | Was your dad an HVM?He was HV in that he was super responsible, loving, caring, kind overall. However, he was a Boomer, and although he tried to keep up with the times, at the end of his life, the last couple of decades, he just couldn't. He also by that time had watched Faux Noise all the time for years. Men get more conservative/fearful as they get older; women get more radical. My father passed August 2021 at age 91. His older brother, my uncle, is still alive and kicking at 93! Their mother, my grandmother, pas… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 06:13 PM |
| 23 | This is why venting is a must! And also, it’s hard to leave an abusive relationship because we can straight up get murdered. Some men can’t take No. Rip to these poor souls.I swear, copies of Lundy Bancroft's book should just be straight up given to women. Hear me out here: in my opinion, stalking and even death can be mostly prevented. How? Because all abuse starts with words alone. It always starts with pushing boundaries; it progresses to physical violence, rape, murder. The sooner a woman stands up, pushes back, exerts her own power, control, and dominance over her own life, her body, her boundaries, that's the moment a scrote backs down and backs off. And it w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 05:59 PM |
| 18 | general good advice about datingLOVE this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 05:22 PM |
| 23 | "The more accepting you become, the less bizarre things seem."- Why scepticism is important and why you don't owe acceptance to anyone.And the only sane response if all responses are wrong is to ignore those who judge, and just please yourself. Oh wait, it's what we've always done, except now we're talking openly about it. It's like that Greek? saying, the man thinks he's the head, but the woman is the neck, and the neck turns the head. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 03:30 PM |
| 8 | When you follow your intuition but still question yourself / feel bad for enforcing boundariesTotally this. The Idiot With 10,000 Nicks follows me around chat, which is a place I probably shouldn't hang around, but do out of habit of 20 years. Today he was negging, and I totally trolled him. Finally got him to shut up by saying, [goes to get popcorn, sits down and chomps popcorn while waiting for you to say something else stupid so I can keep laughing at you]. I know he has personality disorders... but there's also something in me that wants to give back as good or better than he dishes … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 03:26 PM |
| 4 | When you follow your intuition but still question yourself / feel bad for enforcing boundariesDating related: I wonder if I'll ever find another partner, given the fact that I do have good boundaries, don't put up with anything, and have high expectations. Not worried, just wondering. I know settling is never worth it. Mostly just wondering if men find me attractive at 53. Not dating related: was just wondering if my standards were a bit too high with this food bank job I just quit, after getting written up for a lot of petty things. The more I think about it, nah, my standards weren't t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 03:21 PM |
| 40 | When you follow your intuition but still question yourself / feel bad for enforcing boundariesMy go to response: truly nice people don't make you feel uncomfortable, then silence. There's no comeback to that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 03:14 PM |
| 6 | LibFem Lies: Western Women Didn't Enter the Workplace Until the 1960sThey've got to be kidding! Women flooded into the workforce in WWII, and then when men came back, were forced out. Women have always worked; they were not always paid, and still aren't paid equitably. The WWII example is just one example among many. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 12:34 AM |
| 10 | In need of some positivity and also a reminder of what HVM look like..Thank you so much! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 12:22 AM |
| 70 | Lmfao didn’t we learn on an episode of FDS Podcast that this “curve” is actually scar tissue from excessive wanking? They’re reframing it, I’m wheezing.Peyronie's is real... not always from excessive wanking. First boyfriend had it; the cure is a short outpatient snip, maybe one or two stitches at most. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/21 12:20 AM |
| 40 | The more I read, the more I am getting sure that I really don't want to have to do anything with men.I'm so there, and it's why I haven't missed dating these past five years after J died. No victimhood EVER, no coercion ever. Even anxiety is a vetting tool, very useful, too, especially before a date. If I'm that anxious that he'll wimp out, not pay, be abusive and/or coercive, that's my intuition telling me, don't bother. I'm to the point now where I KNOW what being loved, appreciated, adored, respected, listened to, heard, seen feels like, and nothing less will ever do. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 03:37 PM |
| 76 | The more I read, the more I am getting sure that I really don't want to have to do anything with men.I do think, as an older woman, that older women are there. That is our structure: being single is the norm, and being in a relationship is something special. The sooner you get to the spot in your life where you know, without a doubt, that you are not just okay on your own, but better off than with a relationship that just takes and takes and doesn't give anything, the better off you'll be. And we have to start somewhere. Who was it that said first an idea is ridiculed, then questioned, then acc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 03:34 PM |
| 5 | Your thoughts on this guy?I think he's breadcrumbing you, wants to be chased, and is using you for some kind of weird emotional validation and support, which you may or may not be giving, since I think he himself doesn't know what he wants. The next step is up to you. Personally, I'd just keep him as a low-contact friend, and enforce slightly better boundaries. You can decide whether it's worth it to you to ask him straight up what he wants, if you think he knows and can tell the truth. Seems to me he just wants attentio… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 02:03 PM |
| 18 | NVM screeching about losing money in a divorce 🤣🤣🤣 get wrecked. They always blame the woman for a failing marriage and make her out to be LaZY as if she did not raise kids and do housework full-time. She DESERVES some equity.I'm childfree, but for slightly under two years I was dependent on my first husband. I was in grad school, busting butt to get my degree and get a job, but those two years SUCKED ASS. Again, all about power, control, dominance. I hated having to ask him for freaking grocery money. I hated never having enough money to pay bills, and feeling like I couldn't even get a part-time job (other than a work study thing). I gained a lot of weight; I do believe during that time I became pre-diabetic, and I… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:59 PM |
| 19 | Marriage and prenups which truly benefit womenLiving apart together would be my solution, but then again, I'm older, and have already been married twice. I don't see any point in marrying a third time. I need my own space, and want to avoid extra cooking and cleaning; I want to avoid weaponized incompetence, and being forced into the role of caregiver again. Plus, I now have assets I want to leave to family, and don't want to leave to any man. For those who want to marry, with the knowledge that you might very well out-earn a husband in the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:46 PM |
| 32 | Bell Hook’s Death has me thinking…Trust me when I say stopping doing all the emotional labor is intensely freeing. You claim your full humanity when you only do what suits you, what serves you, what doesn't drain you. Just like men have to dismantle and keep dismantling toxic masculinity, women have to dismantle and keep dismantling this aspect of toxic femininity. The pull to over-function is always there. Resist. The more you carve out time for yourself, resist over-communicating, resist over-functioning, and just let more shi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:40 PM |
| 7 | single womenThank you, yes, I do have a good support system. Having moved back after 20+ years away, I've grown and changed as a person. Over two decades spent out in California really helped root out any and all conservative thoughts in me, not that I had many to begin with. Going out to CA, there was no culture shock; coming back to live in Louisiana, *that's* been the culture shock. Honestly, a relationship is as real as if feels. I know what would help me a lot is texting and/or chatting on the phone ab… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 01:12 PM |
| 119 | In need of some positivity and also a reminder of what HVM look like..Remembering Jack, my beloved late second husband. In no particular order: -- his face lights up every time he sees you; you're also equally happy to see him -- he's consistent, stable, generous -- he's consistently kind; you're consistently kind around him, and it's easy to be so -- he makes room in his life for you and you both fit well together -- you not only fit into each other's world, you expand each other -- together you learn something new every day -- you have tons in common, esp the sa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 12:42 AM |
| 72 | NVM Ben Affleck blaming drinking problem on his marriage to Jennifer GarnerI think so too. "Bloated waxy skinned alcoholic face". Once you know what long-term drinking looks like, you can't unsee it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 12:37 AM |
| 38 | Acclaimed author and activist bell hooks dies at 69I admit I have not read much if any feminist theory! Which of her books would you all recommend to start with? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 07:39 PM |
| 96 | single womenThis could not have come at a better time! It's been five years since my late second husband's death, and I'm slowly dipping a toe back into dating. Just OLD, where I have no real expectations at all, other than simply to go on a date for the first time in about 30 years. I've been on many sides of this: unhappily single and pining for a partner in my teens and 20s (early pickme days); happily (or so I thought) then quickly unhappily married the first time (and soooo busy with one degree, then a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 07:35 PM |
| 13 | Is it me or are the dating apps dead or declining in numbers of men?Came here to say this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 04:55 PM |
| 14 | I am responsible for allowing scrotes in my lifeThis is so, so honest. Thank you. Now that you know this about yourself and about how most men operate, you are free to soar. High level men will be attracted to a high level woman. You go! YOU ROCK SO HARD! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 04:53 PM |
| 35 | I feel like I can't trust menI get that, but that's where you make them wait and talk about everything. The red flags are going to be there, and you'll feel/see them. If you're getting green flags all the way, awesome; just keep vetting always. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 04:50 PM |
| 39 | TW⚠️ TikTok is a breeding groundHere we go again! It's just the latest thing; I remember in the 90s, Yahoo chat was huge, and there was a time where user rooms could be created. There were ALWAYS underage and out-and-out pedo rooms! So, so dark. It was sponsored by some corporate entity (big, but I forget; Yahoo chat closed down on 12/12/12, so I've slept since then). I imagine some corporate person was bored one day, took a look, saw the rabbit hole that had been allowed to develop/fester, freaked out, told higher-ups, and it… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 04:46 PM |
| 83 | My fantasy isn’t for a man to protect me, my fantasy is to not be threatened by men in the first placeQuis custodiet custodiae? Who will protect us from the protectors? That argument falls flat fast. So if I need a man to protect me, who'll protect me from *that* man? I love when men go silent. Shredding that straw-man argument with logic is satisfying in the extreme. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 04:15 PM |
| 109 | There are only double standards (vent)As someone who taught people who were 12-20, trust me when I say their brains are not at all mature, and it shows. Yes, sometimes they can be profound, witty, even wise -- for their age. But they don't have that life experience; they don't have any real concept of nuance, and most of them have a hard time grasping other, very different points of view. Most of them parrot what they've been taught, and if they're lucky, they're beginning to question it and come to their own conclusions, which take… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 03:25 PM |
| 140 | I feel like I can't trust menMake them wait. Give it time, and go slowly. Any user, I promise, will give up and leave if he doesn't get what he wants in a relatively short time frame. Men who are sincere, who love you for you, understand they're being vetted and why. They know it's not personal, because they understand how most men are. When I was beginning to know my late second husband, we had this conversation. We took our own sweet time, three years, emailing and chatting on the phone, before we ever met. Mind you, he *… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 03:20 PM |
| 3 | A simple thought for your leveling up journey: you are, first and foremost, doing this for yourselfThank you so much! I've worked hard for it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 03:16 PM |
| 29 | Help! My Husband Threatened Divorce After I Got Mad About Him Being on Adult Dating Sites.I'll be honest, y'all, I was the "husband" in my first marriage -- not proud of it. I was a pickme, wanted to be married (strong lifelong vocation), tried like hell to make things work, and NOTHING worked. I got on chat, did tons of phone and cybersex (90s), and just noped out way before I got out. Cannot tell you how I tried to communicate for real, and got stonewalled, or sarcasm in response. He shut me down, would not let me in, would not talk. I thought I married a grown man; I divorced Pete… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 03:00 AM |
| 114 | How do you handle being approached by scrotes?Came here to say this. No value men pick up on that "loaded for bear/ready to scrap" energy and they never approach; they fear to. LVM may approach, but the attitude and assertiveness (yet again, power, dominance, control, my eternal mantra) scares them off. I have that aura of "no is a complete sentence". My energy is never "no is the beginning of a negotiation". I am she who must be obeyed! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 12:03 AM |
| 40 | How often do you go on a date?About 30 years since I've dated anyone new! LOL Married twice for 25 years. Way out of the dating game. I'd love someone who's "grey sexual" like me, but romantic, for companionship and cuddles, so long as he has his own house and his own money. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 09:19 PM |
| 11 | A simple thought for your leveling up journey: you are, first and foremost, doing this for yourselfLove this, and I also found it freeing at over 400, and now, a more conventional size but older. It's lovely when someone sees us as we really are; that feeling of being seen, heard, understood, appreciated... nothing like it. It's a super quick, easy way to vet everyone: do they look only at the meat suit, or do they/can they look deeper to see mind and soul and heart? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 04:32 PM |
| 19 | A simple thought for your leveling up journey: you are, first and foremost, doing this for yourselfI don't know what's worse, people saying things to you, or talking about you... or being invisible. I was invisible (maybe hyper visible) when I was over 400 lbs. But now that I've lost 170, still over 200 but a more acceptable basic size, and older, I'm still invisible. I've thought about this my whole life, and I just refuse to cater to the male gaze. I have a basic, clean style, and I dress for comfort first. I can use makeup, but it breaks me out, so I quit years ago. I also suffer from a sk… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 04:28 PM |
| 89 | Wife’s message to husband on TinderOne year, hell six months from now, not to say five or 10 years down the road, what do you bet any/all of the following happen? HER: leveled up, financially comfortable or busting butt to get there, made strides in her career, back to favorite hobbies, loves having the remote control all to herself, lost weight, back to working out, much lighter workload at home. HIM: beer gut, mouth breather all the time from untreated allergies or deviated septum or who knows, same position at work, lives in a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 04:23 PM |
| 60 | This man really thought I was gonna pick him up in my carTextbook hobosexual | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 04:16 PM |
| 196 | A message to male lurkers: So what exactly is it about FDS that triggers you?I've always loved triggering L/NVM. I've said openly and loudly that I love having choices as a fat older woman who has high standards. I loved saying there are certain men I absolutely would not date, like good old boys, conservatives, religious men, single fathers. Put those particular words together, watch steam come out of their ears! It is, as usual, about power, dominance, control, so disrupt freely! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 04:07 PM |
| 79 | A message to male lurkers: So what exactly is it about FDS that triggers you?Yep, just got a question in DMs, asking "are you misandre [sic]". SIGH. My response: no, dude bro, having been married twice for 25 years, the second time happily for 17. Guess you haven't read or comprehended anything I've written all over FDS. I'm tired of this. Please tell me how to turn off messages. There's no good that's going to come of this. Is there a way I can accept messages from FDS users only, and weed out anyone else? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 03:06 PM |
| 133 | Thousands of comments of women's experiences giving birth with shitty partners under a meme about a dude Shushing his wife giving birth. This one in particular got me. THANK GOD I am never pro creating with a man.Quite honestly, this was always my fear from childhood. I've said many times I knew from single digits I wanted to be married and never wanted kids. What I feared most of all was for whatever reason either giving in or falling pregnant and then choosing to keep it, and then the man I was with turned out to be horrible. It was such a strong fear, that is past life memories are real, I've lived this nightmare and vowed never again. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 12:39 AM |
| 25 | Men on saying they “want children someday”The Idiot With 10,000 Names tried this on me, and I told him in NO uncertain terms I knew from single digits I never wanted kids. And the more society pushed, I pushed back even harder. That's one of the millions of things that pissed me off about him: black and white thinking, conservative, unthinkingly pro-natalist, over-generalizing. And then, because he knew I was widowed and did not have a child (he couldn't comprehend the idea of being childfree), he thought I'd just be champing at the bit… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/21 12:36 AM |
| 160 | Here is what being single will get you:YOU ROCK! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 06:02 PM |
| 27 | Yes queensI got this too and it made me SMILE! Love y'all! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 05:06 PM |
| 140 | hot take: pickme women are worse than lvmI think this is where radical feminism gets a bad rap; hear me out. We don't support "all women" the way that liberal feminists want, because we don't offer unconditional support. You have to be a good person with good character, good morals to get our support, and our respect. Any movement that looks down on critical thinking and making solid judgments about others isn't a movement worth following. Any woman who puts other women down isn't a comrade, a friend, or someone who brings value to lif… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 05:04 PM |
| 15 | How the Big Business of Divorce Benefits Men.... Please read ladies and realize that many lies have been spread about how men are "divorce r*ped" and taken to the cleaners. However the data shows something completely different.I inherited a sizeable sum in the 90s, and remember my brother coming over to tell my first husband that it was private property and he was not entitled to one red cent. I hated that it had to be a man communicating to another man. Divorce proceedings were in the offing but not yet executed. Now as a comfortably well-off widow, all the more reason not to marry a third time. Lots of reasons to live apart, keep all money separate, insist on just fun companionship. Put yourselves first, ladies. Men… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 04:25 PM |
| 9 | Woman sees tornado and frantically moves her kids to safety. Husband questions her sanity, slights her for “scaring the kids,” and foolishly goes outside.That's amazing! I can smell cancer. I wish we had more sniffer dogs in hospitals, much needed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 04:22 PM |
| 5 | Sex work just is not a good career option as a woman.I have a confession: in my young, super broke 20s, I tried phone sex work. Three calls and I was out! MY GOD was it BORING! The worst part of it was sitting around waiting to be called (to be picked, literally). I couldn't do anything; couldn't watch anything on TV, couldn't get into a book, because I had to sustain no or light concentration while listening for the damn phone. And the men who called... OMG. LOSERS big time. One guy sounded like he was slapping his hand on his thigh; that is not … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 04:16 PM |
| 155 | If a man is this obsessed with slimness, he doesn’t deserve to have someone carry his child. He is also probably repulsed by pregnant women.I agree, five years too long, but better to see his low/no value now and get out before she becomes legally entangled. Freedom, sis, freedom all the way for the WIN. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 04:10 PM |
| 96 | Putting myself first 😌Actually NO, I have not ever had much of a problem putting myself first, and was never a people pleaser, but I'm responding to this to say WELL DONE! GO YOU! Learning the difference between positive and negative selfishness is a lifelong lesson, one that all women around the world need to know to protect themselves first. And it's one all men around the world need to know, so they won't get/stay complacent, they can level up and be worthy of women. I believe with every time we put ourselves firs… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 04:08 PM |
| 27 | We are on our ownI've read about this. Making someone "other" is a defense mechanism, a way of coping so people think it can't happen to them. It's super flimsy, obviously, but it exists big time. How we dismantle that is the next great evolution in feminism and humanitarianism. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 03:05 PM |
| 73 | First, I laughed. Then, took a screenshot.All of this made me puke, especially using familiarities. Plus, I bet it is indeed copied and pasted. I wonder if he could even explain what most of it even meant. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 01:50 PM |
| 2 | How Pick-me Women Create nOt LiKe OtHeR giRLsHello my sister from another mister! I also have a big personality, like to smile and laugh, and go in and get stuff DONE! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 01:44 PM |
| 35 | How Pick-me Women Create nOt LiKe OtHeR giRLsThis could not have come at a better time! I recently quit a warehouse job because I was written up for a bunch of petty things, the pettiest being that I made a suggestion for how to improve the warehouse floor. Yep, the floor. I was told to stay in my lane (those words), and told to stop "giving orders" to people, which I never did: I asked questions (would you mind), and made suggestions, and everyone always had the option to say no, disagree, or come up with something better. But since I was… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 12:26 AM |
| 51 | I ended a situation before it even started because he wanted me to change into someone else.Yeah, I always said, I'm a woman, not a lady, and I'll behave in a way that grants me THE MOST personal freedom ever. I'm upset and I RAISE MY VOICE! I leaned so hard into that, and would raise my voice even more when some scrote told me that. Did not care at that point if I was yelling, screaming, who heard. I was GOING to be heard, THEN walk away, and I wanted it to hurt his ears, his ego, his manhood. I was a FURY! That's control, censorship, oppression, all in one. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 10:26 PM |
| 36 | I ended a situation before it even started because he wanted me to change into someone else.Fascinating, and I'd like more detail. How exactly did he try to mold you? Specific examples would help all of us know what behavior to look for because that's coercive and abusive. What style did he want and you not have? What way of talking? How did he pester you? Deets please! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 09:36 PM |
| 32 | Why I used to wear a ring on my “wedding finger” and why I won’t do it again.I wore a ring that was originally my grandmother's during my first marriage, and took it off like I take off all jewelry because I do things with my hands ALL the time. I also hated the feeling of the ring jamming on my pocket whenever I put my hand in! Second marriage, neither he nor I wore rings at all, simply because we just weren't jewelry people. I have a perfectly nice engagement ring somewhere that I fully intend to dig out and pawn or sell. I have good memories with my second late husban… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 09:34 PM |
| 51 | The Realities of Age Gap RelationshipsBoth husbands were older than me, and I admit I always had a thing for older men. Looking back now, partly it was just a preference I always had even as a child/teen. To this day, I LOVE the look of a silver fox and always have, but admiring from a distance is now quite enough. I now also realize that I had swallowed some of the social programming about older men being "distinguished" vs older women who are just... older. I always looked askance at that even in childhood before I knew what sexis… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 09:28 PM |
| 26 | How do you handle interactions with men who have already made assumptions about who you are?I also when younger tried to do things to disrupt how they saw me, but as others said, that is just so draining. If there's a way you can simply quietly go about your job and just show your competence at all times, that's the way to go. And lean HARD into the stereotypes as someone else said: make them do any and all heavy lifting like paying for things, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 02:51 PM |
| 83 | “Cuddling”I've actually asked men, do you mean actually snuggle up together, watch a movie, eat together, chat some, have you tickle my back (best thing ever), then call it a night? Or do you mean snuggle up then you make a move and initiate sex? Silence, every damn time, so I go, OH OK, so you mean the latter. One time trying to cOmMuNiCaTe, I asked, do you realize you would get more sex if you offered more touch without strings and expectations? Silence again, so no, he did not realize that. We did not … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 02:00 AM |
| 3 | Evidently it’s necessary to confirm upfront if their listed location is where they actually live 🚩Facebook OLD does this ALL the time. Men are never local! Eight hours away isn't feasible. Hard swipe left, when I bother looking at it at all, quite often forget it's there. And don't tell me any 20- or 30-something dude REALLY wants to date me; he's swiping right on everyone just to cast a wide net. Spare me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/21 01:20 AM |
| 132 | There are so many things wrong with this. I don’t even know where to startOho, look at that, it's happening again, and it's so predictable. As a retired teacher, I relate SO MUCH to this. I can't tell you the times men asked me to proofread something, or write a letter of recommendation, or help with this, that, the other. NOTHING doing for free, or you pay for my time, and I charged double my union-based Los Angeles wages, around $75 an hour, or $150 for a one-hour/one-time fee. Scrotes HAAAAATED hearing that. Wah wah wah, but you're a teeeeeaaacherrrr, you should be… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 11:36 PM |
| 11 | Does anyone trust their pets when they don’t like a guy?Always trust your pet and your gut. Pets know. So does your gut. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 11:11 PM |
| 155 | How do you know if he's "the one"?Agree with all of this. I'm 53, married twice, second time happy for 17 years. Green flags all the way, only happy tears. No frustration, confusion, anger, resentment, just happiness, joy, contentment, even when things got hard, because we were a team and both in it together. We just vibed together really well; we GOT each other down the line on everything. Our values were the same, esp about the Big Five: housework, money, religion, sex, work. We had tons in common, and what we didn't have in c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 03:52 PM |
| 8 | Came across this in OLD today, respectful women must chase the man, ladies we’re doing it wrong 😂Yep, the most I do on OLD (on passively, no real expectations, maybe a date?) is send a like, nothing else. Any real interest, he'll reciprocate. If no interest, no chat within a few days, block, delete, and move on with life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 03:09 PM |
| 18 | Defining pickmeism: what it is vs what it isn'tSeriously, older men driving sports cars just reeks of immaturity, midlife crisis, more money than sense. Seeing an older woman driving one? She's come into her own, can damn well afford it, and is a badass. Anyone who thinks differently doesn't deserve to know me. I said what I said. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 03:06 PM |
| 10 | Sometimes I feel like all hope is lost.May i ask what culture, because it sounds badass! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 03:02 PM |
| 8 | Do you have any male friends?I've had male friends my whole life, and to me this is entirely possible. I get the point of most men just wanting sex or access to women, but I just don't see much point being so separatist that men ultimately get pushed into "other" territory. Men who want sex or access to women as objects never get far with me, as in they get weeded out the first time I ever talk to them, so no loss. What we find "other" we hate, despise, fear. I get that for millenia women have good reason to fear men, but m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 02:47 PM |
| 14 | Defining pickmeism: what it is vs what it isn'tThank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 01:53 PM |
| 125 | Defining pickmeism: what it is vs what it isn'tI knew from an early age I wanted to be married and be happy (so I did it twice, second time it "took"). But, running high on hormones in my late teens to mid-20s, the internal incessant dialogue of "are you the one? are you the one? are you the one?" drove me insane! I got "outdone" with myself at times; that's Southern for annoyed but amused at the same time. And yet, it'd start all over again. I had a strong, inborn vocation to be a wife, but that wanting along with general naivete, lack of e… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 01:25 AM |
| 31 | Reminder: never chase men, this is what they actually think when you initiateOut in the wild/public, the most I'll do is a slight smile, and the eyebrow wiggle. The rest is up to the guy. Online on OLD (there passively, no real expectations other than just find a date since I haven't gone on one in about 25 years), I'll send a like only. Again, anything else is up to him after that. I've indicated receptivity, and I don't think that's chasing/pursuing at all. If anyone disagrees, I'd like to know your reasoning. To me this follows FDS principals. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 08:56 PM |
| 52 | Automatic dealbreaker for me, but are men who use intentional misspellings lv/nv?Yes, definitely. Once I say to a man "use more words", I'm already more than halfway out the door. I can't stand anyone who uses minimal words; I confess I do this, but only when I'm uncomfortable or haven't met someone before and am trying to suss out if they're worth knowing, safe, sane. I do it way, way more often with men than I do women, and around extroverts most of all. Hearty extroverts make me twitch. Quite often if a man messages me and uses chat acronyms, I'll match his energy, and us… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 08:27 PM |
| 10 | behaviors that connote power, control, dominance: what to avoidVery, very well said. Thank you. You have truly studied this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 03:25 PM |
| 21 | behaviors that connote power, control, dominance: what to avoidI dealt with this while teaching MIDDLE SCHOOL. It drove me crazy in children. Cannot imagine for a second a grown-ass man doing this. *mind boggled* | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 03:23 PM |
| 4 | I came across this exercise from FDS recommended book "the power of pu*sy" and it had me a bit stumped! Would love to hear you ladies' opinions, if you'd wish to share! *WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEN?*Wowwwww... so many red flags. Thanks for sharing, always good to know. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 12:48 AM |
| 43 | Serious question, do any of you not want to get married?The trash took itself out: those men were the real gold-diggers. Excellent quick vetting strategy. Money is all about power, control, dominance. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 12:47 AM |
| 10 | Heading towards 2022, what are your most memorable ‘if I could do it all over again’ experiences from dating?Thank you! Skincareaddiction is a sub here, or its own website? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 12:46 AM |
| 6 | Is anyone else sick of seeing YouTube recommend these types of videos to you?glad I wasn't the only one | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 11:00 PM |
| 12 | 'Tis the Season for Max Scrotatiousness... Ho Ho Ho!Right?!? Seriously, any of us would have thought of a partner or friend, ordered it knowing they'd like it. Partner/friend makes sugar-free declaration, and product ordered long before comes in. We would not even think of bringing it home. We would drink it ourselves (or drink some, pour the rest out), re-gift it, offer it to a friend, leave it at a donation box... anything but bring it home. Because, you know, we're THOUGHTFUL like that, and we don't sabotage people we love. It just ain't that … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:57 PM |
| 23 | Heading towards 2022, what are your most memorable ‘if I could do it all over again’ experiences from dating?How do you find the right skincare products? I've always been fortunate to look about 10 years younger (lost weight, stayed out of the sun, use lotion, drink water, eat right), but at 53, I know I should start doing more. Never understood all the products out there and what they do. Thanks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:54 PM |
| 2 | I came across this exercise from FDS recommended book "the power of pu*sy" and it had me a bit stumped! Would love to hear you ladies' opinions, if you'd wish to share! *WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEN?*Mind if I ask what those red flags were? I have yet to even go on one date. I'm passively on OLD on Facebook but forget it's there most of the time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:49 PM |
| 64 | Serious question, do any of you not want to get married?I knew from single digits I very much wanted to marry, and also knew from single digits I never wanted kids. Here I am, 53, twice married for 25 years, childfree, no regrets. There are some things you find out as you live, and some things, I'm convinced, you just come here knowing. I had a strong, inborn vocation for marriage, but I had to do it twice, because I wanted to be married AND be happy. Second time was it, happy for 17 years together with my late HVM who left me very comfortable so tha… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:46 PM |
| 1 | How to get guys to plan dates when they are the one traveling to you?Give three choices, let him pick. Puts the ball squarely back in his court. You've suggested three places you like, the rest is up to him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:34 PM |
| 9 | The reactions I received when I used to talk about being a sugar babyFunny story time: I'm 53 and widowed, as most of you know. I've said before that I've chatted for years on various platforms, and I have one NVM chasing me. His one talent in life is the ability to change nicknames, hence my dubbing him The Idiot With 10,000 Names. Sooo many times he has offered to be my sugar daddy, and my response is, um, why? Dude, I'm 53, I don't have to work! My late second husband took care of me! I'm 53, a decade-plus post-menopausal, overweight, and average looking, plus… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:27 PM |
| 3 | recognize & avoid the energetic vampires in disguise: men who only target women in distress/ in difficult situations because it makes them feel superior and who act passive-aggressive when the women get betterOnce again: all about power, control, dominance. No cooperation, no collaboration to be found anywhere. If this isn't an advertisement for leveling up, I don't know what is. You level up, all NVM will never approach, and you scare off the lowest of the LVM, too. Strong, confident, capable, intelligent women SCARE men. Never forget this; it's our superpower. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:19 PM |
| 6 | Here are a few OLD phrases to look out for as a High Value Women:I really don't get pics of him with seemingly random kids, and his bio says he has no kids. What the hell is going on here? He wants some, maybe? but the profile doesn't indicate that. Pedo vibes big time. Is he trying to make himself look like a "family man"? Just weird. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 10:04 PM |
| 4 | You're whole.It's a lot deeper than pop culture, which is almost always true. My understanding, subject to change: there is only one flame, but you and your soulmate are two tiny sparks of one larger flame, something akin to The Force, the source of life, the great beginning, etc. (Somewhat like the cloak of Philosophy in Boetius' Consolatio Philosiphae: everyone has theories; they think their theory is the only real one, but philosophy is unending, and all you've got is a tiny piece of a neverending whole.)… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 09:58 PM |
| 22 | I came across this exercise from FDS recommended book "the power of pu*sy" and it had me a bit stumped! Would love to hear you ladies' opinions, if you'd wish to share! *WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEN?*I honestly do not know what, if anything, I want from men, and I have thought and thought about this. I'm 53, was married twice already for 25 years. I'm comfortable, independent, not broke, horny, needy, lonely. I suppose what I want most of all is companionship and space, quality time together (and then we go back to our own houses), a strong bond of love and trust since my late second husband loved me well and truly, so there's no settling for less, which I've said before. I'd like someone to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 09:48 PM |
| 166 | Why you should vet harshly. Please learn from my story.Wow, your guy sounds like an amalgamation of the two men I married. One was a LVM, and it was a starter marriage. Learned a lot, but the low sex drive, not taking care of himself, refusing to see the doctor? Your guy, my first husband could have been cousins. He and I both were childfree, so getting divorced without kids made that a lot easier. I remember making a divorce scrapbook (still super proud of this; it practically wrote itself). One of the darker moments I remember was thinking it'd be… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 04:23 PM |
| 13 | This is pick me behavior straight up. Prioritizing your partner is part of the compromise and shows respect.And yet, it's one of those posts where they've alllllllmost got the point. They're on the verge of waking up FDS style. Many if not most if not all of us were pickmes at some point, and we woke up. That's what I wish for all women. Be woke/aware/cognizant of your own value and act accordingly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 04:51 PM |
| 12 | This is pick me behavior straight up. Prioritizing your partner is part of the compromise and shows respect.They need to see that THEY have way more choices than they realize! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 04:49 PM |
| 29 | This is pick me behavior straight up. Prioritizing your partner is part of the compromise and shows respect.Thank you, came here to say exactly this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 04:48 PM |
| 259 | On subreddits outside of FDS women are coming to understand that being “independent” 50/50 women will only attract losersSorry to sound like a broken record, but as usual, this is all about power, dominance, control. It isn't about cooperation and collaboration, which is the default of most women. Always remember that men have a whole different outlook on how to get along with people, with hierarchy being way up there if not outright #1. Absolutely ask for things with the same energy. Insist on collaboration and cooperation. Insist on no need for power, dominance, control, hierarchy. A truly evolved man will have … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 04:47 PM |
| 128 | CUT them at the first red flag , "if it wasn't illegal I'll hit you in the face" he saidShuddering that he's studying psychology and is already manipulative. Sounds like a narc/sociopath to me. I'd warn other women about him... hell, other men as well. Everyone! He's a walking red flag. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 04:31 PM |
| 46 | Men who lie in wait for emotionally vulnerable womenQuite a few divorcees, and most widows and widowers have tales like this. Pretty damn disgusting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 03:18 PM |
| 43 | Men who lie in wait for emotionally vulnerable womenYep, and that's when they swoop in, when you otherwise don't talk? Abuser alert! Red flag alert! Years ago when I was first widowed, I had to push some men away pretty aggressively. They wanted way more contact with me "to make sure you're okay" than I was ever comfortable giving. I finally said, I know you're there, I appreciate it, and if/when I do need something, I'll let you know. I never got back in touch. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 03:17 PM |
| 45 | This is likely the darkest 'joke' in the entire sitcom and this guy is laughing about it happening in real life. Beware the man who laughs when women are in danger rather than report it to the police 🚩🚩🚩Clue me in please, what sitcom, and who is Sunny? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 03:15 PM |
| 16 | I was banned from relationship_advice sub for being a member of FDS.Same. It's happened to a lot of us. N/LVM and libfems out themselves, so let them. They're not people you'd want to know anyway. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 03:07 AM |
| 29 | What are your thoughts on changing your name after marriage?I did the first time, part of the Good Wife archetype, but since I then realized he was a LVM, and I soon wanted to divorce, I changed back to my maiden name. He never even noticed, even when I wrote him a check AND mail in my family name arrived! So clueless, so oblivious. Second time around, I was a little older, late 20s, and HVM late second husband did not care at all, and in fact saw the efficiency in keeping my family name. He understood all the paperwork involved in a name change, and sai… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 11:04 PM |
| 7 | Grace Millane - Murdered by her Tinder date - This is why we vet ruthlesslyLock for bedroom door, or a doorknob stick. It's a y-shaped bar that you can adjust to fit under your door. Someone would have to break the entire door to get through. Highly recommend. I think Masterlock makes one; they're around $20 here in the US. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 02:20 PM |
| 2 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?I wish you could have gone on his FB page and posted a warning for other women so they won't be babytrapped. He's a slut-dad in the making/waiting to happen. Scary. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 09:51 PM |
| 6 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?As a divorcee and a widow, I second this. It's different with divorce: the person is still alive, out there living their lives. With widowhood, the separation is utterly final and irrevocable. In my experience, most widowed people have *had* to do the work of letting go and healing wounds that comes with dealing with grief. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 09:22 PM |
| 7 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?Came here to say this also. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 08:49 PM |
| 5 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?It is selfish, in a positive way, and not only is there nothing wrong with that, there's everything RIGHT with that. You are protecting yourself first of all: your energy, time, resources, money, life force! You are not an endless giving machine, as women have been expected to be since before written history. I honestly think that simply being in the step-mother position is an innately interfering, threatening, enveloping, overstepping role, and not one many, if any women, can pull off well. I k… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 08:47 PM |
| 3 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?Came here to say this, see my post below. So much this, forever. I'm most definitely the star of my own life, and I'll be damned if I play a supporting role in someone else's life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 08:45 PM |
| 1 | Would you date someone divorced/ have kids?Most of y'all know me: 53, twice married for 25 years, divorced 90s, widowed 2016. Been there done that, and also childfree from single digits. I would have no problem at all dating a divorced man, since I myself am divorced, and know that people divorce for all kinds of reasons. That said, I'd vet ruthlessly as we always should anyway. I'd listen specifically for him taking responsibility for his part in the divorce. I'd listen for blame language toward his ex-wife. Single fathers, BIG HELL TO … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 08:43 PM |
| 3 | help me heal the last of my pickme tendenciesI honestly am neutral to faintly positive about dating right now. It's been five years since my late second husband died, but I'm not lonely, and have family, friends, hobbies, interests to keep me very occupied. I'm also looking for new work, since my food bank job got ridiculous: I was written up for several petty things including making a suggestion for improvement, so I quit. I'm also not at all afraid to go full-on badger out in public with any man who even attempts to harass me, and I real… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 08:06 PM |
| 2 | help me heal the last of my pickme tendenciesOh very true. I notice now at 250 but with a basic shape (esp that hip/waist ratio) that I'm looked at now, and surprisingly, it doesn't freak me out like it used to. But I'm not approached. I really do have that queen energy of don't waste my time, don't try any games, approach only if you offer something meaningful and kind. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 08:00 PM |
| 2 | Men are emotionally stuntedThis, so much this! I'm giving you an award for this comment. :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 07:58 PM |
| 3 | My online dating experience was so similar, for a second I thought it's my old tweet! Feel free to add more typesUndoubtedly! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 07:56 PM |
| 2 | My online dating experience was so similar, for a second I thought it's my old tweet! Feel free to add more typesSooooo not surprising. Vet always! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 07:56 PM |
| 2 | Inspired by the Anne Boleyn post, what other women in history were done dirty by men?Definitely a hebephile, which is what most men are. I read that also about the second girl when I was studying Victorian lit. Ruskin had a fantastic mind and was way ahead of his time; his writing changed society. But personally, romantically, he was a trainwreck. His mother *followed* him to Oxford and took rooms nearby! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 07:55 PM |
| 42 | Never wait around for a man who doesn’t treat you well to change. Leave him and level up.Yep, all of this. Dick is abundant and low value. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 06:34 PM |
| 97 | Pickmeisha spottedGigantic red flag for abuse. One of the first thing abusers do is isolate women from family and their support systems. Horrible. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 06:32 PM |
| 12 | An increasing number of women are paying alimony to LVM husbandsWe need transformational domestic feminism! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 05:48 PM |
| 72 | Just saw a post about someone tricking a woman into a date…Big red flag if that means getting into a car with a male stranger, and being at his mercy as to where he drives. Hell to the no FOREVER. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 05:36 PM |
| 77 | Men are emotionally stuntedI agree, and it's due to privilege. Those who are in the majority, in power, simply don't have to grow, or fight for what they need and want. They don't have to be respectful or even deferential to other people's feelings. Power, dominance, control absolutely stunts any growth at all. If you're at the top, where else is there to go? To be honest, the next step is GO WITHIN. And some do! You never know when enlightenment will strike, but it can, and it does. Just think of all those rejections as … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 05:34 PM |
| 45 | My online dating experience was so similar, for a second I thought it's my old tweet! Feel free to add more typesYeah the most I'll do is swipe right, then wait for contact. I'll give it a week at most, assuming they're even somewhat like me and have lives and jobs, but after a week of no contact, block and delete. They like the attention and ego-boo, but no real interest. On to the next. They're all replaceable and interchangeable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 05:03 PM |
| 39 | My online dating experience was so similar, for a second I thought it's my old tweet! Feel free to add more typesThe mediocre guys always! I'm passively on OLD just to go out on a date at all, which I haven't done in 25-30 years. No one is interesting! No one shines, or rocks, or stands out. I stay on OLD but often forget it's there since I'm on Facebook dating. So many other things to see online, so many friends to keep up with. One of my Parisian friends is doing an advent calendar for all of us by sending us lovely shots around Paris! And she's an otter lover like me, too. My own contribution is to post… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 05:01 PM |
| 119 | My online dating experience was so similar, for a second I thought it's my old tweet! Feel free to add more typesMen my age (I'm 53) are way worse. They're at the tail end of Boomers, the beginning of Gen X, and still have that "wah wah take care of meeeee" attitude. Nothing doing, my dude. You want to be with me, we live apart together as devoted companions. You have your own house, your own money, your own life and hobbies and interests. Love to visit, hang out, travel, do road trips, go to restaurants, laugh and chat always! But then we both retreat to our own sanctuaries for peace and quiet after peopl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 04:59 PM |
| 141 | My online dating experience was so similar, for a second I thought it's my old tweet! Feel free to add more typesThe incredibly stupid "stalker" I had on chat was this precisely. His one talent was changing nicks so I dubbed him The Idiot With 10,000 Names. He was everything I dislike in a person and a man: not bright, not educated, religious, intolerant, closeminded, a single father, clumsily controlling. He apparently thought I was the cutest thing ever (yeah right), or looked sweet and innocent (baby face at 53). He knew I was widowed and childfree, so clearly I was available, needy, broke, lonely, horn… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 04:56 PM |
| 1 | Inspired by the Anne Boleyn post, what other women in history were done dirty by men?Ooh, what network? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 04:20 PM |
| 6 | help me heal the last of my pickme tendenciesThank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 04:16 PM |
| 2 | help me heal the last of my pickme tendenciesThat's pretty much what I do, prep then go mingle, then go back to serve at feast, mingle more. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 04:14 PM |
| 39 | I have an album saved of the best (re: worst) OLD profiles I’ve come across. I present to you: Men Who Love Telling on ThemselvesBig red flag for ABUSER. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 02:31 AM |
| 21 | I have an album saved of the best (re: worst) OLD profiles I’ve come across. I present to you: Men Who Love Telling on ThemselvesWords With Friends is rife with this shit. I will play anyone, since I'm there to play the game. Any time a man requests to play, I'll play... but I resent like hell the extra work of having to go in and mute the chat first thing. And then, so many either waste TEN DAYS and just time out (I win anyway, but you're wasting both our time) or resign in a huff. Super idiotic, childish, downright stupid behavior. Just play the game! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 02:28 AM |
| 12 | help me heal the last of my pickme tendenciesI see your point, but I just genuinely like helping in the kitchen and serving in general, and I'm good at it. Not at all about serving men... used to be in my 20s, I admit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 02:12 AM |
| 22 | A man you date can only be two things: a dating potential or a husband. In your mind, he should NEVER be considered your family.As an older, childfree woman, I respectfully disagree. This is too either/or. Dating potential I agree with, husband I do not, having been there, done that twice for 25 years. He could also be considered a potential partner, and one would hope, a friend. I for one have had male friends all my life, and find that separation of the sexes is rather pointless. We are all human. I get the point that FDS makes about most men's capability of being real friends without sexualization; however, there are … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 10:14 PM |
| 214 | Title is along the lines of "she doesn't have a sense of humor." Nah bro you're just being a creepAnd to think, there are just so many other ways to have phrased this! Is your dog friendly or territorial? Can I pet your dog? Wow, your dog looks so cute! Your dog clearly loves you! Is your dog accepting of new people? All positive or at least neutral and questioning. It's that presumptive "we" and the anticipation of problems over a PET, for eff's sake, that just scream ENTITLEMENT. Her response is gold. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 10:04 PM |
| 139 | Sorry, I'm not impressed with your common courtesy and basic manners.Well done. Keep vetting, keep your standards high. People sink to low standards, and rise to high standards. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 10:02 PM |
| 142 | For the men who complain about dead bedrooms, how does it feel to be the architect of you own misery?Just had a random dude contact me the other day and try to chat. Of course the dead bedroom story, and I predictably said, hmm, so it's dead for your wife also? That road runs both ways. He said he was feeling so misunderstood, and just needed to talk, and I kept bringing it back to his wife: tried talking to her? Tried listening? You could tell he had not at all even considered talking to his wife, listening to her concerns, and then, ya know, changing his own behavior. He said he had caught he… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 02:18 PM |
| 17 | Inspired by the Anne Boleyn post, what other women in history were done dirty by men?Yes, she was Catholic, and that was a huge threat, and she caused, if I'm not mistaken, the Jacobite Rebellion, which accounted for the treason. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 02:14 PM |
| 64 | Inspired by the Anne Boleyn post, what other women in history were done dirty by men?My favorite Victorian writer, John Ruskin, did his wife Effie real harm, but she escaped ultimately, and married one of the men Ruskin mentored. Growing up, Ruskin wasn't allowed to have any toys, so he retreated into his mind. He was an amazing artist, social critic, and architect of social change; he's the reason today we have what became OSHA, or the American board that regulates occupational safety hazards, among many other social goods. But Ruskin was messed up. There's persistent belief th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 02:11 PM |
| 123 | Story time: do not EVER date a man who admits to cheatingAll people in this scenario need to be checked for STDs. Super scary. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 02:49 AM |
| 15 | He’s perfect but needs the government to give him a wife 💀Picture of Dorian Incel | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 09:40 PM |
| 7 | Real love is effortless, it's giving, it blesses everything. A man who loves you will do everything for you.For me, it was as if the world righted on its axis. Everything became easier, smoother, more flowing. With my first husband, it was as if there was peanut butter gumming up the works in the Great Machine. From the moment I met late husband, from the first, everything just ran better for me personally, around me, for me, however you want to phrase it. It taught me a huge lesson that struggle love isn't real, that if something or someone is meant to be, it'll be green flags all the way, and only h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 09:35 PM |
| 7 | yes. yes I am here because of the Hair Towel :D - share you're favourite LVM stories if they fit the rules of my post, as told in the main body.You were showing autonomy/preference, and he was showing weaponized incompetence. Just wow! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 02:36 PM |
| 9 | Real love is effortless, it's giving, it blesses everything. A man who loves you will do everything for you.We just clicked immediately even over email! I wrote him first and just said hey, I like what you say and I like your [grin]. We emailed and called each other over three years before we ever even met. It was a LDR, but we were both in unhappy first marriages. We vowed we'd give our spouses a full year to try to turn things around, because no one wants to divorce. It was a Hail Mary, and he and I just got closer and closer. I knew I wanted out of my small college town in Louisiana no matter what,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 02:34 PM |
| 50 | Things you used to find romantic before FDS?The "different than/special" things are benevolent sexism. It's a super low-effort way to make you think you're different, when, if you listen closely, the reasons are all superficial and usually wrong. Words matter only somewhat, actions do matter a lot more. Those words in particular always make me think that the man is on the move and wants sex right then and there, and will say anything and everything to coerce a woman into bed, then ghost. He's not looking for Ms. Right; he's looking for Ms… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 10:58 PM |
| 18 | yes. yes I am here because of the Hair Towel :D - share you're favourite LVM stories if they fit the rules of my post, as told in the main body.Wait... so he sulked because of what YOU were eating, when he could literally have as much to eat as he wanted? He sulked that you weren't eating the exact same amount? Did I get that right, or am I missing something? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 10:49 PM |
| 186 | Real love is effortless, it's giving, it blesses everything. A man who loves you will do everything for you.Very true. With my first husband, it was all a struggle, even just having a conversation. And of course since he wouldn't talk, wouldn't listen, wouldn't try, and gave me sex three times in three years, of course I gave up. I met someone better, my late HVM husband, who loved me, spoiled me, listened, talked, and adored me. Every time I'd come home from work, and he was on the phone, he'd say, I have to go, my wife/my bride just came in. Warms my heart to remember among millions of other things … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 06:13 PM |
| 16 | This ancient dating wisdom still applies to modern dating. Young women: beware age gaps and older men.They're also called "apartners" (partners living apart). I know there are some books on Amazon, some websites, articles, a Facebook group or two, etc. It's more common in Europe, especially in Scandinavia, but it's catching on worldwide. You could live/sleep apart in the same house. I've heard of people living next door to each other, and knew a man and woman who did that. For me, it'd have to be in the same city or within an hour's drive at most. I do want companionship, not a LDR. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 12:27 AM |
| 9 | The ‘damsel in distress’ is a lie- it’s men who can’t live without women, and men are no heroes.Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 12:23 AM |
| 25 | Question: have you experienced men saying, "If the genders were reversed..." and you were deadpan because it in fact occurs reversed and often?Easy move: get more and more ridiculous or highly specific to your interest/niche. If he keeps mirroring, offer to do an activity together. Case in point: say you love knitting, and he claims to love it, too. Offer to have a knitting day. If he's mirroring and bluffing, he won't take you up on the offer. Or if it's a game he's unfamiliar with, watch his reactions when he plays poorly (newbie) or loses to you. Then you know. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 04:37 PM |
| 80 | Reason 20000000000000007 To Align With FDS, Vet RUTHLESSLY, Enforce Boundaries And Say NO To Casual Sex!Easy quick vetting tip! No answer, he didn't make a reservation. That's what's known as future faking, lying, manipulation. No need to even go on the date at all! Block and delete, and move on with your life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 04:14 PM |
| 163 | The ‘damsel in distress’ is a lie- it’s men who can’t live without women, and men are no heroes.I'm living proof of this, twice over. First LVX-husband, after one final, awful argument, told me I couldn't survive on my own. Such contempt. Went to bed that night, said I divorce you three times to myself, and was DONE. Next day, I bought a small notebook, took inventory of my possessions, made a timeline and a strategy to get out. Four months later, I was out, and had served him divorce papers. Got a six-figure inheritance, which in my state is considered private property. He got none of it,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 04:10 PM |
| 44 | The ‘damsel in distress’ is a lie- it’s men who can’t live without women, and men are no heroes.Easy quick vetting strategy: when first vetting a man and he brings out the sob story of an ex, how he's been oh so mistreated, I've always said, hmm, I'd love to get her take on why y'all divorced. They always get the shocked Pikachu look on their face, I'm sure for a number of reasons: I'm not swallowing their line on blind trust; I'm thinking critically, which is something an object can't do; I want the whole story, which obviously wouldn't make them look good. And they realize I'd be willing… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 04:02 PM |
| 48 | Question: have you experienced men saying, "If the genders were reversed..." and you were deadpan because it in fact occurs reversed and often?Easy, quick vetting strategy: keep asserting your preferences about everything when first vetting a man. Assert your individuality. Find quirky ways to do that. If a man's eyes just glaze over, or he tunes out, or only really perks up when you do something for him, then you know, and you can walk. Next to no time wasted. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 03:50 PM |
| 77 | This ancient dating wisdom still applies to modern dating. Young women: beware age gaps and older men.I did this. My late husband was a HVM, but his health issues took a toll. He never dealt with low-level depression that finally got its hooks into him, so that after he retired, he basically sat himself to death. He gave up. My own health suffered during the 10 years of his slow decline. Never again! Sorry to sound like a broken record, but it's worth repeating. After two marriages of 25 years, I'd insist from now on, on living apart together and separate finances. My freedom, my lack of domesti… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 03:41 PM |
| 5 | Male friend asked me on date and told me on date he’s “only looking to chill”Agreed. At that point, get up and leave. Make sure you always bring your own transportation or can get away quickly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 03:35 PM |
| 140 | Spotting porn sick guysIf they can't imagine masturbation without porn, THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO IMAGINATIONS. Who would want to be with someone who can't fantasize on their own? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 02:07 PM |
| 2 | Your StandardsAnd I've said it boils my blood many times. For all of my 20s, and most of my 30s, I was ON BLAST with anyone who said anything like that. They only ever made that mistake once around me. Even young, I was to the "not give a shit" point that if they tried to ram the cultural stereotype/narrative down my throat, I pushed back, and they didn't want to know me anymore, big whatever. As far as I was concerned, the trash took itself out, and that was one less traditional, closeminded, patriarchal per… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 02:04 PM |
| 170 | Right as we are about to get a place, I found out my boyfriend lied about his income.Came here to say this about GASLIGHTING. And if it's about one thing, then every single thing he's ever said is in question now. It will not get better, just worse. Run. PenelopePitstop is right: it won't get better, and at least you didn't sign a lease... or get married and/or pregnant. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 11:52 PM |
| 169 | Don't date players even reformed ones (avoid, avoid, avoid)(potential TW)After saying no ONCE and he continued, I'd be so tempted to commit battery right then and there. I wouldn't more than likely; I'm an ethical, kind person, but someone attempting to bulldoze limits and boundaries brings out my inner violent psycho bitch big time. I own it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 03:49 PM |
| 7 | Your StandardsI admit, I've said, when contacted for what feels like the one-millionth time by The Idiot With 10,000 Nicks, who desperately wants to get married and always has a kid, when my chat profile says "no thanks to all single fathers"... dude, good luck finding someone who will deal with a man who has a kid. Saying this advances MY interests of finding a man who has no kids, so he and I can be #1 to each other, without any kids to come between him and me. Selfish? You bet. I own it big time. That assu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 03:40 PM |
| 36 | Why do men “not want a relationship” because of a breakup ages ago, but women are still willing to seek real connections and love despite the amount of horror we’ve gone through?Super quick, easy vetting strategy: "So, what work are you doing to get over that?" And use wait time. Take a longggg sip of your drink, look at him, and wait for an answer. Works wonders. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 02:46 PM |
| 32 | Him meeting your (FDS-approved bare minimum + your own) high standards is NOT enough. If he’s not doing more than that, it’s time to move on.I'll be honest: depth is one of my FIRST vetting strategies, so I can't even see it getting past a few dates if he can't get on MY level and stay there. That's one of the main things I loved about my late husband: we talked about everything under the sun, all the time. We had amazing discussions on everything, silly to serious, all the time. Depth within one or two dates or he's outta here! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 02:40 PM |
| 13 | Be weary of “surprise” dates that mask as incompetenceGrammar nerd here; I think the word you mean is "leery" or "leary"; I've seen it spelled both ways. It means be wary of, suspicious, not immediately trusting. I do like the play on words; we're all weary (tired, exhausted) of men's LV behavior! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 02:30 PM |
| 38 | Raise your hand if you’ve ever lowered your standards and NOT regretted it.I've often asked men, "Who will this benefit? If it's not me, first, then why would I do that?" They never have an answer. I win, thank you next. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 02:22 PM |
| 13 | Help me out of this spiralHe's an ex not just for one reason but for many. Any good, HVM would not leave you a sobbing, shaking mess! You blocked him for many reasons on social media. You were doing good for months AFTER YOU LEFT HIM for many reasons, such as lying, cheating, and gaslighting. What percentage was actually good vs what percentage was so bad that you left, blocked him, and now you're crying? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 02:10 PM |
| 36 | Have Low-Value "Couples" Ever Tried to Degrade You As a Single Woman?The woman's reaction strikes me as a reaction formation: wanting something so bad, she can't deal with her own desires/wants/deficiencies, so her brain flips it into something bad. In this case, these women more than likely see you alone, confident, happy, enjoying yourself, and they want this. Rather than deal with themselves, they project all their negative emotions on you, and voila, weird situation ensues. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 12:00 AM |
| 21 | Have Low-Value "Couples" Ever Tried to Degrade You As a Single Woman?Queen shit right there. Raising a toast and chortling at them. (applause) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/11/21 09:26 PM |
| 135 | My husband told me to choose between him and my businessCame here to say this. I met my first LVX when I was just about to finish my BA, then with him I finished my MA. This guy worked for a university, but was doggedly a vocationalist, disdaining anything except courses in his major, hence he only had some college, no degree except HS. I surpassed him even before we met. This is the one who used to say I was "educated beyond my intelligence" until I told him I was educated beyond HIS intelligence. You did the right thing by leaving. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/11/21 09:19 PM |
| 124 | My husband told me to choose between him and my businessYour dad is a HVM. Very heartwarming! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/11/21 09:16 PM |
| 26 | Disappointed by my date todayI started doing this early on in life, and let me tell you, it works! It works extremely well UNLESS they simply want to manipulate/provoke a reaction, in which case, grey rock. Maintaining my dignity is #1. Theirs at that point? Do not care. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/11/21 01:44 PM |
| 30 | I agreed to go on a date with someone I’m not attracted to at all. Should I cancel and how do I let him down nicely?That's a horrible thing to say. I'm glad you left. He doesn't deserve anyone. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/11/21 01:42 PM |
| 91 | Very telling vetting strategyHigh school/early college, my first boyfriend claimed he was going to teach me to play pool. I can't remember how many games we actually played, but it wasn't many at all. And one time he just ran the entire table! I was supposed to watch and learn, I guess? Not how it works with me; I need hands-on practice. Watching someone do something that they've done for years, and are very good at, doesn't help me as a beginner. I told him this, and he seemed put out that I wasn't more... appreciative, I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/21 05:59 PM |
| 8 | If you won’t bother checking the FDS handbook before posting your question, at least ask yourself this…So over it here also as an older woman, married twice for 25 years (divorced 90s, widowed 2016). It's why from now on I'd insist on living apart together. Would love companionship, but need and insist on my own space for the quiet and solitude and peace. I've been to 28 or 29 countries so far, always on my own; my late husband (HVM) encouraged me to go and was happy to stay home and hold the fort down. No waiting for anyone. Go forth! Carpe diem! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/21 03:24 PM |
| 94 | "Men don't actually like women, they want to have sex with female anatomy, but they don't like women."I can look at a man and think, ooh nice... and when he starts talking, my brain hurts. Sexuality is not a choice, but it doesn't mean we're compelled to be with anyone we're not attracted to totally. HVM only; nothing else will do! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/21 02:16 PM |
| 48 | Older women of FDS, your wisdom is requestedMen's projection, as usual. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/21 01:24 PM |
| 85 | If you won’t bother checking the FDS handbook before posting your question, at least ask yourself this…Ever get told it's "so brave" to travel alone since you're female? I always responded with, it's also sooooo BRAVE of men to travel alone! And then stop and wait. They're usually shocked to see the sexism up close. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 10:39 PM |
| 58 | If you won’t bother checking the FDS handbook before posting your question, at least ask yourself this…As an introvert, this fascinates me that people would find doing things alone to be "novel". Just so weird. I find it weird to HAVE to be with other people constantly and never have alone time... incomprehensible to me. Admittedly, the one thing I won't do is go bowling alone... not that I'm a particularly avid kugeler anyway. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 10:37 PM |
| 141 | Why do men manipulate even when they already get what they want?Power, control, dominance. Points with bros. If any male behavior doesn't make objective sense, just think power, control, dominance. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 10:32 PM |
| 33 | Reminder of why it's prudent to never go off appI also made sure that the Google voice number was based in a city two hours away. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 06:27 PM |
| 79 | Reminder of why it's prudent to never go off appAmen to all of this. I chat online, and have since the 90s. These days, I keep running into men who very quickly want to chat off the platform (why? It works fine, my go-to answer; they never have a real reason. The real reason is to separate/isolate me from all other men, when I'm online to have fun talking to MANY men. I say this, too. Everyone is an option; no one ever has to be a choice.) They always ask for personal contact info (just... why?) and I mention I have a Google number they can c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 06:26 PM |
| 39 | Do you think most of us were very naive when we were younger?And in that way, FDS is a lot like the childfree sites I've frequented since the 90s. On CF sites and here, we talk about stuff that usually flies under the radar, how we really feel about it, and how it would or would not work for us. That open, free, not socially approved conversation is FREEING. It's liberating because you're acknowleding real feelings, real questions. I value such conversations highly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 03:45 PM |
| 17 | Do you think most of us were very naive when we were younger?I was naive BUT I was also always highly analytical, very in touch with my own thoughts and feelings, and I trusted my gut, which always saved me. Prime example: I knew from single digits I wanted to marry and be happy, and never wanted kids. Throughout my childhood, I kept on hearing, in the 70s/80s, just how wonderful motherhood was... and yet I kept seeing angry, tired, exhausted parents, so I recognized the cognitive dissonance long before I knew that term. Same thing for marriage, which eve… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 03:40 PM |
| 34 | Men’s Rights and TeachingGood for not pulling him aside, where he can derail more, and get more attention for what was a derailing comment. Glad you failed the plagiarist! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 03:02 PM |
| 320 | Men’s Rights and TeachingDo exactly what you did. Stick to your plan, your way, and ignore all derailing. The women in the class told you in no uncertain terms what they thought anyway, of the young male who said that. Because, ya know... 30+ years is just SUCH a long time for this to go on! /s | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 03:01 PM |
| 37 | Don’t be a live in maid for a guy and his roommatesGreat, easy, quick vetting strategy: tell him once, then if he "forgets" he's deleted and you move on. HVM can and do clean up after themselves in their own space and most definitely in someone else's space! Not hard... but L/NVM who don't are doing the "incompe-dance". | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/21 11:54 PM |
| 6 | Just a friendly reminder that men will date and marry women they don’t like.This reminds me of that excerpt from _The Tragedy of Heterosexuality_ about men and women not liking each other but marrying and reproducing anyway. Please help me understand this! I have no context for this at all. My parents loved and liked each other. Everyone I've ever known, has, to my knowledge, both loved and liked each other. My first husband, though, acted a bit like this, and I could never comprehend it: acting chummy toward men, and cold and suspicious toward me and all other women. J… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/21 10:45 PM |
| 7 | When you find out and they gaslight you anywaysAnd haven't we all been her at some point. Then we started questioning, grew up a little more, got more experience, and here we are on FDS! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/21 09:44 PM |
| 85 | What made you finally decenter men from your life?I don't know if I ever truly centered men in my life... I always came back to myself, from teen years on, and centered my own wants and needs, and felt at peace. I do know that with my late second husband, he and I centered each other, and it was great. But I also knew after he died, as an older woman, I was probably not going to date, and definitely not going to marry a third time. Overall, I tried my whole life to treat men (women too) like I'd like to be treated, found them pretty well wantin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/21 09:42 PM |
| 36 | When you find out and they gaslight you anywaysMy immediate response, "OH. OK. So you're NOT legally divorced, and that defensiveness means you want me on the side. Not happening, buddy. We're done. Bye." Verbal assertiveness, even aggression, is a way to show power, dominance, control. If I had been feeling particularly vindictive, I'd have added, wonder if you ever told YOUR WIFE to mind her own business that's actually yours also? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/21 03:29 PM |
| 9 | Guys love it when they have an excuse to hit a woman.On a much less serious note, though, one of the main ways I vet for this is how they respond to my having been a teacher. Anyone who says they put their teacher through hell (always a female teacher, almost never male teachers)... yep, big time red flags, and I nope out. Any situation where they deliberately make life more difficult for anyone, they are telling on themselves. Quick and easy way to vet, next to no time wasted. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:43 PM |
| 7 | Guys love it when they have an excuse to hit a woman.The very same men who would leave a sick spouse. Easy, early way to vet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:38 PM |
| 10 | Guys love it when they have an excuse to hit a woman.And we need to call them what they are 99% of the time: WHITE MALE DOMESTIC TERRORISTS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:31 PM |
| 2 | After a recent break-up I let off some steam by writing an incantation/spell/prayer to ward off any LVM that might try to come for me in the future. I welcome your feedback.I have chatted for years, on several platforms, and one guy I kept running into was SUCH an ass, I wrote this geas, that I'm extremely proud of: "By earth, air, fire, water; by all the old gods, and the new; by all that is holy; by all that is unholy; by all that is, was, and shall be: I lay this geas upon you, [name], that if you speak any unkind, untrue word to me, Katie, your throat will be parched like the desert, and you will not be able to slake your thirst; your heart will race out of you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:24 PM |
| 38 | How do you tell the difference between your gut telling you something about the present vs what you've been conditioned to expect?AND there should be green flags ALL the way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:21 PM |
| 2 | Importance of political beliefs?I'm back where I'm originally from, around family and friends. March 13, 2020, the pandemic officially hit, and I came down for the duration of the spring semester and taught remotely. Made a few phone calls and realized I could retire three years early, so I did. I had the last year and a half with my dad, who died August 10 at 91, so it was so the right call. (Edited to add that as a teacher in LA, I came home four times a year anyway: Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, summer, and trav… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 11:18 PM |
| 16 | Choice feminism - propaganda?Phyllis Schlafly personified. Gross, annoying, but mostly just so, so sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:24 AM |
| 19 | Society teaches women and girls to idealize men and romantic situations.How fascinating! After your HVM father died (sorry to hear that), y'all basically formed a matriarchy! You kicked out all LVM who were peacocking about for each other, not for your benefit, and just did your own thing. They can go fend for themselves. That rocks SO HARD. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:18 AM |
| 37 | Piggybacking off of the not clapping back at men who neg you post. What are some examples of negging that men have done to you?Oh yes. I met my first husband when I was just about to graduate with my BA. Tried to work, bad economy, messed my knee up, recession of 92, so I went back to grad school and got my MA. He always used to say I was "educated beyond my intelligence", and quite honestly, I don't even know what that means. It's word salad, yet a neg at the same time. I finally said, no, I'm educated beyond YOUR intelligence. Silence, never heard that remark again. Edited to add he had graduated from high school, had… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:14 AM |
| 30 | Piggybacking off of the not clapping back at men who neg you post. What are some examples of negging that men have done to you?You NEVER *have* to sit quietly. You could have rolled your eyes, snorted, and/or simply left the class. I know I would have. Bathroom break, at least, for the entirety of that presentation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:09 AM |
| 47 | Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the BurdenI'm grateful both husbands had friends! I thought that was completely normal, but turns out my two marriages were happy exceptions. Now, older, this is yet another reason I'd insist on living apart together, and use that as a way to vet that he has his own life, his own friends, and is a complete person, not a clingy wanna-be babyman. I have come to realize through FDS that I am only ever able to deal with and esteem men who have their lives together and are complete people, and who treat all ot… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 10:43 PM |
| 11 | No. FDS is not about clapping back at men who neg youI agree: in cases where you must interact, show power, dominance, control. Otherwise, delete and move on blithely with your life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 10:36 PM |
| 21 | NV/LV men will recruit other women to be nice/caring/friends with you to cover up the degradation and cheating he does behind YOUR back.My late HVM husband called it "being Olympian". Love the phrase and use it still! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 10:33 PM |
| 133 | Society teaches women and girls to idealize men and romantic situations.I grew up like this, and was just thinking of this, so the FDS wavelength is strong. I thought men were just as complex and nuanced as women, super complicated... they aren't. I was way, wayyyy overthinking them. What I didn't get until the last decade or so was just how much they're all about power, control, and dominance. I mean, I showed it, men backed off, but I thought it was always *that individual*, and never connected it to how men operate overall, because *I* and the people I knew, esp … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 10:19 PM |
| 74 | Importance of political beliefs?EXTREMELY important, especially now living here in the Deep South. I'm very liberal, progressive, feminist, D/democrat, and more and more a democratic socialist. I would not accept much difference at all, especially now, post-Trump. Any man who is conservative, who supports MAGA, who is anti-abortion, anti civil rights, anti women's rights, racist, sexist, xenophobic, doesn't deserve my company or even a date. Differing views to me would be a dealbreaker when in any situation that gets real, say… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 03:35 PM |
| 301 | Amazing response by a woman who was prepositioned by an LVM to be his side piece"More baggage than Paris Hilton on an international flight"... I'm dead. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 03:10 PM |
| 55 | How much talent has the world lost due to sexism?The main reason I never got to know anyone in "the industry" in Los Angeles: lookism, sexism, ageism, all rampant. No one who buys into that or tries to break into that whole system is worth knowing. You're either upholding it, or condoning it. Big no thanks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 02:11 PM |
| 125 | Who’s the best example of a HMV celebrity?Keanu Reeves -- he takes pictures with fans, but makes sure never to touch them. I find that keeping his hands to himself very respectful. I think he does charity work too and is pretty spiritual and quiet about all of it. Sam Watterston (Law & Order silver fox), and Hugh Jackman -- both married to the same woman for over 25 years. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 02:09 PM |
| 69 | "in sickness and in health" must have a fine print clause that says something like: "except menopause of course". Because so many men abandon their wives during middle age it's astounding.I'm 53, been post-menopausal over a decade. I miss my sex drive, and got quite used to it for about 30 years. I can orgasm easily on my own, but desiring random people? Just isn't there. No limerence, no crushes, no feelings at all without a connection and trust first over an extended period of time, typical for me as a demisexual. (Which I'm not going to get into, for those who don't get anything other than cis het; there are MANY sexualities.) I've learned you can't just manufacture desire on … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 02:06 PM |
| 62 | I haven't seen a disgusting serial dater like Pete DavidsonIf this is the same guy I'm thinking of... he looks like the Joker's younger, stupider brother. Dude looks seriously DUMB. Anyone who thinks neck tattoos are a good look is deluded and looks like an ex-con. Trashy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 05:36 AM |
| 72 | (TW) Incredible book: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane WardI had just noticed this at work, especially around younger Army sorts. (We have the National Guard helping out at our warehouse; we got them when the pandemic started, and eventually they'll go back to their bases as the pandemic wanes.) It is THE WEIRDEST feeling not to be looked at, at all! I haven't had that non-look of total depersonalization since I was over 400 lbs. And it's not like their eyes slide over me; they simply don't ever look my direction or speak to me at all. Then again, most … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 04:28 AM |
| 57 | (TW) Incredible book: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane WardThroughout my life, my question has always been, how little do I HAVE to do to pass as being a woman? How much can I possibly get away with as an individual and pursue my own dreams? How loosely can I hew to social norms and still be accepted? (At heart, I'm pretty lawful good... but there's a streak of rebellion and chaos-making in there.) I always knew I wanted to be married and happy; second time was the charm. I also knew I never wanted kids, and that both marriage and kids were completely o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 04:24 AM |
| 31 | Women Achieves, society makes movie her father......I had really wanted to watch and like this movie because I was interested in V & S. But if this movie glorifies him over them, hard pass. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 04:20 AM |
| 112 | "Do not underestimate the obsession of a bruised ego."Back in the 90s, I made plans to divorce my LVM ex, who happened to be a campus cop; he also collected guns. I made sure to TELL PEOPLE, and I let him know about 12 hours before my help showed up to move me out. I figured even if he killed me, people would have been told, and my body would eventually be found and he would be prosecuted. I was super broke, but had squirrelled away enough money to go stay in a hotel if he had pitched a fit or tried to obstruct me. I could have packed a bag in five… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 12:15 AM |
| 1 | Dark Triad WomenBecause it is bad. Dark triad traits mean narcissism. You never win with a narc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 12:08 AM |
| 9 | Life hack: 💡Yes, there is a time and a place to “take things personally”.💡The Southern "Bless your heart" comes to mind. It clearly means "Go fuck yourself and die." Complete, utter passive-aggressive hostility. Venom with a smile. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 12:07 AM |
| 9 | Men will scream misandry when you warn women to weary of all men until proven otherwise. Then, proceed to say the exact same thing the moment their daughters or sisters start dating/working/entering high school! So GTFO!Trust me, women who have more education than them, who have even the *potential* to make more money and go further, bring this out also. I was on the poorer end of things as a new teacher in Louisiana, and my LVX still got pissy with me. He knew I outranked him educationally, and would go further than he ever dreamed of... and earn more, and so I did. He used to say I was "educated beyond my intelligence" which is a neg if I ever heard one. Finally I said, NO, PETER, I'm educated beyond *your* i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 09:44 PM |
| 53 | Never beg a man to marry youOr a bigamist | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 08:45 PM |
| 148 | Never beg a man to marry youHonestly, this sounds like my LVX. Debbie Downer in every possible way, always all about CONTROL, and a total party pooper. Of course I left him. I made all the mistakes she made except for buying a house together (Thank GOD we rented, what a saving grace in the end). This is just such sick, sick control, not only of money, but of her happiness. That man is a GRINCH at heart, if he even has one. I should know, I divorced one! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 08:44 PM |
| 109 | Visualization of the time breakdown of caring for a newborn. I can’t believe she credits her husband for giving her a mere 3 hours of sleep at a time. The bar for men is so low that roaches can’t fit under it. Mothers - demand more!Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be married and have a happy marriage, and also knew from single digits I never wanted kids. I took a long, hard look at this again in my 20s, and kept finding stuff just like this, so big no thanks. If someone actively wants kids and has that strong vocation for it, then go for it... but realize it is all uphill, a hell of a lot of work and labor, and it never ends. Thanks, I prefer sleep, sex, travel, and doing whatever the hell I want. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 04:53 PM |
| 115 | Creep acts out fantasy he saw in porn. Pardon me while I find my shocked face.Soooo... family issues from the start, no real dating history, zero marriages ever (or of course divorced), no real relationships with anyone, lives alone, no pets, low-level job? Yeah, nailed it. Bottom-feeding pond dweller with limp dick, porn sick dead eyes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 04:52 PM |
| 13 | Annoyed with How Pressured Women Are Not to Be Angry or Bitter After a BreakupI love openly showing anger, just because it's frowned upon for women to do it, and totally allowed by men. So the moment you show anger, you're pushing back against the patriarchy, and it's awesome. It's power, control, often domination. It's truth telling, letting loose, and letting the chips fall where they may. And yet, it's nuanced. I agree, it has to be worth it to show significant anger. It's why I try very, very hard to control myself, let most things that people do and say roll off my b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 03:21 PM |
| 33 | Story time!I'm impressed with how #2 noped out, and gave you side-eye, which is funny! Like, "Wow, we both know this guy is a blowhard, why are you talking to him?" I hope everything works out. That part was just funny to me. People's honest expressions are a source of vast amusement, not to laugh at them, just how honest and real some people's faces are. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 02:50 PM |
| 20 | Your commitment/attention should be hard-earned by men who want to court you.So much this! I mean, the moment any man starts namecalling and negging, he's immediately a NVM. But quite often, just having confidence, standards, and good grooming will ward off NVM. It's the LVM or the almost-not-quite HVM, the medium value men (MVM) that you need to watch out for. That one expectation, that adults be adults, is an excellent vetting strategy. Well said! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 02:47 PM |
| 20 | This is the kind of stuff that really scares me😞I feel like in the end you never truly get to know the other person. Tw: s3xual abuse/text postCame here to say this. What do you bet that if you asked these women in a time, place, and way that they could be 100% truthful, they ALL had gut feelings and they ignored those gut feelings? Trust your gut, it never lies. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 02:44 PM |
| 44 | This is the kind of stuff that really scares me😞I feel like in the end you never truly get to know the other person. Tw: s3xual abuse/text postSo much this. I'm reading the book by Anna Salter about predators (recommended here on FDS, so I'm previewing it online). Bottom line: ALWAYS KEEP VETTING. Words to live by, and I mean that literally and figuratively, because doing so will keep you alive, and it's something you simply must do throughout your life with men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 02:42 PM |
| 11 | This is the kind of stuff that really scares me😞I feel like in the end you never truly get to know the other person. Tw: s3xual abuse/text postTHIS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 02:40 PM |
| 16 | Mom said something that really bugged meI'm in the age range of your mother, more than likely, at 53. Dating in previous decades was a lot better. Porn was only in magazines, which people had to search out and buy. Cell phones and OLD just weren't a thing, so people had to meet up face to face. In a lot of ways, it was way easier to vet face to face, to judge body language, tone of voice, etc. I'm also happy I was out of the dating pool for 25 years. Now, though, I'd like to go out on a date, just to go out on one, so yeah, I'm passiv… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 02:38 PM |
| 22 | Be careful around maintenance men if you live alone. If possible, have a male relative with you when you need something installed/repaired. I’ve heard some ladies say to have used men’s shoes just in case they try something u could say ur husband will be back soon. Imagine if she was alone with him😳It's a paraphilia, or fetish. All fetishes take one object, or one part of the body as the focus, because fetishists cannot handle relationships. Having a fetish is about 10,000 red flags and screams "I have no social skills, and no one will ever get close to me." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 09:57 PM |
| 70 | Can't stress enough: MEN AT WORK AREN'T FRIENDS. They DO NOT fear consequences. I just had some sick fuck sexualize my cancer. **RANT**Why not blow it up already on all social media? Keep his name out of it, of course, ethical person that you are, but show the world his scrotery. And if he messages you again, let him know that everything he says will be posted online. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 09:29 PM |
| 6 | “Communicating” gives LVM the perfect opportunity to gaslight youTotally agree. I was so angry and frustrated with him by that point, I started calling out everything he was doing. I was a hammer, and all of his actions were nails. If I went overboard, so not ever sorry. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 09:27 PM |
| 35 | “Communicating” gives LVM the perfect opportunity to gaslight youI remember this so well. It was back in the 90s with my first LVX. I tried and tried, nothing worked (no surprise). What did work? Finally when I said, either you don't know what you're doing, which means you are emotionally a child... or you do know what you're doing, and you're being cruel on purpose. Both suck shit. YOU suck shit for being either way. The surprised Pikachu look on his face? Priceless. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 12:41 PM |
| 7 | Men rarely think they are the problemI was just thinking about this! So if we see the light, level ourselves up, learn how to vet, put ourselves first, and stop being endless martyrs and pickmes, WHY CAN THEY NOT DO THE SAME? And the answer is no real consequences, plus not nearly enough other men stepping up to put other L/NVM in their place. They just bumble through life, derping away, never having to grow or change. So damn sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 10:13 PM |
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