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View 2 posts and 799 comments by extragouda on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
465

CULTURAL MISOGYNYextragouda/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:44 PM
278

DISCUSSIONextragouda/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 10:54 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
126

Ugh. Only LVW do this. I just walk away... and then I'm careful around her. If a guy is into this sort of attention, it says a lot about him too. Some women do this with their female friends too. If you're talking to a woman they think is cool, they will butt in and try to dominate the conversation. Not a good friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 07:35 AM
1

Okay, you don't have to vet. I think it decreases risk to vet, but you don't have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 03:42 AM
1

Vetting is extremely important no matter how old you are, even if you can't control the future. You can't (and shouldn't) control other people, but you should be prepared for all outcomes. Vetting is a type of preparedness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 05:27 AM
5

It is true that most people meet their life partners at work, but just be careful. You really have to know this person very well before you start dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 02:20 PM
26

I've taken hits at my job for making friends with people who turned out to be sociopaths. We were not even close friends either. But they just knew enough about me to be actually dangerous. OP, please be careful at work. People put on a suit, get dressed up, put their game face on for a reason. They are there to win, not to be nice to you. Unfortunately. Some of them will be nice to you to get things from you (use your ideas, your work, basically steal your labor), and some of the people who wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 02:17 PM
15

You can sometimes see through the facade if you train yourself well enough, but it can be hard. I am especially wary of the most popular people at work. They tend to be used to getting their way. They could also just be sociopaths. It's not good to be on their bad sides, but it's terrible to get too close to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 02:01 PM
21

They also have cognitive dissonance when it comes to what is deemed "serious" literature... so, you know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 01:21 PM
55

There are men weakened by life and circumstances who begin to resent the woman that stays strong and supports them. Wow. I saved this because you just described my NVM ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 01:13 PM
13

Personally, I think bi women are easier to date than bi men... and I also don't care if a man is straight, bi, or whatever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 01:10 PM
41

Please don't date any addicts. There is no such thing as a "former" addict. If you're an addict, every day is a new day where you say "no" to your addiction. An addict's priority is managing their addiction (either using their drug of choice or staying away from it). If a person was ever addicted to porn, they are unlikely to stop using it entirely, especially if they are single. Source: I dated a drug addict (who claimed he was long-time sober, but was not.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 01:06 PM
30

If one of your leaves the job one day maybe he’ll reach out. And if he doesn't, let it go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 12:54 PM
56

But just cause he'd like to get his dick wet does not mean that he likes you. And just cause he enjoys someone who's attracted to him doesn't mean that he's going to commit. I can't stress this enough. Also, people always behave their best in the workplace. You don't know what he's like outside it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 12:52 PM
40

Umm... okay. So. There have been many couples that have met through work and married and had happy families... ESPECIALLY in the past where the woman was not expected to keep her job after marriage or advance in her job after returning to work as a married women. We're talking about the olden days here. This was also a time period where it wasn't sexual harassment for the boss to slap your butt. I think if you take your career seriously, dating anyone at work can really backfire if they aren't p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 12:51 PM
7

Sounds like something out of "Mad Men".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 07:06 AM
4

I think the men available for dating has indeed become worse over time. I don't know, either the 90s was pretty good and boys knew how to show up with flowers and take you out to a restaurant... or... maybe I'm just attracting the worst kind of people because I've "aged out" of the preferences that they have always had. This is why vetting is so important. Vet ruthlessly when you are young so that you don't have to go through the trauma of divorce and aren't doing it when you're older (although,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 06:17 AM
1

Thank you for articulating what I was thinking but unable to put into words. Yes, sugar baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 06:12 AM
11

I'm pretty much in the same situation but it's bothering me less and less, especially since the busier I become, the less I have time to sleep. I'm just too tired to think about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 02:59 PM
11

Which is why he's an ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 02:09 PM
30

Eventually, I stopped wanting to touch him at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 12:51 PM
28

He gets around. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 12:50 PM
9

I don't like those guys who offer to take me "shopping" as a date. So like... "let's go on a date to a shopping mall, I'll pay." So I just go from store to store buying things and he'll act like a credit card. Just... no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:23 AM
19

I had this experience with a guy I dated from OLD. First date over coffee (my idea, because I wasn't sure if I would like him enough to talk to him for more than 15 minutes), he bought me the chocolates I liked and the tea I liked. Not the cheap stuff. 2nd date, he bought me two books that I liked and a bag that I liked. I didn't even ask him for gifts and was really shocked because my ex would literally just go to the $2 shop and pick out an ugly mug or get some cheap pointless jewelry from a d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:20 AM
16

That 100% plain silk slip-style nightgown better be custom-fit too. Too many of them gap around the bust for me. I do love some 100% silk. Organic bamboo pjs are great too. Very soft.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:07 AM
22

One of the problems with amateurs doing massages is that they can actually damage your spine if they don't know what they are doing. At best, it will be a massage that does nothing at all, at worst, they can damage your spine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:06 AM
66

I had an ex who didn't see the point in hugs unless it resulted in sex. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:01 AM
41

If you can't afford it, just don't wear it. Can't afford good jewelry? Wear a scarf! Simple. Can't afford a decent ring? I know a guy who was a carpenter and couldn't afford to buy an engagement ring. He got a special kind of wood and made a ring for his girlfriend. She's still wearing it 20 years later. It's her favorite ring because the wood shines and she says it makes her feel like an elf with all the engravings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:00 AM
21

Are they serious? Shein quality jewelry? I wouldn't even wear Pandora because I don't think it will age well. I don't wear disposable anything. Pandora is basically sterling silver. If an adult can't afford sterling silver... I don't know what he's doing trying to "adult". And I'm not saying that everyone needs to be made of disposable cash either. If you can't afford jewelry, at least buy something non-jewelry related you can afford that's of quality. But for heaven's sake, do not buy some chea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 10:55 AM
27

I can think of many things in Sephora that are pink. He could have got some nice smelling bath and body products, a fancy pink hair brush, some sheet masks... and then a bouquet of sunflowers. And bonus points for a pink funfetti cupcake. In fact, if I man got me that, I would date him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 10:51 AM
55

Victoria's Secret has become very tacky over the years too. Their lingerie isn't even on-trend anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 10:49 AM
11

This is why jewelry is a better present, as long as it is actually jewelry you like. Or a massage... with a professional masseuse. I'm fortunate (or not) that my bra size is so specific that my "lingerie" has to be custom-made and no one can ever buy anything off the rack for me. I only wear black, beige, grey, or pink under garments because those colors are more practical and easier to conceal under clothing. I refuse to wear padding or underwires or anything that doesn't cover my butt cheeks. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 10:47 AM
30

Yep. My ex too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 07:38 AM
93

"Hey, you blocked me!" "I know." "Why?" "If I felt it would be useful to tell you, I would have told you." "B--" "I know, thank you." ​ Actually... please don't say this to anyone at the gym. You never know how they will act. I would tell management about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 09:07 AM
42

Yeah I block people I see on a daily basis if they do something I don't like and I don't want to have to argue with them. By something I don't like, I mean: if they harass me, act sketchy... etc. None of these are close friends. If they are close friends, I talk to them to resolve any issues. If they ask me why I blocked them, I guess I can say, "I'm a very private person". But so far, no one has asked. There are some guys that I don't want to confront at all, so I don't block them, I just ignor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 09:03 AM
61

Maybe start an OF. It's empowering. Too funny!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:58 AM
24

I hope I don't offend anyone, but whenever I go out with a lawyer (or lawyer friends/family) they want to split everything down to the cents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:55 AM
39

I really dislike this type of misogynistic Asian man. I see a lot of them nowadays. Unsurprisingly the entitlement among these types of people is very high even while they accuse other people of entitlement. These are the types of men who will often gate-keep the sex lives of women from their race or culture, as if Asian women owe them dates. If you are an Asian woman dating outside your race/culture, these men consider you a self-hating race-traitor. So they have tendencies towards misogyny and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:54 AM
14

I've dated book-smart men all my life and they don't have better morals. Often an elite education is about the privilege they are born into rather than their character. So, for me, I would rather a man who can prove that he has thought about his privileges.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:15 PM
11

I think it is important that your values and goals align. Sometimes even if you have the same type of education and hobbies, if your values and goals do not align, it doesn't work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:11 PM
45

Try to date a kind man you don't want to fuck and you'll break his heart. Try to date a mean guy who blows your mind and he'll break yours. You must have both. Such a great comment. I've been in both situations. I'd rather meet the right person by chance or not at all. I know people, male and female, who settle for either one of these things and they have miserable marriages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:08 PM
13

I'm not looking. But if I meet someone where there is mutual interest and respect, then they need to: be employed, not lazy, and have the means to look after themselves, be nurturing and know how to take care of a house and their partner if their partner become sick, be responsible and have an understanding of how his actions (or lack thereof) impact others, have integrity and be honest and trustworthy, be a really good friend and be sexually compatible with me. I also want them to value their h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:06 PM
71

Yup, I was totally blamed for choosing wrong. I was also blamed for "not vetting", and the people who blamed me for it were the same people who said he was excellent at the start of the relationship. "Oh Extra Gouda, you should give ex-NVM a chance, he's really a decent person... etc... ". But you know, this guy came off as really decent until his mask fell off. He was a master manipulator. It was like underneath the human skin was the kraken. Most people do not know what people like this are re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 02:51 AM
43

It's also a waste of the guy's time to use him as practice. I know a lot of women date women as "practice" (or sleep with whomever as "practice"), but this is really a waste of everyone's time. If you know what you want, and he can't give it to you (no matter if you want a marriage or a casual partner), you shouldn't date him, imho.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 01:58 AM
129

People used to say that to me, and so I changed my behavior and stopped doing "x" and got one, a bad one, a very very bad one. What as waste of years of my life. I would have been better off single than having ever wasted the years where I had the most energy to do the most awesome things. No one wants you to shake the boat, but you should: shake, shake, shake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 01:53 AM
15

I know a case where a woman in her 60s allowed a man in his mid-40s to rent a room in her ranch house. She was a widower and raising cattle was all she ever knew. When her husband died, she was left with a horse, two cows, a dog, and the ranch. She sold it, sold the horse and cows, and moved to a small property that was on it, and rented out the spare room. Anyway, this man that she met at her late husband's hospice was there often because his wife was dying from complications due to alcoholism.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 05:00 AM
17

Just an idea, but I would love to know how we can use information from your training to spot dangerous people in the wild, especially on dates or in work spaces.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 04:45 AM
27

Some degrees are not recognized overseas. Also it depends on what you studied. You can have a PhD and be stuck in a coffee shop. Life is complicated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 02:37 AM
10

This is interesting. What is a profiler? Genuine question. Is it police work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 02:35 AM
48

I don't see situations of abuse as "lessons" women need to learn, rather opportunities for healing. Usually there is already, as you pointed out, the ground work for them to accept abusive men because they grew up in situations where women were oppressed. If you look at the ACE test (adverse childhood experiences) and consider the lives of the women who had experience adverse childhoods, there is a higher chance that they accept poor outcomes in their adult lives because they were conditioned to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 02:33 AM
21

The culture in a lot of Asian countries is that if you do the inviting, you pay for the meal, and your friends reciprocate by asking you to the next meal and paying. Gift giving is also a big deal. There are so many celebrations and events where it is rude not to bring a gift, even if you are just visiting someone's house. Also, if you are a man and you are dating a woman, you are expected to pay for everything, including when you both go shopping together. It doesn't matter if she earns more th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 12:48 PM
2

It is sad that a lot of games that don't involve violence are totally unappealing to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:27 AM
1

Do you think if both of them sat there and shook their heads and frowned, it would have been better? I'm not saying that is the wrong thing to do. Like you, I also don't know what the best way to handle the situation is, but I know it's not slapping someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:25 AM
1

Oh okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:40 AM
2

I like the newer versions of Tomb Raider where the boobs are not so ridiculous. But there are still too many "grunts" and scenes where you have a tiny little Lara trying to fight off a massive male "boss" character. I would stop playing the game or get someone to cheat for me. Mostly because I found it difficult to watch a semi-realistic looking fight where a woman was being beaten by a huge man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:39 AM
149

Unless a man is actively stepping in to protect a woman from being physically or sexually assaulted, I do not condone male violence. Yeah me too. I agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:34 AM
62

This reminds me of an incident where my abusive ex was really cruel to a waiter because I said that they forgot to give us the receipt. I asked my ex if he got the receipt. He said no. I said, usually the waiter gives you the receipt, this one must have forgot. Then my ex stormed back into the restaurant, found the waiter, and chewed him out about not giving us the receipt and threw in a few "my wife wants...". After that, he gave me the silent treatment, and I felt really bad for "criticizing" …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:33 AM
79

I agree with everything you have said. A man who acts violently in public is likely to also act violently in private. I also get an "off" feeling about men who act like victims in public, they are likely to be very manipulative at home. But yeah, hard agree on the "violent in public = violent at home" assessment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:18 AM
133

I am still so angry that the biopic about the Williams sisters and their greatness was named “King Richard.” Cr@ p, I did not know it was named "King Richard". I have not actually seen this film. YIKES! You know, I sometimes feel as if the Smith marriage is just two narcissists together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:17 AM
8

So... I have always fantasied about slapping Chris Rock because I find him annoying... and Will defended himself by saying it was an act of love, but ugh... nah, dude. You can defend her by telling him off, but you don't have to be ungentlemanly and act worse than the guy telling the sexist joke. It's not like Chris Rock tried to touch her or took out a knife and tried to stab her. Sure he was insensitive and rude (as usual), but he did not deserve to be physically assaulted -- not that anyone s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 11:14 AM
38

I wish society would stop believing these idiots: "But he can't be a cheater, he's got his wife and kids posted all over his socials...etc."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 02:51 AM
5

Okay... that may be true that they are really into their characters. But I think it is hugely problematic that a lot of female characters are hyper sexualized in comparison to male characters. I do know that this is changing, but probably not wide and far enough. For example, among the kids I work with, the games they play are: Fortnite, Grand Theft Auto, I know Minecraft is pretty much just blocks. I really feel kind of negatively about Grand Theft Auto, to be honest. And I don't know much abou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 02:45 AM
33

I'm curious because I don't know much about it... but it seems to me that the cosplay community often cross over into libfem sex posi values, and that a lot of women cosplay for the male gaze, like... it's soft porn for nerdy men. Is this true? Or do I have the wrong idea...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 04:18 AM
22

I up-voted you, amazing comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 04:13 AM
2

Fair point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 09:34 PM
19

But they still can't be multi-orgasmic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 10:26 AM
26

Ain't this the truth!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 10:24 AM
26

I know women who have googled dick pics, bought dick lollipops, dick candles... dick lamps. But most men do not google vag pics either, they google porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 10:22 AM
44

Women can also have multiple orgasms, whereas the male orgasm ends the sex act. So: according to the prior stated research, women are more visual. as proven by basic biological functions, women are more sexual. estrogen is necessary for brain function, so by inductive reasoning, women, who have a higher percentage of estrogen in their bodies than men, are smarter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 10:19 AM
59

When I was in this situation, I was constantly encouraged to have children to make the situation "improve". When you're in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), you don't realize how that could be a really horrible idea. Fortunately it didn't work out for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 01:08 PM
58

I started counting off the ones that I had experienced. I had experienced all but 4 of these. I am a WOC, and while women like Hannah Clarke rightfully get the attention necessary for their cases, I know plenty of other WOC (especially indigenous women) who are not taken seriously by law enforcement or the media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 01:05 PM
46

I reported sexual harassment at work and the guy was quite popular with the older ladies. After I reported him, I was suddenly off-limits to any sort of work socialization. Now, I prefer to be extra careful with my communications with men at work, not socialize with them too much, not say "hello" in the morning in case they take it the wrong way... etc. It is very revealing that men who used to talk to me to be condescending or talk to me to check me out and make inappropriate comments about my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 11:46 AM
27

I have male colleagues like this. Unfortunately, I have to say that for most if not all of the men I know, the most common reason they talk to me is because they want to: Show off, so they basically "explain" things to me that I already know in order to seem like an expert at something. Get sexual attention, even if they already have a partner/wife, they are trying to get sexual attention. I find that if I am assertive and interrupt them and tell them that they are talking AT me instead of to me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 11:37 AM
13

Yeah the post reminds me of the guy who threw out the tampons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:21 AM
14

Can confirm. It was a horrible way to live.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:18 AM
74

My ex did something like this early on in the relationship where he lost an item that was necessary for him to continue working. He then claimed that he had no money to buy another one. So I bought it for him (yeah, I know). Fast forward ten years later and I'm packing his stuff that he refused to pick up for 6 months after we broke up... and I find the thing. There are TWO of them. The one I bought, and the one he hid. It wasn't he only lie he told. I discovered so many lies after we broke up, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:15 AM
62

I would say that this is true in all relationships including with coworkers. If a coworker (usually male) is rude to you, they did it intentionally. Don't bother saying, hey you did this, please don't do it again. They will do it again because it "worked" and you were bothered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 09:42 AM
44

Most men don't even have a fair division of household duties, I have no idea why they need a "cave" to escape from the responsibilities of their family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 02:46 AM
88

And the guys wonder why their marriages have dead bedrooms! Why would anyone normal want to have sex with their "child"?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 02:43 AM
19

Pedo alert!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 10:16 PM
13

Wow. This is a really good insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 12:44 AM
2

HAHAHAHA! Love it thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 11:45 AM
4

You need courage to live an authentic life. A lot of people are cowards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 11:14 AM
1

Damn. I missed the boat on grey reversal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 11:13 AM
25

I was also told that relationships are hard work. Actually, they shouldn't be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 09:59 AM
23

This reversing of grey hair... sounds great. I have no idea if it is even possible in my case. I have far too many greys. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 09:58 AM
127

I agree with you. Unfortunately a lot of people marry to "settle down" and have "stability". They marry whoever they happen to be dating when they start feeling they are ready to stop looking at other options. They do this even if the option they have "settled" for is someone they are attracted to but don't like, can get along with but don't respect, or like but aren't attracted to... the list of nuances goes on. Usually, they are worried about their biological clock. I think that once you take …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 09:57 AM
178

I've always thought lib feminism is basically "first world problems". It's feminism for the entitled so that ally-posers can act self-righteous. It's a type of feminism that assumes that we live in a post-feminist world, which we do not. We do not live in a post-feminist, post-racist world. Unfortunately there is still a lack of equity and a lot of bigotry everywhere on this planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 11:54 AM
10

Your time is your single most valuable resource - you can NEVER get it back. There ARE attractive, successful, caring men out there who can, and will, do better. OP, pay attention to this. This is a very good insight. You will never get your time back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 11:25 AM
22

This is going to be hard to hear, but you may have to cut some of those people too. When you get some distance from the situation, you will realize that the people who enabled the relationship (and enabled a grown adult to use you) are actually not acting in your best interests. Some of them might even be in similar toxic relationships and misery loves company. Think of the most accomplished, happiest woman you know. Do you think she would stay in this sort of situation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 11:22 AM
42

I'm sorry you had to do this but I hope you are able to re-frame this and stop thinking of him as a good father. If he were a good father, you would never have had to protect your children from seeing his anger, because he would not have had those issues. I think you need to start seeing it like this: you protected your children because you were a good mother and because your ex-husband made you responsible for his abuse, you also made yourself responsible for the choices you had to make to prot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:53 PM
41

These mothers usually have LVM husbands. They are the ultimate pick-mes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:51 AM
15

I know about Vlad, this is quite interesting that his name means "Son of the Dragon". I think that when people create things, be it literature or other art, a lot of cross cultural referencing goes on and it has always been that way. For example, Shakespeare got a lot of the ideas from his plays from Greek myths. There is also an original Cinderella story that predates Perrault and comes from China. Unfortunately not everyone knows where the original stories come from. I blame Disney (partially)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:50 AM
110

Somehow, I suspect their mothers won't care. I once dated a guy whose mother said to me, "I told my son to find a nice guy who grew up on a farm so that she can look after him and cook him good meals. But now that's I've met you, and you're Asian, I'm not worried because I'm sure you'll look after him even better than the white girls he dated." So basically: I'm looking for a mommy bangmaid for my son... and bonus, she has to put up with a racist mother-in-law.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:08 AM
70

This is when they go from "she's docile and submissive" to "she was a gold digger and only after a green card." Basically they marry women they hate that they think they can control. If they can't control them, they try to control the narrative so it looks like the women left them because there was something wrong with the women. These guys are losers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:05 AM
11

I'm Australian and Asian and I get a lot of the same type of racism. It's not just Americans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 08:02 AM
47

They really do think they know everything. I once got a white guy say to me, "did you know that being Asian, you are less privileged and experience discrimination?" No shit, Sherlock. Even from YOU. I even got a black (but extremely white-passing -- like, she was maybe 1/16 black) woman say to me, "you don't know this, but the Asians you work with are discriminated against because of their race." Umm... do you not SEE that I'm Asian myself. Idiot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:58 AM
51

"Dracula" is an amazing classic novel but unfortunately the author was Irish and not Romanian. I think his description of Romanian food at the beginning of the novel was good though... because it made me hungry. If I don't know anything about a person's country of origin, I just say, "I don't know anything about that country, but it's nice to meet someone from that area." Then I ask them what I should do if I visit that country: where should I go, what should I see, what should I eat. None of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:52 AM
23

Food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:44 AM
47

I'm so sorry. This is horrible. I've had Thai friends who say that men treat them like this too. I've had a man say to one of my Thai friends, "are you a prostitute?" Straight after he met her. "Hi my name is... where are you from, originally?" "I'm Thai." "Are you a prostitute". "No." "Was your mother a prostitute?" "What? No!" "Are you sure?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:37 AM
41

I've had white women tell me that I should feel grateful for being fetishized. These are the same women who claim that Asian women "steal" "their" men by being submissive. Or that Asian women are submissive, therefore, they don't need intervention when there's a domestic violence situation because it isn't really domestic violence. Or if an Asian woman is assertive, she's "one of those unattractive tiger women who probably abuse their children if they get any grade lower than a B+". I've had all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:36 AM
77

There's the same stereotype about Asian women. It's either "they're submissive" or if they figure out we're not, it's "they're tiger women". Both categories are objectifying. Women are humans with personalities, talents, and capabilities. We're not cartoons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:29 AM
46

😂 Build me a Volkswagen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:00 AM
183

LOL. When I was younger, I used to have idiots shout at me using a fake accent while I crossed the street: "hey, luv me long time!" etc... . "hey cook me flied lice!" 🤮 If I had seen them run over by a truck, I don't think I would have cared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 06:59 AM
40

So much racism and misogyny. As an Asian woman, I get similar bullsh*t. Now that I'm older, I also get "cougar" comments. 🤮 People are so ignorant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 06:57 AM
12

The worst pickmes are the ones that think they are educated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 09:17 AM
406

I know a few guys like this who have tatts, wear bi or rainbow colors, and carry tote bags that say, "male feminist". All my female friends think they are really great guys. They are not. They go 50-50 on their pregnant forever-girlfriends, watch bsdm porn, are unconsciously racist, and have an annoyingly self-righteous attitude. They are not more woke. They are just men wearing different clothes -- clothes that signal that they want to be perceived as woke. Just because a man doesn't sport a ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 10:39 AM
46

He wanted a YOUNG woman. He didn't say he wanted to grow old with a woman. Old women = ewww. /s (in case you didn't know). I'm sure he's hot as the deep winter in Antarctica.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 11:50 AM
40

I'm in my 40s and I don't want him either. Men in their 40s have had multiple baby mamas that they have to prioritize, and they are usually looking for a woman to be a free baby-sitter for when they have weekend custody. Or they have calcified into one of two types of career bachelors: those that smoke cigars, collect something unusual and unappealing, and don't wash; those that are addicted to extreme sports such as extreme hiking, extreme free-solo climbing, extreme multi-day long distance bik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 11:48 AM
10

Me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:34 AM
14

I feel that this isn't reflective of OLD necessarily, but that the culture of dating or societal misogyny has become worse in general. I see a lot of terrible men in real life too. Having said that, OLD is a lot of work. It's like a second job just trying to get any benefits from it. I don't think it is an awesome way to meet someone. I've had a lot of pointless interactions from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:33 AM
76

She's in amazing shape. I'm a decade younger than her and I'd look like a potato if I stood next to her. I don't know what these men are going on about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 10:54 PM
5

OMG none of those women are ugly. I think they're just mad that none of those women are dumb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 10:52 PM
42

I got the ick reading that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 01:21 PM
31

Usually "genuinely" means they are being disingenuous. "Please don't take this the wrong way" means "I have to say this because otherwise you will listen to your gut and not answer me, because I intend it the wrong way."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 01:18 PM
18

He doesn't want her to explain herself. He doesn't understand or respect her standards and is put off by the concept of a man treating a woman with love and respect because he thinks that the payout for a man doing that is that, that man should also be catered to by a trad wife, and no feminist can be a trad wife. Therefore, in his mind, no feminist wants to be treated with love and respect. In his mind, a feminist is a lib fem who is available for sex to "test for compatibility" and pay for dat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 01:16 PM
14

Likewise, you are the first person I have met who is horrified by what happened in Asia. During WWII, and for most of Western history before it, the people living on the Asian continent were seen as "other" and somehow less than human. The way China was treated during the Opium War, and even in our lifetime the way Monsanto and private corps treat India as a medical and food testing ground (leading to infertile indigenous crops) shows that they do not care if they destroy an entire continent of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 11:08 AM
247

I agree with your comment. There's a Korean film about an elderly woman who is raped and no one believes her because she's not young and beautiful. I forgot the name of the film. People (mostly men, and their female uneducated flying monkeys), think that rape is about sex. So they do things that google the victim's name, ask what the victim was wearing, ask if the victim has had a relationship with the perpetrator, ask about the victim's behavior. Some older female flying monkeys say, "oh that w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:48 AM
4

Was referring to the comment about ghosting women who insist on sending their boyfriends over to pick up things from another woman's house. Not referring to tradespeople.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 06:45 AM
18

Me too. I remember in the 90s, the women coming out of single sex universities were always dressed in a typical "feminine" fashion: makeup, "done" hair, dresses, heels, nail polish. They were well-known among the up-coming lib-fems that I knew as "prudish" and "high maintenance" and "not cool". They were sort of... untouchable. All the guys wanted to date them. Most of them did not. These girls were also well-known to be ambitious. Meanwhile, we were all wearing Birks (not that there's anything …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 12:02 AM
35

For your safety, it's best not to let a strange man into your house. I don't know why women don't get it (edit: and insist on their boyfriend picking up things from your house).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:05 AM
185

This is why girls succeed at single sex schools more than co-ed schools... according to a study I read. Interestingly, boys often do worse in single-sex schools because they fail to self-regulate and the presence of female students seem to make them control their behavior. But to respond to your comment, I totally get what you're talking about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:02 AM
22

The p)rn industry will never become beneficial to any type of woman until it is properly and legally regulated with safety standards and the appropriate training for the people that work in it. Right now, it is basically an accepted black market that trades in human bodies, most of which are female and young. It is very revealing that their popular "fantasy" categories are thing that are illegal. 😠
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 11:52 AM
15

Yeah this guy is not emotionally ready for a relationship. He needs to work on himself before getting into one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 12:30 PM
15

This was a most racist scene.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 12:22 PM
52

If he resents women, why did he do all that to himself? It sounds like he doesn't even want a woman. It sounds like the did all this rubbish to himself just so that he could have an excuse to resent women. It sounds like he's projecting -- maybe he actually strongly dislikes himself (not resents) but it's just easier to blame it on women. Could it be that he got all this done to his face for OtHeR MeN? I mean, if this is him post-op, I don't think he's remotely good-looking so he sure as heck di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 12:20 PM
14

I'm in my mid-40s. I found FDS a few years after my divorce. No children. No contact with the ex. I have been focused on my career and pets. I have not been dating since my divorce except for the past 2 years, which is odd, considering there's a pandemic. So, in between lockdowns and vaccinations, I went on 4 in-person dates with 4 different men... or is it 3 different men? I don't remember. I chatted with countless other men. Clearly none of them were very memorable. I wouldn't call these men "…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 09:39 AM
15

If he really supported women with an OF, he would have kept his mouth shut so that she could get the job and remove herself from online prostitution. Instead he allowed another man to use the mentality associated with slut-shaming to discriminate against her. So actually, this "supportive" guy is totally okay with men slut-shaming women who have an OF in contexts where they exist as human beings outside of that platform, which indicates that he thinks her entire existence is for the purposes of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 07:32 AM
37

I'm in my mid-40s and I've dated men in their late 20s who look like they hit the wall by their mid-20s. They are fat, balding, terrible skin. It really doesn't take much to look after yourself and stay in shape when you're under 35. I don't understand why they don't care about themselves. Edit: typo. "Make" was supposed to be "take".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:23 AM
27

Alexa is so beautiful, I would date her. Yes, they do look the same age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:22 AM
13

Alexa looks the same age as that guy 13 years younger than her. Or at least, she only looks maximum 5 years older than him. I don't call this an age-gap relationship. They look like they have the same interests and everything. The other two however... . Umm... . Sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:19 AM
38

Ugh. So true. 😥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 05:20 PM
37

That picture really looks like that sort of guy. He's overweight (because body positivity), has a patchy beard, is vegan, "woke", libfem, and has friends that he watches p) rn with, uses the pronouns they/them, and if you don't like sex pos polyamory WhAT is WRoNg wiTh yOU, YoU biGOT!!! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:56 PM
32

There are people who are truly happy and single for life. Just as there are unhappy singles, there are happy singles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:53 PM
11

Awww! This is sweet! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:51 PM
3

I hate this woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 05:33 AM
50

It never occurred to me that the parents don't know what porn is like these days. I think if it were my kid, I would research. But ```I'll mention it, the next time I see her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:22 AM
7

Oh okay. Thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:20 AM
26

He doesn't just have ED, he sounds like he is abusive. Concerns about your mental health? You're not crazy, he's just trying to make you think you are crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:19 AM
57

Is this true? If you have butt sex, it gets loose? Edit... also, I'm now thinking that men who like an@ l, like it because it mimics the death grip. 🤮 Edit... I just did some research. Yes it is true! It can cause anal incontinence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:26 AM
14

What does "tweaking food" mean? I'm unfamiliar with this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:21 AM
88

Sometimes performance anxiety comes from watching unrealistic sex acts and unrealistic bodies in porn. So the cure for that is... stop watching porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:20 AM
173

He needs to ditch the porn, loose the weight, and stop taking viagra. It's basic self-care and not even half as challenging as having to manage menopause.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:18 AM
64

In my 30s, I went to a endocrinologist who said that I should not assume that only women have to manage their hormones in their 30s. I said, men don't have symptoms of menopause. She said, men have ED, even very young men have ED and it is very, very common. I was kind of shocked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:17 AM
85

This is what I'm going to say too. I think we're dealing with a minimum of 2 generations of bad parenting, because we know that these young men started looking at porn when they were maybe 12-years-old. I have actually met women with 12-year-olds who say that when their sons misbehave, they send them to their room where the boys watch porn, but "at least they are quiet and not throwing food at me or calling me a c? nt." If a kid is doing that by the time they are 12, you've had 12 years to paren…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:13 AM
63

Boys shack, men build homes I love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:07 PM
45

I think men cat fish more than women, to be honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:04 PM
42

I know some relationships counselors who do this when one person cheats -- they try to get the betrayed spouse to think of the psychoanalytical reasons for the cheating. No. Just leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:58 PM
21

You know him well! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:54 PM
22

Okay... only 1 porn magazine, no internet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 08:52 AM
34

Well, before the internet, they still had porn in magazines and video... so there's that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:01 AM
77

YUCK. P0 rn sick. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:50 AM
150

This guy doesn't sound old enough or educated enough for children. She should not have reproduced with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:18 AM
152

I propose that the men get to share 1 roll of toilet paper so they don't conspire. Further, they should be wearing body cams (that they can't modify) so that we don't have to constantly monitor women to keep them safe, because that would be sexism and discrimination. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:16 AM
11

She was probably in shock and/or denial... or wants other people to tell her that she didn't really hear him say that. I've been in situations where a guy was making inappropriate comments about me (or even a woman making inappropriate comments), and when I point it out to people who are actually in the room, they say, "no, really, I'm sure they didn't mean that." It's a real by-stander effect/cognitive dissonance thing where the image they have of their friend/spouse/partner does not match inco…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:16 PM
49

Because the "no major fights of disagreements" just means that the person you are in a relationship with is duplicitous and acting the part of the perfect partner to love-bomb you. In the case of a psycho, they can keep up the act for years. They can have serious discussions with you where almost everything they say is a lie, and because it is an intrinsic part of their personality, they lie to everyone around them to support the lies they are telling you. It takes experience to spot a lying psy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:15 PM
211

As someone who changed who I WAS for a NVM, then was left with nothing, I advise all women to never settle for "just good enough".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:53 AM
38

There were probably red flags she ignored in the beginning. Never fighting is one. It means that you don't know how that person would react to conflict. Edit: this is not to mean that I blame her for anything, including any of her choices. People make mistakes due to inexperience or being groomed by society to please men. But I think she needs to get out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:46 AM
12

So he's a pedophile, but why is it important that the child is Asian? It would not have been mentioned if the child was white. I'm irritated with everyone in that post except the child victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:44 AM
87

What is WRONG with men these days that they think this shit is okay? Has society really become so terrible or are we only seeing what was always there but hidden?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 08:51 AM
10

I think lying about height, weight, and career is so much worse than the cat fishing men accuse women of. Make up and hairstyles and clothes are not the same as lying about things that can't be changed (or in the case of height, lying about not taking care about your health). I'm not saying that every guy needs to look like an evenly proportioned athlete, but if you look like you lie on a couch munching on Doritos, you don't have much to bring to a relationship because you're not bringing anythi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 02:03 AM
154

I dated a guy who lied about his height. He said he was shorter than he was. He was a freaking giant. I don't know why men are so obsessed with height when sometimes there is such a thing as too tall. I wish men knew that if they were just honest, they would attract the right people for them. The ridiculously tall guys would find someone that wants a ridiculously tall guy. The little guys will find someone who loves little guys. But no one loves a liar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 01:29 PM
5

If you've ever survived an abusive relationship, you're tougher than millions of people who have never had to ever experience one. I also hate how the term "narcissist" is just thrown around these days. It's pathologizing the abuser by giving them something that on the DSM rather than just calling abuse, abuse. It's also misused so now anyone with bad behavior is a "narcissist". Suddenly millions of people getting divorced are divorcing a "narcissist". Your ex cheated on you, suddenly that's abu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 05:14 AM
3

I wish this were free, but I joined your patreon, because I think this is required listening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 01:09 AM
6

👆 This is what bothered me the most about trying to escape my abusive ex. I was told that I was the problem because I was "controlling". No actually, if I wasn't hypervigilant, I would not be able to predict WHEN he would go off the rails. I needed to know WHEN my life would fall apart and when I would have to put it back together so that I could make time for basic things: like going to the doctor, taking the dog to the vet, going to the grocery store. Those were things that could only happen w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:29 AM
25

🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:11 AM
33

Not strange deal breakers at all. The first one, not eating vegetables, is a sign that the person does not look after his/her health. I would also include "doesn't eat seafood and has no allergy to it nor is vegan/vegetarian" in this category. If a person doesn't eat "ethnic" foods (they always eat a meat a two veg and they think that "fried rice" is "Asian food"), I would think that they have some sort of bigotry they are hiding... and would need to vet them further to find out if they are simp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:09 AM
5

Where I live, the shelters are usually full. I know a number of women who were not able to access shelter services. Some of the shelter services are mixed genders and also house abusive men who are removed from their homes by the police. So... really not great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:13 AM
3

Oh god. What a horrible life. I am so sorry your grandmother went through that. Alcoholism and addiction are terrible legacies to beat. Even in 2022 -- especially in the last few years, actually -- where's a woman to go if she lost her job during the pandemic and has 3 or 4 kids and the rental properties are too expensive and her husband is always high or drunk? Sometimes I think nothing has changed much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:59 AM
36

The best you can hope for is a guy who responds to everything with "I appreciate you" as if they are a bot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:53 AM
69

When men ask me to teach them anything, I just unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:52 AM
25

✋
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:22 AM
2

Ewww!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 02:13 AM
13

He comes home in "a drunken rage" and starts frightening the kids. She uses her body to appease him. This is why we should never ask a wife of a drunk, "why did you have children with him?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 02:04 AM
9

Your abuser getting substance abuse treatment will not stop their abuse. It’s a dangerous lie. 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 02:02 AM
12

And even then... I know a woman whose husband gaslighted her for years, put her down, refused to help with the children, and humiliated her in public (so lots of covert abuse)... she only decided to leave him when she suspected him of cheating, started snooping, and found evidence that gave her clarity. When she asked him to leave the house, he became escalated his tactics and she had to call the police. `I am sure that some people would try to say that she was "controlling" when she snooped, bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 01:59 AM
40

I have found that trying to make the affected partner of an alcoholic responsible for his treatment of her by asking her to work on her "codependence" problematic. When I was escaping DV, a lot of the women in my support group were recommended Melodie Beattie's "Codependent No More". I read this book and if your husband is an addict/alcoholic as well as abusive, the book is dangerous. Trying to separate from an abuser by creating your own space escalates the abuse. There is also a lot of blame -…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 02:15 PM
79

I have experience with AA and Alanon not because I am an alcoholic or addict, but the women's domestic violence support group I was part of had members. I have attended meetings with them for support, and I will say this: the co-ed meetings are not safe for women. I think that it is valuable for many people with addictions, but it is not a safe space for women. Men who are addicts or alcoholics have many, many other issues, and a lot of them also abuse women and use their addiction or alcoholism…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 02:10 PM
274

I hate it when women praise men for doing the bare minimum. A guy decides to "baby sit" his own child? Women say: "Ooooh, he's so good!" A guy posts 200 pictures of his baby on insta? Women say: "What a great dad!!!" Meanwhile if you talk to his wife, she complains that she's doing most of the heavy lifting and he's doing most of the "great dad PR". Then other women tell her to give him credit. For what? For showing off whenever he picks up a baby sock? FSS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 01:44 PM
160

"A woman feels pressured by society to pay for the vacation of her adult daughter and her boyfriend, who is an adulterous married man."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:51 AM
30

Me too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:47 AM
1

FGM is standard practice almost everywhere. If it's not actually mutilation that is done as a coming of age ritual, it's mutilation because of the "husband stitch". Not to mention all the labia surgery to make it look "pretty". All the waxing and shaping of hair that's standard in er0 tica and p@ rn. It's as if men everywhere just hate women's geni tal!a. Edit: I'm not shaming people who want to wax or shave for their own comfort. But for it to be expected is ridiculous. Edit 2: This also remind…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:42 AM
12

The worst is when they get on their high horse and claim that they have liberal values and that your values are prehistoric because you are "old" and over 30, and that women who choose to wear headscarves are brainwashed. What I want to say to these guys: You're basically using feminism as a tool for the advancement of white imperial patriarchy. Never mind that millions of women around in the world (some even in developed nations) do not have the freedom to choose what to wear or what to believe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 04:53 AM
17

A guy I dated and called himself a feminist prided himself on being able to crush other people's values with his arguments at social gatherings. Usually these values were "not sex positive" or "kink-shaming" or "bigoted against polyamory" or "anti-porn". I said that none of these values that he was arguing for people to adopt were actually feminist at all and only loosely connected to queerness or feminism. In fact, there was too much scope for bigotry (racism and homophobia) and misogyny (r *pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 04:15 PM
87

I'm on year 4. I am dating, but will not have sex with a man until I really know him well. I find that this turns off the guys who never really intended to have a relationship and were just using the word "relationship" as a short-cut to a hookup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 07:43 AM
30

Good grief. I did not know this much about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:26 PM
3

OMG. All of these things have happened to me at one point or another... with the same ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 09:17 AM
72

You need to talk to the police about this. Also there should be a clause in your rental agreement that says that if a tenant is presents a danger to anybody living in the property, the tenant can be evicted. Please read your rental agreement properly and pack your stuff and move in with a friend or sleep in your car until you can figure this out. Get away from this creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 11:12 AM
27

This sounds like a dangerous situation, to be honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 11:04 AM
6

Yup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 04:39 PM
34

One of the issues I have is that I feel like I don't want to upset them so I explain, explain... I think I have a fear of upsetting men because I have experiences with upset men acting aggressive or irrational. So I can see why you explained your boundaries to that guy. I guess it would have been easier to just have a hard boundary and left when he said he was only going to pay for drinks. I think confidence takes practice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 07:19 AM
70

Back in the day, I had this happen to me. I went to his house and saw loads of Asian p) rn. He was supposed to prepare dinner. Instead he poured some Doritos into a bowl and just took his clothes off. Even though this guy was good looking, I was really turned off and I didn't sleep with him. Then because he had dropped me off at my house before, and I didn't want to continue seeing him, he came around and destroyed my neighbor's property. Then I was in the neighborhood waiting for a bus and he t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 07:14 AM
2

Thank you for breaking this down. Yes, this sounded like a potentially rap ey situation. I'm glad he didn't find out where you live.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 07:07 AM
2

LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 03:12 PM
44

It's really shocking how many guys make a big deal out of planning a date these days: "I'm going to take you out and pay for everything. I'm taking you on a date, see? See?" Yeah, so? This is like showing up to a job interview and saying, "I drove all the way here and I print out my portfolio, see? I took a bath and wore a suit. See? See? I'm at an interview. Now hire me already."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 05:51 AM
19

He's cheating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 12:42 AM
3

Thank you. I'm saving your message so I can reread it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 11:38 PM
1

Interesting. I have never dated tall men. Maybe I should try. But lately, I seem to talk myself out of dating entirely. I have never dated a man shorter than me because very few people are shorter than me. But I have dated men who were shorter than most other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 01:40 PM
20

I read that and I was offended on his behalf. The OP was a real bully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 10:39 AM
35

I think somewhere, someone once said (and I am sure it was a man who said this) that women should always marry a man who loves them more than they love the man. Because those are the most stable relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 10:37 AM
4

The lifestyle you are proposing actually doesn't sound half bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 10:35 AM
-2

Which one? Rick Moranis or Liam Neeson?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 10:30 AM
18

That guy should not date or marry anyone ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 10:09 AM
51

I've been thinking about this a lot... and yet I am not gay, which is unfortunate. I agree with you though. I'm also tired of straight and bi men asking me what I can cook before we even go on a first date. They are basically hiring a cook, a maid, and escort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 10:02 AM
62

This is amazing and we need more men like this. Also, sorry about your mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:45 AM
26

I know a guy who started dating a woman who looked almost identical to his soon-to-be ex wife. By "soon-to-be" ex, I mean that they were still married when he started dating the new woman, who then quickly strong-armed him into proposing to her. He proposed to her and then filed for divorce to his first wife shortly after. It's totally creepy that the second woman always gets asked if his daughters are hers (because they look similar). The second woman is now the unofficial nanny, earns many tim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:44 AM
27

Yes this would have creeped me out too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:41 AM
26

This sounds like a nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:41 AM
35

This disturbs me. I've not done a lot of basic things: saved for a house, bought a car, had children... etc... because I was trapped in a relationship to an abusive man for about a decade. I am single now. Am I fine? Please say I am fine. Who is going to fly out to see me when I'm 80? How old are you? Will you fly out to see me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:40 AM
4

👆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:22 AM
10

Yup. I had exactly the same issues. My ex even said that he wanted to choose a female therapist because he had had success convincing men that he was right before, so now he wanted to try to see if he could convince a woman of his point of view. What he should have said was "manipulate", not "convince."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:21 AM
11

I like your user name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:04 AM
10

He sounds immature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 11:50 PM
4

I don't understand negging. I mean, do you like me or not? If you don't, bye. So I was like: k, bye. And he was offended and upset because I didn't want to date him. But he said I was old? Dumb, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:07 PM
84

I have PTSD and very few men will support me thought it. I also avoid telling them, because I've had a few bad experiences after having told some of them. Some of them will try to weaponize your fear for their own amusement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 10:42 AM
98

I was SA'd by my porn-watching ex. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have had a different life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 10:00 AM
2

I've not seen that documentary. I think it might make me depressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 09:06 AM
2

I don't disagree. At this point, I'm not sure why he keeps marrying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:24 AM
2

I don't know. I was just making things up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:23 AM
4

I am not sure if this woman knows that people talk about her poorly or with pity. 😢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:15 AM
2

This is probably why they marry him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:14 AM
3

Where did you find this wonderful arrangement? I recently rejected a 28-year-old because he did not prioritize his health. If you're 28 and I'm 45 and I'm fitter than you (and look younger than you)... nah. Get off the couch and put down the Doritos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:12 AM
5

Do you think women his age want to date him, though? His only option was to go for someone too young to know better. I look around me at the single guys who are 45, 46... do I want to date them? Hell, no. They are either physically repulsive and they have a few ex-wives or they have committed to fitness and look decent, but they are also feral and spend so much time camping, hiking, or being the gym/on a motorbike/on a boat/on skis... that dating them is like "project domestication". These are l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:11 AM
7

I've dated men 2 years older than me who go on about how I look 10 years younger. So then I date a guy 16 years younger than me, and EVEN THOUGH I look better than him, he goes on about how I'm middle-aged. Really? I might be chronologically middle aged, but I'm not the one with a pot belly and receding hairline and marionette lines around the mouth. 🙄 I mean, does it matter, unless you're dating for the purposes of securing a human baby incubator. Men are dumb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:07 AM
22

In his case, it's probably true. However, I see a lot of comments (maybe not on this sub) about anyone who is non-Asian dating an Asian woman as having a "fetish" and I don't want to feed this misconception because it is racist and presumes that the only way an Asian woman can be loved is if it's some sort of sickness. To me, this attitude is dehumanizing and objectifying. I'm not saying that you have this attitude though, because clearly Nic Cage has issues. One of his issues is probably alcoho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:03 AM
6

Basically women who date and/or marry men end up having a shorter lifespan. It's not an age thing: it doesn't matter how old a man is, you might still end up looking after him like he's your son. He could be 26, 36, 66, or 68... you might still end up picking towels off the floor and trying to talk him out of a two week hunting trip with the "boys" when your (his) kids have the flu. If you're going to live with a man at all, might as well be a good one who knows how to adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 04:26 AM
18

I also think it's a concern that even if you live with someone else, as a woman if the person you live with is a man, they are very likely to die first. So you will spend your most vulnerable years alone and fending for yourself. I guess that is an argument for women to date and marry younger men. It's unfortunate that men are socialized to date and marry younger women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 01:24 AM
3

See, big huge guys like Thor from "Game of Thrones" or even Chris Hemsworth (not as large), or Jason Mamoa are nice to look at. These guys are "fun sized". They are not boyfriend or husband sized (for me). Unless you are similarly big albeit shorter (but you have to be a big/fit girl), there is almost no way you can keep up with a guy like that. Guaranteed, if you have an argument, he will just opt not to look down at his toes, and therefore have a real easy time ignoring you, and you will have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:57 AM
14

I don't think this is a deal breaker. I find that many older people, especially women who have been divorced or neurodiverse people such as yourself, would prefer to live alone because they are used to it. Also, today I was at the store and an elderly man was lying on a couch at the entrance. At first, I thought he was napping and was a bit annoyed that he was taking up all the space. Then I noticed that he was very pale and his eyes were unfocused and I realized that he was having a stroke. I c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:28 AM
36

They got together as teens. They barely know themselves. Usually the relationships you have as a teenager do not last into your adult years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 02:19 PM
89

This is why I don't date very tall, very large men. No matter how cute they may be, there is no way I can out-run them if I ever needed to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 12:42 PM
2

A lot of people gained weight because of Covid, but the ones that came out of it overweight, no... just no. It basically means that you spent the whole time in sweat pants and did not exercise at home, which is possible. You do not need a gym to exercise. And spending the whole time in sweat pants is not mentally healthy. It is not healthy to have poor coping methods.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:35 AM
18

There's quite a lot of attention given to the way men have low standards for themselves and allow themselves to get fat. Don't forget the ones that never exercise and are basically sticks covered by skin. Both situations are terribly unhealthy and not very pretty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:10 AM
74

He was attracted to chubby women... but won't marry one because she will get fatter. I'm confused. How does a chubby guy who is attracted to chubby women justify discriminating against chubby women because of their chub? What a confusing guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:07 AM
16

Or go to 100 relationships counseling sessions with a therapist that your soon-to-be ex manipulates into gaslighting you, even going as far as to get the therapist's private number so he can call her at any time in private.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 01:27 AM
13

I think there are men who look like this who are good people. But if you're just going by looks, a random man who looks like this (if you don't know anything else about them), well... this man can easily lose 50 lbs and look fine. This might be controversial, but I don't think anyone, male or female, should be overweight or underweight if they can help it. It's not healthy to be overweight or underweight. If you fall outside the BMI range, you need to do something about your health. I know a lot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 02:55 PM
6

This is probably true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 08:18 AM
49

This, I agree. Problem is that men do not think that Tom is muscular, when he is. They think that they need to look like Chris, then they moan about how women have unrealistic expectations. Heck, you could look like Zach Braff and still be healthy, but instead of thinking, I just need to lose 20lbs and exercise and get a secure job, they think, I need to be a beast and drive a Tesla and be the CEO or else women will think I'm a loser. It's actually men and their toxic bulls- that make other men …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 10:12 PM
43

If they tell you you're the "one" after taking breaks because they are not sure, they are not the "one". There is no "one". That is a mindset that will get your divorced. You make a decision and you work on it. Full stop. If the cost exceeds the gain, you leave them. I took a break from someone last year because I wanted space to get into therapy. I didn't want to be in therapy and also navigating a relationship. Sometimes timing is just as important as making a choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 10:07 PM
49

I find that male friends are okay for roasting, but other than that, they are not really your friends the way women are ever going to be your friends. A lot of men will treat each other like this too. They are not polite to each other. They are just a time machine away from being 12 and giving each other wedgies or wet willies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:54 AM
70

I'm pretty sure Chris Hemsworth uses steroids to become Thor. But most men can look attractive just by being a medically acceptable weight and doing muscle resistance exercises. In fact, most humans look better and are healthier for it, even though it is easier for men to achieve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:49 AM
25

Yes, they lose weight very easily if they are young. So I don't understand men who let themselves get fat if they are under 50. They have less hormone fluctuations than women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:47 AM
26

I'm have an extreme prejudice against dad-bod. They seem to all be getting dad-bod during the pandemic and if you pair that with flip flops and shorts, they are instantly hideous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:45 AM
29

Right. I'm in my 40s. The men my age look old enough to be my dad. Even on a bad day, I don't look as bad as any of them. I've been dating younger but not finding any success because even those guys will catfish you. You show up for the date, and they are at least 100lbs heavier than their pictures. But at least they have hair and if they wanted to, they would lose weight easily because they are young. But I mean, they have to WANT to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:43 AM
52

This. So the men you see that are fit are gay. If you are lucky, you might find a fit guy who is bi. Straight men really do seem to stop trying at around 25, or the most 29. Meanwhile, there is pressure for women to keep fit for longer and longer. If you're 50 and you don't look like Jennifer Aniston, you're invisible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:41 AM
5

By "danger signals" I mean things like a person being emotionally unavailable, avoidant, self-absorbed... etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 02:07 PM
16

Yeah the terrible love-at-first-sight syndrome. It's like a Trojan horse. When people go on first or second dates and insist to know if there's chemistry, I don't understand. You need to know a person more than 1 or 2 dates to get that. If it's love-at-first-sight, it could be your body reacting to danger signals and you mistaking the nervous discomfort for "falling in love". I think love should be like a gentle afternoon rain, not a lightening storm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:42 PM
24

Yes this is the way to do it. If you're going to leave your marriage for someone else. You need to leave your marriage first and risk the other person saying "no".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:37 PM
51

It is not love if you don't get to know the other person on a deep level. It is just lust and maybe familiarity. But why would a person who is married allow themselves to become familiar with someone who isn't their spouse? If the other person is a friend, you basically have shifted your mindset to see them as a friend, like the way a sibling is a "friend". If they see you as a potential date, they are already looking outside their marriage to fulfill something that they think their marriage is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:36 PM
6

Shocking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:20 PM
39

I don't think shopping is a date. Even if they take me to a mall. It's a chore. I don't even like shopping with friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 09:10 AM
29

I think people become lonely on big events like Christmas, NYE, Valentine's. It's also cuffing season. They get a partner just to the Christmas to Valentine's period and then it all ends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 09:08 AM
6

I hope the men see her for what she is: a snake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:53 PM
78

It's hard to know, I think. I guess if someone just isn't into you and isn't willing to communicate, you have to move on. I struggle with getting close to people because in the past, I used to become attached (anxious attachment) and this attracted an abusive narcissist. So now I have over-corrected by being very reserved about my affection, especially in the early stages. It is hard for me to trust people because of my experiences. But it does weed out anyone impatient who is trying to love bom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 01:52 PM
37

Not to mention all the social media posts where they take a photo of some brown meat and 2 veg dish (one of the veg is a potato and the other veg is boiled broccoli) and write #besthubbyever for basic things like the man cooking dinner. Or if a man says he has to go home early to put his baby to bed because it was "his turn", a woman at the table will say, "oh, you're good" and congratulate him. They make the bar low for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 01:38 PM
37

They are basically women who hate other women. Not to mention they try to sabotage you at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 01:33 PM
76

I will never understand this. Teachers are NOT entering convents or monasteries when they join the profession. They are trained to deliver the educational content and there is an aspect of their job that involves pastoral care WHILE the children are under their supervision because of basic safety concerns. This is just as reasonable as hospitality staff prioritizing safety while they are serving so that no one gets food poisoning and sues. Why doesn't society treat teachers like people?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:22 AM
100

They will also defend your ra pist in court. They will also "not choose sides" if your soon to be ex-husband is violently abusive towards you and you are trying to leave the relationship. They will act distrustful of you if you are single/separated/divorced and you are invited to any event where "their man" is present. They will brag about how they were "good" because they did all the housework and baby care right after giving birth, thus setting impossible standards for women who experienced co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:14 AM
33

When I meet a guy who is overweight and his profile pictures are NOT, it tells me that 1) maybe he's dishonest, and 2) it is medically possible for him to be a healthy weight but for some reason he has not made his health a priority. Both of these are reasons not to date... no matter how charming their personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:03 AM
42

This is true. If you look at really old black and white films, the heroes were not the ugly men who were fat, lazy, and sat around whittling sticks. They were not low effort. They showed up like Clark Gable and brought flowers. Then the 80s and 90s came along and all those comedies where some loser gets a hot girl started happening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:59 AM
8

I have been approached by many, many men like this. It's unfortunate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:50 AM
9

Similarly, if I am not emotionally available, I remove myself from the situation even if it temporarily hurts my feelings to do so because I am not used to rejecting people. Even if I like someone, if I can't give them what they deserve from a relationship, I remove myself from the situation. I have better things to do than be half in when someone wants to be all in. It leads to all kinds of resentment. People can't just be willing, they have to be able. This includes if they (or I) are financia…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 12:24 AM
153

If a guy isn't all in, he's not that into you. If he doesn't get to know you and is love-bombing you with future-faking and gifts, he's not that into you. A guy has to get to know you, take his time, prioritize your time, and be all in. There's something to be said about being able to be emotionally vulnerable with the people you are with. It is satisfying and meaningful. All other types of relationships pale in comparison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:51 AM
25

I think the whole narrative of sex work being work started when some ex-sex workers started writing about their experiences and the ways in which they were unsafe. I have read a few pieces where sex workers have revealed that the contracts they signed were false, when they go to the filming location is was nothing like what they had agreed to and the sex acts were nothing like what they had agreed to. But they followed through because they felt that not agreeing to do so on a closed set with an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:46 AM
15

This is a good goal. I did this from 2018 to 2021. I leveled up a lot. I'm ready to start dating, I think. I have been trying to at least. I discovered that I still have a lot of residual interpersonal trauma from my past relationship with my ex. So getting back into dating is a learning curve and I'm trying to learn all the people skills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:27 AM
87

The problem is that we have become so conditioned to expect so little, that when a man does something that is considerate and minimum, we become overly excited. It's intermittent reward and abuse. It creates trauma bonding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 10:59 AM
20

I get younger men hitting on me (40-something) on the apps that also have no career and no fitness. It has become worse since the pandemic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:29 PM
22

They also ask you to be honest and when you say they cat fished you by posting photos of themselves when they were 50lbs thinner, they get offended. I mean, it's TRUE. Would they have swiped on ME if I were overweight?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:28 PM
12

Funny thing is Adam Driver has a really attractive real-life wife. So he must have something going for him even though he looks cro magnon? I assume. Maybe a nice... personality?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:26 PM
65

This is vile, racist and sexist. The fact that this biological male used fake profiles to bait women then used claims of "bigotry against transgenders" to harass women is totally repulsive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:20 AM
19

Yeah, this is what I am thinking. I think she may need to get a restraining order.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:13 AM
25

Can she refuse to give him service. This is unacceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:11 AM
27

Eww.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:50 AM
66

Bella Delphine I just looked her up. This is really weird. It's almost like she's dressing up like a sexy child? I don't understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 12:57 AM
5

So, so true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:21 AM
12

Your description of the ugly bachelor pad is hilarious and accurate. Ugh. Do they expect HV women to feel comfortable in such a place?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:18 AM
6

LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:12 AM
12

I think I heard about this story. It's heartbreaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 10:44 AM
45

I think it is important for women with white or western privilege to speak up for the rights of women with lesser rights or without rights. If we have power, it is important to use it to lift our sisters. Also, RIP bell hooks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 06:50 AM
39

Unfortunately the majority of the world is not as liberal as Australia, New Zealand, North America, and many countries in Europe. And even in those cases, there are some communities where FDS would get you killed. This is why my feminism is intersectional and not just radical. I never forget that white American feminism was created off the backs of black women. I also don't forget that in many places in the world, merely being a girl who is still in school is a feminist act. There is also domest…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 06:48 AM
17

3rd date he decided I was "the one". Umm, no, I don't know you that well. But my married friends were like: but that's so ROmAnTIc! I was one of the last ones not married or without a boyfriend, and I was really getting ahead in my career. Getting into a relationship with him derailed everything I worked for. Now I know that this guy was trying to love-bomb me and he was a narcissist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:53 PM
95

I have an ex who hid behind a mask for 10 years. When he finally dropped the mask, I was shocked and horrified. It was like watching his face peel off, I had never seen the expression behind his mask before. It just looked like... pure evil. I can't even explain it. I had never seen him make such an evil expression before. And I did vet him. I was eventually pressured into giving him a chance by everyone: my friends, my family, his friends, his family, and society in general. I had doubts, but t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:32 AM
106

This is the type of struggle love that I was conditioned to accept because many religions will tell you that love is sacrifice, and also g-d always seems to be male. You (we) can't date or marry a man's potential. Potential is an idea, it is not tangible, and it may never even materialize into existence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 10:28 AM
62

I want to build you a statue for this comment. Good comment. I agree 100%.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 10:26 AM
91

I too got kicked out of a "feminist" sub for suggesting that mainstream por n was exploitative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 11:47 PM
2

And when I reject a dude by divorcing him, I'm pretty much g-d(dess).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 06:33 AM
2

He will always be that, unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 06:32 AM
4

I've lost weight, created a career and met loads of new people, published my work, made 3xs more money, glowed up, and attract and date men half my age and don't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 06:32 AM
1

Remember that ex you divorced? 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 06:29 AM
6

I'm pretty sure she believed me. It's just that she also didn't want to stop impressing that man. If she invites a man to her house, she automatically starts cooking for him and treating him like a giant baby because she wants to be liked. It's just... too much. I think her rad feminism only extends to criticisms of other women that she doesn't think align with her "beliefs". It doesn't matter at all that her beliefs are not backed by actions. So basically, she is verbally performative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 08:59 AM
85

I've had a friend who was a self-proclaimed radical feminist who stopped talking to me after she found out that one of her male friends sexually harassed me. I even showed her the evidence that it happened (because he continued to do it in writing), and she still decided to distance herself from me and is still friends with him. I have heard him say disgusting things about women in front of her, but because he's her friend, she literally doesn't hear it. Even if I point it out right there and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 12:12 PM
10

I've had the experience of a gay man grabbing me and rubbing me against his crotch as a "joke" (because his straight friend was staring at me) and another one make a disgusting rape/domestic violence joke at me while checking out my top and then saying, "I think I'm slightly bisexual, but I'm not into you, babe". I've had a gay man call me an "asexual dyke" because I didn't want to discuss my sex life with him. Just because they bat their eyelashes and say, "oh honey" after it, it doesn't make i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 01:12 AM
102

😧 She sounds like the worst pickme. I had a friend who would add male "friends" from Tinder. She would go on a date, sleep with them, decide she didn't want anything committed with them, then add them to her socials. Her socials were FULL of creepy men, some of whom she had only met once or twice. She had no boundaries. I felt like I was endangering myself just by proxy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:13 PM
35

Not just straight males, all males. I had a similar experience with a gay male friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:10 PM
46

A lot of women are trained to be very helpful. I agree that women need to remember that they should never help men unless it's calling the police or ambulance. NEVER. HELP. MEN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:07 PM
79

Yes, this is what I thought. And his response afterwards was just... evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:05 PM
101

I've been sexually harassed by a gay man before. I actually feel triggered just thinking about it. A lot of gay men are horribly resentful of women. I don't buy the whole "gay men are safer" myth that 90s Hollywood films tried to sell us. Men are men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:05 PM
18

This is TERRIFYING. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe he would just think that choking you was anything synonymous with kissing you. What a pornsick loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:00 PM
26

I love this comment because everything in it is true. People who lie are going to cheat. People who lie are going to put their self interests before your feelings. So look out for people who are selfish. I think the number one red flag is self-justified selfishness. My ex was this sort of person. He was also an alcoholic and had no interest in how negatively his actions affected the people around him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 12:08 PM
13

Ugh. I dated a guy like this back when I was a teenager. It was gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 11:48 AM
21

I don't think sociopaths and narcs can be helped, these disorders are entrenched in their personalities. My ex was one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 10:57 AM
11

I detest weddings. Even my own. It felt like I was being sold into slavery. I think if I meet the right person, someone who will always have my back, someone who is dependable, trustworthy, sincere, loyal, kind, generous, responsible, clean and tidy, shares my values and is nice to look at, someone I can grow old with, maybe I will change my mind. It would be great if someone was so amazing that they could change my mind about weddings. I'm not even asking for much. I just want them to bring as …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 12:22 PM
2

Oh thank you! I learn new stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 09:20 AM
69

You had a great dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:39 PM
12

What is WLW?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:39 PM
3

That's okay. Thank you for clarifying. I appreciate it. Also, I highly doubt there is the "right one" for me, as I am quite a weird person and very proud of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 02:21 AM
2

I stopped dealing with LV people 4 years ago. This does not mean I might not meet decent people in the future, nor does it mean that I am not focused on my health and happiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 02:06 AM
2

I never said I was _waiting_ for "the one", but if I meet them, that would be great too. My comment was specifically about not settling and not thinking that you can't start over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 01:52 AM
39

I HOPE I come across "the one" now since I AM late in life. Are the 40s considered "later in life"? This is what happens when you, like me, settle for less just because you think you need to settle as you are running out of time to make a family. Settle for less and you may 1) never have a family because you are (unfortunately) unable to have one or you have common sense and your gut tells you that you can't trust your SO with your future children, or 2) you may never have a family because after…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 01:09 PM
53

LOL! I know some women who find this sort of man endearing. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 01:03 PM
70

Me too. I like my men to have his shit together. I exercise, can cook, etc... . So should he. I am not going to accept a man less capable than myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 01:01 PM
3

Agree. And usually, there's something sketchy about the trauma dumper, but you're not initially sure what. Just go with your gut and don't trust anyone who does this to you if you don't know them well. Don't bond with people you've recently met this way. Find activities you enjoy together, or a hobby. But, especially if you're an empath or a recovering co-dependent, be very careful of people who trauma dump. They are usually sociopaths or narcissists... or they need therapy... and your friends s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:39 PM
10

I think some people confuse "feminine instinct", which is bull by the way because it is a construct, with "mothering instinct", which is partially dependent on where you may be in your cycle and also a social construct. And I think some people don't know what "social construct" means.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:43 AM
37

I know a pickme who is very codependent and always tries to buy friendship. In fact, I get annoyed. One day I learned that she lied to her husband (then boyfriend) and said that she knew how to hunt in order to impress him. So of course she had to learn to hunt just so that he wouldn't find out that she lied. Codependents are toxic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:40 AM
24

I've met women who trauma dump as well and they are LV and usually pickmes. I tolerate NO ONE who trauma dumps. They are all manipulative AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:26 AM
80

Why are there male mods on a feminist sub?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:10 AM
624

"began to eat me like I was a buffet" 🤮 If it's his first time, he's not going to know how to do this. I think this must be fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:09 AM
62

Don't be fooled though. They buy nice gifts but then they expect you to be their mama and cook all the meals at home. Some LV stuff. Just different tactics to use as bait. I guess the difference is if you date for a few weeks and decide not to take it further, you may walk away with a designer bag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 10:10 AM
80

I was with a guy who waited ten years to reveal he had no issues with r ape and that he thought that ped* philes had a neurological condition that needed "compassion".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 10:06 AM
12

True. Unless it's seasoned with sugar and baked into a meringue! Imagine eating 12 slices of pizza a day. I wonder if eggs used to be smaller too. Like, were these quail eggs?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 11:29 AM
244

I like this post. I see so many toxic couples, it's depressing. So many of the women are pick-mes too. As a single woman at these events, invariably the pick-mes will want to make sure that their men do not talk to me. And their men are always LV. Another thing I hate about LV husbands is that they will say "my wife" this or that. "My wife wants this...", "my wife thinks that...". Never: WE think this or want that. They don't see themselves as part of a unit. So if things go wrong, it will also …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 09:12 AM
84

This goes along with the idea that men marry women they don't even like. She just checks off all the right boxes for him so that he can get the benefits of being a married man in society. It's not that all of these men are malevolent. But all of them are really not that into you, because you could be anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 09:05 AM
31

Well, he not only has to be a HVM, you have to be attracted to him too. So for me, bare minimum plus extra plus me being attracted to him. I have not met this person yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 09:01 AM
71

In some non-Western cultures, women are expected to stay off their feet for the first month after giving birth. They are also not allowed to cook, wash their hair, and they have to eat 12 eggs a day. Their mothers or mother-in-laws looked after them and the new born. Some of this is bizarre because it's clearly not 1915 anymore and no one dies of a cold from washing their hair, and we now know that eating 12 eggs a day is probably not good for you. But at least there was acknowledgement that bir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 08:51 AM
47

He sounds manipulative. If you blocked him, that's a clear indication that you want no contact. If he tries to contact you after this, he does not respect your boundaries. Write a list of reasons why you don't want to be with him. Those are the things you need to hold on to at this stage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 07:00 AM
2

Yes, toast them! LOL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 06:47 AM
48

This happens to me. When their BFs or husbands start chatting to me or staring at me, I turn around and try to engage the woman in conversation, and even flirt with her a little bit. Or I start talking about my dating life: HeY GiRLs, I aM Not AvaiLaBle tO YOuR MaN! 🤪 The secret is... as far as who I am actually attracted to or the people I date, I am 100% straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 06:47 AM
22

Yes I can relate. What you can say: "See something you like, darling?" And then wink... at the woman. "Excuse me, do I know you?" To the woman. "Oh, you keep looking at me, I was wondering if we met at my weekly women-supporting-women-being-fabulous wine club." "Stop staring, it's rude. Unless you want to live the ploy-lifestyle. Do you want to live the poly-lifestyle?" "You can get a similar dress at Vestiaire Collective, but not at Wallmart prices, babe." If they make comments about your cleav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 06:41 AM
44

In my experience, those men have always hated women and will use the ex as a reason to continue hating them. From time to time, they want a warm body to cuddle but often do not have the maturity or emotional bandwidth to care for a dog or cat. So they look for women who are willing to put out for them, but they prioritize their selfishness by saying that they are too "hurt" by past events to make the relationship an equal give or take situation. The reason the ex is an ex is because he probably …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 03:49 AM
12

Hobo-sexual larping as a "genius".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 11:15 PM
16

I agree with this 100%.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:28 PM
50

I've got to the point where if I have to tell a man that he's under-selling himself and that he should thrive instead of wallow in self-pity or mediocrity, my v dries up like chalk. Literally, all attraction to him dies. It is as if the air around him becomes putrid, like a public stall that needs escaping from. I also want to run very fast from pick-me women who try to prop these men up. I think this is my trauma response, my very well-developed trauma response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:25 PM
11

Not harsh at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:21 PM
36

Exactly! Softbois are worse than f bois in my opinion. Softbois are covert narcs. F bois are just... really obvious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:16 PM
37

I can't talk too much about my experience because it was extremely traumatizing. Abuse is a spectrum of behaviors. From manipulative to overtly violent. The same man can be both. In my experience, manipulative men will flood you with their sad-boi stories and victimize themselves from the get-go. Don't fall for it. They will have a "crazy ex" and they will use your weaknesses to get you to focus your attention on them. So if you disclose that you were sexually assaulted, for example, all of a su…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:13 PM
55

I am so done with OLD. Even the ones that seem decent turn out to be low-effort guys who think it's okay to talk about your body on a first date. And they lie. All of them that I've met on OLD and dated have lied. Take for example the date I went on today. - Matched on OLD and texted for 2 weeks, due to conflicting schedules, could not meet sooner. - He seemed to align with my values, called himself a feminist, and just from his pictures and and voice, seemed really a decent prospect. I didn't v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 12:17 PM
6

I have had very negative experiences with men in academia. If I were to do this again, I would only work with a female mentor. And... I would wear a fake wedding ring. It's so horrible, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 09:44 AM
30

I'm seeing a man who is 28 and I'm 45. I don't think there are hard and fast rules for compatibility. People used to not date outside their race or religion and in some cases even outside their home town. I think it's a good idea to have a list of things you won't tolerate in a relationship. I don't think age needs to be one of them. Although, this depends entirely on how much life experience the younger partner has had and if both people are at the same place in life. But perhaps I might commen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:29 AM
35

Really? I didn't know this. I hate Jordan Peterson. If boys and men reject porn because they are evolving into puritanical dictators, this is a problem. Next thing we know, women will be shamed for wearing short skirts. I think the reality of porn being exploitative needs to get more media attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:19 AM
23

Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:15 AM
47

I respect and agree with your edit. Yes, while this is the minimum, they need to start somewhere.. Ultimately, it will actually benefit heterosexual men to have a happy female partner who feels respected, loved, and cared for. There's no purpose for them improving their sexual function if women do not want to have sex with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:10 AM
4

Wow. That's an amazing compliment. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 11:16 AM
36

Those men are like children. They are immature. They want everything NOW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:30 PM
25

This is great. I love that you have found this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:29 PM
49

For anyone out there who thinks this advice is radical, it's really not. Let me give you a very good reason. When you are in a long-term relationship, and by that I mean one where you are aging together, if you are not able you explore variations in your sex life that doesn't involve PIV or male orgasms, you simply won't have sex. This is because both men and women find PIV and orgasm more difficult as they age (ED is one reason, menopause with side effects such as depression or vaginal atrophy …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:21 PM
2

I'm glad she didn't have children with this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:54 AM
2

Yeah but not if you're a "normal" (what is normal?) Asian female instead of the Taylor Swift Asian equivalent. You're short, stout, have shortish legs, a wide nose, heavy eyelids, stumpy eyelashes, chubby cheeks, a short neck, small boobs? You look like more than a few Asian females... but people don't find you attractive. The average Asian female doesn't look like what men imagine she is supposed to look like. Although you could probably say that of all women. If you look like a member of Black…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:00 PM
3

I'm okay. It's best to look to the present and the future than the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:42 AM
41

This post made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:40 AM
-14

I agree with you. I also hate this whole post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:45 AM
-16

I agree with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:45 AM
70

I've lived in Asia and was told by multiple men of all races there that Asian women are not attractive. Don't get me started on all the surgery Asian women are expected to have just to meet some sick standard that is naturally impossible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:43 AM
197

I think this is an important point because MOC tend to treat "their" women as responsible for continuing their culture and traditions... while they do whatever they want. I think that's a heavy thing to put on only one gender. We are not gatekeepers of their culture or traditions. It's like how men expect their wives to remember all the birthdays and anniversaries of their relatives, while the only thing he has to remember is to go to work and come home at night (and sometimes not even that).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:16 AM
17

Yes. This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:12 AM
169

As an Asian woman this happens to me too. Asian men find me really off-putting because I'm opinionated. Men of other races have this bullshit idea that I'm submissive. It doesn't help that I'm a bit introverted. So they are intrigued, get to know me, and then are really offended by me. It's just male entitlement and the fact that some men of any race see women as sub-human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:11 AM
91

You mean East-Asian women are getting fed up. I doubt your average racist scrote can tell the difference between a woman who is Japanese, Chinese, Straights-born Chinese, Taiwanese, or even Southeast Asian like a Singaporean, or Thai woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:07 AM
108

Asian women do not necessarily feel safe and provided for by "their" men. I don't own an entire race of men, so not "my" men. Also, they don't own me. In fact, Asian women do not feel safe and provided for by anyone. I've dealt with very pushy racist Asian men before. I've had Asian men tell me that they tried dating white women but found them to be masculine, stupid, and bad at cooking, which is literally the epitome of racism and sexism combined. I don't think my phenotype makes me more or les…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 06:05 AM
11

All of the above. He was shady and lied A LOT. I don't really want to get into it for safety reasons as I don't want to be identified.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:16 AM
6

Part of it is not wanting to step up, the other part is that they do not come from English-speaking backgrounds, so this is difficult for her. For a migrant who doesn't write English fluently, has not worked in 30 years except as a housewife, and who doesn't know how to navigate the system in the country where they live, this is very difficult. This is why women's education and employment is so important.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:15 AM
43

My mother was dependent on her husband (my father) and couldn't escape the situation because she had no education and no work experience. And my father wasn't even abusive, she just got bored of him. Then for various reasons (health), he became unable to work. She spent years making fun of my college education, and when she became destitute, guess who stepped in to support her? That's right. Me. I also have brothers but they have no interest in helping their parents survive. Disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:29 PM
59

Can confirm. I am divorced. And I wasn't even reliant on my partner. He still managed to empty out my bank account when we divorced. And we didn't even have a JOINT bank account. Things can get so much more complicated than people imagine. First, never leave work to be a full-time carer for a man or a child or anybody. That was my first mistake. Second, never stop vetting, because the number of times you make excuses for minor things can build up, until you have been manipulated into a corner by…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:21 PM
4

Thank you for asking me to clarify. No, I know people who are autistic and very high earners. But there's a difference between having it impact your life severely or not. I personally, do not think it is necessary for ME to disclose my own neurodiversity because I'm actually not impacted negatively by it. A lot of people are not negatively impacted by the things that make people human, like autism. But some people are. For example, I work with children. I've taught kids who are autistic but very…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 04:23 AM
27

Those guys who say they are "feminist"... they need to prove it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:10 AM
4

This is interesting. I did not know this. Thanks for sharing. It seems to make sense though. But I think that random people just saying they're ace is a bit... like... I want to say "blackfishing"... but it's not exactly like that. It's like saying you have a disability or are discriminated against just because you think it is "cool". But cool isn't the right word. I don't know how to articulate my feelings about it properly. It's a bit like... "virtue signalling"? There are legitimately people …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:04 AM
48

Even if you are married... sometimes that guy is not "the one".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:36 AM
28

Yes, I also thought I was ACE or demisexual until I actually discovered a man who desired me. Not just desired to please himself, but who was actually interested in me as a human being. Really, it was the biggest turn-on. And the biggest surprise. But of course, just because you meet a man where there is chemistry, doesn't mean it will necessarily work out. There are other things that make a relationship, not just desire. It's a combination of things. Not just lust and desire, not just love, not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:20 AM
12

I really applaud your use of the word "larping" here. Look... what I think is... I used to think I was asexual or demisexual... or even that there was something wrong with me. Well, one day I got rid of the wrong man. I went to a gynecologist and moaned about never being able to experience sexual pleasure like everyone else. I said, I'm getting so old, I will probably never have an orgasm (sorry TMI). She said, "you haven't met the right man", and refused to prescribe anything. So I was celibate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:02 AM
14

I agree with this. I do respect people who actually are demisexual, but I meet so many girls who are 12 or 13 who say they are demisexual... and I wonder if they even know what they are talking about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:51 AM
20

Yeah. "I don't like having sex with idiots" = sapiosexual. "I prefer not to have sex with strangers" = demisexual. So... what is the spectrum designation for people who like to have sex with idiots and people who have sex with anything that moves? /s It seems like everyone wants to be part of a spectrum these days. Everyone wants to be neurodiverse. You're a top lawyer and year 100K a year? But you're still on the autisum spectrum. You're in a long-term relationship? You're on the ACE spectrum, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:46 AM
8

I don't believe that our sex choices have anything to do with self-respect. However I do agree that we live in world where people will not respect women anyway, and sadly, they do not respect most people who are going to have sex with them in the first few dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:42 AM
68

Yes this was me too. I was shocked to discover that it was classified as a "sexuality" and that some people consider it to be part of the "ace" spectrum. First of all... a spectrum? I can understand a heterosexual to homosexual spectrum where some people are bi-sexual and some are more straight or more gay. But asexuality is, I don't think, a "sexuality". Or if it is, it is very, very rare. This is because any basic understand of biology will tell you the human libido depends so much on your hor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:40 AM
12

"Girly" 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 01:31 PM
22

not really single
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 11:37 AM
30

Unfortunately, I believe this is true. They drink the toxic masculinity juice and don't have friends. So they desperately need women for emotional support, but because they don't know how to have friendship, they make their wives and girlfriends their emotional support animal/sex service/mother replacement/maid. The female spouse is basically everything in many heterosexual relationships. When these men do have people they respect and admire and whose successes they support, those people are usu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 10:02 AM
35

Okay... I'm just going to put this out there and I'm not trying to scare you... but... I have a friend who had guy "friends" on hand for things like if she needed to move something heavy. Well... one of these "friends" that she had tried to avoid the "we're just friends talk" with went over to her house while she was grieving the death of a family member to ostensibly offer "support". He ended up beating and raping her when she didn't want to be touched. So... I will never ask my guy "friends" t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 09:58 AM
13

What a gentleman. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 09:41 AM
13

I see this happen on OLD all the time. First they text hello, within the first four texts, they say they want a committed relationship, then want to get off the dating app and onto another app. You say no, you don't exchange information with strangers and you would prefer to keep contact to the dating app because it is safer. So they text some more (maybe another five more texts, and ask you for coffee then give you their number and ask for yours. You say no again, they stop texting as much, thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 09:38 AM
33

Yes I agree. I think this is why it is important to take it slow and really get to know someone. It's harder the older you get, because you think you have less time. But actually, you have less time to waste on the wrong person. So take it slow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:32 PM
77

I'm divorced and I can tell you that this is how divorce happens. Values are important. When you are looking for a HVM, you are looking for man who matches YOUR values, whatever they are. But it is important to not just ask these questions and listen to answers, but to SEE the actions match his answers. My ex could list all the right answers to those questions, but his actions never matched his words. So I basically just married a guy for his potential and ended up divorcing a covertly abusive m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:31 PM
35

"Why are men"? 😂 I ask that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:37 PM
5

I think this is why a lot of women simply settle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:09 AM
30

I hate those rom coms where the lead male looks like the guy on the right and the love interest looks like the model on the left, or Kristen Bell, or Jennifer Aniston... etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:06 AM
15

Wow. The audacity of that guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 01:58 PM
26

"Nack". I think men like this secretly hate themselves and take it out on someone they perceive as weaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 05:41 AM
21

Yeah I hope she realizes that she's better than him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 03:30 AM
138

I get the feeling that she's the type of person who thinks he's being funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 03:29 AM
35

I thought he was joking! 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 03:04 AM
27

So when he's 45, he'll go looking for another 31-year-old? Then when he's 48, he'll go looking again? How long does he think he can keep it up (literally)?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 03:02 AM
1

Oooh, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 11:14 PM
48

Glucose baby! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:49 AM
8

Zoolander? He might tho... if he didn't have blue steel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:48 AM
76

Alpha business fitness bro is not going to want a giggly 20-something to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:35 AM
203

it's called "andropause" and it's real. Women go through menopause. Men go through andropause. After the age of 30, the quality of their sperm declines the same way women start running out of eggs. Men act like aging doesn't affect them, but it does. It affects them just as much as it affects women. Andropause causes night sweats, mood swings, weight gain, ED, muscle loss, decreased motivation, bone loss, hair loss, depression... etc. Because testosterone in the male body is converted into estro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:34 AM
38

This is their fan fiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:18 AM
92

Oooh... I've met a girl who literally said that. She was 22 and dating a guy who was 65. I asked her what she liked the most about him and she said that he read her bedtime stories when she couldn't sleep. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:17 AM
101

Well, this is accurate because I've had scrotey old dudes call me "sweetheart" and "young lady" and I am OLDER than them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:15 AM
78

This reads like badly written "erotica", written by a teenage boy who has no concept of what being male in his 40s might be like. "Highly masculine?" "Not a thirsty dude?" As if. See, I can do this too... . When you're in your 20s, your future husband has not even been born yet. Imagine you are in your 20s, shy, mousy, and can't find a guy with a good rhythm so you're not getting laid that much. But you work your *ss off in that tight pencil skirt and smash the glass ceiling until one day you wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:12 AM
10

I love Dr. Youn. He's very educational.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 10:03 AM
15

I didn't see this post? I think being a SAH is very risky because while you are not formally employed, you are not earning money. And not having your own money is risky. If you are in a position where you have to leave for whatever reason, it's harder to do it if you have not been employed. Being employed also means that your offspring will see you as an authority figure when they are old enough to look for jobs themselves. Housework (which is actually a misnomer because people who run the home …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 12:15 AM
43

Yes I also saved this. I have always felt invalidated when people say,"why didn't you bring this up before", and now I know why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 11:00 AM
7

Oh no! Funny and sad at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 10:52 AM
2

I'm extra gouda! I hope you are too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 09:56 AM
13

Yeah my mother is also a huge pick-me. She taught me that love is "sacrifice".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:59 AM
9

Yes, I hope FDS does a podcast with a divorce attorney.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:57 AM
40

I married and divorced the fucker. You are correct, there is factually no such thing as a woman who divorced a man who made her life better. It is better without him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:50 AM
24

This is a VERY important post. This actually describes covert abuse and manipulation. It will eventually escalate into gaslighting and then will become verbal abuse and humiliation, and then physical abuse by breaking objects around you, and then actual physical abuse of your body. I experienced this. I thought it was all me and that I was a problem... until total strangers started asking me if I was okay. An abuser who is not "good" at what he does is going to simply punch you in the face early…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:47 AM
5

The main character is a huge pickme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:00 AM
11

It wasn't chivalry or rivalry. It was just one man being genuinely concerned about the behavior of another man. Men do see what other men do. Most of the time they don't care. Sometimes they do care. But not for the reasons you might think. They might care that another man is being abusive because the consequences for the abusive man are also a threat to the perpetrator, generally: they might lose their marriages, children, are end up scrote-ing around in their 60s and 70s, alone with no one to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 09:42 AM
24

This is why I hate the "Twilight" books.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:42 AM
141

I was once in public with my ex while he was trying to get my attention and I was just so exhausted from his freaking neediness and selfishness. It was at the point in the relationship where I felt like I had no energy left for myself because everything was about this ex. Anyway... a man that neither of use knew or had ever met before butt in and said, "man, you should take an honest look at yourself and your behavior before you accuse her of ignoring you, you should really look at your behavior…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:39 AM
20

I'm just going to leave this here: "Your Reality". It's about gaslighting. In the short film, the male character gets the female character to thank him for his white-knighting when he first meets her, then on the first date he makes her apologize when she arrives. Basically, get her to be grateful, then get her to apologize. This behavior continued and escalated in the relationship. She was always breaking down her boundaries while he shifted the goal posts. If a guy negs you at any time, he's n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:34 AM
3

Yup. Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:21 AM
8

Hmm... 1. Not the one I divorced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:20 AM
4

Yeah same. Not anymore though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:20 AM
2

the cycle of childhood trauma and abuse ends with me. Thank you for doing this. You are amazing for making this choice. I am sorry you went through what you did. I hope that you have support for your addictions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:39 AM
1

"I know I'm just doing this to avoid myself, but I'm just going to do it anyways. I can't have her ahead of me." This woman is horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:36 AM
1

I’m waiting for this conversation to turn to women living within restrictive religious communities Sometimes cultural sub-groups as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:35 AM
2

Thank you so much for this comment. You are already amazing for having the strength to leave. I hope that time brings healing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:32 AM
1

Thank you for posting this. I can't recommend this book often enough. It saved my life. I have seen so many of these scenarios with custody play out when I attended therapy for DV in a group setting. Some of the women eventually went back to their abusers. I know the children will hate them for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:29 AM
2

Leaving is brave. Always remember that some victims take 8 tries before they are free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:27 AM
1

I hope you avoid her as much as possible. As sad as this is, you have to protect yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:24 AM
2

I think it is possible to sympathize with them, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't cut them off for the sake of protecting yourself. Cut them off and avoid the drama. You need to do what you need to do to protect yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:23 AM
56

These types of men are using you as a place-holder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:19 AM
2

Agree, they will 100% use their children as a weapon against their spouses. Trigger warning: So there are a lot of cases where if the perpetrator has a habit of being violent once a month, or every two weeks, the victim might instigate a fight so that she can control the environment where it might happen. The perpetrator gets their "fix" for the next two weeks, everyone survives (at least physically). The extreme low expectations and lack of self-worth, the mental acrobatics it takes for the vic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:07 AM
4

Yeah, this is why I get nervous when I hear a woman say that she has chosen to be a SAHM. I think it's dangerous to put yourself in that position. I always hear libfems say that feminism is choice and that we should care about more than money, which is conflating socialism (which I am not opposed to) and traditionalism with feminism. Feminists originally fought for the right to vote and work. They used to NOT have choices. Now we we have those choices, we should still chose to work because we do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 10:11 PM
5

Unfortunately she developed quite severe mental health issues from being in the relationship, so that was always used as a threat against her if she wanted to bring things up at court. She was afraid that they would take her kids away from her if he revealed those things. Basically, he (and many abusive spouses) do not care about the kids, they only care about continuing to control another human being. I'm low-key getting triggered just typing this. I am sorry if this triggers other people. I ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 10:04 PM
2

I am not disagreeing with you. I do agree that reflection is important, often it doesn't happen for a long time after the relationship, because the victim/survivor needs to build their confidence first from having been gaslighted for so long. The worst type of abuse is covert abuse because those people take their time to become physically violent. By the time that happens, the victim and everyone around them are only seeing an illusion when they look at the relationship... except children. Child…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 09:55 PM
13

Yeah I hope so too. They are all better off without him, but since she tried to separate, his behavior has been consistently punitive instead of just occasionally. She doesn't currently have stability because she took time off to have kids and only works part-time. Most of her energy goes into the kids and court.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:46 PM
358

Whatever app this was on, I hope you reported him. He's disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:30 PM
15

you can’t see when the abusive man beats your child before your eyes? This is different from what I am talking about. If you clearly see that your child is being beaten and you do nothing, this is a case of two abusive people being married to each other. I also question the ability of a victim in an abusive relationship being able to see objectively. If you are gaslighted enough, you are unable to see objectively. In some cases victims dissociate. In my comment, I was talking about women being m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:00 PM
8

I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope that you are healing from this trauma. Your mother did not have the courage necessary to keep you safe from harm. I am sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:49 PM
19

There are a lot of cases where as soon as the abusive spouse starts to sense their partner pulling away, they empty out their bank accounts. This is so that they can't leave. Also, by the time they are married, the victim would have been slowly isolated from friends and family over months or years. So by the time they want to leave, they have no money and no friends or family to turn to. This is why states need to properly fund women's shelters. There are never enough spaces in shelters. Some of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:46 PM
32

A lot of abusive men only become abusive after marriage or after children. It is true that women don't vet hard enough. But it's really a coin toss if you're not FDS-trained. You can "not vet hard enough" and get some lazy bum who isn't abusive. Or not vet hard enough and get a guy who acts "normal-ish" until you marry him or have children. There are people out there who are legitimately sociopaths or narcissists. Their victims are not necessarily people with no self-respect. But staying in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:41 PM
3

I'm so sorry you experienced this. I hope your parents find a way to be happier as they get older... it's not too late for them to start over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:34 PM
34

This exactly. They stay because if they get shared custody, she can't control what he will do to the child when she's not there. I know a woman who divorced an abusive man. He got 50% custody. He took them on weekends because he was forced to by the court, not because he wanted to (even though he fought for it just to spite his ex-wife). He would take his kids (two toddlers and a 5 year old) hiking with no water, no food, and no sunscreen. He would have them sleep on sleeping bags on the floor. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:32 PM
23

But it is also important to encourage victims to reflect and hold themselves accountable for their own choices too. If you have ever been in a relationship with DV, you will understand when I say that while you are IN it, you can't actually see what is going on. In fact, there is NO choice. You stay because you are trapped, not because you choose it. You are trapped because leaving might mean you die. You only leave once you feel that you would rather be dead than stay. I don't know how many wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:23 PM
24

You can't fix these people with therapy. They know that what they are doing is wrong. But they don't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 11:38 AM
8

I don't think it is testosterone as much as it is entitlement and culture. Because people have varying hormonal profiles. Now... there are (I have heard) cases where some maximum security prisons contain a large number of male inmates with YY chromosomes instead of XY. Does this cause violence? I don't know. But considering that some of the most violent killers of women could control themselves enough to manipulate their victims into trusting them, I think it's entitlement. Or maybe psychopathy.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 11:33 AM
26

I love horses. I always find that girls who are into horses tend to have quite good self-esteem. They tend to not be "cool girls" or "one of the guys". They are (the ones I know) feminine, girly, and into horses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 11:22 AM
5

He sounds selfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 01:31 PM
5

Police then doctor. Make sure he didn't give you some horrible disease.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 09:18 AM
40

The thing about sex workers is... a lot of them who get into it as a "choice" are privileged women with no sense of identity and a very tenuous hold on reality. They have enough money that they can *choose* to get out if they wanted to. Their money can protect them from the repercussions of sex work. I know a pick-me like this. She deeply regrets sex work and has a lot of trauma from it. BUT... she is still a pick-me and does not see male depravity when it's right in front of her, in fact she di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 09:14 AM
8

Yes, please do. I was laughing too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 08:59 AM
59

Weddings are like the pick-me zoo, unfortunately. So many men do not deserve the women they married. Or it's two total fools marrying each other. Worst thing about it is that they reproduce. But how else does global stupidity perpetuate?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 08:56 AM
30

I see a lot of pick-me behavior at work too. It's really eye-opening. Little do they know that they're doing nothing but furthering the career of a man who doesn't care about what happens to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 08:54 AM
17

HA HA HA HA. OH my god. Where are you finding these people? They are the most classless, unsophisticated people ever... ugh! TOO FUNNY. (Is it okay that I'm laughing?) Do any of these people think they will have sincere, deep and meaningful relationships?!? Am I missing some way of understanding this? I don't know why anyone would act like this! So here is my pick-me story: I know this woman who broke up with her fiancee (well, he broke up with her), and she started immediately looking for anoth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 08:52 AM
21

I think that the only correct answer a man should have for this question is that a woman should do what she wants. If a man says that he would prefer his wife to work, it might mean that he doesn't respect housework. But also, if a man says he prefers his wife to be at home, it could mean that he's a traditionalist who thinks that women are a maid-service. I am also suspicious of men who say that they want to stay at home, because it is possible that some of them are looking for a woman to suppo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 02:16 PM
23

It's also ageist because of all the creepy MILF scenarios. Not to mention the teen fetish categories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:43 PM
41

This is really sad, but these are the young women who will sheep-think their way into orgies or threesomes or an*l or anything else that they see in porn, because they think it's just part of sex. And I know that a lot of them will come out of it damaged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:20 PM
19

I am going to say yes and no to this last part. Because there's a lot of cross-over where made for women porn employ "actors" who also work in mainstream porn. So while the end product is less problematic, the industry itself is very problematic. Until the problems with the industry are solved, it's safer not to consume porn. Note: I am not shaming the people who are in porn, but this is a very unsafe industry... and mainstream porn in particular is a cesspool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:16 PM
30

Porn is also hella racist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:12 PM
18

People call everything "toxic" these days. Don't like to play Fortnite? Toxic. Don't listen to Chris Brown's music? Toxic. Don't date unemployed men? Toxic. Prefer to be an employed woman rather than a home maker? Toxic. Prefer not to get eyelash extensions? Toxic. Don't have tattoos? Toxic. OMG, so toxic. Not into hot yoga? Toxic. Edibles make you wig out? Toxic. Your coffee isn't black? You're toxic, Karen. Your boyfriend said he wanted a commitment and you're just not into him, he's toxic too…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:09 PM
10

This never happened to me! Was it because... I was naughty? Boys were afraid to sit next to me. "She's too weird".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 12:15 PM
236

The fact that men have to resort to this bullshit these days just tells you have little they have to offer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 10:44 AM
196

I would also be careful of men who say they only like cats. Ask the man if he has had a cat, how often he takes it to the vet, what toys he thinks are necessary for it... etc. Because some guys will think that you can get a cat and just ignore it. They just want something that they can ignore. They also want low-effort relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:00 AM
4

Thanks for your reply. I plan on adopting a child, not a baby (unless I become married). As a single woman, if I adopt a baby, I would have to leave them to someone else when I'm at work. If I adopt a child, I can spend my free time with my child and the child won't miss out on my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:56 AM
10

I haven't even had ONE yet and am now thinking of adopting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:17 AM
31

I've also heard that it's not a good idea to marry a doctor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:16 AM
18

As a childless woman who is 40+ and would like to adopt, should I avoid dating men who are 40+? I never had the opportunity to have children when I was younger. I was in an abusive relationship for decades and it was extremely hard to get out of it safely. So does this mean that I've missed the boat? Because I would like to think I still have an opportunity to have a family, which is better than thinking I have wasted my youth for no reason. I've received a lot of judgement for dating younger me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:15 AM
64

This is such an important post. I also went through an abusive relationship and that book was the thing that helped me heal. I knew so many people who thought that I stayed in the situation for as long as I did (or that I was in the situation at all) because I was stupid or was a poor judge of character. It sometimes takes a lot of strength to leave, and I am glad you did and that you are safe. I think if I had been more educated about narcissism and love-bombing, I would have a different life n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 06:50 AM
31

This angers me. There needs to be a bystander law so that those people who just stand by and watch their "bros" do these things to women, get thrown in jail or are made to do community service... at a women's shelter (maybe cleaning it).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 05:46 AM
1

Oh NooOooooO. LOL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 02:12 AM
76

Maybe she'll get how horrifying her stepfather/father of her child is when her daughter turns 4 Unlikely. More likely she will see the child as "competition" because she was groomed by her stepfather since the age of 4.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 01:09 AM
84

Yeah Elon doesn't like his father. Errol is a huge POS, abusive... etc. There was a divorce and the kids went to live with their Mom but Elon felt sorry for his father and wanted to live with him. Soon after he moved in with his father, he realized it was a mistake. Elon has said, "every evil thing you can think of, he has done." The ex-wife, model Maye Musk, has said that Errol was financially, emotionally, and physically abusive. Errol was some sort of engineer and a millionaire before the age…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 01:05 AM
22

I found this out the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 11:34 AM
30

Male colleagues are really horrible. And their pickmeisha female colleagues too. These men take advantage of women's labor, use their sexuality to get whatever they want (even the married male colleagues) and then they take months off for paternity leave (or personal leave) to white knight as "good husbands", when in reality they are at home watching TV or playing with a baby while the wife does all the cleaning around him and has to take the baby every time it needs to be fed or changed. I've s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 11:29 AM
26

Yes. I have had similar experiences. I also had the same ex subtly try to put me down in public when he thought that the company gathered would agree with him (usually when the people there were people I had never met before/didn't know). Abusive, no? Yes. I think so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:57 PM
40

Exactly. Turn him into the police if you can. Leave him. He's a pending crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:38 PM
75

She married and p-dophile. She needs to leave him, not confront him. "If some other guy was writing this, I wouldn't let him around my daughter ever". What makes her husband different from some other p-dophile. He's still a p-dophile. Horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:37 PM
69

Wow. I didn't know this. It makes sense now, I have always felt men just don't see injustice sometimes. If a guy is acting shifty, that's "normal" for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:05 PM
3

Sounds like he would prefer to sleep with men? That way, he won't have a vagina next to an anus. He can just have that wonderful anus all by itself... maybe with some sweaty balls too close to it. Penis pees and ejaculates. Seems like an oversight. Ladies, consider this before you sleep with men. Therefore, men should prove themselves worthy before you allow them to sleep with you. Never forget to remind them of this oversight in case they get too confident. They walk around like they're all tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 10:33 AM
22

I love this response. This will be my answer the next time someone asks me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 07:11 AM
69

You're totally right. Why do they care? Because they are insecure about their own choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 07:10 AM
11

Oh, I left a marriage like this that became so much worse. Ladies, if your husbands are acting like this... really think about the choices you made. Thank you so much for this post. So accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 06:28 AM
3

LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 12:11 AM
11

I wonder what the conservative woman version of this post might look like: I'm looking for a man with conservative values - Catholic, can financially support a wife and ten children from infancy to university. Please be 6 foot to 6 foot three. 36 inch waist, 40 inch chest, washboard abs, three percent body fat, size 16 feet with similarly large hands good for felling trees and woodworking. Must be good at yard work, repairs, taking out the trash, and have the ability to build a log cabin with hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 12:10 AM
129

I get something similar: "Can you fry rice?" I am sorry you deal with these idiots. It is so dehumanizing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 03:14 PM
69

Wow. I'm reading this twitter thread and I have noticed that the men who said they married the love of their lives made themselves ready for marriage when they met her. They didn't settle. If they didn't think they were financially ready, they made themselves financially ready. They seem really brave, driven, and confident. The ones that say that they met the love of their lives, but were not ready so married the next available woman (or the woman they had been with for 6 years) when they were r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:50 PM
11

She already heard his side! I hope they were renting together and didn't buy joint property.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:31 PM
5

Yep. Mine too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:30 PM
23

Education, career, friends, (positive) attention (for the things we worked hard for), money, pets... SOUNDS GREAT! I want all of those things. Education = makes me smarter, gives me career opportunities. Career = money, so I don't live and die in a hole. Friends = make me happy, support me and celebrate my successes. Attention = who wouldn't want to be praised for a job well done? Seriously, who? Money = again, so I don't live in a hole. Pets = because of the cuteness. Men = ... ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 10:32 AM
45

Chastity belts for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 03:35 AM
79

In any other sub, we would be gaslighted by the "notallmen" horde and comments about how men are victims too. Yeah, victims of other men. Sounds like the problem is: MeN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 03:34 AM
41

Yes this. I've actually dated a guy who would always dress and smell nice when we were first dating, then after I invested enough time into the relationship, he started to not do basic things because he already "got me". He was showering only once a week. Letting his finger and toe nails grow long. Not brushing his teeth unless he was going somewhere, where he had to make "an impression". Not shaving... unless he had to make "an impression". Gross. Totally turned me off sex. Then he blamed me fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:50 AM
4

Wait... what is this amazing creature. Why is it standing in a shower cubicle washing itself and it KNOWS HOW TO USE SOAP? *mind blown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:43 AM
10

🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 04:33 AM
47

Thank you for saying this. It had to be said: over-styled brows. Some people do not look good with a mustache over their eyes. These things are very dependent on bone structure. The skinny brow didn't suit everyone and the current brow doesn't suit everyone. Why can't people just leave their faces alone? Long fake nails have always given me the creeps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 03:32 AM
105

I feel funny about Katherine Hepburn's quotes. She had an affair with Spencer Tracy for 26 years. After his death, she called his wife and said that she supposed they could be friends now. His wife said that until that phone call, she thought the affair was just a rumor. Spencer Tracy refused to divorce his wife because he was a devout Catholic. I think if he really loved her, he would have left the church. Instead Katherine settled for crumbs. She grew old waiting for a man who would never/coul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:58 PM
100

Settle down with the wrong guy. No one has to settle for anything. No one should. Also sex just because someone else wants it from you. And having children. Not everyone wants them or should or can have them. I even think a lot of people with children regret having them, but society pressured them into it. Or they just love the baby stage (so they have four babies) but they hate teenagers. Well, they should not have had children, then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 06:29 AM
178

The early to mid 2000s was really messed up. The fashion was trashy. The "hook up like a guy" culture was trashy. The "I'm a career woman and I can spend $500 on shoes and don't know how to boil water to make my own tea" was weird. The "pole fitness" is totally a thing was, and still is weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 06:23 AM
19

Oh thank you! This made me laugh so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 06:06 AM
8

His response to the comment saying he was doing the bare minimum tells us everything. If he has to do more than drop him off and pick him up from school, he would rather give up the child. This man should be condemned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 02:51 PM
1

Eww... why is he even married?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 02:45 AM
100

From what I have read before, she was cheating and decided to marry Will. Then she kept cheating. He may have cheated too. Now he's fully into the "we can have an open marriage" thing. Perhaps he feels a lot of pressure to keep up appearances. Or they both do. Whatever. It's a mess and the kids are a mess too... or this is what I'm led to believe. I don't know how much of this is true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 10:56 AM
10

This makes me want to barf. Poor girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 10:50 AM
64

I can be your granny! I have no children, therefore will have no grandchildren. I can totally be your granny and say stuff like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:00 PM
1

This reads as manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:16 PM
81

He's aged so poorly, he looks like her father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 09:43 AM
34

Totally agree. I'm middle-aged and still have not found this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:52 PM
31

He's using her for her money! He's a younger man using her for her money, shame on him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:44 PM
35

My ex took everything in my bank account. So your last paragraph is really important to me. Women always need money, stability, and we need to have those things to survive on our own. All the Disney prince cartoons in the world is not going to save us from growing older.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:42 PM
35

This is... I have no words for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:20 PM
11

I think I've met all of these guys or dated some of them. Ugh. Yuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:09 AM
7

I can't believe that people would say that. What is wrong with them? Sheesh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:03 AM
78

Women often future-fake to themselves. It's because we grew up watching fairy tales on TV and reading about being rescued in books. It's conditioning. Raise our daughters to be independent, not to wait for a man on a horse... (unless it's the Old Spice guy... just kidding.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:02 AM
104

Yes, treat relationships with men like they are temporary... because they ARE. Even if you get married and stay married, chances are one of you will die first and it will be him (because of biology). Then you will be alone. What will you do then? Were you waiting until his death for your life to start? I hope not. Sorry to be morbid but... it's the truth. People break up all the time. People get divorced. People die. It's just the truth. It could be you. It could be him. Look at your man and thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:00 AM
39

Yeah, my first thought was, what is VR porn? Virtual reality porn? What even is that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 08:34 AM
7

What I don't understand is when they're in a situation where they can't call them out, why is the only other option coddling? The one I know frequently calls out women for sexism, but never men. So she's not afraid of coming across as judgemental if the target is female. This is pickmeisha feminism, not real feminism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:23 PM
18

Well, you're awakened now. I know women who claim to be feminist but never see or hear sexism when it comes from their male friends, even when it's happening right in front of their noses. I'm always like: "wait... HOW could you not have seen or heard that, it happened right in front of you two seconds ago." And they're like: "no, he just needs it explained to him." Umm no, girl. He's 38, he just said that Japanese women have tight coochies and you need to "pry them open with a crowbar", that's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 12:31 PM
31

There are plenty of pickmes out there who will marry a guy like this. They usually know he has a problem, but they stand around giggling about it. If it comes out that he's sexually assaulted anyone, they blame the victim by saying she was trying to steal her man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 06:59 AM
39

The number of times abuse victims are written off as being "anxious" or "depressed" is really too much. I've even seen instances where they get gaslighted by the entire health care system just because no one wants to get involved in "marital problems".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 04:03 AM
1

Okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 01:26 PM
1

There is? Where? I didn't see it. Please link? Edit: I found it, thanks. I mean, they SHOULD respect you, but they WON'T. They will use your lack of boundaries and lack of self-respect as a reason to keep treating you terribly. I never said that they shouldn't respect women, which is what you incorrectly thought I was saying. Women without strong boundaries are easy for abusive men (such as narcissists, who often look for empaths) to target. I don't spend all day on reddit so didn't see a 4 hour…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 12:44 PM
3

This is exactly what will happen. Men only respect you as much as you respect yourself. In fact, not just men. People only respect you as much as you respect yourself. Note: For anyone misunderstanding my statement, I never said that people shouldn't respect others, I am just saying that they won't... and they will use your weak boundaries to take advantage of/abuse you because a lot of people, in particular a lot of men, seem to do this. My statement was specifically about respecting yourself e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:50 AM
11

This is too much mental gymnastics for me. I think if you're afraid of a relationship breaking, you should let it break. If it is meant to be, it will be. If a guy can't handle picking up his shorts and leaves, let him leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:49 AM
20

I got divorced and it got old hearing some friends go on about how grateful they are that their drunken husbands are not like my ex. So they are not my friends now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:45 AM
13

That's what I was thinking. That he's gone to war and she's hugging the dirty shorts of a dead man. Or in this case, a guy who isn't dead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:39 AM
42

I wouldn't WANT a man to do the same for me. That's creepy serial-killer behavior. Please, no one hug dirty shorts for any reason!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:38 AM
3

Huh? I don't get it? Some husbands don't come home? From what? War? Why does he leave shorts by the bed?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:36 AM
22

I'm totally sick of the "whataboutmen" mentality that's popping up over and over again in recent years. I don't know if it's just my perception, but I feel like the discourse about women's safety and rights have actually given men the language to gaslight us into thinking it's also about them. You even get psychologists saying, what about men. You get judges saying, what about men. You get men saying it loudest of all. So if you want equity so that things might one day be FAIR, you are going to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 12:41 AM
105

Since Gabby Piteto was found, there are loads of those creeps showing up on women's subreddits now and making "whataboutmen" comments about domestic violence now. They try to take down arguments in favor of women's safety with "men are victims too". I'm sure that this guy thinks that women avoiding him on the street victimizes him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 12:30 AM
3

This is some stupid MRA bullshit. This idiot is truly offended that women are avoiding him for their safety, but then goes ahead and calls feminists "fat" and "ugly". I am sure it's a real threat to him that he's being avoided. Geez. #notaniceguy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 12:28 AM
2

If you can be "foreign" or "exotic" in any way and they are treating you like a joke, fetish, object, walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:55 PM
3

I think a HV trait is if you speak Hebrew at home and he learns to speak Hebrew so you can carry on the tradition with your kids... stuff like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:54 PM
50

People who think peak comedy is making fun of a minority group or an oppressed group are actually showing you who they are. They are not being funny. They want you to agree with their values and they veil it in humor to see how far you have internalized the hate society has for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:08 AM
67

If you are Asian, Moslem, Middle-Eastern, or black, you'll want to vet men in the same way. In fact any POC (race/religion), you have to be careful. I also had friends that I didn't know were saying things about my race behind my back. These are not your friends, they will never see you as a human being. There are also men that are going to say they prefer a certain "race" and you have to know... they don't see you as a complete person, really. You're just fulfilling some racist criteria for the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:05 AM
55

I am also anti-marriage counseling and anti-therapy. I have experienced both and been gaslighted by therapists into wasting years of my life trying to "make it work". I wanted children. It is too late for me to have that now. THEY LITERALLY WASTED YEARS OF MY LIFE. I should have left when he said hello.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:42 AM
25

I have white women friends who do things that I could never do because, like you said, if anything happened to me, I would just be gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:31 AM
9

Yes, this too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:28 AM
34

I agree. I also have to point out that this sort of racism is systemic in all areas of life for POC. When I tried to access a DV service the female intake officers asked me if my ex was "Asian" because "Asian men beat their wives". I said no, they asked if he was "Latin American" or "Pacific Islander" because those men "beat their wives" and "Pacific Islanders are huge". Finally, I said, "what does his race have anything to do with me trying to seek help?" They said, "you seem smart enough to ge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:27 AM
13

They probably do it often enough. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:22 AM
31

I think WOC have more negative outcomes regardless of the race of the male partner. Just like how so many Asian women are sex trafficked and the cops just refer to them as "prostitutes".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:20 AM
96

“you can still hold someone down and not leave a mark, you can grab someone and not leave a mark, you can corner a person and prevent them from leaving without leaving a mark, you can punch someone in the gut and they wouldn’t know. The only time I’ve seen a woman abuse a man is if he was abusing her as well and the rest of women in abusive relationships were just defending themselves.” Everyone needs to read and understand this comment. People think, "oh, he had scratches so SHE started it, she…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:17 AM
67

That cop probably abused his ex-wife. She had anxiety for a REASON.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:13 AM
34

Yeah, I knew he killed her. It wasn't even a question of finding her body. As soon as she went missing, I knew it was him. Horrible. The cops should be ashamed too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:12 AM
27

I was in therapy for years and years because of "anxiety". One day a psychiatrist (male) diagnosed me as having "situational depression" and said that if I left my LVM, all my problems would be solved. He also said that staying would result in "tragic consequences" because "men who grow up in violent households statistically repeat violent behaviors", and that my LVM (who had "depression") was faking it in order to manipulate people. This guy had a PhD. He was older, maybe in his 70s. He was exp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:11 AM
70

I had an ex like this, which is why he is an ex. He deserves no relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 05:27 AM
47

This is why I don't want to date anyone who is unemployed, has drama with family, can't iron his own shirts, can't cook meals, and sleeps on a mattress on the floor. I mean, I don't do those things/am not those things. I need someone to match my energy. I don't exist to polish a turd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 04:56 AM
27

This should be illegal the way rape is illegal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:56 AM
3

LMAO. Seriously though, this is so common it's the "normal state of things". Women force themselves to be just "okay" with this sort of thing. I mean, I guess some women are okay with it. I'm not. Imagine all those years of watching gen x era Disney cartoons when you were little and then growing up, surviving the chaos of wedding planning, "recovering" from the honeymoon period, and then getting... this. And as you approach your sunset years, you feel horribly pressured to stay a size 6 and keep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:37 AM
58

I think that if I am busy reflecting his lukewarm behavior, I am wasting time that I could be spending dating other men or just doing my own thing. It's important to come from a place of truth. If you're just "reflecting", you're trying to manipulate a situation that you may have zero control over -- that is, you don't get to control if a guy is "into you". If you're in the early dating stages and he's backing off as soon as you become the "girlfriend", you're a seat warmer for the real thing (t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 01:43 PM
165

This is exactly what he's doing. Now imagine what he'll be like if he manages to "wife" you. He will be a bio-hazard whose snoring you have to tolerate, hair you have to cut (pandemic), toe nail clippings you have to vacuum, shirts you have to iron, towels you have to wash, emotions you have to manage, and he will still expect regular sex with two-seconds of foreplay, child-birth, and for you to medicate yourself for his pleasure while you are menopausal and fighting the urge to smash the reflec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:29 AM
26

It's true. They only reserve true love and respect for other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:02 AM
158

I know too many beautiful, accomplished women who will accept relationships with men that do not bring value to their lives. Happiest couple I know are lesbians who applied FDS vetting strategies to their wives. I know that this is mainly geared towards heterosexual relationships, but I actually heard of FDS first through lesbian and bisexual rad fem friends. The worst is when you see a guy that you know is awful because of his past behavior (cheating, lying, laziness, generally being immature..…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 01:17 PM
15

Yes, this. They want someone to "mother" their son and provide grandchildren, while expecting nothing in return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 11:49 AM
20

Yeah, this. I don't want to have sex with people I barely know. I care about my health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 06:31 AM
4

LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 06:30 AM
43

Some people judge the quality of men by the way they treat their female sexual partners (girlfriends, wives... etc). I say we should also judge a man's character and thereby quality by the way he treats all women, including women he is not receiving sexual or financial favors from. If he has nothing to gain from you except the pleasure of your company, and he is still respectful, he is at least "not horrible". I have met hundreds of men who became dismissive or simply downright disgusting after …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 06:28 AM
42

So basically... it buys you the security you need to avoid unhappiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 03:42 AM
22

100% this. This happened to be back before I know people like this existed. Run far far away from this type of guy. Always be suspicious of guys who white-knight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 03:39 AM
18

A woman once asked what are some red flags to look out for when dating. I mentioned "drama with family" and "unemployed". This is because I have met too many narcissists that have drama with family simply because they are narcissists, and then there are the victims of family drama that need to be resolving attachment issues in therapy instead of dating. And of course saying that we should not date men who are unemployed is obvious. I was down-voted to h*ll. I think women gaslight themselves into…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 03:35 AM
11

Too funny!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 06:11 AM
28

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:11 PM
6

I love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 04:34 AM
31

Yeah, I had one of those "slide on a mask and pose as normal" guys. Covert abuse is freaking horrific.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 11:54 AM
22

I guess we know why his first wife left him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 11:42 AM
42

I hope that when your kids move out, you don't ever have to struggle with a man. You should never have to struggle with a man. You deserve no struggle, kids or no kids. But definitely do not struggle with a man when you have kids in the picture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 11:42 AM
45

I've had gay men tell me that Asian women are "submissive"... and all this did for me was to reinforce the fact that ALL men benefit from the oppression of women and think that it is cute. I would like to be introverted sometimes and NOT be mistaken for "submissive". For fox's sake. I can't even count the number of time Asian men have acted like I was a "race traitor" for dating non-Asian men. No men own me. Or Asian men who claim that they want their wives to "act like wives". Or Asian men who …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 11:38 AM
9

This is so true. There will be people who are going to say... well, you can't judge a person by looking at their family, but really, I've had enough experiences with people who claimed that they were very different, but when you have wasted enough time with them, you realize that deep down inside, they share the exact same behaviors, they just justify those behaviors with round-about "I'm not racist, but" logic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 11:25 AM
12

She wrote about it in "Slouching Towards Bethlehem". Not that particular story, but it is in the collection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:53 AM
16

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 05:15 AM
49

I suspect there are a lot of us out there... former pickmes who were too afraid to stand up for ourselves (or couldn't because we gave someone too many chances and got trapped), now starting over. A lot of us find ourselves in our 40s, single-parenting. Some of us are in our 40s never having had the chance to have children. In any case, here we are. We're told to be invisible. But I think that the next wave of feminism is not just going to be intersectional, it will include older women and menop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 04:56 AM
39

Accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 02:38 AM
94

I lost my 20s and 30s to the general pressure from society to be a certain type of person and have a certain type of lifestyle, and also a couple of terrible men. The last one, in my 30s, was the worst man, and I am confident that he will be the worst man I will ever meet. To say that I am confident he has been and will be the worst I have ever met is really positive. This is because I am assuming that I will live the rest of my life in relative physical, emotional, and financial safety, albeit …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 02:37 AM
10

This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 03:20 AM
5

I'll be dead by then... so... no. LOL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 03:19 AM
25

This. I married and divorced one of these. I paid for both the wedding, marriage, and divorce. What was I thinking?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 03:03 AM
17

I agree with this. I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not had the lived experience to know what I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 03:02 AM
14

My ACE score is 4. Sometimes it's not because of early childhood abuse, but because of poverty and discrimination due to ethnicity. If you grow up in a stressful environment because your parents experienced financial hardship, this can drive the score up. Also if your parents come from a culture where traditional gender roles and the inferiority of women is normalised and reinforced, this can put us at risk of abuse in our adult relationships. Being able to ignore our own personal standards with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 03:02 AM
39

My ex also said extremely disparaging things about his ex (the one before me). If I had known at the time it was a red flag, it would have saved me so much trouble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:45 AM
21

If I had understood numbers 3 and 4, I would have had a very different life. I think this should be required reading for all teens in high school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:42 AM
24

Yeah you know what? You're right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:28 PM
27

I sometimes feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 12:56 PM
54

Wait... does this mean I should stop tying to explain things to lib fems?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 12:45 PM
8

What is VC Andrews?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 02:19 PM
11

Ugh. No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:41 AM
13

I'm beyond disgusted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:36 AM
20

Excellent post. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:51 AM
8

This is excellent. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 10:08 AM
2

I LOVE this! Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 01:26 AM
1

Unfortunately this narrative is common and so normalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 01:25 AM
2

Basically, we can't date anyone without being judged. If we date another Asian: oh, they are all alike, they just stick to their own kind, she is probably a traditional wife. If we date someone not Asian: she's probably an object, she probably hates her own race and culture, she probably thinks she's "dating up". If we have Asian children: she's probably a Tiger mom. If we have mix-raced children: she's probably trying to erase her ethnicity. WTF. It's like society is saying to us: just don't ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 01:36 AM
77

Can't turn a ho into a husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:31 AM
122

A big red flag for me when dating is when a guy says that the right relationship can change him, no matter what the change is: living situation, smoking habits, sleep or eating habits, fkboi habits... . It's called a "habit" for a reason. I'm not a rehabilitation center.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:29 AM
58

100%. This is the 'not like other girls' narrative. He treats all the other women like objects... but not you, you're special. No. You are not. You are a woman just like the other women. Maybe you just jumped through enough hoops. Maybe he thinks sexually liberated women are not "wife" material. Maybe he wants a "trad wife". These are all problematic mindsets. I am also worried about someone who can treat sex so casually because, for me, I care about STDs and also... this means that even if we f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:28 AM
34

I wish that there was a male dating strategy that was about leveling up instead of leveling women down. I mean this, to me, is a male problem, a men's problem. It comes form generations of treating women and children as property... generations of men who think that it's okay to spank your wives the way you spank your children (ever seen those 1950s ads? Or the movie "Philadelphia Story"?). It comes from generations of men having financial and sexual power at home... and they are so used to it, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:20 AM
92

I agree with this. If you stay with this guy, you will end up with CPTSD. If he has the skills necessary to be in a relationship with anyone, he would have brought up the phone issue there and then, and not give you the silent treatment for a whole day while you bend over backwards trying to make him feel better. It's such a minor issue too. Assuming he acts like he has the skills necessary to be in a relationship half of the time (or in the beginning), then his behavior is a choice. He is manip…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 06:05 AM
173

If you're a "woke" feminist WOC and you watch porn, you're only going to give yourself insecurities. We do not live in a post-feminist and post-racist world. Unless and until we do, porn can never be fair to women and especially WOC. It is the height of ignorance and entitlement to think that respecting sex workers by consuming porn is even possible. If we want to "respect sex workers" we need to actively change society first before their work can be remotely safe, equitable, or fair. And by "we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 05:24 AM
88

A lot of these women get pressured by men to be the "cool gf" by using "woke" language to manipulate them. This is like a wolf dressing up as a sheep to go hunting. This is what these so-called male allies do. They still go hunting, they just hunt differently... usually cause they're not "Chads" enough to "hunt" the regular way. I had an ex with spaghetti arms and noodle legs and tiny hands say that he was "at an advantage" when dating because women never suspected him as he seemed "harmless"...…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:15 AM
15

The best partnership is one where you are both making each other better and supporting each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:09 AM
21

Fortunately your husband is a man of value and because of that, understands that you are valuable too. Please don't forget yourself. You have so many years to pursue your dreams too. {hugs}
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:08 AM
33

With her tendency towards obsession, she could probably go very far in her career if she wanted to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:07 AM
6

Yes, I think there are pickmes and then women who are manipulated and emotionally abused... entrapped. It's easy enough to confuse the two, and sometimes they over-lap, but often I feel sorry for women who are with men like this. He does seem like a narcissist. Do you remember the "overly attached girlfriend" meme? They need a "narcissist future ex-boyfriend" meme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:05 AM
45

It's better that she experience this pain now than if she has this experience at 30 or 35.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:02 AM
9

Either they grow apart or they don't grow at all. I know a couple who have been together since they were 17, now in their 40s. They still act like teenagers... and this is not a good thing. Sometimes when I talk to the woman, I feel like I'm talking to a 17-year-old "mean girl". She gets snarky if you talk about your career or anything not related to cooking, crafting, or managing a guy. She never really built herself career-wise. He never got a job. Their parents bought them a house. If they ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:01 AM
4

Yes she probably would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:57 AM
17

Yikes. I always test as an INFP. Not all infps are naive just because their preferred function is feeling. It's not like they don't also use logic... or that an INTJ has no feelings. I also have issues with the myers-briggs system. There was a fad of using it on employees in the 90s and I hope that's died. This person has self-esteem issues for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:55 AM
37

I have no idea how to do emojis in reddit but I heart this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:51 AM
45

They're like those trolls who to go female-oriented sub reddits and try to find out who the FDS members are so that they can discredit/harass them or get gormless pickmeishas to tear them down. We live in a society where women and men try to harm women who demand standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:07 AM
19

This: 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:04 AM
134

Which they have been doing for centuries... so it's not new or "feminist". The only thing that's changed here is the narrative: we now support men who jerk off. It's not like they needed support for this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:03 AM
88

Yeah she did ask if she should be "concerned". So she basically just gaslighted herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:01 AM
53

So... he jerks off to porn and she loves that about him? Okaaay. Talk about the bar being low. I can stick a poster of Ryan Gosling in my room... will some guy love me for doing that? Ugh. I don't know what to say. Women like this will also say things like "calling a man low-value or high-value assigns men to a binary that is unfair, therefore, I disagree." So okay, don't have any values...? I mean, you do you, girl. I would rather be a high-value woman... and by that I mean a woman with values.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:59 AM
20

I agree, he should. Imagine having to look your sister-in-law in the face after this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:54 AM
6

Yeah agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:41 AM
14

OMG. Thank you. This is educational.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 01:16 PM
51

I always recommend Lundy Bancroft.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 12:59 PM
17

I don't like pulling either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 12:57 PM
7

Hmm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 12:54 PM
263

I saw one, where a girl dressed her identical twin sister in her clothes and a wig, and a had her get in bed with her sleepy husband. Hee hee, let's secretly film it and see what happens when he tries to have sex with you. So he feels the bed move and rolls over and starts saying, "hey, babe... do you want to..." and starts touching the sister. When the hair came off in his hand, he said, "what the?" and jumped out of bed saying, "why would someone DO this?" while the girl jumped out of hiding a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:34 AM
36

I agree, this is really the safest place on the internet for me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:27 AM
63

Yeah Reddit hates women. It's true. But I think society hates women. I would like to be wrong on this. Deeply horribly mistaken. I would like to be wrong, but I keep getting proved correct. In a different sub, someone asked a dating question and I said that they might still end up alone even if they got a HVM, so it was a good idea to be happy with yourself, because you will always be the one who's got your own back. The response I got was: "What's HVM?" "It's from FDS. Stay away from them. They…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:19 AM
30

These guys are porn-sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:20 AM
87

Yeah the worst part is "pretty... for your race".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:20 AM
143

Here are mine: "Where are you from? No, I mean, what ethnicity?" "Give me tips of traveling overseas." "Do you know how to make fried rice? I really like fried rice." "I lived in Japan for 10 years." (as an opening line.) "I love Asians, Asians are so submissive." Any guy who tries to pick me up and swing me around. NO! "I love Asians, Asians work so hard." No shit asshole, cause you won't promote me/pay me fairly/treat me like a human being. Any guy who has a katana/nanchucks/or is obsessed wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:17 AM
786

This is someone who will never give you an orgasm, sadly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 06:42 AM
30

Whoa! I'm saving this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 04:42 AM
16

There's also ugly behavior, that makes a good-looking man appear ugly. I once dated a guy who was tall, fit, extremely good-looking and hung like a horse. Unfortunately, he didn't understand fore-play, watched a crap load of porn, and really stupid, disgusting things would come out of his mouth. After a month, I was so turned off, I ghosted him to avoid the drama. He ended up stalking me and trying to run me over with his car. His equally as attractive father cheated on his mother and left the f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 04:25 AM
28

I actually hated this movie. I don't know why it's so popular.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 04:07 AM
31

Yes, I think the issue is insecurity, not height or attractiveness per se. But shorter, unattractive men tend to be more insecure, generally. I know a number of tall, attractive men who are incredibly stupid, insecure, and use people. They also virtue-signal, pretend to be the victim when called out, assume that YOU think they are hot, are fucken lazy and they lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 04:00 AM
22

Can confirm. Ex was an ugly who hated Chads and eventually red-pilled himself. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 03:58 AM
65

Thank you. Excellent response. Also... there's an issue with being middle aged. If you aren't entirely written off, you are still objectified and sexualized... and ALSO written off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 03:09 AM
7

Never skip leg day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 02:01 PM
12

Christina Applegate is definitely more beautiful now. Some people grow into themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:23 AM
10

When the arms are so skinny that it makes their heads look huge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:20 AM
13

I have seen men who are 36 who look like they are 50. It's really unfortunate. In particular, I have noticed that after they get married, they take a sharp dive downhill in terms of weight management and muscle tone. Dating in my age range is pretty awful -- so many beer guts, so many men with children, or sports cars that they treat like children... not to mention the career bachelors. I dated a guy who was 10 years younger than me once. We looked around the same age. When we first met, he thou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:20 AM
13

Even without ED, they last about three minutes. Batteries are more reliable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:02 AM
32

Healthy and active for 1 year... I did not know this. Now I know! I'm 100% I don't know any man willing to do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:01 AM
38

I'm glad I'm not the only woman who has noticed this. Unfortunately so many men are deluded into thinking that when they age into their 60s, they will look like a red-carpet George Clooney.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 02:59 AM
9

I didn't know this. This is so interesting. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 02:53 AM
24

This "psychologist" article is based on no science. Because libido is based on hormones, and not all hormones in all bodies are doing the same thing. In fact, some women become more interested in sex as they age because their estrogen drops and they are left with testosterone higher than their estrogen levels. Not to mention that men's testosterone levels also drop as they age, which is how they develop weight gain and "moobs" and hair loss. Not only that, men have estrogen in their bodies too, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 08:06 AM
14

LOL. That's a great answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:54 AM
10

Let him die. Easiest fix for this whole situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 12:15 AM
14

100% excellent comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 12:14 AM
8

But... just because they suffered does not mean they get to inflict suffering upon others. Yes. This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 10:35 AM
23

I agree with this. I don't see it as a "disorder" any more than any other crime is a result of a "disorder". I no longer care why people behave certain ways, I just care that they chose to behave those ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 07:22 AM
40

Believe it or not, I had an argument with a man who said that if female students were allowed to have tampons in public schools, the male students should be allowed to have condoms. When I told him that this was misogyny, he rolled his eyes and said, "Oh here were go again, blah, blah, blah misogyny, blah, blah, blah!" They may not want to wear tampons, but they sure do resent that we need them to keep clean. They probably resent anything we do for self-care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 07:08 AM
71

The entire world is actually a men's space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 07:03 AM
15

Eww... this is what the Taliban is trying to do for their soldiers. "Give" them single women of marriageable age. They even instructed their religious leaders to tell them where those single women are located so that they can traffic them. This guy basically just suggested we commit crimes in order to placate would-be terrorists. THROW OUT THE TRASH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:04 AM
3

This is what happens when women do the work. Men are like: Oh, you're doing it? Guess I don't have to... imma join a gang now, bai! Just don't do the work for them! They should do the work. They should ask you out, buy you flowers, pay for dinner. Because once you start doing those things, they think: oh, you're doing it, sweet... I'm just going to sit here and be... serviced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:02 AM
20

Even if it is a mental illness, she is not a rehabilitation center for sick people. She probably had to delete the text in the original post because she became fearful of what he might do if he found out about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 12:59 AM
127

When the chips are down, people show us their true character. The covid-19 situation has been challenging, rates of DV are rising due to job losses and couples being trapped at home. This sounds like a DV situation. He's accusing her of nothing to see how far she'll jump. He'll keep continuing to accuse her of nothing sporadically so that it confuses her, because he's normally "kind" and that was how he behaved when they first met and he love-bombed her. I think this is a narcissist who doesn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 03:07 PM
28

Hmm... this might take some time to unpack. I think that some people interpret discomfort as attraction because of uncomfortable situations in their childhoods that were normalized. ...? It could also be love-bombing, which is what some narcissists do. So what you think is attractive behavior is actually the narcissists creating a pattern of bread-crumbing, which causes an addiction cycle. ...? However anyone can act perfect for three months. It's not long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:47 PM
61

Yeah agree. He actually wants you to be scared and nervous of him. This is why he interpreted your behavior that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:42 PM
55

This actually made me smirk because I had a similar experience. I'm actually quite an accomplished person, but I don't advertise it. So one day this friend of a friend guy wanted to see evidence of my accomplishments. He wasn't being obnoxious, just very interested. But I didn't want to talk about my accomplishments. I was just there to talk about fluff because, well, I had a long day. I just wanted to drink my drink in peace and talk about nothing important. For some reason this really offended…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:40 PM
22

Yes. I get this. I think online dating is abysmal for people who are introverted or reserved. It's hard enough to find dates in real life if you are introverted or reserved but it seems like OLD makes it worse. Because while you will find dates, the dates you'll find want an instant connection. OLD is dating for lazy people, which is weird because of the effort it takes to actually find a relationship on OLD: it's a numbers game... lots of duds just to find one decent human. I also think a lot o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:18 PM
9

I agree with what you say about ongoing attraction. It's a serious problem that people forget about sensuality and respect, and that during marriage there's an attitude of entitlement to sex. I feel that people think: oh I'm married now, I don't have to bother with romance anymore. For a lot of people, women are seen as a source of convenience: they provide food, sex, a cleaning service... etc. I did think I might be on the Ace spectrum... but the more I think about it, I think for me, it's more…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:09 PM
13

Too funny!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 11:02 AM
23

I'm with you. I don't like the term demi-sexual because it normalizes hookup culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:59 AM
35

What seems alien to me is that even before they want sex, they want to see sexy instagram pictures. Loads of filtered selfies. Pictures in lingerie. So basically... they want sex before date three... or in some cases before you meet in person (if you're using online dating, which is becoming the norm these days). 100% of my relationships have been made by meeting people in real life. But with this pandemic... I have no idea when I will date next... or what men will be like when I get out there a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:58 AM
35

Yes this is what I think as well. This may get me judged but I think the majority of people do not fall into these "categories". I think that these categories, while helpful for a select few, were actually invented as a way to make "normal" relationships seem legitimate now that lib-fem sex-positivity (aka: patriarchy-reinforcing feminism) has become the new normal. I mean, there are aspects of lib fem that I agree with, but with every incarnation of the feminist movement, the patriarchy has alw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:54 AM
36

I'm like this too. I need to be able to trust a person before I sleep with them. I know some women get turned on by strangers and will sleep with them by the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date. I just can't. For me, I think it's both my educational background and... nah, it's my educational background. I don't know how other people feel about this but I get insulted when people say, "oh, it's because you're demi-sexual". BUT... I don't become attracted to just anyone I form an emotional connection with. I ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:45 AM
20

I think it's accepted and reinforced by pickmeishas. I don't know how it started. I also think it's ridiculous. I have also met some men who think if you meet in a bar, it's an automatic hook up that may or may not lead to a relationship. I don't know how this "cultural" norm started.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:41 AM
151

He basically said, "I'm an abuser. I haven't abused anyone for a while and I want to abuse someone who is challenging to abuse. I'm not talking about abuse where I can get caught, I'm just talking about abuse where it's harder to catch me." YUCK. How does one have a narcissistic personality disorder relapse? If you have a personality disorder, you have a personality disorder. It's not like you're an alcoholic and you stop drinking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:44 AM
95

Your roommate sounds too immature to have a serious relationship. I hope he doesn't get her pregnant. It is possible she'll grow out of it but maybe not. I know a woman who lied to a guy and said that she was really good at skiing because he said he enjoyed it. So then she had to quickly learn how to ski so that he wouldn't find out that she was lying. This same woman also got an onlyfans cause a guy said that he really liked onlyfans. Of course she ended up being dumped by that guy after he fou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 01:45 PM
169

They should stick their junk in a blender.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:51 AM
74

Wow. I'm even more disgusted by him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:51 AM
7

Better you wasted three years than if you wasted 6 years. Now you are free to find the right person. Sorry it hurts. It will get better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 02:54 PM
18

Everything is 600 times easier when you have the right people around you... or no people, which is better than the wrong people. I am doing well. I never thought that I would have the life I have now. I am very grateful for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 02:52 PM
87

This is true. LVex was selfish and abusive when I was sick. I had to get rid of him before I had the energy and mental space to get treatment for myself. Better be sick and alone, than sick and living with someone who is consciously trying to make you sicker by undermining your ability to care for yourself (because they sure won't).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 11:49 AM
1

OMG. That is terrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 01:42 PM
2

Yup. Can also confirm. My ex got a lot from his therapist... including a girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 01:40 PM
1

I am so sorry this happened to you. What he said to you was beyond excusable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 12:11 PM
1

True.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 01:59 AM
16

Narcissists are deeply insecure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 03:21 PM
6

Yes, what is NWT?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 03:00 PM
13

This sounds like a narcissist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:57 PM
14

I agree with you, it gets harder as you get older. As a person who is divorced and middle aged, I would like to think that I have an opportunity at partnership again, but I consistently meet single LVM or HVM who are not available. People tend to partner up as they get older. Single older men are either divorced or never married, and because women initiate divorce most of the time, we know that divorced single older men are usually problematic, and the never-marrieds are uncompromisingly devoted…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:57 PM
3

So... would you call this a medium-value-man? Or a LVM?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 11:22 AM
18

I agree... but if a sister is a pickme and cuts down other women in order to impress the dudes at work, she must be eliminated!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:48 AM
23

I'm going to say this... and this may come off as kind of "wrong"... but here it is: I find that men will offer me help if I ask them for it. Even if I don't actually need any help whatsoever, I still ask them. I think it does something for their egos. So the next time they have something to offer at work, they think, "oh ExtraGouda asked for something last time, she probably wants this thing too...". It only works on some men. I find it works on those guys who go around "white knighting" for no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:47 AM
39

I know a few men like this at work and my brain has unflattering nicknames for them. It's so depressing that they all have wives to pack their lunchboxes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:38 AM
14

Such an important post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:34 AM
52

Can confirm. I settled and it was the worst thing I ever did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:23 AM
59

LOL. I became the "relationship guru" after I got divorced! Dating? Been there. Engaged? Been there. Marriage? Been there? Divorce? Done that. My pickme friends absolutely got me to stay married to a NVM for much longer than I would have if I just relied on my intuition. What a waste of my life. What a waste of their lives that they are still married to controlling men who expect them to diet into a size 2 as they enter their mid-40s. But I guess that's their choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:03 AM
24

I think that as you get older you need to be very transparent about what you want. Not everyone has a plethora of old friends. If you migrate anywhere new where you don't know anyone, you're basically stuck trying to make new friends. Some people are socially awkward and need to be TOLD what you need/want/etc... . I have attempted to make friends with new people and some of them, I sort of stopped contacting because every time I went out with them, they would say something like: "it pisses me of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 11:17 AM
3

THANK YOU for this. 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 11:01 AM
9

"the daily war he has within himself and his surrounding situations" She means: he's not mentally healthy and has questionable behavior, I need to keep an eye on him, I'm exhausted so I just plop him in front of the computer like the way some parents give their toddlers ipads. Reminds me of a woman whose husband has to have his "boys' game night" once a week NO MATTER WHAT. Her 4 children screaming and 1 with the flu? Boys' game night. Her fridge stops working and she needs to clean it? Boys' ga…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 03:47 AM
54

She basically told on him. He cheats and she blames other women for it. So she told on herself too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 02:24 AM
170

The worst part is.... her freedom should not be a consolation prize for putting up with this abuse. She should get more. She should get her freedom, then a fantastic job, then a fantastic career, then lots of money and a nice house and nice car, then a supportive group of friends, then (if she wants one) a high value, emotionally supportive partner. She should also get all her time back. I hope she got all of those things. I don't care about what he got... because he was always miserable on the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:24 PM
64

James Fell wrote a sweary history book called "On This Day in History, Shit Went Down". Before he was writing history, he wrote a motivational book about weight loss. But I think he may have studied history.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:04 PM
44

Yep this is my ex too. Do they make multiples of these guys in a factory in hell?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 12:48 PM
33

He's insecure and wanted to pick a fight with you for no reason. This is cost-inflicting because he is trying to guilt you into more commitment to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:25 AM
40

This is why you don't marry someone until or unless they are gainfully employed and adult-ing. This is why you don't marry someone unless you KNOW they can iron their own shirts, cook, take garbage out, and act like an adult... unless you want to be their mother. BUT... why do we expect mothers to continuously do this sort of thing for their adult children? Why do mothers treat their sons this way? I want to know! It must stop. I know a lot of families where the father in the family does no laun…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 03:48 AM
26

I've met MVM (medium value men) IRL. All married and older than 35. Could slip into LVM territory if they wanted to. I think I've met one HVM but this was a teen. He had watched his mother give birth and have an episiotomy. He was very involved in the raising of his younger sibling and had many female friends his age. Respect to his parents for raising him right. None of the MVM or HVM I know are conventionally attractive, but they have attractive facial expressions and behaviors. They are not i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:55 AM
11

This happened to me. His friends kept helping him. They even helped him cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 12:40 PM
12

Some of these guys could be softbois. More dangerous than f*ckbois. They are useless at anything other than manipulation and mental masturbation. They also want women who know less than they do about anything... ooo look at me, I'm so smart. Men who only engage in superficial conversations may be dumb scrotes. Men who only talk about literary theory may be smart scrotes -- the type that sneak up on you so that you wake up one morning after you have built a home and family with the guy and realis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 12:37 PM
14

I really hope she doesn't date another NVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 12:26 PM
43

He probably has contempt for his mother too... I am sure she "built him up".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 10:25 AM
39

Men who find and date women at their lowest are actually really creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 10:23 AM
21

This is TRUE. A man will develop contempt for you if you try to build him up. It's humiliating for their fragile egos. This may seem really old-fashioned, but men actually want to be the people that spear woolly mammoths and fight off wolves. This somehow gives the testosterone in their bodies something interesting to do. It isn't sexy if you're their mama... and they know it. So don't build them up. Also, no one likes to think that their partner thinks they are imperfect. It's like a lazy perso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 10:21 AM
39

He's actually exposed himself. He wants to find women who are avoiding him so that he can emotionally abuse them and/or coerce them into disgusting sex. Basically: abusive rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 10:08 AM
30

I'm 44, so if they think that about a 28-year-old, imagine what they think about me. The biggest red flag for me is if a guy tells me he likes older women. Usually they say this as if it is a compliment. But to me, it sounds like they watched "American Pie" and just want to be "serviced" by a larger-than-life sexy woman who will also bring him milk and cookies after. I find it disgusting. No matter how attractive women are, they still become slightly invisible as they age, because society sucks.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:25 PM
6

Every libertarian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:56 PM
5

I detest these sorts of people. I meet too many men like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:45 PM
62

LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:37 PM
9

Those types of men should be banned from the internet. They don't understand respectful relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:20 PM
35

I have to say... I'm the jolie laide of conventional attractiveness. Meaning, not conventional, but attractive. I've been called "weird", weird like Christina Ricci. But I tell them that if they want weird, I'll bring it. I'll be more weird. They still show up looking 10 years older than they are, fat, wearing ugly clothes, and having nothing interesting to say. The worst men are found on online dating. They sit there, fat, bald, unhealthy mentally and physically, and they message you thinking t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:06 PM
49

They don't just leave because all of these tactics are about control. This is abusive behavior. First they employ public humiliation... might even threaten suicide if you don't marry them, or threaten to show up to the wedding crying and pretending that you left them at the altar even though you found out they were sleeping with your best friend the night before the wedding... etc... etc. They then make you feel like the problems in the relationship are your fault, because they have contempt for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 02:31 PM
9

Which is why porn needs to go away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 01:56 PM
13

Please write it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 12:39 PM
12

"Sometimes I wonder if housing continues to get more and more expensive in order to insure that men have some leverage over women. Of course there’s larger implications in terms of wealth transfer and political stuff, but forced cohabitation is definitely a way to keep population rates up." I think you're on to something here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 12:33 PM
24

It's because they have giant egos. He said he's not ready cause he's still dealing with a breakup from over a year ago, so actually this means he's not that into you... but he still thinks you are into him. Why? Because of his giant ego. He said he was overwhelmed and wants to take a breather before asking you for a second date. So that means... he's probably juggling other options and meanwhile he wants to put you on the shelf so that he has space between dates. It's not really that he thinks y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 12:24 PM
45

I did this to a male "friend" recently. He kept poking at my boundaries and one day said the most disgusting thing to me. I explained that it was horrible and he acted like I wasn't being serious. Instant permanent block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 11:49 AM
3

He was full of himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 11:08 AM
52

Also the right "man" for you may be yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:19 PM
65

This is what I was thinking. It's like a "date rape" invitation except he can't even be bothered to ask you on a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:46 AM
39

Yes, "woke" LVM are actually just NVM in disguise. This is why f*ckbois are easier to deal with than softbois.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:42 AM
47

Oh god. Those photos are really sick. That girl looks like she is 8.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:40 AM
60

Yes, I knew about John Lennon being NV and I hate it that people demonize Yoko. Yoko had these ideas about "free love". So I guess that is why she was compatible with John, who could use that as "permission" to sleep with anyone any time. She put up with a lot of LV behavior. I don't think he treated her better than Cynthia, to be honest, I just think that Yoko accepted it. I feel terrible about the way he treated Julian. John Lennon was not as talented as everyone says he was anyway. A lot of m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:36 AM
32

But a person doesn't have to hurt you for you to decide that there are better uses of your time. If you don't like him as a person, you could always just see him less and less until contact doesn't matter. That is, if you don't want to suddenly cut off contact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:25 AM
2

I would want to meet the ex as part of my vetting process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:22 AM
84

There are only two reasons to keep in touch with your ex: It was never serious because you dated for 6 months in high school, never had sex, made out then got the "ick" and moved on and grew up. You have children with your ex and you share custody... so you are forced to cooperate. If a divorced person keeps in touch with their ex when they don't have to... unfortunately it means they are unlikely to enter another relationship with the seriousness and commitment that marriage requires. That's my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:20 AM
104

"The fact that they want to keep you around shows that YOU WERE NOT THE PROBLEM." Wow. Yes this is really eye-opening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:17 AM
79

My narc ex also did this. I have come to understand that he was doing it to keep informed about those women, as if he owned them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 09:15 AM
14

This happened to me too... and my female management had to get "his side of the story" and then came back and told me, "well, he's remorseful." I'm sorry I didn't go straight to the police. But of course, the police would have said it was a work-place dispute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:42 AM
14

I mean... sure. This is true. But in my experience, when men treat me like shit, other men still expect me to do emotional labor for the man who treated me like shit because, "he was having a bad day." Or, "he has mental health issues." F that. It's great if men treat you kindly, even if they have the wrong motives (will they ever have the right motives? Of course not). Once you get older, it will stop. Once you are no longer a "potential sexual partner or objectify-able", it will stop. Men at w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:40 AM
2

And now we know why she kept texting him. He's not to be trusted. Even around her, apparently. Those women are deluded if they go on with this "both sides" tack that they keep insisting on. One day, they will be on the other end of a fist, and the cops will show up and ask for two sides and just walk away and leave them with an angry, dangerous trash-human. I also find that a lot of people insist on relationship therapy after something like this happens (like the boyfriend that roofied his girlf…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:03 AM
3

That makes him sound like someone who has only ever had sex with people he had to hire for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 05:48 AM
8

I would dump her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 01:41 PM
52

Even today, if you take out a VCR and plop in a grainy "Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre", and a story about a woman with Stockholm syndrome who marries her animal captor comes on, a switch flips in my head and I start fantasizing about Victorian dresses and being saved from my life by a random powerful beast-man. It's almost involuntary. I have to work to shut that shit off. I have to make an active choice to look in the mirror every day and not be upset that I'm going grey, my weight is no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 12:51 PM
22

Well... that is why I commented and said, actually, it's not. I mean, I wouldn't use it in a classroom, for example. You don't see normal sex between normal couples in porn. Even if the porn sex is basic "vanilla sex" with no kinky stuff, it's still a version of someone's fantasy played out by two "actors". Expecting to see "normal" sexual relations in porn is like watching "The Hunger Games" and then thinking you know how to do archery afterwards. It's not educational! I just... I can't even! A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 12:17 PM
12

I'm not one to judge without really investigating, because the links also go to written erotica, which I think has a primarily female audience. However the "ethical" porn was not dissimilar to mainstream porn, just higher production values and cheesier music... and the actors have been in exploitative porn before anyway. So I think as an industry, porn is extremely problematic. No one wants to talk about the fact that a lot of porn actors die of suicide. People think it's STIs, but actually, it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:23 AM
28

There's really no distinction besides production values... and also being able to have the porn website linked on Goop as a "wellness" tool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 07:17 AM
7

Can confirm this is accurate. My NVM ex did this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:51 AM
129

I was actually banned from a feminist sub for saying that porn, particularly mainstream porn, was problematic. The OP said that it was educational and that they were thankful for ethical porn because they had escaped from a cult where sex was very repressive. I said that porn wasn't educational, and especially mainstream porn, and that I was concerned about it being seen as educational because even "ethical" porn was very "produced" and that there is no way to regulate porn so that it is safe fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:36 AM
33

This is an amazing post and needs to be shared. This is exactly the sort of thing that I, as a WOC, struggle with every single day. Not to mention that it's not just white men who treat women like this, but men everywhere. I've heard Asian men complain that Asian women should not date "outside the race" because that makes them race traitors. Unfortunately this just exposes them as men who think of women as possessions. Just as bad as white men who say they have a fetish for WOC. They hate us, do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:23 AM
73

You know this is funny, but as a short, very opinionated woman who is not afraid of being opinionated, they avoid me like the plague. So I have the benefit of being avoided by short, insecure men, and taller men who simply don't see me because they are not looking at their toes all day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 11:21 AM
8

Give yourself time and make memories for yourself by yourself. Crowd him out of your life. I am sorry he treat you this way. Fortunately you put up a boundary or it could have been worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 11:46 AM
253

I have been asked this question so many times... and at work too. I've also been asked if I am married or partnered... at work too. I don't understand why they do it. I find it rude. I usually say, "I don't like to answer questions about what I do with my body, thank you." But that's if I'm feeling rude. If I'm not, I say, "I'm not married." If they say "why not?" I say, "are you asking me to marry you? Because my cat has first dibs." But yeah, it's rude. I hate how society seems to revolve arou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 11:30 AM
19

I am glad you brought this up. The way I understand it, twin flames are not soulmates. Twin flames are people that you learn from and move on from -- Susan Winter says something to this effect. Twin flames expose childhood wounding and make you confront it. After such a relationship, you transform into your better self. Twin flame relationships are intense... but they are not sustainable... and they are not abusive relationships. Twin flames are not supposed to be abusive relationships. They are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 11:23 AM
9

Guilty as charged. Unfortunately I get a lot of push back when I try to be honest about my accomplishments. It's as if it offends them and a lot of them are lazy but in positions of power.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:32 AM
6

Wrote back a dissertation about why you were wrong. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:57 AM
17

Oh god. I knew a guy who loved Bukowski. He was also a "feminist" but thought that artists and writers do troubling things because of "their art". Whatever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 01:57 AM
92

Adding: it's not truly 50/50 if one party is giving up 80% of their income while the other half only has to sacrifice 10%. I think when FDS says that 50/50 is wrong, what they are really trying to address is inequality, which is what is happening in the relationship in the post. That woman does not have a equal partnership if she always has less. I married a man (now ex) who was happy to sacrifice more because he earned more. Unfortunately this behavior was love-bombing since he attempted to do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:26 AM
22

I think society is kinda scrote-y. Because I get the "forever alone" message from women too. From the media. From everywhere. Yeah. It's exhausting. Also, partnership sets us up for this weird dynamic where if you're single, at a certain age, many of your friends are in partnerships and they go away into these bubble-units and you don't see them again. Like they have fallen into a black hole that is marriage and child-rearing which you, as a single childless/childfree woman, have no business sha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 02:56 AM
14

This is exactly the type of marriage I want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 06:13 AM
15

This is what I was trying to say with my squirrel and nut rant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:14 PM
33

Yeah there is probably a better term for "trauma bonding", which is what psychologists call it. I would probably call it "soul-eating". The perpetrator sucks on the victim's soul until they have no will left to do anything for their own self-preservation. Like a dementor. I feel like a lot of clinical terms are actually euphemisms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 11:37 AM
45

Would be nice if we saw more examples of HVM in the wild. This article says there are more good people than bad, but in relationships so far, I have not experienced enough of the good. If anyone has stories, please share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 07:18 AM
120

What they call "mate-retention" behaviors is actually verbal abuse in order to diminish a partner's self esteem so much that they think they are unable to leave a toxic situation. In other words, low-level trauma bonding. CALL IT WHAT IT IS. Not "mate-retention". Low-level trauma bonding. And people wonder why women stay or return to abusive situations. Because they are mind-fk'd for long enough to think they can't or shouldn't deserve more. People wonder why women have children in abusive relat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 07:06 AM
67

By Opera, do you mean Oprah? One of the issues I have with Jordan Peterson is that he is a scrote-magnet. LVM use his "teachings" to justify their misogyny. I have the same issue with Russell Brand, who now thinks he's a self-help guru and gave Ben Shapiro a platform to discuss his conservative ideas in a respectful environment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 02:38 AM
20

In the past, so many of my female friends have found my anger off-putting. I toned it down to get along with them, ended up with a NVM, ended up having to escape from a DV situation from said NVM, and realised that I wasted my child-bearing years. Imagine if I had stayed mad. I think I would have at least been happy... or attracted the right types of people in my life, like maybe a HVM who was angry about the same things. We would have raised an army of rebel children together and changed the wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 02:14 AM
23

Isn't it also illegal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 02:16 PM
18

This is harassment and gaslighting. I doubt he has a future wife, and if he does, he probably has no respect for her since he's still texting his exes. Also, I am sure he did not stop this disgusting behavior. Block this guy. Or forward all of his creepy messages to a folder somewhere for evidence if you ever need it, but never respond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 02:12 PM
35

So basically harassment and stalking. Report him to the police. What a disgusting pig.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 02:07 PM
205

I feel like people just hate women. They resent women they think are attractive. They bully women they think are unattractive. They have contempt for women they think are less intelligent than they are. They are jealous of women they think are smarter than they are. You can't win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 02:03 PM
5

Men seriously need to be education about NOT using emotional abuse and coercive control. Women, if your partner is doing this to you, they are grooming you to be eventually killed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 10:22 AM
17

Truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 01:18 PM
19

This is horrible. The act of a very selfish person who doesn't think about the needs of others at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 11:08 AM
92

I do this with male friends too. The ones that are "okay" get really annoyed, but then back off and remember what NOT to do. The ones that are rubbish get really annoyed, and then keep trying to cross the boundary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:48 AM
1

If you have to do that, the guy is too young.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:59 AM
5

Yeah, I mean if you're 30, you have maybe 50 years left to live. If you're 40, you have 40 years. Assuming you're going to have an "average" lifespan. So the first 30 or 40 years were shit. But what about the rest? This is why society's obsession with women's youth and fertility are nonsensical. Women are not only "valid" for the first 30 or 40 years of their life when they are able to have children. You're going to spend at least 40 years living as a peri-menopausal and post-menopausal woman. 4…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:58 AM
2

Oddly enough, I never asked her if she liked him or not. She was very old-fashioned and saw marriage as a type of "duty", which is a mindset which makes me want to barf. For most of my childhood, I thought of her as a scruffy little woman cleaning up after some old fat dude. She was very judgemental about "modern" girls who weren't married by the time they were legally adults. I don't think she was happier as a widow, to be frank. She was always dependent on her husband or her sons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:44 AM
13

Thank you. The good thing is that I have years ahead of me, that is what counts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 07:20 AM
54

I'm mourning my 30s. Basically my child-bearing years, gone. It's better to mourn your 20s and to move on in your 30s than to mourn your 30s in your 40s. Or to mourn your 40s in your 50s. The earlier you screw up and realize it, the better off you'll be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 05:20 AM
3

This is a good point. My grandmother was ten years younger than her husband and she was a widow for 30 years after his death.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 05:12 AM
4

I don't date men younger than 27, personally. This is because the frontal lobes do not fully mature until the age of 26, and I don't like to feel like anyone's mom. However, I am 44... . I look about 35 (I've been told). Or maybe I look like a decently preserved 44-year-old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:57 AM
47

These guys look good for 70. What do you girls think about women dating younger? I'm not seeing any attractive men in my age range (40s) IRL. They don't look after themselves!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 05:23 PM
6

Absolutely. Addiction is a deal breaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 05:19 PM
7

Which is why my colleague going on about how his pregnant wife's maternity leave income is greater than his own income rubs me the wrong way. I tried to explain this to him, but of course... his ears are sieves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 05:03 PM
11

This is what my father says too. Younger me thought that he was being classist. Older me now knows better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 05:00 PM
11

I have a colleague who goes on about how his pregnant wife earns more money than him even when she's on maternity leave, and that if he were out of a job, she'd be fine because of her money. He says this every few weeks or so. Same thing about this woman making more money than him. It seems to be some sort of fixation. Also... does he know how difficult single parenthood can be IF he decides to become redundant (and I don't just mean financially)? I get the feeling that this woman got together w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:53 PM
14

I'm middle-aged, having divorced an absolute NVM, who wasted my time and money back when I was younger, cuter, and falsely believed that I had no other options. I would like to marry a guy like your grandpa one day, and have a family. But I think it's too late to have a family. And also... I am so sick of first dates with scrotes. Chances of meeting a HVM in the wild when you're older and your friendship groups are all settled or busy raising babies: slim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:43 PM
7

I guess she found out who he really was!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:19 PM
20

It's not feminist. The patriarchy has hijacked the movements in its various incarnations multiple times. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 04:00 AM
2

I don't see this as guarding, I see it as ownership. It's sexism. For these men, women are objects they can own, which is why they feel entitled to white women too. Repulsive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 03:54 AM
24

I started out angry and ended up laughing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 03:00 PM
6

I like it that she didn't end the show with a guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:58 PM
9

Buffy had the worst boyfriends. All of them were terrible. Too old, rape-y, morally ambiguous, unavailable... dead... etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:58 PM
11

It was eye-opening, because these guys were basically gate-keeping "wokeness". They were really upset at this female boss for being close-minded. But then they said that about her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:56 PM
42

I have had male colleagues who did not get along with their female boss, who admittedly wasn't very nice... but when they complained about her, they said, "I bet it's because she's single and miserable." It turns out she wasn't single. BUT their idea that a woman needs a man to validate her existence just says everything about the reason why they didn't get along with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 08:15 AM
12

OMG. Yes to all of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 08:06 AM
19

This is exactly it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 08:02 AM
2

I agree with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 07:22 AM
8

Thank you for this message. It's a good reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 07:06 AM
8

Yes this is what happens. Trauma bonding. I had exactly this situation. Fortunately, I got out. I got out with nothing, but at least I got out. I hope that some of these women are able to get out too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 07:04 AM
13

So there's a thing called "cognitive dissonance". It happens in abusive relationships. It's a type of brainwashing. This is why she's been with him for seven years. Until she is ready to see it, she won't see it. Like, literally, WILL NOT see it. It's terribly sad. I hope that someone will be there for her when and if she tries to leave. Abusive partners spend a lot of time manipulating you and breaking down your boundaries and self-esteem so that by the time you realize that you are in a bad si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 07:02 AM
15

Agree, some men change when their partners get pregnant or after they get married. There may be a "few" red flags, but you think they are manageable. Then they think you're trapped and they change. This is how abusive men work. They fake it until they trap you. Then you discover that they had faked it with everyone around you, so no one believes you when you try to ask for help to leave. They are SICK.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:58 AM
22

If you have a child with a LVM or NVM, the child will make your connection to that person permanent, unfortunately. Even if you divorce, there are custody issues... etc. Divorce with children is messy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:55 AM
12

Some of them may think that relationships are just "supposed to be" like that? Problem is that they raise another generation of people who see their parents' relationship as a model and they repeat the cycle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:53 AM
24

Yes, I hope she stops at the one baby. I know a woman like this who has so far had a couple of kids, all in close succession, and she once had to chase her husband down the street to make him come home and watch the toddlers so she could take a nap. Did she catch him? No. She was pregnant at the time, and he was determined to have his "video game" night with his buddies. I've met men who double down on mistakes and the sunk cost fallacy too. But it doesn't turn out as badly for them. Not by a mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:46 AM
16

Oh this is too funny. I once asked an ex for a vibrator for a present. When we broke up, he brought up the vibrator incident as the reason that he did not get enough sex. Umm... no, it's because you were terrible at sex that I asked for one, dumb-ass. Same ex that once bought me a vacuum cleaner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:06 AM
92

Exactly... and even the protagonist in "Twilight" isn't like "other girls". She's beautiful, but unaware of it. Everyone loves her, but she doesn't have friendships at school. It's really ridiculous, actually. If you are female, you can only be a certain type of unrealistic female in order to "fit in"... and you can't like "girly" stuff. This WHOLE mindset leads to things like workers in female-dominated industries being paid poorly: childcare, primary teachers (unlike teachers in tertiary setti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:00 AM
129

I find that what was deemed "feminist" back in the 90s is not really that feminist after all. I'm in my mid-40s. Apart from feeling a bit worse for wear, I feel (mentally) great, more confident, and have no regrets about leaving LVM behind me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 05:52 AM
116

No actually, BE a bitch. B=being I=in T=total C=control H=honey I actually dislike the word "bitch" because it relates women to animals, but you can't change people in relationships by being nice to them. You're nice, they are not. They are showing you who they are and how much they value you by their behavior. Don't take care of anyone who hasn't shown you that they like to take care of you too. I once offered a man at work a piece of chocolate because I was eating some myself. I will not be do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 02:31 PM
2

That's even worse. I didn't even think of that. Not okay. I feel sad for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 12:18 PM
4

Oh no. He's an adult and she's a teen. Not okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 11:37 AM
20

I had no idea who Belle Delphine was so I had to look her up. She's basically in costume. I think she looks 23, to be honest. Like, a 23-year-old in costume. I don't think she looks like a teen. "Yellow fever" = racism. What I hate about this type of racism is that it's somehow been condoned and not seen as racists outside of the Asian community. And it's also stigmatized interracial marriages because people look at the couple and think that the woman has degraded herself and that the man is a c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 11:09 AM
52

Yeah this. All bodies are bodies. All women are women. If people hate (or objectify) you because of the meat you come packaged in, they can go... jack off somewhere else. Anyway... good news for all you underdeveloped women in your 20s and early 30s... once you hit your late 40s and become peri-menopausal, your body shape will change. Especially if you don't keep up the exercise. Your body is not permanent. If a guy marries you because he likes your body today, and you both expect that things wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 10:58 AM
52

You're blaming yourself for the behavior of creeps. Don't do that. If you were to move to a country where your particular phenotype is common, you would not be considered small or cute or whatever. You wouldn't think your body was not womanly, because the people around you wouldn't think so either. In fact, they might look at more "womanly" bodies and think that those people are "fat". It's all relative, but what it reveals is racism. You are surrounded by people who do not have enough experienc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 10:54 AM
18

LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 09:18 AM
13

My finger slipped! Sorry! How embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 07:58 AM
10

Absolute HVM. Edit: I meant to type "H" not "L"!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 05:20 AM
13

I love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:02 PM
35

I love this. Thank you for telling us about your grandma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 05:33 AM
9

Okay. Story time. I have no tips or suggestions but I will tell you about my journey (or some of it, at least). Sorry, this is long. I may be older than some of the people who regularly post here. I used to be a member of dating over 40 (or whatever the name of that sub is, it was supposed to be a support group for dating over 40), but I found that there were a lot of toxic men there, and I got creepy messages. It took years after my divorce from an abusive ex to actually feel like I could trust…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 03:17 PM
74

You see a guy dancing in a parking lot and think that maybe there are good men out there. What you are responding to is his happiness. Not him. You don't know him. You don't want him either because you don't know him. What you really want is to dance in a parking lot yourself. You can't become confident by dating confidence. It isn't something you can absorb by osmosis. I think a lot of posts on FDS are cautionary for good reason. It's easy, when you are desperate to be loved by another person, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:27 AM
4

I agree but also... my ex slept with his therapist (who was initially our relationship counselor). Some men have issues that therapy can't fix.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 12:11 PM
16

I'm in my 40s. It hasn't changed for me at this age. All men sexualise me and no, they do not see me as an equal. All men. Men who claim to be allies. Men who are blatantly sexist. Men who are young. Men who are old. And no, it's not like I'm a snack either. I'm just a normal-looking woman. I find that if I get to know a guy well enough, I start to really dislike things about them, namely, their ability to use their privilege to their advantage while being critical of the patriarchy, and not und…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 12:09 PM
3

I have found that trying to create friendships gets harder with age. Being single at my age means that other people my age tend to be married and they only want to do things in couples (or you can be the third wheel). Or I can hang out with younger people and they say really annoying, passive-aggressive things (without realizing that these are back-handed compliments) like: "you're pretty cool, for an older woman". I often feel that people marry for the purposes of socialization: they have someo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:29 AM
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