After more than a year on Reddit and FDS, I feel like, once again, men have given up on me, and I count this for a win.

To spin this as far as dating goes, all it takes is having an opinion, stating it fearlessly, having the courage of one's convictions, ignoring concern trolling (oh Redditcare, you're just the most adorable thing, bless your heart!). It includes having my own life where I'm the main character, never accepting being objectified, and pushing back HARD against all objectification, ie, being absolutely insistent about asserting wants and needs, contradicting a man who tries to impute ideals onto you, speaking your mind, asking lots of questions, etc. And it involves listening to words as well as actions, body language, tone of voice, to spot lying and manipulation.

I remember at first I got quite a few Redditcare concern-troll messages, and ignored all of them. They're not memorable anyway, partly because they're cowardly and anonymous. I would think if someone were actively concerned, they'd DM me and actually ask, but no. Redditcare is nothing but concern trolling. Change my mind; I said what I said.

Doing this in the real world, ie, running off L/NVM, is a win. Anytime someone I suspect is being a concern troll, or trying to exercise manipulative control in a passive-aggressive way, I have a go-to strategy: why are you concerned? about what exactly? and wait. If it's real, they'll tell you, and you can judge by tone of voice and body language if they're real. Silence, hemming and hawing, ambiguous language... it's concern-trolling. Disregard, ignore at will, and go about your life. I figure so long as I'm living my life on my terms, not hurting myself or anyone else, it's no one else's business and why should I change because someone else thinks I should? That makes NO sense.

If any man ever does this in dating, next him. Real concern is a hell of a lot different from concern-trolling, which to me is always a disguise for control and manipulation. I for one would rather be 100% on my own, without any man around, than with someone who thinks I'm his puppet and can be manipulated to do what HE thinks is best. NOT happening, sir, and you can GTFO.

FDS queens, what's been your experiences with Redditcare messages, concern-trolling online and in real life, and in men giving up on you? Do tell!